{"id":304670,"date":"2017-09-06T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-06T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/tending-to-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2017-09-06T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-06T15:00:00","slug":"tending-to-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tending-to-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Tending to Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Nina Roesner explains that physical intimacy is as important to men as emotionally connecting is to women; without that, a man may be less attentive to his wife emotionally.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:10","filesize":"24.87M","filesize_raw":"26076309","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2831],"tags":[4527,4529,2877,6302,4330,4730],"podcast_series":[7991],"cwp_profile":[3401],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304670","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-communication","tag-expectations","tag-marriage","tag-physical-intimacy","tag-respect","tag-submission","podcast_series-the-respect-dare","cwp_profile-nina-roesner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304670\/tending-to-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304670\/tending-to-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Vfct5KhQrE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tending-to-your-marriage\/\">Tending to Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/tending-to-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=Vfct5KhQrE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Tending to Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Vfct5KhQrE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author Nina Roesner explains that physical intimacy is as important to men as emotionally connecting is to women; without that, a man may be less attentive to his wife emotionally.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk today about the mysterious connection between a husband feeling respected and the sexual dimension of a marriage relationship. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. Before we dive in to what we\u2019re going to talk about today, I want to remind our listeners, here at the beginning of today\u2019s program, about the special offer we\u2019re making this week and next week for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. We are about to kick off our fall season of <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways, and we\u2019d like to invite you to attend an upcoming getaway; and we want to sweeten the deal a little bit. So, if you will sign up this week or next week, you can save 50 percent off the regular registration fee and attend the getaway, essentially, at half-price.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe know it takes 100 percent to make a marriage work. Right now, it only takes \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 percent for you to attend one of our upcoming getaways. We\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities between now and the first weekend in December. I\u2019m going to be in Parsippany coming up in November. We\u2019ve got locations happening all across the country, and we\u2019d love to have you join us for a getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to register at 1-800-FL-TODAY. If you have any questions, give us a call. You\u2019ll need to use the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014that\u2019s SAVE5-0\u2014 in order to qualify for the special offer. Again, you can register at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to register at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if I remember right\u2014when we left off yesterday, you were explaining to wives about how they need to submit to their husbands. Is there more that you want to say to wives about submitting to their husbands? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Actually, I\u2019ve got some more that I want our guest on today\u2019s broadcast\u2014that I want her to say\u2014but I want to begin by asking her: \u201cWhat is\u2014out of all 40 of <em>The Respect Dare<\/em> challenges she gives women to implement with their husbands\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cknowing how to respect him, communicate that she really does adore him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cesteem him,\u201d\u2014give me some more words, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you\u2019ve got the subject covered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Out of all 40 of the ones she\u2019s written, you want to know which one is the hardest?\u2014which one is the most\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWhich one is the most challenging to you, Nina?\u201d Let me just tell our listeners who you are. Nina Roesner joins us again on<em> FamilyLife Today<\/em>. She is the leader of Greater Impact ministries, which is a Christian training organization. She\u2019s got more than 20 years in communication, which means she\u2019s communicated perfectly and flawlessly with her husband Jim since 1991. [Laughter] If you believe that, you haven\u2019t listened to the two earlier broadcasts that we did. She has three children and lives in Loveland, Ohio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, now, I\u2019ve given you just a few seconds to process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Out of all 40, which one of these was <em>the<\/em> most challenging? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Initiate, which is\u2014well, I just want to talk about sex, I guess, guys, which is\u2014I\u2019m sorry\u2014just a little awkward! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> First of all, I just want you to know\u2014I didn\u2019t know the answer to the question. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Well, you asked! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob didn\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But that\u2019s okay. You\u2019re talking about something that you are not alone in, in terms of what\u2019s a challenge for a wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Right. I\u2019ll just be real up-front with you right now. I talk about this with women all the time. This is the first time\u2014other than talking about it with my husband\u2014that I\u2019ve talked to men about it. So, this is a little weird for me. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just pretend like Dennis and I are a couple of the girls; okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh no, Bob! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s not going to work\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s not going to work? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> I\u2019m just going to look over here. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason that I picked that is not because my husband has any issues in that department. We have a marvelous relationship, physically. The issue, for me, is that, like a lot of women\u2014matter of fact, most women\u2014we\u2019re wired to be slow starters. So, I don\u2019t think about it. Most women, honestly, <em>don\u2019t<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some that do, but\u2014and especially, as you get older and you go through menopause or you are younger and you have little kids\u2014you go through all these phases. It\u2019s really difficult to keep that part of your marriage important, and alive, and vibrant. I forget that it\u2019s even there and worth doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, choosing to initiate\u2014and then, putting it on my calendar \/ you know, taking those steps to\u2014and encouraging other women. That\u2019s one of the reasons I keep doing the dare book over and over myself\u2014just to make sure that we\u2019re pursuing him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I make a confession here? When I get\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Maybe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When I got my copy of your book, <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>, and I was reviewing it, I did look just to see: \u201cIs there one in here? Oh, yes, number 28. I wonder if we are going to get to number 28 in our conversation,\u201d [Laughter] because, honestly, here\u2019s the conversation\u2014and I\u2019ll just keep transparent with you. Mary Ann and I have had this conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I have said to her, \u201cYou can show me respect all day long\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith your words\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith your actions \/ with your attitude\u2014the whole thing!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cdelicious meals\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cBut then, when I say, \u2018So, how about tonight?\u2019 and you go, \u2018You know, I\u2019m just\u2014it\u2019s not a good night,\u2019 it\u2019s like, \u2018Then why were you lying to me all day today?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Ouch!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it\u2019s because of how central that is to a man\u2019s psyche; and it\u2019s because, in our minds, we just think, \u201cIf you really do admire and respect us, then that would be a natural response.\u201d It would be for us; but we forget you are wired a little different than we\u2019re wired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> And it\u2019s unfortunate. But, again, it\u2019s one of those things God created.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> And we take things one step further\u2014not just to say, \u201cYes,\u201d which is biblical. There\u2019s Scripture, you know: \u201cDon\u2019t deny each other\u201d; but we actually encourage wives to <em>pursue,<\/em> because we want our husbands to feel admired, respected, honored, and pursued\/<em>wanted<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go back to some little phrase you just kind of dropped off the edge of a sentence\u2014and I hope you are not offended by me asking this, but there are a lot of men who heard you say this little phrase; and they went, \u201cWhat exactly did she mean by that?\u201d Here is what you said\u2014and you were kind of going through how a woman thinks about this\u2014you said, \u201cIs it worth it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I don\u2019t think, by the way, you are unique. Unpack that. Why do women think it may not be worth it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Women don\u2019t understand that, to a man, physical intimacy is as meaningful as deep, relational conversation is to us. We have this hormone called oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone. Men release this after gobs of physical contact\u2014often sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen release it with eye contact and with smiles. I mean, that\u2019s why we can be in the grocery store, and just strike up a conversation with a woman, and be laughing, and crying, and then pray with her\u2014I\u2019ve done this. Men would never think about doing that with strangers. It doesn\u2019t happen that quickly\u2014you don\u2019t bond that quickly. Women bond very, very quickly with other humans just by making eye contact and having meaningful conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMen need that physical stimulation\u2014that deep connection to feel really relationally fulfilled. I love the fact that God wired us so that we can do that for each other. So, women hunger after these conversations, and men hunger after intimacy\u2014physical intimacy. It\u2019s the glue that holds a marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s one of the reasons that you can have an argument\u2014and she can still be upset, and he wants to have sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> But he\u2019s trying to connect. As wives, we think: \u201cWhat?! I can\u2019t believe you want that now! Are you kidding me?\u201d Well, he\u2019s trying to repair \/ he wants to be connected. Am I wrong here? Is that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; I think you are right. I think there are wives, who are thinking, \u201cOkay; but why is it that, with my husband, when we\u2019re intimate, the next thing that happens is he\u2019s rolled over and he\u2019s asleep? I never get the bonding. I never get the conversation or the eye contact. Just seems, to me, like I do my part and then, I\u2019m shut out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; well, we need to be a little more patient because we\u2014yes; it makes him sleepy. Yes; that\u2019s natural and normal. So, maybe, we have our conversation later. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs mature, wise women, we need to use God\u2019s timing. So afterwards is probably not the best time for conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut probably, during, or maybe the next morning or whatever; or later that day, because testosterone levels are actually the highest first thing in the morning\u2014[whispering] so, a little side note. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You hinted at what a woman is to do to respect her husband, sexually\/physical intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One is pursue \/ the other is to kind of spice things up\u2014add a sense of surprise and anticipation. How would you coach a young lady, who is maybe in the first five years of her marriage, to pay more attention to this? I\u2019m really picking up on another principle in one of the other days of your 40 days\u2014it goes like this, \u201cWhatever we pay attention to grows.\u201d I think you are right. I also believe that some women, I believe, are afraid that if they pay attention to this, it\u2019ll grow expectations that they are not going to be able to fulfill. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> And the interesting thing is\u2014when we are paying attention to this area of our relationship, our husband is bonding more deeply with us. So, as the babies come and you become exhausted, you have a man that is deeply connected to you because all of his needs have been fulfilled and he\u2019s satisfied. So, he\u2019s going to naturally, more easily have compassion for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo on the nights when you are exhausted, it is fine to say to him: \u201cYou know, Baby, I really want to do that. Can we make that for tomorrow afternoon?\u2014because I just need to go to sleep like right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just want to reinforce\u2014it is fine to say that \/ it\u2019s much better to say <em>that <\/em>than it is to say, \u201cNot tonight.\u201d <br><br><strong>Nina:<\/strong> Right; or to roll your eyes and go: \u201cAre you kidding me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIs that all you want from me?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014which is the world\u2019s lie. And it\u2019s\u2014no; what he wants is to connect with you. I don\u2019t pretend to understand it; but you\u2019re sitting here, nodding your heads like crazy. This is really important to men!\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because that\u2019s how they interact in relationship \/ they experience <em>relationship<\/em> this way. So, if we want them to experience relationship with us the way we want it done\u2014if we want, you know, to <em>feel<\/em> loved in our relationships\u2014we can create an environment where that\u2019s easier for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would you say to the woman, who not only isn\u2019t interested\u2014and even remembering why it is that she would want to do that\u2014which is kind of the way you wrote about it in <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>\u2014what would you say to that woman who needs to spice up or go there with her husband? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Well, first of all, I like to encourage her to see her doctor if there is any kind of medical issues there; because there\u2019s, honestly, a whole lot going on in our environments that affect our hormone levels. Different stages of life can affect them too. So, taking good care of ourselves, physically, allows us to be more in tune with our body and have a healthier system that works right\u2014getting enough rest \/ all those kinds of things really, really matter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI find it interesting that\u2014yes, some women will serve like crazy, thinking they are doing all the right things; but they are not taking care of themselves which, then, impacts the entire family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing is that, if everything physically is going well, then, I would encourage her to pray about it. Just ask God to change her heart and to help her understand what delight \/ what joy is in store for her. He\u2019s so faithful\u2014He will and can do anything. We just have to ask. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. I\u2019m thinking, Bob, of <em>The Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is our video conference\u2014six DVDs that are shown on a Friday night\/Saturday. One of the sessions is on sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I want to go back to the statement that you make in <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>, number 11. I want you to just unpack this just a bit more, because I think the whole book is about this principle. You said, in <em>The Respect Dare,<\/em> that \u201cWhatever we pay attention to grows.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is really a principle of what you invest in is where you\u2019ll reap the harvest\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014with your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that really is what the whole book is about\u2014is challenging wives to reinvest \/ to re-up their commitment\u2014to build into their husbands in positive ways in a number of areas of the relationship: what they say to him, how they respond to him, their attitudes, how they support him in the rearing of children, and even in the mistakes he makes. But just comment on the need for wives to grow their marriage \/ to grow their husband. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> You know, we can create an environment where it\u2019s safe and positive to be able to do that\u2014a safe place to fall, like we talked about before\u2014or we can create an environment where it\u2019s just unsafe, and we\u2019re not willing to take any risks. Spiritual growth is a risk. God asks us to do some crazy things that are outside our comfort zone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a wife, when I choose to pay attention to the right things\u2014I\u2019m thinking in terms of Philippians 4:8, which says, specifically, \u201cWhatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.\u201d So, instead of claiming this position of perfection police and criticizing those around us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014we really need to build each other up and encourage. As the wife \/ as the mom, we set the tone for the entire home. We are the thermostat. We can choose to build up others by <em>paying<\/em> attention to those things and calling attention to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, in turn, what happens is those people around us\u2014and this applies, to not just our husbands, but our kids too\u2014they\u2019re motivated to do better. They believe they <em>can<\/em> do the next thing better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey want to communicate love back to us, as well, because we are filling <em>them<\/em>. It\u2019s really not any different than our relationship with God. He fills us; and when we experience that, we will do anything for Him. We want to give back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember a great illustration that Elisabeth Elliot used to share. She would talk about someone coming into a room with a white shirt on. They had their pen in the pocket, and the ink had been leaking in the pen pocket. So, there is a little blue stain at the bottom of the pocket. She said, \u201cNow, when somebody walks into that room, where does your eye immediately go?\u2014to the little blue stain.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She said: \u201cIt\u2019s normal \/ it\u2019s natural.\u201d But, she said, \u201cLet\u2019s remember\u201499 percent of that shirt is white and clean.\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cWhat a lot of wives do is\u2014they just walk around talking about, \u2018Yes; that stain \/ that stain.\u2019 They ignore the 99 percent that is clean.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our wives, listening, may be thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know that it\u2019s 99 percent, in my husband\u2019s case. It may be more like 30 percent, or 20 percent, or 10 percent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t be na\u00efve \/ don\u2019t pretend like the other 90 percent doesn\u2019t exist or there aren\u2019t issues, but let\u2019s spend some time affirming the 10 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Exactly; because whatever we pay attention to grows\u2014we\u2019re going to get more of that. Not to compare our husbands to children, but if you\u2014I mean, you see this play out at the most base level with a three-year-old when you say, \u201cDon\u2019t touch your sister.\u201d What is this kid going to do? [Laughter] He\u2019s going to poke his sister \/ they can\u2019t help it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, naturally, can reinforce the right things and the positive things. Then, we start having that happen back toward us. Then, you end up in this relationship that you\u2019ve been <em>dying for<\/em>, in the first place! It\u2019s just really beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of traps that are laid for marriages that are attempting to follow Jesus Christ. Early in ours\u2014if Barbara was here, she\u2019d tell this story\u2014she said, \u201cI began to develop a prayer list of things that I was praying for in Dennis, that God would change in [his] life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know how long it went\u2014whether it was six months, a year, or more\u2014but she finally became convicted that she was focusing on the wrong thing\u2014back to the ink spot illustration. I think a lot of life really moves us in that direction, where we\u2019re preoccupied with where our spouses have disappointed us, haven\u2019t met our expectations, aren\u2019t making us happy, as you expressed on an earlier broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What you are doing in your book is turning around a negative focus to a positive one and fueling it with 40 days. In fact, I think I have a promise to make the wives who get your book and who use it for 40 straight days: \u201cIf your husband doesn\u2019t say something after 20 to 25 days\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ll refund? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; \u201cWe may have him declared legally dead and have the estate probated. I mean, he\u2019s not there; I mean\u2014something is dramatically wrong.\u201d [Laughter] I do think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think what Nina has outlined here is really a way to bring <em>life<\/em> to your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you have been teaching this, now, to more than 5,000 women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How many women have you taken through the 40-day <em>Respect Dare<\/em>? Any idea what number you\u2019ve\u2014because you\u2019ve taught classes on this for a long time; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> I haven\u2019t done the math. There have been several thousand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Several thousand women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What kinds of stories\u2014I mean, as you look back on several thousand women, and they\u2019ve come in and told you stories\u2014what are the ones that you go: \u201cExactly. That\u2019s what we are hoping happens\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> You know, the number one story that comes back that, frankly, is the reason that I do this is they grow closer to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn growing their relationship with Jesus Christ, they are then able to experience their relationship with their husband and, frankly, all the people in their lives in a more healthy way. They are able to resolve conflict better. Anytime you die to selfishness, and you can view people the way that God views them, you have this experience where you are able to interact, through conflict, in a way that is just so much healthier. You end up with God\u2019s best as the resolution versus, \u201cI win,\u201d \/ \u201cYou lose,\u201d kind of thing. It\u2019s really what\u2019s best. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was going to ask you: \u201cWhat\u2019s the connection between respecting your husband and growing closer to God?\u201d but I think you just said it. It\u2019s\u2014you\u2019re in a position where Philippians 2, verse 3, is being lived out. You\u2019re doing nothing from selfishness or empty conceit\u2014with humility, you are regarding another person as more important than yourself. When you do that, you have this mind in you that was also in Christ Jesus. You are becoming an imitator of Christ, in that moment; and you do grow closer in your relationship with Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely. It has absolutely <em>nothing<\/em> to do with being a second-class citizen and <em>everything<\/em> to do with wrapping your <em>identity<\/em> up in Christ\u2019s view of you \/ the way that God sees you, which is precious, and important, and an heir. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nina, I really agree with what you are saying there. I just want to challenge all the wives to respect their husbands\u2014to find a way that God may create the life in your soul that you can move forward in the relationship to risk it again. You may have lost heart in doing well because of a lack of response. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think there is no better way to do that than to take your book, and get in the Bible, and to develop that relationship with Christ like you are talking about. I just really appreciate your transparency to talk about everything we\u2019ve talked about today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Oh, my!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you\u2019ve encouraged a lot of wives. I think it will result in a lot of men being encouraged too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I think there are going to be a lot of marriages strengthened by what you\u2019ve shared today and what you\u2019ve shared in the book that you\u2019ve written\u2014<em>The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection to God and Your Husband<\/em>. As we\u2019ve said, you\u2019ve taught this material to a lot of women in your home town. It\u2019s now available in book form. Our listeners can order a copy of the book when they go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>; and you can call or go online to get a copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me encourage you, here, too: \u201cWhy not ask your husband?\u201d\u2014just say: \u201cHave you ever thought about us doing one of those weekend getaways that they talk about on the radio?\u2014the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway? Is that something we could do together? Something you\u2019d like to do this fall?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mention that because, right now, listeners have an opportunity to register for an upcoming getaway and you will save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat offer is good this week and next week only; so we want to encourage you to get information about when and where getaways are going to be happening in your community or in your state. Make plans to have a weekend where you do get away, as husband and wife, and focus on each other and learn more about what the Bible has to say about building a strong marriage relationship. We\u2019ll have dozens of getaways in dozens of cities across the country this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can get all the information about dates and locations, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online\u2014you\u2019ll need the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d\u2014SAVE5-0\u2014in order to qualify for the special offer. If you have any questions and you can\u2019t find the answer, online, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or, if you\u2019d like to register by phone, call the same number: 1-800-FL-TODAY. But be sure to get in touch with us as soon as possible so that we can get a spot reserved for you at an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, more information is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions: 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear from Pastor H.B. Charles, who has a message for us from probably the best-known passage in the Bible on marriage\u2014Ephesians, Chapter 5; but I think you\u2019ll find he has some unique insights into this passage\u2014maybe some things you haven\u2019t thought about before. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304670","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304670"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304670"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304670"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304670"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304670"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304670"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304670"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}