{"id":305372,"date":"2019-09-25T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-25T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/staying-connected-letting-go\/"},"modified":"2019-09-25T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-25T10:00:04","slug":"staying-connected-letting-go","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-connected-letting-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Staying Connected, Letting Go"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s the best way to nurture a healthy relationship with your grown children? Jim Burns encourages parents to continue to show their love and support to their grown children even if there have been years of distance between you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-25.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:42","filesize":"25.36M","filesize_raw":"26594521","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2814],"tags":[4103,4770,6741,6732],"podcast_series":[8303],"cwp_profile":[8798],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305372","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-releasing-your-child","tag-empty-nest","tag-leave-and-cleave","tag-letting-go-of-your-adult-children","tag-parents-of-adult-children","podcast_series-doing-life-with-your-adult-kids","cwp_profile-jim-burns","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305372\/staying-connected-letting-go","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305372\/staying-connected-letting-go","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MjJRIzonpt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-connected-letting-go\/\">Staying Connected, Letting Go<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-connected-letting-go\/embed\/#?secret=MjJRIzonpt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Staying Connected, Letting Go&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MjJRIzonpt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What's the best way to nurture a healthy relationship with your grown children? Jim Burns encourages parents to continue to show their love and support to their grown children even if there have been years of distance between you.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How connected are your adult children to you? Author and speaker, Jim Burns, says that may have something to do with how inviting you make it for them to be connected.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s like the movie\u2014and I love this movie, <em>Field of Dreams<\/em>\u2014you know, \u201cIf you build it, they\u2019ll come,\u201d to the baseball game. Well, if you build the right relationship with your kids, they will come back to you; and they will want your advice. You\u2019ll turn to become that mentor and coach as opposed to the day-to-day parent that we were for those two decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. What does a healthy relationship between adult children and their parents look like? We\u2019re going to spend time exploring that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I remember having a conversation with somebody recently, and they were telling me about connecting with one of their parents\u2014this was a young adult, connecting with one of their parents\u2014they said, \u201cIt\u2019s the first time we\u2019ve talked in five years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been talking this week about relating to our adult children. The reality is\u2014there are some relationships that have gone wrong, where there\u2019s estrangement, where there\u2019s just a cut-off, where there\u2019s no communication; there\u2019s no relationship. I have to think, for both the parents and for the kids, that\u2019s got to be a heartache. Even if you deny it\u2019s a heartache, it\u2019s got to be a heartache. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking with Jim Burns, again, this week, who joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Jim, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Great to be back!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jim has written a book on doing life with your adult children. You shared with us earlier that you were speaking on this subject, and you actually heard the kind of visceral anguish that parents are going through. I know you\u2019ve talked to parents, where there\u2019s been estrangement from children, and they don\u2019t know what to do; they\u2019re longing to try to restore or reignite. What kind of counsel do you give them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I tell them that they just have to share deep love; and if there\u2019s anything that they\u2019ve ever done in the conflict\u2014which there always is\u2014to ask for forgiveness. Then watch it eventually come back. I don\u2019t think, sometimes, that adult child is going to come; but they want it. I think both want it\u2014they both want the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; when I was a young dad, you know\u2014little boys, raising them\u2014I would have heard your comment, Bob, and thought, \u201cOh, that\u2019ll never happen!\u201d You know, \u201cThat\u2019s very rare.\u201d And now, being older and having grandkids\u2014my oldest [son] is 33; it hasn\u2019t happened to us\u2014but you can see: you can say things; you can do things that are <em>so<\/em> hurtful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you can fathom that it could be five years. It\u2019s horrible; but man, that could be reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I should have mentioned: Jim has been with us, regularly, on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>He gives leadership to HomeWord and speaks at conferences and camps. He\u2019s connected with Azusa Pacific University. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book we\u2019re talking about is called <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children; <\/em>and the subtitle is <em>Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out. <\/em>When there\u2019s estrangement, it\u2019s the welcome mat issue that\u2019s the question: \u201cDo you continue to pursue a child?\u201d and \u201cHow regularly do you reach out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I think each case is different. I don\u2019t think you hound them; but, yes, I think you keep in front of them with love and care, and a Starbucks card here and there; not ever saying: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d \u201cWhat happened?\u201d \u201cWhy did you\u2026?\u201d \u201cWhy are you\u2026?\u201d I think, also, this is the time to share just pretty much love and support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, sometimes, just like you would in most anything\u2014the Bible\u2019s pretty clear: \u201cWhere there is no counsel, the people fall; but with a multitude of counselors, there is safety.\u201d I think this is where you get the wisdom and counsel of someone, especially when there\u2019s been an estrangement for five years. Something went on: \u201cWhat is that?\u201d and \u201cHow do you get back to it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI say every parent can still have hope, but they may have to be doing it differently; because, for five years, it hasn\u2019t worked. Don\u2019t do the same thing, thinking it\u2019s going to change; because that\u2019s the definition of insanity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I heard from a parent, who said: \u201cI sent an email once a week\u2014never got a response; never even knew whether it was read or opened; but I just kept sending those emails.\u201d In this particular situation, they found out later, every one of those emails gets read; every one of those emails gets reflected on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At some point, even if the child may initially be going, \u201cDelete,\u201d \u201cDelete,\u201d \u201cDelete,\u201d\u2014not reading it\u2014there\u2019s a point in a child\u2019s life, where they\u2019re going to go, \u201cI wonder what\u2019s going on here?\u201d and they\u2019ll reopen to that, unless their heart is just completely hardened\u2014and I know that happens. I think we have to just keep pursuing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right, and I don\u2019t think that\u2019s the norm. I think what your friend, who told you that story\u2014it\u2019s good. Now, we have to be careful; because sometimes we think we\u2019re doing well by preaching to or at them every week\u2014that\u2019s not what they need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> What do they need? They need us to show love and care. If there are children in a relationship, then we\u2019re going to send the baby gifts, if they won\u2019t let us see them; we\u2019re going to continue to do it that way, but in a positive way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we get preach-y, and lecture-y, or point a finger at <em>them<\/em>, we\u2019ve got to just make sure we know, as we all say, those three fingers are pointing back at us. Don\u2019t make it so dramatic; love on them! Be the person who cheers them on from afar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This just happened to one of my friends, with her mom, where the parents kind of said, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So there was silence for <em>months<\/em>. We were talking about it\u2014I said, \u201cMan, I would just shoot her a text,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014to say, \u201cThis is what\u2019s going on.\u201d You don\u2019t have to get into the big issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But just kind of get into everyday life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t respond for a while; but then, slowly, over time, just little texts would come back. Now, they\u2019re totally restored; but I think it\u2019s so good to continue the pursuit and not get into the big issue\u2014just kind of love and encourage and say, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I totally agree with you, Ann. That\u2019s the way to do it. Preaching isn\u2019t going to help; advice isn\u2019t going to help. Unsolicited advice is taken as criticism. Well, get out of the advice if they\u2019ve been\u2014especially, if the relationship is broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We really haven\u2019t established this, as we\u2019ve talked about this week, but one of the things we talk regularly about at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway is that, for marriages to thrive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the first step in a marriage thriving is for mom and dad to let the young person leave. The apron strings can get a little long sometimes, and you\u2019re sabotaging your adult child\u2019s relationship with their new spouse if you continue to have expectations or interference. If you care about your kids\u2019 marriages, learning how to back off is essential; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It is. You know, Jesus said it\u2014it was in the Old Testament\u2014 He was quoting the Old Testament when He said, \u201cA man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.\u201d You know, united means bond. You can\u2019t bond if you\u2019re still too connected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, that means, with the folks who are getting married, they need to leave and cleave, if you would; but the parents have to <em>allow <\/em>that to happen. Sometimes that\u2019s really hard, because it goes back to what we talked about\u2014enabling dependency. We <em>like <\/em>to enable dependency!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA: Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to be careful there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Bob, have you ever done this at a wedding? Have you looked at the parents\u2014I\u2019ve done this, as the pastor; maybe I should and maybe I shouldn\u2019t have\u2014but you know, you can sort of sense, \u201cThese parents are going to have a hard time letting go of their kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay, you need to go ahead and share what you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No, seriously?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, we won\u2019t use names.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> At one wedding, there was very high dependence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You could tell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was like, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to let this son become his own man.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and daughter\u2014both sets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and daughter-in-law. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI decided to go to Home Depot<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and buy extension cords\u2014two of them\u2014and use a visual.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Orange; orange extension cords.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought it was going to be great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI handed one to the parents of the groom; one to the parents of the bride. I handed the end of the extension cord to the groom and his [bride]. I said, \u201cNow, here\u2019s\u201d\u2014you know, I\u2019m trying to teach the leave and cleave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, what are you guys supposed to do?\u201d I went over to the parents\u2014I said, \u201cSo what are you supposed to do now?\u201d They just looked at me; they\u2019re holding this little thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I like: \u201cLet go! You\u2019ve got to let go. They\u2019ve been plugged into you [their] whole life.\u201d Now, I went back to the couple and said, \u201cNow, what do you do?\u201d\u2014and they did it!\u2014They went, \u201cWe plug into each other.\u201d I said: \u201cNo! You don\u2019t plug into each other! You plug into God!\u201d\u2014you know, the whole vertical thing; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So I thought it was this beautiful thing; right? It was trying to illustrate this principle. Trust me\u2014it\u2019s a hard thing to do. Parents have to do it; in-laws have to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard because it\u2019s contrary to what you\u2019ve been doing every day\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for the last 25 years with that child. They\u2019ve been plugged into you; and you\u2019ve been feeding, and nurturing, and protecting, and all of the things parents are supposed to do. Now, you\u2019re supposed to flip a switch and say, \u201cOkay, now we don\u2019t do that anymore\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jim, is it harder for the parents or for the kids to let go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually think it is hard for both. I honestly think that we both have to re-invent\u2014parents and kids. I think it depends on whoever\u2014and, by the way, I love that illustration!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Me, too! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Now, I wasn\u2019t there; and you didn\u2019t do it for my kids, but I think that\u2019s an absolutely beautiful illustration of them becoming responsible adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Part of that was\u2014as you just asked \u201cWho\u2019s it harder on?\u201d\u2014that was harder for the parents to take than for the kids; but I think in any relationship, if we can allow them to become their own responsible adult, they\u2019re going to do better. They\u2019re going to do better with their faith; they\u2019re going to do better with decisions on money; they\u2019re going to do better in terms of decisions about how they do marriage. So we let them do it; we don\u2019t walk away from them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> We, then, become their cheerleader. We have to change that, if you would, job description.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What if you\u2019re the son and daughter\/daughter-in-law or daughter and son-in-law\u2014and the in-laws are overly\u2014too involved? Talk to that couple; what do they do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We see this quite a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What do the kids do, you mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, I have a phrase\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cProtect your family, and do the right thing.\u201d I think, what you\u2019ve got to do to protect your family in that situation, I think you have to set some boundaries. The right thing is to honor your in-laws\/to honor your family in the best way you can. I think you protect your own family first; sometimes, that means you have to have some of those harder conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI find that principles help Cathy and me in our marriage; it helps us with our parenting\u2014that principle: \u201cProtect your family. Do the right thing.\u201d That has meant we\u2019ve had to have some hard conversations I didn\u2019t want to have, because they weren\u2019t going to go well; I <em>knew<\/em> they weren\u2019t going to go well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So: \u201cHere\u2019s the situation, and here\u2019s how we\u2019re going to play this out. We sure love you. We admire you and respect you, but here\u2019s how we\u2019re going to play this out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonesty and integrity\u2014you know: \u201cThe man\u201d\u2014or woman\u2014\u201cof integrity walks securely,\u201d is what the Scriptures say. I think that their kids will walk securely, but I also think their in-laws will walk more securely when you do that. It\u2019s not like they\u2019re going to accept it, though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Every time you\u2019re talking about a conversation with your kids or other people, the tone and the way you have that\u2014your words are very carefully placed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I noticed that\u2014in one of the parts of your book, I noticed\u2014it says, \u201cHow to tell the difference between a conversation and a lecture.\u201d You\u2019re good at this! How do you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It\u2019s called experience. [Laughter] By lecturing, and going, \u201cWell, that didn\u2019t work real well!!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think\u2014you know, I want to respect people; I want to respect my kids: \u201cSo how do I respect them?\u201d\u2014I respect them by having a conversation. Listening is the language of love. If I just power in\u2014I mean, most of the time, I think I\u2019m right. Cathy always goes, \u201cYou always say, \u2018In your humble opinion\u2019; and then, in your humble opinion, you always think you\u2019re right!\u201d [Laughter] Well, that\u2019s kind of true! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know, the end is for them to become responsible adults\/for us to have a good relationship; to do that, then it must be a two-way conversation when they\u2019re adults. I mean, if you\u2019ve got a four-year-old, it\u2019s like: \u201cYou need to clean this up right now. Here you go!\u201d\u2014I get it. But with adults, it\u2019s the conversation; in fact, you know, in a chapter, I mention this phrase: \u201cUnsolicited advice is usually taken as criticism.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember a time where Christy and Steve were in our house. They were discussing their move to Dallas; I mentioned they\u2019re now moving back. I said, \u201cI\u2019ve got the answer!\u201d They were arguing\/kind of having an argument about how they were going to move. I thought both of them had a bad idea; so I simply said, \u201cI\u2019ve got the answer!\u201d I said, \u201cCan I give you the answer?\u201d And Christy said, \u201cNot now, Dad.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAbout two weeks later\u2014and I thought they made a <em>horrible<\/em> move\u2014she said, \u201cHey, what were you going to advise?\u201d I said, \u201cThis\u2026\u201d She goes: \u201cWell, Dad! Why didn\u2019t you tell me?!\u201d\u2014you know; that kind of thing. I did the right thing\u2014I kept my mouth shut. I think there are times that, in conversations or lectures, the best thing to do is just keep our mouths shut. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like the movie\u2014and I love this movie, <em>Field of Dreams<\/em>\u2014you know, \u201cIf you build it, they\u2019ll come,\u201d to the baseball game. Well, if you build the right relationship with your kids, they will come back to you; and they will want your advice. You will turn to become that mentor and coach as opposed to the day-to-day parent that we were for those two decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My daughter, not long ago, wrote a book. Before her book was published, she sent it to members of the family and said, \u201cI would love feedback.\u201d I read the book, and I took notes as I was reading the book. I wrote to her beforehand; I said: \u201cI have read this book as I would read it from any author. I have not read it, thinking you\u2019re my daughter; I\u2019ve read it like, \u2018This is an author expressing her views.\u2019 My feedback will be like that with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cNow, I recognize you\u2019re not any author, and I\u2019m not any reviewer. I don\u2019t want you to read something critical about what you\u2019ve written here and have that sabotage our relationship.\u201d I said, \u201cSo before I send this to you, do you think you can read the criticism and hear it, and not be\u2014not have it affect our relationship?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe wrote back and said, \u201cYes, I want to know what you\u2019re thinking.\u201d I said: \u201cGreat. I will send it. We can interact however you want. Just know that, at the end of the day, this\u2014from my perspective\u2014what you\u2019ve written here doesn\u2019t affect our relationship, even the things I don\u2019t agree with. That\u2019s not going to change our relationship, but I want to offer you the feedback the way any reviewer would offer it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt seems to have worked out okay; but I felt it was pretty important, before I just said, \u201cWell, here\u2019s what I think.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s interesting, because that\u2019s a tricky thing. I\u2019ve read her book, and it\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em>. She\u2019s a great writer. What\u2019s it called?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s called <em>Dangerous Territory: My Misguided Quest to Save the World.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Now, as a dad, you could have just said: \u201cWow, Amy! This is <em>amazing<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you kind of went to, \u201cDo you want my feedback?\u201d\u2014which was pretty brilliant of you. How did you decide to ask that question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you know, when the kids were growing up, and they were working on papers for school, they would always pull Dad in and say, \u201cWould you proof my paper?\u201d\u2014right? I would proof their paper, so they were used to getting input. The fact that she asked for it in the first place\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I just knew that, even if she had asked, I\u2019m Dad; and how I respond to the book may not carry more weight than what her friend would, but it\u2019s going to carry a different kind of weight. I just wanted to make sure that, if we\u2019re going to have this conversation, we\u2019re going to head into dangerous territory here; right?\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the title of her book! [Laughter] If we\u2019re going to head into this, we just need to head in and make sure that we\u2019re not sabotaging the relationship as we have the conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJim, I think that kind of approach, when we\u2019re talking with our kids about\u2014whether it\u2019s politics, or theology, or life choices\u2014we need to be able to say, \u201cI\u2019ve got some thoughts on this; but before I share those thoughts, can we have this conversation without it getting personal or not?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> See, that\u2019s a healthy, healthy thing! In fact, if I had a little pin that said, \u201cDoing Life with Your Adult Children Star,\u201d I\u2019d pin it on your lapel right now! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of us need to hear that, because that\u2019s what we do!\u2014we ask for <em>permission<\/em> with adults. We don't need to ask for permission with the six-year-old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But that\u2019s a beautiful thing that turned into a great conversation, but you honored her. You know, the Bible talks about \u201coutdoing one another in honor.\u201d I think that\u2019s Romans 12:10. Well, you honored her by saying, \u201cYour relationship is more important than my advice.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was just thinking, you know, in terms of the letting go\u2014you know, Jim, your title of <em>Doing Life With Your Adult Children\u2014<\/em>I know this\u2014and I\u2019m not even going to look over at her, because I don\u2019t want to see her face\u2014but I\u2019m guessing that if one of our sons wanted to buy a house across the street, my wife would be <em>ecstatic<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014like that would be exciting. I would be like: \u201cNooo!\u201d I love them!\u2014I do\u2014but I don\u2019t want them across the street, because I would lose my wife. They would be really involved in my life\u2014more than I would want at this time. I think I would have\/we would have too much influence; because we were so close, even though the grandkids would be, you know, ten steps away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying it\u2019s harder for a wife to unplug?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m just wondering? It could just be Ann; maybe she\u2019s\u2014I didn\u2019t look at her to see if she would agree with that. She might be, \u201cNo, I wouldn\u2019t want them across the street.\u201d One of our sons is several miles away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it would be hard for you and for me, with the grandkids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I would want to help; I would want to be there. I think you would get jealous of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s what I\u2019m asking. Do you see that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I actually think that women have a harder time. I\u2019m speaking <em>so <\/em>generally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But, in my own personal experience, part of my identity is wrapped up in my ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what you <em>do<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Cathy gave up her teaching career to manage the home and deal with our kids to help them graduate from high school. As they left, she lost her main job; so I think it was harder for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy experience, by speaking on this subject, is that it\u2019s the moms who come in more, who just say: \u201cWow! This has been really hard\u2014this transition.\u201d Actually, that\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> compliment to many of the women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Now, I think, men have some of the same issues. I don\u2019t think all women have as deep of that. Because Cathy became a stay-at-home mom, that was a huge thing for her. But my experience is that it\u2019s oftentimes tougher on a woman; because she wakes up one day and kind of says, \u201cWhat now?\u201d It\u2019s kind of like the empty nest thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know: \u201cWow! I\u2019ve put all of my energy into these kids, and I\u2019ve paid attention to you [spouse]; but all of a sudden, you seem to be the only show in town tonight; all these kids used to be there.\u201d That\u2019s a harder thing, I think, sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s a real change in our identity; because as women, we can find our identity from our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When our kids all left, and we were empty-nesters, I remember going to bed and saying to Dave: \u201cI had a hard transition becoming a mom, but that really became my life. I felt like: \u2018I was good at this.\u2019 I knew what I was doing, and now I\u2019m done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cNow, who am I?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s why it\u2019s harder for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I <em>loved <\/em>getting her back!\u2014it was awesome! [Laughter] It was just <em>awesome<\/em>!!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> You know, one of the things we talk about in this book\u2014one of the principles\u2014is that this is the time now to become as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy as you possibly can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So that\u2019s when you jump back into\u2014like my wife is in two Bible studies\u2014and I think that\u2019s maybe one too many, but that\u2019s my humble opinion. [Laughter] She\u2019s doing that, partly, because she\u2019s doing everything she can to be as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy [as possible]. This is the time for us to do that, so that when, and if, something crashes in our family, you know, she\u2019ll be there for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But she\u2019s had to find that in other relationships; in other ministries that she does; in other, you know, recreation-type things. It\u2019s the mom or the dad who just settles into not working on their own life, you know? Somebody once said to me, \u201cUntended fires soon become nothing but a pile of ashes.\u201d I think, a lot of times, we have a lot of emotional wrecks because they\u2019ve not been tending their own soul, and now their kids are gone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So good!\u2014here\u2019s your chance to tend your own soul and actually work on the marriage. I mean, it\u2019s funny\u2014Dave, that you said, \u201cI have her back!\u201d\u2014you know, she was never away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> But I totally understand it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So now this is the time to work on your marriage\/to work on your relationship with God in a different way than you did when you were in chaos with kids running around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what I\u2019ll tell women: \u201cYou\u2019re about to enter this stage of life, where God has so much more for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re going to grow deeper with Him; you\u2019re going to have time that you\u2019ve never had; and God has a lot in store.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because women feel hopeless\u2014like, \u201cIs there more?\u201d\u2014and there is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you have done all of us a great service by doing the focus groups that you did before you wrote this book; by spending time praying, and meditating, and looking at the Scriptures, and coaching us. This is a challenge! This is something that none of us is experienced in until it happens for the first time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So to have the counsel of somebody, who has looked at how this gets done, lived through it himself\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a great book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It really is!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Jim, thanks for being here again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Well, thanks! And thank you so much for what FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> does, and just who you are and what you\u2019re about\u2014not just the great broadcasts and all the other things you do\u2014but really, the integrity that comes from this place. I appreciate it so much!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that is kind. Thank you, Jim. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we do have copies of the book, <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out<\/em>. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order your copy; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d And the book, again, is <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children <\/em>by Jim Burns.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we\u2019ve talked about parenting adult children, we\u2019ve been talking about it from our perspective as the parents of adult children; but we\u2019ve got the president of FamilyLife here, David Robbins. You\u2019re on the other side of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right; I don\u2019t have adult children, but I am <em>one<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the things I so love and respect about my mom and my dad, and what they\u2019ve done really consistently, is they\u2019ve re-invented the way they relate to me to continually pursue genuine relationship with me, just like Jim talked about today. In college, they kept the welcome mat out; but they gave me lots of flexibility to sleep a lot when I was home. There was no agenda; they just wanted to be with me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we lived overseas, they were willing to try this crazy new thing called \u201cSkype,\u201d and get internet so they could Skype with us and see us, face to face. In the busyness of when we had three kids, three and under, that really took over our world. They began to write physical notes to me\u2014the words that began to speak life into me\u2014in, really, a season when you feel like you\u2019re drowning a bit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd now, my mom has an Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> account, and really doesn\u2019t post anything, but she sends personal messages to me as I post stuff about my family. Of course, those aren\u2019t the only ways we relate and have genuine relationship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s just an example of her adapting to persistently pursue me and real relationship with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and respecting where you are in life and that your relationship is now an adult-to-adult relationship. They\u2019re always your mom and dad, but the relationship has to shift. I think that\u2019s a great perspective on this. Thank you for that, David.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thank you to those of you who made today\u2019s program possible\u2014those of you who support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>If you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you have never made a donation, just know that you have friends and neighbors who have made today\u2019s conversation possible for <em>you<\/em>. Maybe you could make the next conversation possible for somebody else. You can do that by donating today to support the ongoing work of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. If you make a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Choosing a Life That Matters, <\/em>as our way of saying, \u201cThanks for partnering with us to make <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible to people all around the country and, now, all around the world, thanks to the internet.\u201d Again, your support is appreciated; we\u2019re glad to be partnering with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we want to talk about how you can change your marriage. Nina Roesner will be here. She\u2019s got thoughts, especially for wives, about how to reprioritize things in your marriage to bring about a <em>huge<\/em> difference. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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