{"id":305071,"date":"2019-06-11T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-06-11T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/facing-the-triggers\/"},"modified":"2019-06-11T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-06-11T10:00:04","slug":"facing-the-triggers","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-triggers\/","title":{"rendered":"Facing the Triggers"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amber Lia and Wendy Speake share that triggers&#8211;whether messiness or a child&#8217;s immaturity&#8211;are really opportunities, and moms must remind themselves that they don&#8217;t have to get angry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:45","filesize":"26.33M","filesize_raw":"27610607","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2838],"tags":[2990,6404,5048,4349,4621,4331,6647],"podcast_series":[8281],"cwp_profile":[9541,9542],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305071","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","tag-anger","tag-encouragement-for-moms","tag-motherhood","tag-self-control","tag-stay-at-home-mom","tag-tips-for-moms","tag-triggers","podcast_series-triggers","cwp_profile-amber-lia","cwp_profile-wendy-speake","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305071\/facing-the-triggers","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305071\/facing-the-triggers","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"BbFjvQxEFv\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-triggers\/\">Facing the Triggers<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-the-triggers\/embed\/#?secret=BbFjvQxEFv\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Facing the Triggers&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"BbFjvQxEFv\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Do you have a strategy for how to deal with triggers?\u2014those times when your buttons get pushed? We\u2019ll help you develop one today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m going to do a little English to\u2014actually Christian to English translation here; okay? Did you know\u2014because, sometimes, Christians speak a different language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Christian-ese. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is the Christian version: \u201cI\u2019m so frustrated by this\u201d; right? What\u2019s the English version of that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m laughing because: \u201cI\u2019m ticked off! I\u2019m really, really mad,\u201d\u2014you can\u2019t say that though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t say, \u201cangry,\u201d if you\u2019re a Christian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; because anger is a sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it isn\u2019t a sin, but many Christians think it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But frustration\u2014it\u2019s kind of like we can use that word, and we just use that as the closet word for: \u201cI\u2019m really angry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m so angry at you!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; but we really\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just so frustrated with this situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m upset.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember this, Bob\u2014when Ann and I got married, we were told by a counselor: \u201cYou can never go to bed angry, because the Bible says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t let the sun go down on your anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, where\u2014\u201c\u2018Don\u2019t let the sun go down\u2026\u2019\u201d I remember\u2014we were in a fight, at about midnight. Ann\u2019s like, \u201cYou can\u2019t go to sleep!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He kept falling asleep. I\u2019m like: \u201cAww! You\u2019re falling asleep\u2014disobeying Scripture!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here is what I said\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cWe started this fight at eight p.m.\u2014the sun was already down\u2014we\u2019ve got until tomorrow night.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve got a couple of frustrated women with us in the studio today. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s an opening! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Three of them, Bob\u2014<em>not us<\/em>\u2014there are three of them in here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ll be in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the way I should have set that up. [Laughter] Amber Lia and Wendy Speake join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good thing I\u2019m here, girls\u2014I\u2019m defending you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You just said you\u2019re angry women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; those are some big credentials right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I\u2019m a bit frustrated that you said I was frustrated. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But we\u2019re going to take a holy pause and not let that get to us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Amber and Wendy have written a book called <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents\u2019 Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. This is a book you wrote out of your own experience of finding yourself frustrated\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think, right now, Bob is the trigger. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Could be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You just triggered something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Could be. You wanted, not only to help yourselves, but then to help other moms get a handle on those things that are triggers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re not all the same for every mom. I mean, some moms can deal with the messy house\u2014i\u2019s no big deal; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; not me. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a problem for you\u2014the messy house? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; very, very overwhelming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Me, too\u2014I\u2019m with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I talk about\u2014if my house feels out of control, and my child comes in and asks for a glass of water, it\u2019s like\u2014he didn\u2019t even do anything wrong\u2014and that was the straw that breaks my back. Sometimes, I can feel just out of control over one thing that has nothing to do with mothering; and while that\u2019s a very exaggerated picture, really, oftentimes, that\u2019s what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2014I mean, we could be on our phones; and our kids act like children. We can\u2019t cope with our ability to respond in kindness, because we\u2019re distracted. I just find a messy home very distracting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll tell you what one of my triggers used to be\u2014was Dave being gone so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We had mentioned, earlier, about kicking the hole in the wall. Here I am\u2014I think our oldest was nine\u2014so they were nine, seven, and four. He had been out of town for quite a few days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Somehow, this sounds like it\u2019s going to be my fault. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No; it\u2019s all about us. We just can\u2019t cope well with it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. My oldest son was doing his homework. He has ADD, so he\u2019s very distracted at the table. His brothers are running around, and I\u2019m doing spelling words with him. As we\u2019re doing spelling words, I keep going over this <em>same<\/em> word\u2014probably <em>20 times<\/em>. I\u2019m getting <em>so<\/em> frustrated, like: \u201cCJ! Pay attention; pay attention.\u201d Finally, I said, one more time, \u201cHow do you spell this word?\u201d He hit somebody, or he was running around. I just went\u2014\u201cERRR!\u201d I was so frustrated, and the wall happened to be there. I just kicked the wall, and my foot went <em>into<\/em> the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Whoops! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of the boys were like, \u201cAww! Mom, we had no idea you were this strong!\u201d [Laughter] The other ones were like, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for Dad to come home to tell him.\u201d I am so humiliated\u2014like I am out of control. I go upstairs; I get that wallpaper, and I cover that hole. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was tempted to say to them: \u201cDon\u2019t tell Dad! Don\u2019t tell the pastor, who is coming in a few minutes\u201d; but I didn\u2019t say that. I didn\u2019t have them lie. Dave came in the door. They were, instantly, on him\u2014said: \u201cDad, you will not believe what happened tonight! Mom kicked a hole in the wall!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was awesome; it was awesome. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well, you know what we could talk about? We could talk about ADHD\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014<em>that<\/em> is a trigger. We could talk about learning disabilities\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014<em>that<\/em> is a trigger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We can talk about stinking math\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2014that alone\u2014I don\u2019t care how good you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It is; it is a real thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> It\u2019s a real thing; it\u2019s a real challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Much of that was displaced\u2014it was displaced anger. It had something to do\u2014another trigger from something else\u2014but it was affecting my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; right. So often, I think that for myself, if I can see the trigger coming, then I can say: \u201cYou know what? We need to do this math,\u201d or \u201c\u2026spelling; but in this environment, it\u2019s not working. So, why don\u2019t you go in your room and work on it? I\u2019m going to get the boys settled with this. I\u2019m going to meet you there.\u201d Like, that\u2019s what a sane person would do; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are you saying\u2014that I was insane? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That is exactly what I\u2019m saying. Oftentimes\u2014when I\u2019m in a <em>moment<\/em> and I can feel it welling up, physically, in me\u2014I honestly feel like\u2014and I am purposefully using present tense, because I can still feel this way\u2014feel like I\u2019m on a train: \u201cI\u2019ve got to go all the way down the track with it, because it is a-pumping\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> But if I let it carry me, I will do damage; so I\u2019ve got to learn that <em>muscular<\/em> fruit of self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYesterday, we talked about the fruit of the Spirit. We spend time with the Lord; He spends time with us\u2014His character rubs off on us; the fruit of His character <em>hangs<\/em> on our lives\u2014but I always find it so strange that the final fruit is the one that I would have put first, because wouldn\u2019t being loving be easier if we just had some self-control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Wouldn\u2019t kindness be easier if we just had some self-control? Wouldn\u2019t joy be easier if we just had some self-control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I\u2019ve learned that I need to slow down, recognize where I am going, and use\/flex that muscular fruit of self-control before I run off at the mouth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask you this: \u201cHow do you do that?\u201d Talk to the mom\u2014or dad\u2014it\u2019s all of us\/it\u2019s all adults and kids\u2014that I\u2019m thinking: \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve read the Bible;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI <em>want<\/em> to apply it. I <em>want<\/em> that self-control fruit; but in this minute right here, I just <em>can\u2019t<\/em> muster it up.\u201d <em>How<\/em> do they get it?\u2014because you\u2019ve got it, but I want to get to where you\u2019ve gotten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> The first thing that is really helpful is to have a shift in your thinking, where we look at these triggers and we think: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to fix them,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve got to <em>remove<\/em> them,\u201d \u201cWe need to handle them,\u201d and \u201cThey are bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like to think of triggers in a more positive light\u2014triggers, really, are opportunities. They are opportunities for me to read some signals from my kids: \u201cHey, looks like they need some more teaching and training in this area.\u201d That\u2019s my job, now, is to do that; so it\u2019s a signal to me. Triggers are, also, opportunities for my kids to, now, <em>receive<\/em> my instruction toward them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s also an opportunity for me, as a mom, to <em>grow<\/em> in the fruit of the Spirit\u2014to grow in self-control. So, when I start thinking of this moment\u2014with my child at the table doing their homework, or the sibling rivalry that I see in front of me, or even my messy house\u2014immediately, my thought is: \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t have to get worked up about this. This is an opportunity. That\u2019s all it is. It\u2019s an opportunity for me, right now, to do the right thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that take time to get there? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; how long? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So\u2014yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean; really, what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I will tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to go from reacting to responding? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; I wish that I could say that moment I had in my house\u2014when I decided I needed to change\u2014that it happened very quickly; but it doesn\u2019t. There is no quick, immediate fix for these issues, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because we are habituated toward angry responses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; we are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s what we\u2019ve done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s our nature. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s reflexive; it\u2019s the flesh in us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that is causing us to respond that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It took me a good six months of just very intentional thinking, and applying these things, and thinking about triggers differently for me to really say, \u201cI am a different person.\u201d That only snowballed the more that we practice right responses with our kids; but that\u2019s key, I think\u2014is recognizing that our triggers\u2014really, they are opportunities. We don\u2019t need to get so upset and worked up about these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, also, like, Wendy said, \u201cMaking a plan\u201d; but some of us\u2014people write to us and go, \u201cBut I am angry over the messy room, and the backtalk, and the whining; and I\u2019m all alone, because my husband works a lot,\u201d\u2014and it\u2019s overwhelming! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Too many things to correct at once; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So, take <em>one<\/em> thing\u2014that\u2019s what I did. I started with one issue: \u201cWhat\u2019s my biggest trigger? What\u2019s my issue that I\u2019m dealing with the most?\u201d I talk about how it takes a childhood to raise a child. It\u2019s going to take a parenthood\u2014Wendy says\u2014also, to learn how to parent well. Give yourself patience\u2014take one thing at a time; don\u2019t get overwhelmed. There might be four or five things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was a teacher, I would get a student\u2019s essay; and there were 20 things wrong with it. There were mechanical errors, and they didn\u2019t stay on topic; they didn\u2019t indent; and these words were not capitalized. If I had taken my red pen and I had slathered all over it every little thing that was wrong, I would have crushed those teenagers. I purposely would take one or two things that I felt were the biggest things that they needed to work on; and then I would teach, train, and coach them in that direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do that with our kids and with ourselves, too. Take that one thing that is most immediate. Don\u2019t get overwhelmed\u2014you\u2019ve got a childhood to work on this. It\u2019s always going to be changing; because as soon as the kids age and they reach another stage, the script flips on you; and you have to learn something new. So, be patient. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Parents could take the Table of Contents in your book, and they can go, \u201cOkay; let\u2019s just read through this, and let\u2019s put a checkmark by the ones that are triggers for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo, lying and deceit: you know, we\u2019re okay; our kids aren\u2019t liars\u2014so we don\u2019t have to worry about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cManipulation: no; that\u2019s not\u2014video game addiction: okay; now, that\u2019s one for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Ding, ding, ding, ding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo, what do we do on that one?\u201d You identify five or six, and then you say, \u201cLet\u2019s make June\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cvideo game addiction month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s address that one for this month\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand see if we can make some progress there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, that\u2019s what it looked like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you just spend a month on one of those things? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes\u2014or longer\u2014I tell people that, too: \u201cLet it take as long as it takes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We still do this; you know, we\u2019re not done\u2014not just with our sanctification process in this regard\u2014but our children keep growing up into new stages. Then, some of our children are not growing out of old stages, no matter how much we\u2019ve done our\u2014what we thought was pretty good parenting, if you asked us! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, okay\u2014because I think one of <em>my<\/em> biggest triggers is the tendency to be so disappointed that they haven\u2019t learned yet: \u201cWhy are you still immature?\u201d My maturity is put to the test; [Laughter] because I will join them in the immaturity, because I\u2019m so frazzled that they are still immature. Instead, I say: \u201cYou know what? This kid still struggles with things that I think he should have learned at three and four years old. He just turned thirteen; what does that mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, to what Amber said, that she had to make that specific paradigm shift in her thinking, which is: \u201cTriggers are opportunities.\u201d I see it, oftentimes, when my husband is parenting, where my kids are doing something so blatantly wrong. He gets angry; but I\u2019m on the outside\u2014I say: \u201cMatt, all they are doing is telling you they need you to do some more parenting. That\u2019s what they are doing. It\u2019s an opportunity for you to teach them what they have not mastered yet.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m able to look at my kid, that is still struggling with his morning routine and say, \u201cRemember that poster\/that sticker board we had in the mornings, when you were in preschool, about making your bed, and brushing your teeth, and getting dressed, and picking up your towel?\u201d \u201cYes; that was a <em>great<\/em> sticker board. Could you make me one of those?!\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cYou are 13. You have <em>got<\/em> to be kidding me.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did it work? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> But I took a moment and said: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not going to draw a picture of your bed, [Laughter] because you can read that word now; but yes; I can do that.\u201d I made a plan just on that one thing. Are there a billion other things to nag them about?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014yes; but I think that this one thing will, not only set him up for success in other areas, it changed the temperature in our home for other kids, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you\u2019re really choosing one for each child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> You can; you can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Would you do that?\u2014would you have that going on? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Or choose one for yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You know what? I\u2019m responding with a really loud voice. My kid\u2014I\u2019m just going to pretend like I have laryngitis. I\u2019m going to tell them ahead of time: \u201cGuys, because I can\u2019t get a handle on my volume, I\u2019m going to be speaking really soft. It\u2019s going to seem so silly. You can laugh at me if you want, but I\u2019m going to be practicing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell my kids, when I\u2019m practicing a new behavior for myself: \u201cI\u2019m going to try touching you more and looking you in the eyes. The response that I\u2019d like to see from you is that you come to the table,\u201d \u201cThe response that I\u2019d like to see from you is that you listen to me and you\u2019re willing to go remedy your relationship with your brother.\u201d My yelling isn\u2019t working, so I just want to apologize that I\u2019ve taught you that you only need to obey me when I yell. I\u2019m going to do something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Sometimes, you don\u2019t know what to say or what to do in those moments. We hear from a lot of readers, who say, \u201cOkay; well, that sounds great. I know I need to take this one thing and work on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cBut what do I say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut what do I say?\u2014and what do I do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd like Wendy just shared, with that example with her son\u2014not realizing that that chart was like the thing that would help him again\u2014this is why it\u2019s so important to be abiding and even just taking a small portion of Scripture at a time and focusing on it, because the Bible tells us that the Scripture is profitable\/that it is useful; right? But it also tells us that God will give us wisdom when we ask Him. If we ask for wisdom, He will give it to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and it says <em>generously<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014generously\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; James 1. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014without finding fault. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, boy, an angry mom needs to know <em>that<\/em>: \u201cHe is not going to find fault with me. He <em>wants<\/em> to give me wisdom.\u201d It\u2019s this idea of discernment\/of intuitively knowing, through the Holy Spirit prompting us: \u201cThis is the thing that you should do. This is the way. Walk in it.\u201d It really does <em>work<\/em>; Scripture works! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It really does fit our lifestyles. So, I\u2014we say\u2014Wendy and I give lots of practical tips and suggestions in our books; but even if you didn\u2019t have those books, you have the God of the universe, who\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014is on your side; He is <em>for<\/em> you. Do you think that He\u2019s going to give you these precious children and then say, \u201cYou\u2019re on your own, sister;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cGood luck.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cgood luck. Yes; hope it works out okay.\u201d <em>No<\/em>; He is <em>our<\/em> Gather\u2014He\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> Father; He\u2019s our perfect model\u2014He\u2019s, absolutely, in those moments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could be standing there, not knowing what to do\u2014and sometimes, it\u2019s just these little prayers throughout the day: \u201cLord, I don\u2019t know what to do in this situation with my son right now; and I can\u2019t recall what that book said; but I know <em>You<\/em>, and I know that You are here to help me, and that You say that You are an ever present help in trouble. I\u2019m in a little bit of trouble here; and I think my kid is, too. Could you help us?\u201d He\u2014time, and time, and time again\u2014gives me insight: \u201cHere is a practical thing to do next, Amber. Here\u2019s something that you could say that would be a blessing to your child.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, you\u2019re in constant communication with God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014during the day? As moms, especially if you\u2019re a mom at home\u2014and you have kids at home with you\u2014sometimes, your kids aren\u2019t napping. It\u2019s hard to find that breath\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014to even spend; but you are in constant communion with Him\u2014talking, praying, asking for wisdom as the day goes on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cLord, help me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Not\u2014\u201cLORD, HELP ME!\u201d but\u2014\u201cLord, help me.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He hears that prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Amber:<\/strong> He does, and He is faithful to answer that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> that you talk about wisdom. He says, \u201cCome to Me\u201d; right? \u201cYou will seek Me, and you will find Me when you seek Me with your heart.\u201d Doesn\u2019t our heart beat toward knowing what to do with our kids because we love them so much? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you guys dug into say, \u201cWhat\u2019s behind all of this anger?\u201d We talked a little bit about this\u2014but: \u201cWhat is the idol of my heart\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat needs to be addressed?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, I love that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I think that there are few; but I think for many of us is a self-love that just has to be laid aside, especially for this season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we can recognize that that\u2019s at the root, it does help us, now, to be able to say: \u201cThis isn\u2019t just a behavior modification technique we\u2019re dealing with. We\u2019re dealing with something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat\u2019s spiritually rooted in us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> A lot of us\u2014also, I think, it\u2019s that shame piece, again\u2014that we\u2019re not being mentored in this issue, largely, because\u2014I would have <em>never<\/em> gone to the women at my church or in my small group at that time and said: \u201cHey, I\u2019m just really yelling at my kids a lot, and this is what I said to him the other day. He was so sad, and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing,\u201d\u2014it would take a lot of humility to do that. I\u2019m so impressed with the people that can be humble and do that; I was not in that humble state, early on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not really talking very much about this issue, so we\u2019re not really addressing it much; and we\u2019re not mentoring\u2014especially, young moms. I was a babysitter and a nanny, for years, before I had my own children. Then, my kids came along. It caught me by surprise\u2014my anger and frustration. I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em> have somebody in my life I felt like I could talk about this with honesty\u2014the shame was too great. I think that keeps us from addressing it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s been one of, I think, our greatest joys\u2014for Wendy and [me]\u2014is to try to destigmatize this issue and allow moms to be able to finally come forward and say, \u201cThis is an issue.\u201d We\u2019re so caught off guard by our expectations; we don\u2019t realize how hard it is to be a mom. We focus on all the good things about being a parent before we have kids; we don\u2019t realize how hard and challenging it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I think that word you just used\u2014\u201cexpectations\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014that can be a core\/root issue\u2014is our expectations aren\u2019t healthy. We come into parenting, and we want\u2014we see happy tuck-ins; and we see pictures with matching clothes; we see sitting at the table\u2014[Laughter]\u2014then, the reality is <em>so vastly<\/em> different that it\u2019s hard to not take it personally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I have often said is: \u201cOftentimes, I feel like a victim\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cas though someone is <em>doing<\/em> something to me.\u201d I say that my mantra\/my reminder to myself is: \u201cI\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a victim. I\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a martyr; I\u2019m a mom. I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a victim; I\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> When we change our <em>mind<\/em> about being present to help our children through the reality\u2014not claw our way through what our expectations were and try to piece it together with a whole lot of yelling, and shaming, and tears\u2014ours and theirs\u2014but learn to embrace the reality of what God\u2019s given us, and find Him at work, and allow Him to use us in what He is doing\u2014what a joy that is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, do you think you would have used this if you would have had this book? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I would have used this so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that\u2019s very beautiful is your relationship with one another. I think this is really key for women\u2014is to have a relationship with other women because, one, we\u2019re lonely. It feels like the enemy\u2014we\u2019re hearing lies in our head\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014lies about how bad we are, as mothers,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about how we\u2019re destroying our children. We can get lost in that,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and the guilt and the shame from that can be overwhelming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But when you go, and you get locked into a Bible-teaching church, they have M.O.P.S. groups, and mom\u2019s groups,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s very good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and groups where, hopefully, women can be themselves and share, \u201cI need help in this area.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014their real struggles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s what I think is beautiful between the two of you\u2014that you can pray together, that you can encourage one another, that you\u2019re lifting each other up and reminding each other: \u201cKeep going. God is with you. He is giving you what you need.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That was a long time coming; you know? For those of you, who are saying, \u201cI don\u2019t have that person in my life,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cI want that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014I want you to know I went for a lot of years without that in my life. It wasn\u2019t until later that, you know, that I found my Wendy. [Laughter] God brought that along. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when you find it, and you\u2019ve got it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014you latch on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it makes <em>all<\/em> the difference in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> And it does; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And don\u2019t miss this: \u201cGuys need it, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt isn\u2019t just women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe need other guys in our lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sometimes, all it takes is one mom having the courage to say, \u201cHere is what I am struggling with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right; it does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cFirst of all, I want to be your friend; because we can go through this journey together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe, you get a group of moms at your church\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to recommend it at our church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and you say: \u201cI heard about this book on the radio, <em>Triggers<\/em>,\u201d and \u201cI thought maybe this is something we could all go through together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, this week, we\u2019re making copies of the book available to anyone who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation. Your support of this ministry is vital for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to continue to be heard in your community and in cities all across the country. All that we do, here, at FamilyLife happens because you make it happen when you support the work we\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith a donation this week, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents\u2019 Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Just request the book when you do either one. Again, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, most of the time when we come face to face with the reality of our sinful reaction to relationships, we get discouraged; but there is reason for us to be encouraged, even in the midst of the challenge. With the struggle, there\u2019s blessing alongside that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins is here with me\u2014the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. God\u2019s at work in the midst of our struggles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, those triggers are opportunities to trust God\u2014just like you say, Bob. That kind of sounds hollow when it comes out of my mouth and I reflect on it, but I think there is wisdom there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of the Scottish pastor named Samuel Rutherford who, hundreds of years ago, was reflecting on his counseling of his parishioners, who had struggled with sin, and suffering, and loss. I\u2019m paraphrasing; but the core of his message was: \u201cWhen we are being triggered\u2014and battling our sin, and our sinful nature, and when we encounter how desperate we are in our finiteness, as a human\u2014those are the times that Jesus comes to our bedside and sits next to us and says, \u201cI am your salvation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes on; and Rutherford says, reflecting on his own personal challenges in his own life\u2014which he had a long, challenging life in a lot of ways\u2014he says, \u201cI\u2019d rather have that experience of struggle than to be strong all my days but <em>never<\/em> be visited by God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThough some days, as a parent, are a real struggle\u2014and the ways we are triggered by our kids can drive us crazy and make us see our sin and wonder, \u201cWill we ever really change?\u201d\u2014they can, also, drive us to experience God, Himself, and to encounter the Healer, Himself, and His Word for <em>real<\/em> transformation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In our weakness, He is made strong; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope our listeners can join us back, again, tomorrow. Amber and Wendy are going to be here, again, to talk about how our kids trigger us but how we can learn not to get triggered, as easily, as parents. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:45"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.33M"],"filesize_raw":["27610607"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305071.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305071.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Lia and Wendy Speake share that triggers--whether messiness or a child's immaturity--are really opportunities, and moms must remind themselves that they don't have to get angry.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, June 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Do you have a strategy for how to deal with triggers?\u2014those times when your buttons get pushed? We\u2019ll help you develop one today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m going to do a little English to\u2014actually Christian to English translation here; okay? Did you know\u2014because, sometimes, Christians speak a different language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Christian-ese. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is the Christian version: \u201cI\u2019m so frustrated by this\u201d; right? What\u2019s the English version of that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m laughing because: \u201cI\u2019m ticked off! I\u2019m really, really mad,\u201d\u2014you can\u2019t say that though. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t say, \u201cangry,\u201d if you\u2019re a Christian. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; because anger is a sin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> But it isn\u2019t a sin, but many Christians think it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But frustration\u2014it\u2019s kind of like we can use that word, and we just use that as the closet word for: \u201cI\u2019m really angry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m so angry at you!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; but we really\u2014\u201cI\u2019m just so frustrated with this situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m upset.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember this, Bob\u2014when Ann and I got married, we were told by a counselor: \u201cYou can never go to bed angry, because the Bible says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t let the sun go down on your anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, where\u2014\u201c\u2018Don\u2019t let the sun go down\u2026\u2019\u201d I remember\u2014we were in a fight, at about midnight. Ann\u2019s like, \u201cYou can\u2019t go to sleep!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He kept falling asleep. I\u2019m like: \u201cAww! You\u2019re falling asleep\u2014disobeying Scripture!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here is what I said\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cWe started this fight at eight p.m.\u2014the sun was already down\u2014we\u2019ve got until tomorrow night.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve got a couple of frustrated women with us in the studio today. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s an opening! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Three of them, Bob\u2014<em>not us<\/em>\u2014there are three of them in here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ll be in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the way I should have set that up. [Laughter] Amber Lia and Wendy Speake join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good thing I\u2019m here, girls\u2014I\u2019m defending you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You just said you\u2019re angry women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; those are some big credentials right there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I\u2019m a bit frustrated that you said I was frustrated. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But we\u2019re going to take a holy pause and not let that get to us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Amber and Wendy have written a book called <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents\u2019 Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. This is a book you wrote out of your own experience of finding yourself frustrated\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think, right now, Bob is the trigger. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Could be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You just triggered something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Could be. You wanted, not only to help yourselves, but then to help other moms get a handle on those things that are triggers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> They\u2019re not all the same for every mom. I mean, some moms can deal with the messy house\u2014i\u2019s no big deal; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; not me. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a problem for you\u2014the messy house? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; very, very overwhelming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Me, too\u2014I\u2019m with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I talk about\u2014if my house feels out of control, and my child comes in and asks for a glass of water, it\u2019s like\u2014he didn\u2019t even do anything wrong\u2014and that was the straw that breaks my back. Sometimes, I can feel just out of control over one thing that has nothing to do with mothering; and while that\u2019s a very exaggerated picture, really, oftentimes, that\u2019s what\u2019s going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2014I mean, we could be on our phones; and our kids act like children. We can\u2019t cope with our ability to respond in kindness, because we\u2019re distracted. I just find a messy home very distracting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll tell you what one of my triggers used to be\u2014was Dave being gone so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We had mentioned, earlier, about kicking the hole in the wall. Here I am\u2014I think our oldest was nine\u2014so they were nine, seven, and four. He had been out of town for quite a few days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Somehow, this sounds like it\u2019s going to be my fault. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> No; it\u2019s all about us. We just can\u2019t cope well with it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly. My oldest son was doing his homework. He has ADD, so he\u2019s very distracted at the table. His brothers are running around, and I\u2019m doing spelling words with him. As we\u2019re doing spelling words, I keep going over this <em>same<\/em> word\u2014probably <em>20 times<\/em>. I\u2019m getting <em>so<\/em> frustrated, like: \u201cCJ! Pay attention; pay attention.\u201d Finally, I said, one more time, \u201cHow do you spell this word?\u201d He hit somebody, or he was running around. I just went\u2014\u201cERRR!\u201d I was so frustrated, and the wall happened to be there. I just kicked the wall, and my foot went <em>into<\/em> the wall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Whoops! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of the boys were like, \u201cAww! Mom, we had no idea you were this strong!\u201d [Laughter] The other ones were like, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for Dad to come home to tell him.\u201d I am so humiliated\u2014like I am out of control. I go upstairs; I get that wallpaper, and I cover that hole. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was tempted to say to them: \u201cDon\u2019t tell Dad! Don\u2019t tell the pastor, who is coming in a few minutes\u201d; but I didn\u2019t say that. I didn\u2019t have them lie. Dave came in the door. They were, instantly, on him\u2014said: \u201cDad, you will not believe what happened tonight! Mom kicked a hole in the wall!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was awesome; it was awesome. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Well, you know what we could talk about? We could talk about ADHD\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014<em>that<\/em> is a trigger. We could talk about learning disabilities\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014<em>that<\/em> is a trigger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We can talk about stinking math\u2014[Laughter]\u2014that\u2014that alone\u2014I don\u2019t care how good you are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It is; it is a real thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> It\u2019s a real thing; it\u2019s a real challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Much of that was displaced\u2014it was displaced anger. It had something to do\u2014another trigger from something else\u2014but it was affecting my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; right. So often, I think that for myself, if I can see the trigger coming, then I can say: \u201cYou know what? We need to do this math,\u201d or \u201c\u2026spelling; but in this environment, it\u2019s not working. So, why don\u2019t you go in your room and work on it? I\u2019m going to get the boys settled with this. I\u2019m going to meet you there.\u201d Like, that\u2019s what a sane person would do; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are you saying\u2014that I was insane? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> That is exactly what I\u2019m saying. Oftentimes\u2014when I\u2019m in a <em>moment<\/em> and I can feel it welling up, physically, in me\u2014I honestly feel like\u2014and I am purposefully using present tense, because I can still feel this way\u2014feel like I\u2019m on a train: \u201cI\u2019ve got to go all the way down the track with it, because it is a-pumping\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> But if I let it carry me, I will do damage; so I\u2019ve got to learn that <em>muscular<\/em> fruit of self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYesterday, we talked about the fruit of the Spirit. We spend time with the Lord; He spends time with us\u2014His character rubs off on us; the fruit of His character <em>hangs<\/em> on our lives\u2014but I always find it so strange that the final fruit is the one that I would have put first, because wouldn\u2019t being loving be easier if we just had some self-control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Wouldn\u2019t kindness be easier if we just had some self-control? Wouldn\u2019t joy be easier if we just had some self-control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I\u2019ve learned that I need to slow down, recognize where I am going, and use\/flex that muscular fruit of self-control before I run off at the mouth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask you this: \u201cHow do you do that?\u201d Talk to the mom\u2014or dad\u2014it\u2019s all of us\/it\u2019s all adults and kids\u2014that I\u2019m thinking: \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve read the Bible;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI <em>want<\/em> to apply it. I <em>want<\/em> that self-control fruit; but in this minute right here, I just <em>can\u2019t<\/em> muster it up.\u201d <em>How<\/em> do they get it?\u2014because you\u2019ve got it, but I want to get to where you\u2019ve gotten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> The first thing that is really helpful is to have a shift in your thinking, where we look at these triggers and we think: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to fix them,\u201d \u201cWe\u2019ve got to <em>remove<\/em> them,\u201d \u201cWe need to handle them,\u201d and \u201cThey are bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like to think of triggers in a more positive light\u2014triggers, really, are opportunities. They are opportunities for me to read some signals from my kids: \u201cHey, looks like they need some more teaching and training in this area.\u201d That\u2019s my job, now, is to do that; so it\u2019s a signal to me. Triggers are, also, opportunities for my kids to, now, <em>receive<\/em> my instruction toward them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s also an opportunity for me, as a mom, to <em>grow<\/em> in the fruit of the Spirit\u2014to grow in self-control. So, when I start thinking of this moment\u2014with my child at the table doing their homework, or the sibling rivalry that I see in front of me, or even my messy house\u2014immediately, my thought is: \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t have to get worked up about this. This is an opportunity. That\u2019s all it is. It\u2019s an opportunity for me, right now, to do the right thing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that take time to get there? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; how long? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So\u2014yes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean; really, what\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> I will tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to go from reacting to responding? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; I wish that I could say that moment I had in my house\u2014when I decided I needed to change\u2014that it happened very quickly; but it doesn\u2019t. There is no quick, immediate fix for these issues, really. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because we are habituated toward angry responses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; we are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s what we\u2019ve done. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s our nature. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s reflexive; it\u2019s the flesh in us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that is causing us to respond that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It took me a good six months of just very intentional thinking, and applying these things, and thinking about triggers differently for me to really say, \u201cI am a different person.\u201d That only snowballed the more that we practice right responses with our kids; but that\u2019s key, I think\u2014is recognizing that our triggers\u2014really, they are opportunities. We don\u2019t need to get so upset and worked up about these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, also, like, Wendy said, \u201cMaking a plan\u201d; but some of us\u2014people write to us and go, \u201cBut I am angry over the messy room, and the backtalk, and the whining; and I\u2019m all alone, because my husband works a lot,\u201d\u2014and it\u2019s overwhelming! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Too many things to correct at once; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> So, take <em>one<\/em> thing\u2014that\u2019s what I did. I started with one issue: \u201cWhat\u2019s my biggest trigger? What\u2019s my issue that I\u2019m dealing with the most?\u201d I talk about how it takes a childhood to raise a child. It\u2019s going to take a parenthood\u2014Wendy says\u2014also, to learn how to parent well. Give yourself patience\u2014take one thing at a time; don\u2019t get overwhelmed. There might be four or five things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I was a teacher, I would get a student\u2019s essay; and there were 20 things wrong with it. There were mechanical errors, and they didn\u2019t stay on topic; they didn\u2019t indent; and these words were not capitalized. If I had taken my red pen and I had slathered all over it every little thing that was wrong, I would have crushed those teenagers. I purposely would take one or two things that I felt were the biggest things that they needed to work on; and then I would teach, train, and coach them in that direction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do that with our kids and with ourselves, too. Take that one thing that is most immediate. Don\u2019t get overwhelmed\u2014you\u2019ve got a childhood to work on this. It\u2019s always going to be changing; because as soon as the kids age and they reach another stage, the script flips on you; and you have to learn something new. So, be patient. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Parents could take the Table of Contents in your book, and they can go, \u201cOkay; let\u2019s just read through this, and let\u2019s put a checkmark by the ones that are triggers for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo, lying and deceit: you know, we\u2019re okay; our kids aren\u2019t liars\u2014so we don\u2019t have to worry about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cManipulation: no; that\u2019s not\u2014video game addiction: okay; now, that\u2019s one for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Ding, ding, ding, ding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cSo, what do we do on that one?\u201d You identify five or six, and then you say, \u201cLet\u2019s make June\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cvideo game addiction month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s address that one for this month\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand see if we can make some progress there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, that\u2019s what it looked like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you just spend a month on one of those things? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes\u2014or longer\u2014I tell people that, too: \u201cLet it take as long as it takes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> We still do this; you know, we\u2019re not done\u2014not just with our sanctification process in this regard\u2014but our children keep growing up into new stages. Then, some of our children are not growing out of old stages, no matter how much we\u2019ve done our\u2014what we thought was pretty good parenting, if you asked us! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, okay\u2014because I think one of <em>my<\/em> biggest triggers is the tendency to be so disappointed that they haven\u2019t learned yet: \u201cWhy are you still immature?\u201d My maturity is put to the test; [Laughter] because I will join them in the immaturity, because I\u2019m so frazzled that they are still immature. Instead, I say: \u201cYou know what? This kid still struggles with things that I think he should have learned at three and four years old. He just turned thirteen; what does that mean?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, to what Amber said, that she had to make that specific paradigm shift in her thinking, which is: \u201cTriggers are opportunities.\u201d I see it, oftentimes, when my husband is parenting, where my kids are doing something so blatantly wrong. He gets angry; but I\u2019m on the outside\u2014I say: \u201cMatt, all they are doing is telling you they need you to do some more parenting. That\u2019s what they are doing. It\u2019s an opportunity for you to teach them what they have not mastered yet.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m able to look at my kid, that is still struggling with his morning routine and say, \u201cRemember that poster\/that sticker board we had in the mornings, when you were in preschool, about making your bed, and brushing your teeth, and getting dressed, and picking up your towel?\u201d \u201cYes; that was a <em>great<\/em> sticker board. Could you make me one of those?!\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cYou are 13. You have <em>got<\/em> to be kidding me.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did it work? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> But I took a moment and said: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m not going to draw a picture of your bed, [Laughter] because you can read that word now; but yes; I can do that.\u201d I made a plan just on that one thing. Are there a billion other things to nag them about?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014yes; but I think that this one thing will, not only set him up for success in other areas, it changed the temperature in our home for other kids, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you\u2019re really choosing one for each child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> You can; you can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Would you do that?\u2014would you have that going on? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Or choose one for yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> You know what? I\u2019m responding with a really loud voice. My kid\u2014I\u2019m just going to pretend like I have laryngitis. I\u2019m going to tell them ahead of time: \u201cGuys, because I can\u2019t get a handle on my volume, I\u2019m going to be speaking really soft. It\u2019s going to seem so silly. You can laugh at me if you want, but I\u2019m going to be practicing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell my kids, when I\u2019m practicing a new behavior for myself: \u201cI\u2019m going to try touching you more and looking you in the eyes. The response that I\u2019d like to see from you is that you come to the table,\u201d \u201cThe response that I\u2019d like to see from you is that you listen to me and you\u2019re willing to go remedy your relationship with your brother.\u201d My yelling isn\u2019t working, so I just want to apologize that I\u2019ve taught you that you only need to obey me when I yell. I\u2019m going to do something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Sometimes, you don\u2019t know what to say or what to do in those moments. We hear from a lot of readers, who say, \u201cOkay; well, that sounds great. I know I need to take this one thing and work on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cBut what do I say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut what do I say?\u2014and what do I do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd like Wendy just shared, with that example with her son\u2014not realizing that that chart was like the thing that would help him again\u2014this is why it\u2019s so important to be abiding and even just taking a small portion of Scripture at a time and focusing on it, because the Bible tells us that the Scripture is profitable\/that it is useful; right? But it also tells us that God will give us wisdom when we ask Him. If we ask for wisdom, He will give it to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and it says <em>generously<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014generously\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; James 1. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014without finding fault. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, boy, an angry mom needs to know <em>that<\/em>: \u201cHe is not going to find fault with me. He <em>wants<\/em> to give me wisdom.\u201d It\u2019s this idea of discernment\/of intuitively knowing, through the Holy Spirit prompting us: \u201cThis is the thing that you should do. This is the way. Walk in it.\u201d It really does <em>work<\/em>; Scripture works! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It really does fit our lifestyles. So, I\u2014we say\u2014Wendy and I give lots of practical tips and suggestions in our books; but even if you didn\u2019t have those books, you have the God of the universe, who\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014is on your side; He is <em>for<\/em> you. Do you think that He\u2019s going to give you these precious children and then say, \u201cYou\u2019re on your own, sister;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cGood luck.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cgood luck. Yes; hope it works out okay.\u201d <em>No<\/em>; He is <em>our<\/em> Gather\u2014He\u2019s a <em>good<\/em> Father; He\u2019s our perfect model\u2014He\u2019s, absolutely, in those moments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could be standing there, not knowing what to do\u2014and sometimes, it\u2019s just these little prayers throughout the day: \u201cLord, I don\u2019t know what to do in this situation with my son right now; and I can\u2019t recall what that book said; but I know <em>You<\/em>, and I know that You are here to help me, and that You say that You are an ever present help in trouble. I\u2019m in a little bit of trouble here; and I think my kid is, too. Could you help us?\u201d He\u2014time, and time, and time again\u2014gives me insight: \u201cHere is a practical thing to do next, Amber. Here\u2019s something that you could say that would be a blessing to your child.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, you\u2019re in constant communication with God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014during the day? As moms, especially if you\u2019re a mom at home\u2014and you have kids at home with you\u2014sometimes, your kids aren\u2019t napping. It\u2019s hard to find that breath\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014to even spend; but you are in constant communion with Him\u2014talking, praying, asking for wisdom as the day goes on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cLord, help me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Not\u2014\u201cLORD, HELP ME!\u201d but\u2014\u201cLord, help me.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He hears that prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Amber:<\/strong> He does, and He is faithful to answer that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> that you talk about wisdom. He says, \u201cCome to Me\u201d; right? \u201cYou will seek Me, and you will find Me when you seek Me with your heart.\u201d Doesn\u2019t our heart beat toward knowing what to do with our kids because we love them so much? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you guys dug into say, \u201cWhat\u2019s behind all of this anger?\u201d We talked a little bit about this\u2014but: \u201cWhat is the idol of my heart\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat needs to be addressed?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Oh, I love that question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I think that there are few; but I think for many of us is a self-love that just has to be laid aside, especially for this season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we can recognize that that\u2019s at the root, it does help us, now, to be able to say: \u201cThis isn\u2019t just a behavior modification technique we\u2019re dealing with. We\u2019re dealing with something\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat\u2019s spiritually rooted in us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> A lot of us\u2014also, I think, it\u2019s that shame piece, again\u2014that we\u2019re not being mentored in this issue, largely, because\u2014I would have <em>never<\/em> gone to the women at my church or in my small group at that time and said: \u201cHey, I\u2019m just really yelling at my kids a lot, and this is what I said to him the other day. He was so sad, and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing,\u201d\u2014it would take a lot of humility to do that. I\u2019m so impressed with the people that can be humble and do that; I was not in that humble state, early on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re not really talking very much about this issue, so we\u2019re not really addressing it much; and we\u2019re not mentoring\u2014especially, young moms. I was a babysitter and a nanny, for years, before I had my own children. Then, my kids came along. It caught me by surprise\u2014my anger and frustration. I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em> have somebody in my life I felt like I could talk about this with honesty\u2014the shame was too great. I think that keeps us from addressing it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s been one of, I think, our greatest joys\u2014for Wendy and [me]\u2014is to try to destigmatize this issue and allow moms to be able to finally come forward and say, \u201cThis is an issue.\u201d We\u2019re so caught off guard by our expectations; we don\u2019t realize how hard it is to be a mom. We focus on all the good things about being a parent before we have kids; we don\u2019t realize how hard and challenging it really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> I think that word you just used\u2014\u201cexpectations\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014that can be a core\/root issue\u2014is our expectations aren\u2019t healthy. We come into parenting, and we want\u2014we see happy tuck-ins; and we see pictures with matching clothes; we see sitting at the table\u2014[Laughter]\u2014then, the reality is <em>so vastly<\/em> different that it\u2019s hard to not take it personally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I have often said is: \u201cOftentimes, I feel like a victim\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cas though someone is <em>doing<\/em> something to me.\u201d I say that my mantra\/my reminder to myself is: \u201cI\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a victim. I\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a martyr; I\u2019m a mom. I\u2019m <em>not<\/em> a victim; I\u2019m a mom.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> When we change our <em>mind<\/em> about being present to help our children through the reality\u2014not claw our way through what our expectations were and try to piece it together with a whole lot of yelling, and shaming, and tears\u2014ours and theirs\u2014but learn to embrace the reality of what God\u2019s given us, and find Him at work, and allow Him to use us in what He is doing\u2014what a joy that is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, do you think you would have used this if you would have had this book? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I would have used this so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that\u2019s very beautiful is your relationship with one another. I think this is really key for women\u2014is to have a relationship with other women because, one, we\u2019re lonely. It feels like the enemy\u2014we\u2019re hearing lies in our head\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014lies about how bad we are, as mothers,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about how we\u2019re destroying our children. We can get lost in that,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and the guilt and the shame from that can be overwhelming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But when you go, and you get locked into a Bible-teaching church, they have M.O.P.S. groups, and mom\u2019s groups,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> It\u2019s very good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and groups where, hopefully, women can be themselves and share, \u201cI need help in this area.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014their real struggles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s what I think is beautiful between the two of you\u2014that you can pray together, that you can encourage one another, that you\u2019re lifting each other up and reminding each other: \u201cKeep going. God is with you. He is giving you what you need.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That was a long time coming; you know? For those of you, who are saying, \u201cI don\u2019t have that person in my life,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Right; \u201cI want that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014I want you to know I went for a lot of years without that in my life. It wasn\u2019t until later that, you know, that I found my Wendy. [Laughter] God brought that along. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when you find it, and you\u2019ve got it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> \u2014you latch on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it makes <em>all<\/em> the difference in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> And it does; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And don\u2019t miss this: \u201cGuys need it, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cIt isn\u2019t just women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWe need other guys in our lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sometimes, all it takes is one mom having the courage to say, \u201cHere is what I am struggling with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wendy:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> Right; it does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cFirst of all, I want to be your friend; because we can go through this journey together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Amber:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe, you get a group of moms at your church\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to recommend it at our church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and you say: \u201cI heard about this book on the radio, <em>Triggers<\/em>,\u201d and \u201cI thought maybe this is something we could all go through together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, this week, we\u2019re making copies of the book available to anyone who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation. Your support of this ministry is vital for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to continue to be heard in your community and in cities all across the country. All that we do, here, at FamilyLife happens because you make it happen when you support the work we\u2019re doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith a donation this week, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of <em>Triggers: Exchanging Parents\u2019 Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Just request the book when you do either one. Again, donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, most of the time when we come face to face with the reality of our sinful reaction to relationships, we get discouraged; but there is reason for us to be encouraged, even in the midst of the challenge. With the struggle, there\u2019s blessing alongside that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid Robbins is here with me\u2014the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. God\u2019s at work in the midst of our struggles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, those triggers are opportunities to trust God\u2014just like you say, Bob. That kind of sounds hollow when it comes out of my mouth and I reflect on it, but I think there is wisdom there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of the Scottish pastor named Samuel Rutherford who, hundreds of years ago, was reflecting on his counseling of his parishioners, who had struggled with sin, and suffering, and loss. I\u2019m paraphrasing; but the core of his message was: \u201cWhen we are being triggered\u2014and battling our sin, and our sinful nature, and when we encounter how desperate we are in our finiteness, as a human\u2014those are the times that Jesus comes to our bedside and sits next to us and says, \u201cI am your salvation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes on; and Rutherford says, reflecting on his own personal challenges in his own life\u2014which he had a long, challenging life in a lot of ways\u2014he says, \u201cI\u2019d rather have that experience of struggle than to be strong all my days but <em>never<\/em> be visited by God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThough some days, as a parent, are a real struggle\u2014and the ways we are triggered by our kids can drive us crazy and make us see our sin and wonder, \u201cWill we ever really change?\u201d\u2014they can, also, drive us to experience God, Himself, and to encounter the Healer, Himself, and His Word for <em>real<\/em> transformation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In our weakness, He is made strong; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope our listeners can join us back, again, tomorrow. Amber and Wendy are going to be here, again, to talk about how our kids trigger us but how we can learn not to get triggered, as easily, as parents. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305071","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305071"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305071"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305071"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305071"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305071"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305071"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305071"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}