{"id":305252,"date":"2019-08-07T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-08-07T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/so-whats-wrong-with\/"},"modified":"2019-08-07T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-08-07T10:00:05","slug":"so-whats-wrong-with","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/so-whats-wrong-with\/","title":{"rendered":"So What&#8217;s Wrong With&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Inevitably our kids will step in pot holes along the way to maturity, and Gary Chapman and Clarence Shuler want to help. Together these authors talk honestly to young teens about the challenges they&#8217;ll face in adolescence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:44","filesize":"23.56M","filesize_raw":"24701570","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2826,2835,2855],"tags":[6682],"podcast_series":[8294],"cwp_profile":[9363,3353],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305252","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-men","category-raising-boys","category-teens","tag-teen-challenges","podcast_series-choose-greatness","cwp_profile-clarence-shuler","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305252\/so-whats-wrong-with","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305252\/so-whats-wrong-with","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zVaizBPkVs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/so-whats-wrong-with\/\">So What&#8217;s Wrong With&#8230;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/so-whats-wrong-with\/embed\/#?secret=zVaizBPkVs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;So What&#8217;s Wrong With&#8230;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zVaizBPkVs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dr. Gary Chapman remembers the night as a young teenager when he decided he would not drink alcohol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>My grandfather was an alcoholic. A man knocked on our door one night and said to my father, \u201cYour dad\u2019s lying out there by the side of the street, drunk.\u201d My dad said to me, \u201cGet your coat on; I need your help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked up there and picked our grandfather up out of the ditch, really. He was fussing at us for messing with him and all of that. We walked him home and we put him in bed, and I walked home that night and I said, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. There are important life lessons that our sons and daughters need to learn during their teen years\u2014some of those lessons will be illustrated in some pretty dramatic ways. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have often\u2014when I\u2019ve been speaking to parents about raising their kids\u2014I\u2019ve asked the question, \u201cHow many of you would like your kids to have the same junior and senior high experience you had?\u201d Not many hands go up when you ask that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Middle, yes. Middle school, junior high.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I\u2019ve often thought, \u201cBoy, I wish my 60-plus-year-old self could go back into that 15-year-old body and redo high school, because I\u2019d do it so differently knowing what I know now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week we\u2019re talking about how do we help kids make wise choices\u2014wise decisions\u2014so that they don\u2019t step into some of the potholes that we stepped in when we were going through. The truth is, our kids are going to step in potholes, because they\u2019re human beings, and there\u2019s no way to ensure\u2014every mom, every dad would like to think, \u201cI wish I could just bake at 350 for 25 minutes and they would turn out perfect.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they\u2019re going to make mistakes, they\u2019re going to have to learn some things the hard way. But sometimes, in learning things the hard way, some of the lessons you heard from your mom or your dad come back and you go, \u201cOh, that\u2019s what Mom or Dad said.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right or wrong\u2014I\u2019ve said this to Ann\u2014we wanted our sons to make bad decisions while they\u2019re still under our roof. We didn\u2019t want them to\u2014we knew they would, and we wanted to be there to be able to coach them through rather than their doing that later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have Dr. Gary Chapman joining us this week, along with our friend, Clarence\u00a0 Schuller. Gentlemen, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Thank you! Good to be with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>For those of you who don\u2019t know Gary Chapman, when did you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Does anybody not know Gary Chapman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when did you move to the United States? [Laughter] Welcome to America. Gary is the author of the book <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em> and dozens of other books as well. Clarence Schuller and his wife, Brenda, speak at our <em>FamilyLife Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. Clarence is also an author, he\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a couple of times before, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Together, these men have written a book called <em>Choose Greatness: 11 Wise Decisions That Brave Young Men Make<\/em>, and there are 11 chapters in this book that point kids to wise choices like, \u201cListen to your parents,\u201d and, \u201cGet a good education,\u201d and, \u201cBuild diverse friendships,\u201d and, \u201cSpend time helping others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know that moms and dads, when they get to this, they run right to, \u201cRespect girls, be sexually responsible, don\u2019t do drugs, and stay of marijuana and tobacco.\u201d I mean, that\u2019s the in the middle of the book. Those are kind of the scare points for all of us parents that we want our kids to handle their sexuality right as they go through school, and we want them not to get off into drugs or alcohol or\u2014you include tobacco, interesting. But where you are from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Winston, Salem. [Laughter] Tobacco capital of the world!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk there about drugs and alcohol and why you included tobacco and marijuana in this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Well, when I was growing up in the South almost everybody smoked, but we didn\u2019t know the connection with cancer. Now we know that, and it\u2019s absolutely absurd for us to encourage young people to walk that road. It\u2019s encouraging that even Hollywood has backed off on that. So there are far less young people smoking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the reality is, there are over three thousand young people that start smoking cigarettes every day, and a third of them are going to be long-term smokers. They\u2019re going to live 13 to 14 years less than the person who didn\u2019t smoke for a lifetime\u2014so that\u2019s why. I\u2019m just concerned about life and health.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, of course, because often the cigarette smoking leads to marijuana, and marijuana can cause all kinds of things. I mean, we\u2019ve legalized it now, but legalizing it doesn\u2019t make it good. It doesn\u2019t have a good effect. The brain is developing in these years between 11 and 18. Actually, they say the brain\u2019s not fully developed till they\u2019re 25. Don\u2019t mess up your brain now! If you want to mess it up, mess it up after you get to be 25! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Clarence, did you smoke?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I did not. I didn\u2019t want it to stunt my growth. [Laughter] It didn\u2019t work. But my sister and I, once we tried to get into my dad\u2019s stash. You know, he smoked. We tried to light it and puff, and it just wasn\u2019t rewarding to me. I said, \u201cThis is it! I have to acquire a taste for it.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to do that. Plus, we almost burned down the house in the process, so it didn\u2019t have a big appeal to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I actually married a smoker. You didn\u2019t know that, did you? [Laughter] I married a woman who smoked cigarettes! Tell them your story!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When I was five years old, I was the youngest of four, and I was always at these sporting events. So my first cigarette was underneath the bleachers, and there was a little butt, still lit, and I picked that up and took a drag on it, and I thought, \u201cWhy would people do this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was your one time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That was my one time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you smoke at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I never did. I was like Clarence; you know, I thought you\u2019d lose your hair or something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, your mom did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>My mom was\u2014and that\u2019s one of the reasons. She was, I mean, a prolific smoker, several packs a day, get in the car\u2014I remember as a teenager finally saying, \u201cMom.\u201d Here\u2019s how the conversation went. \u201cIf you smoke a cigarette in the car, I\u2019m turning the radio up as loud as I can do it.\u201d That was the tradeoff. And I did. She lit one up, and I just blasted it up, and she said, \u201cOkay, I won\u2019t smoke in the car.\u201d So she then started to go out in the garage. I learned very early to stay away from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Gary, you say in the book, you\u2019re talking about alcohol, you decided as a young man not to drink.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. Clarence and I both share some of our stories along the line in this book, and that one\u2014I was probably 12 years old. My grandfather was an alcoholic. A man knocked on our door one night and said to my father, \u201cYour dad\u2019s lying up there beside the street, drunk.\u201d My dad said to me, \u201cGet your coat on; I need your help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked up there and picked our grandfather up out of the ditch, really. He was fussing at us for messing with him and all of that. We walked him home and we put him in bed, and I walked home that night and I said, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d That\u2019s when I decided I wasn\u2019t going to mess with alcohol. Never regretted that decision, but the people who have messed with alcohol in those years, almost all of them lived to regret it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know that the reason I think that young people are drawn to this\u2014curiosity\u2019s part of it\u2014but cool is part of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Peer pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. I mean, it\u2019s, \u201cThis validates you. This is what makes you edgy and cool,\u201d and people kind of think, \u201cOh, you\u2019re grown up,\u201d if you\u2019re drinking or if you\u2019re smoking. Did you ever feel pressure in drinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>No, not really. Some of my aunts and uncles drank, and they would let me sip stuff when I was ten years old. It just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014never appealed to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u2014never appealed to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By the grace of God, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Both cigarettes and alcohol just never had appeal to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, I was trying to be a good athlete, so I didn\u2019t want to mess with my body, you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Gary, did you have that conversation with Clarence? Because Clarence, I\u2019m assuming you had friends and peers that were smoking or drinking. Did you guys talk openly about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that we talked much about that, Clarence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I think by the time you and I met\u2014I can\u2019t remember\u2014I\u2019d already made that decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes. I think so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You know, one of the other points I wanted to make is what you were saying about your mother, Dave. My father smoked, and that\u2019s the reason I don\u2019t smoke. You know, I heard his coughing and hacking and all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember the day that he came down off a ladder (he was painting a house) and he was up there coughing, he came down, he took his cigarettes and twisted it like that and threw it on the ground, and he said, \u201cI\u2019m never smoking another cigarette.\u201d I became proud of my dad at that juncture. He set the model of smoking, and that\u2019s why I decided, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that! I don\u2019t want to be hacking like that all my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we can learn from the bad model. I like to say this to young men\u2014maybe your father, if you know your father\u2014maybe he didn\u2019t set the best example, or maybe your mother didn\u2019t set the best example. You can learn from a negative example. \u201cThat\u2019s one thing I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re not smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, I\u2019m guessing that does probably mean that you don\u2019t mess with marijuana or drugs. I mean, if you have concern for your body at the one level, you\u2019re probably not going to jump straight from nothing to marijuana.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m looking at Clarence; he\u2019s like, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not always the case.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, you know, smoking a cigarette, to me, was just not cool.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>But the temptation of drugs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was there for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I was very curious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>At our school they had this achievement deal. They were prep schools recruiting guys. They took the top seven guys, and I was in the top nine academically. So I didn\u2019t get to go. But when my buddies from prep school came back, I think it was during Christmas break, they were talking about how they had access to drugs and getting them for free, and they were doing LSD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget, one guy said that the room started breathing, and that didn\u2019t appeal to me, because he\u2019s not in control. The U.S. was doing a really strong campaign\u2014\u201cWould drugs turn you on or would they turn on you?\u201d So I remember that night leaving his house, because they were getting ready to do drugs, and I said, \u201cYou know, guys, you\u2019re my friends, but I\u2019m not doing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was the first time I really started stepping out and becoming my own leader. That was a really big deal. I think I was 14. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d met Gary or not, but we didn\u2019t talk about that. I think I would have probably been too embarrassed, because he\u2019s still an adult, to talk to him about anything like doing drugs. But that\u2019s when I kind of made the decision I wasn\u2019t going to do drugs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>For you guys, was drugs, alcohol ever an issue for either of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow, you\u2019re really going, aren\u2019t you? [Laughter] You ought to talk about Clarence and Gary. [Laughter] Did you know they\u2019ve written this really good book\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, share your story there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Which one? [Laughter] You know, it\u2019s really interesting that\u2014I had two alcoholic parents, and my mom smoked, and the smoking thing was like, \u201cI\u2019m never going to do that,\u201d and the drinking thing, I made a vow, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do this.\u201d My mom even said, \u201cDon\u2019t drink.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember the day I went to Steve Litchwall\u2019s house, in seventh grade\u2014maybe eighth grade. He was the best athlete in the middle school, and you know, the best athlete in middle school is the one who hits puberty first. [Laughter] That\u2019s how it goes. And he did. He was 6\u20192\u201d, we were all 5\u20195\u201d, 5\u20193\u201d. I was the point guard to bring the ball down and get it to Steve, and he\u2019d score, and he was the most popular kid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got invited to his house. I found out as I was walking there his parents were gone. That\u2019s why I was invited there. I\u2019ll never forget, I walk in the house, and I\u2019m the last guy. There were seven or eight guys, they all have a beer in their hand, as soon as I step in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>13 years old\u201414?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> 13. I\u2019d made a decision, \u201cI\u2019m not going to drink.\u201d I watched it tear apart my parents\u2019 marriage. My dad would come back a couple times a year and he would get drunk and be angry. He wasn\u2019t happy, he was angry\u2014he was mean. So that was my image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I walk in there and they all have a beer, and the first thing Steve says is, \u201cHey, man! Open the fridge, get a beer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember thinking, \u201cNo! That\u2019s not what I do.\u201d But it was Steve Litchwall, and I had that junior high identity\u2014you know, I wanted to be accepted, and I did. I went over, opened the thing. I\u2019d never opened a beer in my life. I sat down, you know, \u201cEverybody\u2019s cool, man; everybody\u2019s drinking a beer. Now I\u2019m in.\u201d I remember opening that thing and taking my first sip and going, \u201cThis is the worst-tasting thing I\u2019ve ever\u2014\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut of course, I just drank it and looked like I had done this my whole life, and that was the beginning of a lot of bad decisions related to alcohol, because when I look back I really didn\u2019t know who I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s often behind these bad decisions that kids are making is an identity issue. \u201cWho am I? What am I good at? Will people like me? Will I be accepted?\u201d Talk a little bit about that. How do we build into our kids this sense of self that, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do these things that are going to be destructive in order to get the approval of your peers\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, we try to show them the long-term benefits of it. What we really like about the book is that there are questions at the end of every chapter, so when a young guy reads this book that\u2019s written to him, now he has a chance to self-evaluate himself. \u201cWhere am I? Why am I where I am? If I want to make a difference, I need to\u2014I know the right answers to these questions. What should I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it\u2019s a really good chance for them to evaluate themselves without having parental pushing or preaching at him, that he kind of sees where he is. We hope that the book really helps him\u2014if they don\u2019t have a good self-identity, that by the time they finish the book it will have helped them to have formed a good self-identity, who I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of self-identity, I think, is not self-worship, but self-worth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m imagining a parent sitting down with a son and saying, \u201cHere\u2019s question number one. Have you ever been offered drugs or alcohol? Did you accept or reject the offer? What led you to make that decision?\u201d If a dad\u2019s going to ask his son that question, or a single mom\u2019s going to ask, they have to be able to say, \u201cYou can be honest. You won\u2019t get in trouble. I want to know,\u201d and then they have to put on their \u201cI\u2019m not shocked\u201d face with whatever the answer comes back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But don\u2019t freak out. Don\u2019t freak out. Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If your son says back to you, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve been offered drugs. Yes, I took them. It\u2019s been more than once,\u201d what do you do as a parent at that point, Gary? If you\u2019re in that moment and you\u2019re trying to steer your kid in the right direction and they\u2019re being honest with you about, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve gone there\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I think, first of all, you express appreciation to them that they\u2019re willing to be open and honest about it, and then you keep walking through the questions with them as they process that. At the end, \u201cWhat do you think about this chapter and the statistics that are in this chapter as to what this does?\u201d It\u2019s a learning experience, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, if it\u2019s the father, the father might also be honest with his child, his young man\u2014young son\u2014to say, \u201cYou know, I made a similar mistake, and I\u2019ve always regretted it. So you have to decide here. I\u2019m not going to encourage you to continue down this road; I\u2019m going to challenge you, because I didn\u2019t stay in that road very long myself,\u201d or maybe you did, and now you\u2019re saying, \u201cI regret that I did that.\u201d It opens up conversation between the parent and the son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, the questions go on. \u201cIf you are using drugs or alcohol, why do you continue to do so? Do you have friends who are involved in drugs or alcohol? What can you do to learn from their choices? Would real friends ask you to risk harming your brain or going to jail for the illegal use of drugs? Have we influenced you positively or negatively with regard to the use of drugs? What would you like to say to us?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, \u201cConsider: when you make a decision to refuse alcohol and drugs, you become a leader, an influencer of others in a positive direction.\u201d You can call young men up to be a leader for good rather than a leader\u2014care more about pointing people in a good direction than being cool.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like those questions, too, because I think kids are way more prone to listen when we ask a question than when we preach to them. I know that our adult sons have said that to me. \u201cI wish, Mom, that instead of being so concerned about my actions you would have asked me the whys behind my actions and my temptations.\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s going on that\u2019s making you feel pressure in this area?\u201d Or he said, \u201cI wish you would have gotten to my heart more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I really appreciated you bringing up in the book was you talked about technology. When you began your friendship in 1968\u2014that was a very different time and culture when it came to technology\u2014and now we\u2019re in a whole different world, where I have especially moms saying, \u201cI have no idea how to tackle this issue with my teens.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys address that. How would you encourage, and what would you tell parents? Do we say, \u201cOh, bring somebody in and they can help you,\u201d or do we talk about that as parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about technology, I think you want to talk to them about how to use technology. \u201cThere are some really good things about technology, and we\u2019re letting you have a phone so we can stay in communication, we know if you delayed practice or you have to stay after school or where you\u2019re going to be,\u201d stuff like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTechnology\u2019s really good for just stating facts, more so than anything else. But when you have to deal with a friend who\u2019s disappointed you or betrayed you, then don\u2019t write an emotional response through social media. That\u2019s not really helpful, because sometimes we might say things we would not normally say if it was face-to-face or by phone. I think that helps them. I think they know that\u2014but it\u2019s really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other thing with technology, if we\u2019re going to talk about that, is the whole idea of sexting. I\u2019ve talked to a lot of young people about that, and just the fact that, \u201cHey, if you take that picture, it\u2019s never going away. Someone can find that picture. The other thing is about it, when you take that picture, your friends\u2019 friends or peers are probably going to see that picture as well.\u201d In some states, it\u2019s actually a felony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a guy who had a scholarship to a Division 1 school. He and his girlfriend took this picture of each other, somebody saw it they didn\u2019t expect; he got put in jail for a night, and now he\u2019s fighting to turn the felony into a misdemeanor so he can go to college. His world can be turned upside down\u2014so there are some consequences when you deal with technology, I think, in a wrong way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes, so in the book we really do try to emphasize, first of all, the positive aspects of knowledge and learning. I mean, it\u2019s amazing what you can learn. All you have to do is just ask sometimes, and it tells you what to do if you get stung with a bee! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> There are a lot of positive aspects there, but also\u2014and particularly during these formative years\u2014there are a lot of negative things. We deal with both of those. I think the fact that a young man will read this and see that we\u2019re not really preaching at him, but we are saying, \u201cHere are the good things. Let\u2019s use these good things, but let\u2019s avoid these pitfalls.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things I love about the book is that it\u2019s <em>Reader\u2019s Digest<\/em>-sized, and I guess there are enough people who remember <em>Reader\u2019s Digest<\/em> to know the size I\u2019m talking about. [Laughter] This is not something that\u2019s going to be hard to go through. Each chapter is short\u2014it\u2019s concise\u2014about 150 pages in the book. This is easily digestible. You knew that young men don\u2019t necessarily sit down and read at home, so you wrote something that would be right to the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo go through these 11 decisions with a son or with young men in your church or young men on your team as a coach, or whoever God gives you influence over\u2014this will be something that\u2019s digestible, easy to accomplish. I think this is a gift to moms and dads, but a gift to the next generation, and we\u2019re grateful that you guys have written it and grateful that you\u2019d be here to talk about it with us today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Well, thank you. We\u2019ve enjoyed being here. We\u2019re excited about how this book may help literally thousands of young men make wise decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I\u2019m excited for the book, too, just in the step-parenting perspective, because stepfathers can actually go through this with a stepson and just build a relationship, without preaching. Gary and I can be the bad guys, and they can go through and just have their discussion, if they create a safe place for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Again, we have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. The book is called <em>Choose Greatness: 11 Wise Decisions That Brave Young Men Make<\/em>. Order at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you, the conversation with Gary and with Clarence this week has made me kind of wish I could go back to when my boys were two and three and get started all over again and have some of these conversations more intentionally. David Robbins, who\u2019s the President of FamilyLife, is here with us. You can do it! You can implement now what I only wish I could implement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I have two boys that this book is squarely created for\u2014I have a nine-year-old and a twelve-year-old. I\u2019m really looking forward to reading through this book, having these 11 conversations. I do love having a book like this where there\u2019s that neutral source, that other person who\u2019s actually bringing things that I really want to talk about before us, and we can build trust around it and have a different type of conversation than when it\u2019s me bringing up this idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to have these conversations, because I want to get to the heart. I don\u2019t want to just do behavior modification, I just want to get into their soul and shape the character in a deep way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy constant temptation, I feel like\u2014like a lot of people, as a parent\u2014is just to manage behavior and to mold the environment\u2014to make it as peaceful and as easy as possible for us. That\u2019s not parenting. Parenting is getting into the deeper places and\u2014I\u2019m looking forward to these conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m hoping a lot of our listeners will join you on that journey, get a copy of the book and have these conversations with their sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just also mention, if you\u2019ve not gone through, as a couple, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> video series that we released a year ago\u2014maybe grab some other parents who have kids the same ages as your kids and set aside eight evenings, over the next couple of months, where you can get together and go through this content. It will help you be more intentional and more focused as you raise the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something that we\u2019re passionate about here at FamilyLife, and in fact, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along during the month of August and said, \u201cWe\u2019re excited about what you\u2019re doing, not just with <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, but with the outreaches of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, with everything that\u2019s going on on your website.\u201d These friends have agreed to help accelerate what we have going on here by making a half-million-dollar donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is just one catch: in order for us to receive the half-million dollars from them, that money needs to be matched by <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. So we\u2019re asking you: Will you make as generous a donation as possible today, knowing that whatever you donate, your donation is going to release funds from the matching gift account and you\u2019ll be helping us expand the work of FamilyLife as a result? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you make a donation today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, a great resource for you to have or to pass along to folks who are in the middle of the parenting years. Again, make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about what can be a stressful time of life for young men and women. It\u2019s that time when they head off to college, they begin navigating life on their own, maybe they\u2019re getting jobs or starting military service. These can be times of stress and pressure, and Shelby Abbott\u2019s going to join us tomorrow to talk about how we help them navigate the stress. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:44"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.56M"],"filesize_raw":["24701570"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305252.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305252.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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our kids will step in pot holes along the way to maturity, and Gary Chapman and Clarence Shuler want to help. Together these authors talk honestly to young teens about the challenges they'll face in adolescence.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-08-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dr. Gary Chapman remembers the night as a young teenager when he decided he would not drink alcohol.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>My grandfather was an alcoholic. A man knocked on our door one night and said to my father, \u201cYour dad\u2019s lying out there by the side of the street, drunk.\u201d My dad said to me, \u201cGet your coat on; I need your help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked up there and picked our grandfather up out of the ditch, really. He was fussing at us for messing with him and all of that. We walked him home and we put him in bed, and I walked home that night and I said, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, August 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. There are important life lessons that our sons and daughters need to learn during their teen years\u2014some of those lessons will be illustrated in some pretty dramatic ways. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have often\u2014when I\u2019ve been speaking to parents about raising their kids\u2014I\u2019ve asked the question, \u201cHow many of you would like your kids to have the same junior and senior high experience you had?\u201d Not many hands go up when you ask that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Middle, yes. Middle school, junior high.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But I\u2019ve often thought, \u201cBoy, I wish my 60-plus-year-old self could go back into that 15-year-old body and redo high school, because I\u2019d do it so differently knowing what I know now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week we\u2019re talking about how do we help kids make wise choices\u2014wise decisions\u2014so that they don\u2019t step into some of the potholes that we stepped in when we were going through. The truth is, our kids are going to step in potholes, because they\u2019re human beings, and there\u2019s no way to ensure\u2014every mom, every dad would like to think, \u201cI wish I could just bake at 350 for 25 minutes and they would turn out perfect.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they\u2019re going to make mistakes, they\u2019re going to have to learn some things the hard way. But sometimes, in learning things the hard way, some of the lessons you heard from your mom or your dad come back and you go, \u201cOh, that\u2019s what Mom or Dad said.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right or wrong\u2014I\u2019ve said this to Ann\u2014we wanted our sons to make bad decisions while they\u2019re still under our roof. We didn\u2019t want them to\u2014we knew they would, and we wanted to be there to be able to coach them through rather than their doing that later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have Dr. Gary Chapman joining us this week, along with our friend, Clarence\u00a0 Schuller. Gentlemen, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Thank you! Good to be with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>For those of you who don\u2019t know Gary Chapman, when did you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Does anybody not know Gary Chapman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014when did you move to the United States? [Laughter] Welcome to America. Gary is the author of the book <em>The Five Love Languages<\/em> and dozens of other books as well. Clarence Schuller and his wife, Brenda, speak at our <em>FamilyLife Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways. Clarence is also an author, he\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a couple of times before, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Together, these men have written a book called <em>Choose Greatness: 11 Wise Decisions That Brave Young Men Make<\/em>, and there are 11 chapters in this book that point kids to wise choices like, \u201cListen to your parents,\u201d and, \u201cGet a good education,\u201d and, \u201cBuild diverse friendships,\u201d and, \u201cSpend time helping others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know that moms and dads, when they get to this, they run right to, \u201cRespect girls, be sexually responsible, don\u2019t do drugs, and stay of marijuana and tobacco.\u201d I mean, that\u2019s the in the middle of the book. Those are kind of the scare points for all of us parents that we want our kids to handle their sexuality right as they go through school, and we want them not to get off into drugs or alcohol or\u2014you include tobacco, interesting. But where you are from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Winston, Salem. [Laughter] Tobacco capital of the world!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk there about drugs and alcohol and why you included tobacco and marijuana in this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Well, when I was growing up in the South almost everybody smoked, but we didn\u2019t know the connection with cancer. Now we know that, and it\u2019s absolutely absurd for us to encourage young people to walk that road. It\u2019s encouraging that even Hollywood has backed off on that. So there are far less young people smoking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the reality is, there are over three thousand young people that start smoking cigarettes every day, and a third of them are going to be long-term smokers. They\u2019re going to live 13 to 14 years less than the person who didn\u2019t smoke for a lifetime\u2014so that\u2019s why. I\u2019m just concerned about life and health.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, of course, because often the cigarette smoking leads to marijuana, and marijuana can cause all kinds of things. I mean, we\u2019ve legalized it now, but legalizing it doesn\u2019t make it good. It doesn\u2019t have a good effect. The brain is developing in these years between 11 and 18. Actually, they say the brain\u2019s not fully developed till they\u2019re 25. Don\u2019t mess up your brain now! If you want to mess it up, mess it up after you get to be 25! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Clarence, did you smoke?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I did not. I didn\u2019t want it to stunt my growth. [Laughter] It didn\u2019t work. But my sister and I, once we tried to get into my dad\u2019s stash. You know, he smoked. We tried to light it and puff, and it just wasn\u2019t rewarding to me. I said, \u201cThis is it! I have to acquire a taste for it.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to do that. Plus, we almost burned down the house in the process, so it didn\u2019t have a big appeal to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I actually married a smoker. You didn\u2019t know that, did you? [Laughter] I married a woman who smoked cigarettes! Tell them your story!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When I was five years old, I was the youngest of four, and I was always at these sporting events. So my first cigarette was underneath the bleachers, and there was a little butt, still lit, and I picked that up and took a drag on it, and I thought, \u201cWhy would people do this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was your one time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That was my one time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you smoke at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I never did. I was like Clarence; you know, I thought you\u2019d lose your hair or something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, your mom did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>My mom was\u2014and that\u2019s one of the reasons. She was, I mean, a prolific smoker, several packs a day, get in the car\u2014I remember as a teenager finally saying, \u201cMom.\u201d Here\u2019s how the conversation went. \u201cIf you smoke a cigarette in the car, I\u2019m turning the radio up as loud as I can do it.\u201d That was the tradeoff. And I did. She lit one up, and I just blasted it up, and she said, \u201cOkay, I won\u2019t smoke in the car.\u201d So she then started to go out in the garage. I learned very early to stay away from it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Gary, you say in the book, you\u2019re talking about alcohol, you decided as a young man not to drink.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes. Clarence and I both share some of our stories along the line in this book, and that one\u2014I was probably 12 years old. My grandfather was an alcoholic. A man knocked on our door one night and said to my father, \u201cYour dad\u2019s lying up there beside the street, drunk.\u201d My dad said to me, \u201cGet your coat on; I need your help.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe walked up there and picked our grandfather up out of the ditch, really. He was fussing at us for messing with him and all of that. We walked him home and we put him in bed, and I walked home that night and I said, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that.\u201d That\u2019s when I decided I wasn\u2019t going to mess with alcohol. Never regretted that decision, but the people who have messed with alcohol in those years, almost all of them lived to regret it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know that the reason I think that young people are drawn to this\u2014curiosity\u2019s part of it\u2014but cool is part of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Peer pressure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. I mean, it\u2019s, \u201cThis validates you. This is what makes you edgy and cool,\u201d and people kind of think, \u201cOh, you\u2019re grown up,\u201d if you\u2019re drinking or if you\u2019re smoking. Did you ever feel pressure in drinking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>No, not really. Some of my aunts and uncles drank, and they would let me sip stuff when I was ten years old. It just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014never appealed to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>\u2014never appealed to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By the grace of God, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Both cigarettes and alcohol just never had appeal to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, I was trying to be a good athlete, so I didn\u2019t want to mess with my body, you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Gary, did you have that conversation with Clarence? Because Clarence, I\u2019m assuming you had friends and peers that were smoking or drinking. Did you guys talk openly about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that we talked much about that, Clarence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I think by the time you and I met\u2014I can\u2019t remember\u2014I\u2019d already made that decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Yes. I think so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> You know, one of the other points I wanted to make is what you were saying about your mother, Dave. My father smoked, and that\u2019s the reason I don\u2019t smoke. You know, I heard his coughing and hacking and all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember the day that he came down off a ladder (he was painting a house) and he was up there coughing, he came down, he took his cigarettes and twisted it like that and threw it on the ground, and he said, \u201cI\u2019m never smoking another cigarette.\u201d I became proud of my dad at that juncture. He set the model of smoking, and that\u2019s why I decided, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that! I don\u2019t want to be hacking like that all my life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we can learn from the bad model. I like to say this to young men\u2014maybe your father, if you know your father\u2014maybe he didn\u2019t set the best example, or maybe your mother didn\u2019t set the best example. You can learn from a negative example. \u201cThat\u2019s one thing I don\u2019t want to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if you\u2019re not smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, I\u2019m guessing that does probably mean that you don\u2019t mess with marijuana or drugs. I mean, if you have concern for your body at the one level, you\u2019re probably not going to jump straight from nothing to marijuana.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m looking at Clarence; he\u2019s like, \u201cWell, that\u2019s not always the case.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, you know, smoking a cigarette, to me, was just not cool.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>But the temptation of drugs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was there for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I was very curious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>At our school they had this achievement deal. They were prep schools recruiting guys. They took the top seven guys, and I was in the top nine academically. So I didn\u2019t get to go. But when my buddies from prep school came back, I think it was during Christmas break, they were talking about how they had access to drugs and getting them for free, and they were doing LSD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget, one guy said that the room started breathing, and that didn\u2019t appeal to me, because he\u2019s not in control. The U.S. was doing a really strong campaign\u2014\u201cWould drugs turn you on or would they turn on you?\u201d So I remember that night leaving his house, because they were getting ready to do drugs, and I said, \u201cYou know, guys, you\u2019re my friends, but I\u2019m not doing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was the first time I really started stepping out and becoming my own leader. That was a really big deal. I think I was 14. I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d met Gary or not, but we didn\u2019t talk about that. I think I would have probably been too embarrassed, because he\u2019s still an adult, to talk to him about anything like doing drugs. But that\u2019s when I kind of made the decision I wasn\u2019t going to do drugs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>For you guys, was drugs, alcohol ever an issue for either of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow, you\u2019re really going, aren\u2019t you? [Laughter] You ought to talk about Clarence and Gary. [Laughter] Did you know they\u2019ve written this really good book\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, share your story there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Which one? [Laughter] You know, it\u2019s really interesting that\u2014I had two alcoholic parents, and my mom smoked, and the smoking thing was like, \u201cI\u2019m never going to do that,\u201d and the drinking thing, I made a vow, \u201cI\u2019m not going to do this.\u201d My mom even said, \u201cDon\u2019t drink.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can remember the day I went to Steve Litchwall\u2019s house, in seventh grade\u2014maybe eighth grade. He was the best athlete in the middle school, and you know, the best athlete in middle school is the one who hits puberty first. [Laughter] That\u2019s how it goes. And he did. He was 6\u20192\u201d, we were all 5\u20195\u201d, 5\u20193\u201d. I was the point guard to bring the ball down and get it to Steve, and he\u2019d score, and he was the most popular kid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got invited to his house. I found out as I was walking there his parents were gone. That\u2019s why I was invited there. I\u2019ll never forget, I walk in the house, and I\u2019m the last guy. There were seven or eight guys, they all have a beer in their hand, as soon as I step in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>13 years old\u201414?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> 13. I\u2019d made a decision, \u201cI\u2019m not going to drink.\u201d I watched it tear apart my parents\u2019 marriage. My dad would come back a couple times a year and he would get drunk and be angry. He wasn\u2019t happy, he was angry\u2014he was mean. So that was my image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I walk in there and they all have a beer, and the first thing Steve says is, \u201cHey, man! Open the fridge, get a beer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember thinking, \u201cNo! That\u2019s not what I do.\u201d But it was Steve Litchwall, and I had that junior high identity\u2014you know, I wanted to be accepted, and I did. I went over, opened the thing. I\u2019d never opened a beer in my life. I sat down, you know, \u201cEverybody\u2019s cool, man; everybody\u2019s drinking a beer. Now I\u2019m in.\u201d I remember opening that thing and taking my first sip and going, \u201cThis is the worst-tasting thing I\u2019ve ever\u2014\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut of course, I just drank it and looked like I had done this my whole life, and that was the beginning of a lot of bad decisions related to alcohol, because when I look back I really didn\u2019t know who I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s often behind these bad decisions that kids are making is an identity issue. \u201cWho am I? What am I good at? Will people like me? Will I be accepted?\u201d Talk a little bit about that. How do we build into our kids this sense of self that, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do these things that are going to be destructive in order to get the approval of your peers\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>Well, we try to show them the long-term benefits of it. What we really like about the book is that there are questions at the end of every chapter, so when a young guy reads this book that\u2019s written to him, now he has a chance to self-evaluate himself. \u201cWhere am I? Why am I where I am? If I want to make a difference, I need to\u2014I know the right answers to these questions. What should I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think it\u2019s a really good chance for them to evaluate themselves without having parental pushing or preaching at him, that he kind of sees where he is. We hope that the book really helps him\u2014if they don\u2019t have a good self-identity, that by the time they finish the book it will have helped them to have formed a good self-identity, who I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of self-identity, I think, is not self-worship, but self-worth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m imagining a parent sitting down with a son and saying, \u201cHere\u2019s question number one. Have you ever been offered drugs or alcohol? Did you accept or reject the offer? What led you to make that decision?\u201d If a dad\u2019s going to ask his son that question, or a single mom\u2019s going to ask, they have to be able to say, \u201cYou can be honest. You won\u2019t get in trouble. I want to know,\u201d and then they have to put on their \u201cI\u2019m not shocked\u201d face with whatever the answer comes back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But don\u2019t freak out. Don\u2019t freak out. Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If your son says back to you, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve been offered drugs. Yes, I took them. It\u2019s been more than once,\u201d what do you do as a parent at that point, Gary? If you\u2019re in that moment and you\u2019re trying to steer your kid in the right direction and they\u2019re being honest with you about, \u201cYes, I\u2019ve gone there\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>I think, first of all, you express appreciation to them that they\u2019re willing to be open and honest about it, and then you keep walking through the questions with them as they process that. At the end, \u201cWhat do you think about this chapter and the statistics that are in this chapter as to what this does?\u201d It\u2019s a learning experience, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, if it\u2019s the father, the father might also be honest with his child, his young man\u2014young son\u2014to say, \u201cYou know, I made a similar mistake, and I\u2019ve always regretted it. So you have to decide here. I\u2019m not going to encourage you to continue down this road; I\u2019m going to challenge you, because I didn\u2019t stay in that road very long myself,\u201d or maybe you did, and now you\u2019re saying, \u201cI regret that I did that.\u201d It opens up conversation between the parent and the son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, the questions go on. \u201cIf you are using drugs or alcohol, why do you continue to do so? Do you have friends who are involved in drugs or alcohol? What can you do to learn from their choices? Would real friends ask you to risk harming your brain or going to jail for the illegal use of drugs? Have we influenced you positively or negatively with regard to the use of drugs? What would you like to say to us?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, \u201cConsider: when you make a decision to refuse alcohol and drugs, you become a leader, an influencer of others in a positive direction.\u201d You can call young men up to be a leader for good rather than a leader\u2014care more about pointing people in a good direction than being cool.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like those questions, too, because I think kids are way more prone to listen when we ask a question than when we preach to them. I know that our adult sons have said that to me. \u201cI wish, Mom, that instead of being so concerned about my actions you would have asked me the whys behind my actions and my temptations.\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s going on that\u2019s making you feel pressure in this area?\u201d Or he said, \u201cI wish you would have gotten to my heart more.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I really appreciated you bringing up in the book was you talked about technology. When you began your friendship in 1968\u2014that was a very different time and culture when it came to technology\u2014and now we\u2019re in a whole different world, where I have especially moms saying, \u201cI have no idea how to tackle this issue with my teens.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys address that. How would you encourage, and what would you tell parents? Do we say, \u201cOh, bring somebody in and they can help you,\u201d or do we talk about that as parents?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about technology, I think you want to talk to them about how to use technology. \u201cThere are some really good things about technology, and we\u2019re letting you have a phone so we can stay in communication, we know if you delayed practice or you have to stay after school or where you\u2019re going to be,\u201d stuff like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTechnology\u2019s really good for just stating facts, more so than anything else. But when you have to deal with a friend who\u2019s disappointed you or betrayed you, then don\u2019t write an emotional response through social media. That\u2019s not really helpful, because sometimes we might say things we would not normally say if it was face-to-face or by phone. I think that helps them. I think they know that\u2014but it\u2019s really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the other thing with technology, if we\u2019re going to talk about that, is the whole idea of sexting. I\u2019ve talked to a lot of young people about that, and just the fact that, \u201cHey, if you take that picture, it\u2019s never going away. Someone can find that picture. The other thing is about it, when you take that picture, your friends\u2019 friends or peers are probably going to see that picture as well.\u201d In some states, it\u2019s actually a felony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a guy who had a scholarship to a Division 1 school. He and his girlfriend took this picture of each other, somebody saw it they didn\u2019t expect; he got put in jail for a night, and now he\u2019s fighting to turn the felony into a misdemeanor so he can go to college. His world can be turned upside down\u2014so there are some consequences when you deal with technology, I think, in a wrong way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Yes, so in the book we really do try to emphasize, first of all, the positive aspects of knowledge and learning. I mean, it\u2019s amazing what you can learn. All you have to do is just ask sometimes, and it tells you what to do if you get stung with a bee! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary:<\/strong> There are a lot of positive aspects there, but also\u2014and particularly during these formative years\u2014there are a lot of negative things. We deal with both of those. I think the fact that a young man will read this and see that we\u2019re not really preaching at him, but we are saying, \u201cHere are the good things. Let\u2019s use these good things, but let\u2019s avoid these pitfalls.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the things I love about the book is that it\u2019s <em>Reader\u2019s Digest<\/em>-sized, and I guess there are enough people who remember <em>Reader\u2019s Digest<\/em> to know the size I\u2019m talking about. [Laughter] This is not something that\u2019s going to be hard to go through. Each chapter is short\u2014it\u2019s concise\u2014about 150 pages in the book. This is easily digestible. You knew that young men don\u2019t necessarily sit down and read at home, so you wrote something that would be right to the point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo go through these 11 decisions with a son or with young men in your church or young men on your team as a coach, or whoever God gives you influence over\u2014this will be something that\u2019s digestible, easy to accomplish. I think this is a gift to moms and dads, but a gift to the next generation, and we\u2019re grateful that you guys have written it and grateful that you\u2019d be here to talk about it with us today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Gary: <\/strong>Well, thank you. We\u2019ve enjoyed being here. We\u2019re excited about how this book may help literally thousands of young men make wise decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Clarence: <\/strong>I\u2019m excited for the book, too, just in the step-parenting perspective, because stepfathers can actually go through this with a stepson and just build a relationship, without preaching. Gary and I can be the bad guys, and they can go through and just have their discussion, if they create a safe place for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. Again, we have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. The book is called <em>Choose Greatness: 11 Wise Decisions That Brave Young Men Make<\/em>. Order at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you, the conversation with Gary and with Clarence this week has made me kind of wish I could go back to when my boys were two and three and get started all over again and have some of these conversations more intentionally. David Robbins, who\u2019s the President of FamilyLife, is here with us. You can do it! You can implement now what I only wish I could implement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I have two boys that this book is squarely created for\u2014I have a nine-year-old and a twelve-year-old. I\u2019m really looking forward to reading through this book, having these 11 conversations. I do love having a book like this where there\u2019s that neutral source, that other person who\u2019s actually bringing things that I really want to talk about before us, and we can build trust around it and have a different type of conversation than when it\u2019s me bringing up this idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to have these conversations, because I want to get to the heart. I don\u2019t want to just do behavior modification, I just want to get into their soul and shape the character in a deep way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy constant temptation, I feel like\u2014like a lot of people, as a parent\u2014is just to manage behavior and to mold the environment\u2014to make it as peaceful and as easy as possible for us. That\u2019s not parenting. Parenting is getting into the deeper places and\u2014I\u2019m looking forward to these conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m hoping a lot of our listeners will join you on that journey, get a copy of the book and have these conversations with their sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just also mention, if you\u2019ve not gone through, as a couple, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> video series that we released a year ago\u2014maybe grab some other parents who have kids the same ages as your kids and set aside eight evenings, over the next couple of months, where you can get together and go through this content. It will help you be more intentional and more focused as you raise the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something that we\u2019re passionate about here at FamilyLife, and in fact, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along during the month of August and said, \u201cWe\u2019re excited about what you\u2019re doing, not just with <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, but with the outreaches of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, with everything that\u2019s going on on your website.\u201d These friends have agreed to help accelerate what we have going on here by making a half-million-dollar donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is just one catch: in order for us to receive the half-million dollars from them, that money needs to be matched by <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. So we\u2019re asking you: Will you make as generous a donation as possible today, knowing that whatever you donate, your donation is going to release funds from the matching gift account and you\u2019ll be helping us expand the work of FamilyLife as a result? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you make a donation today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s book <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, a great resource for you to have or to pass along to folks who are in the middle of the parenting years. Again, make your donation online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk about what can be a stressful time of life for young men and women. It\u2019s that time when they head off to college, they begin navigating life on their own, maybe they\u2019re getting jobs or starting military service. These can be times of stress and pressure, and Shelby Abbott\u2019s going to join us tomorrow to talk about how we help them navigate the stress. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305252"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305252"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305252"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305252"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}