{"id":304558,"date":"2017-06-21T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-21T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/21-days-to-more-love\/"},"modified":"2017-06-21T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-06-21T15:00:00","slug":"21-days-to-more-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/21-days-to-more-love\/","title":{"rendered":"21 Days to More Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Becky Thompson challenges wives to remember their courtship and do the things they did back then in order to see their marriages thrive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-06-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26889931","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2088,2831],"tags":[6264,2877,4022],"podcast_series":[8217],"cwp_profile":[3316],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304558","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-challenge","tag-marriage","tag-wives","podcast_series-love-unending","cwp_profile-becky-thompson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304558\/21-days-to-more-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304558\/21-days-to-more-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xrmhcG3jVu\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/21-days-to-more-love\/\">21 Days to More Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/21-days-to-more-love\/embed\/#?secret=xrmhcG3jVu\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;21 Days to More Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xrmhcG3jVu\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Becky Thompson challenges wives to remember their courtship and do the things they did back then in order to see their marriages thrive.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-06-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you\u2019re a wife and a mom, have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you had to put your marriage on the back burner for awhile? Becky Thompson remembers a season like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> I was barely keeping my head above the water. My husband\u2019s gone a lot. I am shouldering the responsibilities of our home and our children and anything else to keep our lives at home going. When my husband walked in the door at the end of the day\u2014I hate to share this\u2014but I wanted him not to need me\u2014I wanted him to just be okay. I just wanted our marriage to just sort of auto pilot for awhile and not need anything from me because everybody needed me all day long. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, June 21<sup>st<\/sup>.\u00a0 Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Your marriage is always important. But there are days when it just doesn\u2019t feel urgent. So what do you do on those days? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk more with Becky Thompson about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. I was going to ask you if you ever felt like there was a time back when you had kids at home\u2014when you felt like your marriage got moved to the back burner. But I think the better question is\u2014was there ever a time it got moved completely off the stove?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>[Laughing] Or got moved back onto the front burner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or into the refrigerator\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We would have to leave\u2014with six kids in ten years\u2014we would have to have some getaways occasionally to move it off the back porch back onto the stove.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You had regular date nights; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara took the initative to plan all of those; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No. No\u2014those were at my initiative. In fact, let me introduce our guest to our audience. Becky Thompson joins us. Becky, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Thanks so much for having me. I am happy to be here with you guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Becky is a mom of three. She married her husband at the age of 19.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you both 19 when you got married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> No\u2014he was older\u2014just a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She has written a book called <em>Love Unending, a 21 Day Love Challenge<\/em> where you are challenging moms to move their marriage back off the back burners Bob was talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014or out of the refrigerator, if that\u2019s where it\u2019s been.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. Off the back porch\u2014and put some heat to it. I want to know\u2014how did that come about in your own marriage? I mean, you have three children. Their ages are\u2014this may explain it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Seven, five, and two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That does. Okay. We now know the cause.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Right. I was a blogger and I still am a blogger who writes online\u2014I write online. I share just my life as a being a young stay at home with three little kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the name of your blog is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Currently you can find me at BeckyThompson.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But you have a code name.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> I do have a code name\u2014formerly known as Scissortail Silk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can you explain that for us?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Sure; I\u2019d love to. Scissortail is the state bird in Oklahoma\u2014the scissortail fly catcher. Silk is the old western slang word for barbed wire\u2014which makes absolutely no sense why you would call it silk\u2014but it\u2019s this old slang word. In Oklahoma you\u2019ll see scissortails sitting on barbed wire fences, and it might be the only thing you\u2019ll see other than pasture, wheat fields, and cows for the miles and miles that it takes to get to my house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I started this blog it was a picture of where I was and where I was singing my song from, so a lot of my message was about how to just find grace in the days of motherhood. Find grace for yourself\u2014find grace for your kids\u2014find grace for your marriage. Late one night I sat down and I write a blog post thinking that maybe my 500 followers\u2014of the time\u2014will read it and be impacted by it and hoping just to encourage them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, you know, \u201cI\u2019ve really forgotten how to be a wife when I\u2019m busy being a mom. I have forgotten to turn around when my husband walks in the door at the end of the day and just greet him happily to see him and not just to hand off a baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish that someone had told me in the beginning to cling tightly to my husband. I wish that I had better prepared myself.\u201d I woke up the next morning and that blog post had gone viral. Nearly a million people shared it or read it and clicked share with their family\u2014from around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> It was a heart issue that I realize was common in all cultures\u2014in many places was when we become moms, we often forget how to be wives. These messages come in saying, \u201cYes, I feel just like you! But what do we do about it? What is the strategy to get back? How do we go back to the beginning?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt had all of these messages coming in. I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do! I wrote about how bad it is. I wrote about how I felt overwhelmed and I\u2019m glad you relate, but I don\u2019t know the answer.\u201d So I sit down with my dad late one night in his living room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m eight months pregnant with my husband\u2019s and my third baby at the time. I don\u2019t really know why I didn\u2019t come to him sooner. I\u2019m not really sure why I didn\u2019t say, \u201cDad, what\u2019s your counsel? What\u2019s your advice?\u201d before that night\u2014before I got to the place where I needed that sort of help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad sitting there in his winged back chair with the only light coming from over his shoulder at his late night cup of coffee just looks like he is going to have good wisdom. He looks like he is going to have some good truth to share. He looks over his shoulder right before he answers to make sure my mom is not listening. He whispers, \u201cJust do what I do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cOkay, Dad. What do you do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cEvery day I wake up I tell myself that it\u2019s the first day that I\u2019m married to your mom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember sitting there thinking what would that even be like, to treat each day as if there was not a day before\u2014to treat each day as if this was the only time that we were going to have this conversation? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo record of wrongs\u2014no day before that we have to forgive\u2014no \u201cyour turn-my turn\u201d history that we have to overcome\u2014just a clean slate each morning. What would that even look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I think my husband and I fought on our way from our honeymoon. I think we fought as we left the ceremony about what we were going to each because we didn\u2019t have a chance to eat at our ceremony. Real life happens, but what does that look like to live as if each day were the first? I realized maybe to keep love from ending we have to go back to the beginning. That was the Genesis of <em>Love Unending. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wentback and I made a list of\u2014well, I aimed for as many as I could think of\u2014of things that had changed since day one\u2014just simple behaviors that had changed and ways that I interacted with my husband on those days that were different than I would have if it were the day we said, \u201cI do,\u201d \u2014the day we fell in love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> How I spoke to him\u2014how I asked him to hand me something\u2014something so simple as, \u201cHoney, will you get me a towel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to get our little girl out of the bath.\u201d It might have been, \u201cI\u2019m ready to get her out of the bath! Can you just get up and bring me a towel?\u201d \u201cCan you just\u2014if you\u2019re not going to help with bath time\u2014can you just bring me a towel?\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s awful and it\u2019s real and it\u2019s honest\u2014and I\u2019m not proud of it. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> I\u2019m not proud of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Becky, if we had come to your husband Gerard on the night you were having this conversation with your dad, and we had said, \u201cGerard, how are things in your marriage? How is Becky doing as a wife? Do you feel honored? Do you feel valued? Do you feel cherished as a man?\u201d What score would he have given it at that time do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Oh, man. I don\u2019t want to be honest about that. You know, I was really struggling and I want to say the word \u201cfailing\u201d\u2014I was not doing very well. I was below a five\u2014I was barely above a one. I was barely keeping my head above the water. My husband is gone a lot. I\u2019m shouldering the responsibilities of our home and our children and anything else to keep our lives at home going. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen my husband walked in the door at the end of the day\u2014I hate to share this\u2014but I wanted him not to need me. I wanted him to just be okay and not need anything from me because <em>everybody<\/em> needed me all day long. I just wanted him to be okay. I just wanted him to work it out. I wanted our marriage to just sort of auto pilot for awhile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Just take care of yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Don\u2019t require anything of me and be there to pitch in if I need a hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So Becky, I\u2019ve heard this sermon before. My wife has said to me, \u201cWhen you come home, I just feel like I need someone to rescue <em>me<\/em>, not someone who needs me for anything\u2014\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>\u2014because I have been caring for kids all day long.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Exactly. The cool part about <em>Love Unending <\/em>is that it starts with greet lovingly. That\u2019s because when we first come back together, we have the opportunity to set the tone for the rest of the time together\u2014whether that\u2019s evening, whether that\u2019s day\u2014whatever that looks like in each home\u2014we have the opportunity to set the tone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we were dating\u2014in the beginning\u2014if I was going to treat it like it was the first day we fell in love, I wouldn\u2019t say, \u201cI need your help.\u201d It would be, \u201cI want to engage with your heart.\u201d \u201cI want to see you and not just what you can do for me.\u201d I think so many young moms are in the space of, \u201cPraise the Lord! Help is here! \u201cPraise the Lord, I have a partner who can come alongside me!\u201d But we\u2019re not ready to invest\u2014we\u2019re not ready to jump in and engage because we\u2019re just \u201cout\u201d. We haven\u2019t saved any love for our spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me ask you a question. Don\u2019t you think that this could also describe a woman who is in her career that\u2019s demanding, that is skimming the cream off the top off every day and she\u2019s coming home at the end of the day where she\u2019s feeling like, \u201cI want to be rescued at the end of the day\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> You know, I think no matter where you\u2019re pouring out your heart\u2014no matter what space is occupying your time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\twhenever we come back to our spouse, we have that opportunity to decide if we\u2019re going to engage or if we\u2019re going to fall back and just disengage. I can see a woman in any walk of life saying, \u201dI\u2019ve given all day long. I need someone to fill my love tank. I need someone to pour into me\u2014to be my rescuer,\u201d as you said, because the truth is, most of us don\u2019t get a whole lot of time with our spouse each day. So when we come back together we have to make the decision about whether or not we are going to invest or pull back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You had grown up in a Christian home, so you had a spiritual background.\u00a0 Would you say you were a mature wife and mom as you started out your family? I\u2019m not saying you had to be perfect\u2014that you had arrived\u2014but would you have characterized yourself as going, \u201cI understand the Bible, what God expects of me as woman\u2014wife\u2014mom\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> I can say, \u201cYes\u201d in confidence. I knew everything that I should be. I knew everything that would be expected of me. I know the principles of God\u2019s love\u2014and what that looks like lived out in family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also knew that I was not succeeding in who I wanted to be. Scripture says we can love because He first loved us\u2014in 1 John 4. I think in marriage\u2014with young children in the home\u2014we get in this place of broken cycles of love. When the mom is so focused on the child or the dad is so focused on the child\u2014no matter who it is\u2014when they\u2019re so focused on the child, it almost breaks the cycle of intentional love with the spouse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you don\u2019t feel loved by your spouse, when you feel like their attention is pulled in another area, it can be hard to reciprocate love that you don\u2019t feel. It can be hard to love back. I think our hearts are designed to love back because we\u2019re created to love God back\u2014because he loved us first. When we break the cycle of love with our spouse\u2014when we break who\u2019s loving and who\u2019s giving\u2014and nobody is really putting any effort in\u2014no one is being intentional, then who\u2019s going to love first? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho\u2019s going to fix that? Who\u2019s the one who is going to be first? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWives, I wish that I could say I had written a book for our husbands to be the ones to do this but, through this process I realized that I can only change my own perspective and behaviors. I can only decide what I\u2019m going to invest. Even though I feel spent, if I don\u2019t invest in my relationship\u2014if I\u2019m not the one to put any effort out\u2014then my husband doesn\u2019t have anything to respond to. We can actually love our husbands in response to God\u2019s love, even when we don\u2019t feel loved by our spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, what did that look like on day one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Day one looked like greeting lovingly. My husband\u2019s response when I greeted him at the door as if it were the first day we were dating\u2014as if, \u201cI\u2019m so happy to see you. I missed you while you were away.\u201d My husband wanted to know what was wrong, He thought something had happened. He thought I had spent too much money. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe wasn\u2019t sure what I needed, but he was pretty caught off guard because it was so unexpected for me to be standing there waiting at the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a friend of ours who used to work here and I remember him saying that he got into a place where\u2014as he would drive home from being here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em> all day\u2014there was a point in the road where, on his drive home, he would pull off and he\u2019d spend five minutes consciously shifting from work to where he was headed. He said, \u201c\u2019I\u2019d just pull off every day and I\u2019d take five minutes.\u2019 I\u2019d go \u2018I have to put work behind. I have to shift into husband and dad gear because I\u2019ve got to hit the door engaged in what\u2019s going on here, rather than still being on the cell phone when you\u2019re in the driveway\u2014still finishing up something\u2014and not really getting home until 30 minutes after your car arrived.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So this does cut both ways for husbands and wives to be all there when we\u2019re with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking about my wife as she was raising our five kids. I mean kids can be pretty demanding of your time, your attention, your energy, your affection\u2014your everything\u2014to the point that even if you\u2019ve trying to save a little, by the end of the day, there\u2019s nothing left in the tank. They have sucked it dry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> This is where we have to recognize\u2014as mothers\u2014that first, if we\u2019re going to have anything left at the end of the day, we have to let the Lord be our source. We have to stay full of Living Water. We have to be pouring out Living Water and not just\u2026whatever is in Becky\u2019s tank\u2014whatever is in our tanks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that also looks like cultivating real fruit\u2014fruit of the spirit\u2014rather than manufactured fruit. As moms we get in the space of trying to make our house full of peace, trying to make our homes full of joy\u2014rather than letting our homes be full of God\u2019s love by staying rooted in the Word of God by remaining focused on His presence and doing that.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe try to make the joy rather than focus on who God is and let that flow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes, but let me stop you there. I remember during this period of time when we were having our kids, Barbara would say, \u201cWhere do I find the time to do that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean you\u2019re talking about being in touch with the Living Water. You\u2019re being refreshed\u2014you\u2019re praying\u2014you\u2019re talking with God\u2014the Bible\u2019s reminding you of what\u2019s right\u2014reminding you of your responsibility. How did you\u2014how are you doing that today with all the demands on your time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> For me right now I feel like I\u2019m going on rations. I don\u2019t just mean rationing the daily bread that is the Word of God\u2014I mean sometimes I\u2019m actually in the closet shoving in some pita chips before I have to jump back out because I didn\u2019t get the chance to have a proper lunch. So that\u2019s a picture of what my life actually looks like! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt spills over into my time with the Lord. I\u2019ve got to take in whatever small moment I can have. It does not always look like 30 minutes in the morning before the kids wake up. I know that works for a lot of people, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tbut with my schedule\u2014my kids sometimes\u2014even my two year old will wake up in the middle of the night\u2014come crawl into my bed\u2014I\u2019m carrying him back to his own bed\u2014things like that. My day doesn\u2019t always start the way I want it to with quiet moments. I have to be able to say, \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to look the same way every day. It doesn\u2019t have to look like strategy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just need five minutes to fill my heart with God\u2019s truth and let that conversation of whatever begins in the Word of God continue through the rest of the day. Often that just looks like praying at the kitchen sink, praying as I\u2019m loading my kids into the car, remaining focused on the continual presence of God in my life, knowing that He\u2019s not just showing up when I\u2019m reading my Bible. He\u2019s showing up as my heart stays focused on who He is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay. I have to ask you this because I asked you earlier\u2014on a scale of one to ten, what grade would you give yourself\u2014actually I asked what grade would your husband have given you? You said, \u201cI\u2019d have given myself a one or a two.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> It was low.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was your husband\u2014would he have said at that point, \u201cShe has just blown it as a wife\u201d, or was he kind of like, \u201cI guess this is just what marriage is and you just live with it and endure\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; settled into a new normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> I wish he was here to answer that for himself but, you know what? I think we had settled into a new normal. I think everybody goes into marriage with expectations of what their spouse is going to be like. We want our spouse to be a certain way, but really when we\u2019re centered on who God is in our marriage and who He is to us and He is the anchor that holds us together, do we get any of those expectations even close to accurate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile I would want him to say that I hadn\u2019t blown it, I honestly think he had no expectations for me to change. I don\u2019t think he was looking for any difference. Now where our relationship was at that place\u2014I honestly wanted to do a lot of it myself\u2014I think moms do this sometimes\u2014I can\u2019t speak for all moms\u2014but I know that I wanted it done a certain way\u2014whatever it was\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted it done a certain way. So I wanted my husband to help me, but I also wanted him to do it how I wanted to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a right way to load the dishwasher.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> There\u2019s a right way. [Laughter] You know, that is actually something that I realized in one of the days\u2014that we have to correct sparingly by showing our husbands and showing our children that in a relationship, dads can make decisions differently than moms do, and still come to the same safe place\u2014still come to the same good conclusion\u2014that Dad doesn\u2019t have to do it Mom\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s how we\u2019ve said it at our house\u2014we have looked at one another for years and have said, \u201cDifferent isn\u2019t always wrong. Sometimes it\u2019s just different.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now MaryAnn is quick to say, \u201cSometimes it\u2019s wrong.\u201d [Laughter] I say, \u201cYou\u2019re right, sometimes it\u2019s wrong.\u201d But sometimes it\u2019s just different\u2014and we have to recognize that what we think is the right way\u2014there are seven ways to get from your house to church\u2014the one you choose on a particular day may not be the one your spouse thought you were going to choose driving to church that day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s wrong\u2014it\u2019s just different! When we can relax with some of that\u2014that can really let some of the pressure off of the marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Exactly. In our particular situation where I had these expectations and I had the way I wanted it to be done, I found my husband withdrawing when he couldn\u2019t complete it the way I had wanted it. \u201cWe\u2019re not using those diapers anymore, we\u2019ve outgrown them. We\u2019re onto these diapers.\u201d \u201cShe doesn\u2019t like to be held that way to go to sleep. If you\u2019ll just hand her to me, I\u2019ll put her to sleep and then we can just be done.\u201d I found him saying, \u201dWell, you can just do it then.\u201d Not out loud\u2014but I watched and witnessed him sort of take a step back and say, \u201cIf you want it done your way, then I\u2019ll just let you and then there\u2019ll be peace here\u2014there will be a unity here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dennis this is a principle we\u2019ve seen over and over again with men. Men when they are in any situation, if they\u2019re not winning or at least competent in what they\u2019re doing, they\u2019re going to quit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re going to retreat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So if a wife keeps saying, \u201cYou\u2019re\u2019 not good at that,\u201d don\u2019t expect your husband to get better. Expect him to go to the easy boy, get the remote and say, \u201cOkay, have fun.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s kind of the result of a phrase you used earlier, Becky, where you said your husband had no expectations. If you think about it, a relationship that has no expectations\u2014that\u2019s a dangerous place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Because, I think the nature of a marriage relationship is obviously giving up your life for the other\u2014but there are expectations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We can depend on one another for certain things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. And if you\u2019re listening right now and your marriage is kind of banging empty and there are no expectations, I think you may need a refresher on how to love. I think that\u2019s what Becky is really talking about in her book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have my Bible open to 1st Corinthians 13 and I just looked at one phrase here\u2014\u201cLove never ends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Becky:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It always has a beginning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sounds a lot like the book <em>Love Unending<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It kind of does, doesn\u2019t it? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think what Becky has done in her book is she is taking a very simple truth from Scripture and she\u2019s giving moms who are exhausted\u2014who are whipped\u2014who are in need of all kinds of needs being met by her husband and by the Lord\u2014she\u2019s reminding them of the truth and then pointing them back to a practical plan that I think will work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The great thing about the book is that each chapter is a daily strategy. It\u2019s a daily roadmap for how you can rebuild\u2014reheat your marriage relationship\u2014how you can reprioritize it in the midst of what is admittedly an exhausting, crazy life when you\u2019re a young mom.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Becky\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>Love Unending<\/em>\u2014<em>Rediscovering Your Marriage in the Midst of Motherhood. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can order copies from us at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call to order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am running across more and more people who are connecting with us at <em>FamilyLife<\/em> on mobile devices, whether it\u2019s your phone or your iPad\u2014or even your laptop. More and more people are going to FamilyLifeToday.com to hear our program or they\u2019re connecting with us on the <em>FamilyLife<\/em> mobile app. They appreciate the convenience it offers and the opportunity to get caught up if you\u2019ve missed a day or two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve not downloaded the mobile app to your Android or IOS device, it\u2019s easy to do. Just go to your app store and type in <em>FamilyLife<\/em> as one word\u2014with no space between Family and Life\u2014and the app will show up there. You can download it for free. Then you have instant access to today\u2019s program and to lots of other programs as well. You might want to pass that along to a friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe there\u2019s someone you know\u2014a young wife or a young mom\u2014somebody\u2019s who\u2019s busy who would appreciate having the app on their device and being able to tune in to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on their way to the store of whenever its convenient for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make things like the app possible. Our assignment here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em> is to provide you with practical, Biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family. Those of you who partner with us as financial supporters of this ministry, you make it possible for more people in more places to hear <em>FamilyLifeToday<\/em> more often. That\u2019s where your money goes when you invest in this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to say thanks to those of you who are Legacy Partners\u2014monthly contributors to this ministry\u2014we\u2019re grateful for the part that you play. And also for those of you who will from time to time pick up the phone or log on to donate or send us a donation in the mail. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate online or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or you can mail your donation to FamilyLifeToday at Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow we\u2019re going to talk more about how an exhausted mom who has let her marriage atrophy a little bit, can breathe a little fresh air into that relationship. Becky Thompson will be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304558"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304558"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304558"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304558"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}