{"id":305228,"date":"2019-07-30T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-07-30T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-separation\/"},"modified":"2019-07-30T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-07-30T10:00:04","slug":"the-separation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-separation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Separation"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marvin and Linda Rooks marriage was adrift on a slow boat to isolation. The Rookses talk about the Easter Sunday that changed everything for them, and the marital separation that had each of them seeking answers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:08","filesize":"25.77M","filesize_raw":"27018241","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849,2883,2863],"tags":[4064,4751,6678],"podcast_series":[8293],"cwp_profile":[9549],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305228","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","category-resurrected-marriages","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-fighting-for-your-marriage","tag-isolation","tag-separation","podcast_series-fighting-for-marriage-while-separated","cwp_profile-marvin-and-linda-rooks","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305228\/the-separation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305228\/the-separation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"NUWvq3ROuw\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-separation\/\">The Separation<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-separation\/embed\/#?secret=NUWvq3ROuw\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Separation&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"NUWvq3ROuw\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When one person in a marriage wants a separation, Linda Rooks says it\u2019s advisable for the other spouse not to vigorously or aggressively pursue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>They\u2019re running away from conflict. Either it\u2019s a conflict at the home or it\u2019s a conflict within themselves. Sometimes it\u2019s their <em>own<\/em> conflict they\u2019re dealing with. If the person is chasing after them, it will push them <em>farther<\/em> away. The answer is for these people\u2014the very <em>first<\/em> important thing to do\u2014is to give them space, and not call them, not text them, not email them. Just give them some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what should you do if you\u2019re in a marriage, and your spouse wants out\u2014wants a separation? We\u2019ll talk to Marv and Linda Rooks about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk often about the fact that marriages drift toward isolation, that that\u2019s a natural phenomenon. Yet most couples, in the midst of isolation, don\u2019t make the decision to physically separate. In fact, I think most couples who are in isolation are living under the same roof, maybe even sleeping in the same bed. They\u2019re just emotionally isolated, and they think, \u201cThat\u2019s just our new normal. We\u2019ll figure out how to deal with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a couple says, \u201cWe\u2019re going to physically separate,\u201d that\u2019s when the marriage moves into a new state of\u2014they\u2019re on the precipice at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think at that point, they\u2019ve lost hope. I also think those couples think, \u201cI <em>am<\/em> going to find life somewhere else, maybe with someone else, because there isn\u2019t any hope left in this marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add this. I think a lot of guys are like me. They don\u2019t even <em>know<\/em> that their marriage is that bad <em>until<\/em> their wife says, \u201cI\u2019m leaving.\u201d I\u2019m not kidding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur marriage was horrible; I thought we were doing great. How could I be so clueless? I look back on that\u2014even people say to me, when they pick up our book\u2014\u201cHow could you be so stupid?\u201d I\u2019ve heard that. [Laughter] \u201cAll the signs were there, and you thought your marriage was a nine out of ten?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cLooking back\u2014how could I\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if my wife would\u2019ve said, \u201cI\u2019m leaving,\u201d\u2014which she almost did say, \u201cI\u2019ve lost my feelings for you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s when I woke up, like, \u201cWe <em>are<\/em> isolated and if something isn\u2019t done right now, we\u2019re going to end up literally, physically, isolated\u2014separated.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of guys are that clueless. I\u2019m sure wives are, too, but man, when you say those words, everything changes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever think about packing the car, taking the kids, and going?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hadn\u2019t made a plan, but I had resolved in my heart that this was the new state of our marriage, and this would be all there was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d just kind of live with this emotional separation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I really did think, \u201cI\u2019m just going to pour my life into the kids.\u201d It sounds to me like that\u2019s what our guest did as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to introduce our guests again. Linda and Marv Rooks join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin and Linda:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Linda and Marv live in Florida, central Florida. They have been\u2014how many years have you been teaching the Marriage 9\/11 class that you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Twelve years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been helping couples in the kind of situation you found yourselves in\u2014couples who are separated\u2014thinking about divorce. They are either physically or emotionally isolated. They don\u2019t have any hope left in their marriage. You do a 13-week class through your church with these couples, and you\u2019ve had 800 plus people come through this class, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve heard you this week share your story about meeting at a wedding, falling in love\u2014four months later, you\u2019re at a wedding again. This time it\u2019s for the two of you. You have five weeks together before, Marv, you take off for a Navy tour, that\u2019s a nine-month tour.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe early years of your marriage were good years. The kids come along. You\u2019re on the fast-track at the law firm. You\u2019re raising the kids. Life starts to separate, but you stay busy and distracted from the growing isolation that\u2019s occurring in your marriage\u2014until the empty nest years roll around, and then all of a sudden, you\u2019re face-to-face with the fact that you\u2019re in the same house with somebody that you\u2019re emotionally distant from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere came a day, Marv, when you said, \u201cI\u2019m done. I\u2019m out.\u201d Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin: <\/strong>Yes. I want to add one word to what Dave said. Isolation was the thing that kept growing with me. But I had become a Christian around 1972. One of the things I did right was that I got into a group of men that held me accountable. When things got to be so busy and so hectic, I got away from that. I actually was physically isolated by moving into the condominium, and I just wanted to be around different people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long did you think about pulling out of your marriage\u2014separating\u2014before you actually packed your bags?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> About ten minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It was on an Easter. We were having dinner. Linda was pulling the ham out of the oven. I don\u2019t remember exactly what was said, but I got very upset with mother-in-law. I got very upset with Linda. I just got up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>And he walked out the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that was the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>It was Easter. He walked out the door. I thought he was coming back because this <em>had<\/em> become a pattern. One of the patterns had become that\u2014at that point in our marriage, when we\u2019d have a big argument\u2014he would walk out the door and leave. Then he\u2019d come back about an hour later, and we\u2019d both act like nothing happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>That was kind of our pattern. And we were both so busy. I am not a person that holds grudges\u2014I have a really hard time holding grudges\u2014so when he\u2019d come back, I\u2019d just say, \u201cOK. We\u2019re all fine.\u201d We never resolved anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn this particular day when he left, I thought, \u201cHe\u2019s coming back,\u201d so I had Easter dinner all ready to go, and he didn\u2019t come back. And he didn\u2019t come back, and he didn\u2019t come back. I started getting really worried. I really thought that, in spite of the fact that we were living different lives, I really thought he loved me, and I didn\u2019t think he would ever leave. Even when we were having problems, I thought he still loved me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when he left and didn\u2019t come back, I called one of our mutual friends, and he went over there to check on him. He came back, and he said, \u201cWell, Linda, he said he may be gone for a while. He\u2019s just sort of chilling out and reading a book every day, and he may come back.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, I just panicked. I mean, I was just falling apart\u2014emotionally, physically\u2014the pain. I just could not believe it. It was a horrible time for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think this is very true here. You\u2019re talking about how couples may decide to separate. I think an awful lot of the time, it isn\u2019t the couple deciding; it\u2019s one person deciding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what\u2019s surprising to me. You\u2019d walked out before and come back an hour later\u2014two hours later. Why this day did you say, \u201cI\u2019m not coming back\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> I got in the condominium, and I started comparing. This is where I didn\u2019t get God involved with this. \u201cOK. Here I am. I can do what I want to. I can have dinner when I want to. I don\u2019t have to deal with a mother-in-law. I don\u2019t have to deal with social organization. I don\u2019t have to deal with children. Why not? Why not?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought this made me happy. I found out very quickly that it did not. The reason that I did not come back is that I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to go with this lifestyle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Statistically speaking, most couples that get separated will end up in divorce. Your story\u2019s different. What happened? Take us on the journey. How did you get back together? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t like one thing happened. It wasn\u2019t like there were one or two things, and that made all the difference. A separation is a very complicated, confusing time. It\u2019s a heart-wrenching time. There is no simple, easy answer for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, there are certain things that you do that make a difference. Somehow or another, God led me, one thing at a time, to do the right thing. Even though this was the hardest time in my whole life, it was also the sweetest time with Jesus. It drew me so close to him because I had no one else to depend on. I\u2019d lost him. My kids were teenagers, and they had their own lives. At first, I didn\u2019t have any really close friends to help me. Some friends came along, and they were wonderful, and that made a huge difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut really, I only had God to go to, so He led me one step at a time. That was just so amazing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me take you into that journey a little bit. When your friend came to you and said, \u201cI\u2019ve been with Marv. He says this could take a while.\u201d You\u2019d been thinking, \u201cThis will be over tomorrow, the next day. Now it\u2019s been four days.\u201d When that hit you, that this could be a while, that\u2019s a whole different way of thinking about where your life\u2019s headed and what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of a lot of wives who, in that moment, start to beg or plead, or get emotional. They get emotionally manipulative with their husbands, or they get angry. All kinds of things happen. What did <em>you<\/em> do in that moment when you thought, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be a while? Get back here where you belong?\u201d How were you handling it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> That\u2019s interesting that you would ask me that because that\u2019s, again, a place where I think God simply led me. I realize <em>now<\/em> that the thing you do need to do is to give the person space when they leave like that. I did do that. I gave him space. I didn\u2019t know what was happening. I didn\u2019t know why he was leaving. I wanted to know, but I wanted him to come to me and tell me. I guess inside, God was leading me to say, \u201cHe needs to be the one to come and tell you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t go pound on the condo door and say, \u201cCome out here and talk to me\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That says a lot about you and your trust in God. I would get panicky. I think a lot of women get panicky and try to take that control back, like, \u201cI will do anything. Let\u2019s go to counseling. Here\u2019s a book.\u201d You\u2019re trying to do all this. Yet you pulled back and allowed God to do that work. Was that a difficult decision? How did you come to that decision of \u201cI\u2019m going to let God do it.\u201d Did God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think it was really a decision. I just <em>did<\/em>. That\u2019s the way I reacted, and I can\u2019t really tell you why except that I believed that God was leading me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When Ann said that, I thought, \u201cI know my wife.\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cIf I would\u2019ve gone to a condo, I don\u2019t think it would\u2019ve been three hours. Seriously. She would\u2019ve been pounding on that door, and she would\u2019ve said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk. We\u2019ve got to talk <em>now<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or, \u201cHere\u2019s a counselor\u2019s name.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. Right or wrong. When I was hearing you say that\u2014some of that is your temperament, but now it\u2019s like, \u201cGod was at work.\u201d There was another sense that I would\u2019ve barred the door and said, \u201cI need time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes, and he would\u2019ve\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI need time.\u201d You gave Marv time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes. Later on, at one point, he sent me flowers for Mother\u2019s Day. At that point, I did go over to the condominium, and knocked on the door to thank him. He said, \u201cI\u2019m glad you liked them. I can\u2019t talk now,\u201d and he shut the door. That was it. I went home and cried my eyes out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Marv, what are you thinking at that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you thinking, like, \u201cI could be happier with another woman?\u201d Have you moved on that way at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> At that point, God had not gotten me at my wit\u2019s end. I will tell you people He used and circumstances He used to get me to my wit\u2019s end. But I did not want to give up this style of isolation, as superficial as it was, to go back to something real that I was not ready for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t you miss Linda at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> I did to a certain extent, but not to the extent that I was ready to shuck everything and go back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel any guilt or remorse about what you were doing? You\u2019ve got two girls who know that Dad\u2019s just left Mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> At that point in time, I wasn\u2019t feeling guilt or remorse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It took some things to happen in my life. The reason that I started being willing to come back was not because of guilt or remorse. It was because of what she was doing that she describes in this book. It was so tantalizing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>What Marv is saying is so typical. This is what we have found. We have worked with so many couples. I get emails from people who are going through this. The truth is that when a person leaves, like he did, they are just confused. They really don\u2019t know what they want. They really, truly don\u2019t. So, if the spouse runs after them, and wants to know what they\u2019re going to do, and why they\u2019re going to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you read the stories in my book, it\u2019s amazing. They\u2019re all the same way. God has just revealed this a little bit at a time to me: If the person is chasing after them, it will push them farther away. The answer is for these people\u2014the very <em>first<\/em> important thing to do\u2014is to give them space, and not call them, not text them, not email them. Just give them some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a week, or a month, or six months?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You have to let God lead you on terms of the time. There basically is a significant time. It can be weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are people who get scared to death thinking, \u201cThe longer this goes, the less the chance of reconciliation comes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I know. This is one thing that drives me crazy. I hear people say if a separation lasts very long, it\u2019s going to end up in divorce. My experience is the opposite. When you give God time to work, that\u2019s when the marriage can come back together. It takes doing the right things, too. You don\u2019t just sit there and wait and hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you say the same thing to couples who\u2014the husband\u2019s left or the wife\u2019s left\u2014and there\u2019s another person involved? If there\u2019s a third party, is it different? Or the same?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> There is a difference when there\u2019s another person. They still need to give them space. There is a difference. It\u2019s harder if there\u2019s another person involved at the time. That is harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was going to ask this\u2014Ann kind of alluded to it. Was there already a thought in the back of your mind? \u201cThere is this cute woman at the office who\u2019s kind of been paying attention to me.\u201d Was that even a factor in all this for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It was a factor. I was going places and hanging out with people that I shouldn\u2019t be hanging out with. I had what I would call an \u201cemotional\u201d relationship with one other person that ended up going nowhere. But to be honest, you consider everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Linda, one of the things you say, in the book, \u201cgive your spouse time and space to sort things out.\u201d I like that you get very specific. You say, \u201cDon\u2019t call. Don\u2019t email. Don\u2019t text\u2014unless you need to discuss something significant.\u201d You also said, \u201cPray for your spouse and use this time to get closer to God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly. It took a little while of going crazy [Laughter] before I really and totally got to God. Basically, yes. You need to pray for them, and you need to realize there\u2019s something going on with them, and I need to pray with them. You can\u2019t change another person. You can\u2019t change your spouse. Only God can change them. And He really does answer prayers. I had some amazing answers to prayer during this time. I know that He answers our prayers. You have to have the mindset that I\u2019m going to give this some time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that happened that really helped me. I did have friends who came along and did say the right thing at the right time. I remember there was one friend\u2014we were out to lunch. I was going on and on about what Marv was doing and what was happening, and everything like that. She said, \u201cLinda, he\u2019s confused. Don\u2019t make him make a decision right away. Give him some time.\u201d She said, \u201cCall him up and tell him to take a year to figure himself out.\u201d I said, \u201cA year?\u201d She said, \u201cYes. Linda, look at it this way. What if he takes a year, and he figures it all out, and you get back together, and you have 20 happy years together after that. Wouldn\u2019t it be worth it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cYes. I guess it would.\u201d As it turned out, we were separated for three years, but we have had 20 happy years together since that time. It was absolutely worth it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the fear\u2014you know the fear. \u201cI give him a year. A year is going to cause this thing to move farther apart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re headed toward divorce. If I give him a year, that\u2019s where we\u2019re going to end up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He could file in that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly. He\u2019s a lawyer for heaven\u2019s sake! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m curious. On the day when the florist rang the bell and said, \u201cHere are flowers\u2014Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d You look at the card, and it\u2019s from Marv. There had to be something in your heart going, \u201cOK. This is the moment when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly. And he signed it \u201clove.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. And every wife is noticing that word, right? And so you go down, knocking on the door thinking, \u201cMaybe we\u2019re going to put an end to all this right now,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right. Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then he slams the door in your face and says, \u201cGlad you like them,\u201d and that\u2019s it. You had to be crushed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Oh, I was, absolutely. Absolutely crushed. As I said, it was because of people speaking the right words into my mind. I had another hairdresser. I went to get my hair done, and she\u2019d heard about what was going on. She said, \u201cLinda, take it as a time to rest. I used to have a lot of conflict in our home. When he would leave, I\u2019d look at it as a time to rest and pay attention to the kids, do things with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer words kept swirling through my head, over and over, all that week or two. Then, actually, we did\u2014this mutual friend of ours told me that Marv was going to a counselor. He\u2019s started going to a counselor, and he said that I could go to the counselor, too, if I wanted to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I did. I called the counselor up, and I went. We went to her for a couple of months. Her goal was to get us back together in the same house. That was her goal. She succeeded. He did move back. He moved back; he was there for two months, and then he left again. At this point, he was thinking maybe a divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that happened\u2014he moved back, but nothing had changed. Everything was just the same as it was before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> And because nothing had changed, there was nothing to give us any more hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is so important. This is where I think listeners have to recognize\u2014the goal, if you\u2019re in separation, if you\u2019re in isolation\u2014the goal is not, \u201cOK. Let\u2019s get things back to normal.\u201d Normal wasn\u2019t working for you in the first place. Normal\u2019s how you got in this mess to begin with, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. Everybody know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And there you were. You were back together doing the same thing. Marv said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t any better. I\u2019m out.\u201d And every couple feels that. You\u2019ve got to find a new life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when you\u2019re in isolation, don\u2019t think, \u201cWe have to get back to the way things were.\u201d The way things were got you into isolation. You\u2019ve got to be asking the question, \u201cWhat do we need to do so that we can have a new normal, a different normal than the normal we had before.\u201d Even if this marriage doesn\u2019t resolve the way you\u2019re praying it\u2019s going to resolve, you\u2019ve got to recognize that you need to be a different person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Linda you describe it as having a new marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right, right. In fact, you don\u2019t just reconcile the marriage. You\u2019re going to resurrect the marriage from what was probably dead to something that has new life in it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The story of your resurrection is the story of this book, <em>Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated<\/em>. I don\u2019t know if couples listening would say, \u201cWe\u2019re in isolation, or we\u2019re headed toward isolation, or we\u2019re separated, or we\u2019re thinking about a divorce.\u201d I don\u2019t know where you are. Undoubtedly, you know somebody who\u2019s in this situation. Maybe you know somebody who is separated today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you. Get a copy of Linda\u2019s book <em>Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center. You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can call to order at 1-800-FLTODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-FLTODAY to get your copy of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, it occurs to me that one of the ways that we keep from drifting toward isolation in marriage is by doing things that promote health and strength in our marriage. That\u2019s why our team put together a fitness guide for your marriage for this summer. We call it \u201cStronger Forever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had lots of people who have been downloading this marital fitness guide and starting to do some of the workouts\u2014the exercises that are in here\u2014all designed to build stronger, healthier marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be one of the reasons for so many people downloading this guide is because when you download it, you become instantly, automatically eligible to win a grand prize we\u2019ve put together. One couple\u2019s going to win this\u2014that is, round-trip air fare and passage on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>\u00ae marriage cruise in 2020. This is our tenth anniversary cruise. It is almost sold out at this point, but we saved a cabin for you; that is, if you are the one whose name we draw at the end of August.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no purchase necessary for you to enter. The contest began back on July 1<sup>st<\/sup>, 2019. It ends on August 31<sup>st<\/sup>, 2019. The official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/strongerforever. Whether you win or not, you get a great guide for strengthening your marriage, but somebody\u2019s going to win the cruise. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out more about the \u201cStronger Forever\u201d summer marriage workout plan we\u2019ve put together. We hope to see one couple joining us on the cruise in February of 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to hear how God moved to bring Marv and Linda Rooks back together after three years of separation. I hope you can tune in to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:08"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.77M"],"filesize_raw":["27018241"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305228.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305228.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Linda Rooks marriage was adrift on a slow boat to isolation. The Rookses talk about the Easter Sunday that changed everything for them, and the marital separation that had each of them seeking answers.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When one person in a marriage wants a separation, Linda Rooks says it\u2019s advisable for the other spouse not to vigorously or aggressively pursue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>They\u2019re running away from conflict. Either it\u2019s a conflict at the home or it\u2019s a conflict within themselves. Sometimes it\u2019s their <em>own<\/em> conflict they\u2019re dealing with. If the person is chasing after them, it will push them <em>farther<\/em> away. The answer is for these people\u2014the very <em>first<\/em> important thing to do\u2014is to give them space, and not call them, not text them, not email them. Just give them some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, what should you do if you\u2019re in a marriage, and your spouse wants out\u2014wants a separation? We\u2019ll talk to Marv and Linda Rooks about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talk often about the fact that marriages drift toward isolation, that that\u2019s a natural phenomenon. Yet most couples, in the midst of isolation, don\u2019t make the decision to physically separate. In fact, I think most couples who are in isolation are living under the same roof, maybe even sleeping in the same bed. They\u2019re just emotionally isolated, and they think, \u201cThat\u2019s just our new normal. We\u2019ll figure out how to deal with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a couple says, \u201cWe\u2019re going to physically separate,\u201d that\u2019s when the marriage moves into a new state of\u2014they\u2019re on the precipice at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think at that point, they\u2019ve lost hope. I also think those couples think, \u201cI <em>am<\/em> going to find life somewhere else, maybe with someone else, because there isn\u2019t any hope left in this marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add this. I think a lot of guys are like me. They don\u2019t even <em>know<\/em> that their marriage is that bad <em>until<\/em> their wife says, \u201cI\u2019m leaving.\u201d I\u2019m not kidding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur marriage was horrible; I thought we were doing great. How could I be so clueless? I look back on that\u2014even people say to me, when they pick up our book\u2014\u201cHow could you be so stupid?\u201d I\u2019ve heard that. [Laughter] \u201cAll the signs were there, and you thought your marriage was a nine out of ten?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cLooking back\u2014how could I\u2014\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if my wife would\u2019ve said, \u201cI\u2019m leaving,\u201d\u2014which she almost did say, \u201cI\u2019ve lost my feelings for you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s when I woke up, like, \u201cWe <em>are<\/em> isolated and if something isn\u2019t done right now, we\u2019re going to end up literally, physically, isolated\u2014separated.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think a lot of guys are that clueless. I\u2019m sure wives are, too, but man, when you say those words, everything changes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever think about packing the car, taking the kids, and going?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hadn\u2019t made a plan, but I had resolved in my heart that this was the new state of our marriage, and this would be all there was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d just kind of live with this emotional separation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I really did think, \u201cI\u2019m just going to pour my life into the kids.\u201d It sounds to me like that\u2019s what our guest did as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to introduce our guests again. Linda and Marv Rooks join us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin and Linda:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Linda and Marv live in Florida, central Florida. They have been\u2014how many years have you been teaching the Marriage 9\/11 class that you do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Twelve years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been helping couples in the kind of situation you found yourselves in\u2014couples who are separated\u2014thinking about divorce. They are either physically or emotionally isolated. They don\u2019t have any hope left in their marriage. You do a 13-week class through your church with these couples, and you\u2019ve had 800 plus people come through this class, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve heard you this week share your story about meeting at a wedding, falling in love\u2014four months later, you\u2019re at a wedding again. This time it\u2019s for the two of you. You have five weeks together before, Marv, you take off for a Navy tour, that\u2019s a nine-month tour.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe early years of your marriage were good years. The kids come along. You\u2019re on the fast-track at the law firm. You\u2019re raising the kids. Life starts to separate, but you stay busy and distracted from the growing isolation that\u2019s occurring in your marriage\u2014until the empty nest years roll around, and then all of a sudden, you\u2019re face-to-face with the fact that you\u2019re in the same house with somebody that you\u2019re emotionally distant from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere came a day, Marv, when you said, \u201cI\u2019m done. I\u2019m out.\u201d Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin: <\/strong>Yes. I want to add one word to what Dave said. Isolation was the thing that kept growing with me. But I had become a Christian around 1972. One of the things I did right was that I got into a group of men that held me accountable. When things got to be so busy and so hectic, I got away from that. I actually was physically isolated by moving into the condominium, and I just wanted to be around different people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long did you think about pulling out of your marriage\u2014separating\u2014before you actually packed your bags?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> About ten minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It was on an Easter. We were having dinner. Linda was pulling the ham out of the oven. I don\u2019t remember exactly what was said, but I got very upset with mother-in-law. I got very upset with Linda. I just got up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>And he walked out the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that was the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>It was Easter. He walked out the door. I thought he was coming back because this <em>had<\/em> become a pattern. One of the patterns had become that\u2014at that point in our marriage, when we\u2019d have a big argument\u2014he would walk out the door and leave. Then he\u2019d come back about an hour later, and we\u2019d both act like nothing happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>That was kind of our pattern. And we were both so busy. I am not a person that holds grudges\u2014I have a really hard time holding grudges\u2014so when he\u2019d come back, I\u2019d just say, \u201cOK. We\u2019re all fine.\u201d We never resolved anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn this particular day when he left, I thought, \u201cHe\u2019s coming back,\u201d so I had Easter dinner all ready to go, and he didn\u2019t come back. And he didn\u2019t come back, and he didn\u2019t come back. I started getting really worried. I really thought that, in spite of the fact that we were living different lives, I really thought he loved me, and I didn\u2019t think he would ever leave. Even when we were having problems, I thought he still loved me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, when he left and didn\u2019t come back, I called one of our mutual friends, and he went over there to check on him. He came back, and he said, \u201cWell, Linda, he said he may be gone for a while. He\u2019s just sort of chilling out and reading a book every day, and he may come back.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt that point, I just panicked. I mean, I was just falling apart\u2014emotionally, physically\u2014the pain. I just could not believe it. It was a horrible time for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think this is very true here. You\u2019re talking about how couples may decide to separate. I think an awful lot of the time, it isn\u2019t the couple deciding; it\u2019s one person deciding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what\u2019s surprising to me. You\u2019d walked out before and come back an hour later\u2014two hours later. Why this day did you say, \u201cI\u2019m not coming back\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> I got in the condominium, and I started comparing. This is where I didn\u2019t get God involved with this. \u201cOK. Here I am. I can do what I want to. I can have dinner when I want to. I don\u2019t have to deal with a mother-in-law. I don\u2019t have to deal with social organization. I don\u2019t have to deal with children. Why not? Why not?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought this made me happy. I found out very quickly that it did not. The reason that I did not come back is that I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to go with this lifestyle.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Statistically speaking, most couples that get separated will end up in divorce. Your story\u2019s different. What happened? Take us on the journey. How did you get back together? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t like one thing happened. It wasn\u2019t like there were one or two things, and that made all the difference. A separation is a very complicated, confusing time. It\u2019s a heart-wrenching time. There is no simple, easy answer for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, there are certain things that you do that make a difference. Somehow or another, God led me, one thing at a time, to do the right thing. Even though this was the hardest time in my whole life, it was also the sweetest time with Jesus. It drew me so close to him because I had no one else to depend on. I\u2019d lost him. My kids were teenagers, and they had their own lives. At first, I didn\u2019t have any really close friends to help me. Some friends came along, and they were wonderful, and that made a huge difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut really, I only had God to go to, so He led me one step at a time. That was just so amazing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me take you into that journey a little bit. When your friend came to you and said, \u201cI\u2019ve been with Marv. He says this could take a while.\u201d You\u2019d been thinking, \u201cThis will be over tomorrow, the next day. Now it\u2019s been four days.\u201d When that hit you, that this could be a while, that\u2019s a whole different way of thinking about where your life\u2019s headed and what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of a lot of wives who, in that moment, start to beg or plead, or get emotional. They get emotionally manipulative with their husbands, or they get angry. All kinds of things happen. What did <em>you<\/em> do in that moment when you thought, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be a while? Get back here where you belong?\u201d How were you handling it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> That\u2019s interesting that you would ask me that because that\u2019s, again, a place where I think God simply led me. I realize <em>now<\/em> that the thing you do need to do is to give the person space when they leave like that. I did do that. I gave him space. I didn\u2019t know what was happening. I didn\u2019t know why he was leaving. I wanted to know, but I wanted him to come to me and tell me. I guess inside, God was leading me to say, \u201cHe needs to be the one to come and tell you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t go pound on the condo door and say, \u201cCome out here and talk to me\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That says a lot about you and your trust in God. I would get panicky. I think a lot of women get panicky and try to take that control back, like, \u201cI will do anything. Let\u2019s go to counseling. Here\u2019s a book.\u201d You\u2019re trying to do all this. Yet you pulled back and allowed God to do that work. Was that a difficult decision? How did you come to that decision of \u201cI\u2019m going to let God do it.\u201d Did God?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think it was really a decision. I just <em>did<\/em>. That\u2019s the way I reacted, and I can\u2019t really tell you why except that I believed that God was leading me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When Ann said that, I thought, \u201cI know my wife.\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cIf I would\u2019ve gone to a condo, I don\u2019t think it would\u2019ve been three hours. Seriously. She would\u2019ve been pounding on that door, and she would\u2019ve said, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk. We\u2019ve got to talk <em>now<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or, \u201cHere\u2019s a counselor\u2019s name.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. Right or wrong. When I was hearing you say that\u2014some of that is your temperament, but now it\u2019s like, \u201cGod was at work.\u201d There was another sense that I would\u2019ve barred the door and said, \u201cI need time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes, and he would\u2019ve\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI need time.\u201d You gave Marv time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes. Later on, at one point, he sent me flowers for Mother\u2019s Day. At that point, I did go over to the condominium, and knocked on the door to thank him. He said, \u201cI\u2019m glad you liked them. I can\u2019t talk now,\u201d and he shut the door. That was it. I went home and cried my eyes out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Marv, what are you thinking at that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Are you thinking, like, \u201cI could be happier with another woman?\u201d Have you moved on that way at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> At that point, God had not gotten me at my wit\u2019s end. I will tell you people He used and circumstances He used to get me to my wit\u2019s end. But I did not want to give up this style of isolation, as superficial as it was, to go back to something real that I was not ready for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t you miss Linda at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> I did to a certain extent, but not to the extent that I was ready to shuck everything and go back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel any guilt or remorse about what you were doing? You\u2019ve got two girls who know that Dad\u2019s just left Mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> At that point in time, I wasn\u2019t feeling guilt or remorse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It took some things to happen in my life. The reason that I started being willing to come back was not because of guilt or remorse. It was because of what she was doing that she describes in this book. It was so tantalizing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>What Marv is saying is so typical. This is what we have found. We have worked with so many couples. I get emails from people who are going through this. The truth is that when a person leaves, like he did, they are just confused. They really don\u2019t know what they want. They really, truly don\u2019t. So, if the spouse runs after them, and wants to know what they\u2019re going to do, and why they\u2019re going to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you read the stories in my book, it\u2019s amazing. They\u2019re all the same way. God has just revealed this a little bit at a time to me: If the person is chasing after them, it will push them farther away. The answer is for these people\u2014the very <em>first<\/em> important thing to do\u2014is to give them space, and not call them, not text them, not email them. Just give them some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a week, or a month, or six months?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You have to let God lead you on terms of the time. There basically is a significant time. It can be weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are people who get scared to death thinking, \u201cThe longer this goes, the less the chance of reconciliation comes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I know. This is one thing that drives me crazy. I hear people say if a separation lasts very long, it\u2019s going to end up in divorce. My experience is the opposite. When you give God time to work, that\u2019s when the marriage can come back together. It takes doing the right things, too. You don\u2019t just sit there and wait and hope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you say the same thing to couples who\u2014the husband\u2019s left or the wife\u2019s left\u2014and there\u2019s another person involved? If there\u2019s a third party, is it different? Or the same?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> There is a difference when there\u2019s another person. They still need to give them space. There is a difference. It\u2019s harder if there\u2019s another person involved at the time. That is harder.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was going to ask this\u2014Ann kind of alluded to it. Was there already a thought in the back of your mind? \u201cThere is this cute woman at the office who\u2019s kind of been paying attention to me.\u201d Was that even a factor in all this for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Marvin:<\/strong> It was a factor. I was going places and hanging out with people that I shouldn\u2019t be hanging out with. I had what I would call an \u201cemotional\u201d relationship with one other person that ended up going nowhere. But to be honest, you consider everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Linda, one of the things you say, in the book, \u201cgive your spouse time and space to sort things out.\u201d I like that you get very specific. You say, \u201cDon\u2019t call. Don\u2019t email. Don\u2019t text\u2014unless you need to discuss something significant.\u201d You also said, \u201cPray for your spouse and use this time to get closer to God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly. It took a little while of going crazy [Laughter] before I really and totally got to God. Basically, yes. You need to pray for them, and you need to realize there\u2019s something going on with them, and I need to pray with them. You can\u2019t change another person. You can\u2019t change your spouse. Only God can change them. And He really does answer prayers. I had some amazing answers to prayer during this time. I know that He answers our prayers. You have to have the mindset that I\u2019m going to give this some time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that happened that really helped me. I did have friends who came along and did say the right thing at the right time. I remember there was one friend\u2014we were out to lunch. I was going on and on about what Marv was doing and what was happening, and everything like that. She said, \u201cLinda, he\u2019s confused. Don\u2019t make him make a decision right away. Give him some time.\u201d She said, \u201cCall him up and tell him to take a year to figure himself out.\u201d I said, \u201cA year?\u201d She said, \u201cYes. Linda, look at it this way. What if he takes a year, and he figures it all out, and you get back together, and you have 20 happy years together after that. Wouldn\u2019t it be worth it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cYes. I guess it would.\u201d As it turned out, we were separated for three years, but we have had 20 happy years together since that time. It was absolutely worth it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the fear\u2014you know the fear. \u201cI give him a year. A year is going to cause this thing to move farther apart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re headed toward divorce. If I give him a year, that\u2019s where we\u2019re going to end up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He could file in that time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly. He\u2019s a lawyer for heaven\u2019s sake! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m curious. On the day when the florist rang the bell and said, \u201cHere are flowers\u2014Mother\u2019s Day.\u201d You look at the card, and it\u2019s from Marv. There had to be something in your heart going, \u201cOK. This is the moment when\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Exactly. And he signed it \u201clove.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. And every wife is noticing that word, right? And so you go down, knocking on the door thinking, \u201cMaybe we\u2019re going to put an end to all this right now,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right. Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then he slams the door in your face and says, \u201cGlad you like them,\u201d and that\u2019s it. You had to be crushed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Oh, I was, absolutely. Absolutely crushed. As I said, it was because of people speaking the right words into my mind. I had another hairdresser. I went to get my hair done, and she\u2019d heard about what was going on. She said, \u201cLinda, take it as a time to rest. I used to have a lot of conflict in our home. When he would leave, I\u2019d look at it as a time to rest and pay attention to the kids, do things with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHer words kept swirling through my head, over and over, all that week or two. Then, actually, we did\u2014this mutual friend of ours told me that Marv was going to a counselor. He\u2019s started going to a counselor, and he said that I could go to the counselor, too, if I wanted to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I did. I called the counselor up, and I went. We went to her for a couple of months. Her goal was to get us back together in the same house. That was her goal. She succeeded. He did move back. He moved back; he was there for two months, and then he left again. At this point, he was thinking maybe a divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that happened\u2014he moved back, but nothing had changed. Everything was just the same as it was before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> And because nothing had changed, there was nothing to give us any more hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is so important. This is where I think listeners have to recognize\u2014the goal, if you\u2019re in separation, if you\u2019re in isolation\u2014the goal is not, \u201cOK. Let\u2019s get things back to normal.\u201d Normal wasn\u2019t working for you in the first place. Normal\u2019s how you got in this mess to begin with, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. Everybody know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And there you were. You were back together doing the same thing. Marv said, \u201cThis isn\u2019t any better. I\u2019m out.\u201d And every couple feels that. You\u2019ve got to find a new life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, when you\u2019re in isolation, don\u2019t think, \u201cWe have to get back to the way things were.\u201d The way things were got you into isolation. You\u2019ve got to be asking the question, \u201cWhat do we need to do so that we can have a new normal, a different normal than the normal we had before.\u201d Even if this marriage doesn\u2019t resolve the way you\u2019re praying it\u2019s going to resolve, you\u2019ve got to recognize that you need to be a different person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Linda you describe it as having a new marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right, right. In fact, you don\u2019t just reconcile the marriage. You\u2019re going to resurrect the marriage from what was probably dead to something that has new life in it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The story of your resurrection is the story of this book, <em>Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated<\/em>. I don\u2019t know if couples listening would say, \u201cWe\u2019re in isolation, or we\u2019re headed toward isolation, or we\u2019re separated, or we\u2019re thinking about a divorce.\u201d I don\u2019t know where you are. Undoubtedly, you know somebody who\u2019s in this situation. Maybe you know somebody who is separated today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me encourage you. Get a copy of Linda\u2019s book <em>Fighting for Your Marriage While Separated<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center. You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or you can call to order at 1-800-FLTODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-FLTODAY to get your copy of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, it occurs to me that one of the ways that we keep from drifting toward isolation in marriage is by doing things that promote health and strength in our marriage. That\u2019s why our team put together a fitness guide for your marriage for this summer. We call it \u201cStronger Forever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve had lots of people who have been downloading this marital fitness guide and starting to do some of the workouts\u2014the exercises that are in here\u2014all designed to build stronger, healthier marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt may be one of the reasons for so many people downloading this guide is because when you download it, you become instantly, automatically eligible to win a grand prize we\u2019ve put together. One couple\u2019s going to win this\u2014that is, round-trip air fare and passage on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>\u00ae marriage cruise in 2020. This is our tenth anniversary cruise. It is almost sold out at this point, but we saved a cabin for you; that is, if you are the one whose name we draw at the end of August.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no purchase necessary for you to enter. The contest began back on July 1<sup>st<\/sup>, 2019. It ends on August 31<sup>st<\/sup>, 2019. The official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/strongerforever. Whether you win or not, you get a great guide for strengthening your marriage, but somebody\u2019s going to win the cruise. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find out more about the \u201cStronger Forever\u201d summer marriage workout plan we\u2019ve put together. We hope to see one couple joining us on the cruise in February of 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow we\u2019re going to hear how God moved to bring Marv and Linda Rooks back together after three years of separation. I hope you can tune in to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305228"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305228"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305228"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305228"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}