{"id":305361,"date":"2019-09-23T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-23T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out\/"},"modified":"2019-09-23T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-23T10:00:04","slug":"keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jim Burns coaches parents of adult children on how to keep the relational ties open once their young adults leave home. He shares what to do if adult children come back home temporarily, and tells how he&#8217;s living this out with his own daughter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-23.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:35","filesize":"26.17M","filesize_raw":"27444264","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2814],"tags":[6733,4103,6732],"podcast_series":[8303],"cwp_profile":[8798],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305361","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-releasing-your-child","tag-boomerang-kids","tag-empty-nest","tag-parents-of-adult-children","podcast_series-doing-life-with-your-adult-kids","cwp_profile-jim-burns","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305361\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305361\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"4fSVXClyhQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out\/\">Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/keep-your-mouth-shut-and-the-welcome-mat-out\/embed\/#?secret=4fSVXClyhQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"4fSVXClyhQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Jim Burns coaches parents of adult children on how to keep the relational ties open once their young adults leave home. He shares what to do if adult children come back home temporarily, and tells how he's living this out with his own daughter.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When your adult children start making decisions or making choices that conflict with how you brought them up\/with how they were raised, what do you do about that as a parent? Here's counsel from Jim Burns.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I've said to parents so many times\u2014it could be whatever: lifestyle choice, or straying from faith, or whatever\u2014\u201cDo they know what you believe? Do they know how you feel?\u2014fine. Now, don't become a one-topic parent. Make sure that you're loving them for how you would love your neighbors or how you would love anybody else.\u201d I think that a lot of times, when it's our own children, that we then become a one-topic parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Parenting is a challenge at every stage in the process, and that's still true when our children become adults. We'll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, do we still call it, \u201cparenting\u201d? I mean, when your kids are at home, you're actively involved in shaping the direction of their lives\/their future; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That's what we do as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you still call it parenting when they're married and they've move out? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We do in secret. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don't tell <em>them<\/em> that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I call it coaching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It's a different dynamic; isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; but they don't want to be coached, so\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. We're going to spend some time this week in a conversation about this; because this is something that, after 20 or 30 years\u2014of hands-on, intentional, focused shaping of the lives of young people\u2014to, all of a sudden, go, \u201cOh, that's not my job anymore,\u201d\u2014that's a pivot for parents that's hard to make. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I'm just going to say that it's a <em>hard<\/em> transition; because suddenly\u2014the things that you would just say freely and openly\u2014now, you're trying grab those and think: \u201cShould I say it? I <em>want<\/em> to say it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The other day, our youngest [grandchild]\u2014Bryce is almost five months\u2014and we're over there. He [son] hands him to us, and he's telling us how to take care of their little baby. [Laughter] I'm like, \u201cDude, how many kids have we raised?\u201d \u201cWell, you don't know what you're doing; don't hold him like that.\u201d I'm like, \u201cOkay, here you go,\u201d\u2014like they're trying to tell you how to live your life.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, then you're observing their parenting; and you have coaching suggestions for <em>them<\/em>, and you're biting your tongue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got Jim Burns joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He's an expert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He's over there, biting his tongue right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jim, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> It's great to be back. Boy, this feels like we're sitting at Starbucks<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, just complaining about our \u201cadult\u201d kids. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That's right. Get-off-my-lawn parenting right here; that's what we're talking about. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJim gives leadership to HomeWord and is Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Familyat Azusa Pacific University. He's written a number of books. He's recently written a book, and I love the subtitle: <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children<\/em>. The subtitle\u2014this is really the whole thing, right here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book really\u2014there was kind of an epiphany moment, where you said, \u201cI've got to spend some time, first, investigating and, then, writing.\u201d You were speaking on this subject in Hawaii; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Exactly. Somebody had said to come and speak in Hawaii. I said, \u201cLet me pray about it.\u201d \u201cYes; that will be alright.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; and there was point, Jim, that you say that the crowd groaned in pain. What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> What happened was\u2014I didn't want to give the talk, because it's a convention of about 4500 people. Our friends asked us to do that seminar; and I said, \u201cNo; don't put me in that slot, because we're desperate\u2014Cathy and I are desperate.\u201d All three of our kids said\u2014well, they were saying they were adults at the time; you know, they were 18, 19, 20\u2014and they were, \u201cWell, we're adults.\u201d I'm thinking, \u201cWell, I'm still paying for your cell phone, and college payments,\u201d\u2014and, you know, whatever. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed help in some ways; they convinced me to do it. It shocked us\u2014Cathy and I didn't see this coming\u2014but you know: \u201cYou see kids violating values\/you see kids not wanting your advice. For two decades, you dedicate your entire life to being that parent that gave them advice and was somewhat in control.\u201d When I said that, and I talked about straying from the faith, the people groaned. And I'm sure people have groaned when I've spoken before [Laughter]\u2014maybe silently\u2014but this was an <em>audible<\/em> groan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater, I said to my wife, who was in the group with me, \u201cDid you hear that groan?\u201d And she said, \u201cYes.\u201d It hit a nerve; and it's continued to hit nerves of people, who have children, who are adults\u2014whether they be just moving into \u201cadulthood\u201d or if they even have grandkids\u2014like you were saying, with holding Bryce wrong. It really is a unique thing, because I didn't see this coming. I <em>truly<\/em> did not see it coming. I honestly thought it was going to be great, simple, easy. Talk about biting tongue\u2014I know we're doing radio, but there is a scar on my tongue, because I had to <em>learn<\/em> to do that. [Laughter] It's a learned trait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think we honestly all kind of just presumed that we would shape the direction for our children and that, when it came to their theological views, their political views, their goals and values\u2014they would just absorb what we believe and flow out in them. Of course, now, I'm looking, going, \u201cI didn't do that with my parents,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014right?\u2014I wound up going in directions that they were looking at and going: \u201cAre you sure about that? What are you\u2026\u201d So why was I so na\u00efve as to think my kids would just grow up and say: \u201cYes, we're just going to do exactly what you would do in the same situation. We're going to be little mini-yous and mini-robots.\u201d That's just unrealistic thinking, from the beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes, but we still do that. In fact, when I was first speaking on this subject\/when I was first writing on it, I was talking about \u201cParenting Your Adult Child.\u201d I actually made a conscious move to call it \u201cDoing Life with Your Adult Child,\u201d because the parenting changes. We are the parents; they still call us \u201cDad\u201d\/\u201dMom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>But what happens\u2014I think, a lot of times, we actually have to reinvent the relationship. And actually, I think it's our job to hand them the passport to adulthood. That means that, frankly, we're fired from our day-to-day job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you mentioned this Dave\u2014you said the word, \u201ccoach.\u201d Coaches lead; coaches take charge. Coaches sometimes take a time-out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I think we move to coaching\u2014for me, coaching and mentoring is kind of similar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I've found that, if I'll keep my mouth shut, they <em>will<\/em> come back. I had a conversation yesterday with my daughter, Heidi, who is our youngest. It was a mentoring conversation that\u2014if I would have started that, I don't think she would have been real thrilled about the conversation\u2014but she came to me as kind of a \u201ccoach and mentor,\u201d and we had a fabulous conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. What's really interesting\u2014and you say this at the beginning of your book\u2014is how painful it is when you heard that groan. We talk to so many parents, when their children are going a different direction; and I mean, there are tears. That's why the book is so needed\u2014it's like, \u201cMan, this is hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Well, you know, we don't see it coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking with somebody recently who had their kids at our church, and they had the kids in Christian school. They really had been very good parents; I admired them from the past. One of the things I had to say to them was: \u201cReally good parents have kids who still make poor choices.\u201d Their kids have made some shocking choices to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJudith Viorst\u2014she wrote a book, that we probably read to our children, called <em>Alexander and His Very Bad Horrible Day<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>\u2014just a fun children's book. One of the things she said, in speaking about adult children is: \u201cIt's a loss. You have to grieve the loss.\u201d That doesn't mean that you've lost your children, but what it means is that you've lost the relationship you had when they were younger. As I look at that, there is a sense of loss, whether they have violated values or whether they haven't. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>The relationship changes. I think that part of it is our responsibility to help them, because they don't know what they're doing either. I finally had to realize: \u201cI've got to re-invent this relationship. I don't know what I'm doing and my kids don't either; because they've never been an adult, either. They don't know how to relate to us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>But loss is something we don't think about when our kids are eight\/nine. [Laughter] But now, as they get older, it's this loss of the day-to-day relationship, where: \u201cDo they need you?\u201d or \u201c\u2026not need you?\u201d That's a question that a lot of parents struggle with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there's some great hope for them\u2014you can change that relationship from a parent-child to more of an adult-adult, You're still mom; and you're still dad, though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You've used that word, re-invent, several times. How do we learn how to do that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's new; it's different, especially, if your kids are married. I have three sons, and so my relationship with them is very different; because they're all married. Their first priority is their wife; so I'm always thinking, \u201cWhat is my role now?\u201d I think that re-inventing is very true\u2014we have to kind of reestablish relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> Exactly; it's a process. I don't think that it's something that we just do. I don't think there's a job description out there; although I think that, even in the book, I talk about a job description. I don't really think there's this heavy-duty job description, but it is different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking with a woman, recently, about having sons; she had three sons, too. She was getting blocked by one of the daughter-in-laws to her son and to the kids. I said: \u201cYou know, your relationship to your son and your grandkids is through your daughter-in-law,\u201d and \u201cYou're going to have to be a cheerleader.\u201d And she goes, \u201cWell, I'm not even sure that I <em>like<\/em> her.\u201d [Laughter] I get that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>And yet, the truth was\u2014what she was going to have to figure out was: \u201cHow do I show an abundance of love and support to this woman?\u201d\u2014who was kind of blocking her from her son\u2014but at the same time, had to relinquish the incredible relationship that you have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in a home with all boys. You know, that we had with our mom, and I watched my mom kind of relinquish the relationship to my wife, Cathy, in a beautiful way. I bet that was hard for her; she never talked about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, it's re-inventing the relationship. It's new; it's different; it's conversations\u2014yes, that's good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember when Ann and I got married\u2014her dad was my baseball coach in high school, but I didn't know this about him\u2014when we got married, immediately, he established an adult-to-adult relationship with me. I had never had an adult do that with me; I didn't even know he was doing it. He wanted my opinion; he respected my thoughts. I remember learning, as a young 22-year-old man\u2014with hair, by the way, back then\u2014we all had hair back then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I had hair back then, too. Mine was maybe 21.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I had the bang\u2014you know, one bang. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, I remember from watching him, thinking: \u201cThat's how you re-invent.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a beautiful way to learn. I almost wanted him to tell me what to do, but he wouldn't. It was pretty cool to watch. It developed a great relationship; I think that's really hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Dave, he mentored you. And I think for a lot of us, we didn't ever think about what we were going to do, as parents, of adults. I think we do need to find people and say: \u201cHow's it work for you? What did you learn?\u201d A few times, we talked to people, who had \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tolder kids than our kids; and they gave us answers that we kind of didn't like. [Laughter] They said: \u201cHonestly, you need to let go,\u201d and \u201dYou need to let them take the responsibility for some of the relational issues. You're done with it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the book, I tell a story about a woman, who is in the Silicon Valley. She's 45, and she's vice president of one of the great tech companies of the world; so she's a multi-millionaire. Her mom said to her: \u201cHoney, it's cold outside. Put on your coat before you leave.\u201d [Laughter] And she said, \u201cMom, I'm pretty capable of deciding,\u201d\u2014this is a multi-millionaire, who's the vice president of a tech firm. And she says, \u201cYou know, I can do what I kind of choose.\u201d And she said, \u201cNo, I'm your mom\u2014put on your coat.\u201d I said to her, \u201cWhat did you do?\u201d She said, \u201cI put on my coat, and I left.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it's hard to ever get out of that role of taking care of your children; and yet, it probably would have been wise of the mom to say: \u201cYou know what? If she freezes, that's her problem.\u201d That's a hard thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If this parenting relationship does need to shift, and it does, do we include our kids in the conversation about what that shift should look like? And how much say do they have in what the new relationship should be versus how much say we should have? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I think that, in a perfect relationship, it's mutual discussion. We're having that conversation with our daughter, Christy\/her husband, Steve\u2014they're coming to move with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Move in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Move in. They're boomeranging; because they're moving from Dallas back to southern California, and they need a place to stay. We're happy to do that, but we felt like we needed to give them some boundaries. We also felt like we needed to hear from them, too. I loved it; Steve, our son-in-law, was just wonderful; he didn't say anything. And Christy, actually\u2014she had some other words. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He was wonderful; he didn't say anything. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> He kept his mouth shut. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What kind of boundaries did Christy have?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>What Christy said is: \u201cI really want you guys to engage with us and whatnot, but I also want you guys to make sure that you have some time; because last time, you guys just kinds of quit your life and you just hung out with us. We want you guys to make sure that you feel comfortable.\u201d She gave us permission to take a trip, or \u201cMom if you need to go with dad someplace, then do it. We'll work it out. We're big kids now.\u201d And then also what Christy said, which I really appreciated\u2014she said, \u201cI think we to, also, talk about\u00a0 who's going to have what duty with some of the food and things like that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>She was protecting <em>you<\/em> guys, really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>She was. I really, really appreciated that; and yet, at the same time, we felt like we needed an exit strategy for them. We needed to have some of those kinds of boundary things, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is an interesting kind of sub-topic; because doing life with your adult children looks one way, when they live at their house; you live at your house. They're paying their bills; you're paying your bills\u2014the relational dynamic there is one thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the boomerang thing happens, or when you have a shared space, all of a sudden, this takes a level nuance and a level of, \u201cWhat does this relationship look like?\u201d This is whether they're married and bringing grandkids home; or you've got a 27-year-old, who's back home because career things are getting settled\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014is he just going out and coming in whenever he wants to?\u2014and having people over whenever he wants to? All of those kinds of issues have got to be talked about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes; you're right, Bob. This is the issue that we keep hearing about. People are saying: \u201cMy kids\u2014they came home,\u201d\u2014maybe they're in college or the workforce and they came home\u2014\u201cThey stay up later than we do. They play video games until the wee hours of the morning.\u201d\u00a0 You know, there's just all these different changes; or they have violated their values. \u201cWhen do you basically say to them, \u2018Let's create a plan\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr actually, there is something\u2014and I think this is fascinating\u2014there is actually something called the \u201cFailure to Launch Syndrome.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I think we have a lot of young adults, who are failing to launch; and I don't know that that's all their issue. They've got a pretty good deal going on. The question that Cathy and I had with all three of our girls was: \u201cAre we enabling dependence?\u201d and \u201cAre we enabling dependence partly because of our own need?\u201d\u2014we still want to be liked and needed. We <em>like<\/em> the idea that we can kind of care for them, because that's what we do; we nurtured them for 20 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It feels good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes; I think some parents have to look at it and say, \u201cOkay, am I enabling dependence on me for some of my own needs?\u201d Our daughter, Rebecca\u2014she moved in\u2014her girlfriend had moved away. She said: \u201cI need about two months. Can I come back?\u201d We said, \u201cAwesome.\u201d Then she decided to go back and get a degree in clinical psych\u2014master's degree to become a counselor. We said: \u201cFantastic! While you're doing this class, and while you're working and doing this masters, you're more than welcome.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, let me just change the paradigm of the scenario a little bit. Let's say Becca isn't pursuing clinical psych\u2014she's working at the mall, and she's living in her old room, and she doesn't go to church anymore, and there are some nights where she doesn't come home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014or call. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. And when you say, you know, \u201cWhere were you last night?\u201d she goes, \u201cAt a friend's.\u201d And you're thinking, \u201cI think it was a guy friend you're spending the night with.\u201d As parents, do you just go: \u201cWell, she's our daughter. We've got to\u2014this is what we do,\u201d or do you say, \u201cIf these are your values and how you're living, you've got to do it on your own dime\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I think it's the latter. I think what you have to do is say: \u201cWe absolutely understand that, as an adult, you may choose to live a different way than we do. You know our values; you know what we believe; you know what we think; and you know how much we love you. We love you so much;\u201d\u2014this is called tough love, but it's not mean\u2014\u201cbut because we love you so much, we think it's probably appropriate for you, in the next month\/month-and-a-half\u201d\u2014I mean, don't do it in the heat of emotion; but\u2014\u201cin the next month\/month-and-a-half, we think it's very appropriate for you to get your own place.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there will be parents, who say to me: \u201cBut if I say that, she's moving in with the guy,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cShe's going to become homeless,\u201d or whatever\u2014I've heard all of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> I still think what you're trying to do is help them to become a responsible adult. I mean, even in my work in parenting\u2014they could have three rules; and I say, \u201cWhat's the bottom line?\u201d \u201cTo help them become a responsible adult, who loves God,\u201d\u2014that's kind of my theme. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>When they're young adults, it's the same thing. All of our kids had moments\u2014Christy graduated from a wonderful Christian college\u2014her last article in the newspaper\u2014because she wrote a column\u2014said, \u201cI had to disown my parent's faith to own my own faith.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Today, her faith is very strong, and we go to the same church. But during that time, that was messing with our heads: \u201cWhat is she thinking?\u201d\u2014she wasn't real verbal about it. I knew she wasn't going to church all through college; I mean, she went to a Christian school, so she had chapels; but she wasn't doing church, and she wasn't as active. That was hard for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, our job is to help them become that responsible adult. I've said to parents <em>so<\/em> many times\u2014it could be whatever: lifestyle choice, or straying from faith, or whatever\u2014\u201cDo they know what you believe? Do they know how you feel?\u2014fine. Now, don't become a one-topic parent. Make sure that you're loving them for how you would love your neighbors or how you would love anybody else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times, when it's our own children\u2014they cohabitate, or they get caught with pornography, or whatever the issue might be\/the list could be numerous\u2014that we then become the one-topic parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think that the point you make\u2014if you start to view your adult kids in the same way that you would view a neighbor\u2014this is hard to do; right?\u2014because they're your kids. But if you start to think: \u201cOkay; if I had a neighbor, who didn't go to church and had different values\u2014how would I handle that? How would I try to be winsome and attractive in my faith, rather than coming along and saying, 'How come you don't do this anymore?\u2019 and \u2018How come\u2026' That wouldn't work with my neighbor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Jim, you tell a story in your book about the dad, I think, that went on a ski trip\u2014and didn't do that [become a one-topic parent]\u2014he was sort of winsome; right?\u2014just listened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And then at the end of the trip, boom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes; she had a change of heart and said: \u201cThis was the best time we've had together.\u201d She <em>knew<\/em> what he believed\u2014this is a good friend of mine, who used to keep notes in his top pocket to deal with her. [Laughter] I know this young woman now, and she was a handful! But this time, he just spent time with her, just related to her\u2014they went skiing and snowboarding. It became a great experience\u2014it was a catalyst for continued conversation; because even in that story\u2014and other stories with that relationship\u2014she would say: \u201cHey Dad, I know you're interested in this. Here's what's going on with me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd when she came back to church, it was so neat; because she called her dad up and said: \u201cI know you've been probably praying for me. You've never told me you were praying for me, but I'm sure you were praying for me.\u201d He was, and his wife was. \u201cI went to church and I loved it, and I signed up for a Rooted Class;\u201d\u2014which is kind of a small group type thing\u2014\u201cand I'm all in.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>I don't know if you can see this; but my eyes kind of welled up with tears, because \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that mom and dad wanted that so badly\u2014for <em>years<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim:<\/strong> So when you start looking at the Scripture that says, \u201cTrain up a child in the way that they would go\u2026\u201c it doesn't say that there's not going to be a bruise along the way. I think we have to be faithful that God cares and loves them more than we do. Take a deep breath, because that's still almost\u2014I preach that and, yet, it's so hard for me to understand that He could love my children more than I do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the train-up-a-child principle is a principle, not a promise; because there are kids, who go off the rails and stay off the rails.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But our job is to be faithful. We can't control\u2014these are actual human beings, who make\/they have their own free will; they're not robots. And we have to, as parents, say that they are in God's hands. As you said, \u201cHe loves them more than we do.\u201d We trust Him with their care; He can do things we can't do. So we pray; and we trust God; and we read books like, <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I tell you what Jim\u2014thank you. You don't know this\/Bob doesn't know this; but the only people we talk to about raising adult children were Bob and Dennis Rainey at a marriage conference we did in Hershey, Pennsylvania\u2014you remember that?\u2014Saturday night. [Laughter]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It's coming back to me now; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It's Saturday night. The couples are out on a date night. We go to the room and it's like, \u201cHey guys\u2014can we ask you about adult children?\u201d We had <em>never<\/em> talked to anybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there's a resource that we can all use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the things I loved in the book\u2014at the beginning was your prayer of relinquishment, which begins, \u201cGod, I relinquish my children to Your care and Your watchfulness.\u201d And then it goes on, \u201cGive me the courage to let go as they move, sometimes ever so slowly, toward responsible adulthood.\u201d\u00a0 That's a <em>great<\/em> prayer of relinquishment that you may have to pray every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jim: <\/strong>Yes; I had to pray that prayer Sunday. Our daughter said that she was going to call us\u2014she lives across the country\u2014and she didn't get around to it. It's not that that was bad; she was just having fun with her friends. I could see her posting that she had been on a bike ride from New York City to Brooklyn, but she said she was going to call\u2014I had worries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I realized that: \u201cYou know, I need to relinquish her to You,\u201d\u2014and I know, eventually, she's going to call\u2014and \u201cBy golly, she hasn't called yet.\u201d But she said: \u201cSo sorry. I was going to call and I forgot.\u201d I'm thinking: \u201cForgot. I looked forward to that all day\u201d; but I didn't say that to her. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you need a relinquishing resource\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014there it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It's what we've got in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of Jim's book, <em>Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out. <\/em>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com;you can order a copy of the book from us online. Or call 1-800-358-6329. Again, that's 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm just curious: \u201cHow many of you are subscribed to <em>FamilyLife Today's<\/em> weekly e-newsletter, which is called \u2018Help and Hope\u2019?\u201d This is just one of the ways that we are staying connected with <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners and providing additional practical biblical help and hope for your marriages and your families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mission here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is to do all we can do to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe that godly marriages and families are the key to changing the world, one home at a time. All that we do here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is made possible because of folks, like you, who say: \u201cWe believe in this mission; and we want to help our fellow listeners have access to this broadcast online, transcripts of this program, downloads of any <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>episode; you can sign up to listen to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>as a podcast.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that happens because your fellow listeners have made this possible. We want to ask you to join the team. If you can help with a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we'd like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of a book by Dennis Rainey called <em>Choosing a Life That Matters.<\/em> This is a book that reminds us of what our foundational priorities ought to be\u2014not just in our families, but in our own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is our gift to you when you support the ministry today. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Thanks for being on the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>possible. We appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow as we're going to continue talking with Jim Burns about how we respond, as parents, when our adult kids\/our grown-up kids start making choices that we have problems with. We'll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305361","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305361"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305361"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305361"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305361"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}