{"id":304742,"date":"2017-10-31T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-10-31T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-gender-identity\/"},"modified":"2017-10-31T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-10-31T15:00:00","slug":"understanding-gender-identity","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-gender-identity\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Gender Identity"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Author John Majors coaches parents on how to instill a strong gender identity in their sons\u00a0and daughters. Majors believes it needs to start with a clear understanding of manhood and womanhood as outlined in Scripture. As they study God&#8217;s Word, teens can discover the primary calling of each gender.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author John Majors coaches parents on how to instill a strong gender identity in their sons\u00a0and daughters. As they study God&#8217;s Word, teens can discover the primary calling of each gender.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:34","filesize":"23.42M","filesize_raw":"24554306","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2815,2855],"tags":[6347,4580,5931,4698,2209,6345,6346,4920],"podcast_series":[8244],"cwp_profile":[3108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304742","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-wholeness","category-teens","tag-adolescent","tag-encouragement","tag-gender-identity","tag-manhood","tag-parenting","tag-teenager","tag-transition","tag-womanhood","podcast_series-true-identity","cwp_profile-john-majors","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304742\/understanding-gender-identity","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304742\/understanding-gender-identity","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"YUIiwqI6Mb\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-gender-identity\/\">Understanding Gender Identity<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-gender-identity\/embed\/#?secret=YUIiwqI6Mb\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding Gender Identity&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"YUIiwqI6Mb\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-31.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-31.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not uncommon for a young teenager to be very confused about identity- related issues during their teen years. John Majors says the fundamental issue parents need to help teens wrestle with during this time is: \u201cWhat do they believe about God and the Bible?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Do I trust that He knows what\u2019s best for me, even if I feel differently than what He has said is true? You\u2019re left with a choice, and I think this is a choice that all Christians are left with: \u201cAm I going to trust my feelings first, or am I going to trust God\u2019s Word first?\u201d That\u2019s really the core issue we have to come back to\u2014not that our feelings aren\u2019t important\u2014but I need to get to a place where I filter my feelings through His Word rather than His Word through my feelings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHow can parents help their teenage sons and daughters focus on what God says is true rather than how they feel or what their friends say? We\u2019ll spend time talking about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, there\u2019s a question\u2014I don\u2019t think I ever had even the thought to ask the question\u2014that a lot of young people today are asking as they hit puberty or maybe even before then. I never asked the question, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m a boy or a girl?\u201d\u2014I pretty much <em>knew<\/em> what I was. But there are a lot of young people today who are asking all kinds of gender-related questions that just seemed self-evident to me when I was 15 years old.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We get lots of emails and letters from our listeners, who are telling us, as parents\u2014they\u2019re really wondering, \u201cHow do we address this issue of sexual identity with our teenage young men and women?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Including a mom who got in touch with us\u2014this was awhile back\u2014she said, \u201cMy daughter came to me and said, \u2018I have a girlfriend,\u2019 and she didn\u2019t just mean a friend\u2014she meant, \u2018I\u2019m attracted to girls.\u2019\u201d This mom wasn\u2019t sure what to do with that and started digging in and started having conversations with her daughter. What she came to realize\u2014and what the daughter ultimately came to realize\u2014is that the daughter wasn\u2019t really romantically attracted to other girls; but she realized that, in this culture, being <em>cool<\/em> meant being open to stuff like this and exploring stuff like this; and she wanted to be <em>cool<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And with peer pressure being what it is\u2014just to be <em>cool<\/em> would be to say, \u201cYes; I\u2019m exploring this with all my friends.\u201d\n\nWe have a brand-new book that has come out, [authored] by one of our colleagues, here, at FamilyLife, John Majors, who joins us for a second day. John, welcome back.\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Thank you; good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>John and his wife Julie speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. They\u2019ve served on staff, here, at FamilyLife for 17 years. They have three children and have been married since 1999.\n\nJohn has written a book called <em>True Identity<\/em>. As we talk about this subject of identity, especially with an adolescent who\u2019s in the early years of adolescence\u2014say 12\/13 to 15\/16\u2014not the later years but more in the time where there\u2019s the most confusion\u2014John, where does a parent start?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>In our culture, when there\u2019s a lack of clarity around the essential definitions of manhood and womanhood that just is going to lead to tons of confusion, where I try to take parents to begin with is: \u201cHow do you define manhood?\u201d and \u201cHow do you define womanhood?\u201d You have to <em>start<\/em> there before you can ever talk about: \u201cWhat does it mean to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex?\u201d or \u201c\u2026to feel like you\u2019re maybe a boy when you were born a girl?\u201d\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nBefore you can have those conversations, you really have to press into: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman?\u201d\n\nWe press into: \u201cHere\u2019s what the Bible says about manhood\u2014a man should stand firm. He should take initiative, engage with wisdom and grace, plan ahead and provide\u2014all comes out of 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: \u201cBe watchful, stand firm in the faith; act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love,\u201d\u2014a lot of this comes out of the work we\u2019ve done together on <em>Stepping Up<\/em>. \u201cHow do you really give a young man a vision for manhood?\u201d\u2014we start there, with the men.\n\nAnd then for young ladies: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a young lady in today\u2019s world?\u201d If you ask a young man or a young lady\u2014if you ask adults, \u201cWhat does it mean to be a man or a woman?\u201d\u2014you\u2019re going to get <em>all<\/em> kinds of confusing answers\u2014people really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> know. So, we walk through some of the essential elements of womanhood\u2014holy beauty \/ you know, an internal beauty that radiates more so than your outward appearance.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOutward appearance is overly-praised\u2014it\u2019s important, but it\u2019s not the most important part of who you are\u2014you\u2019re not just the sum of your body parts; there\u2019s an internal beauty that is more important.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u201cCharm is deceitful; beauty is vain; but a woman who greatly fears the Lord will be praised,\u201d\u2014Proverbs 31:30\u2014so holy beauty\u2014heart of a helper \/ a life-giver.\n\nWhen I first met my wife\u2014that was the thing that stood out to me about her: \u201cHere\u2019s a woman who is <em>giving<\/em> life to people around her.\u201d Of course, women will give physical life and birth to everyone who\u2019s ever been born; but there\u2019s also an aspect of helping a young lady to see you can give life to others in how you live your daily life.\n\nAnd then there\u2019s just having an eternal focus: \u201cHow do I make sure, in the midst of living my life, I\u2019m not caught up in just the temporal but thinking about the eternal side of life?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are stepping into some politically-incorrect kinds of areas when you start talking about manhood and womanhood.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m imagining listeners going: \u201cNow wait! Men need to have an eternal focus, and they need to have inner beauty as well; and a woman can protect and provide\u2014so how do you fit these into compartments of masculinity and femininity?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I\u2019ve tried to say, \u201cWhat does the Bible say is the <em>primary<\/em> role of a man or a woman?\u201d Some of those attributes will also be true of the opposite sex; but \u201cWhat is the primary calling that God gives to a man and God gives to a woman?\u201d\u2014help them see that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say to the parents, who are listening to us\u2014you may not agree with how John has come up with a definition of manhood and womanhood. My question to you is: \u201cWhat\u2019s yours? What\u2019s the essence of biblical masculinity and femininity?\u201d\u2014make a pass at it. The point of this is for you to know what your definition is, and what you are reinforcing, and how you\u2019re building a sense of confidence in your son or in your daughter to help them be who God created them to be and to feel content in that and comfortable with that in the midst of a culture that\u2019s wanting them to be confused and to experiment.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, what about the parent, though, who says: \u201cI\u2019m not going to try to define masculinity and femininity. I\u2019m just going to define: \u2018You are you,\u2019 and we\u2019re not going to worry about whether you\u2019re a man or a woman\u2014and not going to put artificial constructs around that\u2014we\u2019re just going to say, \u2018You are you,\u2019 and \u2018Whoever you are, that\u2019s who you should be\u2019\u201d?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say they need to go back and read Genesis, Chapter 1. With all due respect, the Bible opens with a very clear statement that God made two distinct sexes, male and female\u2014who were to reflect the image of God, who were to reproduce a godly heritage, who were to reign together in spiritual battle as husband and wife. God did make us with physical distinctives but also, I think, responsibility distinctives as well.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And if you leave a 15-year-old young man or woman in one of the most confusing stages of life without any clarity around this and just say: \u201cYou are you. You figure it out yourself,\u201d that might work if the culture was giving some clarity around it and there were prevailing messages around them shaping that; but there is so much confusion all around them now. They have nowhere else to look; and again, we need an eternal standard\u2014something that we can stand on when things are tough and when things don\u2019t make sense.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, you know that there are going to be some 14- or 15-year-olds reading your book, who are wrestling with areas of gender and sexuality, who are thinking to themselves: \u201cI am attracted to other boys,\u201d or \u201c\u2026other girls,\u201d \/ \u201cI wonder sometimes if I\u2019m really a girl trapped in a boy\u2019s body,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a boy trapped in a boy\u2019s body.\u201d You try to help young people think through these issues if they\u2019re experiencing some of that self-doubt or some of those questions; right?\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>We have to stop and ask, \u201cWhat things are really just cultural labels around manhood and womanhood, and what things really are <em>rooted<\/em> in Scripture in terms of a definition of manhood and womanhood?\u201d\n\nI usually, every other year or so, go to Fiji and teach a course there. You will see most every Fijian male wearing a skirt\u2014that\u2019s part of their cultural attire. It doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re girlish; in fact, Fijians are some of the toughest guys around\u2014they regularly win rugby competitions on a world level.\n\nWe tend to think a skirt means you\u2019re a woman; and in our culture, that is what women wear. But, even as a young man, if you see things that\u2014what are defined as \u201cwomanly\u201d in our culture\u2014let\u2019s say ballet dancing. I think a lot of people would point to that and go, \u201cYes, that\u2019s the kind of thing girls do.\u201d Or classical music or maybe even art\u2014\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014it\u2019s kind of the artistic side of life, in our culture, has kind of become more of a feminine thing; whereas, historically, some of the most well-known figures of history, like Beethoven, are incredibly artistic and were considered incredibly manly in that era of history. We have to separate what\u2019s a cultural value from what is really a biblical value, and <em>then<\/em> we can deal with that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the things you\u2019re outlining\u2014like standing firm, taking initiative, protecting, providing\u2014you\u2019re saying this is rooted in how God defines masculinity\/femininity\u2014there are verses in the Bible where God speaks directly to women and where God speaks directly to men. And if there\u2019s a differentiation in Scripture\u2014if you read a verse and it says, \u201cWomen,\u201d\u2014then you should stop and say, \u201cWell, God is talking to women here,\u201d and our antenna ought to go up and say: \u201cHe\u2019s not saying \u2018Everyone,\u2019 \/ He\u2019s saying, \u2018Women,\u2019\u2014so what\u2019s the distinction and what\u2019s the difference there?\u201d\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And the other side of it is: \u201cSo there\u2019s the cultural side of being able to discern: \u2018What\u2019s just a cultural value that doesn\u2019t really point back to what manhood and womanhood are about?\u2019 The other side of it is trusting God: \u2018Do I trust that He knows what\u2019s best for me, even if I feel differently than what He has said is true?\u2019\u201d You\u2019re left with a choice; and I think this is a choice that all Christians are left with: \u201cAm I going to trust my feelings first, or am I going to trust God\u2019s Word first?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s really the <em>core<\/em> issue we have to come back to\u2014not that our feelings aren\u2019t important\u2014but I need to get to a place where I filter my feelings through His Word rather than His Word through my feelings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Earlier, you quoted 1 Corinthians, Chapter 16:13 and 14. I just want to read it again, because it really gives a clear distinctive for how men are to <em>behave<\/em> like men. It says: \u201cBe watchful, stand firm in the faith; act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.\u201d\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWell, that first command in verse 13 says, \u201cBe watchful.\u201d It means men need to be on the lookout. <em>They<\/em> need to be protectors of their wives, their children, [and] their community. It\u2019s a responsibility for a man.\n\nI love the illustration that John Piper and Wayne Grudem use\u2014they talk about if there\u2019s an intruder breaking into your home in the middle of the night. A man doesn\u2019t reach over and get the ball bat and say, \u201cOkay, Sweetie\u2014I did it last night;\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014now, it\u2019s your turn.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014it\u2019s your turn tonight.\u201d No; any self-respecting man <em>knows<\/em> that it\u2019s the man who needs to crawl his carcass out of the bed and tiptoe through the dark, facing down his own fear, and protect his family \/ find out what\u2019s going on. It\u2019s a unique assignment for a man.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>That\u2019s a pretty easy example that we often give, but when it comes to these kinds of questions\u2014transgender\/same-sex attraction\u2014as a man, I need to have the same level of initiative.\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI need to say: \u201cIf my daughter and my son have questions around this, I\u2019m not going to leave it up to someone else. I\u2019m going to press into it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I want to agree with you there, John\u2014and put a double underline\u2014it\u2019s not <em>if<\/em> the questions are being asked of your son or your daughter\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>So true.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s how many of them are being <em>pounded<\/em> at them by the culture, by music, by movies, by their teachers, their coaches. I mean, you can\u2019t begin to evaluate and screen all the messaging that\u2019s coming at your children. It means you do have to find out what\u2019s being communicated and what your son or your daughter thinks about what\u2019s being said, and to help them know how to think, and to allow them freedom to be confused \/ to have doubt.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, John, when my son\u2014when one of my sons was, I think, 13 or 14 years old\u2014he went on a youth group retreat with the church. The speaker at that retreat said, \u201cGuys and girls are different.\u201d\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHe said, \u201cYou know, guys like sports \/ girls like to read.\u201d And my son sat out there and he thought: \u201cI\u2019m not real big into sports. I <em>love<\/em> to read.\u201d It bothered him; because he walked away thinking, \u201cIs this guy saying I\u2019m not a man because I like to read and I\u2019m not that into sports?\u201d\n\nThis is where we <em>do<\/em> have to be really careful, as parents, that we\u2019re not imposing some personal standard, where we say: \u201cThis is how I think manhood is. So, this is what you have to be,\u201d and that we\u2019re not just melding in with the cultural standard. We do have to go back and say, \u201cOkay; what does God say is at the core of this?\u201d\u2014and then help our sons and our daughters\u2014say, \u201cThis is what you need to be embracing, and affirming, and aiming toward.\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>There\u2019s a great illustration Tim Keller gives of the power culture has on the way we view our lives. I think, as Americans, especially, we tend to think we have complete autonomy and control over the way we view ourselves and shape our world.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHe says: \u201cImagine an Anglo-Saxon warrior in the 12<sup>th<\/sup> century walking down the street. He has two feelings inside of him\u2014one is anger \/ he just wants to smash people.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>But in his culture, that would have been praised\u2014strength was a high value. The other might have been same-sex attraction. He would have said, \u2018That is not me. That is not who I am. That is not acceptable in this culture; I\u2019m going to suppress that.\u2019 Come to modern Manhattan\u2014take those same two emotions\u2014the young man feels anger inside and he says: \u2018I need anger management; that is not acceptable in my society.\u2019 Yet, same-sex attraction\u2014he says: \u2018No; that is who I am. I will express that.\u2019\u201d\n\nThere are so many messages coming at our children that are shaping the way they think about themselves. We have to be proactive, Dennis, as you mentioned. How can we be proactive and get ahead of a conversation that we know they\u2019re going to hear?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just have to say, at this point\u2014I am troubled as I look at our culture, which has so deified tolerance.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nIt\u2019s made us think that the middle of the road is really the safe place. It\u2019s the place where you\u2019re going to get run over. If you want to know how to raise children in this culture, you have to get back to the Book and let the Book speak to your life. I\u2019ll just tell you a passage of Scripture\u2014if I was raising children today\u2014I would be on the lookout for. It\u2019s really a passage of Scripture that contains some of the harshest words for what\u2019s taking place in our culture\u2014Romans, Chapter 1.\n\nIn this passage [Romans 1:20-22]\u2014I\u2019ve just been reading and rereading this, just thinking about this\u2014but it says here\u2014it says: \u201cFor God\u2019s invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world in things that have been made.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cSo they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to Him; but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.\u201d Then comes some of the most damning words in Scripture: \u201cClaiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.\u201d\n\nA lot of this battle we\u2019re watching in the culture today is a battle against Almighty God and how He made things. He didn\u2019t stutter in Genesis 1\u2014He made them male and female. The culture has come along and said there are 60 genders\u20146-0.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nNow, I just have to say\u2014when I read through that list of 60 genders and I think about how this is impacting my grandchildren\u2014I get angry, because I believe that a godless culture is purveying a message upon my grandkids that\u2019s a lie. Although they\u2019re acting like they\u2019re wise in being all-inclusive in their language, they, according to the Scripture, are becoming <em>fools<\/em>.\n\nWhat we, as moms and dads, really have to protect\u2014we have to watch how we speak about this. We have to speak with love \/ with compassion. We have to understand that a person who doesn\u2019t know Jesus Christ, and who doesn\u2019t agree with the Bible, is not going to promote biblical thinking; but \u201cHow do we raise kids in this culture today? How do we help them know how to love people who disagree with them?\u201d And so, yes, we are compassionate to them\u2014we aren\u2019t judging of them \/ we don\u2019t point our fingers at them and curse them and tell them they\u2019re going to burn in hell.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nInstead, we compassionately reach out\u2014present the truth and, if given the opportunity, we talk to them about their relationship with Jesus Christ. I think if we don\u2019t train our young people to be on the offensive, they are going to become casualties; because they\u2019re going to be so conformed to the culture\u2014to be liked, to not take a stand, to not disagree\u2014that they\u2019re going to get brainwashed; and they\u2019re not going to know who they are or <em>whose<\/em> they are.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, is not exclusively about gender issues\u2014that\u2019s just a component of what you\u2019re dealing with. It\u2019s a big component in our world today, but you\u2019re trying to help young people understand identity is a bigger issue: \u201cWho did God make you to be? What are your gifts? What are your abilities? What are your skills and talents? What does it mean you\u2019re a child of God, if in fact you have a relationship with Him?\u201d and \u201cWhat does it mean about your identity if you\u2019re a rebel to God?\u201d and \u201cWhat kind of a mission has God called you to?\u201d\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI was thinking, John\u2014you know, you also worked on the <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> project for parents who have 14-\/15-year-old kids to get away for a couple of days and to listen together to the audio that you\u2019ve created. If parents went on one of those <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> trips with their kids and then said: \u201cHow about, for the next seven or eight weeks, we get together for lunch and we just go through a chapter at a time? You tell me what stood out to you, and I\u2019ll tell you what stood out to me. We\u2019ll just have a conversation around that.\u201d If you have to bribe your kid to do it, I\u2019m not\u2014I used to bribe my kids with all kinds of things; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Amen. But \u201cincentivize\u201d is the Christian way to say it. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. To do that, most parents are just going to put it on their kids\u2019 bed and say, \u201cHey, you might be interested in this.\u201d\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWell, that\u2019s never going to work; right? You have to be a little more engaging than that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And not be afraid of the questions they\u2019re going to ask and not be afraid of not having an answer.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A parent doesn\u2019t have to know everything. He just needs to be fearless in stepping off into these discussions and go\u2014maybe, at a point, say: \u201cYou know, when I was your age, I didn\u2019t have <em>any<\/em> of these messages coming at me; but you <em>do<\/em>. You know what? If I don\u2019t have the answer, I\u2019ll go find it\u2014we\u2019ll go find it together\u2014but let\u2019s discuss: \u201cWhat\u2019s God\u2019s opinion? What does He say about this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right; yes. If listeners will go to our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, they can hear a sample of the audio that you\u2019ve created for <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and hear how we frame up these topics for moms and dads to have the conversation with their sons and daughters. Find out more about <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and about John Majors\u2019 book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<em>Passport2Identity<\/em> comes in both a young men\u2019s and a young women\u2019s kit. Of course, the book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, was designed to be read by middle school-aged young men and young women. So again, find out more, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to order by phone: 1-800-FLTODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, it seems like in every season of life there are places where the culture collides with what the Scriptures teach\u2014where cultural values clash with what God has said is true\u2014and certainly, that\u2019s the case when it comes to the issues we\u2019ve been talking about today\u2014the issues of identity, especially as it relates to teenagers.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHere, at FamilyLife, we want to be a resource to remind people of what God\u2019s Word has to say on subjects like our identity, our sexuality, [and] our gender. The questions that the culture is raising, we want to keep pointing you back to practical biblical wisdom about how to address those issues in your marriage and in your family.\n\nThose of you who help support this ministry\u2014you\u2019re making it possible for more and more moms and dads \/ husbands and wives to be able to take advantage of the resources we offer, the audio that\u2019s available on radio and online, the events that FamilyLife hosts. You make all of that possible when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\nIf you\u2019re a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, this would be a great time for you to get in touch with us and say, \u201cI believe in what you\u2019re doing, and I want to be a part of the team that extends the reach of FamilyLife.\u201d You can do that today by going online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking with John Majors about how, as parents, we can be actively involved and engaged with our children as they go through some of the difficult issues they\u2019re going to face during their teen years. I hope you can join us back for that tomorrow.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you Wednesday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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John Majors coaches parents on how to instill a strong gender identity in their sons\u00a0and daughters. As they study God's Word, teens can discover the primary calling of each gender.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not uncommon for a young teenager to be very confused about identity- related issues during their teen years. John Majors says the fundamental issue parents need to help teens wrestle with during this time is: \u201cWhat do they believe about God and the Bible?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Do I trust that He knows what\u2019s best for me, even if I feel differently than what He has said is true? You\u2019re left with a choice, and I think this is a choice that all Christians are left with: \u201cAm I going to trust my feelings first, or am I going to trust God\u2019s Word first?\u201d That\u2019s really the core issue we have to come back to\u2014not that our feelings aren\u2019t important\u2014but I need to get to a place where I filter my feelings through His Word rather than His Word through my feelings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, October 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHow can parents help their teenage sons and daughters focus on what God says is true rather than how they feel or what their friends say? We\u2019ll spend time talking about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, there\u2019s a question\u2014I don\u2019t think I ever had even the thought to ask the question\u2014that a lot of young people today are asking as they hit puberty or maybe even before then. I never asked the question, \u201cI wonder if I\u2019m a boy or a girl?\u201d\u2014I pretty much <em>knew<\/em> what I was. But there are a lot of young people today who are asking all kinds of gender-related questions that just seemed self-evident to me when I was 15 years old.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We get lots of emails and letters from our listeners, who are telling us, as parents\u2014they\u2019re really wondering, \u201cHow do we address this issue of sexual identity with our teenage young men and women?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Including a mom who got in touch with us\u2014this was awhile back\u2014she said, \u201cMy daughter came to me and said, \u2018I have a girlfriend,\u2019 and she didn\u2019t just mean a friend\u2014she meant, \u2018I\u2019m attracted to girls.\u2019\u201d This mom wasn\u2019t sure what to do with that and started digging in and started having conversations with her daughter. What she came to realize\u2014and what the daughter ultimately came to realize\u2014is that the daughter wasn\u2019t really romantically attracted to other girls; but she realized that, in this culture, being <em>cool<\/em> meant being open to stuff like this and exploring stuff like this; and she wanted to be <em>cool<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And with peer pressure being what it is\u2014just to be <em>cool<\/em> would be to say, \u201cYes; I\u2019m exploring this with all my friends.\u201d\n\nWe have a brand-new book that has come out, [authored] by one of our colleagues, here, at FamilyLife, John Majors, who joins us for a second day. John, welcome back.\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Thank you; good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>John and his wife Julie speak at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. They\u2019ve served on staff, here, at FamilyLife for 17 years. They have three children and have been married since 1999.\n\nJohn has written a book called <em>True Identity<\/em>. As we talk about this subject of identity, especially with an adolescent who\u2019s in the early years of adolescence\u2014say 12\/13 to 15\/16\u2014not the later years but more in the time where there\u2019s the most confusion\u2014John, where does a parent start?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>In our culture, when there\u2019s a lack of clarity around the essential definitions of manhood and womanhood that just is going to lead to tons of confusion, where I try to take parents to begin with is: \u201cHow do you define manhood?\u201d and \u201cHow do you define womanhood?\u201d You have to <em>start<\/em> there before you can ever talk about: \u201cWhat does it mean to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex?\u201d or \u201c\u2026to feel like you\u2019re maybe a boy when you were born a girl?\u201d\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nBefore you can have those conversations, you really have to press into: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman?\u201d\n\nWe press into: \u201cHere\u2019s what the Bible says about manhood\u2014a man should stand firm. He should take initiative, engage with wisdom and grace, plan ahead and provide\u2014all comes out of 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: \u201cBe watchful, stand firm in the faith; act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love,\u201d\u2014a lot of this comes out of the work we\u2019ve done together on <em>Stepping Up<\/em>. \u201cHow do you really give a young man a vision for manhood?\u201d\u2014we start there, with the men.\n\nAnd then for young ladies: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a young lady in today\u2019s world?\u201d If you ask a young man or a young lady\u2014if you ask adults, \u201cWhat does it mean to be a man or a woman?\u201d\u2014you\u2019re going to get <em>all<\/em> kinds of confusing answers\u2014people really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> know. So, we walk through some of the essential elements of womanhood\u2014holy beauty \/ you know, an internal beauty that radiates more so than your outward appearance.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOutward appearance is overly-praised\u2014it\u2019s important, but it\u2019s not the most important part of who you are\u2014you\u2019re not just the sum of your body parts; there\u2019s an internal beauty that is more important.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u201cCharm is deceitful; beauty is vain; but a woman who greatly fears the Lord will be praised,\u201d\u2014Proverbs 31:30\u2014so holy beauty\u2014heart of a helper \/ a life-giver.\n\nWhen I first met my wife\u2014that was the thing that stood out to me about her: \u201cHere\u2019s a woman who is <em>giving<\/em> life to people around her.\u201d Of course, women will give physical life and birth to everyone who\u2019s ever been born; but there\u2019s also an aspect of helping a young lady to see you can give life to others in how you live your daily life.\n\nAnd then there\u2019s just having an eternal focus: \u201cHow do I make sure, in the midst of living my life, I\u2019m not caught up in just the temporal but thinking about the eternal side of life?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You are stepping into some politically-incorrect kinds of areas when you start talking about manhood and womanhood.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m imagining listeners going: \u201cNow wait! Men need to have an eternal focus, and they need to have inner beauty as well; and a woman can protect and provide\u2014so how do you fit these into compartments of masculinity and femininity?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I\u2019ve tried to say, \u201cWhat does the Bible say is the <em>primary<\/em> role of a man or a woman?\u201d Some of those attributes will also be true of the opposite sex; but \u201cWhat is the primary calling that God gives to a man and God gives to a woman?\u201d\u2014help them see that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say to the parents, who are listening to us\u2014you may not agree with how John has come up with a definition of manhood and womanhood. My question to you is: \u201cWhat\u2019s yours? What\u2019s the essence of biblical masculinity and femininity?\u201d\u2014make a pass at it. The point of this is for you to know what your definition is, and what you are reinforcing, and how you\u2019re building a sense of confidence in your son or in your daughter to help them be who God created them to be and to feel content in that and comfortable with that in the midst of a culture that\u2019s wanting them to be confused and to experiment.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, what about the parent, though, who says: \u201cI\u2019m not going to try to define masculinity and femininity. I\u2019m just going to define: \u2018You are you,\u2019 and we\u2019re not going to worry about whether you\u2019re a man or a woman\u2014and not going to put artificial constructs around that\u2014we\u2019re just going to say, \u2018You are you,\u2019 and \u2018Whoever you are, that\u2019s who you should be\u2019\u201d?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I would say they need to go back and read Genesis, Chapter 1. With all due respect, the Bible opens with a very clear statement that God made two distinct sexes, male and female\u2014who were to reflect the image of God, who were to reproduce a godly heritage, who were to reign together in spiritual battle as husband and wife. God did make us with physical distinctives but also, I think, responsibility distinctives as well.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And if you leave a 15-year-old young man or woman in one of the most confusing stages of life without any clarity around this and just say: \u201cYou are you. You figure it out yourself,\u201d that might work if the culture was giving some clarity around it and there were prevailing messages around them shaping that; but there is so much confusion all around them now. They have nowhere else to look; and again, we need an eternal standard\u2014something that we can stand on when things are tough and when things don\u2019t make sense.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, you know that there are going to be some 14- or 15-year-olds reading your book, who are wrestling with areas of gender and sexuality, who are thinking to themselves: \u201cI am attracted to other boys,\u201d or \u201c\u2026other girls,\u201d \/ \u201cI wonder sometimes if I\u2019m really a girl trapped in a boy\u2019s body,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a boy trapped in a boy\u2019s body.\u201d You try to help young people think through these issues if they\u2019re experiencing some of that self-doubt or some of those questions; right?\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>We have to stop and ask, \u201cWhat things are really just cultural labels around manhood and womanhood, and what things really are <em>rooted<\/em> in Scripture in terms of a definition of manhood and womanhood?\u201d\n\nI usually, every other year or so, go to Fiji and teach a course there. You will see most every Fijian male wearing a skirt\u2014that\u2019s part of their cultural attire. It doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re girlish; in fact, Fijians are some of the toughest guys around\u2014they regularly win rugby competitions on a world level.\n\nWe tend to think a skirt means you\u2019re a woman; and in our culture, that is what women wear. But, even as a young man, if you see things that\u2014what are defined as \u201cwomanly\u201d in our culture\u2014let\u2019s say ballet dancing. I think a lot of people would point to that and go, \u201cYes, that\u2019s the kind of thing girls do.\u201d Or classical music or maybe even art\u2014\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014it\u2019s kind of the artistic side of life, in our culture, has kind of become more of a feminine thing; whereas, historically, some of the most well-known figures of history, like Beethoven, are incredibly artistic and were considered incredibly manly in that era of history. We have to separate what\u2019s a cultural value from what is really a biblical value, and <em>then<\/em> we can deal with that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, the things you\u2019re outlining\u2014like standing firm, taking initiative, protecting, providing\u2014you\u2019re saying this is rooted in how God defines masculinity\/femininity\u2014there are verses in the Bible where God speaks directly to women and where God speaks directly to men. And if there\u2019s a differentiation in Scripture\u2014if you read a verse and it says, \u201cWomen,\u201d\u2014then you should stop and say, \u201cWell, God is talking to women here,\u201d and our antenna ought to go up and say: \u201cHe\u2019s not saying \u2018Everyone,\u2019 \/ He\u2019s saying, \u2018Women,\u2019\u2014so what\u2019s the distinction and what\u2019s the difference there?\u201d\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And the other side of it is: \u201cSo there\u2019s the cultural side of being able to discern: \u2018What\u2019s just a cultural value that doesn\u2019t really point back to what manhood and womanhood are about?\u2019 The other side of it is trusting God: \u2018Do I trust that He knows what\u2019s best for me, even if I feel differently than what He has said is true?\u2019\u201d You\u2019re left with a choice; and I think this is a choice that all Christians are left with: \u201cAm I going to trust my feelings first, or am I going to trust God\u2019s Word first?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s really the <em>core<\/em> issue we have to come back to\u2014not that our feelings aren\u2019t important\u2014but I need to get to a place where I filter my feelings through His Word rather than His Word through my feelings.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Earlier, you quoted 1 Corinthians, Chapter 16:13 and 14. I just want to read it again, because it really gives a clear distinctive for how men are to <em>behave<\/em> like men. It says: \u201cBe watchful, stand firm in the faith; act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.\u201d\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWell, that first command in verse 13 says, \u201cBe watchful.\u201d It means men need to be on the lookout. <em>They<\/em> need to be protectors of their wives, their children, [and] their community. It\u2019s a responsibility for a man.\n\nI love the illustration that John Piper and Wayne Grudem use\u2014they talk about if there\u2019s an intruder breaking into your home in the middle of the night. A man doesn\u2019t reach over and get the ball bat and say, \u201cOkay, Sweetie\u2014I did it last night;\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014now, it\u2019s your turn.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014it\u2019s your turn tonight.\u201d No; any self-respecting man <em>knows<\/em> that it\u2019s the man who needs to crawl his carcass out of the bed and tiptoe through the dark, facing down his own fear, and protect his family \/ find out what\u2019s going on. It\u2019s a unique assignment for a man.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>That\u2019s a pretty easy example that we often give, but when it comes to these kinds of questions\u2014transgender\/same-sex attraction\u2014as a man, I need to have the same level of initiative.\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI need to say: \u201cIf my daughter and my son have questions around this, I\u2019m not going to leave it up to someone else. I\u2019m going to press into it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I want to agree with you there, John\u2014and put a double underline\u2014it\u2019s not <em>if<\/em> the questions are being asked of your son or your daughter\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>So true.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s how many of them are being <em>pounded<\/em> at them by the culture, by music, by movies, by their teachers, their coaches. I mean, you can\u2019t begin to evaluate and screen all the messaging that\u2019s coming at your children. It means you do have to find out what\u2019s being communicated and what your son or your daughter thinks about what\u2019s being said, and to help them know how to think, and to allow them freedom to be confused \/ to have doubt.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, John, when my son\u2014when one of my sons was, I think, 13 or 14 years old\u2014he went on a youth group retreat with the church. The speaker at that retreat said, \u201cGuys and girls are different.\u201d\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHe said, \u201cYou know, guys like sports \/ girls like to read.\u201d And my son sat out there and he thought: \u201cI\u2019m not real big into sports. I <em>love<\/em> to read.\u201d It bothered him; because he walked away thinking, \u201cIs this guy saying I\u2019m not a man because I like to read and I\u2019m not that into sports?\u201d\n\nThis is where we <em>do<\/em> have to be really careful, as parents, that we\u2019re not imposing some personal standard, where we say: \u201cThis is how I think manhood is. So, this is what you have to be,\u201d and that we\u2019re not just melding in with the cultural standard. We do have to go back and say, \u201cOkay; what does God say is at the core of this?\u201d\u2014and then help our sons and our daughters\u2014say, \u201cThis is what you need to be embracing, and affirming, and aiming toward.\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>There\u2019s a great illustration Tim Keller gives of the power culture has on the way we view our lives. I think, as Americans, especially, we tend to think we have complete autonomy and control over the way we view ourselves and shape our world.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHe says: \u201cImagine an Anglo-Saxon warrior in the 12<sup>th<\/sup> century walking down the street. He has two feelings inside of him\u2014one is anger \/ he just wants to smash people.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>But in his culture, that would have been praised\u2014strength was a high value. The other might have been same-sex attraction. He would have said, \u2018That is not me. That is not who I am. That is not acceptable in this culture; I\u2019m going to suppress that.\u2019 Come to modern Manhattan\u2014take those same two emotions\u2014the young man feels anger inside and he says: \u2018I need anger management; that is not acceptable in my society.\u2019 Yet, same-sex attraction\u2014he says: \u2018No; that is who I am. I will express that.\u2019\u201d\n\nThere are so many messages coming at our children that are shaping the way they think about themselves. We have to be proactive, Dennis, as you mentioned. How can we be proactive and get ahead of a conversation that we know they\u2019re going to hear?\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just have to say, at this point\u2014I am troubled as I look at our culture, which has so deified tolerance.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nIt\u2019s made us think that the middle of the road is really the safe place. It\u2019s the place where you\u2019re going to get run over. If you want to know how to raise children in this culture, you have to get back to the Book and let the Book speak to your life. I\u2019ll just tell you a passage of Scripture\u2014if I was raising children today\u2014I would be on the lookout for. It\u2019s really a passage of Scripture that contains some of the harshest words for what\u2019s taking place in our culture\u2014Romans, Chapter 1.\n\nIn this passage [Romans 1:20-22]\u2014I\u2019ve just been reading and rereading this, just thinking about this\u2014but it says here\u2014it says: \u201cFor God\u2019s invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ever since the creation of the world in things that have been made.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cSo they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to Him; but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.\u201d Then comes some of the most damning words in Scripture: \u201cClaiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.\u201d\n\nA lot of this battle we\u2019re watching in the culture today is a battle against Almighty God and how He made things. He didn\u2019t stutter in Genesis 1\u2014He made them male and female. The culture has come along and said there are 60 genders\u20146-0.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nNow, I just have to say\u2014when I read through that list of 60 genders and I think about how this is impacting my grandchildren\u2014I get angry, because I believe that a godless culture is purveying a message upon my grandkids that\u2019s a lie. Although they\u2019re acting like they\u2019re wise in being all-inclusive in their language, they, according to the Scripture, are becoming <em>fools<\/em>.\n\nWhat we, as moms and dads, really have to protect\u2014we have to watch how we speak about this. We have to speak with love \/ with compassion. We have to understand that a person who doesn\u2019t know Jesus Christ, and who doesn\u2019t agree with the Bible, is not going to promote biblical thinking; but \u201cHow do we raise kids in this culture today? How do we help them know how to love people who disagree with them?\u201d And so, yes, we are compassionate to them\u2014we aren\u2019t judging of them \/ we don\u2019t point our fingers at them and curse them and tell them they\u2019re going to burn in hell.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nInstead, we compassionately reach out\u2014present the truth and, if given the opportunity, we talk to them about their relationship with Jesus Christ. I think if we don\u2019t train our young people to be on the offensive, they are going to become casualties; because they\u2019re going to be so conformed to the culture\u2014to be liked, to not take a stand, to not disagree\u2014that they\u2019re going to get brainwashed; and they\u2019re not going to know who they are or <em>whose<\/em> they are.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, is not exclusively about gender issues\u2014that\u2019s just a component of what you\u2019re dealing with. It\u2019s a big component in our world today, but you\u2019re trying to help young people understand identity is a bigger issue: \u201cWho did God make you to be? What are your gifts? What are your abilities? What are your skills and talents? What does it mean you\u2019re a child of God, if in fact you have a relationship with Him?\u201d and \u201cWhat does it mean about your identity if you\u2019re a rebel to God?\u201d and \u201cWhat kind of a mission has God called you to?\u201d\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI was thinking, John\u2014you know, you also worked on the <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> project for parents who have 14-\/15-year-old kids to get away for a couple of days and to listen together to the audio that you\u2019ve created. If parents went on one of those <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> trips with their kids and then said: \u201cHow about, for the next seven or eight weeks, we get together for lunch and we just go through a chapter at a time? You tell me what stood out to you, and I\u2019ll tell you what stood out to me. We\u2019ll just have a conversation around that.\u201d If you have to bribe your kid to do it, I\u2019m not\u2014I used to bribe my kids with all kinds of things; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Amen. But \u201cincentivize\u201d is the Christian way to say it. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. To do that, most parents are just going to put it on their kids\u2019 bed and say, \u201cHey, you might be interested in this.\u201d\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWell, that\u2019s never going to work; right? You have to be a little more engaging than that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And not be afraid of the questions they\u2019re going to ask and not be afraid of not having an answer.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>A parent doesn\u2019t have to know everything. He just needs to be fearless in stepping off into these discussions and go\u2014maybe, at a point, say: \u201cYou know, when I was your age, I didn\u2019t have <em>any<\/em> of these messages coming at me; but you <em>do<\/em>. You know what? If I don\u2019t have the answer, I\u2019ll go find it\u2014we\u2019ll go find it together\u2014but let\u2019s discuss: \u201cWhat\u2019s God\u2019s opinion? What does He say about this?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right; yes. If listeners will go to our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, they can hear a sample of the audio that you\u2019ve created for <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and hear how we frame up these topics for moms and dads to have the conversation with their sons and daughters. Find out more about <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and about John Majors\u2019 book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<em>Passport2Identity<\/em> comes in both a young men\u2019s and a young women\u2019s kit. Of course, the book, <em>True Identity<\/em>, was designed to be read by middle school-aged young men and young women. So again, find out more, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to order by phone: 1-800-FLTODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, it seems like in every season of life there are places where the culture collides with what the Scriptures teach\u2014where cultural values clash with what God has said is true\u2014and certainly, that\u2019s the case when it comes to the issues we\u2019ve been talking about today\u2014the issues of identity, especially as it relates to teenagers.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nHere, at FamilyLife, we want to be a resource to remind people of what God\u2019s Word has to say on subjects like our identity, our sexuality, [and] our gender. The questions that the culture is raising, we want to keep pointing you back to practical biblical wisdom about how to address those issues in your marriage and in your family.\n\nThose of you who help support this ministry\u2014you\u2019re making it possible for more and more moms and dads \/ husbands and wives to be able to take advantage of the resources we offer, the audio that\u2019s available on radio and online, the events that FamilyLife hosts. You make all of that possible when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\nIf you\u2019re a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, this would be a great time for you to get in touch with us and say, \u201cI believe in what you\u2019re doing, and I want to be a part of the team that extends the reach of FamilyLife.\u201d You can do that today by going online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking with John Majors about how, as parents, we can be actively involved and engaged with our children as they go through some of the difficult issues they\u2019re going to face during their teen years. I hope you can join us back for that tomorrow.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you Wednesday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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