{"id":304958,"date":"2019-04-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-04-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/identity-in-blended-families\/"},"modified":"2019-04-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2019-04-11T15:00:00","slug":"identity-in-blended-families","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/identity-in-blended-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Identity In Blended Families"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Growing up, Dave Bondeson&#8217;s father told him, &#8220;Remember, you&#8217;re a Bondeson and a Christian.&#8221; Dave finds it challenging to translate that into a blended family with a stepdaughter whose last name is not Bondeson.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:18","filesize":"27.75M","filesize_raw":"29096681","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10371,2894],"tags":[6536,2585,6573],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9501,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304958","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting-and-stepparenting","category-stepfamily-living","tag-biblical-identity","tag-blended-family","tag-stepdaughter","cwp_profile-dave-bondeson","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304958\/identity-in-blended-families","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304958\/identity-in-blended-families","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oz7COr4XfC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/identity-in-blended-families\/\">Identity In Blended Families<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/identity-in-blended-families\/embed\/#?secret=oz7COr4XfC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Identity In Blended Families&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oz7COr4XfC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave Bondeson is a stepdad raising a stepdaughter. Over time, he has come to realize that he has to approach a stepdaughter differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think that I am more guarded in my responses with Layla. I know that my authority, especially over the first many years of our relationship, was positional. I knew that I could lose that more quickly if I respond in a manner that is interpreted poorly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Stepparents have a different kind of relationship with their stepchildren than bio-parents have with their bio-kids. We\u2019re going to spend time exploring that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, one of the challenges I think all of us face, when we\u2019re raising our kids, is to try to develop a sense of identity: \u201cWhat does it mean to be in our family? What\u2019s our family identity?\u201d This was big for you guys; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh yes. You know, when I grew up, I had no identity; because our family sort of blew up. I didn\u2019t know what a Wilson was. I have to tell you\u2014when Ann and I got married, we said: \u201cThis is big. We have to create the Wilson identity.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, in my family, this was really big. To be a Barron\u2014when we were growing, it was <em>everything<\/em>. We didn\u2019t talk about Jesus or anything else, but it was being a <em>Barron<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And me, being a little bit competitive\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know, her dad was a baseball coach for me in high school. I\u2019m like, \u201cI have to beat the Barron identity.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m not kidding, Bob; we had song that we taught our kids, when they were little.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We made it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We made it up. We picked them up on Fridays, and we\u2019d do this little party night. Do you want us to sing you the song?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>The Wilson Family<\/em> song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t sung this in years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You ready? It\u2019s our identity song. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s see if Ann can remember. It goes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave\/Ann: <\/strong>[Singing] Party night, party night,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Party night at the Wilson house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019ll be there; we\u2019ll be square,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019ll be wearing our underwear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So that was it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, your identity was built around party and underwear\u2014is that what\u2026?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s it. Is there anything better than that? [Laughter] That\u2019s life\u2014right there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But there were some serious things. You were telling your boys: \u201cTo be a Wilson\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, totally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cmeans these kinds of characteristics\u2026\/these qualities\u2026These are things\u2014this is what it means to be a Wilson\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, even that crazy song was\u2014one of the things we wanted to be \u201ca Wilson\u201d was joy, and fun, and laughter\u2014so there\u2019s that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the real serious stuff was identity; integrity; a big one for us was hard work\u2014that we\u2019d know how to suck it up and get a job done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And faith was big too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Faith was <em>huge<\/em>. The whole time\u2014at least, for me and Ann\u2014we were trying to impart a new legacy. Change the identity of where I came from and [create] a brand-new legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrust me\u2014you know this\u2014it was really hard to establish a Wilson\u2014or anybody\u2019s\u2014identity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and think about it\u2014in an intact family\u2014you mentioned your family blew up. When you have one identity, with a dad who\u2019s in the home, and then a second identity, because now there\u2019s a stepdad in the equation, that makes what\u2019s already hard even more confusing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, you\u2019re bringing multiple identities together; and you\u2019re trying to decide \u201cWho we are,\u201d which is what we\u2019re talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; we\u2019re going to hear a conversation today that\u2019s actually part of a brand-new podcast that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> has developed. It\u2019s called FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, with Ron Deal. Our listeners know Ron\u2014he\u2019s the person who gives leadership to FamilyLife\u2019s blended initiative. I think he\u2019s the top person in the country on the subject of blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So this new podcast is to help people, who are in blended families, or people who know people who are in blended families. If you\u2019re interested in finding out more about FamilyLife Blended or the other podcasts that we\u2019re developing, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check out the FamilyLife podcast network page. All of our podcasts are available there; in fact, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is available as a podcast. If you\u2019d like to get it sent to you regularly, you can search for it in iTunes or Stitcher; or again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check out the FamilyLife podcast network.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn Episode One of his podcast, Ron talks to Dave Bondeson, who is the pastor of Family Ministries at the Woodlands Church in Plover, Wisconsin. He and his wife have four children, ages two to fourteen; they are in a blended family. Ron talks to him, in Episode One, about creating a family identity when you\u2019re in a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast, Episode One]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Your dad said something to you throughout your life. It was a question that affected you, as a father. What was that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it was less of a question\u2014more of a statement that he just said on a very, very regular basis. As I was leaving the home, he would always look at me or my brothers\u2014I had two brothers, growing up\u2014and he consistently said, \u201cDave, remember you\u2019re a Bondeson; and you\u2019re a Christian.\u201d Those are the two things that he would say over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn elementary school, that was a, \u201cOh, Dad\u2019s talking to me; that\u2019s kind of cool,\u201d [Laughter] and then in junior high and high school it was: \u201cOh my goodness, Dad, I\u2019ve heard this a <em>million<\/em> times. What does that even mean?\u2014I\u2019m a Bondeson and a Christian.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as\u2014I think it was when I got into college and I started reflecting on the legacy that my parents left for me and what it means to be, in my context, a Bondeson. What my parents lived out\u2014in terms of the character, and the humility, and the inquisitive nature that they\u2014they\u2019re both scientists\u2014that they would bring to life; but then, coupling that with just this deep-seated trust in who God is and what God has done\u2014the redemptive work of Jesus Christ: \u201cYou are a Christian,\u201d\u2014that just became so foundational for who I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad has since passed away, so he has left a legacy of what it means to be a Bondeson. I still have, to this day\u2014it was almost ten years ago\u2014I still have, to this day, people coming up to me and saying: \u201cThis is what your dad meant to me in my life\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThis is what he taught me in a Sunday school class\u2026\u201d or \u201cThis is what he demonstrated as he led a meeting\u2026\u201d To be a Bondeson\u2014to have that family identity\u2014has been incredibly profound.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was kind of this tension, even growing up, of\u2014I always figured that I would tell my kids, consistently, \u201cYou are a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d so that they got annoyed with it; and then later, they learned the value of it. I\u2019ve had to wrestle with how blended situations changes that and what that looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; so I\u2019m thinking about this journey for you. Obviously, it\u2019s very clear that meant something to you\u2014it took on meaning; it gave you a sense of legacy; it gave you a sense of longevity and generational impact; and \u201cI\u2019m a part of that,\u201d and \u201cI have some responsibility, and maybe some obligation\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I think the responsibility was <em>huge<\/em>. It was <em>identity<\/em>, for me, really. I\u2019m identified with this couple\u2014my mom and my dad\u2014who have lived out these character traits. I\u2019m identified with the body of Christ\u2014that identity has shaped who I am\/how I interact with the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, I think it\u2019s <em>so<\/em> important for us to help our kids shape their identity in a biblical manner. I think one of the helpful ways that I saw modeled in my life was just that repetitive phrasing of: \u201cDave, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a Bondeson and\u2026\u201d\u2014that was a drumbeat that was beat into my life; and then it was exemplified. It wouldn\u2019t have meant the same thing if my parents didn\u2019t live it out, but they did. They gave me that bar, almost: \u201cThis is what this looks like...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I want to come back to that identity thing, because I think that\u2019s really significant. It\u2019s a good observation on your part\u2014that it\u2019s different in blended families\u2014but we still have to get there somehow. Tell us a little bit about your family\u2014set the stage for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; so I\u2019ve been married for eight\/going on nine years. I have one 14-year-old stepdaughter, Layla\u2014she\u2019s beautiful; she\u2019s unbelievable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay; so she\u2019s 14.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She\u2019s 14; and then, I have 3 biological children: Eden is 7; Ebenezer is 4; and then our youngest, Ray, is just about 3\u2014she\u2019ll turn 3 fairly soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can you say to the three biological children, \u201cHey, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve really avoided that. I have started doing that a little bit more with our seven-year-old, as she gets out of the car\u2014send her to second grade: \u201cRemember, Eden, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d because that is <em>her<\/em> identity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think, in a blended context, we can be alienating in the language that we use too. I don\u2019t want to say anything that might make Layla feel like she\u2019s not a part of our family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014so I\u2019ve tried to be really intentional. I\u2019ve had intentional conversations with my wife about how we\u2019re going to navigate this. If Bondeson is going to mean something, we have to make sure that it means something for Layla; because she\u2019s not\u2014she doesn\u2019t have that last name.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Now, that doesn\u2019t mean she isn\u2019t a Bondeson; so that\u2019s a conversation I\u2019ve had with her as well. I\u2019ve tried to use phrases like, \u201cYou\u2019re my daughter and a daughter of the King,\u201d\u2014things that communicate the same idea\u2014\u201cIdentify yourself with us, as your parents\/identify yourself with your heavenly Father.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the core issues that is going on in nearly every blended family is: \u201cWhere do I fit? How do I belong?\u201d It is a question of identity and belonging. You start off with insiders and outsiders\u2014you know, people who are biologically related. Your wife and Layla, for example, are insiders on Day One when you walked in; and you were the outsider.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014to some degree, over time\u2014the gap between insiders and outsiders gets smaller in blended families\u2014for <em>most<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Those are definitely things to navigate. I think that\u2019s been one of the biggest adjustments for <em>me<\/em> in a blended family. I was raised in the most traditional family you could draw up on paper, and I always assumed that would be my context. So, when my family started, and it was not my context\u2014I married a single mom, and we walked into life like that\u2014I had to do a lot of adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s caused me to continue to do a lot of adjustments, even now that we have four; and it is this blended context. I really had to be open-handed about the insider\/outsider feel, and really had to identify and put away a lot of assumptions about what family would always be like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut at the same time, I know that my wife and Layla have a unique relationship that I\u2019m not trying to break into\u2014I\u2019m trying to almost cultivate and encourage. There are times, where it is going to be healthiest for me to say, \u201cThere is something going on there that I need to let happen, and let them get away.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We were talking, earlier, about shaping our kid\u2019s identity, biblically. You know, we\u2019ve talked a lot about the\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re a Bondeson\u201d side of that equation\u2014but not so much about the\u2014\u201cand a Christian.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do we do that?\u2014talk to me about helping to shape our kids and their identity, whether they happen to be biological children or stepchildren.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m a big Deuteronomy 6 guy: \u201cTalk about these things as you walk and as you lie down, as you walk by the way, as you sit in the doorposts of the city,\u201d\u2014this concept of: \u201cWe do disciple-making with our kids in the nooks and crannies of everyday life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that\u2019s really become my MO [method of operation], as a parent\u2014is that we\u2019re eating lunch, and my kids mention something; and suddenly, we\u2019re off on a conversation about some level of the Bible or talking about theology. This happens often! This happens regularly. I\u2019ve realized that is because I\u2019m primed for those conversations\u2014I\u2019m ready for those; I\u2019m hungry for them; I\u2019m <em>looking<\/em> for those opportunities. That\u2019s really shaped how I approach those.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Finding those little moments to just connect faith and life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s what really helps communicate godly values, over time\u2014and with it\u2014a sense of identity; that: \u201cThis is who we are. We are people who live and connect our understanding of God in the world with how we live life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It starts with us! It starts with us being filled with knowledge of what God is doing, and the work that God is doing, and the beauty of the gospel; and it overflows into our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, we talk about parental intentionality as, when we get to a moment, where we have to choose how to respond. We make a decision to respond in a way that\u2019s biblically-focused. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve thought about intentionality more in that: \u201cI\u2019m so filled with the things of God\/I\u2019m so passionate about the things of God that, when I respond, the natural way that I respond\/what is naturally going to come out of me, is biblically-oriented and biblically-directed. The intentionality starts almost even before the response\u2014it starts with what I\u2019m going to fill myself with\u2014not this <em>decision<\/em> that happens in the moment of response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Let\u2019s run this back through the filter of identity for a minute, because\u2014is that easier for you to do with your three biological children than with your stepdaughter? I mean, is there any thought that runs through your mind of, \u201cHey, even though this outflow\/this response is biblically-oriented and -centered\u2014it\u2019s value-centered\u2014I know my relationship with Layla is different than my relationship with the other three.\u201d Does that affect how it comes out of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think that I am more guarded in my responses with Layla.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014a little more cautious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Definitely, a little bit more cautious. I know that my authority, especially over the first many years of our relationship, was positional. I knew I could lose that more quickly if I respond in a manner that is interpreted poorly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, just for our listener\u2014real quick\u2014positional authority is: \u201cYou\u2019re the man of the house\u201d; right? So there\u2019s a position\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m the stepdad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014like a teacher in a kids\u2019 classroom, they have a position that affords them a certain amount of authority; and children, basically, respect that. But, that doesn\u2019t mean they love the teacher; it doesn\u2019t mean that Layla loves <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarly on, you were kind of responding out of positional authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And did that evolve and change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It has; it has. But one of the things that I\u2019ve had to be <em>guarded<\/em> about, I think, is that it\u2019s not my intentions that will determine how <em>she<\/em> interprets my actions. I can have the best intentions; but if <em>her<\/em> interpretation of my actions is negative or really\u2014really, \u201cHe was so <em>mean<\/em> in that context,\u201d\u2014then that\u2019s going to affect our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat doesn\u2019t mean that she gets to steer the ship; that doesn\u2019t mean that her perception of everything is definitional, but I have wanted to be very intentional about making sure that I\u2019m guarding myself to not respond in a way that can be very, very, very negatively interpreted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan I give you an example of a time that <em>really<\/em> went poorly for me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, please.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>This was kind of a low part, maybe, of my stepparenting. [Laughter] We were decorating the Christmas tree. She had begged, and begged, and begged; and finally got her own Christmas tree in her room. She\u2019s decorating that tree\u2014she was probably nine\u2014not in a good mood\/not in a good time\u2014whining a lot, yelling, angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally was <em>fed<\/em> up\u2014I had it. I\u2019m not a guy who responds really, really strongly; I try to reserve that for moments, where I want to make a pretty powerful impact. This has worked out, sometimes. [Laughter] I just said: \u201cYou know what? Fine! If you\u2019re not going to be part of what we\u2019re doing, you can just go to bed.\u201d I pulled her covers back, almost violently, to let her get into bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy intention was to make a bold statement that just said, \u201cYou\u2019re either part of what we\u2019re doing right now or you can be in your room by yourself.\u201d There were a bunch of glass ornaments on her comforter that, when I pulled it back, they shot across the room and hit the wall on the other side\u2014exploded. My intentions were to communicate that \u201cWe want you with us,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s time to go to bed.\u201d What came across was, \u201cGet in line, or you\u2019re going to be in trouble.\u201d It did not go over well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, Ron, I spent <em>months<\/em> recovering, as a stepdad, from that. That hurt our relationship in such a way, in part because it was a side of me that she hadn\u2019t seen, but in part just because of what I communicated through that. It did not go over well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; it spoke to her safety with you, and it damaged it\u2014it sounds like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I know we\u2019ve all done that. I\u2019ve certainly been there\/done that; and listeners, probably, have had those bad moments too. How did you breathe through those <em>months<\/em> of trying to repair, when you knew, \u201cI have really kind of made this difficult\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Two things: one is I intentionally addressed it as often as I could. I certainly made sure that I apologized. I didn\u2019t apologize in the height of her emotional response\u2014that wouldn\u2019t have communicated to her at all. I let her know that I was sorry [at that time], but that wasn\u2019t where I sat down and explained to her, \u201cI made a mistake; I responded the wrong way.\u201d I made sure that she understood that [later].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, outside of that, I went forward with the knowledge that I had damaged our relationship\u2014that I needed to be careful in the conversations that we had, that I needed to realize that that instance was going to be a lens through which she viewed our interactions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Episode One of a new podcast called FamilyLife Blended. It\u2019s a part of the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> podcast network\u2014Ron Deal talking to Dave Bondeson, who his a pastor in Plover, Wisconsin. If you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation, that is Episode One of the new podcast, FamilyLife Blended. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the FamilyLife podcast network link. You\u2019ll find Ron\u2019s new podcast, as well, as other podcasts that we\u2019re creating, here, at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what they were talking about\u2014the whole idea of being intentional about repairing relational damage in a family\u2014that\u2019s something all of us have to deal with in a blended family. The opportunities for that relational damage\u2014it just seems like there\u2019s more opportunity to scar one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; there are so many dynamics going on. I mean, like you said\u2014in a traditional family, there\u2019s conflict; and you have to resolve it\u2014in a blended, you have all kinds of history, now\u2014different personalities, different names\/identity\u2014is what they were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt made me think, you know, what Dave did\u2014going to his stepdaughter to make sure he reconciled this thing\u2014I don\u2019t know if he knew this; but he is, literally, doing something Jesus commanded. It\u2019s one of these verses in the Bible, in Matthew 5, that a lot of preachers don\u2019t want to preach\u2014and I\u2019ve been a preacher\u2014because\u2014I\u2019ll read it to you. Listen to this\u2014He says, \u201cTherefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother [or sister] has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar; first go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what\u2019s always stood out to me about that verse? You\u2019re at the altar, and you remember your brother has something against <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not that you have something against your brother. You remember that they have a problem with you. <em>You<\/em> take the initiative to go fix that, even though it may not even be your issue; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I love about what Dave did\u2014he didn\u2019t wait. He knew there was a problem; and it didn\u2019t even matter if he caused it, or she caused it, or somebody in the family did\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cI have to go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But I love that he kept going, you know, it wasn\u2019t a one-time thing. He kept going back. Sometimes, those hurt feelings\u2014and you may have even forgiven\u2014but you\u2019re still going back to make sure things are okay. He\u2019s continuing that reconciliation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What he modeled for us is one of the hardest things to do. It doesn\u2019t matter who\u2019s wrong: \u201cGo. Go now. Go to reconcile,\u201d\u2014he modeled that for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we just had a chance to hear a portion of Ron\u2019s conversation with Dave Bondeson. If you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation, the podcast is available. You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up to subscribe to Ron\u2019s FamilyLife Blended podcast. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information on our website about the upcoming <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event that\u2019s going to be taking place on Saturday, April 27<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s available to be streamed all around the world; in fact, individuals, and small groups, and churches have already signed up to participate in the livestream event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, is here with us today. You\u2019re a big fan of these events; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>I am. You know, in our 18 months we have been in this role at FamilyLife, Meg and I have had the joy of joining 2 of Ron\u2019s events. I\u2019ve watched, personally, the transformation take place as these couples\u2014who usually aren\u2019t in places where they can have really honest, transparent conversations\u2014are able to be in a room with people just like them, understanding some of the unique challenges and complexities of a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, they\u2019ve come to and have said, \u201cYou know, I often feel marginalized and on the outskirts of a lot of the conversations that happen when it comes to marriage and parenting.\u201d They just thank me that FamilyLife and FamilyLife Blended creates these spaces for these conversations and growth to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We want folks, not to think just about how they can benefit from this upcoming event, but start to think about others around you who could benefit as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 If you are connected to a blended family in any way\u2014or maybe it\u2019s with your church\u2014if you want to gather a group of people together and to watch <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em>, it really would be a powerful thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; you could do it in your living room\/you could do it in a church setting\u2014wherever you can gather a group of people together\u2014or if you want to watch it on your own, you can do that as well. Again, find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind that things like the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> event, the FamilyLife podcast network, this daily radio program, what\u2019s available on our website\u2014all that we do, here, at FamilyLife\u2014all of that happens because of listeners, like you, who have stepped forward and said: \u201cThis matters to our family, and it matters in our community. We want to help provide practical biblical help and hope to married couples\/to moms and dads who are raising the next generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you who have taken the next step with us, as listeners, and become supporters of this ministry\u2014or become Legacy Partners, who give each month\u2014we\u2019re grateful for the partnership we have with you in making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in your community. If you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation\u2014or if you\u2019ve given, from time to time, and you\u2019re thinking today might be a good day to make a donation\u2014we\u2019d love to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This is a tool we created to help share the gospel story with young children. The Resurrection Eggs are our gift to you when you make a donation today of any amount. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thanks for your partnership with us. We look forward to hearing from you, and we hope you enjoy your Resurrection Eggs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about a movie that\u2019s going to be in theaters next week for two showings only. This is exciting; it\u2019s an animated version of the classic story, <em>Pilgrim\u2019s Progress<\/em>. We\u2019ll meet the screenwriter and director tomorrow, along with the producer of the film, and find out more about their plans for <em>Pilgrim\u2019s Progress<\/em>. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:18"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.75M"],"filesize_raw":["29096681"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304958.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304958.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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up, Dave Bondeson's father told him, \"Remember, you're a Bondeson and a Christian.\" Dave finds it challenging to translate that into a blended family with a stepdaughter whose last name is not Bondeson.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave Bondeson is a stepdad raising a stepdaughter. Over time, he has come to realize that he has to approach a stepdaughter differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think that I am more guarded in my responses with Layla. I know that my authority, especially over the first many years of our relationship, was positional. I knew that I could lose that more quickly if I respond in a manner that is interpreted poorly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Stepparents have a different kind of relationship with their stepchildren than bio-parents have with their bio-kids. We\u2019re going to spend time exploring that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, one of the challenges I think all of us face, when we\u2019re raising our kids, is to try to develop a sense of identity: \u201cWhat does it mean to be in our family? What\u2019s our family identity?\u201d This was big for you guys; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh yes. You know, when I grew up, I had no identity; because our family sort of blew up. I didn\u2019t know what a Wilson was. I have to tell you\u2014when Ann and I got married, we said: \u201cThis is big. We have to create the Wilson identity.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, in my family, this was really big. To be a Barron\u2014when we were growing, it was <em>everything<\/em>. We didn\u2019t talk about Jesus or anything else, but it was being a <em>Barron<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And me, being a little bit competitive\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know, her dad was a baseball coach for me in high school. I\u2019m like, \u201cI have to beat the Barron identity.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m not kidding, Bob; we had song that we taught our kids, when they were little.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We made it up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We made it up. We picked them up on Fridays, and we\u2019d do this little party night. Do you want us to sing you the song?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>The Wilson Family<\/em> song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t sung this in years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You ready? It\u2019s our identity song. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s see if Ann can remember. It goes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave\/Ann: <\/strong>[Singing] Party night, party night,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Party night at the Wilson house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019ll be there; we\u2019ll be square,\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019ll be wearing our underwear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So that was it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, your identity was built around party and underwear\u2014is that what\u2026?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s it. Is there anything better than that? [Laughter] That\u2019s life\u2014right there!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But there were some serious things. You were telling your boys: \u201cTo be a Wilson\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, totally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cmeans these kinds of characteristics\u2026\/these qualities\u2026These are things\u2014this is what it means to be a Wilson\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, even that crazy song was\u2014one of the things we wanted to be \u201ca Wilson\u201d was joy, and fun, and laughter\u2014so there\u2019s that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the real serious stuff was identity; integrity; a big one for us was hard work\u2014that we\u2019d know how to suck it up and get a job done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And faith was big too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Faith was <em>huge<\/em>. The whole time\u2014at least, for me and Ann\u2014we were trying to impart a new legacy. Change the identity of where I came from and [create] a brand-new legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrust me\u2014you know this\u2014it was really hard to establish a Wilson\u2014or anybody\u2019s\u2014identity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and think about it\u2014in an intact family\u2014you mentioned your family blew up. When you have one identity, with a dad who\u2019s in the home, and then a second identity, because now there\u2019s a stepdad in the equation, that makes what\u2019s already hard even more confusing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, you\u2019re bringing multiple identities together; and you\u2019re trying to decide \u201cWho we are,\u201d which is what we\u2019re talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; we\u2019re going to hear a conversation today that\u2019s actually part of a brand-new podcast that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> has developed. It\u2019s called FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, with Ron Deal. Our listeners know Ron\u2014he\u2019s the person who gives leadership to FamilyLife\u2019s blended initiative. I think he\u2019s the top person in the country on the subject of blended families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So this new podcast is to help people, who are in blended families, or people who know people who are in blended families. If you\u2019re interested in finding out more about FamilyLife Blended or the other podcasts that we\u2019re developing, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check out the FamilyLife podcast network page. All of our podcasts are available there; in fact, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is available as a podcast. If you\u2019d like to get it sent to you regularly, you can search for it in iTunes or Stitcher; or again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and check out the FamilyLife podcast network.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn Episode One of his podcast, Ron talks to Dave Bondeson, who is the pastor of Family Ministries at the Woodlands Church in Plover, Wisconsin. He and his wife have four children, ages two to fourteen; they are in a blended family. Ron talks to him, in Episode One, about creating a family identity when you\u2019re in a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Podcast, Episode One]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Your dad said something to you throughout your life. It was a question that affected you, as a father. What was that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it was less of a question\u2014more of a statement that he just said on a very, very regular basis. As I was leaving the home, he would always look at me or my brothers\u2014I had two brothers, growing up\u2014and he consistently said, \u201cDave, remember you\u2019re a Bondeson; and you\u2019re a Christian.\u201d Those are the two things that he would say over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn elementary school, that was a, \u201cOh, Dad\u2019s talking to me; that\u2019s kind of cool,\u201d [Laughter] and then in junior high and high school it was: \u201cOh my goodness, Dad, I\u2019ve heard this a <em>million<\/em> times. What does that even mean?\u2014I\u2019m a Bondeson and a Christian.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as\u2014I think it was when I got into college and I started reflecting on the legacy that my parents left for me and what it means to be, in my context, a Bondeson. What my parents lived out\u2014in terms of the character, and the humility, and the inquisitive nature that they\u2014they\u2019re both scientists\u2014that they would bring to life; but then, coupling that with just this deep-seated trust in who God is and what God has done\u2014the redemptive work of Jesus Christ: \u201cYou are a Christian,\u201d\u2014that just became so foundational for who I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad has since passed away, so he has left a legacy of what it means to be a Bondeson. I still have, to this day\u2014it was almost ten years ago\u2014I still have, to this day, people coming up to me and saying: \u201cThis is what your dad meant to me in my life\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Oh, wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThis is what he taught me in a Sunday school class\u2026\u201d or \u201cThis is what he demonstrated as he led a meeting\u2026\u201d To be a Bondeson\u2014to have that family identity\u2014has been incredibly profound.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was kind of this tension, even growing up, of\u2014I always figured that I would tell my kids, consistently, \u201cYou are a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d so that they got annoyed with it; and then later, they learned the value of it. I\u2019ve had to wrestle with how blended situations changes that and what that looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; so I\u2019m thinking about this journey for you. Obviously, it\u2019s very clear that meant something to you\u2014it took on meaning; it gave you a sense of legacy; it gave you a sense of longevity and generational impact; and \u201cI\u2019m a part of that,\u201d and \u201cI have some responsibility, and maybe some obligation\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I think the responsibility was <em>huge<\/em>. It was <em>identity<\/em>, for me, really. I\u2019m identified with this couple\u2014my mom and my dad\u2014who have lived out these character traits. I\u2019m identified with the body of Christ\u2014that identity has shaped who I am\/how I interact with the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, I think it\u2019s <em>so<\/em> important for us to help our kids shape their identity in a biblical manner. I think one of the helpful ways that I saw modeled in my life was just that repetitive phrasing of: \u201cDave, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a Bondeson and\u2026\u201d\u2014that was a drumbeat that was beat into my life; and then it was exemplified. It wouldn\u2019t have meant the same thing if my parents didn\u2019t live it out, but they did. They gave me that bar, almost: \u201cThis is what this looks like...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I want to come back to that identity thing, because I think that\u2019s really significant. It\u2019s a good observation on your part\u2014that it\u2019s different in blended families\u2014but we still have to get there somehow. Tell us a little bit about your family\u2014set the stage for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; so I\u2019ve been married for eight\/going on nine years. I have one 14-year-old stepdaughter, Layla\u2014she\u2019s beautiful; she\u2019s unbelievable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Okay; so she\u2019s 14.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She\u2019s 14; and then, I have 3 biological children: Eden is 7; Ebenezer is 4; and then our youngest, Ray, is just about 3\u2014she\u2019ll turn 3 fairly soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Can you say to the three biological children, \u201cHey, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve really avoided that. I have started doing that a little bit more with our seven-year-old, as she gets out of the car\u2014send her to second grade: \u201cRemember, Eden, you\u2019re a Bondeson and a Christian,\u201d because that is <em>her<\/em> identity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think, in a blended context, we can be alienating in the language that we use too. I don\u2019t want to say anything that might make Layla feel like she\u2019s not a part of our family\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014so I\u2019ve tried to be really intentional. I\u2019ve had intentional conversations with my wife about how we\u2019re going to navigate this. If Bondeson is going to mean something, we have to make sure that it means something for Layla; because she\u2019s not\u2014she doesn\u2019t have that last name.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Now, that doesn\u2019t mean she isn\u2019t a Bondeson; so that\u2019s a conversation I\u2019ve had with her as well. I\u2019ve tried to use phrases like, \u201cYou\u2019re my daughter and a daughter of the King,\u201d\u2014things that communicate the same idea\u2014\u201cIdentify yourself with us, as your parents\/identify yourself with your heavenly Father.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>You know, one of the core issues that is going on in nearly every blended family is: \u201cWhere do I fit? How do I belong?\u201d It is a question of identity and belonging. You start off with insiders and outsiders\u2014you know, people who are biologically related. Your wife and Layla, for example, are insiders on Day One when you walked in; and you were the outsider.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know\u2014to some degree, over time\u2014the gap between insiders and outsiders gets smaller in blended families\u2014for <em>most<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Those are definitely things to navigate. I think that\u2019s been one of the biggest adjustments for <em>me<\/em> in a blended family. I was raised in the most traditional family you could draw up on paper, and I always assumed that would be my context. So, when my family started, and it was not my context\u2014I married a single mom, and we walked into life like that\u2014I had to do a lot of adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s caused me to continue to do a lot of adjustments, even now that we have four; and it is this blended context. I really had to be open-handed about the insider\/outsider feel, and really had to identify and put away a lot of assumptions about what family would always be like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut at the same time, I know that my wife and Layla have a unique relationship that I\u2019m not trying to break into\u2014I\u2019m trying to almost cultivate and encourage. There are times, where it is going to be healthiest for me to say, \u201cThere is something going on there that I need to let happen, and let them get away.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>We were talking, earlier, about shaping our kid\u2019s identity, biblically. You know, we\u2019ve talked a lot about the\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re a Bondeson\u201d side of that equation\u2014but not so much about the\u2014\u201cand a Christian.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do we do that?\u2014talk to me about helping to shape our kids and their identity, whether they happen to be biological children or stepchildren.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m a big Deuteronomy 6 guy: \u201cTalk about these things as you walk and as you lie down, as you walk by the way, as you sit in the doorposts of the city,\u201d\u2014this concept of: \u201cWe do disciple-making with our kids in the nooks and crannies of everyday life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that\u2019s really become my MO [method of operation], as a parent\u2014is that we\u2019re eating lunch, and my kids mention something; and suddenly, we\u2019re off on a conversation about some level of the Bible or talking about theology. This happens often! This happens regularly. I\u2019ve realized that is because I\u2019m primed for those conversations\u2014I\u2019m ready for those; I\u2019m hungry for them; I\u2019m <em>looking<\/em> for those opportunities. That\u2019s really shaped how I approach those.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Finding those little moments to just connect faith and life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>That\u2019s what really helps communicate godly values, over time\u2014and with it\u2014a sense of identity; that: \u201cThis is who we are. We are people who live and connect our understanding of God in the world with how we live life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It starts with us! It starts with us being filled with knowledge of what God is doing, and the work that God is doing, and the beauty of the gospel; and it overflows into our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo often, we talk about parental intentionality as, when we get to a moment, where we have to choose how to respond. We make a decision to respond in a way that\u2019s biblically-focused. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve thought about intentionality more in that: \u201cI\u2019m so filled with the things of God\/I\u2019m so passionate about the things of God that, when I respond, the natural way that I respond\/what is naturally going to come out of me, is biblically-oriented and biblically-directed. The intentionality starts almost even before the response\u2014it starts with what I\u2019m going to fill myself with\u2014not this <em>decision<\/em> that happens in the moment of response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Let\u2019s run this back through the filter of identity for a minute, because\u2014is that easier for you to do with your three biological children than with your stepdaughter? I mean, is there any thought that runs through your mind of, \u201cHey, even though this outflow\/this response is biblically-oriented and -centered\u2014it\u2019s value-centered\u2014I know my relationship with Layla is different than my relationship with the other three.\u201d Does that affect how it comes out of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think that I am more guarded in my responses with Layla.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014a little more cautious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Definitely, a little bit more cautious. I know that my authority, especially over the first many years of our relationship, was positional. I knew I could lose that more quickly if I respond in a manner that is interpreted poorly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>So, just for our listener\u2014real quick\u2014positional authority is: \u201cYou\u2019re the man of the house\u201d; right? So there\u2019s a position\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m the stepdad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014like a teacher in a kids\u2019 classroom, they have a position that affords them a certain amount of authority; and children, basically, respect that. But, that doesn\u2019t mean they love the teacher; it doesn\u2019t mean that Layla loves <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarly on, you were kind of responding out of positional authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>And did that evolve and change?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It has; it has. But one of the things that I\u2019ve had to be <em>guarded<\/em> about, I think, is that it\u2019s not my intentions that will determine how <em>she<\/em> interprets my actions. I can have the best intentions; but if <em>her<\/em> interpretation of my actions is negative or really\u2014really, \u201cHe was so <em>mean<\/em> in that context,\u201d\u2014then that\u2019s going to affect our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat doesn\u2019t mean that she gets to steer the ship; that doesn\u2019t mean that her perception of everything is definitional, but I have wanted to be very intentional about making sure that I\u2019m guarding myself to not respond in a way that can be very, very, very negatively interpreted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan I give you an example of a time that <em>really<\/em> went poorly for me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes, please.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>This was kind of a low part, maybe, of my stepparenting. [Laughter] We were decorating the Christmas tree. She had begged, and begged, and begged; and finally got her own Christmas tree in her room. She\u2019s decorating that tree\u2014she was probably nine\u2014not in a good mood\/not in a good time\u2014whining a lot, yelling, angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally was <em>fed<\/em> up\u2014I had it. I\u2019m not a guy who responds really, really strongly; I try to reserve that for moments, where I want to make a pretty powerful impact. This has worked out, sometimes. [Laughter] I just said: \u201cYou know what? Fine! If you\u2019re not going to be part of what we\u2019re doing, you can just go to bed.\u201d I pulled her covers back, almost violently, to let her get into bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy intention was to make a bold statement that just said, \u201cYou\u2019re either part of what we\u2019re doing right now or you can be in your room by yourself.\u201d There were a bunch of glass ornaments on her comforter that, when I pulled it back, they shot across the room and hit the wall on the other side\u2014exploded. My intentions were to communicate that \u201cWe want you with us,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s time to go to bed.\u201d What came across was, \u201cGet in line, or you\u2019re going to be in trouble.\u201d It did not go over well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, Ron, I spent <em>months<\/em> recovering, as a stepdad, from that. That hurt our relationship in such a way, in part because it was a side of me that she hadn\u2019t seen, but in part just because of what I communicated through that. It did not go over well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes; it spoke to her safety with you, and it damaged it\u2014it sounds like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>I know we\u2019ve all done that. I\u2019ve certainly been there\/done that; and listeners, probably, have had those bad moments too. How did you breathe through those <em>months<\/em> of trying to repair, when you knew, \u201cI have really kind of made this difficult\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Two things: one is I intentionally addressed it as often as I could. I certainly made sure that I apologized. I didn\u2019t apologize in the height of her emotional response\u2014that wouldn\u2019t have communicated to her at all. I let her know that I was sorry [at that time], but that wasn\u2019t where I sat down and explained to her, \u201cI made a mistake; I responded the wrong way.\u201d I made sure that she understood that [later].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, outside of that, I went forward with the knowledge that I had damaged our relationship\u2014that I needed to be careful in the conversations that we had, that I needed to realize that that instance was going to be a lens through which she viewed our interactions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Episode One of a new podcast called FamilyLife Blended. It\u2019s a part of the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> podcast network\u2014Ron Deal talking to Dave Bondeson, who his a pastor in Plover, Wisconsin. If you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation, that is Episode One of the new podcast, FamilyLife Blended. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the FamilyLife podcast network link. You\u2019ll find Ron\u2019s new podcast, as well, as other podcasts that we\u2019re creating, here, at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, what they were talking about\u2014the whole idea of being intentional about repairing relational damage in a family\u2014that\u2019s something all of us have to deal with in a blended family. The opportunities for that relational damage\u2014it just seems like there\u2019s more opportunity to scar one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; there are so many dynamics going on. I mean, like you said\u2014in a traditional family, there\u2019s conflict; and you have to resolve it\u2014in a blended, you have all kinds of history, now\u2014different personalities, different names\/identity\u2014is what they were talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt made me think, you know, what Dave did\u2014going to his stepdaughter to make sure he reconciled this thing\u2014I don\u2019t know if he knew this; but he is, literally, doing something Jesus commanded. It\u2019s one of these verses in the Bible, in Matthew 5, that a lot of preachers don\u2019t want to preach\u2014and I\u2019ve been a preacher\u2014because\u2014I\u2019ll read it to you. Listen to this\u2014He says, \u201cTherefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother [or sister] has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar; first go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what\u2019s always stood out to me about that verse? You\u2019re at the altar, and you remember your brother has something against <em>you<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not that you have something against your brother. You remember that they have a problem with you. <em>You<\/em> take the initiative to go fix that, even though it may not even be your issue; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I love about what Dave did\u2014he didn\u2019t wait. He knew there was a problem; and it didn\u2019t even matter if he caused it, or she caused it, or somebody in the family did\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cI have to go.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But I love that he kept going, you know, it wasn\u2019t a one-time thing. He kept going back. Sometimes, those hurt feelings\u2014and you may have even forgiven\u2014but you\u2019re still going back to make sure things are okay. He\u2019s continuing that reconciliation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What he modeled for us is one of the hardest things to do. It doesn\u2019t matter who\u2019s wrong: \u201cGo. Go now. Go to reconcile,\u201d\u2014he modeled that for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we just had a chance to hear a portion of Ron\u2019s conversation with Dave Bondeson. If you\u2019d like to hear the entire conversation, the podcast is available. You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up to subscribe to Ron\u2019s FamilyLife Blended podcast. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information on our website about the upcoming <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> event that\u2019s going to be taking place on Saturday, April 27<sup>th<\/sup>. It\u2019s available to be streamed all around the world; in fact, individuals, and small groups, and churches have already signed up to participate in the livestream event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, is here with us today. You\u2019re a big fan of these events; aren\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>I am. You know, in our 18 months we have been in this role at FamilyLife, Meg and I have had the joy of joining 2 of Ron\u2019s events. I\u2019ve watched, personally, the transformation take place as these couples\u2014who usually aren\u2019t in places where they can have really honest, transparent conversations\u2014are able to be in a room with people just like them, understanding some of the unique challenges and complexities of a blended family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOften, they\u2019ve come to and have said, \u201cYou know, I often feel marginalized and on the outskirts of a lot of the conversations that happen when it comes to marriage and parenting.\u201d They just thank me that FamilyLife and FamilyLife Blended creates these spaces for these conversations and growth to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We want folks, not to think just about how they can benefit from this upcoming event, but start to think about others around you who could benefit as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes!\u00a0 If you are connected to a blended family in any way\u2014or maybe it\u2019s with your church\u2014if you want to gather a group of people together and to watch <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em>, it really would be a powerful thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; you could do it in your living room\/you could do it in a church setting\u2014wherever you can gather a group of people together\u2014or if you want to watch it on your own, you can do that as well. Again, find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind that things like the <em>Blended and Blessed<\/em> event, the FamilyLife podcast network, this daily radio program, what\u2019s available on our website\u2014all that we do, here, at FamilyLife\u2014all of that happens because of listeners, like you, who have stepped forward and said: \u201cThis matters to our family, and it matters in our community. We want to help provide practical biblical help and hope to married couples\/to moms and dads who are raising the next generation.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you who have taken the next step with us, as listeners, and become supporters of this ministry\u2014or become Legacy Partners, who give each month\u2014we\u2019re grateful for the partnership we have with you in making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible in your community. If you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation\u2014or if you\u2019ve given, from time to time, and you\u2019re thinking today might be a good day to make a donation\u2014we\u2019d love to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a set of Resurrection Eggs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. This is a tool we created to help share the gospel story with young children. The Resurrection Eggs are our gift to you when you make a donation today of any amount. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thanks for your partnership with us. We look forward to hearing from you, and we hope you enjoy your Resurrection Eggs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about a movie that\u2019s going to be in theaters next week for two showings only. This is exciting; it\u2019s an animated version of the classic story, <em>Pilgrim\u2019s Progress<\/em>. We\u2019ll meet the screenwriter and director tomorrow, along with the producer of the film, and find out more about their plans for <em>Pilgrim\u2019s Progress<\/em>. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304958","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304958"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304958"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304958"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304958"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}