{"id":304668,"date":"2017-09-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-09-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting\/"},"modified":"2017-09-05T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-09-05T15:00:00","slug":"stop-competing-and-start-respecting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Competing and Start Respecting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Nina Roesner | Series: The Respect Dare | Do you speak your man&#8217;s love language? Nina Roesner, author of &#8220;The Respect Dare,&#8221; says that if you&#8217;re not respecting your husband, then you probably aren&#8217;t. Roesner explains that when a woman speaks a man&#8217;s language of respect, he will reciprocate in kind with the love she craves. Roesner says she learned this lesson the hard way, by failing to communicate respect to her husband and focusing instead on what he could do for her, and not on how she could love and serve him. But when God showed her the error of her ways, she saw her marriage improve by leaps and bounds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nina Roesner, author of &#8220;The Respect Dare,&#8221; explains that when a woman speaks a man&#8217;s language of respect, he will reciprocate in kind with the love she craves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:08","filesize":"24.84M","filesize_raw":"26049211","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2862,2831],"tags":[4527,4529,5192,2877,4330,4730],"podcast_series":[7991],"cwp_profile":[3401],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304668","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-communication","tag-expectations","tag-love-language","tag-marriage","tag-respect","tag-submission","podcast_series-the-respect-dare","cwp_profile-nina-roesner","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304668\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304668\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xN5MK3EJX0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting\/\">Stop Competing and Start Respecting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stop-competing-and-start-respecting\/embed\/#?secret=xN5MK3EJX0\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stop Competing and Start Respecting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xN5MK3EJX0\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Nina Roesner, author of \"The Respect Dare,\" explains that when a woman speaks a man's language of respect, he will reciprocate in kind with the love she craves.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-09-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you feeling alone in your marriage? Nina Roesner says, \u201cIf you\u2019re a wife, you may want to ask yourself the question, \u2018Am I showing my husband respect?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> As women, we yearn for not feeling alone. We want to deeply connect with the man that we\u2019re married to. When our husbands open up to us and trust us\u2014and we\u2019re a safe place to fall, for them\u2014we get that intimacy. It\u2019s <em>only<\/em> through the language of respect that they feel safe enough to share that with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. Nina Roesner joins us today to talk about the power of respect in a marriage relationship. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. I just wonder if there are going to be listeners, who are thinking, \u201cI know why you two men decided to have this guest on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>A little self-serving\u2014don\u2019t you think, fellows; huh?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, we have a friend in the studio with us who takes us right to one of the core issues in a marriage relationship\u2014and that is the need for a husband to be respected by his wife. Nina Roesner joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Nina, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s great to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nina is a wife\u2014has been married to Jim since 1991. She has three children and lives in Loveland, Ohio\u2014[Laughter]\u2014not Loveland, Colorado. She has written a book called <em>The Respect Dare.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlright, what\u2019s the respect dare? Unpack that. A lot of our listeners have heard of <em>The Love Dare,<\/em> which came from the movie, <em>Fireproof,<\/em> by the guys who produced <em>Courageous.<\/em> It\u2019s a challenge to men to know how to love their wives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, to your point, we have had those guys on here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have, and we\u2019ve talked about <em>The Love Dare<\/em>; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Challenging the men to take on the love dare and do a better job loving their wives\u2014so I think we\u2019re okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think so?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re okay with the women in featuring this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is one of the subjects that we dive into at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>marriage getaway, where couples come together for a two-and-a-half-day getaway to look at what the Bible has to say about building a strong, healthy, godly marriage relationship. We talk about a husband\u2019s responsibility to sacrificially love his wife and a wife\u2019s responsibility to respect her husband. It can feel at times like you\u2019re stepping on toes when you talk about this; but at the end of the day, when people start to get it, this has a transforming impact on a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to make sure our listeners are aware that, this week and next week, they can sign up to attend one of our upcoming getaways this fall and save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. We\u2019re going to be kicking off our fall season, here, in a few weeks. We\u2019re going to be in dozens of cities across the country between now and the first week in December. We\u2019d love to have you join us for a practical, romantic, fun getaway where the two of you can kind of pull off the side of the road and recalibrate\/refocus your marriage and make it all that God intends for it to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you sign up this week or next week, you save 50 percent off the regular registration cost. We know it takes 100 percent to make a marriage work. Right now, it only takes 50 percent to get to a getaway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to get more information or to sign up for an upcoming getaway. You need to enter the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d \/ SAVE 5-0 when you sign up in order to qualify for that special rate. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions or if you would like to register over the phone. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our number to call is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014-1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, today, we\u2019re going to talk about the importance of a wife being purposeful and intentional in respecting her husband and about the idea of a respect dare.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Explain what <em>The Respect Dare<\/em> is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> One of the things that women really, really want in their marriages is to feel loved. The interesting thing is that we have a very small chance of being able to enable our relationship to be healthy enough so that we can <em>receive<\/em> love if we\u2019re not respecting our husbands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are gobs of research out there about how men perceive this as really important. It\u2019s in the Bible\u2014Ephesians 5:33 tells a wife to respect her husband. We\u2019ve seen, in our ministry, that when women start learning to speak a man\u2019s language of respect, that their marriage is improved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You said, early in your marriage, you gave it a 2. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You did not feel loved by your husband. It took a long time before God said, \u201cThe reason you\u2019re not feeling loved is because you\u2019re not living up to your part of the bargain.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Correct; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Her expectations were going unmet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; very much so. It was very humbling, because I have a master\u2019s degree in communication. I worked for this communication training corporation for years. I really should be able to communicate in a way that would foster me receiving what I was trying to get, relationally. I was failing miserably, and my husband didn\u2019t even trust me. We had this adversarial kind of relationship going on. Everything I tried just didn\u2019t work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod finally said: \u201cI\u2019ve been telling you this. You\u2019re not doing it.\u201d I mean, not literally, but that\u2019s where I ended up. Once I started figuring out respect in my marriage and communicating that to my husband, that\u2019s when my relationship started to change. It\u2019s <em>really<\/em> taking the focus off of: \u201cWhat can I <em>get<\/em> from my marriage? How can I be selfish?\u201d and all those things\u2014and [instead]: \u201cHow can I give?\u201d and \u201cHow can I love? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHow can I be more like Christ?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s <em>so amazing<\/em> is that, once we start trusting God\u2014that His Word is true and that His ways work\u2014suddenly, we start seeing things happening for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You have 40 assignments, one a day for 40 days, for a wife. These are specific action points you\u2019re urging these wives to take, each day, to begin to cultivate respect for a husband in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; yes. It\u2019s a lot of the how-to kind of things. The most important thing that happens\u2014I hear this from women all over the place\u2014is that their relationship with God improves. I believe that\u2019s the absolute <em>most<\/em> important thing here because, you know, in James 4:3, it says, \u201cWhen you ask, you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you gain on yourself,\u201d\u2014so, our pleasures, our desires\u2014all those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we start choosing to obey God\u2019s Word, in the context of our marriage, that we can be more like Him\u2014then, we start seeing those things. So, don\u2019t be doing the book so that you can <em>get<\/em>; but do the book so that you can grow closer to God. Then, you\u2019ll start seeing some different things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When Barbara and I first married, one of the big lessons that I\u2019d say we both learned is that marriage can be very redemptive for a man and a woman who engage in this most intimate of all relationships. You really can\u2019t do your assignment of loving your wife or of respecting your husband unless you\u2019re vitally connected to Jesus Christ, and the Bible, and saying to God: \u201cGod, I don\u2019t know how to do this assignment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cI need your help.\u201d Those prayers\u2014God will answer; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Absolutely. People don\u2019t go into marriage intending to hurt each other. There\u2019s not a purpose there: \u201cI\u2019m going to wound you today\u201d; but that happens\u2014people hurt each other all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s miscommunication\u2014all those kinds of things. When we have a relationship with God, we can <em>see<\/em> our husband or our wife the way that God sees them\u2014a little bit differently\u2014then, there\u2019s grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tell our listeners what you call the women, who engage in <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>, and tell them about the verse from the Bible that is kind of key to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> The book actually emerged from a course called \u201cDaughters of Sarah,\u201d which is a training course that our ministry does. It\u2019s participative. It works on communication and how to be a better wife, basically, but really, know your identity in God. The book emerged as a result of that particular course. The stories came right from the class, and a lot of them are mine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But why \u201cDaughters of Sarah\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> The Scripture\u2014it comes from 1Peter 3\u2014it is verses 1-6, really. It says, \u201cWives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands.\u201d The interesting thing is\u2014prior to that, it\u2019s talking about submitting to authority. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to understand that, when God created the family unit, our husbands are the ones that are held <em>accountable<\/em> for what happens\u2014not us, but our husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It goes all the way back to Genesis 3?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Oh, yes; all the way back to Genesis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t mean, though, that a woman is a non-person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> No; not at all. We\u2019re equal heirs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s a partner \/ co-equal before Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; and God feels so strongly about His women that He tells them in verse 7 of 1 Peter 3\u2014He says, \u201cHusbands,\u201d basically, \u201cI\u2019m not even going to <em>listen<\/em> to your prayers if you\u2019re not being respectful, and honoring, gentle with your wives.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Some people like to talk about being second-class citizens. I think that\u2019s ridiculous, and that\u2019s from the enemy. It\u2019s not even worth airing because that just does not exist in the Word of God. But the verse that the course is from\u2014\u201cDaughters of Sarah\u201d\u2014really talks about\u2014I\u2019ll keep reading here: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIf any of them do not believe the Word,\u201d\u2014so you\u2019re talking about a man, who\u2019s not even saved\u2014\u201cthey may be won,\u201d over to Christ, basically, \u201cwithout words, by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYour beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God\u2019s sight. This is the way the holy women in the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThey were submissive to their own husbands like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s where we get the name\u2014\u201cif you do what is right and do not give way to fear.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just heard a listener say: \u201cI\u2019m not going to any group that wants me to be a daughter of Sarah, and obey my husband, and call him <em>my master<\/em>. My master?\u2014are you kidding me?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Oh yes; tough stuff; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhat does that mean?!\u2014\u2018\u2026call my husband my master.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> If you listen to secular culture, it will tell you that it means to be a maid and that you\u2019re a non-person. If you listen to God, it basically is telling you to respect and honor this man because he <em>desperately<\/em> needs that from <em>you<\/em>. You can have any amount of people in the world that admire and respect you, Bob; but probably, the most important woman\u2014or person\u2014that you would want to have that from is your wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not probably\u2014yes; that\u2019s the bottom line. You\u2019re absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> So, if we will honor our husbands and respect them, at that level, not only will God <em>protect<\/em> us, but it will build up our husbands. He tells us to do that, because we\u2019re not going to want to naturally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to underscore what you are saying here; because, over in Ephesians 5, it says that \u201cmarriage is a reflection of Christ\u2019s relationship with the church.\u201d Christ loved the church\u2014He gave Himself for her \/ He died for her to redeem her\u2014and He calls the church to submit to Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSubmission is the route of life for those of us in a relationship with Jesus Christ. If we don\u2019t submit to Him, and obey His Word, and call Him \u201cMaster,\u201d\u2014and, I mean, this is the ultimate Lord, with a capital \u201cL.\u201d God is not calling a wife to give a capital \u201cL\u201d to her husband, because he\u2019s not perfect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Absolutely; he\u2019s a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But the picture of Christ\u2019s relationship with the church is being mirrored between a husband and a wife and how they do this dance, called life, together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s a beautiful thing because, really, what happens is you start trying to out-serve the other person. The animosity, and the anger, and the confrontations become things that you just simply start working through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things that you do in <em>The Respect Dare\u2014<\/em>I almost called it <em>The Love Dare<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014one of the things you do in there is you exhort women to track their progress. Why is that important?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Because the world will have us think that we constantly fail. We will measure what we\u2019re doing against what he\u2019s doing. You get in a spot where you go, \u201cWell, I\u2019m still not perfect here; and I\u2019m still not perfect there;\u201d but we need to go back to what we started with. I mean, we\u2019re here until we die to continue growing. It\u2019s really discouraging to think we\u2019re not moving forward in any way, shape, or form\u2014so, versus going back to saying: \u201cOkay; are you perfect yet?\u201d we\u2019re going to go back to: \u201cWhere did we <em>start<\/em>?\u201d That part of reflection in the book is really important because, otherwise, we\u2019re using the wrong yardstick, if you will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You also encourage women, at the very beginning of <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>, to not focus on their husband but to really look at their own lives. You point to their childhood. You think there may be things in how we grew up, and the patterns that we saw, that are playing into your relationship with your husband; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> What\u2019s amazing to me\u2014and this is why I tell people that God wrote the book and I didn\u2019t\u2014because that is actually something that psychologists use to determine where wounding occurs. I\u2019m not a psychologist, but God used that example. I hear this over and over again from women\u2014is that when they go back to that place in their childhood, where they had this interaction with their dad, or they watched their mom and dad have this fight, or they were afraid of something going on in the home, or the abuse that occurs\u2014there are lies that are believed in those moments. They become filters through which we transpose every reality that we experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go back there, and we ask Jesus to reveal: \u201cWhat\u2019s really true here?\u201d God did this for me\u2014I had some issues \/ some things I believed. God took me back to a moment where my mother had yelled at me and revealed to me that she was actually hurting over something that had happened with my dad and that it really had nothing to do with me at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe showed me that truth, and it set me free from that particular moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hear from women, over and over again, that as they go back to these things---and we have women that do the book a number of times, which I think is just interesting and wonderful. I keep doing it myself just because I\u2019m never going to arrive, and it impacts our relation---I\u2019ve got two boys. It matters in those relationships too. Those childhood memories are the places where we can instill habits that are unhealthy, and repeat bad behaviors, and repeat unhealthiness; or we can go back and uncap them and be healed from those things. God is powerful. He will do those things if we seek Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s too bad that, when you get married, you don\u2019t see all the bags\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that come in with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that come in with the spouse that you just married, plus your own. What you\u2019re calling wives to do here is to do a little baggage check and kind of look where they\u2019ve come from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you began to make the turn in your relationship with Jim, and you began to respect him and demonstrate respect in various ways, how did you see him change?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> You know, initially, he was kind of surprised by my behavior. He continually asked me: \u201cAre you feeling okay? Is everything alright?\u201d Then, after probably about six months or so, he started, tentatively, stepping into pursuing more intimacy with me, relationally. He started trusting me with talking about his struggles at work. He started telling me when he was concerned or worried about something going on with one of our kids. I woke up one day, and I went: \u201cThis is it! This is what I\u2019ve been aching for.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs women, we yearn for not feeling alone. We want to deeply connect with the man that we\u2019re married to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen our husbands open up to us and trust us\u2014when we\u2019re a safe place to fall, for them\u2014we get that intimacy. It\u2019s <em>only<\/em> through the language of respect that they feel safe enough to share that with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that a fascinating connection?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; when you move away from critical communication, and nagging, and eye rolls, and disrespect\u2014because that puts you in a position, relationally, with your husband where you\u2019re a <em>competitor<\/em>. I had to untangle that competitive thing that I\u2019d built in my marriage and create a foundation of trust through the language of respect. In doing so, I ended up with the intimacy that I wanted with this most important relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is the way that I have said that\u2014I have said, \u201cGuys do not keep going out and playing games that they\u2019re no good at \/ that they can\u2019t win at.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If a guy goes out\u2014and he plays golf four or five times, and he\u2019s just no good at it\u2014he\u2019s not going to say: \u201cHey, next Saturday, you know what I want to do? I want to go play another round of golf. I just want to go out there and prove to everybody, including myself\u2014\u201c\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHow bad I can lose.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201chow incompetent I am at this.\u201d What guys are going to do is\u2014they\u2019re going to find a game they can win. They\u2019ll go play that game over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, if what your wife keeps saying to you is: \u201cYou cannot win this game with me. There\u2019s no way you can win. Even if you do really good\u2014guess what? I\u2019ll find the mistake in what you did.\u201d A guy just goes: \u201cI\u2019m not playing that game. I will go sit on the sofa and watch ESPN rather than engage in that kind of game.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Right. We can create an environment where our husbands will keep trying, and feel engaged, and keep trying; or we can create an environment where they give up. We can make that happen just in the way that we communicate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore I went back to work part-time\u2014I had this great situation, work-wise. I could work in the evenings, and Jim would be home with the baby. I went to a very, very small part-time job that I had been doing full-time\u2014but anyway, before I went back, his mom called me. She said: \u201cI\u2019m not going to give you a lot of advice, but I\u2019m going to give you this one. Whatever he does with the baby, while you\u2019re at work, is good if he\u2019s alive when you come home.\u201d [Laughter] I said, \u201cWhat?!\u201d She said: \u201cNo; you just have to let him parent. Otherwise, he will be a distant dad. He will not engage.\u201d I went, \u201cOkay; what does that mean?\u201d but I went back to work. I forgot something\u2014I came home, and Jim had the baby in the high chair. There were cookies. I thought, \u201cOh-h-h.\u201d I almost said something, but I didn\u2019t. I left\u2014I came back. I wanted just to control and go: [High-pitched voice] \u201cOh! You\u2019re not doing that right! [Laughter] And\u2026\u201d but I didn\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came home and said, \u201cSo, how did it go?\u201d He said: \u201cYou know\u2014it was really great. He\u2019s so much fun. We did this; we did that.\u201d He goes: \u201cHe didn\u2019t eat much. I gave him some cookies while I was making my own dinner. I probably won\u2019t do that next time. I\u2019m probably just going to go ahead and feed him first; and then, I\u2019ll make my supper after he\u2019s taken care of.\u201d I went: \u201cOh! Thank You, God!\u201d and I didn\u2019t have to say anything. I knew that was one of those times\u2014if I\u2019d criticized how he was doing it, or when diapering, all of those things\u2014making him feel like a failure\u2014he wouldn\u2019t want to engage and keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; we\u2019ve called women to not compete with their husbands; instead, respect them. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s possible for you to do this in 90 seconds; but I would like for you to give three respect dares to women, right now. Let them pick one of the three they\u2019re going to apply with their husbands today. Go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Okay. First one\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t criticize.\u201d Stop that! If you can\u2019t say something nice, just don\u2019t say anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Bite your tongue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; bite your tongue\u2014that\u2019s number one. Number two would be: \u201cNix the eye roll and the exasperated sigh.\u201d That communicates disrespect, big time. Number three would be: \u201cJoin him where he\u2019s at.\u201d Go be his friend and just watch him do things. Offer to help. Just go be with him in the things that he\u2019s engaged in\u2014in doing so, you show support, even if you don\u2019t have a conversation. How\u2019s that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a good one because a couple weekends ago, I had to run to town on an errand. Barbara said to me, \u201cI think I\u2019ll just go to town with you.\u201d I said, \u201cReally?\u201d Now, you\u2019d have to know Barbara. She is a very task-oriented person\u2014for her to \u201ckill time\u201d by going with me on an errand for me\u2014that\u2019s a big deal. It\u2019s a statement of my value. It didn\u2019t go unnoticed by me. We had a good time. What you\u2019re saying really does work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt communicates: \u201cI want to be with you. I respect you, and I just like you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and Nina, you have seen this work with hundreds of women who have gone through this material in your home church and in your community. Now, you\u2019ve put the material in a book that is called <em>The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband.<\/em> This would be a great book for a group of ladies to go through together in a small group or a book club this fall\u2014or just a book for you to read on your own and pray your way through it. We\u2019ve got copies of Nina\u2019s book, <em>The Respect Dare<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. Go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind, when you go to our website, you\u2019ll be able to get more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember <\/em>marriage getaway. We\u2019re going to be kicking off our getaway season, here, in a couple of weeks. It will continue through the first weekend in December. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s going to be in dozens of cities across the country this fall, and we\u2019d love to have you join us at a getaway. Right now, if you sign up for any of the fall getaways, you will save \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 percent off the regular registration fee. You need to use the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d \/ SAVE 5-0 in order to take advantage of the special offer. You can sign up online. All the information about dates and locations is available online.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to be speaking at the getaway in Parsippany, New Jersey, coming up in November. Would love to have our listeners, who live around the New York City area, come join us for that getaway. We\u2019re going to be in dozens of great locations. All the information is online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, you can sign up and save \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t50 percent off the regular registration fee. You need to do that either this week or no later than next week\u2014that\u2019s when the offer expires. Use the code: \u201cSAVE50\u201d to take advantage of the special offer. You can also call if you\u2019d like to register over the phone. The number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the connection between respecting your husband and physical intimacy in your marriage; because there is a connection. We\u2019ll talk more about that with our guest, Nina Roesner, tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304668"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304668"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304668"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304668"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}