{"id":304596,"date":"2017-07-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-07-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/not-a-doormat\/"},"modified":"2017-07-18T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-07-18T15:00:00","slug":"not-a-doormat","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-a-doormat\/","title":{"rendered":"Not a Doormat"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A submissive wife is not a doormat. Hear noted authors Robert Lewis, Cindy Easley, Sara Horn, and dispel this myth and others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:20","filesize":"24.11M","filesize_raw":"25277805","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2862,2831],"tags":[6279,4923,6277,6278],"podcast_series":[8221],"cwp_profile":[3391,3461,9350],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304596","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-gender-roles","tag-wife","tag-wife-responsibilities","tag-women-roles","podcast_series-25-years-of-radio-a-wifes-role","cwp_profile-cindy-easley","cwp_profile-robert-lewis","cwp_profile-sara-horn","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304596\/not-a-doormat","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304596\/not-a-doormat","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zaTNt2IBst\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-a-doormat\/\">Not a Doormat<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/not-a-doormat\/embed\/#?secret=zaTNt2IBst\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Not a Doormat&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zaTNt2IBst\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>God has called on wives to be helpers to their husbands; right? So, let\u2019s say your husband is telling a story and he\u2019s getting the facts wrong. Being a helper means you should correct him; doesn\u2019t it? Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I think we get confused about our role and we feel like it\u2019s our responsibility to help him get the story right. Well, maybe it doesn\u2019t really matter if the story is right. I struggled with that too\u2014because I tend to be more precise about things than Dennis does\u2014and I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, and if he gets the story wrong, nobody knows but me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 18th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear from lots of different people today about how a wife can be the very best helper possible for her husband. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought we ought to take some time this week and review some of the wisdom that we\u2019ve heard over the years about God\u2019s unique design for a wife in a marriage relationship. Next month we\u2019re going to do the same thing as we hear about a husband\u2019s responsibility in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad you mentioned that, because women might feel like they\u2019re being picked on here, but what we\u2019re doing is we\u2019re celebrating 25 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we\u2019re picking some of the silver moments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Some of the highlights\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014over the years. In fact, we have your wife, Barbara, joining us today. Welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We thought if we\u2019re going to talk about God\u2019s call for a wife to be a helper to her husband we ought to have you here to keep us honest as we talk about these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, you can; that\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That very word \u201chelper\u201d\u2014there are some people who hear that word and there\u2019s an instant recoil. That sounds like a demeaning word. Did you ever feel that that was a demeaning term as a wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I never felt like the term was\u2014but I did sometimes feel like the work was because I think sometimes the tasks can feel that way in a home and even in a marriage. I never felt like the word was\u2014but I can understand why people feel like that, because it can sound like a servant. It can sound like someone who is \u201cless than\u201d or \u201cunderneath\u201d \u2014and it doesn\u2019t. But once I started understanding that God\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014is also called a Helper\u2014with a capital \u201cH\u201d\u2014then it lifts up the value and it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, that kind of helper.\u201d Not a helper that fixes and corrects like I help my children learn to tie their shoes, that kind of help\u2014but the kind of helper that the Holy Spirit is\u2014is <em>vastly<\/em> different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the people\u2014who\u2019s helped all of us understand that better over the years\u2014is Dr. Robert Lewis, who for many years was your pastor at Fellowship Bible Church here in Little Rock. Robert and his wife spoke at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways for many years, and he has been a regular guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He brought some clarity to that whole understanding of God\u2019s call for a wife to be a helper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Helper does not mean that you enable your husband to do wrong. The idea of being a helper and someone who\u2019s submitting to her husband\u2014the whole focus of that is allowing him to do what\u2019s right. That\u2019s the whole focus of submission. It\u2019s not to leave you in this kind of prison in which you have to suffer under that abuse and continually take it. What it offers is we move to other Scriptures that say, \u201cHere are some positive ways to address that issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see? And begin to help other places so that you don\u2019t have to live in that. But these abuses\u2014these kind of things\u2014should not deter us from God\u2019s original and highest design.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, that\u2019s Dr. Robert Lewis. Barbara, I think that\u2019s an important clarification that he makes there. There are a lot of misconceptions around helper and submission, and we do need to make sure that that\u2019s not just something that we throw out woodenly and just say, \u201cHere\u2019s what you have to do, submit to whatever goes on in your marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right; yes. We have to go back to the original idea in the Bible and try to understand what God meant by that\u2014because God is a good God, and He didn\u2019t create the institution of marriage and give the responsibilities to men and women for anything but our good. So when we look at it and when we pay attention to the way He describes it\u2014it is a lofty calling\u2014it is a high calling. It\u2019s a great privilege, actually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt changes how we view it when we see it through God\u2019s perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are a lot of young couples getting married today who have not worked through what\u2019s going to be the responsibility of the husband and of the wife. The differences in responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one is really important: if a man is going to be the leader of his home and truly set a spiritual direction\u2014that means his wife needs to empower him. That doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s a doormat, but it does mean she needs to believe in him\u2014use her words to build him up, cheer him on, and encourage him when she sees him doing things right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She can be a great support to her husband\u2014and again, that doesn\u2019t mean that she\u2019s in the back seat and he\u2019s in the front seat\u2014it means that they are co-laboring, and she can offer great encouragement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Cindy Easley, who, again, has spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways throughout the years, has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Cindy is an author and a pastor\u2019s wife who lives in Brentwood, Tennessee\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Also a real estate agent today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, Cindy spoke at one of our getaways to the ladies about how a wife can be a great source of support for her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>Proverbs 31 reads, \u201cAn excellent wife who can find, for her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSupport is a complementary\u2014not a competitive\u2014way of relating to your husband. It\u2019s complementary. Again, Proverbs goes on, \u201cAn excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but he who shames him is rotten to the bones.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe needs your support in three areas. First, he needs support in his job. Sometimes that means accepting an unusual schedule. Are any of you in here military wives? God bless you. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI so admire the families that have been left behind. They are so willing to allow their husbands to do what their husbands were called to\u2014that sometimes when I complain about Michael being late two hours I\u2019m ashamed, because they\u2019re willing to give it up for a year\u2014give it all up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes we have to accept an unusual schedule. Sometimes it means to accept our husbands\u2014support them in their job\u2014is to be involved in their job. Now\u2014no, you\u2019re not going to go to work with your husband, that\u2019s not what I mean, but sometimes we do need to ask questions\u2014we need to understand what they do. It might be that you need to offer to invite over the people he works with and have a barbecue this summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, he needs your support in public! I have two things I do that I believe is not supporting my husband in public. The first is something called sarcasm. You know what sarcasm is? It\u2019s humor with a message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what I\u2019ve discovered? When I\u2019m sarcastic with Michael in public I have to reel back and figure out, \u201cWhat is bugging me?\u201d And then I have to go to him in private and say, \u201cThis is a problem. We have to deal with this, and I apologize for being sarcastic with you,\u201d because that\u2019s not ever helpful\u2014it makes everyone uncomfortable in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing that I found out that I do\u2014and I am working on this <em>today<\/em>, and that is that I correct his stories\u2014isn\u2019t it amazing how wrong our husbands can be when they\u2019re telling stories? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, they say it was on a Sunday\u2014it was on a Saturday. They say they did\u2014you did it. They say it was your third child\u2014it was your first child. But you know what I\u2019ve figured out? The details of the story really don\u2019t ever matter\u2014they really don\u2019t\u2014and so I\u2019ve learned\u2014I am learning\u2014I constantly fight this, because it really bugs me some days\u2014to let him tell the story how he sees it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird, our husbands need our support in the home. I think the place that this comes into play in my life, mostly, is around the children. It\u2019s that I need to not step in and interfere in my husband\u2019s parenting. I need to not step in and disagree with his leadership in front of the children. There is a time that I go and say, \u201cI think you overreacted with this child; let me tell you what\u2019s going on in their heart,\u201d or, \u201cI think you let him get away with too much. I know he\u2019s a boy, but\u2026\u201d So there are times that I will do that, but that is in private\u2014not in front of the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening to Cindy Easley talking with a roomful of wives about what it looks like to support your husband in his job, in public, in the home. This is more important than I think a lot of wives understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It really is, because I think we get confused about our role and, just as Cindy said, we feel like it\u2019s our responsibility\u2014again, as we\u2019ve been talking about helping\u2014help him get the story right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, maybe it doesn\u2019t really matter if the story is right. Nobody\u2019s going to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI struggled with that too, because I tend to be more precise about things than Dennis does, and I\u2019ve had to learn to keep my mouth shut, and if he gets the story wrong, nobody knows but me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think what we\u2019re pointing out here is a woman\u2019s words and her attitude towards her husband are incredibly powerful. So are you using your words to build up or tear down? Usually it takes a reminder like this just to say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you major in the good things that he does, instead of majoring in the minors?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about a wife\u2019s role, you can\u2019t avoid the fact that the Bible uses a word that a lot of us don\u2019t like to bring up\u2014it\u2019s the word \u201csubmission.\u201d It\u2019s coming under the leadership\u2014under the authority\u2014of your husband. It\u2019s a Bible word, so you kind of having to deal with it. We had a guest who joined us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> who did not like that word when she read it in her Bible, and she kind of kicked against it for a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod worked on her heart and said, \u201cThis is an area where you need to grow.\u201d So she decided that she would be a submissive wife even if it killed her\u2014and she went after it. Her name is Sarah Horn, and here\u2019s some of what she shared with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say is the biggest misconception young women today have about submission when it comes to their marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Well, you think you\u2019re going to be a doormat. You think you\u2019re going to be a Stepford wife, or you\u2019re going to check your brain at the door, you don\u2019t have any say\u2014you can\u2019t say anything, you step back like you\u2019re a servant of some sort\u2014that\u2019s not what it is at all. Something that I learned from the Proverbs 31 wife experience that really, truly went into this year as well is that we as women and as wives are such profound influences to our husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>It\u2019s enormously powerful\u2014and I think we don\u2019t recognize that. We are so conditioned today that we need to stand up for our rights and to lead as we see\u2014that miss seeing that whole idea of being that influence and what that looks like. So it\u2019s less about being a doormat or being walked all over and it\u2019s more about really leaning into, \u201cWhat do you want to teach me about my role as a wife, and how can I grow in this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Cliff\u2014as you went through this one-year experiment\u2014how did you see him change as a leader? How your submission to him empowered him to begin to assume more and more responsibility as a man who leads his family spiritually\u2014and your family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Yes. I thought I would change. In some ways I was concerned of how I would change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut with him I saw so much growth and change in what he did as leader, and it was\u2014just by stepping back a little\u2014it was like he had more room and just the opportunity to really start thinking about what it looked like to lead our family. The biggest difference I saw was with our son. He would\u2014instead of saying, \u201cDo what your mom says,\u201d he would do more of an example with him and say, \u201cYour mom needs help in the kitchen. Come on, I\u2019m going to show you to how to do the dishes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it was very much an example setting. As I was talking to him, maybe sharing concerns\u2014things that were going on\u2014he listened, and he would give more advice if I asked for it. There were just different things that he would do that told me that he was taking this leadership more seriously as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How would Cliff say you are a different wife as a result of your one-year submission experiment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>I actually asked him this the other day. He texted me\u2014he\u2019s deployed right now\u2014and I said, \u201cWhat was the difference that you saw after we went through this year?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYou were more willing to let me lead. You were more willing to step back and let me make the decisions for our family.\u201d That boosts him\u2014that gives him confidence. That also puts some\u2014I would say\u2014good pressure on him to be more intentional about leading.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it scary for you to do that? Because now you\u2019re not calling the shots like you used to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>The longer that we\u2019re doing it, it\u2019s less scary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve learned to trust him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That he will hear you, listen to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Well\u2014and more importantly\u2014I\u2019ve learned to trust God. So if my husband does make a decision I don\u2019t necessarily agree with or I think, \u201cMm...I don\u2019t know about this,\u201d I\u2019m trusting God to take care of the details and to watch over our family and our marriage and those decisions\u2014and that He will bless it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening to Sarah Horn talk about her one-year experiment with submission\u2014where it was a paradigm shift for their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Barbara\u2014as she was describing it you could hear there was joy that came into the marriage. I was thinking about the fact that a lot of wives I\u2019ve talked to over the years, inside of them is a need for security and a sense that \u201cthe only way I\u2019ll ever have security is if I can be in control of the situation.\u201d Their insecurity is what is keeping them from trusting their husbands\u2019 leadership\u2014because they\u2019re not in control if they\u2019re letting him lead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>To me the most important thing that she said was that she learned the submission is more about trusting God than it is trusting your husband. To me that\u2019s really the key ingredient\u2014because if you look at the life of Jesus\u2014Jesus entrusted Himself to the Father, and He submitted to the plan even though it meant His death. And yet God brought great good out of that for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as our example, if I can submit to God and to His plan for me and for my marriage, the end result is I\u2019m more relaxed\u2014I\u2019m much more at ease in the relationship\u2014because I know God\u2019s going to take care of it and God\u2019s going to cover it\u2014even if my husband makes a poor decision. So that\u2019s really the focus of submission\u2014is trusting God\u2014not trusting your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think in this culture young wives today\u2014and when I speak of young wives I\u2019m talking about those 35 and under\u2014they need to be really careful they\u2019re not listening to the drumbeat of the culture\u2014that has turned the word \u201csubmission\u201d into a dirty word or a demeaning word\u2014when it is a divine word. It was chosen by God as a piece of how to describe how a woman relates to her husband. It\u2019s not a mindless term, but it is important to empower your husband going through a lifetime together\u2014to believe in him, support him, respect him\u2014and it shows up when you submit to him as he makes decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara, that doesn\u2019t mean if you\u2019re trusting yourself to God that your husband\u2019s not ever going to make a mistake and that there won\u2019t be consequences with his mistake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have to bear some pain as the consequences of a bad decision your husband made; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, you might have to. That\u2019s the scary part\u2014but that\u2019s again\u2014the part where you have to trust that God is bigger and that He knows what He\u2019s doing and that He\u2019s going to turn it into good in your life and in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it also doesn\u2019t mean that a wife doesn\u2019t disagree with her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is iron sharpening iron. It\u2019s not that Barbara dutifully nods and goes, \u201cJust have it your way, sweetheart.\u201d No, it is expressing what she sees through her perspective and it\u2019s incumbent upon me. I have to listen to what she said. If I don\u2019t listen I\u2019m being disobedient to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, but as we\u2019ve learned over the years it\u2019s the wise wife who knows how to properly express what it is she\u2019s trying to say to her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had Ann Wilson, who is a speaker\u2014she and her husband, Dave, have spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways and have spoken on our <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. She was talking to a group of women at one point and she talked about how she had to learn the right way to communicate with Dave, so that he would hear and understand what it was she was trying to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I love Ephesians 4:15 because it says, \u201cSpeak the truth in love.\u201d Some of us so great at speaking the truth. I am just a verbal processor, so it\u2019s just like\u2014I just vomit it all out. Some of you are like that; aren\u2019t you? You\u2019re verbally processing so things come out that I wish I could put back in. I can speak the truth\u2014and some of us are so loving that we\u2019re so caring and we don\u2019t like conflict even that we are only speaking good words, and sometimes we hide some of the things that we feel and we push it down\u2014but both things are necessary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to speak truth, but we need to be able to package it in a way that they receive it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have learned over the years that I cannot just verbally process when my thoughts are going with Dave. I need to take my thought, I need to capture it\u2014it says to take our thoughts captive; right? And I need to take it and pray, \u201cGod, should I say this to Dave?\u201d first of all. \u201cWill it benefit him? Will it benefit us?\u201d And then, if God gives me the okay, my next prayer is then, \u201cGod, help me to package it in a way that he will be able to hear me and accept what I say.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis takes time. Don\u2019t you feel like, \u201cI don\u2019t have time for all that,\u201d you know? \u201cI\u2019m busy!\u201d But I\u2019m telling you\u2014this is so critical\u2014because sometimes I need to put a little bow on it\u2014for him to accept it, and then\u2014though, it\u2019s so worth it\u2014because he <em>hears<\/em> me. He hears my love and I have to couch it in respect\u2014because I do respect him. I think it\u2019s so important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo words. What kind of words? I would challenge you to ask your husbands, \u201cWhat are the things that make you feel respected when I say them?\u201d Dave said, \u201cWhen you say, \u2018I believe in you,\u2019 when you say, \u2018I need you,\u2019 and when you say, \u2018I want you.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, that\u2019s Ann Wilson, and I think a lot of guys would nod their heads and say, \u201cThose are powerful words.\u201d When my wife says, \u201cI believe in you, I need you, and I want you,\u201d that communicates a lot to a husband, and it motivates a husband to want to be the man that his wife believes in and wants and needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m reminded of a book that was written a number of years ago called <em>The Measure of a Man<\/em>. It talked about how a man can measure up to how God views him in Scripture and kind of what his duties are. Well, I want to tell you something: a wife is a yardstick to measure her man and let her man know, is he leading the family? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs he protecting the family? Providing for the family? Is he being a caretaker? Men do a lot of things that I think get taken for granted, and it\u2019s a wise woman who knows how to pick those things out and just say, \u201cThat was wonderful. That was really good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently Barbara has mentioned a couple of times\u2014she said, \u201cThank you for just being generous.\u201d It\u2019s just interesting how, as a man, those words ring in your heart. It\u2019s back to that idea of being a yardstick. She reminds me of the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been doing the same thing, reminding your daughters of the truth of God\u2019s Word when it comes to being a wife, and you\u2019ve been sharing that with others as well. Barbara wrote a book last year called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>, and there have been tens of thousands of copies of that book that have sold. In fact, I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people who have read it and found it very helpful, and lot of people who are giving the book as a wedding gift to young brides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> when you get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that many of you are grateful for the wise counsel that you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014from our guests\u2014from Dennis and Barbara\u2014each weekday. Our goal here is to provide practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family, and we want to be honest about that. We want it to not be sugar-coated\u2014we want it to be kind of the unvarnished, real look at what marriage and family life is all about. But we always want to be pointing you back to the Scriptures, because that\u2019s the source for help and hope. That\u2019s where our help comes from and that\u2019s where our hope is found.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re passionate about wanting to get this message into the minds and hearts of more and more couples all around the world. So we keep looking for expanded ways to do that, through our network of radio stations, through the Internet, through our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> mobile app, other ways that we\u2019re trying to get this message out to more people. I just have to say thank you to those of you who partner with us in this endeavor as monthly Legacy Partners\u2014those of you who, month in and month out\u2014provide the financial foundation necessary for this ministry to be sustained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never joined us as a Legacy Partner, today would be a great day for you to join the team. Help us reach more people with practical, biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. You can do that by signing up online at FamilyLifeToday.com to be a monthly Legacy Partner, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and just say, \u201cI\u2019d like to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to have you join the team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us back tomorrow, when we\u2019re going to hear some sage counsel on what to look for when you are looking for a future mate. The sage counsel is going to come from our friend Alistair Begg, so don\u2019t get confused when you hear Alistair Begg on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; okay? It\u2019s him with us tomorrow\u2014hope you can be with us tomorrow as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:20"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.11M"],"filesize_raw":["25277805"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304596.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304596.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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submissive wife is not a doormat. Hear noted authors Robert Lewis, Cindy Easley, Sara Horn, and dispel this myth and others.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>God has called on wives to be helpers to their husbands; right? So, let\u2019s say your husband is telling a story and he\u2019s getting the facts wrong. Being a helper means you should correct him; doesn\u2019t it? Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I think we get confused about our role and we feel like it\u2019s our responsibility to help him get the story right. Well, maybe it doesn\u2019t really matter if the story is right. I struggled with that too\u2014because I tend to be more precise about things than Dennis does\u2014and I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, and if he gets the story wrong, nobody knows but me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 18th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear from lots of different people today about how a wife can be the very best helper possible for her husband. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe thought we ought to take some time this week and review some of the wisdom that we\u2019ve heard over the years about God\u2019s unique design for a wife in a marriage relationship. Next month we\u2019re going to do the same thing as we hear about a husband\u2019s responsibility in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad you mentioned that, because women might feel like they\u2019re being picked on here, but what we\u2019re doing is we\u2019re celebrating 25 years on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we\u2019re picking some of the silver moments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Some of the highlights\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014over the years. In fact, we have your wife, Barbara, joining us today. Welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We thought if we\u2019re going to talk about God\u2019s call for a wife to be a helper to her husband we ought to have you here to keep us honest as we talk about these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I can do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, you can; that\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That very word \u201chelper\u201d\u2014there are some people who hear that word and there\u2019s an instant recoil. That sounds like a demeaning word. Did you ever feel that that was a demeaning term as a wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I never felt like the term was\u2014but I did sometimes feel like the work was because I think sometimes the tasks can feel that way in a home and even in a marriage. I never felt like the word was\u2014but I can understand why people feel like that, because it can sound like a servant. It can sound like someone who is \u201cless than\u201d or \u201cunderneath\u201d \u2014and it doesn\u2019t. But once I started understanding that God\u2014the Holy Spirit\u2014is also called a Helper\u2014with a capital \u201cH\u201d\u2014then it lifts up the value and it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, that kind of helper.\u201d Not a helper that fixes and corrects like I help my children learn to tie their shoes, that kind of help\u2014but the kind of helper that the Holy Spirit is\u2014is <em>vastly<\/em> different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the people\u2014who\u2019s helped all of us understand that better over the years\u2014is Dr. Robert Lewis, who for many years was your pastor at Fellowship Bible Church here in Little Rock. Robert and his wife spoke at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>\u00ae marriage getaways for many years, and he has been a regular guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He brought some clarity to that whole understanding of God\u2019s call for a wife to be a helper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robert: <\/strong>Helper does not mean that you enable your husband to do wrong. The idea of being a helper and someone who\u2019s submitting to her husband\u2014the whole focus of that is allowing him to do what\u2019s right. That\u2019s the whole focus of submission. It\u2019s not to leave you in this kind of prison in which you have to suffer under that abuse and continually take it. What it offers is we move to other Scriptures that say, \u201cHere are some positive ways to address that issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see? And begin to help other places so that you don\u2019t have to live in that. But these abuses\u2014these kind of things\u2014should not deter us from God\u2019s original and highest design.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, that\u2019s Dr. Robert Lewis. Barbara, I think that\u2019s an important clarification that he makes there. There are a lot of misconceptions around helper and submission, and we do need to make sure that that\u2019s not just something that we throw out woodenly and just say, \u201cHere\u2019s what you have to do, submit to whatever goes on in your marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right; yes. We have to go back to the original idea in the Bible and try to understand what God meant by that\u2014because God is a good God, and He didn\u2019t create the institution of marriage and give the responsibilities to men and women for anything but our good. So when we look at it and when we pay attention to the way He describes it\u2014it is a lofty calling\u2014it is a high calling. It\u2019s a great privilege, actually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt changes how we view it when we see it through God\u2019s perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There are a lot of young couples getting married today who have not worked through what\u2019s going to be the responsibility of the husband and of the wife. The differences in responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis one is really important: if a man is going to be the leader of his home and truly set a spiritual direction\u2014that means his wife needs to empower him. That doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s a doormat, but it does mean she needs to believe in him\u2014use her words to build him up, cheer him on, and encourage him when she sees him doing things right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She can be a great support to her husband\u2014and again, that doesn\u2019t mean that she\u2019s in the back seat and he\u2019s in the front seat\u2014it means that they are co-laboring, and she can offer great encouragement.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, Cindy Easley, who, again, has spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways throughout the years, has been a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Cindy is an author and a pastor\u2019s wife who lives in Brentwood, Tennessee\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Also a real estate agent today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is she?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, Cindy spoke at one of our getaways to the ladies about how a wife can be a great source of support for her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cindy: <\/strong>Proverbs 31 reads, \u201cAn excellent wife who can find, for her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSupport is a complementary\u2014not a competitive\u2014way of relating to your husband. It\u2019s complementary. Again, Proverbs goes on, \u201cAn excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but he who shames him is rotten to the bones.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe needs your support in three areas. First, he needs support in his job. Sometimes that means accepting an unusual schedule. Are any of you in here military wives? God bless you. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI so admire the families that have been left behind. They are so willing to allow their husbands to do what their husbands were called to\u2014that sometimes when I complain about Michael being late two hours I\u2019m ashamed, because they\u2019re willing to give it up for a year\u2014give it all up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes we have to accept an unusual schedule. Sometimes it means to accept our husbands\u2014support them in their job\u2014is to be involved in their job. Now\u2014no, you\u2019re not going to go to work with your husband, that\u2019s not what I mean, but sometimes we do need to ask questions\u2014we need to understand what they do. It might be that you need to offer to invite over the people he works with and have a barbecue this summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber two, he needs your support in public! I have two things I do that I believe is not supporting my husband in public. The first is something called sarcasm. You know what sarcasm is? It\u2019s humor with a message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what I\u2019ve discovered? When I\u2019m sarcastic with Michael in public I have to reel back and figure out, \u201cWhat is bugging me?\u201d And then I have to go to him in private and say, \u201cThis is a problem. We have to deal with this, and I apologize for being sarcastic with you,\u201d because that\u2019s not ever helpful\u2014it makes everyone uncomfortable in the room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing that I found out that I do\u2014and I am working on this <em>today<\/em>, and that is that I correct his stories\u2014isn\u2019t it amazing how wrong our husbands can be when they\u2019re telling stories? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, they say it was on a Sunday\u2014it was on a Saturday. They say they did\u2014you did it. They say it was your third child\u2014it was your first child. But you know what I\u2019ve figured out? The details of the story really don\u2019t ever matter\u2014they really don\u2019t\u2014and so I\u2019ve learned\u2014I am learning\u2014I constantly fight this, because it really bugs me some days\u2014to let him tell the story how he sees it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird, our husbands need our support in the home. I think the place that this comes into play in my life, mostly, is around the children. It\u2019s that I need to not step in and interfere in my husband\u2019s parenting. I need to not step in and disagree with his leadership in front of the children. There is a time that I go and say, \u201cI think you overreacted with this child; let me tell you what\u2019s going on in their heart,\u201d or, \u201cI think you let him get away with too much. I know he\u2019s a boy, but\u2026\u201d So there are times that I will do that, but that is in private\u2014not in front of the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening to Cindy Easley talking with a roomful of wives about what it looks like to support your husband in his job, in public, in the home. This is more important than I think a lot of wives understand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It really is, because I think we get confused about our role and, just as Cindy said, we feel like it\u2019s our responsibility\u2014again, as we\u2019ve been talking about helping\u2014help him get the story right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, maybe it doesn\u2019t really matter if the story is right. Nobody\u2019s going to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI struggled with that too, because I tend to be more precise about things than Dennis does, and I\u2019ve had to learn to keep my mouth shut, and if he gets the story wrong, nobody knows but me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think what we\u2019re pointing out here is a woman\u2019s words and her attitude towards her husband are incredibly powerful. So are you using your words to build up or tear down? Usually it takes a reminder like this just to say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you major in the good things that he does, instead of majoring in the minors?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you\u2019re talking about a wife\u2019s role, you can\u2019t avoid the fact that the Bible uses a word that a lot of us don\u2019t like to bring up\u2014it\u2019s the word \u201csubmission.\u201d It\u2019s coming under the leadership\u2014under the authority\u2014of your husband. It\u2019s a Bible word, so you kind of having to deal with it. We had a guest who joined us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> who did not like that word when she read it in her Bible, and she kind of kicked against it for a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod worked on her heart and said, \u201cThis is an area where you need to grow.\u201d So she decided that she would be a submissive wife even if it killed her\u2014and she went after it. Her name is Sarah Horn, and here\u2019s some of what she shared with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What would you say is the biggest misconception young women today have about submission when it comes to their marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Well, you think you\u2019re going to be a doormat. You think you\u2019re going to be a Stepford wife, or you\u2019re going to check your brain at the door, you don\u2019t have any say\u2014you can\u2019t say anything, you step back like you\u2019re a servant of some sort\u2014that\u2019s not what it is at all. Something that I learned from the Proverbs 31 wife experience that really, truly went into this year as well is that we as women and as wives are such profound influences to our husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>It\u2019s enormously powerful\u2014and I think we don\u2019t recognize that. We are so conditioned today that we need to stand up for our rights and to lead as we see\u2014that miss seeing that whole idea of being that influence and what that looks like. So it\u2019s less about being a doormat or being walked all over and it\u2019s more about really leaning into, \u201cWhat do you want to teach me about my role as a wife, and how can I grow in this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Cliff\u2014as you went through this one-year experiment\u2014how did you see him change as a leader? How your submission to him empowered him to begin to assume more and more responsibility as a man who leads his family spiritually\u2014and your family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Yes. I thought I would change. In some ways I was concerned of how I would change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut with him I saw so much growth and change in what he did as leader, and it was\u2014just by stepping back a little\u2014it was like he had more room and just the opportunity to really start thinking about what it looked like to lead our family. The biggest difference I saw was with our son. He would\u2014instead of saying, \u201cDo what your mom says,\u201d he would do more of an example with him and say, \u201cYour mom needs help in the kitchen. Come on, I\u2019m going to show you to how to do the dishes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo it was very much an example setting. As I was talking to him, maybe sharing concerns\u2014things that were going on\u2014he listened, and he would give more advice if I asked for it. There were just different things that he would do that told me that he was taking this leadership more seriously as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How would Cliff say you are a different wife as a result of your one-year submission experiment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>I actually asked him this the other day. He texted me\u2014he\u2019s deployed right now\u2014and I said, \u201cWhat was the difference that you saw after we went through this year?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYou were more willing to let me lead. You were more willing to step back and let me make the decisions for our family.\u201d That boosts him\u2014that gives him confidence. That also puts some\u2014I would say\u2014good pressure on him to be more intentional about leading.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it scary for you to do that? Because now you\u2019re not calling the shots like you used to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>The longer that we\u2019re doing it, it\u2019s less scary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve learned to trust him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That he will hear you, listen to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sarah: <\/strong>Well\u2014and more importantly\u2014I\u2019ve learned to trust God. So if my husband does make a decision I don\u2019t necessarily agree with or I think, \u201cMm...I don\u2019t know about this,\u201d I\u2019m trusting God to take care of the details and to watch over our family and our marriage and those decisions\u2014and that He will bless it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening to Sarah Horn talk about her one-year experiment with submission\u2014where it was a paradigm shift for their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Barbara\u2014as she was describing it you could hear there was joy that came into the marriage. I was thinking about the fact that a lot of wives I\u2019ve talked to over the years, inside of them is a need for security and a sense that \u201cthe only way I\u2019ll ever have security is if I can be in control of the situation.\u201d Their insecurity is what is keeping them from trusting their husbands\u2019 leadership\u2014because they\u2019re not in control if they\u2019re letting him lead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>To me the most important thing that she said was that she learned the submission is more about trusting God than it is trusting your husband. To me that\u2019s really the key ingredient\u2014because if you look at the life of Jesus\u2014Jesus entrusted Himself to the Father, and He submitted to the plan even though it meant His death. And yet God brought great good out of that for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as our example, if I can submit to God and to His plan for me and for my marriage, the end result is I\u2019m more relaxed\u2014I\u2019m much more at ease in the relationship\u2014because I know God\u2019s going to take care of it and God\u2019s going to cover it\u2014even if my husband makes a poor decision. So that\u2019s really the focus of submission\u2014is trusting God\u2014not trusting your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think in this culture young wives today\u2014and when I speak of young wives I\u2019m talking about those 35 and under\u2014they need to be really careful they\u2019re not listening to the drumbeat of the culture\u2014that has turned the word \u201csubmission\u201d into a dirty word or a demeaning word\u2014when it is a divine word. It was chosen by God as a piece of how to describe how a woman relates to her husband. It\u2019s not a mindless term, but it is important to empower your husband going through a lifetime together\u2014to believe in him, support him, respect him\u2014and it shows up when you submit to him as he makes decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara, that doesn\u2019t mean if you\u2019re trusting yourself to God that your husband\u2019s not ever going to make a mistake and that there won\u2019t be consequences with his mistake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You may have to bear some pain as the consequences of a bad decision your husband made; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, you might have to. That\u2019s the scary part\u2014but that\u2019s again\u2014the part where you have to trust that God is bigger and that He knows what He\u2019s doing and that He\u2019s going to turn it into good in your life and in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And it also doesn\u2019t mean that a wife doesn\u2019t disagree with her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is iron sharpening iron. It\u2019s not that Barbara dutifully nods and goes, \u201cJust have it your way, sweetheart.\u201d No, it is expressing what she sees through her perspective and it\u2019s incumbent upon me. I have to listen to what she said. If I don\u2019t listen I\u2019m being disobedient to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, but as we\u2019ve learned over the years it\u2019s the wise wife who knows how to properly express what it is she\u2019s trying to say to her husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had Ann Wilson, who is a speaker\u2014she and her husband, Dave, have spoken at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways and have spoken on our <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise. She was talking to a group of women at one point and she talked about how she had to learn the right way to communicate with Dave, so that he would hear and understand what it was she was trying to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I love Ephesians 4:15 because it says, \u201cSpeak the truth in love.\u201d Some of us so great at speaking the truth. I am just a verbal processor, so it\u2019s just like\u2014I just vomit it all out. Some of you are like that; aren\u2019t you? You\u2019re verbally processing so things come out that I wish I could put back in. I can speak the truth\u2014and some of us are so loving that we\u2019re so caring and we don\u2019t like conflict even that we are only speaking good words, and sometimes we hide some of the things that we feel and we push it down\u2014but both things are necessary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to speak truth, but we need to be able to package it in a way that they receive it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have learned over the years that I cannot just verbally process when my thoughts are going with Dave. I need to take my thought, I need to capture it\u2014it says to take our thoughts captive; right? And I need to take it and pray, \u201cGod, should I say this to Dave?\u201d first of all. \u201cWill it benefit him? Will it benefit us?\u201d And then, if God gives me the okay, my next prayer is then, \u201cGod, help me to package it in a way that he will be able to hear me and accept what I say.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis takes time. Don\u2019t you feel like, \u201cI don\u2019t have time for all that,\u201d you know? \u201cI\u2019m busy!\u201d But I\u2019m telling you\u2014this is so critical\u2014because sometimes I need to put a little bow on it\u2014for him to accept it, and then\u2014though, it\u2019s so worth it\u2014because he <em>hears<\/em> me. He hears my love and I have to couch it in respect\u2014because I do respect him. I think it\u2019s so important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo words. What kind of words? I would challenge you to ask your husbands, \u201cWhat are the things that make you feel respected when I say them?\u201d Dave said, \u201cWhen you say, \u2018I believe in you,\u2019 when you say, \u2018I need you,\u2019 and when you say, \u2018I want you.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, that\u2019s Ann Wilson, and I think a lot of guys would nod their heads and say, \u201cThose are powerful words.\u201d When my wife says, \u201cI believe in you, I need you, and I want you,\u201d that communicates a lot to a husband, and it motivates a husband to want to be the man that his wife believes in and wants and needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m reminded of a book that was written a number of years ago called <em>The Measure of a Man<\/em>. It talked about how a man can measure up to how God views him in Scripture and kind of what his duties are. Well, I want to tell you something: a wife is a yardstick to measure her man and let her man know, is he leading the family? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs he protecting the family? Providing for the family? Is he being a caretaker? Men do a lot of things that I think get taken for granted, and it\u2019s a wise woman who knows how to pick those things out and just say, \u201cThat was wonderful. That was really good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently Barbara has mentioned a couple of times\u2014she said, \u201cThank you for just being generous.\u201d It\u2019s just interesting how, as a man, those words ring in your heart. It\u2019s back to that idea of being a yardstick. She reminds me of the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019ve been doing the same thing, reminding your daughters of the truth of God\u2019s Word when it comes to being a wife, and you\u2019ve been sharing that with others as well. Barbara wrote a book last year called <em>Letters to My Daughters: The Art of Being a Wife<\/em>, and there have been tens of thousands of copies of that book that have sold. In fact, I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people who have read it and found it very helpful, and lot of people who are giving the book as a wedding gift to young brides.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of the book <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em> when you get in touch with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that many of you are grateful for the wise counsel that you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014from our guests\u2014from Dennis and Barbara\u2014each weekday. Our goal here is to provide practical, biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family, and we want to be honest about that. We want it to not be sugar-coated\u2014we want it to be kind of the unvarnished, real look at what marriage and family life is all about. But we always want to be pointing you back to the Scriptures, because that\u2019s the source for help and hope. That\u2019s where our help comes from and that\u2019s where our hope is found.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re passionate about wanting to get this message into the minds and hearts of more and more couples all around the world. So we keep looking for expanded ways to do that, through our network of radio stations, through the Internet, through our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> mobile app, other ways that we\u2019re trying to get this message out to more people. I just have to say thank you to those of you who partner with us in this endeavor as monthly Legacy Partners\u2014those of you who, month in and month out\u2014provide the financial foundation necessary for this ministry to be sustained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener and you\u2019ve never joined us as a Legacy Partner, today would be a great day for you to join the team. Help us reach more people with practical, biblical help and hope for their marriage and for their family. You can do that by signing up online at FamilyLifeToday.com to be a monthly Legacy Partner, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and just say, \u201cI\u2019d like to be a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d love to have you join the team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us back tomorrow, when we\u2019re going to hear some sage counsel on what to look for when you are looking for a future mate. The sage counsel is going to come from our friend Alistair Begg, so don\u2019t get confused when you hear Alistair Begg on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; okay? It\u2019s him with us tomorrow\u2014hope you can be with us tomorrow as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304596"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304596"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304596"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}