{"id":305043,"date":"2019-05-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-submission-isnt\/"},"modified":"2019-05-27T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-27T15:00:00","slug":"what-submission-isnt","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-submission-isnt\/","title":{"rendered":"What Submission Isn&#8217;t"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Bob Lepine | Bob Lepine goes through the book of Esther to find descriptions of what biblical submission is, what it isn&#8217;t, and why it is important.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine goes through the book of Esther to find descriptions of what biblical submission is, what it isn&#8217;t, and why it is important.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-27.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:1:04:59","filesize":"59.5M","filesize_raw":"62391117","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2901,2831],"tags":[6630],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305043","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-husbands","category-wives","tag-submission-in-the-bible","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305043\/what-submission-isnt","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305043\/what-submission-isnt","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"bkoHYWWFHm\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-submission-isnt\/\">What Submission Isn&#8217;t<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-submission-isnt\/embed\/#?secret=bkoHYWWFHm\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Submission Isn&#8217;t&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"bkoHYWWFHm\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Many people have tried to explain away the Bible\u2019s teaching about wives submitting to their husbands, in part, because of the caricature of what submission is supposed to look like. So what does the Bible mean when it says, \u201cWives, submit to your own husbands\u201d? We\u2019ll explore that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. And happy Memorial Day for you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here. I\u2019m excited, Bob. Do you know why?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too, Dave.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m excited because we get to hear Bob Lepine preach! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Woooo-hoooo!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we\u2019re going to be sitting in your church today!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Actually, if you were sitting in my church, this program would have to go for another hour. [Laughter] I got long-winded on this sermon we\u2019re going to hear today.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like that you have the freedom to do that. Dave gets like 35 minutes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t have the freedom; they don\u2019t do that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were teaching through a series on the Book of Esther. In Esther, Chapter 1, there\u2019s this issue, where the king calls the queen in to do something; and she says, \u201cNo.\u201d The question comes up: \u201cWas she being inappropriately un-submissive to her husband?\u201d I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re going to take a morning, and we\u2019re going to talk about the issue of what the Bible teaches about submission.\u201d\n\nI thought, \u201cWhat better time than Memorial Day to talk about it on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u201d [Laughter] because maybe there aren\u2019t a lot of people listening, and we\u2019ll get less mail that way; you know? [Laughter]\n\nAnn, you know that this is one of those subjects\u2014you bring up submission, in the culture today, and you\u2019ve just said one of the naughty words; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, man.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly. I didn\u2019t grow up much at church; and when I heard \u201csubmission,\u201d I thought: \u201cOf course, Christians are going to say that\u2014they\u2019re trying to put women down,\u201d\u2014having no idea what it really meant and what Scripture means when it says wives should submit to their husbands.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think this is a very intriguing topic.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I also don\u2019t think <em>men<\/em> or husbands understand, either.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most men\u2014that\u2019s the only verse in the whole entire Bible they know\u2014is: \u201cWives, submit to your husbands.\u201d Yet they have\/we have no idea.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s see if we can unpack a little of this. Now, again, this is about a third of the whole message. If folks want to hear the whole message, it\u2019s available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nWe\u2019re going to dive into why the question comes up in the Book of Esther\u2014why we have to deal with the question of submission. We\u2019ll hear how it gets dealt with here.\n\n[Recorded Message]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re only going to read three verses from Esther, Chapter 1, this morning; because they give us the illustration we need and get to the heart of what we\u2019re talking about. Esther, Chapter 1: King Xerxes has been hosting a huge party, six months long, inviting generals and friends to come in. Then he had a seven-day long party after that, where everybody in the city could come. The king was drunk, and everybody was living it up.\n\nIt\u2019s in that context that Esther Chapter 1, verse 10 [through 12] says: \u201cOn the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven eunuchs, who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus\u201d\u2014that\u2019s King Xerxes; he commanded them\u2014\u201cto bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown in order to show the people and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king\u2019s command delivered by the eunuchs. At this, the king became enraged, and his anger burned within him.\u201d\n\nYou understand the context\u2014he\u2019s drunk\u2014he says, \u201cBring the queen in here. I want everybody to ogle her.\u201d She says: \u201cI\u2019m not going for that. I\u2019m not going to be objectified by my husband, the king.\u201d Was Vashti obligated, according to the laws and customs of Persia, to obey the king or face the consequences? Indeed, she was. She knew the consequences for disobeying, not just her husband, but the king of Persia. Did she obey?\u2014no; she didn\u2019t.\n\nThe key question for us here is: \u201cDoes she have a defense? Is she justified in disobeying her king?\u201d Clearly, the king and his advisors say, \u201cNo; she was not justified\u201d; because they had her banished from his presence. Her decision to say, \u201cNo,\u201d could have brought her death. What it did bring her was destitution.\n\nLet\u2019s move beyond the legal realm, and let\u2019s get to the spiritual realm. When Vashti refused to do what her husband directed her to do, was that refusal justified in the way God looks at things? Whose side of this marital spat would God be on? Is He on Xerxes\u2019 side, or is He on Vashti\u2019s side?\n\nThink about this with me. We\u2019re talking about two people, who did not believe in God, did not worship the God of Israel, did not worship <em>Yahweh<\/em>. These people are living hundreds of years before the New Testament was written\/before anybody ever said, \u201cWives, submit to your husbands; husbands, love your wives.\u201d\n\nBut there\u2019s a key point I want you to get here\u2014that even though they didn\u2019t know God and had not heard God\u2019s Word\u2014God\u2019s Word, in this case, had not been delivered yet\u2014did not mean that they did not have an obligation to live according to God\u2019s Word or under His authority. Because you are born a human being\/because God created you, you are a part of His race\/you are under His authority. The point of all this is that the biblical teaching from the New Testament about wives respecting and submitting to their husbands was binding on Queen Vashti just as it is on every other wife who has ever lived.\n\nSo back to the last question: \u201cWas Vashti justified, in this case, refusing to submit to her husband?\u201d The bigger question is this: \u201cIf you\u2019re a wife, are there times when you\u2019re justified in not submitting to or respecting your husband?\u201d To answer <em>that<\/em> question, we have to go to the primary passage that deals with this issue of wives submitting to their husbands. That\u2019s in Ephesians, Chapter 5, starting at verse 22: \u201cWives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands...Let the wife see that she also respect her husband.\u201d That\u2019s at the end of the chapter\u2014that last line.\n\nOkay; so wives are to submit to your own husbands. The word, \u201csubmit,\u201d here is a Greek word you ought to know\u2014it\u2019s the word, \u201c<em>hupotasso<\/em>.\u201d <em>Hupo<\/em> means \u201cunder\u201d; <em>tasso<\/em> means \u201cauthority.\u201d So <em>Hupotasso<\/em> means \u201cto arrange, in order, under.\u201d It\u2019s actually a military term. A soldier has to arrange himself, in order, under authority of those who are over him. And if he is <em>over<\/em> the authority of others, then he finds himself in that arrangement.\n\nLet\u2019s be clear. In the military context, where there is this hierarchy or order, every soldier has dignity, worth, and value. But different soldiers have different rank and different authority. If you didn\u2019t have that, you would have an ineffective military force.\n\nIn marriage, there must be some kind of hierarchical structure. Lots of people just dive in and pull these verses completely out of context. You\u2019ve got to understand the context in which these verses are being given. The first three chapters of Ephesians are all about what God has done for us in Christ\u2014they\u2019re the doctrinal section\u2014they give you all of the indicatives.\n\nThe second half of Ephesians\u2014[Chapters] 4, 5, and 6\u2014is where you find the imperatives. This is where you say, \u201cBecause [Chapters] 1, 2, and 3 are true, then we should live this way in response to that truth.\u201d Chapter 4, verse 1 is the big starting point for the second half of Ephesians\u2014it says, \u201cWalk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.\u201d That\u2019s the thesis statement for the second half.\n\nThen, look at verse 18 of Chapter 5\u2014in verse 18 of Chapter 5, Paul says, \u201cAnd don\u2019t get drunk with wine, for that\u2019s debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit.\u201d I\u2019ve said this before: \u201cWhen you drink too much wine, you are under its influence; and you are not in command of your own faculties. When you are controlled by the Spirit, you are under the influence of the Spirit; and you are not in control of your faculties, but the Spirit is directing your faculties.\u201d So: \u201cDon\u2019t let wine control you; let the Spirit control you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the overall thesis that we\u2019re getting to with these commands for husbands and wives.\n\nAs he moves forward, he\u2019s explaining, \u201cHere\u2019s what Spirit-filled living is going to look like for you.\u201d He gets to verse 21\u2014one of the ways you demonstrate that you\u2019re living a Spirit-controlled life is by submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Okay; now, stop right there.\n\nYou probably heard somebody say that this verse teaches that, in marriage, we should have mutual submission. Anybody ever heard the phrase, \u201cmutual submission\u201d?\u2014right. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what this verse is teaching. It\u2019s saying that, where there is God-ordained structure and authority in our world, if we\u2019re walking in the Spirit, we will order ourselves underneath the leadership and direction of the person, whom God has put in authority over us. So, if you\u2019re in a job, you submit to your employer\u2014that is pleasing to Christ when you submit with the right attitude.\n\nBut if you\u2019re the person <em>over<\/em> somebody in authority, you have instructions, too; so: \u201cHusbands, love, and nourish, and cherish your wives. You give yourself up for them.\u201d Wives are submitting; but husbands\u2014you\u2019re giving yourself up. He\u2019s saying the people in authority have a responsibility, before God, to live that out in a Spirit-led way; and the people, who are under authority, have a responsibility to live that out in a God-honoring way. Here, the Bible says God has designed it so that, in a family structure, the husband is the one who has the authority; and the wife is the one who is under that authority.\n\nSome really important points here. First of all, the Bible does not teach that men are more valuable, or have more dignity, or have more skill, or are more important than women. The Bible does not say that husbands are in authority over their wives because they\u2019re better\u2014nowhere is that taught. Men and women\/husbands and wives are equally image-bearers of God\u2014equal worth, equal dignity, equal value. This teaching on submission is about a God-ordained structure in marriage\u2014not about superiority or value.\n\nNumber two: \u201cThe Bible does <em>not<\/em> teach that women are to submit to men.\u201d It teaches that wives are to submit to their <em>own<\/em> husbands.\n\nNumber three: \u201cThere is a difference between submission and obedience,\u201d\u2014this is pretty important. The Bible teaches that children are to obey their parents and do what parents say. But the Bible does <em>not<\/em> teach that wives are to <em>obey<\/em> their husbands. Submission is the acknowledgement that there are aspects of life on earth that require a God-ordained structure. It\u2019s a commitment that you\u2019re going to play your part in that structure with respect and reverence for authority\u2014that\u2019s what a Spirit-filled way of living looks like.\n\nSubmission also doesn\u2019t mean that you don\u2019t have a voice or that your husband gets to make all the decisions. Some people have so caricatured submission that there have been wives, who have said [timidly], \u201cWhatever you think, dear,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cIf that is what you think.\u201d They have turned into meek, voiceless people who don\u2019t express their own thinking.\n\nWhat this means is that, if you\u2019re a husband and wife\u2014you come to a place, where you don\u2019t agree on a decision that you\u2019re facing\u2014after a season, where there\u2019s been a lot of dialogue, and where the husband has prayed and you\u2019ve prayed, and you\u2019ve sought godly counsel, and you\u2019re still at an impasse in this situation\u2014when you\u2019re in those situations and you\u2019re not of the same mind, and you\u2019ve been before the Lord and said, \u201cWhat do you think the Lord would have us do?\u201d\u2014\u201cI think this,\u201d \/ \u201cWell, I think this,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re not at the same place. When you get <em>there<\/em>, it is the appropriate response for the wife to say, \u201cI\u2019ll follow you.\u201d\n\nThe reason the wife should willingly submit in those places, where there\u2019s an impasse, is because the decision that gets made\u2014guess who God\u2019s going to hold accountable for it?\u2014the husband. Remember, in Genesis, Chapter 3?\u2014this is where Adam and Eve are in the Garden. The snake comes along; he tempts the woman; she takes the bite of the fruit. She hands it to her husband, who was there with her all the time, keeping silent\u2014should\u2019ve stood up and should have said, \u201cNo, no; we\u2019re not going to do that\u201d; but he didn\u2019t. He was passive; he eats the fruit as well. All of a sudden, they recognize that, \u201cWe just blew it.\u201d They realize that they\u2019re naked and they\u2019re ashamed, and they go hide. And God comes to find them.\n\nWhat\u2019s the first thing God says? \u201cAdam, where are you?\u201d Why does he come looking for <em>Adam<\/em>?\u2014because Adam was responsible to lead, and he went passive. He was accountable for the decision. You say, \u201cBut Eve was the one\u2026\u2014that\u2019s what Adam said\u2014he said, \u201cThe woman\u2014the woman You gave me\u2026\u201d He\u2019s blaming <em>both<\/em> the woman and God: \u201cIt\u2019s the woman <em>You<\/em> gave me. You gave me a defective model, God,\u201d\u2014right? [Laughter] \u201cIt\u2019s <em>her<\/em> fault.\u201d God says, \u201cI\u2019m having <em>none<\/em> of that, because I have placed you in a position of leadership and authority. What happens in your home\u2014you\u2019re responsible for that.\u201d Guys, you get\u2014I mean, we\u2019re talking about submission among women\u2014you get the sobriety of what you\u2019re accountable before God, too, in this situation?\n\nWhat do you do if you\u2019re a wife and you\u2019re married to somebody, with whom you <em>regularly<\/em> disagree? First of all, ask yourself if your heart and attitude are right before the Lord: \u201cAre you living a Spirit-filled life?\u201d\n\nSecondly, ask yourself: \u201cAre you a person who is, regularly, disagreeable?\u201d If you and your spouse don\u2019t agree regularly, are you just a disagreeable person? Are you a controlling person? Are you a fearful person? Are you humble and teachable? Do you think your way is always the right way?\u2014or are you humble before the Lord? I think a woman has to ask herself: \u201cAm I so caught up with fear or a need to control that I don\u2019t feel like I can trust my husband, because I don\u2019t feel like I can trust anybody but me?\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s a third thing: \u201cDo I demonstrate respect for my husband? Does he know that I\u2019m his ally and not his enemy?\u201d In a marriage relationship, for a wife to be effectively submitting and for a husband to be effectively leading, there needs to be the sense that we\u2019re allies; we\u2019re on the same team: \u201cI\u2019m not your enemy; you\u2019re not my enemy. We\u2019re both trying to do the same thing.\u201d\n\nWe may disagree\u2014Mary Ann and I have talked about this. When we have issues, where we\u2019re not on the same side, we make sure we say: \u201cThe issue is <em>here<\/em>. The issue is not us\u2014you\u2019re not the issue; I\u2019m not the issue. This is the issue we\u2019re trying to deal with.\u201d So if we disagree, it\u2019s about the issue; but we\u2019re allies in trying to figure out how this issue should be addressed.\n\nHere is number four: \u201cHave you sought outside godly counsel in an area where there\u2019s an ongoing disagreement? Have you sought outside godly counsel?\u201d And then, if you regularly disagree, do you know what it looks like to respectfully appeal? See, sometimes, you\u2019re just disagreeing; it\u2019s not a respectful appeal that\u2019s made\u2014it\u2019s just anger, it\u2019s insecurity, and it\u2019s fear and it\u2019s disrespect that\u2019s being communicated\u2014as opposed to saying: \u201cCould I make an observation here?\u201d \u201cCould I make a suggestion? I\u2019m not sure this is right,\u201d\u2014a respectful appeal.\n\nThen, as a wife, do you pray regularly for your husband? Let\u2019s say you\u2019re right, and he\u2019s <em>regularly<\/em> wrong\u2014he\u2019s facing a day, when he will stand before God, and God\u2019s going to say: \u201cYou were wrong on this,\u201d and \u201cYou were wrong on that,\u201d and \u201cYou should have been listening to your wife.\u201d Where were <em>you<\/em>?\u2014are you praying for him that he will grow in godliness?\n\nThen, the last question here is: \u201cDo you trust God?\u201d Because if God has said, \u201cHere\u2019s the hierarchy\u2014husbands and wives\u2014and the wife should be under the husband\u2019s leadership. If the decision is going to be wrong, who is God going to come and get?\u2014the husband. Is He going to protect you?\u2014God will be your protector in this situation. Might you have to go through some hard times?\u2014\u201cMight there be consequences for my husband\u2019s bad decision?\u201d\u2014yes. Can God meet you in those consequences and still be your strength and your shield?\u2014yes.\n\nIn the case of Queen Vashti\u2014back to her situation\u2014was <em>her<\/em> refusal to submit to her husband\u2014was that something that God would have sanctioned? Well, we don\u2019t have enough information to make a <em>definitive<\/em> judgement on that; but based on what we do have, I believe this was a case, where a submissive wife refused to obey a sinful command from her husband. Vashti, I believe, is an illustration, for us, that there are times when it is appropriate for a wife, who is committed to biblical submission to her husband, to refuse to do what he has directed.\n\nIf the message you\u2019re getting from this sermon so far is that wives don\u2019t always have to submit to her husband\u2014if that\u2019s the big message you\u2019re coming away with\u2014maybe you didn\u2019t pay attention to everything I just said; okay?\u2014because that should not be the dominant spirit of this kind of a message. You don\u2019t read Ephesians 5 and go: \u201cOh, there are loopholes! Keep in mind there are loopholes!\u201d You don\u2019t major on the loopholes; you major on \u201cWhat is the basic teaching?\u201d The <em>main<\/em> idea is that there\u2019s an order and a structure here and that the wife needs to understand that role.\n\nOne more caveat I have to make here. Some have so misunderstood and so misapplied Ephesians 5 that they have taught that the biblical teaching on submission means that a wife, who\u2019s in an abusive marriage, needs to stay under her husband\u2019s authority and continue to be abused. That\u2019s absolutely <em>not<\/em> the case. If you feel threatened, physically\/ if you feel like there\u2019s danger, it is not a lack of biblical submission to call the police and tell them that you\u2019re in danger. If you\u2019re in an emotionally-abusive situation\/if there\u2019s <em>regular<\/em> abuse going on\u2014to contact church leaders and tell them what\u2019s going on.\n\nSome people will say: \u201cPeople have tried that. The husband gets believed, and the wife gets disbelieved.\u201d That\u2019s happened, to our shame.\n\nIf you\u2019re in that situation, get help, get counsel, make sure you\u2019re safe. In fact, some wives would not come to tell the church elders because they\u2019re afraid, if their husband found out they told the church elders, they\u2019d need physical safety. A wife needs to know what her safety plan is before she does something. Sinful biblical authority and submission can manifest itself in abuse\u2014that\u2019s not God\u2019s design\/not God\u2019s intent. The church should be a protection and civil authorities should be a protection for wives, who are in that situation.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to a portion of a sermon from the Book of Esther, talking about how Queen Vashti was called upon to submit to her husband. She said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not going to submit,\u201d and looking at what the Bible has to say about the subject of submission.\n\nHonestly, there\u2019s some stuff in the message that we had to edit, because of time constraints; but important things I think we need to say\u2014like, \u201cThere\u2019s a side of this issue that men need to be alert to as well\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; men think they\u2019re off the hook. It\u2019s like God\u2019s called us to submit to <em>God<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s the greater submission\u2014and to love our wives, and make their submission to us something that they\u2019d want to do because of the way we submit to God and love them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a beautiful picture of it. I\u2019m glad that you talked about what biblical submission <em>is<\/em> and what it is <em>not<\/em>. I think it\u2019s important to distinguish both. I think this is a big thing for us, as women, to not see it as a burden or some yoke that God has put on us. It really is a beautiful picture of the church and what it should look like.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The relationship between the Father and the Son\u2014there\u2019s nowhere in Scripture that the Father submits to the Son or the Father submits to the Holy Spirit. There\u2019s a hierarchy there, so our marriages are supposed to reflect that hierarchy. We\u2019re supposed to see, in our marriages, a picture of what the relationships within the Trinity looks like. That\u2019s why this subject is not just \u201cWhat works in your marriage?\u201d but \u201cWhat reflects the truth about who God is to others?\u201d\n\nDo you consider yourself a submissive wife? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question is to Dave\u2014do <em>you<\/em> think I am?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The fun answer is, \u201cYes.\u201d I mean, I say \u201cfun\u201d because it\u2019s\u2014she is! She is a very <em>strong<\/em> woman.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We talk about a <em>lot<\/em> of issues.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you have opinions.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She should. I feel like we\u2019re <em>really<\/em> partners and teammates. At the same time, there\u2019s an authority structure that we both submit to God; and you submit to me.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My fear was that I would lose my voice.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think that\u2019s every woman\u2019s fear\u2014that we won\u2019t be heard, that we won\u2019t be noticed, that what we say doesn\u2019t matter. All of that <em>does<\/em> matter, and we are seen. God wants to use our voices.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add this\u2014I also feel a strong sense of accountability to God. I know every man should feel that; and every woman as well. But I feel a strong sense of, \u201cHow am I loving\/how am I leading?\u201d I will be held accountable\u2014that\u2019s a real thing; not a fearful thing\u2014but it\u2019s a thing that gives me a strong sense of responsibility to do it God\u2019s way.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Again, if folks would like to hear the entire message and hear the context for what was talked about today, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got information there about resources available that help explain what we\u2019ve heard about today. There are books and articles that talk about the biblical view of submission. It\u2019s a part of the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series that we produced. And then, resources to help women, particularly, understand that the Bible\u2019s call to submission in marriage is <em>never<\/em> a call to undergo abuse. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about <em>all<\/em> the resources we have available.\n\nHere, in the final week of the month of May, I want to remind our regular listeners: \u201cThis is the last week for you to make a financial contribution to the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and have your donation doubled.\u201d We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry agree to match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $645,000. If you sign up this week to become one of our monthly Legacy Partners, and make a donation each month for the next 12 months, each donation you make over a 12-month period will also be matched, dollar for dollar, until the funds in that matching fund are gone.\n\nIn addition, we\u2019ll send <em>you<\/em> a gift card so that you, as a couple, or friends you know can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as our guests. We\u2019ll cover the registration fee for you or for them. That\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you become a monthly Legacy Partner.\n\nThanks to the couples and the families that have joined with us, as Legacy Partners, over the last few weeks. Your support means more than you know. Thank you for being\n\npart of this vital team; we appreciate you.\n\nWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear some good news about marriage. We hear statistics that can be disheartening, from time to time. We\u2019ll hear from Shaunti Feldhahn tomorrow. There is good news about marriage, and she\u2019ll share it with us tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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Lepine goes through the book of Esther to find descriptions of what biblical submission is, what it isn't, and why it is important.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Many people have tried to explain away the Bible\u2019s teaching about wives submitting to their husbands, in part, because of the caricature of what submission is supposed to look like. So what does the Bible mean when it says, \u201cWives, submit to your own husbands\u201d? We\u2019ll explore that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. And happy Memorial Day for you guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here. I\u2019m excited, Bob. Do you know why?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too, Dave.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m excited because we get to hear Bob Lepine preach! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Woooo-hoooo!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we\u2019re going to be sitting in your church today!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Actually, if you were sitting in my church, this program would have to go for another hour. [Laughter] I got long-winded on this sermon we\u2019re going to hear today.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like that you have the freedom to do that. Dave gets like 35 minutes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t have the freedom; they don\u2019t do that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were teaching through a series on the Book of Esther. In Esther, Chapter 1, there\u2019s this issue, where the king calls the queen in to do something; and she says, \u201cNo.\u201d The question comes up: \u201cWas she being inappropriately un-submissive to her husband?\u201d I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re going to take a morning, and we\u2019re going to talk about the issue of what the Bible teaches about submission.\u201d\n\nI thought, \u201cWhat better time than Memorial Day to talk about it on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?\u201d [Laughter] because maybe there aren\u2019t a lot of people listening, and we\u2019ll get less mail that way; you know? [Laughter]\n\nAnn, you know that this is one of those subjects\u2014you bring up submission, in the culture today, and you\u2019ve just said one of the naughty words; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, man.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly. I didn\u2019t grow up much at church; and when I heard \u201csubmission,\u201d I thought: \u201cOf course, Christians are going to say that\u2014they\u2019re trying to put women down,\u201d\u2014having no idea what it really meant and what Scripture means when it says wives should submit to their husbands.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think this is a very intriguing topic.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I also don\u2019t think <em>men<\/em> or husbands understand, either.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Most men\u2014that\u2019s the only verse in the whole entire Bible they know\u2014is: \u201cWives, submit to your husbands.\u201d Yet they have\/we have no idea.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s see if we can unpack a little of this. Now, again, this is about a third of the whole message. If folks want to hear the whole message, it\u2019s available online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nWe\u2019re going to dive into why the question comes up in the Book of Esther\u2014why we have to deal with the question of submission. We\u2019ll hear how it gets dealt with here.\n\n[Recorded Message]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re only going to read three verses from Esther, Chapter 1, this morning; because they give us the illustration we need and get to the heart of what we\u2019re talking about. Esther, Chapter 1: King Xerxes has been hosting a huge party, six months long, inviting generals and friends to come in. Then he had a seven-day long party after that, where everybody in the city could come. The king was drunk, and everybody was living it up.\n\nIt\u2019s in that context that Esther Chapter 1, verse 10 [through 12] says: \u201cOn the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven eunuchs, who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus\u201d\u2014that\u2019s King Xerxes; he commanded them\u2014\u201cto bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown in order to show the people and the princes her beauty, for she was lovely to look at. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king\u2019s command delivered by the eunuchs. At this, the king became enraged, and his anger burned within him.\u201d\n\nYou understand the context\u2014he\u2019s drunk\u2014he says, \u201cBring the queen in here. I want everybody to ogle her.\u201d She says: \u201cI\u2019m not going for that. I\u2019m not going to be objectified by my husband, the king.\u201d Was Vashti obligated, according to the laws and customs of Persia, to obey the king or face the consequences? Indeed, she was. She knew the consequences for disobeying, not just her husband, but the king of Persia. Did she obey?\u2014no; she didn\u2019t.\n\nThe key question for us here is: \u201cDoes she have a defense? Is she justified in disobeying her king?\u201d Clearly, the king and his advisors say, \u201cNo; she was not justified\u201d; because they had her banished from his presence. Her decision to say, \u201cNo,\u201d could have brought her death. What it did bring her was destitution.\n\nLet\u2019s move beyond the legal realm, and let\u2019s get to the spiritual realm. When Vashti refused to do what her husband directed her to do, was that refusal justified in the way God looks at things? Whose side of this marital spat would God be on? Is He on Xerxes\u2019 side, or is He on Vashti\u2019s side?\n\nThink about this with me. We\u2019re talking about two people, who did not believe in God, did not worship the God of Israel, did not worship <em>Yahweh<\/em>. These people are living hundreds of years before the New Testament was written\/before anybody ever said, \u201cWives, submit to your husbands; husbands, love your wives.\u201d\n\nBut there\u2019s a key point I want you to get here\u2014that even though they didn\u2019t know God and had not heard God\u2019s Word\u2014God\u2019s Word, in this case, had not been delivered yet\u2014did not mean that they did not have an obligation to live according to God\u2019s Word or under His authority. Because you are born a human being\/because God created you, you are a part of His race\/you are under His authority. The point of all this is that the biblical teaching from the New Testament about wives respecting and submitting to their husbands was binding on Queen Vashti just as it is on every other wife who has ever lived.\n\nSo back to the last question: \u201cWas Vashti justified, in this case, refusing to submit to her husband?\u201d The bigger question is this: \u201cIf you\u2019re a wife, are there times when you\u2019re justified in not submitting to or respecting your husband?\u201d To answer <em>that<\/em> question, we have to go to the primary passage that deals with this issue of wives submitting to their husbands. That\u2019s in Ephesians, Chapter 5, starting at verse 22: \u201cWives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands...Let the wife see that she also respect her husband.\u201d That\u2019s at the end of the chapter\u2014that last line.\n\nOkay; so wives are to submit to your own husbands. The word, \u201csubmit,\u201d here is a Greek word you ought to know\u2014it\u2019s the word, \u201c<em>hupotasso<\/em>.\u201d <em>Hupo<\/em> means \u201cunder\u201d; <em>tasso<\/em> means \u201cauthority.\u201d So <em>Hupotasso<\/em> means \u201cto arrange, in order, under.\u201d It\u2019s actually a military term. A soldier has to arrange himself, in order, under authority of those who are over him. And if he is <em>over<\/em> the authority of others, then he finds himself in that arrangement.\n\nLet\u2019s be clear. In the military context, where there is this hierarchy or order, every soldier has dignity, worth, and value. But different soldiers have different rank and different authority. If you didn\u2019t have that, you would have an ineffective military force.\n\nIn marriage, there must be some kind of hierarchical structure. Lots of people just dive in and pull these verses completely out of context. You\u2019ve got to understand the context in which these verses are being given. The first three chapters of Ephesians are all about what God has done for us in Christ\u2014they\u2019re the doctrinal section\u2014they give you all of the indicatives.\n\nThe second half of Ephesians\u2014[Chapters] 4, 5, and 6\u2014is where you find the imperatives. This is where you say, \u201cBecause [Chapters] 1, 2, and 3 are true, then we should live this way in response to that truth.\u201d Chapter 4, verse 1 is the big starting point for the second half of Ephesians\u2014it says, \u201cWalk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.\u201d That\u2019s the thesis statement for the second half.\n\nThen, look at verse 18 of Chapter 5\u2014in verse 18 of Chapter 5, Paul says, \u201cAnd don\u2019t get drunk with wine, for that\u2019s debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit.\u201d I\u2019ve said this before: \u201cWhen you drink too much wine, you are under its influence; and you are not in command of your own faculties. When you are controlled by the Spirit, you are under the influence of the Spirit; and you are not in control of your faculties, but the Spirit is directing your faculties.\u201d So: \u201cDon\u2019t let wine control you; let the Spirit control you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the overall thesis that we\u2019re getting to with these commands for husbands and wives.\n\nAs he moves forward, he\u2019s explaining, \u201cHere\u2019s what Spirit-filled living is going to look like for you.\u201d He gets to verse 21\u2014one of the ways you demonstrate that you\u2019re living a Spirit-controlled life is by submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Okay; now, stop right there.\n\nYou probably heard somebody say that this verse teaches that, in marriage, we should have mutual submission. Anybody ever heard the phrase, \u201cmutual submission\u201d?\u2014right. That\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what this verse is teaching. It\u2019s saying that, where there is God-ordained structure and authority in our world, if we\u2019re walking in the Spirit, we will order ourselves underneath the leadership and direction of the person, whom God has put in authority over us. So, if you\u2019re in a job, you submit to your employer\u2014that is pleasing to Christ when you submit with the right attitude.\n\nBut if you\u2019re the person <em>over<\/em> somebody in authority, you have instructions, too; so: \u201cHusbands, love, and nourish, and cherish your wives. You give yourself up for them.\u201d Wives are submitting; but husbands\u2014you\u2019re giving yourself up. He\u2019s saying the people in authority have a responsibility, before God, to live that out in a Spirit-led way; and the people, who are under authority, have a responsibility to live that out in a God-honoring way. Here, the Bible says God has designed it so that, in a family structure, the husband is the one who has the authority; and the wife is the one who is under that authority.\n\nSome really important points here. First of all, the Bible does not teach that men are more valuable, or have more dignity, or have more skill, or are more important than women. The Bible does not say that husbands are in authority over their wives because they\u2019re better\u2014nowhere is that taught. Men and women\/husbands and wives are equally image-bearers of God\u2014equal worth, equal dignity, equal value. This teaching on submission is about a God-ordained structure in marriage\u2014not about superiority or value.\n\nNumber two: \u201cThe Bible does <em>not<\/em> teach that women are to submit to men.\u201d It teaches that wives are to submit to their <em>own<\/em> husbands.\n\nNumber three: \u201cThere is a difference between submission and obedience,\u201d\u2014this is pretty important. The Bible teaches that children are to obey their parents and do what parents say. But the Bible does <em>not<\/em> teach that wives are to <em>obey<\/em> their husbands. Submission is the acknowledgement that there are aspects of life on earth that require a God-ordained structure. It\u2019s a commitment that you\u2019re going to play your part in that structure with respect and reverence for authority\u2014that\u2019s what a Spirit-filled way of living looks like.\n\nSubmission also doesn\u2019t mean that you don\u2019t have a voice or that your husband gets to make all the decisions. Some people have so caricatured submission that there have been wives, who have said [timidly], \u201cWhatever you think, dear,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cIf that is what you think.\u201d They have turned into meek, voiceless people who don\u2019t express their own thinking.\n\nWhat this means is that, if you\u2019re a husband and wife\u2014you come to a place, where you don\u2019t agree on a decision that you\u2019re facing\u2014after a season, where there\u2019s been a lot of dialogue, and where the husband has prayed and you\u2019ve prayed, and you\u2019ve sought godly counsel, and you\u2019re still at an impasse in this situation\u2014when you\u2019re in those situations and you\u2019re not of the same mind, and you\u2019ve been before the Lord and said, \u201cWhat do you think the Lord would have us do?\u201d\u2014\u201cI think this,\u201d \/ \u201cWell, I think this,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re not at the same place. When you get <em>there<\/em>, it is the appropriate response for the wife to say, \u201cI\u2019ll follow you.\u201d\n\nThe reason the wife should willingly submit in those places, where there\u2019s an impasse, is because the decision that gets made\u2014guess who God\u2019s going to hold accountable for it?\u2014the husband. Remember, in Genesis, Chapter 3?\u2014this is where Adam and Eve are in the Garden. The snake comes along; he tempts the woman; she takes the bite of the fruit. She hands it to her husband, who was there with her all the time, keeping silent\u2014should\u2019ve stood up and should have said, \u201cNo, no; we\u2019re not going to do that\u201d; but he didn\u2019t. He was passive; he eats the fruit as well. All of a sudden, they recognize that, \u201cWe just blew it.\u201d They realize that they\u2019re naked and they\u2019re ashamed, and they go hide. And God comes to find them.\n\nWhat\u2019s the first thing God says? \u201cAdam, where are you?\u201d Why does he come looking for <em>Adam<\/em>?\u2014because Adam was responsible to lead, and he went passive. He was accountable for the decision. You say, \u201cBut Eve was the one\u2026\u2014that\u2019s what Adam said\u2014he said, \u201cThe woman\u2014the woman You gave me\u2026\u201d He\u2019s blaming <em>both<\/em> the woman and God: \u201cIt\u2019s the woman <em>You<\/em> gave me. You gave me a defective model, God,\u201d\u2014right? [Laughter] \u201cIt\u2019s <em>her<\/em> fault.\u201d God says, \u201cI\u2019m having <em>none<\/em> of that, because I have placed you in a position of leadership and authority. What happens in your home\u2014you\u2019re responsible for that.\u201d Guys, you get\u2014I mean, we\u2019re talking about submission among women\u2014you get the sobriety of what you\u2019re accountable before God, too, in this situation?\n\nWhat do you do if you\u2019re a wife and you\u2019re married to somebody, with whom you <em>regularly<\/em> disagree? First of all, ask yourself if your heart and attitude are right before the Lord: \u201cAre you living a Spirit-filled life?\u201d\n\nSecondly, ask yourself: \u201cAre you a person who is, regularly, disagreeable?\u201d If you and your spouse don\u2019t agree regularly, are you just a disagreeable person? Are you a controlling person? Are you a fearful person? Are you humble and teachable? Do you think your way is always the right way?\u2014or are you humble before the Lord? I think a woman has to ask herself: \u201cAm I so caught up with fear or a need to control that I don\u2019t feel like I can trust my husband, because I don\u2019t feel like I can trust anybody but me?\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s a third thing: \u201cDo I demonstrate respect for my husband? Does he know that I\u2019m his ally and not his enemy?\u201d In a marriage relationship, for a wife to be effectively submitting and for a husband to be effectively leading, there needs to be the sense that we\u2019re allies; we\u2019re on the same team: \u201cI\u2019m not your enemy; you\u2019re not my enemy. We\u2019re both trying to do the same thing.\u201d\n\nWe may disagree\u2014Mary Ann and I have talked about this. When we have issues, where we\u2019re not on the same side, we make sure we say: \u201cThe issue is <em>here<\/em>. The issue is not us\u2014you\u2019re not the issue; I\u2019m not the issue. This is the issue we\u2019re trying to deal with.\u201d So if we disagree, it\u2019s about the issue; but we\u2019re allies in trying to figure out how this issue should be addressed.\n\nHere is number four: \u201cHave you sought outside godly counsel in an area where there\u2019s an ongoing disagreement? Have you sought outside godly counsel?\u201d And then, if you regularly disagree, do you know what it looks like to respectfully appeal? See, sometimes, you\u2019re just disagreeing; it\u2019s not a respectful appeal that\u2019s made\u2014it\u2019s just anger, it\u2019s insecurity, and it\u2019s fear and it\u2019s disrespect that\u2019s being communicated\u2014as opposed to saying: \u201cCould I make an observation here?\u201d \u201cCould I make a suggestion? I\u2019m not sure this is right,\u201d\u2014a respectful appeal.\n\nThen, as a wife, do you pray regularly for your husband? Let\u2019s say you\u2019re right, and he\u2019s <em>regularly<\/em> wrong\u2014he\u2019s facing a day, when he will stand before God, and God\u2019s going to say: \u201cYou were wrong on this,\u201d and \u201cYou were wrong on that,\u201d and \u201cYou should have been listening to your wife.\u201d Where were <em>you<\/em>?\u2014are you praying for him that he will grow in godliness?\n\nThen, the last question here is: \u201cDo you trust God?\u201d Because if God has said, \u201cHere\u2019s the hierarchy\u2014husbands and wives\u2014and the wife should be under the husband\u2019s leadership. If the decision is going to be wrong, who is God going to come and get?\u2014the husband. Is He going to protect you?\u2014God will be your protector in this situation. Might you have to go through some hard times?\u2014\u201cMight there be consequences for my husband\u2019s bad decision?\u201d\u2014yes. Can God meet you in those consequences and still be your strength and your shield?\u2014yes.\n\nIn the case of Queen Vashti\u2014back to her situation\u2014was <em>her<\/em> refusal to submit to her husband\u2014was that something that God would have sanctioned? Well, we don\u2019t have enough information to make a <em>definitive<\/em> judgement on that; but based on what we do have, I believe this was a case, where a submissive wife refused to obey a sinful command from her husband. Vashti, I believe, is an illustration, for us, that there are times when it is appropriate for a wife, who is committed to biblical submission to her husband, to refuse to do what he has directed.\n\nIf the message you\u2019re getting from this sermon so far is that wives don\u2019t always have to submit to her husband\u2014if that\u2019s the big message you\u2019re coming away with\u2014maybe you didn\u2019t pay attention to everything I just said; okay?\u2014because that should not be the dominant spirit of this kind of a message. You don\u2019t read Ephesians 5 and go: \u201cOh, there are loopholes! Keep in mind there are loopholes!\u201d You don\u2019t major on the loopholes; you major on \u201cWhat is the basic teaching?\u201d The <em>main<\/em> idea is that there\u2019s an order and a structure here and that the wife needs to understand that role.\n\nOne more caveat I have to make here. Some have so misunderstood and so misapplied Ephesians 5 that they have taught that the biblical teaching on submission means that a wife, who\u2019s in an abusive marriage, needs to stay under her husband\u2019s authority and continue to be abused. That\u2019s absolutely <em>not<\/em> the case. If you feel threatened, physically\/ if you feel like there\u2019s danger, it is not a lack of biblical submission to call the police and tell them that you\u2019re in danger. If you\u2019re in an emotionally-abusive situation\/if there\u2019s <em>regular<\/em> abuse going on\u2014to contact church leaders and tell them what\u2019s going on.\n\nSome people will say: \u201cPeople have tried that. The husband gets believed, and the wife gets disbelieved.\u201d That\u2019s happened, to our shame.\n\nIf you\u2019re in that situation, get help, get counsel, make sure you\u2019re safe. In fact, some wives would not come to tell the church elders because they\u2019re afraid, if their husband found out they told the church elders, they\u2019d need physical safety. A wife needs to know what her safety plan is before she does something. Sinful biblical authority and submission can manifest itself in abuse\u2014that\u2019s not God\u2019s design\/not God\u2019s intent. The church should be a protection and civil authorities should be a protection for wives, who are in that situation.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to a portion of a sermon from the Book of Esther, talking about how Queen Vashti was called upon to submit to her husband. She said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not going to submit,\u201d and looking at what the Bible has to say about the subject of submission.\n\nHonestly, there\u2019s some stuff in the message that we had to edit, because of time constraints; but important things I think we need to say\u2014like, \u201cThere\u2019s a side of this issue that men need to be alert to as well\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; men think they\u2019re off the hook. It\u2019s like God\u2019s called us to submit to <em>God<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s the greater submission\u2014and to love our wives, and make their submission to us something that they\u2019d want to do because of the way we submit to God and love them.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a beautiful picture of it. I\u2019m glad that you talked about what biblical submission <em>is<\/em> and what it is <em>not<\/em>. I think it\u2019s important to distinguish both. I think this is a big thing for us, as women, to not see it as a burden or some yoke that God has put on us. It really is a beautiful picture of the church and what it should look like.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The relationship between the Father and the Son\u2014there\u2019s nowhere in Scripture that the Father submits to the Son or the Father submits to the Holy Spirit. There\u2019s a hierarchy there, so our marriages are supposed to reflect that hierarchy. We\u2019re supposed to see, in our marriages, a picture of what the relationships within the Trinity looks like. That\u2019s why this subject is not just \u201cWhat works in your marriage?\u201d but \u201cWhat reflects the truth about who God is to others?\u201d\n\nDo you consider yourself a submissive wife? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question is to Dave\u2014do <em>you<\/em> think I am?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The fun answer is, \u201cYes.\u201d I mean, I say \u201cfun\u201d because it\u2019s\u2014she is! She is a very <em>strong<\/em> woman.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We talk about a <em>lot<\/em> of issues.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you have opinions.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She should. I feel like we\u2019re <em>really<\/em> partners and teammates. At the same time, there\u2019s an authority structure that we both submit to God; and you submit to me.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My fear was that I would lose my voice.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think that\u2019s every woman\u2019s fear\u2014that we won\u2019t be heard, that we won\u2019t be noticed, that what we say doesn\u2019t matter. All of that <em>does<\/em> matter, and we are seen. God wants to use our voices.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add this\u2014I also feel a strong sense of accountability to God. I know every man should feel that; and every woman as well. But I feel a strong sense of, \u201cHow am I loving\/how am I leading?\u201d I will be held accountable\u2014that\u2019s a real thing; not a fearful thing\u2014but it\u2019s a thing that gives me a strong sense of responsibility to do it God\u2019s way.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Again, if folks would like to hear the entire message and hear the context for what was talked about today, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ve got information there about resources available that help explain what we\u2019ve heard about today. There are books and articles that talk about the biblical view of submission. It\u2019s a part of the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series that we produced. And then, resources to help women, particularly, understand that the Bible\u2019s call to submission in marriage is <em>never<\/em> a call to undergo abuse. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about <em>all<\/em> the resources we have available.\n\nHere, in the final week of the month of May, I want to remind our regular listeners: \u201cThis is the last week for you to make a financial contribution to the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and have your donation doubled.\u201d We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry agree to match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $645,000. If you sign up this week to become one of our monthly Legacy Partners, and make a donation each month for the next 12 months, each donation you make over a 12-month period will also be matched, dollar for dollar, until the funds in that matching fund are gone.\n\nIn addition, we\u2019ll send <em>you<\/em> a gift card so that you, as a couple, or friends you know can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as our guests. We\u2019ll cover the registration fee for you or for them. That\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you become a monthly Legacy Partner.\n\nThanks to the couples and the families that have joined with us, as Legacy Partners, over the last few weeks. Your support means more than you know. Thank you for being\n\npart of this vital team; we appreciate you.\n\nWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear some good news about marriage. We hear statistics that can be disheartening, from time to time. We\u2019ll hear from Shaunti Feldhahn tomorrow. There is good news about marriage, and she\u2019ll share it with us tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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