{"id":305320,"date":"2019-09-03T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-03T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-christ-centered-marriage\/"},"modified":"2019-09-03T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-09-03T10:00:04","slug":"a-christ-centered-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-christ-centered-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"A Christ-Centered Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rob Green talks about the goal of premarital counseling. He talks about red-flag, and green-light issues to help couples decide whether or not to get married.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:45","filesize":"26.32M","filesize_raw":"27598643","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2807],"tags":[6703,4882,6702,6700,6705,6701,6704],"podcast_series":[8298],"cwp_profile":[9557],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305320","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-engagements-and-weddings","tag-building-your-marriage-on-christ","tag-engaged","tag-expectations-in-marriage","tag-premarital-counseling","tag-red-flags-during-engagement","tag-roles-in-marriage","tag-tying-the-knot","podcast_series-tying-the-knot","cwp_profile-rob-green","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305320\/a-christ-centered-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305320\/a-christ-centered-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DN6aspxmLk\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-christ-centered-marriage\/\">A Christ-Centered Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-christ-centered-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=DN6aspxmLk\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Christ-Centered Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DN6aspxmLk\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What should you do if your adult son or daughter has fallen in love with, and wants to marry someone, about whom you have concerns? Here\u2019s Pastor Rob Green.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think, as a parent, what you communicate to your adult child is: \u201cWe love you, and we would seek to love whoever you decide to marry\u2014we\u2019re committed to that. But we also want you to know that we\u2019re concerned about a few things, and we\u2019ve seen this\u2026We don\u2019t want to pretend like they don\u2019t matter. We think you are putting yourself at risk if you continue moving in this relationship without change.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Watching the choices that our children make as they grow into adulthood, especially around marriage\u2014that can be challenging for parents. How do we handle it? We\u2019ll talk about that and more today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I know one of the things you guys did\u2014for premarital before you got married\u2014you came to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway, which, by the way\u2014when we started those\u2014the only people who were coming were engaged couples. It began as premarital preparation, and then the thing that happened was\u2014the couples who came for their premarital came to us a year later and said: \u201cCan we come back? We think we might listen better this time. We now understand the issues of marriage in a whole new way.\u201d All of a sudden, it became a marriage conference instead of a pre-marriage conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition to the <em>Weekend to Remember, <\/em>did you have three, four, five sessions with a pastor or with somebody? Did you have any of that happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s been so long, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that you don\u2019t remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I had to look over at Ann and say, \u201cDid we?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We did. When we came on staff, we met with someone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014staff with Campus Crusade for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But no\u2014we did the <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have to be honest\u2014we wouldn\u2019t have gone to <em>that<\/em> if we weren\u2019t told to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We just thought: \u201cWe love Jesus. We love each other. We\u2019re getting married. How hard can it be?\u201d This is a guy who came from a divorced family. I should\u2019ve known, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be really difficult\u201d; but just thought, \u201cIf you add Jesus to the equation, it makes it work.\u201d We didn\u2019t know it\u2019s\u2014it does make it work, but it\u2019s still difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jesus likes to bring out the baggage that we\u2019ve been carrying for years [Laughter] and heal us. He uses marriage as a way to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it was our friend, Bill Howard, and his wife Terri\u2014I think Bill told me that their premarital was on the day of the wedding. They met with the pastor about an hour before the wedding. He said, \u201cDo you have any questions?\u201d It was about 15 minutes long, and that was their premarital preparation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf that\u2019s all you\u2019re getting, going in, you\u2019re going to find yourself\u2014a day, or a week, or a few weeks into marriage\u2014where something\u2019s going to come up and you\u2019re going to go, \u201cNobody ever told me this is how marriage is going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s so critical; it\u2019s so important to do. Think about it\u2014you can\u2019t get a driver\u2019s license without going through driver\u2019s training; yet, you can get married with <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014no wonder couples struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob Green is joining us this week. He is a pastor and an author. He\u2019s written a guidebook called <em>Tying the Knot: A Premarital Guide to a Strong and Lasting Marriage.<\/em> Pastors are using this; laymen and women; counselors are using this. Honestly, anybody, who would sit down with a couple\u2014a married couple going through this with a pre-married couple\u2014there\u2019d be some <em>great<\/em> conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Good to have you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a joy to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The whole goal in this premarital guide is to help couples see what marriage, with Jesus at the center of it, looks like\u2014and how that\u2019s different from a marriage, with Jesus as a tool in your utility belt that you pull out if you have a problem; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Absolutely; or even that Jesus is just one compartment of my life\u2014separated from my work, separated from my home, separated from everything else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, when we got married, we probably had a compartmentalized Jesus view of things as opposed to a Jesus-centric view. Do you think that\u2019s the case with most younger couples getting married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think, those who haven\u2019t heard of that idea before\u2014then it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; so, if a couple\u2019s entering into marriage, and it\u2019s the Jesus-is-in-my-utility-belt approach, how does that differ from a couple, who comes in, understanding, \u201cNo; Jesus needs to be central to everything we\u2019re doing\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first thing, I think, is the person talks about Christ. They talk about Christ in their normal conversation. When I\u2019m speaking to those I\u2019m counseling, I\u2019ll use the phrase, \u201cGod talk,\u201d\u2014\u201cIs there any God talk in your home?\u201d If the answer to that is \u201cNo,\u201d that tells me something about the place of Christ, as the center of their life\u2014which He\u2019s not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave and I talk a lot of times in conferences about red flags in premarital counseling. What are the red flags for couples, that you think, \u201cHmm; this is really a dangerous thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first one, I think, is one is a believer and the other not. Sometimes, we have individuals, who are seeking to marry a person who is not a Christian\u2014they do not have that same commitment. We need to encourage them and call them out on that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>I think another red flag\u2014and this is probably more from a counseling perspective, not a premarital counseling perspective, a <em>counseling<\/em> one\u2014is the significance of: \u201cIs there victory in the area of sexual sin?\u201d There\u2019s\u2014so often, this person\u2014let\u2019s say it\u2019s the guy\u2014he\u2019s been in pornography since he\u2019s in junior high; then he meets this girl. She doesn\u2019t like that, of course, so he gives it up. But he\u2019s really only giving it up over a couple of months, and he\u2019s only giving it up because she\u2019s not happy about it. She has said, \u201cLook, if you do this, I am not going to marry you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m looking for is a track record of victory. I\u2019m looking for a track record of intensity, regarding the hatred of that sin. If we\u2019re told in Romans 6 that we are dead to sin and alive to God, then are we really going to present our bodies as instruments of righteousness?\u2014or are we going to present our bodies as instruments of sin?\u2014which one is it going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the red flags for me is a history of sexual sin that is not finding itself in victory. You may ask, \u201cYou bring that up in counseling?\u201d You better believe I do; because if I don\u2019t, here\u2019s what happens. I can\u2019t tell you the number of times I\u2019ve been called by a young couple\u2014and it\u2019s usually the woman, who sends me a note or picks up the phone and calls me\u2014and says, \u201cI just discovered that my husband is in pornography.\u201d She\u2019s devastated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014he was <em>never<\/em> changed from that. She <em>believed<\/em> that she would conquer it because she was a real person; when in reality, fantasy always trumps real.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, can a young woman know whether the guy she\u2019s dating, who says: \u201cYes; I love you,\u201d and \u201cI want to give this up,\u201d and \u201cI can do it,\u201d\u2014maybe there\u2019s been three months of he hasn\u2019t looked at anything. She\u2019s going: \u201cIs this victory?\u2014or is this just behavior modification until we get married?\u201d How can she diagnose that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a great question. I think there\u2019s a couple of things that she\u2019s going to have to believe: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one\u2014she\u2019s going to have to see: \u201cDoes he have a track record of telling the truth?\u2014or telling her what she wants to hear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo\u2014does she see a brokenness associated with his sin that would be consistent with what you would find in 2 Corinthians 7? Is she seeing signs that he\u2019s taking real and meaningful action to give this up and to prevent it in the future? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I\u2019m also looking for is: \u201cAre you ready to take on whatever baggage and responsibility that that other person is bringing with them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know, when we talk to couples at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and the issue of pornography comes up, I will sometimes say to wives: \u201cIt may be, after this weekend, your husband may come to you and say, \u2018I\u2019ve got something I need to talk to you about.\u2019\u201d I said: \u201cWhen you hear that, you will have this instant reaction of betrayal. You\u2019ve been violated. There\u2019ll be anger; there\u2019ll be hurt. That\u2019s going to be normal for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut the question is not, \u2018Did he hurt you?\u2019; the question is, \u2018Are you going to be his ally to help him in this process, or are you going to be his opposition and make it harder for him?\u2019 I know that I\u2019m asking something that\u2019s hard, and you can\u2019t do this in your human strength; but this is how we have to approach the issues that come up in marriage: \u2018How can we be allies for each other and help both of us get past sinful patterns and habits we deal with?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not just sin, though; it can also be suffering. One of my friends\u2014he was a student of our seminary\u2014I was his Greek and New Testament instructor. He married a girl right after seminary. Shortly after their marriage, she had her very first flare up of a disease called MS. She didn\u2019t know she had it, but it was so significant that she was unable to care for herself for a period of time while that flare up was happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a man, who doesn\u2019t realize that his, now, wife\u2014soon-to-be-wife when they were engaged\u2014is actually carrying a very significant disease that has implications for a lot of things in life. And yet, what is he going to do, now that he learned, six weeks after they get married? Is he going to be angry? Is he going to say that God gave him a raw deal because the woman that he\u2019s married to is different than the woman he dated? Or is he going to say, \u201cThe Lord knew all this was going to happen, and the Lord provides all the grace and strength that I need for that.\u201d It\u2019s not just sin issues; it\u2019s, also, hardship and suffering, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s back to: \u201cCommitment and self-sacrifice is the core foundation of love.\u201d When you say, \u201cI love you,\u201d you\u2019re not saying, \u201cI love what you do for me.\u201d You\u2019re saying: \u201cI\u2019m committed to you. I\u2019ll lay down my life for you. In those moments of suffering, or when we\u2019re confronted by sins, I\u2019m committed to you. I\u2019ll sacrifice to help us <em>be<\/em> the couple God wants us to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s a question for you since you deal with premarital so often: \u201cWhat do you do with a couple that comes in for counseling that let\u2019s say, both of them are not believers, and they\u2019re living together?\u201d I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve seen that many times because marriage ministry is a great open door for people to walk into your church. How do you deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Hopefully, the first introduction to that couple is not that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Hopefully, you\u2019ve had an opportunity to develop a relationship with them. We had a couple, a few years ago, who was attending our church. I knew they were living together; we just sought to minister to them first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as we saw the relationship continue to develop, we said, \u201cYou know, we probably need to have a conversation about this.\u201d I asked them to lunch; we had a conversation about the church: \u201cHow\u2019s your relationship with Christ?\u201d I said, \u201cThere\u2019s something I really want to talk to you about, because I see the direction that you\u2019re heading.\u201d That was a great conversation. We actually helped him move out; another family in our church provided a place for him to stay. They had a period of time where they were separated. Then, after a few months of premarital counseling, we actually married them. They\u2019re still married today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s much more difficult when the first conversation is: \u201cWe\u2019re getting married in eight weeks. We\u2019re living together. Are you okay with that?\u201d In those situations, as hard as it may be, we\u2019re going to try to serve them; but we\u2019re going to also expect that they want to do things God\u2019s way, or they need to just go to the Justice of the Peace and have it done. If they <em>want<\/em> the church; if they <em>want<\/em> the blessing of the local body; if they want pastoral involvement\u2014they want to use the facilities\u2014then we have to have a sense of which: \u201cChrist is really important here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you think about sitting down with a couple, and you want to make sure, at the end of the time you\u2019ve been with them\u2014you want to make sure, \u201cI think this couple is headed in the right direction; the trajectory is right.\u201d Ann asked about the red flags; I\u2019m asking about the green lights\u2014the things you look at and go: \u201cOkay; yes, they\u2019re young. They\u2019ve got a lot to learn, but here are the green lights. Here are the things that give me a confidence this couple\u2019s going to do well.\u201d What are those things you\u2019re looking for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first thing I\u2019m looking for is a serious relationship with Christ. A second thing I\u2019m looking for is an attitude of dependence: \u201cDo they really believe they have all this figured out, or do they believe they have a lot to learn and that they <em>need<\/em> God\u2019s grace every step of the way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a humility that you\u2019re looking for there; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It is; it\u2019s humility with dependence. Third, I\u2019m looking for willingness to be a continual learner of one another\u2014like: \u201cWe don\u2019t have to have everything figured out on day one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe fourth is: \u201cAre they going to be connected to their local body?\u201d One of the things that I was concerned about\/have been concerned about, with young couples, is they often have the attitude of: \u201cWell, we just have to spend all of our spare time together, and we\u2019ll neglect the church for that\/we\u2019ll neglect the body for that. We\u2019ll neglect our friends for that.\u201d In reality, that puts them in a very dangerous position, where they\u2019re <em>isolated<\/em>. I think Hebrews 10 reminds us of the importance of stimulating one another to love and good deeds. It may be that those couples are going to <em>need<\/em> somebody, not only care for, but also to receive care from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That leads me to the question of how important is post-marital engagement with couples? We talk about premarital. Do you have mentor couples who stay with couples during their first year or two of marriage to help them out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s probably a bit long for what we have done, although it\u2019s not a bad idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nothing wrong with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Nothing wrong with it. It\u2019s just\u2014we don\u2019t structure it to that degree. What we are looking for them to do is get into what we call the \u201cdiscipleship river\u201d at our church. It\u2019s where you\u2019re growing and maturing through the normal discipleship ministries of the body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Rob, we have three sons who are married. With each of those wives that our sons married, we <em>love<\/em> them. There were green lights all along the way; we were excited about it. But I\u2019ve talked to so many parents who see all these red flags as their kids are going into these marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny words of advice for us, as parents, when we see our son or daughter marrying somebody that we think: \u201cOh, boy. There could be a lot of trouble ahead for them\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first piece of advice is\u2014before they\u2019re\/you\u2019re in that position\u2014to be continuing to develop a relationship with your children so that you have an adult-to-adult relationship: that you can speak to one another and openly communicate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I think, as a parent, what you communicate to your adult child is: \u201cWe love you, and we would seek to love whoever you decide to marry\u2014we\u2019re committed to that. But we also want you to know that we\u2019re concerned about a few things, and we\u2019ve seen this\u2026We don\u2019t want to pretend like they don\u2019t matter. We think you are putting yourself at risk if you continue moving in this relationship without change. If you don\u2019t see change, we\u2019re concerned.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne is just developing the relationship with your adult children before you get in that spot. Secondly, to emphasize that: I\u2019m going to communicate clearly, and lovingly, and caringly for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re sitting down with an engaged couple, and one of the questions you ask is, \u201cAre your parents on board with this marriage?\u201d and they say, \u201cNo, my mom and dad have said, \u2018If you marry him, you\u2019re out of the will,\u2019\u201d or whatever else. What\u2019s your counsel at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It depends on the reason. Of course, we\u2019re concerned <em>any time<\/em> a person would say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur ministry is located near Purdue University. We have international students at Purdue, some of whom have parents who aren\u2019t believers. The person comes to Christ, and their parents are very upset about their child accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior. In that case, we wouldn\u2019t use parental authority to say that that person can\u2019t be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other hand, sometimes, a person has very godly parents and very loving and caring parents. Those parents are telling us, as pastors, through tears, that they\u2019re concerned about their child. In cases like that, we\u2019re going to be much more serious with the young person and say: \u201cAre you sure? This is a very serious issue that your parents are struggling with.\u201d And again, in <em>extreme<\/em> cases, we might even say that we\u2019re not going to choose to move forward with marrying them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had a couple come up to me at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway during our premarital session\u2014we do a session with engaged couples. They came up afterwards and said, \u201cMy mom and dad\"\u2014this is the bride-to-be\u2014she said, \u201cMy mom and dad have said, if we get married, it\u2019s over. Communication shuts down. They\u2019re so opposed to him that I\u2019m out of the family at that point.\u201d She explained that her parents were not believers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s the source of their discontent?\u201d She said: \u201cI can\u2019t figure it out. I don\u2019t know.\u201d I said: I always encourage people: Even listen to your unbelieving parents; because they may have insight, just through common grace, that you need to hear.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what you need to calculate in all of this. You need to calculate\u2014it\u2019s five years from now\u2014and you\u2019re having your first child, and your parents don\u2019t know. If you call and say, \u201cYou\u2019re grandparents,\u201d they hang up on you\u2014you need to calculate that your kids might not know their grandparents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need to ask the question, \u201cAm I ready?\u201d Jesus said, \u201cIf you follow Me, you\u2019re leaving father and mother.\u201d This may be one of those situations, where you\u2019d say, \u201cGod\u2019s leading me in this direction, and it\u2019s clear.\u201d But you also need to listen very carefully to what, even, your unbelieving parents would say they\u2019re concerned about in this relationship; because they may, through common grace, see things that <em>even you<\/em> don\u2019t see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember\u2014when I was in college, I dated a girl from my junior year in high school to my junior year in college, so a little over four years. Toward the end of that relationship, I\u2019d become a Christian in year four; she doesn\u2019t. I keep trying to lead her to the Lord; because, if we\u2019re going to get married in 18 months, it\u2019s sort of time to start talking about that: \u201cI\u2019ll graduate next year; you\u2019ll graduate. Let\u2019s get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember my mom coming to me, saying, \u201cShe\u2019s not the one.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cMom! You\u2019ve loved her for the last four years!\u201d \u201cYes, the whole time I\u2019ve kept my tongue; but I\u2019m telling you.\u201d I go to a New Year\u2019s Eve party\u2014this is crazy\u2014by myself; she\u2019s at another college. A guy walks up to me I\u2019ve never met in this frat house. He looks at me and he goes: \u201cHey, dude. Just need to tell you something.\u201d I don\u2019t even know this guy!\u2014\u201cYes?\u2014what\u2019s that?\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s not the one for you.\u201d \u201c<em>Who\u2019s<\/em> not the one for me?\u201d \u201cThe girl you\u2019ve been dating for four years,\u201d\u2014I won\u2019t even say her name\u2014\u201cshe\u2019s not the one for you. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014you don\u2019t know who she is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was this <em>wisdom<\/em> being given to me\u2014one by a total stranger, which I now look back and say, \u201cGod was trying to tell me\u201d; and sure enough\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, He was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the woman I was supposed to marry is sitting right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I continued my walk with Christ, I started to feel that tension. I\u2019m going a totally different place, and she\u2019s [girlfriend of four years] not coming along, even though I\u2019m trying to drag her\u2014I really am. I walked in one day and caught her with another guy, and that was the day I had my own eyes opened to what everybody else had seen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just thinking, \u201cWhat you do, in this ministry of premarital counseling, is <em>so<\/em> critical.\u201d I literally just looked on the internet to find out the statistics, right now, of the cost of a wedding. Do you know what it is?! I just looked at it\u2014according to <em>Bride\u2019s<\/em> 2018 American wedding study: in 2017, it was around $27,000; in the last year, the average is $44,000 is spent on a wedding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, my word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I thought, just what you said earlier, Rob, \u201cWe spend all this time and energy for one day\/for a of couple hours, and virtually no time and energy for a lifetime together.\u201d You\u2019re in that role to say, \u201cNo, this is more important than that day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink of this\u2014as I sit here, if I hadn\u2019t listened to my mom or a total stranger, I can virtually guarantee you, I am a divorced man with a broken legacy, just like my dad. I\u2019m sitting here with the most incredible woman I could ever imagine, that God brought to me partly because, at some point, I said the right\u2014\u201cI needed to listen to this wisdom,\u201d\u2014which is exactly what you\u2019re trying to do with couples. You\u2019re <em>trying<\/em> to give them wisdom, and if they listen, it will change their entire legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and not just with what you\u2019re doing in premarital\u2014but what you\u2019ve done in this book, <em>Tying the Knot<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve now given us a tool\/all of us a tool, so that we can have these conversations: we can know how to direct and shape couples. This is a gift to churches and to people who care about couples, coming up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for the book, and thanks for the time here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob\u2019s book, <em>Tying the Knot<\/em>, is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLIfeToday.com to order a copy, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say a quick word of thanks to all of you who responded to our request during the month of August to help us take advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that was made available to us. I\u2019m excited to report to you that you came through. We were able to take full advantage of the $500,000 match. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are <em>so<\/em> grateful about that, and we are excited about what that means as we move forward\u2014about the projects that will get a lift because of your participation. We\u2019re particularly excited about the opportunities for the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to be translated into Mandarin and into Arabic\u2014we look forward to being able to move forward on that. Thank you for your support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks to those of you who, as Legacy Partners, provide the ongoing, day-in\/day-out support for what we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This is your ministry; and together, we\u2019re reaching hundreds of thousands of people every week, all around the world, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriages and their families. You make that possible, and we\u2019re grateful for the partnership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it\u2019s been awhile since you\u2019ve made a donation, you can donate easily at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and the number to call is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to talk about the <em>why<\/em> behind the <em>what<\/em> of parenting. Shelly Wildman is going to join us to say that, before we put a game plan together for parenting, we need to know what the goal is. We\u2019ll talk about that goal with her tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:45"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.32M"],"filesize_raw":["27598643"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305320.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305320.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Green talks about the goal of premarital counseling. He talks about red-flag, and green-light issues to help couples decide whether or not to get married.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-09-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What should you do if your adult son or daughter has fallen in love with, and wants to marry someone, about whom you have concerns? Here\u2019s Pastor Rob Green.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think, as a parent, what you communicate to your adult child is: \u201cWe love you, and we would seek to love whoever you decide to marry\u2014we\u2019re committed to that. But we also want you to know that we\u2019re concerned about a few things, and we\u2019ve seen this\u2026We don\u2019t want to pretend like they don\u2019t matter. We think you are putting yourself at risk if you continue moving in this relationship without change.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Watching the choices that our children make as they grow into adulthood, especially around marriage\u2014that can be challenging for parents. How do we handle it? We\u2019ll talk about that and more today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I know one of the things you guys did\u2014for premarital before you got married\u2014you came to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway, which, by the way\u2014when we started those\u2014the only people who were coming were engaged couples. It began as premarital preparation, and then the thing that happened was\u2014the couples who came for their premarital came to us a year later and said: \u201cCan we come back? We think we might listen better this time. We now understand the issues of marriage in a whole new way.\u201d All of a sudden, it became a marriage conference instead of a pre-marriage conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition to the <em>Weekend to Remember, <\/em>did you have three, four, five sessions with a pastor or with somebody? Did you have any of that happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s been so long, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that you don\u2019t remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I had to look over at Ann and say, \u201cDid we?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We did. When we came on staff, we met with someone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014staff with Campus Crusade for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But no\u2014we did the <em>Weekend to Remember.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That was it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have to be honest\u2014we wouldn\u2019t have gone to <em>that<\/em> if we weren\u2019t told to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We just thought: \u201cWe love Jesus. We love each other. We\u2019re getting married. How hard can it be?\u201d This is a guy who came from a divorced family. I should\u2019ve known, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be really difficult\u201d; but just thought, \u201cIf you add Jesus to the equation, it makes it work.\u201d We didn\u2019t know it\u2019s\u2014it does make it work, but it\u2019s still difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jesus likes to bring out the baggage that we\u2019ve been carrying for years [Laughter] and heal us. He uses marriage as a way to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it was our friend, Bill Howard, and his wife Terri\u2014I think Bill told me that their premarital was on the day of the wedding. They met with the pastor about an hour before the wedding. He said, \u201cDo you have any questions?\u201d It was about 15 minutes long, and that was their premarital preparation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf that\u2019s all you\u2019re getting, going in, you\u2019re going to find yourself\u2014a day, or a week, or a few weeks into marriage\u2014where something\u2019s going to come up and you\u2019re going to go, \u201cNobody ever told me this is how marriage is going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s so critical; it\u2019s so important to do. Think about it\u2014you can\u2019t get a driver\u2019s license without going through driver\u2019s training; yet, you can get married with <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014no wonder couples struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob Green is joining us this week. He is a pastor and an author. He\u2019s written a guidebook called <em>Tying the Knot: A Premarital Guide to a Strong and Lasting Marriage.<\/em> Pastors are using this; laymen and women; counselors are using this. Honestly, anybody, who would sit down with a couple\u2014a married couple going through this with a pre-married couple\u2014there\u2019d be some <em>great<\/em> conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Good to have you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a joy to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The whole goal in this premarital guide is to help couples see what marriage, with Jesus at the center of it, looks like\u2014and how that\u2019s different from a marriage, with Jesus as a tool in your utility belt that you pull out if you have a problem; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Absolutely; or even that Jesus is just one compartment of my life\u2014separated from my work, separated from my home, separated from everything else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, when we got married, we probably had a compartmentalized Jesus view of things as opposed to a Jesus-centric view. Do you think that\u2019s the case with most younger couples getting married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think, those who haven\u2019t heard of that idea before\u2014then it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; so, if a couple\u2019s entering into marriage, and it\u2019s the Jesus-is-in-my-utility-belt approach, how does that differ from a couple, who comes in, understanding, \u201cNo; Jesus needs to be central to everything we\u2019re doing\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first thing, I think, is the person talks about Christ. They talk about Christ in their normal conversation. When I\u2019m speaking to those I\u2019m counseling, I\u2019ll use the phrase, \u201cGod talk,\u201d\u2014\u201cIs there any God talk in your home?\u201d If the answer to that is \u201cNo,\u201d that tells me something about the place of Christ, as the center of their life\u2014which He\u2019s not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave and I talk a lot of times in conferences about red flags in premarital counseling. What are the red flags for couples, that you think, \u201cHmm; this is really a dangerous thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first one, I think, is one is a believer and the other not. Sometimes, we have individuals, who are seeking to marry a person who is not a Christian\u2014they do not have that same commitment. We need to encourage them and call them out on that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>I think another red flag\u2014and this is probably more from a counseling perspective, not a premarital counseling perspective, a <em>counseling<\/em> one\u2014is the significance of: \u201cIs there victory in the area of sexual sin?\u201d There\u2019s\u2014so often, this person\u2014let\u2019s say it\u2019s the guy\u2014he\u2019s been in pornography since he\u2019s in junior high; then he meets this girl. She doesn\u2019t like that, of course, so he gives it up. But he\u2019s really only giving it up over a couple of months, and he\u2019s only giving it up because she\u2019s not happy about it. She has said, \u201cLook, if you do this, I am not going to marry you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m looking for is a track record of victory. I\u2019m looking for a track record of intensity, regarding the hatred of that sin. If we\u2019re told in Romans 6 that we are dead to sin and alive to God, then are we really going to present our bodies as instruments of righteousness?\u2014or are we going to present our bodies as instruments of sin?\u2014which one is it going to be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the red flags for me is a history of sexual sin that is not finding itself in victory. You may ask, \u201cYou bring that up in counseling?\u201d You better believe I do; because if I don\u2019t, here\u2019s what happens. I can\u2019t tell you the number of times I\u2019ve been called by a young couple\u2014and it\u2019s usually the woman, who sends me a note or picks up the phone and calls me\u2014and says, \u201cI just discovered that my husband is in pornography.\u201d She\u2019s devastated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014he was <em>never<\/em> changed from that. She <em>believed<\/em> that she would conquer it because she was a real person; when in reality, fantasy always trumps real.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, can a young woman know whether the guy she\u2019s dating, who says: \u201cYes; I love you,\u201d and \u201cI want to give this up,\u201d and \u201cI can do it,\u201d\u2014maybe there\u2019s been three months of he hasn\u2019t looked at anything. She\u2019s going: \u201cIs this victory?\u2014or is this just behavior modification until we get married?\u201d How can she diagnose that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a great question. I think there\u2019s a couple of things that she\u2019s going to have to believe: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one\u2014she\u2019s going to have to see: \u201cDoes he have a track record of telling the truth?\u2014or telling her what she wants to hear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo\u2014does she see a brokenness associated with his sin that would be consistent with what you would find in 2 Corinthians 7? Is she seeing signs that he\u2019s taking real and meaningful action to give this up and to prevent it in the future? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I\u2019m also looking for is: \u201cAre you ready to take on whatever baggage and responsibility that that other person is bringing with them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know, when we talk to couples at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and the issue of pornography comes up, I will sometimes say to wives: \u201cIt may be, after this weekend, your husband may come to you and say, \u2018I\u2019ve got something I need to talk to you about.\u2019\u201d I said: \u201cWhen you hear that, you will have this instant reaction of betrayal. You\u2019ve been violated. There\u2019ll be anger; there\u2019ll be hurt. That\u2019s going to be normal for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut the question is not, \u2018Did he hurt you?\u2019; the question is, \u2018Are you going to be his ally to help him in this process, or are you going to be his opposition and make it harder for him?\u2019 I know that I\u2019m asking something that\u2019s hard, and you can\u2019t do this in your human strength; but this is how we have to approach the issues that come up in marriage: \u2018How can we be allies for each other and help both of us get past sinful patterns and habits we deal with?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not just sin, though; it can also be suffering. One of my friends\u2014he was a student of our seminary\u2014I was his Greek and New Testament instructor. He married a girl right after seminary. Shortly after their marriage, she had her very first flare up of a disease called MS. She didn\u2019t know she had it, but it was so significant that she was unable to care for herself for a period of time while that flare up was happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a man, who doesn\u2019t realize that his, now, wife\u2014soon-to-be-wife when they were engaged\u2014is actually carrying a very significant disease that has implications for a lot of things in life. And yet, what is he going to do, now that he learned, six weeks after they get married? Is he going to be angry? Is he going to say that God gave him a raw deal because the woman that he\u2019s married to is different than the woman he dated? Or is he going to say, \u201cThe Lord knew all this was going to happen, and the Lord provides all the grace and strength that I need for that.\u201d It\u2019s not just sin issues; it\u2019s, also, hardship and suffering, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s back to: \u201cCommitment and self-sacrifice is the core foundation of love.\u201d When you say, \u201cI love you,\u201d you\u2019re not saying, \u201cI love what you do for me.\u201d You\u2019re saying: \u201cI\u2019m committed to you. I\u2019ll lay down my life for you. In those moments of suffering, or when we\u2019re confronted by sins, I\u2019m committed to you. I\u2019ll sacrifice to help us <em>be<\/em> the couple God wants us to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s a question for you since you deal with premarital so often: \u201cWhat do you do with a couple that comes in for counseling that let\u2019s say, both of them are not believers, and they\u2019re living together?\u201d I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve seen that many times because marriage ministry is a great open door for people to walk into your church. How do you deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Hopefully, the first introduction to that couple is not that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Hopefully, you\u2019ve had an opportunity to develop a relationship with them. We had a couple, a few years ago, who was attending our church. I knew they were living together; we just sought to minister to them first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as we saw the relationship continue to develop, we said, \u201cYou know, we probably need to have a conversation about this.\u201d I asked them to lunch; we had a conversation about the church: \u201cHow\u2019s your relationship with Christ?\u201d I said, \u201cThere\u2019s something I really want to talk to you about, because I see the direction that you\u2019re heading.\u201d That was a great conversation. We actually helped him move out; another family in our church provided a place for him to stay. They had a period of time where they were separated. Then, after a few months of premarital counseling, we actually married them. They\u2019re still married today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s much more difficult when the first conversation is: \u201cWe\u2019re getting married in eight weeks. We\u2019re living together. Are you okay with that?\u201d In those situations, as hard as it may be, we\u2019re going to try to serve them; but we\u2019re going to also expect that they want to do things God\u2019s way, or they need to just go to the Justice of the Peace and have it done. If they <em>want<\/em> the church; if they <em>want<\/em> the blessing of the local body; if they want pastoral involvement\u2014they want to use the facilities\u2014then we have to have a sense of which: \u201cChrist is really important here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you think about sitting down with a couple, and you want to make sure, at the end of the time you\u2019ve been with them\u2014you want to make sure, \u201cI think this couple is headed in the right direction; the trajectory is right.\u201d Ann asked about the red flags; I\u2019m asking about the green lights\u2014the things you look at and go: \u201cOkay; yes, they\u2019re young. They\u2019ve got a lot to learn, but here are the green lights. Here are the things that give me a confidence this couple\u2019s going to do well.\u201d What are those things you\u2019re looking for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first thing I\u2019m looking for is a serious relationship with Christ. A second thing I\u2019m looking for is an attitude of dependence: \u201cDo they really believe they have all this figured out, or do they believe they have a lot to learn and that they <em>need<\/em> God\u2019s grace every step of the way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a humility that you\u2019re looking for there; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It is; it\u2019s humility with dependence. Third, I\u2019m looking for willingness to be a continual learner of one another\u2014like: \u201cWe don\u2019t have to have everything figured out on day one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe fourth is: \u201cAre they going to be connected to their local body?\u201d One of the things that I was concerned about\/have been concerned about, with young couples, is they often have the attitude of: \u201cWell, we just have to spend all of our spare time together, and we\u2019ll neglect the church for that\/we\u2019ll neglect the body for that. We\u2019ll neglect our friends for that.\u201d In reality, that puts them in a very dangerous position, where they\u2019re <em>isolated<\/em>. I think Hebrews 10 reminds us of the importance of stimulating one another to love and good deeds. It may be that those couples are going to <em>need<\/em> somebody, not only care for, but also to receive care from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That leads me to the question of how important is post-marital engagement with couples? We talk about premarital. Do you have mentor couples who stay with couples during their first year or two of marriage to help them out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s probably a bit long for what we have done, although it\u2019s not a bad idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nothing wrong with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Nothing wrong with it. It\u2019s just\u2014we don\u2019t structure it to that degree. What we are looking for them to do is get into what we call the \u201cdiscipleship river\u201d at our church. It\u2019s where you\u2019re growing and maturing through the normal discipleship ministries of the body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Rob, we have three sons who are married. With each of those wives that our sons married, we <em>love<\/em> them. There were green lights all along the way; we were excited about it. But I\u2019ve talked to so many parents who see all these red flags as their kids are going into these marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny words of advice for us, as parents, when we see our son or daughter marrying somebody that we think: \u201cOh, boy. There could be a lot of trouble ahead for them\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> The first piece of advice is\u2014before they\u2019re\/you\u2019re in that position\u2014to be continuing to develop a relationship with your children so that you have an adult-to-adult relationship: that you can speak to one another and openly communicate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I think, as a parent, what you communicate to your adult child is: \u201cWe love you, and we would seek to love whoever you decide to marry\u2014we\u2019re committed to that. But we also want you to know that we\u2019re concerned about a few things, and we\u2019ve seen this\u2026We don\u2019t want to pretend like they don\u2019t matter. We think you are putting yourself at risk if you continue moving in this relationship without change. If you don\u2019t see change, we\u2019re concerned.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne is just developing the relationship with your adult children before you get in that spot. Secondly, to emphasize that: I\u2019m going to communicate clearly, and lovingly, and caringly for you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re sitting down with an engaged couple, and one of the questions you ask is, \u201cAre your parents on board with this marriage?\u201d and they say, \u201cNo, my mom and dad have said, \u2018If you marry him, you\u2019re out of the will,\u2019\u201d or whatever else. What\u2019s your counsel at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It depends on the reason. Of course, we\u2019re concerned <em>any time<\/em> a person would say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur ministry is located near Purdue University. We have international students at Purdue, some of whom have parents who aren\u2019t believers. The person comes to Christ, and their parents are very upset about their child accepting Christ as their Lord and Savior. In that case, we wouldn\u2019t use parental authority to say that that person can\u2019t be married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other hand, sometimes, a person has very godly parents and very loving and caring parents. Those parents are telling us, as pastors, through tears, that they\u2019re concerned about their child. In cases like that, we\u2019re going to be much more serious with the young person and say: \u201cAre you sure? This is a very serious issue that your parents are struggling with.\u201d And again, in <em>extreme<\/em> cases, we might even say that we\u2019re not going to choose to move forward with marrying them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I had a couple come up to me at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway during our premarital session\u2014we do a session with engaged couples. They came up afterwards and said, \u201cMy mom and dad\"\u2014this is the bride-to-be\u2014she said, \u201cMy mom and dad have said, if we get married, it\u2019s over. Communication shuts down. They\u2019re so opposed to him that I\u2019m out of the family at that point.\u201d She explained that her parents were not believers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s the source of their discontent?\u201d She said: \u201cI can\u2019t figure it out. I don\u2019t know.\u201d I said: I always encourage people: Even listen to your unbelieving parents; because they may have insight, just through common grace, that you need to hear.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what you need to calculate in all of this. You need to calculate\u2014it\u2019s five years from now\u2014and you\u2019re having your first child, and your parents don\u2019t know. If you call and say, \u201cYou\u2019re grandparents,\u201d they hang up on you\u2014you need to calculate that your kids might not know their grandparents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou need to ask the question, \u201cAm I ready?\u201d Jesus said, \u201cIf you follow Me, you\u2019re leaving father and mother.\u201d This may be one of those situations, where you\u2019d say, \u201cGod\u2019s leading me in this direction, and it\u2019s clear.\u201d But you also need to listen very carefully to what, even, your unbelieving parents would say they\u2019re concerned about in this relationship; because they may, through common grace, see things that <em>even you<\/em> don\u2019t see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember\u2014when I was in college, I dated a girl from my junior year in high school to my junior year in college, so a little over four years. Toward the end of that relationship, I\u2019d become a Christian in year four; she doesn\u2019t. I keep trying to lead her to the Lord; because, if we\u2019re going to get married in 18 months, it\u2019s sort of time to start talking about that: \u201cI\u2019ll graduate next year; you\u2019ll graduate. Let\u2019s get married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember my mom coming to me, saying, \u201cShe\u2019s not the one.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cMom! You\u2019ve loved her for the last four years!\u201d \u201cYes, the whole time I\u2019ve kept my tongue; but I\u2019m telling you.\u201d I go to a New Year\u2019s Eve party\u2014this is crazy\u2014by myself; she\u2019s at another college. A guy walks up to me I\u2019ve never met in this frat house. He looks at me and he goes: \u201cHey, dude. Just need to tell you something.\u201d I don\u2019t even know this guy!\u2014\u201cYes?\u2014what\u2019s that?\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s not the one for you.\u201d \u201c<em>Who\u2019s<\/em> not the one for me?\u201d \u201cThe girl you\u2019ve been dating for four years,\u201d\u2014I won\u2019t even say her name\u2014\u201cshe\u2019s not the one for you. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014you don\u2019t know who she is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was this <em>wisdom<\/em> being given to me\u2014one by a total stranger, which I now look back and say, \u201cGod was trying to tell me\u201d; and sure enough\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, He was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the woman I was supposed to marry is sitting right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I continued my walk with Christ, I started to feel that tension. I\u2019m going a totally different place, and she\u2019s [girlfriend of four years] not coming along, even though I\u2019m trying to drag her\u2014I really am. I walked in one day and caught her with another guy, and that was the day I had my own eyes opened to what everybody else had seen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just thinking, \u201cWhat you do, in this ministry of premarital counseling, is <em>so<\/em> critical.\u201d I literally just looked on the internet to find out the statistics, right now, of the cost of a wedding. Do you know what it is?! I just looked at it\u2014according to <em>Bride\u2019s<\/em> 2018 American wedding study: in 2017, it was around $27,000; in the last year, the average is $44,000 is spent on a wedding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, my word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I thought, just what you said earlier, Rob, \u201cWe spend all this time and energy for one day\/for a of couple hours, and virtually no time and energy for a lifetime together.\u201d You\u2019re in that role to say, \u201cNo, this is more important than that day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink of this\u2014as I sit here, if I hadn\u2019t listened to my mom or a total stranger, I can virtually guarantee you, I am a divorced man with a broken legacy, just like my dad. I\u2019m sitting here with the most incredible woman I could ever imagine, that God brought to me partly because, at some point, I said the right\u2014\u201cI needed to listen to this wisdom,\u201d\u2014which is exactly what you\u2019re trying to do with couples. You\u2019re <em>trying<\/em> to give them wisdom, and if they listen, it will change their entire legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and not just with what you\u2019re doing in premarital\u2014but what you\u2019ve done in this book, <em>Tying the Knot<\/em>\u2014you\u2019ve now given us a tool\/all of us a tool, so that we can have these conversations: we can know how to direct and shape couples. This is a gift to churches and to people who care about couples, coming up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you for the book, and thanks for the time here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob\u2019s book, <em>Tying the Knot<\/em>, is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLIfeToday.com to order a copy, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say a quick word of thanks to all of you who responded to our request during the month of August to help us take advantage of the matching-gift opportunity that was made available to us. I\u2019m excited to report to you that you came through. We were able to take full advantage of the $500,000 match. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are <em>so<\/em> grateful about that, and we are excited about what that means as we move forward\u2014about the projects that will get a lift because of your participation. We\u2019re particularly excited about the opportunities for the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to be translated into Mandarin and into Arabic\u2014we look forward to being able to move forward on that. Thank you for your support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd thanks to those of you who, as Legacy Partners, provide the ongoing, day-in\/day-out support for what we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This is your ministry; and together, we\u2019re reaching hundreds of thousands of people every week, all around the world, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriages and their families. You make that possible, and we\u2019re grateful for the partnership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it\u2019s been awhile since you\u2019ve made a donation, you can donate easily at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and the number to call is 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to talk about the <em>why<\/em> behind the <em>what<\/em> of parenting. Shelly Wildman is going to join us to say that, before we put a game plan together for parenting, we need to know what the goal is. We\u2019ll talk about that goal with her tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305320"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305320"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305320"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305320"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}