{"id":305029,"date":"2019-05-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/an-unexpected-tragedy\/"},"modified":"2019-05-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-20T15:00:00","slug":"an-unexpected-tragedy","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/an-unexpected-tragedy\/","title":{"rendered":"An Unexpected Tragedy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Jonathan Pitts | Series: Emptied | Jonathan and Wynter Pitts had learned through trial and error what it took to have a great marriage. They felt like they had grown a lot spiritually and emotionally over the years, raising their four daughters, and were ready to share that knowledge in a book they had written called &#8220;Emptied.&#8221; However, a few hours after Jonathan turned the manuscript into the publisher, Wynter died unexpectedly. Jonathan tells us more about that day, and how he and his girls are walking through that tragedy with hope and faith.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jonathan and Wynter Pitts had learned through trial and error what it took to have a great marriage. But then Wynter died unexpectedly. Jonathan tells us more about that day, and how he and his girls are walking through that tragedy with hope and faith.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:45","filesize":"28.16M","filesize_raw":"29529061","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,10442,2862],"tags":[2343,6624],"podcast_series":[8277],"cwp_profile":[9536],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305029","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-death-of-a-spouse","category-understanding-differences","tag-grief","tag-helping-kids-process-death-of-parent","podcast_series-emptied","cwp_profile-jonathan-pitts","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305029\/an-unexpected-tragedy","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305029\/an-unexpected-tragedy","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lxvqggdpsx\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/an-unexpected-tragedy\/\">An Unexpected Tragedy<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/an-unexpected-tragedy\/embed\/#?secret=lxvqggdpsx\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;An Unexpected Tragedy&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lxvqggdpsx\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As you would expect, after suddenly losing his wife a year ago, Jonathan Pitts says there's a lot that he has had to process.\n\n<strong>Jonathan<\/strong>: There are days we sit down for dinner, and I don't want to be present. I'm kind of just missing my wife; I'm kind of annoyed. I don't get really angry, but my anger is probably just annoyance. Several times I've found myself being annoyed at what's happening around me. And it's really just kind of anger\u2014like I'm dealing with having lost my wife. It's just being there, in the yuckiness, and being okay with being there with your kids and them processing. That's actually the hardest thing for me\u2014is watching my girls have to process the same thing that I'm processing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Jonathan Pitts takes us into his own dark night of the soul today and shares with us some of the lessons he's learned there. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We're going to learn a lot about marriage this week, but we're also headed to some sacred ground\/some holy ground today\u2014to a place that nobody in marriage looks forward to going to.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No; and it's an incredible story. I mean, something you never dream could happen; and we're going to talk about it today. It's one of your worst nightmares that could ever happen; and yet, God met you in the middle of that. We're going to head there.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Pitts joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It's good to be with you again.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are remembering that, when you were here last, it was you and your wife, Wynter. We talked about your book on raising daughters and had a great time. And then, we were stunned with the news of her home-going. You were more stunned than we were, because it came completely out of the blue; didn't it?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; it did. We had no idea\/no issues. Her heart just failed in a moment; and the next, she was gone. You know, what's beautiful about is\u2014it was the most traumatic experience of my life; but for her, I believe it was the most glorious\u2014taking a nap, she just slid into heaven.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Take us back to that day\u2014\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Sure.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and just walk us through. You had just submitted to the publisher your manuscript for your new book on marriage, called <em>Emptied<\/em>.\n\nAnd by the way, I should say for those who don't know\u2014Jonathan lives in Franklin, Tennessee. He's an executive pastor at a church in Franklin. His daughter is a movie star\u2014can we say that?\u2014right?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You can say that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was the little girl in the movie, <em>War Room,<\/em> who did the double-dutch. She is one of four daughters\u2014the oldest of four.\n\nYou had just submitted the manuscript for the book, and it was a normal day for you?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; just to back up a little bit\u2014we had made the decision to leave Dallas. I had worked for Dr. Tony Evans for ten years and my wife had kind of launched her ministry and spent about seven or eight years kind of building her ministry. We just felt like God was calling us into a new season\u2014together, we felt it. So on July 6, of 2018, we sold our house in Dallas. July 9<sup>th<\/sup>, we bought our house in Franklin; July 10<sup>th<\/sup>, we moved in.\n\nWe spent four nights in the home before we went on a week of vacation to Iowa to visit my family. Had family pictures\u2014all of my nieces and nephews; my parents\u2014my whole family there; entire family took pictures. Went back to Dallas for a week for me to finish my role with Dr. Evans. Wynter was finishing up her last book; and she was late, as she normally was. [Laughter] And with this marriage book\u2014that we didn't feel, necessarily\u2014we didn\u2019t feel like professionals to write a marriage book; but our publisher just said, \u201cHey, I want you to write a \u2018Join us in the journey,\u2019\u2014not a \u2018how-to.\u2019\u201d\n\nWe said\u2014prayed about it\u2014and said we could do that. We just documented our story\u2014the good, the bad\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the ugly. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>There's some ugly in there\u2014specifically, from me\u2014and God's grace that met it. Ultimately, that day was one of my last days with the <em>Urban Alternative<\/em>. The last thing I did before leaving the office\u2014it was 3:45\u2014was I signed off on the final edited manuscript; turned it in to <em>Harvest House<\/em>, our publisher; and then I'd go home. We were in transition; we were actually staying at Wynter's cousin's house at the time.\n\nThankfully, we were in Dallas; because our support base\/our family was there. And it was actually a place that we raised our kids in. So Priscilla Shirer\u2014her cousin\/her best friend\u2014we were at the house they had just moved out of that was still furnished. She told me on my way home from work\u2014she said, \u201cI'm not feeling really good; but I really need you to dig in tonight, cause I need to finish this book.\u201d I knew what that meant, cause she had done several before\u2014it means: \u201cPut your big boy pants on; and take care of these kids, and get dinner, and all that.\u201d\n\nI went home, ready to do that; and she laid down for a nap, which was really customary in the summer when the kids were home. I remember going in the bedroom, just to check on her\u2014see if she wanted to eat dinner. And she said, \u201cI think I just need to lay here.\u201d I went back again, and I realized she was having a cardiac event. You know, it was really traumatic for me, and my three youngest girls were there. I'm really grateful for the fact that what was traumatic for me was actually relatively easy and simple for her\u2014her heart stopped; her brain stopped getting oxygen; and she went home to be with Jesus.\n\nIt was a lot after that\u2014you know, walking with my girls through that and walking myself through that. You know, what's really funny is realizing you're in this place, as a believer\u2014and I think we get here a lot times\u2014where our flesh wants to freak out, like whether we're dealing with our kids or our spouse\/whatever the situation is. And then you have this still, small voice\u2014the voice of God\/the Holy Spirit\u2014just whispering to you, \u201cI'm here.\u201d And I, literally, felt that\u2014like I felt like, \u201cI have a choice to make between freaking out and trusting that God's with me in this moment,\u201d\u2014I leaned into that.\n\nAnd that, literally, was my strength, having to talk to the girls at the hospital and everything else that would transpire. Really, these last eight months, people are like, \u201cHow are you doing this?\u201d I'm like, \u201cI'm not; it's God.\u201d\n\nI've learned Philippians 4:13: \u201cI can do all things through Him who gives me strength.\u201d That verse, to me, was \u201ccoffee cup.\u201d Even as what I believe\u2014the pretty mature believer I believe I am\u2014I've leaned into that verse, realizing that it's not God gives me the strength, it's really that He IS my strength in all things\/in all circumstances\u2014no matter what it is\u2014Paul is talking about all these different circumstances and all he's gone through and \u201cIt's Christ in me, the hope of glory,\u201d\u2014it's, literally, all I have.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You're living it, now, every day.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Part of the irony of all of this is that you'd just finished a book on marriage\u2014your story. And now, for the last\u2014almost a year\u2014this is what you've been talking about\u2014your marriage; revisiting this day, regularly. I mean, this is not the first time, you've done an interview, where you've had to sit down and talk about this. Are there times when it's like, \u201cI don't want to tell that story again\u201d?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You know, honestly, for me; no. I probably realized it within a few days of what I'd done\u2014like turning the book in and she dies.\n\nOur 15<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary was June 27, 2018. She died on July 24, so we had a 15 year\/27 day marriage. I wasn't very creative; but for whatever reason, God gave me this creative juice on my 15-year anniversary to surprise my wife with this dance at this mansion, which we recorded. I recorded us dancing to this song, and God gave me that as a gift. The first gift I have is looking in my wife's eyes on this video, as I watch it; and I watch it routinely. And seeing the joy in her eyes, as I for the first time, really surprised her, like I really wanted to surprise her. God gave that to me as a gift.\n\nThen, He gave me this book. For me, it was like this reminder that only God has the opportunity to open and close books\/start chapters; end chapters. What's beautiful for me\u2014I go to my counselor, which I've done routinely\u2014she actually just texted me today. I don't go into her office with tears for a job undone. I wasn't perfect by any stretch, but I was really intentional\/we were intentional in marriage. I feel like God gave me this book, for whatever reason\u2014our story is kind of a story of God's grace, writ large, in a marriage.\n\nGod's kind of using our story and our marriage to kind of show people the reality of what's really there\u2014like that you don't know how many years you have\/you don't know how many days you have. Instead of trying to be perfect, be really intentional\u2014He's, for whatever reason, is using it. For me, I don't understand why He'd take the mom of my four girls\u2014why He\u2019d take\u2014I'd want 30 years, 45 years, 60 years with her. I don't understand <em>why<\/em> He'd take her home, but I trust that He's good in it. The fact that I'm doing this now is some level of energy and hope for me that God is intentionally using it, so it's an honor to talk about her life. It's a joy to talk about her life; it's a joy to talk about what we had.\n\nI realize even more\u2014like I loved\u2014our marriage was amazing. We weren't perfect, and we had struggles just like anybody else; but we had a really good relationship. We had an increasing level of intimacy, day by day\/year by year, in our marriage, which was the beauty to me. She was more my best friend at 15 years and 27 days than she ever was before. Every day, it got a little bit better. We were still human; and we still struggled; and we still argued; and we had all those things that everybody else has; but the reality is that God was growing us in friendship and relationship as we were committed to <em>doing<\/em> marriage His way.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to grab onto something that you said\u2014you just kind of went quickly past it, but I think our listeners need to hear this. You said, \u201cI'm meeting regularly with my counselor.\u201d\u00a0 This was something that you purposed to do, maybe, even before you felt a need to do it. You were smart enough to know \u201cI'm probably going to need somebody who can walk me through this season,\u201d rather than just, \u201cOh, I can handle this on my own.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I actually think I can do a lot of things on my own. I remember, like within hours of my wife passing, saying, \u201cOkay; I can do this.\u201d\u00a0 I'm just an achiever by nature; it's just kind of how God's wired me. I have this sense that I can do more things than I actually can do; and so I can burn myself out doing those things, when it comes to work\u2014things like that. And at the same time, I'm also not really good at processing, emotionally. For me, sitting down with a counselor was an attempt to process what was happening and bring down to a real level what I was actually going through. I think a part of it is also shock\u2014like you've just lost your wife and your best friend.\n\nWhat\u2019s really neat is my counselor\u2014one of the first things she said to me, which was really helpful for me, is that people in grief either have a tendency to stay in the past and never want to come out of the past from where they were, or they run as fast as they can into the future.\n\nMy tendency, in grief, is to run; so my counselor's really been helpful to me by helping me just slow down and be present. She says, \u201cGod is in the present, so how do you be present?\u201d My goal, in counseling\u2014and my goal, really, every day is\u2014just showing up for life right now\u2014being there with God right now; being there for my own emotions right now; being there for my girls right now\u2014and not thinking about, you know, just going to the past, because it was amazing and God was good in it; and thinking about hope for the future\u2014but being present for what God has me in right now.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How do you, as a dad\u2014how have you been present to help your children?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You know, the Scripture: \u201cThe Lord is close to the brokenhearted,\u201d\u2014I kind of really resented like people were texting me that Scripture, and in cards, and all of that. I got to a point, where I was kind of annoyed getting it; but what I realized, over time, is that that's not actually talking about some spirit in \u201cNever-never land.\u201d That is, literally, God working through His people and sending you help.\n\nOne of the beauties for me is that I've been able to be present, because God would just send me wave after wave\u2014I call it \u201cfloating on His grace\u201d\u2014like He has just sent me His grace, over and over again. My oldest sister, the day of my wife's funeral, says, \u201cHey Jonathan, if you need me, I'm like there,\u201d\u2014never been married; never had kids. She's just a living testimony of what singlehood can be. She's been praying for family, and God plopped her into a ready-made family that needed her. And now, she's finding value in that; and we're finding value in her.\n\nGod's been gracious to give me opportunity just to be present, in terms of time; but for me, it's been putting away distractions\u2014so it's putting down my phone. It's just kind of yucky, to be honest with you. There are days when we sit down for dinner and I don't want to be present\u2014I'm missing my wife; I'm kind of annoyed. I don't get really angry, but my anger is probably just annoyance\u2014like when I feel annoyed, it's me being angry. Several times, I've found myself being annoyed at what's happening around me; and it's really just anger. I'm dealing with having lost my wife; so it's just being there in the yuckiness, and being okay with being there with your kids, and them processing. That's actually the hardest thing for me\u2014is watching my girls have to process the same thing that I'm processing.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, you had 15 years; and she was only 38\u2014right?\u2014when she died. Regrets?\u2014do you have any?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> The only regret I have is not realizing the incredible woman I married, earlier, at the level I did when she passed. You know, Wynter was a very quiet girl\/a very introverted girl. I remember her telling me\u2014she told me when we were 21 years old\u2014we were engaged to be married\u2014and she says, \u201cI think I want to write a book.\u201d I'm like, \u201cWell, what do you want to write a book about?\u201d She's like, \u201cI don't know.\u201d I actually received that as not being achiever-oriented enough\u2014like: \u201cYou need to know what you want to write about.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nShe was just this girl that trusted God at a very high level. She said, \u201cNo,\u201d to a lot of things because she only said, \u201cYes,\u201d to things that she knew she was called to do. Oftentimes, I would look at that laid-back nature of hers as something for me to fix\u2014like I was trying to be the savior. It was really this immature, self-righteous, young Christian guy that God was like, literally, breaking down, day by day\/mistake by mistake. He showed me my own brokenness. The more that happened, the more I realized the <em>giant<\/em> that my wife was. I wish I would have just known that earlier to be able to support it earlier.\n\nMy greatest joy in life, so far, besides having our kids together, is actually running a ministry together\u2014that I was able to support her in\u2014like her writings, her magazine, her ministry. I was able to support her in that; it's a great joy for me. If I had realized, even earlier, who I had married, I would have been more appreciative of those moments so much more rather than butting heads, trying to fix her, when God's like, \u201cDude, you're the one that needs fixing\u201d; you know? [Laughter] So, that's probably my regret.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As you have thought about the future\u2014and the possibility of another wife\/another marriage\u2014how have you processed that? What's your thinking along those lines?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I've had <em>lots<\/em> of thoughts about that. Because of my girls, and because of my ability\u2014as just my humanness and, maybe, even my wiring to kind of move forward faster\u2014I've intentionally forced myself to kind of slow down the thought process\u2014to be present\/to be where I am. I'm just trying, like in anything else, to wait on God for His timing and for all that He has for me and whatever that looks like.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to read to you what showed up on Instagramon January 29<sup>th<\/sup>. What's significant about January 29<sup>th<\/sup>?\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> That's Wynter's birthday; it would have been her 39<sup>th<\/sup> birthday.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, on Instagram, your oldest daughter writes:\n\nHappy, happy birthday to the woman who shaped me into who I am today. I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here; but I know you're in heaven, having a lot more fun and taking way better naps. Sometimes, I wish the pain would go away and things could be normal again; but the reality is\u2014it can't. And if that's in God's plan, no matter how hard it is to accept or agree with, Thy will be done.\n\nSix months have gone by without you now, and the pain still feels like yesterday; but when I imagine the smile on your face now, I can't be mad. I hope you're enjoying your first birthday in heaven; I will celebrate today. Love you, and miss you, and see you soon.\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Thanks for making me cry, Bob.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Me, too, Bob.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All of us\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The incredible maturity and faith of a 14-year-old, who can write that, is a living testimony to the woman that your wife was and the mother that your wife was. Kids don't say things like that unless moms and dads have been there to help teach them that truth over time.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I was going to say\u2014it's a testimony to you, Jonathan; because you're walking with her now, without her mom. You've led her, through the valley, to the hand of God. I don't know her\u2014I just know her through that post\u2014and I'm like, \u201cWow; that is maturity beyond a 14 year old.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; those girls are\u2014starting with Alena, who is a natural leader\u2014I mean, they're four of the strongest people I know. They've, literally, lost their mom, moved to a new state\/a new school\u2014everything's new. I'm just watching them, I think, just lean into the purposes of God in a way that we've tried to teach them. Now, they're having to say, \u201cOkay; I'm either going to do it or I'm not.\u201d God has used Alena in amazing ways. At ten years old, she's in <em>War Room<\/em>; so she's been used for kingdom purposes beyond her years. All my girls are incredibly special, but she's an incredibly articulate writer. God's using it, and I don't take any credit for it\u2014I give it all to my wife and to God.\n\nIt's been fun to watch them and even like to fail. I mean, when you're leading through anything, there's going to be failures; and you fall and you get back up. In a lot of ways, I feel like I've not been perfect, even through this process; but they've been gracious with me, and they've been soldiers. It's been really neat to watch them: one, just do hard things; but then, two, just trust a big God.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the things that I feel like, as a mom, is we don't always, when we're in the midst of it, we don't always understand the impact that we're making at the time. I know that, as moms, we can feel discouraged; we can wonder if they're even listening. We wonder if we're doing <em>anything<\/em> that's making a dent in who they are.\n\nCan you speak to the listeners that are thinking, \u201cAre they hearing me?\u201d What I'm hearing is that Wynter really impacted your <em>entire<\/em> home\u2014she set the atmosphere for the home. What did that look like?\u2014and how do you see a woman impacting a home?\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I'll go back to\u2014Alena's five years old\u2014Kaitlyn is two-and-a-half, and the twins were newborns. Wynter is frustrated, because she's changing diapers her whole day. I'm traveling, and her whole day is just absorbed by being a mom. She got to the end of herself one day, and she told this story all the time: She went into her closet and she wrote down the Scripture, \u201cDelight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.\u201d She wrote that on a 3-by-5 card and posted it in her closet.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Psalm 37:4\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I didn't give the reference; I didn't know it\u2014Psalm 37:4\u2014I need to know that when I\u2019m doing interviews; but anyway\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Probably every mom knows that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know that verse; yes.\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Anyway, that\u2014it's not like she didn't know that Scripture; but that day, she decided to <em>lean<\/em> into that Scripture. What that meant for her was\u2014only what God had put right in front of her, which was her four girls\u2014and shepherding their hearts and doing all those things, which I was obviously committed to as well.\n\nIn owning that, it would be about two years later that God would, basically, give her this desire to start <em>writing<\/em> for our girls. Her writing for our girls, as she leaned into shepherding our girls' hearts and discipling those, would be the beginning of her ministry\u2014<em>For Girls Like You<\/em>\u2014and all of her writings. She was faithful to show up in that moment and God would make it something just so much larger than she ever thought it could have been. And now, her 14-year-old daughter writing something like that, which was\u2014she just poured into them.\n\nEven now, as writers\u2014I'm traveling with one right now\u2014but I was traveling with another one on Friday\u2014Olivia, my baby\/my fourth; my youngest twin\u2014she wrote like 1,050 words in 24 hours. I'm like, \u201cWhat nine-year-old writes over a thousand words?\u201d\u2014just wrote a story. It's like their mom poured that desire\/that gift into them. It's just neat to watch.\n\nThat's a very small example; but she was pouring into them, continually. As she delighted herself in the Lord, God gave her the desires of her heart; and now, she's in heaven, experiencing them, leaning into that. I'm really proud of her. I mean, it\u2019s really\u2014I\u2019m just really proud of her\u2014of who she was.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Beautiful.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the way you describe the book,<em> Emptied<\/em>. You said you didn't feel like you could write a \u201chow-to\u201d book on marriage, but you could write: \u201cHere's our journey,\u201d and \u201cHere are the messes; and in the messes, there's a lot to learn.\u201d I'm grateful for this; I hope our listeners will get a copy of the book and go through it.\n\nThey're going to learn a lot about the two of you; but they're also going to learn about the faithfulness of God in a marriage relationship and how, when you stumble\u2014because they're going to see how you've stumbled, and they're going to see themselves in these pages\u2014and in the process, learn: \u201cOkay; God's with you in that. He can pick you up; He can dust you off. He can send you back in the right direction.\u201d\n\nWe've got copies of Jonathan's book, <em>Emptied: Experiencing the Fullness of a Poured-Out Marriage<\/em>, in our<em> FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy of the book. Or call, if you'd like to order by phone: 1-800 FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I'm so grateful for Jonathan's willingness to take us back into what was a challenging journey for him\u2014still is a challenging journey. David Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is here with us\u2014a lot of lessons we can take away from just reflecting on Wynter's short life.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, I\u2019d sit in and cry a little bit, you know, hearing the conversation. It makes me reflect\u2014just the profound reminder that life is so short, and what we are intentional about will be part of our legacy. Their marriage\/their relationship\u2014the way they invest in their kids\/the way Wynter invested in her kids\u2014it was defined by intentionality.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> We are limited creatures\u2014and God was the One who made us that way\u2014and we can only do so much. Often, at least in my case, what I'm capable of is often very much less than what I think it is. [Laughter]\n\nJonathan and Wynter's story, I hope, makes us all pause today and ask the question, with a sense of urgency, \u201cThis week, what will I be intentional about doing with the relationships that matter most in my life?\u201d\u2014my relationship with God, my relationship with my spouse, my relationship with my kids\n\nand neighbors\u2014\u201cHow will I be intentional?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhat matters?\u201d and \u201cHow do I focus my life on what really matters?\u2014not just for this life, but for eternity?\u201d\n\n<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thank you, David.\n\nYou know, that's really at the heart of what we're trying to accomplish every day, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We want to help you refocus your heart, your marriage, your family on what really matters\u2014help reprioritize and realign your life around God and His Word. We're grateful for those of you who are partners with us in this effort. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a listener-supported ministry. The cost associated with producing and syndicating this daily radio program, maintaining our website\u2014all that we do, here, at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>: our events\/our resources\u2014you make that possible every time you donate to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nWe want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you support us regularly, especially our Legacy Partners, who give monthly. Your monthly support is <em>so vital<\/em> to the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. In fact, we're hoping, this month, that many of our regular listeners will consider taking that step and becoming a monthly Legacy Partner.\n\nRight now, we have a matching-gift opportunity that's in place. Any donation you make this month is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $645,000. If you become a Legacy Partner this month, every donation you make for the next 12 months is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, from that matching-gift fund. In addition, we're going to send you a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>gift card, that you can use for yourself or give to a friend, so that you can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway as our guest. We do that as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing support of the ministry as a <em>FamilyLife<\/em> Legacy Partner.\u201d\n\nFind out more\u2014make a donation today; become a Legacy Partner\u2014and help us take advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we're going to talk more about how Jonathan Pitts has worked to pick up the pieces of his life since the death of his wife Wynter. And we'll learn more about how to build a strong marriage relationship. In fact, we're going back to the beginning of Jonathan and Wynter's relationship and some of the mistakes they made, early on. I hope you can be with us for all of that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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and Wynter Pitts had learned through trial and error what it took to have a great marriage. But then Wynter died unexpectedly. Jonathan tells us more about that day, and how he and his girls are walking through that tragedy with hope and faith.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As you would expect, after suddenly losing his wife a year ago, Jonathan Pitts says there's a lot that he has had to process.\n\n<strong>Jonathan<\/strong>: There are days we sit down for dinner, and I don't want to be present. I'm kind of just missing my wife; I'm kind of annoyed. I don't get really angry, but my anger is probably just annoyance. Several times I've found myself being annoyed at what's happening around me. And it's really just kind of anger\u2014like I'm dealing with having lost my wife. It's just being there, in the yuckiness, and being okay with being there with your kids and them processing. That's actually the hardest thing for me\u2014is watching my girls have to process the same thing that I'm processing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Jonathan Pitts takes us into his own dark night of the soul today and shares with us some of the lessons he's learned there. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We're going to learn a lot about marriage this week, but we're also headed to some sacred ground\/some holy ground today\u2014to a place that nobody in marriage looks forward to going to.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No; and it's an incredible story. I mean, something you never dream could happen; and we're going to talk about it today. It's one of your worst nightmares that could ever happen; and yet, God met you in the middle of that. We're going to head there.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Pitts joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It's good to be with you again.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are remembering that, when you were here last, it was you and your wife, Wynter. We talked about your book on raising daughters and had a great time. And then, we were stunned with the news of her home-going. You were more stunned than we were, because it came completely out of the blue; didn't it?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; it did. We had no idea\/no issues. Her heart just failed in a moment; and the next, she was gone. You know, what's beautiful about is\u2014it was the most traumatic experience of my life; but for her, I believe it was the most glorious\u2014taking a nap, she just slid into heaven.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Take us back to that day\u2014\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Sure.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and just walk us through. You had just submitted to the publisher your manuscript for your new book on marriage, called <em>Emptied<\/em>.\n\nAnd by the way, I should say for those who don't know\u2014Jonathan lives in Franklin, Tennessee. He's an executive pastor at a church in Franklin. His daughter is a movie star\u2014can we say that?\u2014right?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You can say that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She was the little girl in the movie, <em>War Room,<\/em> who did the double-dutch. She is one of four daughters\u2014the oldest of four.\n\nYou had just submitted the manuscript for the book, and it was a normal day for you?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes; just to back up a little bit\u2014we had made the decision to leave Dallas. I had worked for Dr. Tony Evans for ten years and my wife had kind of launched her ministry and spent about seven or eight years kind of building her ministry. We just felt like God was calling us into a new season\u2014together, we felt it. So on July 6, of 2018, we sold our house in Dallas. July 9<sup>th<\/sup>, we bought our house in Franklin; July 10<sup>th<\/sup>, we moved in.\n\nWe spent four nights in the home before we went on a week of vacation to Iowa to visit my family. Had family pictures\u2014all of my nieces and nephews; my parents\u2014my whole family there; entire family took pictures. Went back to Dallas for a week for me to finish my role with Dr. Evans. Wynter was finishing up her last book; and she was late, as she normally was. [Laughter] And with this marriage book\u2014that we didn't feel, necessarily\u2014we didn\u2019t feel like professionals to write a marriage book; but our publisher just said, \u201cHey, I want you to write a \u2018Join us in the journey,\u2019\u2014not a \u2018how-to.\u2019\u201d\n\nWe said\u2014prayed about it\u2014and said we could do that. We just documented our story\u2014the good, the bad\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the ugly. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>There's some ugly in there\u2014specifically, from me\u2014and God's grace that met it. Ultimately, that day was one of my last days with the <em>Urban Alternative<\/em>. The last thing I did before leaving the office\u2014it was 3:45\u2014was I signed off on the final edited manuscript; turned it in to <em>Harvest House<\/em>, our publisher; and then I'd go home. We were in transition; we were actually staying at Wynter's cousin's house at the time.\n\nThankfully, we were in Dallas; because our support base\/our family was there. And it was actually a place that we raised our kids in. So Priscilla Shirer\u2014her cousin\/her best friend\u2014we were at the house they had just moved out of that was still furnished. She told me on my way home from work\u2014she said, \u201cI'm not feeling really good; but I really need you to dig in tonight, cause I need to finish this book.\u201d I knew what that meant, cause she had done several before\u2014it means: \u201cPut your big boy pants on; and take care of these kids, and get dinner, and all that.\u201d\n\nI went home, ready to do that; and she laid down for a nap, which was really customary in the summer when the kids were home. I remember going in the bedroom, just to check on her\u2014see if she wanted to eat dinner. And she said, \u201cI think I just need to lay here.\u201d I went back again, and I realized she was having a cardiac event. You know, it was really traumatic for me, and my three youngest girls were there. I'm really grateful for the fact that what was traumatic for me was actually relatively easy and simple for her\u2014her heart stopped; her brain stopped getting oxygen; and she went home to be with Jesus.\n\nIt was a lot after that\u2014you know, walking with my girls through that and walking myself through that. You know, what's really funny is realizing you're in this place, as a believer\u2014and I think we get here a lot times\u2014where our flesh wants to freak out, like whether we're dealing with our kids or our spouse\/whatever the situation is. And then you have this still, small voice\u2014the voice of God\/the Holy Spirit\u2014just whispering to you, \u201cI'm here.\u201d And I, literally, felt that\u2014like I felt like, \u201cI have a choice to make between freaking out and trusting that God's with me in this moment,\u201d\u2014I leaned into that.\n\nAnd that, literally, was my strength, having to talk to the girls at the hospital and everything else that would transpire. Really, these last eight months, people are like, \u201cHow are you doing this?\u201d I'm like, \u201cI'm not; it's God.\u201d\n\nI've learned Philippians 4:13: \u201cI can do all things through Him who gives me strength.\u201d That verse, to me, was \u201ccoffee cup.\u201d Even as what I believe\u2014the pretty mature believer I believe I am\u2014I've leaned into that verse, realizing that it's not God gives me the strength, it's really that He IS my strength in all things\/in all circumstances\u2014no matter what it is\u2014Paul is talking about all these different circumstances and all he's gone through and \u201cIt's Christ in me, the hope of glory,\u201d\u2014it's, literally, all I have.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You're living it, now, every day.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Part of the irony of all of this is that you'd just finished a book on marriage\u2014your story. And now, for the last\u2014almost a year\u2014this is what you've been talking about\u2014your marriage; revisiting this day, regularly. I mean, this is not the first time, you've done an interview, where you've had to sit down and talk about this. Are there times when it's like, \u201cI don't want to tell that story again\u201d?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You know, honestly, for me; no. I probably realized it within a few days of what I'd done\u2014like turning the book in and she dies.\n\nOur 15<sup>th<\/sup> anniversary was June 27, 2018. She died on July 24, so we had a 15 year\/27 day marriage. I wasn't very creative; but for whatever reason, God gave me this creative juice on my 15-year anniversary to surprise my wife with this dance at this mansion, which we recorded. I recorded us dancing to this song, and God gave me that as a gift. The first gift I have is looking in my wife's eyes on this video, as I watch it; and I watch it routinely. And seeing the joy in her eyes, as I for the first time, really surprised her, like I really wanted to surprise her. God gave that to me as a gift.\n\nThen, He gave me this book. For me, it was like this reminder that only God has the opportunity to open and close books\/start chapters; end chapters. What's beautiful for me\u2014I go to my counselor, which I've done routinely\u2014she actually just texted me today. I don't go into her office with tears for a job undone. I wasn't perfect by any stretch, but I was really intentional\/we were intentional in marriage. I feel like God gave me this book, for whatever reason\u2014our story is kind of a story of God's grace, writ large, in a marriage.\n\nGod's kind of using our story and our marriage to kind of show people the reality of what's really there\u2014like that you don't know how many years you have\/you don't know how many days you have. Instead of trying to be perfect, be really intentional\u2014He's, for whatever reason, is using it. For me, I don't understand why He'd take the mom of my four girls\u2014why He\u2019d take\u2014I'd want 30 years, 45 years, 60 years with her. I don't understand <em>why<\/em> He'd take her home, but I trust that He's good in it. The fact that I'm doing this now is some level of energy and hope for me that God is intentionally using it, so it's an honor to talk about her life. It's a joy to talk about her life; it's a joy to talk about what we had.\n\nI realize even more\u2014like I loved\u2014our marriage was amazing. We weren't perfect, and we had struggles just like anybody else; but we had a really good relationship. We had an increasing level of intimacy, day by day\/year by year, in our marriage, which was the beauty to me. She was more my best friend at 15 years and 27 days than she ever was before. Every day, it got a little bit better. We were still human; and we still struggled; and we still argued; and we had all those things that everybody else has; but the reality is that God was growing us in friendship and relationship as we were committed to <em>doing<\/em> marriage His way.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to grab onto something that you said\u2014you just kind of went quickly past it, but I think our listeners need to hear this. You said, \u201cI'm meeting regularly with my counselor.\u201d\u00a0 This was something that you purposed to do, maybe, even before you felt a need to do it. You were smart enough to know \u201cI'm probably going to need somebody who can walk me through this season,\u201d rather than just, \u201cOh, I can handle this on my own.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I actually think I can do a lot of things on my own. I remember, like within hours of my wife passing, saying, \u201cOkay; I can do this.\u201d\u00a0 I'm just an achiever by nature; it's just kind of how God's wired me. I have this sense that I can do more things than I actually can do; and so I can burn myself out doing those things, when it comes to work\u2014things like that. And at the same time, I'm also not really good at processing, emotionally. For me, sitting down with a counselor was an attempt to process what was happening and bring down to a real level what I was actually going through. I think a part of it is also shock\u2014like you've just lost your wife and your best friend.\n\nWhat\u2019s really neat is my counselor\u2014one of the first things she said to me, which was really helpful for me, is that people in grief either have a tendency to stay in the past and never want to come out of the past from where they were, or they run as fast as they can into the future.\n\nMy tendency, in grief, is to run; so my counselor's really been helpful to me by helping me just slow down and be present. She says, \u201cGod is in the present, so how do you be present?\u201d My goal, in counseling\u2014and my goal, really, every day is\u2014just showing up for life right now\u2014being there with God right now; being there for my own emotions right now; being there for my girls right now\u2014and not thinking about, you know, just going to the past, because it was amazing and God was good in it; and thinking about hope for the future\u2014but being present for what God has me in right now.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How do you, as a dad\u2014how have you been present to help your children?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>You know, the Scripture: \u201cThe Lord is close to the brokenhearted,\u201d\u2014I kind of really resented like people were texting me that Scripture, and in cards, and all of that. I got to a point, where I was kind of annoyed getting it; but what I realized, over time, is that that's not actually talking about some spirit in \u201cNever-never land.\u201d That is, literally, God working through His people and sending you help.\n\nOne of the beauties for me is that I've been able to be present, because God would just send me wave after wave\u2014I call it \u201cfloating on His grace\u201d\u2014like He has just sent me His grace, over and over again. My oldest sister, the day of my wife's funeral, says, \u201cHey Jonathan, if you need me, I'm like there,\u201d\u2014never been married; never had kids. She's just a living testimony of what singlehood can be. She's been praying for family, and God plopped her into a ready-made family that needed her. And now, she's finding value in that; and we're finding value in her.\n\nGod's been gracious to give me opportunity just to be present, in terms of time; but for me, it's been putting away distractions\u2014so it's putting down my phone. It's just kind of yucky, to be honest with you. There are days when we sit down for dinner and I don't want to be present\u2014I'm missing my wife; I'm kind of annoyed. I don't get really angry, but my anger is probably just annoyance\u2014like when I feel annoyed, it's me being angry. Several times, I've found myself being annoyed at what's happening around me; and it's really just anger. I'm dealing with having lost my wife; so it's just being there in the yuckiness, and being okay with being there with your kids, and them processing. That's actually the hardest thing for me\u2014is watching my girls have to process the same thing that I'm processing.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, you had 15 years; and she was only 38\u2014right?\u2014when she died. Regrets?\u2014do you have any?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> The only regret I have is not realizing the incredible woman I married, earlier, at the level I did when she passed. You know, Wynter was a very quiet girl\/a very introverted girl. I remember her telling me\u2014she told me when we were 21 years old\u2014we were engaged to be married\u2014and she says, \u201cI think I want to write a book.\u201d I'm like, \u201cWell, what do you want to write a book about?\u201d She's like, \u201cI don't know.\u201d I actually received that as not being achiever-oriented enough\u2014like: \u201cYou need to know what you want to write about.\u201d\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nShe was just this girl that trusted God at a very high level. She said, \u201cNo,\u201d to a lot of things because she only said, \u201cYes,\u201d to things that she knew she was called to do. Oftentimes, I would look at that laid-back nature of hers as something for me to fix\u2014like I was trying to be the savior. It was really this immature, self-righteous, young Christian guy that God was like, literally, breaking down, day by day\/mistake by mistake. He showed me my own brokenness. The more that happened, the more I realized the <em>giant<\/em> that my wife was. I wish I would have just known that earlier to be able to support it earlier.\n\nMy greatest joy in life, so far, besides having our kids together, is actually running a ministry together\u2014that I was able to support her in\u2014like her writings, her magazine, her ministry. I was able to support her in that; it's a great joy for me. If I had realized, even earlier, who I had married, I would have been more appreciative of those moments so much more rather than butting heads, trying to fix her, when God's like, \u201cDude, you're the one that needs fixing\u201d; you know? [Laughter] So, that's probably my regret.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As you have thought about the future\u2014and the possibility of another wife\/another marriage\u2014how have you processed that? What's your thinking along those lines?\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I've had <em>lots<\/em> of thoughts about that. Because of my girls, and because of my ability\u2014as just my humanness and, maybe, even my wiring to kind of move forward faster\u2014I've intentionally forced myself to kind of slow down the thought process\u2014to be present\/to be where I am. I'm just trying, like in anything else, to wait on God for His timing and for all that He has for me and whatever that looks like.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to read to you what showed up on Instagramon January 29<sup>th<\/sup>. What's significant about January 29<sup>th<\/sup>?\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> That's Wynter's birthday; it would have been her 39<sup>th<\/sup> birthday.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, on Instagram, your oldest daughter writes:\n\nHappy, happy birthday to the woman who shaped me into who I am today. I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here; but I know you're in heaven, having a lot more fun and taking way better naps. Sometimes, I wish the pain would go away and things could be normal again; but the reality is\u2014it can't. And if that's in God's plan, no matter how hard it is to accept or agree with, Thy will be done.\n\nSix months have gone by without you now, and the pain still feels like yesterday; but when I imagine the smile on your face now, I can't be mad. I hope you're enjoying your first birthday in heaven; I will celebrate today. Love you, and miss you, and see you soon.\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Thanks for making me cry, Bob.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Me, too, Bob.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All of us\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The incredible maturity and faith of a 14-year-old, who can write that, is a living testimony to the woman that your wife was and the mother that your wife was. Kids don't say things like that unless moms and dads have been there to help teach them that truth over time.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I was going to say\u2014it's a testimony to you, Jonathan; because you're walking with her now, without her mom. You've led her, through the valley, to the hand of God. I don't know her\u2014I just know her through that post\u2014and I'm like, \u201cWow; that is maturity beyond a 14 year old.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes; those girls are\u2014starting with Alena, who is a natural leader\u2014I mean, they're four of the strongest people I know. They've, literally, lost their mom, moved to a new state\/a new school\u2014everything's new. I'm just watching them, I think, just lean into the purposes of God in a way that we've tried to teach them. Now, they're having to say, \u201cOkay; I'm either going to do it or I'm not.\u201d God has used Alena in amazing ways. At ten years old, she's in <em>War Room<\/em>; so she's been used for kingdom purposes beyond her years. All my girls are incredibly special, but she's an incredibly articulate writer. God's using it, and I don't take any credit for it\u2014I give it all to my wife and to God.\n\nIt's been fun to watch them and even like to fail. I mean, when you're leading through anything, there's going to be failures; and you fall and you get back up. In a lot of ways, I feel like I've not been perfect, even through this process; but they've been gracious with me, and they've been soldiers. It's been really neat to watch them: one, just do hard things; but then, two, just trust a big God.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the things that I feel like, as a mom, is we don't always, when we're in the midst of it, we don't always understand the impact that we're making at the time. I know that, as moms, we can feel discouraged; we can wonder if they're even listening. We wonder if we're doing <em>anything<\/em> that's making a dent in who they are.\n\nCan you speak to the listeners that are thinking, \u201cAre they hearing me?\u201d What I'm hearing is that Wynter really impacted your <em>entire<\/em> home\u2014she set the atmosphere for the home. What did that look like?\u2014and how do you see a woman impacting a home?\n\n<strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> I'll go back to\u2014Alena's five years old\u2014Kaitlyn is two-and-a-half, and the twins were newborns. Wynter is frustrated, because she's changing diapers her whole day. I'm traveling, and her whole day is just absorbed by being a mom. She got to the end of herself one day, and she told this story all the time: She went into her closet and she wrote down the Scripture, \u201cDelight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.\u201d She wrote that on a 3-by-5 card and posted it in her closet.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Psalm 37:4\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I didn't give the reference; I didn't know it\u2014Psalm 37:4\u2014I need to know that when I\u2019m doing interviews; but anyway\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Probably every mom knows that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know that verse; yes.\n\n<strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Anyway, that\u2014it's not like she didn't know that Scripture; but that day, she decided to <em>lean<\/em> into that Scripture. What that meant for her was\u2014only what God had put right in front of her, which was her four girls\u2014and shepherding their hearts and doing all those things, which I was obviously committed to as well.\n\nIn owning that, it would be about two years later that God would, basically, give her this desire to start <em>writing<\/em> for our girls. Her writing for our girls, as she leaned into shepherding our girls' hearts and discipling those, would be the beginning of her ministry\u2014<em>For Girls Like You<\/em>\u2014and all of her writings. She was faithful to show up in that moment and God would make it something just so much larger than she ever thought it could have been. And now, her 14-year-old daughter writing something like that, which was\u2014she just poured into them.\n\nEven now, as writers\u2014I'm traveling with one right now\u2014but I was traveling with another one on Friday\u2014Olivia, my baby\/my fourth; my youngest twin\u2014she wrote like 1,050 words in 24 hours. I'm like, \u201cWhat nine-year-old writes over a thousand words?\u201d\u2014just wrote a story. It's like their mom poured that desire\/that gift into them. It's just neat to watch.\n\nThat's a very small example; but she was pouring into them, continually. As she delighted herself in the Lord, God gave her the desires of her heart; and now, she's in heaven, experiencing them, leaning into that. I'm really proud of her. I mean, it\u2019s really\u2014I\u2019m just really proud of her\u2014of who she was.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Beautiful.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the way you describe the book,<em> Emptied<\/em>. You said you didn't feel like you could write a \u201chow-to\u201d book on marriage, but you could write: \u201cHere's our journey,\u201d and \u201cHere are the messes; and in the messes, there's a lot to learn.\u201d I'm grateful for this; I hope our listeners will get a copy of the book and go through it.\n\nThey're going to learn a lot about the two of you; but they're also going to learn about the faithfulness of God in a marriage relationship and how, when you stumble\u2014because they're going to see how you've stumbled, and they're going to see themselves in these pages\u2014and in the process, learn: \u201cOkay; God's with you in that. He can pick you up; He can dust you off. He can send you back in the right direction.\u201d\n\nWe've got copies of Jonathan's book, <em>Emptied: Experiencing the Fullness of a Poured-Out Marriage<\/em>, in our<em> FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy of the book. Or call, if you'd like to order by phone: 1-800 FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I'm so grateful for Jonathan's willingness to take us back into what was a challenging journey for him\u2014still is a challenging journey. David Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is here with us\u2014a lot of lessons we can take away from just reflecting on Wynter's short life.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, I\u2019d sit in and cry a little bit, you know, hearing the conversation. It makes me reflect\u2014just the profound reminder that life is so short, and what we are intentional about will be part of our legacy. Their marriage\/their relationship\u2014the way they invest in their kids\/the way Wynter invested in her kids\u2014it was defined by intentionality.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> We are limited creatures\u2014and God was the One who made us that way\u2014and we can only do so much. Often, at least in my case, what I'm capable of is often very much less than what I think it is. [Laughter]\n\nJonathan and Wynter's story, I hope, makes us all pause today and ask the question, with a sense of urgency, \u201cThis week, what will I be intentional about doing with the relationships that matter most in my life?\u201d\u2014my relationship with God, my relationship with my spouse, my relationship with my kids\n\nand neighbors\u2014\u201cHow will I be intentional?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhat matters?\u201d and \u201cHow do I focus my life on what really matters?\u2014not just for this life, but for eternity?\u201d\n\n<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thank you, David.\n\nYou know, that's really at the heart of what we're trying to accomplish every day, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We want to help you refocus your heart, your marriage, your family on what really matters\u2014help reprioritize and realign your life around God and His Word. We're grateful for those of you who are partners with us in this effort. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a listener-supported ministry. The cost associated with producing and syndicating this daily radio program, maintaining our website\u2014all that we do, here, at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>: our events\/our resources\u2014you make that possible every time you donate to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nWe want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you support us regularly, especially our Legacy Partners, who give monthly. Your monthly support is <em>so vital<\/em> to the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. In fact, we're hoping, this month, that many of our regular listeners will consider taking that step and becoming a monthly Legacy Partner.\n\nRight now, we have a matching-gift opportunity that's in place. Any donation you make this month is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $645,000. If you become a Legacy Partner this month, every donation you make for the next 12 months is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, from that matching-gift fund. In addition, we're going to send you a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>gift card, that you can use for yourself or give to a friend, so that you can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway as our guest. We do that as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your ongoing support of the ministry as a <em>FamilyLife<\/em> Legacy Partner.\u201d\n\nFind out more\u2014make a donation today; become a Legacy Partner\u2014and help us take advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we're going to talk more about how Jonathan Pitts has worked to pick up the pieces of his life since the death of his wife Wynter. And we'll learn more about how to build a strong marriage relationship. In fact, we're going back to the beginning of Jonathan and Wynter's relationship and some of the mistakes they made, early on. I hope you can be with us for all of that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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