{"id":304740,"date":"2017-10-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-10-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/transitioning-to-adolescence\/"},"modified":"2017-10-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-10-30T15:00:00","slug":"transitioning-to-adolescence","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/transitioning-to-adolescence\/","title":{"rendered":"Transitioning to Adolescence"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Becoming a teenager is a big transition because so many new experiences are on the horizon. In his new book, &#8220;True Identity,&#8221; writer John Majors explains to teens what they&#8217;re likely to face. Majors shares that the first thing a newbie teen is likely to question is his identity. Parents can help their sons and daughters by pointing them to Scripture and by offering plenty of encouragement.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Becoming a teenager is a big transition because so many new experiences are on the horizon. In his new book,Writer John Majors explains to teens what they&#8217;re likely to face.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23923279","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2815,2855],"tags":[6347,4580,2209,6345,6346],"podcast_series":[8244],"cwp_profile":[3108],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304740","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sexual-wholeness","category-teens","tag-adolescent","tag-encouragement","tag-parenting","tag-teenager","tag-transition","podcast_series-true-identity","cwp_profile-john-majors","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304740\/transitioning-to-adolescence","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304740\/transitioning-to-adolescence","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"sHxjETTcxc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/transitioning-to-adolescence\/\">Transitioning to Adolescence<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/transitioning-to-adolescence\/embed\/#?secret=sHxjETTcxc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Transitioning to Adolescence&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"sHxjETTcxc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a middle school-aged son or daughter, what are the things that are most important to them right now?\u00a0 John Majors says, \u201cAs parents, we need to be helping our children be thinking about what really matters, not about what their Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> friends say is important.\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>If I were to go back and look at the things I would have listed\u2014and I think any adult would look back at what you would have listed that were important to you when you were 13\u2014you know, so many of those aren\u2019t even on your radar screen anymore. So, your identity <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be about those things primarily; or you\u2019re set up to fail. It\u2019s got to be something <em>deeper<\/em> than that that will transcend those things as you grow and as you age.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How can we, as parents, be proactively engaged and involved in helping direct the way our middle school-aged kids are thinking?\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ll explore that subject today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that I had the opportunity to do, not long ago, as a part of the work that we\u2019re doing on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> video series that we\u2019re creating\u2014I went out on the street corner in suburban Chicago; and I asked people who were coming by, \u201cWhat age is the toughest age to be a kid?\u201d\u00a0 What was interesting\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You were there with a video crew.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had a video crew. What was interesting is that there was a consensus. People kind of all looked and said, \u201cThere is a year that is the toughest year.\u201d\u00a0 Would you know what that is?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, because I know what we\u2019re talking about today and I know the age range that it\u2019s targeted for\u201413 to 15?\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thirteen is the year that folks looked at and said, \u201cThat\u2019s got to be the toughest year\u2014thirteen\/fourteen.\u201d\u00a0 That transition time from childhood to adolescence may be the rockiest season for any young person to go through.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They begin to push parents out\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014at a time when they need to be inviting their parents in. The unfortunate thing is\u2014is that parents <em>let them<\/em> push them out of their lives.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and they are trying to figure out in those years: \u201cWho am I really?\u00a0 What am I good at?\u00a0 What are my talents and abilities?\u00a0 Will people even like me?\u00a0 Will my peers respect me?\u201d\u00a0 There is a lot of self-doubt in those years.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s why we\u2019ve targeted this age range to produce a new product\u2014and now a new book we\u2019re going to tell you about here in a minute\u2014called <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. There is both a male and a female version; and we have the creator of the male version, John Majors, back with us.\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWelcome back, John.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Thanks. Good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong><em>Passport2Identity<\/em>\u2014well, you explain it, John. Why don\u2019t you explain to our listeners what it\u2019s all about?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Well, <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is an audio kit that\u2019s a weekend getaway between a father and his son or a mother and her daughter to help them transition into middle teen years. We\u2019ve specifically centered it around the driver\u2019s license: \u201cSo, you\u2019re about to get your driver\u2019s license. How do you get ready for that?\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have increased freedoms, increased responsibilities, new conversations in life that are happening around dating, and sex, and \u2018What does it mean to be a man and a woman?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So, we want to give you a weekend away to have those conversations, hopefully, in a fun and memorable way and to strengthen that relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you have created a companion book that is called <em>True Identity<\/em> that addresses the identity issues that young men and young women are facing; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right. The book is really designed for a parent to be able to give it to their child and say, \u201cLook, read through this; and let\u2019s talk about it.\u201d\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nUnfortunately, not everybody has a chance to get away for a weekend with their child; and this book complements the weekend. If you go through the weekend, you can read the book and get the same ideas in a little different way. It\u2019ll open up a conversation between parent and child around a lot of important topics.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, John has served here, at FamilyLife, for 17 years. He\u2019s the Senior Director of Content Development.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody what John\u2019s <em>first<\/em> responsibilities were when he came here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s let him tell!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What did you come here to do?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019ll tell it with some color, Bob.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; he will.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Well, the way it was described to me was: \u201cI was the chief manure-shoveler,\u201d when I showed up\u2014that\u2019s how it was described to me. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your boss\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Since we don\u2019t have horses or cows\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014around here\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I was a ministry assistant to the President of FamilyLife\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Who was then?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u2014who was Dennis Rainey. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your job was to kind of help Dennis navigate everything that he had to deal with; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes, yes; in fact, part of what I learned during that time, I think, ended up in this book\u2014was his encouragement to say: \u201cGet out ahead of me.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cMake sure that you are thinking out ahead of me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s part of learning to grow up\u2014be a leader \/ be a man\u2014is to think out ahead. I didn\u2019t know what that meant when he said it, but I learned over time. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and being a parent, we\u2019ve got to be thinking out ahead. I mean, I remember the night that my daughter came home from being at a sleepover at a friend\u2019s house. I said, \u201cWhat did you guys do last night?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe went out to the park.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, what did you do out at the park?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe just hung out at the park.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, what time did you guys get back from the park?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh, a little after midnight.\u201d\u00a0 She was like 14\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cWait, wait, wait. No, no, no,\u201d\u2014but I hadn\u2019t been thinking out ahead. I had just been kind of rolling with the flow.\n\nAs a parent, we have to be anticipating: \u201cWhat\u2019s around the corner? What\u2019s going on in our kids\u2019 lives?\u201d\u2014thinking out ahead of what\u2019s going on. That\u2019s <em>really<\/em> a part of what you\u2019re exhorting parents to\u2014although the book is really more written for the young person than it is for the parent; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; and really, I tried to get my head back in the space of: \u201cWhat was it like when I was 14\/15?\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cWhat was I struggling with? What was I wrestling with?\u201d\u00a0 You know, I thought there were some things I was good at, at school\u2014I liked math; I was trying to pick out a car; I was doing well in my little grocery store job\u2014but man, if you would have asked me, \u201cJohn, what are you good at?\u201d I was still trying to figure that out.\n\nThis book just tries to help give a kid perspective on: \u201cHow do you figure that out in a way that keeps the most important things central to life?\u201d because we live in a culture that wants to make <em>so<\/em> many secondary things the most important thing of life. How do we say: \u201cLook, here\u2019s what\u2019s got to be central to you. Your identity has to be rooted in something greater than you\u201d?\u2014give them that conversation \/ give them that opportunity to really explore that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ve gotten into your book. It may be what you struggled with when you were a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old, but it\u2019s laid over today\u2019s culture and some thorny issues that young people face today that they need moms and dads to help them address.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou begin the book with an unusual identity crises that a young lady had.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Alecia Faith Pennington is a young lady in Texas who wanted to travel the world. She wanted to get a job and earn some money. She couldn\u2019t get a job, because she didn\u2019t have any driver\u2019s license. So, she went to get her driver\u2019s license. She couldn\u2019t get a driver\u2019s license, because she didn\u2019t have a birth certificate\u2014she had been born at home \/ her parents hadn\u2019t filed the paperwork.\n\nNow, she pressed into it. She realized she didn\u2019t really have any form of identification that really would prove that she was a person. She hadn\u2019t been to the doctor or the dentist\u2014no kind of records or public school or anything that would prove that she was a real person. That put her on a quest of \u201cHow do I prove to the government\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I establish: \u2018Yes,\u2019\u2014that\u2014\u2018I exist\u2019?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And that also caused in her some questions about: \u201cWell, who am <em>I<\/em>?\u00a0 What is important to me?\u00a0 How do I continue to grow, myself, as my <em>own<\/em> person?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it\u2019s a great illustration of what a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old experiences, coming out of the golden years when life is simple\u2014\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the hormones haven\u2019t hit; or they\u2019re in the process of hitting, maybe better-stated. Nonetheless, they\u2019re trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I?\u00a0 What\u2019s my role here?\u201d\u00a0 What you\u2019re saying is that it\u2019s a parent\u2019s responsibility to help your child figure this out, and what you want to do is help them address it in this book.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; I think every parent wants to see their kid grow into that. I\u2019ve got a 12-year-old boy at home right now, and he\u2019s excelling in swimming. I\u2019m going: \u201cHow can I help feed that?\u00a0 How can I help him grow in that?\u201d\u2014but, yet, also\u2014\u201cHow can I help protect him from him making that his ultimate identity and make everything about that?\u201d because identity has got to be bigger than that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What is a biblical approach to a person\u2019s <em>real<\/em> identity?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I point people to Colossians 3:2-3: \u201cSet your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.\u201d\u00a0 Really, what we want people to get out of that is: \u201cOur identity, ultimately, has to be rooted in Christ.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cIt has to be rooted in something greater than ourselves.\u201d\u00a0 When I think back to my identity-crisis moments, it was always when I was trying to take over my identity \/ trying to set my identity myself. Over and over again, I let myself down.\n\nThere\u2019s a popular opinion, I think, in today\u2019s world\u2014that in order to really figure out who you are, you\u2019ve got to look deep inside yourself \/ you\u2019ve got to follow your own heart. I\u2019ve heard Tim Keller say, \u201cThat\u2019s a pretty scary proposition; because when I\u2019ve looked deep inside myself, it\u2019s dark; it\u2019s wicked; and I\u2019ve let myself down again and again.\u201d\u00a0 So, we really need to root our identity\u2014or hide our identity\u2014in something that\u2019s greater and stronger than ourself that will hold up under whatever pressure we face.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you stop and think about it\u2014as an adult, when we think about our identity, as grownups, when somebody says, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d the first thing you go to is your vocation \/ your occupation. So much of our identity is based on what we <em>do<\/em>.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\nIf you ask a 13-year-old, you don\u2019t typically say, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d\u2014you know what they do \/ they go to school\u2014but if you said, \u201cSo, tell me a little bit about yourself,\u201d they\u2019re typically going to go to their likes, their dislikes, their interests \/ things they\u2019re good at. You\u2019re suggesting that we need to help them understand that\u2019s a part of who they are, but it\u2019s not the <em>core<\/em> of who they are.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>It\u2019s not your <em>ultimate<\/em> identity. Those are important, and those help shape who you are and help you grow; but if I were to go back and look at the things I would have listed\u2014and I think any adult would look back at what you would have listed that were important to you when you were 13\u2014<em>so<\/em> many of those aren\u2019t even on your radar screen anymore. So, your identity <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be about those things primarily; or you are set up to fail. It\u2019s got to be something <em>deeper<\/em> than that that will transcend those things as you grow and as you age.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The Scriptures really command us to look into the mirror of God\u2019s Word to get a take or an image of who we are.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nUnfortunately, we\u2019re gazing at the world; and we\u2019re glancing at the Bible. If you\u2019re gazing at the world\u2014which is what most 13- to 15-year-olds are doing\u2014they\u2019re looking at their peers. They\u2019ve got all these peers holding up mirrors back to them, telling them who they are.\n\nI\u2019m just curious\u2014because you\u2019ve given this a lot of thought\u2014\u201cWhat are the images that young people are being told that they are today?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, we know some of them are around the gender issue; but what others are they being challenged with?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>You know, a lot of them are ones that we faced as kids; but I think it\u2019s really ramped up with our sports culture. You know, you\u2019ve got to specialize really early and become totally involved in the sports world to prove yourself\u2014that you\u2019re going to be good at anything. But it\u2019s also in academics\u2014I mean, from a young age, kids\u2014you know, they\u2019re told, \u201cHarvard is on the horizon,\u201d in kindergarten and \u201cdepending on how you do there,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a bit crazy. Those kinds of pressures weren\u2019t on <em>me<\/em>.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI wasn\u2019t even hardly thinking about college until late in high school. So, it\u2019s a different world in those regards.\n\nAnd then: \u201cWhat do you think about the latest music that comes out?\u201d \u201c\u2026the latest movie?\u201d \u201cWhat are your opinions on the latest social issues?\u201d\u00a0 If you don\u2019t say the right things on social media, you\u2019ll be ostracized by groups of friends. Those are significant pressures that are shaping the way you think about yourself.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Back last spring, there was a lot of talk around the series that was on Netflix, I think, called <em>13 Reasons Why<\/em> about a young person who had committed suicide. The message of the series was that a lot of young people are hearing messages from their peers and from their culture that are driving them to despair; because they can\u2019t measure up \/ they don\u2019t measure up; they can\u2019t achieve \/ they can\u2019t succeed.\n\nDo you think it\u2019s tougher for a 13-year-old <em>today<\/em> to try to grapple with identity issues than it was when you and I were 13?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that it\u2019s tougher\u2014but I think, whether it\u2019s harder or easier\u2014I think our goal, as parents, has to be:\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cHow do we push our kids back to Scripture?\u00a0 How do we get them to see that there is an eternal standard that they can depend on no matter what comes at them?\u201d\u2014because it could be strong messages on suicide; it could be strong messages on their gender identity, transgender issues, [and] same-sex attraction. If they have an eternal standard they can go back to and something they can point to\u2014that they can depend on <em>no matter what<\/em>\u2014and if we can keep pressing that into their heads in a way that\u2019s not legalistic and turns them sour against God\u2019s Word\u2014that\u2019s what\u2019s going to help them navigate whatever comes to them.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are two things I want parents to know as they guide their children through these challenging years. First of all, I think there is more noise today, at a higher intensity, than there has ever been simply because most of them carry around a screen in their pockets or purses\u2014and the world\u2019s got access to them, and the world is flashing these images.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThere are a <em>lot<\/em> of ways a kid could make a mistake today in a hurry.\n\nThe second thing\u2014and this is a key point that parents have to understand\u2014your young teenager may look like they\u2019re nearly grown-up. They are starting to take on the features of adults, but they\u2019re <em>not<\/em>\u2014they lack confidence \/ they are filled with self-doubt.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said, \u201cconfidence\u201d\u2014I didn\u2019t know if you said \u201cconfidence\u201d or \u201ccompetence.\u201d\u00a0 I guess they lack both; don\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you\u2019re right, Bob; I think both words would characterize them; but they need somebody to believe in them\u2014and believe in them when they fail \/ believe in them when they make a mistake and they don\u2019t achieve and they don\u2019t measure up\u2014maybe to their brothers and sisters within the family or to what the parent is desiring from them, as a young person.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>One of the things I try to encourage folks to do is to get around mentors. Find strong mentors in your life\u2014and I hesitate bringing up mentors, because I know I may not get to talk again the rest of this time because Dennis is so passionate about mentoring\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014in a season when you don\u2019t want to hear from your parents.\n\nI think, looking back at 15, I acted like I didn\u2019t; but I <em>did<\/em>. I wanted my dad to say, \u201cNo, son; here\u2019s what you need to do.\u201d\u00a0 Even if I pushed back, that was part of the game. I\u2019m going to push back, because I\u2019m trying to establish myself as well; but I was also doing all I could to get around our youth minister, who was just the manliest man I knew and the godliest guy I knew. He was pouring into me\u2014and he was helping to shape me \/ he was helping to direct me\u2014and that\u2019s a great tool. Find other men and women you want your children to be like and do whatever you can to get them around them.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know how many times my kids heard me say: \u201cFind somebody, five or ten years older than you, who you look at their life and you think, \u2018You know, when I\u2019m 23, I\u2019d like my life to look like that.\u2019\u00a0 Then, get some time with them\u2014to ask them if you can go out and buy them lunch sometime and just hang around them.\u201d\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI think that you\u2019re right\u2014as a young person, you look at people in our generation\u2014and a 15-year-old goes: \u201cYeah, I kind of want to be like my dad; but I\u2019d like to be a little cooler than my dad\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cMy dad\u2019s just not all that cool.\u201d\u00a0 But you see some 24-year-old youth pastor\u2014some kind who is manly and godly\u2014and you go, \u201cThat\u2019s who I\u2019d like to be like.\u201d\u00a0 And if you can get your kids in a channel of influence like that\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s <em>huge<\/em>.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I\u2019ve got a friend, right now\u2014once a week, he drops off his 13-year-old son to meet with a pastor that <em>he<\/em> admires\u2014he bribes him with coffee and treats. They\u2019re going through a book, because he knows his son needs that guy to speak into his life in a way that he can\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here is what you need to know about a young person in this phase of life. You\u2019d be much smarter to line up the mentor and have the mentor pursue your son or your daughter on their own.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m not against appointments like your friend\u2014but if it can be someone taking interest in me, as a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old\u2014I\u2019m always looking up to older young people and college students that are just a few years ahead in the laps of life.\n\nOne of the things that we did, as we raised our older kids\u2014we would go to them privately and say: \u201cHey, Ben, why don\u2019t you put your arm around your younger brother, Samuel, and help him?\u00a0 He\u2019s going through a really difficult time right now. Just express belief in him, and love him, and coach him.\u201d\u00a0 In the process of challenging Ben to do that, I was also challenging him to finish the process of growing up well, as a young man. It\u2019s a double gain for a family if you can use a family member to reach down into the younger ones and to build into their lives.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019ll tell you\u2014as you talk about that, I think\u2014if I could find\u2014\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014if I had a 14-year-old son today, and I could find a high school senior or college student \/ somebody like that\u2014who I thought, \u201cThis is a sharp young man,\u201d\u2014same with my daughter \/ if I could find an 18-\/19-\/20-year-old young woman, who would agree to get with my daughter\u2014I\u2019d buy two copies of <em>True Identity. <\/em>I\u2019d give them to the older person\u2014I would say: \u201cWould you \/ I\u2019ll pay <em>you<\/em> to go through this book with my son or my daughter. Get together with them once a week. I\u2019ll buy the lunch, and I\u2019ll pay you to go through it.\u201d\u00a0 That would be an investment\u2014it\u2019d be <em>huge<\/em>; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Brilliant\u2014absolutely brilliant. As a parent, don\u2019t lose sight of this. This is absolutely, categorically, something you can\u2019t give up during this period of time\u2014and that\u2019s your relationship with your son or with your daughter. I know that says easy and does hard; because you\u2019re starting to relate to them\u2014they\u2019re pushing back\u2014they don\u2019t like you \/ you don\u2019t feel welcome.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou just keep finding a way to get into the interior of their lives\u2014you take them hunting, you take them fishing, you take them shopping\u2014go out on Coke<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> dates. Find ways to get T-I-M-E and keep the relationship alive. You can\u2019t afford for the bridge to go down on your end, as a parent, that is bridging over to the island that your son or daughter is likely building for themselves to be isolated. They don\u2019t need to be isolated\u2014they <em>need<\/em> a parent <em>now<\/em> more than ever.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In that regard, if you can set up a weekend\u2014where you and your son or you and your daughter\u2014could get away for a weekend and do something that your son or daughter would really like to do\u2014like drive four or five hours so you could go to a game, or so that you could go shopping, or so that you could go barrel racing\u2014you know, I don\u2019t know what it is that your kid is into\u2014but something that would really be exciting for them. Then you say, \u201cAlong the way, I want us to listen to the <em>Passport2Identity <\/em>stuff from FamilyLife.\u201d\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThey might shriek and howl and say, \u201cThen, I don\u2019t want to go.\u201d\u00a0 Just say: \u201cCome on. Let\u2019s do this. It\u2019d be good.\u201d\u00a0 You do it. If you\u2019re with the guys, you\u2019re going to hear John guiding you through the material. If you\u2019re with your daughter, Michelle Hill is going to take them through the material. It opens the doors for conversation\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that you just won\u2019t have any other way.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>An outsider can say something to your son or daughter\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, on the CD; yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and it authenticates that you, as a parent, aren\u2019t near the dummy that your son or daughter may think that you are at that time.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And it\u2019s not just what they hear\u2014because we didn\u2019t have <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> when I was 15; but I remember the times away with my dad\u2014those were some of the most important moments of my upbringing\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u2014the camping trips \/ the fishing trips. They weren\u2019t often because he was incredibly busy, but they were powerful \/ they were memorable.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We do have <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> for both young men and young women and the book that John has written called <em>True Identity<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019m just sitting here, thinking about this time of year\u2014kind of tough for a mom or a dad to plan a two-day getaway with a son or a daughter at this time of year\u2014but you can start thinking about a couple of days over Christmas break or \u201cIs there time over spring break?\u201d\u00a0 Start making plans now to have a couple of days\u2019 getaway where you and your son or you and your daughter can go on a <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> experience together.\n\nAgain, this is for parents of 13-\/14-\/15-year\u2014even a 16-year-old. It\u2019s a great couple of days away, where you can engage around subjects that are front and center with where your son or daughter is living. Find out more about <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and John Majors\u2019 book for teens called <em>True Identity: Finding Significance and Freedom Through Who You Are in Christ<\/em>.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nBoth resources are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I think all of us, as parents, look at the season in which we\u2019re raising our children and think, \u201cHas there ever been a more challenging time than the season we\u2019re in right now?\u201d\u00a0 It does seem like whenever your children are going through their teen years, there are lots of challenges that we face, as parents. One of our goals, here, at FamilyLife is to help you in that journey. We want to be an ongoing source of practical biblical wisdom, help and hope for moms and dads \/ for husbands and wives when you go through the tough times of life in your marriage or in your family.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOur goal is to develop godly marriages and families.\n\nAnd when you support the ministry of FamilyLife, what you are enabling us to do is to reach more families\u2014more young couples; more parents, who\u2019ve got teenagers; parents of prodigals; couples who are struggling in their marriage\u2014you\u2019re helping to effectively develop more godly marriages and families when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you are a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation or maybe it\u2019s been a while since you donated, today would be a great day for you to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation; or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your financial support to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\nAnd let me just say\u2014if you\u2019re a regular listener, and you\u2019ve ever thought about becoming a Legacy Partner and donating each month to help provide the financial underwriting this ministry needs, we would love to have you get in touch with us.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nFind out more at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nTomorrow, John Majors will be back with us. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the very difficult issues teenagers are facing today and how we, as parents, can help prepare them for some of the challenges they\u2019re facing. I hope you can be back for that.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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a teenager is a big transition because so many new experiences are on the horizon. In his new book,Writer John Majors explains to teens what they're likely to face.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-10-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a middle school-aged son or daughter, what are the things that are most important to them right now?\u00a0 John Majors says, \u201cAs parents, we need to be helping our children be thinking about what really matters, not about what their Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> friends say is important.\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>If I were to go back and look at the things I would have listed\u2014and I think any adult would look back at what you would have listed that were important to you when you were 13\u2014you know, so many of those aren\u2019t even on your radar screen anymore. So, your identity <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be about those things primarily; or you\u2019re set up to fail. It\u2019s got to be something <em>deeper<\/em> than that that will transcend those things as you grow and as you age.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. How can we, as parents, be proactively engaged and involved in helping direct the way our middle school-aged kids are thinking?\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ll explore that subject today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that I had the opportunity to do, not long ago, as a part of the work that we\u2019re doing on <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> video series that we\u2019re creating\u2014I went out on the street corner in suburban Chicago; and I asked people who were coming by, \u201cWhat age is the toughest age to be a kid?\u201d\u00a0 What was interesting\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You were there with a video crew.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had a video crew. What was interesting is that there was a consensus. People kind of all looked and said, \u201cThere is a year that is the toughest year.\u201d\u00a0 Would you know what that is?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, because I know what we\u2019re talking about today and I know the age range that it\u2019s targeted for\u201413 to 15?\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thirteen is the year that folks looked at and said, \u201cThat\u2019s got to be the toughest year\u2014thirteen\/fourteen.\u201d\u00a0 That transition time from childhood to adolescence may be the rockiest season for any young person to go through.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They begin to push parents out\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014at a time when they need to be inviting their parents in. The unfortunate thing is\u2014is that parents <em>let them<\/em> push them out of their lives.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and they are trying to figure out in those years: \u201cWho am I really?\u00a0 What am I good at?\u00a0 What are my talents and abilities?\u00a0 Will people even like me?\u00a0 Will my peers respect me?\u201d\u00a0 There is a lot of self-doubt in those years.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s why we\u2019ve targeted this age range to produce a new product\u2014and now a new book we\u2019re going to tell you about here in a minute\u2014called <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. There is both a male and a female version; and we have the creator of the male version, John Majors, back with us.\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWelcome back, John.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Thanks. Good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong><em>Passport2Identity<\/em>\u2014well, you explain it, John. Why don\u2019t you explain to our listeners what it\u2019s all about?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Well, <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is an audio kit that\u2019s a weekend getaway between a father and his son or a mother and her daughter to help them transition into middle teen years. We\u2019ve specifically centered it around the driver\u2019s license: \u201cSo, you\u2019re about to get your driver\u2019s license. How do you get ready for that?\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have increased freedoms, increased responsibilities, new conversations in life that are happening around dating, and sex, and \u2018What does it mean to be a man and a woman?\u2019\u201d\u00a0 So, we want to give you a weekend away to have those conversations, hopefully, in a fun and memorable way and to strengthen that relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you have created a companion book that is called <em>True Identity<\/em> that addresses the identity issues that young men and young women are facing; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right. The book is really designed for a parent to be able to give it to their child and say, \u201cLook, read through this; and let\u2019s talk about it.\u201d\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nUnfortunately, not everybody has a chance to get away for a weekend with their child; and this book complements the weekend. If you go through the weekend, you can read the book and get the same ideas in a little different way. It\u2019ll open up a conversation between parent and child around a lot of important topics.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, John has served here, at FamilyLife, for 17 years. He\u2019s the Senior Director of Content Development.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell everybody what John\u2019s <em>first<\/em> responsibilities were when he came here.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s let him tell!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What did you come here to do?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019ll tell it with some color, Bob.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; he will.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Well, the way it was described to me was: \u201cI was the chief manure-shoveler,\u201d when I showed up\u2014that\u2019s how it was described to me. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your boss\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Since we don\u2019t have horses or cows\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014around here\u2014\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I was a ministry assistant to the President of FamilyLife\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Who was then?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u2014who was Dennis Rainey. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your job was to kind of help Dennis navigate everything that he had to deal with; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes, yes; in fact, part of what I learned during that time, I think, ended up in this book\u2014was his encouragement to say: \u201cGet out ahead of me.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cMake sure that you are thinking out ahead of me.\u201d\u00a0 That\u2019s part of learning to grow up\u2014be a leader \/ be a man\u2014is to think out ahead. I didn\u2019t know what that meant when he said it, but I learned over time. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and being a parent, we\u2019ve got to be thinking out ahead. I mean, I remember the night that my daughter came home from being at a sleepover at a friend\u2019s house. I said, \u201cWhat did you guys do last night?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe went out to the park.\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cOh, what did you do out at the park?\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cWe just hung out at the park.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWell, what time did you guys get back from the park?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOh, a little after midnight.\u201d\u00a0 She was like 14\u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cWait, wait, wait. No, no, no,\u201d\u2014but I hadn\u2019t been thinking out ahead. I had just been kind of rolling with the flow.\n\nAs a parent, we have to be anticipating: \u201cWhat\u2019s around the corner? What\u2019s going on in our kids\u2019 lives?\u201d\u2014thinking out ahead of what\u2019s going on. That\u2019s <em>really<\/em> a part of what you\u2019re exhorting parents to\u2014although the book is really more written for the young person than it is for the parent; right?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; and really, I tried to get my head back in the space of: \u201cWhat was it like when I was 14\/15?\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cWhat was I struggling with? What was I wrestling with?\u201d\u00a0 You know, I thought there were some things I was good at, at school\u2014I liked math; I was trying to pick out a car; I was doing well in my little grocery store job\u2014but man, if you would have asked me, \u201cJohn, what are you good at?\u201d I was still trying to figure that out.\n\nThis book just tries to help give a kid perspective on: \u201cHow do you figure that out in a way that keeps the most important things central to life?\u201d because we live in a culture that wants to make <em>so<\/em> many secondary things the most important thing of life. How do we say: \u201cLook, here\u2019s what\u2019s got to be central to you. Your identity has to be rooted in something greater than you\u201d?\u2014give them that conversation \/ give them that opportunity to really explore that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ve gotten into your book. It may be what you struggled with when you were a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old, but it\u2019s laid over today\u2019s culture and some thorny issues that young people face today that they need moms and dads to help them address.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou begin the book with an unusual identity crises that a young lady had.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Alecia Faith Pennington is a young lady in Texas who wanted to travel the world. She wanted to get a job and earn some money. She couldn\u2019t get a job, because she didn\u2019t have any driver\u2019s license. So, she went to get her driver\u2019s license. She couldn\u2019t get a driver\u2019s license, because she didn\u2019t have a birth certificate\u2014she had been born at home \/ her parents hadn\u2019t filed the paperwork.\n\nNow, she pressed into it. She realized she didn\u2019t really have any form of identification that really would prove that she was a person. She hadn\u2019t been to the doctor or the dentist\u2014no kind of records or public school or anything that would prove that she was a real person. That put her on a quest of \u201cHow do I prove to the government\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I establish: \u2018Yes,\u2019\u2014that\u2014\u2018I exist\u2019?\u201d\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And that also caused in her some questions about: \u201cWell, who am <em>I<\/em>?\u00a0 What is important to me?\u00a0 How do I continue to grow, myself, as my <em>own<\/em> person?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it\u2019s a great illustration of what a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old experiences, coming out of the golden years when life is simple\u2014\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014the hormones haven\u2019t hit; or they\u2019re in the process of hitting, maybe better-stated. Nonetheless, they\u2019re trying to figure out: \u201cWho am I?\u00a0 What\u2019s my role here?\u201d\u00a0 What you\u2019re saying is that it\u2019s a parent\u2019s responsibility to help your child figure this out, and what you want to do is help them address it in this book.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>Yes; I think every parent wants to see their kid grow into that. I\u2019ve got a 12-year-old boy at home right now, and he\u2019s excelling in swimming. I\u2019m going: \u201cHow can I help feed that?\u00a0 How can I help him grow in that?\u201d\u2014but, yet, also\u2014\u201cHow can I help protect him from him making that his ultimate identity and make everything about that?\u201d because identity has got to be bigger than that.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What is a biblical approach to a person\u2019s <em>real<\/em> identity?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I point people to Colossians 3:2-3: \u201cSet your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.\u201d\u00a0 Really, what we want people to get out of that is: \u201cOur identity, ultimately, has to be rooted in Christ.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cIt has to be rooted in something greater than ourselves.\u201d\u00a0 When I think back to my identity-crisis moments, it was always when I was trying to take over my identity \/ trying to set my identity myself. Over and over again, I let myself down.\n\nThere\u2019s a popular opinion, I think, in today\u2019s world\u2014that in order to really figure out who you are, you\u2019ve got to look deep inside yourself \/ you\u2019ve got to follow your own heart. I\u2019ve heard Tim Keller say, \u201cThat\u2019s a pretty scary proposition; because when I\u2019ve looked deep inside myself, it\u2019s dark; it\u2019s wicked; and I\u2019ve let myself down again and again.\u201d\u00a0 So, we really need to root our identity\u2014or hide our identity\u2014in something that\u2019s greater and stronger than ourself that will hold up under whatever pressure we face.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you stop and think about it\u2014as an adult, when we think about our identity, as grownups, when somebody says, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d the first thing you go to is your vocation \/ your occupation. So much of our identity is based on what we <em>do<\/em>.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\nIf you ask a 13-year-old, you don\u2019t typically say, \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d\u2014you know what they do \/ they go to school\u2014but if you said, \u201cSo, tell me a little bit about yourself,\u201d they\u2019re typically going to go to their likes, their dislikes, their interests \/ things they\u2019re good at. You\u2019re suggesting that we need to help them understand that\u2019s a part of who they are, but it\u2019s not the <em>core<\/em> of who they are.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>It\u2019s not your <em>ultimate<\/em> identity. Those are important, and those help shape who you are and help you grow; but if I were to go back and look at the things I would have listed\u2014and I think any adult would look back at what you would have listed that were important to you when you were 13\u2014<em>so<\/em> many of those aren\u2019t even on your radar screen anymore. So, your identity <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be about those things primarily; or you are set up to fail. It\u2019s got to be something <em>deeper<\/em> than that that will transcend those things as you grow and as you age.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The Scriptures really command us to look into the mirror of God\u2019s Word to get a take or an image of who we are.\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nUnfortunately, we\u2019re gazing at the world; and we\u2019re glancing at the Bible. If you\u2019re gazing at the world\u2014which is what most 13- to 15-year-olds are doing\u2014they\u2019re looking at their peers. They\u2019ve got all these peers holding up mirrors back to them, telling them who they are.\n\nI\u2019m just curious\u2014because you\u2019ve given this a lot of thought\u2014\u201cWhat are the images that young people are being told that they are today?\u201d\u00a0 I mean, we know some of them are around the gender issue; but what others are they being challenged with?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>You know, a lot of them are ones that we faced as kids; but I think it\u2019s really ramped up with our sports culture. You know, you\u2019ve got to specialize really early and become totally involved in the sports world to prove yourself\u2014that you\u2019re going to be good at anything. But it\u2019s also in academics\u2014I mean, from a young age, kids\u2014you know, they\u2019re told, \u201cHarvard is on the horizon,\u201d in kindergarten and \u201cdepending on how you do there,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s a bit crazy. Those kinds of pressures weren\u2019t on <em>me<\/em>.\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI wasn\u2019t even hardly thinking about college until late in high school. So, it\u2019s a different world in those regards.\n\nAnd then: \u201cWhat do you think about the latest music that comes out?\u201d \u201c\u2026the latest movie?\u201d \u201cWhat are your opinions on the latest social issues?\u201d\u00a0 If you don\u2019t say the right things on social media, you\u2019ll be ostracized by groups of friends. Those are significant pressures that are shaping the way you think about yourself.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Back last spring, there was a lot of talk around the series that was on Netflix, I think, called <em>13 Reasons Why<\/em> about a young person who had committed suicide. The message of the series was that a lot of young people are hearing messages from their peers and from their culture that are driving them to despair; because they can\u2019t measure up \/ they don\u2019t measure up; they can\u2019t achieve \/ they can\u2019t succeed.\n\nDo you think it\u2019s tougher for a 13-year-old <em>today<\/em> to try to grapple with identity issues than it was when you and I were 13?\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that it\u2019s tougher\u2014but I think, whether it\u2019s harder or easier\u2014I think our goal, as parents, has to be:\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u201cHow do we push our kids back to Scripture?\u00a0 How do we get them to see that there is an eternal standard that they can depend on no matter what comes at them?\u201d\u2014because it could be strong messages on suicide; it could be strong messages on their gender identity, transgender issues, [and] same-sex attraction. If they have an eternal standard they can go back to and something they can point to\u2014that they can depend on <em>no matter what<\/em>\u2014and if we can keep pressing that into their heads in a way that\u2019s not legalistic and turns them sour against God\u2019s Word\u2014that\u2019s what\u2019s going to help them navigate whatever comes to them.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are two things I want parents to know as they guide their children through these challenging years. First of all, I think there is more noise today, at a higher intensity, than there has ever been simply because most of them carry around a screen in their pockets or purses\u2014and the world\u2019s got access to them, and the world is flashing these images.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThere are a <em>lot<\/em> of ways a kid could make a mistake today in a hurry.\n\nThe second thing\u2014and this is a key point that parents have to understand\u2014your young teenager may look like they\u2019re nearly grown-up. They are starting to take on the features of adults, but they\u2019re <em>not<\/em>\u2014they lack confidence \/ they are filled with self-doubt.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You said, \u201cconfidence\u201d\u2014I didn\u2019t know if you said \u201cconfidence\u201d or \u201ccompetence.\u201d\u00a0 I guess they lack both; don\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think you\u2019re right, Bob; I think both words would characterize them; but they need somebody to believe in them\u2014and believe in them when they fail \/ believe in them when they make a mistake and they don\u2019t achieve and they don\u2019t measure up\u2014maybe to their brothers and sisters within the family or to what the parent is desiring from them, as a young person.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>One of the things I try to encourage folks to do is to get around mentors. Find strong mentors in your life\u2014and I hesitate bringing up mentors, because I know I may not get to talk again the rest of this time because Dennis is so passionate about mentoring\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014in a season when you don\u2019t want to hear from your parents.\n\nI think, looking back at 15, I acted like I didn\u2019t; but I <em>did<\/em>. I wanted my dad to say, \u201cNo, son; here\u2019s what you need to do.\u201d\u00a0 Even if I pushed back, that was part of the game. I\u2019m going to push back, because I\u2019m trying to establish myself as well; but I was also doing all I could to get around our youth minister, who was just the manliest man I knew and the godliest guy I knew. He was pouring into me\u2014and he was helping to shape me \/ he was helping to direct me\u2014and that\u2019s a great tool. Find other men and women you want your children to be like and do whatever you can to get them around them.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know how many times my kids heard me say: \u201cFind somebody, five or ten years older than you, who you look at their life and you think, \u2018You know, when I\u2019m 23, I\u2019d like my life to look like that.\u2019\u00a0 Then, get some time with them\u2014to ask them if you can go out and buy them lunch sometime and just hang around them.\u201d\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI think that you\u2019re right\u2014as a young person, you look at people in our generation\u2014and a 15-year-old goes: \u201cYeah, I kind of want to be like my dad; but I\u2019d like to be a little cooler than my dad\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cMy dad\u2019s just not all that cool.\u201d\u00a0 But you see some 24-year-old youth pastor\u2014some kind who is manly and godly\u2014and you go, \u201cThat\u2019s who I\u2019d like to be like.\u201d\u00a0 And if you can get your kids in a channel of influence like that\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s <em>huge<\/em>.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>I\u2019ve got a friend, right now\u2014once a week, he drops off his 13-year-old son to meet with a pastor that <em>he<\/em> admires\u2014he bribes him with coffee and treats. They\u2019re going through a book, because he knows his son needs that guy to speak into his life in a way that he can\u2019t.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Here is what you need to know about a young person in this phase of life. You\u2019d be much smarter to line up the mentor and have the mentor pursue your son or your daughter on their own.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI\u2019m not against appointments like your friend\u2014but if it can be someone taking interest in me, as a 13-\/14-\/15-year-old\u2014I\u2019m always looking up to older young people and college students that are just a few years ahead in the laps of life.\n\nOne of the things that we did, as we raised our older kids\u2014we would go to them privately and say: \u201cHey, Ben, why don\u2019t you put your arm around your younger brother, Samuel, and help him?\u00a0 He\u2019s going through a really difficult time right now. Just express belief in him, and love him, and coach him.\u201d\u00a0 In the process of challenging Ben to do that, I was also challenging him to finish the process of growing up well, as a young man. It\u2019s a double gain for a family if you can use a family member to reach down into the younger ones and to build into their lives.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019ll tell you\u2014as you talk about that, I think\u2014if I could find\u2014\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n\u2014if I had a 14-year-old son today, and I could find a high school senior or college student \/ somebody like that\u2014who I thought, \u201cThis is a sharp young man,\u201d\u2014same with my daughter \/ if I could find an 18-\/19-\/20-year-old young woman, who would agree to get with my daughter\u2014I\u2019d buy two copies of <em>True Identity. <\/em>I\u2019d give them to the older person\u2014I would say: \u201cWould you \/ I\u2019ll pay <em>you<\/em> to go through this book with my son or my daughter. Get together with them once a week. I\u2019ll buy the lunch, and I\u2019ll pay you to go through it.\u201d\u00a0 That would be an investment\u2014it\u2019d be <em>huge<\/em>; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Brilliant\u2014absolutely brilliant. As a parent, don\u2019t lose sight of this. This is absolutely, categorically, something you can\u2019t give up during this period of time\u2014and that\u2019s your relationship with your son or with your daughter. I know that says easy and does hard; because you\u2019re starting to relate to them\u2014they\u2019re pushing back\u2014they don\u2019t like you \/ you don\u2019t feel welcome.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nYou just keep finding a way to get into the interior of their lives\u2014you take them hunting, you take them fishing, you take them shopping\u2014go out on Coke<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> dates. Find ways to get T-I-M-E and keep the relationship alive. You can\u2019t afford for the bridge to go down on your end, as a parent, that is bridging over to the island that your son or daughter is likely building for themselves to be isolated. They don\u2019t need to be isolated\u2014they <em>need<\/em> a parent <em>now<\/em> more than ever.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In that regard, if you can set up a weekend\u2014where you and your son or you and your daughter\u2014could get away for a weekend and do something that your son or daughter would really like to do\u2014like drive four or five hours so you could go to a game, or so that you could go shopping, or so that you could go barrel racing\u2014you know, I don\u2019t know what it is that your kid is into\u2014but something that would really be exciting for them. Then you say, \u201cAlong the way, I want us to listen to the <em>Passport2Identity <\/em>stuff from FamilyLife.\u201d\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nThey might shriek and howl and say, \u201cThen, I don\u2019t want to go.\u201d\u00a0 Just say: \u201cCome on. Let\u2019s do this. It\u2019d be good.\u201d\u00a0 You do it. If you\u2019re with the guys, you\u2019re going to hear John guiding you through the material. If you\u2019re with your daughter, Michelle Hill is going to take them through the material. It opens the doors for conversation\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that you just won\u2019t have any other way.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>An outsider can say something to your son or daughter\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, on the CD; yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and it authenticates that you, as a parent, aren\u2019t near the dummy that your son or daughter may think that you are at that time.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>And it\u2019s not just what they hear\u2014because we didn\u2019t have <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> when I was 15; but I remember the times away with my dad\u2014those were some of the most important moments of my upbringing\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>John: <\/strong>\u2014the camping trips \/ the fishing trips. They weren\u2019t often because he was incredibly busy, but they were powerful \/ they were memorable.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We do have <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> for both young men and young women and the book that John has written called <em>True Identity<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019m just sitting here, thinking about this time of year\u2014kind of tough for a mom or a dad to plan a two-day getaway with a son or a daughter at this time of year\u2014but you can start thinking about a couple of days over Christmas break or \u201cIs there time over spring break?\u201d\u00a0 Start making plans now to have a couple of days\u2019 getaway where you and your son or you and your daughter can go on a <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> experience together.\n\nAgain, this is for parents of 13-\/14-\/15-year\u2014even a 16-year-old. It\u2019s a great couple of days away, where you can engage around subjects that are front and center with where your son or daughter is living. Find out more about <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> and John Majors\u2019 book for teens called <em>True Identity: Finding Significance and Freedom Through Who You Are in Christ<\/em>.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nBoth resources are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I think all of us, as parents, look at the season in which we\u2019re raising our children and think, \u201cHas there ever been a more challenging time than the season we\u2019re in right now?\u201d\u00a0 It does seem like whenever your children are going through their teen years, there are lots of challenges that we face, as parents. One of our goals, here, at FamilyLife is to help you in that journey. We want to be an ongoing source of practical biblical wisdom, help and hope for moms and dads \/ for husbands and wives when you go through the tough times of life in your marriage or in your family.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nOur goal is to develop godly marriages and families.\n\nAnd when you support the ministry of FamilyLife, what you are enabling us to do is to reach more families\u2014more young couples; more parents, who\u2019ve got teenagers; parents of prodigals; couples who are struggling in their marriage\u2014you\u2019re helping to effectively develop more godly marriages and families when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you are a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation or maybe it\u2019s been a while since you donated, today would be a great day for you to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation; or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your financial support to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\nAnd let me just say\u2014if you\u2019re a regular listener, and you\u2019ve ever thought about becoming a Legacy Partner and donating each month to help provide the financial underwriting this ministry needs, we would love to have you get in touch with us.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nFind out more at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nTomorrow, John Majors will be back with us. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the very difficult issues teenagers are facing today and how we, as parents, can help prepare them for some of the challenges they\u2019re facing. I hope you can be back for that.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\n1","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304740","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304740"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304740"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304740"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304740"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304740"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304740"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304740"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}