{"id":304586,"date":"2017-07-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-07-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/never-use-the-d-word\/"},"modified":"2017-07-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-07-11T15:00:00","slug":"never-use-the-d-word","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/never-use-the-d-word\/","title":{"rendered":"Never Use the &#8220;D-Word&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What word should you never use in marriage? Find out the answer to this question and so much more as Dennis and Barbara Rainey share marriages principles from their 44 years together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:04","filesize":"25.7M","filesize_raw":"26950380","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2809,2805,2862],"tags":[2877,4283],"podcast_series":[8220],"cwp_profile":[3052,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304586","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commitment","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-understanding-differences","tag-marriage","tag-wisdom","podcast_series-20-marriage-lessons-from-44-years","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304586\/never-use-the-d-word","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304586\/never-use-the-d-word","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"B5eAhzAeHA\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/never-use-the-d-word\/\">Never Use the &#8220;D-Word&#8221;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/never-use-the-d-word\/embed\/#?secret=B5eAhzAeHA\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Never Use the &#8220;D-Word&#8221;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"B5eAhzAeHA\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What word should you never use in marriage? Find out the answer to this question and so much more as Dennis and Barbara Rainey share marriages principles from their 44 years together.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-07-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is one thing that every husband and every wife has to come to grips with\u2014got to admit and affirm\u2014if their marriage is ever going to be what God intends for it to be. Dennis Rainey tells us what it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I am the problem in my marriage. Our selfishness\u2014love redeems us from our selfishness, calling us out of the living for ourselves and sacrificing for another person so that they might feel loved and feel included in a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 11<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We have something of a checklist for you today of some of the most important things you need to know about being married and raising a family. We\u2019ll hear those things from Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. There have been occasions in my life where I\u2019ve been able to sit at a table with a group of folks and just eavesdrop on a conversation where everything that\u2019s being shared is just kind of a pearl of wisdom. You know, you\u2019re with somebody who has walked with Christ for a number of years\u2014maybe with a couple of people\u2014and they\u2019re just sharing the lessons they\u2019ve learned in life. You\u2019d feel awkward getting out a notepad and taking notes, but you feel like you wish you had it recorded so that you could refer back to what you\u2019re hearing at the dinner table.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I tried to do, Bob, in developing a message a number of years ago that initially was given at a seminary to a group of seminary students. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we tried to do is kind of put the cookies on the lower shelf and say, \u201cHere are some of the most important lessons that I wish someone had just distilled out\u2014and talked to us frankly and honestly about these issues\u2014and helped us set some boundaries in our marriage and in our family and kind of helped us navigate everything that the culture is throwing at us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis first point\u2014it\u2019s the ninth point \/ if you want to get the first eight, you\u2019re going to have to listen to an earlier broadcast\u2014but this point number nine we\u2019re about to talk about, Bob, is one that I think every couple needs to apply in their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; we\u2019ve already heard you work through the first eight points in this message this week, and we have another dozen to go. So\u2014this is Dennis and Barbara Rainey speaking to an audience of married couples about some of the most important lessons they\u2019ve learned on marriage and family in their 40-plus years of marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Number 9: \u201cNever use the \u2018D\u2019 word in your marriage.\u201d Instead, use the \u201cC\u201d word\u2014covenant and commitment in marriage. It\u2019s the kind of covenant that says, \u201cI\u2019d marry you all over again.\u201d If you have ever used the \u201cD\u201d word in front of your kids, could I encourage you to go back home and, if need be, to make the point with your kids?\u2014get on your knees before them and ask them to forgive you for ever having that word\u2014the \u201cD\u201d word \/ \u201cdivorce\u201d\u2014being uttered by your lips. Why? Because once something is introduced into a relationship, it can become a reality. Repent of using the \u201cD\u201d word. <em>Don\u2019t<\/em> use it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Number 10: \u201cHonoring our parents has brought life to our marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Exodus 20\u2014that\u2019s the chapter in which all the Ten Commandments are listed, and the fifth one is found in verse 12\u2014it says, \u201cHonor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God has given you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe all want to have length of days; don\u2019t we? None of us wish to die young. Well, here\u2019s the formula: \u201cIf you want to live a long life and be blessed by God, it says, \u2018Honor your father and your mother.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I spoke on this to high school students for a number of years until I finally became convicted I hadn\u2019t done it with my parents. So what happened was\u2014my dad died, and I had never really honored him as I wanted to by writing a tribute. So I decided I\u2019d write my mom a tribute. She hung that tribute up right above where she had dinner for a number of years without my dad, as he died at the age of 66. She made the postman read it \/ the repairman read it. [Laughter] She said that was the life-giving instrument of words to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWrite a tribute and honor your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 11: \u201cMy marriage and family are redemptive.\u201d They have saved me from toxic self-absorption. This is Jesus speaking in this passage\u2014John 15: \u201cThis is My commandment\u201d\u2014He said\u2014\u201cthat you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this that someone lays down his life for his friends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul David Tripp spoke about this last night. You\/I am the problem in my marriage\u2014our selfishness\u2014love redeems us from our selfishness, calling us out of living for ourselves and sacrificing for another person so that they might be loved and feel included in a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 12: \u201cYour wife is your number-one disciple.\u201d I got this from the President and Founder of Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dr. Bill Bright. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd it\u2019s really a picture of the command to husbands in Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 28 and 29, where he commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and to sanctify her. What does that mean, to sanctify your wife? It means that someday you\u2019re going to be asked by Jesus Christ to present her before God Almighty as blameless\/spotless. What an assignment, guys, to love your wife and to so disciple her and keep on encouraging her to follow Jesus Christ. What a great privilege. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve not done this as I should have, but one of my greatest privileges is to be able to wake up in the morning and Barbara and I are reading our Bibles. We have the time and the silence in our home, now, where we can do this\u2014but to talk about something we\u2019re learning together and to be passing on truth to one another. Your wife is your number-one disciple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Number 13: \u201cSuffering will either drive you apart in your marriage, or it will be used by God to merge you together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this is what I consider to be the fine print of marriage. I didn\u2019t read this before I said, \u201cI do.\u201d I assumed, falsely; but I assumed that\u2014because we were both Christians, and because we both believed the Bible, and we were going to make our marriage work by God\u2019s principles found in the Bible\u2014that we would escape suffering. Well, I was wrong; because suffering is a part of living in a broken, fallen world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis and I have dealt with all kinds of things. Just a few of them are: a heart issue that I had \/ we\u2019ve had all kinds of issues with our children\u2019s health and our parents\u2019 health. We had a prodigal who was a prodigal for a number of years, and that\u2019s a whole nother story. We\u2019ve dealt with cancer \/ we\u2019ve dealt with lots of things. We\u2019ve come to understand several things. One is that men and women process suffering and difficulty very differently. It\u2019s important when you go through suffering\u2014and you will go through suffering \/ you will go through challenges, if you haven\u2019t\u2014it\u2019s so important that we give each other grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage you, as I remind myself, that when we go through suffering that we choose to continue to believe in God. The temptation during seasons of suffering is to turn on God and to assume it\u2019s all His fault and to walk away from Him. But the strength of it is\u2014when we believe in God and choose to follow Him through hard times, we come out on the other side with a <em>very<\/em> rich relationship. I wouldn\u2019t trade today the relationship that I have with God now for anything. What we have gone through has allowed me to know God in a way that I wouldn\u2019t have apart from that, and God knew that. God knew that I had to go through these hard things to understand His love \/ to understand His grace, and it\u2019s so worth it. So, in your marriage, make sure that you turn together when you go through suffering, and don\u2019t let it drive you apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Number 14\u2014guys, listen up \/ this is one of the big ones in this\u2014\u201cMaximize your wife\u2019s talents, gifts, experience, and passion as you would an Olympic athlete.\u201d Ephesians 5:28 \/ 1 Corinthians 9:24-27\u2014Paul talks about running the race and buffeting your body so you can win. Guys, you\u2019re responsible \/ you\u2019re a steward of your wife\u2019s talents, abilities, gifts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA number of years ago\u2014in fact, it was about six year ago about this time\u2014Barbara and I got away for four days. We were going to take the first two days and focus on her gifts\/her dreams now that we were empty-nesters. We were going to talk about what new vistas were out there for her for two days; and then, we were going to take the second two days and talk about mine. She\u2019s grinning, because she knows we never got to my stuff. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe took all four days on this getaway just talking about her gifts, her dreams, her talents, her core competencies and passion\u2014some of which had to be set aside during the childbearing and child-rearing years\u2014but now could be deployed strategically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve been to the bookstore, you\u2019ve seen something Barbara\u2019s created called Ever Thine Home<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, where she merges great art and beauty with tremendous theological principles and truth to pass on, generationally, through the holidays that families celebrate, making Jesus Christ the reason for the season. I have to tell you\u2014I was astounded at all that was in her heart \/ her mind as an artist and as someone who\u2019s studied the Bible for a good bit of her adult life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, you are a steward of your wife\u2019s talents and abilities. Look out to the horizon with her, and don\u2019t wait until the nest is empty to begin to explore those issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 15\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Number 15: \u201cWomen spell romance differently than men,\u201d\u2014shock; right? [Laughter] They spell it: r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p\u2014a very long word because we like <em>lots<\/em> of conversation. Men spell romance: s-e-x.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Very short word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Very short word. But the point is that it\u2019s important to your marriage. God created it\u2014it\u2019s very good\u2014and it\u2019s important for us to learn and grow in this area of our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and bless your differences. God\u2019s not in heaven as a cosmic killjoy deciding to make men and women differently to punish us. He wants to use that to merge us together in oneness as a couple and to cause us to trust and to believe the right thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 16: \u201cBuild too many guardrails rather than too few in your marriage.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEphesians, Chapter 5:15 and 16 talks about the days being evil and not choosing foolishness but being wise about what the will of God is. Spurgeon said, \u201cOf the two evils, choose neither.\u201d I can just tell you\u2014after watching over 40 different men and women in the ministry flame out with sexual affairs, that early in our ministry, Barbara and I decided I was not going to counsel women behind closed doors. You may think I\u2019m some kind of a legalist, but I have to tell you\u2014I just don\u2019t want to be tempted. I can tell you\u2014in the last 44 years, the last two times I was in a car with the opposite sex, other than with my daughters or with Barbara\u2014guardrails.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob Lepine said on the broadcast one time: \u201cThere is no sex outside of marriage that is that good\u2014none that is worth squandering your legacy and destroying your future.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBuild too many guardrails rather than too few.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 17: \u201cDetermining core values, as a couple, will enable you to sing off the same song sheet as you raise your children.\u201d Amos 3:3 says: \u201cDo two walk together unless they have agreed to meet?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I, early in our marriage, got away for a planning weekend where we both wrote out the top ten core values that each of us had. I wrote out my top ten, and I ranked them most important to least important. She wrote out her top ten. We looked at the Bible; we avoided religious speak; we tried to make it tangible. As we looked at our kids, we thought, \u201cWhat do we want to pass on to our kids?\u201d We began to negotiate with each other five that we would build into our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you something\u2014we\u2019ve done a lot of really shrewd, smart things in our marriage and family. This was one of the most important; because it forced us to decide: \u201cFrom this book, what do we want to pass on to our children?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCore values\u2014you have to hammer those out, as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of our core values you\u2019ll see here. It\u2019s about identity\u2014spiritual identity\u2014\u201cWho am I?\u201d: \u201cMade in God\u2019s image.\u201d It\u2019s about sexual identity\u2014is that a relevant issue today? Relationship\u2014where we disciple your child to know what real love is and how to love and how to experience love. That\u2019s the great commandment\u2014Matthew 22. Character\u2014that\u2019s the Book of Proverbs: how to be wise and not a fool. Finally, mission\u2014children today need to be raised to be on mission and in a relationship with Christ. As they leave home, they need to know what God\u2019s mission is for them\u2014Matthew 28:19-20\u2014the Great Commission.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 18: \u201cInterview your daughter\u2019s date, and train your sons not to be clueless.\u201d Take a look at Proverbs\u2014Chapters 5-7. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all about a dad who intersected his son\u2019s world, speaking to him about the ways of aggressive women in his life. I think the Book of Proverbs challenges dads to protect their daughters, which I did in interviewing their dates. I interviewed like 35 guys\u2014I had 4 daughters who were popular at school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNumber 19\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Number 19: \u201cYour adult children will need you to become smaller, not bigger, in their lives.\u201d\u00a0 This is a real challenge for parents. It seems to be more of a challenge for moms than it does for dads, but that\u2019s not a hard-and-fast rule. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so used to being important in their lives as we raise our kids; they need us for so much. We\u2019re so important because we\u2019re instilling values; we\u2019re working in their lives; we\u2019re trying to build character. We\u2019re very invested in our kids. But when they go off to college; and especially when they get married, they need to become their own person. They need to figure out their own identity, and they don\u2019t need mom and dad being big in their lives; they need us to be small.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis principle came from a friend of mine. She was telling me about how she had learned this in her life with her kids\u2014this is a mentor couple that\u2019s ahead of us. It\u2019s been important for us to remember that as we relate to our kids\u2014as they\u2019re adults, and they\u2019re married, and they have their own children\u2014to not give advice\u2014but to wait until you\u2019re asked for advice and, then, you can give your advice. Sometimes, that works and sometimes that doesn\u2019t even work. But the principle is: \u201cBe smaller, not bigger.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Number 20: \u201cAs I get older, I want to laugh more with my wife, gripe less, and be found guilty of giving her too much love, grace, and mercy rather than too little.\u201d First Corinthians 13 talks about the preeminence of love. How many old people do you know who are really worth emulating?\u2014that you\u2019d like to grow old like them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara and I want to be one of those couples, together, in our marriage and enjoy one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. Number 21\u2014we\u2019re on to the two bonus points\u2014Number 21: \u201cThe most important decision you will ever make is that of surrendering your heart to Jesus Christ.\u201d Some of you may have never surrendered your life to Christ, and you\u2019ve been hearing about it all week. The most important decision that you can make is to finally, once and for all, surrender your heart to Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut for the rest of us\u2014surrender is a daily thing \/ an hourly thing\u2014sometimes, it\u2019s minute by minute\u2014because our hearts want to rise up and rule our lives. What God calls us to do is to surrender to Him, moment by moment \/ day by day. So the most important decision of any decision\u2014the starting place\u2014is to surrender your life to Christ. Once my heart is surrendered to Christ, then I can deal rightly with Him; and when his heart is surrendered to Christ, we can make progress together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Number 22\u2014it\u2019s not in your notes, but as you leave here\u2014\u201cYou need to be on mission.\u201d Acts 13:36 says: \u201cAfter David had served the purpose of God in his own generation, he fell asleep and he underwent decay.\u201d In other words, he died. David fulfilled the purposes of God in his generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would challenge every person here: \u201cAre you fulfilling, as a couple, God\u2019s purposes for your generation?\u201d That is every generation\u2019s assignment. That mission is the Great Commission\u2014proclaiming the gospel \/ the good news of Jesus Christ and surrendering to Him. Marriages are being destroyed because they don\u2019t know the blueprints of how to build a godly marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well again, we\u2019ve been listening to Dennis and Barbara Rainey just share some of the wisdom points from 40-plus years of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou shared this with an audience recently onboard the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. I know\u2014a lot of times, a message like this\u2014you can feel a little overwhelmed; but your exhortation to the couples, who were listening that night, was: \u201cDon\u2019t be overwhelmed. Just find one or two things that you heard and take it home and apply it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>One point driven home is better than four points left on base\u2014I guess you can\u2019t have four points left on base; can you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Depends on what kind of game you\u2019re playing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It does. In this message, I gave 22 points. We actually misled the audience, telling them it was only 20; but we gave them some bonus points.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what I can assure you\u2014in this generation\u2014back to my last point I was talking about\u2014one of the purposes of God in this generation is to strengthen marriages and families. And if I might be so bold\u2014if you\u2019d like to get into the battle for strengthening marriages and families, could I encourage you to go online and check out the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and then form a group of couples\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014from your church, from your community, from your place of work, maybe from where your kids go to school\u2014get the couples together and say, \u201cLet\u2019s go to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, and let\u2019s celebrate marriage,\u201d and then bring them. I promise you\u2014you will be about what is one of God\u2019s most important purposes for this generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you know what? This is the right time to be thinking about doing that in the fall. Don\u2019t wait until September or the middle of October and think, \u201cOh, we ought to do that.\u201d No; because by then, everybody\u2019s schedules are full with something else. Now\u2019s the time to block out a weekend like that\u2014get it on your calendar and say, \u201cLet\u2019s make this a priority this fall.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And the reason people come to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is because someone, like you, invites them to come. If you\u2019ve been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cWe don\u2019t really need that.\u201d Well, you know what? You take your car in for a wheel alignment \/ an oil change. Might be that there\u2019s been a few thousand miles on your marriage since the last time you went to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy not come?\u2014do something for your marriage and family. Encourage others to come with you. Let\u2019s push back on this culture of divorce and make a positive statement about marriage and family to the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was with a friend last night in the hospital, and I\u2019d gone by to see him. When I got there, he was already talking to the nurse about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. He said, \u201cOh, tell her more about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and what we do.\u201d She\u2019s been married for three years. We talked about where the getaways will be happening this fall, and I sent her home\u2014I said: \u201cGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and look for locations of where <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways are going to be happening. Start now to plan for the fall so it doesn\u2019t just creep up on you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur listeners can do the same thing\u2014go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014find out when there\u2019s going to be a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> in a city near where you live; or if you\u2019d like to do a little getaway and travel somewhere, just check out the list of locations and dates and plan a special getaway weekend this fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe information is available at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call and someone can walk you through all of the locations this fall. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, whenever you hear a program like ours, you\u2019re aware that there are lots of people behind the scenes who make a radio program like this possible. It\u2019s not just Dennis and me\u2014we have a whole team here. And even beyond the team here, there\u2019s another team that makes it possible for what we\u2019ve created to be heard by more and more people every year. That\u2019s our Legacy Partner team\u2014those of you who are monthly contributors to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou are part of the team that makes this program possible. You\u2019re helping us reach tens of thousands of couples\/families every day, not only in this country, but around the world and on a variety of media platforms\u2014radio, streamed on the internet, through our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>mobile app. All of these are ways that you\u2019re helping us reach more people with God\u2019s design for marriage and family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver the years, we have been able to train millions of people with the blueprints for marriage. We\u2019ve been able to remind people that it is God who created marriage\u2014He\u2019s the One who knows how to make it work. So, \u201cThanks,\u201d to those of you who are Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to join the team and help us reach even more people \/ if you\u2019ve been a regular listener to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for some time now, why not become a Legacy Partner? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014you can sign up online; or if you have any questions, call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance. If FamilyLife has meant something to you, we\u2019d love to have you be part of the team that helps move this ministry forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to look at what is one of the toughest assignments that is ever handed to a man in a marriage relationship. That\u2019s the assignment of being a stepdad. Ron Deal is going to join us to talk about what smart stepdads have learned over the years. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team and our Legacy Partners. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; A Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304586","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304586"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304586"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304586"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304586"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304586"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304586"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304586"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}