{"id":304678,"date":"2017-09-12T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-12T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/recommitment-to-their-future\/"},"modified":"2017-09-12T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-12T15:00:00","slug":"recommitment-to-their-future","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/recommitment-to-their-future\/","title":{"rendered":"Recommitment to Their Future"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Dave Wilson and his wife, Ann, recall an anniversary dinner that couldn&#8217;t make up for the negligence Ann had felt over the years.  Learn how the Wilsons brought the love back into their lives.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:36:49","filesize":"33.7M","filesize_raw":"35340728","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2883,2863,2862],"tags":[6304,6305,4134,2877],"podcast_series":[8233],"cwp_profile":[3554,3295],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304678","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-resurrected-marriages","category-saving-a-marriage","category-understanding-differences","tag-anniversary","tag-dying-marriage","tag-life-change","tag-marriage","podcast_series-marriage-tested-in-the-furnace","cwp_profile-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-dave-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304678\/recommitment-to-their-future","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304678\/recommitment-to-their-future","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9dQes4H5ax\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/recommitment-to-their-future\/\">Recommitment to Their Future<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/recommitment-to-their-future\/embed\/#?secret=9dQes4H5ax\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Recommitment to Their Future&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9dQes4H5ax\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Dave and Ann Wilson had been married for ten years, if you had asked Dave, \u201cHow\u2019s your marriage, on a scale of 1 to 10f?\u201d he would have said, \u201cIt\u2019s a 10 or pretty close\u201d; but Ann had a different opinion, and Dave didn\u2019t have a clue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk491520077\">How could I miss this? Really, it\u2019s the most important thing in my life\u2014my marriage \/ my children\u2014second to my walk with God\u2014and I missed it. I was <em>so<\/em> focused on God\u2019s call in my life to start a church, which we were starting this church. I was the Detroit Lions chaplain; so I was focused on writing messages and being on the road with the team. I was your guy who said his marriage was top priority, and it wasn\u2019t. My job and what I did was more important to me than my marriage, and I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em> even <em>see<\/em> it.<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs it possible in a marriage relationship to know what your priorities ought to be and yet to be living differently? Of course, it is. We\u2019ll hear more from Dave and Ann Wilson about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You and Barbara have been married now\u2014it is 45 years\u2014you just had your 45<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have those anniversary celebrations been pretty magical for you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely magical\u2014every one of them magical. [Laughter] I mean, you can\u2019t be the host of a daily radio program, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and not have absolutely perfect magical anniversaries every time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you can be the cohost and not have perfectly magical. [Laughter] I will just tell you that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m teasing. [Laughter] I\u2019m totally teasing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There have been anniversaries where the anniversary night has been chilly rather than warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to visit a blizzard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The king of chilly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a tenth anniversary blizzard that occurred to our friends, Dave and Ann Wilson. Welcome to the Polar Ice Cap you guys\u2014<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re glad we can be that example for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Never heard our marriage called a blizzard. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me just explain to our listeners who you guys are. Dave and Ann are from Detroit, Michigan. They pastor a little country church up there called Kensington Community. The folks who are members of that church are kind of chuckling right now, because it\u2019s eight different locations, <em>including<\/em> Orlando. Now, how do you have a church in Detroit and Orlando?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know, but I\u2019m feeling called to Orlando. [Laughter] Why am I in Detroit? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A lot of our listeners know you guys because you\u2019ve been with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise for the last couple of years. You\u2019ve been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ve spoken at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, our listeners need to be aware that this week they have an opportunity to sign up for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway and to save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. If you\u2019ve never been to one of these getaways, or if it has been more than five years, you need to cordon off a weekend and the two of you get some time together\u2014two-and-a-half days\u2014where you can relax, refocus, spend some time learning more about God\u2019s plan for your marriage and just reconnecting as a couple. If you sign up this week, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee if you use the promo code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE5-0. Find out more, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions. If you want to know dates and locations, they\u2019re online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can get your registered over the phone or answer any questions you have. The code is: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014Save5-0. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll join us at one of the upcoming marriage getaways. I\u2019m going to be at the one at Parsippany, New Jersey; but again, there are dozens of these happening all across the country this fall. We hope to see you at one of these getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our listeners know the story of your tenth wedding anniversary. It was a story that you guys told in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. It did not get off to a great start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tell us how cold it was, Dave, on your anniversary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll say this\u2014I was the last to know. I thought it was <em>great.<\/em> I thought our marriage was great. I thought the date was great. We went out on a tenth anniversary date that I\u2014I pulled out all the stops.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to stop you, because I know the rest of the story here. You say you thought it was all <em>great<\/em>. She\u2019s about to say something to you that no man ever imagines he\u2019ll hear\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014after\u2014after the dinner that you treated her to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you created this magical evening that had ten roses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ten roses. We had\u2014you know, I was Mr. Romance that night\u2014had a rose delivered to the table, one rose at a time. You know, the waiter\u2014I\u2019d give him a look, and he\u2019d bring a rose. We talked about year one. Bring another rose; we\u2019d talk about year two. We did that for ten roses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, think about it\u2014from a guy\u2019s perspective\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHomerun, Baby.\u201d We\u2019re talking. You know, women don\u2019t want to talk\u2014they want to taaaaalk. [Laughter] So we talked about our relationship all night. We ate at a really nice restaurant. We spent money. She didn\u2019t know until later that it was a two-for-one coupon, but we spent money. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cash money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us some idea of what you would say on one of the roses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I sort of planned out what I\u2019d say. I had thought through each year. I would put the rose down and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about year five. We were in seminary. We were getting our Master of Divinity, knowing that God had called us to a lifetime of ministry. What are your memories?\u201d We\u2019d talk about memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was pre-children\u2014it was just us. It was wonderful times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This was <em>big<\/em>. When these roses\u2014I could see him give the waiter a little look like, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re ready for the next,\u201d\u2014he\u2019d bring it \/ lay the rose down. I mean, Dave was smooth that night. He couldn\u2019t have gotten any better. I was seriously impressed by the thought that he put into this, but I was also feeling like: \u201cOkay\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were seriously in the deep freeze too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I was so mad at him. I thought: \u201cOh yeah. You\u2019ve been so negligent. You\u2019ve been so about everything else <em>except<\/em> me, our marriage, [and] our kids.\u201d I was a little bit cynical; because I thought, \u201cOh, you\u2019re making up for it big time tonight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re trying to make up, in one night,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cfor months of neglect and <em>abandonment<\/em>,\u201d and \u201cYou think\u2014you think one fancy meal, with a bunch of roses, is going to fix it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Like: \u201cDude! That is not going to fix this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, I\u2019m getting jumped on here. [Laughter] I didn\u2019t think any of that. That\u2019s the crazy thing about the evening\u2014is I was absolutely <em>clueless<\/em> to her blizzard. I honestly thought, in our marriage\u2014and I said this on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>: \u201cScale, 1 to 10, we\u2019re a 9.8, at least, and maybe\/probably a 10.\u201d I had <em>no<\/em> idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And where did you think you were?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would have said: \u201cTops, a 1\u2014probably a .5. That made me so mad; because for him to even say, \u201cI thought we were great,\u201d\u2014to me, says: \u201cHow can you think that?! You are being totally clueless,\u201d because I had said it a <em>lot<\/em>, which made me even more mad that he hadn\u2019t heard me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How could I miss this? Really, it\u2019s the most important thing in my life\u2014my marriage \/ my children\u2014second to my walk with God\u2014and I missed it. I was <em>so<\/em> focused\u2014and I can see it now \/ couldn\u2019t see it then\u2014I was so focused on God\u2019s call in my life to start a church, which we were starting this church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was the Detroit Lions chaplain\u2014so I was focused on writing messages and being on the road with the team. I was your guy who said his marriage was top priority, and it wasn\u2019t. My job and what I did was more important to me than my marriage, and I didn\u2019t even <em>see<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long had you been feeling like Dave was neglecting you and the family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say, at least, six months \/ probably six months to a year it had started simmering. Then by this time, after this full six months, I was dead, emotionally, toward Dave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Had you in that six-month period ever said to him, \u201cCan we sit down and talk?\u201d I mean, I\u2019m\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> See, I wish I would have said, just like that, \u201cDave, could we sit down and talk so I can tell you how I feel?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Tell them how you said it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I told you the questions were coming your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I would do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave would leave\u2014he would say: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got another speaking engagement tonight,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a meeting about our church that we\u2019re going to start tonight.\u201d He would be leaving, going out the door; and I would say things like this: \u201cYou\u2019re leaving again tonight? I\u2019m going to put the boys to bed again tonight?! They probably don\u2019t even know who you are! Bye! I don\u2019t even need you anymore.\u201d Isn\u2019t that good? [Laughter] Who would want to come home to me?! That\u2019s <em>terrible<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t share this in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>; but I can remember getting in the car after <em>many<\/em> of those\u2014she\u2019s yelling at me in the garage as I\u2019m backing out. I would get in the car, as I\u2019d start to drive to a church meeting that I\u2019m probably going to lead or speak at, screaming at the top of my lungs\u2014angry at her, just almost a primal scream. Yet, here I am, at my ten-year anniversary, forgetting any of that, like: \u201cHey, we\u2019re good. We\u2019re fine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you think that the dinner date was going well on your tenth? Did you think, \u201cThis is going to be the best anniversary of our life\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you want me to be really honest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought it was going so well: \u201cWe\u2019re going to make hot passionate love all night long.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, I am scoring point, after point, after point\u2014from what I wore to scheduling the dinner at a nice restaurant \/ the money I spent, the taaalking we did, the romance, the roses. Seriously, there was not a <em>thought<\/em> in my mind\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re in the red zone\u2014it\u2019s first down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWe\u2019re scoring, Baby!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually took her parking at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; on the way home\u2014and again, it was like another little secret I had\u2014the roses were a secret. So, driving home, I\u2019m like: \u201cHey, we\u2019re going to pull in this school where we are about to start our church, Kensington.\u201d We hadn\u2019t had a service there yet. She hadn\u2019t seen the school that our core team had said: \u201cWe\u2019re going to rent this school. We\u2019re going to use the cafeteria there.\u201d It is 11 pm \/ almost 11:30 at night. I\u2019m like: \u201cNobody\u2019s here. We\u2019ll pull in the parking lot in the back and I\u2019ll try to kiss her.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t respond; and I thought \/ I honestly thought\u2014this is how clueless I am\u2014like: \u201cShe didn\u2019t know I was trying to kiss her. She just didn\u2019t know. So, of course, duh; I\u2019ll try again.\u201d I try to kiss her again, and then it was obvious she didn\u2019t want to kiss me. I just asked a simple question: \u201cIs anything wrong?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I decided, \u201cI didn\u2019t want to go there tonight,\u201d because he had done such a great job of putting on this spectacular date night; and so I said, \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> [Laughter] There was this awkward silence in the car. I said: \u201cWell, I tried to kiss you <em>twice<\/em>; and unless I\u2019m reading signals wrong, you don\u2019t want to kiss me. Am I right?\u201d She says, \u201cYes.\u201d I go, \u201cSo there\u2019s nothing wrong; really?\u201d And that\u2019s when she dropped the bomb.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There was a silence in the car. I thought: \u201cOkay\u2014okay; I\u2019m going to go there. This will wreck the whole night, but I\u2019m going to go there.\u201d I just said: \u201cDave, I have nothing for you. I have no feelings.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can tell you exactly what she said. It was a sentence I\u2019ll never forget the rest of my life\u2014she said, \u201cI have lost my feelings for you,\u201d\u2014word for word. It was: \u201cOkay; this isn\u2019t just a date night gone bad. This is a marriage in crisis.\u201d I <em>knew<\/em> it. She said that\u2014I could sense I needed to hear; so I turned and said, \u201cTell me what that means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some guys would hear a wife say that\u2014after that kind of a night\u2014after that much planning, after the roses, after the dinner\u2014after the whole thing on their anniversary, when they\u2019re on the verge \/ the huddle is broken and \u201cWe\u2019re about to run the play that is going to score\u201d; right? [Laughter] They would\u2014instead of saying, \u201cTell me what I need to hear,\u201d\u2014they would go, \u201cAre you stinking kidding me?!\u201d Did that thought come into your head?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I think what I\u2019d done is\u2014said that every other time. So that night\u2014of all those times I\u2019d said, \u201cYou\u2019re wrong,\u201d\u2014that night, I knew: \u201cOh my gosh! Something bad is going on, and I think I need to learn something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I just said: \u201cDave, you\u2019re gone so much. I feel like everything else is more important than we are\u2014the boys and me.\u201d We had two sons at the time that were four and two. I knew: \u201cHere it goes\u201d; because this was our pattern when we would get in fights. He would need to have <em>proof<\/em> of what I was saying: \u201cWhen have I been gone? What nights have I\u2026\u201d\u2014he needs <em>proof<\/em>. I don\u2019t have proof, necessarily; I just know what I <em>feel<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it was <em>always<\/em> our pattern. I get defensive: \u201cIt\u2019s her problem; not mine. It\u2019s her fault; not mine.\u201d That\u2019s where we would go. I would want evidence, and then I\u2019d prove where she\u2019s wrong. She would just be quiet and bring it up next time; but it never ended well. That started to happen that night in the car, as soon as she started saying that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You almost reached for your calendar, which was in the back seat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did reach\u2014I actually reached for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And God did something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to pull that baby out and show her my planner \/ my weekly schedule: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI have been home. I\u2019ll show you the nights.\u201d I was like reaching into the back seat, because there it was, laying there. I sensed the voice of God speaking to me; and again, it wasn\u2019t audible\u2014it was a nudging of the Spirit of God, <em>clear<\/em> as day. God, sometimes, will be so direct. I mean, the best way I could say it\u2014it was this from God: \u201cYou listen, and you listen to every word this woman says. Your bride is going to tell you something you need to hear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Suddenly, his words to me were \u201cTell me more.\u201d That was shocking to me. It was interesting too. Proverbs says, \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath.\u201d When Dave responded in a gentle way and just said, very quietly, \u201cTell me more of what you are feeling,\u201d the anger and the defensiveness in me\u2014my arms came down of trying to defend myself\u2014I just poured out my heart of what I was feeling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just said: \u201cDave, I started out so angry. I\u2019m so mad you were gone. I felt like you\u2019ve left us behind \/ that we aren\u2019t a priority. Then my anger turned to bitterness. My bitterness turned to resentment. My resentment turned to nothing\u2014to the point where I\u2019ll never leave you or divorce you\u2014but I have felt like we will probably live in isolation. I\u2019m okay with that, because I don\u2019t see any hope out of it.\u201d When I said that, you were shocked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean\u2014it\u2019s almost the most miraculous experience of my life. She\u2019s speaking those words, probably over a three- or four-minute period. I\u2019m listening; and at the same time, as I have one ear on earth, God speaks\u2014again, just a gentle but firm nudging with one word\u2014and it was: \u201cRepent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really interesting; because I can hear her talking about our marriage, sort of on this horizontal human level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can sense the Spirit of God saying: \u201cThis isn\u2019t even a human horizontal problem. This is a problem between you and Me. You have lost your first love. This marriage thing, horizontal, is never going to be fixed until this is right, vertically, between you and Me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, how to explain all of that in a minute or two? That all happened as Ann was sharing her heart with me. God was like, \u201cThis needs to be talked about; but it starts right here, vertically, with your walk with Me; and that\u2019s one word, \u2018Repent.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What happened then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of a sudden, Dave didn\u2019t say anything. I thought he was going to get out. Suddenly, he puts the steering wheel all the way up \/ the seat all the way back. He gets on his knees in this Honda Accord, with the steering wheel in his back, and he starts to pray a prayer of repentance: \u201cGod I need You. I\u2019ve been neglecting my walk with You; and because of that, I\u2019ve neglected my marriage to Ann; and I love her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, as soon as he started doing that, I was <em>so<\/em> broken. Here, I had been thinking: \u201cThis is all Dave\u2019s fault! I\u2019m in the right. I\u2019ve been a good wife. I\u2019ve been taking care of the family.\u201d It was amazing to me\u2014as soon as he started praying, I was <em>so convicted<\/em>; because I had made Dave my god. I think it\u2019s easy for us to do, as women\u2014is we start seeing \u201cthe lack of\u201d in our husbands\u2014their flaws \/ how they aren\u2019t meeting our needs. And suddenly, I become more focused on Dave not meeting my needs than God meeting my needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I pulled my seat back. I got on my knees, and I joined Dave in repentance, saying: \u201cFather God, I have made my marriage and my husband my idol. I want You to be the King and Lord of my life, not my husband. I want it to be You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was a major moment in your marriage; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a life-changing moment for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was the pivot at year ten. Again, like I say, we\u2019re not living this perfectly. We still have to, almost daily, surrender. It wasn\u2019t just our marriage being put on the altar\u2014it was my <em>life<\/em>. The thing about this\u2014we\u2019ve written a book on this concept of vertical marriage\u2014where most couples, and we did it, go to your marriage\u2014and you may even know better, and you\u2019re never going to do this; but you do it\u2014you go to your marriage and try to find life from your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVertical marriage means this: \u201cIf I find life, vertical, from Christ\u2014and He fills me like He says He will\u2014He is the source of life, hope, happiness, joy. Now, I come to my marriage, not as a taker, as a giver. I\u2019m overflowing with the love of Christ. It\u2019s <em>real<\/em>\u2014it isn\u2019t just a concept \/ I\u2019m not just going to church. I <em>really<\/em> have a dynamic walk with God, where He meets me and fills me. So now, I come to my marriage, not <em>demanding<\/em> that she or he fill me up. It\u2019s like I come as a giver.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat concept applies to <em>every<\/em> single part of our marriage. So, we wrote the book, saying: \u201cOkay; how does that apply to conflict? How does that apply to roles? How does that apply to the bedroom? You name it\u2014it applies everywhere.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it applies to single people too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Whether single or married, you better get the vertical right if you want the horizontal to make sense. What you guys just demonstrated here is a key word that is missing from a lot of our vocabularies. We talk about our relationship with God. It\u2019s a word, repent. It means to turn from and do a 180\u2014turn away from that which is your idol, that which is your sin, that which has captured your attention\u2014and repent and turn <em>to<\/em> God. In the process, He will bring peace; He will bring understanding; He will bring the desires of the heart, which can be a great marriage at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a question about your tenth anniversary that I\u2019ve always wanted to ask you since I first heard this story. I\u2019m going to ask you in a minute, but I want to just turn to our listeners here. If you\u2019ve never been to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, or if it has been a while, plan this fall to come out and spend two-and-a-half days with us and learn about God\u2019s design for marriage. Focus on one another for a couple of days. Have some conversations that you don\u2019t normally have and build <em>strength<\/em> into your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities all across the country this fall. If you register today, you can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee for any of the upcoming getaways. That 50 percent offer is good through the end of this week. You need to go online or call us and get registered for a getaway. Use the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE 5-0\u2014to take advantage of the special offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have any questions, call us or check us out, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do hope to see you at an upcoming getaway. If you live in the New York City area, or if you want to spend a weekend in that area, come join us in Parsippany the first weekend in November. I\u2019m going to be speaking at the Parsippany conference and would love to have listeners come join us for a great getaway weekend up in the New York City area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s the question that I\u2019ve always had about your tenth anniversary. I know why you went to the parking lot, there at the church, with your wife. I know what you were thinking about. The rest of the anniversary\u2014did it go okay? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s\u2014that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If you want to know if we consummated our ten-year anniversary, the answer would be: \u201cNo; no.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can\u2019t even remember.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It didn\u2019t really matter at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I knew you wouldn\u2019t remember, and I knew he would. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And here\u2019s what people think. My feelings just didn\u2019t come back in that second that I prayed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It took a while for us to make changes in our marriage and in our schedules. It took a while for those feelings to come back; but with time and with us working on it together\u2014we ended up having a date night once a week, which we had always done\u2014but this time, here\u2019s what Dave would say, and he took the initiative to ask this, \u201cOn a scale of 1 to 10, how do you think we\u2019re doing?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because he said, \u201cI have no idea, obviously.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I knew my answer would be higher \/ hers would be lower, and she would be right; and she\u2019d know how to get us to my number. It was like: \u201cI got to go on our dates and say: \u2018Let\u2019s talk \/ really talk and find out how we\u2019re doing.\u2019\u201d That number didn\u2019t start real high. It started <em>growing<\/em>. A lot of it, you would think: \u201cIt\u2019s all technique of horizontal marriage.\u201d It was: \u201cNo; no. You walk with God. Watch out\u2014it impacts every area of your life\u2014including, especially, your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought that was so humbling of him to ask that every week. I could watch him cringing as I was about to say the number\u2014like: \u201cOh no! What\u2019s the number?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I didn\u2019t want to hear that number. [Laughter] It was <em>not<\/em> very good, but its better! In fact, let me ask you right now: \u201cYear 36, on a scale of 1 to 10\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, that\u2019s really risky of you to ask that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwhat\u2019s the number?\u201d Only the world is listening; go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So how would you say, Dave\u2014first of all, before she gives her number\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nine point eight!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nine point eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s always been a nine point eight. [Laughter] I\u2019m just being humble\u2014it\u2019s really a ten.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say a nine point five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh! There we go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll take it; I\u2019ll take it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re up a full nine points from where you were on the tenth anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if couples are interested in how to move their marriage up the scale, come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and get your relationship with God right and that marriage relationship will fall in place as well. It won\u2019t be perfect; but it will be peaceful, meaningful, and enjoyable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; thanks for being with us. Always great to see you guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners join us back tomorrow. We\u2019ve got a guest coming who has written a book called <em>If my Husband Would Change, I\u2019d be Happy<\/em>. I think a lot of wives feel that way. That\u2019s kind of how you were feeling, back on your tenth wedding anniversary, Ann. We\u2019ll talk to Rhonda Stoppe and find out what her thoughts are on that subject tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:36:49"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["33.7M"],"filesize_raw":["35340728"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304678.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304678.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Dave Wilson and his wife, Ann, recall an anniversary dinner that couldn't make up for the negligence Ann had felt over the years. Learn how the Wilsons brought the love back into their lives.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Dave and Ann Wilson had been married for ten years, if you had asked Dave, \u201cHow\u2019s your marriage, on a scale of 1 to 10f?\u201d he would have said, \u201cIt\u2019s a 10 or pretty close\u201d; but Ann had a different opinion, and Dave didn\u2019t have a clue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk491520077\">How could I miss this? Really, it\u2019s the most important thing in my life\u2014my marriage \/ my children\u2014second to my walk with God\u2014and I missed it. I was <em>so<\/em> focused on God\u2019s call in my life to start a church, which we were starting this church. I was the Detroit Lions chaplain; so I was focused on writing messages and being on the road with the team. I was your guy who said his marriage was top priority, and it wasn\u2019t. My job and what I did was more important to me than my marriage, and I <em>didn\u2019t<\/em> even <em>see<\/em> it.<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs it possible in a marriage relationship to know what your priorities ought to be and yet to be living differently? Of course, it is. We\u2019ll hear more from Dave and Ann Wilson about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You and Barbara have been married now\u2014it is 45 years\u2014you just had your 45<sup>th<\/sup> wedding anniversary; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have those anniversary celebrations been pretty magical for you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely magical\u2014every one of them magical. [Laughter] I mean, you can\u2019t be the host of a daily radio program, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and not have absolutely perfect magical anniversaries every time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, you can be the cohost and not have perfectly magical. [Laughter] I will just tell you that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m teasing. [Laughter] I\u2019m totally teasing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There have been anniversaries where the anniversary night has been chilly rather than warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to visit a blizzard\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The king of chilly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a tenth anniversary blizzard that occurred to our friends, Dave and Ann Wilson. Welcome to the Polar Ice Cap you guys\u2014<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re glad we can be that example for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Never heard our marriage called a blizzard. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let me just explain to our listeners who you guys are. Dave and Ann are from Detroit, Michigan. They pastor a little country church up there called Kensington Community. The folks who are members of that church are kind of chuckling right now, because it\u2019s eight different locations, <em>including<\/em> Orlando. Now, how do you have a church in Detroit and Orlando?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know, but I\u2019m feeling called to Orlando. [Laughter] Why am I in Detroit? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A lot of our listeners know you guys because you\u2019ve been with us on the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise for the last couple of years. You\u2019ve been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You\u2019ve spoken at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, our listeners need to be aware that this week they have an opportunity to sign up for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway and to save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. If you\u2019ve never been to one of these getaways, or if it has been more than five years, you need to cordon off a weekend and the two of you get some time together\u2014two-and-a-half days\u2014where you can relax, refocus, spend some time learning more about God\u2019s plan for your marriage and just reconnecting as a couple. If you sign up this week, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee if you use the promo code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE5-0. Find out more, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions. If you want to know dates and locations, they\u2019re online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We can get your registered over the phone or answer any questions you have. The code is: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014Save5-0. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll join us at one of the upcoming marriage getaways. I\u2019m going to be at the one at Parsippany, New Jersey; but again, there are dozens of these happening all across the country this fall. We hope to see you at one of these getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our listeners know the story of your tenth wedding anniversary. It was a story that you guys told in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. It did not get off to a great start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tell us how cold it was, Dave, on your anniversary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ll say this\u2014I was the last to know. I thought it was <em>great.<\/em> I thought our marriage was great. I thought the date was great. We went out on a tenth anniversary date that I\u2014I pulled out all the stops.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to stop you, because I know the rest of the story here. You say you thought it was all <em>great<\/em>. She\u2019s about to say something to you that no man ever imagines he\u2019ll hear\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014after\u2014after the dinner that you treated her to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you created this magical evening that had ten roses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Ten roses. We had\u2014you know, I was Mr. Romance that night\u2014had a rose delivered to the table, one rose at a time. You know, the waiter\u2014I\u2019d give him a look, and he\u2019d bring a rose. We talked about year one. Bring another rose; we\u2019d talk about year two. We did that for ten roses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, think about it\u2014from a guy\u2019s perspective\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cHomerun, Baby.\u201d We\u2019re talking. You know, women don\u2019t want to talk\u2014they want to taaaaalk. [Laughter] So we talked about our relationship all night. We ate at a really nice restaurant. We spent money. She didn\u2019t know until later that it was a two-for-one coupon, but we spent money. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cash money.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us some idea of what you would say on one of the roses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I sort of planned out what I\u2019d say. I had thought through each year. I would put the rose down and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about year five. We were in seminary. We were getting our Master of Divinity, knowing that God had called us to a lifetime of ministry. What are your memories?\u201d We\u2019d talk about memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis was pre-children\u2014it was just us. It was wonderful times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This was <em>big<\/em>. When these roses\u2014I could see him give the waiter a little look like, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re ready for the next,\u201d\u2014he\u2019d bring it \/ lay the rose down. I mean, Dave was smooth that night. He couldn\u2019t have gotten any better. I was seriously impressed by the thought that he put into this, but I was also feeling like: \u201cOkay\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You were seriously in the deep freeze too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I was so mad at him. I thought: \u201cOh yeah. You\u2019ve been so negligent. You\u2019ve been so about everything else <em>except<\/em> me, our marriage, [and] our kids.\u201d I was a little bit cynical; because I thought, \u201cOh, you\u2019re making up for it big time tonight.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re trying to make up, in one night,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cfor months of neglect and <em>abandonment<\/em>,\u201d and \u201cYou think\u2014you think one fancy meal, with a bunch of roses, is going to fix it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Like: \u201cDude! That is not going to fix this!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, I\u2019m getting jumped on here. [Laughter] I didn\u2019t think any of that. That\u2019s the crazy thing about the evening\u2014is I was absolutely <em>clueless<\/em> to her blizzard. I honestly thought, in our marriage\u2014and I said this on <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>: \u201cScale, 1 to 10, we\u2019re a 9.8, at least, and maybe\/probably a 10.\u201d I had <em>no<\/em> idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And where did you think you were?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would have said: \u201cTops, a 1\u2014probably a .5. That made me so mad; because for him to even say, \u201cI thought we were great,\u201d\u2014to me, says: \u201cHow can you think that?! You are being totally clueless,\u201d because I had said it a <em>lot<\/em>, which made me even more mad that he hadn\u2019t heard me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How could I miss this? Really, it\u2019s the most important thing in my life\u2014my marriage \/ my children\u2014second to my walk with God\u2014and I missed it. I was <em>so<\/em> focused\u2014and I can see it now \/ couldn\u2019t see it then\u2014I was so focused on God\u2019s call in my life to start a church, which we were starting this church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was the Detroit Lions chaplain\u2014so I was focused on writing messages and being on the road with the team. I was your guy who said his marriage was top priority, and it wasn\u2019t. My job and what I did was more important to me than my marriage, and I didn\u2019t even <em>see<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How long had you been feeling like Dave was neglecting you and the family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say, at least, six months \/ probably six months to a year it had started simmering. Then by this time, after this full six months, I was dead, emotionally, toward Dave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Had you in that six-month period ever said to him, \u201cCan we sit down and talk?\u201d I mean, I\u2019m\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> See, I wish I would have said, just like that, \u201cDave, could we sit down and talk so I can tell you how I feel?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Tell them how you said it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I told you the questions were coming your way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here\u2019s what I would do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave would leave\u2014he would say: \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got another speaking engagement tonight,\u201d or \u201c\u2026a meeting about our church that we\u2019re going to start tonight.\u201d He would be leaving, going out the door; and I would say things like this: \u201cYou\u2019re leaving again tonight? I\u2019m going to put the boys to bed again tonight?! They probably don\u2019t even know who you are! Bye! I don\u2019t even need you anymore.\u201d Isn\u2019t that good? [Laughter] Who would want to come home to me?! That\u2019s <em>terrible<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t share this in <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em>; but I can remember getting in the car after <em>many<\/em> of those\u2014she\u2019s yelling at me in the garage as I\u2019m backing out. I would get in the car, as I\u2019d start to drive to a church meeting that I\u2019m probably going to lead or speak at, screaming at the top of my lungs\u2014angry at her, just almost a primal scream. Yet, here I am, at my ten-year anniversary, forgetting any of that, like: \u201cHey, we\u2019re good. We\u2019re fine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you think that the dinner date was going well on your tenth? Did you think, \u201cThis is going to be the best anniversary of our life\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you want me to be really honest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought it was going so well: \u201cWe\u2019re going to make hot passionate love all night long.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, I am scoring point, after point, after point\u2014from what I wore to scheduling the dinner at a nice restaurant \/ the money I spent, the taaalking we did, the romance, the roses. Seriously, there was not a <em>thought<\/em> in my mind\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re in the red zone\u2014it\u2019s first down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cWe\u2019re scoring, Baby!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually took her parking at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; on the way home\u2014and again, it was like another little secret I had\u2014the roses were a secret. So, driving home, I\u2019m like: \u201cHey, we\u2019re going to pull in this school where we are about to start our church, Kensington.\u201d We hadn\u2019t had a service there yet. She hadn\u2019t seen the school that our core team had said: \u201cWe\u2019re going to rent this school. We\u2019re going to use the cafeteria there.\u201d It is 11 pm \/ almost 11:30 at night. I\u2019m like: \u201cNobody\u2019s here. We\u2019ll pull in the parking lot in the back and I\u2019ll try to kiss her.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t respond; and I thought \/ I honestly thought\u2014this is how clueless I am\u2014like: \u201cShe didn\u2019t know I was trying to kiss her. She just didn\u2019t know. So, of course, duh; I\u2019ll try again.\u201d I try to kiss her again, and then it was obvious she didn\u2019t want to kiss me. I just asked a simple question: \u201cIs anything wrong?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I decided, \u201cI didn\u2019t want to go there tonight,\u201d because he had done such a great job of putting on this spectacular date night; and so I said, \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> [Laughter] There was this awkward silence in the car. I said: \u201cWell, I tried to kiss you <em>twice<\/em>; and unless I\u2019m reading signals wrong, you don\u2019t want to kiss me. Am I right?\u201d She says, \u201cYes.\u201d I go, \u201cSo there\u2019s nothing wrong; really?\u201d And that\u2019s when she dropped the bomb.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There was a silence in the car. I thought: \u201cOkay\u2014okay; I\u2019m going to go there. This will wreck the whole night, but I\u2019m going to go there.\u201d I just said: \u201cDave, I have nothing for you. I have no feelings.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can tell you exactly what she said. It was a sentence I\u2019ll never forget the rest of my life\u2014she said, \u201cI have lost my feelings for you,\u201d\u2014word for word. It was: \u201cOkay; this isn\u2019t just a date night gone bad. This is a marriage in crisis.\u201d I <em>knew<\/em> it. She said that\u2014I could sense I needed to hear; so I turned and said, \u201cTell me what that means.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some guys would hear a wife say that\u2014after that kind of a night\u2014after that much planning, after the roses, after the dinner\u2014after the whole thing on their anniversary, when they\u2019re on the verge \/ the huddle is broken and \u201cWe\u2019re about to run the play that is going to score\u201d; right? [Laughter] They would\u2014instead of saying, \u201cTell me what I need to hear,\u201d\u2014they would go, \u201cAre you stinking kidding me?!\u201d Did that thought come into your head?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, I think what I\u2019d done is\u2014said that every other time. So that night\u2014of all those times I\u2019d said, \u201cYou\u2019re wrong,\u201d\u2014that night, I knew: \u201cOh my gosh! Something bad is going on, and I think I need to learn something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I just said: \u201cDave, you\u2019re gone so much. I feel like everything else is more important than we are\u2014the boys and me.\u201d We had two sons at the time that were four and two. I knew: \u201cHere it goes\u201d; because this was our pattern when we would get in fights. He would need to have <em>proof<\/em> of what I was saying: \u201cWhen have I been gone? What nights have I\u2026\u201d\u2014he needs <em>proof<\/em>. I don\u2019t have proof, necessarily; I just know what I <em>feel<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it was <em>always<\/em> our pattern. I get defensive: \u201cIt\u2019s her problem; not mine. It\u2019s her fault; not mine.\u201d That\u2019s where we would go. I would want evidence, and then I\u2019d prove where she\u2019s wrong. She would just be quiet and bring it up next time; but it never ended well. That started to happen that night in the car, as soon as she started saying that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You almost reached for your calendar, which was in the back seat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did reach\u2014I actually reached for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And God did something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to pull that baby out and show her my planner \/ my weekly schedule: \u201cYou\u2019re wrong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI have been home. I\u2019ll show you the nights.\u201d I was like reaching into the back seat, because there it was, laying there. I sensed the voice of God speaking to me; and again, it wasn\u2019t audible\u2014it was a nudging of the Spirit of God, <em>clear<\/em> as day. God, sometimes, will be so direct. I mean, the best way I could say it\u2014it was this from God: \u201cYou listen, and you listen to every word this woman says. Your bride is going to tell you something you need to hear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Suddenly, his words to me were \u201cTell me more.\u201d That was shocking to me. It was interesting too. Proverbs says, \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath.\u201d When Dave responded in a gentle way and just said, very quietly, \u201cTell me more of what you are feeling,\u201d the anger and the defensiveness in me\u2014my arms came down of trying to defend myself\u2014I just poured out my heart of what I was feeling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just said: \u201cDave, I started out so angry. I\u2019m so mad you were gone. I felt like you\u2019ve left us behind \/ that we aren\u2019t a priority. Then my anger turned to bitterness. My bitterness turned to resentment. My resentment turned to nothing\u2014to the point where I\u2019ll never leave you or divorce you\u2014but I have felt like we will probably live in isolation. I\u2019m okay with that, because I don\u2019t see any hope out of it.\u201d When I said that, you were shocked.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I mean\u2014it\u2019s almost the most miraculous experience of my life. She\u2019s speaking those words, probably over a three- or four-minute period. I\u2019m listening; and at the same time, as I have one ear on earth, God speaks\u2014again, just a gentle but firm nudging with one word\u2014and it was: \u201cRepent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really interesting; because I can hear her talking about our marriage, sort of on this horizontal human level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can sense the Spirit of God saying: \u201cThis isn\u2019t even a human horizontal problem. This is a problem between you and Me. You have lost your first love. This marriage thing, horizontal, is never going to be fixed until this is right, vertically, between you and Me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, how to explain all of that in a minute or two? That all happened as Ann was sharing her heart with me. God was like, \u201cThis needs to be talked about; but it starts right here, vertically, with your walk with Me; and that\u2019s one word, \u2018Repent.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What happened then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of a sudden, Dave didn\u2019t say anything. I thought he was going to get out. Suddenly, he puts the steering wheel all the way up \/ the seat all the way back. He gets on his knees in this Honda Accord, with the steering wheel in his back, and he starts to pray a prayer of repentance: \u201cGod I need You. I\u2019ve been neglecting my walk with You; and because of that, I\u2019ve neglected my marriage to Ann; and I love her.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys, as soon as he started doing that, I was <em>so<\/em> broken. Here, I had been thinking: \u201cThis is all Dave\u2019s fault! I\u2019m in the right. I\u2019ve been a good wife. I\u2019ve been taking care of the family.\u201d It was amazing to me\u2014as soon as he started praying, I was <em>so convicted<\/em>; because I had made Dave my god. I think it\u2019s easy for us to do, as women\u2014is we start seeing \u201cthe lack of\u201d in our husbands\u2014their flaws \/ how they aren\u2019t meeting our needs. And suddenly, I become more focused on Dave not meeting my needs than God meeting my needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, I pulled my seat back. I got on my knees, and I joined Dave in repentance, saying: \u201cFather God, I have made my marriage and my husband my idol. I want You to be the King and Lord of my life, not my husband. I want it to be You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That was a major moment in your marriage; wasn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was a life-changing moment for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was the pivot at year ten. Again, like I say, we\u2019re not living this perfectly. We still have to, almost daily, surrender. It wasn\u2019t just our marriage being put on the altar\u2014it was my <em>life<\/em>. The thing about this\u2014we\u2019ve written a book on this concept of vertical marriage\u2014where most couples, and we did it, go to your marriage\u2014and you may even know better, and you\u2019re never going to do this; but you do it\u2014you go to your marriage and try to find life from your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVertical marriage means this: \u201cIf I find life, vertical, from Christ\u2014and He fills me like He says He will\u2014He is the source of life, hope, happiness, joy. Now, I come to my marriage, not as a taker, as a giver. I\u2019m overflowing with the love of Christ. It\u2019s <em>real<\/em>\u2014it isn\u2019t just a concept \/ I\u2019m not just going to church. I <em>really<\/em> have a dynamic walk with God, where He meets me and fills me. So now, I come to my marriage, not <em>demanding<\/em> that she or he fill me up. It\u2019s like I come as a giver.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat concept applies to <em>every<\/em> single part of our marriage. So, we wrote the book, saying: \u201cOkay; how does that apply to conflict? How does that apply to roles? How does that apply to the bedroom? You name it\u2014it applies everywhere.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it applies to single people too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Whether single or married, you better get the vertical right if you want the horizontal to make sense. What you guys just demonstrated here is a key word that is missing from a lot of our vocabularies. We talk about our relationship with God. It\u2019s a word, repent. It means to turn from and do a 180\u2014turn away from that which is your idol, that which is your sin, that which has captured your attention\u2014and repent and turn <em>to<\/em> God. In the process, He will bring peace; He will bring understanding; He will bring the desires of the heart, which can be a great marriage at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a question about your tenth anniversary that I\u2019ve always wanted to ask you since I first heard this story. I\u2019m going to ask you in a minute, but I want to just turn to our listeners here. If you\u2019ve never been to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, or if it has been a while, plan this fall to come out and spend two-and-a-half days with us and learn about God\u2019s design for marriage. Focus on one another for a couple of days. Have some conversations that you don\u2019t normally have and build <em>strength<\/em> into your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities all across the country this fall. If you register today, you can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee for any of the upcoming getaways. That 50 percent offer is good through the end of this week. You need to go online or call us and get registered for a getaway. Use the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE 5-0\u2014to take advantage of the special offer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have any questions, call us or check us out, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call is 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do hope to see you at an upcoming getaway. If you live in the New York City area, or if you want to spend a weekend in that area, come join us in Parsippany the first weekend in November. I\u2019m going to be speaking at the Parsippany conference and would love to have listeners come join us for a great getaway weekend up in the New York City area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here\u2019s the question that I\u2019ve always had about your tenth anniversary. I know why you went to the parking lot, there at the church, with your wife. I know what you were thinking about. The rest of the anniversary\u2014did it go okay? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s\u2014that\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If you want to know if we consummated our ten-year anniversary, the answer would be: \u201cNo; no.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can\u2019t even remember.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It didn\u2019t really matter at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I knew you wouldn\u2019t remember, and I knew he would. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And here\u2019s what people think. My feelings just didn\u2019t come back in that second that I prayed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It took a while for us to make changes in our marriage and in our schedules. It took a while for those feelings to come back; but with time and with us working on it together\u2014we ended up having a date night once a week, which we had always done\u2014but this time, here\u2019s what Dave would say, and he took the initiative to ask this, \u201cOn a scale of 1 to 10, how do you think we\u2019re doing?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because he said, \u201cI have no idea, obviously.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I knew my answer would be higher \/ hers would be lower, and she would be right; and she\u2019d know how to get us to my number. It was like: \u201cI got to go on our dates and say: \u2018Let\u2019s talk \/ really talk and find out how we\u2019re doing.\u2019\u201d That number didn\u2019t start real high. It started <em>growing<\/em>. A lot of it, you would think: \u201cIt\u2019s all technique of horizontal marriage.\u201d It was: \u201cNo; no. You walk with God. Watch out\u2014it impacts every area of your life\u2014including, especially, your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I thought that was so humbling of him to ask that every week. I could watch him cringing as I was about to say the number\u2014like: \u201cOh no! What\u2019s the number?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I didn\u2019t want to hear that number. [Laughter] It was <em>not<\/em> very good, but its better! In fact, let me ask you right now: \u201cYear 36, on a scale of 1 to 10\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, that\u2019s really risky of you to ask that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwhat\u2019s the number?\u201d Only the world is listening; go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So how would you say, Dave\u2014first of all, before she gives her number\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nine point eight!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nine point eight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s always been a nine point eight. [Laughter] I\u2019m just being humble\u2014it\u2019s really a ten.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say a nine point five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh! There we go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ll take it; I\u2019ll take it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re up a full nine points from where you were on the tenth anniversary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if couples are interested in how to move their marriage up the scale, come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and get your relationship with God right and that marriage relationship will fall in place as well. It won\u2019t be perfect; but it will be peaceful, meaningful, and enjoyable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; thanks for being with us. Always great to see you guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners join us back tomorrow. We\u2019ve got a guest coming who has written a book called <em>If my Husband Would Change, I\u2019d be Happy<\/em>. I think a lot of wives feel that way. That\u2019s kind of how you were feeling, back on your tenth wedding anniversary, Ann. We\u2019ll talk to Rhonda Stoppe and find out what her thoughts are on that subject tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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