{"id":305063,"date":"2019-06-06T14:25:54","date_gmt":"2019-06-06T18:25:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-to-look-for\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T23:35:50","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T03:35:50","slug":"what-to-look-for","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-look-for\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Look For"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ben Stuart remembers the season he took a &#8220;time out&#8221; from the dating scene to focus on the Lord and recover emotionally after his parents&#8217; divorce. Ben talks about the purpose for singleness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-06.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:54","filesize":"24.63M","filesize_raw":"25822893","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848,2814],"tags":[6645,4018,2926],"podcast_series":[8280],"cwp_profile":[9081],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305063","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","category-releasing-your-child","tag-adult-children-of-divorce","tag-dating","tag-singles","podcast_series-single-dating-engaged-married","cwp_profile-ben-stuart","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305063\/what-to-look-for","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305063\/what-to-look-for","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fmzf1PUTO1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-look-for\/\">What to Look For<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-look-for\/embed\/#?secret=fmzf1PUTO1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What to Look For&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fmzf1PUTO1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You might say it takes a village to form strong, healthy, permanent marriage relationships. We\u2019ll talk more with Ben Stuart about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got a dumpster fire back with us here. [Laughter] I\u2019m sorry; I had to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Bob, they don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never heard that term before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Haven\u2019t you?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m just glad he\u2019s not talking about us. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too. It\u2019s always better when it\u2019s someone else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s somebody else this time! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Oh no! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ben Stuart joins us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Ben, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ben is a pastor in Washington\u2014he\u2019s not really a dumpster fire; you <em>were<\/em> at one point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a redeemed dumpster fire\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014a new creation in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He is now a pastor in the Washington, DC, area\u2014Passion City Church that is a little over a year old there. He\u2019s married and a father of three kids. He\u2019s written a book about\u2014a little bit about his own experience\u2014but a lot about what\u2019s going on in the culture and about the realities of what it\u2019s like to be single or what it\u2019s like to be dating, or engaged, or moving toward marriage. In fact, the book is called <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>; and that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve already talked about your college career, as a single person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014which I was proud of you for including a lot of that in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; well, I just think vulnerability breeds vulnerability. You\u2019ve got to share your story with people: \u201cYes; God\u2019s been gracious with me. Come on, man!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you were in the midst of college at the time that the whole issue of dating for Christians was like a <em>big<\/em> conversation; weren\u2019t you?\u2014when people were going: \u201cShould we date?\u2014is that right? Is it courtship? How does this work?\u201d Were you in the midst of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; you know, I remember all that going down; but for me, I was at the place, where I had already just like wrecked so many relationships. People were like, \u201cHey, there\u2019s this\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201ccourtship versus dating\u2014whatever\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cYes; good luck with all of that, guys. I just don\u2019t care.\u201d I didn\u2019t read the book\u2014don\u2019t know; and so I skipped it, man. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> After high school and some college relationships that didn\u2019t work out well, did you kind of shut down and say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not doing this\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> <em>Totally<\/em> shut down\u2014I mean, when I was at my church\u2014you know, I\u2019m talking like 22 to 28\u2014I was involved with this church. People were always like, \u201cI\u2019ve got this cousin...\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cDon\u2019t care.\u201d I mean, it\u2014literally, word got out: \u201cDon\u2019t set Ben up. He will not make eye contact with you ever again if you do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, meanwhile, there was another young single guy on staff; and just\u2014he was just like: \u201cYes; set me up. Let\u2019s go! What\u2019s your niece\u2019s name? Let\u2019s roll,\u201d\u2014like he thought it was fun. They realized, pretty quickly, \u201cBen does not think that\u2019s fun.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And why is that? Why did you not want to be set up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I just knew, \u201cI\u2019m not okay.\u201d There\u2019s some emotion\u2014now, I have more clarity around\u2014man, I had issues with my parents\u2019 divorce and my dad. I just didn\u2019t even know how to get into some of my relational fears\u2014I just didn\u2019t know. I just knew enough, then, to go: \u201cThis is kind of a mess; but ministry\u2014I know how to do, and I have a real clear purpose\u2014I\u2019m chasing that, man.\u201d And I just went for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t want a relationship to slow me down,\u201d because the way I would do them\u2014we\u2019d get all tangled up, and it was confusing. I would hurt people\u2019s feelings, because I didn\u2019t know what I thought\u2014so I thought: \u201cI\u2019m just taking a break from all that chaos. Let me just run, man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s talk a little bit about what you figured out. You said you had issues with your parents\u2019 divorce\u2014blah, blah, blah. A lot of singles\u2014they are there. They are not ready or feel like they can date. How did you figure that out?\u2014what happened? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ben:<\/strong> Well, you know what it was? It was people that loved me but weren\u2019t impressed with me. That\u2019s what I think everybody needs\u2014someone who loves you enough to speak the truth to you and isn\u2019t scared if they hurt your feelings; but you know what they are saying is: \u201cThey care.\u201d I think that kind of relationship helped me\u2014and them, mirroring back as they heard my story. You know, they were people that would hear some of my past and go, \u201cMan, that\u2019s horrible.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cIs it?!\u201d because what do you compare it to? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> To you, it\u2019s normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Just helping see some clarity of: \u201cOh, yes; I do have trouble trusting some people. I\u2019ve been hurt, so I have kind of bought the lie: \u2018I\u2019m on my own in the world.\u2019 That\u2019s not really the best way to live; I don\u2019t want to be like that.\u201d\u2014and trying to figure some of that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In this season of 22 to 28, where you\u2019re not looking at the nieces\u2014I mean, you had to notice some cute girls were showing up at church; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Oh, of course; yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you wouldn\u2019t say, \u201cMaybe, I should ask her out\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t really do it, man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because\u2026?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I know that\u2019s weird\u2014I wrote the book, and I didn\u2019t do it. I really\u2014because I think it really was because I just was like\u2014I was so focused on what I was doing\u2014I didn\u2019t want a relationship to slow me down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a distraction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> They were going to be a distraction. I was like: \u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019m going to do this. I\u2019m not ready.\u201d As I went further along in life, I started to realize\u2014started to get some emotional healing, quite frankly, and started to get some life healing\u2014make some good decisions; you know? I had grown up\u2014there was a lot of pornography in my world when I was young that kind of entered my zone. Now, it\u2019s a very common experience with young people; you know? The latest research\u201486 percent of young men are looking at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> You know, I heard a guy say it; and it was just so profound: \u201cAddiction is an intimacy disorder,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019ve got some emotional pain I don\u2019t know how to deal with; so I\u2019m taking it to this kind of broken place, where I can have some control.\u201d That was a part of my life. There are people that have struggled with it more\/less\u2014whatever\u2014but it was a part of my world that I needed some people to empathize with me, without shame\u2014lead me out of that\u2014that when I experience emotional pain, it was like the rejection I felt as a kid. I can process that, emotionally, with other people that aren\u2019t going to leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of that emotional healing is happening, in community, with some really caring adults and some married couples that would have me over and just were my friends. I got emotionally healthier; so, when I met my wife, I remember going, like: \u201cHey, that girl is cute. I\u2019d like to date her. Accessing files on Ben: \u2018Less of a train wreck.\u2019 You know what? We should try this.\u201d That really\u2014I got some <em>me<\/em> right, and I was ready to try <em>we<\/em> out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which is your first\/where you start the book\u2014you say, \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got to get your relationship with God right before you get a relationship with a guy or a girl.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s your journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But hang on. If there are folks, who are saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get some emotional healing and deal with scars and pain from the past before I\u2019m going to be good for a relationship. That means, by the time I\u2019m about to be 63.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think you\u2019ve got to be <em>perfect<\/em>, but I think\u2014especially in your 20s, your\u2014literally, your brain is changing in your 20s. Connections are happening that didn\u2019t exist before; it\u2019s helping you connect some things. You need some people that love you\u2014that, I think, without the romantic entanglement\u2014just some people that love you that can help you process yourself a little bit better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is the other side of that; because I\u2019m sitting, here, thinking: \u201cYou know what we did? We did it after we got married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m not saying it was right or wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a <em>train wreck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a train wreck, but we grew up together. We figured out all that together and didn\u2019t end up divorced. I know a lot don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But there are two ways to do it; but I mean, if I had to do it again, I would have done a little more healing before; but we might have never gotten married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that is one of our regrets\u2014is that, one, we didn\u2019t recognize all the baggage that we had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. I think this is true of married and singles. We really encourage singles, \u201cMan, start dealing with it <em>now<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause you\u2019re going to deal with it, at some point, because it comes out somewhere.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you know what? Most singles today\u2014instead of dealing with the emotional baggage so that they can be ready for a healthy relationship, they are accumulating additional emotional baggage during their 20s\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so that they are in worse shape when they are 28 than they were when they were 23. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because we think the marriage will take care of all of the baggage, and it will somehow magically disappear; and it doesn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> One of the biggest concerns I have in the world today with phones is\u2014you think about it\u2014when you sit at a stop light, or when you lay in bed at night,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014that used to be time of\u2014it\u2019s basically you and God: it was meditation, and meditation leads to insight\u2014that\u2019s usually where insight happens. That\u2019s why people say, \u201cWell, I got a creative idea in the shower.\u201d Why?\u2014because you were isolated, and it was just you and your thoughts. You connected some thoughts and went, \u201cOh!\u201d; and it led to insight. But that moment has been removed from most young people; so if they have some emotional pain\/some relational baggage, there\u2019s not that moment to help connect pieces at the same degree that there used to be. There\u2019s also not the connectivity, relationally; it\u2019s all online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, there was benefit in me delaying marriage some\u2014I don\u2019t think everybody has to. Nowadays, you see people delaying it a really long time; why? They are not using, I think, the opportunities they have, in singleness, to really process that stuff\u2014it\u2019s just distraction, which I think is interesting. Paul says, \u201cundistracted devotion\u201d\u2014like distraction is a major problem in the world today. Rather than taking my pain to a place, where I can get insight and healing, I\u2019m just kind of dorking around, online. It\u2019s not just a young people thing\u2014that\u2019s the world\u2014but it concerns me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said, at the point that you saw your wife for the first time and you were attracted to her, you stopped and accessed the files. You said, \u201cHow am I?\u201d\u2014I mean, was it a conscious thing to say, \u201cAm I doing okay where I could actually ask her out?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you come to the conclusion: \u201cI\u2019m doing okay\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I think\u2014you know, life is an event and process. I think I had been in a process of getting in healthy relationships at my church, which is something I really encourage singles to do, and something I love about our church\u2014we\u2019ve got that. Just get in that healthy matrix of relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t really <em>think<\/em> about it that much until that moment, where I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, here is another dating opportunity.\u201d I looked up and went: \u201cYou know what? I think, if I asked her out, there are some people I trust\/I could process with that would be honest with me about how we\u2019re doing, and just how I\u2019m thinking about it, and help me kind of deal with some of the fears\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you do that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014of commitment. Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did they help you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; there was a couple\u2014I mean, when I was young and single, first going to this church\u2014there was this couple that invited me over right away. I like barely knew them, but I knew <em>nobody<\/em>. I used to just walk around by myself at Walmart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because I was living in a new town. I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis family invited me over. What I loved about it was\u2014I was not the center of attention. When I moved in to this lunch at their house, it was just this normal deal; there were all these people there. I\u2019m like: \u201cOh, this isn\u2019t like: \u2018Okay, Ben, sit down. Tell us your journey.\u2019\u201d It was just like: \u201cHey, hold this baby,\u201d \u201cHere are some green beans,\u201d \u201cWaahh.\u201d Suddenly, I\u2019m like in a fight with her dad\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cWow; why are we yelling?\u201d [Laughter] I was just, suddenly, a part of these relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; when I dated Donna, there were all kinds of people that I\u2019m like: \u201cI don\u2019t want these people to know. There are people that are like way too interested in Ben\u2019s dating life. If they find out I\u2019m even interested in somebody, it\u2019s like this little gentle flower growing; and they are going to like grab it and be like, \u2018Grrr, flower\u2019; and spread the petals out.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get their hands off this thing.\u201d So, I kept it on the DL from a lot of other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> But there were a few couples that I already had that I knew loved me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I was like: \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to do this. I want you around us. I want you seeing this with us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, this is a key marker right here; because I think too many people venture into\u2014maybe, this is a new relationship in isolation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they don\u2019t have anybody wiser\/anybody who can see blind spots, speaking into it. They are just caught up in their own infatuation\/their passions\u2014they are carried away by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think women\u2014we can tend to want someone in a relationship so much\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that I\u2019ve seen this. I remember being with all these college girls, and they are like [speaking sweetly], \u201cOh, that\u2019s so sweet that he loves you, and you should do that.\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cAre you kidding me?! This guy has so many danger things around him. This would be the <em>worst<\/em> guy to date in terms in where he is and where you are.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhy are these girls like pushing her into that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because we think that love will fix us and fix everything. I think there is a danger to that a little bit. I love the wise counsel; I like the idea of helping another couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I don\u2019t spend time with the young women in our church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014very much, directly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, I think that\u2019s a solid decision; but you know, my wife does; but it is great, though, there have been ones that, when they have a question about dating relationships, Donna will say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come over and you can\u2014we can have dinner, and you can ask Ben in that moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> For some of them, they like ask if I\u2019ll meet the guy\u2014and not in a real formal-like\u2014[speaking as a butler] and he will sit down in the parlor; you know? It\u2019s more of a: \u201cHey, tell me what you think of this guy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I like that; I\u2019ve never initiated that: \u201cNow, if you start dating, I expect an essay on my desk,\u201d\u2014no; but it\u2019s more of a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s just hanging out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> In the past, we used to do that. We used to protect young women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014especially, because the dating world can be pretty dangerous; and some guys\u2019 motives are not great. We have a sense, as a community, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to protect people as young love forms.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNowadays, it\u2019s happening, in isolation, online. It\u2019s happening, in isolation, in bars\u2014and a lot of young Christians are\u2014that\u2019s where they are meeting people. You can meet someone great there, but it just\u2014it\u2019s hard because you are missing out on some really helpful pieces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Define \u201cgreat,\u201d because you talk about it in the book. What would you advise a single person\u2014and I\u2019m thinking you did it with Donna\u2014but what should they be looking for? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve sat down with\u2014remember?\u2014a friend of Ann\u2019s\/a single girl had me meet with her boyfriend for an hour. After one hour, I went to her and I said, \u201cYou run and you run as fast as you can,\u201d\u2014because I could see all these warning signs; but she couldn\u2019t. Talk to singles about: \u201cWhat do you look for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> One, for me\u2014I think singleness exists for devotion to the Lord; I\u2019m running after Him. Paul told Timothy: \u201cFlee youthful lust. Pursue righteousness along with those who call out to God out of a pure heart.\u201d He\u2019s telling this young, 20-something guy: \u201cRun away from things that are going to mess you up, man. Run toward the most beautiful life possible, and do it with a crew who wants Him as badly as you do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people, \u201cThat\u2019s the first thing\u2014cause\u2014man, what cause are they chasing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, that is exactly what attracted me to Dave. I was dating this other guy that I was like: \u201cCome on. You should do Jesus with me.\u201d It was pulling him along, and I wanted to run after Jesus. When I met Dave, I thought: \u201cThis guy is going harder than I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI want to catch up with him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll throw it in here\u2014same thing\u2014we go to Findlay Reservoir\u2014that was a date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That sound pretty romantic, Bob?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014sitting by the water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We weren\u2019t even dating; I guess it was our first date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We were just becoming friends, but I asked her\u2014she was what?\u20141819. I\u2019m going into my senior year of college; and I said, \u201cWhat do you want to do with your life?\u201d I\u2019d <em>never<\/em> heard a woman answer this way, especially\u00a0 a young late-teen. She said, \u201cI want to follow Jesus wherever He sends me and impact as many people for the kingdom.\u201d I remember just sitting there, looking at her, like, \u201cI\u2019ve never heard this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, it had nothing to do with me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014or a guy. She\u2019s doing this whether we get married or not. I remember, right then, thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s the kind of woman I want to marry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you want, man. That\u2019s the\u2014if they are not running <em>with<\/em> you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014cause. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Then, you\u2019ve got to see character: \u201cDo they have a character that is <em>shaped<\/em> by God?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This all sounds great unless you are 35, and you haven\u2019t seen those guys running by; and you go, \u201cI don\u2019t think they exist anymore, and I\u2019m <em>really<\/em> lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I hear that all the time: \u201cWhere are guys like that?\u201d You know what\u2019s crazy? I\u2019ll go places, and young women will say that to me, \u201cWhere are the guys?\u201d Guys will come to me, \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know how to talk to girls.\u201d A lot of it is girls end up going to online or bars\u2014places like that\u2014which, again, there are probably some nice people there; but the pool is so diluted. That\u2019s why I encourage them: \u201cGet involved in a church community, where you know these are people who are interested in the same sorts of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting\u2014Aziz Ansari wrote a book on dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> You know, he\u2019s not a Christian\u2014not a Christian book\u2014but he has this one chapter, where he\u2019s talking about\u2014he\u2019s doing like a case study\u2014like getting these groups together\/kind of dialogues. He was talking about how they are all talking about how depressing dating was. They get online; they swipe all these people; and they meet them at random places. They have small talk. It\u2019s like, at the end of the day, you\u2019re like: \u201cI don\u2019t know what your life\u2019s about. I don\u2019t know anything about you. I don\u2019t know any of your people.\u201d He said it was just <em>really<\/em> depressing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, then, there was this one dude\u2014wasn\u2019t the most attractive dude\/wasn\u2019t the coolest dude\u2014he was just talking about how <em>awesome<\/em> this dude was. You\u2019re like, \u201cHis dating life stood out as so different.\u201d The guy\u2014they asked him, \u201cWhat were your last two dates?\u201d One was\u2014he was part of, like, a serving project through his church; and then another one was he was part of this, like, athletic club through this missions organization he was a part of. Then they leave it there. They don\u2019t touch the fact\u2014you\u2019re like: \u201cThis guy is a believer and has a completely different philosophy in forming the way he meets people. He\u2019s crushing it, and you\u2019re all sad. Get on his level\u2014like: \u2018Do what he\u2019s doing. Get in an orbit with people who are\u2026\u2019\u2014you know, community forms around causes. No one unites around unity; you unite around something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; again, you know folks who are going, \u201cThe church is not necessarily the safe place to find guys or girls, because I\u2019ve gone out with a guy from church; and after the fourth date, he\u2019s pressuring me to have sex.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; well, that\u2019s the character piece, because anybody can <em>say<\/em> they are Christians. I don\u2019t care\u2014man, If a guy has got a Christian fish on his car or a Bible on his coffee table\u2014I don\u2019t care, man; I want to watch his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, in college, there was this girl\u2014she was an attractive girl; lots of guys would hit on her. I remember sitting in the lunchroom once and watching this dude, just full court press, hitting on her: \u201cWell, how can you get to know me if you don\u2019t go on a date with me? I don\u2019t understand. Just come out with me. Just go\u2026.\u201d She\u2019s like: \u201cNo; it\u2019s not going to happen. It\u2019s never going to happen; stop asking.\u201d She just kept shutting this dude down until, finally, he gave up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiterally, I came\u2014like knelt at her feet\u2014and was like, \u201cTeach me her ways.\u201d I was like, \u201cHow did you do that?\u201d She said: \u201cYou know what, Ben? The community of people who care about the things I care about isn\u2019t huge, and I\u2019ve never seen him in <em>any<\/em> of it. No one I know knows him, so no one I know knows this guy. He\u2019s not around any of the places I\u2019m around. I\u2019m not getting in a car alone with that dude.\u201d I just thought, \u201cI\u2019d never heard of that.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m putting myself in communities, where the quality of people is different; then, I\u2019m watching their lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about this. I know there are single men and women out there, agreeing with <em>everything<\/em> you are saying; and yet, they settle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They end up lowering the standard; they get into a relationship. I see it all the time. I know what they <em>want<\/em>\u2014they want what you are saying\u2014and yet, they settle. Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They think that they can get this person to become that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; why do we see that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; I don\u2019t know. I think fear might lean into that for some\u2014I think it\u2019s a big part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing that gives me a lot of compassion, right now, is\u2014I\u2019m watching, particularly women, as they get into their 30s, and want to be married, and aren\u2019t meeting good guys, go, \u201cWhat happens now?\u201d I don\u2019t want to provide them a pat answer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we are in a season, right now, that is difficult. I say this as someone who <em>loves<\/em> the young men that I have had the opportunity to minister to and be around. When you look at the culture\u2014when you\u2019re running into numbers like 50 percent of men are self-reporting that they looked at pornography last week and then you look at the data\u2014that is so destructive in the way people relate, personally. It\u2019s not good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think men\u2014I feel compassion, because they didn\u2019t create the world they are in. They didn\u2019t make Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; they didn\u2019t make this phone\u2014it got handed to them when they were babies\/I mean, this young generation. So much of media is so alluring, because it\u2019s built to attract what men attract; but the cost is\u2014it\u2019s hurting their socialization with women. I think we, as men, need to help men and release them to be men, and strong and courageous, and good. I think, if we do that, then we can see some really great matches; but it\u2019s challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just sitting here, thinking, \u201cIf you want to be good at anything in life, you would get input; you would get training; you would get coaching; you would read on it.\u201d I have a son who wants to be a farmer. I have <em>zero<\/em> to offer him about farming; right? He can\u2019t come to me and say, \u201cDad, so, how does this crop rotation thing work?\u201d I don\u2019t even know what the categories are; I don\u2019t know what he would be asking; but there are people he can go to and there are books\u2014he\u2019s got a stack of books that he\u2019s reading to do all of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m saying all of this\u2014if you are a single person, and you want to be good at relationships, and good at marriage someday, get some coaching\/some mentoring\u2014some folks speaking into your life\u2014and get a copy of Ben\u2019s book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>. Put it in the stack of books that you are reading on how to get good at this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add: \u201cDon\u2019t read it alone. Read it in community and talk about it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add, for us that are married, we need to really keep our eyes open\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for singles, and draw them into our worlds, and create and form a friendship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; this week, we\u2019re making Ben\u2019s book available to any <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener who can support the work of this ministry with a donation. As you guys know, we are listener-supported. That means that folks, who are tuned in today and have benefitted from this program\u2014when you contribute to this ministry, you make it possible for this daily program to be heard on this local radio station, on our network of stations all around the country and all around the world. The program is now being heard more than ever because of its availability on the Internet and on our mobile app. In addition, we\u2019ve got <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> resources and events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll that we do, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> happens because listeners, like you, say, \u201cThis is important, and we want to help make it happen.\u201d If you can help with a donation today, we would love to send you, as a thank-you gift, upon your request, Ben Stuart\u2019s book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thanks for partnering with us, and we hope you enjoy Ben\u2019s book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, talking about singleness, and dating, and engagement, and marriage\u2014just a great reminder that this is a part of God\u2019s design to bring sanctification into our lives. David Robbins, who is the President of FamilyLife, is here with us. David, this is a part of the marriage journey; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; dating and marriage does one thing consistently\u2014and I would also add relentlessly\u2014it brings two people together that are still very in process and still have lots of room for growth. It\u2019s usually not a recipe for bliss all the time. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday\u2019s conversation just makes me cry out, personally. It makes me self-reflect some and cry out to God: \u201cI have so far to go, Lord. I know I\u2019m still so in process. I know I have so much to learn. I\u2019m not making space in this time with young kids to really go there in the ways that I, maybe, used to.\u201d It kind of makes me reflect on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just like: \u201cGod, what are the ways that You want me to grow in this season as I keep going through this year? God, what are You doing in my life, and how do You want me to grow? What are the places that You know about me that You\u2019re wanting to reveal to me that I don\u2019t see? What are the places in my story You want to restore that I\u2019m not paying attention to?\u201d This conversation kind of makes me attentive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what the season of life we\u2019re journeying through\u2014whether that is singleness; or dating; or newlyweds; or young kids, or teenagers, or empty-nesters\u2014let\u2019s be a people, who constantly ask God to make us have soft hearts and to keep growing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s not get so busy that we miss what God is doing on the journey; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m having to ask myself that question today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s good. Thank you, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ben Stuart, and we\u2019ll find out how Ben knew for sure that the woman he was dating was the woman he should marry. We\u2019ll hear more about his journey tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:54"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.63M"],"filesize_raw":["25822893"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305063.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305063.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Stuart remembers the season he took a \"time out\" from the dating scene to focus on the Lord and recover emotionally after his parents' divorce. Ben talks about the purpose for singleness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, June 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You might say it takes a village to form strong, healthy, permanent marriage relationships. We\u2019ll talk more with Ben Stuart about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got a dumpster fire back with us here. [Laughter] I\u2019m sorry; I had to say it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Bob, they don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never heard that term before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Haven\u2019t you?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m just glad he\u2019s not talking about us. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too. It\u2019s always better when it\u2019s someone else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s somebody else this time! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Oh no! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ben Stuart joins us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Ben, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ben is a pastor in Washington\u2014he\u2019s not really a dumpster fire; you <em>were<\/em> at one point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a redeemed dumpster fire\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014a new creation in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He is now a pastor in the Washington, DC, area\u2014Passion City Church that is a little over a year old there. He\u2019s married and a father of three kids. He\u2019s written a book about\u2014a little bit about his own experience\u2014but a lot about what\u2019s going on in the culture and about the realities of what it\u2019s like to be single or what it\u2019s like to be dating, or engaged, or moving toward marriage. In fact, the book is called <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>; and that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve already talked about your college career, as a single person\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014which I was proud of you for including a lot of that in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; well, I just think vulnerability breeds vulnerability. You\u2019ve got to share your story with people: \u201cYes; God\u2019s been gracious with me. Come on, man!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you were in the midst of college at the time that the whole issue of dating for Christians was like a <em>big<\/em> conversation; weren\u2019t you?\u2014when people were going: \u201cShould we date?\u2014is that right? Is it courtship? How does this work?\u201d Were you in the midst of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; you know, I remember all that going down; but for me, I was at the place, where I had already just like wrecked so many relationships. People were like, \u201cHey, there\u2019s this\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201ccourtship versus dating\u2014whatever\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cYes; good luck with all of that, guys. I just don\u2019t care.\u201d I didn\u2019t read the book\u2014don\u2019t know; and so I skipped it, man. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> After high school and some college relationships that didn\u2019t work out well, did you kind of shut down and say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not doing this\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> <em>Totally<\/em> shut down\u2014I mean, when I was at my church\u2014you know, I\u2019m talking like 22 to 28\u2014I was involved with this church. People were always like, \u201cI\u2019ve got this cousin...\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cDon\u2019t care.\u201d I mean, it\u2014literally, word got out: \u201cDon\u2019t set Ben up. He will not make eye contact with you ever again if you do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, meanwhile, there was another young single guy on staff; and just\u2014he was just like: \u201cYes; set me up. Let\u2019s go! What\u2019s your niece\u2019s name? Let\u2019s roll,\u201d\u2014like he thought it was fun. They realized, pretty quickly, \u201cBen does not think that\u2019s fun.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And why is that? Why did you not want to be set up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I just knew, \u201cI\u2019m not okay.\u201d There\u2019s some emotion\u2014now, I have more clarity around\u2014man, I had issues with my parents\u2019 divorce and my dad. I just didn\u2019t even know how to get into some of my relational fears\u2014I just didn\u2019t know. I just knew enough, then, to go: \u201cThis is kind of a mess; but ministry\u2014I know how to do, and I have a real clear purpose\u2014I\u2019m chasing that, man.\u201d And I just went for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t want a relationship to slow me down,\u201d because the way I would do them\u2014we\u2019d get all tangled up, and it was confusing. I would hurt people\u2019s feelings, because I didn\u2019t know what I thought\u2014so I thought: \u201cI\u2019m just taking a break from all that chaos. Let me just run, man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, let\u2019s talk a little bit about what you figured out. You said you had issues with your parents\u2019 divorce\u2014blah, blah, blah. A lot of singles\u2014they are there. They are not ready or feel like they can date. How did you figure that out?\u2014what happened? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ben:<\/strong> Well, you know what it was? It was people that loved me but weren\u2019t impressed with me. That\u2019s what I think everybody needs\u2014someone who loves you enough to speak the truth to you and isn\u2019t scared if they hurt your feelings; but you know what they are saying is: \u201cThey care.\u201d I think that kind of relationship helped me\u2014and them, mirroring back as they heard my story. You know, they were people that would hear some of my past and go, \u201cMan, that\u2019s horrible.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cIs it?!\u201d because what do you compare it to? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> To you, it\u2019s normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Just helping see some clarity of: \u201cOh, yes; I do have trouble trusting some people. I\u2019ve been hurt, so I have kind of bought the lie: \u2018I\u2019m on my own in the world.\u2019 That\u2019s not really the best way to live; I don\u2019t want to be like that.\u201d\u2014and trying to figure some of that out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In this season of 22 to 28, where you\u2019re not looking at the nieces\u2014I mean, you had to notice some cute girls were showing up at church; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Oh, of course; yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you wouldn\u2019t say, \u201cMaybe, I should ask her out\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t really do it, man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because\u2026?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I know that\u2019s weird\u2014I wrote the book, and I didn\u2019t do it. I really\u2014because I think it really was because I just was like\u2014I was so focused on what I was doing\u2014I didn\u2019t want a relationship to slow me down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a distraction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> They were going to be a distraction. I was like: \u201cI\u2019m not sure I\u2019m going to do this. I\u2019m not ready.\u201d As I went further along in life, I started to realize\u2014started to get some emotional healing, quite frankly, and started to get some life healing\u2014make some good decisions; you know? I had grown up\u2014there was a lot of pornography in my world when I was young that kind of entered my zone. Now, it\u2019s a very common experience with young people; you know? The latest research\u201486 percent of young men are looking at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> You know, I heard a guy say it; and it was just so profound: \u201cAddiction is an intimacy disorder,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019ve got some emotional pain I don\u2019t know how to deal with; so I\u2019m taking it to this kind of broken place, where I can have some control.\u201d That was a part of my life. There are people that have struggled with it more\/less\u2014whatever\u2014but it was a part of my world that I needed some people to empathize with me, without shame\u2014lead me out of that\u2014that when I experience emotional pain, it was like the rejection I felt as a kid. I can process that, emotionally, with other people that aren\u2019t going to leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of that emotional healing is happening, in community, with some really caring adults and some married couples that would have me over and just were my friends. I got emotionally healthier; so, when I met my wife, I remember going, like: \u201cHey, that girl is cute. I\u2019d like to date her. Accessing files on Ben: \u2018Less of a train wreck.\u2019 You know what? We should try this.\u201d That really\u2014I got some <em>me<\/em> right, and I was ready to try <em>we<\/em> out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which is your first\/where you start the book\u2014you say, \u201cMan, you\u2019ve got to get your relationship with God right before you get a relationship with a guy or a girl.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s your journey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But hang on. If there are folks, who are saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get some emotional healing and deal with scars and pain from the past before I\u2019m going to be good for a relationship. That means, by the time I\u2019m about to be 63.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think you\u2019ve got to be <em>perfect<\/em>, but I think\u2014especially in your 20s, your\u2014literally, your brain is changing in your 20s. Connections are happening that didn\u2019t exist before; it\u2019s helping you connect some things. You need some people that love you\u2014that, I think, without the romantic entanglement\u2014just some people that love you that can help you process yourself a little bit better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is the other side of that; because I\u2019m sitting, here, thinking: \u201cYou know what we did? We did it after we got married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m not saying it was right or wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a <em>train wreck<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a train wreck, but we grew up together. We figured out all that together and didn\u2019t end up divorced. I know a lot don\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But there are two ways to do it; but I mean, if I had to do it again, I would have done a little more healing before; but we might have never gotten married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that is one of our regrets\u2014is that, one, we didn\u2019t recognize all the baggage that we had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. I think this is true of married and singles. We really encourage singles, \u201cMan, start dealing with it <em>now<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause you\u2019re going to deal with it, at some point, because it comes out somewhere.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you know what? Most singles today\u2014instead of dealing with the emotional baggage so that they can be ready for a healthy relationship, they are accumulating additional emotional baggage during their 20s\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so that they are in worse shape when they are 28 than they were when they were 23. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because we think the marriage will take care of all of the baggage, and it will somehow magically disappear; and it doesn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> One of the biggest concerns I have in the world today with phones is\u2014you think about it\u2014when you sit at a stop light, or when you lay in bed at night,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014that used to be time of\u2014it\u2019s basically you and God: it was meditation, and meditation leads to insight\u2014that\u2019s usually where insight happens. That\u2019s why people say, \u201cWell, I got a creative idea in the shower.\u201d Why?\u2014because you were isolated, and it was just you and your thoughts. You connected some thoughts and went, \u201cOh!\u201d; and it led to insight. But that moment has been removed from most young people; so if they have some emotional pain\/some relational baggage, there\u2019s not that moment to help connect pieces at the same degree that there used to be. There\u2019s also not the connectivity, relationally; it\u2019s all online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo me, there was benefit in me delaying marriage some\u2014I don\u2019t think everybody has to. Nowadays, you see people delaying it a really long time; why? They are not using, I think, the opportunities they have, in singleness, to really process that stuff\u2014it\u2019s just distraction, which I think is interesting. Paul says, \u201cundistracted devotion\u201d\u2014like distraction is a major problem in the world today. Rather than taking my pain to a place, where I can get insight and healing, I\u2019m just kind of dorking around, online. It\u2019s not just a young people thing\u2014that\u2019s the world\u2014but it concerns me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said, at the point that you saw your wife for the first time and you were attracted to her, you stopped and accessed the files. You said, \u201cHow am I?\u201d\u2014I mean, was it a conscious thing to say, \u201cAm I doing okay where I could actually ask her out?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you come to the conclusion: \u201cI\u2019m doing okay\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I think\u2014you know, life is an event and process. I think I had been in a process of getting in healthy relationships at my church, which is something I really encourage singles to do, and something I love about our church\u2014we\u2019ve got that. Just get in that healthy matrix of relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t really <em>think<\/em> about it that much until that moment, where I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, here is another dating opportunity.\u201d I looked up and went: \u201cYou know what? I think, if I asked her out, there are some people I trust\/I could process with that would be honest with me about how we\u2019re doing, and just how I\u2019m thinking about it, and help me kind of deal with some of the fears\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did you do that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014of commitment. Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did they help you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; there was a couple\u2014I mean, when I was young and single, first going to this church\u2014there was this couple that invited me over right away. I like barely knew them, but I knew <em>nobody<\/em>. I used to just walk around by myself at Walmart<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> because I was living in a new town. I was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis family invited me over. What I loved about it was\u2014I was not the center of attention. When I moved in to this lunch at their house, it was just this normal deal; there were all these people there. I\u2019m like: \u201cOh, this isn\u2019t like: \u2018Okay, Ben, sit down. Tell us your journey.\u2019\u201d It was just like: \u201cHey, hold this baby,\u201d \u201cHere are some green beans,\u201d \u201cWaahh.\u201d Suddenly, I\u2019m like in a fight with her dad\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cWow; why are we yelling?\u201d [Laughter] I was just, suddenly, a part of these relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; when I dated Donna, there were all kinds of people that I\u2019m like: \u201cI don\u2019t want these people to know. There are people that are like way too interested in Ben\u2019s dating life. If they find out I\u2019m even interested in somebody, it\u2019s like this little gentle flower growing; and they are going to like grab it and be like, \u2018Grrr, flower\u2019; and spread the petals out.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve got to get their hands off this thing.\u201d So, I kept it on the DL from a lot of other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> But there were a few couples that I already had that I knew loved me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I was like: \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to do this. I want you around us. I want you seeing this with us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, this is a key marker right here; because I think too many people venture into\u2014maybe, this is a new relationship in isolation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they don\u2019t have anybody wiser\/anybody who can see blind spots, speaking into it. They are just caught up in their own infatuation\/their passions\u2014they are carried away by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think women\u2014we can tend to want someone in a relationship so much\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that I\u2019ve seen this. I remember being with all these college girls, and they are like [speaking sweetly], \u201cOh, that\u2019s so sweet that he loves you, and you should do that.\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cAre you kidding me?! This guy has so many danger things around him. This would be the <em>worst<\/em> guy to date in terms in where he is and where you are.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhy are these girls like pushing her into that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because we think that love will fix us and fix everything. I think there is a danger to that a little bit. I love the wise counsel; I like the idea of helping another couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I don\u2019t spend time with the young women in our church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014very much, directly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, I think that\u2019s a solid decision; but you know, my wife does; but it is great, though, there have been ones that, when they have a question about dating relationships, Donna will say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you come over and you can\u2014we can have dinner, and you can ask Ben in that moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> For some of them, they like ask if I\u2019ll meet the guy\u2014and not in a real formal-like\u2014[speaking as a butler] and he will sit down in the parlor; you know? It\u2019s more of a: \u201cHey, tell me what you think of this guy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I like that; I\u2019ve never initiated that: \u201cNow, if you start dating, I expect an essay on my desk,\u201d\u2014no; but it\u2019s more of a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s just hanging out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> In the past, we used to do that. We used to protect young women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> \u2014especially, because the dating world can be pretty dangerous; and some guys\u2019 motives are not great. We have a sense, as a community, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to protect people as young love forms.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNowadays, it\u2019s happening, in isolation, online. It\u2019s happening, in isolation, in bars\u2014and a lot of young Christians are\u2014that\u2019s where they are meeting people. You can meet someone great there, but it just\u2014it\u2019s hard because you are missing out on some really helpful pieces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Define \u201cgreat,\u201d because you talk about it in the book. What would you advise a single person\u2014and I\u2019m thinking you did it with Donna\u2014but what should they be looking for? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve sat down with\u2014remember?\u2014a friend of Ann\u2019s\/a single girl had me meet with her boyfriend for an hour. After one hour, I went to her and I said, \u201cYou run and you run as fast as you can,\u201d\u2014because I could see all these warning signs; but she couldn\u2019t. Talk to singles about: \u201cWhat do you look for?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> One, for me\u2014I think singleness exists for devotion to the Lord; I\u2019m running after Him. Paul told Timothy: \u201cFlee youthful lust. Pursue righteousness along with those who call out to God out of a pure heart.\u201d He\u2019s telling this young, 20-something guy: \u201cRun away from things that are going to mess you up, man. Run toward the most beautiful life possible, and do it with a crew who wants Him as badly as you do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell people, \u201cThat\u2019s the first thing\u2014cause\u2014man, what cause are they chasing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, that is exactly what attracted me to Dave. I was dating this other guy that I was like: \u201cCome on. You should do Jesus with me.\u201d It was pulling him along, and I wanted to run after Jesus. When I met Dave, I thought: \u201cThis guy is going harder than I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI want to catch up with him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll throw it in here\u2014same thing\u2014we go to Findlay Reservoir\u2014that was a date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That sound pretty romantic, Bob?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014sitting by the water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We weren\u2019t even dating; I guess it was our first date. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We were just becoming friends, but I asked her\u2014she was what?\u20141819. I\u2019m going into my senior year of college; and I said, \u201cWhat do you want to do with your life?\u201d I\u2019d <em>never<\/em> heard a woman answer this way, especially\u00a0 a young late-teen. She said, \u201cI want to follow Jesus wherever He sends me and impact as many people for the kingdom.\u201d I remember just sitting there, looking at her, like, \u201cI\u2019ve never heard this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber one, it had nothing to do with me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014or a guy. She\u2019s doing this whether we get married or not. I remember, right then, thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s the kind of woman I want to marry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you want, man. That\u2019s the\u2014if they are not running <em>with<\/em> you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014cause. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Then, you\u2019ve got to see character: \u201cDo they have a character that is <em>shaped<\/em> by God?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This all sounds great unless you are 35, and you haven\u2019t seen those guys running by; and you go, \u201cI don\u2019t think they exist anymore, and I\u2019m <em>really<\/em> lonely.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I hear that all the time: \u201cWhere are guys like that?\u201d You know what\u2019s crazy? I\u2019ll go places, and young women will say that to me, \u201cWhere are the guys?\u201d Guys will come to me, \u201cMan, I don\u2019t know how to talk to girls.\u201d A lot of it is girls end up going to online or bars\u2014places like that\u2014which, again, there are probably some nice people there; but the pool is so diluted. That\u2019s why I encourage them: \u201cGet involved in a church community, where you know these are people who are interested in the same sorts of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting\u2014Aziz Ansari wrote a book on dating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> You know, he\u2019s not a Christian\u2014not a Christian book\u2014but he has this one chapter, where he\u2019s talking about\u2014he\u2019s doing like a case study\u2014like getting these groups together\/kind of dialogues. He was talking about how they are all talking about how depressing dating was. They get online; they swipe all these people; and they meet them at random places. They have small talk. It\u2019s like, at the end of the day, you\u2019re like: \u201cI don\u2019t know what your life\u2019s about. I don\u2019t know anything about you. I don\u2019t know any of your people.\u201d He said it was just <em>really<\/em> depressing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, then, there was this one dude\u2014wasn\u2019t the most attractive dude\/wasn\u2019t the coolest dude\u2014he was just talking about how <em>awesome<\/em> this dude was. You\u2019re like, \u201cHis dating life stood out as so different.\u201d The guy\u2014they asked him, \u201cWhat were your last two dates?\u201d One was\u2014he was part of, like, a serving project through his church; and then another one was he was part of this, like, athletic club through this missions organization he was a part of. Then they leave it there. They don\u2019t touch the fact\u2014you\u2019re like: \u201cThis guy is a believer and has a completely different philosophy in forming the way he meets people. He\u2019s crushing it, and you\u2019re all sad. Get on his level\u2014like: \u2018Do what he\u2019s doing. Get in an orbit with people who are\u2026\u2019\u2014you know, community forms around causes. No one unites around unity; you unite around something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; again, you know folks who are going, \u201cThe church is not necessarily the safe place to find guys or girls, because I\u2019ve gone out with a guy from church; and after the fourth date, he\u2019s pressuring me to have sex.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; well, that\u2019s the character piece, because anybody can <em>say<\/em> they are Christians. I don\u2019t care\u2014man, If a guy has got a Christian fish on his car or a Bible on his coffee table\u2014I don\u2019t care, man; I want to watch his life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, in college, there was this girl\u2014she was an attractive girl; lots of guys would hit on her. I remember sitting in the lunchroom once and watching this dude, just full court press, hitting on her: \u201cWell, how can you get to know me if you don\u2019t go on a date with me? I don\u2019t understand. Just come out with me. Just go\u2026.\u201d She\u2019s like: \u201cNo; it\u2019s not going to happen. It\u2019s never going to happen; stop asking.\u201d She just kept shutting this dude down until, finally, he gave up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiterally, I came\u2014like knelt at her feet\u2014and was like, \u201cTeach me her ways.\u201d I was like, \u201cHow did you do that?\u201d She said: \u201cYou know what, Ben? The community of people who care about the things I care about isn\u2019t huge, and I\u2019ve never seen him in <em>any<\/em> of it. No one I know knows him, so no one I know knows this guy. He\u2019s not around any of the places I\u2019m around. I\u2019m not getting in a car alone with that dude.\u201d I just thought, \u201cI\u2019d never heard of that.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m putting myself in communities, where the quality of people is different; then, I\u2019m watching their lives.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about this. I know there are single men and women out there, agreeing with <em>everything<\/em> you are saying; and yet, they settle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They end up lowering the standard; they get into a relationship. I see it all the time. I know what they <em>want<\/em>\u2014they want what you are saying\u2014and yet, they settle. Why?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They think that they can get this person to become that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; why do we see that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes; I don\u2019t know. I think fear might lean into that for some\u2014I think it\u2019s a big part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing that gives me a lot of compassion, right now, is\u2014I\u2019m watching, particularly women, as they get into their 30s, and want to be married, and aren\u2019t meeting good guys, go, \u201cWhat happens now?\u201d I don\u2019t want to provide them a pat answer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we are in a season, right now, that is difficult. I say this as someone who <em>loves<\/em> the young men that I have had the opportunity to minister to and be around. When you look at the culture\u2014when you\u2019re running into numbers like 50 percent of men are self-reporting that they looked at pornography last week and then you look at the data\u2014that is so destructive in the way people relate, personally. It\u2019s not good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think men\u2014I feel compassion, because they didn\u2019t create the world they are in. They didn\u2019t make Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; they didn\u2019t make this phone\u2014it got handed to them when they were babies\/I mean, this young generation. So much of media is so alluring, because it\u2019s built to attract what men attract; but the cost is\u2014it\u2019s hurting their socialization with women. I think we, as men, need to help men and release them to be men, and strong and courageous, and good. I think, if we do that, then we can see some really great matches; but it\u2019s challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just sitting here, thinking, \u201cIf you want to be good at anything in life, you would get input; you would get training; you would get coaching; you would read on it.\u201d I have a son who wants to be a farmer. I have <em>zero<\/em> to offer him about farming; right? He can\u2019t come to me and say, \u201cDad, so, how does this crop rotation thing work?\u201d I don\u2019t even know what the categories are; I don\u2019t know what he would be asking; but there are people he can go to and there are books\u2014he\u2019s got a stack of books that he\u2019s reading to do all of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m saying all of this\u2014if you are a single person, and you want to be good at relationships, and good at marriage someday, get some coaching\/some mentoring\u2014some folks speaking into your life\u2014and get a copy of Ben\u2019s book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>. Put it in the stack of books that you are reading on how to get good at this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add: \u201cDon\u2019t read it alone. Read it in community and talk about it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add, for us that are married, we need to really keep our eyes open\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for singles, and draw them into our worlds, and create and form a friendship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; this week, we\u2019re making Ben\u2019s book available to any <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener who can support the work of this ministry with a donation. As you guys know, we are listener-supported. That means that folks, who are tuned in today and have benefitted from this program\u2014when you contribute to this ministry, you make it possible for this daily program to be heard on this local radio station, on our network of stations all around the country and all around the world. The program is now being heard more than ever because of its availability on the Internet and on our mobile app. In addition, we\u2019ve got <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> resources and events. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll that we do, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> happens because listeners, like you, say, \u201cThis is important, and we want to help make it happen.\u201d If you can help with a donation today, we would love to send you, as a thank-you gift, upon your request, Ben Stuart\u2019s book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thanks for partnering with us, and we hope you enjoy Ben\u2019s book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, talking about singleness, and dating, and engagement, and marriage\u2014just a great reminder that this is a part of God\u2019s design to bring sanctification into our lives. David Robbins, who is the President of FamilyLife, is here with us. David, this is a part of the marriage journey; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; dating and marriage does one thing consistently\u2014and I would also add relentlessly\u2014it brings two people together that are still very in process and still have lots of room for growth. It\u2019s usually not a recipe for bliss all the time. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday\u2019s conversation just makes me cry out, personally. It makes me self-reflect some and cry out to God: \u201cI have so far to go, Lord. I know I\u2019m still so in process. I know I have so much to learn. I\u2019m not making space in this time with young kids to really go there in the ways that I, maybe, used to.\u201d It kind of makes me reflect on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just like: \u201cGod, what are the ways that You want me to grow in this season as I keep going through this year? God, what are You doing in my life, and how do You want me to grow? What are the places that You know about me that You\u2019re wanting to reveal to me that I don\u2019t see? What are the places in my story You want to restore that I\u2019m not paying attention to?\u201d This conversation kind of makes me attentive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter what the season of life we\u2019re journeying through\u2014whether that is singleness; or dating; or newlyweds; or young kids, or teenagers, or empty-nesters\u2014let\u2019s be a people, who constantly ask God to make us have soft hearts and to keep growing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; let\u2019s not get so busy that we miss what God is doing on the journey; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m having to ask myself that question today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s good. Thank you, David. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we hope you can join us back again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ben Stuart, and we\u2019ll find out how Ben knew for sure that the woman he was dating was the woman he should marry. We\u2019ll hear more about his journey tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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