{"id":305281,"date":"2019-08-20T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-08-20T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/not-everything-matters\/"},"modified":"2019-08-20T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-08-20T10:00:04","slug":"not-everything-matters","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-everything-matters\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Everything Matters"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Monica Swanson talks about the challenges and joys of raising boys. She shares some thoughts about helping children find their identity in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:54","filesize":"25.55M","filesize_raw":"26789664","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2835],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9553],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305281","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-boys","cwp_profile-monica-swanson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305281\/not-everything-matters","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305281\/not-everything-matters","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KsKGyIJK1Y\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-everything-matters\/\">Not Everything Matters<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-everything-matters\/embed\/#?secret=KsKGyIJK1Y\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Not Everything Matters&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KsKGyIJK1Y\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Who\u2019s talking to your children?\u2014and specifically to your sons? Whoever is speaking loudest to them is shaping who they will become. Here\u2019s Monica Swanson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>There\u2019s so many voices that kids grow up with, telling them who they are, or labeling them, or trying to put them into a certain group. I think the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our boys who they are in Christ\u2014that they are a child of God, first and foremost. Everything else they do after that\u2014those things may describe them for a season or for a lifetime\u2014but they will never define them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Your children\/your boys need to understand that their identity is not what they do. It\u2019s who they are as loved and adopted children of God. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You never wrote a manifesto, did you, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wish I would have. I wish I would\u2019ve had Monica\u2019s to read every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The manifesto we\u2019re talking about is in a book called <em>Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You <\/em>by our guest today, Monica Swanson. Monica, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Thank you; great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This manifesto, which is in the back of the book, starts\u2014I can\u2019t read the whole thing; I wish I could\u2014\u201cI am a boy mom. My greatest goal, as my son\u2019s mom, is to raise him to be fully prepared to launch into the world, as a man, in every positive sense of that word.\u201d Then she goes through 12 different things: \u201cAs a boy mom, I\u2019m going to continue to be investing in my son daily. Here\u2019s what I\u2019m doing: I\u2019m establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with my son; I\u2019m setting boundaries; I\u2019m leading my son into a relationship with God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re walking through what are the anchors of the book, <em>Boy Mom.<\/em> You really unpack the manifesto in every chapter of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. My heart for the book was really to simplify the pressures we feel, as mom. I think, when my kids were young, I just felt like there were so many things I <em>could<\/em> pay attention to\u2014so many things that felt like pressures on me to get everything right. As my sons grew up, and as I simplified my parenting\u2014and really trying to focus on the things that were most important for them to grow up to be young men ready to be launched into the world\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, not everything is that important. Not everything the world tells us is really essential for raising a good and godly boy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what does matter? That\u2019s where I came up with the 12 things\u2014or the 12 parts to the manifesto. They\u2019re the 12 main chapters in the book, just simplifying what we need to focus on; because some things really do matter. Not everything matters, but some things really do matter. I think that it\u2019s important to keep our eyes focused on the things that really matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk about the simplifying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn, I\u2019m going to ask you: \u201cDid you feel overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities of being a boy mom?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I not only felt overwhelmed, I felt pressure from society to raise these boys the way\u2014I think that\/I feel like there was peer pressure, almost, that our son should look a certain way. So, yes; I felt that. I really felt it in sports, as well, because you have that pressure\u2014like, \u201cOh, if they\u2019re not in soccer when they\u2019re two years old, they\u2019re not going to get a college scholarship!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How did you deal with that? How did you determine what were the areas to focus on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>For sure. I think some trial and error, for one. There was a time when I was trying to do a whole lot and failing or, at least, feeling completely overwhelmed. Over time\u2014as I started to look and go, \u201cWhy did I even waste time with some of these things?\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I know, with my fourth son, he\u2019s involved in <em>way<\/em> less than the first were, because I know that those things didn\u2019t add; they just drained us all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What kind of things drained you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I think a lot of it was the extracurricular activities\u2014thinking they had to try everything; they had to be involved. If the community offered it, they had to do it. If friends were doing it\u2014you know, the FOMO\u2014we had \u201cFear Of Missing Out.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to be the one mom not at the activities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to realize that the boys\u2019 best memories\/the things that really shaped them into the young men that they are today were the things we did, as a family\u2014or the things we did, naturally\/were the things that we\u2019re doing just mostly out in nature\u2014a lot of things we did, just exploring together, as a family. Sure\u2014friends are important, and activities are important\u2014but I say every kid should try, at least, one team sport\u2014I believe in that\u2014they don\u2019t have to do them all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think beginning to simplify our days so that we weren\u2019t always in a rush. I think I used to lose my temper more by 7:30 in the morning when we were trying to leave for preschool than I did for the rest of the day, so simply our life. We did end up homeschooling them. We moved out to the country on the north shore of Oahu, so we did homeschooling. Of course, that offered us a little simpler life, but I think you can simplify wherever you are if you\u2019re intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think what happened to us, too, is\u2014at the beginning, we would put them in everything. I think a lot of parents do that instead of thinking: \u201cWhat is my son good at? What are my son\u2019s passions? What would he excel in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had certain kids that, when they got into sports, we thought, \u201cThere could be a future in this\u201d; and other ones, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014so why would we spend so much time and energy in something he doesn\u2019t even like to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This gets to one of the main ideas in your book, which is understanding your child\u2019s identity\/helping <em>them<\/em> understand their identity. Explain what you mean by the whole issue of identity as you\u2019re raising boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s such a big one and so much of my heart. I think that, in this world, there are so many voices that kids grow up with, telling them who they are, or labeling them, or trying to put them into a certain group. I think that the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our boys that God loves them\/that He is ultimately the One who will be there for them. Raising our boys to understand that they are a child of God, first and foremost. Everything else they do after that is part of what describes them in a season or for a lifetime, but they will never define them. Helping our boys to understand that was about raising them in the Word, raising them with Scriptures that would help them understand who they were in <em>every <\/em>season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs they grew up and started doing sports or being, maybe, a little better at a certain subject in school\u2014and people would say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re the math whiz,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re the surfer,\u201d\u2014we would have the conversations with them that said: \u201cYes; those are things you do, but that\u2019s not who you are. Who you are is a child of God; and who you are is unchanging, no matter what you do, or how good you do in school or sports, or anything else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re talking about here is what determines our significance, not just for our boys, but for all of us. What is it that makes us significant?\u2014that gives us value in life? What we do is not where our ultimate significance needs to be found.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been talking about athletics, and boys, and them being rambunctious. There are some moms, who are raising boys who are low key, and low stress, and not athletic, and they like to draw, and they like to do other things\u2014they like to read. They\u2019re wondering, \u201cSo is there something wrong with my boy?\u2014or why\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, your identity is not found in the things you like or don\u2019t like or in what you do or don\u2019t do. Your significance\/your identity is: \u201cYou are created in the image of God.\u201d As your child begins to grow in faith and becomes a Christian: \u201cNow, you\u2019re a child of God\u2014that\u2019s where your significance is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s why it\u2019s important, too, to point out character qualities and not just point out the things that they\u2019re good at. I remember our boys sitting around the table and pointing out things about each of them\u2014character of each of them\u2014and saying to the other boys, \u201cIsn\u2019t it <em>amazing<\/em> how your brother has that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; I agree with you that focusing on character\/focusing on unchanging qualities is super key. At the end of Chapter 5, I do have a resource list\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cMy identity in Christ.\u201d They\u2019re verses that just define who our boys are in Christ. We\u2019ve literally had them write them down; hang them on their wall. Through difficult seasons, when they really struggled with who they are, those are things we\u2019ve had them cling to and make sure that they rehearse them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven when they\u2019re not feeling it in their heart\/even when they\u2019re looking around, feeling like: \u201cAm I a big dork? Am I not cool?\u2014because I see other kids with\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever it might be\u2014more social media followers\/more people excited about them\u2014they can go back and rehearse those truths about them that are unchanging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our kids cling to those things. I remember taking a stone and writing verses\u2014like a verse on a stone. I remember two sons holding those in their pockets. They\u2019d pull them out during the day and read it; because the truth is\u2014our kids are living in a society, where they\u2019re not always applauded\u2014it can be a storm, walking out the door. I think to create a haven and a way of refuge for them is important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was wondering if your sons have ever struggled with that identity. If I don\u2019t know my identity\u2014and I know you\u2019ve done a great job, as a mom; and we do that: we instill that, we teach it, we put the verses on the wall\u2014and yet, they walk into the teenage years and often wander off, \u201clooking for something to make me feel important,\u201d when we know they are; but they <em>don\u2019t<\/em>. Have your sons ever struggled with that? What did that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; for sure. I think that\u2019s what\u2019s important for parents to realize\u2014is, even though they don\u2019t talk about it, they\u2019re struggling. There\u2019s no way to grow up in the world today and not struggle with it. I think, as adults, we all do, still. I think, especially, in those teenage years, it is impossible <em>not<\/em> to lay in bed at night and wonder: \u201cHow do I stack up? What does the world think of me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy older boys have told me more now that it was in those early teenage years that they were trying to figure out who they were. It was because they knew the truth\u2014because we had taught them the truth from the time they were young\u2014that they cling to that, even when it was hard to believe. For sure, they\u2019ve all struggled with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think my 15-year-old, who\u2019s a competitive surfer\u2014I think that the scenario that he\u2019s going to struggle with, just because he\u2019s out in the world more and he\u2019s being compared to other surfers; he\u2019s a competitive athlete\u2014and that puts you In a different situation altogether. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We talk about looking for significance. If the world is telling you your significance is in your ability to ride a wave, and if you get more cheers for that than you do for walking with Jesus, it\u2019s real easy to go, \u201cI like being over here, where they cheer for me,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than this quiet, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m a child of God,\u201d\u2014so nobody\u2019s cheering for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. That\u2019s why we talked to that son, at the top of his game, about: \u201cDon\u2019t let this define you, even in your best day. That\u2019s not who you are; that could be taken away tomorrow. You need to know that, underneath everything else, you are a child of God,\u201d and \u201cYou have great value because of that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about how to get your boys to talk. I know, on page 21\u2014great list of 20 ways to help your son feel loved\u2014I\u2019d recommend that list. One of the top ones is: \u201cListen to your sons.\u201d I\u2019m thinking there\u2019s some moms out\/there\u2019s dads that are like, \u201cMy son won\u2019t talk.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How do you get them to talk?\u2014and then, how do you listen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That is a great question, and one I get from a lot of blog readers as well. I think the key to that is time. I think\u2014if you\u2019re trying to say: \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got five minutes; talk!\u201d\u2014then, good luck getting them to talk; but if you say, \u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t all have all the time in the world\u2014doesn\u2019t mean you have to be sitting by their side all day\u2014but if you stop and sit with them, you know, late at night\u2014that\u2019s, usually, if you\u2019ve got a teenager\u2014you might remember, Ann\u2014teenagers usually open up right about the time mom wants to crash into bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> If you are willing to sit and be still, and say, \u201cHow are things?\u201d At first, they may be quiet; but if you give them enough time, usually, if they know you\u2019re going to keep showing up\u2014you\u2019re not just checking in once and then saying, \u201cForget it; he\u2019s not interested,\u201d\u2014you keep showing up; he\u2019s going to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Little \u201cpro tip\u201d here\u2014don\u2019t say, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because there\u2019s only one answer to \u201cHow was your day?\u201d; and that is, \u201cIt was fine\u201d; and then we move on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you say things like: \u201cWhat was the best moment in your day?\u201d or \u201cWhat was the hardest thing you faced today?\u201d or come up with a question that is very specific: \u201cWho did you talk to today?\u2014that was a good conversation that you had with somebody?\u201d or \u201cWhat was the activity that you felt like, \u2018I really am having a good day today\u2019?\u201d Those kinds of specific questions will engage them a whole lot better than, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann even added\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I added the \u201cfeeling\u201d question because, with boys, they didn\u2019t always express their feelings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would ask them, \u201cWhat was the feeling word that you would put with that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add one more thing to that\u2014I don\u2019t hear many moms talking about it. I often talk to my boys about how <em>I\u2019m<\/em> doing. I know we think they\u2019re not interested; but I think they actually are, especially if I\u2019m going through a challenge. I don\u2019t carry on; I don\u2019t try to make them my friend or my counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I feel like, if they hear us talking about things going on\u2014like assuming they care\u2014that they will reciprocate by being like, \u201cOh, yeah; well, this happened to me today.\u201d I think having a conversation with our sons, and not assuming they don\u2019t care about us, is really helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting you say that; because my 28-year-old, yesterday, recalled a moment in time when we were driving home from church. I don\u2019t remember this, but he said I was crying\u2014probably because I felt like a bad mom\u2014or who knows why I was crying. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Probably, the pastor\u2019s sermon was bad. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I said, \u201cWhat makes you remember that?\u201d He said: \u201cIt\u2019s because you were crying; and I was sitting, watching you; and it made me cry, too.\u201d He said, \u201cI remember that you got out of the car, and you saw me crying.\u201d He said: \u201cMom, you hugged me, and you held me; and you said, \u2018Thank you for being so empathetic and sharing in my crying and feeling bad for me.\u2019\u201d He said: \u201cI never forgot that, and I still haven\u2019t. When somebody cries, to cry along with them\u2014there\u2019s a bonding moment that happens.\u201d He said, \u201cWhat happened is\u2014it made me identify with my feelings and knowing it\u2019s okay to cry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You tell a story in your book about an assignment you gave to one of your children when you started noticing his character was slipping a bit. I <em>loved<\/em> this assignment and how you saw it work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; the character training assignment came, I have to think, from the Lord. I was really frustrated because our family\u2014the boys get along pretty well\u2014but this one son was going through a stage, where it felt like every time he walked in the room, the lights dimmed. [Laughter] Everybody just held on tight, because somebody\u2019s going to be criticized for something. It was like he saw everyone else\u2019s faults but didn\u2019t seem to be picking up on his own. My husband and I were talking, and praying, and looking for answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I was doing devotions; and all of a sudden, something clicked. I thought, \u201cYou know, he needs some good character training.\u201d I grabbed a journal I had on hand, and I went to that son; and I said, \u201cFor the next\u201d\u2014I probably said like\u2014\u201cFor the next year,\u201d\u2014but hopefully, started with \u201csix months.\u201d It was the beginning of the new year, so it was a semester of school just about to begin. I said, \u201cEvery single day, I want you to do what I\u2019m going to call character training.\u201d He looked at me, like, \u201cOh, dear.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cNo; every day.\u201d They all do devotions\u2014we ask them to spend time reading their Bible and praying. I said: \u201cThis journal is just for character training. Every day, I want you to spend 30 minutes either reading something, or listening to a podcast, or finding something online that is going to help shape your character.\u201d I started with a list of some <em>TED Talks<\/em>, and some great websites, and some great books. I said: \u201cEvery day, you choose what you\u2019re in the mood for that day. You can go for a walk and listen; you can read. I want you to write down the date, what it is you read or did, and one nugget you got from that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first few days, he grumbled and complained and pushed back a little bit; but after a week, I checked his journal. Maybe the first two days had a line or two written; but by the third or fourth day, this kid was filling a <em>page<\/em> with quotes and inspirations. That journal got really full really quick. To this day, he\u2019s the one who goes out running; and he\u2019s found new podcasts, and he shares them with me. I saw a transformation over those six months, absolutely. It was <em>well<\/em> worth the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so motivating and encouraging. You\u2019re homeschooling, so that was probably a part of school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How would you recommend a mom do that if she\u2019s not homeschooling or she\u2019s thinking, \u201cI want to do that, but I think I\u2019ll get so much pushback.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> As I wrote anything in the book, I wanted to imagine all the different scenarios out there; because I care so much about moms in all different situations. I realized that I would trade in a sport; I would trade in an activity for this\u201430 minutes a day is doable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son did have to get up extra early; he was, actually, playing on a soccer team then. I said, \u201cWhatever it takes; set your alarm 30 minutes early.\u201d If they have to do it after school or in the evening before bed\u2014finding inspiration for improving character\u2014there\u2019s not a much better thing you could spend your time doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned soccer\u2014your husband played soccer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; my husband played soccer. He would <em>love<\/em> that you just brought that up. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was he pretty good at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He was <em>very<\/em> good at it. His college team, Seattle Pacific University, was the national champions the year he was there; so he likes to mention that and, maybe, that he played a little bit for a pro soccer team in Oregon\u2014just a small one. He likes when that happens to come up; so, honey, that\u2019s for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had four boys\u2014his dream had to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> \u2014his dream: \u201cPlay soccer!\u201d Hawaii has some great soccer teams; so as soon as they could get little cleats on their feet, he got me to sign them up for soccer. He was in his medical residency then, so I was hauling kids to soccer so many days a week. They absolutely <em>hated<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Initially, I think they had some fun with it; but the more serious we got\u2014they just weren\u2019t in\u2014I know it was hot; there\u2019s a million reasons why. I would find them out there, picking flowers; or I say in the book: \u201c\u2026maybe, picking their nose a time or two.\u201d [Laughter] Soccer was not their thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was about the time that they were, also, discovering the ocean. My husband was\u2014I remember calling him, just in tears, saying: \u201cHow long do I have to do this? It\u2019s just not a fit for them!\u201d For him to let go of that dream was challenging. He got them a skateboard and some pads, and they liked that on day one. Pretty soon, they\u2019re all in the ocean; and the rest is history.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s adjusted to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He has adjusted; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But it was a hard thing to let go of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It was; it was. I think we all want our kids to love the things we love. Fortunately, he also loves surfing; so it hasn\u2019t been a total bummer for him. [Laughter] But yes, the soccer thing\u2014he had to die to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The important lesson here for all of us is that our kids are not clones of us; they\u2019re not mini extensions of us. They\u2019re not given to us to fulfill the dream that we weren\u2019t able to fulfill ourselves; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I had to remind him that his dad was a football player and was a little disappointed when he chose soccer. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were a football player, Dave,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that would be hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and had one son that gravitated to that pretty strongly; but not all three of them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; they all did different things\u2014just what Monica was saying\u2014there was that vision when son number one was born: \u201cHe would be a <em>football <\/em>player. He\u2019ll go on a scholarship, like I did, to college.\u201d For me, the biggest thing was, \u201cI won\u2019t have to pay for college\u201d; but it didn\u2019t go that way. He played and enjoyed it, but it wasn\u2019t his\u2014he wasn\u2019t made to do that. And number two enjoyed it; but number three\u2014you could just see\u2014you threw a ball, and there it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting, as a mom and as a dad\u2014you have to step back and go, \u201cWhat did God create him to do?\u201d and fan that flame. It\u2019s hard for a lot of parents to do that\u2014it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it was harder for me than you. We signed them up for everything in the beginning. I\u2019ll never forget taking him to this little gymnastic thing because I thought, \u201cOkay; he\u2019s not in football, but he could be a gymnast.\u201d He was not a gymnast; [Laughter] I realized that the first day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s fun to kind of experiment and think, \u201cWhat is his thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where we have to come back to Ephesians 2:10, which says that each of us\/every [believing] human is \u201cGod\u2019s workmanship, created in Christ, for good works, which <em>He <\/em>prepared beforehand that they should walk in them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, our job is to be their partners in figuring out, \u201cWhat is it God made me to do?\u201d And then, \u201cHow can we, as their allies\/as their champions, come alongside and help equip them for what God created them to do?\u2014not to fulfill our dream\u2014but His purpose and His desire for them?\u201d This is something we talked about in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. This is one of the core themes as we help shape a child\u2019s identity. It\u2019s one of the important things we do, as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if couples are looking for a series to go through with other couples, as you head into the fall\u2014maybe, you\u2019ve got a small group; you\u2019re looking for something to go through together or, maybe, you want to do parenting classes at your church or in your community\u2014check out the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em>. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the video series and the resources we have available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCheck out Monica\u2019s book, too\u2014it\u2019s called <em>Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You.<\/em> We\u2019ve got copies of Monica\u2019s book and the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em> video series in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You\u2019ll find them, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329. Again, the website\u2014if you\u2019d like to order <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, the book from Monica, or the <em>Art of Parenting <\/em>video series\u2014the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as many of you have heard, August is a significant month for us, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We have a number of projects we\u2019re hoping to move forward with in the fall, including translating the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series into Mandarin and into Arabic; other things we\u2019re hoping to do. We\u2019ve had a friend of the ministry, who\u2019s come to us and said, \u201cWe want to help provide the funding for these projects.\u201d They have agreed to match every donation we receive, during the month of August, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. What happens here, in the next few weeks, is going to determine whether we can move forward with some of these key projects.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I tell you what\u2014I know listeners, just like me, get requests for donations\u2014all kinds of great and worthy projects. I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014watching what FamilyLife has done, not only to the world and to a listener, listening right now\u2014our own marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; that\u2019s what I was going to say. FamilyLife was integral, if not the pivotal point, of helping us stay married. Wouldn\u2019t you say that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I would say we might not have made it without FamilyLife. I know that there\u2019s thousands\/maybe millions, who can honestly say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You stop and think about that\u2014and think, when you make a donation, there are couples, who are going to say, \u201cOur marriage is different; our family is different because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014 \u201cYou saved our marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they may be saying it in Mandarin or Arabic. That\u2019s why we\u2019re asking you to make a donation. Be as generous as you can be, here, during August. Go, today, to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting. <\/em>You can keep that or pass it on to someone you know who is in the middle of raising their kids. Again, donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how parents, and how moms in particular, can help their boys develop spiritual disciplines\/spiritual habits or practices that will help those boys grow in grace during their childhood years, their teen years, and into adulthood. We\u2019ll talk tomorrow with Monica Swanson about that. I hope you can be back with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:54"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.55M"],"filesize_raw":["26789664"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305281.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305281.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Swanson talks about the challenges and joys of raising boys. She shares some thoughts about helping children find their identity in Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Who\u2019s talking to your children?\u2014and specifically to your sons? Whoever is speaking loudest to them is shaping who they will become. Here\u2019s Monica Swanson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>There\u2019s so many voices that kids grow up with, telling them who they are, or labeling them, or trying to put them into a certain group. I think the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our boys who they are in Christ\u2014that they are a child of God, first and foremost. Everything else they do after that\u2014those things may describe them for a season or for a lifetime\u2014but they will never define them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Your children\/your boys need to understand that their identity is not what they do. It\u2019s who they are as loved and adopted children of God. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You never wrote a manifesto, did you, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wish I would have. I wish I would\u2019ve had Monica\u2019s to read every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The manifesto we\u2019re talking about is in a book called <em>Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You <\/em>by our guest today, Monica Swanson. Monica, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Thank you; great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This manifesto, which is in the back of the book, starts\u2014I can\u2019t read the whole thing; I wish I could\u2014\u201cI am a boy mom. My greatest goal, as my son\u2019s mom, is to raise him to be fully prepared to launch into the world, as a man, in every positive sense of that word.\u201d Then she goes through 12 different things: \u201cAs a boy mom, I\u2019m going to continue to be investing in my son daily. Here\u2019s what I\u2019m doing: I\u2019m establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with my son; I\u2019m setting boundaries; I\u2019m leading my son into a relationship with God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re walking through what are the anchors of the book, <em>Boy Mom.<\/em> You really unpack the manifesto in every chapter of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. My heart for the book was really to simplify the pressures we feel, as mom. I think, when my kids were young, I just felt like there were so many things I <em>could<\/em> pay attention to\u2014so many things that felt like pressures on me to get everything right. As my sons grew up, and as I simplified my parenting\u2014and really trying to focus on the things that were most important for them to grow up to be young men ready to be launched into the world\u2014I thought: \u201cYou know, not everything is that important. Not everything the world tells us is really essential for raising a good and godly boy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what does matter? That\u2019s where I came up with the 12 things\u2014or the 12 parts to the manifesto. They\u2019re the 12 main chapters in the book, just simplifying what we need to focus on; because some things really do matter. Not everything matters, but some things really do matter. I think that it\u2019s important to keep our eyes focused on the things that really matter most.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk about the simplifying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn, I\u2019m going to ask you: \u201cDid you feel overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities of being a boy mom?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I not only felt overwhelmed, I felt pressure from society to raise these boys the way\u2014I think that\/I feel like there was peer pressure, almost, that our son should look a certain way. So, yes; I felt that. I really felt it in sports, as well, because you have that pressure\u2014like, \u201cOh, if they\u2019re not in soccer when they\u2019re two years old, they\u2019re not going to get a college scholarship!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> How did you deal with that? How did you determine what were the areas to focus on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>For sure. I think some trial and error, for one. There was a time when I was trying to do a whole lot and failing or, at least, feeling completely overwhelmed. Over time\u2014as I started to look and go, \u201cWhy did I even waste time with some of these things?\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I know, with my fourth son, he\u2019s involved in <em>way<\/em> less than the first were, because I know that those things didn\u2019t add; they just drained us all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What kind of things drained you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I think a lot of it was the extracurricular activities\u2014thinking they had to try everything; they had to be involved. If the community offered it, they had to do it. If friends were doing it\u2014you know, the FOMO\u2014we had \u201cFear Of Missing Out.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to be the one mom not at the activities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to realize that the boys\u2019 best memories\/the things that really shaped them into the young men that they are today were the things we did, as a family\u2014or the things we did, naturally\/were the things that we\u2019re doing just mostly out in nature\u2014a lot of things we did, just exploring together, as a family. Sure\u2014friends are important, and activities are important\u2014but I say every kid should try, at least, one team sport\u2014I believe in that\u2014they don\u2019t have to do them all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think beginning to simplify our days so that we weren\u2019t always in a rush. I think I used to lose my temper more by 7:30 in the morning when we were trying to leave for preschool than I did for the rest of the day, so simply our life. We did end up homeschooling them. We moved out to the country on the north shore of Oahu, so we did homeschooling. Of course, that offered us a little simpler life, but I think you can simplify wherever you are if you\u2019re intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think what happened to us, too, is\u2014at the beginning, we would put them in everything. I think a lot of parents do that instead of thinking: \u201cWhat is my son good at? What are my son\u2019s passions? What would he excel in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had certain kids that, when they got into sports, we thought, \u201cThere could be a future in this\u201d; and other ones, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014so why would we spend so much time and energy in something he doesn\u2019t even like to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This gets to one of the main ideas in your book, which is understanding your child\u2019s identity\/helping <em>them<\/em> understand their identity. Explain what you mean by the whole issue of identity as you\u2019re raising boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s such a big one and so much of my heart. I think that, in this world, there are so many voices that kids grow up with, telling them who they are, or labeling them, or trying to put them into a certain group. I think that the most important thing we can do, as parents, is to teach our boys that God loves them\/that He is ultimately the One who will be there for them. Raising our boys to understand that they are a child of God, first and foremost. Everything else they do after that is part of what describes them in a season or for a lifetime, but they will never define them. Helping our boys to understand that was about raising them in the Word, raising them with Scriptures that would help them understand who they were in <em>every <\/em>season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs they grew up and started doing sports or being, maybe, a little better at a certain subject in school\u2014and people would say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re the math whiz,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re the surfer,\u201d\u2014we would have the conversations with them that said: \u201cYes; those are things you do, but that\u2019s not who you are. Who you are is a child of God; and who you are is unchanging, no matter what you do, or how good you do in school or sports, or anything else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re talking about here is what determines our significance, not just for our boys, but for all of us. What is it that makes us significant?\u2014that gives us value in life? What we do is not where our ultimate significance needs to be found.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been talking about athletics, and boys, and them being rambunctious. There are some moms, who are raising boys who are low key, and low stress, and not athletic, and they like to draw, and they like to do other things\u2014they like to read. They\u2019re wondering, \u201cSo is there something wrong with my boy?\u2014or why\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, your identity is not found in the things you like or don\u2019t like or in what you do or don\u2019t do. Your significance\/your identity is: \u201cYou are created in the image of God.\u201d As your child begins to grow in faith and becomes a Christian: \u201cNow, you\u2019re a child of God\u2014that\u2019s where your significance is.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s why it\u2019s important, too, to point out character qualities and not just point out the things that they\u2019re good at. I remember our boys sitting around the table and pointing out things about each of them\u2014character of each of them\u2014and saying to the other boys, \u201cIsn\u2019t it <em>amazing<\/em> how your brother has that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; I agree with you that focusing on character\/focusing on unchanging qualities is super key. At the end of Chapter 5, I do have a resource list\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cMy identity in Christ.\u201d They\u2019re verses that just define who our boys are in Christ. We\u2019ve literally had them write them down; hang them on their wall. Through difficult seasons, when they really struggled with who they are, those are things we\u2019ve had them cling to and make sure that they rehearse them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven when they\u2019re not feeling it in their heart\/even when they\u2019re looking around, feeling like: \u201cAm I a big dork? Am I not cool?\u2014because I see other kids with\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever it might be\u2014more social media followers\/more people excited about them\u2014they can go back and rehearse those truths about them that are unchanging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our kids cling to those things. I remember taking a stone and writing verses\u2014like a verse on a stone. I remember two sons holding those in their pockets. They\u2019d pull them out during the day and read it; because the truth is\u2014our kids are living in a society, where they\u2019re not always applauded\u2014it can be a storm, walking out the door. I think to create a haven and a way of refuge for them is important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was wondering if your sons have ever struggled with that identity. If I don\u2019t know my identity\u2014and I know you\u2019ve done a great job, as a mom; and we do that: we instill that, we teach it, we put the verses on the wall\u2014and yet, they walk into the teenage years and often wander off, \u201clooking for something to make me feel important,\u201d when we know they are; but they <em>don\u2019t<\/em>. Have your sons ever struggled with that? What did that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; for sure. I think that\u2019s what\u2019s important for parents to realize\u2014is, even though they don\u2019t talk about it, they\u2019re struggling. There\u2019s no way to grow up in the world today and not struggle with it. I think, as adults, we all do, still. I think, especially, in those teenage years, it is impossible <em>not<\/em> to lay in bed at night and wonder: \u201cHow do I stack up? What does the world think of me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy older boys have told me more now that it was in those early teenage years that they were trying to figure out who they were. It was because they knew the truth\u2014because we had taught them the truth from the time they were young\u2014that they cling to that, even when it was hard to believe. For sure, they\u2019ve all struggled with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think my 15-year-old, who\u2019s a competitive surfer\u2014I think that the scenario that he\u2019s going to struggle with, just because he\u2019s out in the world more and he\u2019s being compared to other surfers; he\u2019s a competitive athlete\u2014and that puts you In a different situation altogether. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We talk about looking for significance. If the world is telling you your significance is in your ability to ride a wave, and if you get more cheers for that than you do for walking with Jesus, it\u2019s real easy to go, \u201cI like being over here, where they cheer for me,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014rather than this quiet, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m a child of God,\u201d\u2014so nobody\u2019s cheering for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. That\u2019s why we talked to that son, at the top of his game, about: \u201cDon\u2019t let this define you, even in your best day. That\u2019s not who you are; that could be taken away tomorrow. You need to know that, underneath everything else, you are a child of God,\u201d and \u201cYou have great value because of that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about how to get your boys to talk. I know, on page 21\u2014great list of 20 ways to help your son feel loved\u2014I\u2019d recommend that list. One of the top ones is: \u201cListen to your sons.\u201d I\u2019m thinking there\u2019s some moms out\/there\u2019s dads that are like, \u201cMy son won\u2019t talk.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How do you get them to talk?\u2014and then, how do you listen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That is a great question, and one I get from a lot of blog readers as well. I think the key to that is time. I think\u2014if you\u2019re trying to say: \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got five minutes; talk!\u201d\u2014then, good luck getting them to talk; but if you say, \u201cI\u2019m here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t all have all the time in the world\u2014doesn\u2019t mean you have to be sitting by their side all day\u2014but if you stop and sit with them, you know, late at night\u2014that\u2019s, usually, if you\u2019ve got a teenager\u2014you might remember, Ann\u2014teenagers usually open up right about the time mom wants to crash into bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> If you are willing to sit and be still, and say, \u201cHow are things?\u201d At first, they may be quiet; but if you give them enough time, usually, if they know you\u2019re going to keep showing up\u2014you\u2019re not just checking in once and then saying, \u201cForget it; he\u2019s not interested,\u201d\u2014you keep showing up; he\u2019s going to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Little \u201cpro tip\u201d here\u2014don\u2019t say, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because there\u2019s only one answer to \u201cHow was your day?\u201d; and that is, \u201cIt was fine\u201d; and then we move on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you say things like: \u201cWhat was the best moment in your day?\u201d or \u201cWhat was the hardest thing you faced today?\u201d or come up with a question that is very specific: \u201cWho did you talk to today?\u2014that was a good conversation that you had with somebody?\u201d or \u201cWhat was the activity that you felt like, \u2018I really am having a good day today\u2019?\u201d Those kinds of specific questions will engage them a whole lot better than, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann even added\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I added the \u201cfeeling\u201d question because, with boys, they didn\u2019t always express their feelings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would ask them, \u201cWhat was the feeling word that you would put with that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add one more thing to that\u2014I don\u2019t hear many moms talking about it. I often talk to my boys about how <em>I\u2019m<\/em> doing. I know we think they\u2019re not interested; but I think they actually are, especially if I\u2019m going through a challenge. I don\u2019t carry on; I don\u2019t try to make them my friend or my counselor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, I feel like, if they hear us talking about things going on\u2014like assuming they care\u2014that they will reciprocate by being like, \u201cOh, yeah; well, this happened to me today.\u201d I think having a conversation with our sons, and not assuming they don\u2019t care about us, is really helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting you say that; because my 28-year-old, yesterday, recalled a moment in time when we were driving home from church. I don\u2019t remember this, but he said I was crying\u2014probably because I felt like a bad mom\u2014or who knows why I was crying. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Probably, the pastor\u2019s sermon was bad. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I said, \u201cWhat makes you remember that?\u201d He said: \u201cIt\u2019s because you were crying; and I was sitting, watching you; and it made me cry, too.\u201d He said, \u201cI remember that you got out of the car, and you saw me crying.\u201d He said: \u201cMom, you hugged me, and you held me; and you said, \u2018Thank you for being so empathetic and sharing in my crying and feeling bad for me.\u2019\u201d He said: \u201cI never forgot that, and I still haven\u2019t. When somebody cries, to cry along with them\u2014there\u2019s a bonding moment that happens.\u201d He said, \u201cWhat happened is\u2014it made me identify with my feelings and knowing it\u2019s okay to cry.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You tell a story in your book about an assignment you gave to one of your children when you started noticing his character was slipping a bit. I <em>loved<\/em> this assignment and how you saw it work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; the character training assignment came, I have to think, from the Lord. I was really frustrated because our family\u2014the boys get along pretty well\u2014but this one son was going through a stage, where it felt like every time he walked in the room, the lights dimmed. [Laughter] Everybody just held on tight, because somebody\u2019s going to be criticized for something. It was like he saw everyone else\u2019s faults but didn\u2019t seem to be picking up on his own. My husband and I were talking, and praying, and looking for answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I was doing devotions; and all of a sudden, something clicked. I thought, \u201cYou know, he needs some good character training.\u201d I grabbed a journal I had on hand, and I went to that son; and I said, \u201cFor the next\u201d\u2014I probably said like\u2014\u201cFor the next year,\u201d\u2014but hopefully, started with \u201csix months.\u201d It was the beginning of the new year, so it was a semester of school just about to begin. I said, \u201cEvery single day, I want you to do what I\u2019m going to call character training.\u201d He looked at me, like, \u201cOh, dear.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cNo; every day.\u201d They all do devotions\u2014we ask them to spend time reading their Bible and praying. I said: \u201cThis journal is just for character training. Every day, I want you to spend 30 minutes either reading something, or listening to a podcast, or finding something online that is going to help shape your character.\u201d I started with a list of some <em>TED Talks<\/em>, and some great websites, and some great books. I said: \u201cEvery day, you choose what you\u2019re in the mood for that day. You can go for a walk and listen; you can read. I want you to write down the date, what it is you read or did, and one nugget you got from that day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first few days, he grumbled and complained and pushed back a little bit; but after a week, I checked his journal. Maybe the first two days had a line or two written; but by the third or fourth day, this kid was filling a <em>page<\/em> with quotes and inspirations. That journal got really full really quick. To this day, he\u2019s the one who goes out running; and he\u2019s found new podcasts, and he shares them with me. I saw a transformation over those six months, absolutely. It was <em>well<\/em> worth the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so motivating and encouraging. You\u2019re homeschooling, so that was probably a part of school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How would you recommend a mom do that if she\u2019s not homeschooling or she\u2019s thinking, \u201cI want to do that, but I think I\u2019ll get so much pushback.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> As I wrote anything in the book, I wanted to imagine all the different scenarios out there; because I care so much about moms in all different situations. I realized that I would trade in a sport; I would trade in an activity for this\u201430 minutes a day is doable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy son did have to get up extra early; he was, actually, playing on a soccer team then. I said, \u201cWhatever it takes; set your alarm 30 minutes early.\u201d If they have to do it after school or in the evening before bed\u2014finding inspiration for improving character\u2014there\u2019s not a much better thing you could spend your time doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned soccer\u2014your husband played soccer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; my husband played soccer. He would <em>love<\/em> that you just brought that up. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was he pretty good at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He was <em>very<\/em> good at it. His college team, Seattle Pacific University, was the national champions the year he was there; so he likes to mention that and, maybe, that he played a little bit for a pro soccer team in Oregon\u2014just a small one. He likes when that happens to come up; so, honey, that\u2019s for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had four boys\u2014his dream had to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> \u2014his dream: \u201cPlay soccer!\u201d Hawaii has some great soccer teams; so as soon as they could get little cleats on their feet, he got me to sign them up for soccer. He was in his medical residency then, so I was hauling kids to soccer so many days a week. They absolutely <em>hated<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Initially, I think they had some fun with it; but the more serious we got\u2014they just weren\u2019t in\u2014I know it was hot; there\u2019s a million reasons why. I would find them out there, picking flowers; or I say in the book: \u201c\u2026maybe, picking their nose a time or two.\u201d [Laughter] Soccer was not their thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was about the time that they were, also, discovering the ocean. My husband was\u2014I remember calling him, just in tears, saying: \u201cHow long do I have to do this? It\u2019s just not a fit for them!\u201d For him to let go of that dream was challenging. He got them a skateboard and some pads, and they liked that on day one. Pretty soon, they\u2019re all in the ocean; and the rest is history.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He\u2019s adjusted to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He has adjusted; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But it was a hard thing to let go of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It was; it was. I think we all want our kids to love the things we love. Fortunately, he also loves surfing; so it hasn\u2019t been a total bummer for him. [Laughter] But yes, the soccer thing\u2014he had to die to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The important lesson here for all of us is that our kids are not clones of us; they\u2019re not mini extensions of us. They\u2019re not given to us to fulfill the dream that we weren\u2019t able to fulfill ourselves; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I had to remind him that his dad was a football player and was a little disappointed when he chose soccer. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were a football player, Dave,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that would be hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and had one son that gravitated to that pretty strongly; but not all three of them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; they all did different things\u2014just what Monica was saying\u2014there was that vision when son number one was born: \u201cHe would be a <em>football <\/em>player. He\u2019ll go on a scholarship, like I did, to college.\u201d For me, the biggest thing was, \u201cI won\u2019t have to pay for college\u201d; but it didn\u2019t go that way. He played and enjoyed it, but it wasn\u2019t his\u2014he wasn\u2019t made to do that. And number two enjoyed it; but number three\u2014you could just see\u2014you threw a ball, and there it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting, as a mom and as a dad\u2014you have to step back and go, \u201cWhat did God create him to do?\u201d and fan that flame. It\u2019s hard for a lot of parents to do that\u2014it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it was harder for me than you. We signed them up for everything in the beginning. I\u2019ll never forget taking him to this little gymnastic thing because I thought, \u201cOkay; he\u2019s not in football, but he could be a gymnast.\u201d He was not a gymnast; [Laughter] I realized that the first day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s fun to kind of experiment and think, \u201cWhat is his thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where we have to come back to Ephesians 2:10, which says that each of us\/every [believing] human is \u201cGod\u2019s workmanship, created in Christ, for good works, which <em>He <\/em>prepared beforehand that they should walk in them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, our job is to be their partners in figuring out, \u201cWhat is it God made me to do?\u201d And then, \u201cHow can we, as their allies\/as their champions, come alongside and help equip them for what God created them to do?\u2014not to fulfill our dream\u2014but His purpose and His desire for them?\u201d This is something we talked about in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. This is one of the core themes as we help shape a child\u2019s identity. It\u2019s one of the important things we do, as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if couples are looking for a series to go through with other couples, as you head into the fall\u2014maybe, you\u2019ve got a small group; you\u2019re looking for something to go through together or, maybe, you want to do parenting classes at your church or in your community\u2014check out the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em>. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the video series and the resources we have available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCheck out Monica\u2019s book, too\u2014it\u2019s called <em>Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You.<\/em> We\u2019ve got copies of Monica\u2019s book and the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em> video series in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You\u2019ll find them, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329. Again, the website\u2014if you\u2019d like to order <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, the book from Monica, or the <em>Art of Parenting <\/em>video series\u2014the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as many of you have heard, August is a significant month for us, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We have a number of projects we\u2019re hoping to move forward with in the fall, including translating the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series into Mandarin and into Arabic; other things we\u2019re hoping to do. We\u2019ve had a friend of the ministry, who\u2019s come to us and said, \u201cWe want to help provide the funding for these projects.\u201d They have agreed to match every donation we receive, during the month of August, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. What happens here, in the next few weeks, is going to determine whether we can move forward with some of these key projects.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I tell you what\u2014I know listeners, just like me, get requests for donations\u2014all kinds of great and worthy projects. I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014watching what FamilyLife has done, not only to the world and to a listener, listening right now\u2014our own marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; that\u2019s what I was going to say. FamilyLife was integral, if not the pivotal point, of helping us stay married. Wouldn\u2019t you say that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I would say we might not have made it without FamilyLife. I know that there\u2019s thousands\/maybe millions, who can honestly say that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You stop and think about that\u2014and think, when you make a donation, there are couples, who are going to say, \u201cOur marriage is different; our family is different because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014 \u201cYou saved our marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they may be saying it in Mandarin or Arabic. That\u2019s why we\u2019re asking you to make a donation. Be as generous as you can be, here, during August. Go, today, to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. When you do, we\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting. <\/em>You can keep that or pass it on to someone you know who is in the middle of raising their kids. Again, donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how parents, and how moms in particular, can help their boys develop spiritual disciplines\/spiritual habits or practices that will help those boys grow in grace during their childhood years, their teen years, and into adulthood. We\u2019ll talk tomorrow with Monica Swanson about that. I hope you can be back with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305281"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305281"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305281"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305281"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}