{"id":304989,"date":"2019-05-01T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-01T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/men-are-protectors\/"},"modified":"2019-05-01T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-05-01T15:00:00","slug":"men-are-protectors","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-are-protectors\/","title":{"rendered":"Men Are Protectors"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Brian Tome | Series: The Five Marks of a Man | Adolescent boys often do crazy things like drinking, smoking, and carousing with girls to prove that they are men. But are these the types of qualities that really distinguish men as men? Pastor Brian Tome talks about the five marks of a man, beginning with protection. Tome reminds men that they exist to protect those around them, either physically or through their wisdom. Men who stay boys, on the other hand, are predators.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tHelp FamilyLife\u00ae continue to produce our radio and podcast programs by\u00a0visiting https:\/\/donate.familylife.com\/legacy-partner\/.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Brian Tome talks about the five marks of a man, beginning with protection. Tome reminds men that they exist to protect those around them. Men who stay boys, on the other hand, are predators.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-01.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:42","filesize":"26.22M","filesize_raw":"27489340","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901,2826],"tags":[6604,6605],"podcast_series":[8272],"cwp_profile":[9529],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304989","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","category-men","tag-men-are-protectors","tag-the-five-marks-of-a-man","podcast_series-the-five-marks-of-a-man","cwp_profile-brian-tome","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304989\/men-are-protectors","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304989\/men-are-protectors","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5zf2XSrxLU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-are-protectors\/\">Men Are Protectors<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/men-are-protectors\/embed\/#?secret=5zf2XSrxLU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Men Are Protectors&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5zf2XSrxLU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-01.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-01.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Every young man needs the affirmation of his father. God the Father modeled that in His relationship with His son, Jesus. Here\u2019s Pastor Brian Tome.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>\u00a0What was the best day in Jesus\u2019 life was? Do you know what I think the best day in His life was? It was when He was getting baptized and He heard a voice from Heaven; it was His heavenly Father saying, \u201cThis is My Son in Whom I am well pleased.\u201d\n\nIf you haven\u2019t heard that from your dad you want him to look you in the eyes, put his hand on your shoulders and say, \u201cSon you\u2019ve done well. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 1<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can we help young men today embrace and understand God\u2019s design for masculinity? We\u2019ll talk with Pastor Brian Tome about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\nAnn, I have a sense that you and I could probably just leave because I don\u2019t think we\u2019re going to get a word in edgewise in the conversation today!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I agree with that, Bob. This could be a crazy day.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s the way it should be, isn\u2019t it? [laughter] That\u2019s how I like to run my home.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Just you by yourself?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It actually is not how I want to run my home at all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was going to say, if you do run your home that way it will be just you by yourself.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And that would not be good!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What we\u2019re going to talk about today is something you\u2019re passionate about\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and we\u2019re going to talk with a guy you\u2019re pretty good friends with.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes! I\u2019m really excited to have Brian Tome in the studio today to talk about manhood.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Brian is the pastor at Crossroads Church in Cincinnati. A big church. How many campuses did you say?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>14.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and your wife have how many kids?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Three kids, 27, 25, and 20.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, I thought you were starting to tell me grandkids when you said 27!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Oh! We\u2019ve got one of those, and he\u2019s seven months!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you are as passionate as your friend, Dave Wilson is, on the subject of helping guys understand what\u2019s at the core of being a man.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Well, Yes! I\u2019m a man so I\u2019m interested in the things that I am, right? So I am a man. And I notice there is a massive outage in helping men understand what it is to be a man in our culture, especially when you go in to the realm of churches and Christianity. I don\u2019t if you have looked around the church you are a part of, if you are, if you look around, if you have an average church, 70% of everybody there will be a female, 30% will be a male. That\u2019s if you\u2019re average. We\u2019re not connecting well with men.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why is that?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot of theories about that. It\u2019s interesting it\u2019s not a religion thing. If you go to Islam, men are incredibly devoted and incredibly present. There\u2019s a lot of theories as to why that is. I\u2019m not sure which one I buy into all I know is the way we\u2019ve been talking to men, the way we\u2019ve been trying to reach men is not working and it hasn\u2019t worked in our culture is bearing the scars of that right now.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, I\u2019ve got to just start with the elephant in the room, it\u2019s the folks who are listening who are going, why are we segmenting men and women and we live in a culture that it\u2019s a more enlightened culture now. This idea that men are supposed to act one way and women are supposed to act another. We know better than that today.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>We do live in an enlightened culture and we\u2019re wrong! We\u2019re wrong. Of course, when we talk about relationships with the genders, hey, I\u2019ll be the first person in line that says that \u201cstereo-typical\u201d masculinity in America has not necessarily been helpful. But we have to understand that men and women are different. We can all agree with that if we just look at each other, right?\n\nThere are unique ways to speak to a man that men are not being spoken to. I think that\u2019s why we have things like #METOO movements because people are not speaking to our young males in a way that enables them to grow up actually into mature godly males.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So what happened, where did this passion and this burden come from for you to say I got to speak to men, I got to speak to boys to men so much so that it\u2019s not only a series you\u2019ve did at your church but ended up being a book? Where did that start?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>It started with my own life. The story which has so many things that I\u2019m just not very proud of. I was adopted at birth, very, very thankful for my parents. As I went through childhood and got into adolescence in junior high and high school, I just started doing more and more crazy, stupid, immature things. Whether it was vandalism, smashing mailboxes with baseball bats, whether it was doing things with young women or <em>not<\/em> doing things with young women and <em>lying<\/em> about it thinking I was making myself look kind of more manly.\n\nI recognized as I started growing in Christ, around 21-22, I think what I was doing was trying to prove that I was a man. I didn\u2019t necessarily like doing those things, I was trying to prove that I was a man. I started doing reading and research on this and recognized that every ancient culture and many cultures today in the world still have a rite of passage ceremony where men tell a young male you\u2019re not a boy any longer, you\u2019re a man.\n\nI said if I ever have a child, if I ever have a young baby boy, I\u2019m going give him something that my dad never gave me. I had that opportunity when my son, Jake, was born. He was placed on the delivery table and he proceeded to send a stream of urine up in the air that hit my shoulder and rolled all the way down my arm. I looked at him and he seemed to be happy with what he did. [Laughter]\n\nI thought to myself, you know what, if I don\u2019t get a hold of this little guy, he\u2019s going to do to me just what I did to my dad. This little guy\u2019s defecating on me right now and that\u2019s kind of humorous, but that\u2019s really what I did with my dad. I really was a terror for him. I recognize that things with my son were going to be different and that caused me to be a student of manhood, masculinity, swearing-in rites. What actually is a man?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When did you find out when Brian Tome became a man? When did that happen? Where did you study? Where\u2019d you go?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I honestly don\u2019t know when I became a man, Dave. I don\u2019t know when I did because to this day no one still told me. What was the best day in Jesus\u2019 life? Do you know what I think the best day in His life was? It was when He was getting baptized and He heard a voice from Heaven; it was His heavenly Father saying, \u201cThis is My Son in Whom I am well pleased.\u201d\n\nI\u2019ll tell you right now, if there are any male listeners listening right now, I know if you haven\u2019t heard that from your dad, you want to hear that from him right now! I don\u2019t care if you\u2019re a 50-year-old millionaire. If you\u2019ve got a 75-year-old dad you want him to look you in the eyes, put his hand on your shoulder and say, \u201cSon you\u2019ve done well. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d\n\nI think Jesus got that from His Heavenly Father right then. That\u2019s when His life started on a whole new level. I think that was the best day in His life. I think the second-best day of His life was when He was with His friends at what\u2019s known as the Transfiguration. He was there with Peter, James, and John. The presence of God and the place, and then He heard it again. It\u2019s interesting, the very first time\u2014we\u2019re not sure exactly if everyone heard His Father say, \u2018This is My Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased\u2019, the text is really unclear.\n\nBut this time absolutely everyone hears, He\u2019s authenticated it in front of people, \u2018This is My Son in whom I am well pleased\u2019. I knew I needed to tell my son that or he was going to be a wrestling boy for the rest of his life. That\u2019s the premise of why I wrote the book, <em>Five Marks of a Man,<\/em> it\u2019s that there are 15-year-old men and there are 45-year-old boys.\n\nNot all of us might have been told you are a man. But if we\u2019re told that life is going to be much simpler for us, then before I told my son that, I needed to do some research on exactly what a man was. And that was basically the content of the book.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this is really important, too, for women who are listening because there are many moms that are raising sons. I think it is easy, too, even after myself raising three sons, a lot of people think well, this is just boys, this is common. They\u2019re out getting drunk, they\u2019re out partying. But if there isn\u2019t a father either in the home or even involved in his son\u2019s life, what do we do as women, how do we do this?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I think the marks that are mentioned here are very important for women to understand; not just as they help their boys grow up but for women who are not married to help them select the right spouse. I can\u2019t tell you how many people I have heard from where they realize I was going to marry this guy, I\u2019m waiting for him to ask me, I\u2019m glad he hasn\u2019t because I\u2019m dating a boy. I\u2019m dating a boy!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To Ann\u2019s question though, as a mom, you talk about a dad validating his son, does a mom validate and imprintin a son that you\u2019re a man?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>No question, a mom validates, no question a mom impacts, no question she\u2019s important. But my studies show me that a man needs to tell a male he\u2019s a man. One of the stories I have in the book, I just heard it when I was on the final stages of putting together all the material was a guy I met who was from Africa.\n\nIn his village, this happened to him, the men in this village come up to the doorway of the hut, they knock on the door and the mother comes and the young boy comes up behind her. She tries to shield the young boy from the rest of the men in the tribe. They try to coax him out, and say come on, you need to come with us. She doesn\u2019t want her little boy to go and if he doesn\u2019t fight his way past her, past her skirt to go out to the men, they give up on him.\n\nThen next year they come back again and if the same scene repeats itself where she keeps him away, this time they will reach in and physically grab her son and yank him out of the house and take him up to the hills and bring him into manhood. When he comes back the tables are now turned because instead of the mother taking care of him, now he is expected to take care of his mother.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Now he\u2019s supposed to bring food for the family.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just curious, did you experience what that mother in Africa might have experienced with her son, as you were raising three boys were there times when their manhood is emerging, and you\u2019re like, No! I want you to stay a little boy?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! My husband basically yanked them from me!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That would be me! What do you mean? I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s funny, I did want to protect them from death.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>You felt this!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>You felt this in your home to keep them behind you.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m not a passive woman, I\u2019m a strong woman, I like adventure. I\u2019m pretty gutsy and yet when Dave would take them, I really did think he\u2019s going to kill them!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Take them where? To do what?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Many things! Like he would take them out snowmobiling, he would take them on these adventures hiking. And I would be like, are you going to feed them, he\u2019d go, I don\u2019t know, maybe. [Dave laughs]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Part of my mission was what Brian started with, this DNA, and it\u2019s in women as well, but definitely in a man, for adventure and risk! I knew that as a dad of three sons, again I never had a dad do this, so I wasn\u2019t watching and copying a model. I had a mom, a single mom, who put me with other men, coaches, teachers\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Which was a wise thing for her to do.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014very wise to do, because she, like you said Brian, she said, I can help my son become a man but I need a man in his life. Men become men in the community of men. She knew that.\n\nI know now I\u2019m a dad. I want to change the Wilson name, the Wilson legacy! I\u2019m like, I\u2019ve got to get these guys out and expose them to what they are made for: risk, adventure. There were times when Ann would literally go in the house. I\u2019m not trying to break an arm, and take my boy to the hospital, but if it happens, okay, we\u2019re going to figure that out. She was a little bit more reserved on that. What are you doing? I\u2019m like, this is good for them. This helps a boy become a man.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He\u2019d be out on the snowmobile and I\u2019m like, does he have a helmet on? Is it strapped? Sometimes it wasn\u2019t. I would watch them go and I would go in the house and I would pray my guts off. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going to happen but I also know that they wanted to be this with their dad. There was something that was going to happen out there, this adventure thing, the risky part of it, they would light up.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add this, and I\u2019d love to hear what you think of this, Brian, because I know it\u2019s in your book. It wasn\u2019t just adventure for adventure sake, it was part of it even in the adolescent stage of 12,13, 14. I was trying to set a pattern for now we\u2019re going to take a risk for something that matters. We ended up going to Africa. We ended up going to places to say we\u2019re going to do something that has eternal purpose that\u2019s what men do, they impact the world. Let\u2019s go! It wasn\u2019t a lot different than jumping on a snowmobile, we\u2019re jumping on a plane. Let\u2019s go somewhere\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>To help people with AIDS.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014go somewhere that\u2019s going to change the world. Let\u2019s go as men and be protectors. Talk about this.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes! There is a recklessness that young males have that we need to see is really a good thing. It really is! What\u2019s not good is when that recklessness hurts somebody else. You just mentioned being a protector. That\u2019s one of the marks! That\u2019s one of the marks that I came across.\n\nBy the way, you say, where did you get these marks? What I did, I went in the mind of every single male I had ever met who I respected, every single one. All the biographies, I love biographies, all the biographies I\u2019ve read that inspired me, all the traits that I saw in movies, certain scenes that really inspired me.\n\nYou know what my favorite scenes of all movies I\u2019ve ever seen? <em>The Patriot<\/em>, with Mel Gibson. The scene where he takes his young boys out to battle and he sticks a rifle in their hand. These kids are like I, I can\u2019t use\u2014You can do this! He says, aim small, miss small. I cry every time when I see that because you see here an older male conferring trust on a younger male, saying you can do what you don\u2019t think you can do and you can protect me and you can protect your brother and the others they are trying to kill.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, you know as we are talking about this, there are people who have got this alarm bells going off. This is toxic masculinity, this is hyper masculinity, this is what\u2019s wrong with the culture. Guys like Brian are trying to get boys to shoot guns and Dave\u2019s taking them out and breaking their arms. What\u2019s going on? You understand that there are people reacting to this toxic masculinity.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>The reason that why art taps into us so deeply is because it taps into something we can\u2019t even articulate. I\u2019m not excited about giving some kid a musket and having him shoot somebody. No! I\u2019ve never shot somebody, I would never have my son shoot somebody.\n\nBut it\u2019s this value that\u2019s there; you are there to protect, you\u2019re there to protect! Of all the things we\u2019re seeing in our culture that men are not protecting, I\u2019m one of the guys that\u2019s saying, you know why our culture is so-and-so? It\u2019s because there are a bunch of boys who are not protecting.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think we need to make the point when you talk in your book about a man being a protector, you juxtapose that with a boy being a predator and not a protector. It\u2019s a boy who is using his male aggression to serve himself rather than to protect others.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes. Men are protectors, boys are predators. As I said before there are 15-year-old men and there are 45-year-old boys. Some of the high profile abuses that we\u2019ve seen in the media of men who have abused their authority, their power and taken advantage of women.\n\nMy question always is: where are all the weenie boys around them? Where were they? They all go, \u2018I never knew, I never saw this stuff.\u2019 Oh, yes you did! Yes you did! You heard how that guy talked in the absence of women. You saw some of the choices he made in his life. You might not have seen the event going down, but you absolutely knew this guy had an issue with women, an issue with power, and you didn\u2019t do anything about it. There\u2019s a level of passivity in the males in our country that we\u2019re feeling and we\u2019re all smarting from.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is just one of five marks you talk about in your book. Again, Dave, this is something that I know\u2014just hearing Brian talk\u2014I\u2019m watching you, you want to come out of your seat and go, yes! Yes!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Sorry Dave, I get to talk and not you!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m fine, as I read your book, I told you, I feel like it\u2019s a moment in history that men, boys, dads, moms, all need to read because it\u2019s such a need. It\u2019s always has been but our culture, our world, is in a place. I\u2019m excited! We haven\u2019t even talked about the five marks yet!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I have some mixed feelings about this as I\u2019m listening to you because in our culture, what has had to happen for women is that we\u2019ve had to become strong because there hasn\u2019t been anyone to protect us. There\u2019s a part of me that\u2019s a strong person, there\u2019s a little part of me that thinks, do I need a man to protect me? Am I not strong enough? I think that\u2019s been developed by a passive culture of men, honestly.\n\nBecause there\u2019s another part that\u2019s like, wow! If men stood up and lived up to what God has called them to do and be as protectors, that sounds pretty amazing. But there\u2019s also that part that\u2014I think there\u2019s women that think, I\u2019m strong enough, I\u2019m raising my sons, I\u2019m raising my daughters. I\u2019m working two jobs so I can do that. So, I have this mixed thing, l love it. I resonate with it and yet I think, m-m-m, I wonder what some women are thinking.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I think we will hear what some women are thinking as we continue this conversation this week. I would encourage listeners to work their way through this book. Get a copy. Husbands and wives read through it together. There may be parts you say I don\u2019t agree with that. Okay! That\u2019s a good conversation to have. Figure out for yourself. You\u2019ve got to decide what are you going to resonate with. What are you going to do? How are you going to respond and act?\n\nWe\u2019ve got the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, you can go online to order a copy. <em>The Five Marks of a Man, Finding Your Path to Courageous Manhood, <\/em>by Brian Tome. Order it from us on FamilyLifeToday.com. or call to order, 1-800-FLTODAY.\n\nLet me suggest this, too. If you\u2019re the father of a teenage son, I\u2019m thinking junior, or senior in high school, maybe he\u2019s in his first or second year in college. This summer get together with other dads and sons for a total of ten nights over the summer. Just spread them out all summer long and get together and all of you go through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em>\u00ae video series that we put together here at FamilyLife. This is a great series for every father to go through with other dads.\n\nBut it\u2019s also a great series to interact with teenage sons. Help them begin thinking about what it is to be a man, to assume responsibility, to step away from passivity. We\u2019ve got\n\ncopies of the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series along with Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\n\nMake this a project you can do this summer! Can you think of three or four other dads you could get together with their sons? Have a cook-out once a week and go through these videos? Order the series from us on our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or call, 1-800-FLTODAY to get a copy of the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series, or Dennis Rainey\u2019s <em>Stepping Up<\/em> book, or again, <em>The Five Marks of a Man<\/em> by Brian Tome.\n\nAll of it\u2019s available online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call to order at 1-800- FLTODAY. 1-800-358-6329.\n\nOne of the things Brian talked about today is the significance of, kind of recognizing that you have graduated from boyhood to manhood. It\u2019s that First Corinthians 13, \u201cI used to think like a child, now I think like a man.\u201d\n\nThe President of FamilyLife, David Robbins is here. That is a significant transition period in our lives, isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes.It immediately made me think of a friend who\u2019s a missionary overseas and was recently at a gathering with missionaries from all over the world. He was telling me this story of being around a fire after dinner with a group of men and there were people from all over Europe and Africa and Australia and there two Americans around the fire.\n\nThe conversation turned to when did you know that you were a man? All of a sudden everyone around the fire started naming specific dates, specific years, specific moments where they were affirmed as a man and they knew they were a man: rites of passage, and thresholds that they crossed, distinct ceremonies declaring them to be men.\n\nThe two Americans were the last to go and they looked at each other and they just shared, we know, we think we\u2019re men. We\u2019re 35 and have young kids, but to hear your stories, man, there is something in our journey, even though we had good parents, I don\u2019t, I can\u2019t define it. I don\u2019t know when.\n\nThere\u2019s no doubt that there\u2019s a serious degree of confusion about manhood in America. And Christians are not immune to that and if anything, we are in the thick of the conversation and need to step boldly into the conversation. This is an important topic we\u2019ve got to face head on.\n\nAs a man and a father of three boys, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re having the conversation, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re being honest today, I\u2019m challenged by it and it moves me to take intentional action. I am grateful for having some mentors do a rites of passage ceremony with me. It was a little later, I think, then I wanted. It was when I was 18, but it was a defining moment in my life. I want to have those types of defining moments for my kids.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember talking to a dad who\u2019s his son was in his teenage years, kind of goofing off. I said take your son through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series and then have one of those rites of passage moments with him when you guys get done with the series. Again, a great way for dads and sons to get involved and go through the content we\u2019ve got here at FamilyLife. The information is online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Thank you, David.\n\nI want to make sure our listeners also know about a special opportunity that is available to them this month. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come together and offered to match any donation that we receive as a ministry during this month on a dollar-for-dollar basis up to a total of $550,000. They\u2019ve agreed they\u2019ll do that if you make a one-time donation. If you sign on to become a monthly Legacy Partner to make a donation each month, they will match every donation you make over the next 12 months, dollar for dollar, again, until the matching gift fund is gone.\n\nIn addition, if you become a Legacy Partner during the month of May we\u2019ll send you a gift card for you and your spouse or a couple you know to attend a <em>Weekend to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as our thank you for being a part of the team that makes this daily radio program possible. We\u2019re so grateful for our donors and our Legacy Partners. We hope to take full advantage of this matching gift during the month of May.\n\nIf you can help out with a one-time gift or by becoming a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com, make your gift online. Or sign up online as a Legacy Partner or call 1-800-FLTODAY to donate over the phone. Again, thanks for your partnership with us, thanks for making practical, biblical help and hope available to couples and families in your neighborhood and all across the country. We appreciate you.\n\nWe hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how it\u2019s possible to look at biblical examples of masculinity and get the wrong impression. Brian Tome will be with us to talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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Tome talks about the five marks of a man, beginning with protection. Tome reminds men that they exist to protect those around them. Men who stay boys, on the other hand, are predators.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-05-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Every young man needs the affirmation of his father. God the Father modeled that in His relationship with His son, Jesus. Here\u2019s Pastor Brian Tome.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>\u00a0What was the best day in Jesus\u2019 life was? Do you know what I think the best day in His life was? It was when He was getting baptized and He heard a voice from Heaven; it was His heavenly Father saying, \u201cThis is My Son in Whom I am well pleased.\u201d\n\nIf you haven\u2019t heard that from your dad you want him to look you in the eyes, put his hand on your shoulders and say, \u201cSon you\u2019ve done well. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 1<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I'm Bob Lepine. How can we help young men today embrace and understand God\u2019s design for masculinity? We\u2019ll talk with Pastor Brian Tome about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\nAnn, I have a sense that you and I could probably just leave because I don\u2019t think we\u2019re going to get a word in edgewise in the conversation today!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I agree with that, Bob. This could be a crazy day.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s the way it should be, isn\u2019t it? [laughter] That\u2019s how I like to run my home.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Just you by yourself?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It actually is not how I want to run my home at all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was going to say, if you do run your home that way it will be just you by yourself.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And that would not be good!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What we\u2019re going to talk about today is something you\u2019re passionate about\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and we\u2019re going to talk with a guy you\u2019re pretty good friends with.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes! I\u2019m really excited to have Brian Tome in the studio today to talk about manhood.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Brian is the pastor at Crossroads Church in Cincinnati. A big church. How many campuses did you say?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>14.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and your wife have how many kids?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Three kids, 27, 25, and 20.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, I thought you were starting to tell me grandkids when you said 27!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Oh! We\u2019ve got one of those, and he\u2019s seven months!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you are as passionate as your friend, Dave Wilson is, on the subject of helping guys understand what\u2019s at the core of being a man.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Well, Yes! I\u2019m a man so I\u2019m interested in the things that I am, right? So I am a man. And I notice there is a massive outage in helping men understand what it is to be a man in our culture, especially when you go in to the realm of churches and Christianity. I don\u2019t if you have looked around the church you are a part of, if you are, if you look around, if you have an average church, 70% of everybody there will be a female, 30% will be a male. That\u2019s if you\u2019re average. We\u2019re not connecting well with men.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why is that?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot of theories about that. It\u2019s interesting it\u2019s not a religion thing. If you go to Islam, men are incredibly devoted and incredibly present. There\u2019s a lot of theories as to why that is. I\u2019m not sure which one I buy into all I know is the way we\u2019ve been talking to men, the way we\u2019ve been trying to reach men is not working and it hasn\u2019t worked in our culture is bearing the scars of that right now.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, I\u2019ve got to just start with the elephant in the room, it\u2019s the folks who are listening who are going, why are we segmenting men and women and we live in a culture that it\u2019s a more enlightened culture now. This idea that men are supposed to act one way and women are supposed to act another. We know better than that today.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>We do live in an enlightened culture and we\u2019re wrong! We\u2019re wrong. Of course, when we talk about relationships with the genders, hey, I\u2019ll be the first person in line that says that \u201cstereo-typical\u201d masculinity in America has not necessarily been helpful. But we have to understand that men and women are different. We can all agree with that if we just look at each other, right?\n\nThere are unique ways to speak to a man that men are not being spoken to. I think that\u2019s why we have things like #METOO movements because people are not speaking to our young males in a way that enables them to grow up actually into mature godly males.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So what happened, where did this passion and this burden come from for you to say I got to speak to men, I got to speak to boys to men so much so that it\u2019s not only a series you\u2019ve did at your church but ended up being a book? Where did that start?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>It started with my own life. The story which has so many things that I\u2019m just not very proud of. I was adopted at birth, very, very thankful for my parents. As I went through childhood and got into adolescence in junior high and high school, I just started doing more and more crazy, stupid, immature things. Whether it was vandalism, smashing mailboxes with baseball bats, whether it was doing things with young women or <em>not<\/em> doing things with young women and <em>lying<\/em> about it thinking I was making myself look kind of more manly.\n\nI recognized as I started growing in Christ, around 21-22, I think what I was doing was trying to prove that I was a man. I didn\u2019t necessarily like doing those things, I was trying to prove that I was a man. I started doing reading and research on this and recognized that every ancient culture and many cultures today in the world still have a rite of passage ceremony where men tell a young male you\u2019re not a boy any longer, you\u2019re a man.\n\nI said if I ever have a child, if I ever have a young baby boy, I\u2019m going give him something that my dad never gave me. I had that opportunity when my son, Jake, was born. He was placed on the delivery table and he proceeded to send a stream of urine up in the air that hit my shoulder and rolled all the way down my arm. I looked at him and he seemed to be happy with what he did. [Laughter]\n\nI thought to myself, you know what, if I don\u2019t get a hold of this little guy, he\u2019s going to do to me just what I did to my dad. This little guy\u2019s defecating on me right now and that\u2019s kind of humorous, but that\u2019s really what I did with my dad. I really was a terror for him. I recognize that things with my son were going to be different and that caused me to be a student of manhood, masculinity, swearing-in rites. What actually is a man?\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When did you find out when Brian Tome became a man? When did that happen? Where did you study? Where\u2019d you go?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I honestly don\u2019t know when I became a man, Dave. I don\u2019t know when I did because to this day no one still told me. What was the best day in Jesus\u2019 life? Do you know what I think the best day in His life was? It was when He was getting baptized and He heard a voice from Heaven; it was His heavenly Father saying, \u201cThis is My Son in Whom I am well pleased.\u201d\n\nI\u2019ll tell you right now, if there are any male listeners listening right now, I know if you haven\u2019t heard that from your dad, you want to hear that from him right now! I don\u2019t care if you\u2019re a 50-year-old millionaire. If you\u2019ve got a 75-year-old dad you want him to look you in the eyes, put his hand on your shoulder and say, \u201cSon you\u2019ve done well. I\u2019m proud of you.\u201d\n\nI think Jesus got that from His Heavenly Father right then. That\u2019s when His life started on a whole new level. I think that was the best day in His life. I think the second-best day of His life was when He was with His friends at what\u2019s known as the Transfiguration. He was there with Peter, James, and John. The presence of God and the place, and then He heard it again. It\u2019s interesting, the very first time\u2014we\u2019re not sure exactly if everyone heard His Father say, \u2018This is My Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased\u2019, the text is really unclear.\n\nBut this time absolutely everyone hears, He\u2019s authenticated it in front of people, \u2018This is My Son in whom I am well pleased\u2019. I knew I needed to tell my son that or he was going to be a wrestling boy for the rest of his life. That\u2019s the premise of why I wrote the book, <em>Five Marks of a Man,<\/em> it\u2019s that there are 15-year-old men and there are 45-year-old boys.\n\nNot all of us might have been told you are a man. But if we\u2019re told that life is going to be much simpler for us, then before I told my son that, I needed to do some research on exactly what a man was. And that was basically the content of the book.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this is really important, too, for women who are listening because there are many moms that are raising sons. I think it is easy, too, even after myself raising three sons, a lot of people think well, this is just boys, this is common. They\u2019re out getting drunk, they\u2019re out partying. But if there isn\u2019t a father either in the home or even involved in his son\u2019s life, what do we do as women, how do we do this?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I think the marks that are mentioned here are very important for women to understand; not just as they help their boys grow up but for women who are not married to help them select the right spouse. I can\u2019t tell you how many people I have heard from where they realize I was going to marry this guy, I\u2019m waiting for him to ask me, I\u2019m glad he hasn\u2019t because I\u2019m dating a boy. I\u2019m dating a boy!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To Ann\u2019s question though, as a mom, you talk about a dad validating his son, does a mom validate and imprintin a son that you\u2019re a man?\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>No question, a mom validates, no question a mom impacts, no question she\u2019s important. But my studies show me that a man needs to tell a male he\u2019s a man. One of the stories I have in the book, I just heard it when I was on the final stages of putting together all the material was a guy I met who was from Africa.\n\nIn his village, this happened to him, the men in this village come up to the doorway of the hut, they knock on the door and the mother comes and the young boy comes up behind her. She tries to shield the young boy from the rest of the men in the tribe. They try to coax him out, and say come on, you need to come with us. She doesn\u2019t want her little boy to go and if he doesn\u2019t fight his way past her, past her skirt to go out to the men, they give up on him.\n\nThen next year they come back again and if the same scene repeats itself where she keeps him away, this time they will reach in and physically grab her son and yank him out of the house and take him up to the hills and bring him into manhood. When he comes back the tables are now turned because instead of the mother taking care of him, now he is expected to take care of his mother.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wow!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Now he\u2019s supposed to bring food for the family.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just curious, did you experience what that mother in Africa might have experienced with her son, as you were raising three boys were there times when their manhood is emerging, and you\u2019re like, No! I want you to stay a little boy?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! My husband basically yanked them from me!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That would be me! What do you mean? I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s funny, I did want to protect them from death.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>You felt this!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>You felt this in your home to keep them behind you.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m not a passive woman, I\u2019m a strong woman, I like adventure. I\u2019m pretty gutsy and yet when Dave would take them, I really did think he\u2019s going to kill them!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Take them where? To do what?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Many things! Like he would take them out snowmobiling, he would take them on these adventures hiking. And I would be like, are you going to feed them, he\u2019d go, I don\u2019t know, maybe. [Dave laughs]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Part of my mission was what Brian started with, this DNA, and it\u2019s in women as well, but definitely in a man, for adventure and risk! I knew that as a dad of three sons, again I never had a dad do this, so I wasn\u2019t watching and copying a model. I had a mom, a single mom, who put me with other men, coaches, teachers\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Which was a wise thing for her to do.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014very wise to do, because she, like you said Brian, she said, I can help my son become a man but I need a man in his life. Men become men in the community of men. She knew that.\n\nI know now I\u2019m a dad. I want to change the Wilson name, the Wilson legacy! I\u2019m like, I\u2019ve got to get these guys out and expose them to what they are made for: risk, adventure. There were times when Ann would literally go in the house. I\u2019m not trying to break an arm, and take my boy to the hospital, but if it happens, okay, we\u2019re going to figure that out. She was a little bit more reserved on that. What are you doing? I\u2019m like, this is good for them. This helps a boy become a man.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He\u2019d be out on the snowmobile and I\u2019m like, does he have a helmet on? Is it strapped? Sometimes it wasn\u2019t. I would watch them go and I would go in the house and I would pray my guts off. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going to happen but I also know that they wanted to be this with their dad. There was something that was going to happen out there, this adventure thing, the risky part of it, they would light up.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll add this, and I\u2019d love to hear what you think of this, Brian, because I know it\u2019s in your book. It wasn\u2019t just adventure for adventure sake, it was part of it even in the adolescent stage of 12,13, 14. I was trying to set a pattern for now we\u2019re going to take a risk for something that matters. We ended up going to Africa. We ended up going to places to say we\u2019re going to do something that has eternal purpose that\u2019s what men do, they impact the world. Let\u2019s go! It wasn\u2019t a lot different than jumping on a snowmobile, we\u2019re jumping on a plane. Let\u2019s go somewhere\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>To help people with AIDS.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014go somewhere that\u2019s going to change the world. Let\u2019s go as men and be protectors. Talk about this.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes! There is a recklessness that young males have that we need to see is really a good thing. It really is! What\u2019s not good is when that recklessness hurts somebody else. You just mentioned being a protector. That\u2019s one of the marks! That\u2019s one of the marks that I came across.\n\nBy the way, you say, where did you get these marks? What I did, I went in the mind of every single male I had ever met who I respected, every single one. All the biographies, I love biographies, all the biographies I\u2019ve read that inspired me, all the traits that I saw in movies, certain scenes that really inspired me.\n\nYou know what my favorite scenes of all movies I\u2019ve ever seen? <em>The Patriot<\/em>, with Mel Gibson. The scene where he takes his young boys out to battle and he sticks a rifle in their hand. These kids are like I, I can\u2019t use\u2014You can do this! He says, aim small, miss small. I cry every time when I see that because you see here an older male conferring trust on a younger male, saying you can do what you don\u2019t think you can do and you can protect me and you can protect your brother and the others they are trying to kill.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, you know as we are talking about this, there are people who have got this alarm bells going off. This is toxic masculinity, this is hyper masculinity, this is what\u2019s wrong with the culture. Guys like Brian are trying to get boys to shoot guns and Dave\u2019s taking them out and breaking their arms. What\u2019s going on? You understand that there are people reacting to this toxic masculinity.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>The reason that why art taps into us so deeply is because it taps into something we can\u2019t even articulate. I\u2019m not excited about giving some kid a musket and having him shoot somebody. No! I\u2019ve never shot somebody, I would never have my son shoot somebody.\n\nBut it\u2019s this value that\u2019s there; you are there to protect, you\u2019re there to protect! Of all the things we\u2019re seeing in our culture that men are not protecting, I\u2019m one of the guys that\u2019s saying, you know why our culture is so-and-so? It\u2019s because there are a bunch of boys who are not protecting.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think we need to make the point when you talk in your book about a man being a protector, you juxtapose that with a boy being a predator and not a protector. It\u2019s a boy who is using his male aggression to serve himself rather than to protect others.\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Yes. Men are protectors, boys are predators. As I said before there are 15-year-old men and there are 45-year-old boys. Some of the high profile abuses that we\u2019ve seen in the media of men who have abused their authority, their power and taken advantage of women.\n\nMy question always is: where are all the weenie boys around them? Where were they? They all go, \u2018I never knew, I never saw this stuff.\u2019 Oh, yes you did! Yes you did! You heard how that guy talked in the absence of women. You saw some of the choices he made in his life. You might not have seen the event going down, but you absolutely knew this guy had an issue with women, an issue with power, and you didn\u2019t do anything about it. There\u2019s a level of passivity in the males in our country that we\u2019re feeling and we\u2019re all smarting from.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is just one of five marks you talk about in your book. Again, Dave, this is something that I know\u2014just hearing Brian talk\u2014I\u2019m watching you, you want to come out of your seat and go, yes! Yes!\n\n<strong>Brian: <\/strong>Sorry Dave, I get to talk and not you!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m fine, as I read your book, I told you, I feel like it\u2019s a moment in history that men, boys, dads, moms, all need to read because it\u2019s such a need. It\u2019s always has been but our culture, our world, is in a place. I\u2019m excited! We haven\u2019t even talked about the five marks yet!\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I have some mixed feelings about this as I\u2019m listening to you because in our culture, what has had to happen for women is that we\u2019ve had to become strong because there hasn\u2019t been anyone to protect us. There\u2019s a part of me that\u2019s a strong person, there\u2019s a little part of me that thinks, do I need a man to protect me? Am I not strong enough? I think that\u2019s been developed by a passive culture of men, honestly.\n\nBecause there\u2019s another part that\u2019s like, wow! If men stood up and lived up to what God has called them to do and be as protectors, that sounds pretty amazing. But there\u2019s also that part that\u2014I think there\u2019s women that think, I\u2019m strong enough, I\u2019m raising my sons, I\u2019m raising my daughters. I\u2019m working two jobs so I can do that. So, I have this mixed thing, l love it. I resonate with it and yet I think, m-m-m, I wonder what some women are thinking.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I think we will hear what some women are thinking as we continue this conversation this week. I would encourage listeners to work their way through this book. Get a copy. Husbands and wives read through it together. There may be parts you say I don\u2019t agree with that. Okay! That\u2019s a good conversation to have. Figure out for yourself. You\u2019ve got to decide what are you going to resonate with. What are you going to do? How are you going to respond and act?\n\nWe\u2019ve got the book in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, you can go online to order a copy. <em>The Five Marks of a Man, Finding Your Path to Courageous Manhood, <\/em>by Brian Tome. Order it from us on FamilyLifeToday.com. or call to order, 1-800-FLTODAY.\n\nLet me suggest this, too. If you\u2019re the father of a teenage son, I\u2019m thinking junior, or senior in high school, maybe he\u2019s in his first or second year in college. This summer get together with other dads and sons for a total of ten nights over the summer. Just spread them out all summer long and get together and all of you go through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em>\u00ae video series that we put together here at FamilyLife. This is a great series for every father to go through with other dads.\n\nBut it\u2019s also a great series to interact with teenage sons. Help them begin thinking about what it is to be a man, to assume responsibility, to step away from passivity. We\u2019ve got\n\ncopies of the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series along with Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em> in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.\n\nMake this a project you can do this summer! Can you think of three or four other dads you could get together with their sons? Have a cook-out once a week and go through these videos? Order the series from us on our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, or call, 1-800-FLTODAY to get a copy of the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series, or Dennis Rainey\u2019s <em>Stepping Up<\/em> book, or again, <em>The Five Marks of a Man<\/em> by Brian Tome.\n\nAll of it\u2019s available online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call to order at 1-800- FLTODAY. 1-800-358-6329.\n\nOne of the things Brian talked about today is the significance of, kind of recognizing that you have graduated from boyhood to manhood. It\u2019s that First Corinthians 13, \u201cI used to think like a child, now I think like a man.\u201d\n\nThe President of FamilyLife, David Robbins is here. That is a significant transition period in our lives, isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes.It immediately made me think of a friend who\u2019s a missionary overseas and was recently at a gathering with missionaries from all over the world. He was telling me this story of being around a fire after dinner with a group of men and there were people from all over Europe and Africa and Australia and there two Americans around the fire.\n\nThe conversation turned to when did you know that you were a man? All of a sudden everyone around the fire started naming specific dates, specific years, specific moments where they were affirmed as a man and they knew they were a man: rites of passage, and thresholds that they crossed, distinct ceremonies declaring them to be men.\n\nThe two Americans were the last to go and they looked at each other and they just shared, we know, we think we\u2019re men. We\u2019re 35 and have young kids, but to hear your stories, man, there is something in our journey, even though we had good parents, I don\u2019t, I can\u2019t define it. I don\u2019t know when.\n\nThere\u2019s no doubt that there\u2019s a serious degree of confusion about manhood in America. And Christians are not immune to that and if anything, we are in the thick of the conversation and need to step boldly into the conversation. This is an important topic we\u2019ve got to face head on.\n\nAs a man and a father of three boys, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re having the conversation, I\u2019m glad we\u2019re being honest today, I\u2019m challenged by it and it moves me to take intentional action. I am grateful for having some mentors do a rites of passage ceremony with me. It was a little later, I think, then I wanted. It was when I was 18, but it was a defining moment in my life. I want to have those types of defining moments for my kids.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember talking to a dad who\u2019s his son was in his teenage years, kind of goofing off. I said take your son through the <em>Stepping Up<\/em> video series and then have one of those rites of passage moments with him when you guys get done with the series. Again, a great way for dads and sons to get involved and go through the content we\u2019ve got here at FamilyLife. The information is online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Thank you, David.\n\nI want to make sure our listeners also know about a special opportunity that is available to them this month. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come together and offered to match any donation that we receive as a ministry during this month on a dollar-for-dollar basis up to a total of $550,000. They\u2019ve agreed they\u2019ll do that if you make a one-time donation. If you sign on to become a monthly Legacy Partner to make a donation each month, they will match every donation you make over the next 12 months, dollar for dollar, again, until the matching gift fund is gone.\n\nIn addition, if you become a Legacy Partner during the month of May we\u2019ll send you a gift card for you and your spouse or a couple you know to attend a <em>Weekend to<\/em> <em>Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as our thank you for being a part of the team that makes this daily radio program possible. We\u2019re so grateful for our donors and our Legacy Partners. We hope to take full advantage of this matching gift during the month of May.\n\nIf you can help out with a one-time gift or by becoming a Legacy Partner, go to FamilyLifeToday.com, make your gift online. Or sign up online as a Legacy Partner or call 1-800-FLTODAY to donate over the phone. Again, thanks for your partnership with us, thanks for making practical, biblical help and hope available to couples and families in your neighborhood and all across the country. We appreciate you.\n\nWe hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how it\u2019s possible to look at biblical examples of masculinity and get the wrong impression. Brian Tome will be with us to talk about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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