{"id":305208,"date":"2019-07-19T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-07-19T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/grow-relationships-with-each-other\/"},"modified":"2019-07-19T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-07-19T10:00:04","slug":"grow-relationships-with-each-other","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grow-relationships-with-each-other\/","title":{"rendered":"Grow Relationships with Each Other"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are there things you can do to have a healthy family? Bryan Carter takes us back to the basics, with seven habits of healthy families, paying special attention to how we spend our time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-19.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:26","filesize":"25.12M","filesize_raw":"26340998","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2822,2891,2806],"tags":[6674,5389],"podcast_series":[8290],"cwp_profile":[9545],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305208","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-making-memories","category-spiritual-development","tag-7-healthy-habits-for-families","tag-priorities","podcast_series-7-habits-of-healthy-marriage-and-family","cwp_profile-bryan-carter","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305208\/grow-relationships-with-each-other","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305208\/grow-relationships-with-each-other","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xZIL8YnrsU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grow-relationships-with-each-other\/\">Grow Relationships with Each Other<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grow-relationships-with-each-other\/embed\/#?secret=xZIL8YnrsU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Grow Relationships with Each Other&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xZIL8YnrsU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Are there things you can do to have a healthy family? Bryan Carter takes us back to the basics, with seven habits of healthy families, paying special attention to how we spend our time.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Not taking one another for granted\u2014that\u2019s just one of the things that promotes family health\/family wellness. We\u2019ll hear more from Bryan Carter today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I think, a lot of times we, as parents\/as husbands and wives\u2014we can think family is a lot more complicated than it is\u2014that healthy, successful families are a lot more complicated. Sometimes, I think there are moms and dads, who think: \u201cBoy, this is what really matters. We\u2019ve got to make sure that the kids eat the organic Cheerios<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because\u2026\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know, they\u2019re not going to be healthy unless it\u2019s the organic Cheerios\u2014\u201cand we\u2019ve got their diet right.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I have a little of that in me, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have actually found that it\u2019s important that they <em>eat<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Sometimes, I forgot about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He did forget feeding the children when I was gone. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ann would leave, and there would be danger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That would be one of the basics that we\u2019ve got to get to\u2014is that it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been hearing about basics this week from our friend, Bryan Carter, who is the pastor at Concord Church in suburban Dallas, Texas. Bryan gave a message\u2014we were all together for this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was a message that brought back the fundamentals\/the basics on marriage and family. As I listened to it, I thought, \u201cIt\u2019s just good to be reminded, again and again, that this is what matters.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve already heard him talk about how being committed to God is really foundational\u2014and you\u2019ve got to get that right before you try to get other things right\u2014and then being committed to one another and, then, having fun together, as a family\u2014these are some of the basic qualities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to hear Part Two of his message today, where he covers four more of what he calls \u201cThe Seven Habits for Healthy Marriages and Families.\u201d Here is our friend, Bryan Carter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Healthy relationships\u2014they accept and they appreciate one another. If there was ever someone that modeled how to accept people and how to appreciate people, it was the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. We don\u2019t have to go much further than back to the passage we read before in Mark, Chapter 3. He shows His acceptance and appreciation of people simply by the disciples that He picks. I mean, the fact that He would pick these twelve\u2014some tax collectors, some fishermen, some\/a publican. The fact that He would even pick them shows His acceptance of people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is something about acceptance that can be transformative in our lives. There is something about acceptance that builds healthy marriages and builds healthy families, because the truth of the matter is that all of us <em>long<\/em> to be accepted and <em>valued<\/em>. We <em>long<\/em> to be appreciated for who we are\u2014for our story, for our wiring, for our own unique makeup\u2014we <em>long<\/em> for this; we long for this. Healthy families\/healthy marriages\u2014they model this incredibly well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe won\u2019t admit it often, but our self-worth and our identity can be fragile. It speaks volumes when family members will recognize and appreciate one another. Like some of you here in this room\u2014we all are very different from our siblings. I\u2019ve got three children, like some of you in the room, and all of them are incredibly different. I mean, you would think, growing up in the same house\/under the same roof, they\u2019d have a lot more similarities; but they are night and day at times. We have to constantly watch ourselves to not make one be like the other but understand they are unique, each one to himself or herself. God wired them that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the joys of parenting is to learn how to accept them for how God has created them. As a matter of fact, it\u2019s in 1 Corinthians 12, where Paul writes to the Corinthian church and tries to correct them because they are so busy comparing and competing instead of celebrating them for who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of our children is\u2014the oldest\u2014she is a dancer. She\u2019s been doing ballet since she was about five, and she loves it. She\u2019s a strong, typical firstborn child. We have to learn how to celebrate her and respect her because how she is wired. She is an extrovert\u2014she loves to talk\u2014she can talk; she can talk. She comes in from her day, and she comes right to our room and wants to talk for about 30 minutes to an hour. I mean, she <em>loves<\/em> to talk\u2014that\u2019s how she\u2019s wired. We\u2019ve had to learn how to celebrate her for who she is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur middle daughter is 14\u2014she\u2019s our strong-willed child. I mean, she has a strong personality. If she makes up her mind about something, nothing will change her mind. That works out good in good situations and bad in bad situations. Our goal is to focus that exactly where it needs to be; but she is also\u2014she\u2019s not quite as bubbly and extroverted as our oldest one\u2014but she still is a very-balanced child. She\u2019d rather go to her room, get herself together, then come back and talk to you; but that\u2019s her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Then there is our baby boy, who was a surprise to us. As a matter of fact, we were having a marriage retreat at the\u2014a marriage retreat at our church in February; and he showed up in November. We had a marriage retreat in February, so be very careful. I don\u2019t what you\u2019ve got planned, but he\u2014it was in February with the retreat, and he showed up nine months later. We said: \u201cWhat happened?! That was\u2014that\u2014how did that happen?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut he is now 11 years old, and he\u2019s the typical baby of the family. He\u2019s fun; he\u2019s joyful. He probably gets away with murder at times, but we have to value him. He is our little basketball player, and he\u2019s kind of a quiet guy; but he\u2019s the life of the party. He <em>loves<\/em> his family\/loves his big sisters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve watched them and had to learn\u2014some of our kids are better in certain classes than others. We\u2019ve had to figure out: \u201cHow do we accept you, and love you, and value you for who you are?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some people that, even into their adult years, struggle with being accepted by their families\u2014struggle with being accepted\u2014not only accepted but also being appreciated. Appreciation is just the next step of acceptance. Acceptance is the beginning; but appreciation is when acceptance comes to full bloom. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s there in Philippians, Chapter 1, verse 3, where Paul writes these words: \u201cI thank my God every time I remember you.\u201d Here\u2019s Paul writing, basically, Philippians as a thank-you letter as he thanks the Philippian church for their support of him while he\u2019s done ministry. It\u2019s a beautiful picture of how he appreciates people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you realize that people are a gift? One of the greatest gifts God gives to us is a husband or a wife\u2014that when God was looking at your life\u2014when God was considering the plan for your life\/when God was navigating the circumstances\u2014He knew exactly what you needed. He sent you a <em>gift<\/em> in your husband or in your wife. We have to learn to <em>value<\/em> and celebrate that gift\u2014that gift\u2014that gift. One of the leading causes for infidelity with women is that they often feel unappreciated, neglected, and ignored. A woman can sometimes feel like a housekeeper, or a financial provider, or a nanny more than a wife, sometimes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do we do better? How do we appreciate one another? One of the ways we can do this is to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d often\u2014say, \u201cThank you,\u201d often: \u201cThank you so much for just supporting me,\u201d \u201cThank you so much for your love,\u201d \u201cThank you so much for how you take care of the kids,\u201d \u201cThank you so much for how we share life together,\u201d \u201cThank you so much for your prayers and your support.\u201d Say, \u201cThank you,\u201d as often as we can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, we have to be specific with our appreciation\u2014you can call it out; you can write it out; you can text it. You can leave a note on the mirror in the morning. You could write a letter and leave it on her pillow. Find a way to, daily, make sure that we appreciate one another. You see, our identities are shaped at home. We must be intentional at affirming and appreciating one another so that our home becomes a place where we are reminded of our identity in Christ as we encourage and affirm one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the next one: \u201cCommunication: Healthy families express open and frequent communication.\u201d Ephesians, Chapter 4, verse 29, says, \u201cDo not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.\u201d How we talk to one another matters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow you talk to your husband\/how you talk to your wife\u2014how we talk to our children\u2014our families are a place where we learn communication. The text says this: \u201cThe goal of communication is not simply for me to get my feelings off my chest or just to express myself alone, but the goal of communication\u201d\u2014the text says\u2014\u201cis to benefit the person who is listening,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s to benefit the person who is listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe goal of my communication is to make sure that I\u2019m always thinking: \u201cHow can I help the person that I\u2019m talking to? How can I convey how I\u2019m feeling? How can I convey how their actions impacted me?\u201d We all have the ability to use our words in a healthy way. When you become a follower of Christ, He gives you power over your tongue; He gives you power over your words. How we communicate <em>matters<\/em>\u2014that is what the text is saying to us\u2014that how we communicate\u2014it matters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says, \u201cWe ought to build each other up.\u201d How do we build each other up? We ought to build each other up by speaking the truth in love\u2014that our relationships do so much better when we speak the truth in love. When we convey our <em>real<\/em> feelings, we convey the true things that happen. There are two words that all of us need to embrace: transparency and openness. When we are transparent in our communication\/we are open in our communication, it allows the other person to see who we really are. When we hide behind insecurity\/when we hide behind untruths or half-truths, we put up a barrier in our relationships. They want to love you for who you are. They want to <em>know<\/em> you for who you are. It only happens when we build each other up by speaking the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTwo more and we\u2019re finished. Here it is: \u201cHealthy families resolve conflict\u201d or conflict resolution. In conflict resolution, healthy families resolve conflict quickly and constructively. Healthy marriages\/healthy families\u2014they resolve conflict. It\u2019s Matthew, Chapter 5, verse 9, where He says, \u201cBlessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.\u201d Have you ever had conflict in your marriage or family? I\u2019m sure that all of us can attest that conflict <em>happens<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you put two people or a group of people under the same roof\u2014with different personalities, and different backgrounds, different families of origin\u2014no doubt that there is going to be some type of conflict. It\u2019s part of our own reality as we have our\u2014if we are sinners, well, we\u2019re saved by grace\u2014but we still struggle. We still struggle with sin; we still struggle with selfish desires. Sometimes, there is conflict over poor communication, or just differences, or\u2014James 4:1 says, \u201c\u2026it comes from our own desires.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are three ways you can deal with conflict. Most of the time, our families of origin had some preference in dealing with conflict: you can run away from it; you can just be incredibly passive and say: \u201cYou know what? I don\u2019t want to deal with it. This is how I best deal with conflict\u2014I just ignore it and keep going,\u201d or you can run toward it. You can be incredibly aggressive and always want to, not only deal with the situation, but want to deal with every single conflict assertively. Finally, you can work <em>through<\/em> it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what healthy families do. Healthy families\u2014they don\u2019t just run away from it; they don\u2019t run toward it; but they work <em>through<\/em> it. They try to embrace this model of being a peacemaker\u2014that when you consider the life of Jesus Christ, He modeled for us what peacemaking ought to look like. He modeled for us that being a peacemaker meant taking the initiative. It was Jesus Christ who came to us, despite the brokenness that we caused. That\u2019s what peacemakers do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeacemakers mean that they are going to be the first to say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m sorry,\u201d\u2014the first to say: \u201cThat was my fault. I apologize,\u201d\u2014the first to be able to offer forgiveness\u2014the first one to bring up the issue. They are not going to wait and say: \u201cYou know what? They shouldn\u2019t have said it to me; and because they said it, I will wait until they\u2026\u201d\u2014no; they are going to take the initiative, whether it was their fault or not, to help be a peacemaker. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeacemaker means you\u2019ve got to be mature in Christ because some stuff that we argue and fuss over really is not even worth it; but you have to grow in Christ enough to say: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m mature enough to be able to deal with that in a healthy way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be a peacemaker means you have got to <em>love<\/em> the person that\u2019s in your family: \u201cThe reason we are talking\u201d\u2014\u201cThe reason we are trying to work through it\u201d\u2014\u201cThe reason that we\u2019re trying find a better solution is because I love <em>you<\/em>, and I love God. I don\u2019t want our conflict to damage my witness or to damage our relationship with God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo resolve conflict means there is some stuff you\u2019ve got to overlook; there is some stuff you\u2019ve got to confess; there are sometimes you\u2019ve got to confront. There are <em>always<\/em> times where you\u2019ve got to forgive. It is forgiveness that helps bring healing to relationships, because that\u2019s the same thing that Jesus Christ did for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the final one: \u201cHealthy families face suffering\u2014face times of suffering together.\u201d It\u2019s called resilience. Healthy marriages\/healthy families\u2014they have this inner-strength, because they are able to go through times of suffering together. James 1:2-4 says: \u201c\u2026when you meet\u201d\u2014\u201cCount it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, not lacking anything.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>As followers of Christ, all of us must have a theology of suffering. Friends, suffering will show up in all of our marriages\/in all of our families. Sometimes, it shows up financially; sometimes, it shows up as a health issue; sometimes, it shows up as a parenting challenge; sometimes, it shows up as a diagnosis. In those cases, healthy families\u2014they don\u2019t let the suffering draw them apart; they let the suffering drive them together. They begin to recognize and realize that, when you follow Jesus Christ, suffering can be <em>redemptive<\/em>. God doesn\u2019t waste any of our tears, any of our pain, any of our difficulty, any of our suffering; but He uses all of it to make us and to shape us into the image of His Son\/into the image of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMany in this room know what it is like to go through a season of suffering in a marriage and family; and I want to remind you that God can use that season of suffering to bring you closer together\u2014that God can use that season of suffering to <em>bond<\/em> your family like it\u2019s never been bonded before. God has not forgotten about you, but God is <em>sanctifying<\/em> each of us through this life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFriends, those seven habits I wanted to lift up for you today to encourage us all to build strong and healthy families that reflect Christ in our relationships. We all have work to do. Our goal is to create a legacy in our families that will live on long after we are gone. We are tending to plant seeds today that will forever flourish forever. We\u2019re not trying to create perfect families, but we are trying to create families that please God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThank you. God bless. [Applause] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, that\u2019s Pastor Bryan Carter with a message on the \u201cSeven Habits of Healthy Marriages and Families.\u201d As we sat and listened to that message, I remember thinking, \u201cIt is good for all of us to have a mentor come along and just remind us of what\u2019s true and point us, again, in the right direction; and for us to just say, \u2018You know, this really matters.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so easy to get distracted by all kinds of things and to come back to the basics and say: \u201cAt the end of the day, if we miss the soccer game, or if something goes wrong and we have to cancel piano for this fall\u2014at the end of the day, these are the things that matter: \u201cAre we committed to God?\u2014committed to each other? Do we prioritize time together? Do we accept and appreciate one another in our family? Do we express open and frequent communication? Do we know how to resolve conflict?\u2014and can we face suffering together?\u201d If you can do that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019ve got a good family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The other stuff is going to work its way out; but these are the relationship skills that will mean, not only a good family, but as he said, Dave, a good legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I think, as we\u2019ve already said, it would be a really good homework assignment\/a project to grade yourself. Here is what I would say to parents: \u201cAsk your kids. Go through each one of the seven and say, \u2018You know, how are we doing?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when he is talking about number six with resolving conflict quickly and constructively, I remember a vacation that we took, as a family\u2014and again, this was, now, two of our sons were married; the third had his girlfriend with him. We got into a family\u2014what would we call it, Ann? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a fight; it was an all-out fight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a <em>big<\/em> conflict that took four to five hours to really drill down and get at the root of. It was <em>hard<\/em>, but it was really good for our family. I mean, we practiced one of those habits that day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was really interesting; because we started out doing a devotional together, as a family. Somehow\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I forgot that\u2019s how it started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it turned into speaking truth; and then, the truth kind of brought out a lot of different things, and pain, and hurt. We did end up praying together, at the end; but it was a <em>long<\/em>, hard journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was worth it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, to your point, Dave\u2014if we had a list of those seven\u2014and by the way, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; and we\u2019ll have all seven habits listed for you there so you can print that out or just pull it up on your phone and then say: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to read these off. Tell me which one you think we\u2019re excelling in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhat\u2019s our number one?\u2014we do this best. Then tell us the one where you think we could use the most work.\u201d That would be a good conversation. It might deteriorate into a fight\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s good for you to have those kinds of conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think we, as parents, have a lot of hopes and dreams of what our kids are experiencing. Sometimes, our kid\u2019s reality isn\u2019t the same as ours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been shocked, at times, of what our kids have told us the way they see our family dynamic. It\u2019s very different from the way we\u2019ve seen it. There\u2019s a great discussion that can take place after that of: \u201cTell me why you are saying that, and what you are seeing. I\u2019d love to hear your thoughts on that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mom and Dad can\u2019t get defensive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got to be teachable and know your kids are processing and just guide the conversation; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you missed any part of Bryan\u2019s message this week. It\u2019s available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Bryan Carter, by the way, is featured in the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, along with the two of you, and Dennis Rainey, and Paul David Tripp, and Voddie Baucham\u2014others who are contributors to the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em> video series, which is used as both a small group series and as a video event. A lot of churches are having marriage getaway weekends at a retreat center and using the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em> content for the weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019ve not been through the<em> Art of Marriage<\/em> video series, it\u2019s great to take your small group through it; and if it\u2019s been a while since you\u2019ve been through it, always good to have a refresher on this content. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have any questions about the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em>, give us a call at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we think about habits that we build into our family, you\u2019ve got to be intentional to develop a habit. You don\u2019t just happen on habits\u2014well, if you do, they are bad habits. We\u2019ve got the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, who is here with us. You were present when Bryan Carter shared this message, and I think it struck you the same way. We have to be purposeful if we want to cultivate good habits. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; the thing is\u2014and what\u2019s fascinating about our modern moment\u2014is that we will be formed some way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> We are already semi-consciously adopting habits and being formed. Our world is such a good discipler of people\u2014these habits being formed\u2014like checking our phone 80 times a day; I certainly contribute to that average. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was just checking my phone while you were talking. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s a true fact. [Laughter] They aren\u2019t designed by companies and people that are helping push us toward a personal transformation and formation to the image of Christ\u2014I mean, to say the least; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> There are studied algorithms and there [are] gamification prompts to keep you coming back and engrain habits within you. To do nothing is to submit to the cultural current that eventually tries to take you <em>out<\/em> of the beauty of the gospel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love this\u2014I remember hearing this, in person, with Bryan, just going: \u201cMan, these habits are counter-formation\u2014needed in my life\/in my marriage in this season. It\u2019s a busy season with young kids.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, sometimes, we wrestle with habits and being legalistic. I just love Dallas Willard\u2019s quote: \u201cGrace is not opposed to effort, but it is opposed to earning. Earning is an attitude. Effort, though, is an action.\u201d Let\u2019s us put these habits into practice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are to strive; we are to be diligent; we are to cultivate these things. God\u2019s Spirit is there to enable it to happen. Thank you, David, for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we hope you have a great weekend this weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church\u2014make that a priority. Then join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to hear a conversation between Ron Deal, who gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and Linda Ranson Jacobs on how churches and pastors\u2014how all of us\u2014can help kids, whose moms and dads are going through a divorce. We\u2019ll hear that conversation on Monday. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305208","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305208"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305208"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305208"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305208"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305208"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305208"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305208"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}