{"id":305329,"date":"2019-09-06T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-06T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/where-to-go-to-school\/"},"modified":"2019-09-06T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-06T10:00:04","slug":"where-to-go-to-school","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-to-go-to-school\/","title":{"rendered":"Where to Go to School"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Shelly Wildman | Series: First Ask Why | Author Shelly Wildman, a mom to three grown children, joins Dave and Ann Wilson to talk about school choice. Wildman explains why she and her husband picked public education. Aside from other benefits, they liked the missional aspect of public school and thought it would be a great way for their family to get to know their neighbors.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tDetermining Your Core Values, a 3 part process.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s a list to get you started.\u00a0 (4 min. read) https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/articles\/topics\/parenting\/foundations\/godly-legacy\/determining-your-core-values\/<br \/>\n \tHas the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Learn more about becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Shelly Wildman, a mom to three grown children, talks about school choice. Wildman explains why she and her husband picked public education for their family, on &#8220;FamilyLife Today.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:22","filesize":"25.06M","filesize_raw":"26273401","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2806],"tags":[6706,6710,6707,6709,6708,4353,4075],"podcast_series":[8299],"cwp_profile":[9558],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305329","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spiritual-development","tag-first-ask-why","tag-home-school-vs-public-school","tag-parenting-pricinples","tag-parenting-through-cultural-issues","tag-parenting-with-a-mission","tag-raising-children","tag-teaching-your-children-about-christ","podcast_series-first-ask-why","cwp_profile-shelly-wildman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305329\/where-to-go-to-school","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305329\/where-to-go-to-school","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"b2SpuqWEzu\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-to-go-to-school\/\">Where to Go to School<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-to-go-to-school\/embed\/#?secret=b2SpuqWEzu\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Where to Go to School&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"b2SpuqWEzu\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can we do, as parents, to make sure our children learn how to walk faithfully with Christ? We\u2019re going to talk more with Shelly Wildman about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the challenges all of us face, as parents, is\u2014when our kids are three, or four, or five, we start thinking about, \u201cOkay; who are we going to subcontract their education to?\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I thought you were going to say, \u201cWho are they going to date at three, four, or five?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was that what you were thinking about that? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s when we started thinking about it: \u201cYou\u2019re not dating anybody,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m telling them. No; you\u2019re right; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s our responsibility, as parents, to guide, and shape, and mold our kids. We\u2019re going to do some subcontracting along the way; and that could mean that you say: \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to do the lion\u2019s share. I\u2019m going to be the homeschooling parent and do some of this,\u201d\u2014although the homeschooling parents I know still do a lot of subcontracting to the coop\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for this or for that; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then there are the folks, who say, \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to subcontract it to the Christian school down the street\u201d; and then some, who say, \u201cI\u2019m going to subcontract to the public schools.\u201d\n\nWe\u2019ve got a guest joining us the week who made an intentional decision about schooling that really started to fuel intentionality in everything they were doing, as a family. Shelly Wildman joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome, Shelly.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shelly is the author of a book called <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>. Shelly is a mom of three; now, adult children. She and her husband live in Wheaton, Illinois. You faced this kind of decision about: \u201cWhat are we going to do with our kids?\u201d How did you and your husband wrestle through that?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I have to really preface this conversation by saying, \u201cWe are <em>very<\/em> fortunate in where we live.\u201d We have <em>excellent<\/em> public schools, so we <em>knew<\/em> they were going to get a <em>great<\/em> education.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good option if you choose that option.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Great option. I <em>know<\/em> that that is not the case in <em>many<\/em> parts of the country.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Having worked in education for many years, my feeling is that schooling is for education; and character development is my job. I, of course, want my children\u2019s teachers to <em>help<\/em> in that regard.\n\nYou know, there might be places in the country where it would be: \u201cAbsolutely, no way would I <em>ever<\/em> put my kids in public school.\u201d So, I do have to preface it by saying, \u201cWe are very fortunate\u201d; but with our firstborn, obviously, we started to pray, \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d because we have every great option available to us. We both felt like God was calling us to put our kids in public school. We thought, \u201cWell, why?\u201d\n\nA big part of that was the missional aspect: we wanted to know our neighbors. We knew we had non-Christians neighbors. We knew that the kids who were going to be on our daughter\u2019s soccer team were going to be from her school. How else would we get to know our neighbors if we weren\u2019t really involved in our community? We felt God just saying, \u201cPut your kids in public school.\u201d We always said, \u201cUnless something went terribly wrong, that was going to be our choice.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m curious because you said you felt like: \u201cSchools are for education,\u201d \/ \u201cCharacter is our job.\u201d There are a lot of schools today that feel like, \u201cNo, character is our job; and we\u2019re going to mold and shape the thinking of your kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right; I know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you face any of that with your kids in public school?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> You know, I can really only think of a couple of times where they, maybe, had a situation come up in school, where they were teaching something that was really different or anti- what we were believing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I actually took it upon myself to address the situation with the teacher. Honestly, the teacher just backed right down.\n\nThere was one\u2014I\u2019ll just tell you, specifically\u2014my oldest daughter was in a gifted reading class. It was a pull-out situation [taken out of her regular class]. I think she was in fourth grade. That teacher\u2014her reading teacher was going to talk about the Day of the Dead; it was, you know, this festival in Mexico. My daughter came home; and she said, \u201cMom, I\u2019m really scared to go to reading tomorrow.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d She said: \u201cWell, we\u2019re sort of talking about the Day of the Dead. I don\u2019t really get it, and it\u2019s kind of creepy. I don\u2019t really understand it.\u201d\n\nI started looking it up, online; and I felt like there was a little bit of satanic undertone. I just said: \u201cYou know what, Kate? You don\u2019t have to go to reading tomorrow. You just stay in your regular class. I\u2019ll call your teachers, and I\u2019ll explain it.\u201d So, I did. First thing in the morning, I called her reading teacher\u2014I said, \u201cHey, you know, Kate\u2019s not going to come to reading today.\u201d\n\nHer teacher said, \u201cCan I ask you why?\u201d I said: \u201cSure; you know, you are talking about the Day of the Dead; and we\u2019re a Christian family. It kind of goes into a little bit of stuff that is antithetical to what we believe. You know, I\u2019m not going to make a big deal about it, but I will just keep her in her regular class today.\u201d The teacher just, right away, said, \u201cOh, well, then, we just won\u2019t talk about that.\u201d I was like: \u201cOkay; <em>great<\/em>. Problem solved.\u201d\n\nI was <em>very<\/em> involved\u2014I was PTA President; I was very involved in all of their classes. You know, being in public school\/being called to public school isn\u2019t necessarily a cake walk\u2014you\u2019ve got to be involved. I had well-intentioned friends tell me, if I did not choose their choice of schooling, I was <em>not<\/em> doing the most that I could do for my kids. I thought, \u201cWell, we\u2019ll see how this all turns out in the end.\u201d\n\nI have had opportunities to talk with each one of my kids. Nothing ever came up that we had to pull them out of school. I had the opportunity to ask each one of them, as they ended high school: \u201cDid we do the right thing? Was this okay?\u201d Every one of them said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> glad I went to public school.\u201d They had a bird\u2019s eye view into what was going on in the world; and that, I think, is the whole concept of this book: \u201cWhy are we here? We are not here to isolate ourselves. We are <em>not<\/em> here to take up space in this world. We are here to make a difference for Christ.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve always said, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, that parents need to make this decision based on their situation,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014their circumstances,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Their kids.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014based on their kids, based on the values you have,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014as a family. As you said, \u201cNot every place is Wheaton, Illinois.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The point here is not: \u201cThis is the right choice,\u201d or \u201c\u2026the wrong choice.\u201d The point is: it\u2019s an intentional choice,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014driven by a value.\n\nWhile you were making this choice about their education, you were also aware, \u201cIf we\u2019re going to do this, then we have to be intentional\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cvery involved.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014intentional, not just in what they are doing in school, but supplementing the education they are getting with the character formation that you\u2019re now assuming responsibility for. You guys picked out values like kindness, and service, and stewardship, and compassion. These were some of the things that you said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to make sure we raise kids who are kind kids, who are service-oriented, who have compassion for others.\u201d You made this a part of the rhythm of your family.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; honestly, the best place to exercise those\u2014it was in public school. You have lots of opportunities to minister to people.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, for us, that was one of the hardest decisions on our plate at the time\u2014was: \u201cWhat school should we send our kids to?\u201d I knew that I couldn\u2019t homeschool.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Me, too! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I knew that I\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That was not going to happen!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but it was like it\u2019s a hard decision. So, we had both routes in our past. We didn\u2019t like the curriculum they were using in the public school when our son started, so he was in a Christian school. There are pros and cons\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014each way I think.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I would say one of our biggest questions\u2014and I\u2019m sure you dealt with this\u2014because we did the public school\u2014was the peer pressure. It wasn\u2019t just the curriculum in the school part; it was the kids. I know Wheaton, Illinois, is probably not a lot different than most any other community in the world, in terms of temptations right there. How did that work out for you guys?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Again, we tried to be the house that kids would go to. Then I made sure, as much as I could, I tried to know my kids\u2019 friends at school. Again, being involved was really important. Then I always\/always told my kids that, \u201cYou know, if you get yourself into a situation that you know isn\u2019t right\/that gives you a bad feeling\u2014whatever it is\u2014you always call me. I\u2019ll be your out\u2014blame me\u201d; and a couple times, they did. They were at a friend\u2019s, maybe, watching a movie they didn\u2019t feel great about; and they would call me and say, \u201cMom, can you come and get me?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, did you ever have any time, where your kids struggled, and you were like, \u201cMan, if they weren\u2019t in this environment, this probably wouldn\u2019t have happened\u201d? I mean, did you ever have\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Oh, sure.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014regret?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Not a regret, necessarily\u2014lots of time of prayer; yes\u2014when, maybe, those doubts crept in or they had friends that I wasn\u2019t so sure about; but yes, when you put them out there, it\u2019s a risk; it is a risk.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re doing, along the way, is the beginning of a process that will ultimately culminate in letting go. I mean, when you drop off your kid at kindergarten for the first day, you\u2019re taking a step in letting go.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you let them go to a friend\u2019s house for a sleepover or even for a birthday party, and you walk away and you\u2019re not there, you\u2019re letting go. When they are 16 and you give them keys to the car\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> [Laughter]\u2014the worst.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all of these are gradual steps toward this time when you will let go and when they will stand on their own feet\u2014not that they\u2019ll never call you again and not that you lose your voice\u2014but your parenting job, for the most part, you\u2019ve done the lion\u2019s share of it at that point. That day needs to be in the back of our mind as we are training our kids.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely. I work with young moms at my church. We had a kindergarten expert\u2014she was a teacher\u2014come in one day and talk with the moms. She said, \u201cThe best thing that you can do to prepare your child for kindergarten is to begin letting go right now.\u201d I was like, \u201cYes; preach that,\u201d\u2014because, man, I know so many parents, who have adult children, who have not, yet, let go.\n\nThe world <em>needs<\/em> our strong families. The world <em>needs<\/em> our Christian kids to become Christian adults to stand on their own two feet, who make a difference in <em>their<\/em> world. They are not going to be in our world forever. They need to be trained so that they will go out and do the work, too. It\u2019s <em>so<\/em> important; our world <em>needs<\/em> our kids.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the letting go issue for parents\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014involves risk.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> It does.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is something you understand at a visceral level\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because of what happened when you were growing up.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; I talk in the last chapter of the book about my childhood. When I was 11 years old, my 9-year-old brother went to summer camp. He did not come home; he drowned while he was at camp. You know, often, people are so shocked when they hear that. I say: \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s okay, because God used that experience in my life in a big way. It\u2019s really the main thing that brought me to Him.\u201d\n\nWhen I was in high school\u2014I did not write this in the book\u2014but I went on a mission\u2019s trip to Mexico. I met a girl on this trip from another church in California. She was asking me about my family. She said, \u201cWhat does your dad do?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, my dad is a farmer.\u201d \u201cDo you have siblings?\u201d \u201cYes, I have two sisters.\u201d She said, \u201cOh, your dad is a farmer, and he doesn\u2019t have anyone to give the farm to.\u201d I said to her: \u201cWell, I had a brother; but he died. He was my dad\u2019s only son.\u201d\n\nThe minute I said those words\u2014the words of John 3:16 just came like piercing into my heart: \u201cFor God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.\u201d I knew what it meant for a father to lose his only son\u2014I mean, I had seen that pain; I had walked that pain. It was like: \u201cWow! So, the sacrifice that God made\u2014it wasn\u2019t like second best. It wasn\u2019t just like, \u2018Oh, I\u2019ll try this.\u2019 It was like the biggest, most valuable thing that He could give.\u201d God used my brother\u2019s death.\n\nHe also used my brother\u2019s death in my daughters\u2019 lives because, when it came time for them to go to summer camp, I had to struggle; I had to wrestle. I knew that it would be a really great thing for them; and yet, it was really hard. The camp that they went to was about six hours north of us, and we would put them on a bus over at the college. They would go on a bus up to camp. They\u2019d be gone for two weeks at first. Eventually, they all spent the whole summer there; but the first time I put my oldest daughter on the bus, I was a <em>wreck<\/em> that entire day\u2014just\u2014I cried the entire day. I went home, and my other two kids were doing something around the house\u2014I don\u2019t know what\u2014but I sat in a chair, I think, for about four hours\u2014like I couldn\u2019t move. I was so\u2014it was so hard, but I knew God was calling me to do this hard thing.\n\nAgain, to follow that up, several years later, my girls all went to the same camp. They all were formed by it in many, many ways. Several years later, I was on a trip with my youngest daughter, Julia, and we were in England. I met up with a friend that I had met through blogging, and we were at her home. She was asking my daughter\u2014she said, \u201cSo, you know, aside from your church and your family, what do you think has formed your faith more than anything?\u201d She thought about it for a minute; and then she said, \u201cYou know I would have to say summer camp.\u201d Right then, I was like, \u201cOh, Lord, You know, following Your sovereign plan for my kids is so much better than anything that I could have done.\u201d If I had chosen to hold my kids close\u2014I could have easily said, \u201cYou\u2019re never going to summer camp because look what could happen.\u201d They would <em>never<\/em> have grown to experience the Lord in the way that they did.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When my oldest had just graduated from college, she had a heart to want to go to Southeast Asia and to serve as a teacher there with an organization that sends Christian teachers in hopes that they can be an influence but also, maybe, share the gospel in that situation. This is a country that could be hostile to the gospel.\n\nI remember her calling one day and said: \u201cI just found out where my co-teacher and I have been assigned. The town we\u2019ve been assigned to is 250,000 people; and as far as we know, we\u2019ll be the only two Christians\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in that town. I thought: \u201cNo; that\u2019s not what I had in mind for you. [Laughter] I was looking for the one that had the church, where you could go at night; and you could\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was thrilled with that news; she was going into enemy territory.\n\nWell, I remember\u2014 a few weeks later, I was watching a movie about the Civil War; and in the movie, Stonewall Jackson\u2014do you remember the General\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Stonewall Jackson?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Oh, sure.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He was asked by one of his soldiers\u2014and this is apparently true from history\u2014he was asked by a soldier\u2014he said, \u201cHow do you keep your composure on the battlefield?\u201d because Jackson was known as somebody who didn\u2019t flinch. He said, \u201cMy theology, sir, tells me that I am as safe on the battlefield as I am in my bed if I am in the will of God.\u201d I heard that in the movie; and I thought, \u201cMy daughter is as safe in Southeast Asia as she is on the streets of Little Rock if she\u2019s in the will of God.\u201d\n\nFear, for our safety\u2014we need to protect our kids; right?\u2014we shouldn\u2019t be careless; but if they are in the will of God, He\u2019s got them.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even if they should perish in that situation,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Jim Elliot would tell us,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIf you perish, doing the will of God, that\u2019s how you want to go out.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love your last chapter title because I think what we\u2019re talking about right now is trust.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The long road\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Long road\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014toward trust.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to trust.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to trust\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014trusting God\/trusting your kids.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Man, I\u2019ve just listened to both of you and go, \u201cWay to go!\u201d You talk about courage. Seriously, I was just inspired by hearing both your stories about your kids.\n\nI don\u2019t know if we have that kind of faith\u2014we do\u2014but it would just be inspiring to think\u2014I know so many parents that <em>wouldn\u2019t<\/em> let go.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think we live in a culture that seems so fearful\u2014that we parent out of fear.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re afraid that the culture will infect our kids instead of having the mindset: \u201cNo, our kids will affect the culture.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That is it! That is it <em>exactly<\/em>, Ann. It\u2014yes; you know, we\u2019re not here to just to take up space and to live our little, happy life under our roof; you know? We are here to affect the culture around us. It\u2019s our responsibility; it is our job to strengthen our kids so that they will go and do that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At the same time that our oldest was headed to Southeast Asia, our second daughter was headed to college in Manhattan. [Laughter] She was going to college in the Empire State Building, which is where the Kings College was meeting at that point.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was a year after 9\/11.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWell, let\u2019s see, if there were going to be another target in New York\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cmaybe, the Empire State Building would be a target?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you think that?\u2014even leaving her, did you have all those thoughts?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I remember being up in New York and walking along 34<sup>th<\/sup> Street with her at 11 o\u2019clock at night, with the traffic and with the\u2014I mean, it\u2019s bustling at 11 o\u2019clock at night. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m about to drop an 18-year-old\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201coff in the streets of New York.\u201d That\u2019s where you have to say: \u201cOkay; is this God\u2019s will? If it is, it comes with God\u2019s protection.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; what do we <em>know<\/em> about God? What do we <em>believe<\/em> about God? Is He faithful? Does He love our children more than we do? You bet! He can be trusted.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right. Well,\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; when we were driving out of Chicago\u2014great city\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; it is. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know? But when we dropped our middle son, Austin, off to go to Moody, and his girlfriend was in our backseat as we drove out of that city\u2014and they ended up getting married his junior year\u2014but I can remember looking in the rearview mirror, back at that\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014skyline and hearing sirens; because that\u2019s what you hear in cities like New York and Chicago.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>never<\/em> hear a siren in the suburb, where we live near Detroit. I remember having that fear, \u201cWhat are we <em>doing<\/em>?\u201d;\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and yet, at the same moment, thinking, \u201cGod can be trusted.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> God was trusted, and He had a great plan for him.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think all of us, as parents, need the courage that comes from these kinds of stories\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014from hearing other parents say, \u201cYou can trust God in the midst of this.\u201d And then, to have a book like <em>First Ask Why<\/em>, that helps you think: \u201cOkay; this is my job; and I\u2019m going to do my job. I\u2019m going to trust God with my kids; but I\u2019m going to make sure that I\u2019ve done all I can do, because this is a part of my assignment\u2014a big part of my assignment, as a mom or as a dad.\u201d It\u2019s a seasonal assignment, because it comes in the\u2014for most of us\u2014in the middle of life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You may have other things that you feel God calling you to; you may need to postpone those until you\u2019ve gotten done with Job One. There is another season ahead, where you can go on and write books, or host radio programs, or other things; right? But be about the big job God\u2019s called you to because this is important; and first, ask, \u201cWhy?\u2014first, ask for the intentional question.\n\nShelly, thank you for the time with us this week to talk about this.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Thank you. It has just been a pleasure to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thanks for writing this book, which again, is called <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The title of Shelly\u2019s book is <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>.\n\nYou know, we use the word, \u201cintentionality,\u201d a lot\u2014it feels like, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014but that\u2019s because we think marriage and family is something we should all be more intentional about. David Robbins, who is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here with us today. Is this something that\u2019s been a part of your marriage from the beginning?\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> <em>Absolutely<\/em>. There was an intention to be intentional. [Laughter] But then we had mentors, about 15 years ago, give us a process that we\u2019ve done four times. It is\u2014each season, it has shaped us so significantly. I just love the conversation about knowing your \u201cWhy?\u201d\u2014knowing intentions with each one of your kids. I think, sometimes, we get bogged down in the details and wanting to craft this perfect, Instagram-worthy statement we can share with everyone, instead of just knowing, \u201cWhat\u2019s our rudder?\u201d\n\nIn this season: \u201cWhere are we going to invest our time? Where are we going to put our money? How are we going to focus on each kid in unique ways in what they are dealing with in this season?\u201d This process was quite simple\u2014it just took getting away for a few hours, listing out values, ranking them together. Then we put them on a piece of paper, put it in a Ziploc<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> bag, and put it in our shower and prayed for two months\u2014each time.\n\nIt was amazing, just knowing: \u201cOkay; we don\u2019t know all the details and the wordsmithing is not perfect; but this is what\u2019s surfacing in this season. Let\u2019s put that down on paper and just start praying.\u201d As you do that for a season and pray over it, it leads to action.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, we\u2019ve got a link to a core values project like you\u2019ve described that every husband and wife can do as you are trying to shape your family. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the \u201cDetermining Your Core Values\u201d link and put that to work for you. David, thank you for joining us today.\n\nAnd thanks to all of you for being with us this week. I hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when the President of Wheaton College, Dr. Phil Ryken, is going to be with us. We\u2019re going to talk about the Song of Songs\u2014about what the Bible has to say about love, and marriage, and intimacy, and about our love for God in the midst of all of that. Great conversation with Dr. Ryken. I hope you can be here with us for it.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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Shelly Wildman, a mom to three grown children, talks about school choice. Wildman explains why she and her husband picked public education for their family, on \"FamilyLife Today.\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What can we do, as parents, to make sure our children learn how to walk faithfully with Christ? We\u2019re going to talk more with Shelly Wildman about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the challenges all of us face, as parents, is\u2014when our kids are three, or four, or five, we start thinking about, \u201cOkay; who are we going to subcontract their education to?\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I thought you were going to say, \u201cWho are they going to date at three, four, or five?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was that what you were thinking about that? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s when we started thinking about it: \u201cYou\u2019re not dating anybody,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m telling them. No; you\u2019re right; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s our responsibility, as parents, to guide, and shape, and mold our kids. We\u2019re going to do some subcontracting along the way; and that could mean that you say: \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to do the lion\u2019s share. I\u2019m going to be the homeschooling parent and do some of this,\u201d\u2014although the homeschooling parents I know still do a lot of subcontracting to the coop\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for this or for that; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then there are the folks, who say, \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to subcontract it to the Christian school down the street\u201d; and then some, who say, \u201cI\u2019m going to subcontract to the public schools.\u201d\n\nWe\u2019ve got a guest joining us the week who made an intentional decision about schooling that really started to fuel intentionality in everything they were doing, as a family. Shelly Wildman joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome, Shelly.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shelly is the author of a book called <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>. Shelly is a mom of three; now, adult children. She and her husband live in Wheaton, Illinois. You faced this kind of decision about: \u201cWhat are we going to do with our kids?\u201d How did you and your husband wrestle through that?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I have to really preface this conversation by saying, \u201cWe are <em>very<\/em> fortunate in where we live.\u201d We have <em>excellent<\/em> public schools, so we <em>knew<\/em> they were going to get a <em>great<\/em> education.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good option if you choose that option.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Great option. I <em>know<\/em> that that is not the case in <em>many<\/em> parts of the country.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Having worked in education for many years, my feeling is that schooling is for education; and character development is my job. I, of course, want my children\u2019s teachers to <em>help<\/em> in that regard.\n\nYou know, there might be places in the country where it would be: \u201cAbsolutely, no way would I <em>ever<\/em> put my kids in public school.\u201d So, I do have to preface it by saying, \u201cWe are very fortunate\u201d; but with our firstborn, obviously, we started to pray, \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d because we have every great option available to us. We both felt like God was calling us to put our kids in public school. We thought, \u201cWell, why?\u201d\n\nA big part of that was the missional aspect: we wanted to know our neighbors. We knew we had non-Christians neighbors. We knew that the kids who were going to be on our daughter\u2019s soccer team were going to be from her school. How else would we get to know our neighbors if we weren\u2019t really involved in our community? We felt God just saying, \u201cPut your kids in public school.\u201d We always said, \u201cUnless something went terribly wrong, that was going to be our choice.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m curious because you said you felt like: \u201cSchools are for education,\u201d \/ \u201cCharacter is our job.\u201d There are a lot of schools today that feel like, \u201cNo, character is our job; and we\u2019re going to mold and shape the thinking of your kids.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right; I know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you face any of that with your kids in public school?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> You know, I can really only think of a couple of times where they, maybe, had a situation come up in school, where they were teaching something that was really different or anti- what we were believing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> I actually took it upon myself to address the situation with the teacher. Honestly, the teacher just backed right down.\n\nThere was one\u2014I\u2019ll just tell you, specifically\u2014my oldest daughter was in a gifted reading class. It was a pull-out situation [taken out of her regular class]. I think she was in fourth grade. That teacher\u2014her reading teacher was going to talk about the Day of the Dead; it was, you know, this festival in Mexico. My daughter came home; and she said, \u201cMom, I\u2019m really scared to go to reading tomorrow.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d She said: \u201cWell, we\u2019re sort of talking about the Day of the Dead. I don\u2019t really get it, and it\u2019s kind of creepy. I don\u2019t really understand it.\u201d\n\nI started looking it up, online; and I felt like there was a little bit of satanic undertone. I just said: \u201cYou know what, Kate? You don\u2019t have to go to reading tomorrow. You just stay in your regular class. I\u2019ll call your teachers, and I\u2019ll explain it.\u201d So, I did. First thing in the morning, I called her reading teacher\u2014I said, \u201cHey, you know, Kate\u2019s not going to come to reading today.\u201d\n\nHer teacher said, \u201cCan I ask you why?\u201d I said: \u201cSure; you know, you are talking about the Day of the Dead; and we\u2019re a Christian family. It kind of goes into a little bit of stuff that is antithetical to what we believe. You know, I\u2019m not going to make a big deal about it, but I will just keep her in her regular class today.\u201d The teacher just, right away, said, \u201cOh, well, then, we just won\u2019t talk about that.\u201d I was like: \u201cOkay; <em>great<\/em>. Problem solved.\u201d\n\nI was <em>very<\/em> involved\u2014I was PTA President; I was very involved in all of their classes. You know, being in public school\/being called to public school isn\u2019t necessarily a cake walk\u2014you\u2019ve got to be involved. I had well-intentioned friends tell me, if I did not choose their choice of schooling, I was <em>not<\/em> doing the most that I could do for my kids. I thought, \u201cWell, we\u2019ll see how this all turns out in the end.\u201d\n\nI have had opportunities to talk with each one of my kids. Nothing ever came up that we had to pull them out of school. I had the opportunity to ask each one of them, as they ended high school: \u201cDid we do the right thing? Was this okay?\u201d Every one of them said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> glad I went to public school.\u201d They had a bird\u2019s eye view into what was going on in the world; and that, I think, is the whole concept of this book: \u201cWhy are we here? We are not here to isolate ourselves. We are <em>not<\/em> here to take up space in this world. We are here to make a difference for Christ.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve always said, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, that parents need to make this decision based on their situation,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014their circumstances,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Their kids.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014based on their kids, based on the values you have,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014as a family. As you said, \u201cNot every place is Wheaton, Illinois.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The point here is not: \u201cThis is the right choice,\u201d or \u201c\u2026the wrong choice.\u201d The point is: it\u2019s an intentional choice,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014driven by a value.\n\nWhile you were making this choice about their education, you were also aware, \u201cIf we\u2019re going to do this, then we have to be intentional\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cvery involved.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014intentional, not just in what they are doing in school, but supplementing the education they are getting with the character formation that you\u2019re now assuming responsibility for. You guys picked out values like kindness, and service, and stewardship, and compassion. These were some of the things that you said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to make sure we raise kids who are kind kids, who are service-oriented, who have compassion for others.\u201d You made this a part of the rhythm of your family.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; honestly, the best place to exercise those\u2014it was in public school. You have lots of opportunities to minister to people.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, for us, that was one of the hardest decisions on our plate at the time\u2014was: \u201cWhat school should we send our kids to?\u201d I knew that I couldn\u2019t homeschool.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Me, too! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I knew that I\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That was not going to happen!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but it was like it\u2019s a hard decision. So, we had both routes in our past. We didn\u2019t like the curriculum they were using in the public school when our son started, so he was in a Christian school. There are pros and cons\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014each way I think.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I would say one of our biggest questions\u2014and I\u2019m sure you dealt with this\u2014because we did the public school\u2014was the peer pressure. It wasn\u2019t just the curriculum in the school part; it was the kids. I know Wheaton, Illinois, is probably not a lot different than most any other community in the world, in terms of temptations right there. How did that work out for you guys?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Again, we tried to be the house that kids would go to. Then I made sure, as much as I could, I tried to know my kids\u2019 friends at school. Again, being involved was really important. Then I always\/always told my kids that, \u201cYou know, if you get yourself into a situation that you know isn\u2019t right\/that gives you a bad feeling\u2014whatever it is\u2014you always call me. I\u2019ll be your out\u2014blame me\u201d; and a couple times, they did. They were at a friend\u2019s, maybe, watching a movie they didn\u2019t feel great about; and they would call me and say, \u201cMom, can you come and get me?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, did you ever have any time, where your kids struggled, and you were like, \u201cMan, if they weren\u2019t in this environment, this probably wouldn\u2019t have happened\u201d? I mean, did you ever have\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Oh, sure.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014regret?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Not a regret, necessarily\u2014lots of time of prayer; yes\u2014when, maybe, those doubts crept in or they had friends that I wasn\u2019t so sure about; but yes, when you put them out there, it\u2019s a risk; it is a risk.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re doing, along the way, is the beginning of a process that will ultimately culminate in letting go. I mean, when you drop off your kid at kindergarten for the first day, you\u2019re taking a step in letting go.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you let them go to a friend\u2019s house for a sleepover or even for a birthday party, and you walk away and you\u2019re not there, you\u2019re letting go. When they are 16 and you give them keys to the car\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> [Laughter]\u2014the worst.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all of these are gradual steps toward this time when you will let go and when they will stand on their own feet\u2014not that they\u2019ll never call you again and not that you lose your voice\u2014but your parenting job, for the most part, you\u2019ve done the lion\u2019s share of it at that point. That day needs to be in the back of our mind as we are training our kids.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely. I work with young moms at my church. We had a kindergarten expert\u2014she was a teacher\u2014come in one day and talk with the moms. She said, \u201cThe best thing that you can do to prepare your child for kindergarten is to begin letting go right now.\u201d I was like, \u201cYes; preach that,\u201d\u2014because, man, I know so many parents, who have adult children, who have not, yet, let go.\n\nThe world <em>needs<\/em> our strong families. The world <em>needs<\/em> our Christian kids to become Christian adults to stand on their own two feet, who make a difference in <em>their<\/em> world. They are not going to be in our world forever. They need to be trained so that they will go out and do the work, too. It\u2019s <em>so<\/em> important; our world <em>needs<\/em> our kids.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the letting go issue for parents\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014involves risk.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> It does.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is something you understand at a visceral level\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because of what happened when you were growing up.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; I talk in the last chapter of the book about my childhood. When I was 11 years old, my 9-year-old brother went to summer camp. He did not come home; he drowned while he was at camp. You know, often, people are so shocked when they hear that. I say: \u201cYou know what? It\u2019s okay, because God used that experience in my life in a big way. It\u2019s really the main thing that brought me to Him.\u201d\n\nWhen I was in high school\u2014I did not write this in the book\u2014but I went on a mission\u2019s trip to Mexico. I met a girl on this trip from another church in California. She was asking me about my family. She said, \u201cWhat does your dad do?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, my dad is a farmer.\u201d \u201cDo you have siblings?\u201d \u201cYes, I have two sisters.\u201d She said, \u201cOh, your dad is a farmer, and he doesn\u2019t have anyone to give the farm to.\u201d I said to her: \u201cWell, I had a brother; but he died. He was my dad\u2019s only son.\u201d\n\nThe minute I said those words\u2014the words of John 3:16 just came like piercing into my heart: \u201cFor God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.\u201d I knew what it meant for a father to lose his only son\u2014I mean, I had seen that pain; I had walked that pain. It was like: \u201cWow! So, the sacrifice that God made\u2014it wasn\u2019t like second best. It wasn\u2019t just like, \u2018Oh, I\u2019ll try this.\u2019 It was like the biggest, most valuable thing that He could give.\u201d God used my brother\u2019s death.\n\nHe also used my brother\u2019s death in my daughters\u2019 lives because, when it came time for them to go to summer camp, I had to struggle; I had to wrestle. I knew that it would be a really great thing for them; and yet, it was really hard. The camp that they went to was about six hours north of us, and we would put them on a bus over at the college. They would go on a bus up to camp. They\u2019d be gone for two weeks at first. Eventually, they all spent the whole summer there; but the first time I put my oldest daughter on the bus, I was a <em>wreck<\/em> that entire day\u2014just\u2014I cried the entire day. I went home, and my other two kids were doing something around the house\u2014I don\u2019t know what\u2014but I sat in a chair, I think, for about four hours\u2014like I couldn\u2019t move. I was so\u2014it was so hard, but I knew God was calling me to do this hard thing.\n\nAgain, to follow that up, several years later, my girls all went to the same camp. They all were formed by it in many, many ways. Several years later, I was on a trip with my youngest daughter, Julia, and we were in England. I met up with a friend that I had met through blogging, and we were at her home. She was asking my daughter\u2014she said, \u201cSo, you know, aside from your church and your family, what do you think has formed your faith more than anything?\u201d She thought about it for a minute; and then she said, \u201cYou know I would have to say summer camp.\u201d Right then, I was like, \u201cOh, Lord, You know, following Your sovereign plan for my kids is so much better than anything that I could have done.\u201d If I had chosen to hold my kids close\u2014I could have easily said, \u201cYou\u2019re never going to summer camp because look what could happen.\u201d They would <em>never<\/em> have grown to experience the Lord in the way that they did.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When my oldest had just graduated from college, she had a heart to want to go to Southeast Asia and to serve as a teacher there with an organization that sends Christian teachers in hopes that they can be an influence but also, maybe, share the gospel in that situation. This is a country that could be hostile to the gospel.\n\nI remember her calling one day and said: \u201cI just found out where my co-teacher and I have been assigned. The town we\u2019ve been assigned to is 250,000 people; and as far as we know, we\u2019ll be the only two Christians\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in that town. I thought: \u201cNo; that\u2019s not what I had in mind for you. [Laughter] I was looking for the one that had the church, where you could go at night; and you could\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was thrilled with that news; she was going into enemy territory.\n\nWell, I remember\u2014 a few weeks later, I was watching a movie about the Civil War; and in the movie, Stonewall Jackson\u2014do you remember the General\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Stonewall Jackson?\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Oh, sure.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He was asked by one of his soldiers\u2014and this is apparently true from history\u2014he was asked by a soldier\u2014he said, \u201cHow do you keep your composure on the battlefield?\u201d because Jackson was known as somebody who didn\u2019t flinch. He said, \u201cMy theology, sir, tells me that I am as safe on the battlefield as I am in my bed if I am in the will of God.\u201d I heard that in the movie; and I thought, \u201cMy daughter is as safe in Southeast Asia as she is on the streets of Little Rock if she\u2019s in the will of God.\u201d\n\nFear, for our safety\u2014we need to protect our kids; right?\u2014we shouldn\u2019t be careless; but if they are in the will of God, He\u2019s got them.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even if they should perish in that situation,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Jim Elliot would tell us,\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIf you perish, doing the will of God, that\u2019s how you want to go out.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love your last chapter title because I think what we\u2019re talking about right now is trust.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The long road\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Long road\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014toward trust.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to trust.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014to trust\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014trusting God\/trusting your kids.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Man, I\u2019ve just listened to both of you and go, \u201cWay to go!\u201d You talk about courage. Seriously, I was just inspired by hearing both your stories about your kids.\n\nI don\u2019t know if we have that kind of faith\u2014we do\u2014but it would just be inspiring to think\u2014I know so many parents that <em>wouldn\u2019t<\/em> let go.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think we live in a culture that seems so fearful\u2014that we parent out of fear.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re afraid that the culture will infect our kids instead of having the mindset: \u201cNo, our kids will affect the culture.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That is it! That is it <em>exactly<\/em>, Ann. It\u2014yes; you know, we\u2019re not here to just to take up space and to live our little, happy life under our roof; you know? We are here to affect the culture around us. It\u2019s our responsibility; it is our job to strengthen our kids so that they will go and do that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At the same time that our oldest was headed to Southeast Asia, our second daughter was headed to college in Manhattan. [Laughter] She was going to college in the Empire State Building, which is where the Kings College was meeting at that point.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Really?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was a year after 9\/11.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWell, let\u2019s see, if there were going to be another target in New York\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cmaybe, the Empire State Building would be a target?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you think that?\u2014even leaving her, did you have all those thoughts?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I remember being up in New York and walking along 34<sup>th<\/sup> Street with her at 11 o\u2019clock at night, with the traffic and with the\u2014I mean, it\u2019s bustling at 11 o\u2019clock at night. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m about to drop an 18-year-old\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201coff in the streets of New York.\u201d That\u2019s where you have to say: \u201cOkay; is this God\u2019s will? If it is, it comes with God\u2019s protection.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; what do we <em>know<\/em> about God? What do we <em>believe<\/em> about God? Is He faithful? Does He love our children more than we do? You bet! He can be trusted.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right. Well,\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; when we were driving out of Chicago\u2014great city\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; it is. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know? But when we dropped our middle son, Austin, off to go to Moody, and his girlfriend was in our backseat as we drove out of that city\u2014and they ended up getting married his junior year\u2014but I can remember looking in the rearview mirror, back at that\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014skyline and hearing sirens; because that\u2019s what you hear in cities like New York and Chicago.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>never<\/em> hear a siren in the suburb, where we live near Detroit. I remember having that fear, \u201cWhat are we <em>doing<\/em>?\u201d;\u2014\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and yet, at the same moment, thinking, \u201cGod can be trusted.\u201d\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> God was trusted, and He had a great plan for him.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think all of us, as parents, need the courage that comes from these kinds of stories\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014from hearing other parents say, \u201cYou can trust God in the midst of this.\u201d And then, to have a book like <em>First Ask Why<\/em>, that helps you think: \u201cOkay; this is my job; and I\u2019m going to do my job. I\u2019m going to trust God with my kids; but I\u2019m going to make sure that I\u2019ve done all I can do, because this is a part of my assignment\u2014a big part of my assignment, as a mom or as a dad.\u201d It\u2019s a seasonal assignment, because it comes in the\u2014for most of us\u2014in the middle of life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You may have other things that you feel God calling you to; you may need to postpone those until you\u2019ve gotten done with Job One. There is another season ahead, where you can go on and write books, or host radio programs, or other things; right? But be about the big job God\u2019s called you to because this is important; and first, ask, \u201cWhy?\u2014first, ask for the intentional question.\n\nShelly, thank you for the time with us this week to talk about this.\n\n<strong>Shelly:<\/strong> Thank you. It has just been a pleasure to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thanks for writing this book, which again, is called <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The title of Shelly\u2019s book is <em>First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship<\/em>.\n\nYou know, we use the word, \u201cintentionality,\u201d a lot\u2014it feels like, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014but that\u2019s because we think marriage and family is something we should all be more intentional about. David Robbins, who is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here with us today. Is this something that\u2019s been a part of your marriage from the beginning?\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> <em>Absolutely<\/em>. There was an intention to be intentional. [Laughter] But then we had mentors, about 15 years ago, give us a process that we\u2019ve done four times. It is\u2014each season, it has shaped us so significantly. I just love the conversation about knowing your \u201cWhy?\u201d\u2014knowing intentions with each one of your kids. I think, sometimes, we get bogged down in the details and wanting to craft this perfect, Instagram-worthy statement we can share with everyone, instead of just knowing, \u201cWhat\u2019s our rudder?\u201d\n\nIn this season: \u201cWhere are we going to invest our time? Where are we going to put our money? How are we going to focus on each kid in unique ways in what they are dealing with in this season?\u201d This process was quite simple\u2014it just took getting away for a few hours, listing out values, ranking them together. Then we put them on a piece of paper, put it in a Ziploc<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> bag, and put it in our shower and prayed for two months\u2014each time.\n\nIt was amazing, just knowing: \u201cOkay; we don\u2019t know all the details and the wordsmithing is not perfect; but this is what\u2019s surfacing in this season. Let\u2019s put that down on paper and just start praying.\u201d As you do that for a season and pray over it, it leads to action.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, we\u2019ve got a link to a core values project like you\u2019ve described that every husband and wife can do as you are trying to shape your family. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for the \u201cDetermining Your Core Values\u201d link and put that to work for you. David, thank you for joining us today.\n\nAnd thanks to all of you for being with us this week. I hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when the President of Wheaton College, Dr. Phil Ryken, is going to be with us. We\u2019re going to talk about the Song of Songs\u2014about what the Bible has to say about love, and marriage, and intimacy, and about our love for God in the midst of all of that. Great conversation with Dr. Ryken. I hope you can be here with us for it.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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