{"id":305151,"date":"2019-07-11T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-07-11T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-boys-sense-of-self\/"},"modified":"2019-07-11T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-07-11T10:00:04","slug":"a-boys-sense-of-self","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-boys-sense-of-self\/","title":{"rendered":"A Boy&#8217;s Sense of Self"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mark Hancock talks about the need for boys to develop a healthy sense of self as they struggle with the true measure of manhood. Inspired by risk and competition, boys need lots of physical activity to engage the brain, something he&#8217;s trying to instill through the Trail Life USA<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> scouting program.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:42","filesize":"27.19M","filesize_raw":"28511656","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2891,2835],"tags":[6027],"podcast_series":[8288],"cwp_profile":[9426],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305151","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-making-memories","category-raising-boys","tag-trail-life-usa","podcast_series-let-boys-be-boys","cwp_profile-mark-hancock","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305151\/a-boys-sense-of-self","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305151\/a-boys-sense-of-self","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"E5MyVPRxmT\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-boys-sense-of-self\/\">A Boy&#8217;s Sense of Self<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-boys-sense-of-self\/embed\/#?secret=E5MyVPRxmT\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Boy&#8217;s Sense of Self&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"E5MyVPRxmT\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Mark Hancock talks about the need for boys to develop a healthy sense of self as they struggle with the true measure of manhood. Inspired by risk and competition, boys need lots of physical activity to engage the brain, something he's trying to instill through the Trail Life USA\u00ae scouting program.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-07-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How can we, as parents, learn to recognize what it is our boys need and then let them be boys? We\u2019re going to talk with Mark Hancock about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You\u2019re a mom of three sons; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever have a point, where it was like, \u201cI really wanted a girl\u2014just one girl\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting\u2014my parents\u2014they had four children. Of the four of us, we all had sons; so there are twelve grandsons and <em>no<\/em> granddaughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had the last one. I felt so much pressure\u2014like all the hopes and dreams are on me to have a daughter\u2014it did not happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are a lot of moms, who are intimidated by having sons. There are a lot of moms, who decide that their job is to turn those boys into gentler creatures than they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s civilize these boys.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you have those impulses? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was somewhat of a tomboy, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll answer\u2014no; she did not. [Laughter] I was the one saying, \u201cHoney, lighten up a little bit!\u201d I remember she used to take them, when they were in middle school, over to the high school and run the stairs; she would run the stairs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in middle school? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get ready for football. It\u2019s July. Football starts in August.\u201d I\u2019d watch her\u2014I mean, this is their mom\u2014\u201cGet up here! What are you doing?!\u201d I mean, just pushing them hard: \u201cNow, we\u2019re going to go down to the track now; we\u2019re running sprints,\u201d\u2014the whole deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when they got aggressive\u2014and are throwing things and are breaking things and all\u2014didn\u2019t you want them to settle down and domesticate a little bit? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I was also very scared, because they were <em>strong<\/em>. I was afraid, even with Dave, when he would play with them\u2014he\u2019d be so rough and aggressive. I thought: \u201cOh, is this even\u2014is this right? Should he be this aggressive?\u201d Honestly, I realized I wanted to always step in and say: \u201cDon\u2019t do that,\u201d \u201cStop that,\u201d \u201cDave, you shouldn\u2019t be that rough with them.\u201d He said, \u201cYou need to let me be a man with these boys.\u201d I realized I had to leave the room, because he\u2019d be doing these things. I thought, \u201cHe\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s going to kill\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201crisking their lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s going to kill our sons.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I never did, and\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014by God\u2019s grace, because I was praying in the other room the whole time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It probably was her prayers. I think we went to the emergency room once. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; it wasn\u2019t very often. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t my fault; it was probably her fault. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, here is why we are talking about all of this; because we want to talk about the uniqueness of raising boys in this culture, where there is confusion about masculinity and femininity, where there is confusion about what it is supposed to look like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a friend joining us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who is passionate about this subject. Mark Hancock is back with us. Mark, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mark gives leadership to Trail Life USA. Explain to our listeners, who aren\u2019t familiar with Trail Life, what it is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Trail Life USA is a Christ-centered, boy-focused alternative to Boy Scouts of America\u2014that\u2019s the shortest description. We\u2019re unapologetically Christian. We focus on character, leadership, and outdoor adventure for boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, it\u2019s camping, and canoeing, and merit badges, and all of that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Exactly; a robust awards program. Troops in over 800 churches across the country are going out and are doing camping, and hiking, and repelling, and all the boy stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been doing Trail Life for\u2014is it for a decade now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> No; just five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! It\u2019s growing year by year by year. I mean, every year, you\u2019re seeing more and more boys get engaged with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> It is. We\u2019ve got over 20,000 boys, and over 8,000 volunteers across the country, who are active in the program right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, you\u2019ve got an event coming up here in a little bit. Tell listeners about that event. Tell them who the special speaker is going to be. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> I would love to. It\u2019s our National Summer Adventure and Family Convention. It\u2019s being held in North Georgia. One of our special speakers is Dennis Rainey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; how about that; huh? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s awesome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think he knows a little bit about raising boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think he does. So, who is\u2014this is for people who are involved in Trail Life?\u2014or just for anybody? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s a unique event for us; because every summer we have what we call summer adventures. That\u2019s where the boys go with their troops and go out, and they\u2019ll be in the outdoors. They\u2019ll use the skills that they\u2019ve been honing over the year; and they\u2019ll go out, and they\u2019ll practice those skills in the outdoors. We have what we call a summer adventure element of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have going on, at the same site, about a 20-minute hike away in a convention center, a family convention. The moms and dads go, and the dads can camp with the boys; or the dads can stay in the hotel with mom. We get together a couple times during the week and some of the evenings we get together, and everybody is gathered together to do things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, if folks want to know more about that event and how they could be a part of it, they can go to our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got a link there that gives them all the information. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>This subject of boys developing a healthy sense of what it means to be men\u2014this is a part of why you left what you were doing to get engaged with Trail Life; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Yes; it really is. You know, when you look at our culture today, it says boyhood is some sort of social disease that needs to be eradicated. It\u2019s got to be so confusing for boys\u2014all the mixed messages that they are getting\u2014the confusion around gender and the difficulties in just leading boys in, saying, \u201cHey, this is what a masculine man looks like.\u201d We\u2019ve had years of the fathers, on television, being shown as men of not great intelligence\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> \u2014or really not good role models. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think about\u2014remember, in the olden days, when they would have the coal mines, and they would put a canary in the mine. The purpose was to show if there was something going on in that mine that was dangerous, and gaseous, or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like to think of boys as canaries in the coal mine of our culture right now. They are faltering. We are seeing a lot of terrible things happen to boys\u2014from suicide rates; they are twice as likely to be declared special education; three times more likely to be diagnosed ADHD. They are falling behind\u2014they are behind girls in every single academic measurement. They are feeling the effects of a culture that\u2019s unsure of who it is that men should be, and that\u2019s affecting the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it is a confusing time. I <em>love<\/em> that women are being heard, and I think that\u2019s great; but I also think that men don\u2019t know what to do in that in some cases. I see boys becoming more passive. I see boys playing video games more and more. I see them being lost in a culture of not knowing: \u201cWho am I?\u201d and \u201cWhat is my role in this place?\u201d Why do you think that is today? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Well, here is what we know about boys\u2014is boys are inspired by risk and competition. I mean, you have boys, you know that. Anybody who has ever sent two five- or six-year-old boys to go get a drink of water\u2014you know, you\u2019ve just fired a starting pistol\u2014I mean, it\u2019s a race. Boys are\u2014they are inspired by risk and competition. That\u2019s what fires everything in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we\u2019ve done things, like we\u2019re doing in schools, by taking recess out and tag\u2014we\u2019ve declared that tag is bad for boys\u2019 self-esteem or kids\u2019 self-esteem\u2014so we don\u2019t let them play those kinds of games. We\u2019re taking the risk and competition out, so where do they go? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the video game world was built for boys: They can compete there; they can get points; they can win; they can lose; they can take risks. There\u2019s a clear scoreboard of how good they are. Boys <em>love<\/em> that environment. That\u2019s where\u2014we\u2019re sort of driving them there, because we\u2019re taking that risk and competition out of their real world. Then, when they get into that video game world, we criticize them for playing too many video games; so they can\u2019t even win for winning. It\u2019s a challenging thing to be in an environment, where you don\u2019t quite know how to fit in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe sit them in a schoolroom\/in a classroom and tell them to: \u201cSit still,\u201d \u201cBe quiet,\u201d and \u201cPay attention.\u201d Well, I have two boys. You might as well just hit them with a stick, because it just isn\u2019t going to happen\u2014it\u2019s a difficult environment. They start, at a very young age, feeling like: \u201cI don\u2019t fit in here. This isn\u2019t quite my environment.\u201d They are fidgeting in their chair; because they know, intuitively, they got to move to learn; but they are being disciplined because they are moving too much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is set up\u2014this whole thing\u2014where boys don\u2019t quite know where to go. It seems like they have found their place in video games, and we\u2019re criticizing them for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Mark, as you are saying these things, there are some listeners, who are going: \u201cNow, wait. Girls are inspired by risk and competition, too.\u201d In fact, any statements that are made in our culture today that tend to differentiate\u2014\u201cBoys are like this\u2026\u201d and \u201cGirls are like this\u2026\u201d\u2014all of a sudden, we see a yellow flag waving. We\u2019re not supposed to say things like that. We\u2019re not supposed to make distinctions about differences in temperament or personality between boys and girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs that really true? How much of that is a social construct versus the way God made us? In order to understand\/in order to grow boys to be boys, we\u2019ve got to face the fact that God made two different kinds of people when He made men and women. He made us as different creatures; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s absolutely true in our culture that it\u2019s politically incorrect to say that boys and girls are different; but it also happens to be true\u2014they just are. You can\u2019t argue with the biology or the psychology behind it. You know, boys have more rods than cones in their eyes, which means that they see things at a distance greater; and they are more sensitive to motion. That\u2019s why you get, \u201cOh, squirrel,\u201d\u2014I mean, they see something. What it looks like to us is ADHD when it\u2019s just that boy being a boy. So, there are psychological, biological\u2014many differences\u2014that are behind this fact that boys and girls are different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is school different now, compared to when we were all kids, for boys? You guys\u2014you sat at a desk, and you wrote and did all that. What\u2019s different in the classrooms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark: <\/strong>Well, they recognized, at that time, that kids needed time outside. They needed that recess time, and they allowed for that. A lot of that is missing from our schools. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, in the \u201890s, there was a great emphasis on girls, because they had fallen behind in science and technology. What they didn\u2019t look at, at the time, was that boys were falling behind in language skills and social skills. The system was kind of moved to help these girls get through the science and technology, but we forgot the fact that the boys still needed some help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe new classroom that we see\u2014that\u2019s so strict, and strict curriculum, and the following the guidelines, and preparing for the tests\u2014has really taken the flex out of there. It\u2019s taken the energy away from those teachers, who really knew best, who were in front of the classroom and knew, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get this class outside for a little bit.\u201d They can\u2019t do that anymore; so it\u2019s putting the boys in a very, very strict environment that truly puts them at a disadvantage. They know, from the beginning, \u201cI don\u2019t fit here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you what\u2019s different\u2014you want to know what\u2019s different?\u2014because I\u2019ve got it pulled up right here. This is what used to be a part of elementary school for boys and for girls. [<em>Chicken Fat <\/em>song] This is from elementary school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cten times.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is calisthenics. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand don\u2019t be chicken again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember this from elementary school? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\u2014\u201cten times!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cPush up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You could never play that today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly. You couldn\u2019t talk about the flabby guys, and you couldn\u2019t talk about chicken fat when you\u2019re talking about\u2014Dave is sitting there with his mouth wide open. You\u2019ve never heard this before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I never\u2014I must be young; I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> heard this before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There was, actually, an exercise guru that used to play this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think I was probably five, and my mom used to work out to this with him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the reason I bring it up\u2014there\u2019s not calisthenics; there are not jumping jacks, like we used to do when we were in elementary school\u2014some of the stuff that would burn off the excess testosterone in little boys and help them, then, go back to the classroom with some of that energy diffused. You\u2019re saying that\u2019s missing from our kids\u2019 schooling today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the things that is missing\u2014that physical activity that engages the brain. We have\u2014in all fields of biology tells us, \u201cHey, you\u2019ve got to get some blood moving to get the brain functioning.\u201d We don\u2019t; we sit them in chairs all day, and for\u2014particularly, for boys, that\u2019s a very difficult thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Why has it gone away? What\u2019s the reasoning? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> Well, part of it is preparing for tests, and squeezing in that schoolwork day down and taking out all this extra stuff, and trying to focus on things like science and technology\u2014which is important stuff\u2014but if you don\u2019t put a boy in an environment, where he\u2019s subject to great learning, he\u2019s not going to do great learning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, when boys are fidgety, sitting in their seats, and the teacher is saying, \u201cI think your son has ADHD,\u201d do you think those diagnoses are possibly not true? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> There is a <em>lot<\/em> of research on what\u2019s going on with those types of drugs. I\u2019m not an expert on it; I can\u2019t really speak to it, but I can tell you that things that\u2014when you look at a bulleted list of ADHD symptoms\u2014it\u2019s things like running and climbing when you shouldn\u2019t be or not waiting to talk until it\u2019s your turn\u2014well, that\u2019s <em>me<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s amazing how quickly we\u2019ll go to that because, of course, the teacher wants a controlled environment. We go very quickly to those diagnoses; we don\u2019t realize, \u201cThat\u2019s just a boy being a boy.\u201d How early we start our education now\u2014if kids aren\u2019t developmentally ready to learn, we put them in an environment, where we\u2019re expecting\u2014we\u2019re just expecting too much from them, and they are already behind. If they learn that they are behind in the beginning, they just accept: \u201cThis is the way that I am. I\u2019m going to be behind.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My mom loved telling the story about when I was\u2014I think I was three or four. We lived next door to my best friend, \u201cD\u201d, who was a year behind me. \u201cD\u201d and I used to play together all the time. One day, my mom is looking out the back window, and she sees me just push \u201cD\u201d to the ground\u2014just shove him down to the ground. She\u2019s horrified; she comes running out. She\u2019s like\u2014\u201cBobby, why did you do that?!\u201d I said: \u201cBecause I shot him. He\u2019s dead, and he won\u2019t fall down.\u201d [Laughter] She loved that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know that three- and four-year-old girls, playing with each other in the backyard, are pushing each other down or even shooting each other; but there was something going on inside of me\u2014some of that testosterone buildup\u2014even at age four. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just have to face the fact that aggression\/biological aggression is a part of the makeup of masculinity. If it\u2019s improperly used, then that can be <em>disastrous<\/em>. If it\u2019s channeled in the right directions, that\u2019s productive and good for all of us. I think we live in a culture that says: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to eliminate aggression of all kinds. We\u2019ve got to drain it out of boys and get them to be non-aggressive.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> In our effort to protect ourselves from mentally-unstable men, we\u2019re going after boys. We\u2019re declaring them of somehow being deficient and \u201cWe\u2019ve got to fix that behavior before they get older and do something,\u201d\u2014boys just know that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The whole term, \u201ctoxic masculinity\u201d is what we\u2019re talking about here\u2014it\u2019s not masculinity that\u2019s toxic\u2014it\u2019s that some men use their aggression and make it toxic. The problem\u2019s not the masculinity\u2014it\u2019s the sin in the men, who are <em>misusing<\/em> their masculinity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> And boys are paying a price. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, talk to a mom, who has got boys at home; and she doesn\u2019t get it. She is <em>scared<\/em>, and she feels like this is just wrong: \u201cMy kids are going to be juvenile delinquents when they grow up, and all of this aggression is a problem. I can\u2019t take them out in public, because of how they act,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do with my boys.\u201d You would say, \u201cEmbrace what you\u2019re seeing\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had those exact discussions, where I have\u2014especially, moms of young boys are petrified; because their boys are <em>loud<\/em>. They feel like they are aggressive, and they\u2019re afraid of what this will lead to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI usually say: \u201cAs a mom, with young boys, it is <em>exhausting<\/em>, physically. They are demanding. They are always on the go. They don\u2019t sit down.\u201d I\u2019m not saying every boy is like this; but for our three boys\u2014they were really active. We spent a majority of our time, outside, playing. Dave was great; because I was fortunate to have [their] dad that was very involved, and not all moms have that. He would have <em>all<\/em> the neighborhood boys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was awesome. The boys would come to our\u2014the neighborhood boys would come to the front door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was this [speaking as a young boy]: \u201cCan Mr. Wilson come out and play?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They would ask for Mr. Wilson to play, so he would have all these boys\u2014and I would go outside, too\u2014I\u2019d bring snacks. I would, also, play with them. There was a camaraderie that these boys didn\u2019t experience, because many of their dads weren\u2019t home or in the home. It became this safe haven of <em>adventure<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What I realized, as a mom: \u201cI need my boys to experience adventure and to embrace who they are.\u201d If there is not a dad in the home, find a healthy male model, or a friend, or someone that could come and interact and be with our boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mark, you\u2019ve written a great 12-page booklet called \u201cLet Boys Be Boys: Three Winning Strategies for Leaders of Boys.\u201d Here are the three strategies: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one: \u201cEmbrace the fact that there are differences between boys and girls\u201d; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two: \u201cRisk and competition\u201d\u2014we\u2019ve talked about that;\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three: \u201cPhysical movement.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf a mom and a dad would say: \u201cOur boys are different than our girls. They need risk and competition, and they need to be allowed to move,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s going to make a <em>huge<\/em> difference in how those boys embrace the fact that they are boys; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mark:<\/strong> It really does. In that situation\u2014as you [Dave] talked about, that you had at your household\u2014boys are asking the question: \u201cWho\u2019s in charge? Who\u2019s with me?\u201d and \u201cWhat is our mission?\u201d If we don\u2019t answer those things for them, they\u2019ll answer it in some way that looks like aggression, or apathy, or rebellion. In that situation at your household, they knew Mr. Wilson was in charge: \u201cGet him out here so we can play.\u201d They knew what the rules were; they knew what was going on. We need to provide those kinds of settings for boys, where we answer that question clearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re helping parents know how to answer those questions. You\u2019ve put together a booklet called \u201cLet Boys Be Boys,\u201d which listeners can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and download it for free. Again, on the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, you can download Mark Hancock\u2019s booklet, \u201cLet Boys Be Boys.\u201d Talk together, as a couple, about how you can encourage your sons to embrace what it means to be a young man. I think this is something that is important for teachers, and for youth leaders, and for all of us who are involved in the lives of young boys. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get Mark\u2019s booklet, \u201cLet Boys Be Boys.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should also mention there\u2019s information on our website about the upcoming Trail Life USA National Summer Adventure that you\u2019ve got going on. It actually starts July 21<sup>st<\/sup> and goes through the 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Dennis Rainey\u2019s going to be speaking at the event, along with others. I think folks can still take part in this event if they want to. Go to the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the information is available there about the National Summer Adventure and Family Convention called <em>Rise Up<\/em>, being sponsored by Trail Life USA. Of course, there is information about the Trail Life program and what you are doing with boys all around the country. All of it\u2019s available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the organization we\u2019ve talked about today, Trail Life USA, is really a discipleship organization. We think of scouting or Trail Life as being about the outdoors, and about canoeing, and merit badges, and all the rest; but this is really about character formation, and understanding who you are and who God is, and what life is supposed to be all about. <br><br>David Robbins is here with us. Discipleship is what we\u2019re all here for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; and years of pursuing\/discipling men well in a number of different ministry contexts\u2014a standard curriculum is fine\u2014I think, a lot of times, we want that one thing that unlocks\u2014and I just\u2014we all love using, \u201cIt\u2019s the perfect curriculum\u201d; but really, it has to be tailored to the unique giftings, and temperaments, and who that person is\u2014whether that is our sons, like we\u2019ve talked about today, or other kids in our neighborhoods, or grandkids that we have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just <em>love<\/em> the idea that was talked about today that we disciple people toward Jesus. Doing it at an early age is an awesome thing to be able to do. We do it in a way that is tailored, specifically, to who they are. A lot of times, I feel like we\u2019ve missed that\u2014some of the creativity we get to be a part of in participating: \u201cHow do we do disciple people toward Jesus in creative ways?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not a cookie-cutter kind of thing; but it\u2019s something that we take into account: \u201cWho we are; who they are\u2014it\u2019s life on life; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s study our kids; let\u2019s study our grandkids: \u201cHow can we transfer to them our understanding of faith and who Jesus is?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; thanks, David. That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I mentioned the event that Trail Life USA is hosting this month\u2014the national conference. We\u2019ve got a big event we are hosting next February\u2014it\u2019s our tenth annual <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. It\u2019s kind of a big deal\/big anniversary event for us. We are almost sold out for the cruise for next February; but we did save back one cabin, and that cabin is for one of our listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s how you can qualify to have an all-expense-paid trip on the cruise\u2014we\u2019re going to cover the airfare and the cabin for you. To qualify, you have to sign up for our \u201cStronger Forever Summer Marriage Fitness Plan.\u201d We\u2019ve got a series of marriage exercises\u2014there is no gym involved here\u2014this is relationship exercises that you do, as a couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign up, we\u2019ll send you the fitness plan. We\u2019ll prompt you, throughout the summer, for things you can do together, as a couple. You will be automatically registered when you sign up for the Stronger Forever plan to be eligible to win the cruise. There is no purchase necessary to enter. The contest begins July 1, 2019; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tit ends on August 30, 2019. Official rules can be found at: FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. Our hope is that all of us will build stronger relationships in our marriages this summer. Then, we look forward to rewarding one lucky couple, who will join us on the tenth anniversary <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise in February. Again, for all the information, go to FamilyLife.com\/StrongerForever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can also join us back again tomorrow. Mark Hancock will be with us again. We\u2019ll continue talking about how, as parents and grownups, we can help boys grow up to be young men. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <em>Chicken Fat<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArtist:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Robert Preston\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProduced: 1961 by Frank Music Corp.\/Meredith Wilson Music\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305151","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305151"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305151"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305151"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305151"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305151"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305151"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305151"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}