{"id":305007,"date":"2019-05-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/lying-lips\/"},"modified":"2019-05-09T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-09T15:00:00","slug":"lying-lips","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lying-lips\/","title":{"rendered":"Lying Lips"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ginger Hubbard | The tongue may be small, but it&#8217;s impact is great! That&#8217;s why author Ginger Hubbard believes parents need to put their kids on the right track early by teaching and training them to be wise with their words. If a parent is unsure whether a child is telling the truth, Hubbard believes he should err on the side of mercy. But if a parent knows for certain a child has lied, they need to address the issue and remind the child of the relational consequences of their behavior, and then apply suitable discipline.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tDave and Ann Wilson on Spanking and Discipline.<br \/>\n \tLearn more about becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ginger Hubbard believes parents need to put their kids on the right track early by teaching and training them to be wise with their words.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-09.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:37:53","filesize":"34.6M","filesize_raw":"36284544","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2806],"tags":[5340,6614],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3225],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305007","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-spiritual-development","tag-taming-the-tongue","tag-the-heart-of-attitude-problems","cwp_profile-ginger-hubbard","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305007\/lying-lips","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305007\/lying-lips","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"z3yzsFgWH2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lying-lips\/\">Lying Lips<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/lying-lips\/embed\/#?secret=z3yzsFgWH2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Lying Lips&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"z3yzsFgWH2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ginger Hubbard believes parents need to put their kids on the right track early by teaching and training them to be wise with their words.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. As parents, how can we begin to understand the heart issues that are manifesting themselves as tongue issues with our kids? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Ginger Hubbard. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, we set out on a quest this week to try to help parents with tongue issues with their kids. I\u2019m not talking about piercing. [Laughter] I\u2019m talking about the control of the tongue\u2014the behavior\/the speech of your child. We said, \u201cLet\u2019s tackle all of these subjects that are in Ginger Hubbard\u2019s book, <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!<\/em>\u201d There is whining, lying, tattling, defying; and we stopped at whining. We never got any farther than that; so, maybe, we can get a few more of these in as we talk to Ginger.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, I want to complain about that right there, Bob. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Stop!\n\nThese are real issues for moms; aren\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are such real issues\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and dads\u2014and dads.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but I think, as moms, we don\u2019t always feel like there are a lot of tools out there to help us and equip us. Ginger, <em>you<\/em> get into some really great tools and principles.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ginger is an author and a speaker. She\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> before. We\u2019re glad to have you back. Welcome back.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Thank you, Bob. Good to be back.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is something that, as you talked to moms about the issues of their children\u2019s speech\u2014almost as much as the kid\u2019s behavior\u2014the speech may be a <em>bigger<\/em> issue than the behavior. If they are acting out\/if they are disobeying, it\u2019s more often verbalized than it is with destructive behavior; right?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right; it is. You know, we want to look past that verbal behavior\u2014what\u2019s coming out of their mouths\u2014and want to look at: \u201cWhat is the sin issue in the heart that is <em>driving<\/em> that outward behavior?\u201d Then, once we\u2019re able to <em>identify<\/em> what that heart issue is, then we can go to God\u2019s Word; because you better believe God\u2019s Word has something to say about it\u2014once we know what the heart issue is\u2014because God is not just concerned with the outward behavior; He is concerned with the heart.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, here is a question from a dad\u2014you know, I\u2019m thinking about, \u201cOkay; I want to get my child\u2019s heart.\u201d Obviously, we want to get to our own heart as well; but how do you help see that heart changed?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> By getting them to <em>practice<\/em> the biblical alternative to the sinful behavior. I refer to this, in some of my materials, as the Practice Principle. Imagine trying to teach your child how to tie his shoe without the Practice Principle. Just verbally walking him through that process is not going to be enough. At some point, you are going to have to stop that verbal training\u2014physically demonstrate how it is done and, then, <em>require<\/em> him to practice it on his own.\n\nI look at it like: \u201cIf the Practice Principle is vital for teaching such morally-neutral tasks as tying shoes, how much <em>more<\/em> important is it for training children in Christ-like character?\u201d You know, that goes for anything\u2014we hear: \u201cPractice makes perfect.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, again, the behavior is one side. You want to get to their heart\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but when they can instinctively respond with the right behavior, now, you\u2019re halfway to the heart. Now, you\u2019ve got to make sure God\u2019s doing a work in their heart\u2014you\u2019re not just correcting behavior\u2014but there\u2019s resentment\/bitterness hidden behind that?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> That is where the heart-probing questions come in. You know, if you think about it, in a lot of the stories in Scripture, when someone did something wrong, Jesus didn\u2019t point His finger in their face and say: \u201cThis is what you did wrong!\u201d and \u201cThis is what you should have done instead.\u201d Jesus often used heart-probing questions.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a friend, who\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, is this one of those \u201cI have a friend,\u201d Bob? [Laughter] Or is this <em>you<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is a real friend, who\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014he and his wife had become foster parents first and, then, had adopted two kids out of the foster system. When they adopted their kids, they were four and six years old. What he soon realized, with these kids, is that lying had become a coping skill for these kids. It\u2019s how they learned to survive, growing up in a very dysfunctional environment.\n\nHe said, \u201cHere we had two boys, who lied easily and without any remorse for what they had done; because, in their mind, this is just how you survive.\u201d He tried everything he knew, as a parent, to get down and say: \u201cDid you do this? I won\u2019t be mad if you tell me the truth,\u201d and all of these things. The kid would just lie\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with no remorse. You couldn\u2019t spot the lie at all. You\u2019d wind up, as a parent, thinking, \u201cDo I really know\u2014am I wrongly accusing my child, even though the evidence is right there?\u201d\n\nWhat do you do with kids when you suspect that they are lying or when you catch them in a lie? How do you deal with that tongue issue?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Well, I do think that\u2019s two separate issues right there. I think that if you are not 100 percent certain that they are lying, it\u2019s better to err on the side of mercy\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> \u2014because it can be very discouraging to accuse a child of lying when, in fact, he\u2019s telling the truth. He could start feeling like\u2014that Mom or Dad view him with this ongoing suspicious expectation of him lying; so we want to encourage them to walk in truth and also not <em>label<\/em> them a liar, which\u2014that is another thing.\n\nIf we do know, 100 percent certain, that the child did tell a lie, we want to address the <em>fact<\/em> that they lied and not call them a liar; because if you call them a liar, you are <em>labeling<\/em> them a liar.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re making that their identity.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. We want to encourage them to live in the forgiveness and the atonement of God and not label them a liar.\n\nI remember Alex telling a lie one time when she was probably\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014four or five years old. One of her favorite things to do was to play dress up. She would dress up; and she would always like to involve our little Yorkie, Mickey. She had this little tutu-thing that she would put on him and dress him up too. One thing that Alex was not allowed to do\u2014and that was to get into my makeup\u2014so when Mickey comes prancing into the kitchen with lipstick on, our little Yorkie, it wasn\u2019t very hard to determine who was behind it. [Laughter]\n\nBut when I asked Alex how it was that Mickey came to have rosewood lips?\u2014she very quickly responded, \u201cDoug did it\u201d; okay? Let me tell you who Doug is. Doug is this caped action figure that came in a kid\u2019s meal. [Laughter] So, I said, \u201cAlex; okay; so did you and Doug, maybe, go into the bathroom and get my makeup bag; and you helped Doug get the lipstick out?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like that you included Doug in it!\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Yes; yes. I said, \u201cDid you help Doug get the lipstick out and help Doug put it on Mickey?\u201d She said: \u201cNope! Doug did it <em>all<\/em> by himself.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> So, now, I do something that <em>rarely<\/em> works with small kids. I tried to reason with her\u2014I said: \u201cAlex, Doug is not capable of going into the bathroom, opening my makeup case, getting the lipstick out, and putting it on Mickey. He\u2019s not capable of doing it.\u201d Do you want to know what she said? \u201cOh, yes, he is; because I put batteries in Doug.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow! She\u2019s good!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> One lie\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Very\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, wow.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> \u2014very good; but again, I did not want to <em>label<\/em> her a liar. I wanted her to see herself through God\u2019s eye and who she is in Christ. So, I said, \u201cAlex, honey,\u201d\u2014I said\u2014\u201cyou told a lie, but you are not a liar. That is <em>not<\/em> who you are. You are a forgiven child of God; and because of God\u2019s grace, you can walk in truth.\u201d That\u2019s how I addressed it with her.\n\nThen she\u2014it took her a little while to come clean, because she didn\u2019t want to have any consequences. Consequences are not fun; but I tell you, when she finally did come clean, you could just see the weight\u2014even though there was a consequence\u2014just that weight lift off of her. It was like she was thankful for there to be a consequence and, then, to have that clean slate.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you see lying at a different level of tongue offense than whining, or bickering, or other things? I mean, the Bible seems to indicate\u2014I\u2019m thinking of the passage in Proverbs that says\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c\u2026things God hates.\u201d A lying tongue is one of the things God hates.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> One of the seven things God hates.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> That\u2019s pretty powerful\u2014one of the seven things God hates; right. We do want to talk about that with our kids and talk about <em>why<\/em> God hates a lying tongue.\n\nWe want to talk to our children about who is the father of lies and who is the Father of Truth: \u201cYou know, sweetie, when you tell a lie, you are pleasing the father of lies and obeying the father of lies; but when you speak truth, you are honoring and pleasing the Father of Truth, who is God. Who do you want to please? Do you want to please Satan, or do you want to please God? We know that it\u2019s going to go much better for us when we live in ways that are honoring to God.\u201d\n\nAlso, while pleasing and honoring God are reasons enough to speak truth, we also want to help our children understand the <em>relational<\/em> consequences of lying. The foundation of the family relationship is built on trust; and when that trust is violated, the foundation of that relationship crumbles. Honesty is the glue that holds a family together; and that\u2019s why Paul told us, \u201cDo not lie to each other.\u201d It is a <em>huge<\/em> offense that <em>really<\/em> brings down some very strong consequences.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nine times out of ten, when a child is caught in a lie, you have two issues; because they are usually lying to cover up some other act of disobedience. So, now, you have the lipstick on the dog, which is offense number one, and the lie about what they did, which is offense number two. Does that mean double consequences? Does that mean that you amp up the correction and the discipline because they did two things wrong and not just one?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> I would probably handle it all the same way. I didn\u2019t say, \u201cYou\u2019re going to have a consequence for this <em>and<\/em> a consequence for that.\u201d I also think that, sometimes, parents are quick to <em>overdo<\/em> consequences.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to ask that about consequences. Can you talk about\u2014what are some of the consequences you\u2019ve had for your kids?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Well, when my kids were little, you know, the Bible is very clear that the rod of discipline imparts wisdom. So, when my children were younger, I did feel like the most effective consequence was a spanking administered very gently, very lovingly, and with self-control.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let me just interrupt you long enough to say, \u201cThere is a difference between a wrong kind of spanking and right kind of spanking.\u201d We\u2019re not talking about abuse.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re not talking about leaving marks on a kid. We\u2019re talking about how to use gentle swats\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014loving.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014as a way to correct a child. We\u2019ve got an excerpt from the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> video series that we\u2019ve done, where you guys talk about\u2014I remember, Ann\u2014you talking about the spoon and how you\u2019d pull it out and just\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The little wooden one; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014just seeing the tip of the spoon was enough, sometimes, to cause kids to correct their behavior. So, again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you want to see the video.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even one of the things that I did\u2014I would have them go and sit in their room on a chair for a little bit, waiting for me; because I needed to cool down. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right. Yes; sometimes, we need\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> \u2014to take a few minutes to make sure <em>our<\/em> hearts are right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; I didn\u2019t want to do it out of anger. I didn\u2019t want to just swat them. So, sometimes, I would say, \u201c<em>Run<\/em> in the other room.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right; and \u201cHurry!\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and just that sitting there sometimes\u2014sometimes, I wouldn\u2019t even spank them; because their heart\u2019s were already broken, and repentant, and sorry.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So, there wasn\u2019t a need to do that. Okay; so you used that when they were\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> I did. You know, also, I feel like that\u2019s effective when they\u2019re <em>little<\/em> if it can be done the right way. Now, there are parents that I have actually encouraged to <em>not<\/em> spank their children; because they struggle so much with anger, and they are not able to do it in self-control. It is better to <em>not<\/em> use that as a consequence if you can\u2019t do it the way that God intended it to be done, which with self-control, love, and gentleness.\n\nSo, other consequences, too\u2014we can always use logical consequences. I remember Wes leaving his bike outside. You know, some parents might be tempted to say, \u201cOkay; well, you left your bike out; and you weren\u2019t supposed to. No riding your bike for a month,\u201d or \u201cNo TV for two months,\u201d\u2014you know, that\u2019s exasperating; that\u2019s overdoing it.\n\nTo me, a logical consequence was: \u201cYou were not responsible with it, so you lose the freedom to enjoy it tomorrow.\u201d Then it\u2019s over; it\u2019s done. It\u2019s not this thing that just goes on, and on, and on.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And your point is great\u2014to the extent you can use the natural consequences\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014of the behavior\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so that it\u2019s not, \u201cYou did this; and now, you\u2019ve got to go rake leaves for three weeks\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014which may have nothing to do with the behavior\u2014but: \u201cHere\u2019s what you did; you did not show responsibility for this, so we\u2019re going to lose that for a week.\u201d Tie the correction to the infraction, and that\u2019ll help drive the point home.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Exactly. \u201cYou didn\u2019t do your homework. I told you to be finished with your homework by seven o\u2019clock; and you didn\u2019t, so you lose the freedom to watch a show tonight.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Hey, I\u2019d like to ask you about one of those other categories you hit in the book. We don\u2019t have a lot of time, but I want to hear your heart on gossip\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Oh.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because I think it\u2019s a <em>big<\/em> deal in the church\/\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014everywhere.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> It is.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But in the church, it\u2019s really interesting how we can gossip about people in a spiritual way; but when your kids do it, and you see it, how do you get at the core of that?\u2014because now, we\u2019re talking about somebody; and that can be <em>inflammatory<\/em> with your tongue.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right; and that could go back to the delighting in someone else\u2019s suffering; you know? \u201cInstead of talking about this and spreading this information about this person, what could you do to encourage this person? How could you go and be a <em>loving<\/em> friend, that speaks truth and says things that <em>benefits<\/em> the person that is listening?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Think about it: \u201cWhy do we gossip? We gossip so that we look like we\u2019re in the know, and we know what\u2019s going on.\u201d More often than not, if I am gossiping, it\u2019s because I want you to know I\u2019m an insider; and I know what\u2019s going on in everybody\u2019s life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And\u2014and think about this\u2014it\u2019s the <em>core<\/em> of the sin of judgment: \u201cI\u2019m above you. I\u2019m better than you, and I\u2019m going to judge you and then talk about you.\u201d There it is\u2014it\u2019s the <em>blatant<\/em> sin.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here it is\u2014it\u2019s really easy to see it in our kids\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and not look in the mirror and go, \u201cI wonder where they are picking that up?\u201d\u2014from Mom and Dad. I mean, it\u2019s something that\u2014man, you just want to nail.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, that\u2019s why your book is so helpful\u2014<em>I Can\u2019t Believe You [Just] Said That!<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cI can\u2019t believe <em>I<\/em> said that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019ve got to catch myself and say, \u201cOkay; let\u2019s look in my <em>own<\/em> heart and model something that I\u2019m trying to train my kids to do.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You started by saying that the title of this book, <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!<\/em>, is something Ann said to you many times; right? [Laughter] So, I\u2019m thinking, maybe, \u201cAnn, get a copy of the book\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that is a <em>very<\/em> good idea.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand go through it chapter by chapter with Dave.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That would be good. I was going to say, \u201cNot going to happen,\u201d but that actually would be really good.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think one of the things I would encourage parents is\u2014those, who are thinking, \u201cIt\u2019s too late; you know, I didn\u2019t start out doing this,\u201d\u2014is it every too late?\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> It is <em>never<\/em> too late to start training our children in the Word of God. God\u2019s Word <em>never<\/em> returns void, no matter when we start using it. My parents did not become Christians until I was 18 years old, so I was not raised in church.\n\nI didn\u2019t know <em>anything<\/em> about God or the Bible, and my daddy\u2014he started\u2014he immediately just fell so in love with the Lord and just wanted so badly for his children to love the Lord too. He came into my room one night. He\u2019d only been a Christian about three months, and he was crying.\n\nIt was the first time\u2014I\u2019d never seen my daddy cry before\u2014ever. He was crying; and he said, \u201cI need to ask your forgiveness.\u201d He said\u2014I was very spoiled\u2014he said, \u201cI have tried to win your heart by giving you everything that you\u2019ve ever wanted; but I\u2019ve left out the most important thing in our lives, and that\u2019s Jesus Christ.\u201d He asked me to forgive him. At first, I rebelled; because, honestly, I didn\u2019t like seeing my daddy cry. I didn\u2019t like the God that was making my daddy feel like a failure, so I wrapped my arm around him; and I assured him he had <em>not<\/em> been a failure, and he did <em>not<\/em> need to ask my forgiveness because he\u2019d been the absolute <em>best<\/em> daddy in the world.\n\nAs the weeks went on, he sort of adopted a verse in the Bible as our family theme, which is: \u201cAs for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.\u201d For the first time in my life, he began to put consequences on me. He was teaching me the Word of God,\u00a0 in love, and trying to teach me what was right; but when he started putting those consequences on me, as an 18-year-old who was not used to that, I completely rebelled.\n\nI actually left home my senior year of high school. I was 19, and I was gone for about three months. My parents just kept praying. One night\u2014I\u2019d been moved out for about three months\u2014and my parents were really at their wits end; because they were very tempted to call me and say: \u201cYou know, you can come back home. You don\u2019t have to go to church. You don\u2019t have to follow our rules. You don\u2019t have to obey.\u201d\n\nOne night, it was after midnight, and I was asleep at my friend\u2019s house; and I just woke up, and I thought, \u201cWhat am I running from?\u201d It just so happened that that night was the night that my parents had their <em>biggest<\/em> struggle with calling me. They got on their <em>knees<\/em> in the living room after midnight; and Daddy read that verse from the Bible that says, \u201cGod will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear.\u201d He said, \u201cThis just feels like a temptation more than we can bear.\u201d\n\nAs they prayed, God\u2019s peace just washed over them that He was going to take care of this; and they needed to continue to be faithful in teaching me about His ways. It was, at that moment, that they were getting up from that prayer that I came charging through the front door. It was about one a.m. by that time. I just said, \u201cYou know what?\u201d I said: \u201cYou guys can chain me to my bed in my bedroom, because I\u2019m going to obey. I\u2019m going to do what you tell me to do, because I want what you\u2019ve got.\u201d I said\u2014I looked at my daddy and I said, \u201cDaddy, I want to be a Christian.\u201d I said, \u201cBut I don\u2019t know how.\u201d\n\nThere was <em>no<\/em> teenager more rebellious me\u2014I was into everything\u2014and God won my heart through the obedience and the faithfulness of my parents. I was 18, so it is <em>never<\/em> too late. So, these parents that are listening, that have these young kids and even teenagers, \u201cDon\u2019t be beating yourself up, saying, \u2018It\u2019s too late. I\u2019ve already blown it up; I\u2019ve already done everything wrong.\u2019\u201d When I was parenting my kids, Galatians 6:9 was my favorite verse\u2014it says, \u201cLet us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up.\u201d That was my life verse for parenting.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Easy to get weary, as a mom. Ginger, thanks; thanks for being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> again.\n\n<strong>Ginger:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thanks for writing the book, <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!<\/em> We\u2019ve got copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, and our listeners are invited to get their copy. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, and we\u2019ll have a copy of the book sent to you; or you can order by phone: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Again, the book is called <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child\u2019s Tongue<\/em> by Ginger Hubbard. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\nWe didn\u2019t mention this earlier; but I know it was kind of fun for David Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, who is here with us\u2014kind of fun for you to get to connect with Ginger, because you and Meg have borrowed from her for a number of years; right?\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Absolutely. Some of her resources have been <em>incredibly<\/em> helpful, especially in that two-year-old to eight-year-old time frame, when you just, sometimes, don\u2019t know what to do; and you\u2019re pulling your hair out. Some of her instruction to get to the sin behind the sin has been really helpful.\n\nBut it was giving me flashbacks, listening to her in studio, to being in our small New York apartment and being in our bathroom, having a discipline session and trying to get to what really is going on and not just the outward behavior. The kids would leave. In exhaustion\u2014a little bit from the conversation\u2014I would just sit there, in the bathroom; and it would always go to my <em>own<\/em> heart and \u201cWhat is the root of things going on in my own heart from the outward sin?\u201d\u2014some of the honest questions like: \u201cWhy do I tailor my behavior and my words, when I\u2019m outside these walls of my apartment, to make people think I\u2019m a better parent than I am? What\u2019s the root of that? What\u2019s really going on?\u201d\n\nI just think we need to realize that\u2014as we are at work teaching, and disciplining, and discipling our kids\u2014God is at work teaching, disciplining, and discipling us. Whether it\u2019s our own growth or whether it is our kids, it is a challenging process.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s a prayerful process, but it\u2019s <em>always<\/em> worth the time and effort to go beneath the surface.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis Rainey always liked to say, \u201cGod gave us kids to finish the work of growing us up.\u201d [Laughter] I think that\u2019s what you are saying.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> I\u2019m in the thick of it now, and I believe it; yes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you, David.\n\nQuick word of thanks today, as well, to those of you who are, not only regular listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for your community and for people, all around the world, who are tuning in, listening to this program. I\u2019m talking about those of you who donate to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners. We are grateful for your partnership.\n\nDuring the month of May, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who recognize that summertime is often a challenging time for ministries like ours. There\u2019s often a decline in donations during those months; and they said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t we help you out before summer comes?\u201d They have offered, during the month of May, to match every donation we receive, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $550,000\u2014very generous on their part. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of that matching gift. So, when you make a donation today, your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar; and we hope you\u2019ll think about making as generous a donation as you possibly can.\n\nIf you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> currently a Legacy Partner, and you\u2019d like to join the team\u2014become a part of the Legacy Partner team\/start making monthly contributions to help keep this ministry on your local radio station\u2014every donation you make over the next 12 months is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, from this matching-gift fund\u2014again, until the funds run out. We\u2019re asking you to become a Legacy Partner today, knowing that your donations will be matched for a year.\n\nIn addition, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a certificate so you, or a friend\/a family member\u2014someone you know\u2014can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as our guest. Again, all of this is our way of saying, \u201cThank you for helping to make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in your community and in communities all around the world.\u201d You can donate, online; or sign up to become a Legacy Partner, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. If it\u2019s easier, just call us; and we\u2019ll take care of things over the phone. The number is 1-800-FL-TODAY; and thanks, in advance, for helping us take full advantage of this current matching-gift opportunity.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear from a young woman, who received devastating news when she was 18 years old. It was the first time a doctor told her that she would be unable to bear children, biologically. She was born without a uterus. Chelsea Sobolik shares her story, tomorrow, with Kim Anthony; and we\u2019ll have that for you. I hope you can tune in.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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