{"id":304942,"date":"2019-04-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-04-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth\/"},"modified":"2025-05-16T12:24:26","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T16:24:26","slug":"erring-on-the-side-of-truth","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Erring on the Side of Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Kay Wills Wyma | Series: Not the Boss of Us | We live in a fast-pace culture and our kids often feel the weight of that. Wife and mom, Kay Wills Wyma, talks about the stress our kids often feel to achieve and how achievement doesn&#8217;t have to be the boss of them when they know who they are and whose they are in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wife and mom, Kay Wills Wyma, talks about the stress our kids often feel to achieve and how achievement doesn&#8217;t have to be the boss of them when they know who they are and whose they are in Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:37","filesize":"25.28M","filesize_raw":"26508232","date_recorded":"2019-04-05 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2853,2838],"tags":[4007,6560,6559,6558,2607,6568],"podcast_series":[8263],"cwp_profile":[9785],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304942","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","tag-busyness","tag-cant-do-it-all","tag-fulfilled-life","tag-overwhelmed","tag-stress","tag-teaching-your-kids-who-they-are-in-christ","podcast_series-not-the-boss-of-us","cwp_profile-kay-wyma","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304942\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304942\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Go4IdgFE2I\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth\/\">Erring on the Side of Truth<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/erring-on-the-side-of-truth\/embed\/#?secret=Go4IdgFE2I\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Erring on the Side of Truth&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Go4IdgFE2I\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Wife and mom, Kay Wills Wyma, talks about the stress our kids often feel to achieve and how achievement doesn't have to be the boss of them when they know who they are and whose they are in Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-04-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>All of us feel this, at some point in time, like: \u201cLife is way too busy,\u201d \u201cThings are moving way too fast,\u201d \u201cThings are out of control.\u201d Kay Wyma knows how you feel.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u201cYou don\u2019t have to be good at math, English, history\u2014on the varsity team. You don\u2019t have to be all of it\u201d; you know?\u2014even though we\u2019ve been given those messages that you <em>do<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Even women\u2014you know, it was when I first had children\u2014and it was this message: \u201cYou can\u2026\u201d \u201cYou can do it all!\u201d\u2014that is the message. The part of the message that gets left to the side a little bit is that you can\u2019t really do it all well at the time.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. If life is moving at a pace for you, where you\u2019re saying, \u201cI got to call a time-out, or something is going to give,\u201d\u2014spend a few minutes with us today. We\u2019re going to talk about that.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I remember when my kids were in high school and, then, in college\u2014and their schedule would get tight\u2014because maybe they were in the school play, or there was something going on\u2014they had a big paper coming due. There was just a lot in their schedule. They would get overwhelmed by that. I would think to myself: \u201cThis is the time of your life when you will have the <em>least<\/em> amount of responsibility ever! If this is overwhelming you, you are not going to be able to function in the <em>real world<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>And I do think there is some calibration\u2014and I think, \u201cWhen you look at peoples\u2019 lives, there is some relativity here,\u201d\u2014but our kids can easily get overwhelmed by all that they feel the pressure to achieve, especially in our day. I think the kids today feel more pressure than we did, when we were in school, to have to do it all\/be it all\u2014get the scholarship, perform well, and have your resume all buttoned up so you can get into college and maybe get a scholarship.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s so interesting; because when our kids were in high school, once in a while, I would pull them out of school for their birthday\u2014some people won\u2019t agree with that. I remember our youngest son was in high school, and\u00a0 I think he was a junior. I said: \u201cHey, today\u2019s your birthday. Let\u2019s skip school, and lets just go <em>celebrate<\/em>. We\u2019ll go out to lunch; we\u2019ll go shopping.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He goes: \u201cMom, I can\u2019t do that. I\u2019ve got homework, I\u2019ve got practice, I need to get an \u2018A\u2019 on this next test,\u201d\u2014he felt the pressure. I\u2019m like, \u201cDude, <em>Chill<\/em>!\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cIt\u2019s not that big of a deal\u201d; but they <em>feel<\/em> it\u2014so much so that he would never, ever take a day off.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>And the scary thing is\u2014like you said, Bob\u2014it\u2019s like they\u2019re teenagers. You think: \u201cIf this is the easiest time of their life\u2014and yet, I\u2019m the guy driving the car with them, pounding the dashboard out of being overwhelmed because I\u2019m late, and I\u2019m trying to get them somewhere,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ve got this practice\u2026\u201d \u201c\u2026going to this musical thing, and I\u2019m overwhelmed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait; were you driving them there? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I drove once! It\u2019s the one time I did drive. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>No; you did drive.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the reality\u2014we live in a face-paced culture. There\u2019s a lot of pressure on us\/a lot of pressure on our kids that wasn\u2019t there before. You throw in social media; you throw in smartphones\u2014and all of a sudden\u2014now, the competition level has increased. Kids are feeling this more than ever.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve got a friend, who\u2019s joining us again, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to help us talk about this. Kay Wyma is back. Welcome, Kay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nice to have you here. Kay\u2019s a wife and mom, who in Dallas; she\u2019s\u00a0 got five kids. She\u2019s an author and a blogger. This is her third book, which is called <em>Not the Boss of Us.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Bob, I want to hear her say it again\u2014she says it so well. [Laughter] Go ahead; shout it for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>As I shout to my kids: \u201cThis stuff is not the boss of you!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>There you go!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>And it isn\u2019t the boss of us! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are challenging all of us, as moms and dads\u2014but also, as we raise our kids\u2014to figure out how to deal with the overwhelming pressures that this society throws our way and not become submerged by it\/not drown in the middle of it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s scary, because you see stats that take your breath away. You see stats that suicide is the number-three killer now between, I think, kids: ages 12 to 24. That\u2019s\u2014I mean, seriously?! That takes your breath away\u2014and those of the incidents that make their way to a hospital to be counted. You know, that doesn\u2019t come with the stuff that\u2019s so quiet.<\/p>\n<p>You have all kinds of unknowns that freak parents out that do involve the phone. You\u2019ll put parental controls on stuff, but the truth of the matter is they\u2019re looking at the phone next to them; so you really got to equip kids to be able to navigate it\u2014you know, standing on their own two feet\u2014because these things are bombarding them. We call them stress bombs.<\/p>\n<p>Even in our house\u2014because no matter how hard we try to say: \u201cThis is who you are,\u201d \u201cThis is Who\u2019s you are,\u201d\u2014the bombs are still hitting them. It comes in the form of very well-meaning educators, college counselors, friends\u2014so many people that just want you to be okay; but \u201cIn order for you to be okay, you have to do this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It starts when they are young, and they feel it. I hate to say\u2014I think that they feel <em>exceedingly<\/em> more pressure than we <em>ever<\/em> did\u2014ever. I sit there, and I look at them\u2014I can\u2019t wait for them to get a job\u2014because I\u2019m <em>sick<\/em> of this stuff. It\u2019s like they can, literally, get up at six a.m. and got to bed at midnight and not finish everything they have to do\u2014it\u2019s <em>ridiculous<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We wanted our kids to achieve. They\u2019re going to high school\u2014we wanted them to get good grades; we wanted them to be in extra-curricular activities; we wanted them to work hard\/do their best. This is a part of how you grow up and become an adult. So how do you instill, in your kids, a sense of responsibility\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; what\u2019s the balance?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Okay; the operative word that you said, first, is: \u201c<em>their best<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s the first place to start. When you have <em>the best<\/em>\u2014with something defining what best is\u2014that takes it from being the person to an object, and we talked about that last time.<\/p>\n<p>You have that messaging for these kids that comes in the form of resumes, which\u2014it\u2019s hilarious! The things of this world\u2014the culture, the stress, and that kind of stuff that isn\u2019t true\u2014it will change. For the resume of a high school student\u2014if it\u2019s ten pages\u2014\u201cHappy Day! Woo-Hoo! You\u2019re doing it, because you have a ten-page resume!\u201d Now, flip\u2014you know, fast forward four years\u2014and the resume is one page. Really and truly, is that resume going to define our worth? It\u2019s like, \u201cDon\u2019t do it!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Part of it is calling these things out and saying: \u201cThey exist\u2014you are in the world\u2014grades are a part\/GPA is something\u2014there are numbers and grades that are going to be associated with you, along the ride, because it\u2019s the way it is; okay? But those <em>things<\/em> do not define your <em>worth<\/em> or your <em>identity<\/em>, and let\u2019s keep talking about that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard! When society is pushing kids as a product, it pushes process to the side.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Explain what you mean.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>A product is something that\u2019s on a resume\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cThis is what you get,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou achieve this; you get that.\u201d Well, a human being isn\u2019t a product; a human being is a <em>person<\/em>\u2014and processes involved in people\u2014and along the way with process, is failure. You know, you learn from failure. We are so scared of it; we can\u2019t even do it. In the whole game of it, keep saying: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be good at math, English, history\u2014on the varsity team. You don\u2019t have to be all of it\u201d; you know?\u2014even though we\u2019ve been given those messages that you <em>do<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Even women\u2014you know, it was when I first had children\u2014it was new, relatively-speaking, for women to work and have kids. They were trying to figure that out, like job-sharing\u2014there\u2019s all kinds of stuff that\u2019s not around anymore. It was this message: \u201cYou can do it all!\u201d That <em>is<\/em> the message.<\/p>\n<p>The part of the message that gets left to the side a little bit is that you can\u2019t really do it all well at the time; you? [Laughter] Just season it with a little bit of truth and then start to breathe. In order for our kids to start to breathe, we\u2019ve got to put the oxygen mask on ourselves, first, and actually <em>believe<\/em> it. Believe that these children are God\u2019s\u2014that woven within every one of them is unique gifting and purpose\u2014that it\u2019s <em>theirs<\/em>\u2014like it\u2019s <em>theirs<\/em>. It\u2019s a gifting that they are born with\u2014it\u2019s the thing that they do that makes them happy.<\/p>\n<p>By the way, you\u2019ve got it too; you know? Can we celebrate the purpose and gifting just for a second?\u2014and then, let the rest play out? If you really sink into it, and buy into the truth, it dials down the volume of these pressures that are pervasive in culture and society.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave, we\u2019ve talked about this before. You were a D-1 college quarterback; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Are you going to bring that up again, Bob?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought I would. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m loving this guy!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s your happy day!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had three boys, who all played football. I\u2019m guessing that you wanted your boys to excel at football.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I did. But it was really interesting\u2014the girl sitting over there, my wife\u2014and she already told you, in our last conversation, why\u2014she grew up in a performance base. That little Olympic gymnastic medal thing defined her in many ways. She brought that pressure to our marriage and\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014to our kids!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and to our kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>When the boys were playing football, you\u2019re the one who\u2019s pressing them?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Dave\u2014I feel like he is very secure in who he is and in his identity. He has this freedom; and I always felt this freedom <em>from<\/em> him\u2014just be who you are\u2014and he would give that to our kids. I, however, carried way more baggage. Our kids would be doing things\u2014and I was a PE major; so I\u2019d be like this coach, too\u2014like: \u201cCome on! We\u2019ve got to work harder!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m coaching; and I can hear her in the stands, yelling, \u201cCome on!\u201d I remember, one time, I was coaching my oldest son\u2014how old was CJ then?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Like seven?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Seven\u2014basketball. By the way, why are they playing in leagues at this age anyway?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014at age seven. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I <em>never<\/em> did at that age, you know?\u2014but we live in this culture\u2014three years old!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I know\u2014of pressure! What is three years old?\u2014that\u2019s when it starts.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes!! \u201cYou don\u2019t get them in, they\u2019re going to fall behind,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ve heard it all.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019ve felt that pressure!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I love what you just said though, because it is exactly that: \u201cIf you don\u2019t get them in, then they are going to fall behind,\u201d \u201cIf they aren\u2019t in this, they won\u2019t have a seat at the cafeteria table,\u201d or \u201c\u2026someone to play with on the playground in elementary school.\u201d And it keeps going <em>up<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Are you going to solve the problem by putting him on the team because \u201cThat solves the problem!\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, I feed the problem! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right! Okay; that\u2019s what\u2019s <em>so<\/em> fascinating\u2014I\u2019m so glad you said that, because it is like: \u201cLet\u2019s call it out,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one of the first things to do. When you start to feel the overwhelmed stuff, call it out\u2014like say it, out loud: \u201cOkay; there\u2019s an issue here.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When my kids were little, people would go and sign up at the Mothers\u2019 Day Out\u2014literally, get up at three in the morning to get into the \u201cright Mother\u2019s Day Out\u201d; because, \u201cIf you didn\u2019t, then they wouldn\u2019t have any friends\u201d and \u201cThen, they\u2019re going to be with the Goth group,\u201d and \u201cThen there isn\u2019t a college with that for everybody\u201d; you know?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and their sports teams!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s like\u2014and you know, they\u2019re six months old; and like you\u2019re already hitting college; you know?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Unbelievable.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s like ridiculous! So you call it out and \u201cSomething is not right here,\u201d\u2014and just <em>say<\/em> it.<\/p>\n<p>The truth of the matter is: \u201cIf you\u2019re bold enough to say it, you might get another wonderful aspect of life; and that is together. You say it to the person next to you; and it\u2019s like, \u201cHold on, a second; you feel that way too?\u201d \u201cYes!\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s work with each other and <em>not <\/em>do that. We\u2019re going to call out the truth; alright?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This idea of group mentality is big that fuels that: \u201cThey\u2019ve got to be on a team, or they\u2019re not going to have friends.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>As moms, we\u2019re well-meaning because\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong><em>Everyone<\/em> is well-meaning.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; exactly. And we think, \u201cIf they are not on that team, then they\u2019re not going to be very good,\u201d\u2014and then it forwards to\u2014\u201cWhat if they\u2019re bullied, then, because they\u2019re not good enough in sports?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>A little reality-check thrown into the middle of this. You got kids in high school, and they\u2019re going to take the PSAT. How they do on the PSAT\u2014we\u2019re talking real dollars\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right;right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014in their pocket\/your pocket\u2014we\u2019re talking tuition money\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014based on this. You\u2019ve got the decision: \u201cDo we get them up at six-thirty for that pre-PSAT study thing?\u201d or they go, \u201cWell, they\u2019re just too overwhelmed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t care if they\u2019re overwhelmed, we are talking <em>thousands<\/em> of dollars in how they do on that test.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Then, you certainly go to your priorities\u2014what your priorities are. If the schedule is too much and it is overwhelming\u2014and your priority is that PSAT\u2014then something comes off the schedule; okay?<\/p>\n<p>With all these things, it\u2019ll be like, [whining voice] \u201cWell, it\u2019s just not fair\u2026\u201d You just keep hitting home: \u201cBy the way, this stuff does not define you,\u201d \u201cBy the way, today it\u2019s the PSAT. It\u2019s a number; and if you do your best\u2014I don\u2019t care\u2014because whatever the number is\u2014is a number. You are <em>not <\/em>a number. But we live in a world that does. That\u2019s going to be a parameter that\u2019s going to allow you to do some things and not to do others.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And <em>then<\/em> it goes away from\u2014one of the chapters, \u201cDon\u2019t Be Overwhelmed by \u2018Formulaic Right Ways\u2019\u201d\u2014because the \u201cformulaic right way\u201d would say, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll get a certain grade on the PSAT, and then I get scholarship\u2026blah, blah, blah.\u201d Even in our world\u2014we have five children, Bob\u2014and I\u2019m just saying: \u201cThe college tuition thing\u2014I don\u2019t care how much\u00a0 scholarship you have, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> enough\u201d; you know? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Anyway, there are a lot of creative ways to do that. What\u2019s so cool is that we have encouraged our kids to go to community college. And in that\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that, because it\u2019s not like everybody else.\u201d But in every single time that we\u2019ve pushed them into something that may not be like just the \u201cformulaic right way,\u201d it actually gives them solid ground; because we get to talk through these things\u2014that: \u201cIt may not feel right,\u201d or \u201cIt doesn\u2019t look right.\u201d Then, we go: \u201cWhat doesn\u2019t look right? Let\u2019s add just common sense. There\u2019s nothing\u2014if you were in the store, and you had a Coke<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> that cost $5 dollars and the same product that cost 50 cents, you would buy the 50 cent one!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It goes to the whole thing: \u201cThis stuff isn\u2019t the boss of you.\u201d Today, it\u2019s a PSAT; tomorrow, it\u2019s going to be Wall Street versus whatever. I don\u2019t know what world that every person is living in, but it\u2019s going to be the same game, everywhere you are.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>How has this worked for you? You said you have five kids. Does it work? How has it worked for your own kids?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Can you give us an example of a conversation you\u2019ve had with one of your kids over something?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes; as in yesterday\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014I mean, it\u2019s daily, which I think can get a little exhausting, too; but the truth of the matter is\u2014I get to hear it. I\u2019m convinced I must be the one that\u2019s needing to hear all this, because I say it so often.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> What happened yesterday?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yesterday, it involved the grades, again; because I have a senior in high school, who\u2019s about to embark on whatever her next step is\u2014she\u2019s feeling a lot of pressure. Again, I had to say to her: \u201cIt\u2019s not these things that define you. Your grades are your grades. It\u2019s going to be okay,\u201d\u2014is what I kept saying to her\u2014\u201cYou know what? Any choice is going to be fine. It\u2019s a <em>choice<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s simply a choice. Whatever you choose, it\u2019s going to be okay. And if it really isn\u2019t okay, guess what? You can back up and start again. You\u2019re alright. And let me remind you of why you are alright, because of Who\u2019s you are.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then I start going down the list of \u201cWho I Know Her to Be\u201d: \u201cYou are kind\u2014I <em>watched<\/em> you\u2014I watched what you did with your brother, yesterday, when you carried his backpack. I watched you fight for a friend,\u201d\u2014because she\u2019s the one who lost a friend, when overwhelmed, made this young girl think that the world would be better without her. I watch my daughter <em>fight<\/em> for those girls, walking alongside: \u201cThat grade doesn\u2019t define you,\u201d\u2014 I\u2019ve heard her say it over, and over, and over to <em>her<\/em> friends, who have bought into it.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t think it\u2019s real\u2014a teenager is saying it\u2014it\u2019s the lifeline for the teenager. Some of these kids know the Lord and some don\u2019t, but it doesn\u2019t change the fact that a grade doesn\u2019t define them; okay? There worth is not that. And then she, specifically, will call out things that she sees: \u201cI love your sense of humor.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She had a friend, who played sports with her, that felt like\u2014in order to be okay, she had to be drinking and loose with boys. And to watch this kid [Kay\u2019s daughter] fight for that young lady\u2014it was <em>beautiful<\/em>\u2014to be able to say to her: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to do that. You can\u2014and I\u2019m not going to stop liking you\u2014but you don\u2019t <em>have<\/em> to do that. You have <em>so much<\/em> more worth than that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Kay, you are speaking life to your kids. As I listen to you, I picture you taking all these backpacks of pressure off your kids\u2014of saying: \u201cYou are enough,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay:<\/strong> I love that you said, \u201cYou\u2019re enough,\u201d because that heads straight to Scripture. <em>You bet<\/em>, you\u2019re enough; and your beyond enough, because of Who says it!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I love that you\u2019re giving your kids strength and a gift, every single day; and it probably feels wearisome, at times. Every day, you\u2019re giving them this ammunition to walk out into the world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Have you ever heard this line? Tell me\u2014if anyone can tell me where this comes from: \u201cI keep fighting voices in my mind that say I\u2019m not enough, every single lie that tells me I will never measure up. Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know\u2014[singing] ooh oh.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>And you sing?\u2014and you sing too? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>You recognize this song? Whatever\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>He\u2019s kind of <em>amazing<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Come on! Do you recognize it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>He\u2019s a Renaissance man.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t!\u2014no; what\u2019s the song?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>This is\u2014last year\u2014Lauren Daigle released this\u2014<em>You Say<\/em>; and it blew up around the world\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Oh, yes! That\u2019s exactly right; yep.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014why?\u2014because it\u2019s identity.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It blew up across markets.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave\/Ann: <\/strong>Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014into the secular world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Across markets, she was one of the best-selling things ever to come out of a Christian market. It\u2019s like: \u201cYou say I am loved when I can\u2019t feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You say I am held when I am falling short. When I don\u2019t belong, oh, You say I that I am Yours.\u201d Then she adds, \u201cAnd I believe\u2026\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the question: \u201cDo we believe it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>And here\u2019s the beautiful part\u2014is that we don\u2019t even have to put that on ourselves either. I love, in Scripture, how the gentleman came to Christ when he wanted his daughter to be healed. He said, \u201cHelp me in my unbelief\u201d; and the Lord didn\u2019t turn around and go: \u201cGood luck with that,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cCome back to Me when you\u2019ve got it,\u201d\u2014He <em>never<\/em> says that; it\u2019s so beautiful. He says: \u201cI clothe you in righteousness,\u201d \u201cI make you strong.\u201d All through the Psalms\u2014\u201c\u2026in His steadfast love,\u201d\u2014steadfast\u2014it doesn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s <em>crazy<\/em>! Do you get Who\u2019s you are, and do you get how much He loves you? And He loves you\u2014 like He\u2019s running after <em>you<\/em>\u2014He finds <em>you<\/em>; and you\u2019re safe, and He\u2019s safe. That\u2019s what I love about Scripture\u2014is that you see Him saying these things about Himself. You see everything He says come true\u2014it does! Then, you see other people leaving testimony about these things\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cWow!\u201d And then, it puts fuel in your tank\u2014like: \u201cI can breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the cool part after that\u2014you might be able to see the person next to you, because you\u2019re not so focused on yourself anymore.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! That, right there, makes me want to run to Jesus; because <em>He\u2019s<\/em> the One that speaks life over us. I don\u2019t go to Him because \u201cI need to put my time in now,\u201d\u2014I used to do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Me too! I hated it. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Now, it\u2019s like, \u201cGod, I <em>need<\/em> You.\u201d [Speaking to Kay] Me too! It\u2019s like, \u201cI have to check that off my list.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It was so depressing.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Now, it\u2019s like: \u201cOh, God, I\u2019m living in this world of being overwhelmed of hearing these lies in my head that I\u2019m not enough\/that I\u2019m failing. Who do You say that I am again?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And I look at Him, and He\u2019s <em>always<\/em> speaking life and hope over us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I\u2019ll add this\u2014I can tell, looking at the two of you\u2014you are two moms\u2014I think this is <em>so<\/em> critical, and it needs to be true for us dads too\u2014right, Bob?\u2014but you are two moms, who speak this life and identity into your kids. I\u2018ve watched Ann do it; I\u2019m hearing you, Kay. It\u2019s like: \u201cOh my gosh. How critical is that?\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cfor the home and the parents\u2014be a place where the child comes home and that\u2019s where he finds real, <em>true<\/em> identity.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; home becomes a haven.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It does.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>He\u2019s not going to hear it [elsewhere]; yes\u2014he\u2019s running home to get that from <em>us<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You may think, looking at your kids, \u201cI don\u2019t think they\u2019re overwhelmed.\u201d You probably just aren\u2019t paying enough attention. So go to your kids, even if they are not overwhelmed, and say, \u201cDo you know what Jesus says is true about you?\u201d Remind them where their identity is, and what makes them valuable, and what makes them special.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s at the heart of this book. It will transform a kid and give them a sense of peace, and security, and safety, and belonging, and give them a foundation they can stand on. When the world comes and tries to buffet them, they go: \u201cNo! You\u2019re not the boss of me!\u201d\u2014right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re not the boss of us!\u201d And that\u2019s the title of the book Kay\u2019s written.<\/p>\n<p>Kay, thank you for coming and talking with us. You\u2019re passionate about it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I am!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re really passionate about this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Because I really care about kids, and I don\u2019t like this stuff.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well if you\u2019re feeling overwhelmed, let me add one more thing to your to-do list; and that is, get a copy of <em>Not the Boss of Us<\/em>. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you, Bob. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And add this on that pile of books that are sitting on your nightstand that you still haven\u2019t gotten to. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It\u2019s funny!\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Put this at the top of\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s the good, the bad, and the ugly. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Put this at the top of the list and work your way through it. We\u2019ve got it in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We want you to be praying for three events that are taking place this weekend in Newport, Rhode Island; in Omaha, Nebraska; and here in Little Rock, Arkansas. We\u2019ve got <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways taking place\u2014hundreds of couples, who are going to be gathering for the weekend, to hear more about God\u2019s design for marriage. Please keep those couples and those events in your prayers.<\/p>\n<p>Thanks to those of you who make these kinds of events and this daily radio program possible with your support. We couldn\u2019t do what we do if it weren\u2019t for folks, like you, saying, \u201cThis really matters.\u201d It matters enough that [you] will make either an occasional donation or\u2014those of you, who are Legacy Partners\u2014supporting us each month. We\u2019re so grateful for that support and grateful for your partnership with us.<\/p>\n<p>If you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s book, <em>Vertical Marriage, <\/em>as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d Ask for the book when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Well, it\u2019s been good for us, this week, to spend a little time thinking about our priorities, and the things that drive us, and whether those are healthy things. The President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, is with us today with some thoughts about that. David\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; one of the themes that I really appreciate\u2014that I heard from Kay over and over again today\u2014was to simply stop and regularly get perspective. Step back and think about what you\u2019re doing and being drawn into rather than just jumping in without thinking. It\u2019s the power of a pause: Pressing \u201cpause\u201d isn\u2019t wasting time; pressing \u201cpause\u201d isn\u2019t putting dreams aside and putting them away; and pressing, \u201cpause\u201d isn\u2019t running from the great purpose God has for us and for our kids.<\/p>\n<p>The ways of Jesus are often counterintuitive; perspective and principles that are from the Kingdom of God, sometimes, simply are not natural for us. But they are essential to being all God calls us to be and do and all that Christ invites us into. In the pause, the Holy Spirit whispers redemptive words and invites us into a bigger story than ourselves\u2014one where Jesus is the protagonist in the story\u2014<em>not<\/em> us and <em>not<\/em> our kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s the principle of focusing on the important and not being driven by the urgent; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>David: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s good. Thank you.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our listeners for joining us today. I hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about the ongoing conversation we need to be having, as parents, with our kids about sexuality: \u201cWhen do we start that? How do we have that conversation regularly?\u201d Jessica Thompson and her brother, Joel Fitzpatrick, will be here. We hope you can be with us as well.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304942","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304942"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304942"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304942"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304942"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304942"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304942"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304942"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}