{"id":305075,"date":"2019-06-12T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-06-12T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/staying-calm-in-the-storm\/"},"modified":"2019-06-12T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-06-12T10:00:05","slug":"staying-calm-in-the-storm","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-calm-in-the-storm\/","title":{"rendered":"Staying Calm in the Storm"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amber Lia and Wendy Speake realized their anger was triggered by their kids, and sometimes just by life. Amber and Wendy talk about the triggers of fatigue, frustration, and sibling rivalry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:23","filesize":"25.99M","filesize_raw":"27254160","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2838],"tags":[2990,4008,6404,5048,4621,4331,6647],"podcast_series":[8281],"cwp_profile":[9541,9542],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305075","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","tag-anger","tag-anxiety","tag-encouragement-for-moms","tag-motherhood","tag-stay-at-home-mom","tag-tips-for-moms","tag-triggers","podcast_series-triggers","cwp_profile-amber-lia","cwp_profile-wendy-speake","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305075\/staying-calm-in-the-storm","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305075\/staying-calm-in-the-storm","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Nne6DtOWK6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-calm-in-the-storm\/\">Staying Calm in the Storm<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/staying-calm-in-the-storm\/embed\/#?secret=Nne6DtOWK6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Staying Calm in the Storm&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Nne6DtOWK6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Our kids aren\u2019t the only ones who need to learn the lesson, \u201cYou do you.\u201d Sometimes, when things get heated with our kids, we need to learn that \u201cWe do <em>us<\/em>.\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I thought we\u2019d start\u2014and we\u2019ll just open this up to everybody\u2014see how you answer this; this is a fill-in-the-blank; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy, I love games. Here we go! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got Wendy Speake and Amber Lia, who are joining us, again, today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, here\u2019s the game show we\u2019re going to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They look a little scared right now, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cJesus\u201d\u2014isn\u2019t Jesus the answer?\u2014a good Sunday school answer for everything? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I\u2019m a little pensive about this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It does feel a little like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the question is\u2014fill-in this blank: \u201cLove is ____.\u201d What\u2019s the first word that comes to mind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201clong-suffering.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the first thing that comes to mind?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I thought, \u201csweet,\u201d and I\u2019m not quite sure why. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Mine was not a feeling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201caction.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is action.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> A verb; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting that, Wendy, you said, \u201clong-suffering.\u201d The reason that is interesting is because, with all of the descriptors that we are given in 1 Corinthians 13: \u201cLove is this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d\u2014you know what the first one is? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpatience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpatience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient,\u201d \/ \u201cLove is long-suffering.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, <em>you<\/em> win! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I win. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What\u2019s the prize? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You win a copy of the book, <em>Triggers<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which is the book that Wendy and Amber have written together. It\u2019s a book about what causes us to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014unloving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014impatient; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really, at the core of the anger\u2014when I say at the core, this is just a contributor to the anger that we feel that\u2019s triggered in us by circumstances, or events, or our kids, or our lives. There is a lack of long-suffering\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a lack of patience. It\u2019s interesting to me that the old King James word was long-suffering. We don\u2019t know how to suffer long for much; do we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No; no. You know, we really are a culture of comfort. If anything is uncomfortable, then it\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmber and I often talk about, when we are talking to moms about\u2014once you are convicted that you are doing it <em>wrong<\/em>, where\u2019s the first place you should turn? Amber, oftentimes, says: \u201cWe need to turn to help. We\u2019ve been parented by a loving God. How did He parent us?\u201d We always come back to this word first; that\u2019s probably why it popped in my head\u2014God is <em>so<\/em> long-suffering with me, to this day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> And transforming <em>our<\/em> character and our issues\u2014and our kid\u2019s character being transformed\u2014is not ever an overnight thing\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014so\u00a0 then we get really frustrated and angry when <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the problem that we are facing. When we are triggered by the things that our kids are doing and, then, our own shame and guilt, we think, \u201cWhy do we keep doing this over and over again?\u201d We do\u2014we expect it to be a two-day thing, and it\u2019s just really not reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Amber, you and Wendy have written a book called <em>Triggers<\/em>, where you address: \u201cWhat are the things that cause us to become impatient, that cause us to become unloving,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cangry?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat make us angry?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The first half of the book is the things our kids do that trigger us\/that provoke us. The second half of the book takes the kids completely out of the equation and just talks about: \u201cWhat are the circumstances in life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking with other moms and asking them, \u201cWhat pushes your buttons?\u201d moms came up with things\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s the kids; but sometimes, it\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014other things. Like what other things did the moms tell you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I struggle, personally, sometimes, with depression and anxiety. I\u2019m <em>very<\/em> emotional; I\u2019m an artist, so I\u2019m all over the place with my emotions. I would be prone to responding, emotionally, to my kids; so that\u2019s why it\u2019s in the second half of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it\u2019s true\u2014that the brother might punch the other brother, and that could be a trigger\u2014but really, underneath, it is: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on with Wendy <em>now<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, how do you face that?\u2014and what do you do in the midst of that?\u2014discovering like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m struggling with this,\u201d\u2014what are your next steps? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I really think there is so much power in self-awareness. If I <em>know<\/em> that I have the tendency to take things personally, then I have the power to <em>not<\/em> take things personally. If I can recognize this about myself, then I can respond better when my kids do wrong. When my kids do wrong, I can still do right; because I see my tendency to join them in the wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s sort of a\u2014I\u2019ve preached on this before\u2014put an extension cord around my waist and have it dangling out and say, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to go back and find, \u2018Where is this plugged into?\u2019\u201d That is what you are talking about\u2014some of that generational stuff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014some of the tendencies, even, in the way you\u2019re wired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was so interesting, when we first started this discussion, Amber; you said there was a knock on the door\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014when you were in your three-day-old pajamas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t think about that, but that knock on the door\u2014what made me think is, \u201cGod knocked on that door, not your neighbor Joe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was so interesting. He started something. Here we are\u2014you know?\u2014years later, talking about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where it started for me. Ann and I have a conversation in the kitchen; we\u2019re young marrieds, at the time, with little kids. I get angry; and she says to me\u2014this is the knock\u2014she says: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m never going to bring up anything in our marriage anymore. Every time I do, you just blow up.\u201d I\u2019m, literally, so na\u00efve I respond this way: \u201cOh yes! What are you talking about?!\u201d [Laughter] She goes like this\u2014like, \u201cExhibit A.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here is one of the things I discovered that really <em>changed<\/em> the way\u2014I was tracing this back\u2014is the whole idea that anger is a second emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>never<\/em> knew that I skipped these first emotions that I was uncomfortable with\u2014hurt, emotionally; frustration. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Sadness and frustration are the two; and sadness, for me, is what usually triggers into anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that, because that <em>changed<\/em> everything. It\u2019s like: \u201cWait; I should stop right now and go: \u2018Whoa, whoa; wait. What did I just skip and let\u2019s investigate?\u2019\u201d\u2014but that\u2019s what you\u2019re talking about\u2014so those are those internal triggers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Your children keep coming out of bed at naptime\u2014like I\u2019m talking <em>a lot<\/em> of times\u2014or bedtime, or getting up out of their seat at the kitchen table, no matter how many times you\u2019ve said: \u201cSit down. Keep your bottom in the chair.\u201d Oftentimes, is it really anger?\u2014or what\u2019s at play here? If it\u2019s mom\u2019s only time of the day\u2014and you need to nap\u2014then there is a <em>lot<\/em> of frustration there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oftentimes, frustrated means: \u201cI don\u2019t have control of your behavior.\u201d I\u2019ve said that my kids\u2014they all struggle with academics, and I can get <em>angry<\/em>. Then, I have to pull back and say: \u201cWhy am I acting so angry? Well, I don\u2019t have any control over this.\u201d I mean, I can go over the spelling words; and I can go over, \u201cGive me your study sheet for biology\u201d; but if they don\u2019t put in the more effort than their friends have to put in and get ready, they\u2019re going to have another \u201cD\u201d or \u201cF.\u201d It triggers, in me, something of feeling out of control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I can address <em>that<\/em>, before I end up yelling about how they\u2019re not being responsible, then I can talk to them about what\u2019s going on in a healthier way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys are all saying that anger is something that should cause us to be able to pull back and say: \u201cThere\u2019s more at work here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s not just that I got angry, but is there pain here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cWhere is this coming from?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIs there hurt from my background? Is there sadness or sorrow? Is there insecurity? Is there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor guilt?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we can identify those, then, now, we can find: \u201cThis is really the root issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got nut grass in our backyard; right? You can go and mow nut grass. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait; wait; wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You don\u2019t have nut grass? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, nut grass is a weed; it\u2019s a noxious weed. It\u2019s a weed that you can try to do everything; but unless you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It keeps coming back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014pull it up and get the very root of it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014it just spreads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it just keeps going. So, some of these things are like: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get to the root of this thing and pull it up by the root. If we try to just mow over it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cjust spread it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwe can mow over it; the week after you mow over it, it looks pretty good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIt looks good!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Three weeks later, it\u2019s like, \u201cIt\u2019s back!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s because all we did was mow instead of pull up by the root. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m guessing many listeners are thinking: \u201cI love this. This sounds <em>wonderful<\/em>, but I\u2019m working eight hours a day. I come home; it\u2019s crazy. My kids are all different ages. There is school; there are sports, and I feel like I don\u2019t even have time to think\u2014let alone make this strategy and plan.\u201d What would you say to them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Well, then, that just simply needs to change. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Actually, I didn\u2019t know how you were going to respond to that question. We\u2019ve not been asked that one before. My thought was the same: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to make it a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; you have to put that as a priority because, if things are unravelling for you, and the culture in your home is filled with strife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s toxic; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and friction, and it\u2019s toxic, and you\u2019re angry, it has to become your first priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was crazy busy with three kids, four and under, when I first started down this journey. There is <em>never<\/em> a good time to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014make this an ideal scenario; it\u2019s just <em>not<\/em>. You simply have to make a choice that, \u201cThis is what I\u2019m going to do.\u201d I treated this like it was my new job, so that\u2019s what I did. When you\u2019ve got a new job, you <em>clear<\/em> the other things aside. You don\u2019t keep doing the other job you did\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You make the priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and, also, the new job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You make it a priority, and then you make a plan. Again, figure out what you mean to say before you say something mean; if you have been running at the mouth, crying at bedtime to your husband about how you failed again. I remember my husband reaching over and\u2014in a very platonic, non-romantic way\u2014saying: \u201cJust go to sleep, honey. God\u2019s mercies are new tomorrow.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> My response to my husband, when he said, \u201cGo to sleep. God\u2019s mercies are waiting for you tomorrow morning,\u201d\u2014I said: \u201cBut I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do with them! I\u2019m going to pick up those new mercies, and I\u2019m going to do the same exact thing I did today because that\u2019s what I\u2019ve done for <em>every day<\/em>, for how many months, and how many years now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was my knock\u2014that\u2019s when I felt like: \u201cOkay; abide in God, and God will abide in you. You will bear His fruit; but in the meantime, if you are yelling, you\u2019ve got to stop that behavior and plan a better response.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s okay to be frustrated by those wrong things that our kids are saying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Sure! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> But the problem is we are misplacing our anger. We can have <em>righteous<\/em> anger that says: \u201cYou know what? It is wrong that my child is talking back to me and being disrespectful. That\u2019s not right\u2014that\u2019s a sin that they are doing.\u201d Sometimes, readers are like: \u201cWell, is it okay for me to be angry? I feel like some of this is justified.\u201d The answer to that is: \u201cYes; some of it is justified.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the Bible talks about: \u201cBe angry and do not sin.\u201d Jesus got angry; there is a time and a place for that, but we need to be angry at Satan and at the sin in the world\u2014that is the <em>real<\/em> root of all of these issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So, we can get angry, but we need to not place that anger and direct it toward our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I like that you are getting a little\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> We need to fight the battle. I\u2019m getting upset! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re getting angry right now; I like it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s righteous anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am angry that Satan is alive and well,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and tempting our kids and us, because I see how heartbreaking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and causing division. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> He causes division; He is destructive. Get angry; <em>join<\/em> me in my frustration about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> And remember that your struggle is <em>not<\/em> against your flesh and blood; right? I mean, the verse says, \u201c\u2026is not against flesh and blood,\u201d\u2014I just threw a word in there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201c\u2026<em>your<\/em> flesh\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s \u201cnot against <em>your <\/em>flesh and blood,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> The struggle is against Christ\u2019s enemy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, talk about this, though; because I\u2019ve seen this. I\u2019m looking at three women\u2014I don\u2019t know, Bob, but I\u2019m guessing he\u2019s a little bit like me, where I\u2019ve noticed, for my wife, it\u2019s not easy for her to be selfish in a good way, which means: \u201cI\u2019m exhausted;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI am yelling and getting angry a lot; I need to take time for me; I can\u2019t. There\u2019s no\u2014I can\u2019t do this. I have to give my life away for my kids and my husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not easy to rest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not easy to replenish your own soul,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014which is a part of how we function. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well, I think that, when kids are young, and we are <em>exhausted<\/em>\u2014I think we are the quickest to snap, for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We don\u2019t have a chapter in the book on self-care; but I think that\u2019s a <em>wonderful<\/em> conversation, if looked at it through a biblical lens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We do need to be healthy to respond in a healthy way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because I\u2019ll hear people say, \u201cYou know, I just need some \u2018me-time.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m going, \u201cI don\u2019t see anything about \u2018me-time\u2019 in the Bible; but I do see something about rest\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin the Bible; I do see something about Sabbath in the Bible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf there is no margin in your life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cfor these things, Jesus took time away to pray. Jesus took time away to be with the Father. If you say, \u2018Well, I don\u2019t have time,\u2019 I\u2019m going, \u2018Well, I\u2019m sorry your schedule is so much more intense than Jesus\u2019s was.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re so much more important than Jesus,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I remember a time when I was at a very <em>frustrating<\/em> phase of parenting. Our kids were in school\u2014at least, I think our youngest might have been in preschool\u2014but I remember purposely looking at my calendar, thinking, \u201cI need time to spend with God to talk about these issues with my kids.\u201d I\u2019m not talking just a five minute slot; I blocked out on my calendar\u2014and I was super-busy\u2014but I blocked off two hours, once a week, just to go in depth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014with God to say: \u201cGod, this is what I\u2019m dealing with. What do You think?\u201d because God wants to speak to us in His Word; and He has other ways\u2014with people. That time rejuvenated my soul, my spirit, my energy for parenting. It gave me new eyes to see my kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in a way that I could see what God put in them. I would have <em>never<\/em> gotten to that place had I not been very intentional with carving out that time on my calendar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; and that really is the answer to the question. If someone says, \u201cI just don\u2019t have the time,\u201d you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> not have the time, because they are growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cBetter make it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You <em>have<\/em> to have the time, or you\u2019ve <em>lost<\/em> the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I learned, at one point in our marriage, that if I said to Mary Ann, \u201cYou ought to\u2014Friday night\u2014get some time; go out with the girls. I\u2019ll take care of things, and you do that.\u201d I got back a new wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a new, better, refreshed wife, who was able to deal with what was going on. A part of you not having the time may be because husbands need to step up and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to <em>give<\/em> you the time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cCome on, honey,\u201d\u2014Come on; tell them! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s true; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s the best thing I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to sing your praises, right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay; you better. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our boys were little\u2014actually, they were, I think\u2014they were <em>really<\/em> young. Dave would say, \u201cDo you want to get away?\u201d I would say, \u201cI just want to be in my house by myself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s my favorite place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Yes<\/em>; but you never get that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I love it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014when your kids are little. He called it Boys Day Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Nice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He would take the boys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for an afternoon and allowed me to just kind of have that time that I needed to rejuvenate. When he came back, I <em>was<\/em> better; that\u2019s for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t do a lot of things right; but that I could <em>see<\/em>, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Just like she said, she was like a new woman. We had a great time, as the boys! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That\u2019s so good for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s good\u2014mutually beneficial; yes. I do want to say, though, with those of you that maybe are saying, \u201cOkay; that sounds really good; but I\u2019m just not in a season or a chapter where I have that time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a single mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a single mom,\u201d\u2014exactly\u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a military spouse.\u201d It\u2019s true\u2014there are going to be times when that\u2019s not available to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when Oliver was a baby, he was a beautiful baby. We loved him\u2014my firstborn\u2014but he had severe colic and extreme reflux. He did not sleep through the night until he was three. He wouldn\u2019t sleep for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time. My husband and I\u2014<em>both<\/em>\u2014we were just <em>sick<\/em> with exhaustion and weariness, too. He took up every bit of my time, and effort, and energy; and my husband was working long hours. I mean, there just truly was not margin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was time, when we became intentional, and we were able to do that; but I remember holding Oliver, and I just remember saying: \u201cLord, I just feel stuck. I feel trapped. I don\u2019t know how to have any time for myself or do any of these things for myself that I know would be good for me.\u201d I remember the Lord saying to me: \u201cI\u2019m just going to hold you while you hold Oliver all through the night, and this is going to be our time. Yes; you are still being the mom\/you\u2019re still meeting the child\u2019s needs; but you dig deep, because that\u2019s where I am. You can go deeper than you think you can; because when you are weak, I am strong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, every night from then on, I would just\u2014it was hard; I was exhausted. I was rocking my baby, and I was just picturing that the Lord was holding me while I held Oliver. I still had to do the work, but I knew that God was with me. He was going to help me; that\u2019s <em>always<\/em> true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about the fact that triggers change over time\u2014that as your kids grow, what was a trigger when they were three\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that fades; but now, they\u2019re thirteen, and there are all kinds of new triggers that come at thirteen, or at fifteen, or at seventeen. You\u2019ve constantly got to be aware of: \u201cWhat is it that\u2019s provoking anger or impatience in me? What is it that is causing me to not be long-suffering with my kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where having a resource like what you guys have created\u2014and not only the <em>Triggers<\/em> book\u2014but you\u2019ve created a follow-up resource for this; that is, scripts that\u2014explain the scripts idea; what is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> There are a lot of things that we actually do <em>say<\/em> within <em>Triggers<\/em>; but we recognized that our readers would get to the point, where they are like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m getting a handle on my anger issues, but I\u2019m still a little unclear\u2014like: \u201cWhat is the better way for me to handle sibling rivalry? What do I actually say to my child in this moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWendy and I\u2014we, collectively, had a number of things that we would say to our kids. We compiled those altogether\u2014again, based on these sorts of 31 different areas that people struggle with. We rooted them all in Scripture, so they are very much based in biblical truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my child disobeys, now, all I have to say to my son is, \u201cSon, what happens when you disobey?\u201d He\u2019ll think for a second, and he\u2019ll go, \u201cThings aren\u2019t going to go well.\u201d I was like, \u201cThat\u2019s right\u201d; because I\u2019ve taken the time to teach and train my kids that the Bible says that: \u201cChildren obey the Lord; this is right, and it will go well with you and you will have a long life.\u201d Obedience results in blessings; obedience results in things going <em>well<\/em> for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> When you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> obey, things don\u2019t go well! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right: \u201cWhen you don\u2019t obey, things don\u2019t go well, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut obedience gives birth to blessing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> So, now, she doesn\u2019t need to give a lecture. That\u2019s part of the beauty of scripts\u2014is someone like me\u2014I\u2019m really good at lectures; but my kids tune me out, man, so fast; but when I keep it short and pithy\u2014and they\u2019ve already gotten the lecture\u2014they <em>know<\/em> it\u2019s true; just a pithy statement that brings it right back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that this isn\u2019t the most popular term; because I think it\u2019s been <em>reused<\/em> by people to justify however they want to live\u2014but when I\u2019ve got kids coming in, tattling on each other: \u201cHe did this,\u201d and \u201cHe did that!\u201d I say: \u201cListen, buddy, I have no doubt that he did what you said; but I need you to do <em>you<\/em> right now. You do you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u201cYou do you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That\u2019s my short pithy statement. They <em>know<\/em>, when they come in tattling, that the power is put back on them: \u201cWhat can you do that is right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cBecause people <em>will<\/em>, I guarantee, do you wrong. Your brother is just trying to teach you that right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYour brother knows your triggers.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cSo, I have no doubt; I will <em>address<\/em> that with him, but that\u2019s not your business.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The great thing is this isn\u2019t just parents with kids\u2014this is <em>everybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> This is <em>everybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This affects <em>marriages<\/em> as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I guess they are doing it with, Bob: \u201cBob, you be <em>you<\/em>. You do <em>you<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> The other resource that we have that has been a <em>huge<\/em> blessing to church groups or M.O.P.S. groups is\u2014we came up with a study guide for <em>Triggers<\/em>. There is a companion chapter to every chapter, and these chapters are short because we believe that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014nobody has time to read a long chapter in this season of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> These are, basically, the book itself\u2014there are 1,000 to 1,500 words\u2014a long blog post. Then, your study guide gives you, maybe, two\/three more paragraphs of new content, three or four more Scriptures, and three or four questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, guys, for the resources. Thank you for addressing this subject. Thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s very close to our hearts. Thank you for letting us share our message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Good to have you guys here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me let our listeners know. This week, we\u2019re actually making your book, <em>Triggers<\/em>, available to folks who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We are listener-supported. All that we do, here, at FamilyLife happens because listeners help make it happen. In fact, a better way to say that is: \u201cAll of the lives that are impacted as a result of FamilyLife\u2014those lives are impacted because you make the impact happen when you donate to support this ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can help us with a donation this week, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of the book, <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. Who could use some of that; right? Make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to donate and to request a copy of the book, <em>Triggers<\/em>; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Thanks, in advance, for your support of the ongoing work of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I have <em>always<\/em> been struck by the fact that when Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13, begins to define love, the first word he picks in his definition is: \u201cLove is patient.\u201d I think that\u2019s not where most of us would start when it comes to defining love; but as we talk about <em>Triggers<\/em> today, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIf we are going to love our kids, we\u2019ve got to learn what long-suffering looks like, as parents.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here with us. This idea of patience is central to how we shepherd and care for our kids; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; today reminded me of a New Testament professor and scholar, Peter Davids\u2014he wrote, \u201cOne cannot properly claim to follow a Father, who is patient and slow to anger, if one is, himself or herself, impatient and quick to anger,\u201d\u2014which is one reason why the control of anger is such an important topic in the New Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when I was first reminded of that quote, I remember how deflating it was at first. It made me go <em>way<\/em> too introspective, as a parent; but I want us to make sure we hear the point, which is the point we\u2019ve been talking about today. If we are struggling with anger, we can turn to our Father God, who is patient and slow to anger. From that place, let\u2019s take seriously our calling to be empowered by His Spirit living inside of us, as followers of Jesus, to reflect and to mimic Him for our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There is hope; because of His power and His presence that\u2019s been made available to us, and that is the pathway that we will display patience to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we can\u2019t just say: \u201cWell, that\u2019s just who I am. I\u2019m just that kind of person\u201d; because God\u2019s at work, taking us from the kind of people we are to the kind of people we need to be by His Holy Spirit and in His power. Thank you for that, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope our listeners will be back with us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear a portion of a conversation that our friend, Ron Deal, had recently with John Ortberg, pastor out in Northern California, talking about where we are all headed\u2014eternity. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:23"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.99M"],"filesize_raw":["27254160"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305075.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305075.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Lia and Wendy Speake realized their anger was triggered by their kids, and sometimes just by life. Amber and Wendy talk about the triggers of fatigue, frustration, and sibling rivalry.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Our kids aren\u2019t the only ones who need to learn the lesson, \u201cYou do you.\u201d Sometimes, when things get heated with our kids, we need to learn that \u201cWe do <em>us<\/em>.\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I thought we\u2019d start\u2014and we\u2019ll just open this up to everybody\u2014see how you answer this; this is a fill-in-the-blank; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy, I love games. Here we go! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got Wendy Speake and Amber Lia, who are joining us, again, today on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, here\u2019s the game show we\u2019re going to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They look a little scared right now, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cJesus\u201d\u2014isn\u2019t Jesus the answer?\u2014a good Sunday school answer for everything? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I\u2019m a little pensive about this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It does feel a little like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, the question is\u2014fill-in this blank: \u201cLove is ____.\u201d What\u2019s the first word that comes to mind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201clong-suffering.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the first thing that comes to mind?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I thought, \u201csweet,\u201d and I\u2019m not quite sure why. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Mine was not a feeling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201caction.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is action.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> A verb; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting that, Wendy, you said, \u201clong-suffering.\u201d The reason that is interesting is because, with all of the descriptors that we are given in 1 Corinthians 13: \u201cLove is this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d \u201c\u2026this,\u201d\u2014you know what the first one is? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpatience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpatience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient,\u201d \/ \u201cLove is long-suffering.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, <em>you<\/em> win! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I win. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What\u2019s the prize? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You win a copy of the book, <em>Triggers<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which is the book that Wendy and Amber have written together. It\u2019s a book about what causes us to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014unloving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014impatient; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really, at the core of the anger\u2014when I say at the core, this is just a contributor to the anger that we feel that\u2019s triggered in us by circumstances, or events, or our kids, or our lives. There is a lack of long-suffering\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a lack of patience. It\u2019s interesting to me that the old King James word was long-suffering. We don\u2019t know how to suffer long for much; do we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No; no. You know, we really are a culture of comfort. If anything is uncomfortable, then it\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmber and I often talk about, when we are talking to moms about\u2014once you are convicted that you are doing it <em>wrong<\/em>, where\u2019s the first place you should turn? Amber, oftentimes, says: \u201cWe need to turn to help. We\u2019ve been parented by a loving God. How did He parent us?\u201d We always come back to this word first; that\u2019s probably why it popped in my head\u2014God is <em>so<\/em> long-suffering with me, to this day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> And transforming <em>our<\/em> character and our issues\u2014and our kid\u2019s character being transformed\u2014is not ever an overnight thing\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014so\u00a0 then we get really frustrated and angry when <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the problem that we are facing. When we are triggered by the things that our kids are doing and, then, our own shame and guilt, we think, \u201cWhy do we keep doing this over and over again?\u201d We do\u2014we expect it to be a two-day thing, and it\u2019s just really not reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Amber, you and Wendy have written a book called <em>Triggers<\/em>, where you address: \u201cWhat are the things that cause us to become impatient, that cause us to become unloving,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cangry?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat make us angry?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The first half of the book is the things our kids do that trigger us\/that provoke us. The second half of the book takes the kids completely out of the equation and just talks about: \u201cWhat are the circumstances in life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you were talking with other moms and asking them, \u201cWhat pushes your buttons?\u201d moms came up with things\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s the kids; but sometimes, it\u2019s just\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014other things. Like what other things did the moms tell you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I struggle, personally, sometimes, with depression and anxiety. I\u2019m <em>very<\/em> emotional; I\u2019m an artist, so I\u2019m all over the place with my emotions. I would be prone to responding, emotionally, to my kids; so that\u2019s why it\u2019s in the second half of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, it\u2019s true\u2014that the brother might punch the other brother, and that could be a trigger\u2014but really, underneath, it is: \u201cWhat\u2019s going on with Wendy <em>now<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, how do you face that?\u2014and what do you do in the midst of that?\u2014discovering like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m struggling with this,\u201d\u2014what are your next steps? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I really think there is so much power in self-awareness. If I <em>know<\/em> that I have the tendency to take things personally, then I have the power to <em>not<\/em> take things personally. If I can recognize this about myself, then I can respond better when my kids do wrong. When my kids do wrong, I can still do right; because I see my tendency to join them in the wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s sort of a\u2014I\u2019ve preached on this before\u2014put an extension cord around my waist and have it dangling out and say, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to go back and find, \u2018Where is this plugged into?\u2019\u201d That is what you are talking about\u2014some of that generational stuff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014some of the tendencies, even, in the way you\u2019re wired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was so interesting, when we first started this discussion, Amber; you said there was a knock on the door\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014when you were in your three-day-old pajamas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t think about that, but that knock on the door\u2014what made me think is, \u201cGod knocked on that door, not your neighbor Joe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was so interesting. He started something. Here we are\u2014you know?\u2014years later, talking about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s where it started for me. Ann and I have a conversation in the kitchen; we\u2019re young marrieds, at the time, with little kids. I get angry; and she says to me\u2014this is the knock\u2014she says: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m never going to bring up anything in our marriage anymore. Every time I do, you just blow up.\u201d I\u2019m, literally, so na\u00efve I respond this way: \u201cOh yes! What are you talking about?!\u201d [Laughter] She goes like this\u2014like, \u201cExhibit A.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here is one of the things I discovered that really <em>changed<\/em> the way\u2014I was tracing this back\u2014is the whole idea that anger is a second emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>never<\/em> knew that I skipped these first emotions that I was uncomfortable with\u2014hurt, emotionally; frustration. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Sadness and frustration are the two; and sadness, for me, is what usually triggers into anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that, because that <em>changed<\/em> everything. It\u2019s like: \u201cWait; I should stop right now and go: \u2018Whoa, whoa; wait. What did I just skip and let\u2019s investigate?\u2019\u201d\u2014but that\u2019s what you\u2019re talking about\u2014so those are those internal triggers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Your children keep coming out of bed at naptime\u2014like I\u2019m talking <em>a lot<\/em> of times\u2014or bedtime, or getting up out of their seat at the kitchen table, no matter how many times you\u2019ve said: \u201cSit down. Keep your bottom in the chair.\u201d Oftentimes, is it really anger?\u2014or what\u2019s at play here? If it\u2019s mom\u2019s only time of the day\u2014and you need to nap\u2014then there is a <em>lot<\/em> of frustration there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oftentimes, frustrated means: \u201cI don\u2019t have control of your behavior.\u201d I\u2019ve said that my kids\u2014they all struggle with academics, and I can get <em>angry<\/em>. Then, I have to pull back and say: \u201cWhy am I acting so angry? Well, I don\u2019t have any control over this.\u201d I mean, I can go over the spelling words; and I can go over, \u201cGive me your study sheet for biology\u201d; but if they don\u2019t put in the more effort than their friends have to put in and get ready, they\u2019re going to have another \u201cD\u201d or \u201cF.\u201d It triggers, in me, something of feeling out of control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I can address <em>that<\/em>, before I end up yelling about how they\u2019re not being responsible, then I can talk to them about what\u2019s going on in a healthier way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys are all saying that anger is something that should cause us to be able to pull back and say: \u201cThere\u2019s more at work here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s not just that I got angry, but is there pain here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cWhere is this coming from?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIs there hurt from my background? Is there sadness or sorrow? Is there insecurity? Is there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cor guilt?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we can identify those, then, now, we can find: \u201cThis is really the root issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got nut grass in our backyard; right? You can go and mow nut grass. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait; wait; wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You don\u2019t have nut grass? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, nut grass is a weed; it\u2019s a noxious weed. It\u2019s a weed that you can try to do everything; but unless you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It keeps coming back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014pull it up and get the very root of it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014it just spreads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it just keeps going. So, some of these things are like: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to get to the root of this thing and pull it up by the root. If we try to just mow over it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cjust spread it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwe can mow over it; the week after you mow over it, it looks pretty good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cIt looks good!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Three weeks later, it\u2019s like, \u201cIt\u2019s back!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s because all we did was mow instead of pull up by the root. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019m guessing many listeners are thinking: \u201cI love this. This sounds <em>wonderful<\/em>, but I\u2019m working eight hours a day. I come home; it\u2019s crazy. My kids are all different ages. There is school; there are sports, and I feel like I don\u2019t even have time to think\u2014let alone make this strategy and plan.\u201d What would you say to them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Well, then, that just simply needs to change. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Actually, I didn\u2019t know how you were going to respond to that question. We\u2019ve not been asked that one before. My thought was the same: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to make it a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; you have to put that as a priority because, if things are unravelling for you, and the culture in your home is filled with strife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s toxic; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and friction, and it\u2019s toxic, and you\u2019re angry, it has to become your first priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was crazy busy with three kids, four and under, when I first started down this journey. There is <em>never<\/em> a good time to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014make this an ideal scenario; it\u2019s just <em>not<\/em>. You simply have to make a choice that, \u201cThis is what I\u2019m going to do.\u201d I treated this like it was my new job, so that\u2019s what I did. When you\u2019ve got a new job, you <em>clear<\/em> the other things aside. You don\u2019t keep doing the other job you did\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You make the priority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and, also, the new job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You make it a priority, and then you make a plan. Again, figure out what you mean to say before you say something mean; if you have been running at the mouth, crying at bedtime to your husband about how you failed again. I remember my husband reaching over and\u2014in a very platonic, non-romantic way\u2014saying: \u201cJust go to sleep, honey. God\u2019s mercies are new tomorrow.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> My response to my husband, when he said, \u201cGo to sleep. God\u2019s mercies are waiting for you tomorrow morning,\u201d\u2014I said: \u201cBut I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m going to do with them! I\u2019m going to pick up those new mercies, and I\u2019m going to do the same exact thing I did today because that\u2019s what I\u2019ve done for <em>every day<\/em>, for how many months, and how many years now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was my knock\u2014that\u2019s when I felt like: \u201cOkay; abide in God, and God will abide in you. You will bear His fruit; but in the meantime, if you are yelling, you\u2019ve got to stop that behavior and plan a better response.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s okay to be frustrated by those wrong things that our kids are saying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Sure! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> But the problem is we are misplacing our anger. We can have <em>righteous<\/em> anger that says: \u201cYou know what? It is wrong that my child is talking back to me and being disrespectful. That\u2019s not right\u2014that\u2019s a sin that they are doing.\u201d Sometimes, readers are like: \u201cWell, is it okay for me to be angry? I feel like some of this is justified.\u201d The answer to that is: \u201cYes; some of it is justified.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, the Bible talks about: \u201cBe angry and do not sin.\u201d Jesus got angry; there is a time and a place for that, but we need to be angry at Satan and at the sin in the world\u2014that is the <em>real<\/em> root of all of these issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So, we can get angry, but we need to not place that anger and direct it toward our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I like that you are getting a little\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> We need to fight the battle. I\u2019m getting upset! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re getting angry right now; I like it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s righteous anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I am angry that Satan is alive and well,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014and tempting our kids and us, because I see how heartbreaking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and causing division. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> He causes division; He is destructive. Get angry; <em>join<\/em> me in my frustration about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> And remember that your struggle is <em>not<\/em> against your flesh and blood; right? I mean, the verse says, \u201c\u2026is not against flesh and blood,\u201d\u2014I just threw a word in there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201c\u2026<em>your<\/em> flesh\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s \u201cnot against <em>your <\/em>flesh and blood,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> The struggle is against Christ\u2019s enemy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, talk about this, though; because I\u2019ve seen this. I\u2019m looking at three women\u2014I don\u2019t know, Bob, but I\u2019m guessing he\u2019s a little bit like me, where I\u2019ve noticed, for my wife, it\u2019s not easy for her to be selfish in a good way, which means: \u201cI\u2019m exhausted;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI am yelling and getting angry a lot; I need to take time for me; I can\u2019t. There\u2019s no\u2014I can\u2019t do this. I have to give my life away for my kids and my husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not easy to rest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not easy to replenish your own soul,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014which is a part of how we function. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well, I think that, when kids are young, and we are <em>exhausted<\/em>\u2014I think we are the quickest to snap, for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We don\u2019t have a chapter in the book on self-care; but I think that\u2019s a <em>wonderful<\/em> conversation, if looked at it through a biblical lens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We do need to be healthy to respond in a healthy way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because I\u2019ll hear people say, \u201cYou know, I just need some \u2018me-time.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m going, \u201cI don\u2019t see anything about \u2018me-time\u2019 in the Bible; but I do see something about rest\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin the Bible; I do see something about Sabbath in the Bible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf there is no margin in your life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cfor these things, Jesus took time away to pray. Jesus took time away to be with the Father. If you say, \u2018Well, I don\u2019t have time,\u2019 I\u2019m going, \u2018Well, I\u2019m sorry your schedule is so much more intense than Jesus\u2019s was.\u2019\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re so much more important than Jesus,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I remember a time when I was at a very <em>frustrating<\/em> phase of parenting. Our kids were in school\u2014at least, I think our youngest might have been in preschool\u2014but I remember purposely looking at my calendar, thinking, \u201cI need time to spend with God to talk about these issues with my kids.\u201d I\u2019m not talking just a five minute slot; I blocked out on my calendar\u2014and I was super-busy\u2014but I blocked off two hours, once a week, just to go in depth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014with God to say: \u201cGod, this is what I\u2019m dealing with. What do You think?\u201d because God wants to speak to us in His Word; and He has other ways\u2014with people. That time rejuvenated my soul, my spirit, my energy for parenting. It gave me new eyes to see my kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014in a way that I could see what God put in them. I would have <em>never<\/em> gotten to that place had I not been very intentional with carving out that time on my calendar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; and that really is the answer to the question. If someone says, \u201cI just don\u2019t have the time,\u201d you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> not have the time, because they are growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cBetter make it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You <em>have<\/em> to have the time, or you\u2019ve <em>lost<\/em> the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I learned, at one point in our marriage, that if I said to Mary Ann, \u201cYou ought to\u2014Friday night\u2014get some time; go out with the girls. I\u2019ll take care of things, and you do that.\u201d I got back a new wife\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a new, better, refreshed wife, who was able to deal with what was going on. A part of you not having the time may be because husbands need to step up and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to <em>give<\/em> you the time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cCome on, honey,\u201d\u2014Come on; tell them! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s true; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s the best thing I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to sing your praises, right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay; you better. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Our boys were little\u2014actually, they were, I think\u2014they were <em>really<\/em> young. Dave would say, \u201cDo you want to get away?\u201d I would say, \u201cI just want to be in my house by myself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s my favorite place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Yes<\/em>; but you never get that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I love it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014when your kids are little. He called it Boys Day Out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Nice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He would take the boys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for an afternoon and allowed me to just kind of have that time that I needed to rejuvenate. When he came back, I <em>was<\/em> better; that\u2019s for sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t do a lot of things right; but that I could <em>see<\/em>, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s great; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Just like she said, she was like a new woman. We had a great time, as the boys! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That\u2019s so good for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s good\u2014mutually beneficial; yes. I do want to say, though, with those of you that maybe are saying, \u201cOkay; that sounds really good; but I\u2019m just not in a season or a chapter where I have that time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a single mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a single mom,\u201d\u2014exactly\u2014or \u201cI\u2019m a military spouse.\u201d It\u2019s true\u2014there are going to be times when that\u2019s not available to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when Oliver was a baby, he was a beautiful baby. We loved him\u2014my firstborn\u2014but he had severe colic and extreme reflux. He did not sleep through the night until he was three. He wouldn\u2019t sleep for more than 15 or 20 minutes at a time. My husband and I\u2014<em>both<\/em>\u2014we were just <em>sick<\/em> with exhaustion and weariness, too. He took up every bit of my time, and effort, and energy; and my husband was working long hours. I mean, there just truly was not margin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was time, when we became intentional, and we were able to do that; but I remember holding Oliver, and I just remember saying: \u201cLord, I just feel stuck. I feel trapped. I don\u2019t know how to have any time for myself or do any of these things for myself that I know would be good for me.\u201d I remember the Lord saying to me: \u201cI\u2019m just going to hold you while you hold Oliver all through the night, and this is going to be our time. Yes; you are still being the mom\/you\u2019re still meeting the child\u2019s needs; but you dig deep, because that\u2019s where I am. You can go deeper than you think you can; because when you are weak, I am strong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, every night from then on, I would just\u2014it was hard; I was exhausted. I was rocking my baby, and I was just picturing that the Lord was holding me while I held Oliver. I still had to do the work, but I knew that God was with me. He was going to help me; that\u2019s <em>always<\/em> true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about the fact that triggers change over time\u2014that as your kids grow, what was a trigger when they were three\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that fades; but now, they\u2019re thirteen, and there are all kinds of new triggers that come at thirteen, or at fifteen, or at seventeen. You\u2019ve constantly got to be aware of: \u201cWhat is it that\u2019s provoking anger or impatience in me? What is it that is causing me to not be long-suffering with my kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s where having a resource like what you guys have created\u2014and not only the <em>Triggers<\/em> book\u2014but you\u2019ve created a follow-up resource for this; that is, scripts that\u2014explain the scripts idea; what is that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> There are a lot of things that we actually do <em>say<\/em> within <em>Triggers<\/em>; but we recognized that our readers would get to the point, where they are like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m getting a handle on my anger issues, but I\u2019m still a little unclear\u2014like: \u201cWhat is the better way for me to handle sibling rivalry? What do I actually say to my child in this moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWendy and I\u2014we, collectively, had a number of things that we would say to our kids. We compiled those altogether\u2014again, based on these sorts of 31 different areas that people struggle with. We rooted them all in Scripture, so they are very much based in biblical truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my child disobeys, now, all I have to say to my son is, \u201cSon, what happens when you disobey?\u201d He\u2019ll think for a second, and he\u2019ll go, \u201cThings aren\u2019t going to go well.\u201d I was like, \u201cThat\u2019s right\u201d; because I\u2019ve taken the time to teach and train my kids that the Bible says that: \u201cChildren obey the Lord; this is right, and it will go well with you and you will have a long life.\u201d Obedience results in blessings; obedience results in things going <em>well<\/em> for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> When you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> obey, things don\u2019t go well! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right: \u201cWhen you don\u2019t obey, things don\u2019t go well, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut obedience gives birth to blessing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> So, now, she doesn\u2019t need to give a lecture. That\u2019s part of the beauty of scripts\u2014is someone like me\u2014I\u2019m really good at lectures; but my kids tune me out, man, so fast; but when I keep it short and pithy\u2014and they\u2019ve already gotten the lecture\u2014they <em>know<\/em> it\u2019s true; just a pithy statement that brings it right back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that this isn\u2019t the most popular term; because I think it\u2019s been <em>reused<\/em> by people to justify however they want to live\u2014but when I\u2019ve got kids coming in, tattling on each other: \u201cHe did this,\u201d and \u201cHe did that!\u201d I say: \u201cListen, buddy, I have no doubt that he did what you said; but I need you to do <em>you<\/em> right now. You do you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u201cYou do you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That\u2019s my short pithy statement. They <em>know<\/em>, when they come in tattling, that the power is put back on them: \u201cWhat can you do that is right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cBecause people <em>will<\/em>, I guarantee, do you wrong. Your brother is just trying to teach you that right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYour brother knows your triggers.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cSo, I have no doubt; I will <em>address<\/em> that with him, but that\u2019s not your business.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The great thing is this isn\u2019t just parents with kids\u2014this is <em>everybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> This is <em>everybody<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This affects <em>marriages<\/em> as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I guess they are doing it with, Bob: \u201cBob, you be <em>you<\/em>. You do <em>you<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> The other resource that we have that has been a <em>huge<\/em> blessing to church groups or M.O.P.S. groups is\u2014we came up with a study guide for <em>Triggers<\/em>. There is a companion chapter to every chapter, and these chapters are short because we believe that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014nobody has time to read a long chapter in this season of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> These are, basically, the book itself\u2014there are 1,000 to 1,500 words\u2014a long blog post. Then, your study guide gives you, maybe, two\/three more paragraphs of new content, three or four more Scriptures, and three or four questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, guys, for the resources. Thank you for addressing this subject. Thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s very close to our hearts. Thank you for letting us share our message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Good to have you guys here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me let our listeners know. This week, we\u2019re actually making your book, <em>Triggers<\/em>, available to folks who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We are listener-supported. All that we do, here, at FamilyLife happens because listeners help make it happen. In fact, a better way to say that is: \u201cAll of the lives that are impacted as a result of FamilyLife\u2014those lives are impacted because you make the impact happen when you donate to support this ministry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, if you can help us with a donation this week, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of the book, <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. Who could use some of that; right? Make a donation to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to donate and to request a copy of the book, <em>Triggers<\/em>; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make your donation over the phone. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Thanks, in advance, for your support of the ongoing work of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I have <em>always<\/em> been struck by the fact that when Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13, begins to define love, the first word he picks in his definition is: \u201cLove is patient.\u201d I think that\u2019s not where most of us would start when it comes to defining love; but as we talk about <em>Triggers<\/em> today, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIf we are going to love our kids, we\u2019ve got to learn what long-suffering looks like, as parents.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here with us. This idea of patience is central to how we shepherd and care for our kids; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; today reminded me of a New Testament professor and scholar, Peter Davids\u2014he wrote, \u201cOne cannot properly claim to follow a Father, who is patient and slow to anger, if one is, himself or herself, impatient and quick to anger,\u201d\u2014which is one reason why the control of anger is such an important topic in the New Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when I was first reminded of that quote, I remember how deflating it was at first. It made me go <em>way<\/em> too introspective, as a parent; but I want us to make sure we hear the point, which is the point we\u2019ve been talking about today. If we are struggling with anger, we can turn to our Father God, who is patient and slow to anger. From that place, let\u2019s take seriously our calling to be empowered by His Spirit living inside of us, as followers of Jesus, to reflect and to mimic Him for our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There is hope; because of His power and His presence that\u2019s been made available to us, and that is the pathway that we will display patience to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we can\u2019t just say: \u201cWell, that\u2019s just who I am. I\u2019m just that kind of person\u201d; because God\u2019s at work, taking us from the kind of people we are to the kind of people we need to be by His Holy Spirit and in His power. Thank you for that, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope our listeners will be back with us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to hear a portion of a conversation that our friend, Ron Deal, had recently with John Ortberg, pastor out in Northern California, talking about where we are all headed\u2014eternity. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305075","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305075"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305075"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305075"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305075"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305075"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305075"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305075"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}