{"id":305099,"date":"2019-06-22T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-06-22T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted\/"},"modified":"2024-10-08T00:27:02","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T04:27:02","slug":"tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted\/","title":{"rendered":"Tech-Wise Parents: Are You Addicted?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Arlene Pellicane teaches some wise tech-management habits that parents can adopt and then pass along to their children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-06-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883110","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,10350,2089],"tags":[7090,6662,4675,6253,5831,6661,4237],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3382],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-305099","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-media-and-entertainment","tag-addicated-to-technology","tag-addicted-to-technology","tag-children-and-technology","tag-digital-media","tag-how-technology-affects-us","tag-teaching-your-children-about-technology","tag-technology","cwp_profile-arlene-pellicane","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305099\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305099\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"dCZXNlv4l1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted\/\">Tech-Wise Parents: Are You Addicted?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/tech-wise-parents-are-you-addicted\/embed\/#?secret=dCZXNlv4l1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Tech-Wise Parents: Are You Addicted?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"dCZXNlv4l1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-06-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-06-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I tend to get lost in the rabbit hole of information on my phone; do you? Is this 24\/7 access really helping us? Here\u2019s Arlene Pellicane.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I put systems in place so that I will go online with purpose. It might mean using a timer\u2014like saying, \u201cHey, I'm going to go on social media for 15 minutes and do it, guilt-free, and have a great time\u2014see all my friends\u2019 babies. It\u2019s going to be great!\u201d But after the 15 minutes is done, you're done; because you had a purpose in it. It wasn't like, \u201cOh, my goodness, I've been here three hours; and I feel so <em>guilty<\/em> that I've done this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about wisdom, knowledge, and our cell phones. Arlene Pellicane joins me on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week, <\/em>so stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, it was a couple of weeks ago\u2014I found myself on a couch, talking to my therapist, because I was having this problem dealing with an addiction. But my therapist isn\u2019t really a therapist; she\u2019s really more of a friend. I\u2019m talking about Arlene Pellicane, and she\u2019s an author and speaker. She\u2019s written a book called <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected. <\/em>Here\u2019s our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Arlene, I've got to admit I have a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> What is your problem?\u2014come tell. I'm here to listen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I figured\u2014I figured I could come to you, and you could help me out. Because, after all, you have written several books: <em>Thirty-one Days to\u2014<\/em>fix something; <em>Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Mom; Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Wife; Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Husband<\/em>; <em>Thirty-one Days for a Younger You<\/em>. So you can obviously fix something pretty fast!\u2014is what I'm thinking. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It's all about hope and having a few concrete steps that make you feel like, \u201cI am succeeding in this area\u201d; and then the momentum just builds. So talk to me, my dear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; my life is feeling <em>very<\/em> frazzled, and my brain just <em>won't<\/em> shut down. I think I have narrowed it down to a few reasons, but one of the reasons is because of this little device that I carry in my hip pocket. And here's one thing that I noticed yesterday: I was in traffic; I was at a stoplight. I was checking my email; because I was thinking, \u201cOh, no, somebody might be emailing me,\u201d\u2014at a stop light. I'm in a town that is only 100,000 people; I will be home in 10 minutes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, last night, I woke up at midnight. I checked to see if someone had contacted me in the last two hours. I have a problem; is this something you can help me with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I can help you with this, first of all, by saying you are not that strange. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Good! I\u2019m not the only one!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> This is something that a lot of people\u2014a lot of people do this, including said author. A lot of it is being mindful and aware of, \u201cOkay; what am I doing?\u201d And then realizing, \u201cI don't need to do that.\u201d Because here's the deal\u2014these are little habits that we've picked up, just like how you throw your keys in a certain place; or maybe, you throw them all over your house\u2014and that's your habit\u2014you know? But you just have this little habit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have done the same exact thing at red lights and had to tell myself: \u201cArlene, do not touch your phone! You do not have to touch your phone at the red light to see if you have a new text or an email.\u201d It's almost like retraining yourself: \u201cDo not do that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And I think that there is freedom when we realize that we are fine to live without our phone\u2014like we don't need it every second of the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, of course, it's used for great things\u2014like, when you really do need to contact someone, it's super-duper helpful. But to be checking it every ten minutes?\u2014that's not helpful. And that's why we've got a break those habits and retrain ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it could be just one thing at a time\u2014so we had this conversation and you go: \u201cYou know what? I'm taking that red light back! And every time I am at a red light, I will <em>not<\/em> touch my phone. Instead, I'm going to say: \u2018Lord, I'm just going to stop right here; and you know? I want to praise you for this that happened today.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext red light: \u201cLord, it's me again!\u201d [Laughter] Retraining myself not to touch my phone: \u201cAnd now, I want to tell You my concern\u2026\u201d Third red light: \u201cOkay, Lord, it's me again. What in the world are we going to make for dinner?\u201d I mean, you're turning that, now, into a conversation with God; because I think those little moments in the day, where we used to always wait\u2014you know, you have to wait in line at the post office; you've got to wait for a child to pick them up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Those times used to be quiet times, where you were, perhaps, listening to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You were maybe reflecting on something that happened to you during your day. But now, all those little gaps are, \u201cLet me check my Instagram feed,\u201d \u201cHey, let me check if someone emailed me,\u201d \u201cLet me check a text,\u201d \u201cOh, my word! Look at this news headline,\u201d and then, we have no time for that self-reflection or for praying to God. I think that's why we are feeling so frazzled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, and I even remember when I had a flip phone\u2014so this was what?\u2014like eight or nine years ago\u2014sitting in a doctor's office, waiting for my name to be called, memorizing Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And now, I don't\u2014I don't do that at all!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I take out the phone! And I had to make myself sit down, waiting in the doctor's office a few weeks ago, and take out a book. I have to mindfully say, \u201cNow, you're going to put a book in your purse; and you're going to take a book with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> But breaking those habits is <em>so hard<\/em>! I've even tried saying, \u201cOkay; you can give yourself a piece of chocolate if you do this,\u201d\u2014you know, kind of like potty-training a young child? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cYou could get a piece of\u2026\u201d; and that doesn't work either; because I'm like, \u201cI don't need the chocolates.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That\u2019s so funny!\u2014I love that. And think about it: \u201cWe are adults.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And if we, as adults, are like \u201cOkay; having a little bit of issue with using this a little bit too much,\u201d how is a ten-year-old, a five-year-old, a sixteen-year-old going to be like, \u201cOh, let me exhibit some self-control and put away my phone\u201d? You know, it just shows you how difficult it is and how it is wired to bring us back, over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So help us with these habits; help us to reframe our mind, because that's what we need to do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; so the first habit that I talk about in my book, <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected<\/em>, is that \u201cH\u201d in \u201chabit\u201d; and it stands for \u201cHold down the off button.\u201d It's this idea that sometime during your day, on a regular basis, your phone goes to bed\u2014and whether that is it goes to bed, literally, at night\u2014like not being charged right next to you on your bedside, like 70 percent of the population\u2014but you, if you're not an emergency worker, you actually charge it in a different room; so it's <em>not<\/em> the last thing you see at night and the <em>first<\/em> thing you see in the morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven just that habit of <em>physically<\/em> changing the location of your phone, and putting it in another room if you can, is so much nicer. Like, if you're married, it's so much nicer to look at your spouse and say: \u201cOh, good night, honey. I love you!\u201d instead of, like, [Inaudible sound], and they see your back, while you're checking your email for one last time; right? [Laughter] I mean, it's just a totally different picture! So charge your phone out of your bedroom if you can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother \u201cHold down the off button\u201d habit is meal time. What's your habit during meal time? If you're with family members, then my <em>strong<\/em> suggestion\/recommendation would be no screens\u2014no screens at the table, so no iPads; no phones\u2014you know, people aren't distracted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey did a survey of 6,000 kids. They said their number one complaint was, \u201cMy mom\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy dad look at their phone in the middle of a conversation that we are having.\u201d So what happens over dinner? You know, people are finally talking; but then, \u201cBeep! Beep! Beep!\u201d and all of a sudden, you're on your phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And it's like, \u201cWell, that destroyed that!\u201d So turn off the off button first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and at meal times. That's a great place to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And I like the fact that we are, actually\u2014you say, \u201cTurn it off\u201d; because I can put it on vibrate. I can still <em>hear<\/em> when the phone call is coming in,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014or when the text is coming in, or the notifications. I go there instantly\u2014I'm like: \u201cOh, that's my notification for Marco Polo. Someone is talking to me right now! I can't miss out!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; right. [Laughter] And that's part of it\u2014is even putting it out of sight\u2014because they've even done studies where two people are talking. If there's <em>no phone<\/em> in sight, they report feeling very <em>heard<\/em> and understood\u2014like, \u201cThey got it.\u201d But if a phone is right next to them, and no one even touches it, but it's just right next to them, they report less satisfaction with the conversation\u2014like: \u201cIt was more shallow. The person was kind of distracted. They weren't really listening.\u201d That's just the <em>presence<\/em> of the phone in your life, not even engaging with it. How interesting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you're right that, when you're sitting, even alone\u2014and you're with a book or alone with your thoughts\u2014that that's a much different experience than when you're on your phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Arlene, in your book, you talk about how rapidly knowledge and communication is growing. How is that changing our lives? I'm just thinking of space and different things like that, with shutting off our phone; but how is that changing things for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know, just think\u2014when you used to get information, you'd go to a library, and you'd have to look for a little index card, and you'd have to grab a book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Or you'd have a big, huge set of encyclopedias; you know?\u2014and there were a few paragraphs about each topic. But now, you know, you can Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> something: \u201cWorld War Two,\u201d and you could be there, for years, looking at that information; [Laughter] so there's so much information. I think that can be so overwhelming for us that we feel like we're drinking out of this fire hose.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And I think that's why it is important to realize that: \u201cYou know what? Let me go online for the things I need, but then let me get off,\u201d because the truth is\u2014you could be there, endlessly, finding all this information. But the sad thing, if we really think about it, we might have much more knowledge\u2014but look at our culture around us; look at our homes\u2014do we have more wisdom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's like we may have a lot of information about life, which makes us feel all powerful; \u201cYou know, now, I don't need all these opinions. I can just Google something; and now, I have the answers to them.\u201d I feel very powerful and very knowledgeable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, how wise am I in the decisions I'm making? You see, without godly counsel\u2014you know, without God in your life\u2014it's very hard to make those wise decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And I'm also wondering, in your research and in your studying, what about retention? How are we retaining knowledge that we're learning off of our phones or off our tablets. Are we retaining it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> What is super interesting. For those of you with kids\u2014little kids\u2014listen up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey find that the things you take by hand\u2014that you remember those more. If you're in a classroom, and you're scribbling down notes about what your teacher is saying, it's much more likely that you'll remember what they say; because you've written it down versus someone who's got their laptop open and is probably scrolling and looking at different things while the teacher is talking\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014for one. And then, even typing out notes, they don't retain it as well as if you were to write it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven, you know, comparing a paper book with reading an e-book\u2014you know, because they\u2019re words on a page. They're finding that, when you're on paper, you have more senses engaged\u2014like you have touch\/smell\u2014and you can kind of remember, \u201cOh, that was that quote that was on the left-hand corner of that one page.\u201d You can thumb through the book, and you could actually find it again; whereas, in an e-book, you just can't do that\u2014it's like, \u201cI can't find that!\u201d\u2014it doesn't have that reference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a paper book, you have this feel like, \u201cOh, I'm halfway done through the book,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just gonna plow through.\u201d In an e-book, you don't have that sense of space of, \u201cWhere am I?\u201d in the book. And then, a very important thing is, when you're reading online, you're just more distracted; because there might be a little ad that pops up; there might be a hyperlink to something else that's related but,4 then, that gets you down a completely different rabbit hole.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> So the retention is much stronger with old-fashioned paper, and it will be interesting to see how schools find this out in the decades ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; so interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so we dove into one of those habits, which was \u201cHold down the off button.\u201d What's another one of the habits that will help us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Another habit is the \u201cA\u201d; and it's \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d This is the idea that: \u201cYou've got your device; but when a human being enters your airspace, that device is, all of a sudden, second; and that person, no matter how often you see that person in your life, is now <em>the<\/em> most important person or thing in the room, not your device.\u201d If you're on your phone, and your child comes up to you, you pivot away from that phone; look them in the eye. And what this is communicating is, \u201cYou are more important than my phone,\u201d because what a lot of us are getting is: \u201cOkay; I'm talking to you, and I guess you're listening; but your body language\u2014you're looking at your phone right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, the habit is: \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d And what that looks like is pivoting away from your device. Adults are so guilty of this! My husband was at a birthday party for one of my daughter's kids, so he doesn't know anybody. He was like walking around, trying to meet the parents, you know, etcetera. He is like: \u201cIt was so weird! I'm talking to this man, and the whole time he was looking at his phone. He just kind of answered like one-word answers, and he was just staring at his phone the whole time.\u201d And my husband was saying, \u201cThat\u2019s strange!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a social environment, it used to be very common that people would shake hands, look each other in the eye, and talk to each other. That wouldn't be that uncommon; but he's finding that, even with adults, that they're acting in strange ways\u2014not putting people first\u2014but putting devices first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to get into a few more of the other habits, but we need to take a quick two-minute break. Once we come back, we're going to finish that up. We're also going to talk about just what technology does\u2014the <em>good<\/em> part of technology and the <em>good<\/em> part of these phones. So stay tuned. We'll be back in just two minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill, and I\u2019m talking with Arlene Pellicane today. Actually, I get to <em>see <\/em>her! Arlene, I\u2019ve <em>known<\/em> you for seven or eight years. Arlene is such a neat lady\u2014so fun. And with a Zoom connection\u2014Zoom connections can do so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArlene, thank you for joining me. We've gone through the habit of how to turn off the phone. We've talked about, you know, being face to face\/being aware of the humans in the room. And what was that \u201cA\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> The habit is: \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Always put people first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And you're right: the person in the room comes before the device in your hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; yes. Okay; so what is the next habit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> The \u201cB\u201d is \u201cBrush daily,\u201d\u2014live with a clean conscience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohhh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And it's the idea of, you know, you brush your teeth every day; hopefully, you do! Being on the internet now, there are so many ways that you can stumble, whether it's shopping, whether it's pornography, whether it's wasting time at work. There are a gazillion things you can misstep on when you're online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Just having that practice of, you know, as in the Lord's Prayer: \u201cForgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, is there something I've said, online, that really should have been said in person?\u2014I need to go back to that person and talk to them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, was I part of this ugly, uncivil conversation on social media?\u2014I need to ask forgiveness for that, and I need to not do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, have I been watching pornography? Lord, do I need help with that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust that brushing, daily, of asking God: \u201cCreate in me a clean heart. Are You pleased with my online life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe truth is, you know, all these things used to be\u2014if it were, let's say, pornography\u2014it used to be that you'd have to sneak out of the house, and you'd have to physically go somewhere. It was just this big deal. And of course, now, a ten-year-old can access this in their pocket; and then we give them a phone that's with them all the time. And what kind of temptation is that?!\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's why I am an advocate for <em>not<\/em> giving your kids a smartphone when they're young; but for us, as adults, and for our kids\u2014to teach them: \u201cYou know what? The forgiveness is there; but we've got to just constantly see, \u2018Lord, is what I'm doing online pleasing to You?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That's a really good point, but I've got to ask about the ten-year-old, who\u2014okay; so you and your husband have decided not to give cellphones to your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; that is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> [Laughing] This is a whole other half hour!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, it is; but we\u2019ll get back to the other habits, but I just want to interject a little bit here. How did you have those conversations when your kids come home from school and say: \u201cOur friends have cell phones! Our <em>friends<\/em> get to call their parents!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Of course!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> How do you have those conversations with your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I have to tell you, Michelle, I <em>love<\/em> that my kids do not have phones! They are in fourth grade, seventh grade, and ninth grade; so they're pretty old. They are pretty much the last hold-outs, especially my older ones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> But here's the thing\u2014ever since they were kids, we've always talked about how: \u201cHey, you're not going to have a phone. The rest of the people, they're going to have phones, but you won't,\u201d\u2014like they've always known it! And they've known that if they asked for it, it's going to be a \u201cNo\u201d and, maybe, thought about when they get their driver's license.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are not anti-tech people. We have many iMacs in the house for, like, my husband's work, for my work, for school. They have tablets that they can use for their homework. They use my phone to text their friends, so those things are there. It's not like: \u201cOkay; we live under a rock,\u201d and \u201cYou're not allowed to touch any of those things,\u201d I feel like they get it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know what these things do, but they also understand that we believe the benefits of them <em>not<\/em> owning it\u2014not becoming addicted; not having, you know, pornography or whatever bad things so easily accessible\u2014that that is going to bless their life. And then, later, when they're adults, like all of us, they can stare at their phones as long as they want to! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. Okay; let's move on to the next habit that we need to have. What is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; the \u201cI\u201d is: \u201cI will go online with purpose.\u201d It is this idea that you could just spend hours online. You start with a purpose but, then, you're like, \u201cOh, that article looks so interesting.\u201d And before you know it, you're totally somewhere else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo even\u2014this is actually funny. I actually have this little post-it note on my computer. It says, \u201cWhat am I here to do?\u201d It is this idea that: \u201cBefore you touch your phone,\u201d\/\u201dBefore you start your emails,\u201d\u2014you're like: \u201cWhat am I here to do? I'm here to answer emails,\u201d \u201cGreat. Answer emails, and then <em>leave<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you're on your phone\u2014this is super important: \u201cWhat am I here to do? I'm here to send this person a text to reply.\u201d \u201cGreat!\u201d Once you send it, it's like a hot potato: \u201cI'm done.\u201d Because what tends to happen\u2014\u2014we send the text we have to and, then, we're like: \u201cOh, I'm already here. Let me look at this\u2014So-and-so sent me a message.\u201d It's just this idea: \u201cWhat am I here to do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was at a college recently. I saw a young man, who had a phone, and a little leather notebook about the same size of this phone right with it and held together. I was like, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d He said, \u201cOn my notebook, I write down what I'm going to do; and then I do it on my phone and, then, I put it all back in my pocket.\u201d Can you imagine the restraint, or the wisdom, or the whatever of that young, probably 20-year-old guy? I was like, \u201cYou're kidding; you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It's just that idea of: \u201cI go with purpose. I use my phone with purpose. I know I can waste a lot of time here, and I don't want to; so I put systems in place so that I will go online with purpose.\u201d It might mean using a timer, like saying: \u201cHey! I\u2019m going to go on social media for 15 minutes and do it, guilt-free\u2014have a great time; see all my friends\u2019 babies\u2014it is going to be great.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> But after, when the 15 minutes is done, you're done; because you had a purpose in it. It wasn't like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I've been for three hours; and I feel so <em>guilty<\/em> that I've done this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That is a really good point: set a timer. I need to do that. I need to put that\u2014I need to put that in as a habit. Oh, my goodness; that's a really good point!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so the \u201cT\u201d of habit. What is that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That is: \u201cTake a hike!\u201d It means: \u201cGet yourself in nature.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know, the child of yesteryear was: \u201cGo to your room!\u201d\u2014that was the punishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And today, it's like, \u201cGo outside!\u201d You know, the kid\u2019s like: \u201cI don't want to go outside! I\u2019m playing my video game. Don't make me leave my room!\u201d\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is this idea that the glory of God is seen in the heavens; it's in walking through trees and forests; it's in seeing the ocean; it's in being outdoors. Even for adults\u2014like if we're always hunkered down in our little desk, with all our screens surrounding us\u2014it's not restoring. Whenever the weather permits, get yourself outside\u2014whether it's a quick walk around the block\/whether it's just a breath of fresh air\u2014but whenever weather permits, get yourself out there for a few minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake that a rhythm of your life that, at some point during the weekend, let's say, that you go outside; that you have some kind of outdoor activity, because that is so, so restoring to people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> One thing, as you're talking, especially, about restoring\u2014and just how we are restoring by just taking a hike\/getting outside\u2014it makes me wonder about how we use technology. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the flip side, there's a little bit of me that's almost hyperventilating, going, \u201cI would need to take a paper bag with me if I left my phone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right; correct; exactly. [Laughter] That is Nomophobia\u2014it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I'm just\u2014I'm just being human here. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; totally. You know, they have a thing for that\u2014it's nomophobia, which is the fear of being without your cell phone. They've done studies on that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohhh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014so you're not alone. You could go out for your walk and your paper bag\u2014you'll get better! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You started off our conversation talking about the freedom that not having our phone with us gives us\u2014the freedom! I remember a friend, who\u2014it was just before Christmas time\u2014and they had switched phones. His phone died, and her phone\u2014they just didn\u2019t get it working right\u2014so they couldn\u2019t receive phone calls; they couldn\u2019t send texts\u2014<em>nothing<\/em> going, back and forth, with communication. Yet, they didn\u2019t get it fixed right away; because he said, \u201cWe found ourselves enjoying our family and, actually, having family time and not feeling caught up in what everybody else was doing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Isn't that funny?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes; that\u2019s really true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; you could even take the inconveniences of your life\u2014like if your phone breaks or whatever\u2014and leverage it that way; see what life is like without it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> The first day is full of panic; and the second day, you start relaxing; and by the third day, you're like, \u201cIt's good!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, Arlene, our time has ended, and I haven't asked all my questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just feel like you are a mine of wisdom that I could just continue to ask questions on rearing kids and, well, you could probably fix me in 31 days! [Laughter] But thank you so much for your time. This has been a joy! So, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Thank you, Michelle, so much for having me. It's been great to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That was my conversation with Arlene Pellicane. I hope you got as much out of it as I did. We do have a link to her quiz that is: \u201c<em>Calm, Cool, and Connected<\/em>: How Calm, Cool, and Connected are you?\u201d We\u2019ll have a link on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. It deals with questions like this: \u201cHave you ever changed vacation plans because of Wi-Fi availability?\u201d Or listen to this: \u201cHave you ever opted to watch TV, play video games, or answer emails on your own rather than interact with a friend or family member?\u201d Those are just <em>two <\/em>of the questions on the <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected <\/em>quiz from Arlene Pellicane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan you believe it?\u2014June is almost gone! If you have kids, they\u2019ve been out of school for a few weeks, and you\u2019ve been trying to balance the summer activities and the extra time they have on their hands. Well, moms and dads, just what do you do?! What is your summer supposed to look like? Next week, Tracy Lane is going to be with us. She\u2019s going to talk about summer, and how to make your summer count when your kids are out of school and have that extra time on their hands. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening today! I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. And a big \u201cThank you!\u201d today to Justin Adams, who has provided the system that we record all of these programs on; and to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams <em>also<\/em> is our mastering engineer for today\u2019s show, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator. But we will not forget Keith Lynch, who was here when he recorded Arlene\u2019s and my conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>in Little Rock, Arkansas, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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Pellicane teaches some wise tech-management habits that parents can adopt and then pass along to their children.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-06-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I tend to get lost in the rabbit hole of information on my phone; do you? Is this 24\/7 access really helping us? Here\u2019s Arlene Pellicane.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I put systems in place so that I will go online with purpose. It might mean using a timer\u2014like saying, \u201cHey, I'm going to go on social media for 15 minutes and do it, guilt-free, and have a great time\u2014see all my friends\u2019 babies. It\u2019s going to be great!\u201d But after the 15 minutes is done, you're done; because you had a purpose in it. It wasn't like, \u201cOh, my goodness, I've been here three hours; and I feel so <em>guilty<\/em> that I've done this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about wisdom, knowledge, and our cell phones. Arlene Pellicane joins me on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week, <\/em>so stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, it was a couple of weeks ago\u2014I found myself on a couch, talking to my therapist, because I was having this problem dealing with an addiction. But my therapist isn\u2019t really a therapist; she\u2019s really more of a friend. I\u2019m talking about Arlene Pellicane, and she\u2019s an author and speaker. She\u2019s written a book called <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected. <\/em>Here\u2019s our conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Arlene, I've got to admit I have a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> What is your problem?\u2014come tell. I'm here to listen!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I figured\u2014I figured I could come to you, and you could help me out. Because, after all, you have written several books: <em>Thirty-one Days to\u2014<\/em>fix something; <em>Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Mom; Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Wife; Thirty-one Days to Be a Happy Husband<\/em>; <em>Thirty-one Days for a Younger You<\/em>. So you can obviously fix something pretty fast!\u2014is what I'm thinking. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It's all about hope and having a few concrete steps that make you feel like, \u201cI am succeeding in this area\u201d; and then the momentum just builds. So talk to me, my dear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; my life is feeling <em>very<\/em> frazzled, and my brain just <em>won't<\/em> shut down. I think I have narrowed it down to a few reasons, but one of the reasons is because of this little device that I carry in my hip pocket. And here's one thing that I noticed yesterday: I was in traffic; I was at a stoplight. I was checking my email; because I was thinking, \u201cOh, no, somebody might be emailing me,\u201d\u2014at a stop light. I'm in a town that is only 100,000 people; I will be home in 10 minutes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, last night, I woke up at midnight. I checked to see if someone had contacted me in the last two hours. I have a problem; is this something you can help me with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I can help you with this, first of all, by saying you are not that strange. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Good! I\u2019m not the only one!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> This is something that a lot of people\u2014a lot of people do this, including said author. A lot of it is being mindful and aware of, \u201cOkay; what am I doing?\u201d And then realizing, \u201cI don't need to do that.\u201d Because here's the deal\u2014these are little habits that we've picked up, just like how you throw your keys in a certain place; or maybe, you throw them all over your house\u2014and that's your habit\u2014you know? But you just have this little habit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have done the same exact thing at red lights and had to tell myself: \u201cArlene, do not touch your phone! You do not have to touch your phone at the red light to see if you have a new text or an email.\u201d It's almost like retraining yourself: \u201cDo not do that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And I think that there is freedom when we realize that we are fine to live without our phone\u2014like we don't need it every second of the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, of course, it's used for great things\u2014like, when you really do need to contact someone, it's super-duper helpful. But to be checking it every ten minutes?\u2014that's not helpful. And that's why we've got a break those habits and retrain ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it could be just one thing at a time\u2014so we had this conversation and you go: \u201cYou know what? I'm taking that red light back! And every time I am at a red light, I will <em>not<\/em> touch my phone. Instead, I'm going to say: \u2018Lord, I'm just going to stop right here; and you know? I want to praise you for this that happened today.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext red light: \u201cLord, it's me again!\u201d [Laughter] Retraining myself not to touch my phone: \u201cAnd now, I want to tell You my concern\u2026\u201d Third red light: \u201cOkay, Lord, it's me again. What in the world are we going to make for dinner?\u201d I mean, you're turning that, now, into a conversation with God; because I think those little moments in the day, where we used to always wait\u2014you know, you have to wait in line at the post office; you've got to wait for a child to pick them up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Those times used to be quiet times, where you were, perhaps, listening to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You were maybe reflecting on something that happened to you during your day. But now, all those little gaps are, \u201cLet me check my Instagram feed,\u201d \u201cHey, let me check if someone emailed me,\u201d \u201cLet me check a text,\u201d \u201cOh, my word! Look at this news headline,\u201d and then, we have no time for that self-reflection or for praying to God. I think that's why we are feeling so frazzled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, and I even remember when I had a flip phone\u2014so this was what?\u2014like eight or nine years ago\u2014sitting in a doctor's office, waiting for my name to be called, memorizing Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And now, I don't\u2014I don't do that at all!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I take out the phone! And I had to make myself sit down, waiting in the doctor's office a few weeks ago, and take out a book. I have to mindfully say, \u201cNow, you're going to put a book in your purse; and you're going to take a book with you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> But breaking those habits is <em>so hard<\/em>! I've even tried saying, \u201cOkay; you can give yourself a piece of chocolate if you do this,\u201d\u2014you know, kind of like potty-training a young child? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cYou could get a piece of\u2026\u201d; and that doesn't work either; because I'm like, \u201cI don't need the chocolates.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That\u2019s so funny!\u2014I love that. And think about it: \u201cWe are adults.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And if we, as adults, are like \u201cOkay; having a little bit of issue with using this a little bit too much,\u201d how is a ten-year-old, a five-year-old, a sixteen-year-old going to be like, \u201cOh, let me exhibit some self-control and put away my phone\u201d? You know, it just shows you how difficult it is and how it is wired to bring us back, over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So help us with these habits; help us to reframe our mind, because that's what we need to do!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; so the first habit that I talk about in my book, <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected<\/em>, is that \u201cH\u201d in \u201chabit\u201d; and it stands for \u201cHold down the off button.\u201d It's this idea that sometime during your day, on a regular basis, your phone goes to bed\u2014and whether that is it goes to bed, literally, at night\u2014like not being charged right next to you on your bedside, like 70 percent of the population\u2014but you, if you're not an emergency worker, you actually charge it in a different room; so it's <em>not<\/em> the last thing you see at night and the <em>first<\/em> thing you see in the morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven just that habit of <em>physically<\/em> changing the location of your phone, and putting it in another room if you can, is so much nicer. Like, if you're married, it's so much nicer to look at your spouse and say: \u201cOh, good night, honey. I love you!\u201d instead of, like, [Inaudible sound], and they see your back, while you're checking your email for one last time; right? [Laughter] I mean, it's just a totally different picture! So charge your phone out of your bedroom if you can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother \u201cHold down the off button\u201d habit is meal time. What's your habit during meal time? If you're with family members, then my <em>strong<\/em> suggestion\/recommendation would be no screens\u2014no screens at the table, so no iPads; no phones\u2014you know, people aren't distracted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey did a survey of 6,000 kids. They said their number one complaint was, \u201cMy mom\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy dad look at their phone in the middle of a conversation that we are having.\u201d So what happens over dinner? You know, people are finally talking; but then, \u201cBeep! Beep! Beep!\u201d and all of a sudden, you're on your phones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And it's like, \u201cWell, that destroyed that!\u201d So turn off the off button first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and at meal times. That's a great place to start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And I like the fact that we are, actually\u2014you say, \u201cTurn it off\u201d; because I can put it on vibrate. I can still <em>hear<\/em> when the phone call is coming in,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014or when the text is coming in, or the notifications. I go there instantly\u2014I'm like: \u201cOh, that's my notification for Marco Polo. Someone is talking to me right now! I can't miss out!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; right. [Laughter] And that's part of it\u2014is even putting it out of sight\u2014because they've even done studies where two people are talking. If there's <em>no phone<\/em> in sight, they report feeling very <em>heard<\/em> and understood\u2014like, \u201cThey got it.\u201d But if a phone is right next to them, and no one even touches it, but it's just right next to them, they report less satisfaction with the conversation\u2014like: \u201cIt was more shallow. The person was kind of distracted. They weren't really listening.\u201d That's just the <em>presence<\/em> of the phone in your life, not even engaging with it. How interesting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you're right that, when you're sitting, even alone\u2014and you're with a book or alone with your thoughts\u2014that that's a much different experience than when you're on your phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Arlene, in your book, you talk about how rapidly knowledge and communication is growing. How is that changing our lives? I'm just thinking of space and different things like that, with shutting off our phone; but how is that changing things for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know, just think\u2014when you used to get information, you'd go to a library, and you'd have to look for a little index card, and you'd have to grab a book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Or you'd have a big, huge set of encyclopedias; you know?\u2014and there were a few paragraphs about each topic. But now, you know, you can Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> something: \u201cWorld War Two,\u201d and you could be there, for years, looking at that information; [Laughter] so there's so much information. I think that can be so overwhelming for us that we feel like we're drinking out of this fire hose.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And I think that's why it is important to realize that: \u201cYou know what? Let me go online for the things I need, but then let me get off,\u201d because the truth is\u2014you could be there, endlessly, finding all this information. But the sad thing, if we really think about it, we might have much more knowledge\u2014but look at our culture around us; look at our homes\u2014do we have more wisdom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's like we may have a lot of information about life, which makes us feel all powerful; \u201cYou know, now, I don't need all these opinions. I can just Google something; and now, I have the answers to them.\u201d I feel very powerful and very knowledgeable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, how wise am I in the decisions I'm making? You see, without godly counsel\u2014you know, without God in your life\u2014it's very hard to make those wise decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And I'm also wondering, in your research and in your studying, what about retention? How are we retaining knowledge that we're learning off of our phones or off our tablets. Are we retaining it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> What is super interesting. For those of you with kids\u2014little kids\u2014listen up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey find that the things you take by hand\u2014that you remember those more. If you're in a classroom, and you're scribbling down notes about what your teacher is saying, it's much more likely that you'll remember what they say; because you've written it down versus someone who's got their laptop open and is probably scrolling and looking at different things while the teacher is talking\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014for one. And then, even typing out notes, they don't retain it as well as if you were to write it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven, you know, comparing a paper book with reading an e-book\u2014you know, because they\u2019re words on a page. They're finding that, when you're on paper, you have more senses engaged\u2014like you have touch\/smell\u2014and you can kind of remember, \u201cOh, that was that quote that was on the left-hand corner of that one page.\u201d You can thumb through the book, and you could actually find it again; whereas, in an e-book, you just can't do that\u2014it's like, \u201cI can't find that!\u201d\u2014it doesn't have that reference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a paper book, you have this feel like, \u201cOh, I'm halfway done through the book,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just gonna plow through.\u201d In an e-book, you don't have that sense of space of, \u201cWhere am I?\u201d in the book. And then, a very important thing is, when you're reading online, you're just more distracted; because there might be a little ad that pops up; there might be a hyperlink to something else that's related but,4 then, that gets you down a completely different rabbit hole.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> So the retention is much stronger with old-fashioned paper, and it will be interesting to see how schools find this out in the decades ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; so interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so we dove into one of those habits, which was \u201cHold down the off button.\u201d What's another one of the habits that will help us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Another habit is the \u201cA\u201d; and it's \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d This is the idea that: \u201cYou've got your device; but when a human being enters your airspace, that device is, all of a sudden, second; and that person, no matter how often you see that person in your life, is now <em>the<\/em> most important person or thing in the room, not your device.\u201d If you're on your phone, and your child comes up to you, you pivot away from that phone; look them in the eye. And what this is communicating is, \u201cYou are more important than my phone,\u201d because what a lot of us are getting is: \u201cOkay; I'm talking to you, and I guess you're listening; but your body language\u2014you're looking at your phone right now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, the habit is: \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d And what that looks like is pivoting away from your device. Adults are so guilty of this! My husband was at a birthday party for one of my daughter's kids, so he doesn't know anybody. He was like walking around, trying to meet the parents, you know, etcetera. He is like: \u201cIt was so weird! I'm talking to this man, and the whole time he was looking at his phone. He just kind of answered like one-word answers, and he was just staring at his phone the whole time.\u201d And my husband was saying, \u201cThat\u2019s strange!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn a social environment, it used to be very common that people would shake hands, look each other in the eye, and talk to each other. That wouldn't be that uncommon; but he's finding that, even with adults, that they're acting in strange ways\u2014not putting people first\u2014but putting devices first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We need to get into a few more of the other habits, but we need to take a quick two-minute break. Once we come back, we're going to finish that up. We're also going to talk about just what technology does\u2014the <em>good<\/em> part of technology and the <em>good<\/em> part of these phones. So stay tuned. We'll be back in just two minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill, and I\u2019m talking with Arlene Pellicane today. Actually, I get to <em>see <\/em>her! Arlene, I\u2019ve <em>known<\/em> you for seven or eight years. Arlene is such a neat lady\u2014so fun. And with a Zoom connection\u2014Zoom connections can do so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tArlene, thank you for joining me. We've gone through the habit of how to turn off the phone. We've talked about, you know, being face to face\/being aware of the humans in the room. And what was that \u201cA\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> The habit is: \u201cAlways put people first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Always put people first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And you're right: the person in the room comes before the device in your hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; yes. Okay; so what is the next habit?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> The \u201cB\u201d is \u201cBrush daily,\u201d\u2014live with a clean conscience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohhh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And it's the idea of, you know, you brush your teeth every day; hopefully, you do! Being on the internet now, there are so many ways that you can stumble, whether it's shopping, whether it's pornography, whether it's wasting time at work. There are a gazillion things you can misstep on when you're online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Just having that practice of, you know, as in the Lord's Prayer: \u201cForgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, is there something I've said, online, that really should have been said in person?\u2014I need to go back to that person and talk to them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, was I part of this ugly, uncivil conversation on social media?\u2014I need to ask forgiveness for that, and I need to not do that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLord, have I been watching pornography? Lord, do I need help with that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust that brushing, daily, of asking God: \u201cCreate in me a clean heart. Are You pleased with my online life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe truth is, you know, all these things used to be\u2014if it were, let's say, pornography\u2014it used to be that you'd have to sneak out of the house, and you'd have to physically go somewhere. It was just this big deal. And of course, now, a ten-year-old can access this in their pocket; and then we give them a phone that's with them all the time. And what kind of temptation is that?!\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat's why I am an advocate for <em>not<\/em> giving your kids a smartphone when they're young; but for us, as adults, and for our kids\u2014to teach them: \u201cYou know what? The forgiveness is there; but we've got to just constantly see, \u2018Lord, is what I'm doing online pleasing to You?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That's a really good point, but I've got to ask about the ten-year-old, who\u2014okay; so you and your husband have decided not to give cellphones to your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; that is right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> [Laughing] This is a whole other half hour!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, it is; but we\u2019ll get back to the other habits, but I just want to interject a little bit here. How did you have those conversations when your kids come home from school and say: \u201cOur friends have cell phones! Our <em>friends<\/em> get to call their parents!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Of course!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> How do you have those conversations with your children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> I have to tell you, Michelle, I <em>love<\/em> that my kids do not have phones! They are in fourth grade, seventh grade, and ninth grade; so they're pretty old. They are pretty much the last hold-outs, especially my older ones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> But here's the thing\u2014ever since they were kids, we've always talked about how: \u201cHey, you're not going to have a phone. The rest of the people, they're going to have phones, but you won't,\u201d\u2014like they've always known it! And they've known that if they asked for it, it's going to be a \u201cNo\u201d and, maybe, thought about when they get their driver's license.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we are not anti-tech people. We have many iMacs in the house for, like, my husband's work, for my work, for school. They have tablets that they can use for their homework. They use my phone to text their friends, so those things are there. It's not like: \u201cOkay; we live under a rock,\u201d and \u201cYou're not allowed to touch any of those things,\u201d I feel like they get it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know what these things do, but they also understand that we believe the benefits of them <em>not<\/em> owning it\u2014not becoming addicted; not having, you know, pornography or whatever bad things so easily accessible\u2014that that is going to bless their life. And then, later, when they're adults, like all of us, they can stare at their phones as long as they want to! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. Okay; let's move on to the next habit that we need to have. What is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; the \u201cI\u201d is: \u201cI will go online with purpose.\u201d It is this idea that you could just spend hours online. You start with a purpose but, then, you're like, \u201cOh, that article looks so interesting.\u201d And before you know it, you're totally somewhere else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo even\u2014this is actually funny. I actually have this little post-it note on my computer. It says, \u201cWhat am I here to do?\u201d It is this idea that: \u201cBefore you touch your phone,\u201d\/\u201dBefore you start your emails,\u201d\u2014you're like: \u201cWhat am I here to do? I'm here to answer emails,\u201d \u201cGreat. Answer emails, and then <em>leave<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you're on your phone\u2014this is super important: \u201cWhat am I here to do? I'm here to send this person a text to reply.\u201d \u201cGreat!\u201d Once you send it, it's like a hot potato: \u201cI'm done.\u201d Because what tends to happen\u2014\u2014we send the text we have to and, then, we're like: \u201cOh, I'm already here. Let me look at this\u2014So-and-so sent me a message.\u201d It's just this idea: \u201cWhat am I here to do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was at a college recently. I saw a young man, who had a phone, and a little leather notebook about the same size of this phone right with it and held together. I was like, \u201cWhat is that?\u201d He said, \u201cOn my notebook, I write down what I'm going to do; and then I do it on my phone and, then, I put it all back in my pocket.\u201d Can you imagine the restraint, or the wisdom, or the whatever of that young, probably 20-year-old guy? I was like, \u201cYou're kidding; you do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> It's just that idea of: \u201cI go with purpose. I use my phone with purpose. I know I can waste a lot of time here, and I don't want to; so I put systems in place so that I will go online with purpose.\u201d It might mean using a timer, like saying: \u201cHey! I\u2019m going to go on social media for 15 minutes and do it, guilt-free\u2014have a great time; see all my friends\u2019 babies\u2014it is going to be great.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> But after, when the 15 minutes is done, you're done; because you had a purpose in it. It wasn't like, \u201cOh, my goodness; I've been for three hours; and I feel so <em>guilty<\/em> that I've done this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That is a really good point: set a timer. I need to do that. I need to put that\u2014I need to put that in as a habit. Oh, my goodness; that's a really good point!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so the \u201cT\u201d of habit. What is that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> That is: \u201cTake a hike!\u201d It means: \u201cGet yourself in nature.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> You know, the child of yesteryear was: \u201cGo to your room!\u201d\u2014that was the punishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> And today, it's like, \u201cGo outside!\u201d You know, the kid\u2019s like: \u201cI don't want to go outside! I\u2019m playing my video game. Don't make me leave my room!\u201d\u2014you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is this idea that the glory of God is seen in the heavens; it's in walking through trees and forests; it's in seeing the ocean; it's in being outdoors. Even for adults\u2014like if we're always hunkered down in our little desk, with all our screens surrounding us\u2014it's not restoring. Whenever the weather permits, get yourself outside\u2014whether it's a quick walk around the block\/whether it's just a breath of fresh air\u2014but whenever weather permits, get yourself out there for a few minutes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMake that a rhythm of your life that, at some point during the weekend, let's say, that you go outside; that you have some kind of outdoor activity, because that is so, so restoring to people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> One thing, as you're talking, especially, about restoring\u2014and just how we are restoring by just taking a hike\/getting outside\u2014it makes me wonder about how we use technology. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the flip side, there's a little bit of me that's almost hyperventilating, going, \u201cI would need to take a paper bag with me if I left my phone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Right; correct; exactly. [Laughter] That is Nomophobia\u2014it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I'm just\u2014I'm just being human here. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; totally. You know, they have a thing for that\u2014it's nomophobia, which is the fear of being without your cell phone. They've done studies on that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ohhh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> \u2014so you're not alone. You could go out for your walk and your paper bag\u2014you'll get better! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You started off our conversation talking about the freedom that not having our phone with us gives us\u2014the freedom! I remember a friend, who\u2014it was just before Christmas time\u2014and they had switched phones. His phone died, and her phone\u2014they just didn\u2019t get it working right\u2014so they couldn\u2019t receive phone calls; they couldn\u2019t send texts\u2014<em>nothing<\/em> going, back and forth, with communication. Yet, they didn\u2019t get it fixed right away; because he said, \u201cWe found ourselves enjoying our family and, actually, having family time and not feeling caught up in what everybody else was doing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Isn't that funny?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes; that\u2019s really true!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; you could even take the inconveniences of your life\u2014like if your phone breaks or whatever\u2014and leverage it that way; see what life is like without it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> The first day is full of panic; and the second day, you start relaxing; and by the third day, you're like, \u201cIt's good!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, Arlene, our time has ended, and I haven't asked all my questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just feel like you are a mine of wisdom that I could just continue to ask questions on rearing kids and, well, you could probably fix me in 31 days! [Laughter] But thank you so much for your time. This has been a joy! So, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Arlene:<\/strong> Thank you, Michelle, so much for having me. It's been great to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That was my conversation with Arlene Pellicane. I hope you got as much out of it as I did. We do have a link to her quiz that is: \u201c<em>Calm, Cool, and Connected<\/em>: How Calm, Cool, and Connected are you?\u201d We\u2019ll have a link on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. It deals with questions like this: \u201cHave you ever changed vacation plans because of Wi-Fi availability?\u201d Or listen to this: \u201cHave you ever opted to watch TV, play video games, or answer emails on your own rather than interact with a friend or family member?\u201d Those are just <em>two <\/em>of the questions on the <em>Calm, Cool, and Connected <\/em>quiz from Arlene Pellicane. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan you believe it?\u2014June is almost gone! If you have kids, they\u2019ve been out of school for a few weeks, and you\u2019ve been trying to balance the summer activities and the extra time they have on their hands. Well, moms and dads, just what do you do?! What is your summer supposed to look like? Next week, Tracy Lane is going to be with us. She\u2019s going to talk about summer, and how to make your summer count when your kids are out of school and have that extra time on their hands. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening today! I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. And a big \u201cThank you!\u201d today to Justin Adams, who has provided the system that we record all of these programs on; and to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams <em>also<\/em> is our mastering engineer for today\u2019s show, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator. But we will not forget Keith Lynch, who was here when he recorded Arlene\u2019s and my conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>in Little Rock, Arkansas, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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