{"id":305276,"date":"2019-08-19T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-08-19T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-your-boy-needs-most\/"},"modified":"2019-08-19T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-08-19T10:00:04","slug":"what-your-boy-needs-most","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-your-boy-needs-most\/","title":{"rendered":"What Your Boy Needs Most"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Monica Swanson, a mother to four sons, remembers how overwhelmed she felt when her boys were young. Swanson gives her best tips for raising boys while keeping your sanity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:13","filesize":"24.92M","filesize_raw":"26127684","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2835],"tags":[6685,4087],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9553],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305276","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-boys","tag-boy-mom","tag-mothers","cwp_profile-monica-swanson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305276\/what-your-boy-needs-most","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305276\/what-your-boy-needs-most","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"vyWoqrilbl\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-your-boy-needs-most\/\">What Your Boy Needs Most<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-your-boy-needs-most\/embed\/#?secret=vyWoqrilbl\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Your Boy Needs Most&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"vyWoqrilbl\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Monica Swanson remembers what surprised her the most about being a mother with boys\u2014it was her anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It definitely caught me off guard. It made me doubt\u2014like: \u201dWhy would God give have given me these boys if I don't even have the patience to parent them well?\u201d I think recognizing that you're not alone\u2014and recognizing that God is there to help you if you stop, and pause, and pull back and pray\u2014because what you're going through is so normal, and that there are ways to deal with things without losing your temper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Are you a mom with boys?\u2014and with anger? [Laughter] We're going to talk about how to deal with all of that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have to tell you\u2014when I sawthis book, <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, I said to myself, \u201cThat's an Ann Wilson book\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cif I've ever seen one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because honestly, I think of you as kind of a proto-typical boy mom. You <em>loved<\/em> being a mom of boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did; in fact, I remember saying before we had kids\u2014I told Dave, \u201cMy dream would be to have three boys\u201d; but then I had them, and it was so crazy\u2014I'm like, \u201cWhy did I want three boys?!\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it was just so busy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think a lot of moms are <em>intimidated<\/em> by sons and are like, \u201cI don't know what to <em>do<\/em> with them.\u201d But this was something you were <em>ready<\/em> for\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because you had brothers and sports and all of that, growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I was excited. There's something about little boys and the relationship with the mom that's very unique. I'm a very active mom, and I know that some moms aren't. But there's still this beautiful orchestra that happens\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love Ann\u2014when she says, \u201cactive,\u201d she's being humble. [Laughter] She would have a boy on her shoulders\u2014a boy in a Snugli<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014mowing the yard. And my neighbors would be like: \u201cYou don't mow the yard?! Why is your wife out there, mowing the yard?\u201d I'm like, \u201cI make her mow the yard\u2014that's what I do.\u201d [Laughter] She loved doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one time she took our boys, when they were teenagers\u2014you know, football players\u2014and trying to get in training and that kind of thing. I'm a college football player\u2014I should be over there doing this\u2014but no; my wife is over there, running the stairs, yelling at them: \u201cYou don't get your butt up these stairs, you're never going to play football. Let's go!\u201d And they're like, \u201cMom; quit it!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have got a boy mom joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and let me welcome her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMonica Swanson\u2014welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Thank you; it's so good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A mother of four boys who\u2014at one point, when you were a new mom with a boy, who had a lot of energy\u2014you took him to a psychologist\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for a diagnosis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what was the diagnosis? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He was diagnosed as being a boy. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what were the <em>symptoms<\/em> that you were looking at that you were going, \u201cSomething seems wrong here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. I don't know if I was relieved or thrilled with that diagnosis. My first son had a fairly mild temperament, as far as boys go\u2014as a baby and in his toddler years. So when my second son came around\u2014and he was just so physical and seemed to just crave physical contact. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know there's a range of sensory issues, as people talk about more and more now, so he probably had a little bit of a sensory issue. He would do things like slam his body into random places. When I was at the gym, teaching\u2014and he is in the kids' club\u2014I'd pick him up, and he'd have rug burns on his forehead. [Laughter] And I said, \u201cWhat happened to him?!\u201d And they said, \u201cWell, he just pushed himself around on the carpet, burning his own forehead.\u201d [Laughter] I thought that \u201cSurely, there is something really wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEnough things happened that I finally had a psychologist actually come to my home to observe him in our home and just thought: \u201cHere we go. This is going to be interesting\u2014he's going to come up with something.\u201d He spent a couple of hours, and that's what he came up with\u2014in the end, was: \u201cYour son is a boy.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I'm guessing you had to pay him for that information? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Monica is married to a physician husband\u2014Dr. Dave. You guys have lived on the north shore of Hawaii for the last 18 years. You're a blogger; you've been sharing your boy mom wisdom with moms for years now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; eight-and-a-half years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And a lot of this started as you just wrote an essay about what it was like to be a mother of boys. Other boy moms went, \u201cFinally, there's somebody who understands what I'm dealing with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right; yes. I'd been blogging for a few years\u2014sharing stories from our life, sharing encouragement, sharing some recipes from fruit we grow on our property, and all different things. It was when I wrote a post called \u201cWhat a Teenage Boy Needs Most from His Mom\u201d that I realized what a need was out there\u2014how many moms, around the world, just were reading, and sharing, and commenting, and emailing, saying, \u201cThis is what I've been needing to hear\u2014some good news\/some encouragement.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of moms just have some fear when it comes to raising their boys\u2014the outlook can be bleak if you see what's going on in culture and what the media has to say. Yes; that was the post that woke me up to what was going on in the world and how many moms needed some encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why do you think that post had the most traction with teenage boys? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>At first, I was a little surprised. I hadn't invented a new parenting technique\u2014it's not like I came up with something brand new\u2014but when the emails and comments come flooding in, I realized that the <em>main thing<\/em> was just how much I enjoyed my teenage boys. I think so many moms <em>love<\/em> their little boys\/they enjoy their little boys, but they <em>fear<\/em> that day that they become tweens or teens and start to pull away. They fear that day that people all make sound like\u2014is maybe just a rite of passage\u2014is that boys have to pull away, and they're going to quit looking to mom and dad for a source of wisdom or direction, and they're just going to look to their friends or culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I talked about <em>loving<\/em> the teenage years\u2014and I referred to the teenage years as actually the reward for the hard work of the earlier years\u2014I feel like moms were just so <em>relieved<\/em> to hear that it might not be that bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me go back before the teenage years though, because I think a lot of moms\u2014as soon as they see boys being boys, as soon as they see aggression, as soon as they see a lot of activity, as soon as they see testosterone\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014showing up in a three-year-old\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they're like, \u201cSomething is wrong, and I need to fix this testosterone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You mean the skid marks on the head?\u2014is that what you are referring to? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whether it's carpet burns on a forehead, or a boy throwing things, or boys punching each other\u2014these are normal boy activities\u2014but a lot of moms just really freak out about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. I especially hear from moms who are raised with just sisters\u2014or maybe have older daughters and then they have a son\u2014and they just think, \u201cWhat in the world do I do with this?\u201d I think that's normal. As a boy mom, you need to adjust your expectations. You need to recognize that God created boys in a very unique way; and with some help, channeling that energy, so much good can come from it. They are future leaders; they are warriors\u2014they just need some help channeling all that energy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you find yourself flinching when your boys started exhibiting aggressive tendencies? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I think so; I think to some extent. I grew up with only brothers; and I've kind of always been a little bit of a tomboy; also, very active. When it started happening in times I didn't expect it, it did scare me a little bit\u2014that was the story behind the psychologist. But I also think that it just wore me out; I think I was surprised by how nonstop it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It's exhausting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>It wasn't just when I wanted it to happen. It was all day long, from the time they woke up; so, yes, it was something I had to adjust to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think those early years for moms with boys are exhausting, because they are so busy; they never stop moving. I remember thinking, \u201cIs this my life?!\u201d\u2014like there's activity going on, and aggression, and big muscle movements going on all day long. I thought, \u201cHow am I going to navigate this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Especially when they start hitting or teasing, I just thought, \u201cI feel like I'm out of control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How did you navigate those early years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Well, I think the first thing that I did was realize how\u2014and the psychologist actually did recommend this as well, so I'll give him some credit\u2014I just realized how much they needed the physical activity and how I needed to find safe places to get out. As soon as I would expect them to live in this tiny little place we were living in\u2014and get along and not hurt one another\u2014that just wasn't reasonable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me, it was walking to a park; it was finding a safe place, where I could just say: \u201cJust go; just run. Get it out.\u201d And the earlier in the day, the better. And if you want them to nap, best to just get them out somewhere\/anywhere. I think giving them the opportunity to be physical in a safe way was probably the greatest key to the beginning of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How did you balance the \u201cbe physical\u201d and \u201cbe safe\u201d? I've seen a lot of moms\u2014you know, they're so cautious because they want their little boys\u2014and girls but, definitely, little boys\u2014to be safe that they don't let them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014be boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014be boys. How do you balance that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; there's a fine line there. We've had a few broken bones\u2014I'll say that. [Laughter]\u00a0 I think that it just takes wisdom\u2014praying, asking God for wisdom\u2014and realizing that there's a time when they're crossing a line. If they're rough-housing for fun,\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthat's one thing. When you start to see that there's something more behind it, then you do need to step in and help coach them through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I think getting them involved\u2014I mean, there\u2019s organized sports; there's activities that you can do\u2014that you know someone else knows what they're doing\u2014and sometimes, that's the best way to turn to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and it helps to live in Hawaii!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica<\/strong>: It does help to live in Hawaii. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You can go outside\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; we did. And even as I wrote the book, and was recommending things like giving them plenty of physical exercise, I wanted to be sensitive to the people who live where they aren't in Hawaii and they can't get out. My husband and I both grew up in the Pacific Northwest. We both have memories of bundling up\u2014me in the rain; I mean, I was near Seattle, so there was a lot of rain\u2014but being cold\/being wet and just doing it anyway. I think it's pretty safe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You start in your book, <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, talking about the fact that boys need boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And part of the way they feel safe is when you, as the grown-up, say: \u201cHere are the boundaries that are going to help keep you safe. Inside the boundaries, have at it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That actually brings reassurance and comfort to them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It absolutely does. And when they're young, I find that applies mostly to physical things; and then, as they grow up, those boundaries need to be applied to other things. Again, where you're giving them boundaries; but giving them the freedom, within the boundaries, to do as much as they want. I think that's super important. They need it more than they realize, and they appreciate it more than most parents think that they will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Monica, what's that look like, practically speaking, when you talk about boundaries? Can you give us an example?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I think, when they're young\u2014like I said\u2014because they're more physical, it would be taking them to a safe place. It would be taking them to a park or somewhere, where you say: \u201cYou can go this far and no further. Just run; have fun.\u201d Then, as they get older, it's more setting the boundaries in what you're allowing them to do\u2014homes they go to\/activities they get involved with\u2014and being able to say: \u201cI'm going to let you do this,\u201d and \u201cWithin this, go for it and have fun; but I'm <em>not<\/em> going to give you freedoms that maybe some of your friends have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, that might be something online, where you know they're at a site\/they're on a platform\u2014something that you feel comfortable with and you're nearby. It doesn't mean you give them free rein\u2014you know, when they're eight and ten years old to just get on YouTube and explore. I think setting boundaries and giving them freedom within those boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boys push boundaries; right? I mean, when mom comes along and says, \u201cThese are the boundaries\u201d, it's almost like it's instinctive in a boy to say, \u201cLet me see if you really mean that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Absolutely; that's part of it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are your boys boundary pushers? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> They sure are. A couple of them more than others. I've found my second two\u2014the youngest two boys are actually the boundary pushers. I wrote a blog post once titled \u201cWhen Your Son Argues with Everything\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just tips for dealing with that. My third son, especially\u2014he may grow up to be a great lawyer; he may be a negotiator; he may be a leader\u2014but he definitely wants to argue with things from the beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you with that?\u2014because you want to listen to them; you want to hear them out. That's one of those things that we've come up with\u2014what we call an appeal process. It's where we expect them to obey us; we expect them to honor us as their parents; but if they really feel like they have a good argument, then we say: \u201cWe're going to listen to you. We want you to take some time to think about it. Gather your thoughts and then come to us and say, \u2018May I appeal?\u2019\u201d I think it's reasonable to hear them out and let them appeal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Daniel, in the Bible, is a great example of somebody who respectfully appealed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and gained the king's permission to do things a little differently. There is a way to appeal that demonstrates respect and that expresses humility. A boy, who is just whining, shouldn't get mom and dad's ear\u2014you don't give in to the whining\u2014but if somebody comes and says: \u201cCan I appeal about this?\u201d and \u201cHere's my argument\u2026\u201d\u2014that should get a listen from mom and dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right; exactly. Even if we don't change our mind, at least, we can listen\u2014and I think gives them\u2014they feel empowered; they feel like they have a voice. I think that's really important as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Have you found that any of your sons have won their appeal? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>They sure have. You know, they're pretty good at what they do, so they know how to present their case well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It sounds like you are raising a little lawyer, too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I might be. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: We do have, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, a link to the article that you mentioned about when your son argues with everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a listener is interested in reading your tips on that, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of the things I noticed in your book was\u2014you talked about how these anger issues started to surface in your own life\u2014that you didn't realize that you had. How did that come about? I think so many moms, that have young kids especially, think, \u201cWhere did this come from?\u201d I remember looking at myself in the mirror, when I was yelling one time, thinking, \u201cWho have I become?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. It definitely caught me off guard and it made me doubt\u2014like, \u201cWhy would God have given me these boys if I don't even have the patience to parent them well?\u201d The anger\u2014the longer I've gone now, talking to moms and being online\u2014I know, now, that this is so common; but it certainly caught me off guard and made me sad. I was so disappointed in myself at my anger issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think recognizing you're not alone\u2014and recognizing that God is there to help you if you stop, and pause, and pull back and pray\u2014because what you're going through is so normal. Boys are going to test your patience; kids are going to test your patience\u2014boys and girls alike. I think, for me, it was a matter of recognizing that what I'm dealing with is normal\u2014it wasn't just me\u2014and that there are ways to deal with things without losing your temper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm sparky; I've got a lot of spunk\u2014I don't just easily sit back and let things go; so for me, I needed to know that I could have a voice with my boys. I could be a disciplinarian, but I could do it right. There were a few years of real hard lessons, and a lot of prayer, and a lot of humility as I learned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, we dove right into boys being full of aggression, and testosterone, and putting boundaries around them. You really pour a foundation; before you get into any of this, you say there's a foundation that's got to be present for any of this to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that foundation is: your boys have to know: \u201cMom loves you desperately,\u201d and that love and that relationship\u2014Dennis Rainey used to say that's the bridge on which a truckload of truth can be delivered; but if that bridge is out, the truth doesn't get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; that is absolutely right. They need to know they're loved; they need to know they're safe. I think that communicating that over and over\u2014you just can't communicate it too much. I think that foundation is key and that's why I put it at the beginning of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What, practically, have you done to just let your boys know that \u201cMom is our biggest fan\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I'm a real communicator and so\u2014I will just speak in the words, just letting them know every day\u2014you can't say it too much. And when you mess up\u2014owning it. If you do lose your temper, asking forgiveness, and saying: \u201cMommy is sorry,\u201d \u201cMommy is human, but she handled that wrong.\u201d I think that just that communication is super, super important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, early in your book, you mention\u2014and we've been there\u2014where you said to Josiah: \u201cI'm sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d And he said\u2014it's so classic\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> \u2014painful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014 he says: \u201cWhy do you keep asking? You're just going to do it again.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Oh! I hate remembering that moment, but I will never forget it. I actually asked him, recently, if he remembers; and he doesn't. I'm like, \u201cGood.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was a turning point for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>It was a <em>huge<\/em> turning point for me. It was really when I started reaching out to people and saying: \u201cWould you pray with me over this?\u00a0 This is something that I want to tell myself, \u2018Oh, I just lost my temper a time or two\u2019; but it was becoming habitual.\u201d It was something that just became too normal\u2014I think I normalized it. When he said that\u2014big wake-up call and a time of big change for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that's a key thing\u2014is having friends that can encourage us\/that can pray for us\u2014that can say, \u201cI've been there; this is what worked for me,\u201d\u2014and other friends that will say: \u201cI know. I had to apologize. I went through that.\u201d I think having a community of women that will pray for us and be with us is really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Absolutely. I will say, though, when I went through that, we had really just been in Hawaii a short time. It took me a while to find good friends and community. The truth is\u2014and maybe this will speak to someone out there, listening, that doesn't have that community\u2014I waited for my husband to get off work on a Friday night. I drove myself downtown to a church that I knew had a prayer meeting on Friday nights. I just humbly went forward to some women, who I could tell were a few years ahead of me, and I just said, \u201cI need you to pray for me.\u201d With a lot of tears, I just received prayer from some women I did not know. That was hard; I wished I had a close community\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>\u2014I did; I had friends I could call on the mainland. But I say, \u201cFind people. If you don't have them, find them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>\u201cThey're out there.\u201d There's a lot of us out there who've been there, and we'd love to encourage younger moms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And church is a great way to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And a lot of times, we have different organizations, where moms are there and we can offer help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I would add, just hearing that story\u2014I don't know, Bob, if you think this\u2014but I think, \u201cMan, if a mom is that desperate to drive to a church\u2014she doesn't even know the people\u201d\u2014the agony in your soul that you must have been feeling. Bob, I know dads feel it; but it's different for a mom. I'm thinking there's women\/there's moms listening that are like, \u201cI'm right there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think the point in all of this, Dave, is that, for all of us, moms and dads, going through the challenges that we face, as parents\u2014we've got to quit trying to be posers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have got to acknowledge, to one another, in the midst of it: \u201cIt's hard,\u201d and \u201cIt doesn't always work well,\u201d and \u201cWe mess up, as parents,\u201d and \u201cWe need help.\u201d I remember clearly the nights that Mary Ann and I would drive to our small group meetings, thinking: \u201cOur kids are going to be in prison some day\u201d; [Laughter] because we just left the house and we know: \u201cWe're blowing it as parents. We don't know what we're doing,\u201d and \u201cThese kids are going to be juvenile delinquents when they grow up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then we'd get to the small group. We'd sit around and we'd talk: \u201dSo, how are things going for you?\u201d We'd kind of <em>quietly<\/em> say, \u201cWell, you know\u2014some challenges here and there\u2026\u201d [Laughter] We're posers!\u2014right?\u2014because you don't want to say, \u201cOh man, our kids are going to go to prison.\u201d [Laughter] And then the other parents would go, \u201cOh, we've got the same thing going.\u201d\u00a0 We'd be like, \u201cReally?!\u201d What encouragement to know that we're not alone in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I remember doing this\u2014I bought our boys those little army guys\u2014the little green guys\u2014like in <em>Toy Story.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I thought that: \u201cThis will be cool.\u201d I pictured them sitting at the table and maneuvering them about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLet's go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>We'll take the hill!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. [Laughter] I find them out\u2014all three of them\u2014out on the driveway. They have attached, with duct tape, little firecrackers onto their backs. And then they had Barbies, where they had bigger firecrackers. [Laughter] I'm thinking: \u201cThis is what I mean when I say it's good to talk to other parents\u2014like, \u2018Oh, yeah. My kids do that.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what? This is why I love James 1\u2014I clung to that, as a mom\u2014when the Scripture says, \u201cIf any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And so often, we don't go there first; we don't go to God first. He's saying, \u201cCome to Me; I'll give you wisdom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, to get wisdom from a book like <em>Boy Mom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the encouragement\u2014I think the readers of the book read this and go: \u201cOh, okay. Okay; we're not alone in this situation that we're experiencing\u2014another mom has experienced this, and her boys are doing okay,\u201d\u2014you know. And then, the manifesto in the back\u2014we didn't talk about that. I just encourage listeners to get a copy of the book and turn to the back and read this \u201cBoy Mom Manifesto\u201dthat will help anchor you, as a mother of boys, to know: \u201cThis is what it's supposed to look like for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got copies of Monica's book,<em> Boy Mom<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. The subtitle is <em>What Your Son Needs Most from You<\/em>. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>Boy Mom<\/em> by Monica Swanson. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these kinds of subjects are things we are passionate about, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Our goal, as a ministry, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world, one home at a time. We're not just talking about marriages and families in the United States; we're talking about the worldwide impact of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, recently, we had the opportunity to show the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, which has been dubbed into Spanish. We showed it in movie theaters in Central and South America. We had tens of thousands of people in line to watch the film. Here's what\u2019s exciting though\u2014these folks\/many of them have signed up and started going through the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series, which has also been translated into Spanish. We're getting <em>great<\/em> feedback from folks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we're hoping to be able to do this in Asia\u2014in Mandarin\u2014and in the 10-40 window, using the Arabic language. We're hoping to get these translations complete. We had some friends of the ministry come to us later\u2014excited not only about what's happening with the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014but with <em>all<\/em> that is happening, here, at FamilyLife. They said, \u201cWe want to help add fuel to what God is doing through this ministry.\u201d They have offered to match any donation we receive, during the month of August, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we're coming to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and saying, \u201cWould you help us take full advantage of this match?\u201d Know that your donation is going to be doubled as a result of your generosity. And then, we'd love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, which you can use for yourself or pass on to someone\u2014maybe your kids or someone at church, who's in the thick of raising their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would love to have you join with us in the mission of FamilyLife. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a generous donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thanks, in advance, for your partnership with us and for helping expand the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when Monica Swanson will be here again. We're going to talk about how important it is for moms and dads to be helping to mold and shape the identity of their sons, so that our boys don't think that their identity is in what they do; but they understand that their identity is in who they are and who God made them to be. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:13"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.92M"],"filesize_raw":["26127684"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305276.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305276.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Swanson, a mother to four sons, remembers how overwhelmed she felt when her boys were young. Swanson gives her best tips for raising boys while keeping your sanity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Monica Swanson remembers what surprised her the most about being a mother with boys\u2014it was her anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It definitely caught me off guard. It made me doubt\u2014like: \u201dWhy would God give have given me these boys if I don't even have the patience to parent them well?\u201d I think recognizing that you're not alone\u2014and recognizing that God is there to help you if you stop, and pause, and pull back and pray\u2014because what you're going through is so normal, and that there are ways to deal with things without losing your temper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Are you a mom with boys?\u2014and with anger? [Laughter] We're going to talk about how to deal with all of that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have to tell you\u2014when I sawthis book, <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, I said to myself, \u201cThat's an Ann Wilson book\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cif I've ever seen one.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because honestly, I think of you as kind of a proto-typical boy mom. You <em>loved<\/em> being a mom of boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did; in fact, I remember saying before we had kids\u2014I told Dave, \u201cMy dream would be to have three boys\u201d; but then I had them, and it was so crazy\u2014I'm like, \u201cWhy did I want three boys?!\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it was just so busy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think a lot of moms are <em>intimidated<\/em> by sons and are like, \u201cI don't know what to <em>do<\/em> with them.\u201d But this was something you were <em>ready<\/em> for\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because you had brothers and sports and all of that, growing up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I was excited. There's something about little boys and the relationship with the mom that's very unique. I'm a very active mom, and I know that some moms aren't. But there's still this beautiful orchestra that happens\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love Ann\u2014when she says, \u201cactive,\u201d she's being humble. [Laughter] She would have a boy on her shoulders\u2014a boy in a Snugli<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014mowing the yard. And my neighbors would be like: \u201cYou don't mow the yard?! Why is your wife out there, mowing the yard?\u201d I'm like, \u201cI make her mow the yard\u2014that's what I do.\u201d [Laughter] She loved doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one time she took our boys, when they were teenagers\u2014you know, football players\u2014and trying to get in training and that kind of thing. I'm a college football player\u2014I should be over there doing this\u2014but no; my wife is over there, running the stairs, yelling at them: \u201cYou don't get your butt up these stairs, you're never going to play football. Let's go!\u201d And they're like, \u201cMom; quit it!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I love it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have got a boy mom joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today,<\/em> and let me welcome her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMonica Swanson\u2014welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Thank you; it's so good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A mother of four boys who\u2014at one point, when you were a new mom with a boy, who had a lot of energy\u2014you took him to a psychologist\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for a diagnosis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what was the diagnosis? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> He was diagnosed as being a boy. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, what were the <em>symptoms<\/em> that you were looking at that you were going, \u201cSomething seems wrong here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. I don't know if I was relieved or thrilled with that diagnosis. My first son had a fairly mild temperament, as far as boys go\u2014as a baby and in his toddler years. So when my second son came around\u2014and he was just so physical and seemed to just crave physical contact. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know there's a range of sensory issues, as people talk about more and more now, so he probably had a little bit of a sensory issue. He would do things like slam his body into random places. When I was at the gym, teaching\u2014and he is in the kids' club\u2014I'd pick him up, and he'd have rug burns on his forehead. [Laughter] And I said, \u201cWhat happened to him?!\u201d And they said, \u201cWell, he just pushed himself around on the carpet, burning his own forehead.\u201d [Laughter] I thought that \u201cSurely, there is something really wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEnough things happened that I finally had a psychologist actually come to my home to observe him in our home and just thought: \u201cHere we go. This is going to be interesting\u2014he's going to come up with something.\u201d He spent a couple of hours, and that's what he came up with\u2014in the end, was: \u201cYour son is a boy.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I'm guessing you had to pay him for that information? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Monica is married to a physician husband\u2014Dr. Dave. You guys have lived on the north shore of Hawaii for the last 18 years. You're a blogger; you've been sharing your boy mom wisdom with moms for years now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; eight-and-a-half years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And a lot of this started as you just wrote an essay about what it was like to be a mother of boys. Other boy moms went, \u201cFinally, there's somebody who understands what I'm dealing with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right; yes. I'd been blogging for a few years\u2014sharing stories from our life, sharing encouragement, sharing some recipes from fruit we grow on our property, and all different things. It was when I wrote a post called \u201cWhat a Teenage Boy Needs Most from His Mom\u201d that I realized what a need was out there\u2014how many moms, around the world, just were reading, and sharing, and commenting, and emailing, saying, \u201cThis is what I've been needing to hear\u2014some good news\/some encouragement.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of moms just have some fear when it comes to raising their boys\u2014the outlook can be bleak if you see what's going on in culture and what the media has to say. Yes; that was the post that woke me up to what was going on in the world and how many moms needed some encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why do you think that post had the most traction with teenage boys? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>At first, I was a little surprised. I hadn't invented a new parenting technique\u2014it's not like I came up with something brand new\u2014but when the emails and comments come flooding in, I realized that the <em>main thing<\/em> was just how much I enjoyed my teenage boys. I think so many moms <em>love<\/em> their little boys\/they enjoy their little boys, but they <em>fear<\/em> that day that they become tweens or teens and start to pull away. They fear that day that people all make sound like\u2014is maybe just a rite of passage\u2014is that boys have to pull away, and they're going to quit looking to mom and dad for a source of wisdom or direction, and they're just going to look to their friends or culture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I talked about <em>loving<\/em> the teenage years\u2014and I referred to the teenage years as actually the reward for the hard work of the earlier years\u2014I feel like moms were just so <em>relieved<\/em> to hear that it might not be that bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me go back before the teenage years though, because I think a lot of moms\u2014as soon as they see boys being boys, as soon as they see aggression, as soon as they see a lot of activity, as soon as they see testosterone\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014showing up in a three-year-old\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they're like, \u201cSomething is wrong, and I need to fix this testosterone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You mean the skid marks on the head?\u2014is that what you are referring to? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whether it's carpet burns on a forehead, or a boy throwing things, or boys punching each other\u2014these are normal boy activities\u2014but a lot of moms just really freak out about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. I especially hear from moms who are raised with just sisters\u2014or maybe have older daughters and then they have a son\u2014and they just think, \u201cWhat in the world do I do with this?\u201d I think that's normal. As a boy mom, you need to adjust your expectations. You need to recognize that God created boys in a very unique way; and with some help, channeling that energy, so much good can come from it. They are future leaders; they are warriors\u2014they just need some help channeling all that energy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you find yourself flinching when your boys started exhibiting aggressive tendencies? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I think so; I think to some extent. I grew up with only brothers; and I've kind of always been a little bit of a tomboy; also, very active. When it started happening in times I didn't expect it, it did scare me a little bit\u2014that was the story behind the psychologist. But I also think that it just wore me out; I think I was surprised by how nonstop it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It's exhausting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>It wasn't just when I wanted it to happen. It was all day long, from the time they woke up; so, yes, it was something I had to adjust to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think those early years for moms with boys are exhausting, because they are so busy; they never stop moving. I remember thinking, \u201cIs this my life?!\u201d\u2014like there's activity going on, and aggression, and big muscle movements going on all day long. I thought, \u201cHow am I going to navigate this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Especially when they start hitting or teasing, I just thought, \u201cI feel like I'm out of control.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How did you navigate those early years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Well, I think the first thing that I did was realize how\u2014and the psychologist actually did recommend this as well, so I'll give him some credit\u2014I just realized how much they needed the physical activity and how I needed to find safe places to get out. As soon as I would expect them to live in this tiny little place we were living in\u2014and get along and not hurt one another\u2014that just wasn't reasonable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for me, it was walking to a park; it was finding a safe place, where I could just say: \u201cJust go; just run. Get it out.\u201d And the earlier in the day, the better. And if you want them to nap, best to just get them out somewhere\/anywhere. I think giving them the opportunity to be physical in a safe way was probably the greatest key to the beginning of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How did you balance the \u201cbe physical\u201d and \u201cbe safe\u201d? I've seen a lot of moms\u2014you know, they're so cautious because they want their little boys\u2014and girls but, definitely, little boys\u2014to be safe that they don't let them\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014be boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014be boys. How do you balance that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Yes; there's a fine line there. We've had a few broken bones\u2014I'll say that. [Laughter]\u00a0 I think that it just takes wisdom\u2014praying, asking God for wisdom\u2014and realizing that there's a time when they're crossing a line. If they're rough-housing for fun,\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthat's one thing. When you start to see that there's something more behind it, then you do need to step in and help coach them through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I think getting them involved\u2014I mean, there\u2019s organized sports; there's activities that you can do\u2014that you know someone else knows what they're doing\u2014and sometimes, that's the best way to turn to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and it helps to live in Hawaii!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica<\/strong>: It does help to live in Hawaii. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You can go outside\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; we did. And even as I wrote the book, and was recommending things like giving them plenty of physical exercise, I wanted to be sensitive to the people who live where they aren't in Hawaii and they can't get out. My husband and I both grew up in the Pacific Northwest. We both have memories of bundling up\u2014me in the rain; I mean, I was near Seattle, so there was a lot of rain\u2014but being cold\/being wet and just doing it anyway. I think it's pretty safe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You start in your book, <em>Boy Mom<\/em>, talking about the fact that boys need boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> They do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And part of the way they feel safe is when you, as the grown-up, say: \u201cHere are the boundaries that are going to help keep you safe. Inside the boundaries, have at it!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That actually brings reassurance and comfort to them; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> It absolutely does. And when they're young, I find that applies mostly to physical things; and then, as they grow up, those boundaries need to be applied to other things. Again, where you're giving them boundaries; but giving them the freedom, within the boundaries, to do as much as they want. I think that's super important. They need it more than they realize, and they appreciate it more than most parents think that they will. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Monica, what's that look like, practically speaking, when you talk about boundaries? Can you give us an example?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I think, when they're young\u2014like I said\u2014because they're more physical, it would be taking them to a safe place. It would be taking them to a park or somewhere, where you say: \u201cYou can go this far and no further. Just run; have fun.\u201d Then, as they get older, it's more setting the boundaries in what you're allowing them to do\u2014homes they go to\/activities they get involved with\u2014and being able to say: \u201cI'm going to let you do this,\u201d and \u201cWithin this, go for it and have fun; but I'm <em>not<\/em> going to give you freedoms that maybe some of your friends have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, that might be something online, where you know they're at a site\/they're on a platform\u2014something that you feel comfortable with and you're nearby. It doesn't mean you give them free rein\u2014you know, when they're eight and ten years old to just get on YouTube and explore. I think setting boundaries and giving them freedom within those boundaries. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boys push boundaries; right? I mean, when mom comes along and says, \u201cThese are the boundaries\u201d, it's almost like it's instinctive in a boy to say, \u201cLet me see if you really mean that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Absolutely; that's part of it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are your boys boundary pushers? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> They sure are. A couple of them more than others. I've found my second two\u2014the youngest two boys are actually the boundary pushers. I wrote a blog post once titled \u201cWhen Your Son Argues with Everything\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just tips for dealing with that. My third son, especially\u2014he may grow up to be a great lawyer; he may be a negotiator; he may be a leader\u2014but he definitely wants to argue with things from the beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you with that?\u2014because you want to listen to them; you want to hear them out. That's one of those things that we've come up with\u2014what we call an appeal process. It's where we expect them to obey us; we expect them to honor us as their parents; but if they really feel like they have a good argument, then we say: \u201cWe're going to listen to you. We want you to take some time to think about it. Gather your thoughts and then come to us and say, \u2018May I appeal?\u2019\u201d I think it's reasonable to hear them out and let them appeal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Daniel, in the Bible, is a great example of somebody who respectfully appealed\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and gained the king's permission to do things a little differently. There is a way to appeal that demonstrates respect and that expresses humility. A boy, who is just whining, shouldn't get mom and dad's ear\u2014you don't give in to the whining\u2014but if somebody comes and says: \u201cCan I appeal about this?\u201d and \u201cHere's my argument\u2026\u201d\u2014that should get a listen from mom and dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right; exactly. Even if we don't change our mind, at least, we can listen\u2014and I think gives them\u2014they feel empowered; they feel like they have a voice. I think that's really important as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Have you found that any of your sons have won their appeal? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>They sure have. You know, they're pretty good at what they do, so they know how to present their case well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It sounds like you are raising a little lawyer, too. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> I might be. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: We do have, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, a link to the article that you mentioned about when your son argues with everything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if a listener is interested in reading your tips on that, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of the things I noticed in your book was\u2014you talked about how these anger issues started to surface in your own life\u2014that you didn't realize that you had. How did that come about? I think so many moms, that have young kids especially, think, \u201cWhere did this come from?\u201d I remember looking at myself in the mirror, when I was yelling one time, thinking, \u201cWho have I become?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. It definitely caught me off guard and it made me doubt\u2014like, \u201cWhy would God have given me these boys if I don't even have the patience to parent them well?\u201d The anger\u2014the longer I've gone now, talking to moms and being online\u2014I know, now, that this is so common; but it certainly caught me off guard and made me sad. I was so disappointed in myself at my anger issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think recognizing you're not alone\u2014and recognizing that God is there to help you if you stop, and pause, and pull back and pray\u2014because what you're going through is so normal. Boys are going to test your patience; kids are going to test your patience\u2014boys and girls alike. I think, for me, it was a matter of recognizing that what I'm dealing with is normal\u2014it wasn't just me\u2014and that there are ways to deal with things without losing your temper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm sparky; I've got a lot of spunk\u2014I don't just easily sit back and let things go; so for me, I needed to know that I could have a voice with my boys. I could be a disciplinarian, but I could do it right. There were a few years of real hard lessons, and a lot of prayer, and a lot of humility as I learned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, we dove right into boys being full of aggression, and testosterone, and putting boundaries around them. You really pour a foundation; before you get into any of this, you say there's a foundation that's got to be present for any of this to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And that foundation is: your boys have to know: \u201cMom loves you desperately,\u201d and that love and that relationship\u2014Dennis Rainey used to say that's the bridge on which a truckload of truth can be delivered; but if that bridge is out, the truth doesn't get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; that is absolutely right. They need to know they're loved; they need to know they're safe. I think that communicating that over and over\u2014you just can't communicate it too much. I think that foundation is key and that's why I put it at the beginning of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What, practically, have you done to just let your boys know that \u201cMom is our biggest fan\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>I'm a real communicator and so\u2014I will just speak in the words, just letting them know every day\u2014you can't say it too much. And when you mess up\u2014owning it. If you do lose your temper, asking forgiveness, and saying: \u201cMommy is sorry,\u201d \u201cMommy is human, but she handled that wrong.\u201d I think that just that communication is super, super important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, early in your book, you mention\u2014and we've been there\u2014where you said to Josiah: \u201cI'm sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d And he said\u2014it's so classic\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> \u2014painful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014 he says: \u201cWhy do you keep asking? You're just going to do it again.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Oh! I hate remembering that moment, but I will never forget it. I actually asked him, recently, if he remembers; and he doesn't. I'm like, \u201cGood.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was a turning point for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>It was a <em>huge<\/em> turning point for me. It was really when I started reaching out to people and saying: \u201cWould you pray with me over this?\u00a0 This is something that I want to tell myself, \u2018Oh, I just lost my temper a time or two\u2019; but it was becoming habitual.\u201d It was something that just became too normal\u2014I think I normalized it. When he said that\u2014big wake-up call and a time of big change for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that's a key thing\u2014is having friends that can encourage us\/that can pray for us\u2014that can say, \u201cI've been there; this is what worked for me,\u201d\u2014and other friends that will say: \u201cI know. I had to apologize. I went through that.\u201d I think having a community of women that will pray for us and be with us is really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Absolutely. I will say, though, when I went through that, we had really just been in Hawaii a short time. It took me a while to find good friends and community. The truth is\u2014and maybe this will speak to someone out there, listening, that doesn't have that community\u2014I waited for my husband to get off work on a Friday night. I drove myself downtown to a church that I knew had a prayer meeting on Friday nights. I just humbly went forward to some women, who I could tell were a few years ahead of me, and I just said, \u201cI need you to pray for me.\u201d With a lot of tears, I just received prayer from some women I did not know. That was hard; I wished I had a close community\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>\u2014I did; I had friends I could call on the mainland. But I say, \u201cFind people. If you don't have them, find them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>\u201cThey're out there.\u201d There's a lot of us out there who've been there, and we'd love to encourage younger moms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And church is a great way to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And a lot of times, we have different organizations, where moms are there and we can offer help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I would add, just hearing that story\u2014I don't know, Bob, if you think this\u2014but I think, \u201cMan, if a mom is that desperate to drive to a church\u2014she doesn't even know the people\u201d\u2014the agony in your soul that you must have been feeling. Bob, I know dads feel it; but it's different for a mom. I'm thinking there's women\/there's moms listening that are like, \u201cI'm right there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think the point in all of this, Dave, is that, for all of us, moms and dads, going through the challenges that we face, as parents\u2014we've got to quit trying to be posers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have got to acknowledge, to one another, in the midst of it: \u201cIt's hard,\u201d and \u201cIt doesn't always work well,\u201d and \u201cWe mess up, as parents,\u201d and \u201cWe need help.\u201d I remember clearly the nights that Mary Ann and I would drive to our small group meetings, thinking: \u201cOur kids are going to be in prison some day\u201d; [Laughter] because we just left the house and we know: \u201cWe're blowing it as parents. We don't know what we're doing,\u201d and \u201cThese kids are going to be juvenile delinquents when they grow up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then we'd get to the small group. We'd sit around and we'd talk: \u201dSo, how are things going for you?\u201d We'd kind of <em>quietly<\/em> say, \u201cWell, you know\u2014some challenges here and there\u2026\u201d [Laughter] We're posers!\u2014right?\u2014because you don't want to say, \u201cOh man, our kids are going to go to prison.\u201d [Laughter] And then the other parents would go, \u201cOh, we've got the same thing going.\u201d\u00a0 We'd be like, \u201cReally?!\u201d What encouragement to know that we're not alone in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I remember doing this\u2014I bought our boys those little army guys\u2014the little green guys\u2014like in <em>Toy Story.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I thought that: \u201cThis will be cool.\u201d I pictured them sitting at the table and maneuvering them about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLet's go!\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>We'll take the hill!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. [Laughter] I find them out\u2014all three of them\u2014out on the driveway. They have attached, with duct tape, little firecrackers onto their backs. And then they had Barbies, where they had bigger firecrackers. [Laughter] I'm thinking: \u201cThis is what I mean when I say it's good to talk to other parents\u2014like, \u2018Oh, yeah. My kids do that.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know what? This is why I love James 1\u2014I clung to that, as a mom\u2014when the Scripture says, \u201cIf any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica:<\/strong> That's right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And so often, we don't go there first; we don't go to God first. He's saying, \u201cCome to Me; I'll give you wisdom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Monica: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, to get wisdom from a book like <em>Boy Mom.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the encouragement\u2014I think the readers of the book read this and go: \u201cOh, okay. Okay; we're not alone in this situation that we're experiencing\u2014another mom has experienced this, and her boys are doing okay,\u201d\u2014you know. And then, the manifesto in the back\u2014we didn't talk about that. I just encourage listeners to get a copy of the book and turn to the back and read this \u201cBoy Mom Manifesto\u201dthat will help anchor you, as a mother of boys, to know: \u201cThis is what it's supposed to look like for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe've got copies of Monica's book,<em> Boy Mom<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. The subtitle is <em>What Your Son Needs Most from You<\/em>. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>Boy Mom<\/em> by Monica Swanson. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these kinds of subjects are things we are passionate about, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Our goal, as a ministry, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families who change the world, one home at a time. We're not just talking about marriages and families in the United States; we're talking about the worldwide impact of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, recently, we had the opportunity to show the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, which has been dubbed into Spanish. We showed it in movie theaters in Central and South America. We had tens of thousands of people in line to watch the film. Here's what\u2019s exciting though\u2014these folks\/many of them have signed up and started going through the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series, which has also been translated into Spanish. We're getting <em>great<\/em> feedback from folks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we're hoping to be able to do this in Asia\u2014in Mandarin\u2014and in the 10-40 window, using the Arabic language. We're hoping to get these translations complete. We had some friends of the ministry come to us later\u2014excited not only about what's happening with the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014but with <em>all<\/em> that is happening, here, at FamilyLife. They said, \u201cWe want to help add fuel to what God is doing through this ministry.\u201d They have offered to match any donation we receive, during the month of August, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we're coming to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners and saying, \u201cWould you help us take full advantage of this match?\u201d Know that your donation is going to be doubled as a result of your generosity. And then, we'd love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, which you can use for yourself or pass on to someone\u2014maybe your kids or someone at church, who's in the thick of raising their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would love to have you join with us in the mission of FamilyLife. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a generous donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thanks, in advance, for your partnership with us and for helping expand the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when Monica Swanson will be here again. We're going to talk about how important it is for moms and dads to be helping to mold and shape the identity of their sons, so that our boys don't think that their identity is in what they do; but they understand that their identity is in who they are and who God made them to be. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305276"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305276"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305276"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305276"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}