{"id":304658,"date":"2017-08-29T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-08-29T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/gradually-rebuilding-trust\/"},"modified":"2017-08-29T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-08-29T15:00:00","slug":"gradually-rebuilding-trust","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/gradually-rebuilding-trust\/","title":{"rendered":"Gradually Rebuilding Trust"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chris and Cindy Beall, co-authors of &#8220;Rebuilding a Marriage,&#8221; tell how they rebuilt trust over the years after Chris&#8217;s confession of porn addiction and adultery.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-29.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:18","filesize":"23.17M","filesize_raw":"24291422","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903,2883,2863],"tags":[5062,4377,2699,6297,4874,5191,2989],"podcast_series":[8230],"cwp_profile":[9261],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304658","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","category-resurrected-marriages","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-adultery","tag-affair","tag-forgiveness","tag-healed-marriage","tag-infidelity","tag-pastor","tag-pornography","podcast_series-rebuilding-a-marriage-better-than-new","cwp_profile-chris-and-cindy-beall","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304658\/gradually-rebuilding-trust","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304658\/gradually-rebuilding-trust","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mQu6EHsR4N\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/gradually-rebuilding-trust\/\">Gradually Rebuilding Trust<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/gradually-rebuilding-trust\/embed\/#?secret=mQu6EHsR4N\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Gradually Rebuilding Trust&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mQu6EHsR4N\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Chris Beall was unfaithful to his wife Cindy, she faced a decision. Was she going to forgive him, or not? Here\u2019s how she thought that through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I really do believe\u2014with all my heart\u2014he never wanted to hurt me. He still did\u2014but he did not <em>want<\/em> that\u2014so forgiving him, was really rather easy. Trusting him? That was something had to be earned for months\u2014and years\u2014to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 29th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What does the process of rebuilding trust in a broken marriage relationship look like? Chris and Cindy Beall join us today to talk about their experience. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that we\u2019ve talked with couples about over the years is the whole issue of how trust gets rebuilt in a relationship when that trust has been violated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUsually the violator is hoping that that trust can get rebuilt\u2014like really quickly. The violated person is going, \u201cNo, no, no, no, no\u2014this is a much slower process than you imagine\u2014or than it feels like it ought to be to you\u2014because you\u2019re not the one who got kicked in the gut; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Usually the one who confesses the sin\u2014especially in a marriage relationship where a betrayal is so personal\u2014feels like they can empty the garbage can and it\u2019s like a dump truck comes and takes it away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they feel free because they\u2019ve become unburdened!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ve finally gotten rid of it and their spouse is left to know\u2014what do I do with this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the garbage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014with this garbage? We\u2019ve got a couple with us\u2014first of all the author of the book <em>Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New<\/em>, Cindy Beall\u2014welcome back, Cindy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And her husband Chris, joins us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Thank you. So excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ve been married since 1993. They have three boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou shared earlier about how your marriage had to deal with Chris\u2019s deceit, betrayal, pornography, an affair, the birth of a child outside of marriage that you knew nothing about\u2014and your world was shattered instantly. Yet, one of the great parts of your story is that you were part of a church\u2014Life Church\u2014where you now work\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Chris. I actually love this part of the story, Bob, because many of us have heard a lot of couples, where things have gone wrong and they kind of drop off the face of the planet, and you never hear from them again. Well, that\u2019s not the case with Chris and Cindy Beall. They received forgiveness from one another\u2014they have experienced healing. That\u2019s what I really want to explore here\u2014and begin with you, Cindy, to just unpack. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter you initially responded with grace and forgiveness and a commitment to the marriage some three weeks into the discovery that your husband had been unfaithful for a number of years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not only with pornography but also with affairs with multiple women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow did you experience that healing on an ongoing basis\u2014because there are a lot of listeners who are in the midst of their own deep trauma and trial right now\u2014they need to know where to look for help and hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Grief is not enjoyable. Nobody wants to grieve. We experienced grief when we lose something\u2014it could be a job, it could be a relationship, it could be a person\u2014so our marriage\u2014I felt like\u2014died that day. So I began a grief process. There\u2019s different stages\u2014you can research and find about all that\u2014but I didn\u2019t really experience a ton of anger or denial\u2014I went straight into the \u2018pit of despair\u2019, is what I call it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I tried for a little bit to kind of push it away when triggers would come. That\u2019s what I used the phrase a lot in my book and when I\u2019m talking to women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTriggers would come to remind me of something he had done or something he had said that would trigger back to that two and a half year period. I had an option\u2014I could suppress it\u2014push it aside\u2014forget it\u2014not think about it\u2014or I could <em>feel<\/em> it and I could push through it and I could move through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about one of those triggers. One of the ways would be when he came home late. Maybe a bit later than he had told you he would be home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis reminds me of that time period and what am I going to do with it?\u201d An even better trigger\u2014I want to tell you about this\u2014that I wrote about\u2014I was in Walmart and I was grocery shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking up on the shelf for a particular item for this recipe I was making. This was probably three months after confession. I see it and I\u2019m reminded of something that I used to do when we lived in the other town and it reminded me of, \u201cOh, he often wasn\u2019t home when I did this.\u201d \u201cHe was doing a ministry appointment.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, he was\u2014,\u201c and it triggered and I started thinking, \u201cOh my gosh!\u201d and I began to cry. In the middle of the aisle in the Walmart. <em>Totally<\/em> crying\u2014not like on the floor crying\u2014 but crying\u2014and I cried for probably a good minute. Then all of a sudden, I just kind of stopped, and I wiped my tears, and I kept grocery shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people would not have let that happen\u2014they would have run out of the store\u2014they would have stopped, they wouldn\u2019t have thought about it, but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. When these triggers come that remind you of the past, if we do not deal with them\u2014if we do not face them\u2014if we do not <em>feel<\/em>them\u2014they\u2019ll be there again! So that day I faced a trigger and my healing went a step further\u2014I firmly believe that. I did a whole bunch of that\u2014for a very long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to make sure our listeners understand, it was three weeks after Chris\u2019s confession that you made the decision, \u201cI\u2019m going to stick this out.\u201d Did you forgive him three weeks later? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWas grace extended in that moment? Or was it like, \u201cI\u2019m going to tough this out but we\u2019ve still got a loooong road to hoe before you\u2019re back in my bed\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Forgiveness, for me, was rather quick. I have been forgiven of so much. I watched the actions of my broken, repentant, remorseful husband day after day after day, and I <em>know<\/em> how much he did not want to do that. I really do believe\u2014with all my heart\u2014he never wanted to hurt me. He still <em>did<\/em>, but he did not want that. So forgiving him was really rather easy. Trusting him? That was something that had to be earned for months\u2014and years\u2014to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust because God called me to stay\u2014and I knew after three weeks\u2014it wasn\u2019t like, \u201cOkay! We\u2019re good!\u201d No, no. I had to deal with all the\u2014the garbage that I was covered in at this point. He was freer and flying high. I mean, he was amazing and he did so many things to earn my trust back\u2014that he still does 15 years later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, man, it still hurt. I still had to deal with the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Years to rebuild trust? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes. Years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I would say this\u2014people ask her to this day, \u201cDo you trust Chris?\u201d and this is her response, \u201cI trust God in him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u201cWhen he\u2019s walking empowered by the Holy Spirit, I trust that.\u201d Honestly, is there anything trustworthy in any of us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Outside of God empowering us? Sometimes I feel like we emphasize this idea of human trust outside of God that I don\u2019t know that is actually real. When I\u2014for the last 15 years of healing, that\u2019s been really my number one job is to <em>live<\/em> empowered by the Holy Spirit\u2014humble and grateful that every day that I have with my boys and with my wife is an undeserved gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing about Cindy I will say\u2014and this is probably not realistic so,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014if you\u2019re listening, don\u2019t beat yourself up if you\u2019ve done this but\u2014in the last 15 years, Cindy has <em>never once<\/em> used what I did as ammunition to hurt me. I really believe that she\u2014in a supernatural way\u2014internalizes how much she\u2019s been forgiven by God. Her choosing not to use to wound\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to punish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u2014to punish\u2014is a choice of somebody that has been also forgiven much. I think that\u2019s a significant thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cindy, I\u2014this is\u2014this may be off limits so, if you don\u2019t want to answer this question, it\u2019s fine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m not a woman\u2014I can\u2019t begin to imagine what it might be like to go to bed with my husband and in that moment of intimacy\u2014more than a trigger\u2014flashbacks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>\u2014an onslaught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes\u2014a tsunami. How have you handled that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Obviously, it\u2019s part of the healing. It was very difficult\u2014it was almost like, \u201cLet\u2019s just get through this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> There was six weeks where there was no physical intimacy in our marriage. Our mentors, walking us through this, basically said, \u201cLook, this is something that Cindy is going to set\u2014it\u2019s going to be her decision.\u201d Six weeks into the healing process there was a moment where Cindy was open to us being together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> And it was very challenging. My heart was thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s he thinking about?\u201d \u201cWhat does she look like?\u201d \u201cDoes she have a better body than me?\u201d All of these thoughts are going through and I just began to take thoughts captive\u2014I mean I am literally taking thoughts captive in that moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For those who don\u2019t understand what that means, that\u2019s praying and actually just offering those thoughts before God. \u201cGod, take these thoughts.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cCleanse them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWash them clean.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> \u201cGod help me\u2014help me not think about this.\u201d \u201cI know that you have redeemed this\u2014You\u2019ve redeemed my marriage\u2014You\u2019re making things new.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cPlease God just help me to make it through.\u201d And then as things progressed in the months to come, there was just less and less of the onslaught of that happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did it take months before you being together was something that you could embrace and enjoy as a wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Potentially closer to a year\u2014maybe more\u2014I can\u2019t really remember\u2014but yes, it took a long time. Sadly, people see what we have 15 years later and they think, \u201cI want that!\u201d and I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you sure?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You\u2019re title of you book makes me emotional to think about it! It a tremendous hope-giving title: <em>Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New<\/em>. So you wouldn\u2019t trade in what you have today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I wouldn\u2019t. I wouldn\u2019t go back. I wouldn\u2019t go back\u2014and have a faithful husband. I wouldn\u2019t go back\u2014and not have my stepson, whom I adore. I wouldn\u2019t go back and trade all the pain to have what I have now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t go back. I wouldn\u2019t do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s important for a wife\u2014or even a husband\u2014who\u2019s been a victim here. It took a year or more before you could fully be engaged in intimacy with your husband but that doesn\u2019t mean it was a year or more before you shared intimacy with your husband. You guys were together during that time with you having to process everything in those moments\u2014but you also recognizing, \u201cIf our marriage is going to work, this is a part of what makes a marriage work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes. We were growing as a couple in that\u2014let\u2019s just take the six week time period\u2014we were growing and <em>he<\/em> was finally investing in our marriage\u2014after two and a half years of not doing it. That\u2019s what happens with these people who start cheating\u2014they\u2019re investing somewhere else. When you start investing where you\u2019re supposed to\u2014and our intimacy was growing\u2014Yes! We wanted to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, Chris\u2014as you were talking about the three weeks\u2014the six weeks\u2014the year\u2014you\u2019re not a robot either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you learning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I think the\u2014trying to understand\u2014\u201dHow did I get here?\u201d Because there was never a day that I said, \u201cYou know, I think I\u2019m going to become a sex addict and I think I\u2019m going to be addicted to pornography for the better part of my adult life.\u201d Those thoughts never went through my head\u2014it was just one\u2014pushing one moral boundary after the other\u2014just real subtle things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing through the healing process\u2014learning how to be convicted of my sin so not to be ashamed, necessarily\u2014but to be broken\u2014personally\u2014for what I\u2019ve done and how that affected those that I love\u2014including God\u2014on one side\u2014then truly and fully walking in the grace of Christ\u2014that I am enough\u2014just as I am. That\u2014that was probably one of the most challenging and life-changing things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was working in retail at the time\u2014there was an 18-month period where\u2014almost two years\u2014where I wasn\u2019t in ministry and really, ministry was not even on the radar\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your church actually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014took you off of the stage from leading worship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and put you to work at Home Depot and took away all your screens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> The leadership team\u2014they came and took the computer. They said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to be under our covering\u201d\u2014which means you just have to do whatever we tell you to do. If you want to go on vacation\u2014ask us first. If you want to get a job\u2014which you\u2019re going to need a job\u2014you can\u2019t travel, you can\u2019t have a computer and you can\u2019t have the ability to be alone with women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You stayed in the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Absolutely! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> We sat on the front row.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u2014where people knew! Where people knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That took a lot of courage, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Well, but here\u2019s the thing\u2014so we went the weekend after the announcement and then Craig Groshell, my pastor, made the comment that, \u201cChris and Cindy\u2019s with us today.\u201d It was in that moment that the church stood up [Emotion in voice]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and gave us a round of applause\u2014and there was a line to hug our necks! This is a <em>week<\/em> after the confession! In that moment\u2014that\u2019s really when I had just supernatural hope. It was this community of faith was going to be the hospital where we heal. God is planting the seeds for redemption. That weekend\u2014that day in church\u2014it changed us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Cindy, could your marriage have made it to where it is today if there had not been a community doing what this community of faith did? If it was just the two of you saying, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll try to rebuild. We\u2019ll see a counselor. We\u2019ll do our best.\u201d You think your marriage would have survived that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I can\u2019t see how it would have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s just something special about telling people\u2014like-minded believers\u2014that are going to speak the truth and encourage you and build you up and hold your arms up when you can\u2019t hold them up anymore. We had that, not only from the church staff but from our people in the congregation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cindy, as Chris was telling that story, I reached and gave you a Kleenex. I want to know what it was like to have people line up and come by and look you in the eyes and hug you. What was that like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> It was\u2014peacefully difficult. There was some embarrassment\u2014a little bit\u2014kind of like\u2026everybody knows your business now. [Emotion in voice] You\u2019re so vulnerable and so raw\u2014but, man! To see them actually <em>do<\/em> what the church is supposed to do? How we\u2019re supposed to help other believers heal. That was a very profound thing\u2014and it made me think, \u201cI can stay here with these people. I can stay here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These were not your lifelong friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I\u2019d been there six weeks! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t even really have a lot of friends!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know what it feels like at this level\u2014I\u2019m a broken person too, but\u2014it has to be a little bit like a leper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had to feel like a leper at that moment and have people <em>standing in line<\/em> to hug you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What the flesh wants to do is run! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In the other direction\u2014the exit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I think\u2014Craig stood on stage the week before and said that the American church, unfortunately\u2014more often than not\u2014is one of the only institutions on the planet that shoot their wounded. That will not happen\u2014we will be a hospital. Secondly, he said that gossip kills churches and if we all know the truth in love, then we\u2019re truly free to just love them and be a voice of healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had one conversation\u2014probably 18 months later\u2014that I think really painted the picture of what\u2014from the perspective of the church\u2014the body of Christ\u2014there was a 75 year old woman that came up to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t even remember meeting her\u2014I didn\u2019t know who she was\u2014but she walked up to me in church and she grabbed my collar and she said, \u201cSon, are you still free?\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d And she smiled and she said, \u201cWe did it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t say, \u201cYou did it!\u201d She didn\u2019t say, \u201cGood for your marriage,\u201d she said, \u201c<em>We<\/em> did it!\u201d I really believe that there\u2019s a responsibility that\u2019s placed on a community that\u2019s of faith\u2014to be environments of healing. She was <em>so<\/em> proud to be a part of a church that\u2014in her mind\u2014we did it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your story reminds me of another one that Bob and I were told live on stage at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit where\u2014I believe it was a foster care young lady who was cared for by a woman in the church\u2014was never adopted by her, as I recall. She fell in love as a young lady in her 20\u2019s and when it came time [Emotion in voice] to give her away in the wedding to the man\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the entire church stood up and said, \u201cWho gives this woman to be married to this man?\u201d You know, that\u2019s really what the church was expressing there when they said, \u201cWe did it! We really did it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCindy, I want you to comment on something. Earlier you said you became convicted that whatever you did, you need to give God the glory. What did that look like? Now, looking back on this, what does it mean to give God the glory\u2014practically speaking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> It\u2019s probably different than what you might expect. We see people in the world where say something nice\u2014\u201cDennis, great book. Oh, praise God, He\u2019s so good.\u201d We give God the glory in that capacity\u2014or we think we do\u2014and we might. For me, giving God the glory is a heart condition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began\u2014when people would come up\u2014and they still do\u2014and they say, \u201cOh! You\u2019re so amazing!\u201d They\u2019ll say things like, \u201cYou saved my marriage!\u201d and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cNo I didn\u2019t. I\u2019m a human\u2014God saved it!\u201d When I get all these compliments\u2014whether it\u2019s speaking at an event and people are like, \u201cOh, you\u2014that was so good!\u201d I just\u2014in the quiet of my heart\u2014I just say, \u201cGod, if they only knew! I\u2019m so wretched!\u201d I\u2019m thinking this to myself and I just\u2014\u201cThank you God, that you\u2019re using me\u2014this vessel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just look at them and I say, \u201cThanks.\u201d \u201cThank you.\u201d Then I always turn it and I\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat did God speak to you?\u201d If I\u2019m speaking\u2026and they said something\u2014\u201cWhat did He say to you?\u201d I\u2019m trying to shift it to where I want to know what He spoke. At the same time, we\u2019re called to encourage as long as it is today\u2014so that none of us will be hardened by sin\u2019s deceitfulness. So if I encourage you and you slam it back against me\u2014you say, \u201cOh no, it wasn\u2019t me, it was just God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m trying to encourage you and if you don\u2019t allow me, I\u2019m not using that gift\u2014that command that I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was\u2014for me\u2014what I began to do\u2014was\u2026giving God glory. For me, giving Him glory was so internal\u2014was <em>so<\/em> internal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s evident in what you\u2019ve done in two books now because you\u2019ve written two books telling this story and it all keeps pointing back to how it\u2019s God at work in this. Nobody can read these books and go, \u201cYou\u2019re just so smart! You\u2019re just so clever! You came up with all kinds of solu\u2014\u201c \u201cThose tactics you had\u2014where did you come up\u2014\u201c This is just all about all about the healing power of God in the life of a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For those of you who want to hear Chris\u2019s answer to a question I\u2019m about to ask him, you\u2019re going to have to go to our website. Okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. Are we going to hear the question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, we\u2019re going to hear the question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and then the answer will be online. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the answer will be online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChris, this wasn\u2019t your statement\u2014whatever you did you wanted to give God the glory\u2014that was your wife\u2019s statement. I\u2019m just curious as to how you feel in the years that have past that has worked its way out in you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good question. Again, we\u2019re not going to listen to the answer now\u2014the answer will be online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Head over there to hear Chris\u2019s thoughts on how God has been glorified in the midst of the brokenness that has been a part of your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of the book that Cindy has written telling their story. It\u2019s called <em>Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New<\/em>. While you\u2019re on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, you can order a copy of the book or you can call to order if you\u2019d like. Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call to order is 1-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also a video on the website for those who would like to watch a short video where you guys share your story. There may be people that folks would want to pass that video along to. Again, you\u2019ll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we\u2019re sharing your story this week I\u2019m just reminded of our goal here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. We want to daily provide practical help and hope from the Bible so that husbands and wives, moms and dads know how to build a strong, healthy, godly marriage and family. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014because we believe godly marriages and families change the world one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur desire\u2014in the months ahead\u2014is to expand the outreach. We\u2019ve seen God do some great things this past year with more people attending our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore people coming to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014more ways that this daily program is reaching people\u2014on their smartphones, on their tablets, through the radio. Those of you who support this ministry\u2014you\u2019re helping us expand the reach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the beginning of this month we had a friend of the ministry who stepped forward and said, \u201cI\u2019d like to see it grow even more.\u201d He offered to match every donation that we receive during the month of August\u2014dollar for dollar\u2014up to a total of $800,000. To take advantage of that matching gift, we need to hear from folks before this month ends\u2014and this month ends in a couple of days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday is a good day to go online and make a donation\u2014and when you do, your donation will be doubled. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P.O. Box 7111 Little Rock, AR. The zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as your letter is postmarked before the end of the month, it will qualify for that matching gift opportunity for us. Again, please pray that we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of this matching gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlease join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear more from Chris and Cindy Beall as they tell us about the process God has taken them through in rebuilding their broken marriage, better than new. That comes up tomorrow\u2014hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru\u00ae ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:18"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.17M"],"filesize_raw":["24291422"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304658.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304658.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Cindy Beall, co-authors of \"Rebuilding a Marriage,\" tell how they rebuilt trust over the years after Chris's confession of porn addiction and adultery.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Chris Beall was unfaithful to his wife Cindy, she faced a decision. Was she going to forgive him, or not? Here\u2019s how she thought that through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I really do believe\u2014with all my heart\u2014he never wanted to hurt me. He still did\u2014but he did not <em>want<\/em> that\u2014so forgiving him, was really rather easy. Trusting him? That was something had to be earned for months\u2014and years\u2014to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, August 29th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What does the process of rebuilding trust in a broken marriage relationship look like? Chris and Cindy Beall join us today to talk about their experience. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that we\u2019ve talked with couples about over the years is the whole issue of how trust gets rebuilt in a relationship when that trust has been violated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUsually the violator is hoping that that trust can get rebuilt\u2014like really quickly. The violated person is going, \u201cNo, no, no, no, no\u2014this is a much slower process than you imagine\u2014or than it feels like it ought to be to you\u2014because you\u2019re not the one who got kicked in the gut; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. Usually the one who confesses the sin\u2014especially in a marriage relationship where a betrayal is so personal\u2014feels like they can empty the garbage can and it\u2019s like a dump truck comes and takes it away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they feel free because they\u2019ve become unburdened!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ve finally gotten rid of it and their spouse is left to know\u2014what do I do with this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In the garbage!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014with this garbage? We\u2019ve got a couple with us\u2014first of all the author of the book <em>Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New<\/em>, Cindy Beall\u2014welcome back, Cindy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And her husband Chris, joins us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Thank you. So excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019ve been married since 1993. They have three boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou shared earlier about how your marriage had to deal with Chris\u2019s deceit, betrayal, pornography, an affair, the birth of a child outside of marriage that you knew nothing about\u2014and your world was shattered instantly. Yet, one of the great parts of your story is that you were part of a church\u2014Life Church\u2014where you now work\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014Chris. I actually love this part of the story, Bob, because many of us have heard a lot of couples, where things have gone wrong and they kind of drop off the face of the planet, and you never hear from them again. Well, that\u2019s not the case with Chris and Cindy Beall. They received forgiveness from one another\u2014they have experienced healing. That\u2019s what I really want to explore here\u2014and begin with you, Cindy, to just unpack. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter you initially responded with grace and forgiveness and a commitment to the marriage some three weeks into the discovery that your husband had been unfaithful for a number of years\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not only with pornography but also with affairs with multiple women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow did you experience that healing on an ongoing basis\u2014because there are a lot of listeners who are in the midst of their own deep trauma and trial right now\u2014they need to know where to look for help and hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Grief is not enjoyable. Nobody wants to grieve. We experienced grief when we lose something\u2014it could be a job, it could be a relationship, it could be a person\u2014so our marriage\u2014I felt like\u2014died that day. So I began a grief process. There\u2019s different stages\u2014you can research and find about all that\u2014but I didn\u2019t really experience a ton of anger or denial\u2014I went straight into the \u2018pit of despair\u2019, is what I call it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I tried for a little bit to kind of push it away when triggers would come. That\u2019s what I used the phrase a lot in my book and when I\u2019m talking to women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTriggers would come to remind me of something he had done or something he had said that would trigger back to that two and a half year period. I had an option\u2014I could suppress it\u2014push it aside\u2014forget it\u2014not think about it\u2014or I could <em>feel<\/em> it and I could push through it and I could move through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about one of those triggers. One of the ways would be when he came home late. Maybe a bit later than he had told you he would be home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis reminds me of that time period and what am I going to do with it?\u201d An even better trigger\u2014I want to tell you about this\u2014that I wrote about\u2014I was in Walmart and I was grocery shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember looking up on the shelf for a particular item for this recipe I was making. This was probably three months after confession. I see it and I\u2019m reminded of something that I used to do when we lived in the other town and it reminded me of, \u201cOh, he often wasn\u2019t home when I did this.\u201d \u201cHe was doing a ministry appointment.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOh, he was\u2014,\u201c and it triggered and I started thinking, \u201cOh my gosh!\u201d and I began to cry. In the middle of the aisle in the Walmart. <em>Totally<\/em> crying\u2014not like on the floor crying\u2014 but crying\u2014and I cried for probably a good minute. Then all of a sudden, I just kind of stopped, and I wiped my tears, and I kept grocery shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people would not have let that happen\u2014they would have run out of the store\u2014they would have stopped, they wouldn\u2019t have thought about it, but that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about. When these triggers come that remind you of the past, if we do not deal with them\u2014if we do not face them\u2014if we do not <em>feel<\/em>them\u2014they\u2019ll be there again! So that day I faced a trigger and my healing went a step further\u2014I firmly believe that. I did a whole bunch of that\u2014for a very long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to make sure our listeners understand, it was three weeks after Chris\u2019s confession that you made the decision, \u201cI\u2019m going to stick this out.\u201d Did you forgive him three weeks later? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWas grace extended in that moment? Or was it like, \u201cI\u2019m going to tough this out but we\u2019ve still got a loooong road to hoe before you\u2019re back in my bed\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Forgiveness, for me, was rather quick. I have been forgiven of so much. I watched the actions of my broken, repentant, remorseful husband day after day after day, and I <em>know<\/em> how much he did not want to do that. I really do believe\u2014with all my heart\u2014he never wanted to hurt me. He still <em>did<\/em>, but he did not want that. So forgiving him was really rather easy. Trusting him? That was something that had to be earned for months\u2014and years\u2014to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust because God called me to stay\u2014and I knew after three weeks\u2014it wasn\u2019t like, \u201cOkay! We\u2019re good!\u201d No, no. I had to deal with all the\u2014the garbage that I was covered in at this point. He was freer and flying high. I mean, he was amazing and he did so many things to earn my trust back\u2014that he still does 15 years later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, man, it still hurt. I still had to deal with the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Years to rebuild trust? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes. Years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I would say this\u2014people ask her to this day, \u201cDo you trust Chris?\u201d and this is her response, \u201cI trust God in him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u201cWhen he\u2019s walking empowered by the Holy Spirit, I trust that.\u201d Honestly, is there anything trustworthy in any of us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Outside of God empowering us? Sometimes I feel like we emphasize this idea of human trust outside of God that I don\u2019t know that is actually real. When I\u2014for the last 15 years of healing, that\u2019s been really my number one job is to <em>live<\/em> empowered by the Holy Spirit\u2014humble and grateful that every day that I have with my boys and with my wife is an undeserved gift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing about Cindy I will say\u2014and this is probably not realistic so,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014if you\u2019re listening, don\u2019t beat yourself up if you\u2019ve done this but\u2014in the last 15 years, Cindy has <em>never once<\/em> used what I did as ammunition to hurt me. I really believe that she\u2014in a supernatural way\u2014internalizes how much she\u2019s been forgiven by God. Her choosing not to use to wound\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to punish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u2014to punish\u2014is a choice of somebody that has been also forgiven much. I think that\u2019s a significant thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cindy, I\u2014this is\u2014this may be off limits so, if you don\u2019t want to answer this question, it\u2019s fine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m not a woman\u2014I can\u2019t begin to imagine what it might be like to go to bed with my husband and in that moment of intimacy\u2014more than a trigger\u2014flashbacks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>\u2014an onslaught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes\u2014a tsunami. How have you handled that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Obviously, it\u2019s part of the healing. It was very difficult\u2014it was almost like, \u201cLet\u2019s just get through this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> There was six weeks where there was no physical intimacy in our marriage. Our mentors, walking us through this, basically said, \u201cLook, this is something that Cindy is going to set\u2014it\u2019s going to be her decision.\u201d Six weeks into the healing process there was a moment where Cindy was open to us being together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> And it was very challenging. My heart was thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s he thinking about?\u201d \u201cWhat does she look like?\u201d \u201cDoes she have a better body than me?\u201d All of these thoughts are going through and I just began to take thoughts captive\u2014I mean I am literally taking thoughts captive in that moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For those who don\u2019t understand what that means, that\u2019s praying and actually just offering those thoughts before God. \u201cGod, take these thoughts.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cCleanse them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWash them clean.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> \u201cGod help me\u2014help me not think about this.\u201d \u201cI know that you have redeemed this\u2014You\u2019ve redeemed my marriage\u2014You\u2019re making things new.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cPlease God just help me to make it through.\u201d And then as things progressed in the months to come, there was just less and less of the onslaught of that happening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did it take months before you being together was something that you could embrace and enjoy as a wife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Potentially closer to a year\u2014maybe more\u2014I can\u2019t really remember\u2014but yes, it took a long time. Sadly, people see what we have 15 years later and they think, \u201cI want that!\u201d and I\u2019m like, \u201cAre you sure?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. You\u2019re title of you book makes me emotional to think about it! It a tremendous hope-giving title: <em>Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New<\/em>. So you wouldn\u2019t trade in what you have today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I wouldn\u2019t. I wouldn\u2019t go back. I wouldn\u2019t go back\u2014and have a faithful husband. I wouldn\u2019t go back\u2014and not have my stepson, whom I adore. I wouldn\u2019t go back and trade all the pain to have what I have now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wouldn\u2019t go back. I wouldn\u2019t do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s important for a wife\u2014or even a husband\u2014who\u2019s been a victim here. It took a year or more before you could fully be engaged in intimacy with your husband but that doesn\u2019t mean it was a year or more before you shared intimacy with your husband. You guys were together during that time with you having to process everything in those moments\u2014but you also recognizing, \u201cIf our marriage is going to work, this is a part of what makes a marriage work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes. We were growing as a couple in that\u2014let\u2019s just take the six week time period\u2014we were growing and <em>he<\/em> was finally investing in our marriage\u2014after two and a half years of not doing it. That\u2019s what happens with these people who start cheating\u2014they\u2019re investing somewhere else. When you start investing where you\u2019re supposed to\u2014and our intimacy was growing\u2014Yes! We wanted to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, Chris\u2014as you were talking about the three weeks\u2014the six weeks\u2014the year\u2014you\u2019re not a robot either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you learning?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I think the\u2014trying to understand\u2014\u201dHow did I get here?\u201d Because there was never a day that I said, \u201cYou know, I think I\u2019m going to become a sex addict and I think I\u2019m going to be addicted to pornography for the better part of my adult life.\u201d Those thoughts never went through my head\u2014it was just one\u2014pushing one moral boundary after the other\u2014just real subtle things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing through the healing process\u2014learning how to be convicted of my sin so not to be ashamed, necessarily\u2014but to be broken\u2014personally\u2014for what I\u2019ve done and how that affected those that I love\u2014including God\u2014on one side\u2014then truly and fully walking in the grace of Christ\u2014that I am enough\u2014just as I am. That\u2014that was probably one of the most challenging and life-changing things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was working in retail at the time\u2014there was an 18-month period where\u2014almost two years\u2014where I wasn\u2019t in ministry and really, ministry was not even on the radar\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your church actually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014took you off of the stage from leading worship\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and put you to work at Home Depot and took away all your screens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> The leadership team\u2014they came and took the computer. They said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to be under our covering\u201d\u2014which means you just have to do whatever we tell you to do. If you want to go on vacation\u2014ask us first. If you want to get a job\u2014which you\u2019re going to need a job\u2014you can\u2019t travel, you can\u2019t have a computer and you can\u2019t have the ability to be alone with women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You stayed in the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Absolutely! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> We sat on the front row.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> \u2014where people knew! Where people knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That took a lot of courage, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Well, but here\u2019s the thing\u2014so we went the weekend after the announcement and then Craig Groshell, my pastor, made the comment that, \u201cChris and Cindy\u2019s with us today.\u201d It was in that moment that the church stood up [Emotion in voice]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and gave us a round of applause\u2014and there was a line to hug our necks! This is a <em>week<\/em> after the confession! In that moment\u2014that\u2019s really when I had just supernatural hope. It was this community of faith was going to be the hospital where we heal. God is planting the seeds for redemption. That weekend\u2014that day in church\u2014it changed us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Cindy, could your marriage have made it to where it is today if there had not been a community doing what this community of faith did? If it was just the two of you saying, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll try to rebuild. We\u2019ll see a counselor. We\u2019ll do our best.\u201d You think your marriage would have survived that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I can\u2019t see how it would have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s just something special about telling people\u2014like-minded believers\u2014that are going to speak the truth and encourage you and build you up and hold your arms up when you can\u2019t hold them up anymore. We had that, not only from the church staff but from our people in the congregation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Cindy, as Chris was telling that story, I reached and gave you a Kleenex. I want to know what it was like to have people line up and come by and look you in the eyes and hug you. What was that like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> It was\u2014peacefully difficult. There was some embarrassment\u2014a little bit\u2014kind of like\u2026everybody knows your business now. [Emotion in voice] You\u2019re so vulnerable and so raw\u2014but, man! To see them actually <em>do<\/em> what the church is supposed to do? How we\u2019re supposed to help other believers heal. That was a very profound thing\u2014and it made me think, \u201cI can stay here with these people. I can stay here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These were not your lifelong friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> I\u2019d been there six weeks! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t even really have a lot of friends!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know what it feels like at this level\u2014I\u2019m a broken person too, but\u2014it has to be a little bit like a leper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had to feel like a leper at that moment and have people <em>standing in line<\/em> to hug you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What the flesh wants to do is run! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In the other direction\u2014the exit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Chris:<\/strong> I think\u2014Craig stood on stage the week before and said that the American church, unfortunately\u2014more often than not\u2014is one of the only institutions on the planet that shoot their wounded. That will not happen\u2014we will be a hospital. Secondly, he said that gossip kills churches and if we all know the truth in love, then we\u2019re truly free to just love them and be a voice of healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had one conversation\u2014probably 18 months later\u2014that I think really painted the picture of what\u2014from the perspective of the church\u2014the body of Christ\u2014there was a 75 year old woman that came up to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t even remember meeting her\u2014I didn\u2019t know who she was\u2014but she walked up to me in church and she grabbed my collar and she said, \u201cSon, are you still free?\u201d I looked at her and I said, \u201cYes, ma\u2019am.\u201d And she smiled and she said, \u201cWe did it!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t say, \u201cYou did it!\u201d She didn\u2019t say, \u201cGood for your marriage,\u201d she said, \u201c<em>We<\/em> did it!\u201d I really believe that there\u2019s a responsibility that\u2019s placed on a community that\u2019s of faith\u2014to be environments of healing. She was <em>so<\/em> proud to be a part of a church that\u2014in her mind\u2014we did it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your story reminds me of another one that Bob and I were told live on stage at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit where\u2014I believe it was a foster care young lady who was cared for by a woman in the church\u2014was never adopted by her, as I recall. She fell in love as a young lady in her 20\u2019s and when it came time [Emotion in voice] to give her away in the wedding to the man\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the entire church stood up and said, \u201cWho gives this woman to be married to this man?\u201d You know, that\u2019s really what the church was expressing there when they said, \u201cWe did it! We really did it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCindy, I want you to comment on something. Earlier you said you became convicted that whatever you did, you need to give God the glory. What did that look like? Now, looking back on this, what does it mean to give God the glory\u2014practically speaking?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy:<\/strong> It\u2019s probably different than what you might expect. We see people in the world where say something nice\u2014\u201cDennis, great book. Oh, praise God, He\u2019s so good.\u201d We give God the glory in that capacity\u2014or we think we do\u2014and we might. For me, giving God the glory is a heart condition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began\u2014when people would come up\u2014and they still do\u2014and they say, \u201cOh! You\u2019re so amazing!\u201d They\u2019ll say things like, \u201cYou saved my marriage!\u201d and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cNo I didn\u2019t. I\u2019m a human\u2014God saved it!\u201d When I get all these compliments\u2014whether it\u2019s speaking at an event and people are like, \u201cOh, you\u2014that was so good!\u201d I just\u2014in the quiet of my heart\u2014I just say, \u201cGod, if they only knew! I\u2019m so wretched!\u201d I\u2019m thinking this to myself and I just\u2014\u201cThank you God, that you\u2019re using me\u2014this vessel.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just look at them and I say, \u201cThanks.\u201d \u201cThank you.\u201d Then I always turn it and I\u2019ll say, \u201cWhat did God speak to you?\u201d If I\u2019m speaking\u2026and they said something\u2014\u201cWhat did He say to you?\u201d I\u2019m trying to shift it to where I want to know what He spoke. At the same time, we\u2019re called to encourage as long as it is today\u2014so that none of us will be hardened by sin\u2019s deceitfulness. So if I encourage you and you slam it back against me\u2014you say, \u201cOh no, it wasn\u2019t me, it was just God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m trying to encourage you and if you don\u2019t allow me, I\u2019m not using that gift\u2014that command that I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was\u2014for me\u2014what I began to do\u2014was\u2026giving God glory. For me, giving Him glory was so internal\u2014was <em>so<\/em> internal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s evident in what you\u2019ve done in two books now because you\u2019ve written two books telling this story and it all keeps pointing back to how it\u2019s God at work in this. Nobody can read these books and go, \u201cYou\u2019re just so smart! You\u2019re just so clever! You came up with all kinds of solu\u2014\u201c \u201cThose tactics you had\u2014where did you come up\u2014\u201c This is just all about all about the healing power of God in the life of a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For those of you who want to hear Chris\u2019s answer to a question I\u2019m about to ask him, you\u2019re going to have to go to our website. Okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay. Are we going to hear the question?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, we\u2019re going to hear the question\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and then the answer will be online. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and the answer will be online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChris, this wasn\u2019t your statement\u2014whatever you did you wanted to give God the glory\u2014that was your wife\u2019s statement. I\u2019m just curious as to how you feel in the years that have past that has worked its way out in you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good question. Again, we\u2019re not going to listen to the answer now\u2014the answer will be online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Head over there to hear Chris\u2019s thoughts on how God has been glorified in the midst of the brokenness that has been a part of your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have copies of the book that Cindy has written telling their story. It\u2019s called <em>Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than New<\/em>. While you\u2019re on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, you can order a copy of the book or you can call to order if you\u2019d like. Again the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The number to call to order is 1-800-358-6329.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s 1-800-FL-TODAY. 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY\u201d. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also a video on the website for those who would like to watch a short video where you guys share your story. There may be people that folks would want to pass that video along to. Again, you\u2019ll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we\u2019re sharing your story this week I\u2019m just reminded of our goal here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>. We want to daily provide practical help and hope from the Bible so that husbands and wives, moms and dads know how to build a strong, healthy, godly marriage and family. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014because we believe godly marriages and families change the world one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur desire\u2014in the months ahead\u2014is to expand the outreach. We\u2019ve seen God do some great things this past year with more people attending our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore people coming to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014more ways that this daily program is reaching people\u2014on their smartphones, on their tablets, through the radio. Those of you who support this ministry\u2014you\u2019re helping us expand the reach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the beginning of this month we had a friend of the ministry who stepped forward and said, \u201cI\u2019d like to see it grow even more.\u201d He offered to match every donation that we receive during the month of August\u2014dollar for dollar\u2014up to a total of $800,000. To take advantage of that matching gift, we need to hear from folks before this month ends\u2014and this month ends in a couple of days. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tToday is a good day to go online and make a donation\u2014and when you do, your donation will be doubled. You can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at P.O. Box 7111 Little Rock, AR. The zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs long as your letter is postmarked before the end of the month, it will qualify for that matching gift opportunity for us. Again, please pray that we\u2019ll be able to take full advantage of this matching gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPlease join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear more from Chris and Cindy Beall as they tell us about the process God has taken them through in rebuilding their broken marriage, better than new. That comes up tomorrow\u2014hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru\u00ae ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304658"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304658"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304658"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304658"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}