{"id":304684,"date":"2017-09-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy\/"},"modified":"2017-09-15T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-15T15:00:00","slug":"satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Satisfying Our Husband&#8217;s Need for Intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Rhonda Stoppe | Series: If My Husband Would Change&#8230; | You cook his meals, do his laundry, and raise his children, but if you&#8217;re not meeting your husband&#8217;s need for sexual intimacy, then both of you are missing out. Author Rhonda Stoppe reminds wives that if they&#8217;re not meeting their husbands&#8217; sexual needs, they are sinning. A wife needs to affirm her husband with her words and actions, in and out of the bedroom.Show Notes &#038; ResourcesNoRegretsWoman.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you&#8217;re not meeting your husband&#8217;s need for sexual intimacy, then both of you are missing out. Author Rhonda Stoppe says wives need to affirm their husbands with words and actions, in and out of the bedroom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:57","filesize":"26.5M","filesize_raw":"27788984","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2831],"tags":[4634,4066,2877,4330,5647],"podcast_series":[8234],"cwp_profile":[3399],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304684","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-grace","tag-intimacy","tag-marriage","tag-respect","tag-unexpected-pregnancy","podcast_series-if-my-husband-would-change","cwp_profile-rhonda-stoppe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304684\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304684\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OI0JospU84\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy\/\">Satisfying Our Husband&#8217;s Need for Intimacy<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/satisfying-our-husbands-need-for-intimacy\/embed\/#?secret=OI0JospU84\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Satisfying Our Husband&#8217;s Need for Intimacy&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OI0JospU84\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"If you're not meeting your husband's need for sexual intimacy, then both of you are missing out. Author Rhonda Stoppe says wives need to affirm their husbands with words and actions, in and out of the bedroom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is your husband starved for physical intimacy? Rhonda Stoppe says, \u201cWhy is that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> Why do we make our husbands apologize for wanting to have sex with us? God <em>created<\/em> them with this need. They want their wives to <em>want<\/em> them in the marriage bed. They want to be pursued \/ they want to be honored and respected. As a woman understands that, she gives herself this incredible gift. In fact, my husband Steve\u2014he said, \u201cIn my experience, as a pastor and a biblical counselor, men whose wives pursue them, sexually, are deeply in love with their wives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, September 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. What are some of the important and vital ways that a wife can affirm, and respect, and love her husband? We\u2019ll talk more about that with Rhonda Stoppe today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I know that if we were to go to our listeners and we were to ask them the question: \u201cIf you could change one thing about your spouse?\u201d it wouldn\u2019t matter whether the listener is in a marriage where they are struggling or in a marriage where they are doing great. I\u2019m pretty sure every wife listening would say: \u201cYou know, I love my husband\u2014he\u2019s great \/ he\u2019s a wonderful man\u2014but there is this one thing.\u201d I don\u2019t know what the one thing is; but I\u2019m guessing every wife has a little list she carries around in her head that says: \u201cFor him to be perfect, he\u2019d just need to do these few things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You think Mary Ann\u2019s got\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s not ask her; okay? Because I don\u2019t want\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was thinking about calling her right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t want to do that. Trust me. [Laughter] You know that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, we have a guest with us who is going to talk about this subject of expectations. Rhonda Stoppe joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thanks for journeying all the way from Northern California, where your husband pastors a church and you all live on a ranch that <em>now<\/em> has power. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> Yes; and they brought power in with helicopters\u2014I mean, power poles and wires. That was: \u201cKill the fatted calf today, kids. We have power.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think\u2014I think: \u201cHow long did that time last when you didn\u2019t have power?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> It was two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Two years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> Yes; I bought a butane curling iron back in the \u201880s that saved my marriage\u2014I\u2019m sure. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure it did. [Laughter] I think that two-year stint probably qualified you for writing the book, <em>If My Husband Would Change, I\u2019d Be Happy<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I have to think that not many of our listeners have gone two years without electrical power in their marriage, but you know what? There are probably a lot of listeners who have gone for an extended period of time with something going on in their marriage that has created a strain or some stress. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, one of the reasons we encourage couples to get away for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway is just to inject a little romance and a little fun back into their marriage relationship; because marriage can be hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere can be things that grind us down, and to have a getaway weekend can bring some fresh energy back into a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just quickly mention, Dennis, that this is the last opportunity our listeners have to sign up for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall and save \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 percent on the regular registration fee. If they get in touch with us today, or over the weekend\u2014you register for yourself \/ your spouse comes free. You save 50 percent off the regular registration fee and you get a great weekend in the process. So, take advantage of this offer. Use the promo code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d when you sign up. That\u2019s SAVE5-0. You can sign up, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to register at 1-800-FL-TODAY. If you have any questions, go online to FamilyLifeToday.com \/ see if you can find the answers there. Or just call us: 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll answer any questions we can and get you registered for an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. Maybe we can help husbands and wives deal with some of these expectations that all of us bring into the marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about the myths that women have\u2014back to Bob\u2019s point about expectations. Are there some myths that women have you think that need to be exposed? Just, flat-out, say: \u201cYou know what? Here are the myths\u2026\u201d Just tick them off one after another and comment quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And don\u2019t you think every wife does have a little list she carries around with her of things that: \"I love my husband to death; but if he\u2019d do this, and this, and this.\u201d It\u2019s always there; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> There\u2019s always something: \u201cI would be happy if my husband would change,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ll respect him when he earns my respect,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m falling out of love with him,\u201d \u201cOur kids would obey if he were a better father,\u201d \u201cI\u2019d be happier married to someone else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re going too fast. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> \u201cHe would love me more if I were prettier,\u201d \u201cAll he wants is sex,\u201d \u201cMore money equals less stress,\u201d \u201cEvery couple fights,\u201d\u2014there are eight steps to making peace in the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOur marriage would be better if bad things would stop happening,\u201d \u201cIf Momma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy,\u201d and \u201cHappily ever after is a fairy tale,\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Which of these do you think is the largest, maybe top two or three, that you see most women struggling with today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> First of all, we were talking about mentors and finding older women in your life. I tell a lot of stories. There\u2019s a story in <em>If My Husband\u2026<\/em> about a woman name Vi. I attached myself to her at a pastor\u2019s wife conference, because she <em>loved<\/em> being a pastor\u2019s wife. I wanted to be mentored by women that love that. Vi tells the story of how [she] and Curt met when they were in college. They were married for 45 years. When he was diagnosed with cancer, at age 68\u2014on the last day of his life, he was laying on the couch next to Vi. He opened his eyes and said, \u201cVi, am I dying?\u201d Vi said, \u201cYes, Curt; you\u2019re dying.\u201d Then she mustered up as much joy as she could and she said: \u201cBut Curt, you\u2019re going to see Jesus today. What\u2019s the first thing you\u2019re going to say to Jesus when you see Him today?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVi said Curt closed his eyes and then he got a big smile on his face. He looked at her\u2014he said, \u201cI\u2019m going to thank Him for giving me you.\u201d I think that\u2019s the wives that we want to be. Vi said they didn\u2019t have a perfect marriage. There were years they had to struggle and work through things; but in the end: \u201cI want to thank God for giving me you,\u201d\u2014what a thing \/ what an honor for Curt to say that to Vi before he passed away. I think that\u2019s the <em>goal<\/em> of our marriages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Steve and I got married in the \u201880s, I had this big, white hat\u2014veil thing\u2014that was ridiculous; but it was the \u201880s \/ don\u2019t judge me. I knew the wife I was going to be\u2014I <em>knew<\/em> the cheerleader \/ the confidant. Then as life got in the way\u2014and life gets busy and we just stop <em>working<\/em> on the relationship\u2014I knew I needed help. We talked how I reached out to older women that poured into me as they mentored me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I think, as a biblical counselor\u2014my husband and I deal with a lot of couples\u2014is the issue of sex, especially in the Christian community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere [are] just so many Christian couples that are <em>not<\/em> meeting together in the marriage bed\u2014wives that are raising great kids\u2014they\u2019re homeschooling \/ they\u2019re taking their kids to soccer. They\u2019re doing all of the <em>important<\/em> things to raise these amazing children. They\u2019ll say\u2014I speak all over the country\u2014women will say: \u201cMy husband understands this season of our life. It\u2019s just something that we\u2019re not coming together, and he understands.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf women would step back to really understand what husbands [want] when they want to have sex with them. A lot of times, I\u2019ll explain to wives: \u201cImagine if your husband came home, for two weeks, every day and said: \u2018I\u2019ve used all my words. Don\u2019t talk to me,\u2019 and sits down in front of the TV with the remote and just ignores you for two weeks. You would feel rejected, alone, isolated, lonely,\u201d because that\u2019s, for most women, the way God designed us to connect, emotionally, with this person that we\u2019re in covenant with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWives think our husbands are like us. So, we think: \u201cWe\u2019re having conversations.\u201d But how about this\u2014when your husband says: \u201cOkay; talk. I\u2019m listening. You want to have a conversation. Okay; talk,\u201d you\u2019re like: \u201cNo; no. I want you to talk to me \/ talk <em>with<\/em> me,\u201d you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the same way, God put in our husbands a longing to connect with us in the marriage bed. So, my question to wives is: \u201cWhy do we make our husbands apologize for wanting to have sex with us?\u201d God <em>created<\/em> them with this need. Men struggle with feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. They want their wives to <em>want<\/em> them in the marriage bed. They\u2019re not wanting\u2014just like if your husband says: \u201cOkay; talk...\u201d\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cOkay; it\u2019s Tuesday. Let\u2019s do that thing we do.\u201d They [want] to be pursued \/ they [want] to be honored and respected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a woman understands that, she gives herself this incredible gift. In fact, my husband Steve wrote, from a husband\u2019s perspective, at the end of each chapter\u2014as a husband, as a biblical counselor, as a pastor. One of the quotes that he wrote in Chapter 7\u2014\u201cAll He Wants Is Sex When You Long for Romance\u201d\u2014he said: \u201cIn my experience as a pastor and a biblical counselor, men whose wives pursue them, sexually, are deeply in love with their wives.\u201d I don\u2019t think that wives understand the gift they give <em>themselves<\/em> when they pursue their husbands in the marriage bed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI\u2019ve been touched all day. The kids have been nursing on me and hanging on me,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve had my momma hat on all day. I can\u2019t even change gears.\u201d What speaks romance at one season of our life may not speak romance at a different season. But if we don\u2019t tell our husbands\u2014the Bible calls them to live with us according to knowledge\u2014wives, we\u2019re like: \u201cWell if he don\u2019t know, I\u2019m not going to tell him.\u201d He doesn\u2019t <em>know<\/em>. I need to teach this man what romance looks like <em>now<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Steve and I were dating, he\u2019d bring me flowers. He\u2019d drive across town and bring me flowers on his lunch hour and have to get back to work. I would say, \u201cOh, how romantic.\u201d When I was a stay-at-home mom, and we were on a tight budget, he\u2019d bring me flowers from the florist; and I said one day, \u201cOh, how expensive!\u201d I pulled the rug out from under him. Here was the one thing that I had told him, all those years, spoke romance to me; and now, in a fell swoop, I was saying, \u201cYou can\u2019t afford to romance me anymore\u201d; and that doesn\u2019t cut it. If we don\u2019t help our husbands understand: \u201cThis is what I need from you at this season of my life,\u201d how are they going to know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey come in and put the Gerbera daisies on the kitchen counter and sit down and watch TV\u2014to stay out of your way til you get dinner made\u2014and you\u2019re going to whop him upside the head with the Gerbera daisies. They don\u2019t understand why those don\u2019t speak romance to you anymore. But if you\u2019re not willing to say\u2014not in the heat of it, yelling at him\u2014but later say, \u201cI need from you <em>this<\/em>\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever that thing might be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Barbara has been speaking on the subject of wives respecting their husbands in areas of sexual pleasure in marriage over the past few years and has seen an increase in the number of women, who have come to her, who basically want to be <em>done<\/em> with sex\u2014as in, they\u2019ve given up: \u201cThat was for a time. The time is done. I\u2019m done.\u201d How would you speak to a woman, who is listening to us right now, who has come to that conclusion?\u2014either, pragmatically, by ignoring the area and paying no attention to it; or as an act of her will, going: \u201cYou know what? I really am done with that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> I\u2019d say: \u201cYou\u2019re sinning against your husband.\u201d I\u2019d say that: \u201cIf your husband decided he was done talking to you and said: \u2018You know what? I\u2019ve heard every word that woman has to say. I am done,\u2019 how would that make you feel? You would feel not valued \/ you would feel not accepted. In the same way, when you say, \u2018I\u2019m done,\u2019 to your husband, you\u2019re saying: \u2018I don\u2019t value you; I don\u2019t accept you; I don\u2019t <em>need<\/em> that from you.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I speak on this topic, I\u2019ll get a lot of emails from women that will say: \u201cThat\u2019s the thing my husband and I fight about the most\u2014is that I just don\u2019t want to. I don\u2019t want to hurt anymore, but I really just don\u2019t want to.\u201d The Bible calls us to serve one another. That is the thing that\u2014it\u2019s a ministry that God has given to wives\u2014a ministry to pursue their husbands in a way that is going to fill this need in them to make them feel\u2014it\u2019s their overall wellbeing of life that\u2019s ministered to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times, what happens in the marriage bed is the time spent is so quick. And wives\u2014they\u2019re a simmering kettle\u2014they take a long time to get to a place where they\u2019re actually going to enjoy the act in the marriage bed; but they\u2019re in a hurry\u2014they\u2019re tired \/ they have to get up with the baby at four. So, it becomes a series of just quickies. It\u2019s all about: \u201cHow can I just help the husband enjoy it?\u201d It becomes a physical need they think they\u2019re meeting for him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, instead of realizing those are valuable for a season, but you have to take times to steal away \/ go away for the weekend, realizing \/ even respecting your husband to say: \u201cYou\u2019re more important to me than even those little people that are sucking the life out of me.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would you say to the woman who\u2019s lost her interest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> It\u2019s time to step back and to just really evaluate: \u201cIs this something that I\u2019m going to disobey God\u2019s command to me, as a wife, to minister to my husband in this way?\u201d; because it is a ministry. The marriage bed is a way that God wants us to <em>minister<\/em> to our husband. If we\u2019re choosing to not do that, we\u2019re <em>refusing<\/em> to do what God\u2019s called us to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say\u2014I\u2019ll just add to that\u2014if there has been a loss \/ a total loss of interest, and you\u2019ve given in to it, I think it\u2019s worth saying, you know: \u201cTime out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLet\u2019s go have a conversation with a third party.\u201d Maybe it is a mature couple in your church or wise counselors, who can coach you two, as a couple, and help you unpack how you ended up getting to that point. Or maybe it\u2019s a counselor. Or maybe it\u2019s a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, where you get away and you look at your whole relationship together, as a couple, and allow FamilyLife to speak into the relationship, practically, with the biblical blueprints for how you build a relationship and communicate. In the process of that, you may uncover some of the reasons why there is such a lack of interest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Would you say a wife, who just says, \u201cI don\u2019t have the interest,\u201d\u2014should she just fake interest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know that she should <em>fake<\/em> interest, but I think asking the Lord to give her the heart to minister to her husband\u2019s need in this way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you understood how <em>deeply<\/em>, to the core of his being, you are ministering to your husband, it\u2019s something different than just saying, \u201cThis is a physical urge that he has.\u201d I think that is something you [have] to step back and ask God: \u201cGive me mercy. Give me compassion for this vulnerability that God has given to this man. Make me love him enough to meet this need that he has.\u201d The intimacy in the marriage bed is a sign of our covenant that we made with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and again, I\u2019m imagining a wife who would say: \u201cOkay; I have tried to be faithful in this area. Here\u2019s my experience. We come together. I try to get romantically involved. Five minutes later, he\u2019s rolled over. He\u2019s asleep, and I\u2019m aching with loneliness and feeling used. And you want me to sign up for that again, three days from now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting the conversations that spouses won\u2019t have with each other <em>about<\/em> that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA wife won\u2019t necessarily say that\u2014she\u2019ll want him to read it, but he\u2019s sound asleep. Instead of helping each understand where they\u2019re coming from\u2014as much as you ache for her to fill this need for <em>you<\/em> in the marriage bed, she needs affirming words. She needs to have you hold her. She needs to have you encourage her in a way that says\u2014not just \u201cI love you,\u201d\u2014but \u201cI\u2019m in love with you.\u201d I think an outside person is a very valuable resource. The Bible calls us not to forsake this area of marriage so that we don\u2019t give place to the devil. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to talk about pornography, because that is a <em>huge<\/em> detriment to the marriage relationship. Whether the man is finding his satisfaction outside of the marriage bed at his computer screen\u2014the wife knows about it \/ the wife is resentful\u2014the wife doesn\u2019t look like those airbrushed people in those pictures; she doesn\u2019t even want him to look at her. Unfortunately, that\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> thing that\u2019s in the marriage that has to be dealt with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, the subject we\u2019ve been talking about this week: <em>If My Husband Would Change, I\u2019d Be Happy<\/em> and the need for older women to be involved in pouring into the lives of younger women\u2014I\u2019ve been thinking about something that Elisabeth Elliott said. I think it was in the interview \/ the first interview we had with her\u2014maybe I heard her say it outside of the studio\u2014but she talked about an ink pen in a husband\u2019s white shirt. She said: \u201cA husband might put an ink pen in his shirt that leaks; and at the bottom of that pocket there is this blue stain.\u201d Now, she said: \u201cHow much of that shirt is white and clean? Ninety-nine percent of it looks great, but where does your eye continually go? To the one percent that\u2019s the stain\u2014that\u2019s the smear \/ the blot.\u201d She said: \u201cA lot of wives are like that in marriage. They\u2019re married to somebody who is a good man, but their eye continues to go to the blot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThey can\u2019t escape it. Every time they look up, that\u2019s all they can see.\u201d She said: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to pull back. You\u2019ve got to remember that what\u2019s true is that there is a lot of good. Think on those things, as Philippians 4 tells you to do, rather than just laser focus on the one flaw that has popped up on that shirt.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> The Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities of darkness. Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy the godly marriages. He wants to destroy our <em>children<\/em>. He wants to take from this generation that security and foundation of these marriages. Your kids will never be more secure than if they see mom and dad in love with each other. Your marriage is a light that shines brightly to a generation that <em>longs<\/em> to believe that there is hope. Christ is our hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just have to say\u2014we\u2019ve talked all week about all of this. I know the wife I would be if older women had not spoken this truth in my life. I know the wife I would have been \/\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know the mom I would have been had I <em>not<\/em> pressed into loving Christ with all my heart\u2014if I had not asked God: \u201cSearch <em>me<\/em>; know <em>my<\/em> heart; try <em>my<\/em> wicked ways. I want to repent. I want to be above reproach in any way possible.\u201d Am I the perfect wife? No; I\u2019m a little bit crazy, but I know that the grace of God has given me adoration for my husband \/ adoration for my children. I know if God can do in my heart and in my life, as a wife, what He has done, He can do it in <em>anyone\u2019s<\/em> life. There is hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt seems like we\u2019re spiritualizing it all, because of all the Scripture that we\u2019ve used\u2014and there is a lot of <em>practical<\/em> details in <em>If My Husband\u2026<\/em>\u2014but it is a spiritual thing; because it\u2019s God, and my husband, and me. As God knits our hearts together, as in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13, we believe the best about each other. That\u2019s true love\u2014is believing the best about the other, not staring at that one blue stain on that shirt. I certainly want my husband to do that for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> None of us want to spend the rest of our life with someone who is looking and transfixed on the blots, on the mistakes, on the errors that we continue to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because they are there; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They are there. I think the thing that we\u2019ve talked about all this week\u2014that needs to be highlighted here\u2014is kind of like there\u2019s an unseen audience, here, who needs to be exhorted and called into action\u2014and that\u2019s older women. You\u2019ve said it multiple times this week, Rhonda\u2014you\u2019ve said, \u201cIf there hadn\u2019t been an older woman in my life that I could lean into for advice \/ for counsel\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo the older women, I just want you to hear what you\u2019re supposed to do\u2014this is Titus, Chapter 2\u2014it says: \u201cThey are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.\u201d Now, that\u2019s pretty straight forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good assignment for some older women, who are listening to our broadcast right now: \u201cWhy not take upon yourself the mantle of beginning to mentor two, three, maybe more; but just a couple of younger women who are starting out their marriage and who need some good exhortations and reminders of the truths, back to the Scriptures.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, we\u2019re not talking about a list of \u201cHow to\u2019s.\u201d We\u2019re talking about: \u201cHow do you, spiritually, be grounded as a woman?\u201d\u2014and for that matter\u2014\u201c\u2026as a husband in a marriage?\u201dbecause\u2014if you don\u2019t have a relationship with Christ, and you\u2019re not attempting to love Him with all your heart, and you\u2019re not surrendering to Him\u2014you\u2019re going to find this thing called Christian marriage very difficult, if not impossible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This could be as easy or simple as this\u2014a woman listening today thinks about one, or two, or three younger women she knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe calls them and says: \u201cI was listening to this program on the radio talking about expectations of husbands and you\u2019d be happier if your husband would change. I thought, \u2018I should probably get a copy of that book and read it for myself,\u2019 and then I thought, \u201cWhy don\u2019t I get a couple of copies and let\u2019s just go through it together?\u201d You\u2019d be surprised at how many younger women you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re right Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014would <em>love<\/em> that opportunity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019d give them the invitation, they would be at your doorstep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are more of those young women waiting for an older woman to give them that opportunity. The reason is because the older women are not stepping into the battle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> They\u2019re collecting seashells by the seashore. The women my age\u2014I\u2019m 55 years old\u2014and they\u2019re either onto their next marriage or they\u2019re onto their next thing: \u201cIt\u2019s me time now.\u201d I meet women, wherever I go, that say, \u201cThere are no older women in my life.\u201d I get asked, on a regular basis, if I would mentor them\u2014which I mentor my daughters, daughters-in-law, and the women in my church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I try to direct them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I wrote this book as a personal mentor. In the back of each chapter is a \u201cThinking It Through and Living It Out\u201d section that you can answer. For women that are my age, it\u2019s scary to put yourself out there to mentor younger women; but to have a resource like this and say, \u201cLet\u2019s read the chapter and then meet together, and we\u2019ll go over the \u201cThinking It Through and Living It Out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is not that hard\u2014that\u2019s the point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rhonda:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we\u2019ve got copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Listeners can go online to get a copy if they\u2019d like. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Call if you want to order by phone: 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ll tell you what\u2019s a great idea\u2014for an older women to go to a younger woman and say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t the four of us\u2014your husband, my husband, you and me\u2014why don\u2019t we all go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway together?\u201d Invite a younger couple to go along with you and, together, you can enjoy the weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe have some time where all four of you are getting together; but also, some time where you\u2019re just together as a couple. It\u2019s a great way for you to invest in the lives of younger couples <em>and<\/em> to invest in your own marriage at the same time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis weekend is the last weekend that you can take advantage of the special offer we\u2019ve been making for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. If you\u2019d like to attend an upcoming getaway this fall, you register today, or tomorrow, or Sunday and you can save \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 percent off the regular registration fee. Use the promo code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE5-0. Type that in on the registration form or mention the special offer you heard about on the radio when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to register over the phone. If you have any questions, look, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call and we will answer any questions you might have. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; and our phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. We hope to see you at one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019re wrapped up for this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us back on Monday. Lauren Chandler is going to be with us. She is the wife of Pastor Matt Chandler from The Village Church in Dallas. She\u2019s got a book out called <em>Steadfast Love. <\/em>We\u2019re going to talk about some of the themes from that book with her on Monday. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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