{"id":305005,"date":"2019-05-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/whats-with-all-the-whining\/"},"modified":"2019-05-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-08T15:00:00","slug":"whats-with-all-the-whining","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-with-all-the-whining\/","title":{"rendered":"What&#8217;s With All the Whining?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ginger Hubbard | Do your children whine? If so, then maybe author Ginger Hubbard can help! As a mother of two, she knows a thing or two about whining and shares a few &#8220;how to&#8217;s&#8221; to nip it in the bud. Ginger pulls examples from her own experience, and reminds parents that until you reach a child&#8217;s heart, their behavior isn&#8217;t likely to change. To help a child consider his or her behavior, Hubbard encourages parents to ask their children thought-provoking questions, and then have the kids repeat their request, but in a more respectful tone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ginger Hubbard knows a thing or two about whining and shares a few &#8220;how to&#8217;s&#8221; to nip it in the bud. Ginger reminds parents that until you reach a child&#8217;s heart, their behavior isn&#8217;t likely to change.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:31:06","filesize":"28.4M","filesize_raw":"29783641","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2806],"tags":[5340,6614],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3225],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305005","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-spiritual-development","tag-taming-the-tongue","tag-the-heart-of-attitude-problems","cwp_profile-ginger-hubbard","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305005\/whats-with-all-the-whining","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305005\/whats-with-all-the-whining","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"LcOavwhACQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-with-all-the-whining\/\">What&#8217;s With All the Whining?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/whats-with-all-the-whining\/embed\/#?secret=LcOavwhACQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What&#8217;s With All the Whining?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"LcOavwhACQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ginger Hubbard knows a thing or two about whining and shares a few \"how to's\" to nip it in the bud. Ginger reminds parents that until you reach a child's heart, their behavior isn't likely to change.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There were some aspects of parenting that Ginger Hubbard remembers took her by surprise.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I remember, before I even had kids, I would look around at other people\u2019s kids that were whining, and disrespecting, and talking back and thinking to myself, \u201cYou know, when I have kids, they are <em>not<\/em> going to act like that!\u201d [Laughter] And then the stick turned blue <em>twice<\/em>. [Laughter] So I was very taken aback by just some of the things that would come out of my kids\u2019 mouths. Like a lot of moms, I would look at them and just in shock say, \u201cWhy do you act like that?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. What about your kids? Have they said or done things that have caused you to look at them and go, \u201cWhere did <em>that<\/em> come from?\u201d We\u2019re going to talk about that with Ginger Hubbard today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I remember, when our kids were growing up, we had\u2014these were cassette tapes; these are ancient artifacts that people may not remember anymore.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember them.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But our kids would listen to cassettes of Bible verses that were put to music; right? You remember these?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So there was one that was \u201cKeep your tongue from evil; keep your tongue\u2026\u201d Do you remember this song?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Was that <em>Psalty the Singing Songbook<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No; I think this was <em>Hide \u2019Em in Your Heart<\/em> with Steve Green.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the second time you would sing the song, <em>Keep Your Tongue from Evil<\/em>, you would hold your tongue. You would, literally, put your finger\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really? I want to see you do it!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Holding tongue] \u201cKeep your tongue from evil; keep your tongue. Keep your tongue from evil; keep your tongue\u2026\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s very impressive!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You like that?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Is this really how we\u2019re starting this show? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s <em>appropriate<\/em> for what we\u2019re talking about; don\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think you\u2019re right! I mean, when I looked at the title of your book, I just thought\u2014<em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cMy wife has said that to me multiple times, and I\u2019ve said it to <em>her<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You thought it was a marriage book instead of a parenting book? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I did; it can be marriage\u2014you name it\u2014it\u2019s for <em>anybody<\/em>, because we\u2019ve all done it.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Ginger Hubbard is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Ginger, welcome back.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Thanks, Bob; good to be with you.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nice to have you here. Ginger is an author and a speaker. The last book that she wrote was <em>Don\u2019t Make Me Count to Three<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s the one I remember. You just put all of the parenting phrases into book titles and turn them into advice for all of us who are raising the next generation.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I do\u2014what we say on an everyday basis. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. This book is called <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child\u2019s Tongue<\/em>. Was this an issue for you, raising three boys?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, I wish I would have <em>had<\/em> this book, Ginger; because you feel so lost and desperate when these things come out of our kids\u2019 mouths. We don\u2019t know what to <em>do<\/em> and where to go from there\u2014like: \u201cWhat should I do?\u201d So, this really does offer so much practical help.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Right; and that\u2019s exactly where I was. I would look around\u2014I remember, before I even had kids, I would look around at other people\u2019s kids that were whining, and disrespecting, and talking back and thinking to myself, \u201cYou know, when I have kids, they are <em>not<\/em> going to act like that.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And then\u2026?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>And then the stick turned blue <em>twice<\/em>. [Laughter] So I was very taken aback by just some of the things that would come out of my kids\u2019 mouths. Like a lot of moms, I would look at them and just, in shock, say, \u201cWhy do you act like that?\u201d\n\nBut after a closer look at the Word of God, I began to realize that I was asking the wrong question. In Matthew 12:34 Jesus explained, \u201cFor the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.\u201d In other words, there\u2019s merit to that old saying, \u201cWhat\u2019s down in the well comes up in the bucket.\u201d So we learn from that that our sin does <em>not<\/em> begin with our mouths, it begins with our hearts; and it starts a lot sooner than we might think.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s kind of scary, actually.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I was going to throw in here\u2014I can remember\u2014I was 13 years old, being raised by a single mom. She has some friends over, and I\u2019ll never forget this day\u2014I\u2019ll never forget it\u2014I cursed at the dinner table. I know nobody here can believe I would ever do that\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You used profanity, as a 13-year-old.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I used profanity; yes. I was ramped up about something, and I said\u2014I don\u2019t know what; I don\u2019t remember\u2014but I said it. I could see my mom was irate and embarrassed. She goes right to the kitchen\u2014she always said she was going to do this: \u201cI\u2019m going to wash your mouth out with soap,\u201d\u2014she did it! She, literally, grabbed soap\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Bar soap, or liquid, or what?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Bar soap. I don\u2019t think they had that new invention\u2014liquid soap\u2014then. [Laughter] I remember her taking my head\u2014putting it under the thing, in front of everybody\u2014and washing my mouth out with soap.\n\nHere\u2019s what I also remember\u2014it didn\u2019t work. [Laughter] It didn\u2019t work!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because it didn\u2019t get to the heart.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No; because I didn\u2019t know the Bible said that then. That\u2019s exactly your point\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cYes; she dealt with the tongue\u201d;\u00a0 but she didn\u2019t deal with the tongue, because it was so much deeper than that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And here\u2019s what we\u2019ve recognized, as parents: \u201cWhat comes out of our kids\u2019 mouths is often what they\u2019ve heard come out of our mouths <em>first<\/em>. What we model for our kids\u2014those are the seeds that come back in their behavior, often\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Right; it is. You know, we\u2019re all going to blow it sometimes and say things that we shouldn\u2019t say. Even in those moments, though, God can use our imperfections and the times that <em>we<\/em> blow it, if we\u2019re willing to humbly go to our kids and say: \u201cYou know, the way that I just spoke to you didn\u2019t show respect to you. It didn\u2019t honor God, so will you forgive me and let me do that again?\u201d\n\nInstead of beating ourselves up when we blow it with our kids, and we say something that we shouldn\u2019t say\u2014whether it\u2019s, I guess, a profanity, or scolding them, or anything along those lines\u2014we can demonstrate to them what it looks like to have that personal, ongoing relationship with Jesus; and help them understand what the conviction of the Holy Spirit means and what repentance really looks like; and going back and doing it the <em>right<\/em> way.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Give us an example, Ginger, because I <em>love<\/em> how this sounds. How do you do it? You know, what does it look like on a practical, day to day, when you\u2019re tearing your hair out and your kids are just crazy?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I remember one time really, really blowing it with Alex. You know, I\u2019m the one that <em>wrote<\/em> these parenting books; you\u2019d think I\u2019d get it right, but I blew it sometimes with my kids. I remember one day in particular\u2014it was one of those days, where I was ready to pull my hair out; and everything was going wrong; and we were late for appointments, and just so overwhelmed and frustrated.\n\nWe got home from running a bunch of errands. Alex was about four years old at the time\u2014that\u2019s my daughter\u2014and she absolutely delights in playing outside, barefooted. But on this particular day, it was very unusually cold for Alabama\u2014it was down in the 30s. She was on her way out to play, without her shoes on. I was helping her put her coat on; and I said: \u201cNo, Alex; you may <em>not<\/em> play outside without your shoes on today. It\u2019s too cold. Now, you put your shoes on and then you may go out.\u201d\n\nShe says, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d So I guess it was about 20 minutes later; I\u2019m taking the trash outside. I find Alex running around on bare feet that have now turned a bluish-purple color. [Laughter] Not only that, but her pants were a little bit too long for her; and so, without her shoes on, they dragged the ground. After grinding the bottom of her pants into our concrete driveway for 20 minutes, she now has two holes in her brand-new pants.\n\nSo, to put it mildly, I was <em>ticked<\/em>. [Laughter] I just completely went off on her. You know, Alex had a choice there: She had a choice to either obey or disobey, and she chose to disobey. But I had a choice: I could either scold her, or I could gently correct and instruct her. I blew it that day. I said: \u201cAlex, I told you not to go outside without your shoes on; and now just look at your feet!\u00a0 They\u2019re half frozen! Look at what you\u2019ve done to your pants! Your daddy worked <em>so<\/em> hard to buy you these pants, and this is how you show your appreciation!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ooh, that\u2019s good; you got the <em>guilt<\/em> one in there too. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>\u201cYou just see how <em>fast<\/em> you can get your tail in your room, young lady. You are in major trouble.\u201d\n\nSo, when I finished just completely unloading on her,\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014which, a lot of moms are listening, thinking: \u201cWell, that was good! That\u2019s good\u201d; you know? Okay; keep going.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>\u2014so, all of a sudden, her eyes just filled up with tears and her little bottom lip\u2019s quivering. She ran into her room and just flopped on her bed. I knew, immediately, the conviction of the Holy Spirit came on me\u2014that I had not corrected her gently and in love.\n\nYou know, the Scriptures say in Proverbs that \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.\u201d I had stirred up hurt and anger in her little heart. So what that looked like\u2014was for me to go to her. I went and I climbed in bed with her. I said, \u201cAlex, honey, I need to ask you to forgive me.\u201d I said: \u201cThe way that I just talked to you didn\u2019t show any respect to you, and it completely dishonored God. So please forgive me, and let me do that the right way.\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s what it\u2019s all about, too, is going back and doing it the <em>right<\/em> way. That\u2019s what we want to teach our kids. It\u2019s never enough to train our children in what <em>not<\/em> to do; we have to train our children in what <em>to do<\/em>. I think about that verse in Corinthians\u2014\n\n1 Corinthians 10:13\u2014that says that God will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear; but when we are tempted, He also provide us a means of escape. So, when we correct our children for wrong behavior but fail to train them in righteous behavior, we\u2019re going to exasperate them; because we\u2019re not providing them with that means of escape. We\u2019re not giving them that way out. According to the Scripture, that can provoke them to anger.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s so wise, but how do we do it? Like, walk me back in that exact scenario. How should you have talked to your daughter?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I said, \u201cLet\u2019s just start over, Alex; and let me do this the right way.\u201d I said: \u201cSweetie, I told you to put your shoes on before you went outside. Now, have you obeyed, or have you disobeyed?\u201d\n\nAnd then, once she verbalizes that she\u2019s disobeyed\u2014or even, she might not answer\u2014some moms may be sitting there, thinking, \u201cWell, my kid just wouldn\u2019t answer.\u201d Well, don\u2019t get into a power struggle; just answer for them. I might say, if she didn\u2019t answer, \u201cWell, sweetie, you disobeyed; because I told you to put your shoes on, and you didn\u2019t. Honey, how does God want you to obey?\u201d\n\nOne thing that I taught my kids, at a very young age, that I read about in several parenting books is\u2014I could hold up three fingers and I could say, \u201cHow does God want you to obey?\u201d They would say, \u201cAll the way, right away, and with a happy heart.\u201d That pretty much covers complete obedience. So, because she disobeyed: \u201cWell, sweetie, I love you <em>too much<\/em> to allow you to disobey. It\u2019s my responsibility to train you in wisdom and to train you to obey. So you need to go in your room. I\u2019ll be in there in just a minute, and we\u2019ll deal with this.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember one of our guests on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,years ago, making this statement\u2014and it kind of was one of those things that I thought, \u201cI wish I\u2019d heard this 25 years ago\u201d; right?\u2014he said, \u201cWhenever I have a discipline encounter with a child,\u201d\u2014a correction encounter like you just described\u2014\u201cmy goal is that, at the end of that encounter, they would love Jesus more.\u201d I thought, \u201cThat wasn\u2019t my goal.\u201d [Laughter] My goal was that they would shape up; my goal was that they would never behave that way again.\n\nWhat a perspective-changer that is, when you say, \u201cMy goal here is that they would come out of that correction, going, \u2018God is good, and Jesus is good; and I want to follow Him.\u2019\u201d What you just described is a <em>great<\/em> precursor; because you\u2019re <em>modeling<\/em> God\u2019s gentle, graceful correction of us in how you\u2019re talking to your kids.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Right; and you know, a lot of times, we have a tendency to just ignore our children or to just administer consequences when they speak in a way that they shouldn\u2019t speak, whether it\u2019s whining, or tattling, or lying, or any sort of verbal offense. Sometimes, we\u2019ll ignore them or just administer the consequences; but both of those methods are ineffective, because they fail to train and instruct. Now, sometimes, it\u2019s certainly more convenient for us to ignore them, if we\u2019re busy with something; but to ignore a child, who is in need of correction and guidance, is to really selfishly place our <em>own<\/em> interest above the interest and the well-being of the child.\n\nThen, on the other hand, consequences have their place; but they\u2019re not a substitute for training and instructing. When we just merely administer consequences when our children do something wrong, we\u2019re really only teaching them one thing. If we\u2019re not following through with that righteous training, but just administering the consequences, the only thing we\u2019re really teaching them is that there are consequences to sin.\n\nWhile that is an important lesson, an even <em>greater<\/em> lesson is helping them understand that higher calling of living in ways that are <em>pleasing<\/em> to God and bring <em>Him<\/em> the glory He deserves. Our goal in disciplining our children is\u2014not just to teach them to avoid consequences\u2014but to teach, and guide, and encourage them to honor God with their lives.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I want to read through the Table of Contents. There are 16 chapters in this book. I\u2019ll just read all 16 of these; and then, you guys pick one that you want us to explore.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, there\u2019s \u201cWhining\u201d; there\u2019s \u201cLying\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay; you\u2019re good! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>\u201cLet\u2019s do those!\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s do those. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cCan we just jump right into those?\u201d Whining has to be\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I was going to say\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That has to be the number one\u2014it\u2019s why you start your book there, Ginger.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s the hardest one, too; because it gets on your nerves\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014so you just react instead of responding.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s hard! So, how do you instruct parents to deal with that?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I can certainly relate to moms dealing with that annoying offense, because whining can really get under our skin. My daughter, Alex, really struggled with whining when she was younger. Let\u2019s just do an example. Let\u2019s just say that Alex comes into the kitchen and, instead of asking for a cup of juice, she whines for it. I want to get to the heart of that.\n\nThroughout my whole book, I really encourage parents to use three steps: heart-probing questions, what to put off, and what to put on. So, she comes in; she whines for a cup of juice. I\u2019m going to start with those heart-probing questions, just something very simple.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me just make sure\u2014when you say, \u201c\u2026whines for a cup\u201d\u2014instead of saying, \u201cMay I please have a cup of juice?\u201d she says, \u201cI want a cup of juuiice!\u201d Is that\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s perfect.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ooh, Bob, that\u2019s really\u2014that\u2019s good! He is! I wonder if Mary Ann thinks that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, it has to do\u2014\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>He\u2019s a seasoned whiner!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He is! I wonder if Mary Ann thinks that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about tone. Also, there\u2019s politeness; because \u201cMay I please have a cup of juice?\u201d is different than \u201cI want a cup of juice.\u201d But you\u2019re really correcting for the sound of the question as much as anything else; aren\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Right; right. It\u2019s the tone of voice; it\u2019s the way they say it\u2014it\u2019s basically not communicating with self-control. You know, if you think about it, all behaviors are linked to a particular attitude of the heart. A lot of parents would look at whining and say, \u201cWell, the Bible doesn\u2019t really say anything about whining\u201d; but the Bible does talk about self-control, and whining is an issue of self-control.\n\nI would ask her: \u201cAlex, honey, are you asking for that juice with your self-controlled voice? No, sweetie; you\u2019re not. God wants you to have self-control, even with your voice. Because I love you so much\u201d\u2014love is always love that motivates us to correct our children\u2014\u201cbecause I love you so much, I\u2019m going to help you get that self-control.\u201d\n\nOne thing that I found <em>very<\/em> helpful with my kids is\u2014I had a little kitchen timer that I kept with me. I would say: \u201cSo, here\u2019s what we\u2019re going to do. I\u2019m going to set the timer for three minutes. When that timer goes off, then you may come back and ask for juice the right way, with your self-controlled voice.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, that\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>I reproved her in a way that she could comprehend\u2014I had her suffer the consequences of having to wait three minutes\u2014and that gives her time to think about what a self-controlled voice might look like. I may even need to model that for her, and that\u2019s okay. Then, most important, I would have her come back and do it the right way. That way, I\u2019m not just correcting her for what is wrong; I\u2019m <em>training<\/em> her in what is right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Talk about this: \u201cDoes this work?\u201d\u2014I\u2019m thinking of that mom or dad, sitting out there\u2014that\u2019d probably be me, driving around in my car, right now, going\u2014\u201cOkay; a teenager. I have a 13-year-old, who has an attitude. How do I deal with that guy\/that kid?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>That\u2019s good; that\u2019s good. Wesley, my son, when he hit the teenage years\u2014he was probably 13 or 14\u2014he started having this disrespectful tone on his face, and he would do that. Sort of the same\u2014I mean, obviously you\u2019re going to word it a little bit more maturely, in accordance with their age.\n\nSay that he comes in and says something in a disrespectful tone, or even his words might be disrespectful. I would say something like: \u201cYou know, Wes, honey, the way that you\u2019re talking to me is dishonoring. Do you feel like you\u2019re showing respect with the way that you\u2019re talking to me? Well, no; you\u2019re not, so I think maybe you need to go in your room and cool off.\u201d Sometimes, they might need to cool off a little bit; and sometimes, we may need to go to our room and cool off a little bit before we can have that conversation! [Laughter] That\u2019s okay\u2014to take some time.\n\nBut then, <em>most<\/em> importantly, I would want him, once he has had time to think about it, to come back and communicate the <em>right<\/em> way, by using the <em>appropriate<\/em> words and the <em>appropriate<\/em> tone of voice. For many children\u2014particularly mine, as they were growing into their teen years\u2014the appropriate <em>facial<\/em> <em>expression<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So you even looked at <em>that<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Ginger: <\/strong>Yes; so it\u2019s about teaching them what to do instead of just what not to do. It\u2019s providing them with that means of escape.\n\nWhen the Bible says that parents are to train their children in righteousness, that\u2019s what it means. It\u2019s not enough to tell our children what <em>not<\/em> to do; we have to teach our children what <em>to do<\/em>. We have to <em>provide<\/em> them with that means of escape.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>As I listen to you, I think I can tell that you\u2019re mature in your walk with God; because as you\u2019re talking, you\u2019re displaying the fruit of the Spirit to your children. You\u2019re displaying love, and joy, and peace, and patience. As I listen to you, I think that\u2019s so important for us, as parents, to be spending time with God\u2014to be filled up with those things\u2014so we can demonstrate the self-control to <em>them<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because it\u2019s really easy, when your kids are being obnoxious, whiny, and disrespectful, for you just to turn and start using the wrong kind of speech back to them.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re disrespectful; and you\u2019re shouting; and you\u2019re saying things you shouldn\u2019t say. That\u2019s why we have to be walking in the Spirit and handling it the right way.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, here\u2019s where I come to, as we\u2019ve had this conversation. First of all, when you blow it, there\u2019s a path back\u2014you\u2019ve illustrated that. You can go to your kids; you can confess; you can ask for their forgiveness; you can restore the relationship\u2014it\u2019s not like it\u2019s over. You\u2019re modeling grace at that point.\n\nThen the second thing is\u2014I\u2019ve been coming back to 2 Corinthians 3:16, which you\u2019ve been talking about this whole time, Ginger. It says, \u201cAll Scripture is breathed out by God and is profitable\u201d\u2014for these things\u2014\u201cfor teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness.\u201d I learned, from Dennis Rainey\u2014that\u2019s the parenting assignment: teaching, reproof, correction, training in righteousness.\n\nMost often, I\u2019ll watch parents who want to correct and reprove; and they\u2019re not doing the teaching, and they\u2019re not doing the training. They\u2019re just like, \u201cI told them once\u2026\u201d Well, what do you think? Your kids are going to hear it\u2014did you hear it once and get it right? No; we have to <em>continually<\/em> be teaching and training; and then the correcting and reproving is a part of that \u201c\u2026so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.\u201d\n\nI love the strategy, Ginger, that you provide us with, which is: \u201cAsk heart-probing questions,\u201d \u201cWhat do we need to put off?\u201d \u201cWhat do we need to put on?\u201d You can just tuck that away, and that\u2019ll serve you so well as a parent. That\u2019s at the heart of the book that you\u2019ve written, Ginger, called <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child\u2019s Tongue<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\nAgain, the book is called <em>I Can\u2019t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child\u2019s Tongue<\/em>. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com if you want to order online, or you can order by phone by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, what Ginger has been talking about today\u2014helping our kids control their speech\/their tongue\u2014this is really just basic training\/basic discipleship, which is not something that ends when we get to a certain age. It\u2019s something that\u2019s a lifelong process, discipling and being discipled.\n\nDavid Robbins, the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is here. You\u2019re passionate about discipleship.\n\n<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s one of my core passions in life; absolutely. It comes from\u2014I had the privilege of being intentionally discipled myself. I\u2019ve had the privilege of having parents be intentional with me; and then, as I got into college, having a few men really pour into me: \u201cWhat does it look like to follow Jesus?\u201d\u2014and not only modeled that\u2014but intentionally train and teach me. You know, I\u2019m still benefitting from what they\u2019ve taught me. I still meet with a mentor every other week and have intentional time to continue to pursue growth and be discipled.\n\nWe don\u2019t always think about parenting in the same way, but that\u2019s <em>exactly<\/em> what we\u2019re called to do. If anything, we don\u2019t join in on our kids\u2019 discipleship for a season\/for a year or two; we get to be a part of their discipleship and formation for 18 years as the primary disciples God gives us and entrusts to us.\n\nOne of the questions I keep asking myself is, \u201cAs I seek to disciple my kids, am I continuing to posture myself to be discipled?\u201d That\u2019d be a challenge I would invite everyone to consider. You know, we go through seasons, where we have people investing in us; but then, also, there are times\u2014where we move or transitions happen\u2014where we don\u2019t. It gets a little dangerous; it gets stagnant. So, as we consider discipling our kids and pouring out to them, I think it\u2019s really important that we keep pursuing our own discipleship and finding people to invest in us.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We can\u2019t pour out unless we\u2019re being poured into. That\u2019s a great picture, David\u2014great challenge. Thank you for that.\n\nA quick reminder for listeners: \u201cMay is an important month for us, here, at FamilyLife. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have stepped forward and offered to help match every donation we receive, during the month of May, up to a total of $550,000. That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> opportunity for us; because oftentimes, in the summer, we see a decline in donations. We\u2019re trying to head into the summer months with everything fully-funded and in a good position.\n\nThat\u2019s why we\u2019re asking <em>you<\/em> to consider making a donation this month in support of the ministry. Your donation will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to that total of $550,000. If you decide, in the month of May, to become one of our monthly Legacy Partners and make a donation each month over the next year, every time you make a donation for the next year, your donation is going to be doubled\u2014so, not just your first donation\u2014but every donation you make, subsequently, will be matched, dollar for dollar, until we are out of funds in that matching-gift fund.\n\nIn addition, when you become a Legacy Partner, we want to say, \u201cThank you for joining the team.\u201d We want to send you a gift card so that you, or someone you know, can attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as our guests. Again, it\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you for being part of the team that makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible.\u201d You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Help us take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity during the month of May, and we look forward to hearing from you.\n\nAnd we hope you can join us back, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to go through some of the very specific ways that our kids\u2014and sometimes, even their parents\u2014can sin with their tongues. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow with Ginger Hubbard. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\n1","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305005","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305005"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305005"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305005"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305005"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}