{"id":305155,"date":"2019-07-15T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-07-15T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/where-are-you-spiritually\/"},"modified":"2019-07-15T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-07-15T10:00:04","slug":"where-are-you-spiritually","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-are-you-spiritually\/","title":{"rendered":"Where are You Spiritually?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you and your sweetheart on the same page spiritually? Scott Kedersha tells why it&#8217;s important to talk about your faith with your fiance&#8217; before tying the knot.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:13","filesize":"25.83M","filesize_raw":"27085157","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2807,2855],"tags":[4018,6671,2926],"podcast_series":[8289],"cwp_profile":[3641],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305155","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-engagements-and-weddings","category-teens","tag-dating","tag-important-conversations","tag-singles","podcast_series-ready-or-knot","cwp_profile-scott-kedersha","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305155\/where-are-you-spiritually","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305155\/where-are-you-spiritually","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"m39rwTVf9G\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-are-you-spiritually\/\">Where are You Spiritually?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-are-you-spiritually\/embed\/#?secret=m39rwTVf9G\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Where are You Spiritually?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"m39rwTVf9G\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Scott Kedersha is a pastor who has done a lot of pre-marital preparation. He\u2019s had a lot of conversations with a lot of couples thinking about getting married. He says he sees all kinds of different couples headed toward the altar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> I used the traffic light analogy a lot\u2014that:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGreen light\u201d couples we celebrate\u2014we\u2019re excited for them to move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cRed light\u201d\u2014they\u2019re the ones <em>everyone <\/em>knows it\u2019s not the right thing: \u201cHit the eject button; get out!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the \u201cyellow light\u201d\u2014\u201cProceed with caution. Here\u2019s some things you really need to think through and figure out before you say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people blow through the yellow and red, we remind them: \u201cHey, we love you; we care for you. We want the best for you. We\u2019re warning you: \u2018This is where things <em>may<\/em> be headed.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. What can we do\u2014as individuals or in our churches\u2014to help couples, who are planning to wed, to be as ready as they can possibly be to tie that knot? We\u2019ll talk to Scott Kedersha about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. If there are 52 Sundays a year, how many of those 52 Sundays, at the church where you pastor, are you talking something about marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Fifty-two, Bob. That\u2019s all we do. [Laughter] No; I\u2019m kidding\/I\u2019m kidding. I would say, though, the people in our church would say: \u201cAlmost every message Dave Wilson gives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chas some marriage content\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just talked to myself in the third person. That\u2019s pretty\u2014that\u2019s pretty embarrassing to do that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait; you do that all the time at home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Whatever. I never do that; don\u2019t let anybody think I do that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomehow, it does feel like\u2014whatever the topic is that day\/whatever passage I\u2019m teaching out of the Word of God\u2014there\u2019s going to be an application to relationships and marriage. It\u2019s a passion of ours, so it\u2019s going to come out, I bet you. 50 out of 52 Sundays. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say that, because this is a passion for Dave, that he usually will share an illustration or something in as a tie-in to marriage. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s that often, but it is\u2014yes; it probably is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will add this\u2014I know, sitting in those seats, people are longing to have great relationships, whether it\u2019s even marriage or not. Anytime you can show them that God is concerned and has wisdom from the Word of God that can help them, they\u2019re going to lean forward; so why not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The number one place where our sanctification gets tested is in our marriage relationship. If the rubber is meeting the road regularly\/our profession of faith is being tested regularly. It\u2019s more likely it\u2019s being tested at home than in the workplace, or in the neighborhood, or at the school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is why the genuineness of our faith is proved in our marriage relationship. I was thinking about how passionate you guys are about marriage. I know your church is\u2014it is central to what you are doing. If you\u2019re thinking about top ten churches in America, where marriage is central, Watermark Church in Dallas would be in that list; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Number one in my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s really by reputation. I\u2019ve never been there; I want to go there\u2014I\u2019m throwing that out right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are even sending people there, because they have such a <em>great<\/em> reputation of building healthy marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not necessarily because Todd Wagner, who\u2019s the senior pastor, is talking about marriage regularly\u2014he may be illustrating, regularly, like you guys are. They have built a ministry\/a marriage ministry at Watermark that churches, all across America, are saying, \u201cHelp us know how we can do this in our community.\u201d I mention all of this because Scott Kedersha is joining us today. Scott, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Thank you. So good to be here with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the field you\u2019re laboring in. What\u2019s your role at Watermark?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I serve as the Director of Marriage Ministry. I get to spend a lot of time with pre-married and newly-married couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been a part of this ride for the last\u2014you\u2019ve been there 17 years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Seventeen years at this church and, then, thirteen years on staff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve written a book called <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em> for pre-marrieds\u2014K-N-O-T\u2014<em>Ready or Knot?<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I get it; I get it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were to look at what it is that is happening at Watermark and why you think it\u2019s caught on, what would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Without question, it\u2019s a movement of God. He gets the credit; He\u2019s the One who built everything we\u2019re doing. We found that this is such a <em>felt<\/em> need for people. We can say, \u201cHey, we want to teach a series on a book of the Bible,\u201d\u2014people are not going to be interested, if it\u2019s a non-believer\/someone with a nominal faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you say: \u201cHey, we\u2019ve got a great class,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a ministry for you to start your marriage right,\u201d or \u201c\u2026begin your marriage before you say, \u2018I do,\u2019\u201d or \u201cIf you\u2019re in crisis,\u201d people are going to come. It is a <em>felt<\/em> need, and they\u2019re hurting. We\u2019ve capitalized on that for years\u2014creating opportunities for folks before they say, \u201cI do,\u201d\/for folks who are in crisis. Instead of paying a ton of money to go to a counselor, we say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come and be a part of the church, where the church is supposed to help couples prepare and start their marriages right?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The marriages in crisis\u2014the groups that people come to\u2014one of the things I\u2019ve heard\u2014and again, I haven\u2019t been a part of this, but we\u2019re hearing all of this from a distance\u2014is that people show up, and there is remarkable transparency. You\u2019ve trained your facilitators to get up and share their mess. In the process, that invites people in the group to go, \u201cOh, we can be honest about our mess?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s how things get worked out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. The only promise we know about in the entire Bible about marriage\u2014it\u2019s 1 Corinthians 7:28\u2014that if you marry you will have trouble, [Laughter] which is not exciting for a pre-married couple; but it\u2019s reality. When we act like we\u2019ve got it all together\u2014why would we ever, ever do that?\u2014when it\u2019s <em>normative<\/em> to have struggles and have trials.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have this culture, where we are authentic\/transparent. We know that, if we conceal our sin, we\u2019re not going to prosper; but if we confess and forsake it, we\u2019ll find mercy. We\u2019ve found, from the top down, that we have to be <em>real<\/em> and honest about marriage\u2014the good stuff and the bad stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were leading a group, and it was your night to lead, and you\u2019re going to get up and share your story, what\u2019s the mess you\u2019re going to share?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> \u201cHow much time do I get? [Laughter] How many things do you want to hear?\u201d\u2014right? I\u2019ll give you a couple from my life. I\u2019ve struggled with pornography and lust. I started looking at porn, as a seven-year-old, and was full-on addicted by the time I\u2019m ten or eleven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Then, the effects of that\u2014of lust\u2014that\u2019s affected my life. I\u2019ve struggled with eating my whole life and being overweight. If anyone thinks that doesn\u2019t affect their marriage, they don\u2019t really know what that\u2019s like. That affects my health, my energy, the way I love my wife and my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI struggle with people pleasing, so I\u2019m going to say, \u201cYes,\u201d to everything that comes my way. That affects my marriage; it affects how much time I have for my kids, for my relationship with Jesus, for friends; because I want the approval of man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve struggled with anger and getting frustrated and can lose it at times. God has done <em>amazing<\/em> work in my life there, but I can still get frustrated or angry at times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a very short list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Man, you talk about going there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You start right off with some big sins that most people hide. Obviously, you\u2019re modeling what happens in the ministry at Watermark. Like Bob said, if you start out a night that way, I am now leaning in, saying, \u201cHelp me, because I\u2019ve never said out loud what you\u2019ve just said.\u201d Personally, I have; but many haven\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re also going to show them what?\u2014what\u2019s the answer to those struggles?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> It\u2019s coming to Jesus; it\u2019s coming to the Lord. It\u2019s identifying with them in their pain and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not alone, and there\u2019s a solution.\u201d The common factor that we have all between us is sin, and the answer\/the solution to all that sin is Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys have pre-marital classes if folks want to get married in your church\u2014not even in your church\u2014I\u2019ve talked to people who got married in other churches but came to Watermark for their pre-marital; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; this year we\u2019ll have about 1,000 couples that will come through our pre-married class. Very <em>few<\/em> of those will get married in our chapel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve said, over the last decade, it\u2019s been like maybe 6,000?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; probably six\/seven thousand\u2014somewhere in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019ve worked with these couples; and that was really the genesis behind the book, <em>Ready or Knot<\/em>? You\u2019ve seen the things that they come in, unaware of\/ill-equipped for things that\u2014they\u2019re about to say, \u201cI do\u201d; and they have no idea what they\u2019re doing; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This book is designed to help them have the conversations; in fact, the subtitle: <em>12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage<\/em>. All 12 of these are <em>great<\/em> conversations. Is there <em>one<\/em> of the twelve that you look at and say, \u201cIf you could only have one, have this one\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> It\u2019s a million-dollar question. [Laughter] There\u2019s no question what the right answer is\u2014it\u2019s the faith conversation. So often, this is the <em>last<\/em> thing couples will speak about. You find someone who\u2019s cute, who\u2019s attractive, who is fun to be with. You want to be with them; you like being with them. Somehow, you get a couple months down the road, and you never have a genuine faith conversation. This is the one that is <em>absolutely<\/em> <em>most<\/em> important, because it affects everything else\u2014the way you view your relationship with the Lord, what salvation means, who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say that\u2019s the most important marriage question you will ever answer\u2014is: \u201cWho is Jesus?\u201d You\u2019ve got to be aligned on that. If you\u2019re not, then everything else will be\u2014it just doesn\u2019t fall in place. It doesn\u2019t matter what you believe about money, and in-laws, and communication, and sexual intimacy. If you\u2019re not aligned, spiritually, then <em>nothing<\/em> will match up. You\u2019ve got to be aligned in your view on faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a young woman I worked with, years ago, who\u2014she was a single parent; she\u2019d been married and divorced. She was in her mid-thirties. I could tell she <em>longed <\/em>to be a mom again. She wanted to have another baby; but she was single, not dating anybody. She comes in; she says, \u201cI\u2019ve met this guy.\u201d I said, \u201cTell me about him.\u201d She was unpacking it for me. I said, \u201cDoes he go to church?\u201d She goes, \u201cNo-o-o; he doesn\u2019t.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, you can\u2019t even\u2014you shouldn\u2019t even be having the conversation. You shouldn\u2019t be dating him, because if that\u2019s not right\u2014that\u2019s foundational to everything.\u201d And she says: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I know; I know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came in one morning\u2014I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014she came in and said, \u201cLast night we were up until four in the morning, talking. He prayed to receive Christ.\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s great!\u201d She said, \u201cSo we can get married now; right?\u201d [Laughter] And I was like, \u201cHere\u2019s my question: \u2018Did he pray to receive Jesus or pray to receive you?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Great question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I said, \u201cYou\u2019ll know that about six months from now.\u201d She married him\u2014got pregnant. The marriage was over in less than a year, and she was now a single parent with two kids. It\u2019s because the faith question can\u2019t simply be answered with, \u201cHave you prayed the prayer?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s not just a matter of \u201cAre you a Christian?\u2014yes or no?\u201d It\u2019s: \u201cIs Jesus just going to be your Savior, or is He going to be the Lord of your life?\u201d Because if He\u2019s the Lord of your life, it affects <em>everything<\/em> you do\u2014it affects the way you spend money; it affects the way you communicate; the way you look at your job; the way you raise your kids; the way you view day-to-day jobs around the house; it affects your roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just checking the box. So often, Bob, I think you\u2019re right\u2014people check the box: \u201cIs he\u201d or \u201c\u2026she a Christian?\u2014yes?\u2014that means I\u2019m free to move forward.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re working with somebody, and helping them evaluate: \u201cIs it okay for us to move forward?\u201d \u201cIs this person <em>really<\/em> a believer? Do they know Jesus as Lord?\u201d\u2014how do you help them figure that out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> \u201cThe proof is in the pudding,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014that\u2019s what I always say. Fruit of the Spirit\u2014is there love?\u2014is there joy?\u2014is there patience \u2014is there kindness?\u2014is there gentleness?\u2014is there self-control? If you don\u2019t see those things, then I\u2019m not sure that Jesus really is the Lord of their life. I\u2019m not going to judge their salvation, but there better be fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If you don\u2019t see those things when you\u2019re dating, guess what?! [Laughter] We\u2019re all laughing because we\u2019re married, but it\u2019s only going to get worse. They\u2019re on their very best\u2014you\u2019re getting the very best. I always say: \u201cWhen you date, you lie.\u201d It\u2019s almost like you\u2019re pretending, but you\u2019re going to see those later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo many think\u2014how do you deal with this in your pre-marital classes?\u2014so many think\u2014I\u2019ve heard this a <em>thousand<\/em> times: \u201cI\u2019ll change him\u201d \/ \u201cI\u2019ll change her after we\u2019re married.\u201d Do they change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We say it\u2019s not just lying, but you\u2019re dating each other\u2019s PR departments. You\u2019re putting your <em>best<\/em> face on. You haven\u2019t eaten a carbohydrate in months. [Laughter] You\u2019re looking good. [Laughter] Then, when you meet his parents or her parents, then the best behavior really comes on. That\u2019s always my hesitation\u2014if a couple starts\u2014they meet, and they want to get married so quickly\u2014again, you\u2019ve got to give it time and see what life really looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommunity plays a <em>huge<\/em> role, so are there other people around them? That\u2019s always one thing I\u2019m really focused on: \u201cAre there other wise people around them, who are helping them become more mature in their faith?\u2014who can vouch for what\u2014if the guy says he\u2019s mature and solid\u2014I want community to speak into that\u2014to say, \u201cYes; he is,\u201d or \u201cHe isn\u2019t. That role of community plays a <em>huge<\/em> role in helping them prepare.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s almost like a background check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014you know, \u201cIs he really living out what he\u2019s talking about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And to what\u2014Bob, you were saying with that lady\u2014he prayed the prayer\u2014I\u2019ve wanted to explain the passage, where Paul, in Corinthians, says to be \u201cequally yoked.\u201d I think a lot of people think that means: \u201cI\u2019m a believer. He just became a believer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you look at it, it\u2019s like: \u201cNo; there\u2019s a similarity in our maturity\u2014\u2018I\u2019m running fast on the track; so is he.\u2019\u201d It isn\u2019t like: \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to pick up somebody off the bench; they\u2019re on the track. I\u2019m going to change them as they go.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. That yoke\u2014so it\u2019s not just\u2014if you\u2019re unequally yoked, you\u2019re going to be moving in different directions. Even two believers\u2014if one is pulling harder than the other, you\u2019re not going to go in a straight line; you\u2019re going to pull off to the right or to the left\u2014you\u2019re never going to be <em>moving<\/em> in the same direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a verse in Amos\u2014Amos 3:3. \u201cDo two walk together unless they have agreed to meet?\u201d A different translation would say: \u201cThey\u2019ve got to be moving in the same direction.\u201d If they\u2019re not moving in the same direction, at the same pace, that\u2019s going to be a problem. Even though they\u2019re two believers, your life is going to be really difficult and miserable together. You\u2019re not going to change them; the Holy Spirit is the One who has to change the individual. What you see now, I would just plan: \u201cThat\u2019s probably what you\u2019re going to get in the future unless you see any indication that they\u2019re willing to change, and they\u2019re teachable, and open to the input from others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Scott, we\u2019ve all known couples\u2014don\u2019t go to church; don\u2019t have any faith background\u2014they\u2019ve got great marriages, so how can you say that\u2019s so important? How is it that pagan couples can have great marriages?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We certainly do see some of those around us. That\u2019s the common grace of God, I think, that would allow them to have a marriage that seems to be looking good from the outside. I firmly believe in John 15:5\u2014that apart from Christ we can do <em>nothing<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you know that, among engaged couples\u2014you\u2019re talking regularly to people, where one person says, \u201cYes; this is important.\u201d The other person may say it to get along, but it\u2019s not being lived out\u2014and yet, their [the one thinking it is important] emotions, their passions, their desires overwhelm all of that. As much as you\u2019re in there, trying to say, \u201cThis really matters,\u201d they go, \u201cYes; but\u2026.\u201d You\u2019re seeing those folks, a year later, in your marriage in crisis class; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We do. Those couples\u2014what we tell them is: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got nothing to gain by you getting married or not getting married. I\u2019m just appealing to you as someone, who cares about you\/cares about marriage, and we\u2019re warning you, \u2018This is not...\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI use the traffic light analogy a lot\u2014that:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGreen light\u201d couples we celebrate\u2014we\u2019re excited for them to move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cRed light\u201d\u2014they\u2019re the ones <em>everyone <\/em>knows it\u2019s not the right thing: \u201cHit the eject button; get out!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the \u201cyellow light\u201d\u2014\u201cProceed with caution. Here\u2019s some things you really need to think through and figure out before you say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people blow through the yellow and red, we remind them: \u201cHey, we love you; we care for you. We want the best for you. We\u2019re warning you\u2014this is where things <em>may<\/em> be headed.\u201d We want to be honest and open as much as we can. They\u2019ve got to, ultimately, make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they know we care for them\u2014if they\u2019re struggling in a year, then they\u2019ll come back; because they\u2019ll remember we did care for them. Even though, maybe they took counsel different than what we told them, at least, they\u2019ll remember, \u201cThis body of Christ cared for me and loved me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve talked to so many parents, along the way, whose kids are in the marrying years. They are in so much distress, because their son or daughter is getting married\u2014maybe they have faith\u2014but their boyfriend or girlfriend does not have any faith. The parents are <em>so<\/em> worked up and so worried about this. How do you encourage or what do you say to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very <em>tough<\/em> place to be, as a parent, because you <em>love<\/em> your child and you want the best for them. That\u2019s what you do\u2014you <em>appeal<\/em> to them\u2014say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want the best for you. You know I love you. Your whole life, I\u2019ve done everything I can to care for you, and love you, and point you in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014it\u2019s not because I don\u2019t want the best things for you; it\u2019s because I care. I\u2019m going to beg you\/I\u2019m going to appeal to you to <em>not<\/em> move forward with the decision,\u201d <em>or<\/em> \u201c\u2026to take the steps you need to grow in your relationship with Jesus,\u201d or \u201c\u2026in your relationship, as a couple, before you say, \u2018I do,\u2019\/before you move forward. And if you do move forward, we\u2019re here; we love you. This is not a conditional relationship, but we\u2019re <em>warning<\/em> you that you\u2019re making a decision that\u2019s destructive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said this is the foundational question that needs to be addressed first. It\u2019s the one you address first\u2014it\u2019s Chapter 1 in your book. Couples might look at this and go: \u201cIt isn\u2019t communication, or conflict resolution, or intimacy, or how we handle money, or what we think about kids? I mean, those feel like bigger\/weightier issues than how we feel about Jesus.\u201d Explain why how you feel about Jesus, and your relationship with Him, is really foundational; and all of those other things draw life from that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> The reality is that the Bible doesn\u2019t say a ton about marriage. We\u2019ve got Ephesians 5; we\u2019ve got Proverbs 18:22. We\u2019ve got a few others, here and there, that speak to marriage specifically\u2014the whole book, The Song of Solomon\u2014but there\u2019s not a ton of marriage passages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a whole lot that speaks to our relationship with Jesus\u2014a lot that tells us how to draw closer to Christ. If you\u2019ve got that right, you\u2019ll communicate better; you will raise kids in a more united way; and intimacy will, typically, be better for you if you\u2019re in line with what you believe about Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> One of the things I <em>love<\/em> doing, when Ann and I are invited\u2014to not speak at a church and do a marriage retreat\u2014although that\u2019s wonderful; we do <em>that<\/em> probably more than anything else\u2014but when we\u2019re asked to come to a business\/a secular business and talk about relationships. They\u2019ll say, \u201cBy the way, you can\u2019t really get in too much to the faith things, or the Jesus thing, or even the Bible thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go in there\u2014and I <em>love<\/em> this because it\u2019s a room full of people, who don\u2019t go to church\u2014most of them\u2014and what do we do? We teach the Word of God\u2014all the principles about relationships from the Word of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re not sharing Scripture; we\u2019re just sharing principles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we don\u2019t really reference where it comes. This happens <em>every time<\/em>\u2014I remember one of the last times we did it\u2014these couples rush up during the break. We have two sessions and, then in the evening, they want us to host the Newlywed Game at a dinner thing. It\u2019s a great opportunity; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey come up, after the first one\u2014these guys come up: \u201cWhere do you get that stuff?! That is dynamite stuff! I\u2019ve never heard any of that stuff before!\u201d I look at this guy and go: \u201cI\u2019ll tell you exactly where I got it. I got it <em>straight<\/em> from the Word of God.\u201d They go, \u201cThe Bible?!\u201d I go, \u201cYes; the Bible.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s in the Bible?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this one guy\u2014he goes, \u201cI\u2019m going to start doing that!\u201d I looked him right in the eye and I go: \u201cOh. I need to tell you something very important. You can\u2019t.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean I can\u2019t?!\u201d \u201cYou can\u2019t just start living this stuff out. There\u2019s a power you and I don\u2019t have\u2014that\u2019s in faith\/that\u2019s in Christ. You\u2019ve got to have Jesus to be able to do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That\u2019s<\/em> exactly what you\u2019re saying\u2014that\u2019s how important faith is: \u201cIt\u2019s <em>great<\/em> to hear these principles. I\u2019m going to do this,\u201d\u2014you find out in about six minutes, \u201cI can\u2019t do this!\u201d Then, you don\u2019t know <em>why<\/em>. There\u2019s a resurrected Christ who can live in you to give you the power to do it\u2014<em>that\u2019s<\/em> the role of Jesus and faith in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can do it for an evening or for a weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even a week, maybe, if your spouse is nice to you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You might go a month, you know, and you go, \u201cThis is awesome!\u201d; but sustaining it over a lifetime?\u2014that\u2019s the issue\u2014and that\u2019s why this is the starting point in terms of talking to engaged couples. It\u2019s why the book, <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em> starts here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019ve got copies of Scott\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If you\u2019re working with engaged couples, if you know an engaged couple, if you <em>are<\/em> an engaged couple, these are conversations you need to be having. That\u2019s why, this week, we are making copies of Scott\u2019s book available to anyone who can help support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation. The book, again, is called <em>Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind, the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014the cost of producing and syndicating this program, maintaining its website, offering new content, new podcasts\/all that we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that\u2019s possible because listeners, like you, have\u00a0 made it possible in the past. It will be possible, going forward, when you go to donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation by phone\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329. Ask for your copy of Scott Kedersha\u2019s book, <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em>, when you make a donation today. Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for being part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team that makes all of what we\u2019re doing, here, at FamilyLife possible for listeners, like you, in your community and all around the world. We\u2019re grateful to be in partnership with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just engaged couples who need to be having conversations about their relationship. Married couples need to be having these kinds of conversations as well; and yet, often, after we get married, we kind of let that slide a little bit. That\u2019s why the FamilyLife team has put together a training program\/a fitness program for your relationship for this summer. It\u2019s the \u201cStronger Forever Marriage Fitness Plan\u201d that we\u2019ve developed. We\u2019ll give you exercises you can do\u2014not physical exercises\u2014relationship exercises you can do to help improve your cardio\/get your heart racing a little faster or help improve your marital relational strength.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the best part of it all. If you sign up and start to participate in this plan, one couple is going to be selected from all those who sign up. One couple is going to be selected to be our guest on the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise, which happens in February. The cruise is almost sold out, but we held back one cabin for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener. If you sign up and receive the \u201cStronger Forever\u201d content, you\u2019re automatically registered for the drawing that we\u2019ll have. There\u2019s no purchase necessary to enter. The contest began on July 1<sup>st<\/sup>; it ends on August 30<sup>th<\/sup>. The official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo something really good for your marriage relationship this summer. Who knows?\u2014you might get an all-expense paid trip on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in February of 2020. Again, all the information is available at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear how we can help prepare couples for the reality that things that seem kind of cute and attractive right now, when you\u2019re dating, may turn annoying after you get married\u2014the differences that can start to grate on you after you\u2019ve said, \u201cI do.\u201d We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:13"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.83M"],"filesize_raw":["27085157"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305155.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305155.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you and your sweetheart on the same page spiritually? Scott Kedersha tells why it's important to talk about your faith with your fiance' before tying the knot.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Scott Kedersha is a pastor who has done a lot of pre-marital preparation. He\u2019s had a lot of conversations with a lot of couples thinking about getting married. He says he sees all kinds of different couples headed toward the altar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> I used the traffic light analogy a lot\u2014that:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGreen light\u201d couples we celebrate\u2014we\u2019re excited for them to move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cRed light\u201d\u2014they\u2019re the ones <em>everyone <\/em>knows it\u2019s not the right thing: \u201cHit the eject button; get out!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the \u201cyellow light\u201d\u2014\u201cProceed with caution. Here\u2019s some things you really need to think through and figure out before you say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people blow through the yellow and red, we remind them: \u201cHey, we love you; we care for you. We want the best for you. We\u2019re warning you: \u2018This is where things <em>may<\/em> be headed.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. What can we do\u2014as individuals or in our churches\u2014to help couples, who are planning to wed, to be as ready as they can possibly be to tie that knot? We\u2019ll talk to Scott Kedersha about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. If there are 52 Sundays a year, how many of those 52 Sundays, at the church where you pastor, are you talking something about marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Fifty-two, Bob. That\u2019s all we do. [Laughter] No; I\u2019m kidding\/I\u2019m kidding. I would say, though, the people in our church would say: \u201cAlmost every message Dave Wilson gives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chas some marriage content\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just talked to myself in the third person. That\u2019s pretty\u2014that\u2019s pretty embarrassing to do that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait; you do that all the time at home! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Whatever. I never do that; don\u2019t let anybody think I do that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomehow, it does feel like\u2014whatever the topic is that day\/whatever passage I\u2019m teaching out of the Word of God\u2014there\u2019s going to be an application to relationships and marriage. It\u2019s a passion of ours, so it\u2019s going to come out, I bet you. 50 out of 52 Sundays. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say that, because this is a passion for Dave, that he usually will share an illustration or something in as a tie-in to marriage. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s that often, but it is\u2014yes; it probably is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will add this\u2014I know, sitting in those seats, people are longing to have great relationships, whether it\u2019s even marriage or not. Anytime you can show them that God is concerned and has wisdom from the Word of God that can help them, they\u2019re going to lean forward; so why not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The number one place where our sanctification gets tested is in our marriage relationship. If the rubber is meeting the road regularly\/our profession of faith is being tested regularly. It\u2019s more likely it\u2019s being tested at home than in the workplace, or in the neighborhood, or at the school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is why the genuineness of our faith is proved in our marriage relationship. I was thinking about how passionate you guys are about marriage. I know your church is\u2014it is central to what you are doing. If you\u2019re thinking about top ten churches in America, where marriage is central, Watermark Church in Dallas would be in that list; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Number one in my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s really by reputation. I\u2019ve never been there; I want to go there\u2014I\u2019m throwing that out right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are even sending people there, because they have such a <em>great<\/em> reputation of building healthy marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not necessarily because Todd Wagner, who\u2019s the senior pastor, is talking about marriage regularly\u2014he may be illustrating, regularly, like you guys are. They have built a ministry\/a marriage ministry at Watermark that churches, all across America, are saying, \u201cHelp us know how we can do this in our community.\u201d I mention all of this because Scott Kedersha is joining us today. Scott, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Thank you. So good to be here with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is the field you\u2019re laboring in. What\u2019s your role at Watermark?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>I serve as the Director of Marriage Ministry. I get to spend a lot of time with pre-married and newly-married couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been a part of this ride for the last\u2014you\u2019ve been there 17 years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Seventeen years at this church and, then, thirteen years on staff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve written a book called <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em> for pre-marrieds\u2014K-N-O-T\u2014<em>Ready or Knot?<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I get it; I get it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you were to look at what it is that is happening at Watermark and why you think it\u2019s caught on, what would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Without question, it\u2019s a movement of God. He gets the credit; He\u2019s the One who built everything we\u2019re doing. We found that this is such a <em>felt<\/em> need for people. We can say, \u201cHey, we want to teach a series on a book of the Bible,\u201d\u2014people are not going to be interested, if it\u2019s a non-believer\/someone with a nominal faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you say: \u201cHey, we\u2019ve got a great class,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a ministry for you to start your marriage right,\u201d or \u201c\u2026begin your marriage before you say, \u2018I do,\u2019\u201d or \u201cIf you\u2019re in crisis,\u201d people are going to come. It is a <em>felt<\/em> need, and they\u2019re hurting. We\u2019ve capitalized on that for years\u2014creating opportunities for folks before they say, \u201cI do,\u201d\/for folks who are in crisis. Instead of paying a ton of money to go to a counselor, we say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come and be a part of the church, where the church is supposed to help couples prepare and start their marriages right?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The marriages in crisis\u2014the groups that people come to\u2014one of the things I\u2019ve heard\u2014and again, I haven\u2019t been a part of this, but we\u2019re hearing all of this from a distance\u2014is that people show up, and there is remarkable transparency. You\u2019ve trained your facilitators to get up and share their mess. In the process, that invites people in the group to go, \u201cOh, we can be honest about our mess?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s how things get worked out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. The only promise we know about in the entire Bible about marriage\u2014it\u2019s 1 Corinthians 7:28\u2014that if you marry you will have trouble, [Laughter] which is not exciting for a pre-married couple; but it\u2019s reality. When we act like we\u2019ve got it all together\u2014why would we ever, ever do that?\u2014when it\u2019s <em>normative<\/em> to have struggles and have trials.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have this culture, where we are authentic\/transparent. We know that, if we conceal our sin, we\u2019re not going to prosper; but if we confess and forsake it, we\u2019ll find mercy. We\u2019ve found, from the top down, that we have to be <em>real<\/em> and honest about marriage\u2014the good stuff and the bad stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were leading a group, and it was your night to lead, and you\u2019re going to get up and share your story, what\u2019s the mess you\u2019re going to share?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> \u201cHow much time do I get? [Laughter] How many things do you want to hear?\u201d\u2014right? I\u2019ll give you a couple from my life. I\u2019ve struggled with pornography and lust. I started looking at porn, as a seven-year-old, and was full-on addicted by the time I\u2019m ten or eleven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Then, the effects of that\u2014of lust\u2014that\u2019s affected my life. I\u2019ve struggled with eating my whole life and being overweight. If anyone thinks that doesn\u2019t affect their marriage, they don\u2019t really know what that\u2019s like. That affects my health, my energy, the way I love my wife and my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI struggle with people pleasing, so I\u2019m going to say, \u201cYes,\u201d to everything that comes my way. That affects my marriage; it affects how much time I have for my kids, for my relationship with Jesus, for friends; because I want the approval of man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve struggled with anger and getting frustrated and can lose it at times. God has done <em>amazing<\/em> work in my life there, but I can still get frustrated or angry at times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a very short list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Man, you talk about going there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You start right off with some big sins that most people hide. Obviously, you\u2019re modeling what happens in the ministry at Watermark. Like Bob said, if you start out a night that way, I am now leaning in, saying, \u201cHelp me, because I\u2019ve never said out loud what you\u2019ve just said.\u201d Personally, I have; but many haven\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re also going to show them what?\u2014what\u2019s the answer to those struggles?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> It\u2019s coming to Jesus; it\u2019s coming to the Lord. It\u2019s identifying with them in their pain and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not alone, and there\u2019s a solution.\u201d The common factor that we have all between us is sin, and the answer\/the solution to all that sin is Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys have pre-marital classes if folks want to get married in your church\u2014not even in your church\u2014I\u2019ve talked to people who got married in other churches but came to Watermark for their pre-marital; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; this year we\u2019ll have about 1,000 couples that will come through our pre-married class. Very <em>few<\/em> of those will get married in our chapel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A thousand couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve said, over the last decade, it\u2019s been like maybe 6,000?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; probably six\/seven thousand\u2014somewhere in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019ve worked with these couples; and that was really the genesis behind the book, <em>Ready or Knot<\/em>? You\u2019ve seen the things that they come in, unaware of\/ill-equipped for things that\u2014they\u2019re about to say, \u201cI do\u201d; and they have no idea what they\u2019re doing; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This book is designed to help them have the conversations; in fact, the subtitle: <em>12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage<\/em>. All 12 of these are <em>great<\/em> conversations. Is there <em>one<\/em> of the twelve that you look at and say, \u201cIf you could only have one, have this one\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> It\u2019s a million-dollar question. [Laughter] There\u2019s no question what the right answer is\u2014it\u2019s the faith conversation. So often, this is the <em>last<\/em> thing couples will speak about. You find someone who\u2019s cute, who\u2019s attractive, who is fun to be with. You want to be with them; you like being with them. Somehow, you get a couple months down the road, and you never have a genuine faith conversation. This is the one that is <em>absolutely<\/em> <em>most<\/em> important, because it affects everything else\u2014the way you view your relationship with the Lord, what salvation means, who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say that\u2019s the most important marriage question you will ever answer\u2014is: \u201cWho is Jesus?\u201d You\u2019ve got to be aligned on that. If you\u2019re not, then everything else will be\u2014it just doesn\u2019t fall in place. It doesn\u2019t matter what you believe about money, and in-laws, and communication, and sexual intimacy. If you\u2019re not aligned, spiritually, then <em>nothing<\/em> will match up. You\u2019ve got to be aligned in your view on faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a young woman I worked with, years ago, who\u2014she was a single parent; she\u2019d been married and divorced. She was in her mid-thirties. I could tell she <em>longed <\/em>to be a mom again. She wanted to have another baby; but she was single, not dating anybody. She comes in; she says, \u201cI\u2019ve met this guy.\u201d I said, \u201cTell me about him.\u201d She was unpacking it for me. I said, \u201cDoes he go to church?\u201d She goes, \u201cNo-o-o; he doesn\u2019t.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, you can\u2019t even\u2014you shouldn\u2019t even be having the conversation. You shouldn\u2019t be dating him, because if that\u2019s not right\u2014that\u2019s foundational to everything.\u201d And she says: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I know; I know.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came in one morning\u2014I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014she came in and said, \u201cLast night we were up until four in the morning, talking. He prayed to receive Christ.\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s great!\u201d She said, \u201cSo we can get married now; right?\u201d [Laughter] And I was like, \u201cHere\u2019s my question: \u2018Did he pray to receive Jesus or pray to receive you?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Great question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I said, \u201cYou\u2019ll know that about six months from now.\u201d She married him\u2014got pregnant. The marriage was over in less than a year, and she was now a single parent with two kids. It\u2019s because the faith question can\u2019t simply be answered with, \u201cHave you prayed the prayer?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s not just a matter of \u201cAre you a Christian?\u2014yes or no?\u201d It\u2019s: \u201cIs Jesus just going to be your Savior, or is He going to be the Lord of your life?\u201d Because if He\u2019s the Lord of your life, it affects <em>everything<\/em> you do\u2014it affects the way you spend money; it affects the way you communicate; the way you look at your job; the way you raise your kids; the way you view day-to-day jobs around the house; it affects your roles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just checking the box. So often, Bob, I think you\u2019re right\u2014people check the box: \u201cIs he\u201d or \u201c\u2026she a Christian?\u2014yes?\u2014that means I\u2019m free to move forward.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re working with somebody, and helping them evaluate: \u201cIs it okay for us to move forward?\u201d \u201cIs this person <em>really<\/em> a believer? Do they know Jesus as Lord?\u201d\u2014how do you help them figure that out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> \u201cThe proof is in the pudding,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014that\u2019s what I always say. Fruit of the Spirit\u2014is there love?\u2014is there joy?\u2014is there patience \u2014is there kindness?\u2014is there gentleness?\u2014is there self-control? If you don\u2019t see those things, then I\u2019m not sure that Jesus really is the Lord of their life. I\u2019m not going to judge their salvation, but there better be fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If you don\u2019t see those things when you\u2019re dating, guess what?! [Laughter] We\u2019re all laughing because we\u2019re married, but it\u2019s only going to get worse. They\u2019re on their very best\u2014you\u2019re getting the very best. I always say: \u201cWhen you date, you lie.\u201d It\u2019s almost like you\u2019re pretending, but you\u2019re going to see those later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo many think\u2014how do you deal with this in your pre-marital classes?\u2014so many think\u2014I\u2019ve heard this a <em>thousand<\/em> times: \u201cI\u2019ll change him\u201d \/ \u201cI\u2019ll change her after we\u2019re married.\u201d Do they change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We say it\u2019s not just lying, but you\u2019re dating each other\u2019s PR departments. You\u2019re putting your <em>best<\/em> face on. You haven\u2019t eaten a carbohydrate in months. [Laughter] You\u2019re looking good. [Laughter] Then, when you meet his parents or her parents, then the best behavior really comes on. That\u2019s always my hesitation\u2014if a couple starts\u2014they meet, and they want to get married so quickly\u2014again, you\u2019ve got to give it time and see what life really looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCommunity plays a <em>huge<\/em> role, so are there other people around them? That\u2019s always one thing I\u2019m really focused on: \u201cAre there other wise people around them, who are helping them become more mature in their faith?\u2014who can vouch for what\u2014if the guy says he\u2019s mature and solid\u2014I want community to speak into that\u2014to say, \u201cYes; he is,\u201d or \u201cHe isn\u2019t. That role of community plays a <em>huge<\/em> role in helping them prepare.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s almost like a background check\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014you know, \u201cIs he really living out what he\u2019s talking about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And to what\u2014Bob, you were saying with that lady\u2014he prayed the prayer\u2014I\u2019ve wanted to explain the passage, where Paul, in Corinthians, says to be \u201cequally yoked.\u201d I think a lot of people think that means: \u201cI\u2019m a believer. He just became a believer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you look at it, it\u2019s like: \u201cNo; there\u2019s a similarity in our maturity\u2014\u2018I\u2019m running fast on the track; so is he.\u2019\u201d It isn\u2019t like: \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to pick up somebody off the bench; they\u2019re on the track. I\u2019m going to change them as they go.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. That yoke\u2014so it\u2019s not just\u2014if you\u2019re unequally yoked, you\u2019re going to be moving in different directions. Even two believers\u2014if one is pulling harder than the other, you\u2019re not going to go in a straight line; you\u2019re going to pull off to the right or to the left\u2014you\u2019re never going to be <em>moving<\/em> in the same direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a verse in Amos\u2014Amos 3:3. \u201cDo two walk together unless they have agreed to meet?\u201d A different translation would say: \u201cThey\u2019ve got to be moving in the same direction.\u201d If they\u2019re not moving in the same direction, at the same pace, that\u2019s going to be a problem. Even though they\u2019re two believers, your life is going to be really difficult and miserable together. You\u2019re not going to change them; the Holy Spirit is the One who has to change the individual. What you see now, I would just plan: \u201cThat\u2019s probably what you\u2019re going to get in the future unless you see any indication that they\u2019re willing to change, and they\u2019re teachable, and open to the input from others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Scott, we\u2019ve all known couples\u2014don\u2019t go to church; don\u2019t have any faith background\u2014they\u2019ve got great marriages, so how can you say that\u2019s so important? How is it that pagan couples can have great marriages?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We certainly do see some of those around us. That\u2019s the common grace of God, I think, that would allow them to have a marriage that seems to be looking good from the outside. I firmly believe in John 15:5\u2014that apart from Christ we can do <em>nothing<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you know that, among engaged couples\u2014you\u2019re talking regularly to people, where one person says, \u201cYes; this is important.\u201d The other person may say it to get along, but it\u2019s not being lived out\u2014and yet, their [the one thinking it is important] emotions, their passions, their desires overwhelm all of that. As much as you\u2019re in there, trying to say, \u201cThis really matters,\u201d they go, \u201cYes; but\u2026.\u201d You\u2019re seeing those folks, a year later, in your marriage in crisis class; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> We do. Those couples\u2014what we tell them is: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got nothing to gain by you getting married or not getting married. I\u2019m just appealing to you as someone, who cares about you\/cares about marriage, and we\u2019re warning you, \u2018This is not...\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI use the traffic light analogy a lot\u2014that:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGreen light\u201d couples we celebrate\u2014we\u2019re excited for them to move forward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cRed light\u201d\u2014they\u2019re the ones <em>everyone <\/em>knows it\u2019s not the right thing: \u201cHit the eject button; get out!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the \u201cyellow light\u201d\u2014\u201cProceed with caution. Here\u2019s some things you really need to think through and figure out before you say, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf people blow through the yellow and red, we remind them: \u201cHey, we love you; we care for you. We want the best for you. We\u2019re warning you\u2014this is where things <em>may<\/em> be headed.\u201d We want to be honest and open as much as we can. They\u2019ve got to, ultimately, make that decision. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they know we care for them\u2014if they\u2019re struggling in a year, then they\u2019ll come back; because they\u2019ll remember we did care for them. Even though, maybe they took counsel different than what we told them, at least, they\u2019ll remember, \u201cThis body of Christ cared for me and loved me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve talked to so many parents, along the way, whose kids are in the marrying years. They are in so much distress, because their son or daughter is getting married\u2014maybe they have faith\u2014but their boyfriend or girlfriend does not have any faith. The parents are <em>so<\/em> worked up and so worried about this. How do you encourage or what do you say to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very <em>tough<\/em> place to be, as a parent, because you <em>love<\/em> your child and you want the best for them. That\u2019s what you do\u2014you <em>appeal<\/em> to them\u2014say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want the best for you. You know I love you. Your whole life, I\u2019ve done everything I can to care for you, and love you, and point you in the right direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I\u2019m going to tell you\u2014it\u2019s not because I don\u2019t want the best things for you; it\u2019s because I care. I\u2019m going to beg you\/I\u2019m going to appeal to you to <em>not<\/em> move forward with the decision,\u201d <em>or<\/em> \u201c\u2026to take the steps you need to grow in your relationship with Jesus,\u201d or \u201c\u2026in your relationship, as a couple, before you say, \u2018I do,\u2019\/before you move forward. And if you do move forward, we\u2019re here; we love you. This is not a conditional relationship, but we\u2019re <em>warning<\/em> you that you\u2019re making a decision that\u2019s destructive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said this is the foundational question that needs to be addressed first. It\u2019s the one you address first\u2014it\u2019s Chapter 1 in your book. Couples might look at this and go: \u201cIt isn\u2019t communication, or conflict resolution, or intimacy, or how we handle money, or what we think about kids? I mean, those feel like bigger\/weightier issues than how we feel about Jesus.\u201d Explain why how you feel about Jesus, and your relationship with Him, is really foundational; and all of those other things draw life from that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> The reality is that the Bible doesn\u2019t say a ton about marriage. We\u2019ve got Ephesians 5; we\u2019ve got Proverbs 18:22. We\u2019ve got a few others, here and there, that speak to marriage specifically\u2014the whole book, The Song of Solomon\u2014but there\u2019s not a ton of marriage passages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a whole lot that speaks to our relationship with Jesus\u2014a lot that tells us how to draw closer to Christ. If you\u2019ve got that right, you\u2019ll communicate better; you will raise kids in a more united way; and intimacy will, typically, be better for you if you\u2019re in line with what you believe about Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> One of the things I <em>love<\/em> doing, when Ann and I are invited\u2014to not speak at a church and do a marriage retreat\u2014although that\u2019s wonderful; we do <em>that<\/em> probably more than anything else\u2014but when we\u2019re asked to come to a business\/a secular business and talk about relationships. They\u2019ll say, \u201cBy the way, you can\u2019t really get in too much to the faith things, or the Jesus thing, or even the Bible thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go in there\u2014and I <em>love<\/em> this because it\u2019s a room full of people, who don\u2019t go to church\u2014most of them\u2014and what do we do? We teach the Word of God\u2014all the principles about relationships from the Word of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re not sharing Scripture; we\u2019re just sharing principles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; we don\u2019t really reference where it comes. This happens <em>every time<\/em>\u2014I remember one of the last times we did it\u2014these couples rush up during the break. We have two sessions and, then in the evening, they want us to host the Newlywed Game at a dinner thing. It\u2019s a great opportunity; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey come up, after the first one\u2014these guys come up: \u201cWhere do you get that stuff?! That is dynamite stuff! I\u2019ve never heard any of that stuff before!\u201d I look at this guy and go: \u201cI\u2019ll tell you exactly where I got it. I got it <em>straight<\/em> from the Word of God.\u201d They go, \u201cThe Bible?!\u201d I go, \u201cYes; the Bible.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s in the Bible?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this one guy\u2014he goes, \u201cI\u2019m going to start doing that!\u201d I looked him right in the eye and I go: \u201cOh. I need to tell you something very important. You can\u2019t.\u201d \u201cWhat do you mean I can\u2019t?!\u201d \u201cYou can\u2019t just start living this stuff out. There\u2019s a power you and I don\u2019t have\u2014that\u2019s in faith\/that\u2019s in Christ. You\u2019ve got to have Jesus to be able to do this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That\u2019s<\/em> exactly what you\u2019re saying\u2014that\u2019s how important faith is: \u201cIt\u2019s <em>great<\/em> to hear these principles. I\u2019m going to do this,\u201d\u2014you find out in about six minutes, \u201cI can\u2019t do this!\u201d Then, you don\u2019t know <em>why<\/em>. There\u2019s a resurrected Christ who can live in you to give you the power to do it\u2014<em>that\u2019s<\/em> the role of Jesus and faith in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can do it for an evening or for a weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even a week, maybe, if your spouse is nice to you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You might go a month, you know, and you go, \u201cThis is awesome!\u201d; but sustaining it over a lifetime?\u2014that\u2019s the issue\u2014and that\u2019s why this is the starting point in terms of talking to engaged couples. It\u2019s why the book, <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em> starts here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019ve got copies of Scott\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. If you\u2019re working with engaged couples, if you know an engaged couple, if you <em>are<\/em> an engaged couple, these are conversations you need to be having. That\u2019s why, this week, we are making copies of Scott\u2019s book available to anyone who can help support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> with a donation. The book, again, is called <em>Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind, the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014the cost of producing and syndicating this program, maintaining its website, offering new content, new podcasts\/all that we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that\u2019s possible because listeners, like you, have\u00a0 made it possible in the past. It will be possible, going forward, when you go to donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation by phone\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329. Ask for your copy of Scott Kedersha\u2019s book, <em>Ready or Knot?<\/em>, when you make a donation today. Let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for being part of the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team that makes all of what we\u2019re doing, here, at FamilyLife possible for listeners, like you, in your community and all around the world. We\u2019re grateful to be in partnership with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just engaged couples who need to be having conversations about their relationship. Married couples need to be having these kinds of conversations as well; and yet, often, after we get married, we kind of let that slide a little bit. That\u2019s why the FamilyLife team has put together a training program\/a fitness program for your relationship for this summer. It\u2019s the \u201cStronger Forever Marriage Fitness Plan\u201d that we\u2019ve developed. We\u2019ll give you exercises you can do\u2014not physical exercises\u2014relationship exercises you can do to help improve your cardio\/get your heart racing a little faster or help improve your marital relational strength.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the best part of it all. If you sign up and start to participate in this plan, one couple is going to be selected from all those who sign up. One couple is going to be selected to be our guest on the 2020 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise, which happens in February. The cruise is almost sold out, but we held back one cabin for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener. If you sign up and receive the \u201cStronger Forever\u201d content, you\u2019re automatically registered for the drawing that we\u2019ll have. There\u2019s no purchase necessary to enter. The contest began on July 1<sup>st<\/sup>; it ends on August 30<sup>th<\/sup>. The official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo something really good for your marriage relationship this summer. Who knows?\u2014you might get an all-expense paid trip on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in February of 2020. Again, all the information is available at FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear how we can help prepare couples for the reality that things that seem kind of cute and attractive right now, when you\u2019re dating, may turn annoying after you get married\u2014the differences that can start to grate on you after you\u2019ve said, \u201cI do.\u201d We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305155"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305155"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305155"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305155"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}