{"id":304644,"date":"2017-08-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-08-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/risk-taking\/"},"modified":"2017-08-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-08-18T15:00:00","slug":"risk-taking","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/risk-taking\/","title":{"rendered":"Risk Taking"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is failure always a bad thing? Not according to author Dan Dumas, who talks about helping his two sons evaluate risk-taking and persevere through failure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:36","filesize":"25.27M","filesize_raw":"26494396","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[2390,4299,2209,6295],"podcast_series":[8227],"cwp_profile":[3333],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304644","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-failure","tag-faith","tag-parenting","tag-risk","podcast_series-live-smart","cwp_profile-dan-dumas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304644\/risk-taking","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304644\/risk-taking","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"cVoejfKjAP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/risk-taking\/\">Risk Taking<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/risk-taking\/embed\/#?secret=cVoejfKjAP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Risk Taking&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"cVoejfKjAP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You ever come down hard on one of your kids, only to recognize that maybe you came down a little too hard? Dan Dumas has.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk488911582\">When you get a little\u2014there\u2019s a little bit of anxiety and adrenaline flowing in the home, you kind of go for the big gun, you know: \u201cYou\u2019ll never play Xbox<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for the rest of your life until you\u2019re 85.\u201d [Laughter] You know, you make stupid extreme statements. How do you walk those back? Well, repentance is how you walk that stuff back and say, \u201cLook, [tape rewinding sound] you know, I\u2019m sorry. I make mistakes too.\u201d They need to see that. That\u2019s part of the ethos in our home: \u201cYou\u2019re free to fail. You\u2019re free to fail in our home.<\/a>\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. There are some pretty big things that we need to be teaching and modeling for our children. Confessing and repenting\u2014well, those are a few of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk about more today with our guest Dan Dumas. Stay with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you have a spiritual bucket list? Have you ever had a spiritual bucket list?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I haven\u2019t until I read this book that we\u2019re talking about today by Dan Dumas, <em>Live Smart: Preparing for the Future God Wants for You<\/em>. I\u2019d really never thought of a spiritual bucket list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan, welcome back, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>Thank you for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tell us what\u2019s on your bucket\u2014your spiritual bucket list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I can\u2019t confess <em>all <\/em>of them\u2014but being on FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was that on top? Was that number one or two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Whoa! That was well done. That was not rehearsed either. He did that off the cuff. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Now, some of mine would be a little bit different because I speak and preach. For example, I would love to speak at a major conference one day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got a feeling you will be doing that someday. Just in case our listeners haven\u2019t heard us mention this, Dan is a recently appointed czar for adoption and foster care for the state of Kentucky. In your book, <em>Live Smart,<\/em> you talk about this idea of a bucket list. You also talk about not playing it safe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why would we want to risk? What are you talking about here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I think, first off, risk is right; now, there\u2019s good risk and there\u2019s bad risk. So bad risk would be if we \/ the three of us decided to jump on a plane and go to Brazil, put on wind suits, and BASE jump without any training \/ without any instruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s where guys jump off of tall mountains and then zip across the face of rocks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> \u2014with a body suit on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s not my style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s not good risk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That would be a bad risk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> Right. So then, you have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat do you qualify as good risk?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I stumbled on this early with\u2014John Piper might have mentioned this \/ I\u2019m not sure exactly the origin of it\u2014but whoever it was\u2014they said two things qualify as good risk. It has to be for the glory of God and it has to be for the good of others \/ for the glory of God and for the good of others. I\u2019ve let that be the framework if we\u2019re going to teach about risk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing risk-adverse is actually condemned in Scripture\u2014so Luke 19\u2014the parable of the minas; remember? He [landlord] calls his servants together. He gives them each a set of minas. He says, \u201cI need you to invest them.\u201d He\u2019s going to go away to a far country. He comes back and calls them into reckoning. He calls three of the ten together and reckons with them. The first guy says: \u201cI took my mina. I invested it and it returned tenfold.\u201d What did he get?\u2014more responsibility \/ he became in charge of ten cities\u2014he was commended. The next guy comes and says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m not as competent \/ not as skilled, but I invested it; and I got five.\u201d He said, \u201cOkay; you\u2019re going to be over five cities.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third guy\u2014if you remember, he comes; and he\u2019s all happy. You can kind of sense it in the text\u2014you know, in the light spaces in the Scriptures. He comes and says: \u201cWell I have my mina in a handkerchief. I didn\u2019t do anything with it. I just kept it and preserved it. There it is; right there.\u201d He produces it to Christ, who\u2019s the landlord in the story. Well, I mean, what does Jesus do? He responds and condemns him for that\u2014He said, \u201cTake away his mina and give it to everyone else.\u201d Why?\u2014because he didn\u2019t take risks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are risks that we should <em>take<\/em>, and we should model taking risks. You will always see me add the modifier, \u201cTake <em>more<\/em> risks.\u201d I think it\u2019s a part of the Christian life to take risks on behalf of others and for the glory of God. I would just encourage, especially with young people, to take <em>more<\/em> risk; because I think, in the generation that I\u2019m writing to, that they\u2019re risk-adverse by nature. Helicopter parenting is going on\u2014I mean, everything is just worrying about little Johnny \/ worrying about little Sally\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t let them fail.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right; exactly: \u201cPreserve them\u201d; \u201cDon\u2019t let them have a bad experience\u201d; \u201cDon\u2019t\u2026see adversity.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere I\u2019m just the opposite\u2014I want them to do that in the context of my home. I don\u2019t want them to have their first bad experience outside the home. I want them to fail under my influence and in my home; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Is this move to work for the governor of the state of Kentucky, stepping out of the safety of a seminary, where you\u2019re highly valued and esteemed as a great leader there\u2014is that a big risk for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely; it was a big part of the decision; because I\u2014you know, as I\u2019m praying through it, I\u2019m thinking: \u201cI\u2019m telling everybody else to take more risks. I write about taking risks, and I\u2019m not taking risks. I\u2019m a complete hypocrite.\u201d I\u2019m calling everybody else to take risks, and I don\u2019t take it myself. So yes; it was a big part of it. It\u2019s a risky enterprise, because think about it\u2014it\u2019s a one-year contract \/ renewable for two years\u2014so three years. I gave up permanency and a career to do something for the vulnerable, which I don\u2019t even have any guarantees after one year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey could just say, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d But it\u2019s a worthy risk. Why? It\u2019s for the glory of God\u2014James 1:27\u2014and it\u2019s for the good of others\u2014all those kids languishing in foster care, and the foster parents trying to figure out the system \/ the red tape\u2014it\u2019s horrible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you succeed, think of what this could mean for the nation. There are 400,000 young people in the foster care system. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; let me say it a little different: \u201cEvery two minutes in North America, a child goes into foster care,\u201d \/ \u201cEvery two seconds\u2026 globally.\u201d It\u2019s a lot worse outside of the United States. We have to take care of our own home first, but I\u2019m just saying it\u2019s catastrophic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are raising two boys\u2014and teenage boys\u2014I mean, when it comes to taking risks, they\u2019re notorious for taking risks; but they\u2019re typically not calibrating the risks they\u2019re taking with the qualifiers you put on it. They take risks that put their lives in danger. They\u2019re not thinking about the glory of God or the good of others when they do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re just thinking, \u201cThis could give us a rush.\u201d How do you help your sons think through risk-taking that is the kind of appropriate healthy risk-taking that you are talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I think it\u2019s a progression. I think you start out with taking smaller risks that\u2014you know, you don\u2019t just arrive at the most risky decision of your life. I\u2019m doing that at 51 years old\u2014one of the more risky moves of my career, to care for the vulnerable. That\u2019s because there\u2019s been a mound and a progression of smaller risk-taking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll give you an example. With my boys, we always talk about doing hard gospel things. We don\u2019t like broccoli\u2014the boys and I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> My wife makes this\u2014we grilled out\u2014she makes this big bowl of broccoli. The boys are younger \/ the youngest acts up. My wife takes him upstairs, because he said something back to my wife; and she\u2019s going to discipline him. I look at that bowl of broccoli, and I look at Aiden, and I said, \u201cWhat do leaders do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWe do hard gospel things.\u201d I said: \u201cYes, sir. You see that bowl of broccoli?\u201d He said, \u201cYes, sir.\u201d I said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to eat it.\u201d He said, \u201cAll of it?\u201d I said: \u201cYes, sir. We\u2019re going to do it.\u201d [Laughter] And you know what? We started eating that broccoli. It was like a wood chipper\u2014stuff\u2019s flying \/ we needed to get it down before they return. Wife comes down\u2014nothing in the bowl. Jane says, \u201cWhat happened to the broccoli?\u201d And Aiden just proudly said: \u201cWe do hard things! That\u2019s what leaders do.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou think, \u201cWell that\u2019s kind of a silly illustration\u201d; right? But it\u2019s part of being intentional, starting out with the little things\u2014it\u2019s the lesser to the greater. I\u2019m trying to prepare them, in my home, to do the <em>big hard<\/em> things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about a gospel risk, what\u2019s a gospel risk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I mean, one that is right in front of me would be for you to foster a child and to disrupt your orderly little house and the way things are set up is\u2014that\u2019s a <em>massive<\/em> risk. So, anything with a\u2014I mean, caring for the widows \/ anything with the vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny of society\u2019s maladies is what I\u2019m trying to train them to be both aware of\u2014to take risks \/ to give towards, even financially. So, you could deal with human trafficking\u2014that\u2019s a huge malady; abortion\u2014that\u2019s a huge malady \/ any of these things. I want them to be aware that it\u2019s their responsibility to own it. Bullying\u2014if there is a bully in school, I want them to protect the vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think another example is the willingness to have hard conversations. I think people avoid hard conversations; and, typically, the local church. That\u2019s why we have church discipline. That\u2019s a very <em>hard<\/em> thing to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> It\u2019s not fun but it\u2019s the right thing: \u201cFaithful are the wounds of a friend.\u201d I want them to, socially, want to\u2014when they see something out of the ordinary or sinful, they call it out in a gracious, winsome, loving way; but they do call it out\u2014that\u2019s a hard thing. Adopting a child is a hard thing. Supporting and serving other people\u2014that kind of thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re eight years old, and there\u2019s an outcast in your class, going up and sitting with him at lunch may be a hard thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Fantastic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019m trying to think in the context of our kids\u2014the hard gospel things that they\u2019re asked to do every day. Maybe, talking to a friend about Jesus\u2014that may be a hard thing. Do a little evangelism\u2014we\u2019re all a little put off about that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Totally. Like in the schools, especially, you\u2019re called to be salt and light. You\u2019re called to push back darkness and preserve the decay in society. You\u2019re the culture\u2019s conscience, in a lot of ways, as salt and light. So, for them to step up at school and to stand out\u2014and maybe even, it could be lonely\u2014I mean, stand up by themselves \/ that\u2019s epic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, let me ask you: \u201cIf your kids\u2014these are the kind of situations our kids are facing more often these days\u2014if they\u2019re in a classroom, and the conversation drifts into issues related to gender\/sexuality, and the teacher is saying something that\u2019s different than what Mom and Dad are saying at home, would you coach your son or your daughter in that situation to say, \u2018I don\u2019t agree with that,\u2019 and to step up \/ raise your hand?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOr would you say, \u2018Keep your powder dry, keep your head down, take some notes and we\u2019ll talk about it when you get home\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I haven\u2019t thought about it; but I know, instinctively, I would teach them to be <em>bold<\/em> and to go back to the origin\u2014how God made man and woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Respectfully\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with the teacher\u2014say, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re also trying to teach respect for authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But it\u2019s okay to challenge authority?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s okay to <em>appeal<\/em> and to do proper advocacy. Even in our own home, that\u2019s what we do on Sunday nights. We have a time between\u2014before they go off to youth group in the evening\u2014where we kind of sit in the living room, and there\u2019s advocacy. They can appeal discipline \/ they could appeal maybe response\u2014there\u2019s a time for complete confession.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Peoples Court\u2014is that what this is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s just kind of getting everything right before\u2014it\u2019s the first day of the week\u2014so we kind of want to start the week off. By nature, because we\u2019re gospel people, we\u2019re repenters. I mean, we\u2019re always asking forgiveness \/ we\u2019re repenting all the time. I\u2019ve eaten so much crow; it tastes like prime rib. I mean, this is kind of what we do\u2014all day-long we are repenters\u2014it\u2019s what we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what you\u2019re doing on Sunday night is not just the kids appealing or confessing; it is mom and dad doing it as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014and to each other, making sure that Jane and I are right \/ we\u2019re right with the kids\u2014and we\u2019re saying, \u201cLook; maybe that was too harsh of a consequence for that thing\u201d; because, you know, when you get a little\u2014there\u2019s a little bit of anxiety and adrenaline flowing in the home\u2014you kind of go for the big gun, you know: \u201cYou\u2019ll never play Xbox for the rest of your life until you\u2019re 85.\u201d [Laughter] You know, you make stupid extreme statements. How do you walk those back? Well, repentance is how you walk that stuff back and say, you know: \u201cLook; I\u2019m sorry. I make mistakes too.\u201d They need to see that. They need to see\u2014they know I\u2019m crazy. They\u2019re always laughing, like, \u201cOur dad is <em>so crazy!<\/em>\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s part of our ethos in our home that: \u201cYou\u2019re free to fail. You\u2019re free to fail in our home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I love hearing you say that. We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, a number of years ago, who said something that I wish I\u2019d heard at the beginning of my parenting journey rather than nearer the end; because he said, \u201cMost Christians today are teaching their kids, through their activity, how to be sin avoiders and sin concealers\u2014so: \u201cStay away from sin; and if you mess up, don\u2019t let anyone know because you\u2019ll get in big trouble.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cWe are <em>not<\/em> teaching our kids how to be sin confessors and sin repenters, which is what they\u2019re going to have to learn; because they\u2019re going to mess up. They need to know what to do with it when they do\u2014not just hide it so Mom and Dad don\u2019t find out\u2014but: \u2018Here\u2019s how you confess. Here\u2019s how you repent. Here\u2019s how you go on from that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought we didn\u2019t do a good job when I was raising my kids. I wanted them to toe the line and behave. I don\u2019t think we <em>modeled<\/em> confession and repentance well for them. I don\u2019t think we made it necessarily a safe place for them to confess and repent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I want to just point out here is this concept of playing it safe. What he\u2019s doing by calling things out in the open is training his children to not play it safe but be open with other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For instance, earlier, I had a meeting with a group of leaders, here, at FamilyLife. I had made a mistake that I needed to confess to them, and point out to them, and tell them that I was sorry. I had already done it in an email; but I felt like it needed to be done, face to face. The easiest thing to do, at that point, is to play it safe and say nothing; but as we train our children to, as you just talked about Bob\u2014confess it, get it out in the open, let it be named and called what it is\u2014there really is <em>healing<\/em> and wholeness in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also teaches, I think, more of an understanding that our mistakes do impact other people. When you acknowledge your mistake and ask for forgiveness, you\u2019re, in essence, putting ointment on that wound that you may have caused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely. I also, as a discipline, whenever we\u2019re at a fork in the road and we have a choice to go the hard way or easy street, we are constantly teaching them: \u201cChoose the hard path.\u201d Why?\u2014because I want them to be risk-takers. It\u2019s just another way\u2014 when we have an option\u2014easy\/hard\u2014we default hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us an illustration of a fork in the road that your boys faced of easy versus hard and how they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, there was conflict at a neighbor\u2019s house. We kind of debriefed and processed, and it seemed like it was kind of cleared up. Again, I wanted to make sure the full follow-up there\u2014to circle back around. A lot of times, everybody comes to an agreement; but they actually never clear the air totally. I said: \u201cWe need to go back down there. You need to talk to the grandfather,\u201d\u2014 who was there at the time\u2014\u201cand ask his forgiveness. You need to talk to the kids again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was tough, because they were all having a big breakfast \/ it was a big family gathering. Something got out of control, and so they had to go back. I said: \u201cI\u2019ll go with you, but you\u2019re going to walk in that house. We\u2019re going to ring the doorbell. You\u2019re going to go in, and you\u2019re going to <em>make sure<\/em> you\u2019re going to close the loop.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Because a lot of times, we don\u2019t close the loop\u2014we say: \u201cYes; you\u2019re right \/ you\u2019re right\u2014I see your vantage \/ I see your view. I see where you\u2019re coming from.\u201d But they never go back and fix it with everybody in the room. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cI want you to have that experience. I want you to do the hard thing.\u201d Even when we left, we drove back and I said, \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d He said: \u201cIt feels like a burden\u2019s been lifted. It feels lighter than it did before,\u201d because you\u2019ve got this awkwardness that fully wasn\u2019t cleared, and the air wasn\u2019t cleared. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we could have\u2014as far as everybody was concerned\u2014because the people were \/ they were not believers\u2014and so they were quick to: \u201cOh no; you don\u2019t need to say anything, son! We forgive\u2014it\u2019s no big deal.\u201d They were just minimizing. I said, \u201cNo; he has to do this.\u201d I made him come into their, like, dining room\u2014with everybody drops the fork\u2014kind of\u2014it was thick air; you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe did it\u2014he owned it and made it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI noticed, later in the day, they were all playing basketball again. I\u2019m not so sure they would have if I had not chosen the harder path for him to go reconcile with the <em>whole<\/em> family. I think he would have taken easy street, and just gone and played with some other kids at another house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We started this conversation by talking about a gospel bucket list. That\u2019s what led us into talking about doing hard things. If you\u2019re coaching a middle school or high school kid to develop a gospel bucket list, what kinds of things would you say: \u201cHere are some thoughts about things you might want to put on your bucket list, as a young man or as a young woman, who wants to live a life for Christ\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I think, in the category of mission\u2014so I would want them to be, at least, prayerful about: \u201cShould I stay?\u201d or \u201cShould I go?\u201d I want to put missions on their radar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about overseas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I want them to, when they hit college age\u2014maybe they should take a year off and go do a journeyman program, or something, or a gap-year kind of thing. I want to, at least, be on\/in the decision-making process; and that\u2019s a very hard thing\u2014so: \u201cShould they go overseas?\u201d or \u201cShould they stay?\u201d I think we always ask, \u201cLord, if You want us to go, open the door.\u201d I think, in some ways, we should probably be parenting, \u201cLord, our kids are going, and You\u2019re going to have to stop them,\u201d\u2014kind of reverse that \/ flip that model.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> [Laughter] I like that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> That would be a category. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for sure, a list of people they\u2019re praying for \/ that they want to share the gospel with; because, I think, if you\u2019re praying for people to share the gospel with them, they are going to be on your heart; because you prayed for them that morning. Then, you ran into them at the lunchroom\u2014you\u2019re just going to be tuned in \/ you\u2019re going to be aware, and you\u2019re going to take advantage of the opportunities when you\u2019re deeply concerned and praying for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOpportunities to speak: that could be in a speech class \/ just kind of looking for and kind of creating opportunities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, what I\u2019m trying to do is to get them to see risk as normal and right. The only thing risky is not taking risks; right?\u2014playing it safe. I want them to feel the normalcy of taking risks\u2014but not in these massive things\u2014but in little things. The accumulation of those are going to set them up for that time where it\u2019s the right time and the right place and their private faith is going to be on full public display. It\u2019s going to require all the audacity\u2014kind of an Elijah moment on Mt. Carmel, where it is 750 to 1.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Again: \u201cAdd the water.\u201d \u201cNo; no; no,\u201d\u2014kind of deal\u2014\u201cGet some more water. Soak it good\u201d; you know. He calls out the prophets of Baal\u2014that is the moment. And remember about Elijah\u2014the New Testament comments on Elijah\u2014and what does it say? He was an ordinary man, <em>just like us<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t come to those Mt. Carmel moments and think, \u201cOkay; now\u2019s the time I\u2019m going to have to learn to take risks.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou better have taken some small risks, along the way, or you will fail on your Mt. Carmel moment; won\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I appreciate you, Dan, being on our broadcast and just exhorting parents to get their heads up. Undoubtedly, there are some moms and dads \/ maybe grandparents, who look at their children \/ grandchildren and think: \u201cI don\u2019t have a gospel list. I don\u2019t even know what you\u2019re talking about there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it could be a simple visit to the rest home. Maybe it\u2019s getting involved in a section of your community that has a lot of single parent moms who need help \/ widows who need things repaired. Take your son\/daughter with you\u2014engage \/ show compassion. I know one mom of a teenage girl, when she was getting in a funk, she said: \u201cCome on. Let\u2019s go visit some elderly people at the rest home.\u201d She said, \u201cInvariably, that would cheer my daughter up,\u201d and learned a powerful principle that, when you give your life away, you find life yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what you\u2019re doing in your book, <em>Live Smart<\/em>. I\u2019m excited to watch what you\u2019re going to be doing in the state of Kentucky. I look forward to having you back as a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and hear more about how to live smart and how to make an impact in your world where you live. Thanks for being on the broadcast, Dan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Thank you. Appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was thinking this book would be a great follow-up for parents who did a <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> getaway with their son or their daughter. <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is the follow-up that we created to <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know a lot of our listeners took their kids through a <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> weekend. <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is for 14-\/15-year-old\u2019s, talking about who they are, and who God made them to be, and how they can embrace their spiritual identity. Going on a getaway like that and then going through a book like <em>Live Smart<\/em>\u2014 that would be a great exercise for parents and for kids. We\u2019ve got copies of Dan\u2019s book, <em>Live Smart<\/em>, and copies of the <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> resource in our <em>Family Life Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order any of these resources from us, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are excited about the month of August, here, at FamilyLife. The reason is because we have an opportunity, this month, to see the reach of this ministry expanded in a pretty significant way. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who\u2019ve come along and said that they will match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $800,000. When your donation is matched with a donation from these other friends, what that does is\u2014that enables us to reach more people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe did some calculations recently\u2014found it takes about $8\u2014I think the number was $8.24 to reach 1,000 people. Well, when you donate $8.24 this month, our friends who are matching your donation will add their $8.24; and we\u2019ll reach 2,000 people. That\u2019s our goal\u2014we want to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. Let me ask you to go online today and make a donation to support the work of FamilyLife\u2014help us reach more people during the month of August. You can donate, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com; or you can call if you prefer. Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And with that, we got to wrap things up this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a great weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to hear a great message from Tim Lundy who talks about what it was like growing up in a blended family and some of the things he\u2019s learned and has coached other blended families on to help them face some of the challenges. Hope you can tune in for that, or maybe you know somebody who you\u2019d like to invite to tune in\u2014do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We\u2019ve gotten help this week from Mark Ramey. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:36"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.27M"],"filesize_raw":["26494396"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304644.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304644.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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failure always a bad thing? Not according to author Dan Dumas, who talks about helping his two sons evaluate risk-taking and persevere through failure.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-08-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You ever come down hard on one of your kids, only to recognize that maybe you came down a little too hard? Dan Dumas has.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk488911582\">When you get a little\u2014there\u2019s a little bit of anxiety and adrenaline flowing in the home, you kind of go for the big gun, you know: \u201cYou\u2019ll never play Xbox<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for the rest of your life until you\u2019re 85.\u201d [Laughter] You know, you make stupid extreme statements. How do you walk those back? Well, repentance is how you walk that stuff back and say, \u201cLook, [tape rewinding sound] you know, I\u2019m sorry. I make mistakes too.\u201d They need to see that. That\u2019s part of the ethos in our home: \u201cYou\u2019re free to fail. You\u2019re free to fail in our home.<\/a>\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. There are some pretty big things that we need to be teaching and modeling for our children. Confessing and repenting\u2014well, those are a few of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk about more today with our guest Dan Dumas. Stay with us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you have a spiritual bucket list? Have you ever had a spiritual bucket list?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, I haven\u2019t until I read this book that we\u2019re talking about today by Dan Dumas, <em>Live Smart: Preparing for the Future God Wants for You<\/em>. I\u2019d really never thought of a spiritual bucket list. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDan, welcome back, by the way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan: <\/strong>Thank you for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tell us what\u2019s on your bucket\u2014your spiritual bucket list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I can\u2019t confess <em>all <\/em>of them\u2014but being on FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>?.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was that on top? Was that number one or two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Whoa! That was well done. That was not rehearsed either. He did that off the cuff. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Now, some of mine would be a little bit different because I speak and preach. For example, I would love to speak at a major conference one day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got a feeling you will be doing that someday. Just in case our listeners haven\u2019t heard us mention this, Dan is a recently appointed czar for adoption and foster care for the state of Kentucky. In your book, <em>Live Smart,<\/em> you talk about this idea of a bucket list. You also talk about not playing it safe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Why would we want to risk? What are you talking about here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I think, first off, risk is right; now, there\u2019s good risk and there\u2019s bad risk. So bad risk would be if we \/ the three of us decided to jump on a plane and go to Brazil, put on wind suits, and BASE jump without any training \/ without any instruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s where guys jump off of tall mountains and then zip across the face of rocks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> \u2014with a body suit on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s not my style.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s not good risk\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That would be a bad risk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Don:<\/strong> Right. So then, you have to ask yourself, \u201cWhat do you qualify as good risk?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I stumbled on this early with\u2014John Piper might have mentioned this \/ I\u2019m not sure exactly the origin of it\u2014but whoever it was\u2014they said two things qualify as good risk. It has to be for the glory of God and it has to be for the good of others \/ for the glory of God and for the good of others. I\u2019ve let that be the framework if we\u2019re going to teach about risk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing risk-adverse is actually condemned in Scripture\u2014so Luke 19\u2014the parable of the minas; remember? He [landlord] calls his servants together. He gives them each a set of minas. He says, \u201cI need you to invest them.\u201d He\u2019s going to go away to a far country. He comes back and calls them into reckoning. He calls three of the ten together and reckons with them. The first guy says: \u201cI took my mina. I invested it and it returned tenfold.\u201d What did he get?\u2014more responsibility \/ he became in charge of ten cities\u2014he was commended. The next guy comes and says, \u201cWell, I\u2019m not as competent \/ not as skilled, but I invested it; and I got five.\u201d He said, \u201cOkay; you\u2019re going to be over five cities.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third guy\u2014if you remember, he comes; and he\u2019s all happy. You can kind of sense it in the text\u2014you know, in the light spaces in the Scriptures. He comes and says: \u201cWell I have my mina in a handkerchief. I didn\u2019t do anything with it. I just kept it and preserved it. There it is; right there.\u201d He produces it to Christ, who\u2019s the landlord in the story. Well, I mean, what does Jesus do? He responds and condemns him for that\u2014He said, \u201cTake away his mina and give it to everyone else.\u201d Why?\u2014because he didn\u2019t take risks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are risks that we should <em>take<\/em>, and we should model taking risks. You will always see me add the modifier, \u201cTake <em>more<\/em> risks.\u201d I think it\u2019s a part of the Christian life to take risks on behalf of others and for the glory of God. I would just encourage, especially with young people, to take <em>more<\/em> risk; because I think, in the generation that I\u2019m writing to, that they\u2019re risk-adverse by nature. Helicopter parenting is going on\u2014I mean, everything is just worrying about little Johnny \/ worrying about little Sally\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t let them fail.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right; exactly: \u201cPreserve them\u201d; \u201cDon\u2019t let them have a bad experience\u201d; \u201cDon\u2019t\u2026see adversity.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhere I\u2019m just the opposite\u2014I want them to do that in the context of my home. I don\u2019t want them to have their first bad experience outside the home. I want them to fail under my influence and in my home; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Is this move to work for the governor of the state of Kentucky, stepping out of the safety of a seminary, where you\u2019re highly valued and esteemed as a great leader there\u2014is that a big risk for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely; it was a big part of the decision; because I\u2014you know, as I\u2019m praying through it, I\u2019m thinking: \u201cI\u2019m telling everybody else to take more risks. I write about taking risks, and I\u2019m not taking risks. I\u2019m a complete hypocrite.\u201d I\u2019m calling everybody else to take risks, and I don\u2019t take it myself. So yes; it was a big part of it. It\u2019s a risky enterprise, because think about it\u2014it\u2019s a one-year contract \/ renewable for two years\u2014so three years. I gave up permanency and a career to do something for the vulnerable, which I don\u2019t even have any guarantees after one year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey could just say, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d But it\u2019s a worthy risk. Why? It\u2019s for the glory of God\u2014James 1:27\u2014and it\u2019s for the good of others\u2014all those kids languishing in foster care, and the foster parents trying to figure out the system \/ the red tape\u2014it\u2019s horrible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you succeed, think of what this could mean for the nation. There are 400,000 young people in the foster care system. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; let me say it a little different: \u201cEvery two minutes in North America, a child goes into foster care,\u201d \/ \u201cEvery two seconds\u2026 globally.\u201d It\u2019s a lot worse outside of the United States. We have to take care of our own home first, but I\u2019m just saying it\u2019s catastrophic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are raising two boys\u2014and teenage boys\u2014I mean, when it comes to taking risks, they\u2019re notorious for taking risks; but they\u2019re typically not calibrating the risks they\u2019re taking with the qualifiers you put on it. They take risks that put their lives in danger. They\u2019re not thinking about the glory of God or the good of others when they do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re just thinking, \u201cThis could give us a rush.\u201d How do you help your sons think through risk-taking that is the kind of appropriate healthy risk-taking that you are talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I think it\u2019s a progression. I think you start out with taking smaller risks that\u2014you know, you don\u2019t just arrive at the most risky decision of your life. I\u2019m doing that at 51 years old\u2014one of the more risky moves of my career, to care for the vulnerable. That\u2019s because there\u2019s been a mound and a progression of smaller risk-taking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll give you an example. With my boys, we always talk about doing hard gospel things. We don\u2019t like broccoli\u2014the boys and I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> My wife makes this\u2014we grilled out\u2014she makes this big bowl of broccoli. The boys are younger \/ the youngest acts up. My wife takes him upstairs, because he said something back to my wife; and she\u2019s going to discipline him. I look at that bowl of broccoli, and I look at Aiden, and I said, \u201cWhat do leaders do?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cWe do hard gospel things.\u201d I said: \u201cYes, sir. You see that bowl of broccoli?\u201d He said, \u201cYes, sir.\u201d I said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to eat it.\u201d He said, \u201cAll of it?\u201d I said: \u201cYes, sir. We\u2019re going to do it.\u201d [Laughter] And you know what? We started eating that broccoli. It was like a wood chipper\u2014stuff\u2019s flying \/ we needed to get it down before they return. Wife comes down\u2014nothing in the bowl. Jane says, \u201cWhat happened to the broccoli?\u201d And Aiden just proudly said: \u201cWe do hard things! That\u2019s what leaders do.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou think, \u201cWell that\u2019s kind of a silly illustration\u201d; right? But it\u2019s part of being intentional, starting out with the little things\u2014it\u2019s the lesser to the greater. I\u2019m trying to prepare them, in my home, to do the <em>big hard<\/em> things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you talk about a gospel risk, what\u2019s a gospel risk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, I mean, one that is right in front of me would be for you to foster a child and to disrupt your orderly little house and the way things are set up is\u2014that\u2019s a <em>massive<\/em> risk. So, anything with a\u2014I mean, caring for the widows \/ anything with the vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny of society\u2019s maladies is what I\u2019m trying to train them to be both aware of\u2014to take risks \/ to give towards, even financially. So, you could deal with human trafficking\u2014that\u2019s a huge malady; abortion\u2014that\u2019s a huge malady \/ any of these things. I want them to be aware that it\u2019s their responsibility to own it. Bullying\u2014if there is a bully in school, I want them to protect the vulnerable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think another example is the willingness to have hard conversations. I think people avoid hard conversations; and, typically, the local church. That\u2019s why we have church discipline. That\u2019s a very <em>hard<\/em> thing to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> It\u2019s not fun but it\u2019s the right thing: \u201cFaithful are the wounds of a friend.\u201d I want them to, socially, want to\u2014when they see something out of the ordinary or sinful, they call it out in a gracious, winsome, loving way; but they do call it out\u2014that\u2019s a hard thing. Adopting a child is a hard thing. Supporting and serving other people\u2014that kind of thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re eight years old, and there\u2019s an outcast in your class, going up and sitting with him at lunch may be a hard thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Fantastic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, I\u2019m trying to think in the context of our kids\u2014the hard gospel things that they\u2019re asked to do every day. Maybe, talking to a friend about Jesus\u2014that may be a hard thing. Do a little evangelism\u2014we\u2019re all a little put off about that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Totally. Like in the schools, especially, you\u2019re called to be salt and light. You\u2019re called to push back darkness and preserve the decay in society. You\u2019re the culture\u2019s conscience, in a lot of ways, as salt and light. So, for them to step up at school and to stand out\u2014and maybe even, it could be lonely\u2014I mean, stand up by themselves \/ that\u2019s epic!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, let me ask you: \u201cIf your kids\u2014these are the kind of situations our kids are facing more often these days\u2014if they\u2019re in a classroom, and the conversation drifts into issues related to gender\/sexuality, and the teacher is saying something that\u2019s different than what Mom and Dad are saying at home, would you coach your son or your daughter in that situation to say, \u2018I don\u2019t agree with that,\u2019 and to step up \/ raise your hand?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOr would you say, \u2018Keep your powder dry, keep your head down, take some notes and we\u2019ll talk about it when you get home\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> I haven\u2019t thought about it; but I know, instinctively, I would teach them to be <em>bold<\/em> and to go back to the origin\u2014how God made man and woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Respectfully\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with the teacher\u2014say, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, you\u2019re also trying to teach respect for authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But it\u2019s okay to challenge authority?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s okay to <em>appeal<\/em> and to do proper advocacy. Even in our own home, that\u2019s what we do on Sunday nights. We have a time between\u2014before they go off to youth group in the evening\u2014where we kind of sit in the living room, and there\u2019s advocacy. They can appeal discipline \/ they could appeal maybe response\u2014there\u2019s a time for complete confession.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Peoples Court\u2014is that what this is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s just kind of getting everything right before\u2014it\u2019s the first day of the week\u2014so we kind of want to start the week off. By nature, because we\u2019re gospel people, we\u2019re repenters. I mean, we\u2019re always asking forgiveness \/ we\u2019re repenting all the time. I\u2019ve eaten so much crow; it tastes like prime rib. I mean, this is kind of what we do\u2014all day-long we are repenters\u2014it\u2019s what we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, what you\u2019re doing on Sunday night is not just the kids appealing or confessing; it is mom and dad doing it as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely\u2014and to each other, making sure that Jane and I are right \/ we\u2019re right with the kids\u2014and we\u2019re saying, \u201cLook; maybe that was too harsh of a consequence for that thing\u201d; because, you know, when you get a little\u2014there\u2019s a little bit of anxiety and adrenaline flowing in the home\u2014you kind of go for the big gun, you know: \u201cYou\u2019ll never play Xbox for the rest of your life until you\u2019re 85.\u201d [Laughter] You know, you make stupid extreme statements. How do you walk those back? Well, repentance is how you walk that stuff back and say, you know: \u201cLook; I\u2019m sorry. I make mistakes too.\u201d They need to see that. They need to see\u2014they know I\u2019m crazy. They\u2019re always laughing, like, \u201cOur dad is <em>so crazy!<\/em>\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s part of our ethos in our home that: \u201cYou\u2019re free to fail. You\u2019re free to fail in our home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I love hearing you say that. We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, a number of years ago, who said something that I wish I\u2019d heard at the beginning of my parenting journey rather than nearer the end; because he said, \u201cMost Christians today are teaching their kids, through their activity, how to be sin avoiders and sin concealers\u2014so: \u201cStay away from sin; and if you mess up, don\u2019t let anyone know because you\u2019ll get in big trouble.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cWe are <em>not<\/em> teaching our kids how to be sin confessors and sin repenters, which is what they\u2019re going to have to learn; because they\u2019re going to mess up. They need to know what to do with it when they do\u2014not just hide it so Mom and Dad don\u2019t find out\u2014but: \u2018Here\u2019s how you confess. Here\u2019s how you repent. Here\u2019s how you go on from that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought we didn\u2019t do a good job when I was raising my kids. I wanted them to toe the line and behave. I don\u2019t think we <em>modeled<\/em> confession and repentance well for them. I don\u2019t think we made it necessarily a safe place for them to confess and repent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What I want to just point out here is this concept of playing it safe. What he\u2019s doing by calling things out in the open is training his children to not play it safe but be open with other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> For instance, earlier, I had a meeting with a group of leaders, here, at FamilyLife. I had made a mistake that I needed to confess to them, and point out to them, and tell them that I was sorry. I had already done it in an email; but I felt like it needed to be done, face to face. The easiest thing to do, at that point, is to play it safe and say nothing; but as we train our children to, as you just talked about Bob\u2014confess it, get it out in the open, let it be named and called what it is\u2014there really is <em>healing<\/em> and wholeness in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt also teaches, I think, more of an understanding that our mistakes do impact other people. When you acknowledge your mistake and ask for forgiveness, you\u2019re, in essence, putting ointment on that wound that you may have caused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely. I also, as a discipline, whenever we\u2019re at a fork in the road and we have a choice to go the hard way or easy street, we are constantly teaching them: \u201cChoose the hard path.\u201d Why?\u2014because I want them to be risk-takers. It\u2019s just another way\u2014 when we have an option\u2014easy\/hard\u2014we default hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Give us an illustration of a fork in the road that your boys faced of easy versus hard and how they did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, there was conflict at a neighbor\u2019s house. We kind of debriefed and processed, and it seemed like it was kind of cleared up. Again, I wanted to make sure the full follow-up there\u2014to circle back around. A lot of times, everybody comes to an agreement; but they actually never clear the air totally. I said: \u201cWe need to go back down there. You need to talk to the grandfather,\u201d\u2014 who was there at the time\u2014\u201cand ask his forgiveness. You need to talk to the kids again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was tough, because they were all having a big breakfast \/ it was a big family gathering. Something got out of control, and so they had to go back. I said: \u201cI\u2019ll go with you, but you\u2019re going to walk in that house. We\u2019re going to ring the doorbell. You\u2019re going to go in, and you\u2019re going to <em>make sure<\/em> you\u2019re going to close the loop.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Because a lot of times, we don\u2019t close the loop\u2014we say: \u201cYes; you\u2019re right \/ you\u2019re right\u2014I see your vantage \/ I see your view. I see where you\u2019re coming from.\u201d But they never go back and fix it with everybody in the room. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cI want you to have that experience. I want you to do the hard thing.\u201d Even when we left, we drove back and I said, \u201cHow do you feel?\u201d He said: \u201cIt feels like a burden\u2019s been lifted. It feels lighter than it did before,\u201d because you\u2019ve got this awkwardness that fully wasn\u2019t cleared, and the air wasn\u2019t cleared. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we could have\u2014as far as everybody was concerned\u2014because the people were \/ they were not believers\u2014and so they were quick to: \u201cOh no; you don\u2019t need to say anything, son! We forgive\u2014it\u2019s no big deal.\u201d They were just minimizing. I said, \u201cNo; he has to do this.\u201d I made him come into their, like, dining room\u2014with everybody drops the fork\u2014kind of\u2014it was thick air; you know?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe did it\u2014he owned it and made it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI noticed, later in the day, they were all playing basketball again. I\u2019m not so sure they would have if I had not chosen the harder path for him to go reconcile with the <em>whole<\/em> family. I think he would have taken easy street, and just gone and played with some other kids at another house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We started this conversation by talking about a gospel bucket list. That\u2019s what led us into talking about doing hard things. If you\u2019re coaching a middle school or high school kid to develop a gospel bucket list, what kinds of things would you say: \u201cHere are some thoughts about things you might want to put on your bucket list, as a young man or as a young woman, who wants to live a life for Christ\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I think, in the category of mission\u2014so I would want them to be, at least, prayerful about: \u201cShould I stay?\u201d or \u201cShould I go?\u201d I want to put missions on their radar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about overseas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Yes; I want them to, when they hit college age\u2014maybe they should take a year off and go do a journeyman program, or something, or a gap-year kind of thing. I want to, at least, be on\/in the decision-making process; and that\u2019s a very hard thing\u2014so: \u201cShould they go overseas?\u201d or \u201cShould they stay?\u201d I think we always ask, \u201cLord, if You want us to go, open the door.\u201d I think, in some ways, we should probably be parenting, \u201cLord, our kids are going, and You\u2019re going to have to stop them,\u201d\u2014kind of reverse that \/ flip that model.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> [Laughter] I like that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> That would be a category. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for sure, a list of people they\u2019re praying for \/ that they want to share the gospel with; because, I think, if you\u2019re praying for people to share the gospel with them, they are going to be on your heart; because you prayed for them that morning. Then, you ran into them at the lunchroom\u2014you\u2019re just going to be tuned in \/ you\u2019re going to be aware, and you\u2019re going to take advantage of the opportunities when you\u2019re deeply concerned and praying for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOpportunities to speak: that could be in a speech class \/ just kind of looking for and kind of creating opportunities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, what I\u2019m trying to do is to get them to see risk as normal and right. The only thing risky is not taking risks; right?\u2014playing it safe. I want them to feel the normalcy of taking risks\u2014but not in these massive things\u2014but in little things. The accumulation of those are going to set them up for that time where it\u2019s the right time and the right place and their private faith is going to be on full public display. It\u2019s going to require all the audacity\u2014kind of an Elijah moment on Mt. Carmel, where it is 750 to 1.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Again: \u201cAdd the water.\u201d \u201cNo; no; no,\u201d\u2014kind of deal\u2014\u201cGet some more water. Soak it good\u201d; you know. He calls out the prophets of Baal\u2014that is the moment. And remember about Elijah\u2014the New Testament comments on Elijah\u2014and what does it say? He was an ordinary man, <em>just like us<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t come to those Mt. Carmel moments and think, \u201cOkay; now\u2019s the time I\u2019m going to have to learn to take risks.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou better have taken some small risks, along the way, or you will fail on your Mt. Carmel moment; won\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I appreciate you, Dan, being on our broadcast and just exhorting parents to get their heads up. Undoubtedly, there are some moms and dads \/ maybe grandparents, who look at their children \/ grandchildren and think: \u201cI don\u2019t have a gospel list. I don\u2019t even know what you\u2019re talking about there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, it could be a simple visit to the rest home. Maybe it\u2019s getting involved in a section of your community that has a lot of single parent moms who need help \/ widows who need things repaired. Take your son\/daughter with you\u2014engage \/ show compassion. I know one mom of a teenage girl, when she was getting in a funk, she said: \u201cCome on. Let\u2019s go visit some elderly people at the rest home.\u201d She said, \u201cInvariably, that would cheer my daughter up,\u201d and learned a powerful principle that, when you give your life away, you find life yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s really what you\u2019re doing in your book, <em>Live Smart<\/em>. I\u2019m excited to watch what you\u2019re going to be doing in the state of Kentucky. I look forward to having you back as a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and hear more about how to live smart and how to make an impact in your world where you live. Thanks for being on the broadcast, Dan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dan:<\/strong> Thank you. Appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was thinking this book would be a great follow-up for parents who did a <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> getaway with their son or their daughter. <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is the follow-up that we created to <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know a lot of our listeners took their kids through a <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> weekend. <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> is for 14-\/15-year-old\u2019s, talking about who they are, and who God made them to be, and how they can embrace their spiritual identity. Going on a getaway like that and then going through a book like <em>Live Smart<\/em>\u2014 that would be a great exercise for parents and for kids. We\u2019ve got copies of Dan\u2019s book, <em>Live Smart<\/em>, and copies of the <em>Passport2Identity<\/em> resource in our <em>Family Life Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order any of these resources from us, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are excited about the month of August, here, at FamilyLife. The reason is because we have an opportunity, this month, to see the reach of this ministry expanded in a pretty significant way. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who\u2019ve come along and said that they will match every donation we receive this month, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $800,000. When your donation is matched with a donation from these other friends, what that does is\u2014that enables us to reach more people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe did some calculations recently\u2014found it takes about $8\u2014I think the number was $8.24 to reach 1,000 people. Well, when you donate $8.24 this month, our friends who are matching your donation will add their $8.24; and we\u2019ll reach 2,000 people. That\u2019s our goal\u2014we want to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. Let me ask you to go online today and make a donation to support the work of FamilyLife\u2014help us reach more people during the month of August. You can donate, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com; or you can call if you prefer. Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And with that, we got to wrap things up this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a great weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to hear a great message from Tim Lundy who talks about what it was like growing up in a blended family and some of the things he\u2019s learned and has coached other blended families on to help them face some of the challenges. Hope you can tune in for that, or maybe you know somebody who you\u2019d like to invite to tune in\u2014do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We\u2019ve gotten help this week from Mark Ramey. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304644","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304644"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304644"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304644"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304644"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304644"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304644"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304644"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}