{"id":305394,"date":"2019-10-03T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-10-03T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-importance-of-self-control\/"},"modified":"2019-10-03T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-10-03T10:00:04","slug":"the-importance-of-self-control","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-importance-of-self-control\/","title":{"rendered":"The Importance of Self-control"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rob Bugh talks about the importance of self-control in blended families. He tells about how a lack of self-control caused great regret in the early years of his new marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:44","filesize":"26.31M","filesize_raw":"27589080","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10444,2894],"tags":[2585,4327,4349],"podcast_series":[8306],"cwp_profile":[9565],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305394","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-advice","category-stepfamily-living","tag-blended-family","tag-second-marriage","tag-self-control","podcast_series-self-control-and-blended-families","cwp_profile-rob-bugh","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305394\/the-importance-of-self-control","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305394\/the-importance-of-self-control","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9FC8iKyInh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-importance-of-self-control\/\">The Importance of Self-control<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-importance-of-self-control\/embed\/#?secret=9FC8iKyInh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Importance of Self-control&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9FC8iKyInh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you struggle with self-control? I think a lot of us do. Pastor Rob Bugh says that\u2019s not unusual, but the solution for cultivating self-control may be a different solution than you would\u2019ve imagined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong><a id=\"_Hlk19015255\">For ages, people have said self-control is a matter of will power; self-control is an issue of the mind and the will clamping down on the emotions. But Paul, here in <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians, Chapter 9, says: \u201cNo; hold the phone. Time out; wait a minute! Self-control is much more than that. Self-control\u201d\u2014now hear me\u2014\u201cis not a matter of will power, it\u2019s a matter of heart power. The source of self-control is what you <em>desire<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. As a husband in a blended family, Pastor Rob Bugh has realized that he needs to learn how to cultivate self-control for his blended family to function the way it ought to function. He\u2019s going to talk more about self-control and blended families today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys were at an event, back in the spring, called the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event for blended families<em>.<\/em> This was actually simulcast all across the country. You were a part of a line-up of speakers, who spoke at this event. This was your first time to be with an audience like this. What stood out to you as you were speaking with folks who are either blended couples themselves or who are advocates for blended couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We really enjoyed that day. It was a powerful day to stand with other speakers, as you are going to hear, and really talk about the complexities of the <em>blended<\/em> family, which is a whole different way to do life. I mean, it\u2019s complex!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And not something you\u2019ve spoken about regularly or often, although you\u2019ve mentioned this in your pastoral ministry and had a great response when you bring up this subject in your congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think a lot of churches, like ours, are filled with blended families. I think, sometimes, they feel left out. It\u2019s a whole different world, and so you need to speak to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our thought was: \u201cEvery church should have this; every church should be listening; every couple that\u2019s in a blended situation\/a blended family should be listening to something like this,\u201d because the speakers were great; they gave great advice; they gave great tips; they taught biblically. I was amazed at how many young people\/young couples were in the audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; this is one of two events that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> does every year for blended families. This <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event is in the spring; and again, it\u2019s a national simulcast. In the fall, we have a second event that is the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This is designed for church leaders, for youth pastors, for people who are involved in family ministry in a local church setting to help equip them do a better job in the local church of dealing with the issues blended and stepfamilies are facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry is happening this fall, October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>, in Chesapeake, Virginia. There\u2019s more information online. If you\u2019d like to find out how you could attend, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the information about the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear today from Pastor Rob Bugh, who spoke at the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event, back in the spring. Rob is the Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois. He and his wife are in a blended family, both of them widowers, who got married after their spouses died. They know, first-hand, the challenges blended families face and know, biblically, how to deal with those challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe message we\u2019ll hear today is where Rob is talking about one particular aspect of the fruit of the Spirit; and that is the issue of self-control and how that needs to get exercised in a blended family context.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>This morning, I want to talk out of weakness, not out of strength\u2014as a man, who has been incredibly blessed, but has repeatedly blown it. Nowhere more-so than in our blended family and, particularly, in our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRhonda and I\u2014Rhonda is right over here\u2014Ronda and I were married 11\u00bd years ago, following the deaths of our first two spouses to cancer. I have four bio; Rhonda has three bio\u2014they\u2019re adults now. Six of the seven are married; we have seven grandkids and more coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a number of blended families that adjusted fairly easily and fairly quickly, but we did not. Much of the reason for that had nothing to do with a blended family but had everything to do with our two particular temperaments. We are both Type A drivers. Rhonda is a perfectionist\u2014a 1 on the Enneagram scale. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tend be a controller: a boss, a commander, a challenger\u2014that would be an 8 on that scale. [Laughter] So when we fight, and we were warned about this ahead of time, we really fight. Much of our conflict in the early years revolved around my 13-year-old-son, who was the youngest of our 7 children by about 6 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRyan, as we merged our two families\u2014Rhonda and I got married; we sold our homes; bought a neutral home\u2014Ryan was still grieving the death of his mother. He was 13; he was confused: \u201cWho was this new woman in this home?\u201d He quickly realized Rhonda was a great mom, but a very different mom, with a different temperament. When you are 13-years-old, different is <em>bad<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe found ourselves in an increasingly tense situation. Honestly, I wanted, with everything within me, to support and identify with Rhonda; because marriage is primary; right? We all know that; it\u2019s what the Bible teaches us. But I just couldn\u2019t do that, because I couldn\u2019t add to my 13-year-old\u2019s pain. So, Rhonda and I fought. Why? Well, Rhonda didn\u2019t feel supported by me; she felt that Ryan was primary, not herself. Ryan, as a 13-year-old, confused, grieving, didn\u2019t much like different\/didn\u2019t much like Rhonda, early on. I was frozen in the middle, with my feet firmly planted in mid-air. If you like to be in control, like I do\u2014man, that\u2019s no place to have your feet. And I, honestly\u2014I was angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a lot of regrets from that period\u2014those early years\u2014but my biggest regret was my lack of self-control. Instead of controlling my emotions, I capitulated to them. Instead of controlling my words, I just let them fly. Instead of controlling my anger, I capitulated to my anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, what I want to do is\u2014I want to look at what self-control is; and then talk about the source of self-control; and then third, the source of the source of self-control. Bear with me and lets go back to the very beginning; because according to the Bible, our problem with self-control began in the Garden of Eden\u2014right?\u2014when Adam and Eve couldn\u2019t control their desire for more. They\u2019re wanting more. We see it in their son, Cain, when Cain couldn\u2019t control his jealousy and murdered his brother Abel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see the same thing, years later with Moses, when Moses couldn\u2019t box his anger and killed the Egyptian. We see it in the very first king of Israel, King Saul, who couldn\u2019t surrender his insecurity and find contentment in God. Wasn\u2019t this the difference between Joseph, who started so poorly and finished so well?\u2014and David, who started so well and finished so poorly? That Joseph could control his sexual desires and David couldn\u2019t? Self-control will make you or break you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to do this morning is\u2014building on Galatians 5 and the appearance of self-control in this list of the fruit of the Spirit\u2014is I want to look at the primary passage in the New Testament on self-control. It\u2019s found at the end of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 9. I\u2019m going to pick it up in verse 23. Paul is speaking under inspiration, and he says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI do this for the sake of the gospel, that I might share in its blessings.\u201d\u2014Now, we move into some metaphors\u2014\u201cDo you not know that in a race all these runners run but only one gets the prize? You, as believers in Jesus Christ, run in such a way as to get the prize. After all, everyone who competes in the games\u201d\u2014he\u2019s talking about the ancient Olympic\/Greek Olympics\u2014\"goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it\u201d\u2014as believers in Jesus Christ\u2014\"to get that crown that will last\u201d\u2014what?[mumbles from audience]\u2014\u201cforever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and I make it my slave so that, after I have preached to others, I, myself will not be disqualified for the prize because of sin in my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in the verses we just read, Paul doesn\u2019t use the word, self-control; but he describes it. For example, in verse 25, he uses the words: \u201cstrict training.\u201d Strict training, literally, can be translated \u201cself-control in everything.\u201d Then we come to verse 27; and he illustrates this concept of self-control by talking about making his body his slave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul is describing extreme athletes\/Olympians. He\u2019s saying: \u201cLook to their self-control; look to their discipline.\u201d By implication, I want you to understand Paul is saying that self-control in the life of the believer isn\u2019t optional; it isn\u2019t inconsequential or incidental\u2014it\u2019s central. You, as a follower of Jesus Christ, are to exercise self-control in the same way that Olympians do it\u2014you do it spiritually; they do it physically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, Paul is talking about your battle with sin. According to 1 Corinthians 9, self-control is overcoming your sinful passions. Self-control, according to these verses, is building some fences around your sinful heart. He\u2019s talking about all the things in the world that pull at you. He\u2019s asking you the question: \u201cAre you willing to so follow Jesus, because you love Jesus, that you are a person that lives a life of self-control?\u201d We\u2019ve got to ask ourselves a question then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here, I\u2019m going to move to the source of self-control. The question is: \u201cWhy in the world is this personal discipline\/this extreme personal discipline, in light of these metaphors, is so important\/so central?\u201d Paul tells us near\/at the end of verse 24\u2014he tells us it is indispensable to getting the prize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, don\u2019t miss this\u2014because, for ages, people have said self-control is a matter of will power; self-control is an issue of the mind and the will clamping down on the emotions. But Paul, here in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 9, says: \u201cNo, hold the phone. Time out; wait a minute! Self-control is much more than that.\u201d He says: \u201cLook at these athletes\u2014they would love to spend an entire weekend eating ice cream and pizza, but they don\u2019t because they want the prize more.\u201d This is all about the prize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I say all that to say: \u201cSelf-control, according to the Apostle Paul, isn\u2019t a matter of mere will-power nor is it the matter of the absence of strong emotions. It\u2019s centering your emotions on what is primary. Self-control\u201d\u2014now hear me\u2014\u201cisn\u2019t a matter of will power; it\u2019s a matter of heart power. Self-control isn\u2019t a matter of your will; it\u2019s a matter of your heart. The source of self-control is what you desire\/what you want.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me illustrate this\u2014in the Book of Genesis, one of the patriarchs is a man by the name of Jacob. Jacob has all sorts of stories\/all sorts of fascinating things taking place in his life. One of the more interesting accounts is when Jacob goes to work for his horrible, dishonest, disingenuous, difficult uncle by the name of Laban. Jacob works\u2014you know the story\u2014for 14 years because he knows, at the end of 14 years, he\u2019s going to get to marry Laban\u2019s beautiful daughter, Rachel. Rachel was his prize. For 14 years, Jacob\u2019s life was pretty much miserable; but at every turn and in every way, he exercised self-control\u2014not because of will power\u2014but because of the joy and the intimacy of knowing this beautiful woman was going to become his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you this morning: \u201cWhat is your Rachel? What is your Rachel in life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before I move on, let me take some time and unpack this and relate it to blended families. We know, in blended family life,\u2014thank you, Ron [Deal]\u2014that the role of the stepmom is the hardest of the roles in the family system. There are a number of reasons for that; but one of the reasons is that the mother is the emotional center of the home, and she should be. If you moms have set your hearts on your kids and your step-kids\u2019 approval\u2014and if that is your Rachel\u2014you will work yourself to the bone to get their approval.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you have a 13-year-old in your home, like our son, Ryan, who happens to be your step-son and he rejects you, then you will either become embittered or you will become depressed. Because approval is your prize, you will lack self-control when push comes to shove. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, step-dads, if you are at all like me, we have a need to be right; we have a need to be respected; often, a need to have things our way. Then, if your family\u2014your wife\u2019s natural allegiance toward her bio-kids, her communication with her bio-kids; or say your step-children compare you unfavorably to their bio-dad, or they withdraw from you and they don\u2019t really communicate with you, and you have this need to be in control and to be respected\u2014it\u2019s just a matter of time and you\u2019re going to explode. You\u2019re going to send everyone running for cover because your prize is respect. It will cause you to lack self-control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say your bio-daughter doesn\u2019t much like her step-mom, your wife. As a matter of fact, she does some things to try to drive a wedge between you\/her bio-dad and your wife\/her step-mom. Sometimes, it\u2019s just nasty; but you never say anything to your daughter\/your own bio-daughter about her behavior\/about what\u2019s she\u2019s doing. The question we need to ask ourselves is: \u201cWhy? Why don\u2019t we do that?\u201d The answer is: \u201cBecause your prize is your daughter\u2019s approval, her comfort, her love; and you will not do anything to damage it.\u201d Never mind you are wounding the woman you asked to marry you, because your prize is convoluted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question I am asking you this morning: \u201cIn your blended family, what is your prize? What is it that you want?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message today from Pastor Rob Bugh, a message he shared at the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event that FamilyLife hosted back in the spring\u2014an event that the two of you [Dave and Ann] participated in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat question that he asked, right there at the end: \u201cWhat\u2019s you prize?\u201d If you can\u2019t look at one another\u2014in a marriage relationship\/a blended family\u2014and say, \u201cYou\u2019re first place in this,\u201d then you\u2019re going to have problems in that blended family; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; Rob kicked off the day with that talk. I remember sitting there; we were going to speak later\u2014I remember thinking: \u201cI was the son when my dad re-married, and I felt that. Dad\u2019s prize was his new wife and sort of leaving me in the dust.\u201d I mean, it\u2019s very easy to do; and yet, he\u2019s talking about the other side of that\u2014you know, when you are the wife or you are the new husband: \u201cWhat does it feel like when the prize is the bio-son or bio-daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s easy to talk about that, but when you experience it\u2014we have some of our best friends: the husband passed away in front of his children; had a heart attack\u2014died on the floor\u2014with his 14- and 12-year-old right in the room with him, with the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s this protectiveness in me for these children, because we love them; our kids are close friends. When she got re-married, there was a part of me that wanted her to protect her kids more than see her husband as the prize. I felt like, \u201cHey, your kids are the prize.\u201d I didn\u2019t say that, but that was within me; so I can\u2019t imagine what it\u2019s like for the parents to experience that\u2014the protection for the kids\u2014and not make the husband or wife the prize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The priority of the husband or wife in this situation doesn\u2019t mean that you now disregard the kids or leave them alone; it just means that they understand that: \u201cAs important, and valuable, and loved as you are\u201d\u2014and they should feel that \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t100 percent\u2014\u201cas significant as you are, there is one person, who\u2019s just a little bit ahead of you on that scale, and that\u2019s my new wife\/your step-mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026your step-dad. That doesn\u2019t devalue you; ultimately, that will bring security.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your situation, with your dad, he did kind of leave you in the dust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, and we didn\u2019t live together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was in a different state.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if you had lived together, you ultimately would have gotten a sense of security if you saw he really does value and treasure her: \u201cHe loves me, but he treasures her,\u201d\u2014that brings contentment to a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message on tomorrow\u2019s program. If you\u2019d like to listen to the message in its entirety, or if you\u2019d like to view a video of this message\/maybe share with others, it\u2019s available on our website at <a id=\"_Hlk19113426\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a><em>.<\/em> Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com so you can see or hear Rob\u2019s message on self-control in its entirety.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThree weeks from right now, thereis going to be a group of people meeting in Chesapeake, Virginia, at Community Church in the Norfolk area for the 2019 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This group includes pastors, family pastors, counselors, lay people\u2014people who care about ministering to people in blended families. The theme this year is \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis.\u201d They\u2019ll be looking at major issues that cause couples and families to go into crisis mode and what the church can do to come alongside and minister to those folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal will be leading that; Darryl and Gwen Smith will be there; Pastor Ben Young; Michelle Cushatt; and others. You can find out more; you can register if you\u2019d like to be a part of this event\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information is available there. There is still time to register. So again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. The event takes place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th <\/sup>in Chesapeake, Virginia. If you live in the Tidewater area or you live anywhere up and down the eastern seaboard, plan to join us on this two-day Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, coming up three weeks from this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of joining us, those of you who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, we\u2019d like to ask you to join us as a part of the team that makes this ministry possible for people in your community\/people, actually, all around the world when you become a monthly Legacy Partner\u2014somebody who supports this ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with donations each month. Maybe it\u2019s $25, or $50, whatever you are able to do as a Legacy Partner\u2014when you do that, you\u2019re making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and all of the resources of FamilyLife available to people, not only in your community, but all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you join that team, we want to send you two gifts. First, we\u2019ll send you a copy of the book, <em>(A)Typical Woman<\/em>, that we\u2019ve talked about this week, with Abigail Dodds. That book is our gift to you, along with a gift card so that two of you, as a couple, or another couple you know, can be your guests at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. You get the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> gift card and the book, <em>(A)Typical Woman<\/em>, when you say: \u201cI want to be on the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in my city\/my community. I want to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you will do that; I hope you resonate with what we\u2019re about, here, at FamilyLife and would be willing to join the team. We look forward to hearing from you. We hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message on self-control and blended families. You may know somebody that you want to call and tell them to tune in and listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:44"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.31M"],"filesize_raw":["27589080"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305394.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305394.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Bugh talks about the importance of self-control in blended families. He tells about how a lack of self-control caused great regret in the early years of his new marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you struggle with self-control? I think a lot of us do. Pastor Rob Bugh says that\u2019s not unusual, but the solution for cultivating self-control may be a different solution than you would\u2019ve imagined.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong><a id=\"_Hlk19015255\">For ages, people have said self-control is a matter of will power; self-control is an issue of the mind and the will clamping down on the emotions. But Paul, here in <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians, Chapter 9, says: \u201cNo; hold the phone. Time out; wait a minute! Self-control is much more than that. Self-control\u201d\u2014now hear me\u2014\u201cis not a matter of will power, it\u2019s a matter of heart power. The source of self-control is what you <em>desire<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. As a husband in a blended family, Pastor Rob Bugh has realized that he needs to learn how to cultivate self-control for his blended family to function the way it ought to function. He\u2019s going to talk more about self-control and blended families today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys were at an event, back in the spring, called the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event for blended families<em>.<\/em> This was actually simulcast all across the country. You were a part of a line-up of speakers, who spoke at this event. This was your first time to be with an audience like this. What stood out to you as you were speaking with folks who are either blended couples themselves or who are advocates for blended couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We really enjoyed that day. It was a powerful day to stand with other speakers, as you are going to hear, and really talk about the complexities of the <em>blended<\/em> family, which is a whole different way to do life. I mean, it\u2019s complex!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And not something you\u2019ve spoken about regularly or often, although you\u2019ve mentioned this in your pastoral ministry and had a great response when you bring up this subject in your congregation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think a lot of churches, like ours, are filled with blended families. I think, sometimes, they feel left out. It\u2019s a whole different world, and so you need to speak to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our thought was: \u201cEvery church should have this; every church should be listening; every couple that\u2019s in a blended situation\/a blended family should be listening to something like this,\u201d because the speakers were great; they gave great advice; they gave great tips; they taught biblically. I was amazed at how many young people\/young couples were in the audience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; this is one of two events that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> does every year for blended families. This <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event is in the spring; and again, it\u2019s a national simulcast. In the fall, we have a second event that is the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This is designed for church leaders, for youth pastors, for people who are involved in family ministry in a local church setting to help equip them do a better job in the local church of dealing with the issues blended and stepfamilies are facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry is happening this fall, October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>, in Chesapeake, Virginia. There\u2019s more information online. If you\u2019d like to find out how you could attend, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the information about the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear today from Pastor Rob Bugh, who spoke at the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event, back in the spring. Rob is the Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois. He and his wife are in a blended family, both of them widowers, who got married after their spouses died. They know, first-hand, the challenges blended families face and know, biblically, how to deal with those challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe message we\u2019ll hear today is where Rob is talking about one particular aspect of the fruit of the Spirit; and that is the issue of self-control and how that needs to get exercised in a blended family context.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>This morning, I want to talk out of weakness, not out of strength\u2014as a man, who has been incredibly blessed, but has repeatedly blown it. Nowhere more-so than in our blended family and, particularly, in our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRhonda and I\u2014Rhonda is right over here\u2014Ronda and I were married 11\u00bd years ago, following the deaths of our first two spouses to cancer. I have four bio; Rhonda has three bio\u2014they\u2019re adults now. Six of the seven are married; we have seven grandkids and more coming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a number of blended families that adjusted fairly easily and fairly quickly, but we did not. Much of the reason for that had nothing to do with a blended family but had everything to do with our two particular temperaments. We are both Type A drivers. Rhonda is a perfectionist\u2014a 1 on the Enneagram scale. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tend be a controller: a boss, a commander, a challenger\u2014that would be an 8 on that scale. [Laughter] So when we fight, and we were warned about this ahead of time, we really fight. Much of our conflict in the early years revolved around my 13-year-old-son, who was the youngest of our 7 children by about 6 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRyan, as we merged our two families\u2014Rhonda and I got married; we sold our homes; bought a neutral home\u2014Ryan was still grieving the death of his mother. He was 13; he was confused: \u201cWho was this new woman in this home?\u201d He quickly realized Rhonda was a great mom, but a very different mom, with a different temperament. When you are 13-years-old, different is <em>bad<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe found ourselves in an increasingly tense situation. Honestly, I wanted, with everything within me, to support and identify with Rhonda; because marriage is primary; right? We all know that; it\u2019s what the Bible teaches us. But I just couldn\u2019t do that, because I couldn\u2019t add to my 13-year-old\u2019s pain. So, Rhonda and I fought. Why? Well, Rhonda didn\u2019t feel supported by me; she felt that Ryan was primary, not herself. Ryan, as a 13-year-old, confused, grieving, didn\u2019t much like different\/didn\u2019t much like Rhonda, early on. I was frozen in the middle, with my feet firmly planted in mid-air. If you like to be in control, like I do\u2014man, that\u2019s no place to have your feet. And I, honestly\u2014I was angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a lot of regrets from that period\u2014those early years\u2014but my biggest regret was my lack of self-control. Instead of controlling my emotions, I capitulated to them. Instead of controlling my words, I just let them fly. Instead of controlling my anger, I capitulated to my anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday, what I want to do is\u2014I want to look at what self-control is; and then talk about the source of self-control; and then third, the source of the source of self-control. Bear with me and lets go back to the very beginning; because according to the Bible, our problem with self-control began in the Garden of Eden\u2014right?\u2014when Adam and Eve couldn\u2019t control their desire for more. They\u2019re wanting more. We see it in their son, Cain, when Cain couldn\u2019t control his jealousy and murdered his brother Abel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see the same thing, years later with Moses, when Moses couldn\u2019t box his anger and killed the Egyptian. We see it in the very first king of Israel, King Saul, who couldn\u2019t surrender his insecurity and find contentment in God. Wasn\u2019t this the difference between Joseph, who started so poorly and finished so well?\u2014and David, who started so well and finished so poorly? That Joseph could control his sexual desires and David couldn\u2019t? Self-control will make you or break you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want to do this morning is\u2014building on Galatians 5 and the appearance of self-control in this list of the fruit of the Spirit\u2014is I want to look at the primary passage in the New Testament on self-control. It\u2019s found at the end of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 9. I\u2019m going to pick it up in verse 23. Paul is speaking under inspiration, and he says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI do this for the sake of the gospel, that I might share in its blessings.\u201d\u2014Now, we move into some metaphors\u2014\u201cDo you not know that in a race all these runners run but only one gets the prize? You, as believers in Jesus Christ, run in such a way as to get the prize. After all, everyone who competes in the games\u201d\u2014he\u2019s talking about the ancient Olympic\/Greek Olympics\u2014\"goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it\u201d\u2014as believers in Jesus Christ\u2014\"to get that crown that will last\u201d\u2014what?[mumbles from audience]\u2014\u201cforever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and I make it my slave so that, after I have preached to others, I, myself will not be disqualified for the prize because of sin in my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, in the verses we just read, Paul doesn\u2019t use the word, self-control; but he describes it. For example, in verse 25, he uses the words: \u201cstrict training.\u201d Strict training, literally, can be translated \u201cself-control in everything.\u201d Then we come to verse 27; and he illustrates this concept of self-control by talking about making his body his slave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul is describing extreme athletes\/Olympians. He\u2019s saying: \u201cLook to their self-control; look to their discipline.\u201d By implication, I want you to understand Paul is saying that self-control in the life of the believer isn\u2019t optional; it isn\u2019t inconsequential or incidental\u2014it\u2019s central. You, as a follower of Jesus Christ, are to exercise self-control in the same way that Olympians do it\u2014you do it spiritually; they do it physically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, Paul is talking about your battle with sin. According to 1 Corinthians 9, self-control is overcoming your sinful passions. Self-control, according to these verses, is building some fences around your sinful heart. He\u2019s talking about all the things in the world that pull at you. He\u2019s asking you the question: \u201cAre you willing to so follow Jesus, because you love Jesus, that you are a person that lives a life of self-control?\u201d We\u2019ve got to ask ourselves a question then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here, I\u2019m going to move to the source of self-control. The question is: \u201cWhy in the world is this personal discipline\/this extreme personal discipline, in light of these metaphors, is so important\/so central?\u201d Paul tells us near\/at the end of verse 24\u2014he tells us it is indispensable to getting the prize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, don\u2019t miss this\u2014because, for ages, people have said self-control is a matter of will power; self-control is an issue of the mind and the will clamping down on the emotions. But Paul, here in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 9, says: \u201cNo, hold the phone. Time out; wait a minute! Self-control is much more than that.\u201d He says: \u201cLook at these athletes\u2014they would love to spend an entire weekend eating ice cream and pizza, but they don\u2019t because they want the prize more.\u201d This is all about the prize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I say all that to say: \u201cSelf-control, according to the Apostle Paul, isn\u2019t a matter of mere will-power nor is it the matter of the absence of strong emotions. It\u2019s centering your emotions on what is primary. Self-control\u201d\u2014now hear me\u2014\u201cisn\u2019t a matter of will power; it\u2019s a matter of heart power. Self-control isn\u2019t a matter of your will; it\u2019s a matter of your heart. The source of self-control is what you desire\/what you want.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me illustrate this\u2014in the Book of Genesis, one of the patriarchs is a man by the name of Jacob. Jacob has all sorts of stories\/all sorts of fascinating things taking place in his life. One of the more interesting accounts is when Jacob goes to work for his horrible, dishonest, disingenuous, difficult uncle by the name of Laban. Jacob works\u2014you know the story\u2014for 14 years because he knows, at the end of 14 years, he\u2019s going to get to marry Laban\u2019s beautiful daughter, Rachel. Rachel was his prize. For 14 years, Jacob\u2019s life was pretty much miserable; but at every turn and in every way, he exercised self-control\u2014not because of will power\u2014but because of the joy and the intimacy of knowing this beautiful woman was going to become his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you this morning: \u201cWhat is your Rachel? What is your Rachel in life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, before I move on, let me take some time and unpack this and relate it to blended families. We know, in blended family life,\u2014thank you, Ron [Deal]\u2014that the role of the stepmom is the hardest of the roles in the family system. There are a number of reasons for that; but one of the reasons is that the mother is the emotional center of the home, and she should be. If you moms have set your hearts on your kids and your step-kids\u2019 approval\u2014and if that is your Rachel\u2014you will work yourself to the bone to get their approval.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you have a 13-year-old in your home, like our son, Ryan, who happens to be your step-son and he rejects you, then you will either become embittered or you will become depressed. Because approval is your prize, you will lack self-control when push comes to shove. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, step-dads, if you are at all like me, we have a need to be right; we have a need to be respected; often, a need to have things our way. Then, if your family\u2014your wife\u2019s natural allegiance toward her bio-kids, her communication with her bio-kids; or say your step-children compare you unfavorably to their bio-dad, or they withdraw from you and they don\u2019t really communicate with you, and you have this need to be in control and to be respected\u2014it\u2019s just a matter of time and you\u2019re going to explode. You\u2019re going to send everyone running for cover because your prize is respect. It will cause you to lack self-control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s say your bio-daughter doesn\u2019t much like her step-mom, your wife. As a matter of fact, she does some things to try to drive a wedge between you\/her bio-dad and your wife\/her step-mom. Sometimes, it\u2019s just nasty; but you never say anything to your daughter\/your own bio-daughter about her behavior\/about what\u2019s she\u2019s doing. The question we need to ask ourselves is: \u201cWhy? Why don\u2019t we do that?\u201d The answer is: \u201cBecause your prize is your daughter\u2019s approval, her comfort, her love; and you will not do anything to damage it.\u201d Never mind you are wounding the woman you asked to marry you, because your prize is convoluted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question I am asking you this morning: \u201cIn your blended family, what is your prize? What is it that you want?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the first part of a message today from Pastor Rob Bugh, a message he shared at the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event that FamilyLife hosted back in the spring\u2014an event that the two of you [Dave and Ann] participated in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat question that he asked, right there at the end: \u201cWhat\u2019s you prize?\u201d If you can\u2019t look at one another\u2014in a marriage relationship\/a blended family\u2014and say, \u201cYou\u2019re first place in this,\u201d then you\u2019re going to have problems in that blended family; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; Rob kicked off the day with that talk. I remember sitting there; we were going to speak later\u2014I remember thinking: \u201cI was the son when my dad re-married, and I felt that. Dad\u2019s prize was his new wife and sort of leaving me in the dust.\u201d I mean, it\u2019s very easy to do; and yet, he\u2019s talking about the other side of that\u2014you know, when you are the wife or you are the new husband: \u201cWhat does it feel like when the prize is the bio-son or bio-daughter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s easy to talk about that, but when you experience it\u2014we have some of our best friends: the husband passed away in front of his children; had a heart attack\u2014died on the floor\u2014with his 14- and 12-year-old right in the room with him, with the wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s this protectiveness in me for these children, because we love them; our kids are close friends. When she got re-married, there was a part of me that wanted her to protect her kids more than see her husband as the prize. I felt like, \u201cHey, your kids are the prize.\u201d I didn\u2019t say that, but that was within me; so I can\u2019t imagine what it\u2019s like for the parents to experience that\u2014the protection for the kids\u2014and not make the husband or wife the prize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The priority of the husband or wife in this situation doesn\u2019t mean that you now disregard the kids or leave them alone; it just means that they understand that: \u201cAs important, and valuable, and loved as you are\u201d\u2014and they should feel that \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t100 percent\u2014\u201cas significant as you are, there is one person, who\u2019s just a little bit ahead of you on that scale, and that\u2019s my new wife\/your step-mom,\u201d or \u201c\u2026your step-dad. That doesn\u2019t devalue you; ultimately, that will bring security.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your situation, with your dad, he did kind of leave you in the dust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, and we didn\u2019t live together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was in a different state.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But if you had lived together, you ultimately would have gotten a sense of security if you saw he really does value and treasure her: \u201cHe loves me, but he treasures her,\u201d\u2014that brings contentment to a child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message on tomorrow\u2019s program. If you\u2019d like to listen to the message in its entirety, or if you\u2019d like to view a video of this message\/maybe share with others, it\u2019s available on our website at <a id=\"_Hlk19113426\">FamilyLifeToday.com<\/a><em>.<\/em> Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com so you can see or hear Rob\u2019s message on self-control in its entirety.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThree weeks from right now, thereis going to be a group of people meeting in Chesapeake, Virginia, at Community Church in the Norfolk area for the 2019 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This group includes pastors, family pastors, counselors, lay people\u2014people who care about ministering to people in blended families. The theme this year is \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis.\u201d They\u2019ll be looking at major issues that cause couples and families to go into crisis mode and what the church can do to come alongside and minister to those folks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon Deal will be leading that; Darryl and Gwen Smith will be there; Pastor Ben Young; Michelle Cushatt; and others. You can find out more; you can register if you\u2019d like to be a part of this event\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information is available there. There is still time to register. So again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. The event takes place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th <\/sup>in Chesapeake, Virginia. If you live in the Tidewater area or you live anywhere up and down the eastern seaboard, plan to join us on this two-day Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, coming up three weeks from this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of joining us, those of you who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, we\u2019d like to ask you to join us as a part of the team that makes this ministry possible for people in your community\/people, actually, all around the world when you become a monthly Legacy Partner\u2014somebody who supports this ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with donations each month. Maybe it\u2019s $25, or $50, whatever you are able to do as a Legacy Partner\u2014when you do that, you\u2019re making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and all of the resources of FamilyLife available to people, not only in your community, but all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, if you join that team, we want to send you two gifts. First, we\u2019ll send you a copy of the book, <em>(A)Typical Woman<\/em>, that we\u2019ve talked about this week, with Abigail Dodds. That book is our gift to you, along with a gift card so that two of you, as a couple, or another couple you know, can be your guests at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways. You get the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> gift card and the book, <em>(A)Typical Woman<\/em>, when you say: \u201cI want to be on the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in my city\/my community. I want to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you will do that; I hope you resonate with what we\u2019re about, here, at FamilyLife and would be willing to join the team. We look forward to hearing from you. We hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message on self-control and blended families. You may know somebody that you want to call and tell them to tune in and listen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305394"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305394"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305394"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305394"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}