{"id":305358,"date":"2019-09-20T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-20T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins\/"},"modified":"2019-09-20T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-20T10:00:04","slug":"how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Destroy Your Marriage Before It Begins"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ann Wilson coaches engaged women, offering practical suggestions for pursuing sexual purity before marriage, and gives a realistic picture of what to expect on their honeymoon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:17","filesize":"23.14M","filesize_raw":"24268743","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2807,2831],"tags":[6715,6702,4973,4955,2321,6719],"podcast_series":[8302],"cwp_profile":[3554],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305358","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-engagements-and-weddings","category-wives","tag-engaged-couples","tag-expectations-in-marriage","tag-honeymoon","tag-preparing-for-marriage","tag-sexual-purity","tag-waiting-for-marriage","podcast_series-the-purpose-of-engagement","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305358\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305358\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZCjSX7VHQy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins\/\">How to Destroy Your Marriage Before It Begins<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-destroy-your-marriage-before-it-begins\/embed\/#?secret=ZCjSX7VHQy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Destroy Your Marriage Before It Begins&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZCjSX7VHQy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A number of years ago, Dave and Ann Wilson were mentoring a young couple about to get married. This couple gave them a signed document asking Dave and Ann to hold them accountable for purity during their engagement. In fact, Ann Wilson remembers what the document said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cWe, John and Sonya, have a mutual agreement to abstain from all physical involvement, excluding hand-holding, hugs, and kisses. If this agreement is broken, we are committed to communicating our violations to Dave and Ann.\u201d Then they had us all sign it; we all signed it. They gave it to us and said, \u201cWe\u2019re committed to sharing with you when we mess up.\u201d We said, \u201cHey, guys, our door\u2019s open. Knock on it anytime; come anytime. We\u2019ll be here for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. It\u2019s important to have accountability during an engagement period: people in your lives, who are going to ask you tough questions about the decisions you\u2019re making\/the choices you\u2019re making to maintain purity during the engagement period. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You thought we were done; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did. [Laughter] We were doing\u2014what are we doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have Part Two of your message. This week, we\u2019ve been sharing a message that you gave at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. You were talking with a group of engaged women in 1997. You\u2019d been married for 17 years at that point, and you were helping get them ready for their wedding day but also encouraging them, during this dating and engaged period of time, to keep their eyes focused on the Scriptures and to live honorably. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you stop and think, 1997 was a different day\/a different era. The average path to the altar today\u2014couples have lived together before they get married\u2014that\u2019s more typical than not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So to be talking about things like purity seems almost anachronistic, but the Bible still is true; and God\u2019s standards for marriage are still true and for dating are still true. That\u2019s what we talk about at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We would still say the same is true today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We still do; we still say the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right. I think the reason we got into this\u2014and I think it\u2019s so important to talk about\u2014is for Dave and me, no one had ever said: \u201cWhy does God say, \u2018No\u2019?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cWhy does God want us to remain pure before marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It became sort of a mission to help couples with the answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d question. You know, here in this broadcast\u2014I\u2019m sort of excited because, Bob, we\u2019re never in that room; it\u2019s only the women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat are they talking about?\u201d [Laughter] Well, I just found out that she gets really, really honest about our life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t think I ever thought it would be on the radio! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it is on the radio today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, again, encourage listeners\u2014if you want to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, today is the day to get in touch with us; because through this weekend, you can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee if you register <em>now<\/em> to attend an upcoming getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have getaways happening in September, October, November, and early December. You can go online and find when a getaway is coming to a city near you or a city you\u2019d like to travel to, block out that weekend, register today, and save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for the information; or call us if you have questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, let\u2019s dive in. This is Part Two of Ann Wilson\u2019s conversation with engaged women at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway in 1997.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How do you handle the desires during the engaged time? First of all, see that word, \u201cdesires\u201d?\u2014that is a good thing. God gives us those desires, and they are <em>good<\/em>. They\u2019re nothing to feel bad about. Man, it\u2019s <em>great<\/em> to have those desires; it\u2019s just a matter of being able to handle them during the engaged time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the greatest ways, if you decide\u2014and I hope that you will and think about it: \u201cIf you decide to stay pure,\u201d and \u201cIf you had been doing things\u2014to stop it\u2014\u201cHow can you stop?\u201d Here\u2019s one thing: be accountable to someone. I can\u2019t imagine if I had to be accountable with someone\u2014and I have to say that Dave and I\/we did stay pure in our relationship\u2014I cannot tell you how hard it was. In fact, I used to think, \u201cGod, if we can make it through this, we\u2019ll make it through anything!\u201d I was just trying to stay sexually pure. It was <em>very<\/em> hard for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut one of the things is\u2014if you can be accountable to someone, it will really help. Is there anyone you know\u2014a couple in a church, some friends, someone that you can talk to\u2014that can ask you: \u201cHow are you doing in the sexual intimacy area? Are you guys staying pure?\u201d Man, if you know someone\u2019s going to ask you that, it just kind of puts a little hindrance to it right then, that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a couple\u2014and we\u2019ve had couples over the years that we\u2019ve mentored\u2014and they have made commitments. We have made commitments to them, saying, \u201cWe will do whatever it takes to help you guys stay sexually pure.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one couple\u2014he was in his 30s, and she was in her late 20s. Neither one of them had had any sex before marriage and had not done anything. They committed to staying sexually pure until the day of their wedding. They wrote this thing, and they called it the \u201cFreedom Covenant.\u201d On it, they wrote this; and they brought it to Dave and me. This was the copy they made for us, and it says: \u201cWe, John and Sonya, have a mutual agreement to abstain from all physical involvement, excluding hand-holding, hugs, and kisses. If this agreement is broken, we are committed to communicating our violations to Dave and Ann.\u201d Then they had us all sign it; we all signed it. They gave it to us and said, \u201cWe\u2019re committed to sharing with you when we mess up.\u201d We said: \u201cHey, guys, our door\u2019s open. You knock on it anytime; come anytime. We\u2019ll be here for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, it was a true testament of their commitment to their relationship. They\u2019ve been married seven years now, and I wish you could see them\u2014they are <em>incredible<\/em>. People are around them are like: \u201cWhat do they have? What is so good about their relationship?\u201d Look at the price they paid, early on, to make that relationship strong. You know what else?\u2014it started getting really hard, because they both lived in their own apartments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said: \u201cWe just can\u2019t be alone together, but we want to be alone. We want to be able to share and talk, but it is so hard.\u201d We said: \u201cHere\u2019s the deal. You guys come to our house anytime you want. We\u2019ll all go upstairs, and you just spend the evening downstairs.\u201d They would cook dinner, and they would watch TV, and they would talk. It gave them this great place to be alone and to talk. Just every few minutes, Dave and I would come down and say: \u201cHey, guys! Everything going okay down here?\u201d For some of you, you may think, \u201cOh, that is so ridiculous.\u201d But I see it as really cool, as their loyalty to one another and to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that would be the first thing is to have some accountability: \u201cIs there anyone that you could ask?\u201d You don\u2019t have to go into the detail, maybe, that they did; but someone just to ask you, once in awhile, and look you in the eye, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another thing. When you are tired and depressed, it is so hard to stay pure. It\u2019s so hard not to sin. You know what I mean? Have you ever been so tired you get to the point where, \u201cOh, what\u2019s it really matter?\u201d When you\u2019re tired, or down, or depressed, or have had a hard time, that is our weakest times. So try not to be together during those times\u2014talk on the phone\/do whatever it takes\u2014but try not to be together during those times, because we are most vulnerable during those times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe careful about what you\u2019re thinking about and what you\u2019re watching. I didn\u2019t realize how my mind played such a significant role in my actions in those days. I would lay in bed and fantasize, for hours, of what I couldn\u2019t wait to do with Dave. Then I wondered why it would be so hard when I was with him; you know? Just be careful of what you\u2019re thinking about and what you\u2019re pouring into your mind. Really take ahold of that and discipline yourself with your thought life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, you know what happens? Let me add, too, when sex is involved in your relationship, it clouds the relationship in a way that I can\u2019t explain. It\u2019s like putting on a pair of glasses, and the things that you would normally see, maybe, you don\u2019t see. This is a time to stay very focused and clear to see things that God wants you to see. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important\u2014don\u2019t let the glasses be on of sexual intimacy\u2014because it brings an intimacy that God only intended in marriage. When I think about that, I just realize that God wants us to wait; and He wants us to work on these things now, so don\u2019t let the glasses go on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other question is\u2014and we\u2019ve already pretty much hit this\u2014is number three: \u201cIf we\u2019re too physical before marriage, how do we get things under control?\u201d The only thing I would say there, because I\u2019ve already commented a little bit: \u201cCommit to stop. Even if you\u2019ve been having sex for years, it truly matters right now, today; and God will honor that. If you want the very best marriage, pay the price today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat makes a woman feel loved? Do you know? During sex, a woman, in love-making, feels loved. A man, during love-making, feels very significant; so think about what you can do to make him feel significant without sex, if you have already been doing that. If you\u2019ve been involved in premarital sex, think: \u201cWhat can you tell him could make you feel loved without sex? If you\u2019ve decided to stop, think right now what he can do. Have him tell you verbally how much he loves and appreciates you.\u201d \u201cWhat can you do to make him feel respected and significant?\u201d\u2014because that\u2019s what he brings, and that\u2019s what he draws from the sexual experience; so think about that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, four is: \u201cDiscuss your fears.\u201d\u00a0 If you have any fears, let me implore you to talk openly about them. It\u2019s amazing how, as things are in\u2014I call it darkness\u2014if you\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> expressed a fear, the fear seems to just get bigger and bigger. But as you bring it out and openly express it, the fear goes <em>way<\/em> down; so openly discuss any of your fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have been sexually active, maybe this is your next question: \u201cHow do you handle the guilt from the past?\u201d I\u2019m sure many of you have probably heard 1 John 1:9, that: \u201cIf you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and cleanses us from all unrighteousness.\u201d If you confess your sin today of what\u2019s been going on, it\u2019s gone! He forgives it! If you\u2019ve committed to turn away, He forgives it. Go with that\u2014go with God\u2019s Word. You may not feel it, but know that you are forgiven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf for some reason some of these feelings of guilt do not go away\u2014if they continue to linger on and on\u2014it may be a great time to talk to someone else about it: a counselor or a friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, look at, too: \u201cHow much should you tell your future mate about your past physical involvement?\u201d The goal here is to promote oneness. Now, Dave and I\u2014we have been <em>extremely<\/em> open, to the point where I think we kind of went overboard, as far as, I wanted <em>all<\/em> the details of his past. I don\u2019t think that was healthy\u2014I wanted to know out of insecurity\u2014but there are some things that you definitely need to share.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is up to you of how much you will share, and that\u2019s something that you can discuss; but some things you should share. Some of them are this: \u201cIf you are not a virgin, that\u2019s something that you should share with him,\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019ve had an abortion, that is something that you need to share,\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019ve been sexually abused or assaulted,\u201d\u2014huge things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy do I say you should share them? Because they will seep into your marriage, and he has a right to work through those things with you. It will help you, in the long run, for him to know some of these issues; because what you don\u2019t want to happen later is\u2014you don\u2019t want him to think that you deceived him, because that will lead to a whole host of other problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you handle the flashbacks of past physical relationships? You know what?\u2014flashbacks are just a consequence. I never struggled with flashbacks until I had been married, probably, 12 years. It was just this phase that I went through of feeling like it would be great to think about past relationships. My choice was whether or not I would go back and just indulge in that thinking or if I would think, \u201cI\u2019m not going there; I\u2019m going to press on.\u201d It\u2019s a natural consequence, but it is our choice whether we will feed on those thoughts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me add this question\u2014number four: \u201cHow can you receive your future mate, knowing his past experiences?\u201d That is one of the greatest issues of fear that I face with women, and it\u2019s the same thing that I faced. That\u2019s why I think, for me, it was one of my greatest fears\u2014that I would not compare and I would not measure up. I had the fear of rejection; I had fear of <em>so<\/em> many things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I would say about that. First of all: \u201cIs he committed to you? Is he committed to your relationship?\u201d If he is, here\u2019s the deal, ladies: no one else\u2014I don\u2019t care how many women he has been with\u2014no one else is like you. That\u2019s the <em>greatest<\/em> thing\u2014is that you may have been or he may have been sexually active before\u2014but you are unique. With you and with him, it will be a whole new ball game; it will be a new experience, and it will be good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the things to compare\u2014there is <em>no<\/em> reason to compare; because his love for you is so great, and he is committed to spending his life with you. But let me add this\u2014that you\u2019ll be tempted to have those fears. Satan will tempt you more in this area than any other, of just saying, \u201cNo; just think of what he used to do\u2026\u201d\u2014just don\u2019t go there; don\u2019t go there. When you feel those insecurities, express your fears; and let him love you and express his love for you, verbally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me add\u2014this experience is brand-new for both of you; no one is like you. That\u2019s my encouragement, and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve seen over the years. You know what\u2019s happened with Dave and me? Even though the beginning was so hard and so rocky, God used those times for us to be so good. I look at all the conflict we had; it made our relationship <em>great<\/em>, because we had to continue to work at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor you, if you\u2019ve been sexually involved, God can use that for good in your lives. It\u2019s not something today to just be so down about, but to commit today to go on and to have the best today. There is hope; because God can take something that we may be fearful of and make it into a great, great thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, let\u2019s talk about the honeymoon <em>expectations<\/em>. Some of this stuff is just real practical. Do see a gynecologist, and discuss your options for birth control together\u2014talk over those things together. Also, as Dennis said\u2014and you guys probably can\u2019t wait\u2014but buy something that you feel comfortable in and that he will like. He\u2019ll love you in anything. If he buys you something, hey, you wear it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe patient with yourselves. This is a lifetime. Have fun, laugh, don\u2019t take it too seriously; because you really do have a lifetime to build in this area. Just love one another and express your love in a <em>wonderful<\/em> way of giving and receiving the way that God would want you to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about some <em>don\u2019ts<\/em> of a honeymoon. Don\u2019t expect perfection. Be willing to laugh; be willing to have fun; and don\u2019t assume that he knows how to please <em>you<\/em>. Talk to one another. Encourage him; show him; guide him. Be thoughtful in how you express to him anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish that someone would have said to me: \u201cYou know what? Your one-year anniversary will be a lot better even than your marriage and your honeymoon night, and your two-year anniversary can be even better.\u201d For Dave and me, it has just gotten better, and better, and better. It\u2019s amazing that that happens <em>if<\/em> you continue to work on it and not build the walls. Communicate and share openly your needs as well as your desires to please your mate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, some women really want to know what is acceptable in marriage. Ed Wheat talks about that\u2014he says: \u201cThe union of marriage frees the couple to enjoy their bodies in whatever ways are most pleasing, provided that both are being pleased and neither are being hurt or offended. You should feel free to experiment and to know each other in the most intimate sense possible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let me add, also, in this that I know there\u2019s a growing trend of pornography going on in the marriage itself, both couples watching pornography together as a source of stimulation. In God\u2019s Word\u2014base everything back on God\u2019s Word\u2014because if you see that, it will say clearly, \u201cNo.\u201d Make sure that you\u2019re basing your relationship on what God says as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso: \u201cHow do you keep the romance alive?\u201d Be creative; have fun with this. I would say, too, don\u2019t let yourself become so into the mundane of the everyday that it takes the spice out of your relationship. Be creative and plan some stuff; go places; do things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Dave and me, it\u2019s an act of my will sometimes, because I\u2019m so tired; but I try to be spontaneous. Dave, too\u2014I have to tell you\u2014of the things that he remembers\/if we said, \u201cWhat were the most romantic times for you?\u201d they are times that I have done something special for him in some way. I\u2019m like, \u201cThat was really good.\u201d You know, maybe going out to dinner and slipping a hotel key over to his plate, saying, \u201cI have a room for us upstairs\u201d; and he\u2019s gets so excited! [Laughter] Just things like that that are not huge things. Make him feel <em>so<\/em> good. Be creative, even after you have children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you, too, have been married before and you have children\u2014be creative; it\u2019s so important. These things apply to you that have been married before so significantly. I have to tell you, as well, that I just talked to someone, two weeks ago; and she said, \u201cAnn\u201d\u2014she\u2019s been married before; they\u2019ve been married for a month\u2014she said: \u201cPlease tell the women that have been married before that it takes time for the sexual relationship to really improve and to get better, because they have so much stuff they\u2019re bringing in; but it\u2019s okay. Don\u2019t expect perfection all at once. It\u2019s okay to take time, because you have a lifetime of being with one another.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs far as being romantic with one another, I have to tell you\u2014I was at a speakers\u2019 conference, listening to a couple. They were both 74 years old, Howard and Jeanne Hendricks\u2014you know, it was amazing to me. They were fielding questions from the audience and talking. One of the things that came up\u2014Howard was talking, he\u2019s 74; now, imagine 74. These guys are getting older, and they\u2019ve been through a lot\u2014he said, \u201cOur sex life today is better than it\u2019s <em>ever<\/em> been.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and I are kind of looking at each other, like, \u201cWhoa!\u201d He kept talking about what made it so good now. He said, \u201cYou know, the first ten years, we are so focused on the externals; but now,\u201d\u2014he says\u2014\u201cnow, it\u2019s a union of two people, who love each other and who are committed to one another, coming together; and it\u2019s a holy act.\u201d You know, I looked at them and I thought, \u201cMan, I want that,\u201d because of their relationship with God\/their commitment to one another\u2014and having the very best that God wants them to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope\/I pray that you will settle for nothing less than that, because God has so much for you. He wants you to have the <em>best<\/em> marriage that you can have. Will you pay a price for that?\u2014absolutely. If you want the best, you have to pay for it. It begins today, while you\u2019re engaged, of pouring into the cup: of learning about one another, learning to communicate, being committed, and having the very best that God wants for you. He will bless you abundantly. There will be a day, where your children will rise up and say, \u201cMy parents had an incredible marriage.\u201d I hope you won\u2019t settle for anything less than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to Ann Wilson talking to engaged women at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway in 1997. I think what\u2019s interesting is\u2014you listen to that and you\u2019d say, \u201cI\u2019d pretty much say all of that today, just the same.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would. Yes, I would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because this wasn\u2019t an opinion you had in \u201997; this is what the Bible teaches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; God\u2019s principles never change. Yes, I would say the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Your voice would just be lower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know! Does it seem like my voice was higher?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s higher, because our oldest was ten or eleven at the time; and we were yelling all the time, as parents, in our home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You know, my thought was, \u201cI wonder what has happened to those women in that room?\u201d They\u2019ve been married 22 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cHow many of them made it?\u201d I think that, boy, the principles of God\u2019s Word <em>never<\/em> run dry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>They\u2019re always bringing life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; those people, who are surrendered to God and to His Word\u2014those are the ones who make it; and don\u2019t just make it with their teeth gritted, but make it with joy and go, \u201cThis is what I got married for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we try to unpack for couples at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. In fact, I just want to remind you\u2014today is the last day for me to tell you about the special offer we\u2019re making for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You sign up today for a getaway, and you and your spouse save 50 percent off the regular registration fee; or you and your fianc\u00e9, if you\u2019re coming as an engaged couple; or if you\u2019re not yet engaged\u2014you\u2019re still single\u2014but you just want to start thinking seriously about the marriage relationship. You can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee, as long as you sign up today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information or to register online, or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have or get you registered over the phone. Again, it\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make plans now. Join us this fall at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s the <em>best<\/em> thing you can do to help strengthen your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we have to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a <em>great<\/em> weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend; and then join us on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about being parents of adult kids. Your kids are grown; they have a life of their own. What should your relationship with them look like? How do you get along with them? How do you make sure you\u2019re not interfering too much?\u2014all of that\u2014we\u2019re going to unpack that with Jim Burns starting Monday. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:17"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.14M"],"filesize_raw":["24268743"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305358.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305358.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Wilson coaches engaged women, offering practical suggestions for pursuing sexual purity before marriage, and gives a realistic picture of what to expect on their honeymoon.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A number of years ago, Dave and Ann Wilson were mentoring a young couple about to get married. This couple gave them a signed document asking Dave and Ann to hold them accountable for purity during their engagement. In fact, Ann Wilson remembers what the document said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cWe, John and Sonya, have a mutual agreement to abstain from all physical involvement, excluding hand-holding, hugs, and kisses. If this agreement is broken, we are committed to communicating our violations to Dave and Ann.\u201d Then they had us all sign it; we all signed it. They gave it to us and said, \u201cWe\u2019re committed to sharing with you when we mess up.\u201d We said, \u201cHey, guys, our door\u2019s open. Knock on it anytime; come anytime. We\u2019ll be here for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. It\u2019s important to have accountability during an engagement period: people in your lives, who are going to ask you tough questions about the decisions you\u2019re making\/the choices you\u2019re making to maintain purity during the engagement period. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You thought we were done; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did. [Laughter] We were doing\u2014what are we doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have Part Two of your message. This week, we\u2019ve been sharing a message that you gave at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. You were talking with a group of engaged women in 1997. You\u2019d been married for 17 years at that point, and you were helping get them ready for their wedding day but also encouraging them, during this dating and engaged period of time, to keep their eyes focused on the Scriptures and to live honorably. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you stop and think, 1997 was a different day\/a different era. The average path to the altar today\u2014couples have lived together before they get married\u2014that\u2019s more typical than not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So to be talking about things like purity seems almost anachronistic, but the Bible still is true; and God\u2019s standards for marriage are still true and for dating are still true. That\u2019s what we talk about at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We would still say the same is true today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We still do; we still say the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right. I think the reason we got into this\u2014and I think it\u2019s so important to talk about\u2014is for Dave and me, no one had ever said: \u201cWhy does God say, \u2018No\u2019?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cWhy does God want us to remain pure before marriage?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It became sort of a mission to help couples with the answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d question. You know, here in this broadcast\u2014I\u2019m sort of excited because, Bob, we\u2019re never in that room; it\u2019s only the women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat are they talking about?\u201d [Laughter] Well, I just found out that she gets really, really honest about our life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t think I ever thought it would be on the radio! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it is on the radio today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, again, encourage listeners\u2014if you want to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, today is the day to get in touch with us; because through this weekend, you can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee if you register <em>now<\/em> to attend an upcoming getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have getaways happening in September, October, November, and early December. You can go online and find when a getaway is coming to a city near you or a city you\u2019d like to travel to, block out that weekend, register today, and save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for the information; or call us if you have questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, let\u2019s dive in. This is Part Two of Ann Wilson\u2019s conversation with engaged women at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway in 1997.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How do you handle the desires during the engaged time? First of all, see that word, \u201cdesires\u201d?\u2014that is a good thing. God gives us those desires, and they are <em>good<\/em>. They\u2019re nothing to feel bad about. Man, it\u2019s <em>great<\/em> to have those desires; it\u2019s just a matter of being able to handle them during the engaged time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the greatest ways, if you decide\u2014and I hope that you will and think about it: \u201cIf you decide to stay pure,\u201d and \u201cIf you had been doing things\u2014to stop it\u2014\u201cHow can you stop?\u201d Here\u2019s one thing: be accountable to someone. I can\u2019t imagine if I had to be accountable with someone\u2014and I have to say that Dave and I\/we did stay pure in our relationship\u2014I cannot tell you how hard it was. In fact, I used to think, \u201cGod, if we can make it through this, we\u2019ll make it through anything!\u201d I was just trying to stay sexually pure. It was <em>very<\/em> hard for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut one of the things is\u2014if you can be accountable to someone, it will really help. Is there anyone you know\u2014a couple in a church, some friends, someone that you can talk to\u2014that can ask you: \u201cHow are you doing in the sexual intimacy area? Are you guys staying pure?\u201d Man, if you know someone\u2019s going to ask you that, it just kind of puts a little hindrance to it right then, that night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a couple\u2014and we\u2019ve had couples over the years that we\u2019ve mentored\u2014and they have made commitments. We have made commitments to them, saying, \u201cWe will do whatever it takes to help you guys stay sexually pure.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one couple\u2014he was in his 30s, and she was in her late 20s. Neither one of them had had any sex before marriage and had not done anything. They committed to staying sexually pure until the day of their wedding. They wrote this thing, and they called it the \u201cFreedom Covenant.\u201d On it, they wrote this; and they brought it to Dave and me. This was the copy they made for us, and it says: \u201cWe, John and Sonya, have a mutual agreement to abstain from all physical involvement, excluding hand-holding, hugs, and kisses. If this agreement is broken, we are committed to communicating our violations to Dave and Ann.\u201d Then they had us all sign it; we all signed it. They gave it to us and said, \u201cWe\u2019re committed to sharing with you when we mess up.\u201d We said: \u201cHey, guys, our door\u2019s open. You knock on it anytime; come anytime. We\u2019ll be here for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, it was a true testament of their commitment to their relationship. They\u2019ve been married seven years now, and I wish you could see them\u2014they are <em>incredible<\/em>. People are around them are like: \u201cWhat do they have? What is so good about their relationship?\u201d Look at the price they paid, early on, to make that relationship strong. You know what else?\u2014it started getting really hard, because they both lived in their own apartments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey said: \u201cWe just can\u2019t be alone together, but we want to be alone. We want to be able to share and talk, but it is so hard.\u201d We said: \u201cHere\u2019s the deal. You guys come to our house anytime you want. We\u2019ll all go upstairs, and you just spend the evening downstairs.\u201d They would cook dinner, and they would watch TV, and they would talk. It gave them this great place to be alone and to talk. Just every few minutes, Dave and I would come down and say: \u201cHey, guys! Everything going okay down here?\u201d For some of you, you may think, \u201cOh, that is so ridiculous.\u201d But I see it as really cool, as their loyalty to one another and to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that would be the first thing is to have some accountability: \u201cIs there anyone that you could ask?\u201d You don\u2019t have to go into the detail, maybe, that they did; but someone just to ask you, once in awhile, and look you in the eye, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s another thing. When you are tired and depressed, it is so hard to stay pure. It\u2019s so hard not to sin. You know what I mean? Have you ever been so tired you get to the point where, \u201cOh, what\u2019s it really matter?\u201d When you\u2019re tired, or down, or depressed, or have had a hard time, that is our weakest times. So try not to be together during those times\u2014talk on the phone\/do whatever it takes\u2014but try not to be together during those times, because we are most vulnerable during those times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe careful about what you\u2019re thinking about and what you\u2019re watching. I didn\u2019t realize how my mind played such a significant role in my actions in those days. I would lay in bed and fantasize, for hours, of what I couldn\u2019t wait to do with Dave. Then I wondered why it would be so hard when I was with him; you know? Just be careful of what you\u2019re thinking about and what you\u2019re pouring into your mind. Really take ahold of that and discipline yourself with your thought life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLadies, you know what happens? Let me add, too, when sex is involved in your relationship, it clouds the relationship in a way that I can\u2019t explain. It\u2019s like putting on a pair of glasses, and the things that you would normally see, maybe, you don\u2019t see. This is a time to stay very focused and clear to see things that God wants you to see. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important\u2014don\u2019t let the glasses be on of sexual intimacy\u2014because it brings an intimacy that God only intended in marriage. When I think about that, I just realize that God wants us to wait; and He wants us to work on these things now, so don\u2019t let the glasses go on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other question is\u2014and we\u2019ve already pretty much hit this\u2014is number three: \u201cIf we\u2019re too physical before marriage, how do we get things under control?\u201d The only thing I would say there, because I\u2019ve already commented a little bit: \u201cCommit to stop. Even if you\u2019ve been having sex for years, it truly matters right now, today; and God will honor that. If you want the very best marriage, pay the price today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat makes a woman feel loved? Do you know? During sex, a woman, in love-making, feels loved. A man, during love-making, feels very significant; so think about what you can do to make him feel significant without sex, if you have already been doing that. If you\u2019ve been involved in premarital sex, think: \u201cWhat can you tell him could make you feel loved without sex? If you\u2019ve decided to stop, think right now what he can do. Have him tell you verbally how much he loves and appreciates you.\u201d \u201cWhat can you do to make him feel respected and significant?\u201d\u2014because that\u2019s what he brings, and that\u2019s what he draws from the sexual experience; so think about that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, four is: \u201cDiscuss your fears.\u201d\u00a0 If you have any fears, let me implore you to talk openly about them. It\u2019s amazing how, as things are in\u2014I call it darkness\u2014if you\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> expressed a fear, the fear seems to just get bigger and bigger. But as you bring it out and openly express it, the fear goes <em>way<\/em> down; so openly discuss any of your fears.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have been sexually active, maybe this is your next question: \u201cHow do you handle the guilt from the past?\u201d I\u2019m sure many of you have probably heard 1 John 1:9, that: \u201cIf you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and cleanses us from all unrighteousness.\u201d If you confess your sin today of what\u2019s been going on, it\u2019s gone! He forgives it! If you\u2019ve committed to turn away, He forgives it. Go with that\u2014go with God\u2019s Word. You may not feel it, but know that you are forgiven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf for some reason some of these feelings of guilt do not go away\u2014if they continue to linger on and on\u2014it may be a great time to talk to someone else about it: a counselor or a friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, look at, too: \u201cHow much should you tell your future mate about your past physical involvement?\u201d The goal here is to promote oneness. Now, Dave and I\u2014we have been <em>extremely<\/em> open, to the point where I think we kind of went overboard, as far as, I wanted <em>all<\/em> the details of his past. I don\u2019t think that was healthy\u2014I wanted to know out of insecurity\u2014but there are some things that you definitely need to share.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is up to you of how much you will share, and that\u2019s something that you can discuss; but some things you should share. Some of them are this: \u201cIf you are not a virgin, that\u2019s something that you should share with him,\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019ve had an abortion, that is something that you need to share,\u201d \u201cIf you\u2019ve been sexually abused or assaulted,\u201d\u2014huge things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy do I say you should share them? Because they will seep into your marriage, and he has a right to work through those things with you. It will help you, in the long run, for him to know some of these issues; because what you don\u2019t want to happen later is\u2014you don\u2019t want him to think that you deceived him, because that will lead to a whole host of other problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you handle the flashbacks of past physical relationships? You know what?\u2014flashbacks are just a consequence. I never struggled with flashbacks until I had been married, probably, 12 years. It was just this phase that I went through of feeling like it would be great to think about past relationships. My choice was whether or not I would go back and just indulge in that thinking or if I would think, \u201cI\u2019m not going there; I\u2019m going to press on.\u201d It\u2019s a natural consequence, but it is our choice whether we will feed on those thoughts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me add this question\u2014number four: \u201cHow can you receive your future mate, knowing his past experiences?\u201d That is one of the greatest issues of fear that I face with women, and it\u2019s the same thing that I faced. That\u2019s why I think, for me, it was one of my greatest fears\u2014that I would not compare and I would not measure up. I had the fear of rejection; I had fear of <em>so<\/em> many things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I would say about that. First of all: \u201cIs he committed to you? Is he committed to your relationship?\u201d If he is, here\u2019s the deal, ladies: no one else\u2014I don\u2019t care how many women he has been with\u2014no one else is like you. That\u2019s the <em>greatest<\/em> thing\u2014is that you may have been or he may have been sexually active before\u2014but you are unique. With you and with him, it will be a whole new ball game; it will be a new experience, and it will be good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the things to compare\u2014there is <em>no<\/em> reason to compare; because his love for you is so great, and he is committed to spending his life with you. But let me add this\u2014that you\u2019ll be tempted to have those fears. Satan will tempt you more in this area than any other, of just saying, \u201cNo; just think of what he used to do\u2026\u201d\u2014just don\u2019t go there; don\u2019t go there. When you feel those insecurities, express your fears; and let him love you and express his love for you, verbally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me add\u2014this experience is brand-new for both of you; no one is like you. That\u2019s my encouragement, and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve seen over the years. You know what\u2019s happened with Dave and me? Even though the beginning was so hard and so rocky, God used those times for us to be so good. I look at all the conflict we had; it made our relationship <em>great<\/em>, because we had to continue to work at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor you, if you\u2019ve been sexually involved, God can use that for good in your lives. It\u2019s not something today to just be so down about, but to commit today to go on and to have the best today. There is hope; because God can take something that we may be fearful of and make it into a great, great thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, let\u2019s talk about the honeymoon <em>expectations<\/em>. Some of this stuff is just real practical. Do see a gynecologist, and discuss your options for birth control together\u2014talk over those things together. Also, as Dennis said\u2014and you guys probably can\u2019t wait\u2014but buy something that you feel comfortable in and that he will like. He\u2019ll love you in anything. If he buys you something, hey, you wear it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe patient with yourselves. This is a lifetime. Have fun, laugh, don\u2019t take it too seriously; because you really do have a lifetime to build in this area. Just love one another and express your love in a <em>wonderful<\/em> way of giving and receiving the way that God would want you to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about some <em>don\u2019ts<\/em> of a honeymoon. Don\u2019t expect perfection. Be willing to laugh; be willing to have fun; and don\u2019t assume that he knows how to please <em>you<\/em>. Talk to one another. Encourage him; show him; guide him. Be thoughtful in how you express to him anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish that someone would have said to me: \u201cYou know what? Your one-year anniversary will be a lot better even than your marriage and your honeymoon night, and your two-year anniversary can be even better.\u201d For Dave and me, it has just gotten better, and better, and better. It\u2019s amazing that that happens <em>if<\/em> you continue to work on it and not build the walls. Communicate and share openly your needs as well as your desires to please your mate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, some women really want to know what is acceptable in marriage. Ed Wheat talks about that\u2014he says: \u201cThe union of marriage frees the couple to enjoy their bodies in whatever ways are most pleasing, provided that both are being pleased and neither are being hurt or offended. You should feel free to experiment and to know each other in the most intimate sense possible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut let me add, also, in this that I know there\u2019s a growing trend of pornography going on in the marriage itself, both couples watching pornography together as a source of stimulation. In God\u2019s Word\u2014base everything back on God\u2019s Word\u2014because if you see that, it will say clearly, \u201cNo.\u201d Make sure that you\u2019re basing your relationship on what God says as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso: \u201cHow do you keep the romance alive?\u201d Be creative; have fun with this. I would say, too, don\u2019t let yourself become so into the mundane of the everyday that it takes the spice out of your relationship. Be creative and plan some stuff; go places; do things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Dave and me, it\u2019s an act of my will sometimes, because I\u2019m so tired; but I try to be spontaneous. Dave, too\u2014I have to tell you\u2014of the things that he remembers\/if we said, \u201cWhat were the most romantic times for you?\u201d they are times that I have done something special for him in some way. I\u2019m like, \u201cThat was really good.\u201d You know, maybe going out to dinner and slipping a hotel key over to his plate, saying, \u201cI have a room for us upstairs\u201d; and he\u2019s gets so excited! [Laughter] Just things like that that are not huge things. Make him feel <em>so<\/em> good. Be creative, even after you have children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of you, too, have been married before and you have children\u2014be creative; it\u2019s so important. These things apply to you that have been married before so significantly. I have to tell you, as well, that I just talked to someone, two weeks ago; and she said, \u201cAnn\u201d\u2014she\u2019s been married before; they\u2019ve been married for a month\u2014she said: \u201cPlease tell the women that have been married before that it takes time for the sexual relationship to really improve and to get better, because they have so much stuff they\u2019re bringing in; but it\u2019s okay. Don\u2019t expect perfection all at once. It\u2019s okay to take time, because you have a lifetime of being with one another.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs far as being romantic with one another, I have to tell you\u2014I was at a speakers\u2019 conference, listening to a couple. They were both 74 years old, Howard and Jeanne Hendricks\u2014you know, it was amazing to me. They were fielding questions from the audience and talking. One of the things that came up\u2014Howard was talking, he\u2019s 74; now, imagine 74. These guys are getting older, and they\u2019ve been through a lot\u2014he said, \u201cOur sex life today is better than it\u2019s <em>ever<\/em> been.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and I are kind of looking at each other, like, \u201cWhoa!\u201d He kept talking about what made it so good now. He said, \u201cYou know, the first ten years, we are so focused on the externals; but now,\u201d\u2014he says\u2014\u201cnow, it\u2019s a union of two people, who love each other and who are committed to one another, coming together; and it\u2019s a holy act.\u201d You know, I looked at them and I thought, \u201cMan, I want that,\u201d because of their relationship with God\/their commitment to one another\u2014and having the very best that God wants them to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope\/I pray that you will settle for nothing less than that, because God has so much for you. He wants you to have the <em>best<\/em> marriage that you can have. Will you pay a price for that?\u2014absolutely. If you want the best, you have to pay for it. It begins today, while you\u2019re engaged, of pouring into the cup: of learning about one another, learning to communicate, being committed, and having the very best that God wants for you. He will bless you abundantly. There will be a day, where your children will rise up and say, \u201cMy parents had an incredible marriage.\u201d I hope you won\u2019t settle for anything less than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to Ann Wilson talking to engaged women at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway in 1997. I think what\u2019s interesting is\u2014you listen to that and you\u2019d say, \u201cI\u2019d pretty much say all of that today, just the same.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would. Yes, I would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because this wasn\u2019t an opinion you had in \u201997; this is what the Bible teaches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; God\u2019s principles never change. Yes, I would say the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Your voice would just be lower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know! Does it seem like my voice was higher?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s higher, because our oldest was ten or eleven at the time; and we were yelling all the time, as parents, in our home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You know, my thought was, \u201cI wonder what has happened to those women in that room?\u201d They\u2019ve been married 22 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cHow many of them made it?\u201d I think that, boy, the principles of God\u2019s Word <em>never<\/em> run dry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>They\u2019re always bringing life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; those people, who are surrendered to God and to His Word\u2014those are the ones who make it; and don\u2019t just make it with their teeth gritted, but make it with joy and go, \u201cThis is what I got married for.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we try to unpack for couples at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. In fact, I just want to remind you\u2014today is the last day for me to tell you about the special offer we\u2019re making for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. You sign up today for a getaway, and you and your spouse save 50 percent off the regular registration fee; or you and your fianc\u00e9, if you\u2019re coming as an engaged couple; or if you\u2019re not yet engaged\u2014you\u2019re still single\u2014but you just want to start thinking seriously about the marriage relationship. You can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee, as long as you sign up today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information or to register online, or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can answer any questions you have or get you registered over the phone. Again, it\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make plans now. Join us this fall at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. It\u2019s the <em>best<\/em> thing you can do to help strengthen your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we have to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a <em>great<\/em> weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend; and then join us on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about being parents of adult kids. Your kids are grown; they have a life of their own. What should your relationship with them look like? How do you get along with them? How do you make sure you\u2019re not interfering too much?\u2014all of that\u2014we\u2019re going to unpack that with Jim Burns starting Monday. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305358","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305358"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305358"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305358"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305358"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}