{"id":305287,"date":"2019-08-22T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-08-22T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/refreshment-for-stepmoms\/"},"modified":"2019-08-22T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-08-22T10:00:05","slug":"refreshment-for-stepmoms","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/refreshment-for-stepmoms\/","title":{"rendered":"Refreshment for Stepmoms"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Stepmoms bear a unique burden, and they often neglect their own care. Melanie Anthony offers hope for balance in the midst of the burden.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:52","filesize":"27.35M","filesize_raw":"28675205","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,10371,2858],"tags":[2560,6686],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9523,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305287","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-parenting-and-stepparenting","category-stepparenting-skills","tag-blended-families","tag-stepmoms","cwp_profile-melanie-anthony","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305287\/refreshment-for-stepmoms","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305287\/refreshment-for-stepmoms","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"r97DCRqSXC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/refreshment-for-stepmoms\/\">Refreshment for Stepmoms<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/refreshment-for-stepmoms\/embed\/#?secret=r97DCRqSXC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Refreshment for Stepmoms&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"r97DCRqSXC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is often a desire in the heart of a stepparent to want to connect\/to bond with a stepson or a stepdaughter. Melanie Anthony says you have to be very careful\/very cautious about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk15990083\">I tread very lightly in that area because: \u201cDo I have a <em>great<\/em> relationship with my stepkids?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I have a relationship?\u201d\u2014we have, somewhat, of a relationship; it has\u2014it ebbs\/it ebbs and flows\u2014but I represent pain; I\u2019m the brunt of it, and that intimacy\u2014being able to talk to them\u2014it\u2019s not there. <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. How do you deal with the sorrow you may experience as a stepparent?\u2014when what you hope for, in terms of a relationship with your stepkids, just feels like it\u2019s out of reach\u2014it will never happen? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys, do you remember\u2014maybe I\u2019m the only old one in here\u2014but there was movie that came out in the \u201860s called <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em>. You ever heard of that movie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All I know is you are the only old one in here, Bob. [Laughter] I don\u2019t know about the movie but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thanks for bringing that up! There was a whole slew of movies back in the \u201860s that were all about big families. There was a movie, <em>With Six You Get Eggroll<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wasn\u2019t it Lucille Ball?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it was, and Henry Fonda\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em>; and it was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What are you two old people talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave is just a youngster. [Laughter] He just doesn\u2019t watch old movies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was a story of a blended family coming together and, then, they had a bio baby in the middle of it. It was the challenges\u2014in a comedic way\u2014the challenges that a blended family can face when there\u2019s, all of a sudden, an \u201cours\u201d baby in the middle of the family. It made for Hollywood fun because they were able to script it that way. In real life, a <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em> situation can have some complications. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know a little bit about that; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting. My mom had me when she was 40. This was in the \u201850s, so that was sort of unusual to be that old and have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You are old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann just confirmed that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Quit it! She was 40 and had me; then I had a little brother. Seven years later, my dad walks out. Seven years after that, he remarries and brings a stepson into the family. Now, I am the biological son with a stepbrother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to be honest with you\u2014as that family grew and I walked into that, I felt totally left out. I felt like my stepmom <em>really<\/em> loved her son and tolerated her husband\u2019s son, which was me; so I felt it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, you can imagine\u2014you didn\u2019t experience it\u2014but you can imagine what it would be like as a mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I know that as a new mom\u2014a first-time mom\u2014it was a hard adjustment for me. I can\u2019t imagine what it would be like to be a first-time mom at 40 but, also, have twin stepdaughters\u2014adjusting to <em>that<\/em>. That would put your world in a spin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the story we\u2019re going to hear today as we listen to an excerpt from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEpisode 5 of a new podcast that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is developing\u2014it\u2019s a podcast called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with Ron Deal. Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Marriage and Family Initiative. He\u2019s a well-known author and speaker\u2014probably the foremost person, in America, on the subject of blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Episode 5 of his podcast, called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>\u2014which by the way you can find on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; just look for the FamilyLife Podcast Network there\u2014Ron did an interview with Melanie Anthony. Melanie lives with her husband and their three daughters in Austin, Texas. She is the coauthor of <em>Daily Bread for the Starving Stepmom<\/em>. Her experience was much like what you were describing, Ann\u2014becoming a mom for the first time after she had become a wife in a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I became pregnant seven months to the day when we got married. I found out I was pregnant at 40. I looked at my husband and I said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> scared.\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cThis is what you want; right?\u201d because I told him before we were married\u2014I said, \u201cIf you want to marry me, you\u2019ve got to give me a baby.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He agreed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> He agreed and so I said, \u201cGreat!\u201d That was something that I\u2019d always desired to do\u2014is to have my own child. We had a child, an \u201cours\u201d baby. Everything just kind of flowed; but it was still another dynamic because now I was <em>Mom<\/em>, not <em>Stepmom<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; those are two very different roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014very different roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How were they different for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Wow! That\u2019s a loaded question, because I feel like there are days when I put on many hats. The mom role feels so much more unconditional than the stepmom role, which feels <em>so<\/em> conditional. I think it\u2019s so much about our perception, but it\u2019s <em>harder<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt feels like this cloud of scrutiny\/ongoing scrutiny, whether it\u2019s something that I make up in my own head or my perception. I\u2019m sure it\u2019s my perception, because others probably don\u2019t feel that at all\u2014like my stepchildren\u2014they probably don\u2019t think twice about something I may have said. But I think about: \u201cWell, this may get back to the other house. I\u2019m not really your <em>mom<\/em> so, when I say this, it doesn\u2019t have as much authority or value to it.\u201d I tend to scrutinize <em>myself<\/em> because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You run it through the filters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, like all 25 of them; it\u2019s exhausting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It <em>is<\/em> exhausting. I mean, you\u2019re working harder\u2014I think that\u2019s part of the experience of it is\u2014\u201cI\u2019m working harder,\u201d because you\u2019re constantly justifying yourself\u2014like: \u201cOkay; if this goes through the ears of their biological mother, how will she hear that?\u2014and perceive that?\u2014so what do I have to say?\u2014how do I say it?...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, it\u2019s got to go through the kids\u2019 ears: \u201cBut, by the way, my biological child is listening in to how I say it,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m a little more direct when it comes to my kid than I am with my stepchildren. That may be affecting how <em>they<\/em> view me: \u2018Mom, why don\u2019t you ever say it that way to _____?\u2019\u201d Those are all those filters that you have to pass it through as you\u2019re saying it; that\u2019s a lot of work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You get\u2014\u201cstarving\u201d is the way you guys put it in this book that you\u2019ve written. Again, the book is <em>Daily Bread for the Starving Stepmom<\/em>. By the way, if you\u2019re a stepdad listening right now, there\u2019s stuff in here that applies to you as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, in the book, the day you became a blended family mom was the day you started fighting the evil stepmother stigma. Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> When you become a stepmom, nobody tells you about that; meaning\u2014it\u2019s like, before you have a child, nobody really truly tells you what it feels like. Well, when you become a stepmom, nobody really tells you that there\u2019s a stigma that goes along with it; because the ex-wife or the biological mom of your stepchildren\u2014you\u2019re a threat to her. You have to, somehow, learn how to deal with that perception that she has. It comes out in really different ways sometimes. Because, sometimes, it\u2019ll go through the kids\u2014the tone that is set with the children will come, then, back to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that stigma of\u2014I mean, just like Cinderella\u2014the stigma is there of: \u201cI\u2019m not evil. I\u2019m actually <em>added<\/em> here; I\u2019m trying to <em>add<\/em> things to your children\u2019s life, not take away.\u201d\u00a0 But the threat there that I am; because what I represent to the biological mom is a failed marriage\/a failed relationship; something that she didn\u2019t have\u2014because my husband and I have a great relationship\u2014although she\u2019s remarried, and a lot of biological moms remarry\u2014but I represent pain; so I\u2019m the brunt of it. I always say to my husband\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t hate you; she hates <em>me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Even in the best scenario\/the best-working relationship, you\u2019re still a reminder of a painful time in her life\u2014if not an ongoing pain now\u2014that\u2019s hard to shake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Can you think of a time\u2014is there a story you can share\u2014that just kind of conveys how you\u2014dealing with how the kids were viewing\u2014that stigma from the kids or the stigma from <em>her<\/em>?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> [Pause] I tread very lightly in that area because: \u201cDo I have a <em>great<\/em> relationship with my stepkids?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I have a relationship?\u201d\u2014we have, somewhat, of a relationship; it has\u2014it ebbs\/it ebbs and tides\u2014it flows. But that intimacy\u2014being able to talk to them about things like that\u2014it\u2019s not there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; in particular, when there\u2019s a difference between your biological daughter and your stepdaughter, do you find yourself drifting towards what\u2019s easy; that is, the relationship with your biological daughter? It\u2019s more clearly-defined; you don\u2019t have to go through all the filters of \u201cwhat I say.\u201d Is that a natural drift; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is a natural drift. The way my stepdaughters look at it as\u2014they look at it as unfair treatment. I think that is such a good point there, Ron\u2014is that, you know, my husband is not a stepparent; he\u2019s just a bio dad; he\u2019s the father to all of our children. But when push comes to shove, he\u2019s on the couch with his twin daughters, and I\u2019m in the other room with our bio daughter\u2014so that division. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we have to be really careful about the division in the home\u2014it\u2019s a natural thing; because Momma Bear comes in; and I\u2019m like [to bio daughter], \u201cCome on; let\u2019s go.\u201d He just wants <em>peace<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Then that separation begins and, then, what is affected?\u2014our marriage, because we can\u2019t agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sure; let\u2019s unpack that for a minute. When there is a stress or a strain that takes place within the home\u2014that your husband, who\u2019s, \u201cHey, why can\u2019t all you get along?\u201d But at the end of the day, if he feels like his girls are off by themselves, he may just drift that direction to comfort them\u2014not necessarily to oppose you or to make a statement to the biological daughter you guys share\u2014but just to offer some comfort that they\u2019re not all alone in this. Your natural drift is back toward your biological daughter. There you have it; you\u2019re with one, and he\u2019s with the other two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes it almost feel, in that moment to you, like he\u2019s with them\u2014more loyal to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a loyalty. I think there is\u2014whether you want to call it guilt or shame associated with the divorce\u2014so you want to make sure whatever you do, over the top: whether you buy them more things, which is not us; or you coddle them more; or you bring them in more\u2014whatever it is\u2014to reaffirm to them that they\u2019re loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; again, what you\u2019re describing, I think, is very real. It\u2019s not that anybody\u2019s necessarily choosing, \u201cI choose my kids over my wife.\u201d I think sometimes it\u2019s just that: \u201cI don\u2019t know what else to do. It just feels like, somehow, the girls are all alone; so I\u2019m just kind of hanging with them to let them know, we still love them\/they\u2019re still cared for. I want my girls to still feel like they\u2019re around and they want to be a part of our home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, that adds some stress to your marriage. It adds a little stress to your relationship to your stepdaughters, \u201cDad\u2019s on our side but you\u2019re kind of on the other side.\u201d I even wonder about the stepsibling relationship, like your stepdaughters and your biological daughter\u2014does that end up affecting them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019m so glad you mentioned that. That is our number one struggle\u2014is it\u2019s sad, when a child is involved in a divorce, because it\u2019s a loss\u2014it\u2019s heartbreaking. People focus on the children of divorce, as they should, but what I think gets neglected are the children that are brought into the marriage, naturally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014the \u201cours\u201d baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014the \u201cours\u201d baby. They just think that they just go into the fold, and they don\u2019t; we struggle greatly with that\u2014the relationship with the steps and the bio. It is the <em>number one<\/em> issue that we have in our marriage\u2014whether one\u2019s parenting the other too soft or too hard; or whether, \u201cYou don\u2019t understand that you need to discipline this one,\u201d \u201cNo; I don\u2019t.\u201d It just: \u201cWhat is fair? What isn\u2019t fair?\u201d The \u201cours\u201d child\u2014all she says to me is, \u201cI just want to feel a part.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; I can see what a struggle that would be, because your biological daughter is not guilty of making any of this happen. Yet, she feels isolated and alone in some ways, which just tugs on your heart; I would think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s when Momma Bear comes out; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; and you get protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014very protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014which means you might have to be more critical of the other side, if you will\u2014with your stepdaughters\u2014and then maybe your husband, indirectly, because he\u2019s kind of over there with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s exhausting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> You know, my husband will say, \u201cYou know, there are some good parts about being a stepmom.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cI know, there <em>are<\/em>; it\u2019s a blessing. I feel like God chose me, but it\u2019s also very hard.\u201d Sometimes, he reminds me\u2014he goes: \u201cYou talk about how hard it is too much\u2014like you don\u2019t talk about the blessing and the value that you add to them and that they add to you\u2014because, sometimes, you just get so caught up in all of the emotion of it all,\u201d because it is a lot of emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in what\u2019s not going right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014in what\u2019s not going right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Because that\u2019s always where your focus is\/your attention is, because you want those things to improve. Yes; we naturally give a lot of time and energy to what\u2019s not going well rather than recognizing what <em>is<\/em> okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere\u2019s the hope? Where\u2019s the encouragement?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhat are the things you would encourage somebody, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s going\u2014maybe it\u2019s not the exact same circumstances as you\u2014but there\u2019s a pain, somewhere in the emotional body of their family, and it\u2019s drawing all their attention? What would you say to them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I would say that, without God, you cannot do any of this\u2014you cannot. I think blended families are God\u2019s pride and joy; meaning, \u201cHere\u2019s My restoration; here\u2019s My redemption.\u201d Get connected to a church; get connected to a tribe or a community of like-minded people that can walk you through the good, and the bad, and the ugly, and that have your back. That\u2019s really important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s really important.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes; if I could tell a story\u2014this is a <em>great<\/em> story. Early on in our marriage, I felt like I was on an island all by myself. One thing that I used to say to him, early on, was: \u201cI just want you to get on my island. Just get on my island and know what this feels like, because this is tough; this is gut-wrenching; this is horrible. You\u2019re <em>not<\/em> a stepdad; you don\u2019t get it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe came home\u2014this was many years ago\u2014he came home one day and he said, \u201cI had an epiphany.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s great honey; great.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m cooking dinner; my youngest is just a baby. We get done with dinner, and all five of us were at the dinner table. He said, \u201cI want to say something.\u201d He turned to me and he looked at me, and said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> sorry,\u201d and he apologized. He said, \u201cI\u2019m <em>so<\/em> sorry I haven\u2019t tried to understand more of what you have to do to run this family, and to be a stepmom, and to be a mom.\u201d He just apologized. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says, \u201cI\u2019m on your island now because,\u201d\u2014he goes\u2014\u201cI had lunch with a good friend today.\u201d His good friend is a full-time stepdad. He asked his friend, \u201cWhat is it like?\u201d His friend said, \u201cIt <em>stinks<\/em>, because\u2026\u201d Let me go on to tell you a story that his friend, who is the full-time stepdad\u2014went to every single wrestling match; but \u201cWho got invited to the banquet at the end of the year?\u201d\u2014not the stepdad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen he said that to my husband: \u201cIt <em>stinks<\/em>; it\u2019s rough; it\u2019s hard.\u201d The light bulb went off in my husband\u2019s head, going, \u201cWow; it must really be <em>tough<\/em>.\u201d When he came home and had this <em>huge<\/em> apology, it was that empathy that he had for: \u201cYou know what, honey?\u2014I get it; it\u2019s tough. I\u2019m sorry I haven\u2019t tried to understand more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were all in tears. It was a really pivotal moment in our family life, and even in the unity of our marriage, for him just to say, \u201cI <em>am<\/em> your number one cheerleader, and I will do all it takes to support you through this role.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How did that make you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, I was just like, \u201cSomebody gets it,\u201d\u2014not that he truly gets it\u2014but to be empathetic to the pain and the hardship\/the challenges that I face and to have grace for when I need it the most. It was just so comforting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well again, that\u2019s Melanie Anthony in Episode 5 of Ron Deal\u2019s new podcast, which is called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. It\u2019s a part of the FamilyLife Podcast Network. We just heard a portion of the extended conversation that Ron had with Melanie about the challenges of being a biological mom for the first time at 40 and, then, being a stepmom to twins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what she\u2019s talking about here is something that is true, whether you\u2019re in a stepfamily or an intact family; and that is, if you\u2019re on the island and you feel like you\u2019re alone on the island, that\u2019s an awful place to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, can I tell you that we, as women, do not want to be on the island alone? We <em>want<\/em> our men to be on there with us\u2014to understand, to be empathetic, and to relate to where we are. I don\u2019t know if men are like that; can you be on the island alone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; I think men cover it up. When you said women, of course, you\u2019re right\u2014because you\u2019re always right, honey; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I was just thinking: \u201c<em>Nobody<\/em> wants to be on the island by themselves. Nobody wants to be voted off the island; they don\u2019t want to be alone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe beauty of this story was the caring empathy that <em>he<\/em> discovered with his wife. I mean, we all long for someone to see us and to care. It was such a beautiful moment, when he was able to almost have a revelation of where she\u2019s been living, and he came alongside her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then to step in and apologize <em>with<\/em> the kids in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s <em>big<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That is big; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s <em>huge<\/em>. You talk about humility; it made me think, \u201cEphesians 4.\u201d Listen to what Paul says\u2014I mean, what a <em>great<\/em> passage\u2014he says, \u201cAs a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.\u201d When you read that verse, you\u2019re like \u201cOh, live a life worthy of the calling\u2014that\u2019s righteousness; it\u2019s preaching the gospel.\u201d And you\u2019re thinking \u201cWhat\u2019s he going to say?\u201d Look what he says\u2014verse 2 he says, \u201cBe completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just a beautiful picture\u2014he says, \u201cWhat does that life look like?\u2014humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another,\u201d\u2014which is <em>exactly<\/em> what he [Melanie\u2019s husband] did. He\u2019s literally being the face, in the presence of Jesus, for his wife and now his whole family. What a beautiful picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we can only do that through God\u2019s power. He\u2019s the One that brings our spouse to the island, so I think we need to be continually praying for reconciliation that only God can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to say\u2014as I listen to this story, which is unbelievable for them\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWould anyone say that about <em>me<\/em>?\u2014that I\u2019m humble, and gentle, and patient. I come alongside when they\u2019re on the island.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould anyone say that about <em>you<\/em>?\u2014that is a life worthy of the calling of Jesus; in fact, that is the life we\u2019re called to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And are there husbands or wives, listening, who need to sit down with their spouse tonight\u2014maybe with the kids in the room\u2014and say: \u201cYou know, I haven\u2019t been on the island. I\u2019ve left you alone. I haven\u2019t been engaged; I\u2019ve been detached; I\u2019ve been focused on other things, and I\u2019m ready for that to change. I\u2019m going to be here; I\u2019m going to be with you. I\u2019m going to understand what you\u2019re going through.\u201d That could be a turning point in your marriage\/in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just heard a portion today of what Ron and Melanie were able to talk about in Episode 5 of the podcast, that Ron hosts, called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. If you\u2019re not yet subscribed to that podcast, or if you\u2019d like to listen to this entire episode, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link there. Find out, not only about <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>, but all of the podcasts available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. In fact, if you\u2019re not subscribed to receive <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> as a podcast, and have it instantly delivered to your device, you can do that when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link; or if you have any questions, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of the book Ron Deal has written, with Laura Petherbridge, called <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em>. That\u2019s available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we\u2019ve been excited about, here, at FamilyLife, over the last several months, is seeing how God is using a resource we created, a year ago, called the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>.<\/em> Not just here in the United States, but Central and South America, there have been tens of thousands of people getting into <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> groups. They\u2019ve seen the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, which was translated into Spanish. The video series has been translated as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve seen the two of you speaking Spanish\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; really?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I should show you a clip of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Que paso?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Actually, you do better than that; [Laughter] because we\u2019ve had translators come in and do the whole video series in Spanish. There are now tens of thousands of people, in Central and South America, who are going through this content. We are hoping to do the same thing in Mandarin and in Arabic. Just stop and think about the impact of that in marriages and families\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014around the world; that is <em>amazing<\/em> and exciting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and honestly, when Ann and I sat and watched the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, it was tremendous. We <em>honestly<\/em> thought, \u201cThis is legacy changing.\u201d I mean, we were like, \u201cEvery young family, and older family, needs to watch this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing nobody thinks about: \u201cHow did it happen?\u201d\u2014somebody made a donation\/somebody said: \u201cI believe in this. I want to help others, who have helped me.\u201d It\u2019s a sacrificial gift they\u2019ve made, and it\u2019s changing the <em>world<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And now, for that to spread, we need listeners to join with us and help with a donation during the month of August so that we can take full advantage of the matching gift that has been made available to us this month. Every donation we receive is matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help advance the work of FamilyLife in the months ahead, make a donation this month and help us take advantage of this matching gift. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. And when you do, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, so you can use it yourself or pass it on to someone you know. Again, thanks, in advance, for joining with us and helping the ministry of FamilyLife move forward and impact more people in this country and all around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to sit down with Alex Kendrick and Cameron Arnett and talk about the movie that\u2019s going to be in theaters this weekend\u2014the movie, <em>Overcomer<\/em>. It\u2019s a great film; you\u2019ll hear all about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:29:52"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.35M"],"filesize_raw":["28675205"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305287.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305287.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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bear a unique burden, and they often neglect their own care. Melanie Anthony offers hope for balance in the midst of the burden.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is often a desire in the heart of a stepparent to want to connect\/to bond with a stepson or a stepdaughter. Melanie Anthony says you have to be very careful\/very cautious about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk15990083\">I tread very lightly in that area because: \u201cDo I have a <em>great<\/em> relationship with my stepkids?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I have a relationship?\u201d\u2014we have, somewhat, of a relationship; it has\u2014it ebbs\/it ebbs and flows\u2014but I represent pain; I\u2019m the brunt of it, and that intimacy\u2014being able to talk to them\u2014it\u2019s not there. <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. How do you deal with the sorrow you may experience as a stepparent?\u2014when what you hope for, in terms of a relationship with your stepkids, just feels like it\u2019s out of reach\u2014it will never happen? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys, do you remember\u2014maybe I\u2019m the only old one in here\u2014but there was movie that came out in the \u201860s called <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em>. You ever heard of that movie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All I know is you are the only old one in here, Bob. [Laughter] I don\u2019t know about the movie but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thanks for bringing that up! There was a whole slew of movies back in the \u201860s that were all about big families. There was a movie, <em>With Six You Get Eggroll<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wasn\u2019t it Lucille Ball?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it was, and Henry Fonda\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em>; and it was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What are you two old people talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave is just a youngster. [Laughter] He just doesn\u2019t watch old movies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was a story of a blended family coming together and, then, they had a bio baby in the middle of it. It was the challenges\u2014in a comedic way\u2014the challenges that a blended family can face when there\u2019s, all of a sudden, an \u201cours\u201d baby in the middle of the family. It made for Hollywood fun because they were able to script it that way. In real life, a <em>Yours, Mine, and Ours<\/em> situation can have some complications. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know a little bit about that; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting. My mom had me when she was 40. This was in the \u201850s, so that was sort of unusual to be that old and have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You are old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann just confirmed that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Quit it! She was 40 and had me; then I had a little brother. Seven years later, my dad walks out. Seven years after that, he remarries and brings a stepson into the family. Now, I am the biological son with a stepbrother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to be honest with you\u2014as that family grew and I walked into that, I felt totally left out. I felt like my stepmom <em>really<\/em> loved her son and tolerated her husband\u2019s son, which was me; so I felt it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, you can imagine\u2014you didn\u2019t experience it\u2014but you can imagine what it would be like as a mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I know that as a new mom\u2014a first-time mom\u2014it was a hard adjustment for me. I can\u2019t imagine what it would be like to be a first-time mom at 40 but, also, have twin stepdaughters\u2014adjusting to <em>that<\/em>. That would put your world in a spin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the story we\u2019re going to hear today as we listen to an excerpt from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEpisode 5 of a new podcast that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is developing\u2014it\u2019s a podcast called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with Ron Deal. Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife\u2019s Blended Marriage and Family Initiative. He\u2019s a well-known author and speaker\u2014probably the foremost person, in America, on the subject of blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Episode 5 of his podcast, called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>\u2014which by the way you can find on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; just look for the FamilyLife Podcast Network there\u2014Ron did an interview with Melanie Anthony. Melanie lives with her husband and their three daughters in Austin, Texas. She is the coauthor of <em>Daily Bread for the Starving Stepmom<\/em>. Her experience was much like what you were describing, Ann\u2014becoming a mom for the first time after she had become a wife in a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I became pregnant seven months to the day when we got married. I found out I was pregnant at 40. I looked at my husband and I said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> scared.\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cThis is what you want; right?\u201d because I told him before we were married\u2014I said, \u201cIf you want to marry me, you\u2019ve got to give me a baby.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He agreed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> He agreed and so I said, \u201cGreat!\u201d That was something that I\u2019d always desired to do\u2014is to have my own child. We had a child, an \u201cours\u201d baby. Everything just kind of flowed; but it was still another dynamic because now I was <em>Mom<\/em>, not <em>Stepmom<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; those are two very different roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014very different roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How were they different for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Wow! That\u2019s a loaded question, because I feel like there are days when I put on many hats. The mom role feels so much more unconditional than the stepmom role, which feels <em>so<\/em> conditional. I think it\u2019s so much about our perception, but it\u2019s <em>harder<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt feels like this cloud of scrutiny\/ongoing scrutiny, whether it\u2019s something that I make up in my own head or my perception. I\u2019m sure it\u2019s my perception, because others probably don\u2019t feel that at all\u2014like my stepchildren\u2014they probably don\u2019t think twice about something I may have said. But I think about: \u201cWell, this may get back to the other house. I\u2019m not really your <em>mom<\/em> so, when I say this, it doesn\u2019t have as much authority or value to it.\u201d I tend to scrutinize <em>myself<\/em> because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You run it through the filters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, like all 25 of them; it\u2019s exhausting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It <em>is<\/em> exhausting. I mean, you\u2019re working harder\u2014I think that\u2019s part of the experience of it is\u2014\u201cI\u2019m working harder,\u201d because you\u2019re constantly justifying yourself\u2014like: \u201cOkay; if this goes through the ears of their biological mother, how will she hear that?\u2014and perceive that?\u2014so what do I have to say?\u2014how do I say it?...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, it\u2019s got to go through the kids\u2019 ears: \u201cBut, by the way, my biological child is listening in to how I say it,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m a little more direct when it comes to my kid than I am with my stepchildren. That may be affecting how <em>they<\/em> view me: \u2018Mom, why don\u2019t you ever say it that way to _____?\u2019\u201d Those are all those filters that you have to pass it through as you\u2019re saying it; that\u2019s a lot of work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You get\u2014\u201cstarving\u201d is the way you guys put it in this book that you\u2019ve written. Again, the book is <em>Daily Bread for the Starving Stepmom<\/em>. By the way, if you\u2019re a stepdad listening right now, there\u2019s stuff in here that applies to you as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, in the book, the day you became a blended family mom was the day you started fighting the evil stepmother stigma. Explain that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> When you become a stepmom, nobody tells you about that; meaning\u2014it\u2019s like, before you have a child, nobody really truly tells you what it feels like. Well, when you become a stepmom, nobody really tells you that there\u2019s a stigma that goes along with it; because the ex-wife or the biological mom of your stepchildren\u2014you\u2019re a threat to her. You have to, somehow, learn how to deal with that perception that she has. It comes out in really different ways sometimes. Because, sometimes, it\u2019ll go through the kids\u2014the tone that is set with the children will come, then, back to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that stigma of\u2014I mean, just like Cinderella\u2014the stigma is there of: \u201cI\u2019m not evil. I\u2019m actually <em>added<\/em> here; I\u2019m trying to <em>add<\/em> things to your children\u2019s life, not take away.\u201d\u00a0 But the threat there that I am; because what I represent to the biological mom is a failed marriage\/a failed relationship; something that she didn\u2019t have\u2014because my husband and I have a great relationship\u2014although she\u2019s remarried, and a lot of biological moms remarry\u2014but I represent pain; so I\u2019m the brunt of it. I always say to my husband\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t hate you; she hates <em>me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Even in the best scenario\/the best-working relationship, you\u2019re still a reminder of a painful time in her life\u2014if not an ongoing pain now\u2014that\u2019s hard to shake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Can you think of a time\u2014is there a story you can share\u2014that just kind of conveys how you\u2014dealing with how the kids were viewing\u2014that stigma from the kids or the stigma from <em>her<\/em>?\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> [Pause] I tread very lightly in that area because: \u201cDo I have a <em>great<\/em> relationship with my stepkids?\u201d\u2014no. \u201cDo I have a relationship?\u201d\u2014we have, somewhat, of a relationship; it has\u2014it ebbs\/it ebbs and tides\u2014it flows. But that intimacy\u2014being able to talk to them about things like that\u2014it\u2019s not there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; in particular, when there\u2019s a difference between your biological daughter and your stepdaughter, do you find yourself drifting towards what\u2019s easy; that is, the relationship with your biological daughter? It\u2019s more clearly-defined; you don\u2019t have to go through all the filters of \u201cwhat I say.\u201d Is that a natural drift; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> It is a natural drift. The way my stepdaughters look at it as\u2014they look at it as unfair treatment. I think that is such a good point there, Ron\u2014is that, you know, my husband is not a stepparent; he\u2019s just a bio dad; he\u2019s the father to all of our children. But when push comes to shove, he\u2019s on the couch with his twin daughters, and I\u2019m in the other room with our bio daughter\u2014so that division. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we have to be really careful about the division in the home\u2014it\u2019s a natural thing; because Momma Bear comes in; and I\u2019m like [to bio daughter], \u201cCome on; let\u2019s go.\u201d He just wants <em>peace<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Then that separation begins and, then, what is affected?\u2014our marriage, because we can\u2019t agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sure; let\u2019s unpack that for a minute. When there is a stress or a strain that takes place within the home\u2014that your husband, who\u2019s, \u201cHey, why can\u2019t all you get along?\u201d But at the end of the day, if he feels like his girls are off by themselves, he may just drift that direction to comfort them\u2014not necessarily to oppose you or to make a statement to the biological daughter you guys share\u2014but just to offer some comfort that they\u2019re not all alone in this. Your natural drift is back toward your biological daughter. There you have it; you\u2019re with one, and he\u2019s with the other two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoes it almost feel, in that moment to you, like he\u2019s with them\u2014more loyal to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a loyalty. I think there is\u2014whether you want to call it guilt or shame associated with the divorce\u2014so you want to make sure whatever you do, over the top: whether you buy them more things, which is not us; or you coddle them more; or you bring them in more\u2014whatever it is\u2014to reaffirm to them that they\u2019re loved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; again, what you\u2019re describing, I think, is very real. It\u2019s not that anybody\u2019s necessarily choosing, \u201cI choose my kids over my wife.\u201d I think sometimes it\u2019s just that: \u201cI don\u2019t know what else to do. It just feels like, somehow, the girls are all alone; so I\u2019m just kind of hanging with them to let them know, we still love them\/they\u2019re still cared for. I want my girls to still feel like they\u2019re around and they want to be a part of our home.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, that adds some stress to your marriage. It adds a little stress to your relationship to your stepdaughters, \u201cDad\u2019s on our side but you\u2019re kind of on the other side.\u201d I even wonder about the stepsibling relationship, like your stepdaughters and your biological daughter\u2014does that end up affecting them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019m so glad you mentioned that. That is our number one struggle\u2014is it\u2019s sad, when a child is involved in a divorce, because it\u2019s a loss\u2014it\u2019s heartbreaking. People focus on the children of divorce, as they should, but what I think gets neglected are the children that are brought into the marriage, naturally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014the \u201cours\u201d baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014the \u201cours\u201d baby. They just think that they just go into the fold, and they don\u2019t; we struggle greatly with that\u2014the relationship with the steps and the bio. It is the <em>number one<\/em> issue that we have in our marriage\u2014whether one\u2019s parenting the other too soft or too hard; or whether, \u201cYou don\u2019t understand that you need to discipline this one,\u201d \u201cNo; I don\u2019t.\u201d It just: \u201cWhat is fair? What isn\u2019t fair?\u201d The \u201cours\u201d child\u2014all she says to me is, \u201cI just want to feel a part.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; I can see what a struggle that would be, because your biological daughter is not guilty of making any of this happen. Yet, she feels isolated and alone in some ways, which just tugs on your heart; I would think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s when Momma Bear comes out; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; and you get protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014very protective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014which means you might have to be more critical of the other side, if you will\u2014with your stepdaughters\u2014and then maybe your husband, indirectly, because he\u2019s kind of over there with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s exhausting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> You know, my husband will say, \u201cYou know, there are some good parts about being a stepmom.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cI know, there <em>are<\/em>; it\u2019s a blessing. I feel like God chose me, but it\u2019s also very hard.\u201d Sometimes, he reminds me\u2014he goes: \u201cYou talk about how hard it is too much\u2014like you don\u2019t talk about the blessing and the value that you add to them and that they add to you\u2014because, sometimes, you just get so caught up in all of the emotion of it all,\u201d because it is a lot of emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014in what\u2019s not going right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> \u2014in what\u2019s not going right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Because that\u2019s always where your focus is\/your attention is, because you want those things to improve. Yes; we naturally give a lot of time and energy to what\u2019s not going well rather than recognizing what <em>is<\/em> okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhere\u2019s the hope? Where\u2019s the encouragement?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWhat are the things you would encourage somebody, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s going\u2014maybe it\u2019s not the exact same circumstances as you\u2014but there\u2019s a pain, somewhere in the emotional body of their family, and it\u2019s drawing all their attention? What would you say to them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> I would say that, without God, you cannot do any of this\u2014you cannot. I think blended families are God\u2019s pride and joy; meaning, \u201cHere\u2019s My restoration; here\u2019s My redemption.\u201d Get connected to a church; get connected to a tribe or a community of like-minded people that can walk you through the good, and the bad, and the ugly, and that have your back. That\u2019s really important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s really important.<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Yes; if I could tell a story\u2014this is a <em>great<\/em> story. Early on in our marriage, I felt like I was on an island all by myself. One thing that I used to say to him, early on, was: \u201cI just want you to get on my island. Just get on my island and know what this feels like, because this is tough; this is gut-wrenching; this is horrible. You\u2019re <em>not<\/em> a stepdad; you don\u2019t get it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe came home\u2014this was many years ago\u2014he came home one day and he said, \u201cI had an epiphany.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cThat\u2019s great honey; great.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m cooking dinner; my youngest is just a baby. We get done with dinner, and all five of us were at the dinner table. He said, \u201cI want to say something.\u201d He turned to me and he looked at me, and said, \u201cI am <em>so<\/em> sorry,\u201d and he apologized. He said, \u201cI\u2019m <em>so<\/em> sorry I haven\u2019t tried to understand more of what you have to do to run this family, and to be a stepmom, and to be a mom.\u201d He just apologized. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says, \u201cI\u2019m on your island now because,\u201d\u2014he goes\u2014\u201cI had lunch with a good friend today.\u201d His good friend is a full-time stepdad. He asked his friend, \u201cWhat is it like?\u201d His friend said, \u201cIt <em>stinks<\/em>, because\u2026\u201d Let me go on to tell you a story that his friend, who is the full-time stepdad\u2014went to every single wrestling match; but \u201cWho got invited to the banquet at the end of the year?\u201d\u2014not the stepdad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen he said that to my husband: \u201cIt <em>stinks<\/em>; it\u2019s rough; it\u2019s hard.\u201d The light bulb went off in my husband\u2019s head, going, \u201cWow; it must really be <em>tough<\/em>.\u201d When he came home and had this <em>huge<\/em> apology, it was that empathy that he had for: \u201cYou know what, honey?\u2014I get it; it\u2019s tough. I\u2019m sorry I haven\u2019t tried to understand more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were all in tears. It was a really pivotal moment in our family life, and even in the unity of our marriage, for him just to say, \u201cI <em>am<\/em> your number one cheerleader, and I will do all it takes to support you through this role.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How did that make you feel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Melanie:<\/strong> Oh, I was just like, \u201cSomebody gets it,\u201d\u2014not that he truly gets it\u2014but to be empathetic to the pain and the hardship\/the challenges that I face and to have grace for when I need it the most. It was just so comforting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well again, that\u2019s Melanie Anthony in Episode 5 of Ron Deal\u2019s new podcast, which is called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. It\u2019s a part of the FamilyLife Podcast Network. We just heard a portion of the extended conversation that Ron had with Melanie about the challenges of being a biological mom for the first time at 40 and, then, being a stepmom to twins. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what she\u2019s talking about here is something that is true, whether you\u2019re in a stepfamily or an intact family; and that is, if you\u2019re on the island and you feel like you\u2019re alone on the island, that\u2019s an awful place to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, can I tell you that we, as women, do not want to be on the island alone? We <em>want<\/em> our men to be on there with us\u2014to understand, to be empathetic, and to relate to where we are. I don\u2019t know if men are like that; can you be on the island alone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; I think men cover it up. When you said women, of course, you\u2019re right\u2014because you\u2019re always right, honey; but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I am. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I was just thinking: \u201c<em>Nobody<\/em> wants to be on the island by themselves. Nobody wants to be voted off the island; they don\u2019t want to be alone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe beauty of this story was the caring empathy that <em>he<\/em> discovered with his wife. I mean, we all long for someone to see us and to care. It was such a beautiful moment, when he was able to almost have a revelation of where she\u2019s been living, and he came alongside her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then to step in and apologize <em>with<\/em> the kids in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s <em>big<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That is big; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, it\u2019s <em>huge<\/em>. You talk about humility; it made me think, \u201cEphesians 4.\u201d Listen to what Paul says\u2014I mean, what a <em>great<\/em> passage\u2014he says, \u201cAs a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.\u201d When you read that verse, you\u2019re like \u201cOh, live a life worthy of the calling\u2014that\u2019s righteousness; it\u2019s preaching the gospel.\u201d And you\u2019re thinking \u201cWhat\u2019s he going to say?\u201d Look what he says\u2014verse 2 he says, \u201cBe completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just a beautiful picture\u2014he says, \u201cWhat does that life look like?\u2014humility, gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another,\u201d\u2014which is <em>exactly<\/em> what he [Melanie\u2019s husband] did. He\u2019s literally being the face, in the presence of Jesus, for his wife and now his whole family. What a beautiful picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we can only do that through God\u2019s power. He\u2019s the One that brings our spouse to the island, so I think we need to be continually praying for reconciliation that only God can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to say\u2014as I listen to this story, which is unbelievable for them\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cWould anyone say that about <em>me<\/em>?\u2014that I\u2019m humble, and gentle, and patient. I come alongside when they\u2019re on the island.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould anyone say that about <em>you<\/em>?\u2014that is a life worthy of the calling of Jesus; in fact, that is the life we\u2019re called to live.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And are there husbands or wives, listening, who need to sit down with their spouse tonight\u2014maybe with the kids in the room\u2014and say: \u201cYou know, I haven\u2019t been on the island. I\u2019ve left you alone. I haven\u2019t been engaged; I\u2019ve been detached; I\u2019ve been focused on other things, and I\u2019m ready for that to change. I\u2019m going to be here; I\u2019m going to be with you. I\u2019m going to understand what you\u2019re going through.\u201d That could be a turning point in your marriage\/in your family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just heard a portion today of what Ron and Melanie were able to talk about in Episode 5 of the podcast, that Ron hosts, called <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>. If you\u2019re not yet subscribed to that podcast, or if you\u2019d like to listen to this entire episode, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link there. Find out, not only about <em>FamilyLife Blended<\/em>, but all of the podcasts available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network. In fact, if you\u2019re not subscribed to receive <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> as a podcast, and have it instantly delivered to your device, you can do that when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click the link; or if you have any questions, call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of the book Ron Deal has written, with Laura Petherbridge, called <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em>. That\u2019s available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we\u2019ve been excited about, here, at FamilyLife, over the last several months, is seeing how God is using a resource we created, a year ago, called the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>.<\/em> Not just here in the United States, but Central and South America, there have been tens of thousands of people getting into <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> groups. They\u2019ve seen the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, which was translated into Spanish. The video series has been translated as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve seen the two of you speaking Spanish\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; really?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I should show you a clip of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Que paso?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Actually, you do better than that; [Laughter] because we\u2019ve had translators come in and do the whole video series in Spanish. There are now tens of thousands of people, in Central and South America, who are going through this content. We are hoping to do the same thing in Mandarin and in Arabic. Just stop and think about the impact of that in marriages and families\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014around the world; that is <em>amazing<\/em> and exciting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and honestly, when Ann and I sat and watched the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, it was tremendous. We <em>honestly<\/em> thought, \u201cThis is legacy changing.\u201d I mean, we were like, \u201cEvery young family, and older family, needs to watch this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing nobody thinks about: \u201cHow did it happen?\u201d\u2014somebody made a donation\/somebody said: \u201cI believe in this. I want to help others, who have helped me.\u201d It\u2019s a sacrificial gift they\u2019ve made, and it\u2019s changing the <em>world<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And now, for that to spread, we need listeners to join with us and help with a donation during the month of August so that we can take full advantage of the matching gift that has been made available to us this month. Every donation we receive is matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help advance the work of FamilyLife in the months ahead, make a donation this month and help us take advantage of this matching gift. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. And when you do, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, so you can use it yourself or pass it on to someone you know. Again, thanks, in advance, for joining with us and helping the ministry of FamilyLife move forward and impact more people in this country and all around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to sit down with Alex Kendrick and Cameron Arnett and talk about the movie that\u2019s going to be in theaters this weekend\u2014the movie, <em>Overcomer<\/em>. It\u2019s a great film; you\u2019ll hear all about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305287"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305287"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305287"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305287"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}