{"id":305061,"date":"2019-06-05T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-06-05T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/single-and-dating\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T23:35:49","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T03:35:49","slug":"single-and-dating","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/single-and-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"Single and Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Would you like your son or daughter to have the same dating experience as you? Ben Stuart talks with Dave and Ann Wilson about the dating culture and practices on today&#8217;s college campuses.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:51","filesize":"26.41M","filesize_raw":"27693405","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848,2814],"tags":[4018,6640,6639,2926],"podcast_series":[8280],"cwp_profile":[9081],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305061","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","category-releasing-your-child","tag-dating","tag-dating-biblically","tag-how-to-date-well","tag-singles","podcast_series-single-dating-engaged-married","cwp_profile-ben-stuart","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305061\/single-and-dating","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305061\/single-and-dating","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"i0KtGjCvTe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/single-and-dating\/\">Single and Dating<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/single-and-dating\/embed\/#?secret=i0KtGjCvTe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Single and Dating&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"i0KtGjCvTe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben Stuart remembers when he started thinking differently about being single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I remember, when I was in college, guys would be like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m writing a journal to my future wife and I\u2019m just telling her, \u2018I\u2019m thinking about you tonight.\u2019 I remember trying to do that once; and I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, you may or may not exist; and this is dumb,\u201d and I quit. [Laughter] I put it away; and I was like: God doesn\u2019t owe me a wife!\u201d\u2014like He doesn\u2019t owe me one. That started me going: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll get married or not; so what am I doing here? If singleness isn\u2019t about getting married, what\u2019s it about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. The Bible says singleness is a gift; but if you\u2019re single, be honest: \u201cDon\u2019t you think of it as kind of a white elephant gift?\u201d We\u2019re going to talk more about singleness today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I just wonder how many people\u2014if you took a random survey\u2014and said, \u201cWould you like to share your story of going from singleness to married, just from the beginning to the end\u2014all the details\u2014you\u2019d like to have that be a book that everybody in America would read?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I wouldn\u2019t like that to be my book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been in audiences with parents; and I\u2019ve said, \u201cHow many of you would like your kids to have, as their experience during their teen years, the same thing you had as your experience during your teen years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, no, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Have you asked that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Does anybody raise their hand?\u2014a few?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe two of a hundred.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And then the question is: \u201cWhat do you do, as a parent, to try to keep your kids from having some of the damaging experiences they had?\u201d We have the answer today; what you do is\u2014you give your kids <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em> by Ben Stuart. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! Thank you for writing this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Absolutely. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben Stuart joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Well, thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s been awhile since we\u2019ve been here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Ben\u2019s laughing; he likes that intro. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>That\u2019s great; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben is the pastor at Passion City Church in Washington, DC\u2014for years, gave leadership to a ministry at Texas A&amp;M called Breakaway. Writing this book really comes out of all of those years of working with college students and young adults, who were trying to figure out, \u201cWhat\u2019s the path we should be on to where we want to go?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because most of them want to go to marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you make the statement in the book: \u201cKids today see marriage as the end of the journey that they\u2019re on rather than the beginning of the journey.\u201d Explain what you mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s been a shift in the culture. Marriage used to be something you would jump into really early, and I think there are varying degrees of why this happened and different factors; but part of it is, I think, the fear of failure in marriage. I think there\u2019s also a popular presentation of: \u201cYou have to get your career on point before you figure out your relationships.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; I wrote the book\u2014I never set out to be: \u201cLet\u2019s be the dating guy. Let\u2019s try that out.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, there are people, who knew me in college, that they are like: \u201cBen wrote a <em>what?<\/em> [Laughter] You have to be kidding me. That guy was a train wreck.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; I sat at Texas A&amp;M\u2014I mean, when I got there, Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was just coming out. I mean, students were like: \u201cThis is nuts. You can get online and ba-ba-bum, and do this stuff\u2026\u201d So my ten years there\/twelve years were the twelve years when the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was coming out, carrying around the World Wide Web. I watched that huge technological shift have an <em>incredible<\/em> impact on how people interact with each other, just social interaction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book, for me, came out of a heart of compassion, pastorally. To watch a lot of these cultural shifts over the last few years really brought a lot of stress, anxiety, and confusion in the young people, particularly, in how they meet each other; so dating\u2019s being delayed; marriage is being delayed\u2014and a lot of confusion\/anxiety came into the mix. So yes; this book, for me, was a place of just trying to help some young people I really love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You started at A&amp;M as a student; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>That is correct; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, reading the beginning of the book\u2014that whole story, which, you know, I\u2019ve never heard of anything\u2014like going to the stadium to practice your yells.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; tell us about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; what in the world is that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>A&amp;M\u2019s a special place, man. [Laughter] Instantly, you jump in; you go, \u201cThis is a place of traditions, man.\u201d They\u2019re pretty <em>amazing<\/em> traditions; one of them is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In fact, there are folks, who have whooped, since we have started talking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I guarantee you they have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because, when you say the word, Texas A&amp;M, you get people who just whooped because they heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But that\u2019s one of the traditions, and then the stadium tradition\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; so you show up the night before, midnight, to practice the yells; because we don\u2019t just cheer\u2014you lean forward to maximize the dynamics of your voice\/get full lungs\u2014and you all yell the exact same thing in unison. Then when all that\u2019s done, we turn out all the lights and you make out with the person you brought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when they said that\u2014my roommates\u2014I thought they were joking! And then they were like, \u201cWell, if you didn\u2019t bring a girl,\u201d which I obviously didn\u2019t, \u201cyou hold up a lighter\u201d\u2014and that would be your phone\u2014\u201cand someone finds you, and you kiss <em>them<\/em>.\u201d Now, it\u2019s like not everyone would do this\u2014especially now, there\u2019s so much fear around that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>But yes; that was the expectation, and it was just full-on anxiety for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So did you go? Did you go to yell practice?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; I would go to yell practice. Whenever that moment came, I would just get low\u2014just duck\/just try to get out of the way. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You didn\u2019t hold up your little light?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>No; man, no! That\u2019s risky! That\u2019s a risky endeavor!\u2014you know what I mean by that? [Laughter] That could put you in a lot of different zones, and I just wasn\u2019t ready to be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You went, like a lot of college students\u2014you\u2019re a single guy; you\u2019re thinking, \u201cIt\u2019d be nice to find a girl at college,\u201d\u2014weren\u2019t you thinking that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, it was interesting. When I was in college, there was a lot of people that thought that way, like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t meet my wife here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201clife\u2019s over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes\u2014\u201cwhat now?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m not that old, so the shift has been pretty marked in the last ten\u2014really, since the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> came out. If you think about it, 2007 was a real breakpoint for people in social dynamics\u2014how they treat each other. Being on the campus, as a minister, I watched it happen. I would watch people on my staff come and go: \u201cMan, what is the deal? Have you noticed, when people come and talk to you, they say really awkward, inappropriate things?\u201d or \u201c\u2026a lot of them are having trouble making eye contact with you?\u201d or whatever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cHey, look, we can get frustrated about it; but I think part of our job, now, is socialization. We have to help some young people\u2014not just help them know who they are in Christ and help them know who Jesus is\u2014we have to help them figure out how to look in the eye, and talk, and have social interaction\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014have a real relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; because most of it\u2019s tech based now rather than conversational, and it messes with social dynamics. You can see where that can begin to domino into dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and your point here\u2014and I think it\u2019s profound\u2014is that singleness in 2019 is way different than singleness was, even, a decade ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The dynamics of what interaction looks like between singles\u2014I mean, this is the \u201cswipe right\u201d era\/this is the era of texting\u2014and it changes the dynamics of what meaningful relationship looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had a girlfriend your freshman year; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Mmm; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019s that mean?!\u2014\u201cMmm; yes.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Well, I was one of those guys that left high school and was still sort of dating the girl that didn\u2019t go to your college with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You know, I would meet those kids, as a minister [later], and they\u2019d be like, \u201cWell, I have a girlfriend; she\u2019s back home.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, alright; well, that will probably end soon,\u201d just because you\u2019re entering such a different zone, relationally; and it\u2019s hard for those to make it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So this ended; this break-up\u2014this long-distance relationship\u2014did you break it up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes, I did; I did. It actually did kick-start my friendship with my best friend, though\u2014it\u2019s the weirdest thing. When [she] and I were kind of not working out too well\u2014we had a summer\u2014she came back from one of those mission deals, where you go fix up houses. She just kept talking about this guy that she worked on a roof with, and they built a roof. He was so selfless, and served people, and was so amazing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, after a week of this, I was like: \u201cHey, so that guy? I hate him,\u201d\u2014just so you know\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cLike super friend buddy?\u2014like I can\u2019t stand him. If I ever meet him\u2014punch him in the face! [Laughter] I can\u2019t hear another sentence about this guy!\u201d You know, that\u2019s where I was like, \u201cAlright; our lives our growing apart; we\u2019re going a different path.\u201d [Laughter] So, you know, I broke it off, just like, \u201cThis obviously isn\u2019t working.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was the funniest thing, because I still had her picture up in my room. [Laughter]This guy came over to my house and was like, \u201cDo you know\u201d\u2014and said her name. I was like, \u201cYes; I know her.\u201d He looks at the picture and he goes, \u201cWait a minute,\u201d\u2014he goes\u2014\u201cYes; [she] and I built roofs together,\u201d\u2014whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I was like, \u201cYou\u2019re the guy!\u201d He\u2019s looking at the picture, and we\u2019re holding hands in the picture\u2014and literally, both of us looked at each other and were, \u201cWait a minute.\u201d I said, \u201cYou\u2019re the roof guy?\u201d and he was like, \u201cYou\u2019re the boyfriend?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cExcuse me?\u201d He goes: \u201cDude, the whole week on that roof, I\u2019m trying to hit on this girl. She was going on and on about how amazing you are, and how selfless, and how amazing\u2026\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cDude, she came back and wouldn\u2019t shut up about you!\u201d I was like, \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting to punch you in the face!\u201d [Laughter] We just both started laughing; and still, to this day, are best friends. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So that became your best friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He was a <em>good<\/em> guy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; he turned out to be a pretty good guy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your sophomore year\u2014you started dating somebody else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t date a lot; I mean, I was a train wreck. A lot of it, for me, was I didn\u2019t have the emotional maturity in college. I realized Ben and God weren\u2019t right; so anytime I started a <em>we<\/em>\u2014when I really didn\u2019t have much insight into <em>me<\/em>\u2014the <em>we<\/em> always went sideways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There was somebody you broke up with and, then, kissed right after you broke up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; that was a little later in college\u2014didn\u2019t learn a lot in college, Bob! [Laughter] That was kind of later in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to explain how that happens? You break up and then you\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It was their first kiss; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey Bob, I can tell he doesn\u2019t want to go there. You keep pressing for this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>This is great; I thought we were going to talk about statistics\u2014[Laughter]\u2014this is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what\u2019s great, though? I will say about that girl\u2014yes; she was amazing\u2014we actually did it right. I felt good about that relationship with her, because we\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The one you broke up and, then, kissed?\u2014you feel good about that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Not about that moment; [Laughter] but I feel good about <em>this<\/em> element of it, Bob\u2014is we had talked about, when we first said, \u201cHey, let\u2019s try out dating,\u201d\u2014[I\u2019m] like, \u201cOkay; what are some things you feel comfortable with and don\u2019t feel comfortable with, even physically?\u201d She had some ground rules of: \u201cI really don\u2019t want to cross these lines, physically. We just don\u2019t know where this relationship\u2019s going to go, so let\u2019s not go across these lines.\u201d We really\u2014we really did that pretty well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014honored that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; so I met her husband, later on. Unlike some other relationships, I didn\u2019t feel awkward looking him in the eye.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said something that I think is at the core of the first part of this book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>. You said you weren\u2019t right with God and you weren\u2019t right with you, as you were entering into some of these relationships. If you had one message to singles, that would be it; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; it was pretty profound for me; because I realized, at the end of college, \u201cMy dating life is just a dumpster fire. I can\u2019t get these right, and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d So I just took a break in my early 20s\u201423. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when I was in college, guys would be like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m writing a journal to my future wife and I just tell her, \u2018I\u2019m thinking about you tonight.\u2019\u201d I remember trying to do that once; and I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, you may or may not exist and this is dumb,\u201d and I quit. [Laughter] I put it away; and I was like, \u201cGod doesn\u2019t owe me a wife!\u201d\u2014like He doesn\u2019t owe me one. I realize, \u201cI do want one, but He doesn\u2019t\u2014I don\u2019t want to get to a place where I\u2019m like, \u2018And You will give me one,\u2019 because He doesn\u2019t owe me that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat started me going: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll get married or not. So what am I doing here? If singleness isn\u2019t about getting married, what\u2019s it about?\u201d That was really this personal thing I went on when I got out of college\u2014having Ben\u2019s existential crisis\u2014\u201cWhat am I here in the world for?\u201d I started trying to figure that out. It was really mind-blowing for me, reading Paul, when he\u2019s talking about his singleness being a gift. He says, \u201cI\u2019m not saying this to shackle you\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cbut so you might pursue an undistracted devotion to the Lord.\u201d Then he starts talking about the hassles of being married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that phrase grabbed me\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cThat\u2019s what this singleness is for. The primary relationship for me is me and God,\u201d and I understand that. I think every human being longs for a sense of purpose in life\u2014that, to me, was, \u201cMy singleness has purpose.\u201d That was so deeply satisfying, and I wrote this treatise to myself about: \u201cThis is what my singleness is about; this is what it\u2019s going to be for\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, years later, I got invited to speak at a singles\u2019 deal; and it was all these thousands of singles. They\u2019re like, \u201cWhat do you want to talk about?\u201d I said, \u201cSingleness\u201d; and they\u2019re like, \u201cDon\u2019t do it, man.\u201d They were all expecting me to say, \u201cYou just have to wait by the well and be strong,\u201d you know? But I got up there and was like: \u201cYour singleness has a purpose\u2014not to pursue distraction\/not just career ambition\u2014it\u2019s to really know God. You have all this free time that you can leverage in His Word\/in His work\u2014make a difference in the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just coming out of me because that was my life. It resonated with people a <em>lot<\/em>. I realized, \u201cThis helps people, when they\u2019re single, because they\u2019re all wondering what to do with the time.\u201d Over the years, as I\u2019ve done it, you really see people go: \u201cMan, this helps me get a handle on, \u2018I have purpose in this time.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> message to give people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the ancillary benefit is\u2014as you get to know God more, you get to know yourself more\u2014you become more like Him. You just become a healthier person when a relationship does show up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You still have two things, in the midst of this being devoted to God and\u2014I\u2019m thinking of, at least, two things\u2014one is, \u201cI\u2019m lonely for companionship\/for somebody who knows me well; it\u2019s a longing in my heart,\u201d and secondly, \u201cI\u2019m frustrated because I have urges and desires that are outside of what God wants for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking of the singles, who are listening, going, \u201cYes; okay, I get \u2018devoted to God\u2019 and \u2018really pursue Him hard\u2019 and \u2018you have all this time\u2014it\u2019s undistracted; it\u2019s great.\u2019 What do you do with lonely?\u201d and \u201cWhat do you with those desires?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>This was an interesting thing for me\u2014this was also coinciding with the first time I was really a part of a church. I had attended church; but you know, I graduated college\u2014my plan was to wander the earth in pursuit of adventure. [Laughter] I just did not\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d Someone was like, \u201cMan, have you ever thought about helping to plant a church?\u201d I had never even heard those words! I showed up there; and they were like, \u201cHey, we heard about your passion for youth.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cMy what?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I trusted this leader\u2014I was like, \u201cI can learn a lot from this guy.\u201d I said, \u201cYes, I can work with youth; that\u2019s cool,\u201d and just jumped into this deal. Suddenly, found myself on a staff with\u2014there was a single girl; the pastor was single\/he was engaged; there was a married worship pastor\u2014and he would invite us dudes to go sit on his back porch every weekend and hang out. Suddenly, I was surrounded by this community\u2014there were older people, younger, whatever. I realized there are sexual longings\u2014that was part of your questions\u2014but there are also communal longings, that we <em>assume<\/em> are going to be met in that marriage zone, that can really substantially be met in this kind of familial church community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for my wife and I\u2014like fast forward to when we got married\u2014we always have an orbit of singles in our world. They <em>regularly<\/em> come up and thank us for just\u2014like: \u201cThanks for letting me be a part of a family. Thanks that your kids know me, and\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What does that look like, practically\u2014that orbit of relationships with single people?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s different in different seasons, and my wife is <em>great<\/em> at this\u2014I mean, so for her\u2014she just knew: \u201cI\u2019m doing life, but I\u2019m always going to grab someone and bring them with me; so if I\u2019m going to the store, \u2018Hey, why don\u2019t you all come do this?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when we moved into our first house, she\u2019s like, \u201cI want to fix this fence.\u201d My wife\u2019s never like, \u201cSo I\u2019ll go do it.\u201d She said: \u201cI want to fix this fence. I\u2019m going to call these four girls to come fix the fence.\u201d These girls are like: \u201cFix a fence! What are you talking about?\u201d So she\u2019s teaching them something\/teaching them a skill, and they\u2019re doing it together. They\u2019re having a shared experience\/making a memory, and these girls still talk about it. Then, she\u2019d have girls over and teach them to cook; so while she\u2019s cooking, they\u2019re cooking with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>She\u2019s discipling as she goes through life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>\u2014just as she goes along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>So as we had kids, it was like, \u201cAlright, it\u2019s a little less of building this and that; now jump in and help me raise these kids,\u201d\u2014now, jump in in this element. So sometimes it\u2019s babysitting, kind of that structure here while we\u2019re out, but if often flows into, \u201cHey, stay for dinner,\u201d \u201cHey, come with us as we go do this thing together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you guys purposely look for singles at church?\u2014because I\u2019m thinking of our listeners, thinking, \u201cThey\u2019re surrounded at churches by single people that may feel that loneliness and would probably <em>love<\/em> to be scooped up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You know, I don\u2019t know if we ever sat down and said this, like: \u201cThat\u2019s the treatise of the Stuart family. We will\u2026\u201d; but people did that for <em>me<\/em>. I was the <em>last<\/em> of my friends to get married\u2014like all my groomsmen were already married; they\u2019re holding their kids exhausted, you know; [Laughter] and I finally just got married. I <em>was<\/em> the single guy; and she was the single girl at her church, in a lot of ways. We had these communities really surround us; so yes, I just think it was normal for us to think like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you look at the culture and\u2014what is it?\u201445 percent of adults are single. You better figure out how to adapt singles into your world, because they\u2019re everywhere. Many of them are living alone and don\u2019t have a social orbit. You know, when we started the church in DC, we started with these community groups. They\u2019ve exploded; because people are lonely, man; and people\u2014lonely and struggling to know <em>how<\/em> to connect with people in a way that\u2019s healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m hearing out of this: \u201cIf you\u2019re married\/if you have a family, bring the singles into the orbit of your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cBe intentional; be purposeful about that. If you\u2019re involved in a local church, help the singles, who are a part of that community, have some community and some relationship. Sometimes, that can be really awkward and clumsy.\u201d I\u2019m thinking of the singles at our church\u2014and if I said, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you all come over?\u201d\u2014they\u2019d be like: \u201cWhat is this? Is this supposed to be a matchmaking thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014a project.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So that can be awkward, but work your way through the awkwardness and figure out how to make it work in your church. Have them all come over and say, \u201cLook, let\u2019s be about kingdom work. What should we be doing, here, in our city?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, and I think, as married couples, often we think: \u201cMy life is a <em>mess<\/em>. I have these little kids\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy kids are older, teenagers, and I don\u2019t want this single to come in here; they\u2019re going to think I\u2019m a mess and they will <em>never<\/em> want to get married.\u201d [Laughter] You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that\u2019s good\u2014to open our eyes\/to think: \u201cThis would be <em>great<\/em>. It\u2019s discipleship; it\u2019s mentoring; it\u2019s community\/friendship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And then the last thing is: \u201cIf you\u2019re single and if your relationship with God is not what it ought to be\u2014not strong\/you\u2019re not walking with Him regularly\u2014if you have a lot of internal issues and stuff, you\u2019re at the dumpster fire that Ben was talking about\u2014probably, not the right framework to go say, \u2018I should go find a boyfriend\u2026\u2019 or \u2018\u2026a girlfriend right now,\u2019 if those other things are true about you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSo get that working well before you get out there and try to find a relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you know you were in a dumpster fire? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; and so did everyone around me. [Laughter] Yes; it was fairly obvious that \u201cSomething\u2019s wrong with the boy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; you know, it was interesting\u2014I remember my roommate in college would go out\u2014his family lived in West Texas\u2014and [he was] like: \u201cMan, every Friday was this community dance. You would invite a girl, and we would all do this dance.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYour parents and everybody?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d I was like: \u201cDude, that\u2019s like the <em>weirdest<\/em> thing. What are you talking about?\u201d He said: \u201cYes; this is normal. You go up in Garner City Park, and there is a big dance on Friday. You invite a girl and go.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when my wife and I traveled in France, we stayed in this little village in France. They are like, \u201cHey, do you want to come with us Friday night?\u201d We were like, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d \u201cThe whole village goes in this big deal and we put on a dance.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWait; what?!\u201d It was interesting\u2014to be like that wasn\u2019t just a weird West Texas thing\u2014it was like a <em>human<\/em> thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I was researching for this book, I saw it in some secular resources. They were like, \u201cIn the past, the church saw that as part of the way to help singles,\u201d\u2014they would host dances. Literally, churches would host dances or, sometimes, they would just create avenues, where marrieds and singles sort of did it together. You had a community around you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The only place that happens now is wedding receptions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or country and western bars on Saturday night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>We\u2019ve outsourced it now. If you look in the statistics, it\u2019s in bars and online are the primary places; and churches\u2014it\u2019s not. I think that\u2019s a loss. I know my wife and I benefited from having these communities around us in our churches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you think, if I got singles at our church together and said, \u201cLet\u2019s all go through this book together, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>,\u201d would that be weird?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You think they\u2019d be into that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I think so; yes. I mean, your church may have an avenue for them, but some may not. That\u2019d be a normal way to do it. I think, especially, if you come in\u2014inquisitive, not with all the answers\u2014you know what I mean?\u2014if you come in like: \u201cHow\u2019s this experience for you?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s it like?\u201d \u201cHow does this go?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014wanting to know them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; and then they\u2019ll hear about your experience and be shocked by it, you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read an article in <em>The Atlantic<\/em> recently, where this woman was in her 30s; and she just did this\u2014just interviewed singles\/talked to them. They asked her, \u201cHow\u2019d you meet your husband?\u201d and she explained: \u201cWe worked in the same office, so we\u2019d always see each other. He just came up and said, \u2018Hi.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cIt shocked me that they were shocked.\u201d [Singles asked] \u201cHe just came up and said, \u2018Hi,\u2019 like a stranger?\u201d \u201cYes; because we would see each other a lot.\u201d They were like, \u201cNo\u2014like we don\u2019t\u2014I would, instantly, think that was a stalker.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You see the social dynamics have changed so much that even starting a conversation with a stranger feels <em>weird<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, for those who are interested, we have copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. They may just want to read it on their own\u2014like, hide it in your house so that nobody knows you\u2019re reading it\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but it may be something that you want to get together with other folks and go through and just say, \u201cDoes this match up with your experience?\u201d\u2014especially\u2014again, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMarried couples, get together the singles; invite them over to your house and say, \u2018Let\u2019s go through this together,\u2019 and \u2018We\u2019ll be here to just tell you our story and where we messed up, and hear your stories, and just help you think about all of these things.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we are making Ben\u2019s book available to any of you who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation. You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you click the donate button and you make a donation, we\u2019ll send you a copy, upon your request, of the book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>, by Ben Stuart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. Ask for your copy of Ben Stuart\u2019s book on singleness and dating, engagement and marriage. It\u2019s our gift to you to thank you for supporting the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your donations are what make all that we do, here, at FamilyLife possible\u2014this radio program, our website, our resources, our events\u2014you make it happen when you support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Again, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you for your gift,\u201d by sending you a copy of Ben Stuart\u2019s book today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think, no matter how you slice it, in what we\u2019ve talked about today, being single is challenging. David Robbins, who\u2019s the President of FamilyLife, is here with us; and you\u2019ve worked with a lot of singles\u2014on the college campus and as you were living and working in Manhattan\u2014it\u2019s hard to be single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, there is this desire for many singles to be married\/to be in a relationship. There\u2019s a frustration of the dating game and just a settling of \u201cI guess this is what it\u2019s like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing I\u2019ve enjoyed, in being able to journey alongside people with that longing, is watching those moments, when they break through and go, \u201cI still have that longing, and it gnaws at my soul some days; it\u2019s a deep longing.\u201d Yet, when they break through and experience Jesus as the lover of their soul\u2014not in a trite way\/not in a token way\u2014but when the fullness of us being the Beloved and being able to focus our purpose and our passion around Him\u2014I watch those breakthroughs happen for people; and sure enough, in a few months or in a year, they\u2019ll be processing the longings again, if God hasn\u2019t provided a spouse; but it has proven to me, time and time again, Jesus is a worthy lover of our soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It reminds me of what Augustine said, in his <em>Confessions<\/em>, when he said, \u201cOur hearts are restless until we find our rest in Him.\u201d That\u2019s true, whether you\u2019re single\/whether you\u2019re married\u2014wherever you are in life\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; no doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thank you, David; and thanks to those who have joined us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ben Stuart about singleness, and dating, and engagement and marriage\u2014a lot more to unpack. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:51"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.41M"],"filesize_raw":["27693405"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305061.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305061.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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you like your son or daughter to have the same dating experience as you? Ben Stuart talks with Dave and Ann Wilson about the dating culture and practices on today's college campuses.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-06-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben Stuart remembers when he started thinking differently about being single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I remember, when I was in college, guys would be like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m writing a journal to my future wife and I\u2019m just telling her, \u2018I\u2019m thinking about you tonight.\u2019 I remember trying to do that once; and I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, you may or may not exist; and this is dumb,\u201d and I quit. [Laughter] I put it away; and I was like: God doesn\u2019t owe me a wife!\u201d\u2014like He doesn\u2019t owe me one. That started me going: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll get married or not; so what am I doing here? If singleness isn\u2019t about getting married, what\u2019s it about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. The Bible says singleness is a gift; but if you\u2019re single, be honest: \u201cDon\u2019t you think of it as kind of a white elephant gift?\u201d We\u2019re going to talk more about singleness today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I just wonder how many people\u2014if you took a random survey\u2014and said, \u201cWould you like to share your story of going from singleness to married, just from the beginning to the end\u2014all the details\u2014you\u2019d like to have that be a book that everybody in America would read?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I wouldn\u2019t like that to be my book!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been in audiences with parents; and I\u2019ve said, \u201cHow many of you would like your kids to have, as their experience during their teen years, the same thing you had as your experience during your teen years?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, no, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Have you asked that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Does anybody raise their hand?\u2014a few?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maybe two of a hundred.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And then the question is: \u201cWhat do you do, as a parent, to try to keep your kids from having some of the damaging experiences they had?\u201d We have the answer today; what you do is\u2014you give your kids <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em> by Ben Stuart. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! Thank you for writing this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Absolutely. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben Stuart joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Well, thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s been awhile since we\u2019ve been here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Ben\u2019s laughing; he likes that intro. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>That\u2019s great; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ben is the pastor at Passion City Church in Washington, DC\u2014for years, gave leadership to a ministry at Texas A&amp;M called Breakaway. Writing this book really comes out of all of those years of working with college students and young adults, who were trying to figure out, \u201cWhat\u2019s the path we should be on to where we want to go?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because most of them want to go to marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you make the statement in the book: \u201cKids today see marriage as the end of the journey that they\u2019re on rather than the beginning of the journey.\u201d Explain what you mean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s been a shift in the culture. Marriage used to be something you would jump into really early, and I think there are varying degrees of why this happened and different factors; but part of it is, I think, the fear of failure in marriage. I think there\u2019s also a popular presentation of: \u201cYou have to get your career on point before you figure out your relationships.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; I wrote the book\u2014I never set out to be: \u201cLet\u2019s be the dating guy. Let\u2019s try that out.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, there are people, who knew me in college, that they are like: \u201cBen wrote a <em>what?<\/em> [Laughter] You have to be kidding me. That guy was a train wreck.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; I sat at Texas A&amp;M\u2014I mean, when I got there, Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was just coming out. I mean, students were like: \u201cThis is nuts. You can get online and ba-ba-bum, and do this stuff\u2026\u201d So my ten years there\/twelve years were the twelve years when the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> was coming out, carrying around the World Wide Web. I watched that huge technological shift have an <em>incredible<\/em> impact on how people interact with each other, just social interaction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis book, for me, came out of a heart of compassion, pastorally. To watch a lot of these cultural shifts over the last few years really brought a lot of stress, anxiety, and confusion in the young people, particularly, in how they meet each other; so dating\u2019s being delayed; marriage is being delayed\u2014and a lot of confusion\/anxiety came into the mix. So yes; this book, for me, was a place of just trying to help some young people I really love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You started at A&amp;M as a student; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>That is correct; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, reading the beginning of the book\u2014that whole story, which, you know, I\u2019ve never heard of anything\u2014like going to the stadium to practice your yells.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; tell us about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; what in the world is that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>A&amp;M\u2019s a special place, man. [Laughter] Instantly, you jump in; you go, \u201cThis is a place of traditions, man.\u201d They\u2019re pretty <em>amazing<\/em> traditions; one of them is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In fact, there are folks, who have whooped, since we have started talking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I guarantee you they have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because, when you say the word, Texas A&amp;M, you get people who just whooped because they heard it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But that\u2019s one of the traditions, and then the stadium tradition\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; so you show up the night before, midnight, to practice the yells; because we don\u2019t just cheer\u2014you lean forward to maximize the dynamics of your voice\/get full lungs\u2014and you all yell the exact same thing in unison. Then when all that\u2019s done, we turn out all the lights and you make out with the person you brought.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember when they said that\u2014my roommates\u2014I thought they were joking! And then they were like, \u201cWell, if you didn\u2019t bring a girl,\u201d which I obviously didn\u2019t, \u201cyou hold up a lighter\u201d\u2014and that would be your phone\u2014\u201cand someone finds you, and you kiss <em>them<\/em>.\u201d Now, it\u2019s like not everyone would do this\u2014especially now, there\u2019s so much fear around that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>But yes; that was the expectation, and it was just full-on anxiety for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So did you go? Did you go to yell practice?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; I would go to yell practice. Whenever that moment came, I would just get low\u2014just duck\/just try to get out of the way. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You didn\u2019t hold up your little light?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>No; man, no! That\u2019s risky! That\u2019s a risky endeavor!\u2014you know what I mean by that? [Laughter] That could put you in a lot of different zones, and I just wasn\u2019t ready to be there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You went, like a lot of college students\u2014you\u2019re a single guy; you\u2019re thinking, \u201cIt\u2019d be nice to find a girl at college,\u201d\u2014weren\u2019t you thinking that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, it was interesting. When I was in college, there was a lot of people that thought that way, like, \u201cIf I don\u2019t meet my wife here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201clife\u2019s over.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes\u2014\u201cwhat now?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I\u2019m not that old, so the shift has been pretty marked in the last ten\u2014really, since the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> came out. If you think about it, 2007 was a real breakpoint for people in social dynamics\u2014how they treat each other. Being on the campus, as a minister, I watched it happen. I would watch people on my staff come and go: \u201cMan, what is the deal? Have you noticed, when people come and talk to you, they say really awkward, inappropriate things?\u201d or \u201c\u2026a lot of them are having trouble making eye contact with you?\u201d or whatever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cHey, look, we can get frustrated about it; but I think part of our job, now, is socialization. We have to help some young people\u2014not just help them know who they are in Christ and help them know who Jesus is\u2014we have to help them figure out how to look in the eye, and talk, and have social interaction\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014have a real relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; because most of it\u2019s tech based now rather than conversational, and it messes with social dynamics. You can see where that can begin to domino into dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and your point here\u2014and I think it\u2019s profound\u2014is that singleness in 2019 is way different than singleness was, even, a decade ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The dynamics of what interaction looks like between singles\u2014I mean, this is the \u201cswipe right\u201d era\/this is the era of texting\u2014and it changes the dynamics of what meaningful relationship looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had a girlfriend your freshman year; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Mmm; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019s that mean?!\u2014\u201cMmm; yes.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Well, I was one of those guys that left high school and was still sort of dating the girl that didn\u2019t go to your college with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You know, I would meet those kids, as a minister [later], and they\u2019d be like, \u201cWell, I have a girlfriend; she\u2019s back home.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, alright; well, that will probably end soon,\u201d just because you\u2019re entering such a different zone, relationally; and it\u2019s hard for those to make it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So this ended; this break-up\u2014this long-distance relationship\u2014did you break it up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes, I did; I did. It actually did kick-start my friendship with my best friend, though\u2014it\u2019s the weirdest thing. When [she] and I were kind of not working out too well\u2014we had a summer\u2014she came back from one of those mission deals, where you go fix up houses. She just kept talking about this guy that she worked on a roof with, and they built a roof. He was so selfless, and served people, and was so amazing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, after a week of this, I was like: \u201cHey, so that guy? I hate him,\u201d\u2014just so you know\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cLike super friend buddy?\u2014like I can\u2019t stand him. If I ever meet him\u2014punch him in the face! [Laughter] I can\u2019t hear another sentence about this guy!\u201d You know, that\u2019s where I was like, \u201cAlright; our lives our growing apart; we\u2019re going a different path.\u201d [Laughter] So, you know, I broke it off, just like, \u201cThis obviously isn\u2019t working.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was the funniest thing, because I still had her picture up in my room. [Laughter]This guy came over to my house and was like, \u201cDo you know\u201d\u2014and said her name. I was like, \u201cYes; I know her.\u201d He looks at the picture and he goes, \u201cWait a minute,\u201d\u2014he goes\u2014\u201cYes; [she] and I built roofs together,\u201d\u2014whatever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I was like, \u201cYou\u2019re the guy!\u201d He\u2019s looking at the picture, and we\u2019re holding hands in the picture\u2014and literally, both of us looked at each other and were, \u201cWait a minute.\u201d I said, \u201cYou\u2019re the roof guy?\u201d and he was like, \u201cYou\u2019re the boyfriend?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cExcuse me?\u201d He goes: \u201cDude, the whole week on that roof, I\u2019m trying to hit on this girl. She was going on and on about how amazing you are, and how selfless, and how amazing\u2026\u201d [Laughter] I was like, \u201cDude, she came back and wouldn\u2019t shut up about you!\u201d I was like, \u201cI\u2019ve been waiting to punch you in the face!\u201d [Laughter] We just both started laughing; and still, to this day, are best friends. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So that became your best friend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He was a <em>good<\/em> guy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; he turned out to be a pretty good guy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your sophomore year\u2014you started dating somebody else?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t date a lot; I mean, I was a train wreck. A lot of it, for me, was I didn\u2019t have the emotional maturity in college. I realized Ben and God weren\u2019t right; so anytime I started a <em>we<\/em>\u2014when I really didn\u2019t have much insight into <em>me<\/em>\u2014the <em>we<\/em> always went sideways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There was somebody you broke up with and, then, kissed right after you broke up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; that was a little later in college\u2014didn\u2019t learn a lot in college, Bob! [Laughter] That was kind of later in college.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you want to explain how that happens? You break up and then you\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It was their first kiss; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey Bob, I can tell he doesn\u2019t want to go there. You keep pressing for this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>This is great; I thought we were going to talk about statistics\u2014[Laughter]\u2014this is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what\u2019s great, though? I will say about that girl\u2014yes; she was amazing\u2014we actually did it right. I felt good about that relationship with her, because we\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The one you broke up and, then, kissed?\u2014you feel good about that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Not about that moment; [Laughter] but I feel good about <em>this<\/em> element of it, Bob\u2014is we had talked about, when we first said, \u201cHey, let\u2019s try out dating,\u201d\u2014[I\u2019m] like, \u201cOkay; what are some things you feel comfortable with and don\u2019t feel comfortable with, even physically?\u201d She had some ground rules of: \u201cI really don\u2019t want to cross these lines, physically. We just don\u2019t know where this relationship\u2019s going to go, so let\u2019s not go across these lines.\u201d We really\u2014we really did that pretty well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014honored that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; so I met her husband, later on. Unlike some other relationships, I didn\u2019t feel awkward looking him in the eye.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said something that I think is at the core of the first part of this book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>. You said you weren\u2019t right with God and you weren\u2019t right with you, as you were entering into some of these relationships. If you had one message to singles, that would be it; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; it was pretty profound for me; because I realized, at the end of college, \u201cMy dating life is just a dumpster fire. I can\u2019t get these right, and I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d So I just took a break in my early 20s\u201423. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when I was in college, guys would be like, \u201cHey, I\u2019m writing a journal to my future wife and I just tell her, \u2018I\u2019m thinking about you tonight.\u2019\u201d I remember trying to do that once; and I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, you may or may not exist and this is dumb,\u201d and I quit. [Laughter] I put it away; and I was like, \u201cGod doesn\u2019t owe me a wife!\u201d\u2014like He doesn\u2019t owe me one. I realize, \u201cI do want one, but He doesn\u2019t\u2014I don\u2019t want to get to a place where I\u2019m like, \u2018And You will give me one,\u2019 because He doesn\u2019t owe me that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat started me going: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll get married or not. So what am I doing here? If singleness isn\u2019t about getting married, what\u2019s it about?\u201d That was really this personal thing I went on when I got out of college\u2014having Ben\u2019s existential crisis\u2014\u201cWhat am I here in the world for?\u201d I started trying to figure that out. It was really mind-blowing for me, reading Paul, when he\u2019s talking about his singleness being a gift. He says, \u201cI\u2019m not saying this to shackle you\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cbut so you might pursue an undistracted devotion to the Lord.\u201d Then he starts talking about the hassles of being married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that phrase grabbed me\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cThat\u2019s what this singleness is for. The primary relationship for me is me and God,\u201d and I understand that. I think every human being longs for a sense of purpose in life\u2014that, to me, was, \u201cMy singleness has purpose.\u201d That was so deeply satisfying, and I wrote this treatise to myself about: \u201cThis is what my singleness is about; this is what it\u2019s going to be for\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, years later, I got invited to speak at a singles\u2019 deal; and it was all these thousands of singles. They\u2019re like, \u201cWhat do you want to talk about?\u201d I said, \u201cSingleness\u201d; and they\u2019re like, \u201cDon\u2019t do it, man.\u201d They were all expecting me to say, \u201cYou just have to wait by the well and be strong,\u201d you know? But I got up there and was like: \u201cYour singleness has a purpose\u2014not to pursue distraction\/not just career ambition\u2014it\u2019s to really know God. You have all this free time that you can leverage in His Word\/in His work\u2014make a difference in the world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just coming out of me because that was my life. It resonated with people a <em>lot<\/em>. I realized, \u201cThis helps people, when they\u2019re single, because they\u2019re all wondering what to do with the time.\u201d Over the years, as I\u2019ve done it, you really see people go: \u201cMan, this helps me get a handle on, \u2018I have purpose in this time.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> message to give people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the ancillary benefit is\u2014as you get to know God more, you get to know yourself more\u2014you become more like Him. You just become a healthier person when a relationship does show up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You still have two things, in the midst of this being devoted to God and\u2014I\u2019m thinking of, at least, two things\u2014one is, \u201cI\u2019m lonely for companionship\/for somebody who knows me well; it\u2019s a longing in my heart,\u201d and secondly, \u201cI\u2019m frustrated because I have urges and desires that are outside of what God wants for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking of the singles, who are listening, going, \u201cYes; okay, I get \u2018devoted to God\u2019 and \u2018really pursue Him hard\u2019 and \u2018you have all this time\u2014it\u2019s undistracted; it\u2019s great.\u2019 What do you do with lonely?\u201d and \u201cWhat do you with those desires?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>This was an interesting thing for me\u2014this was also coinciding with the first time I was really a part of a church. I had attended church; but you know, I graduated college\u2014my plan was to wander the earth in pursuit of adventure. [Laughter] I just did not\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d Someone was like, \u201cMan, have you ever thought about helping to plant a church?\u201d I had never even heard those words! I showed up there; and they were like, \u201cHey, we heard about your passion for youth.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cMy what?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I trusted this leader\u2014I was like, \u201cI can learn a lot from this guy.\u201d I said, \u201cYes, I can work with youth; that\u2019s cool,\u201d and just jumped into this deal. Suddenly, found myself on a staff with\u2014there was a single girl; the pastor was single\/he was engaged; there was a married worship pastor\u2014and he would invite us dudes to go sit on his back porch every weekend and hang out. Suddenly, I was surrounded by this community\u2014there were older people, younger, whatever. I realized there are sexual longings\u2014that was part of your questions\u2014but there are also communal longings, that we <em>assume<\/em> are going to be met in that marriage zone, that can really substantially be met in this kind of familial church community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for my wife and I\u2014like fast forward to when we got married\u2014we always have an orbit of singles in our world. They <em>regularly<\/em> come up and thank us for just\u2014like: \u201cThanks for letting me be a part of a family. Thanks that your kids know me, and\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What does that look like, practically\u2014that orbit of relationships with single people?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s different in different seasons, and my wife is <em>great<\/em> at this\u2014I mean, so for her\u2014she just knew: \u201cI\u2019m doing life, but I\u2019m always going to grab someone and bring them with me; so if I\u2019m going to the store, \u2018Hey, why don\u2019t you all come do this?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when we moved into our first house, she\u2019s like, \u201cI want to fix this fence.\u201d My wife\u2019s never like, \u201cSo I\u2019ll go do it.\u201d She said: \u201cI want to fix this fence. I\u2019m going to call these four girls to come fix the fence.\u201d These girls are like: \u201cFix a fence! What are you talking about?\u201d So she\u2019s teaching them something\/teaching them a skill, and they\u2019re doing it together. They\u2019re having a shared experience\/making a memory, and these girls still talk about it. Then, she\u2019d have girls over and teach them to cook; so while she\u2019s cooking, they\u2019re cooking with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>She\u2019s discipling as she goes through life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>\u2014just as she goes along.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>So as we had kids, it was like, \u201cAlright, it\u2019s a little less of building this and that; now jump in and help me raise these kids,\u201d\u2014now, jump in in this element. So sometimes it\u2019s babysitting, kind of that structure here while we\u2019re out, but if often flows into, \u201cHey, stay for dinner,\u201d \u201cHey, come with us as we go do this thing together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you guys purposely look for singles at church?\u2014because I\u2019m thinking of our listeners, thinking, \u201cThey\u2019re surrounded at churches by single people that may feel that loneliness and would probably <em>love<\/em> to be scooped up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You know, I don\u2019t know if we ever sat down and said this, like: \u201cThat\u2019s the treatise of the Stuart family. We will\u2026\u201d; but people did that for <em>me<\/em>. I was the <em>last<\/em> of my friends to get married\u2014like all my groomsmen were already married; they\u2019re holding their kids exhausted, you know; [Laughter] and I finally just got married. I <em>was<\/em> the single guy; and she was the single girl at her church, in a lot of ways. We had these communities really surround us; so yes, I just think it was normal for us to think like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you look at the culture and\u2014what is it?\u201445 percent of adults are single. You better figure out how to adapt singles into your world, because they\u2019re everywhere. Many of them are living alone and don\u2019t have a social orbit. You know, when we started the church in DC, we started with these community groups. They\u2019ve exploded; because people are lonely, man; and people\u2014lonely and struggling to know <em>how<\/em> to connect with people in a way that\u2019s healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m hearing out of this: \u201cIf you\u2019re married\/if you have a family, bring the singles into the orbit of your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cBe intentional; be purposeful about that. If you\u2019re involved in a local church, help the singles, who are a part of that community, have some community and some relationship. Sometimes, that can be really awkward and clumsy.\u201d I\u2019m thinking of the singles at our church\u2014and if I said, \u201cHey, why don\u2019t you all come over?\u201d\u2014they\u2019d be like: \u201cWhat is this? Is this supposed to be a matchmaking thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014a project.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So that can be awkward, but work your way through the awkwardness and figure out how to make it work in your church. Have them all come over and say, \u201cLook, let\u2019s be about kingdom work. What should we be doing, here, in our city?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, and I think, as married couples, often we think: \u201cMy life is a <em>mess<\/em>. I have these little kids\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy kids are older, teenagers, and I don\u2019t want this single to come in here; they\u2019re going to think I\u2019m a mess and they will <em>never<\/em> want to get married.\u201d [Laughter] You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that\u2019s good\u2014to open our eyes\/to think: \u201cThis would be <em>great<\/em>. It\u2019s discipleship; it\u2019s mentoring; it\u2019s community\/friendship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And then the last thing is: \u201cIf you\u2019re single and if your relationship with God is not what it ought to be\u2014not strong\/you\u2019re not walking with Him regularly\u2014if you have a lot of internal issues and stuff, you\u2019re at the dumpster fire that Ben was talking about\u2014probably, not the right framework to go say, \u2018I should go find a boyfriend\u2026\u2019 or \u2018\u2026a girlfriend right now,\u2019 if those other things are true about you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSo get that working well before you get out there and try to find a relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did you know you were in a dumpster fire? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; and so did everyone around me. [Laughter] Yes; it was fairly obvious that \u201cSomething\u2019s wrong with the boy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes; you know, it was interesting\u2014I remember my roommate in college would go out\u2014his family lived in West Texas\u2014and [he was] like: \u201cMan, every Friday was this community dance. You would invite a girl, and we would all do this dance.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYour parents and everybody?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d I was like: \u201cDude, that\u2019s like the <em>weirdest<\/em> thing. What are you talking about?\u201d He said: \u201cYes; this is normal. You go up in Garner City Park, and there is a big dance on Friday. You invite a girl and go.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when my wife and I traveled in France, we stayed in this little village in France. They are like, \u201cHey, do you want to come with us Friday night?\u201d We were like, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d \u201cThe whole village goes in this big deal and we put on a dance.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWait; what?!\u201d It was interesting\u2014to be like that wasn\u2019t just a weird West Texas thing\u2014it was like a <em>human<\/em> thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when I was researching for this book, I saw it in some secular resources. They were like, \u201cIn the past, the church saw that as part of the way to help singles,\u201d\u2014they would host dances. Literally, churches would host dances or, sometimes, they would just create avenues, where marrieds and singles sort of did it together. You had a community around you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The only place that happens now is wedding receptions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or country and western bars on Saturday night.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>We\u2019ve outsourced it now. If you look in the statistics, it\u2019s in bars and online are the primary places; and churches\u2014it\u2019s not. I think that\u2019s a loss. I know my wife and I benefited from having these communities around us in our churches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you think, if I got singles at our church together and said, \u201cLet\u2019s all go through this book together, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>,\u201d would that be weird?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You think they\u2019d be into that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>I think so; yes. I mean, your church may have an avenue for them, but some may not. That\u2019d be a normal way to do it. I think, especially, if you come in\u2014inquisitive, not with all the answers\u2014you know what I mean?\u2014if you come in like: \u201cHow\u2019s this experience for you?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s it like?\u201d \u201cHow does this go?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014wanting to know them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>Yes; and then they\u2019ll hear about your experience and be shocked by it, you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read an article in <em>The Atlantic<\/em> recently, where this woman was in her 30s; and she just did this\u2014just interviewed singles\/talked to them. They asked her, \u201cHow\u2019d you meet your husband?\u201d and she explained: \u201cWe worked in the same office, so we\u2019d always see each other. He just came up and said, \u2018Hi.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cIt shocked me that they were shocked.\u201d [Singles asked] \u201cHe just came up and said, \u2018Hi,\u2019 like a stranger?\u201d \u201cYes; because we would see each other a lot.\u201d They were like, \u201cNo\u2014like we don\u2019t\u2014I would, instantly, think that was a stalker.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben: <\/strong>You see the social dynamics have changed so much that even starting a conversation with a stranger feels <em>weird<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, for those who are interested, we have copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. They may just want to read it on their own\u2014like, hide it in your house so that nobody knows you\u2019re reading it\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but it may be something that you want to get together with other folks and go through and just say, \u201cDoes this match up with your experience?\u201d\u2014especially\u2014again, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMarried couples, get together the singles; invite them over to your house and say, \u2018Let\u2019s go through this together,\u2019 and \u2018We\u2019ll be here to just tell you our story and where we messed up, and hear your stories, and just help you think about all of these things.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we are making Ben\u2019s book available to any of you who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation. You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. When you click the donate button and you make a donation, we\u2019ll send you a copy, upon your request, of the book, <em>Single, Dating, Engaged, Married<\/em>, by Ben Stuart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and make a donation over the phone. Ask for your copy of Ben Stuart\u2019s book on singleness and dating, engagement and marriage. It\u2019s our gift to you to thank you for supporting the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your donations are what make all that we do, here, at FamilyLife possible\u2014this radio program, our website, our resources, our events\u2014you make it happen when you support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Again, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you for your gift,\u201d by sending you a copy of Ben Stuart\u2019s book today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think, no matter how you slice it, in what we\u2019ve talked about today, being single is challenging. David Robbins, who\u2019s the President of FamilyLife, is here with us; and you\u2019ve worked with a lot of singles\u2014on the college campus and as you were living and working in Manhattan\u2014it\u2019s hard to be single.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, there is this desire for many singles to be married\/to be in a relationship. There\u2019s a frustration of the dating game and just a settling of \u201cI guess this is what it\u2019s like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing I\u2019ve enjoyed, in being able to journey alongside people with that longing, is watching those moments, when they break through and go, \u201cI still have that longing, and it gnaws at my soul some days; it\u2019s a deep longing.\u201d Yet, when they break through and experience Jesus as the lover of their soul\u2014not in a trite way\/not in a token way\u2014but when the fullness of us being the Beloved and being able to focus our purpose and our passion around Him\u2014I watch those breakthroughs happen for people; and sure enough, in a few months or in a year, they\u2019ll be processing the longings again, if God hasn\u2019t provided a spouse; but it has proven to me, time and time again, Jesus is a worthy lover of our soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It reminds me of what Augustine said, in his <em>Confessions<\/em>, when he said, \u201cOur hearts are restless until we find our rest in Him.\u201d That\u2019s true, whether you\u2019re single\/whether you\u2019re married\u2014wherever you are in life\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; no doubt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thank you, David; and thanks to those who have joined us today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ben Stuart about singleness, and dating, and engagement and marriage\u2014a lot more to unpack. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305061","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305061"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305061"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305061"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305061"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}