{"id":304981,"date":"2019-04-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-04-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/unpacking-the-baggage\/"},"modified":"2025-04-29T13:16:27","modified_gmt":"2025-04-29T17:16:27","slug":"unpacking-the-baggage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/unpacking-the-baggage\/","title":{"rendered":"Unpacking the Baggage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>On our wedding day we think the vow we make to our spouse will be enough for our marriage. Andy Stanley says, &#8220;promises are not substitute for preparation.&#8221; Dave and Ann Wilson share about some baggage that we need to prepare for prior to marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On our wedding day we think the vow we make to our spouse will be enough for our marriage. Dave and Ann Wilson share about some baggage that we need to prepare for prior to marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-26.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:48","filesize":"26.37M","filesize_raw":"27651347","date_recorded":"2019-04-26 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2815],"tags":[6593,4955],"podcast_series":[8267],"cwp_profile":[3554,3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304981","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-sexual-wholeness","tag-bringing-baggage-into-the-marriage","tag-preparing-for-marriage","podcast_series-love-sex-and-dating","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304981\/unpacking-the-baggage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304981\/unpacking-the-baggage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"rwngHoxShA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/unpacking-the-baggage\/\">Unpacking the Baggage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/unpacking-the-baggage\/embed\/#?secret=rwngHoxShA\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Unpacking the Baggage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"rwngHoxShA\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>How prepared were <em>you<\/em>for marriage? How <em>competent<\/em> were you to become a husband or a wife? Dave Wilson says that\u2019s a good question for all of us to be asking.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Think about this\u2014if you went in for heart surgery, and you\u2019re just about to go under major heart surgery, and you say to the doctor, right before surgery, \u201cHey, how many of these have you done?\u201d \u201cUh, I haven\u2019t done any.\u201d \u201cWell, where did you go to med school?\u201d \u201cDidn\u2019t go to med school. I just held up my hand and said, \u2018I promise to try my best to do this.\u2019\u201d You\u2019re out! There\u2019s no way you\u2019re going to let that guy touch your heart; right?<\/p>\n<p>That is the way we go into marriage. Think about this\u2014I looked it up yesterday. Somebody tell me what you think: \u201cHow much money does the average couple in America spend on a wedding?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Average.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>$35,329!\u2014alright? But that is for <em>one<\/em> ceremony\/one day.<\/p>\n<p>I looked it up, again, yesterday: \u201cHow much does the average couple spend training and preparing to be married?\u201d\u2014less than $100.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Here\u2019s a good question: \u201cSince you got married, how much money have you invested in building a stronger, healthier marriage?\u201d We\u2019re going to hear more about all of this today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. This is a pet peeve for you guys; isn\u2019t it?\u2014that the lack of preparation that couples put in\u2014not to the wedding, because they spend a lot of time and money getting ready for the wedding\u2014it\u2019s the marriage that they\u2019re not spending time and effort preparing for; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly! It\u2019s amazing to me that we\u2019ve put so much focus and money into the wedding day, but we spend so little time preparing our marriages. I\u2019m telling you\u2014we carry so much baggage into our relationships, not having any idea that will really affect us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys went for pre-marital preparation to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway two weeks before you got married. Was that helpful?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was very helpful; although, at the time, we thought, \u201cWe don\u2019t need it.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>We did love it. Do you remember?\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cThis is <em>really<\/em> good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was great stuff!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you thought you knew it all; didn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; we just thought: \u201cWe love each other; we love Jesus\u2014it can\u2019t be that hard. So this is overkill for preparation.\u201d Then, we got married! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I also think that we thought, \u201cJesus has forgiven our past, so it\u2019s gone,\u201d\u2014not realizing that, sometimes, Jesus lets us <em>look<\/em> at our past so He can heal it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s really where we are going to go today. We\u2019re going to hear a message that you did, together, at Kensington Church in Detroit, where you talked about the bags we bring into marriage. This was a little auto-biographical; wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it was interesting\u2014we ended up saying, \u201cThere are four bags every pre-married couple needs to unpack <em>before<\/em> the wedding day.\u201d You keep unpacking them\u2014you know, there could have been 50! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>We probably did have 50. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>We just did four for the sake of time. [Laughter] We really felt like these were four really heavy, heavy bags; and <em>most<\/em> couples have all four of these, plus others, that <em>they<\/em> don\u2019t realize until they get into that marriage. These are going to be <em>big<\/em> in their marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to hear what those four bags are today; but I need to remind our listeners\u2014last day I\u2019ll get to remind them about the Dave and Ann Wilson special this week. [Laughter] We\u2019ve got about 20\/25 <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways still happening this spring. Our team said\u2014in honor of you guys stepping into this role as the hosts of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014they wanted to take a week to celebrate and give listeners an opportunity to attend an upcoming getaway and reduce the rate.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s 40 percent off the regular rate if you sign up before midnight Monday\u2014I think is the deadline. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information. Join us at an upcoming getaway\u2014save a little money if you sign up this week. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s get to unpacking. Here are Dave and Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to be talking about four pieces of luggage you should unpack before the wedding or, at least, start unpacking before the wedding.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is your preparation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; to help you. If you\u2019re already married\u2014if you haven\u2019t started unpacking these\u2014you need to start right now. You probably have, and you\u2019ll be doing it the rest of your marriage. These four\u2014and there could be fifty\u2014trust me! We only did four because it seemed like, of all the things, these are sort of the biggest four, in our opinion, that especially pre-marrieds need to think about.<\/p>\n<p>The first one is the credit card. If you\u2019re in debt and it\u2019s a really big debt\u2014I\u2019m talking to singles now, who are thinking about getting married\u2014here\u2019s what I would say to you, and we didn\u2019t understand this: \u201cSlow down! Because you\u2019re going to bring that debt into your marriage.\u201d Let me ask all the married couples, \u201cAre there ever any money fights in marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes; the whole place just lit up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what happened\u2014and you don\u2019t even know this, and I didn\u2019t know this either\u2014but I married a spender; alright? That\u2019s what I married.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I married a\u2014I married a tightwad! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m a saver!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re tight\u2014you\u2019re so tight!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is true;but if you\u2019ve got a pile of debt, I would actually say this\u2014you\u2019ll think it\u2019s crazy: \u201cIf you\u2019re single, and thinking about getting married, and you\u2019ve a pile of debt, I\u2019d say: \u2018Move in with your parents and pay that thing down first. Delay the wedding.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Am I right?! You do not want to walk into your wedding with a <em>huge<\/em> credit card debt\u2014and you can\u2019t pay your bills and that kind of thing\u2014because money fights are <em>huge<\/em>. Because if you are in debt, here\u2019s what you bring into the marriage\u2014some of you are already married\u2014you\u2019re like, \u201cThis is so true,\u201d\u2014you bring in stress; you bring in anger; you sweat at night; it\u2019s a big wall in the middle of your relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think for Dave and I, too, I was blaming him for so many things. I was spending, but I was blaming <em>him<\/em>; because what would happen was\u2014I didn\u2019t know how much money we had. I mean, I could look, but what would happen is\u2014I would go shopping. This one time, I went shopping [at] Christmas. I had all this stuff in the cart. Dave\u2014the head of the bills\/all that stuff\u2014but he would not want to talk about it, because he hated conflict\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I hated conflict. It\u2019s a really good way to handle conflict\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and money!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you just avoid it! It works really good. So we never even talked about money.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>He wouldn\u2019t even pay the bills on time because it would depress him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It wasn\u2019t that bad!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I swiped my card. Have you ever done this?\u2014the line is forever\u2014I swiped my card and the lady goes, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; that didn\u2019t go through.\u201d Instant sweat! I\u2019m laughing; and all the people behind me\u2014I am like: \u201cOh! This one will work,\u201d\u2014nothing\u2014\u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry, ma\u2019am.\u201d I am instantly angry and embarrassed, but my anger is directed toward Dave. I come in the house, like: \u201cAre we not paying our bills?! What\u2019s happening?! Do we not have any money?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>And because I am so good with conflict\u2014I <em>knew<\/em> this day was coming\/I knew it was coming\u2014but we never talked about it. She walks in the house. Our boys are real little at the time. I realized our credit cards are maxed\u2014I\u2019m laying in bed, every night, sweating\u2014all because of money issues.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a really important piece of luggage you need to look at. One of the <em>best<\/em> things that happened, because of that Christmas, is we decided to do a thing\u2014I don\u2019t know if you have ever heard of this thing\u2014it\u2019s called a budget. [Laughter] Anyone ever heard of one of those?\u2014it\u2019s called a money plan. We started to do that. That\u2019s the first piece of luggage\u2014it\u2019s the \u201cMoney Bag.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The second one, I think it\u2019s sort of interesting\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a big one!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014this one is called, \u201cUnresolved issues.\u201d Unresolved issues is something we don\u2019t even realize we are sort of tied to\u2014because these are situations\/relationships in our life that we are plugged into, and we don\u2019t even realize it\u2014things like: unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, past relationships.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this one is so big because we really\u2014a lot of times, when you\u2019re single or married\u2014you don\u2019t realize how big those issues are. Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve seen happening,\u00a0 and even talking to couples that are struggling\u2014what happens, when you get married, is you have issues and problems with your spouse, not even realizing that it isn\u2019t the spouse that\u2019s causing it. It\u2019s really something that\u2019s plugged into the past.<\/p>\n<p>A lot of times, it\u2019s family issues\u2014things that happened in your home with your parents or your family; a past spouse\u2014maybe you went through a\u00a0 divorce, and you were so hurt and wounded\u2014shame issues; feelings of insecurity, so it\u2019s hard for you to give your heart or to love. Issues with anxiety or depression are, so often, tied to the past. If we don\u2019t get back there\u2014if we don\u2019t prepare ourselves in our ways to go back and deal with that\u2014they will affect the future.<\/p>\n<p>I really thought: \u201cThat stuff\u2019s in the past! Dave Wilson is so awesome\u2014they\u2019re going to disappear and I won\u2019t have to deal with them.\u201d But all that happened was\u2014we started having all this tension, not even understanding that that was <em>huge<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It says here [reading <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>]: \u201cWe go into marriage\u201d\u2014and so many do this\u2014\u201cand we think the marriage will heal my problems; but we find out marriage only <em>reveals<\/em> your problems.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll never forget the day, in my late 20s, when Ann said, \u201cYou need to forgive your dad.\u201d Again, I responded <em>so<\/em> maturely: \u201cWhat are you to tell me I need to forgive my dad? I\u2019ve forgiven my dad; it\u2019s in the <em>past<\/em>\/it\u2019s <em>years ago<\/em>; I\u2019m good!\u201d And she was exactly right.<\/p>\n<p>One of the blessings that I never knew\u2014even at that time about marriage\u2014and it\u2019s, actually, part of God\u2019s purpose for marriage\u2014is He wants to sharpen us, husband and wife, to become like what?\u2014like Christ\/to become like Jesus. Guess how He does that. He\u2019ll use your spouse to sharpen you if you\u2019ll listen to them speak truth.<\/p>\n<p>She was speaking truth to me. I had to forgive my dad\u2014and it\u2019s a long story\u2014but when I forgave my dad, I realized: \u201cI thought I was locking <em>him<\/em> up. I was locking <em>me<\/em> up,\u201d and I couldn\u2019t be the husband and dad my kids deserved, in the present day, because of something, years ago. God, literally, did that!\u2014He cut the cord. It was like, \u201cI\u2019m not going to be bound by that anymore.\u201d I became a man, a husband, a dad. I said to the men here: \u201cI became a man, at 32 years old, the day I set myself free after forgiving my dad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>,<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the third bag\u2014we call this one the \u201cSexual Issues\u2019 Bag.\u201d The old rules of love, sex, and dating\u2014which are really the current cultural rules\u2014say this about sex: \u201cSex is physical. Hook up with whoever\/whatever\u2014one-night stands. It\u2019s in the past; move on from that; it\u2019s not going to really affect you much\u2014it\u2019s in the past. Go for it.\u201d We live in a culture, now, where people hook up before they even start dating: \u201cTake a little test drive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: \u201c<\/strong>See if your compatible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s always been that way in many ways\u2014it wasn\u2019t any different in the \u201860s and \u201870s\u2014it\u2019s this belief that sex is just purely physical.<\/p>\n<p>Well, here\u2019s the truth: \u201cSex is deeper than just physical. It\u2019s about the soul.\u201d Why is sex so beautiful and wonderful?\u2014because God gave it to us; it is the most intimate thing you\u2019ll ever do with another person. It\u2019s <em>so much deeper<\/em> than just body.<\/p>\n<p>Why are relationships that have sex in them harder when they break up than relationships that don\u2019t?\u2014because it involves the soul, and it\u2019s a gift from God\u2014He created it that way. It\u2019s the most beautiful, intimate thing you ever do. He says, \u201cBecause it\u2019s so fragile, protect this part.\u201d That luggage piece, I think, is weighted heavier than others. It\u2019s <em>that<\/em> critical\u2014that we are so vigilant in how we protect this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think, for Dave and I, that\u2019s probably the hardest one, besides the just past issues. This one was big, because\u2014[pauses] having sexual abuse\u2014it was <em>weighty<\/em> for us. I really thought: \u201cIt happened in the past. I don\u2019t have to think about it. It won\u2019t affect the future.\u201d It affected every day of our marriage, at the beginning.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was 90 percent of the reason why we wanted to end this thing in year one\u2014it was sexual issues. Some of it was Ann\u2019s abuse in the past, which she told me about before marriage. We both thought, \u201cIt\u2019s in the past.\u201d We were just na\u00efve.<\/p>\n<p>We also thought this\u2014I tell you\u2014we grew up around the church. We <em>heard<\/em> from people that said: \u201cHey, don\u2019t have sex before you get married. It doesn\u2019t usually go well.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes; they don\u2019t know.\u201d We didn\u2019t really obey that [in] every relationship we were in before we started dating each other.<\/p>\n<p>In our relationship, we decided to be sexually pure. But before that, we weren\u2019t. We thought, \u201cWell, that\u2019s in the past; it will stay in the past.\u201d Guess what?\u2014we\u2019ve said this before\u2014\u201cBut it will not stay in the past. You walk into your bedroom, in marriage, and it\u2019s a crowded bedroom. Everybody you\u2019ve slept with is in that bedroom.\u201d I know it sounds like, \u201cWhat?\u201d It\u2019s a soul deal\u2014it doesn\u2019t just go away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I thinkour souls were super fragmented\u2014that created worry; and, I think, guilt; comparison; not feeling like I was enough\u2014it was just big! Then I\u2014there was this mistrust\u2014like: \u201cCan I even trust him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; so that\u2019s there.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ll say this: \u201cGod heals!\u201d But it\u2019s almost like this\u2014there\u2019s a fork in the road that says: \u201cOkay; I can do the old rules, which means hook up with anybody,\u201d or \u201cI can do God\u2019s purity.\u201d We\u2019re standing on this fork in the road and we\u2019re saying: \u201cTake that one [purity]. We took this one [promiscuous].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re looking at us and going: \u201cOh, you\u2019re good! You\u2019re good!\u201d No; we\u2019re like: \u201cYou can\u2019t see what we\u2019ve gone through. You <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to go through this\u2014take that one!\u201d If there is anything I would change about my past, that would be the thing. Of all the things\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Really?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>No question!! It would be like, \u201cI wish would have listened and chose to do that [purity].\u201d God has healed\u2014and it\u2019s, actually, a beautiful part of our marriage\u2014but it was the hardest part, because we had to walk through so much darkness.<\/p>\n<p>The last bag\u2014this is the \u201cGod Issue Bag\u201d or the \u201cGod Bag.\u201d In other words, decide what you are going to do, spiritually, even before you get married; and if you are married, man, make this the foundation of your life. I actually dug out the Bible that we started our marriage with. It\u2019s taped together\u2014you can see this\u2014I mean, it\u2019s all falling apart. By the way, a Bible that\u2019s falling apart is usually held by a couple that isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh; oh!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you get that?\u2014I just thought of that!<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, it\u2019s like we decided, at Day One, we were going to do our dating relationship and our future marriage God\u2019s way, based on God\u2019s Word. I\u2019m not saying we did it perfectly. We decided: \u201cMan, oh man, if I\u2019m going to go for it\u2014after Christ\u2014I\u2019m going to find a woman that\u2019s going for it as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m going to say: \u201cJust run after Jesus!\u201d If you are single\u2014like run after Him and don\u2019t expect somebody\u2014like I feel like I did this for so\u2014we\u2019ve talked about this very thing. If you\u2019re running on the track of life, instead of like pulling someone with you\u2014that\u2019s what I did\u2014the guys weren\u2019t on the track; they were in the bleachers\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>They were losers!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cHey you should run with me towards Jesus!\u201d And like: \u201cThat\u2019s dumb. Why would I want to do that?\u201d I\u2019d be: \u201cNo! It\u2019s great!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even if I got them on the track\u2014one guy like said, \u201cI want Jesus, but I don\u2019t Him to be a part of <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d So I\u2019m running with this guy. All of a sudden, I see Dave Wilson on the track; and this dude is sprinting hard\u2014and he loves God; he\u2019s trying to make a difference in the world; he\u2019s trying to go for it, spiritually. I remember\u2014like I was dating this guy when I met Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Trust me, she\u2019s dating this guy; and it was like [flat tire sound] ca-chum, ca-chum, ca-chum, trying to bring this guy with her, you know?\u2014I could see that\u2014like: \u201cWhat are you doing with your life?!\u201d\u2014right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And what were you doing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was doing the same thing!\u2014ca-chum, ca-chum, ca-chum!<\/p>\n<p>Finally, I walk into a dorm room and catch this ca-chum, ca-chum with another guy. It\u2019s like, \u201cMy mom was right; all my friends were right; her past is an indicator of what the future would look like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, I started dating Ann. Many of you have heard this; but on our first date\u2014she\u2019s 18 years old\u2014I said to her, \u201cWhat are you going to do with your life?\u201d She says, \u201cI\u2019m going to follow Jesus wherever He takes me and impact the world for Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m like: \u201cOkay! That\u2019s the one!\u201d I knew that first day. It\u2019s like, \u201cMan, what would it look like to be in a partnership, and not settle, but marry somebody that\u2019s on the same mission?\u201d\u2014that God has a mission for our marriage. Many of you know this\u2014but on our wedding night, before we crawled in our marriage bed, we got on our knees, at the foot of that bed, and we prayed. Literally, these were the words: \u201cGod we\u2019re not praying for a good marriage; we\u2019re asking You for a great marriage that will, one day, impact the world for the kingdom of God,\u201d and here we are.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; little 19- and 22-years-old!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>All weekend, I\u2019m praying God is answering that prayer that we begged Him on our marriage: I\u2019m saying, \u201c<em>Do not settle<\/em>.\u201d And guys, if you\u2019re going for Christ, \u201c<em>Do not settle<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would say too: \u201cIf you\u2019re married, God answers and hears those prayers. If you\u2019re married don\u2019t think this: \u2018I\u2019m married; and he\u2019s ca-clunk, ca-clunk, ca-clunk, ca-clunk! I need to get rid of him!\u2019\u201d\u2014no!\u2014no!\u2014that\u2019s not true. You need to be with them\u2014and her and him\u2014and love each other unconditionally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>As we said, in week one, here\u2019s what I would say: \u201cDon\u2019t focus on him,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t focus on her. Focus on who?\u201d Become the person\u2014the person you\u2019re looking for\u2014is looking for. That means: \u201cGet [before] the mirror and say: \u2018God change me. I can\u2019t change them, but You can. God, change them as well; but I\u2019m just going to ask You to change me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sitting here with Ann, thinking: \u201cIf I would have settled and not gone after God\u2019s best for me\u2014I am not married today; I\u2019m not on this stage\u2014my whole legacy\u2014honestly, you know what I am today?\u2014I am my dad. That\u2019s who I am.<\/p>\n<p>Because I decided, \u201cI am not settling for anything but what God is doing in me\/in my partner,\u201d\u2014here we are. It\u2019s a <em>whole<\/em> different legacy.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to tell you\/the last thing I\u2019ll say is: \u201cGod can do miracles in you, and today is the start of a new day. It really is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I would say, \u201cMarriage is <em>awesome<\/em>,\u201d\u2014like it really\u2014for us, it\u2019s been the greatest gift on this planet that we\u2019ve been able to experience.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s my application\u2014you\u2019ll have an application\u2014but I would say: \u201cAll this stuff in your life\u2014you know what Jesus wants? He\u2019s looking at it\u2014He\u2019s saying, \u2018Just let Me have it,\u2019\u2014like, \u2018Just give Me your stuff.\u2019 You can just give Him all of it\u2014just put it at the cross,\u201d\u2014and say: \u201cJesus, here\u2019s all my stuff\u2014all my brokenness, all my past, all my pain, all the things that I\u2019ve done wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He looks at it and goes: \u201cI can do something with that; I can work with that! Wait until you see what I do!\u201d\u2014because He has this way of making miracles out of our messes. He has a way of breaking off chains, and bondage, and depression, and anxiety. He has a way of just renewing us and making us the people that He created us the be. But first, we have to give Him all of our stuff.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s how you do that\u2014because here is what happens\u2014couples get married. On their wedding day, they\u2019re sort of doing this\u2014they are like: \u201cWhere do I find life?\u201d Here\u2019s what happens on wedding day: \u201cAhhh! I found her! She\u2019s going to bring life!\u201d \u201cI found him! <a id=\"_Hlk5895521\"><\/a>He\u2019s going to bring life!\u201d\u2014right? And then, it doesn\u2019t happen. So what do they do? They are like: \u201cOh, that wasn\u2019t the right one. I\u2019ve got to go find the right one.\u201d What\u2019s the real problem?\u2014they\u2019re looking in the wrong place.<\/p>\n<p>Here you go! This is vertical marriage, right here. This is horizontal [trying to have needs met by spouse]; this is vertical [having needs met by Christ]. I get life from Christ; she gets life from Christ\u2014so what happens? Now, He\u2019s filling me up so I come back to my marriage and I don\u2019t\u2014I\u2019m not demanding she meet my needs and fill me up\u2014I\u2019m overflowing with what Christ has already given me, because she\/he can never meet it anyway\u2014that\u2019s the whole definition of vertical marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I give her the gospel\u2014the grace that God gave me, I give her. Here\u2019s a great way to think of it: \u201c<a id=\"_Hlk5970274\"><\/a>Do for your spouse what Christ did for you. Do for your spouse what Christ did for you.\u201d It\u2019s not about what they\u2019re doing for you\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t deserve this,\u201d\u2014neither did you! And what did Christ do?\u2014He gave His life for you, so do the same thing! That\u2019s a picture of what a great marriage can look like.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And he <em>still<\/em> loves me.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson talk about the bags we need to unpack before marriage; and then, I mean, honestly, just keep unpacking all the way <em>through<\/em> our marriage; right? It\u2019s not like you get them unpacked and you go, \u201cOh, okay; we don\u2019t need to worry about this anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That would be nice; wouldn\u2019t it? But it seems like there continues to be more.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been at this\u2014how many years?<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Thirty-nine!!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Thirty-nine years!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we\u2019re right there with you\u2014we\u2019ll celebrate 40 years next month. We\u2019re still finding stuff that\u2019s sneaking out of suitcases in our marriage and saying: \u201cOh! This is from our past, but we\u2019ve got to deal with it in the present.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, one of things that I would have never expected, in year one or pre-married days, is how much in love I am with Ann, now, compared to then. I\u2019m more in love with her, 39 years in, than year 1.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is. I would never have thought that, six months in\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0 never going <em>make<\/em> it three decades with this woman.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But before you got married, you thought, \u201cIt\u2019s impossible to be more in love with her than I am\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And now, 39 years later, you go: \u201cOh, no; it\u2019s possible. It\u2019s a deeper, richer kind of love than we had, back when we were teenagers.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I think the reason is\u2014we\u2019ve unpacked these bags <em>together<\/em>. It\u2019s been <em>really<\/em> difficult, but we fought through it. Like you said, we\u2019re still doing it; but without those heavy, hard pieces of luggage\u2014that we went through together\u2014we wouldn\u2019t be where we are today. It\u2019s worth it; you know?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, even in how you closed in that message, was: \u201cGod is helping you to unpack those.\u201d That\u2019s a key part\u2014that we allow God to come in and do surgery on our hearts. That\u2019s what makes the biggest difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking about the tens of thousands of couples who, this year, are going through <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways with us. That\u2019s part of what we do. We help you unpack some of those bags in a gentle way that makes it a little easier for you to deal with some of these issues.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, who\u2019s here with us, David Robbins. David, a lot of couples hear about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway and they think: \u201cWe don\u2019t need to go to that. Our marriage is in good shape.\u201d But the truth is\u2014all of us have got opportunities for growth in marriage; don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I just recently heard from three different couples at the same <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. They each kind of represented a place that people come in at.<\/p>\n<p>One was, indeed, told me: \u201cI came in to this weekend, looking for an apartment on the way here; and I\u2019m leaving here, recommitted to my marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Another one was sharing with me, \u201cWe were just kind of called to have courageous conversations we didn\u2019t even know that we needed to have.\u201d She called it \u201ccourageous conversations,\u201d and I just loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Then the third person\/that couple just said, \u201cWe\u2019ve gone to four getaways at each decade of our marriage; and each time, it spoke directly to where we were and gave us space to process the stage of life we were in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is just a great wheel alignment, no matter where you are in your marriage. Your vehicle may be running fine, but this will tune it up. If your vehicle is running a little rough, we can help with some repair work.<\/p>\n<p>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; find out about the Dave and Ann Wilson special\u2014it expires on Monday. So take advantage of 40 percent off the regular registration fee and sign up for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about the getaway. Or you can register by phone. Again, online: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Speaking of <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways, we\u2019ve got one taking place in Anchorage, Alaska, this weekend. Be sure to pray for the couples who will be at that getaway. For everyone else, we hope you and your family will be able to worship in your local church this weekend. Have a great weekend. And then, join us back on Monday\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about how debt affects your marriage relationship. What happens to the relationship between the two of you when there\u2019s financial pressure? Brian and Cherie Lowe are going to be with us to talk about that. We hope you can be there as well.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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our wedding day we think the vow we make to our spouse will be enough for our marriage. Dave and Ann Wilson share about some baggage that we need to prepare for prior to marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>How prepared were <em>you<\/em>for marriage? How <em>competent<\/em> were you to become a husband or a wife? Dave Wilson says that\u2019s a good question for all of us to be asking.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Think about this\u2014if you went in for heart surgery, and you\u2019re just about to go under major heart surgery, and you say to the doctor, right before surgery, \u201cHey, how many of these have you done?\u201d \u201cUh, I haven\u2019t done any.\u201d \u201cWell, where did you go to med school?\u201d \u201cDidn\u2019t go to med school. I just held up my hand and said, \u2018I promise to try my best to do this.\u2019\u201d You\u2019re out! There\u2019s no way you\u2019re going to let that guy touch your heart; right?<\/p>\n<p>That is the way we go into marriage. Think about this\u2014I looked it up yesterday. Somebody tell me what you think: \u201cHow much money does the average couple in America spend on a wedding?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Average.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>$35,329!\u2014alright? But that is for <em>one<\/em> ceremony\/one day.<\/p>\n<p>I looked it up, again, yesterday: \u201cHow much does the average couple spend training and preparing to be married?\u201d\u2014less than $100.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Here\u2019s a good question: \u201cSince you got married, how much money have you invested in building a stronger, healthier marriage?\u201d We\u2019re going to hear more about all of this today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. This is a pet peeve for you guys; isn\u2019t it?\u2014that the lack of preparation that couples put in\u2014not to the wedding, because they spend a lot of time and money getting ready for the wedding\u2014it\u2019s the marriage that they\u2019re not spending time and effort preparing for; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly! It\u2019s amazing to me that we\u2019ve put so much focus and money into the wedding day, but we spend so little time preparing our marriages. I\u2019m telling you\u2014we carry so much baggage into our relationships, not having any idea that will really affect us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys went for pre-marital preparation to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaway two weeks before you got married. Was that helpful?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was very helpful; although, at the time, we thought, \u201cWe don\u2019t need it.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>We did love it. Do you remember?\u2014we\u2019re like, \u201cThis is <em>really<\/em> good.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was great stuff!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you thought you knew it all; didn\u2019t you?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; we just thought: \u201cWe love each other; we love Jesus\u2014it can\u2019t be that hard. So this is overkill for preparation.\u201d Then, we got married! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I also think that we thought, \u201cJesus has forgiven our past, so it\u2019s gone,\u201d\u2014not realizing that, sometimes, Jesus lets us <em>look<\/em> at our past so He can heal it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s really where we are going to go today. We\u2019re going to hear a message that you did, together, at Kensington Church in Detroit, where you talked about the bags we bring into marriage. This was a little auto-biographical; wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it was interesting\u2014we ended up saying, \u201cThere are four bags every pre-married couple needs to unpack <em>before<\/em> the wedding day.\u201d You keep unpacking them\u2014you know, there could have been 50! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>We probably did have 50. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>We just did four for the sake of time. [Laughter] We really felt like these were four really heavy, heavy bags; and <em>most<\/em> couples have all four of these, plus others, that <em>they<\/em> don\u2019t realize until they get into that marriage. These are going to be <em>big<\/em> in their marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to hear what those four bags are today; but I need to remind our listeners\u2014last day I\u2019ll get to remind them about the Dave and Ann Wilson special this week. [Laughter] We\u2019ve got about 20\/25 <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>getaways still happening this spring. Our team said\u2014in honor of you guys stepping into this role as the hosts of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014they wanted to take a week to celebrate and give listeners an opportunity to attend an upcoming getaway and reduce the rate.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s 40 percent off the regular rate if you sign up before midnight Monday\u2014I think is the deadline. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and get more information, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information. Join us at an upcoming getaway\u2014save a little money if you sign up this week. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s get to unpacking. Here are Dave and Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>[Recorded Message]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019re going to be talking about four pieces of luggage you should unpack before the wedding or, at least, start unpacking before the wedding.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is your preparation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; to help you. If you\u2019re already married\u2014if you haven\u2019t started unpacking these\u2014you need to start right now. You probably have, and you\u2019ll be doing it the rest of your marriage. These four\u2014and there could be fifty\u2014trust me! We only did four because it seemed like, of all the things, these are sort of the biggest four, in our opinion, that especially pre-marrieds need to think about.<\/p>\n<p>The first one is the credit card. If you\u2019re in debt and it\u2019s a really big debt\u2014I\u2019m talking to singles now, who are thinking about getting married\u2014here\u2019s what I would say to you, and we didn\u2019t understand this: \u201cSlow down! Because you\u2019re going to bring that debt into your marriage.\u201d Let me ask all the married couples, \u201cAre there ever any money fights in marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Audience: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes; the whole place just lit up. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what happened\u2014and you don\u2019t even know this, and I didn\u2019t know this either\u2014but I married a spender; alright? That\u2019s what I married.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I married a\u2014I married a tightwad! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m a saver!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re tight\u2014you\u2019re so tight!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is true;but if you\u2019ve got a pile of debt, I would actually say this\u2014you\u2019ll think it\u2019s crazy: \u201cIf you\u2019re single, and thinking about getting married, and you\u2019ve a pile of debt, I\u2019d say: \u2018Move in with your parents and pay that thing down first. Delay the wedding.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Am I right?! You do not want to walk into your wedding with a <em>huge<\/em> credit card debt\u2014and you can\u2019t pay your bills and that kind of thing\u2014because money fights are <em>huge<\/em>. Because if you are in debt, here\u2019s what you bring into the marriage\u2014some of you are already married\u2014you\u2019re like, \u201cThis is so true,\u201d\u2014you bring in stress; you bring in anger; you sweat at night; it\u2019s a big wall in the middle of your relationship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think for Dave and I, too, I was blaming him for so many things. I was spending, but I was blaming <em>him<\/em>; because what would happen was\u2014I didn\u2019t know how much money we had. I mean, I could look, but what would happen is\u2014I would go shopping. This one time, I went shopping [at] Christmas. I had all this stuff in the cart. Dave\u2014the head of the bills\/all that stuff\u2014but he would not want to talk about it, because he hated conflict\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I hated conflict. It\u2019s a really good way to handle conflict\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and money!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014you just avoid it! It works really good. So we never even talked about money.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>He wouldn\u2019t even pay the bills on time because it would depress him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It wasn\u2019t that bad!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I swiped my card. Have you ever done this?\u2014the line is forever\u2014I swiped my card and the lady goes, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; that didn\u2019t go through.\u201d Instant sweat! I\u2019m laughing; and all the people behind me\u2014I am like: \u201cOh! This one will work,\u201d\u2014nothing\u2014\u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry, ma\u2019am.\u201d I am instantly angry and embarrassed, but my anger is directed toward Dave. I come in the house, like: \u201cAre we not paying our bills?! What\u2019s happening?! Do we not have any money?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>And because I am so good with conflict\u2014I <em>knew<\/em> this day was coming\/I knew it was coming\u2014but we never talked about it. She walks in the house. Our boys are real little at the time. I realized our credit cards are maxed\u2014I\u2019m laying in bed, every night, sweating\u2014all because of money issues.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a really important piece of luggage you need to look at. One of the <em>best<\/em> things that happened, because of that Christmas, is we decided to do a thing\u2014I don\u2019t know if you have ever heard of this thing\u2014it\u2019s called a budget. [Laughter] Anyone ever heard of one of those?\u2014it\u2019s called a money plan. We started to do that. That\u2019s the first piece of luggage\u2014it\u2019s the \u201cMoney Bag.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The second one, I think it\u2019s sort of interesting\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is a big one!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014this one is called, \u201cUnresolved issues.\u201d Unresolved issues is something we don\u2019t even realize we are sort of tied to\u2014because these are situations\/relationships in our life that we are plugged into, and we don\u2019t even realize it\u2014things like: unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, past relationships.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think this one is so big because we really\u2014a lot of times, when you\u2019re single or married\u2014you don\u2019t realize how big those issues are. Here\u2019s what we\u2019ve seen happening,\u00a0 and even talking to couples that are struggling\u2014what happens, when you get married, is you have issues and problems with your spouse, not even realizing that it isn\u2019t the spouse that\u2019s causing it. It\u2019s really something that\u2019s plugged into the past.<\/p>\n<p>A lot of times, it\u2019s family issues\u2014things that happened in your home with your parents or your family; a past spouse\u2014maybe you went through a\u00a0 divorce, and you were so hurt and wounded\u2014shame issues; feelings of insecurity, so it\u2019s hard for you to give your heart or to love. Issues with anxiety or depression are, so often, tied to the past. If we don\u2019t get back there\u2014if we don\u2019t prepare ourselves in our ways to go back and deal with that\u2014they will affect the future.<\/p>\n<p>I really thought: \u201cThat stuff\u2019s in the past! Dave Wilson is so awesome\u2014they\u2019re going to disappear and I won\u2019t have to deal with them.\u201d But all that happened was\u2014we started having all this tension, not even understanding that that was <em>huge<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It says here [reading <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>]: \u201cWe go into marriage\u201d\u2014and so many do this\u2014\u201cand we think the marriage will heal my problems; but we find out marriage only <em>reveals<\/em> your problems.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll never forget the day, in my late 20s, when Ann said, \u201cYou need to forgive your dad.\u201d Again, I responded <em>so<\/em> maturely: \u201cWhat are you to tell me I need to forgive my dad? I\u2019ve forgiven my dad; it\u2019s in the <em>past<\/em>\/it\u2019s <em>years ago<\/em>; I\u2019m good!\u201d And she was exactly right.<\/p>\n<p>One of the blessings that I never knew\u2014even at that time about marriage\u2014and it\u2019s, actually, part of God\u2019s purpose for marriage\u2014is He wants to sharpen us, husband and wife, to become like what?\u2014like Christ\/to become like Jesus. Guess how He does that. He\u2019ll use your spouse to sharpen you if you\u2019ll listen to them speak truth.<\/p>\n<p>She was speaking truth to me. I had to forgive my dad\u2014and it\u2019s a long story\u2014but when I forgave my dad, I realized: \u201cI thought I was locking <em>him<\/em> up. I was locking <em>me<\/em> up,\u201d and I couldn\u2019t be the husband and dad my kids deserved, in the present day, because of something, years ago. God, literally, did that!\u2014He cut the cord. It was like, \u201cI\u2019m not going to be bound by that anymore.\u201d I became a man, a husband, a dad. I said to the men here: \u201cI became a man, at 32 years old, the day I set myself free after forgiving my dad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>,<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the third bag\u2014we call this one the \u201cSexual Issues\u2019 Bag.\u201d The old rules of love, sex, and dating\u2014which are really the current cultural rules\u2014say this about sex: \u201cSex is physical. Hook up with whoever\/whatever\u2014one-night stands. It\u2019s in the past; move on from that; it\u2019s not going to really affect you much\u2014it\u2019s in the past. Go for it.\u201d We live in a culture, now, where people hook up before they even start dating: \u201cTake a little test drive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: \u201c<\/strong>See if your compatible.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s always been that way in many ways\u2014it wasn\u2019t any different in the \u201860s and \u201870s\u2014it\u2019s this belief that sex is just purely physical.<\/p>\n<p>Well, here\u2019s the truth: \u201cSex is deeper than just physical. It\u2019s about the soul.\u201d Why is sex so beautiful and wonderful?\u2014because God gave it to us; it is the most intimate thing you\u2019ll ever do with another person. It\u2019s <em>so much deeper<\/em> than just body.<\/p>\n<p>Why are relationships that have sex in them harder when they break up than relationships that don\u2019t?\u2014because it involves the soul, and it\u2019s a gift from God\u2014He created it that way. It\u2019s the most beautiful, intimate thing you ever do. He says, \u201cBecause it\u2019s so fragile, protect this part.\u201d That luggage piece, I think, is weighted heavier than others. It\u2019s <em>that<\/em> critical\u2014that we are so vigilant in how we protect this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think, for Dave and I, that\u2019s probably the hardest one, besides the just past issues. This one was big, because\u2014[pauses] having sexual abuse\u2014it was <em>weighty<\/em> for us. I really thought: \u201cIt happened in the past. I don\u2019t have to think about it. It won\u2019t affect the future.\u201d It affected every day of our marriage, at the beginning.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was 90 percent of the reason why we wanted to end this thing in year one\u2014it was sexual issues. Some of it was Ann\u2019s abuse in the past, which she told me about before marriage. We both thought, \u201cIt\u2019s in the past.\u201d We were just na\u00efve.<\/p>\n<p>We also thought this\u2014I tell you\u2014we grew up around the church. We <em>heard<\/em> from people that said: \u201cHey, don\u2019t have sex before you get married. It doesn\u2019t usually go well.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cYes; they don\u2019t know.\u201d We didn\u2019t really obey that [in] every relationship we were in before we started dating each other.<\/p>\n<p>In our relationship, we decided to be sexually pure. But before that, we weren\u2019t. We thought, \u201cWell, that\u2019s in the past; it will stay in the past.\u201d Guess what?\u2014we\u2019ve said this before\u2014\u201cBut it will not stay in the past. You walk into your bedroom, in marriage, and it\u2019s a crowded bedroom. Everybody you\u2019ve slept with is in that bedroom.\u201d I know it sounds like, \u201cWhat?\u201d It\u2019s a soul deal\u2014it doesn\u2019t just go away.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I thinkour souls were super fragmented\u2014that created worry; and, I think, guilt; comparison; not feeling like I was enough\u2014it was just big! Then I\u2014there was this mistrust\u2014like: \u201cCan I even trust him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; so that\u2019s there.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ll say this: \u201cGod heals!\u201d But it\u2019s almost like this\u2014there\u2019s a fork in the road that says: \u201cOkay; I can do the old rules, which means hook up with anybody,\u201d or \u201cI can do God\u2019s purity.\u201d We\u2019re standing on this fork in the road and we\u2019re saying: \u201cTake that one [purity]. We took this one [promiscuous].\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re looking at us and going: \u201cOh, you\u2019re good! You\u2019re good!\u201d No; we\u2019re like: \u201cYou can\u2019t see what we\u2019ve gone through. You <em>don\u2019t<\/em> want to go through this\u2014take that one!\u201d If there is anything I would change about my past, that would be the thing. Of all the things\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Really?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>No question!! It would be like, \u201cI wish would have listened and chose to do that [purity].\u201d God has healed\u2014and it\u2019s, actually, a beautiful part of our marriage\u2014but it was the hardest part, because we had to walk through so much darkness.<\/p>\n<p>The last bag\u2014this is the \u201cGod Issue Bag\u201d or the \u201cGod Bag.\u201d In other words, decide what you are going to do, spiritually, even before you get married; and if you are married, man, make this the foundation of your life. I actually dug out the Bible that we started our marriage with. It\u2019s taped together\u2014you can see this\u2014I mean, it\u2019s all falling apart. By the way, a Bible that\u2019s falling apart is usually held by a couple that isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh; oh!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you get that?\u2014I just thought of that!<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, it\u2019s like we decided, at Day One, we were going to do our dating relationship and our future marriage God\u2019s way, based on God\u2019s Word. I\u2019m not saying we did it perfectly. We decided: \u201cMan, oh man, if I\u2019m going to go for it\u2014after Christ\u2014I\u2019m going to find a woman that\u2019s going for it as well.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m going to say: \u201cJust run after Jesus!\u201d If you are single\u2014like run after Him and don\u2019t expect somebody\u2014like I feel like I did this for so\u2014we\u2019ve talked about this very thing. If you\u2019re running on the track of life, instead of like pulling someone with you\u2014that\u2019s what I did\u2014the guys weren\u2019t on the track; they were in the bleachers\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>They were losers!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cHey you should run with me towards Jesus!\u201d And like: \u201cThat\u2019s dumb. Why would I want to do that?\u201d I\u2019d be: \u201cNo! It\u2019s great!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Even if I got them on the track\u2014one guy like said, \u201cI want Jesus, but I don\u2019t Him to be a part of <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d So I\u2019m running with this guy. All of a sudden, I see Dave Wilson on the track; and this dude is sprinting hard\u2014and he loves God; he\u2019s trying to make a difference in the world; he\u2019s trying to go for it, spiritually. I remember\u2014like I was dating this guy when I met Dave.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Trust me, she\u2019s dating this guy; and it was like [flat tire sound] ca-chum, ca-chum, ca-chum, trying to bring this guy with her, you know?\u2014I could see that\u2014like: \u201cWhat are you doing with your life?!\u201d\u2014right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And what were you doing?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was doing the same thing!\u2014ca-chum, ca-chum, ca-chum!<\/p>\n<p>Finally, I walk into a dorm room and catch this ca-chum, ca-chum with another guy. It\u2019s like, \u201cMy mom was right; all my friends were right; her past is an indicator of what the future would look like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then, I started dating Ann. Many of you have heard this; but on our first date\u2014she\u2019s 18 years old\u2014I said to her, \u201cWhat are you going to do with your life?\u201d She says, \u201cI\u2019m going to follow Jesus wherever He takes me and impact the world for Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m like: \u201cOkay! That\u2019s the one!\u201d I knew that first day. It\u2019s like, \u201cMan, what would it look like to be in a partnership, and not settle, but marry somebody that\u2019s on the same mission?\u201d\u2014that God has a mission for our marriage. Many of you know this\u2014but on our wedding night, before we crawled in our marriage bed, we got on our knees, at the foot of that bed, and we prayed. Literally, these were the words: \u201cGod we\u2019re not praying for a good marriage; we\u2019re asking You for a great marriage that will, one day, impact the world for the kingdom of God,\u201d and here we are.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; little 19- and 22-years-old!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>All weekend, I\u2019m praying God is answering that prayer that we begged Him on our marriage: I\u2019m saying, \u201c<em>Do not settle<\/em>.\u201d And guys, if you\u2019re going for Christ, \u201c<em>Do not settle<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I would say too: \u201cIf you\u2019re married, God answers and hears those prayers. If you\u2019re married don\u2019t think this: \u2018I\u2019m married; and he\u2019s ca-clunk, ca-clunk, ca-clunk, ca-clunk! I need to get rid of him!\u2019\u201d\u2014no!\u2014no!\u2014that\u2019s not true. You need to be with them\u2014and her and him\u2014and love each other unconditionally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>As we said, in week one, here\u2019s what I would say: \u201cDon\u2019t focus on him,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t focus on her. Focus on who?\u201d Become the person\u2014the person you\u2019re looking for\u2014is looking for. That means: \u201cGet [before] the mirror and say: \u2018God change me. I can\u2019t change them, but You can. God, change them as well; but I\u2019m just going to ask You to change me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sitting here with Ann, thinking: \u201cIf I would have settled and not gone after God\u2019s best for me\u2014I am not married today; I\u2019m not on this stage\u2014my whole legacy\u2014honestly, you know what I am today?\u2014I am my dad. That\u2019s who I am.<\/p>\n<p>Because I decided, \u201cI am not settling for anything but what God is doing in me\/in my partner,\u201d\u2014here we are. It\u2019s a <em>whole<\/em> different legacy.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m going to tell you\/the last thing I\u2019ll say is: \u201cGod can do miracles in you, and today is the start of a new day. It really is!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I would say, \u201cMarriage is <em>awesome<\/em>,\u201d\u2014like it really\u2014for us, it\u2019s been the greatest gift on this planet that we\u2019ve been able to experience.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s my application\u2014you\u2019ll have an application\u2014but I would say: \u201cAll this stuff in your life\u2014you know what Jesus wants? He\u2019s looking at it\u2014He\u2019s saying, \u2018Just let Me have it,\u2019\u2014like, \u2018Just give Me your stuff.\u2019 You can just give Him all of it\u2014just put it at the cross,\u201d\u2014and say: \u201cJesus, here\u2019s all my stuff\u2014all my brokenness, all my past, all my pain, all the things that I\u2019ve done wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He looks at it and goes: \u201cI can do something with that; I can work with that! Wait until you see what I do!\u201d\u2014because He has this way of making miracles out of our messes. He has a way of breaking off chains, and bondage, and depression, and anxiety. He has a way of just renewing us and making us the people that He created us the be. But first, we have to give Him all of our stuff.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here\u2019s how you do that\u2014because here is what happens\u2014couples get married. On their wedding day, they\u2019re sort of doing this\u2014they are like: \u201cWhere do I find life?\u201d Here\u2019s what happens on wedding day: \u201cAhhh! I found her! She\u2019s going to bring life!\u201d \u201cI found him! <a id=\"_Hlk5895521\"><\/a>He\u2019s going to bring life!\u201d\u2014right? And then, it doesn\u2019t happen. So what do they do? They are like: \u201cOh, that wasn\u2019t the right one. I\u2019ve got to go find the right one.\u201d What\u2019s the real problem?\u2014they\u2019re looking in the wrong place.<\/p>\n<p>Here you go! This is vertical marriage, right here. This is horizontal [trying to have needs met by spouse]; this is vertical [having needs met by Christ]. I get life from Christ; she gets life from Christ\u2014so what happens? Now, He\u2019s filling me up so I come back to my marriage and I don\u2019t\u2014I\u2019m not demanding she meet my needs and fill me up\u2014I\u2019m overflowing with what Christ has already given me, because she\/he can never meet it anyway\u2014that\u2019s the whole definition of vertical marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I give her the gospel\u2014the grace that God gave me, I give her. Here\u2019s a great way to think of it: \u201c<a id=\"_Hlk5970274\"><\/a>Do for your spouse what Christ did for you. Do for your spouse what Christ did for you.\u201d It\u2019s not about what they\u2019re doing for you\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t deserve this,\u201d\u2014neither did you! And what did Christ do?\u2014He gave His life for you, so do the same thing! That\u2019s a picture of what a great marriage can look like.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And he <em>still<\/em> loves me.<\/p>\n<p>[Studio]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson talk about the bags we need to unpack before marriage; and then, I mean, honestly, just keep unpacking all the way <em>through<\/em> our marriage; right? It\u2019s not like you get them unpacked and you go, \u201cOh, okay; we don\u2019t need to worry about this anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That would be nice; wouldn\u2019t it? But it seems like there continues to be more.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been at this\u2014how many years?<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Thirty-nine!!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Thirty-nine years!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we\u2019re right there with you\u2014we\u2019ll celebrate 40 years next month. We\u2019re still finding stuff that\u2019s sneaking out of suitcases in our marriage and saying: \u201cOh! This is from our past, but we\u2019ve got to deal with it in the present.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, one of things that I would have never expected, in year one or pre-married days, is how much in love I am with Ann, now, compared to then. I\u2019m more in love with her, 39 years in, than year 1.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s nice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It is. I would never have thought that, six months in\u2014I thought, \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0 never going <em>make<\/em> it three decades with this woman.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But before you got married, you thought, \u201cIt\u2019s impossible to be more in love with her than I am\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And now, 39 years later, you go: \u201cOh, no; it\u2019s possible. It\u2019s a deeper, richer kind of love than we had, back when we were teenagers.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I think the reason is\u2014we\u2019ve unpacked these bags <em>together<\/em>. It\u2019s been <em>really<\/em> difficult, but we fought through it. Like you said, we\u2019re still doing it; but without those heavy, hard pieces of luggage\u2014that we went through together\u2014we wouldn\u2019t be where we are today. It\u2019s worth it; you know?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, even in how you closed in that message, was: \u201cGod is helping you to unpack those.\u201d That\u2019s a key part\u2014that we allow God to come in and do surgery on our hearts. That\u2019s what makes the biggest difference.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking about the tens of thousands of couples who, this year, are going through <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways with us. That\u2019s part of what we do. We help you unpack some of those bags in a gentle way that makes it a little easier for you to deal with some of these issues.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, who\u2019s here with us, David Robbins. David, a lot of couples hear about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway and they think: \u201cWe don\u2019t need to go to that. Our marriage is in good shape.\u201d But the truth is\u2014all of us have got opportunities for growth in marriage; don\u2019t we?<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I just recently heard from three different couples at the same <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. They each kind of represented a place that people come in at.<\/p>\n<p>One was, indeed, told me: \u201cI came in to this weekend, looking for an apartment on the way here; and I\u2019m leaving here, recommitted to my marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Another one was sharing with me, \u201cWe were just kind of called to have courageous conversations we didn\u2019t even know that we needed to have.\u201d She called it \u201ccourageous conversations,\u201d and I just loved it.<\/p>\n<p>Then the third person\/that couple just said, \u201cWe\u2019ve gone to four getaways at each decade of our marriage; and each time, it spoke directly to where we were and gave us space to process the stage of life we were in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is just a great wheel alignment, no matter where you are in your marriage. Your vehicle may be running fine, but this will tune it up. If your vehicle is running a little rough, we can help with some repair work.<\/p>\n<p>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; find out about the Dave and Ann Wilson special\u2014it expires on Monday. So take advantage of 40 percent off the regular registration fee and sign up for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about the getaway. Or you can register by phone. Again, online: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Speaking of <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaways, we\u2019ve got one taking place in Anchorage, Alaska, this weekend. Be sure to pray for the couples who will be at that getaway. For everyone else, we hope you and your family will be able to worship in your local church this weekend. Have a great weekend. And then, join us back on Monday\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about how debt affects your marriage relationship. What happens to the relationship between the two of you when there\u2019s financial pressure? Brian and Cherie Lowe are going to be with us to talk about that. We hope you can be there as well.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304981","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304981"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304981"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304981"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304981"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304981"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304981"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304981"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}