{"id":304772,"date":"2017-11-21T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-11-21T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-wifes-quiet-influence\/"},"modified":"2017-11-21T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-11-21T17:00:00","slug":"a-wifes-quiet-influence","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-wifes-quiet-influence\/","title":{"rendered":"A Wife&#8217;s Quiet Influence"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Rainey has exerted a quiet influence over the life of her husband for more than four decades. Hear some of Barbara Rainey&#8217;s key messages.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-11-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:00","filesize":"23.81M","filesize_raw":"24966496","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,2838,2831],"tags":[6357,6358,2999],"podcast_series":[8249],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304772","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-mothers","category-wives","tag-barbara-rainey","tag-dennis-rainey","tag-familylife","podcast_series-25-years-of-radio-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304772\/a-wifes-quiet-influence","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304772\/a-wifes-quiet-influence","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"FmPzbL71De\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-wifes-quiet-influence\/\">A Wife&#8217;s Quiet Influence<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-wifes-quiet-influence\/embed\/#?secret=FmPzbL71De\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Wife&#8217;s Quiet Influence&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"FmPzbL71De\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-11-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-11-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The early weeks and months of any marriage are a time of discovery \/ a time when we learn things about one another as husband and wife. That was the case for Dennis and Barbara Rainey as they began their marriage with a honeymoon that involved camping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> One of the things that I learned probably from the camping\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014is that it snows at about 8,000 feet in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! I learned that, but I learned that I married someone who likes to do adventurous things. This was the beginning of many new experiences that I\u2019d never done before, and camping was the first one. We camped at 8,000 feet and I nearly froze to death. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. The honeymoon years are not the only time when we learn things about one another in marriage. In fact, that\u2019s something that continues throughout the journey. We\u2019ll hear more about that from Dennis and Barbara Rainey today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the <em>This Is Your Life<\/em> edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you going to make me cry again today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ll see what happens as we\u2014[Laughter]\u2014as we listen\u2014here\u2019s what we\u2019re doing\u2014this week, with the Thanksgiving holiday and all that\u2019s going on, we thought it would be good to hear some of the highlights of the last 25 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014and hear from your children, which we\u2019ve already done\u2014and today, hear some of the things that Barbara has shared, over the years, that have been pivotal moments on this program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of those pivotal moments was when she shared with us the story of your courtship and your honeymoon. In fact, here were some things during this interview\u2014and I\u2019d been here 25 years, at that point\u2014I\u2019ve never heard some of these stories\u2014but she talked about you and her and hunting and fishing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We had this very interesting and very fun honeymoon. We traveled around the state of Colorado\u2014we camped one night \/ we stayed in the hotel another night. We went all over the state for about ten days?\u2014was it ten days or was it two weeks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; it was about ten days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; it was something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Camping on the honeymoon\u2014that was okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We went camping on the honeymoon; and yes, it was okay. It was also a brand-new experience. One of the things that I learned probably from the camping\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014is that it snows at 8,000 feet in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! I learned that, but I also learned that I married someone that likes to do adventurous things. This was the beginning of many new experiences that I had never done before, and camping was the first one. We camped at 8,000 feet, and I nearly froze to death. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you had known Dennis for a couple of years before you guys got married\u2014you had been friends in college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had this whirlwind engagement, and you were married six weeks after he proposed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut right away, on the honeymoon, you were starting to realize, \u201cThere are things about him I just didn\u2019t know.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; exactly! And that was one of them. We went fishing\u2014I\u2019d never been fishing in my life. I mean, we had a lot of fun\u2014I mean, I enjoyed the camping trip; but I just nearly froze to death.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not only did your marriage start off with fishing but, through the years, you\u2019ve learned to enjoy hunting with your husband; is that true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughing] Well, not in his\u2014by his definition; no\u2014not by\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was waiting for the answer to that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to read to you out of your journal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Okay; okay, read what I wrote. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI have learned to appreciate hunting.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes!\u2014\u201cappreciate\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe appreciate is a better word than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; appreciate is a better word; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI actually went with him on an elk hunt a few years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith the camo, the face paint, and the human scent killers sprayed on my body!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I did! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Aren\u2019t you impressed? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you say right here: [Laughter] \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe hiked and hiked and snuck up a herd of elk, hiding behind trees, like clandestine spies following a double agent down a dark alley in Eastern Europe. It was really <em>fun<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was fun! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the point is that we\u2019re going to face these differences in the first years of our marriage\u2014some of them crop up ten years in \/ some in fifteen\u2014it\u2019s a <em>lifelong<\/em> process of understanding we\u2019re different and making those adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly; that really is the point\u2014the differences are there, they\u2019re not to be changed, and they are going to be there for life. I think we, somehow, assume, early on, that a lot of the stuff is going to subside, or change, or moderate; but who we are is who we are. I\u2019m just amazed at how <em>little<\/em> really changes over time\u2014you either fight it, and resent it, and resist it; or you join and learn to actually enjoy it and appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, do I love to go hunting?\u2014no! I enjoyed that; because it was active, and we were hiking in the mountains, and it was beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it was warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And it was reasonably warm; yes! But the kind of hunting he is often inviting me to go on, which I have refused, is the kind where you get up at three or four in the morning in the winter. You go sit, you can\u2019t talk, you can hardly breathe, and it is <em>freezing<\/em>! [Laughter] So, you know, hiking in the mountains, we could talk as we went, until we actually saw the elk\u2014and then we had to be quiet\u2014but it was a much different kind of experience\u2014so I could appreciate that one. But sitting in a deer stand\u2014I\u2019ve done it once, and I\u2019m not really interested in going there again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she hasn\u2019t, by the way! [Laughter] Let\u2019s let the truth be known! [Laughter] There have been some false promises in our marriage\u2014our marriage covenant was not one of them\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but one of the false promises was: \u201cIf I gardened with her, she\u2019d go hunting with me.\u201d We\u2019ve settled this, but she completely reneged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve done a lot more gardening than she\u2019s done hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh my goodness! But here\u2019s what our listeners don\u2019t know. Barbara has paid a price for FamilyLife and building a ministry over the past 41 years\u2014that few people could ever understand\u2014that takes place behind the scenes. There is a price paid by the wife of any Christian leader that only a few really have any understanding of the <em>gravity<\/em> of what has to be carried by that wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you imagine a day in the future, where Barbara\u2019s got camo on again, and face paint, and human body scent, and all of that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you put me in a quiet, dark place for a long time, maybe! [Laughter] But not\u2014it\u2019s not\u2014it\u2019s not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014not immediately! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019ll be delusional at that point! [Laughter] I can\u2019t think about that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Back, more than two decades ago, we recorded a series for<em> FamilyLife Today<\/em> called <em>Creating a More Romantic Marriage<\/em>. As a part of that series, we talked with your wife about the fact that women view romance differently than men view romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, Yes! This was a great moment in <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> history, right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This really was\u2014here we go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> See, I don\u2019t think women want to be figured out because when\u2014if they feel like they are figured out, then they feel like they are controlled and they\u2019re had. And they don\u2019t want to be figured out. I think they want him to love her, and be willing to pursue her, and to continue to know who she is; because she\u2019s not that simple. I think women don\u2019t want to feel like they\u2019re that easy to figure out and: \u201cOh, he\u2019s got me pegged,\u201d and \u201cA+B=C, and it\u2019s going to always work that way.\u201d I think she wants to be more complex, and more intriguing, and more of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because if a man goes \u201cA+B=C\u201d and he knows that\u2019s the way it works, then she knows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014that he\u2019ll do A+B=C every time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that gets boring!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014without having to win her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014<em>and<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014without having to understand\u2014really know where she really is \/ know the needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014and I think she would also begin to fear that she\u2019d be taken advantage of. See, women don\u2019t want to be taken advantage of because\u2014I just think that\u2019s an inherent fear in any woman, whether it\u2019s by your children, or by your spouse, or by anybody. I don\u2019t mean taken advantage of, sexually; I mean to being taken advantage of in any way, just assuming on the relationship. Therefore, there\u2019s no more motivation to continue to pursue \/ there\u2019s no more motivation to make the relationship unique; because if he\u2019s got it figured out, then why\u2014why work at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if a man says to himself: \u201cI would like\u201d\u2014he\u2019s thinking\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHere it is, Thursday. I\u2019d like, a week from Friday, to be a romantic evening together for me and my wife. What can I do to foster that? How can I create a romantic evening, something that will speak romance to her?\u201d You\u2019re saying, \u201cGood luck, Buster!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughter] No! I don\u2019t think it\u2019s that hopeless. I think that a man can make some plans: I think he can make dinner reservations; I think he can bring her flowers; I think he can plan an evening to go to a movie; or he can plan to get a babysitter\u2014whatever is going to make it easier for her. If they\u2019ve got little, bitty kids, getting a babysitter for me was a treat; because I <em>hated<\/em> getting babysitters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point is\u2014I think he can plan \/ I think he can do some things that are creative that will communicate to her that she\u2019s special \/ she\u2019s unique: \u201cI love you,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m willing to sacrifice for you,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re the most important person to me in the world, and I\u2019m willing to do this for you\u201d; but he needs to do it without the expectation of whatever it is his purpose is. The verse that I go back to all the time\u2014as we\u2019ve had these talks through the years\u2014I go back to the verse that says, \u201cHusbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChrist gave Himself up for the church\u2014He denied Himself. I think, when a woman sees that her husband is denying himself for her, she responds to that just as the church then responds to Christ. I think she sees that sacrifice, and she understands that it is because of love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when a woman sees a husband doing that\u2014to what appears to her\u2014to be his own personal interests or his own personal need, then she feels somewhat manipulated, or somewhat controlled, or less valued; because I think that her ultimate need is to be loved as Christ loved the church\u2014to be loved, unconditionally, with no strings attached: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. I love you; it doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d I think, when she feels that and she understands that commitment and that trust, then she can respond to her husband as he wants her to and as he needs her to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just not as easy as: \u201cBring home flowers, and light the candles, and have a dinner, and A+B=C.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m not even talking about her responding to <em>his<\/em> need, necessarily. I\u2019m saying\u2014let\u2019s say a husband, with the purest of motives, says: \u201cI want you to feel special next Friday night. I\u2019m going to get the sitter. I\u2019m going to take you out to dinner.\u201d He\u2019s out with her, and it\u2019s just not happening for her\u2014for whatever reason, she doesn\u2019t feel special \/ she doesn\u2019t feel warm toward him\u2014maybe it\u2019s been a bad week. Well, the husband is sitting there, going, \u201cThis was a waste of time and money, because she doesn\u2019t feel special.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It may not work because of the circumstances. But, see, he needs to\u2014he needs to understand his role is to continue to pursue his wife. He may need to say to her: \u201cI\u2019m sorry this didn\u2019t work out. I just want you to know, \u2018I love you anyway.\u2019 This may not have been good timing, on my part;\u201d\u2014 or whatever\u2014\u201cbut I want you to know that my motive is to communicate love and \u2018I care about you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe he needs to try something else\u2014maybe go for a walk or\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014there are lots of different things\u2014but I think that that\u2019s part of the challenge for a husband\u2014is to understand his wife, and understand what communicates love to her, and figure that out, and then do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That is, indeed, part of a challenge for a husband\u2014to understand his wife and figure that out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Men and women marry each other because we\u2019re different, by God\u2019s design. He made men with a desire to pursue a woman. Men need to do that\u2014they need to love well, and they don\u2019t need to quit. I think that\u2019s what a woman is wanting to know: \u201cWill my husband quit on me?\u201d I remember having that conversation, early on, with Barbara in our marriage. She was really wanting to know: \u201cAm I in this for keeps? Is this a lifetime commitment?\u201d I think, behind everything she\u2019s saying, that\u2019s what women want to see us, as men, prove, over and over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo that\u2014I know what men are thinking\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cCome on! I\u2019ve done this a hundred times! Doesn\u2019t it prove to you?\u201d But she\u2019s not a machine \/ you\u2019re not a machine\u2014you\u2019re two human beings made in the image of God. You are in a love dance and in a spiritual relationship with God\u2014a relationship with three\u2014you are trying to hammer out life, as He designed it. Therein is both the sacrifice \/ the joy, the pursuit, the satisfaction of the delight of finding your wife, and knowing you\u2019ve met her in her point of need and encouraging her. I can just tell you that, after 45 years, it gets better and better and better. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> perfect, but I can\u2019t imagine starting over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things I think our listeners have most appreciated about Barbara\u2019s participation in this program is that she has been honest, and authentic, and candid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A little too much, I might add. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She has! She has, just as she did right there\u2014she has said: \u201cThis is how I think, and how I feel, and how a lot of women think and feel. She was speaking to a group, a while back, about the challenges associated with adoption. In the midst of that, she was transparent about the fact that you guys faced challenges as adoptive parents. It was encouraging, I know, for a lot of moms; because a lot of moms have told me how encouraged they were by this\u2014just to know that it was a decision that you guys look back on and say: \u201cWe\u2019d do it again, but it was <em>hard<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I\u2019ve clearly learned more about God\u2019s love through Deborah\u00a0than probably any other person on the planet. Our five biological children tested us, and they tried us, and they rebelled, and they were disobedient at times; but nothing like our daughter, Deborah. She tested our love more than all five of the others combined, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and I, as parents, faced countless opportunities to reject her\u2014or to walk away and say: \u201cThis is too hard. We\u2019re not going to do this anymore\u201d; but we chose, over and over again, to love her; because we knew we did, and we knew that God wanted us to. We knew she would not be redeemed if we didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA few months ago, I just jotted some things down in my little journal area in the computer. I wanted to read you a couple of things that I wrote about loving Deborah. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Deborah were not mine\u2014if she were not my child\u2014would I love her? If I just passed her on the street someday, like I do countless other people, day after day, what would attract me to her? What would draw me to her? What would make me love her out of all the other people that I see, day after day? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe could just be another human being on this planet, but she\u2019s not. God has made her ours somehow. I have discovered a kind of love for Deborah that is not unlike my love [Overcome with emotion, saying, \u201cExcuse me,\u201d] for any of my other five children. I have discovered a taste of God\u2019s unfathomable, undeserved, unexplainable, extravagant, non-human love. It is a supernatural love that is defined by grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear me clearly in this\u2014I don\u2019t love her more than my other five children, but I do love her in a different way. I know more love for my other kids than I would have without her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJohn 3:16 says, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.\u201d He teaches us and He taught us that the essence of loving another person is giving\u2014 giving of ourselves \/ denying ourselves for another human being. First John 3:16 says this, \u201cBy this we know love because He laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.\u201d Parenting an adopted child might require you to lay down your life for that child. In many ways, it has required that of us\u2014it has called us to levels and depths of love and commitment that I would have never dreamed that I was capable of. But God knew that He could give us that kind of love \/ that kind of resource to love her and stay committed to her no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 9, Jesus was talking to the disciples. There was a man, who was there, who was blind from birth. The disciples came up to Him and they said to Jesus: \u201cWho sinned? This man or his parents that he was born blind?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they were saying was: \u201cWhose fault is it? Who is to blame? Who can we blame for this man being blind?\u201d And Jesus said, \u201cNeither his parents nor he sinned, but it was so that the power of God might be made known.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s what we have seen happen in our family life because of adoption. We have been given, as very good friends of ours like to say, an awesome opportunity to see God work. We have truly seen God work in ways that we would never have seen, were it not for the privilege of adoption. God is in the business of giving us opportunities to see Him work. He wants to get the glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is no question that it is God who has walked us through this; and because of that, we know Him in a way we would have never known Him. We understand love for, not only our daughter, but our children\u2014and others as well\u2014in ways that we would\u2019ve never known if it were not for the privilege of having an adopted daughter in our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to Barbara as she shared about the challenges and the joys that come from the decision you guys made to adopt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think all of marriage and all of raising children is God\u2019s tutoring us to learn how to love. I think her description of what we\u2019ve learned, with one of the greatest privileges in my life of receiving Deborah as our daughter\u2014what we\u2019ve learned through her\u2014immeasurable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I delight in telling Deborah\u2014even in the midst of when she was struggling\u2014I would say to her: \u201cDeborah, 1,000 times out of 1,000, we would adopt you. Even knowing the pain it would be, 1,000 times out of 1,000, we\u2019d do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re a delight. You are our daughter. We love you. You are in our family.\u201d It was in those moments she didn\u2019t want to be, just like we don\u2019t want to be sometimes\u2014we don\u2019t want to be in God\u2019s family. We didn\u2019t do it perfectly; she didn\u2019t either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Bob, I would have to say one of the greatest delights of our life today are really seeing Deborah, and her husband Jason, and our two granddaughters, Nora and Alice, doing really well\u2014just delighting in them, as a married couple \/ now married 13 years\u2014and got a great family going on, and making an impact in their community and contributing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a privilege! What a privilege to <em>love<\/em> another human being, whether it be a biological child or one that is grafted in by the supernatural\u2014the supernatural hand of God\u2014going, \u201cI want <em>you<\/em> over here with <em>you<\/em>.\u201d I stand amazed!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, what you haven\u2019t heard is Deborah reflecting on the privilege of having been adopted. Again, this is something I had a chance to sit down with her, as we were working on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> project, the video series that is coming out in the spring. This is what she shared.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Art of Parenting Clip<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deborah:<\/strong> I am who I am today because of my parents and my siblings. They invested so much in me. It wasn\u2019t that I always reciprocated it, but it\u2019s quite an honor to be able to have a person and a family choose you. It\u2019s been quite a journey! [Emotion in voice] Everything that\u2019s transpired has been pretty miraculous\u2014to be able to love your family, and to have them invite you into their hearts and into their lives and to accept your flaws. Yes; I\u2019m a Rainey, and I am definitely <em>complete<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Deborah, if you\u2019re listening, this is Dad. We\u2019re proud of you\u2014really, really proud of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You haven\u2019t seen yet all of the clips from your children that are a part of <em>The Art of Parenting <\/em>video series\u2014we\u2019re still putting all of the finishing touches together on that series. It will be available starting in May. Along with you, and Barbara, and your children, we\u2019ve got friends like Alistair Begg, and Kevin DeYoung, and Elyse Fitzpatrick, Bryan and Korie Loritts, and Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2014a whole host of folks who are contributors to what we really hope is going to be a powerful tool for moms and dads as they raise the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll keep you up to date on the progress on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> as we continue working on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are partners with this ministry. You make resources like <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, our website, all of the resources we create, this radio program, the events that we host\u2014none of that could happen if it weren\u2019t for friends, like you, who help us extend the reach of this ministry\u2014reach more people with more practical biblical help and hope. You make that possible every time you donate to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are grateful for your partnership with us. Here, as we prepare for the Thanksgiving celebration, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to that core group of you who have helped provide the funding for this ministry over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a long-time listener \/ you\u2019ve never made a donation, join the team\u2014be a part of what God is doing through the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or you can mail your donations to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to hear what have been some of Dennis Rainey\u2019s most passionate moments on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014some of the core convictions that have helped shape what this ministry is. That comes up tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:00"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.81M"],"filesize_raw":["24966496"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304772.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304772.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rainey has exerted a quiet influence over the life of her husband for more than four decades. Hear some of Barbara Rainey's key messages.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-11-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The early weeks and months of any marriage are a time of discovery \/ a time when we learn things about one another as husband and wife. That was the case for Dennis and Barbara Rainey as they began their marriage with a honeymoon that involved camping.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> One of the things that I learned probably from the camping\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014is that it snows at about 8,000 feet in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! I learned that, but I learned that I married someone who likes to do adventurous things. This was the beginning of many new experiences that I\u2019d never done before, and camping was the first one. We camped at 8,000 feet and I nearly froze to death. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. The honeymoon years are not the only time when we learn things about one another in marriage. In fact, that\u2019s something that continues throughout the journey. We\u2019ll hear more about that from Dennis and Barbara Rainey today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the <em>This Is Your Life<\/em> edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Are you going to make me cry again today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ll see what happens as we\u2014[Laughter]\u2014as we listen\u2014here\u2019s what we\u2019re doing\u2014this week, with the Thanksgiving holiday and all that\u2019s going on, we thought it would be good to hear some of the highlights of the last 25 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014and hear from your children, which we\u2019ve already done\u2014and today, hear some of the things that Barbara has shared, over the years, that have been pivotal moments on this program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of those pivotal moments was when she shared with us the story of your courtship and your honeymoon. In fact, here were some things during this interview\u2014and I\u2019d been here 25 years, at that point\u2014I\u2019ve never heard some of these stories\u2014but she talked about you and her and hunting and fishing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We had this very interesting and very fun honeymoon. We traveled around the state of Colorado\u2014we camped one night \/ we stayed in the hotel another night. We went all over the state for about ten days?\u2014was it ten days or was it two weeks?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; it was about ten days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; it was something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Camping on the honeymoon\u2014that was okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We went camping on the honeymoon; and yes, it was okay. It was also a brand-new experience. One of the things that I learned probably from the camping\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014is that it snows at 8,000 feet in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! I learned that, but I also learned that I married someone that likes to do adventurous things. This was the beginning of many new experiences that I had never done before, and camping was the first one. We camped at 8,000 feet, and I nearly froze to death. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you had known Dennis for a couple of years before you guys got married\u2014you had been friends in college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had this whirlwind engagement, and you were married six weeks after he proposed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut right away, on the honeymoon, you were starting to realize, \u201cThere are things about him I just didn\u2019t know.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; exactly! And that was one of them. We went fishing\u2014I\u2019d never been fishing in my life. I mean, we had a lot of fun\u2014I mean, I enjoyed the camping trip; but I just nearly froze to death.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not only did your marriage start off with fishing but, through the years, you\u2019ve learned to enjoy hunting with your husband; is that true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughing] Well, not in his\u2014by his definition; no\u2014not by\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was waiting for the answer to that question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to read to you out of your journal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Okay; okay, read what I wrote. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI have learned to appreciate hunting.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes!\u2014\u201cappreciate\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maybe appreciate is a better word than\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; appreciate is a better word; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI actually went with him on an elk hunt a few years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I did!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith the camo, the face paint, and the human scent killers sprayed on my body!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I did! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Aren\u2019t you impressed? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what you say right here: [Laughter] \u201cAren\u2019t you impressed? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe hiked and hiked and snuck up a herd of elk, hiding behind trees, like clandestine spies following a double agent down a dark alley in Eastern Europe. It was really <em>fun<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It was fun! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But the point is that we\u2019re going to face these differences in the first years of our marriage\u2014some of them crop up ten years in \/ some in fifteen\u2014it\u2019s a <em>lifelong<\/em> process of understanding we\u2019re different and making those adjustments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly; that really is the point\u2014the differences are there, they\u2019re not to be changed, and they are going to be there for life. I think we, somehow, assume, early on, that a lot of the stuff is going to subside, or change, or moderate; but who we are is who we are. I\u2019m just amazed at how <em>little<\/em> really changes over time\u2014you either fight it, and resent it, and resist it; or you join and learn to actually enjoy it and appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, do I love to go hunting?\u2014no! I enjoyed that; because it was active, and we were hiking in the mountains, and it was beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it was warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And it was reasonably warm; yes! But the kind of hunting he is often inviting me to go on, which I have refused, is the kind where you get up at three or four in the morning in the winter. You go sit, you can\u2019t talk, you can hardly breathe, and it is <em>freezing<\/em>! [Laughter] So, you know, hiking in the mountains, we could talk as we went, until we actually saw the elk\u2014and then we had to be quiet\u2014but it was a much different kind of experience\u2014so I could appreciate that one. But sitting in a deer stand\u2014I\u2019ve done it once, and I\u2019m not really interested in going there again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And she hasn\u2019t, by the way! [Laughter] Let\u2019s let the truth be known! [Laughter] There have been some false promises in our marriage\u2014our marriage covenant was not one of them\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but one of the false promises was: \u201cIf I gardened with her, she\u2019d go hunting with me.\u201d We\u2019ve settled this, but she completely reneged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve done a lot more gardening than she\u2019s done hunting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh my goodness! But here\u2019s what our listeners don\u2019t know. Barbara has paid a price for FamilyLife and building a ministry over the past 41 years\u2014that few people could ever understand\u2014that takes place behind the scenes. There is a price paid by the wife of any Christian leader that only a few really have any understanding of the <em>gravity<\/em> of what has to be carried by that wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you imagine a day in the future, where Barbara\u2019s got camo on again, and face paint, and human body scent, and all of that? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you put me in a quiet, dark place for a long time, maybe! [Laughter] But not\u2014it\u2019s not\u2014it\u2019s not\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014not immediately! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019ll be delusional at that point! [Laughter] I can\u2019t think about that! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Back, more than two decades ago, we recorded a series for<em> FamilyLife Today<\/em> called <em>Creating a More Romantic Marriage<\/em>. As a part of that series, we talked with your wife about the fact that women view romance differently than men view romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, Yes! This was a great moment in <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> history, right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This really was\u2014here we go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> See, I don\u2019t think women want to be figured out because when\u2014if they feel like they are figured out, then they feel like they are controlled and they\u2019re had. And they don\u2019t want to be figured out. I think they want him to love her, and be willing to pursue her, and to continue to know who she is; because she\u2019s not that simple. I think women don\u2019t want to feel like they\u2019re that easy to figure out and: \u201cOh, he\u2019s got me pegged,\u201d and \u201cA+B=C, and it\u2019s going to always work that way.\u201d I think she wants to be more complex, and more intriguing, and more of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because if a man goes \u201cA+B=C\u201d and he knows that\u2019s the way it works, then she knows\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014that he\u2019ll do A+B=C every time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that gets boring!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014without having to win her\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014<em>and<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014without having to understand\u2014really know where she really is \/ know the needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014and I think she would also begin to fear that she\u2019d be taken advantage of. See, women don\u2019t want to be taken advantage of because\u2014I just think that\u2019s an inherent fear in any woman, whether it\u2019s by your children, or by your spouse, or by anybody. I don\u2019t mean taken advantage of, sexually; I mean to being taken advantage of in any way, just assuming on the relationship. Therefore, there\u2019s no more motivation to continue to pursue \/ there\u2019s no more motivation to make the relationship unique; because if he\u2019s got it figured out, then why\u2014why work at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if a man says to himself: \u201cI would like\u201d\u2014he\u2019s thinking\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHere it is, Thursday. I\u2019d like, a week from Friday, to be a romantic evening together for me and my wife. What can I do to foster that? How can I create a romantic evening, something that will speak romance to her?\u201d You\u2019re saying, \u201cGood luck, Buster!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> [Laughter] No! I don\u2019t think it\u2019s that hopeless. I think that a man can make some plans: I think he can make dinner reservations; I think he can bring her flowers; I think he can plan an evening to go to a movie; or he can plan to get a babysitter\u2014whatever is going to make it easier for her. If they\u2019ve got little, bitty kids, getting a babysitter for me was a treat; because I <em>hated<\/em> getting babysitters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point is\u2014I think he can plan \/ I think he can do some things that are creative that will communicate to her that she\u2019s special \/ she\u2019s unique: \u201cI love you,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m willing to sacrifice for you,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re the most important person to me in the world, and I\u2019m willing to do this for you\u201d; but he needs to do it without the expectation of whatever it is his purpose is. The verse that I go back to all the time\u2014as we\u2019ve had these talks through the years\u2014I go back to the verse that says, \u201cHusbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChrist gave Himself up for the church\u2014He denied Himself. I think, when a woman sees that her husband is denying himself for her, she responds to that just as the church then responds to Christ. I think she sees that sacrifice, and she understands that it is because of love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when a woman sees a husband doing that\u2014to what appears to her\u2014to be his own personal interests or his own personal need, then she feels somewhat manipulated, or somewhat controlled, or less valued; because I think that her ultimate need is to be loved as Christ loved the church\u2014to be loved, unconditionally, with no strings attached: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter. I love you; it doesn\u2019t matter.\u201d I think, when she feels that and she understands that commitment and that trust, then she can respond to her husband as he wants her to and as he needs her to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just not as easy as: \u201cBring home flowers, and light the candles, and have a dinner, and A+B=C.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m not even talking about her responding to <em>his<\/em> need, necessarily. I\u2019m saying\u2014let\u2019s say a husband, with the purest of motives, says: \u201cI want you to feel special next Friday night. I\u2019m going to get the sitter. I\u2019m going to take you out to dinner.\u201d He\u2019s out with her, and it\u2019s just not happening for her\u2014for whatever reason, she doesn\u2019t feel special \/ she doesn\u2019t feel warm toward him\u2014maybe it\u2019s been a bad week. Well, the husband is sitting there, going, \u201cThis was a waste of time and money, because she doesn\u2019t feel special.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It may not work because of the circumstances. But, see, he needs to\u2014he needs to understand his role is to continue to pursue his wife. He may need to say to her: \u201cI\u2019m sorry this didn\u2019t work out. I just want you to know, \u2018I love you anyway.\u2019 This may not have been good timing, on my part;\u201d\u2014 or whatever\u2014\u201cbut I want you to know that my motive is to communicate love and \u2018I care about you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe he needs to try something else\u2014maybe go for a walk or\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014there are lots of different things\u2014but I think that that\u2019s part of the challenge for a husband\u2014is to understand his wife, and understand what communicates love to her, and figure that out, and then do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That is, indeed, part of a challenge for a husband\u2014to understand his wife and figure that out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Men and women marry each other because we\u2019re different, by God\u2019s design. He made men with a desire to pursue a woman. Men need to do that\u2014they need to love well, and they don\u2019t need to quit. I think that\u2019s what a woman is wanting to know: \u201cWill my husband quit on me?\u201d I remember having that conversation, early on, with Barbara in our marriage. She was really wanting to know: \u201cAm I in this for keeps? Is this a lifetime commitment?\u201d I think, behind everything she\u2019s saying, that\u2019s what women want to see us, as men, prove, over and over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo that\u2014I know what men are thinking\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cCome on! I\u2019ve done this a hundred times! Doesn\u2019t it prove to you?\u201d But she\u2019s not a machine \/ you\u2019re not a machine\u2014you\u2019re two human beings made in the image of God. You are in a love dance and in a spiritual relationship with God\u2014a relationship with three\u2014you are trying to hammer out life, as He designed it. Therein is both the sacrifice \/ the joy, the pursuit, the satisfaction of the delight of finding your wife, and knowing you\u2019ve met her in her point of need and encouraging her. I can just tell you that, after 45 years, it gets better and better and better. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> perfect, but I can\u2019t imagine starting over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things I think our listeners have most appreciated about Barbara\u2019s participation in this program is that she has been honest, and authentic, and candid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A little too much, I might add. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She has! She has, just as she did right there\u2014she has said: \u201cThis is how I think, and how I feel, and how a lot of women think and feel. She was speaking to a group, a while back, about the challenges associated with adoption. In the midst of that, she was transparent about the fact that you guys faced challenges as adoptive parents. It was encouraging, I know, for a lot of moms; because a lot of moms have told me how encouraged they were by this\u2014just to know that it was a decision that you guys look back on and say: \u201cWe\u2019d do it again, but it was <em>hard<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I\u2019ve clearly learned more about God\u2019s love through Deborah\u00a0than probably any other person on the planet. Our five biological children tested us, and they tried us, and they rebelled, and they were disobedient at times; but nothing like our daughter, Deborah. She tested our love more than all five of the others combined, actually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and I, as parents, faced countless opportunities to reject her\u2014or to walk away and say: \u201cThis is too hard. We\u2019re not going to do this anymore\u201d; but we chose, over and over again, to love her; because we knew we did, and we knew that God wanted us to. We knew she would not be redeemed if we didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA few months ago, I just jotted some things down in my little journal area in the computer. I wanted to read you a couple of things that I wrote about loving Deborah. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf Deborah were not mine\u2014if she were not my child\u2014would I love her? If I just passed her on the street someday, like I do countless other people, day after day, what would attract me to her? What would draw me to her? What would make me love her out of all the other people that I see, day after day? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe could just be another human being on this planet, but she\u2019s not. God has made her ours somehow. I have discovered a kind of love for Deborah that is not unlike my love [Overcome with emotion, saying, \u201cExcuse me,\u201d] for any of my other five children. I have discovered a taste of God\u2019s unfathomable, undeserved, unexplainable, extravagant, non-human love. It is a supernatural love that is defined by grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear me clearly in this\u2014I don\u2019t love her more than my other five children, but I do love her in a different way. I know more love for my other kids than I would have without her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJohn 3:16 says, \u201cGod so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.\u201d He teaches us and He taught us that the essence of loving another person is giving\u2014 giving of ourselves \/ denying ourselves for another human being. First John 3:16 says this, \u201cBy this we know love because He laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.\u201d Parenting an adopted child might require you to lay down your life for that child. In many ways, it has required that of us\u2014it has called us to levels and depths of love and commitment that I would have never dreamed that I was capable of. But God knew that He could give us that kind of love \/ that kind of resource to love her and stay committed to her no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 9, Jesus was talking to the disciples. There was a man, who was there, who was blind from birth. The disciples came up to Him and they said to Jesus: \u201cWho sinned? This man or his parents that he was born blind?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat they were saying was: \u201cWhose fault is it? Who is to blame? Who can we blame for this man being blind?\u201d And Jesus said, \u201cNeither his parents nor he sinned, but it was so that the power of God might be made known.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that\u2019s what we have seen happen in our family life because of adoption. We have been given, as very good friends of ours like to say, an awesome opportunity to see God work. We have truly seen God work in ways that we would never have seen, were it not for the privilege of adoption. God is in the business of giving us opportunities to see Him work. He wants to get the glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is no question that it is God who has walked us through this; and because of that, we know Him in a way we would have never known Him. We understand love for, not only our daughter, but our children\u2014and others as well\u2014in ways that we would\u2019ve never known if it were not for the privilege of having an adopted daughter in our family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to Barbara as she shared about the challenges and the joys that come from the decision you guys made to adopt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think all of marriage and all of raising children is God\u2019s tutoring us to learn how to love. I think her description of what we\u2019ve learned, with one of the greatest privileges in my life of receiving Deborah as our daughter\u2014what we\u2019ve learned through her\u2014immeasurable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I delight in telling Deborah\u2014even in the midst of when she was struggling\u2014I would say to her: \u201cDeborah, 1,000 times out of 1,000, we would adopt you. Even knowing the pain it would be, 1,000 times out of 1,000, we\u2019d do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re a delight. You are our daughter. We love you. You are in our family.\u201d It was in those moments she didn\u2019t want to be, just like we don\u2019t want to be sometimes\u2014we don\u2019t want to be in God\u2019s family. We didn\u2019t do it perfectly; she didn\u2019t either. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Bob, I would have to say one of the greatest delights of our life today are really seeing Deborah, and her husband Jason, and our two granddaughters, Nora and Alice, doing really well\u2014just delighting in them, as a married couple \/ now married 13 years\u2014and got a great family going on, and making an impact in their community and contributing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat a privilege! What a privilege to <em>love<\/em> another human being, whether it be a biological child or one that is grafted in by the supernatural\u2014the supernatural hand of God\u2014going, \u201cI want <em>you<\/em> over here with <em>you<\/em>.\u201d I stand amazed!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, what you haven\u2019t heard is Deborah reflecting on the privilege of having been adopted. Again, this is something I had a chance to sit down with her, as we were working on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> project, the video series that is coming out in the spring. This is what she shared.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Art of Parenting Clip<\/em>]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Deborah:<\/strong> I am who I am today because of my parents and my siblings. They invested so much in me. It wasn\u2019t that I always reciprocated it, but it\u2019s quite an honor to be able to have a person and a family choose you. It\u2019s been quite a journey! [Emotion in voice] Everything that\u2019s transpired has been pretty miraculous\u2014to be able to love your family, and to have them invite you into their hearts and into their lives and to accept your flaws. Yes; I\u2019m a Rainey, and I am definitely <em>complete<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Deborah, if you\u2019re listening, this is Dad. We\u2019re proud of you\u2014really, really proud of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You haven\u2019t seen yet all of the clips from your children that are a part of <em>The Art of Parenting <\/em>video series\u2014we\u2019re still putting all of the finishing touches together on that series. It will be available starting in May. Along with you, and Barbara, and your children, we\u2019ve got friends like Alistair Begg, and Kevin DeYoung, and Elyse Fitzpatrick, Bryan and Korie Loritts, and Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2014a whole host of folks who are contributors to what we really hope is going to be a powerful tool for moms and dads as they raise the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll keep you up to date on the progress on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> as we continue working on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are partners with this ministry. You make resources like <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, the <em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, our website, all of the resources we create, this radio program, the events that we host\u2014none of that could happen if it weren\u2019t for friends, like you, who help us extend the reach of this ministry\u2014reach more people with more practical biblical help and hope. You make that possible every time you donate to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are grateful for your partnership with us. Here, as we prepare for the Thanksgiving celebration, we want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to that core group of you who have helped provide the funding for this ministry over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a long-time listener \/ you\u2019ve never made a donation, join the team\u2014be a part of what God is doing through the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or you can mail your donations to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we are going to hear what have been some of Dennis Rainey\u2019s most passionate moments on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014some of the core convictions that have helped shape what this ministry is. That comes up tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304772","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304772"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304772"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304772"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304772"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304772"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304772"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304772"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}