{"id":304788,"date":"2017-12-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-12-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-is-patient\/"},"modified":"2017-12-01T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T17:00:00","slug":"love-is-patient","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-patient\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is Patient"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lou Priolo, biblical counselor and author of &#8220;Resolving Conflict,&#8221; reminds us that when facing conflict, nothing is more important than patience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-12-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:30","filesize":"25.17M","filesize_raw":"26394669","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2908,2821],"tags":[2918,4543,4268,4180,6361],"podcast_series":[8251],"cwp_profile":[3226],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304788","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-forgiveness","category-reaching-out","tag-conflict","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-patience","tag-peace","tag-waiting-on-the-lord","podcast_series-resolving-conflict","cwp_profile-lou-priolo","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304788\/love-is-patient","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304788\/love-is-patient","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"EmEJ04Xxuq\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-patient\/\">Love Is Patient<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-patient\/embed\/#?secret=EmEJ04Xxuq\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Is Patient&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"EmEJ04Xxuq\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Lou Priolo, biblical counselor and author of \"Resolving Conflict,\" reminds us that when facing conflict, nothing is more important than patience.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-12-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When someone has wronged you and you hold on to a grudge \/ you hang on to bitterness, you\u2019re not doing yourself any favors. Here\u2019s Lou Priolo.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> When you do not forgive someone of their offenses\u2014but instead you replay the offense over and over again in your mind: \u201cI can\u2019t believe he did that! What\u2019s the matter with him? How would he like if somebody did that to him? You know what? I think I\u2019m going to give him a taste of his own medicine! I\u2019m going to show him what it\u2019s like to be offended that way!\u201d The more you replay that in your mind, over and over again\u2014the Bible likens bitterness to a root\u2014the deeper and hairier and uglier that root becomes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, December 1<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. If you\u2019re hanging on to unforgiveness \/ if there\u2019s a root of bitterness growing in your heart, what do you do about it? We\u2019ll spend time talking about that today with Lou Priolo. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I had to come up here to the office over the weekend recently; and when I got here, I recognized that I had forgotten one important thing; and that is\u2014that if you want to get into the office, you kind of need your badge to be able to activate and get in. So I had to turn back around\u2014go back and get my badge so that I could get into the office. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason I mention that is because it just reinforces a principle\u2014you set out to do something, you should stop and ask the question, \u201cHave I done what\u2019s necessary in advance to complete the assignment that I\u2019m setting out to do?\u201d When it comes to resolving conflict, there are some prerequisites there \/ there are some <em>badges<\/em> you better have with you before you try to walk in the door to resolve the conflict; or it\u2019s not going to go well for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This has application to single people, in their relationships, and how they resolve conflict between one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also has plenty of application\u2014as we\u2019ve been talking about this week\u2014to married folks, whether newly married or all the way to the finish line for couples. I also want to highlight one other group that we haven\u2019t talked about much this week\u2014it\u2019s parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want parents to know this subject of resolving conflict is one of the most important issues that you can train your sons and your daughters in as they look to their future of relationships with friends and, some day, with a spouse. Hear me when I say this\u2014this topic doesn\u2019t just apply to married folks in a relationship\u2014but to singles and to parents, who are training the next generation to know how to resolve conflict, biblically and practically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, in fact, I remember hearing somebody say, one time on the radio\u2014they said: \u201cThere is one skill in a marriage relationship that is <em>the<\/em> most important skill to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIf you don\u2019t have this skill, it will not go well for you in marriage.\u201d I remember listening and thinking, \u201cSince I spend a lot of time talking about marriage and family, I ought to know what that skill is.\u201d When the person said, \u201cThe skill is resolving conflict,\u201d I thought, \u201cWell, that makes perfect sense,\u201d because if you can resolve conflict, you can live at peace. If you can\u2019t resolve conflict, you won\u2019t live at peace\u2014<em>nothing<\/em> will go well for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have the author of <em>Resolving Conflict: How to Make, Disturb, and Keep Peace<\/em> in relationships. Lou Priolo joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back, Lou.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lou has had no conflict with his marriage with Kim since 1987\u2014[Laughter]\u2014or his two daughters, who are almost grown to adulthood; right, Lou?<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I think the next time you invite me back, we need to discuss my book on <em>lying<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He has <em>plenty<\/em> of practice on resolving conflict, as he\u2019s already shared, here, this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLou, we talked about the prerequisites for resolving conflict. The first one is humility\u2014not being proud or being arrogant. The second one is being gentle. That\u2019s something we have to learn how to practice in the power of the Holy Spirit\u2014getting into the Bible, asking that fruit to be produced within us. This third area of resolving conflict is very, very important. Again, remind our listeners where this comes from in Ephesians, Chapter 4.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Ephesians, Chapter 4, in verse 3, we have this command\u2014it says, \u201cMake every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.\u201d As Christians, we are to diligently work hard at having peaceful relationships\u2014especially, with other people \/ all men\u2014non-believers but, especially, with believers. In verse 2 of Ephesians 4, Paul gives us these four prerequisite qualities that are <em>essential<\/em> for getting along with others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first is humility. The second is gentleness. The third is patience and the fourth is forbearance or tolerance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about patience for a moment. What exactly is patience, practically speaking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Patience is the ability to accept the difficult situation from the Lord without complaining, or murmuring, or arguing\u2014or giving Him a time limit to remove it from our lives. Patience\u2014when you see it in the Bible\u2014has to do with people. You see the word, \u201cendurance,\u201d in the Bible; but as a general rule, the word, \u201cendurance\u201d\u2014we have to endure things\u2014and sometimes they are used interchangeably; but typically, we endure trials but patience is something that we have to show towards <em>people<\/em> because people are sinful, and they don\u2019t change overnight\u2014especially, our spouses and our children; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> So we have to be patient with them, because it takes them time. We believe in <em>progressive <\/em>sanctification\u2014little by little, the Spirit of God takes the Word of God that\u2019s in our heart and He transforms us into the image of Christ. There\u2019s no such thing as instant spirituality\u2014not in ourselves, not in our spouses, not in our children\u2014so it requires us\u2014God requires us to be <em>patient<\/em> with those in our lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re reading the King James Version of the Bible, instead of \u201cpatience\u201d you get another expression very often\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> \u2014longsuffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You stop and think about that\u2014nobody wants to suffer. If we do suffer, we don\u2019t want to suffer for long; and yet the Bible says that one of the things the Spirit will produce in us \/ one of the things we ought to be pursuing, in terms of spiritual growth, is the ability to suffer long \/ to <em>endure<\/em> over a long period of time the pain that comes from people sinning against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I believe the Greek word for this word, \u201cpatience,\u201d is <em>makrothumia<\/em>\u2014<em>long <\/em>time before you <em>thumos<\/em>\u2014<em>long<\/em> time before you blow it. I think \u201clongsuffering\u201d actually is probably a little bit more of an accurate term than \u201cpatience.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, how have you developed, personally? You, undoubtedly, wouldn\u2019t brag and say you\u2019ve always been a patient person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> No; I wouldn\u2019t. I wouldn\u2019t say <em>now<\/em> that I\u2019m as patient as I ought yet to become.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But how have you developed patience\u2014as a husband\/father\u2014as a man?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> First of all, patience means I can\u2019t superimpose my agenda over the Holy Spirit\u2019s sanctification agenda for my wife and for my children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and your timetable; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> \u2014and my timetable. To be honest with you, Dennis, the thing that has helped me the most\u2014there are two passages of Scripture that I committed to memory. Both of them\u2014when I find myself becoming impatient or even angry\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014if I can recall them to mind\u2014I don\u2019t do it 100 percent of the time; but when I can call these things to mind, it helps me tremendously. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first one is 2 Timothy 2:24-26: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s bond servant must not be quarrelsome\u201d\u2014argumentative\u2014\u201cbut kind to all; patient when wronged; in gentleness, instructing those who are in opposition.\u201d Then, two chapters over\u20142 Timothy 4:2: \u201cPreach the word\u201d\u2014or in the case of a husband or father, I say to myself\u2014\u201cTeach the word\u201d because it\u2019s my responsibility to teach my wife \/ to teach my kids God\u2019s Word; right? \u201cBe ready in season, out of season; rebuke, exhort, convict\u201d \u2014now catch this\u2014\u201cwith <em>great patience<\/em> and careful instruction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn both of these verses, you have this idea of <em>patient <\/em>instruction\u2014patience and instruction\u2014instruct with patience. A lot of times, when I\u2019m having a conflict with my wife or my girls, it\u2019s sort of like we\u2019re on the same level: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cNya, nya, nya, nya\u201d\u2014me versus her \/ me versus them. When I can remember these verses, it <em>changes<\/em> the paradigm. Instead of me being on the same level with them, I remember these verses and I tell myself, \u201cLou, you are supposed to shepherd <em>them<\/em>.\u201d Somehow, by bringing that to mind, it enables me to be more patient.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s where I find I often am able to cultivate patience in the midst of conflict\u2014it\u2019s by stopping and remembering, \u201cHow longsuffering has God been with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Romans, Chapter 2: \u201cDo you despise the goodness of His forbearance and longsuffering with you, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If I am grateful to God for His patience \/ His longsuffering\u2014if I have been a recipient of that grace in my own life\u2014that helps me pour it out into the lives of others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to be as patient with others as I want God to be with me. He has been <em>exceedingly<\/em> patient with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lou, I don\u2019t want our listeners to miss\u2014because you ran past it very quickly\u2014you committed 2 Timothy 2:24 to memory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you\u2019ve got it in your heart, the Spirit of God can remind you to suffer patiently when you\u2019ve experienced a wrong\u2014if that Scripture is in there, reminding you of the truth: \u201cBe patient when you\u2019ve been wronged.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s move onto this whole issue of forbearance. You talked about it: \u201cenduring all things.\u201d This is not a word that we use in our common everyday vernacular\u2014I don\u2019t talk about forbearance very often\u2014so let\u2019s pull back and go, \u201cWhat does it mean to forbear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> It means a word that, in current Christian culture, we don\u2019t like to talk about; because the word is used against us <em>a lot<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> The word really means to be tolerant. We are to be tolerant of other people. Now, it\u2019s interesting because, as a rule, we\u2019re patient with people\u2019s sin; but people do things or don\u2019t do things that irritate us, and what they do is not necessarily sin. We have to be patient with people while the Spirit is working on them to change them, but we have to be tolerant\/forbearing when they have these idiosyncrasies\u2014these things that <em>really<\/em> annoy and aggravate us; but at the end of the day, they\u2019re not sin! They may never change and we may not be in a position to do more than suggest that the other person work on that\u2014that\u2019s where we have to be forbearing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, we actually do have to put up with people\u2019s sin\u2014Jesus says, \u201cHow long must I put up with your lack of faith?\u201d when He comes down from the mount of transfiguration. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNew Christians\u2014they don\u2019t know how to change\u2014we have to be forbearing with them. As a rule\u2014I would say, from my understanding of this verse, forbearance has to do with things that are not sinful behaviors in others but irritate us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis and I have a colleague, who just recently lost his wife. We attended the memorial service; and this colleague talked about a principle that he had learned in his marriage with his wife, early on. He said, \u201cI recognized that 95 percent of who my wife was, and how she and I related\u201495 percent of it was wonderful.\u201d He said, \u201cBut there was 5 percent that really annoyed me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and he talked about his tendency to focus on the 5 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You can make the 5 percent into 75 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! He said, \u201cI came to realize that my job needed to be to focus on the 95 percent and just let the 5 percent go!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs says, \u201cIt is a man\u2019s glory\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014to overlook a transgression.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That means that most of the time, when our spouse does something that we look at and go: \u201cBoy, did you have to do that?\u201d \u201cDid you have to say that?\u201d \u201cDid you have to act that way?\u201d\u2014it is our glory to say: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m going to let that go,\u201d \u201cHow many times have you been gracious to me and I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> even known it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m just going to let that go.\u201d That\u2019s forbearance; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Yes; it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Lou, in your book, I\u2019ve found something very convicting that I just want to pass on to our listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Sure!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think this will help them, as well, deal with this issue of forbearance, which is looking at another person\u2019s differences through God\u2019s eyes. It\u2019s the way He made them\u2014so be patient with them \/ forbearing\u2014longsuffering with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou got a quiz, though, at the beginning of Chapter 4, on \u201cLoving Forbearance.\u201d You ask people to rate this on a one-to-five point scale\u2014one being \u201calways\u201d; five being \u201cnever\u201d or \u201chardly ever.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to rate yourself here, Lou. It\u2019s your test, but\u2014[Laughter]\u2014we\u2019re just going to have some fun on this. The first question\u2014there\u2019s actually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201420 of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s 20 of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ve got to stop you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; you can\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to stop you now; because these tests that I put in my books, from time to time, are not scientifically norm tests\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Of course they\u2019re not, Lou!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> \u2014they\u2019re not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We know that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> \u2014they\u2019re not given\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No disclaimers are necessary!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> \u2014not given to the general public; right? I try to construct them from the Bible; so <em>unlike<\/em> the normal psychology tests, you\u2019re not being compared to other people in the culture; you\u2019re more closely being compared to Christ. If you fail my test, <em>remember<\/em> the comparison is not that you continue to see\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re not asking the audience to take the test.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> You\u2019re just not going to let me say this! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m not!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to have to be patient and forbearing with you! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> First question, Lou: \u201cWhen others do not do things exactly as I would do them or in a way that I think best, I criticize them verbally <em>or<\/em> mentally.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne to five, Lou\u2014one being \u201calways\u201d; five being \u201cnever\u201d or \u201chardly ever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Three-and-a-half to four.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; do you want to comment on any of these? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two: \u201cWhen people holding differing opinions from mine about things that are not clearly delineated in Scripture, I judge them to be wrong, immature, or unspiritual.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m close to five on that. I\u2019m very careful about legalism\u2014I don\u2019t <em>often<\/em> fall into that pit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got a good check on that one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s good!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How about you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I could say that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got a score on that one for yourself?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think I might\u2014I think I might be with Lou\u2019s two-and-a-half to three on that one. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber three: \u201cWhen talking to someone who holds a differing opinion from mine, I immediately try to persuade that person that he\u2019s wrong rather than demonstrating respect for him by trying to understand more completely his point of view.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now wait\u2014I don\u2019t think that\u2019s right at all!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob\u2014Bob, how would you score yourself on that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I just demonstrated myself; didn\u2019t I?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014just by jumping right in there and saying, \u201cI think it\u2019s wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you\u2019re exposing, with these questions, is a tendency inside of every one of us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to look at our own way of doing things\u2014our own way of thinking \/ our own way of evaluating\u2014and saying, \u201cI obviously understand what the right way to do things is; and if you don\u2019t do them my way, there\u2019s obviously something wrong with you.\u201d We\u2019re back to the whole issue of pride being at the root of all of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. To answer your question as honestly as I know how, I\u2019d probably give myself a four to four-and-a-half with my counselees; but with my <em>family<\/em>, I blow it!\u2014[Laughter]\u2014my girls point this out to me. Somehow, I recognize my responsibility, as a counselor, to not answer a matter before I hear it\u2014\u201cA fool has no delight in understanding but only in giving his own opinion,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014with the people I counsel. But boy, for some reason, at home, my score is lower than it is when I\u2019m counseling people. I think that goes to the point that, in our families\u2014not to justify it\u2014but it\u2019s a lot easier for us to be comfortable, and to let things slip, and to misbehave at home than we are willing to do when we are out in public.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s a key one here on your list that says, \u201cWhen other people sin, I reprove them for their sin before I consider whether or not the transgression should be overlooked.\u201d We are quick to do that\u2014to point out the log in somebody else\u2019s eye rather than stopping and saying, \u201cLord, do You want me to just let this go and just to overlook this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> In James, it really talks about this\u2014it says: \u201cDo not speak evil one of another brethren. He who speaks evil of his brother judges his brother.\u201d When you judge somebody to do something sinful that the Bible doesn\u2019t say is a sin, then you are, not only judging your brother, you\u2019re judging the Bible: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not in there. It should have been in there!\u201d [Laughter] \u201cThere is one Lawgiver\u201d\u2014he goes on to say\u2014\u201cthe One who is able to save and to destroy.\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t know why God didn\u2019t put my little scoop on the Bible, but He should have.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I mean\u2014do you <em>see<\/em> how <em>serious<\/em> a thing it is to judge someone to be doing something wrong when the <em>Bible doesn\u2019t specifically say it is wrong<\/em>! It\u2019s a very serious offense\u2014it\u2019s legalism!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just want to pull back here, because I think what we\u2019ve talked about this week\u2014you look at this from a big-picture perspective\u2014this is revolutionary in a couples\u2019 life \/ in your relationship with your kids. Where there is on-going conflict\u2014with a co-worker \/ with an extended family member\u2014you don\u2019t have to dig too far in the midst of that conflict to find a lack of patience, a lack of forbearance, a lack of humility, or a lack of gentleness\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or some combination of all of those. If we will cultivate, with the help of the Spirit\u2014with the work of the Spirit through us \/ with God\u2019s Word in us\u2014if we will cultivate humility, and gentleness, and patience, and forbearance, our conflict with other people is going to be greatly diminished; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Yes; but, again, we have to be patient with ourselves; because these qualities are difficult. We have to\u2014the Bible says, \u201cClothe yourself with humility.\u201d The process of sanctification takes time, even in <em>our<\/em> lives. It\u2019s one thing to aim for them \/ it\u2019s one thing to diligently seek to pursue them, as I said before\u2014to co-labor with the Holy Spirit by internalizing those portions of Scripture and reading His Word that deal with the things we\u2019re trying to put off and put on in our life\u2014but at the end of the day, there is no such thing as instant sanctification. It\u2019s something we have to plan on doing and be patient, even as the Lord is teaching us these four qualities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And thank God for grace\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in the midst of it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis, we\u2019ve just talked about getting ready for conflict. We haven\u2019t even talked about the process of going through conflict resolution, which is what the second part of Lou\u2019s book is all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What we\u2019ve done this week is say: \u201cConflict is common to all marriages. All of us need training. All of us need a mentor \/ a coach,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what Lou does in his book. He coaches us, whether we\u2019re single, married, or parents. I\u2019ve got to say to the parents\u2014I started, at the beginning of this broadcast, and I\u2019ll say it again\u2014one of your most important assignments in life is to equip your kids to know how to resolve conflict with another selfish, sinful human being\u2014because, if they choose to get married, will spend the rest of their lives with a person, who is a selfish, sinful human being, who will disappoint them from time to time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo your homework well in your own marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tApply this book, not only to your marriage relationship, but also pass on the truths to your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLou, I want to thank you, again, for anchoring your advice and your counsel in the Scriptures and for coming back and letting Bob and me pound you with questions and force you to tell stories about your relationship with Kim. [Laughter] Thanks for coming. I hope you\u2019ll come back again sometime\u2014let us peel back the onion, again, for another layer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lou:<\/strong> I will! Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got copies of Lou\u2019s book available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. It\u2019s called <em>Resolving Conflict: How to Make, Disturb, and Keep the Peace<\/em>. You can order from us, today, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website\u2019s FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis weekend, we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples, who are going to be joining us at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways\u2014we\u2019ve got getaways taking place in Baltimore; St. Louis; Albany, New York; Chattanooga\u2014next week in Charleston, South Carolina; Jacksonville, Florida; and then I think we\u2019re in Phoenix before we wrap up for this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is one of the primary ways that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> provides practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the country. We\u2019ve had <em>millions<\/em> of husbands and wives, who have been trained over the years, at these events, along with this radio program, our website providing articles and free downloads of this program, the resources we create\u2014that\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is all about. Here, during the month of December, we\u2019re asking listeners to consider making a yearend donation to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and to help us head into 2018 strong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019ve got some exciting news about the month of December. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a matching gift that is in place. Our friend, Michelle Hill, is here to give us a quick overview of the details. Michelle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Thanks Bob! I <strong><em>am<\/em><\/strong> excited to be the match monitor again this year\u2026so I\u2019m here to sort of \u201cshine a light\u201d on what God is doing through our listeners\u2019 generosity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, speaking of generosity, just like last year, we again have friends of the ministry who\u2019ve stepped up and offered to kick things off\u2026 so they\u2019re matching every donation we receive during the month of December\u2026So let\u2019s say a listener calls in with a donation of $30? Well, these friends will match it...thirty becomes sixty, fifty becomes a hundred, ten becomes twenty - <strong><em>whatever<\/em><\/strong> you can give - up to a total of two million dollars. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, we\u2019ve made it really easy. You can call or give online, and it\u2019s a <strong><em>great<\/em><\/strong> time to give.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Again, it\u2019s easy to donate. You can do it, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about what we can learn on <em>The Broken Way<\/em>. Author Ann Voskamp is going to join us for a very special series. I hope you can tune in, starting Monday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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