{"id":305212,"date":"2019-07-22T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-07-22T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/divorce-care-for-kids\/"},"modified":"2019-07-22T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-07-22T10:00:04","slug":"divorce-care-for-kids","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/divorce-care-for-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce Care for Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Parenting is difficult, but when you add divorce, the challenge multiplies. Navigating even the most routine parental responsibilities can become difficult. Linda Ranson Jacobs talks to Ron Deal, offering help and hope to parents who may be struggling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:38","filesize":"26.22M","filesize_raw":"27497512","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830,10371,2813],"tags":[4409,4033,6675],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9534,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305212","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","category-parenting-and-stepparenting","category-recovering-from-divorce","tag-children-of-divorce","tag-divorce","tag-divorcecare-for-kids","cwp_profile-linda-ranson-jacobs","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305212\/divorce-care-for-kids","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305212\/divorce-care-for-kids","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Fw2Vi2NgVQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/divorce-care-for-kids\/\">Divorce Care for Kids<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/divorce-care-for-kids\/embed\/#?secret=Fw2Vi2NgVQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Divorce Care for Kids&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Fw2Vi2NgVQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a single mom raising a son, Linda Ranson Jacobs was wishing for, praying for the influence of a man in her son\u2019s life. God answered her prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> After church this guy came up and goes, \u201cIs Brian going to be coming to the Father\/Son fishing trip?\u201d And I said, \u201cWell I guess you didn\u2019t know his father\u2019s gone.\u201d He goes, \u201cOh I know that. I guess you don\u2019t know that I have daughters only and I need a son that weekend.\u201d \u201cSo will you call Brian tonight and ask him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he called Brian and Brian goes, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t have a tent.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh, you do?\u201d \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any fishing gear, my dad took it all.\u201d \u201cOh, you have some? Well, I guess I can go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. There is hope for children who are growing up without a mom or dad in the home regularly. We\u2019ll hear from Ron Deal and Linda Ranson Jacobs about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve often thought back to the fact that my dad who served in World War II probably experienced what is diagnosed today as PTSD. Back then I don\u2019t what term they used but they didn\u2019t have a diagnosis for it. We think of PTSD as something that people in the military experience, or something that if you\u2019re in police or fire rescue, you may experience PTSD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about children who are in a family where mom and dad have gotten a divorce. There\u2019s a trauma for the parents who go through a divorce. But those kids have got to experience at some level some kind of traumatic stress. Your parents went through a divorce. How old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was six years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, there was no diagnosis back then, but it was traumatic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s interesting. Dave has very little recall from his childhood, which makes me wonder \u201cIs it because of the trauma?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I do remember going to church with my mom and dad, my little brother. He was five or four and a half. We got baptized by mom and dad at that church that night, came home, walked in our house\u2014it\u2019s vivid; I can remember this. Walked in the house, Christmas presents everywhere\u2014the entire family room\/tree. They were everywhere\u2014like triple what would be normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were allowed to rip them open right there and I remember there\u2019s love in this moment. One of the greatest nights in my life, right? Go to church with your family, get baptized, Christmas galore and waking up the next morning and finding out why all that happened last night. Dad left. Christmas Day, he\u2019s gone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember asking my mom\u2014I\u2019m just a little boy\u2014\"Where\u2019s dad?\u201d She\u2019s like \u201cWell, he\u2019s gone.\u201d I didn\u2019t know that was permanently, but it was. That\u2019s why there were so many gifts. It was sort of his last hurrah. So you talk about trauma, I stepped right into it and that was decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you think maybe you blocked out memories from your childhood?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I had to. Ann and I have talked about it. I\u2019ve tried to dig them up sometimes and they\u2019re not there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> His siblings have filled in a lot of those gaps. But it was very traumatic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s an organization that I\u2019ve been aware of for years called DivorceCare. A lot of churches will use the DivorceCare material as a way to minister to men and women who have gone through a divorce and are recovering from the effect of a divorce. But there\u2019s also a program they\u2019ve put together for kids called DivorceCare for Kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, our friend, Ron Deal, sat down and talked with Linda Jacobs who has put that material together\u2014the DivorceCare for Kids material\u2014and actually their conversation is a part of Ron\u2019s new podcast which is called FamilyLife Blended\u00ae. This is Episode 7 and it\u2019s now available for listeners who would like to listen to this entire conversation between Ron and Linda on the subject of caring for kids who experienced the trauma of divorce. Ron\u2019s podcast is available for subscription. You can find our more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we thought today it would be good for listeners to hear Linda\u2019s thoughts about the challenges, the trauma, the stress that kids are facing when there\u2019s been a divorce in the family and how parents and friends can tune into that and help kids through the reality of that kind of trauma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> \u201cYou need to study your children. You need to form a relationship with your children.\u201d And they go, \u201cI have a relationship, I\u2019m the mother, I\u2019m the dad.\u201d No, you have a different kind of relationship now because when your other parent was here you supported each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo little Johnny wanted to do something, so he asked Dad and his dad said, \u201cGo ask Mom.\u201d He asks Mom. You know, we\u2019ve all\u2014as little kids we were all caught in the middle of that. It\u2019s kind of funny now, but you know <em>then<\/em> when there\u2019s no other parent in your home, you parent differently. Because you have to fill in <em>all<\/em> the roles now. We have to form a new relationship with our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means we\u2019ve got to observe our children and very few parents observe their children after a divorce. So we need to observe them, we need to--I say don\u2019t question your child when they came back from the other parent\u2019s but just say something like, \u201cSo did you have a good weekend? Here\u2019s what I did.\u201d Just form a conversation, but not to question them, but as you talk things will come out and you\u2019ll find out what they did and how they felt, and what was going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Connecting into that means you\u2019re not alone, I\u2019m here with you, and we\u2019re getting through this together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right. Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You used an analogy when you spoke at our Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, you said, \u201cIt\u2019s kind of like an iceberg, what you see above the surface, the externals of a child going through parental divorce is one thing, but under the surface is a whole lot more.\u201d You talked about some big emotions there. I remember I took some notes: clingy, dependent, fearful, anxious, regression. Do you mind just talking around a few of those for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Sure, I\u2019d be glad to. So we have these children, we have two or three children. If each of them are like an iceberg, and they each have different emotions below the surface that we don\u2019t see or we maybe don\u2019t even know about, and you have them in one room in the house; here we have these big icebergs bumping into each other, so we have a constant war. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are a lot of things that are going on under the surface. I say under the skin in a child. So many children are clingy, kids who weren\u2019t even clingy before. At the conference I told about going to the Tulsa State Fair with my eight- and twelve-year-old kids, and them just attaching themselves. They were just like glued to me. I don't know if it was the crowds. My son said, \u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019m going to lose you and I can\u2019t find you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the issue of safety is huge in these kids, and the issue of security. You can keep telling them, \u201cYou\u2019re safe and I\u2019m here for you,\u201d but you have to keep telling them that over and over, year after year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Then you\u2019ve got to back it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You've got to back it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Because if you say, \u201cI\u2019m here for you,\u201d but then you\u2019re not, when it\u2019s your turn for the weekend or whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right.So the clinginess that goes on for quite a while with some of the kids. Some kids are dependent. Where they were independent before, now they have to have your help; \u201cHelp me brush my teeth. Help me comb my hair.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve been doing this yourself for years.\u201d \u201cI know, but Mom, I need you to help me brush my hair.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then little boys, they want you to help pick out their clothes or whatever. It\u2019s just some phases, I hate to say stages, it\u2019s more like phases that they\u2019re going through and they will come back and forth and maybe in two or three years they might be clingy again for a while. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course there\u2019s sadness and there\u2019s anger and just every emotion. One emotion that surprised me was being embarrassed. These children--especially at church--my kids and others I\u2019ve known are embarrassed that their parents are separating or that their parents are divorced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s short term; what\u2019s long term? What do we know about children, divorce, and the long-term impact?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Well we know from a study that Judith Wallerstein, a psychologist in Southern California, did\u2014[she] wrote several books. The last one was, <em>What About the Kids?<\/em> If you want to know anything about children in divorce you need to read that book. But she\u2019s says it takes children--most children, I mean we\u2019re talking typical average, not individual children--most children, ten years to process the grief over the death of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany people say, \u201cWell they should be over it by now, that was two years ago.\u201d Well, this is the death of their family for goodness sakes. <em>Nothing<\/em> is <em>ever<\/em> the same again for these kids. In order to say, \u201cHi Daddy,\u201d I have to say, \u201cGoodbye Mommy. I\u2019ll see you later. Hi Dad.\u201d This is all within seconds this is taking place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo their lives are forever changed. So then in the long term as they grow, mature, and start dating and getting married they're thinking, \u201cI don't know how to do a marriage because my parent\u2019s marriage split up, so what do I know about being in a marriage?\u201d Which is why a lot of adult children today tell us they don\u2019t get married, they cohabit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>They cohabit. They\u2019re not sure if it can last and if it can be there for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So that impact is very significant. Just the \u201cHi Dad, Goodbye Mom\u201d is \u201cI\u2019m split.\u201d I\u2019ve heard some children of divorce talk about feeling split in terms of their identity. Like, you know, I\u2019m half dad, half mom. That's part of who I am. Who I am, and when they're together, I feel whole being in their presence and that\u2019s as life should be. But when they're not, like, which part of me is with you, which part of me is over there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if they feel splintered then they don\u2019t know even how to adopt our faith. If they feel like they can\u2019t quite find who they are, they\u2019re always having to figure out who they are in light of who their parents are, then how to do I internalize faith to be something that\u2019s mine? My parents both are believers perhaps, but how do I make that me? There are some real challenges in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Oh my goodness, that\u2019s so important. After a divorce, you might have a child that goes to this denomination for two weeks and then this denomination for two weeks and the kid goes, \u201cSee I\u2019m going over here, do I kneel? Do I raise my hands when I sing? Do I wear shorts, or do I have to wear long pants over here? Do I have to\u2014trying to keep these religions straight, trying to keep the homes straight. There\u2019s a lot of pressure on little kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, it seems to me that kids are constantly monitoring their parents after a divorce. What\u2019s going on with Dad? How\u2019s he feeling? How\u2019s he feeling about me? How\u2019s he feeling about Mom? Is he okay? Is he falling apart? Is he depressed? Is he functioning well? Do I not have to worry about Dad, or do I have to worry about Dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMom\u2014Do I have to worry about Mom? Do I not have to worry about Mom? How\u2019s she feeling about me? How\u2019s she feeling about Dad? How\u2019s she feeling about\u2014They are constantly monitoring the emotional climate of their parents\u2019 world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that moves children to a natural place of caretaking for their parents, yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes, it does and that\u2019s\u2014It\u2019s supposed to be the other way around. The parents are supposed to be taking care of the children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>But the children are becoming \u2018adultized\u2019 you might say, or something like that. So now they\u2019re having to be the caretaker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It seems to me in that situation that you\u2019ve got to take care of you so that your kids don't have to take care of you. How do they do that? How do they care for themselves so that they don't inadvertently put that off on their child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> So whether you go through DivorceCare or something else, I think every parent should go through some type of group support program, so they have a place to talk about what\u2019s going on in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people going through divorce, single parent, or even widowed, you find one or two people to talk to and that\u2019s all you talk to. The whole world doesn't need to know all about your personal life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing is the more you talk about it, many times it becomes that loop in your brain and you say, \u201che did this and then he did this\u201d and it gets worse and worse and worse. Then you kind of exaggerate the story a little bit and you\u2019re looping and looping through, which a lot of it is not really true. It\u2019s just what you\u2019re assuming to be true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you find somebody to talk to, or if you go to DivorceCare or you go to a church program or some type of group support, that\u2019s the place that you learn to take care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, then you can begin to take care of your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Elizabeth Marquardt, she in her book, <em>Between Two Worlds<\/em>, talks about how she learned in her survey of kids that have been through a parental divorce, is that\u2014I think it was less than one third of them ever had anybody from their church reach out to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re trying to help adults, single parents or maybe in a blended family but you went through a divorce, if we\u2019re trying to help them be okay so that they can care for their kids, the church needs to be involved in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Then we can be in a continuing arm of care for the children. But if we don't ever make contact, we\u2019ve got nothing to offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. I had been divorced I think at least two years and a lady from my church called and she said, \u201cI want to bring you dinner tonight.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhyyy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWell, you know you\u2019re divorced and I never did anything for you, and if your husband had died I\u2019d have been everywhere and done everything for you, but the Lord just laid it on my heart this morning that I need to bring you dinner tonight.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell okay, I guess.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we drive up to our house, we were driving up to the house and my son goes, \u201cWhy is Mrs. Harmon\u2019s car here?\u201d I said, \u201cShe\u2019s bringing us dinner tonight.\u201d And he goes, \u201cWhyyy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughs] The same thing you said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> \u201cWell because when your dad left, she felt bad that she never helped us out.\u201d And he goes, \u201cWell isn\u2019t that nice!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The message there of course is, \u201cWe love you. We care for you. God loves you and cares for you.\u201d We represent the Gospel when we put hands and feet to it, so that\u2019s something everybody can do. My guess is she was not on staff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> She wasn\u2019t being paid to go and take you a meal, right? Everybody can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I have another short little story about my son. We were in this church and they said, \u201cWell, now next Sunday is the Father\/Son fishing trip.\u201d Or next weekend. We had just joined that church. My heart just fell. Brian wasn\u2019t there, he was with his dad and I was like, \u201cOh no, how am I going to address this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo after church this guy came up and goes, \u201cIs Brian going to be coming to the Father\/Son fishing trip?\u201d And I said, \u201cWell, I guess you didn\u2019t know his father\u2019s gone.\u201d He goes, \u201cOh I know that. I guess you don\u2019t know that I have daughters only and I need a son that weekend.\u201d \u201cSo will you call Brian tonight and ask him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he called Brian and Brian goes, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t have a tent.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh you do?\u201d \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any fishing gear, my dad took it all.\u201d \u201cOh, you have some? Well, I guess I can go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I took him up on Friday night and he\u2019s real apprehensive. I\u2019m driving away and he\u2019s standing off to the side and I\u2019m going, \u201cGod, am I doing the right thing, just putting him out here? Please let somebody see him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we go all Friday night and Saturday, and Saturday night comes, and I hear a car in the driveway, and then I hear this door open and he comes running in and he goes, \u201cMom, Mom! I had such a good time. You just won\u2019t believe it, I got to fish all night long and I got to camp. And you know what? They invited me to sit around the campfire and they gave me coffee to drink.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m a Mom that doesn\u2019t drink coffee. That was a big deal to him. That one weekend did so much for him in being accepted into that church and it was just a simple fishing trip was all it was, but it was huge for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that is awesome. Okay let\u2019s fast forward a little bit. Because now we\u2019re thinking kids, divorce, long term, somebody\u2014Mom\/Dad--is getting married\u2014forming a blended family. Does anything with the new family and the adjustments related to that intersect with the past experience of divorce? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Absolutely, because a child still has the death of their family. They\u2019re still hurting. Remember ten years to process the divorce, process the death of the family. So maybe you\u2019ve been divorced five years and you\u2019re healing and you\u2019re doing well, and you\u2019ve dated somebody for quite a while and now you\u2019re ready to get married. But the child is still suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s still stuff going on under the surface.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right, like that iceberg.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And we know loss reminds you of loss. So wow, Mom\u2019s just not home as much anymore; she goes out on these dates. She seems to be texting this guy and kind of engaged with who this person is, and I can\u2019t always get her attention like I used to. So that\u2019s a little loss moment that reminds us\u2014it reminds a child of loss in the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat taps into the fear, \u201cOh no. Is this another hurricane? Is this what we\u2019ve got going on? How\u2019s this going to impact me? I don\u2019t\u2014I know it\u2019s my mom and me and we get along great, but is that now changing?\u201d So it\u2019s important for people to remember that those things will intersect in a child\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoesn\u2019t mean\u2014I\u2019m always quick to say this\u2014it doesn\u2019t mean you should stop dating or you should never get married or if you\u2019re already married that you should not have gotten married. Doesn\u2019t mean any of that. But it does mean that your experience of moving forward might not be experienced the same by your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what kind of advice, what kind of words would you offer to somebody who is perhaps in the dating phase or maybe already married, just in terms of connecting into that experience in their kid?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>I think we always have to be truthful with children, truthful on their developmental level. So if we\u2019re starting to date, we just need to say, \u201cI have a special new friend that I like. I\u2019m not ready to introduce you yet, but one of these days I\u2019m going to introduce you to my new friend.\u201d And you go slow. You go through holidays and birthdays. You go through a year of doing different things together. You know what, children know, they know what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a Dad one time, he goes, \u201cI want you to talk to my second-grade son.\u201d The son lived with the Dad, didn\u2019t see the Mom much. \u201cThere\u2019s something going on with him.\u201d I said, \u201cAre you dating?\u201d He goes, \u201cYeah, but my son doesn\u2019t know.\u201d I said, \u201cAre you kidding? I knew when you walked in the door you were dating. You\u2019re like a seventeen-year-old.\u201d He said, \u201cNo, he doesn\u2019t know at all.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe brings the son in and I said, \u201cSo what\u2019s going on in your life?\u201d and he goes, \u201cWell my dad\u2019s dating. He doesn\u2019t want me to know that he\u2019s dating, but I know he\u2019s dating.\u201d I said, \u201cWell do you know who he\u2019s dating?\u201d He said, \u201cYeah, I do know who he\u2019s dating.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, who\u2019s he dating?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know who he was dating but the kid knew. Kid knew all about this relationship. \u201cSo what makes you think your dad is dating?\u201d \u201cOh man, he\u2019s just so happy, he\u2019s laughing all the time and whenever I\u2019m not there he thinks I don\u2019t see him calling or texting on his phone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kids know. They always know. So we have to be truthful with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to a portion of an interview Ron Deal did with Linda Ranson Jacobs for his podcast, FamilyLife Blended. This is Episode 7 and if you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation or subscribe to the podcast\/download additional episodes, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat principle there at the end about parents needing to be honest with their kids and not try to mask or hide but figure out how to wisely, appropriately bring kids in to the reality of what you\u2019re dealing with as a parent. Whether it\u2019s issues your processing from\u00a0 your divorce or whether it\u2019s new relationships like they were talking about there, you\u2019ve got to figure how to do that as a stepparent because if you think you\u2019re keeping it from your kids, you\u2019re just fooling yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Kids are so smart, aren\u2019t they? They see everything. They\u2019re wondering about so much, but they know way more than we realize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can remember I was that kid. My mom was dating after the divorce. We moved to another state and I remember I was probably seven. So it was a year\u2014maybe seven and a half\u2014a year later. My mom comes home from a date with a guy who had like five or six daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait, did you know it was a date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I knew. I was seven years old. I didn\u2019t know what a date meant but I knew she went out with a guy and this could possibly be my new dad. I was old enough to understand that and thankfully for me, my mom was honest, and I watched her over the years date different gentlemen\u2014never did remarry but you know, it\u2019s the reality of the situation. Your kids do know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> DivorceCare for Kids is a great program to help parents know \u201cHow do I help my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I wish we would have had it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would encourage every parent listening to find this program if it\u2019s not at their own church. Just because I have friends that have gone through divorce and they\u2019re in such pain that sometimes they can\u2019t really meet the needs of their kids and don\u2019t know how to meet the needs of their kids at that moment. This program has walked through it with people and they can help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get more information about DivorceCare for Kids. We\u2019ve got a link on our website that will give you the information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLinda has also just completed a book called <em>The Single Parent: Confident and Successful,<\/em> and it\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You may know a single parent you\u2019d like to give them this book as a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order it from us. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The title of the book again, <em>The Single Parent<\/em> by Linda Ranson Jacobs. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, we\u2019ve got an event coming up this fall in Chesapeake, Virginia\u2014October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s our 2019 <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. This event is for anyone, maybe on a church staff, maybe you work with a nonprofit organization, or maybe you just have a heart to work with stepfamilies\/blended families in your church and in your community. This is an equipping event for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe theme this year is \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis.\u201d There\u2019s information about this upcoming event on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, it\u2019s the 2019 <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. If you want to find out more, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a lot of couples who have decided to strengthen their marriage this summer. They\u2019re using the FamilyLife \u201cStronger Forever\u201d workout plan that we developed. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download the workout plan. We\u2019ve got exercises to improve your strength, or your cardio, or both. Just activities you can do in your marriage this summer to help build a stronger marriage relationship. It\u2019s all free and here\u2019s the kicker: one couple that downloads this \u201cStronger Forever\u201d plan is going to be our guest, all expenses paid, on a trip on the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll cover the airfare for both of you, night in the hotel before the cruise sets sail, and then your round-trip passage onboard the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise. There is no purchase necessary to enter the contest\u2014began back on July 1, 2019. It ends on August 30, 2019. Official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. We hope you will build a stronger marriage relationship this summer and look forward to seeing one couple from the group joining us on <em>the Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about cows and chicken and biscuits and waffle fries and probably some lemonade as well. Steve Robinson joins us tomorrow. He spent more than three decades working at Chick-fil-A\u00ae. We\u2019re going to talk about what is arguably everybody\u2019s favorite place to go for lunch or dinner, right? I mean we all love Chick-fil-A. I hope you can join us back tomorrow for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:38"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.22M"],"filesize_raw":["27497512"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305212.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305212.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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is difficult, but when you add divorce, the challenge multiplies. Navigating even the most routine parental responsibilities can become difficult. Linda Ranson Jacobs talks to Ron Deal, offering help and hope to parents who may be struggling.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a single mom raising a son, Linda Ranson Jacobs was wishing for, praying for the influence of a man in her son\u2019s life. God answered her prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> After church this guy came up and goes, \u201cIs Brian going to be coming to the Father\/Son fishing trip?\u201d And I said, \u201cWell I guess you didn\u2019t know his father\u2019s gone.\u201d He goes, \u201cOh I know that. I guess you don\u2019t know that I have daughters only and I need a son that weekend.\u201d \u201cSo will you call Brian tonight and ask him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he called Brian and Brian goes, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t have a tent.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh, you do?\u201d \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any fishing gear, my dad took it all.\u201d \u201cOh, you have some? Well, I guess I can go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. There is hope for children who are growing up without a mom or dad in the home regularly. We\u2019ll hear from Ron Deal and Linda Ranson Jacobs about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve often thought back to the fact that my dad who served in World War II probably experienced what is diagnosed today as PTSD. Back then I don\u2019t what term they used but they didn\u2019t have a diagnosis for it. We think of PTSD as something that people in the military experience, or something that if you\u2019re in police or fire rescue, you may experience PTSD. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about children who are in a family where mom and dad have gotten a divorce. There\u2019s a trauma for the parents who go through a divorce. But those kids have got to experience at some level some kind of traumatic stress. Your parents went through a divorce. How old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was six years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, there was no diagnosis back then, but it was traumatic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s interesting. Dave has very little recall from his childhood, which makes me wonder \u201cIs it because of the trauma?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I do remember going to church with my mom and dad, my little brother. He was five or four and a half. We got baptized by mom and dad at that church that night, came home, walked in our house\u2014it\u2019s vivid; I can remember this. Walked in the house, Christmas presents everywhere\u2014the entire family room\/tree. They were everywhere\u2014like triple what would be normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were allowed to rip them open right there and I remember there\u2019s love in this moment. One of the greatest nights in my life, right? Go to church with your family, get baptized, Christmas galore and waking up the next morning and finding out why all that happened last night. Dad left. Christmas Day, he\u2019s gone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember asking my mom\u2014I\u2019m just a little boy\u2014\"Where\u2019s dad?\u201d She\u2019s like \u201cWell, he\u2019s gone.\u201d I didn\u2019t know that was permanently, but it was. That\u2019s why there were so many gifts. It was sort of his last hurrah. So you talk about trauma, I stepped right into it and that was decades.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you think maybe you blocked out memories from your childhood?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I had to. Ann and I have talked about it. I\u2019ve tried to dig them up sometimes and they\u2019re not there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> His siblings have filled in a lot of those gaps. But it was very traumatic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s an organization that I\u2019ve been aware of for years called DivorceCare. A lot of churches will use the DivorceCare material as a way to minister to men and women who have gone through a divorce and are recovering from the effect of a divorce. But there\u2019s also a program they\u2019ve put together for kids called DivorceCare for Kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, our friend, Ron Deal, sat down and talked with Linda Jacobs who has put that material together\u2014the DivorceCare for Kids material\u2014and actually their conversation is a part of Ron\u2019s new podcast which is called FamilyLife Blended\u00ae. This is Episode 7 and it\u2019s now available for listeners who would like to listen to this entire conversation between Ron and Linda on the subject of caring for kids who experienced the trauma of divorce. Ron\u2019s podcast is available for subscription. You can find our more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we thought today it would be good for listeners to hear Linda\u2019s thoughts about the challenges, the trauma, the stress that kids are facing when there\u2019s been a divorce in the family and how parents and friends can tune into that and help kids through the reality of that kind of trauma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> \u201cYou need to study your children. You need to form a relationship with your children.\u201d And they go, \u201cI have a relationship, I\u2019m the mother, I\u2019m the dad.\u201d No, you have a different kind of relationship now because when your other parent was here you supported each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo little Johnny wanted to do something, so he asked Dad and his dad said, \u201cGo ask Mom.\u201d He asks Mom. You know, we\u2019ve all\u2014as little kids we were all caught in the middle of that. It\u2019s kind of funny now, but you know <em>then<\/em> when there\u2019s no other parent in your home, you parent differently. Because you have to fill in <em>all<\/em> the roles now. We have to form a new relationship with our children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means we\u2019ve got to observe our children and very few parents observe their children after a divorce. So we need to observe them, we need to--I say don\u2019t question your child when they came back from the other parent\u2019s but just say something like, \u201cSo did you have a good weekend? Here\u2019s what I did.\u201d Just form a conversation, but not to question them, but as you talk things will come out and you\u2019ll find out what they did and how they felt, and what was going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Connecting into that means you\u2019re not alone, I\u2019m here with you, and we\u2019re getting through this together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Right. Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You used an analogy when you spoke at our Summit on Stepfamily Ministry, you said, \u201cIt\u2019s kind of like an iceberg, what you see above the surface, the externals of a child going through parental divorce is one thing, but under the surface is a whole lot more.\u201d You talked about some big emotions there. I remember I took some notes: clingy, dependent, fearful, anxious, regression. Do you mind just talking around a few of those for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Sure, I\u2019d be glad to. So we have these children, we have two or three children. If each of them are like an iceberg, and they each have different emotions below the surface that we don\u2019t see or we maybe don\u2019t even know about, and you have them in one room in the house; here we have these big icebergs bumping into each other, so we have a constant war. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are a lot of things that are going on under the surface. I say under the skin in a child. So many children are clingy, kids who weren\u2019t even clingy before. At the conference I told about going to the Tulsa State Fair with my eight- and twelve-year-old kids, and them just attaching themselves. They were just like glued to me. I don't know if it was the crowds. My son said, \u201cI\u2019m afraid I\u2019m going to lose you and I can\u2019t find you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo the issue of safety is huge in these kids, and the issue of security. You can keep telling them, \u201cYou\u2019re safe and I\u2019m here for you,\u201d but you have to keep telling them that over and over, year after year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Then you\u2019ve got to back it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> You've got to back it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Because if you say, \u201cI\u2019m here for you,\u201d but then you\u2019re not, when it\u2019s your turn for the weekend or whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right.So the clinginess that goes on for quite a while with some of the kids. Some kids are dependent. Where they were independent before, now they have to have your help; \u201cHelp me brush my teeth. Help me comb my hair.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve been doing this yourself for years.\u201d \u201cI know, but Mom, I need you to help me brush my hair.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then little boys, they want you to help pick out their clothes or whatever. It\u2019s just some phases, I hate to say stages, it\u2019s more like phases that they\u2019re going through and they will come back and forth and maybe in two or three years they might be clingy again for a while. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd of course there\u2019s sadness and there\u2019s anger and just every emotion. One emotion that surprised me was being embarrassed. These children--especially at church--my kids and others I\u2019ve known are embarrassed that their parents are separating or that their parents are divorced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s short term; what\u2019s long term? What do we know about children, divorce, and the long-term impact?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Well we know from a study that Judith Wallerstein, a psychologist in Southern California, did\u2014[she] wrote several books. The last one was, <em>What About the Kids?<\/em> If you want to know anything about children in divorce you need to read that book. But she\u2019s says it takes children--most children, I mean we\u2019re talking typical average, not individual children--most children, ten years to process the grief over the death of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany people say, \u201cWell they should be over it by now, that was two years ago.\u201d Well, this is the death of their family for goodness sakes. <em>Nothing<\/em> is <em>ever<\/em> the same again for these kids. In order to say, \u201cHi Daddy,\u201d I have to say, \u201cGoodbye Mommy. I\u2019ll see you later. Hi Dad.\u201d This is all within seconds this is taking place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo their lives are forever changed. So then in the long term as they grow, mature, and start dating and getting married they're thinking, \u201cI don't know how to do a marriage because my parent\u2019s marriage split up, so what do I know about being in a marriage?\u201d Which is why a lot of adult children today tell us they don\u2019t get married, they cohabit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>They cohabit. They\u2019re not sure if it can last and if it can be there for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So that impact is very significant. Just the \u201cHi Dad, Goodbye Mom\u201d is \u201cI\u2019m split.\u201d I\u2019ve heard some children of divorce talk about feeling split in terms of their identity. Like, you know, I\u2019m half dad, half mom. That's part of who I am. Who I am, and when they're together, I feel whole being in their presence and that\u2019s as life should be. But when they're not, like, which part of me is with you, which part of me is over there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think if they feel splintered then they don\u2019t know even how to adopt our faith. If they feel like they can\u2019t quite find who they are, they\u2019re always having to figure out who they are in light of who their parents are, then how to do I internalize faith to be something that\u2019s mine? My parents both are believers perhaps, but how do I make that me? There are some real challenges in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Oh my goodness, that\u2019s so important. After a divorce, you might have a child that goes to this denomination for two weeks and then this denomination for two weeks and the kid goes, \u201cSee I\u2019m going over here, do I kneel? Do I raise my hands when I sing? Do I wear shorts, or do I have to wear long pants over here? Do I have to\u2014trying to keep these religions straight, trying to keep the homes straight. There\u2019s a lot of pressure on little kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, it seems to me that kids are constantly monitoring their parents after a divorce. What\u2019s going on with Dad? How\u2019s he feeling? How\u2019s he feeling about me? How\u2019s he feeling about Mom? Is he okay? Is he falling apart? Is he depressed? Is he functioning well? Do I not have to worry about Dad, or do I have to worry about Dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMom\u2014Do I have to worry about Mom? Do I not have to worry about Mom? How\u2019s she feeling about me? How\u2019s she feeling about Dad? How\u2019s she feeling about\u2014They are constantly monitoring the emotional climate of their parents\u2019 world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that moves children to a natural place of caretaking for their parents, yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Yes, it does and that\u2019s\u2014It\u2019s supposed to be the other way around. The parents are supposed to be taking care of the children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>But the children are becoming \u2018adultized\u2019 you might say, or something like that. So now they\u2019re having to be the caretaker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It seems to me in that situation that you\u2019ve got to take care of you so that your kids don't have to take care of you. How do they do that? How do they care for themselves so that they don't inadvertently put that off on their child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> So whether you go through DivorceCare or something else, I think every parent should go through some type of group support program, so they have a place to talk about what\u2019s going on in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people going through divorce, single parent, or even widowed, you find one or two people to talk to and that\u2019s all you talk to. The whole world doesn't need to know all about your personal life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing is the more you talk about it, many times it becomes that loop in your brain and you say, \u201che did this and then he did this\u201d and it gets worse and worse and worse. Then you kind of exaggerate the story a little bit and you\u2019re looping and looping through, which a lot of it is not really true. It\u2019s just what you\u2019re assuming to be true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you find somebody to talk to, or if you go to DivorceCare or you go to a church program or some type of group support, that\u2019s the place that you learn to take care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, then you can begin to take care of your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Elizabeth Marquardt, she in her book, <em>Between Two Worlds<\/em>, talks about how she learned in her survey of kids that have been through a parental divorce, is that\u2014I think it was less than one third of them ever had anybody from their church reach out to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re trying to help adults, single parents or maybe in a blended family but you went through a divorce, if we\u2019re trying to help them be okay so that they can care for their kids, the church needs to be involved in that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Then we can be in a continuing arm of care for the children. But if we don't ever make contact, we\u2019ve got nothing to offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. I had been divorced I think at least two years and a lady from my church called and she said, \u201cI want to bring you dinner tonight.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhyyy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWell, you know you\u2019re divorced and I never did anything for you, and if your husband had died I\u2019d have been everywhere and done everything for you, but the Lord just laid it on my heart this morning that I need to bring you dinner tonight.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell okay, I guess.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we drive up to our house, we were driving up to the house and my son goes, \u201cWhy is Mrs. Harmon\u2019s car here?\u201d I said, \u201cShe\u2019s bringing us dinner tonight.\u201d And he goes, \u201cWhyyy?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> [Laughs] The same thing you said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> \u201cWell because when your dad left, she felt bad that she never helped us out.\u201d And he goes, \u201cWell isn\u2019t that nice!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The message there of course is, \u201cWe love you. We care for you. God loves you and cares for you.\u201d We represent the Gospel when we put hands and feet to it, so that\u2019s something everybody can do. My guess is she was not on staff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> She wasn\u2019t being paid to go and take you a meal, right? Everybody can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> I have another short little story about my son. We were in this church and they said, \u201cWell, now next Sunday is the Father\/Son fishing trip.\u201d Or next weekend. We had just joined that church. My heart just fell. Brian wasn\u2019t there, he was with his dad and I was like, \u201cOh no, how am I going to address this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo after church this guy came up and goes, \u201cIs Brian going to be coming to the Father\/Son fishing trip?\u201d And I said, \u201cWell, I guess you didn\u2019t know his father\u2019s gone.\u201d He goes, \u201cOh I know that. I guess you don\u2019t know that I have daughters only and I need a son that weekend.\u201d \u201cSo will you call Brian tonight and ask him?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he called Brian and Brian goes, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t have a tent.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh you do?\u201d \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any fishing gear, my dad took it all.\u201d \u201cOh, you have some? Well, I guess I can go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I took him up on Friday night and he\u2019s real apprehensive. I\u2019m driving away and he\u2019s standing off to the side and I\u2019m going, \u201cGod, am I doing the right thing, just putting him out here? Please let somebody see him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo we go all Friday night and Saturday, and Saturday night comes, and I hear a car in the driveway, and then I hear this door open and he comes running in and he goes, \u201cMom, Mom! I had such a good time. You just won\u2019t believe it, I got to fish all night long and I got to camp. And you know what? They invited me to sit around the campfire and they gave me coffee to drink.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m a Mom that doesn\u2019t drink coffee. That was a big deal to him. That one weekend did so much for him in being accepted into that church and it was just a simple fishing trip was all it was, but it was huge for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that is awesome. Okay let\u2019s fast forward a little bit. Because now we\u2019re thinking kids, divorce, long term, somebody\u2014Mom\/Dad--is getting married\u2014forming a blended family. Does anything with the new family and the adjustments related to that intersect with the past experience of divorce? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda:<\/strong> Absolutely, because a child still has the death of their family. They\u2019re still hurting. Remember ten years to process the divorce, process the death of the family. So maybe you\u2019ve been divorced five years and you\u2019re healing and you\u2019re doing well, and you\u2019ve dated somebody for quite a while and now you\u2019re ready to get married. But the child is still suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s still stuff going on under the surface.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>Right, like that iceberg.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And we know loss reminds you of loss. So wow, Mom\u2019s just not home as much anymore; she goes out on these dates. She seems to be texting this guy and kind of engaged with who this person is, and I can\u2019t always get her attention like I used to. So that\u2019s a little loss moment that reminds us\u2014it reminds a child of loss in the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat taps into the fear, \u201cOh no. Is this another hurricane? Is this what we\u2019ve got going on? How\u2019s this going to impact me? I don\u2019t\u2014I know it\u2019s my mom and me and we get along great, but is that now changing?\u201d So it\u2019s important for people to remember that those things will intersect in a child\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDoesn\u2019t mean\u2014I\u2019m always quick to say this\u2014it doesn\u2019t mean you should stop dating or you should never get married or if you\u2019re already married that you should not have gotten married. Doesn\u2019t mean any of that. But it does mean that your experience of moving forward might not be experienced the same by your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what kind of advice, what kind of words would you offer to somebody who is perhaps in the dating phase or maybe already married, just in terms of connecting into that experience in their kid?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Linda: <\/strong>I think we always have to be truthful with children, truthful on their developmental level. So if we\u2019re starting to date, we just need to say, \u201cI have a special new friend that I like. I\u2019m not ready to introduce you yet, but one of these days I\u2019m going to introduce you to my new friend.\u201d And you go slow. You go through holidays and birthdays. You go through a year of doing different things together. You know what, children know, they know what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a Dad one time, he goes, \u201cI want you to talk to my second-grade son.\u201d The son lived with the Dad, didn\u2019t see the Mom much. \u201cThere\u2019s something going on with him.\u201d I said, \u201cAre you dating?\u201d He goes, \u201cYeah, but my son doesn\u2019t know.\u201d I said, \u201cAre you kidding? I knew when you walked in the door you were dating. You\u2019re like a seventeen-year-old.\u201d He said, \u201cNo, he doesn\u2019t know at all.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe brings the son in and I said, \u201cSo what\u2019s going on in your life?\u201d and he goes, \u201cWell my dad\u2019s dating. He doesn\u2019t want me to know that he\u2019s dating, but I know he\u2019s dating.\u201d I said, \u201cWell do you know who he\u2019s dating?\u201d He said, \u201cYeah, I do know who he\u2019s dating.\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, who\u2019s he dating?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know who he was dating but the kid knew. Kid knew all about this relationship. \u201cSo what makes you think your dad is dating?\u201d \u201cOh man, he\u2019s just so happy, he\u2019s laughing all the time and whenever I\u2019m not there he thinks I don\u2019t see him calling or texting on his phone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe kids know. They always know. So we have to be truthful with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening to a portion of an interview Ron Deal did with Linda Ranson Jacobs for his podcast, FamilyLife Blended. This is Episode 7 and if you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation or subscribe to the podcast\/download additional episodes, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat principle there at the end about parents needing to be honest with their kids and not try to mask or hide but figure out how to wisely, appropriately bring kids in to the reality of what you\u2019re dealing with as a parent. Whether it\u2019s issues your processing from\u00a0 your divorce or whether it\u2019s new relationships like they were talking about there, you\u2019ve got to figure how to do that as a stepparent because if you think you\u2019re keeping it from your kids, you\u2019re just fooling yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Kids are so smart, aren\u2019t they? They see everything. They\u2019re wondering about so much, but they know way more than we realize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can remember I was that kid. My mom was dating after the divorce. We moved to another state and I remember I was probably seven. So it was a year\u2014maybe seven and a half\u2014a year later. My mom comes home from a date with a guy who had like five or six daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait, did you know it was a date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I knew. I was seven years old. I didn\u2019t know what a date meant but I knew she went out with a guy and this could possibly be my new dad. I was old enough to understand that and thankfully for me, my mom was honest, and I watched her over the years date different gentlemen\u2014never did remarry but you know, it\u2019s the reality of the situation. Your kids do know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> DivorceCare for Kids is a great program to help parents know \u201cHow do I help my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I wish we would have had it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would encourage every parent listening to find this program if it\u2019s not at their own church. Just because I have friends that have gone through divorce and they\u2019re in such pain that sometimes they can\u2019t really meet the needs of their kids and don\u2019t know how to meet the needs of their kids at that moment. This program has walked through it with people and they can help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get more information about DivorceCare for Kids. We\u2019ve got a link on our website that will give you the information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLinda has also just completed a book called <em>The Single Parent: Confident and Successful,<\/em> and it\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You may know a single parent you\u2019d like to give them this book as a gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order it from us. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The title of the book again, <em>The Single Parent<\/em> by Linda Ranson Jacobs. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, we\u2019ve got an event coming up this fall in Chesapeake, Virginia\u2014October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s our 2019 <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. This event is for anyone, maybe on a church staff, maybe you work with a nonprofit organization, or maybe you just have a heart to work with stepfamilies\/blended families in your church and in your community. This is an equipping event for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe theme this year is \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis.\u201d There\u2019s information about this upcoming event on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, it\u2019s the 2019 <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>. If you want to find out more, go to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a lot of couples who have decided to strengthen their marriage this summer. They\u2019re using the FamilyLife \u201cStronger Forever\u201d workout plan that we developed. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and download the workout plan. We\u2019ve got exercises to improve your strength, or your cardio, or both. Just activities you can do in your marriage this summer to help build a stronger marriage relationship. It\u2019s all free and here\u2019s the kicker: one couple that downloads this \u201cStronger Forever\u201d plan is going to be our guest, all expenses paid, on a trip on the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll cover the airfare for both of you, night in the hotel before the cruise sets sail, and then your round-trip passage onboard the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise. There is no purchase necessary to enter the contest\u2014began back on July 1, 2019. It ends on August 30, 2019. Official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. We hope you will build a stronger marriage relationship this summer and look forward to seeing one couple from the group joining us on <em>the Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about cows and chicken and biscuits and waffle fries and probably some lemonade as well. Steve Robinson joins us tomorrow. He spent more than three decades working at Chick-fil-A\u00ae. We\u2019re going to talk about what is arguably everybody\u2019s favorite place to go for lunch or dinner, right? I mean we all love Chick-fil-A. I hope you can join us back tomorrow for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305212"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305212"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305212"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305212"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}