{"id":304528,"date":"2017-05-31T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-31T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams\/"},"modified":"2017-05-31T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-31T15:00:00","slug":"grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief and Loss: Giving Up Your Dreams"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As their daughter&#8217;s struggle continued, so did the struggle for Tom and Dena Yohe. Eventually they realized they couldn&#8217;t choose sobriety for Renee-she had to choose it for herself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-31.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:06","filesize":"25.73M","filesize_raw":"26975576","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2841,2860,2855],"tags":[6252,2209,2520,4296,5659,4562],"podcast_series":[8211],"cwp_profile":[9457],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304528","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-teens","tag-cutting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-teens","tag-prodigals","tag-substance-abuse","tag-suicide","podcast_series-you-are-not-alone","cwp_profile-tom-and-dena-yohe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304528\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304528\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"U4iaBXzEn8\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams\/\">Grief and Loss: Giving Up Your Dreams<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/grief-and-loss-giving-up-your-dreams\/embed\/#?secret=U4iaBXzEn8\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Grief and Loss: Giving Up Your Dreams&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"U4iaBXzEn8\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-31.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-31.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As their young adult daughter, Renee, found herself in a downward spiral of partying, drugs, and depression, her parents, Tom and Dena, realized that, if they were going to be any help to her at all, they had to be on the same page.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>We were very conscientious of getting together and creating boundaries that we were going to talk to Renee about and set and the consequences that would come. We would spend a long time going over those things\u2014what we could agree on and be on the same page about\u2014and also be equally as strong to enforce, if it came to that; because we realized that they were very good at finding which one was the weak one that was going to waffle a little bit. We didn\u2019t want any division between us; we wanted to present a very united front.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are some strategies that parents can use to more effectively deal with a son or a daughter who has gone into a far country? We\u2019re going to hear from Tom and Dena Yohe today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve heard a hard story this week\u2014and one that a number of our listeners have let us know they can relate to what we\u2019ve been talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Life is hard, and I know we all get married to live \u201chappily ever after.\u201d I think that is a notion found in Hollywood; but in real life, there are great mountaintops\u2014certainly there is a lot of happiness\u2014but there\u2019s also some deep, craggy, dark valleys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have been listening to a story of a daughter who, at the age of 12, started cutting herself and moved into alcohol abuse, and drugs, and multiple incidents of blacking out and overdoses. The parents, who were attempting to love her and show her the way, Tom and Dena Yohe, have been very gracious to allow us to peer into your lives\u2014Tom\/Dena, thank you for being so transparent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Thank you for allowing us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Thank you, Dennis. We\u2019re glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They do have three children. The child we\u2019re talking about is Renee, and her story is spoken of in the book that Dena has written, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. Talk with me about how you got permission from your daughter to tell this story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Well, her story had turned into a movement. When she was out on the streets and needed rescuing, there was a group from our church went and did\u2014as they called and told us\u2014the \u201ccome to Jesus\u201d talk with Renee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014an intervention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014an intervention. They found her; and they went to her and said: \u201cYou need help,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re concerned about you. We love you. You need to get into treatment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was willing; but she was with this party group\u2014that they had just put their money together \/ bought a bunch of drugs. She goes, \u201cI\u2019ll go with you tomorrow, but tonight I\u2019m going to party hard,\u201d and she did. When she woke up in the morning, she felt <em>so guilty<\/em> and so <em>awful<\/em>\u2014she carved a profanity in her arm with a knife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they went\u2014they showed up the next morning, and she went. They took her to the treatment center; and they said: \u201cWe can\u2019t take her. She\u2019s not de-toxed. We don\u2019t have a de-tox unit, and she has fresh wounds. We\u2019re afraid she\u2019s going to trigger the other residents. Bring her back in five days.\u201d They didn\u2019t know where to take her\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we weren\u2019t in the relationship at the time. For the five days\u2014they took her and just kept her in this one person\u2019s house. As a group from our church, 20-something group, stayed with her 24\/7, for five days. They did fun things together; they did Bible studies together; they prayed for her; and on the last night, before she would go into treatment the next day, she called one of the young men aside and she said, \u201cI have something I want to give you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes: \u201cOh! Okay,\u201d\u2014followed her into the room. She pulled out a razor blade\u2014she says: \u201cThis is my last razor blade. I\u2019ve had it the whole time. I don\u2019t trust myself with it. I\u2019m giving it to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>And that young man, during those five days, felt that something really special was taking place. He asked if she would give permission for him to write her story and to write about those five days to encourage others. And she said, \u201cIf you think it\u2019ll help even one person, okay.\u201d So he wrote this <em>very<\/em> moving story\u2014he called it \u201cTo Write Love on Her Arms.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thinking behind it was that, when people with hope go to people who look like they have none, we can write \u201clove\u201d on their arms, thinking about what she had done to herself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, they showed it to a few people at our church. They were deeply moved by this story and said, \u201cYou need to put this on the internet so more people can read it and just be encouraged by it.\u201d It was before Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; so he created a Myspace page for the story. Within a few days, he was hearing back from people from all over the world saying, \u201cThis story encouraged me to get help\u201d; because he was addressing the issues she was struggling with\u2014suicide, depression, addiction, cutting. No one was talking about those things at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing led to another\u2014through T-shirts being designed with the name of the story on the front and the whole story imprinted [on] the back\u2014to raise money to help pay for her rehab. So much money came in, because so many people wanted a shirt\u2014they were just <em>resonating<\/em> with these issues and that they were finally being brought out into the open and talked about. They had so much money coming in\u2014they had to become a non-profit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat brought her story out into the open. That gave us freedom\u2014we weren\u2019t ready to do anything with it at the time, but it gave us permission and freedom to talk about things we <em>never<\/em> would have otherwise. And then, the movie being made about her, several years later, also gave us permission. She loves that we\u2019re doing what we do, and she\u2019s all about us using it to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And by the way, if our listeners have not read the essay you\u2019re talking about, \u201cTo Write Love on Her Arms,\u201d we have a link to it on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com so listeners can read that. There\u2019s also information about the movie if folks are interested in watching the movie as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mentioned something earlier I want to go back to\u2014and that is\u2014you said you were \u201cout of relationship\u201d with Renee or disconnected to such a degree you didn\u2019t know where she was \/ what she was doing. Was that a decision that you two made, as a couple, that: \u201cWe\u2019re going to put some distance between us and her,\u201d in hopes that somehow, maybe, that might save her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; we were very conscientious of getting together and creating boundaries that we were going to talk to Renee about and set and the consequences that would come. We would spend a long time in our room, going over these things\u2014what we could agree on and be on the same page about\u2014and also be equally as strong to enforce if it came to that; because we realized, if one of us was weak, they were very good at finding which one was the weak one that was going to waffle a little bit. We didn\u2019t want any division between us; we wanted to present a very united front.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And when you go out to the end of the matter and establish these boundaries, you have to go visit a very dark place; because you realize that by creating the distance, the phone call \/ the police knocking at the door may be one that tells you your daughter has taken her life or she\u2019s dead because of the rough crowd she\u2019s in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; we prepared ourselves for that. That was how I coped with this greatest fear and nightmare\u2014was to face it, head on, and stop denying it or pushing it back\u2014but to face it, admit that that was my fear, say it out loud, and let the Lord comfort me. That was when He reassured me that, no matter what happened, that He would be with me\u2014somehow, I would survive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA strategy He gave me to use to help with that fear is called the \u201cGod Box.\u201d It is not original\u2014we learned it in a support group that we were a part of. It was to\u2014as soon as you\u2019re aware of something that you are anxious or worried about\u2014for me, with my daughter\u2014that I would get a box with a little notepad \/ a box with a lid. I would take the notepad and I would write down what it was I was afraid of: \u201cI\u2019m afraid that Renee is going to have an accident and maybe die,\u201d\u2014put it in the box; put the lid back on it; and put it up on a shelf, surrendering these things and her to the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was a gift to us\u2014I was giving her back\u2014I had to trust the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t talked much about the providence of God; but in situations like this, when parents are going through an unspeakable agony\/grief\u2014the death of a dream\u2014you really must cry out to the God of the universe, who is in charge of what\u2019s taking place. In fact, I just want to read this passage. I was thinking about it as you guys have been talking about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is Romans, Chapter 8, verse 31: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat, then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, with Him,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s Christ\u2014\u201cgraciously give us all things? \u2014Who will bring any charge against God\u2019s elect? It is God that justifies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the One who died; more than that, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means Jesus Christ is praying for parents of prodigals, right now, who are so distraught \/ so numbed over with scar upon scar on their hearts, who can\u2019t pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You come to points in your life when you simply can\u2019t pray\u2014there are those moments\u2014and it says right here, <em>\u201cThere\u2019s a prayer warrior!\u201d<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s not just <em>any<\/em> prayer warrior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It\u2019s <em>wonderful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019s praying according to God\u2019s will\u2014it\u2019s Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me continue: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or the sword? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes on to say, a little later in the same passage: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; in all these things we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, or anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were trying to convince your daughter that you loved her\u2014that nothing she could do would keep you from loving her. The reason you can do that is you had to know you were loved\u2014back to this passage right here\u2014that <em>nothing<\/em> can separate you from the love of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes\/yes; and that intercession passage was a <em>tremendous<\/em> comfort, just as you explained. You know, we didn\u2019t know how to pray\u2014I didn\u2019t have the words \/ I didn\u2019t know <em>how<\/em> to pray\u2014but I took great comfort in knowing that somebody else was praying that knew much better than I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I just want to point out, too, about this group\u2014this may be the result of the 50 people who\u2019d been praying for her!\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014a crowd of people surrounding her \/ rescuing her from certain destruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, just because we don\u2019t see the answers to prayer when the prayer is prayed, immediately; don\u2019t lose heart in well-doing. Keep praying, and praying, and praying for your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; never give up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They got her into a rehab facility the next day. This was not her first rehab facility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Actually, her second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What was different about the second time than the first time\u2014anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I think she was more willing to work at the recovery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It was more for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014more for her\u2014yes; definitely for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And, ultimately, she was in and out of rehab four times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me ask you this question, at that point: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDescribe the sadness; because there\u2019s anger \/ there\u2019s grief that cannot quite be captured by the word, \u201csadness,\u201d that a parent feels for his or her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It felt, to me, the same as though she had died. I wished that I had died\u2014and, sometimes, even that she had\u2014because it would have been easier than experiencing so much <em>pain<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>The times of weeping \/ the times of crying\u2014the times I would go to the office and just walk through the motions. Lake Hart, at the time, where I was working, was out in an area where it\u2019s a lot of vast wilderness around it. I just wanted to run out as far as I could, and just wail, and come back. It was deeply, deeply sad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no greater joy than to know that your children are following the truth, and I think the opposite can be applied as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So if folks ask you today, \u201cHow is Renee?\u201d what\u2019s your answer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Today, I\u2019d say she\u2019s as healthy as she\u2019s probably ever been, spiritually, emotionally, physically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you couch that by saying, \u201cToday she is,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because\u2014do you think this is for good? Do you think that she\u2019ll get to the finish line without another rehab in her future?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>It\u2019s certainly our <em>hope<\/em>, but we know people who have had years \/ decades of sobriety that have relapsed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>We know very well that we have to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves strong, because we have to take one day at a time. She would say, \u201cYes; I have to keep doing the next right thing. Any of us is always just one decision away from relapsing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So why would you say that, today, you think she\u2019s in the best place ever? What\u2019s different about this?\u2014and she\u2019s been sober for a year-and-a-half; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s different about the last year-and-a-half than about previous sobrieties?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>She told me, when I asked her that very question, that she was finally ready to apply everything that she had learned over the years\u2014sick and tired of being sick and tired.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>And there\u2019s another phrase that I had heard from Michael Hyatt, and it says, \u201cYou lose your way when you lose your why.\u201d Renee has realized what her \u201cwhy\u201d really is, and she\u2019s determined to keep it. You can\u2019t be sober for other people \/ you can\u2019t be sober for others\u2019 expectations\u2014you know, it has to be <em>you<\/em>\u2014it has to be <em>yours<\/em> \/ you have to own it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And has she been able to articulate for you all what the \u201cwhy\u201d was that spun her off for so many years into wearing black in high school, and hanging out with the wrong crowd, and starting to drink, and what headed her on this journey she\u2019s been on?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHas she been able to put words to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think she has. She hasn\u2019t come back to us and talked about those earlier years and what were the motivations behind it, other than the fact that she just wanted to do her own thing. That\u2019s the limit I have to that information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>In her pain, alcohol and smoking was very soothing and calming to her\u2014you know, it is like, \u201cOh, this helps,\u201d at first; and then it becomes the beast on your back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the inner pain, in terms of being able to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what that pain was,\u201d or where it came from\u2014and maybe, she doesn\u2019t know what the restlessness in her own soul was. I mean, I can imagine some, who would say, \u201cI can\u2019t tell you what it was that caused me to wander off into this place other than I was hurting and this soothed me for awhile.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I don\u2019t think the person, who is a prodigal, really has any concept of the sadness, the grief, the hurt that is being brought to the parents who attempted to bring <em>life<\/em> to them. I just want you two to comment on this, because we talked about it earlier: \u201cWhat are some things to do for the marriage of parents of prodigals, as they\u2019re in the midst of this hurricane of sorts? What can they do to fortify their relationship and enable it to go the distance?\u201d You all attended the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; actually, a few times during that period of time\u2014that was very helpful\u2014because again, we have to focus on <em>our<\/em> relationship. It was Dena and I before Renee ever showed up\u2014or any of our other kids. Lord willing, they mature and go off on their own\u2014it\u2019s still going to be Dena and I. So, this was the most important relationship as far as the family went\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so we focused on our relationship \/ our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>We also came to recognize that we were different. Sometimes, it would be: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you feel like I do?! Why doesn\u2019t this\u2026\u201d We just had to finally accept that\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s okay; you don\u2019t always have to feel like I do\u201d; and give each other permission to not always feel the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>We were able to come up with some sentences that really helped us during the times when the stress and the strain was getting higher. One of them was: \u201cWhat do you need from me most right now?\u201d\u2014because, oftentimes, we want to fix \/ we want to come along with a solution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>And that\u2019s not what that person needs\u2014so stopping and asking, \u201cWhat do you need most from me right now?\u201d was one of them. And then another one we would use was, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We talk about that at the conference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You learned that at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think about the conference\u2014I think of how it can help a couple, who are going through a challenge with a child or in their own lives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the conference gives you a \u201cWhy.\u201d It talks about the purpose of marriage \/ the purpose of two becoming one\u2014why you\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, we talk about conflict resolution\u2014healthy conflict resolution, where we give you some tools to be able to make some of those statements, where you can remove the [perceived] reality\u2014that you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> the enemy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen third, we also talk about <em>suffering<\/em>. We talk about how you either suffer together or you fall apart; because if you don\u2019t link arms together, you are going to turn against one another. Sometimes, it just takes someone pointing out to you that, \u201cHey, you two are standing up in the fox hole, and you\u2019re duking it out with each other. You don\u2019t realize you\u2019re about to become a casualty as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway is kind of a marriage time-out. I\u2019m just thinking about a comment that my son made\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014my son and his wife went to the getaway recently. They came back and they said: \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not that we had anything going wrong in our marriage; but there are just things you\u2019re never going to talk about unless somebody kind of directs you, and points you, and nudges you and says, \u2018It\u2019d be good to have a conversation about this,\u2019 and \u2018Here are some questions you can answer.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cThose kinds of projects that we worked on\u2014was just a great tune-up for our marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you\u2019re in the middle of a crisis or not, it\u2019s good to do that kind of preventive maintenance; but if you <em>are<\/em> in the middle of a crisis, like you guys have been, those times become kind of an oasis in the midst of what is otherwise a hard season to be walking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they talk about this in their book, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>, which I think would be a great book for any couple, who do have prodigals, to be able to share together and talk about. And ,maybe, go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to develop that plan we talked about earlier, where you, as a couple, have to decide what your boundaries are\u2014how you\u2019re going to protect your marriage\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014how you\u2019re going to protect your wife \/ your husband from the prodigal\u2014because they can turn \/ they can turn on one or both of the parents in a way that\u2019s really pretty damaging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just appreciate you, Tom and Dena, for your transparency of allowing us access to your lives. I also am grateful to God for Renee. Before we\u2019re done here, I want to invite our listening audience to pray for her, and I\u2019m going to do it as well. We\u2019re going to offer up a few hundred thousand, if not a million, prayers for Renee, in addition to those 50 that you have praying for her as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Before you lead us in prayer, let me let our listeners know how they can get a copy of the book that Tom and Dena have written for parents, called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can find it, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have a link there to the Yohe\u2019s website, which is called HopeforHurtingParents.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the Yohes\u2019 book or to get more information about their ministry. You can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY if that\u2019s easier for you. Again, the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, also, real quickly, just remind folks\u2014today\u2019s the last day of May. This has been a month that we\u2019ve set aside to try to raise a goal of $1.1 million. If you\u2019ve not made a contribution to help put us over the top toward that goal, would you do that today? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make as generous a donation as you can, online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or, if you\u2019d prefer to mail your donation, you can do that as well. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, again, I want to thank you, Tom\/Dena, for sharing your story. I do want to pray for Renee, and I want to invite our listeners\u2014put her on your prayer list. Yes\u2014wouldn\u2019t hurt a young lady to know that there are people in all 50 states\u2014who knows how many countries\u2014praying for her right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, thank You for the Father\u2019s love and how that love can be displayed through broken vessels called parents. I thank You for Tom and Dena and how they have faithfully hung in there and have assured Renee that nothing can separate <em>her<\/em> from their love\u2014nothing she can do to earn it \/ nothing she can do to reject it\u2014but that love is there. Would You convince her of that love? Would You bathe her in that and make that so inviting?\u2014the enjoyment of that grace, that mercy, that forgiveness\u2014that anything less would be unattractive \/ in fact, would be repulsive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I pray for her that You might supply just want she needs\u2014the right friends, the right church, and the right purpose\u2014the \u201cwhy\u201d of her life. We pray these things in Christ\u2019s name; Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Amen. Thank you <em>so much<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>As awful as this experience has been, we have come to see it as a gift from God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s not something you would ask God for, but it is something you can thank God for afterward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:06"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.73M"],"filesize_raw":["26975576"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304528.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304528.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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their daughter's struggle continued, so did the struggle for Tom and Dena Yohe. Eventually they realized they couldn't choose sobriety for Renee-she had to choose it for herself.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As their young adult daughter, Renee, found herself in a downward spiral of partying, drugs, and depression, her parents, Tom and Dena, realized that, if they were going to be any help to her at all, they had to be on the same page.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>We were very conscientious of getting together and creating boundaries that we were going to talk to Renee about and set and the consequences that would come. We would spend a long time going over those things\u2014what we could agree on and be on the same page about\u2014and also be equally as strong to enforce, if it came to that; because we realized that they were very good at finding which one was the weak one that was going to waffle a little bit. We didn\u2019t want any division between us; we wanted to present a very united front.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat are some strategies that parents can use to more effectively deal with a son or a daughter who has gone into a far country? We\u2019re going to hear from Tom and Dena Yohe today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve heard a hard story this week\u2014and one that a number of our listeners have let us know they can relate to what we\u2019ve been talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Life is hard, and I know we all get married to live \u201chappily ever after.\u201d I think that is a notion found in Hollywood; but in real life, there are great mountaintops\u2014certainly there is a lot of happiness\u2014but there\u2019s also some deep, craggy, dark valleys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have been listening to a story of a daughter who, at the age of 12, started cutting herself and moved into alcohol abuse, and drugs, and multiple incidents of blacking out and overdoses. The parents, who were attempting to love her and show her the way, Tom and Dena Yohe, have been very gracious to allow us to peer into your lives\u2014Tom\/Dena, thank you for being so transparent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Thank you for allowing us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Thank you, Dennis. We\u2019re glad to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They do have three children. The child we\u2019re talking about is Renee, and her story is spoken of in the book that Dena has written, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. Talk with me about how you got permission from your daughter to tell this story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Well, her story had turned into a movement. When she was out on the streets and needed rescuing, there was a group from our church went and did\u2014as they called and told us\u2014the \u201ccome to Jesus\u201d talk with Renee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014an intervention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014an intervention. They found her; and they went to her and said: \u201cYou need help,\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cWe\u2019re concerned about you. We love you. You need to get into treatment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was willing; but she was with this party group\u2014that they had just put their money together \/ bought a bunch of drugs. She goes, \u201cI\u2019ll go with you tomorrow, but tonight I\u2019m going to party hard,\u201d and she did. When she woke up in the morning, she felt <em>so guilty<\/em> and so <em>awful<\/em>\u2014she carved a profanity in her arm with a knife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut they went\u2014they showed up the next morning, and she went. They took her to the treatment center; and they said: \u201cWe can\u2019t take her. She\u2019s not de-toxed. We don\u2019t have a de-tox unit, and she has fresh wounds. We\u2019re afraid she\u2019s going to trigger the other residents. Bring her back in five days.\u201d They didn\u2019t know where to take her\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we weren\u2019t in the relationship at the time. For the five days\u2014they took her and just kept her in this one person\u2019s house. As a group from our church, 20-something group, stayed with her 24\/7, for five days. They did fun things together; they did Bible studies together; they prayed for her; and on the last night, before she would go into treatment the next day, she called one of the young men aside and she said, \u201cI have something I want to give you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes: \u201cOh! Okay,\u201d\u2014followed her into the room. She pulled out a razor blade\u2014she says: \u201cThis is my last razor blade. I\u2019ve had it the whole time. I don\u2019t trust myself with it. I\u2019m giving it to you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>And that young man, during those five days, felt that something really special was taking place. He asked if she would give permission for him to write her story and to write about those five days to encourage others. And she said, \u201cIf you think it\u2019ll help even one person, okay.\u201d So he wrote this <em>very<\/em> moving story\u2014he called it \u201cTo Write Love on Her Arms.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thinking behind it was that, when people with hope go to people who look like they have none, we can write \u201clove\u201d on their arms, thinking about what she had done to herself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, they showed it to a few people at our church. They were deeply moved by this story and said, \u201cYou need to put this on the internet so more people can read it and just be encouraged by it.\u201d It was before Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; so he created a Myspace page for the story. Within a few days, he was hearing back from people from all over the world saying, \u201cThis story encouraged me to get help\u201d; because he was addressing the issues she was struggling with\u2014suicide, depression, addiction, cutting. No one was talking about those things at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing led to another\u2014through T-shirts being designed with the name of the story on the front and the whole story imprinted [on] the back\u2014to raise money to help pay for her rehab. So much money came in, because so many people wanted a shirt\u2014they were just <em>resonating<\/em> with these issues and that they were finally being brought out into the open and talked about. They had so much money coming in\u2014they had to become a non-profit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat brought her story out into the open. That gave us freedom\u2014we weren\u2019t ready to do anything with it at the time, but it gave us permission and freedom to talk about things we <em>never<\/em> would have otherwise. And then, the movie being made about her, several years later, also gave us permission. She loves that we\u2019re doing what we do, and she\u2019s all about us using it to help other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And by the way, if our listeners have not read the essay you\u2019re talking about, \u201cTo Write Love on Her Arms,\u201d we have a link to it on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com so listeners can read that. There\u2019s also information about the movie if folks are interested in watching the movie as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mentioned something earlier I want to go back to\u2014and that is\u2014you said you were \u201cout of relationship\u201d with Renee or disconnected to such a degree you didn\u2019t know where she was \/ what she was doing. Was that a decision that you two made, as a couple, that: \u201cWe\u2019re going to put some distance between us and her,\u201d in hopes that somehow, maybe, that might save her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; we were very conscientious of getting together and creating boundaries that we were going to talk to Renee about and set and the consequences that would come. We would spend a long time in our room, going over these things\u2014what we could agree on and be on the same page about\u2014and also be equally as strong to enforce if it came to that; because we realized, if one of us was weak, they were very good at finding which one was the weak one that was going to waffle a little bit. We didn\u2019t want any division between us; we wanted to present a very united front.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And when you go out to the end of the matter and establish these boundaries, you have to go visit a very dark place; because you realize that by creating the distance, the phone call \/ the police knocking at the door may be one that tells you your daughter has taken her life or she\u2019s dead because of the rough crowd she\u2019s in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; we prepared ourselves for that. That was how I coped with this greatest fear and nightmare\u2014was to face it, head on, and stop denying it or pushing it back\u2014but to face it, admit that that was my fear, say it out loud, and let the Lord comfort me. That was when He reassured me that, no matter what happened, that He would be with me\u2014somehow, I would survive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA strategy He gave me to use to help with that fear is called the \u201cGod Box.\u201d It is not original\u2014we learned it in a support group that we were a part of. It was to\u2014as soon as you\u2019re aware of something that you are anxious or worried about\u2014for me, with my daughter\u2014that I would get a box with a little notepad \/ a box with a lid. I would take the notepad and I would write down what it was I was afraid of: \u201cI\u2019m afraid that Renee is going to have an accident and maybe die,\u201d\u2014put it in the box; put the lid back on it; and put it up on a shelf, surrendering these things and her to the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was a gift to us\u2014I was giving her back\u2014I had to trust the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We haven\u2019t talked much about the providence of God; but in situations like this, when parents are going through an unspeakable agony\/grief\u2014the death of a dream\u2014you really must cry out to the God of the universe, who is in charge of what\u2019s taking place. In fact, I just want to read this passage. I was thinking about it as you guys have been talking about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is Romans, Chapter 8, verse 31: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat, then, shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, with Him,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s Christ\u2014\u201cgraciously give us all things? \u2014Who will bring any charge against God\u2019s elect? It is God that justifies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the One who died; more than that, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat means Jesus Christ is praying for parents of prodigals, right now, who are so distraught \/ so numbed over with scar upon scar on their hearts, who can\u2019t pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You come to points in your life when you simply can\u2019t pray\u2014there are those moments\u2014and it says right here, <em>\u201cThere\u2019s a prayer warrior!\u201d<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s not just <em>any<\/em> prayer warrior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It\u2019s <em>wonderful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He\u2019s praying according to God\u2019s will\u2014it\u2019s Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me continue: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or the sword? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt goes on to say, a little later in the same passage: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; in all these things we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, or anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were trying to convince your daughter that you loved her\u2014that nothing she could do would keep you from loving her. The reason you can do that is you had to know you were loved\u2014back to this passage right here\u2014that <em>nothing<\/em> can separate you from the love of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes\/yes; and that intercession passage was a <em>tremendous<\/em> comfort, just as you explained. You know, we didn\u2019t know how to pray\u2014I didn\u2019t have the words \/ I didn\u2019t know <em>how<\/em> to pray\u2014but I took great comfort in knowing that somebody else was praying that knew much better than I.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I just want to point out, too, about this group\u2014this may be the result of the 50 people who\u2019d been praying for her!\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014a crowd of people surrounding her \/ rescuing her from certain destruction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, just because we don\u2019t see the answers to prayer when the prayer is prayed, immediately; don\u2019t lose heart in well-doing. Keep praying, and praying, and praying for your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes; never give up!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They got her into a rehab facility the next day. This was not her first rehab facility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Actually, her second.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What was different about the second time than the first time\u2014anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I think she was more willing to work at the recovery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It was more for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014more for her\u2014yes; definitely for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And, ultimately, she was in and out of rehab four times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let me ask you this question, at that point: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cDescribe the sadness; because there\u2019s anger \/ there\u2019s grief that cannot quite be captured by the word, \u201csadness,\u201d that a parent feels for his or her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>It felt, to me, the same as though she had died. I wished that I had died\u2014and, sometimes, even that she had\u2014because it would have been easier than experiencing so much <em>pain<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>The times of weeping \/ the times of crying\u2014the times I would go to the office and just walk through the motions. Lake Hart, at the time, where I was working, was out in an area where it\u2019s a lot of vast wilderness around it. I just wanted to run out as far as I could, and just wail, and come back. It was deeply, deeply sad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no greater joy than to know that your children are following the truth, and I think the opposite can be applied as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So if folks ask you today, \u201cHow is Renee?\u201d what\u2019s your answer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Today, I\u2019d say she\u2019s as healthy as she\u2019s probably ever been, spiritually, emotionally, physically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you couch that by saying, \u201cToday she is,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014because\u2014do you think this is for good? Do you think that she\u2019ll get to the finish line without another rehab in her future?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>It\u2019s certainly our <em>hope<\/em>, but we know people who have had years \/ decades of sobriety that have relapsed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>We know very well that we have to take care of ourselves and keep ourselves strong, because we have to take one day at a time. She would say, \u201cYes; I have to keep doing the next right thing. Any of us is always just one decision away from relapsing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So why would you say that, today, you think she\u2019s in the best place ever? What\u2019s different about this?\u2014and she\u2019s been sober for a year-and-a-half; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s different about the last year-and-a-half than about previous sobrieties?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>She told me, when I asked her that very question, that she was finally ready to apply everything that she had learned over the years\u2014sick and tired of being sick and tired.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>And there\u2019s another phrase that I had heard from Michael Hyatt, and it says, \u201cYou lose your way when you lose your why.\u201d Renee has realized what her \u201cwhy\u201d really is, and she\u2019s determined to keep it. You can\u2019t be sober for other people \/ you can\u2019t be sober for others\u2019 expectations\u2014you know, it has to be <em>you<\/em>\u2014it has to be <em>yours<\/em> \/ you have to own it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And has she been able to articulate for you all what the \u201cwhy\u201d was that spun her off for so many years into wearing black in high school, and hanging out with the wrong crowd, and starting to drink, and what headed her on this journey she\u2019s been on?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHas she been able to put words to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think she has. She hasn\u2019t come back to us and talked about those earlier years and what were the motivations behind it, other than the fact that she just wanted to do her own thing. That\u2019s the limit I have to that information.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>In her pain, alcohol and smoking was very soothing and calming to her\u2014you know, it is like, \u201cOh, this helps,\u201d at first; and then it becomes the beast on your back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the inner pain, in terms of being able to say, \u201cHere\u2019s what that pain was,\u201d or where it came from\u2014and maybe, she doesn\u2019t know what the restlessness in her own soul was. I mean, I can imagine some, who would say, \u201cI can\u2019t tell you what it was that caused me to wander off into this place other than I was hurting and this soothed me for awhile.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I don\u2019t think the person, who is a prodigal, really has any concept of the sadness, the grief, the hurt that is being brought to the parents who attempted to bring <em>life<\/em> to them. I just want you two to comment on this, because we talked about it earlier: \u201cWhat are some things to do for the marriage of parents of prodigals, as they\u2019re in the midst of this hurricane of sorts? What can they do to fortify their relationship and enable it to go the distance?\u201d You all attended the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; actually, a few times during that period of time\u2014that was very helpful\u2014because again, we have to focus on <em>our<\/em> relationship. It was Dena and I before Renee ever showed up\u2014or any of our other kids. Lord willing, they mature and go off on their own\u2014it\u2019s still going to be Dena and I. So, this was the most important relationship as far as the family went\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so we focused on our relationship \/ our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>We also came to recognize that we were different. Sometimes, it would be: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you feel like I do?! Why doesn\u2019t this\u2026\u201d We just had to finally accept that\u2014you know\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s okay; you don\u2019t always have to feel like I do\u201d; and give each other permission to not always feel the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>We were able to come up with some sentences that really helped us during the times when the stress and the strain was getting higher. One of them was: \u201cWhat do you need from me most right now?\u201d\u2014because, oftentimes, we want to fix \/ we want to come along with a solution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>And that\u2019s not what that person needs\u2014so stopping and asking, \u201cWhat do you need most from me right now?\u201d was one of them. And then another one we would use was, \u201cHoney, I\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019m not the enemy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We talk about that at the conference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You learned that at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I think about the conference\u2014I think of how it can help a couple, who are going through a challenge with a child or in their own lives\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the conference gives you a \u201cWhy.\u201d It talks about the purpose of marriage \/ the purpose of two becoming one\u2014why you\u2019re here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, we talk about conflict resolution\u2014healthy conflict resolution, where we give you some tools to be able to make some of those statements, where you can remove the [perceived] reality\u2014that you\u2019re <em>not<\/em> the enemy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen third, we also talk about <em>suffering<\/em>. We talk about how you either suffer together or you fall apart; because if you don\u2019t link arms together, you are going to turn against one another. Sometimes, it just takes someone pointing out to you that, \u201cHey, you two are standing up in the fox hole, and you\u2019re duking it out with each other. You don\u2019t realize you\u2019re about to become a casualty as well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway is kind of a marriage time-out. I\u2019m just thinking about a comment that my son made\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014my son and his wife went to the getaway recently. They came back and they said: \u201cYou know, it\u2019s not that we had anything going wrong in our marriage; but there are just things you\u2019re never going to talk about unless somebody kind of directs you, and points you, and nudges you and says, \u2018It\u2019d be good to have a conversation about this,\u2019 and \u2018Here are some questions you can answer.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cThose kinds of projects that we worked on\u2014was just a great tune-up for our marriage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhether you\u2019re in the middle of a crisis or not, it\u2019s good to do that kind of preventive maintenance; but if you <em>are<\/em> in the middle of a crisis, like you guys have been, those times become kind of an oasis in the midst of what is otherwise a hard season to be walking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they talk about this in their book, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>, which I think would be a great book for any couple, who do have prodigals, to be able to share together and talk about. And ,maybe, go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to develop that plan we talked about earlier, where you, as a couple, have to decide what your boundaries are\u2014how you\u2019re going to protect your marriage\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014how you\u2019re going to protect your wife \/ your husband from the prodigal\u2014because they can turn \/ they can turn on one or both of the parents in a way that\u2019s really pretty damaging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just appreciate you, Tom and Dena, for your transparency of allowing us access to your lives. I also am grateful to God for Renee. Before we\u2019re done here, I want to invite our listening audience to pray for her, and I\u2019m going to do it as well. We\u2019re going to offer up a few hundred thousand, if not a million, prayers for Renee, in addition to those 50 that you have praying for her as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Before you lead us in prayer, let me let our listeners know how they can get a copy of the book that Tom and Dena have written for parents, called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can find it, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have a link there to the Yohe\u2019s website, which is called HopeforHurtingParents.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the Yohes\u2019 book or to get more information about their ministry. You can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY if that\u2019s easier for you. Again, the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me, also, real quickly, just remind folks\u2014today\u2019s the last day of May. This has been a month that we\u2019ve set aside to try to raise a goal of $1.1 million. If you\u2019ve not made a contribution to help put us over the top toward that goal, would you do that today? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make as generous a donation as you can, online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Or, if you\u2019d prefer to mail your donation, you can do that as well. Our mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, again, I want to thank you, Tom\/Dena, for sharing your story. I do want to pray for Renee, and I want to invite our listeners\u2014put her on your prayer list. Yes\u2014wouldn\u2019t hurt a young lady to know that there are people in all 50 states\u2014who knows how many countries\u2014praying for her right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, thank You for the Father\u2019s love and how that love can be displayed through broken vessels called parents. I thank You for Tom and Dena and how they have faithfully hung in there and have assured Renee that nothing can separate <em>her<\/em> from their love\u2014nothing she can do to earn it \/ nothing she can do to reject it\u2014but that love is there. Would You convince her of that love? Would You bathe her in that and make that so inviting?\u2014the enjoyment of that grace, that mercy, that forgiveness\u2014that anything less would be unattractive \/ in fact, would be repulsive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I pray for her that You might supply just want she needs\u2014the right friends, the right church, and the right purpose\u2014the \u201cwhy\u201d of her life. We pray these things in Christ\u2019s name; Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Amen. Thank you <em>so much<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena: <\/strong>As awful as this experience has been, we have come to see it as a gift from God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s not something you would ask God for, but it is something you can thank God for afterward. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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