{"id":305222,"date":"2019-07-27T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-07-27T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/addressing-discontent-for-singles\/"},"modified":"2019-07-27T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-07-27T10:00:05","slug":"addressing-discontent-for-singles","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/addressing-discontent-for-singles\/","title":{"rendered":"Addressing Discontent for Singles"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Charmaine Porter shares candidly with Michelle Hill how she has processed her own discontent with being single, and how the church has&#8211;or has not&#8211;been helpful in her struggle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-07-27.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883037","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2867,2821],"tags":[4761,6677,4751,2926],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9548],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-305222","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-church-involvement","category-reaching-out","tag-church-involvement","tag-discontentment","tag-isolation","tag-singles","cwp_profile-charmaine-porter","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305222\/addressing-discontent-for-singles","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305222\/addressing-discontent-for-singles","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"buULiLtQFb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/addressing-discontent-for-singles\/\">Addressing Discontent for Singles<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/addressing-discontent-for-singles\/embed\/#?secret=buULiLtQFb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Addressing Discontent for Singles&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"buULiLtQFb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-07-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-07-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Like many singles, Charmaine Porter has to overcome a certain perception from her well-meaning, married friends and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I will come back home to my home church, and they\u2019ll ask me how I am doing. I\u2019ll share: \u201cThe Lord is doing this, and I have had this opportunity. This is going on.\u201d I end talking; and they say, \u201cWell, we\u2019re still praying for you to find a husband\u201d\u2014like I\u2019m missing something: \u201cYou\u2019re doing great. You would be doing better if you were married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, sometimes, those well-meaning words or wishes can be received differently than they were intended and can contribute to discontentment in a single person\u2019s heart. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about reversing that discontentment on this edition on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. A couple of months ago, I met a young lady through Dannah Gresh. You may be familiar with Dannah a little bit. She\u2019s a speaker, author. She\u2019s also a founder of Secret Keeper Girl which is a ministry to young women. One of the young women who used to speak for Dannah was Charmaine Porter. Charmaine is full of life, and we became fast friends in just a couple of minutes; but it was because of commonality that we share in our singleness but also the struggle we have to remain content in what God has for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I first had to realize what was keeping me from being content. I think it was a misunderstanding of my singleness and of my relationship status. I never\u2014from the word of God, I\u2019ve never felt disqualified, never felt belittled or less than as a single person when it\u2019s just me and Jesus\u2014never ever felt that. But in the church, I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> In the church, I\u2019ve always felt like\u2014\u201cThey think that something is missing because I\u2019m not married.\u201d So, I didn\u2019t start to look at\u2014\u201cOh, well, the church is the problem. The church is the problem.\u201d I just started to get deeper into the root of\u2014\u201cWell, what does God actually say about it because He\u2019s not making me feel that? So, what\u2014not what are they misunderstanding\u2014what am I, maybe, missing?\u201d I wanted to get deeper\u2014my roots to get deeper in the word and not just deeper in what people thought about my singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Which is a very mature reaction because I think a lot of singles\u2014and I know I have fallen into this where you just sit there, and you think, \u201cBut these people imply that I\u2019m less than.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So, all of the sudden, I am less than. I remember leaving church many times going\u2014\u201cAww\u201d\u2014and even times leaving work here at FamilyLife going\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve missed the mark, God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; don\u2019t get me wrong, Michelle. I\u2019ve definitely felt that\u2014definitely felt that\u2014but I have a lot of friends that would say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t believe in Jesus anymore,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t go to church anymore because\u201d\u2014insert the problem with the people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I totally get that\u2014totally get that\u2014but I could have done the same thing; and you know\u2014\u201cWell, the problem is church. Now, I\u2019m mad at the church.\u201d Well, let\u2019s just go back to\u2014\u201cWhat does the one who made the church\u2014what are we actually supposed to be living towards and living for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven as I was mentioning earlier, I think that has also helped me, then, get to\u2014there just needs to be reeducation. It\u2019s, maybe, no one\u2019s fault. There\u2019s just been mis-teaching \/ misleading; and we\u2019ve got to get back to what the Bible actually saying because that\u2019s going to benefit all of us\u2014the singles and the married and the church in general. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; yes. So, as you started digging and listening to Christ and Himself alone and not, as I said, the horizontal \/ the people who are talking\u2014as you\u2019re listening to God and focusing on His word, what did you find? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I first found that singleness is a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It is a gift I want returned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. Okay; okay. You know what is funny? When I actually was able to do a talk, Dannah Gresh, her ministry\u2014they do a sexual theology workshop masterclass. She asked me to talk about singleness because singles are in the church; and even if you\u2019re married, God forbid, if your spouse dies before you do, then you\u2019re going to be single again; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> That\u2019s true for my father. He had the gift of marriage for 10 years with my mom; and now, for the last, 20 plus years, he\u2019s had the gift of singleness; you know? So, we need to be able to talk about this. So, I definitely dove into my research then. What I found was that <em>kharisma<\/em> is the Greek word for gift and Paul makes a distinction between spiritual gifts, like prophesying or teaching or serving\u2014he makes a distinction between those and just I would say, like, objective gifts which would be eternal life or singleness or marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn those objective gifts, it\u2019s either you have the gift or you don\u2019t. Like, either you have eternal life, or you don\u2019t have eternal life; either you have the gift of singleness, or you don\u2019t; either you have the gift of marriage, or you don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat also got me is that the Holy Spirit\u2014because those gifts come from God\u2014the Holy Spirit is the one that is needed to, like, help us understand those gifts. He\u2019s the one that empowers those gifts. So, for that gift of\u2014if I just keep it as a gift, like, a birthday gift\u2014like if I just leave it on the table or I say, \u201cI don\u2019t want it. I\u2019m not even going to open it. I don\u2019t even care what it is; or I do open it, and I put it in the back of a closet. Then that is just a very\u2014like a gift is also a passive\u2014it could almost be like a passive thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> But if we understand that, the gift needs to be opened and, inside of it, is a tool\u2014a tool to be used \/ a tool to be discovered. It\u2019s a tool to understand, and it\u2019s all for the purpose of giving God glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think that\u2019s the first thing that I started to really dig into and really started to say, like\u2014\u201cI want to open up this gift of\u2014this is the gift You\u2019ve given me. Sometimes, yes, Lord, I do want to return it. Sometimes, I do just want to kick it to the curb, put it in the back of my closet; but I was made for Your glory. That was made to do. If this is the gift that You\u2019ve given me, then help me to open this up and understand the tool that You\u2019ve given me to use as a single person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; and the tool that can be used so that others who are glorifying God; but others are watching us, and others are saying, \u201cHey, if she\u2019s happy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cif she\u2019s content\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chow do I get that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> How do I get that? I work with students right now in between\u2014they are like 17 to 21 years old. All of them, at this moment in time, have the gift of singleness\u2014all of them because they are not married. That, even, has to be a reeducation of how we even talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think when we say the gift of singleness, sometimes, unintentionally, we can stamp people and be like\u2014\u201cWell, you have the gift of singleness now, and you\u2019ll have it forever.\u201d It\u2019s not true. It\u2019s not true. If I am single, then I have the gift of singleness. If I\u2019m married, then I have the gift of marriage. Both of them are gifts. Both of them are equal. Both of them are needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Right now, my students\u2014they all have the gift of singleness, and I hope that they are able to look at me\u2014and my counterpart at my job\u2014he is married\u2014he and his wife have a baby, actually, and I hope that they are able to see the body of Christ needs both. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We need people that are married. We need people that have kids. We need, also, need people that are single. We need both of them. It works best when we\u2019ve got both of them. I didn\u2019t say that. The Bible says that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It does work better, and I was reading an excerpt from Rosaria Butterfield\u2019s latest book. When she was talking about single women and singles, she was saying that small groups need to have everyone in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Single women don\u2019t need more single women. Married people don\u2019t need more married people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to have a mixture\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014of everyone so that we can be learning, and we can be caring for the body in a better way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So, what else should we be doing? I\u2019m not saying we need to be on this crusade; but just how else can we softly be influencing that singleness is good? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. I think, honestly, Michelle, the first thing that is coming to mind right now is letting God define things for us \/ letting Him define. He is teaching me this. It\u2019s not like God is like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not giving this to you. So, how dare you continue to desire this?\u201d I don\u2019t think that He is like that because that would go against His character of being a good father. I don\u2019t think He is like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think He\u2019s definitely\u2014\u201cTell Me about it. Talk to Me about how hard it is. Tell Me how it\u2019s hard to be in a small group or in a life group with other married people when that\u2019s what you want. Tell Me about that. Invite Me into that. Invite Me into\u2014\u2018I have made you a human, and your hormones work.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u201cTell Me about those lonely nights. Tell Me about that. Tell Me about those longings of wanting physical intimacy with a man or with a woman. Tell Me about that. Invite Me into that. I\u2019m the God who sent My Son to die.\u201d He rose again so that we could have that kind of intimacy with each other. So, let Him define our idea of good, our idea of family, our idea of even intimacy with Him \/ intimacy with the body of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>As a single person, I\u2019m learning how to have intimacy with the body of Christ. I\u2019m learning how to do that, and it\u2019s hard. As a single person, I\u2019m also realizing that\u2014\u201cMan, what if I was married? We would have some problems in the intimacy department?\u201d Not in the\u2014I mean I don\u2019t know\u2014physical\u2014but I\u2019m talking more emotionally\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014and mentally. I\u2019m learning how to let someone into my heart, and I\u2019m learning how to do that; you know? I didn\u2019t need to be married to learn how to do that. I think that when we say, \u201cThis will happen when I get married,\u201d or \u201cThat will happen when I get married,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll receive this when I get married,\u201d then we\u2019re like\u2014we are choosing to withhold; we\u2019re choosing to put our hands up against heaven and say, \u201cNo, no; the time is not now,\u201d when heaven is like\u2014\u201cActually, it is. I don\u2019t need you to have this relationship status to have these things. They are here for you to have now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s not all things. There are some things that I won\u2019t experience because I am single. It\u2019s not all things, but I\u2019m going to let heaven \/ I\u2019m going to let God define that, not me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I know, as a single, it has taken me a while in my years\u2014I\u2019m a few years older than you. We\u2019ll just leave it at that. [Laughter] I\u2019ve noticed how as I get older and older, I\u2019m realizing I need that intimacy. I need those deep friends. God may not provide a husband for me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been waiting for to have some deep intimacy. There has been a feeling of\u2014\u201cSomethings not full in my heart yet.\u201d Even though I\u2019ve asked God to fill my heart with Him, there is something that\u2019s kind of missing; but when we look in His word we realize that two are better than one. That\u2019s not just in marriage. That\u2019s in relationships too. That\u2019s in friendships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s in others who are looking around and going\u2014\u201cI can help hold you up right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cI can help encourage you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Also, us, looking at others, going\u2014\u201cI need to be encouraging that person. I need to be Christ to that person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. That\u2019s getting back to letting the Bible define how the body of Christ works and how spiritual family works and how intimacy works. You\u2019re letting the Bible define it, not our culture, not our even interpretation of Scripture; but what does the Bible actually say? What does it actually say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, Charmaine, as we\u2019re talking, I\u2019m remembering a picture that I received from my mom just two weeks ago of all of my doll babies that I had received from the time I was a year\u2014when I first received Pink Baby\u2014that\u2019s the only name of those babies that remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Pink Baby. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Pink Baby was very well loved and very well dirtied and very\u2014I remember her was matted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> She went with me everywhere. She got dragged through mud puddles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Oh, man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> She ended up in a horse yard with me. She ended up everywhere with me. My mom\u2014and I think it was just\u2014it\u2019s how her mom raised her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014but my mom was always like\u2014\u201cOne day, you will have your very own Pink Baby.\u201d So, I grew up just thinking, \u201cOkay, God, that will be the next step.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> But as I look back and as I\u2019m watching my friends raise their children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and hearing those same promises\u2014\u201cWell, one day, you will be a mommy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014or even on Facebook, \u201cI\u2019m raising knights who are going to be great husbands,\u201d I just kind of cringe a little bit at that because it\u2019s been very hard for me to not allow those promises to become idols. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s Part One with my conversation with Charmaine Porter, and we need to take a break; but in two minutes when we come back, Charmaine and I continue to talk about idols, contentment, and discontentment. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, we are talking with Charmaine Porter about singleness and moving from discontentment to contentment. Here\u2019s Part Two of my conversation with Charmaine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We don\u2019t reach contentment in anything without Jesus. I can\u2019t reach that on my own. I can\u2019t bear knuckle it. I can\u2019t force myself to do that. We miss that Philippians 4:13, in the Bible, is actually quoted as \u201cI can do all things through Christ\u201d in the context of contentment. Paul\u2019s not talking about running your race. He\u2019s not talking about hitting a baseball harder or faster or further. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> He\u2019s talking about being content. I can do all things. I can be content through Christ. If we try to reach contentment in and of ourselves, it won\u2019t happen. It\u2019s a gift. It\u2019s something that has to be empowered by the Spirit \/ by the Lord. I\u2019ve experienced Him so very much wanting to help me do that. I\u2019ve experienced some really, really beautiful moments with Him and Him helping me with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf singleness is what I have to\u2014I say, \u201cHave to endure\u201d \/ to have to bear with a gift that I have to discover and have a hold of in order to get that, I\u2019m okay with that. I really am. I\u2019ve told the Lord that\u2014\u201cLord, that desire is still there. I\u2019m totally okay if you give me that gift of marriage. I really, really am; but if it means exchanging this intimacy I have with You, I think I would have a hard time with that. I think I really would.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom even said that when she married my dad\u2014my dad says this story a lot\u2014that they were married. She was like\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve gotten in between me and Jesus. I don\u2019t know how I feel about that.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you and your dad had good discussions around singleness now that he has been single for quite a while? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes and no; yes and no. My mom, I believe, was my dad\u2019s soul mate; you know? I don\u2019t use that term lightly at all; but she was exactly what my dad needed \/ what the Lord had for both of them. Unfortunately, they only had ten years of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do know that when I was growing up, remembering seeing how they were together, and then seeing my dad without her. I remember telling my dad\u2014I was like\u2014\u201cI would just much rather not be married \/ not ever have that kind of love \/ ever have that kind of experience and then have it taken away.\u201d My dad so lovingly\u2014he was like\u2014\u201cI get that Charmaine. I get how that looks and how\u2014I can imagine how you would think it would feel, but I\u2019m actually praying the opposite.\u201d He\u2019s like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m praying that if it be the Lord\u2019s will that you would be able to experience that kind of love and that kind of intimacy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What is something that people say to you that you wish was reframed? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s the comment that I get\u2014usually, I\u2019ll go home to my home church \/ the church that I grew up in; and I mean I\u2019ve been in church since I was fetus. I\u2019ve been in church my whole life. I grew up knowing Jesus just well as I knew my parents, kind of thing. I got saved when I was six. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> He was your first word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly. So, these people\u2014they know me. They know me. They\u2019ll throw\u2014\u201cOh, baby\u201d\u2014at me. I\u2019ll come back home to my home church, and they\u2019ll ask me how I\u2019m doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll share\u2014I\u2019m like\u2014\u201cThe Lord is doing this. I\u2019ve had this opportunity. This is going on.\u201d They\u2019ll listen; and it seems like\u2014maybe, it\u2019s just my experience of them\u2014but it seems like their eyes are really excited. Then, they kind of just glaze over; and I end talking, and they say, \u201cWell, we\u2019re still praying for you to find a husband. We\u2019re still praying for that.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019ve gotten mad about that. I\u2019ve gotten sad about that. I\u2019ve gotten depressed about that. I\u2019ve had all the emotions of it because it happens frequently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I start questioning whether or not God\u2019s answering their prayers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right; right. It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cWell, Lord, if they are praying, then what\u2014that clock, Jesus? What\u2019s going on up there?\u201d You know? I wish that they could know on my end what I experience when I hear that \/ when I hear that response back after I\u2019ve shared all of what the Lord is doing and all of what I\u2019m enjoying in life. It seems like they are question back is saying, \u201cYou\u2019re doing great. You would be doing better if you were married.\u201d Their comment back to me seems like I\u2019m missing something\u2014that there is no way that I could be content. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. <br><br><strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I would also encourage these conversations of\u2014\u201cCould it be possible that the Lord\u2019s will isn\u2019t for everyone to get married?\u201d There are a lot of assuming that we put on comments like\u2014\u201cWhen you get married\u201d or \u201cWhen you have kids.\u201d There is a lot of assumption that we put on that. So, just change that word when to if\u2014just something as simple as if: \u201c<em>If<\/em> you get married\u2026.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople tell me too all the time like\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re great with kids. That will come in handy when you get married\u201d; or I could just be good with kids. Hey, that\u2019s awesome because kids like you, I bet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of your gifts; you know?\u2014pointing that out. Hey, God has given you this great gift of being able to work with kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; I see God on that. That\u2019s wonderful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomeone mentioned, \u201cWhoa, you do your own taxes. That\u2019s cool. Your husband is going to really appreciate that\u201d; or I\u2019m just a good citizen of the country that I live in, and I\u2019m able to take care of myself; you know? My sister\u2014she mentioned\u2014she\u2019s like\u2014\u201cIf I have kids, I\u2019m going to teach my boys how to cook. It\u2019s not because I want them to do anything for their wife. It\u2019s just you\u2019re human, and I want you to be able to take care of yourself when you get older.\u201d I was like\u2014\u201cYes! Sarah, that\u2019s the way\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly it; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What is another way\u2014or what are some ways that the church could really help singles? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I\u2019m a part of a life group down in Southwest Georgia where I live, and I love my life group because there are married people, there are single people, there are older people, there are new believers, there are old believers\u2014new and older in the faith. The diversity of it is absolutely amazing. White people, black people\u2014it\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s beautiful. You get a beautiful, beautiful picture\u2014not just how heaven is going to be but how heaven can be brought down to earth now: \u201cYour will be done on earth as it is in heaven.\u201d That could happen now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We see a picture of, I think, God\u2019s goal and idea of what His body \/ what He wants His body to look like when we have singles, when we have marrieds, when we have people with kids \/ people without kids, when we have older \/ younger. When we just have that diversity, we see\u2014\u201cMan, we need all of this to work and to do what the Lord is asking us to do here on this earth which is to bring His glory.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you mentioned this earlier\u2014have single events \/ events just for singles because there are certain things that, maybe, singles just understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t just, like, put them out on the pasture kind of thing. Then, when you have those meetings with just singles, for all that is good and holy, please try not to make it just a dating service. Oh, my goodness\u2014there is just so much pressure that comes with that. It just ends up being awkward. It doesn\u2019t help with the\u2014my brother, you are an image bearer. You are not here to affirm me of being enough. Like, I\u2019m woman enough with and without you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014I am complete in Christ with and without you. I love you. You\u2019re an image bearer, not an ego booster. I think unintentionally we set people up for those kinds of things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014when we do that. Then, please do your due diligence to teach what the Bible actually says. I hate to think that we\u2019re setting people up to be discontented and even angry with God because we\u2019re teaching that God is promising things that He never promised. His promises are good in and of themselves. We don\u2019t have to twist them or stretch them to make them good. They are\u2014they just are. So, teach what they say. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t want to disappoint people. I get that. I don\u2019t want to disappoint people, but the best way for me to believe that I\u2019m not disappointing people is to stand firm on the word of God. It\u2019s hard. I\u2019m not saying that I\u2019m excellent and that I do it all the time. It\u2019s very, very hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It is hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Someone who does this well, I believe, is Jackie Hill Perry. She just has this beautiful gift it seems like of just saying what the word of God says, and I follow her on Instagram. I\u2019m like\u2014\u201cShe said what?!\u201d She\u2019s like\u2014\u201cThis is what the word of God says, and I\u2019m not going to apologize for it.\u201d I think that\u2019s what we need to get back to what the word actually says because that\u2019s how we\u2019re going to help people. That\u2019s how we\u2019re going to reeducate. That\u2019s how we\u2019re going to, like, get people who are more about God\u2019s glory than about a relationship status. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That was my conversation with Charmaine Porter, and just as Charmaine was saying that\u2019s what life is all about\u2014it\u2019s getting back to the word. It\u2019s not about a status. It\u2019s not about a status on Facebook or Instagram or wherever else we happen to think it lies. It\u2019s about getting back to the word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know over the last several months we\u2019ve been talking about discontentment. Today, we\u2019re talking about contentment in singleness; but we\u2019ve also talked about contentment in marriage and in parenting. We\u2019ll have a link to those broadcasts on our website. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. There is also a great article there to help married friends understand how to help the singles in their life. It\u2019s a great article by a young single writer here on staff. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a question for you. How often do you clear your conscience? Do you really ever need to clear your conscience? We\u2019re going to explore the freedom of a clear conscience before God and others and hear from Erwin Lutzer and other great Bible thinkers. Hope you can join us for that. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I appreciate you taking time out of your day to\u2014well, I won\u2019t say, \u201cListen to me ramble on,\u201d because Charmaine Porter had some really good points to make; but I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator, and Meredith Empie is our production intern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26883037"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305222.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305222.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Porter shares candidly with Michelle Hill how she has processed her own discontent with being single, and how the church has--or has not--been helpful in her struggle.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-07-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Like many singles, Charmaine Porter has to overcome a certain perception from her well-meaning, married friends and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I will come back home to my home church, and they\u2019ll ask me how I am doing. I\u2019ll share: \u201cThe Lord is doing this, and I have had this opportunity. This is going on.\u201d I end talking; and they say, \u201cWell, we\u2019re still praying for you to find a husband\u201d\u2014like I\u2019m missing something: \u201cYou\u2019re doing great. You would be doing better if you were married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, sometimes, those well-meaning words or wishes can be received differently than they were intended and can contribute to discontentment in a single person\u2019s heart. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about reversing that discontentment on this edition on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. A couple of months ago, I met a young lady through Dannah Gresh. You may be familiar with Dannah a little bit. She\u2019s a speaker, author. She\u2019s also a founder of Secret Keeper Girl which is a ministry to young women. One of the young women who used to speak for Dannah was Charmaine Porter. Charmaine is full of life, and we became fast friends in just a couple of minutes; but it was because of commonality that we share in our singleness but also the struggle we have to remain content in what God has for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I first had to realize what was keeping me from being content. I think it was a misunderstanding of my singleness and of my relationship status. I never\u2014from the word of God, I\u2019ve never felt disqualified, never felt belittled or less than as a single person when it\u2019s just me and Jesus\u2014never ever felt that. But in the church, I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> In the church, I\u2019ve always felt like\u2014\u201cThey think that something is missing because I\u2019m not married.\u201d So, I didn\u2019t start to look at\u2014\u201cOh, well, the church is the problem. The church is the problem.\u201d I just started to get deeper into the root of\u2014\u201cWell, what does God actually say about it because He\u2019s not making me feel that? So, what\u2014not what are they misunderstanding\u2014what am I, maybe, missing?\u201d I wanted to get deeper\u2014my roots to get deeper in the word and not just deeper in what people thought about my singleness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Which is a very mature reaction because I think a lot of singles\u2014and I know I have fallen into this where you just sit there, and you think, \u201cBut these people imply that I\u2019m less than.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. So\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So, all of the sudden, I am less than. I remember leaving church many times going\u2014\u201cAww\u201d\u2014and even times leaving work here at FamilyLife going\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve missed the mark, God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; don\u2019t get me wrong, Michelle. I\u2019ve definitely felt that\u2014definitely felt that\u2014but I have a lot of friends that would say, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t believe in Jesus anymore,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t go to church anymore because\u201d\u2014insert the problem with the people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I totally get that\u2014totally get that\u2014but I could have done the same thing; and you know\u2014\u201cWell, the problem is church. Now, I\u2019m mad at the church.\u201d Well, let\u2019s just go back to\u2014\u201cWhat does the one who made the church\u2014what are we actually supposed to be living towards and living for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven as I was mentioning earlier, I think that has also helped me, then, get to\u2014there just needs to be reeducation. It\u2019s, maybe, no one\u2019s fault. There\u2019s just been mis-teaching \/ misleading; and we\u2019ve got to get back to what the Bible actually saying because that\u2019s going to benefit all of us\u2014the singles and the married and the church in general. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; yes. So, as you started digging and listening to Christ and Himself alone and not, as I said, the horizontal \/ the people who are talking\u2014as you\u2019re listening to God and focusing on His word, what did you find? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I first found that singleness is a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It is a gift I want returned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. Okay; okay. You know what is funny? When I actually was able to do a talk, Dannah Gresh, her ministry\u2014they do a sexual theology workshop masterclass. She asked me to talk about singleness because singles are in the church; and even if you\u2019re married, God forbid, if your spouse dies before you do, then you\u2019re going to be single again; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s true.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> That\u2019s true for my father. He had the gift of marriage for 10 years with my mom; and now, for the last, 20 plus years, he\u2019s had the gift of singleness; you know? So, we need to be able to talk about this. So, I definitely dove into my research then. What I found was that <em>kharisma<\/em> is the Greek word for gift and Paul makes a distinction between spiritual gifts, like prophesying or teaching or serving\u2014he makes a distinction between those and just I would say, like, objective gifts which would be eternal life or singleness or marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn those objective gifts, it\u2019s either you have the gift or you don\u2019t. Like, either you have eternal life, or you don\u2019t have eternal life; either you have the gift of singleness, or you don\u2019t; either you have the gift of marriage, or you don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat also got me is that the Holy Spirit\u2014because those gifts come from God\u2014the Holy Spirit is the one that is needed to, like, help us understand those gifts. He\u2019s the one that empowers those gifts. So, for that gift of\u2014if I just keep it as a gift, like, a birthday gift\u2014like if I just leave it on the table or I say, \u201cI don\u2019t want it. I\u2019m not even going to open it. I don\u2019t even care what it is; or I do open it, and I put it in the back of a closet. Then that is just a very\u2014like a gift is also a passive\u2014it could almost be like a passive thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> But if we understand that, the gift needs to be opened and, inside of it, is a tool\u2014a tool to be used \/ a tool to be discovered. It\u2019s a tool to understand, and it\u2019s all for the purpose of giving God glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I think that\u2019s the first thing that I started to really dig into and really started to say, like\u2014\u201cI want to open up this gift of\u2014this is the gift You\u2019ve given me. Sometimes, yes, Lord, I do want to return it. Sometimes, I do just want to kick it to the curb, put it in the back of my closet; but I was made for Your glory. That was made to do. If this is the gift that You\u2019ve given me, then help me to open this up and understand the tool that You\u2019ve given me to use as a single person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; and the tool that can be used so that others who are glorifying God; but others are watching us, and others are saying, \u201cHey, if she\u2019s happy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cif she\u2019s content\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chow do I get that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> How do I get that? I work with students right now in between\u2014they are like 17 to 21 years old. All of them, at this moment in time, have the gift of singleness\u2014all of them because they are not married. That, even, has to be a reeducation of how we even talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think when we say the gift of singleness, sometimes, unintentionally, we can stamp people and be like\u2014\u201cWell, you have the gift of singleness now, and you\u2019ll have it forever.\u201d It\u2019s not true. It\u2019s not true. If I am single, then I have the gift of singleness. If I\u2019m married, then I have the gift of marriage. Both of them are gifts. Both of them are equal. Both of them are needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Right now, my students\u2014they all have the gift of singleness, and I hope that they are able to look at me\u2014and my counterpart at my job\u2014he is married\u2014he and his wife have a baby, actually, and I hope that they are able to see the body of Christ needs both. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We need people that are married. We need people that have kids. We need, also, need people that are single. We need both of them. It works best when we\u2019ve got both of them. I didn\u2019t say that. The Bible says that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It does work better, and I was reading an excerpt from Rosaria Butterfield\u2019s latest book. When she was talking about single women and singles, she was saying that small groups need to have everyone in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Single women don\u2019t need more single women. Married people don\u2019t need more married people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to have a mixture\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014of everyone so that we can be learning, and we can be caring for the body in a better way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So, what else should we be doing? I\u2019m not saying we need to be on this crusade; but just how else can we softly be influencing that singleness is good? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. I think, honestly, Michelle, the first thing that is coming to mind right now is letting God define things for us \/ letting Him define. He is teaching me this. It\u2019s not like God is like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not giving this to you. So, how dare you continue to desire this?\u201d I don\u2019t think that He is like that because that would go against His character of being a good father. I don\u2019t think He is like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think He\u2019s definitely\u2014\u201cTell Me about it. Talk to Me about how hard it is. Tell Me how it\u2019s hard to be in a small group or in a life group with other married people when that\u2019s what you want. Tell Me about that. Invite Me into that. Invite Me into\u2014\u2018I have made you a human, and your hormones work.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u201cTell Me about those lonely nights. Tell Me about that. Tell Me about those longings of wanting physical intimacy with a man or with a woman. Tell Me about that. Invite Me into that. I\u2019m the God who sent My Son to die.\u201d He rose again so that we could have that kind of intimacy with each other. So, let Him define our idea of good, our idea of family, our idea of even intimacy with Him \/ intimacy with the body of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>As a single person, I\u2019m learning how to have intimacy with the body of Christ. I\u2019m learning how to do that, and it\u2019s hard. As a single person, I\u2019m also realizing that\u2014\u201cMan, what if I was married? We would have some problems in the intimacy department?\u201d Not in the\u2014I mean I don\u2019t know\u2014physical\u2014but I\u2019m talking more emotionally\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014and mentally. I\u2019m learning how to let someone into my heart, and I\u2019m learning how to do that; you know? I didn\u2019t need to be married to learn how to do that. I think that when we say, \u201cThis will happen when I get married,\u201d or \u201cThat will happen when I get married,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll receive this when I get married,\u201d then we\u2019re like\u2014we are choosing to withhold; we\u2019re choosing to put our hands up against heaven and say, \u201cNo, no; the time is not now,\u201d when heaven is like\u2014\u201cActually, it is. I don\u2019t need you to have this relationship status to have these things. They are here for you to have now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>It\u2019s not all things. There are some things that I won\u2019t experience because I am single. It\u2019s not all things, but I\u2019m going to let heaven \/ I\u2019m going to let God define that, not me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I know, as a single, it has taken me a while in my years\u2014I\u2019m a few years older than you. We\u2019ll just leave it at that. [Laughter] I\u2019ve noticed how as I get older and older, I\u2019m realizing I need that intimacy. I need those deep friends. God may not provide a husband for me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been waiting for to have some deep intimacy. There has been a feeling of\u2014\u201cSomethings not full in my heart yet.\u201d Even though I\u2019ve asked God to fill my heart with Him, there is something that\u2019s kind of missing; but when we look in His word we realize that two are better than one. That\u2019s not just in marriage. That\u2019s in relationships too. That\u2019s in friendships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s in others who are looking around and going\u2014\u201cI can help hold you up right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cI can help encourage you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Also, us, looking at others, going\u2014\u201cI need to be encouraging that person. I need to be Christ to that person.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. That\u2019s getting back to letting the Bible define how the body of Christ works and how spiritual family works and how intimacy works. You\u2019re letting the Bible define it, not our culture, not our even interpretation of Scripture; but what does the Bible actually say? What does it actually say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, Charmaine, as we\u2019re talking, I\u2019m remembering a picture that I received from my mom just two weeks ago of all of my doll babies that I had received from the time I was a year\u2014when I first received Pink Baby\u2014that\u2019s the only name of those babies that remember. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Pink Baby. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Pink Baby was very well loved and very well dirtied and very\u2014I remember her was matted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> She went with me everywhere. She got dragged through mud puddles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Oh, man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> She ended up in a horse yard with me. She ended up everywhere with me. My mom\u2014and I think it was just\u2014it\u2019s how her mom raised her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014but my mom was always like\u2014\u201cOne day, you will have your very own Pink Baby.\u201d So, I grew up just thinking, \u201cOkay, God, that will be the next step.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> But as I look back and as I\u2019m watching my friends raise their children\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014and hearing those same promises\u2014\u201cWell, one day, you will be a mommy\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014or even on Facebook, \u201cI\u2019m raising knights who are going to be great husbands,\u201d I just kind of cringe a little bit at that because it\u2019s been very hard for me to not allow those promises to become idols. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s Part One with my conversation with Charmaine Porter, and we need to take a break; but in two minutes when we come back, Charmaine and I continue to talk about idols, contentment, and discontentment. Stay tuned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Today, we are talking with Charmaine Porter about singleness and moving from discontentment to contentment. Here\u2019s Part Two of my conversation with Charmaine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We don\u2019t reach contentment in anything without Jesus. I can\u2019t reach that on my own. I can\u2019t bear knuckle it. I can\u2019t force myself to do that. We miss that Philippians 4:13, in the Bible, is actually quoted as \u201cI can do all things through Christ\u201d in the context of contentment. Paul\u2019s not talking about running your race. He\u2019s not talking about hitting a baseball harder or faster or further. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> He\u2019s talking about being content. I can do all things. I can be content through Christ. If we try to reach contentment in and of ourselves, it won\u2019t happen. It\u2019s a gift. It\u2019s something that has to be empowered by the Spirit \/ by the Lord. I\u2019ve experienced Him so very much wanting to help me do that. I\u2019ve experienced some really, really beautiful moments with Him and Him helping me with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf singleness is what I have to\u2014I say, \u201cHave to endure\u201d \/ to have to bear with a gift that I have to discover and have a hold of in order to get that, I\u2019m okay with that. I really am. I\u2019ve told the Lord that\u2014\u201cLord, that desire is still there. I\u2019m totally okay if you give me that gift of marriage. I really, really am; but if it means exchanging this intimacy I have with You, I think I would have a hard time with that. I think I really would.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom even said that when she married my dad\u2014my dad says this story a lot\u2014that they were married. She was like\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve gotten in between me and Jesus. I don\u2019t know how I feel about that.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you and your dad had good discussions around singleness now that he has been single for quite a while? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes and no; yes and no. My mom, I believe, was my dad\u2019s soul mate; you know? I don\u2019t use that term lightly at all; but she was exactly what my dad needed \/ what the Lord had for both of them. Unfortunately, they only had ten years of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do know that when I was growing up, remembering seeing how they were together, and then seeing my dad without her. I remember telling my dad\u2014I was like\u2014\u201cI would just much rather not be married \/ not ever have that kind of love \/ ever have that kind of experience and then have it taken away.\u201d My dad so lovingly\u2014he was like\u2014\u201cI get that Charmaine. I get how that looks and how\u2014I can imagine how you would think it would feel, but I\u2019m actually praying the opposite.\u201d He\u2019s like\u2014\u201cI\u2019m praying that if it be the Lord\u2019s will that you would be able to experience that kind of love and that kind of intimacy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What is something that people say to you that you wish was reframed? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s the comment that I get\u2014usually, I\u2019ll go home to my home church \/ the church that I grew up in; and I mean I\u2019ve been in church since I was fetus. I\u2019ve been in church my whole life. I grew up knowing Jesus just well as I knew my parents, kind of thing. I got saved when I was six. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> He was your first word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly. So, these people\u2014they know me. They know me. They\u2019ll throw\u2014\u201cOh, baby\u201d\u2014at me. I\u2019ll come back home to my home church, and they\u2019ll ask me how I\u2019m doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll share\u2014I\u2019m like\u2014\u201cThe Lord is doing this. I\u2019ve had this opportunity. This is going on.\u201d They\u2019ll listen; and it seems like\u2014maybe, it\u2019s just my experience of them\u2014but it seems like their eyes are really excited. Then, they kind of just glaze over; and I end talking, and they say, \u201cWell, we\u2019re still praying for you to find a husband. We\u2019re still praying for that.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019ve gotten mad about that. I\u2019ve gotten sad about that. I\u2019ve gotten depressed about that. I\u2019ve had all the emotions of it because it happens frequently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I start questioning whether or not God\u2019s answering their prayers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Right; right. It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cWell, Lord, if they are praying, then what\u2014that clock, Jesus? What\u2019s going on up there?\u201d You know? I wish that they could know on my end what I experience when I hear that \/ when I hear that response back after I\u2019ve shared all of what the Lord is doing and all of what I\u2019m enjoying in life. It seems like they are question back is saying, \u201cYou\u2019re doing great. You would be doing better if you were married.\u201d Their comment back to me seems like I\u2019m missing something\u2014that there is no way that I could be content. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. <br><br><strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I would also encourage these conversations of\u2014\u201cCould it be possible that the Lord\u2019s will isn\u2019t for everyone to get married?\u201d There are a lot of assuming that we put on comments like\u2014\u201cWhen you get married\u201d or \u201cWhen you have kids.\u201d There is a lot of assumption that we put on that. So, just change that word when to if\u2014just something as simple as if: \u201c<em>If<\/em> you get married\u2026.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople tell me too all the time like\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re great with kids. That will come in handy when you get married\u201d; or I could just be good with kids. Hey, that\u2019s awesome because kids like you, I bet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> That\u2019s cool; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of your gifts; you know?\u2014pointing that out. Hey, God has given you this great gift of being able to work with kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes; I see God on that. That\u2019s wonderful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomeone mentioned, \u201cWhoa, you do your own taxes. That\u2019s cool. Your husband is going to really appreciate that\u201d; or I\u2019m just a good citizen of the country that I live in, and I\u2019m able to take care of myself; you know? My sister\u2014she mentioned\u2014she\u2019s like\u2014\u201cIf I have kids, I\u2019m going to teach my boys how to cook. It\u2019s not because I want them to do anything for their wife. It\u2019s just you\u2019re human, and I want you to be able to take care of yourself when you get older.\u201d I was like\u2014\u201cYes! Sarah, that\u2019s the way\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly it; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What is another way\u2014or what are some ways that the church could really help singles? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> I\u2019m a part of a life group down in Southwest Georgia where I live, and I love my life group because there are married people, there are single people, there are older people, there are new believers, there are old believers\u2014new and older in the faith. The diversity of it is absolutely amazing. White people, black people\u2014it\u2019s just\u2014it\u2019s beautiful. You get a beautiful, beautiful picture\u2014not just how heaven is going to be but how heaven can be brought down to earth now: \u201cYour will be done on earth as it is in heaven.\u201d That could happen now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> We see a picture of, I think, God\u2019s goal and idea of what His body \/ what He wants His body to look like when we have singles, when we have marrieds, when we have people with kids \/ people without kids, when we have older \/ younger. When we just have that diversity, we see\u2014\u201cMan, we need all of this to work and to do what the Lord is asking us to do here on this earth which is to bring His glory.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you mentioned this earlier\u2014have single events \/ events just for singles because there are certain things that, maybe, singles just understand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t just, like, put them out on the pasture kind of thing. Then, when you have those meetings with just singles, for all that is good and holy, please try not to make it just a dating service. Oh, my goodness\u2014there is just so much pressure that comes with that. It just ends up being awkward. It doesn\u2019t help with the\u2014my brother, you are an image bearer. You are not here to affirm me of being enough. Like, I\u2019m woman enough with and without you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014I am complete in Christ with and without you. I love you. You\u2019re an image bearer, not an ego booster. I think unintentionally we set people up for those kinds of things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> \u2014when we do that. Then, please do your due diligence to teach what the Bible actually says. I hate to think that we\u2019re setting people up to be discontented and even angry with God because we\u2019re teaching that God is promising things that He never promised. His promises are good in and of themselves. We don\u2019t have to twist them or stretch them to make them good. They are\u2014they just are. So, teach what they say. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t want to disappoint people. I get that. I don\u2019t want to disappoint people, but the best way for me to believe that I\u2019m not disappointing people is to stand firm on the word of God. It\u2019s hard. I\u2019m not saying that I\u2019m excellent and that I do it all the time. It\u2019s very, very hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It is hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Charmaine:<\/strong> Someone who does this well, I believe, is Jackie Hill Perry. She just has this beautiful gift it seems like of just saying what the word of God says, and I follow her on Instagram. I\u2019m like\u2014\u201cShe said what?!\u201d She\u2019s like\u2014\u201cThis is what the word of God says, and I\u2019m not going to apologize for it.\u201d I think that\u2019s what we need to get back to what the word actually says because that\u2019s how we\u2019re going to help people. That\u2019s how we\u2019re going to reeducate. That\u2019s how we\u2019re going to, like, get people who are more about God\u2019s glory than about a relationship status. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That was my conversation with Charmaine Porter, and just as Charmaine was saying that\u2019s what life is all about\u2014it\u2019s getting back to the word. It\u2019s not about a status. It\u2019s not about a status on Facebook or Instagram or wherever else we happen to think it lies. It\u2019s about getting back to the word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know over the last several months we\u2019ve been talking about discontentment. Today, we\u2019re talking about contentment in singleness; but we\u2019ve also talked about contentment in marriage and in parenting. We\u2019ll have a link to those broadcasts on our website. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. There is also a great article there to help married friends understand how to help the singles in their life. It\u2019s a great article by a young single writer here on staff. That\u2019s at FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a question for you. How often do you clear your conscience? Do you really ever need to clear your conscience? We\u2019re going to explore the freedom of a clear conscience before God and others and hear from Erwin Lutzer and other great Bible thinkers. Hope you can join us for that. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I appreciate you taking time out of your day to\u2014well, I won\u2019t say, \u201cListen to me ramble on,\u201d because Charmaine Porter had some really good points to make; but I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Bruce Goff. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator, and Meredith Empie is our production intern. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305222","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305222"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305222"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305222"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305222"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305222"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305222"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305222"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}