{"id":304526,"date":"2017-05-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/seeking-help-for-renee\/"},"modified":"2017-05-30T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-30T15:00:00","slug":"seeking-help-for-renee","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeking-help-for-renee\/","title":{"rendered":"Seeking Help for Renee"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As their daughter, Renee, continued to spiral out of control; Tom and Dena Yohe knew that the Word of God was their food and prayer was their lifeline.  So, they asked friends to pray.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:59","filesize":"25.62M","filesize_raw":"26860138","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2841,2860,2855],"tags":[6252,2209,2520,4296,5659,4562],"podcast_series":[8211],"cwp_profile":[9457],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304526","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-teens","tag-cutting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-teens","tag-prodigals","tag-substance-abuse","tag-suicide","podcast_series-you-are-not-alone","cwp_profile-tom-and-dena-yohe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304526\/seeking-help-for-renee","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304526\/seeking-help-for-renee","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"u6d6Zwbeqf\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeking-help-for-renee\/\">Seeking Help for Renee<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/seeking-help-for-renee\/embed\/#?secret=u6d6Zwbeqf\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Seeking Help for Renee&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"u6d6Zwbeqf\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> By the time she was a young adult, Renee Yohe\u2019s life was centered on partying, drinking, drugs. In fact, it became so severe that Renee\u2019s counselor believed she might try to take her own life. Here\u2019s Renee\u2019s mom, Dena Yohe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> The counselor had told us what to do to be sure she was alive, because we couldn\u2019t really tell. We had to get in her face and try and check her pupils and her breathing. When I bowed over to check her pupils, and could smell the alcohol, then immediately, it was like someone flipped a switch. I went from being on the verge of losing my mind with grief to <em>so<\/em> <em>angry<\/em>: \u201cHow could you do this?! You don\u2019t know <em>what<\/em> you put us through tonight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. How do you manage the emotions you\u2019re feeling, as a parent, when you feel hopeless, trying to help a son or a daughter who may not even want your help? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We have spent enough time talking with enough parents to know that perhaps the deepest grief a parent can experience is the grief that comes when a son or a daughter heads off in a direction that is\u2014not just a different direction than you would point them to, as a parent\u2014but a destructive direction, one that can have life consequences that are\u2014are frightening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; you think about a child\u2014when they place a child in your arms\u2014the Bible says that a child is a blessing. Blessed is he whose quiver if full of\u2014of children. I mean, parents want to delight in a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when they raise the child up to end up becoming a prodigal\u2014and maybe one that rails against everything that they were raised to do and be, as a young man or a young lady\u2014it\u2019s hard for that not to, first of all, be such a disappointment it completely craters the parents; but secondly, it can be a personal rejection of the parents\u2014because they\u2019re rejecting <em>you<\/em>, and your values, and what you\u2019ve tried to do for the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a couple with us who have started a ministry called Hope for Hurting Parents. Tom and Dena Yohe join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Tom\/Dena, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Thank you. Thank you again for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tom and Dena have been married since 1978. They have three adult children now. Dena\u2019s written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Children<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarlier, Tom\/Dena\u2014we shared about your daughter\u2014how she started cutting, actually, at the age of 12\u2014how you tracked that all the way through adolescence into some very troubling years in high school, where she finally began to abuse drugs and had a bigger problem with cutting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou got some counseling \/ you got some help; but ultimately, she faced a desperate time when she was 23. She had moved out of the house, and you all were away from town. You received the call that every parent\u2014especially the parent of a prodigal\u2014is so fearful they\u2019ll receive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we had planned a weekend away. We weren\u2019t that far\u2014we just went to Daytona. We were there, actually, to pursue some direction for our lives. We were praying, and we get a call in the middle of the night from her counselor\u2014he says: \u201cI\u2019m really concerned about Renee. I\u2019m afraid that she\u2019s going to take her life. I\u2019ve called police and asked them to go to your home. They\u2019ve gone, and they\u2019re not getting any response.\u201d He said, \u201cYou need to get home as soon as possible.\u201d We checked out, and hopped in the car, and began driving through the middle of the night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was one of the most difficult drives we\u2019ve ever made.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> He went on to say, \u201cPicture\u2014it\u2019s like she\u2019s sitting in a building that is doused with kerosene, and she\u2019s holding a lit match, and she\u2019s about to drop it.\u201d He wanted to impress upon us how dangerous the situation he felt she was in and that we <em>needed<\/em> to go home as fast as we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me step back, for a second, from this moment\u2014which is catastrophic. You had been aware\u2014while your daughter was in high school\u2014that she was drinking, that she was smoking weed, she was taking pills, and she was with the wrong crowd. You\u2019d tried to get help and get counsel. Between 18 and 23, what had happened with Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> She had had many mental health diagnoses: anxiety disorder, depression, some thought it was bi-polar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso learned that she had a sensory processing disorder, where she was overly sensitive to all external stimuli, which created a lot of this internal angst that was really behind a <em>lot<\/em> of things. Those were some of the things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, then, she had about six weeks left before graduating from high school and she had turned 18 in December. She just knew that, legally, she didn\u2019t have to be here; so she informed us: \u201cI\u2019m moving out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014tired of our rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m tired of the rules\u2014not going to be grounded anymore. I\u2019m moving out. I\u2019ve got a friend who\u2019s going to allow me to come and stay with them.\u201d The parents consented without ever talking to us about the situation. They were going to come and <em>rescue<\/em> her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We said, \u201cOkay, if that\u2019s what you want.\u201d She left; and within weeks, both of those girls were out of the home because they were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014kicked out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014drinking and skipping school. Those parents kicked them out. After about a week, their daughter returned home. Renee didn\u2019t\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014she was too strong-willed and just determined that she was going to stay out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Had she ever\u2014as a child, growing up\u2014articulated anything about faith to you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Very much so. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She came to Christ at an early age. She loved Jesus, and she was a flaming evangelist when we were in Russia.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Quite a missionary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There was one time she came home\u2014practically in tears\u2014because she handed out a tract to somebody, and they looked at it, and threw it down on the ground, and stepped on it. That crushed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Couldn\u2019t understand it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She couldn\u2019t understand why anybody would want to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> As a matter of fact, when she was only three\u2014and I was quite ill this one day\u2014she came into my room. I still remember it as clear as could be\u2014she put her hand on my head and she asked Jesus to take Mommy\u2019s headache away. [Emotion in voice] Immediately, it was gone. God\u2019s hand was on this little girl from the time she was very young, and it really broke our hearts when she began to move away from that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlthough, she would tell you today: \u201cI never rejected my faith. I never stopped believing. I just wanted to be the one in control.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what a lot of people don\u2019t understand about parents of prodigals\u2014is the parents may have seen a heart that wanted to be spiritually-receptive to God and to obey Jesus Christ and follow Him. Yet, now, they\u2019re seeing this behavior that\u2019s self-destructive. It\u2019s terribly disorienting\u2014you\u2019re trying to fit it all together. It\u2019s hard not to take all the responsibility on yourself for some problem, or some mistake, or some error, or something you didn\u2019t do for this child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we look back\u2014we say: \u201cWhat good did I not do enough of?\u201d or \u201cWhat were the things I should have taken \/ removed from that that would have made the difference?\u201d It\u2019s just an endless cycle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We\u2019re fortunate in that we\u2019ve been able to have a conversation with her since then and ask her some hard questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cFeel free\u2014tell us\u2014what do you think we should have done or not done?\u201d She has said <em>very <\/em>strongly: \u201cMom\/Dad, it wasn\u2019t you. It wasn\u2019t anything you did or didn\u2019t do. It was me\u2014<em>I<\/em> wanted to do these things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So back to the mad dash back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; what did you find?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We went in and surprisingly\u2014Dena\u2019s father was living with us at the time, in his own room\u2014he was not stirred by anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> And we had a dog that we expected would have been barking. The dog wasn\u2019t barking at all. We went in and discovered Renee in her room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> And I couldn\u2019t\u2014I couldn\u2019t go in. I had to hang back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She was alive. She was very drunk and had passed out, and that\u2019s why there was no response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> The counselor had told us what to do to be sure she was alive, because we couldn\u2019t really tell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had to get in her face and try and check her pupils and her breathing. When I bowed over to check her pupils, and could smell the alcohol, then immediately, it was like someone flipped a switch. I went from being on the verge of losing my mind with grief to <em>so<\/em> <em>angry:<\/em> \u201cHow could you do this?! You don\u2019t know <em>what<\/em> you put us through tonight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; there was both that\u2014that celebration in the sense that, \u201cShe\u2019s okay,\u201d \/ there\u2019s that relief, and we were so <em>glad<\/em>\u2014but then, at the same time, we were so mad at what you [she] put us through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to ask, here, because, at this point, you\u2019ve been battling this for five years with your daughter. Was this having a toll on your marriage? Was this driving a wedge between the two of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It started to. There was a lot of potential\u2014there\u2019s more angst \/ there\u2019s more tension between us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014disagreements.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014more disagreements between us. Fortunately, when I was in college, I was studying for a pastoral ministry. The professor in one of the classes told us: \u201cCrisis of any kind\u2014guard your marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ccould be financial, could be health, could be whatever\u2014guard your marriage.\u201d Fortunately, God brought that back to my mind; and we began to be very intentional with our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a book\u2014actually, Dennis, written by you and Barbara\u2014it was <em>Two Hearts Are Better than One<\/em>. We used that for our date-night conversation. It was a <em>good<\/em> book for us to get away from the angst, and away from the conversations about Renee, and be able to just focus on <em>us<\/em>. We declared that date night as a \u201cNo Prodigal Zone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There was not going to be a conversation about Renee that night. This was <em>our<\/em> night to build\u2014there were a number of other things we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So important for listeners to hear you talk about that because, in the midst of the grief, it\u2019s so easy to turn on the other person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s so easy for this to become a wedge, and now the process is a whole lot more complex\u2014because it\u2019s not just a prodigal\u2014but now, you\u2019ve got a marriage in crisis; and that\u2019s a downward spiral.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s one other key element in this as well\u2014that\u2019s the other two children. They really suffer in a way that is totally different than the parents or the prodigal. They\u2019re observing all this, and they\u2019re undoubtedly dealing with anger toward their sister and the chaos she\u2019s brought to the family. Talk about them for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Her older brother, Michael, is four years older; so he went off to college. While he was informed and knew about things, he wasn\u2019t present in the home. April, the younger sister, is only two years younger\u2014so she saw both sides. She saw what was happening with Renee and their relationship and then she also saw what was happening with us. She was angry with Renee. There was a time, when Renee was in a treatment center\u2014they had family time together\u2014and April was able to tell Renee about the anger she felt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Renee said, \u201cApril, I deliberately tried to make you hate me; because I did not want you to follow my path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was a tremendous time for them just to be honest and have reconciliation together. They were very, very close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing with April\u2014from parents\u2014we tried to explain to her that: \u201cRenee is getting a lot of attention right now, but it\u2019s like a broken bone in the body\u2014like you broke your arm,\u201d\u2014and both of the girls had. So we said: \u201cThis is\u2014this arm is getting a lot of attention \/ it\u2019s broken, it\u2019s wounded, it\u2019s hurting; but it doesn\u2019t mean that the rest of the body is loved any less; and it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to be that way.\u201d We tried to help her see that and that there would be time when we would be able to give her more focused attention. We did do deliberate things to make things special for her when we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s another illustration that I use to talk about what happens to a family in the midst of a prodigal\u2014it\u2019s like the solar system\u2014instead of revolving around the sun, starts revolving around Pluto. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t designed to revolve around some planet at the outskirts, pushing the outer limits. It was meant to be near the sun, where the heat and the warmth come from. You really have to be careful to protect the spiritual life\u2014first of all, for yourself, as a man\/woman, husband\/wife, mom\/dad\u2014but also of your children so that they don\u2019t grow cynical about God\u2014that God\u2019s not hearing their prayers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, finding your 23-year-old passed out in your home, non-responsive. Is that the point where you said: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to do rehab\u2014we\u2019ve got to get you in. We\u2019ve got to get some help \/ some professional treatment\u201d? And was Renee open to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It took a while for her to get to that point. She was out on the streets, just right after high school. She had gotten to the point where things were pretty bad. I was down in West Palm Beach with my son, shopping for a car after he had graduated. One of those other calls came in from the police department that Renee had been Baker Acted and was in the hospital. The police told me that I\u2014I should go back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tell our listeners what being \u201cBaker Acted\u201d means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> At least, in Florida, if somebody is a danger to themselves, people can call the police and report that. They have special officers that are trained to go out and evaluate the situation and, if it warrants, they will take them, in the police car, to the hospital and check them in. They\u2019ll be admitted to a psychiatric ward for 72 hours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had gotten the call that Renee was in the hospital\u2014she had been Baker Acted. I was driving home at night and just praying the whole way, wondering what to say: \u201cHow do I react? How do I respond to Renee?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Lord just seemed to tell me, \u201cTell her how much she\u2019s loved.\u201d When I walked into the room\u2014she was still not into the psych ward yet\u2014I looked her right in the face \/ I got close to her\u2014I said: \u201cRenee, nothing you have done or has been done to you, will ever change our love for you. We will always love you, and you can always count on it.\u201d That seemed to, I think, made a switch in her; and she was willing to get help. We were able to find a treatment center for her that she went into.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And upon coming out of the treatment center?\u2014we\u2019ve talked about the statistics here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, 80 percent relapse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did that happen with Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; unfortunately, she\u2014it was a 90-day program. She completed the whole 90 days\u2014had gone into the half-way house to step into maybe finding employment, what have you\u2014but in front of the half-way house one evening, [she] and one of the other residents\u2014a girl\/woman\u2014were beaten and mugged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014by three men in ski masks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh my!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> So we had to go back and get her. She couldn\u2019t stay\u2014she said she was traumatized\u2014couldn\u2019t be in that home and in the front of that home. We told her: \u201cWe will bring you home for <em>healing<\/em>, but know that it\u2019s for healing. If you decide that\u2014otherwise or other reasons\u2014the consequences we had spoken about before would come into play,\u201d which basically, we had told her before and explained, \u201cIf you choose to drink, you choose to live somewhere else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You saw her starting to drift in that direction; and it did come to a head, where she came home and said, \u201cI\u2019m not done partying yet\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. She had been with us for several days and was feeling okay\u2014had been invited to a birthday party. We gave her permission to go. She called about 11 o\u2019clock that night and she goes, \u201cDad, I want to stay all night at the party.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked her\u2014I said, \u201cAre you wanting to stay all night because you\u2019re having fun\u2014that much fun\u2014or because you\u2019re drinking?\u201d She goes, \u201cDad, I\u2019m drinking.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay, you know what that means\u201d; and we hung up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came home the next day, late in the afternoon, grabbed her things, packed up and walked out. We had a porch at the time\u2014the three of us sat on the porch that night and had one of the most honest, adult conversations I think we\u2019ve had. She says: \u201cDad, in the treatment center, the men\u2014the people who are done\u2014said they <em>knew<\/em> when they were done.\u201d She says, \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019m done.\u201d I said: \u201cBut Renee, you don\u2019t control what \u2018<em>done<\/em>\u2019 means. \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be dead; \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be hospitalized; \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be maimed; \u2018<em>Done<\/em> can be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cprison.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c<em>so<\/em> many other things. You don\u2019t control it.\u201d She goes, \u201cI know Dad, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019m done.\u201d We stood up, we hugged \/ we embraced, we wept; and she walked off the porch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did it take to ultimately be \u201c<em>done<\/em>\u201d for Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, it was still a longer journey. There were other things\u2014there were ups and downs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014more rehabs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There were periods of good recovery, followed by relapse. When she walked off the porch that night, she had made friends with some solid people in recovery\u2014strong Christians\u2014and they had Bible studies, and they had church services for the twenty-somethings at our church. She would occasionally attend those Bible studies, and the person leading it would keep tabs of her. He watched her, and he <em>knew<\/em> things were starting to get bad again\u2014really bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis, talk about the emotional roller coaster that this is for parents\u2014and how you survive one day, feeling hopeful, and the next day feeling hopeless again\u2014and the constant cycle that you go through in that situation, as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The roller coaster is a good illustration, because there are some high points of hope and then there is a fast descent into despair. This is where you were not designed to go through this ride alone\u2014you need to be tight with God \/ you need to be in the Book\u2014because I don\u2019t know how somebody would go through the experience with a prodigal without allowing the truth of Scripture to speak hope to the soul, because the soul despairs at a level you <em>cannot even<\/em> imagine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve experienced all kinds of hurt in my life \/ in our marriage in 44 years, betrayal with friends \/ family members. There\u2019s nothing like having one of your sheep go astray\u2014one of your children that you have poured your life into\u2014who is not choosing to follow Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou want them to have the very best; and when you see them choosing the very worst, it is an agony that is beyond description. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tParents, who are listening to us, you <em>have<\/em> <em>to<\/em> let other people into your lives. You <em>have to<\/em> be a part of some kind of on-going encouragement group that lifts you out of that despair and reminds you of the truth of God\u2014who He is, that He\u2019s not left you nor forsaken you, and that you <em>have to<\/em> persevere in well-doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dena, one of the strategies you employed, as a couple, is\u2014you had six couples \/ six friends, who had said, \u201cWe will pray regularly\u201d; and you didn\u2019t take that casually. You went to them with very specific prayer requests every week; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; I knew that prayer would be our lifeline and that we needed people to stand in the gap with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to six of our closest friends that I knew really cared about us \/ loved Renee, and I asked them if they would be part of a prayer team for her. Once a week, I would send them specific requests\u2014how to pray for her \/ how to pray for us\u2014and then, the next week, another one. It did grow to almost 50 people over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and went on for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes. Those people were a huge blessing to\u2014to all of us. The Word of God was just our breath, and food, and sustenance. The fear that was so great during this time\u2014the Lord gave me so many verses\u2014but a real favorite is Isaiah 41:10: \u201cFear not, for I am with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u201cBe not dismayed, for I am your God. I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That sounds like you are not alone. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, that\u2019s what you titled the book that you\u2019ve written for parents to help them if they find themselves in a situation like the one you guys were in. The book is called <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got copies of in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have a link on our website to the Yohe\u2019s website if you\u2019d like to know more about their ministry and the resources they have available. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link; or order a copy of the book, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. You can also order by phone at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are down to the last couple of days of the month of May. This has been a month where our goal has been to raise $1.1 million this month. The reason for that goal is because, as we head into summer, there are some critical projects we\u2019re working on, including a new video series for parents called, <em>FamilyLife\u2019s The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re hoping to be able to continue, full speed ahead, with the development of that and other resources during the summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn order to do that, we needed to raise some necessary funding. We set the goal of $1.1 million for this month. We\u2019ve heard from many of our listeners this month: \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have gotten in touch with us and made a contribution. There is still time to do that and still a little ways to go, I think. I haven\u2019t seen the latest numbers, but I think there\u2019s still a little ways to go before we reach that goal. You can find out exactly where we are, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also donate when you\u2019re online, and we hope you\u2019ll do that\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if that\u2019s easier\u2014donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about what a husband and wife can do to make sure their marriage stays strong even when they\u2019re going through a difficult time in their parenting. Tom and Dena Yohe will be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:59"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.62M"],"filesize_raw":["26860138"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304526.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304526.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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their daughter, Renee, continued to spiral out of control; Tom and Dena Yohe knew that the Word of God was their food and prayer was their lifeline. So, they asked friends to pray.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> By the time she was a young adult, Renee Yohe\u2019s life was centered on partying, drinking, drugs. In fact, it became so severe that Renee\u2019s counselor believed she might try to take her own life. Here\u2019s Renee\u2019s mom, Dena Yohe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> The counselor had told us what to do to be sure she was alive, because we couldn\u2019t really tell. We had to get in her face and try and check her pupils and her breathing. When I bowed over to check her pupils, and could smell the alcohol, then immediately, it was like someone flipped a switch. I went from being on the verge of losing my mind with grief to <em>so<\/em> <em>angry<\/em>: \u201cHow could you do this?! You don\u2019t know <em>what<\/em> you put us through tonight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey; and I'm Bob Lepine. How do you manage the emotions you\u2019re feeling, as a parent, when you feel hopeless, trying to help a son or a daughter who may not even want your help? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We have spent enough time talking with enough parents to know that perhaps the deepest grief a parent can experience is the grief that comes when a son or a daughter heads off in a direction that is\u2014not just a different direction than you would point them to, as a parent\u2014but a destructive direction, one that can have life consequences that are\u2014are frightening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; you think about a child\u2014when they place a child in your arms\u2014the Bible says that a child is a blessing. Blessed is he whose quiver if full of\u2014of children. I mean, parents want to delight in a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when they raise the child up to end up becoming a prodigal\u2014and maybe one that rails against everything that they were raised to do and be, as a young man or a young lady\u2014it\u2019s hard for that not to, first of all, be such a disappointment it completely craters the parents; but secondly, it can be a personal rejection of the parents\u2014because they\u2019re rejecting <em>you<\/em>, and your values, and what you\u2019ve tried to do for the child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a couple with us who have started a ministry called Hope for Hurting Parents. Tom and Dena Yohe join us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Tom\/Dena, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Thank you. Thank you again for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Tom and Dena have been married since 1978. They have three adult children now. Dena\u2019s written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Children<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarlier, Tom\/Dena\u2014we shared about your daughter\u2014how she started cutting, actually, at the age of 12\u2014how you tracked that all the way through adolescence into some very troubling years in high school, where she finally began to abuse drugs and had a bigger problem with cutting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou got some counseling \/ you got some help; but ultimately, she faced a desperate time when she was 23. She had moved out of the house, and you all were away from town. You received the call that every parent\u2014especially the parent of a prodigal\u2014is so fearful they\u2019ll receive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we had planned a weekend away. We weren\u2019t that far\u2014we just went to Daytona. We were there, actually, to pursue some direction for our lives. We were praying, and we get a call in the middle of the night from her counselor\u2014he says: \u201cI\u2019m really concerned about Renee. I\u2019m afraid that she\u2019s going to take her life. I\u2019ve called police and asked them to go to your home. They\u2019ve gone, and they\u2019re not getting any response.\u201d He said, \u201cYou need to get home as soon as possible.\u201d We checked out, and hopped in the car, and began driving through the middle of the night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was one of the most difficult drives we\u2019ve ever made.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> He went on to say, \u201cPicture\u2014it\u2019s like she\u2019s sitting in a building that is doused with kerosene, and she\u2019s holding a lit match, and she\u2019s about to drop it.\u201d He wanted to impress upon us how dangerous the situation he felt she was in and that we <em>needed<\/em> to go home as fast as we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me step back, for a second, from this moment\u2014which is catastrophic. You had been aware\u2014while your daughter was in high school\u2014that she was drinking, that she was smoking weed, she was taking pills, and she was with the wrong crowd. You\u2019d tried to get help and get counsel. Between 18 and 23, what had happened with Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> She had had many mental health diagnoses: anxiety disorder, depression, some thought it was bi-polar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso learned that she had a sensory processing disorder, where she was overly sensitive to all external stimuli, which created a lot of this internal angst that was really behind a <em>lot<\/em> of things. Those were some of the things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, then, she had about six weeks left before graduating from high school and she had turned 18 in December. She just knew that, legally, she didn\u2019t have to be here; so she informed us: \u201cI\u2019m moving out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014tired of our rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m tired of the rules\u2014not going to be grounded anymore. I\u2019m moving out. I\u2019ve got a friend who\u2019s going to allow me to come and stay with them.\u201d The parents consented without ever talking to us about the situation. They were going to come and <em>rescue<\/em> her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We said, \u201cOkay, if that\u2019s what you want.\u201d She left; and within weeks, both of those girls were out of the home because they were\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014kicked out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014drinking and skipping school. Those parents kicked them out. After about a week, their daughter returned home. Renee didn\u2019t\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014she was too strong-willed and just determined that she was going to stay out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Had she ever\u2014as a child, growing up\u2014articulated anything about faith to you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Very much so. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She came to Christ at an early age. She loved Jesus, and she was a flaming evangelist when we were in Russia.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Quite a missionary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There was one time she came home\u2014practically in tears\u2014because she handed out a tract to somebody, and they looked at it, and threw it down on the ground, and stepped on it. That crushed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Couldn\u2019t understand it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She couldn\u2019t understand why anybody would want to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> As a matter of fact, when she was only three\u2014and I was quite ill this one day\u2014she came into my room. I still remember it as clear as could be\u2014she put her hand on my head and she asked Jesus to take Mommy\u2019s headache away. [Emotion in voice] Immediately, it was gone. God\u2019s hand was on this little girl from the time she was very young, and it really broke our hearts when she began to move away from that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlthough, she would tell you today: \u201cI never rejected my faith. I never stopped believing. I just wanted to be the one in control.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what a lot of people don\u2019t understand about parents of prodigals\u2014is the parents may have seen a heart that wanted to be spiritually-receptive to God and to obey Jesus Christ and follow Him. Yet, now, they\u2019re seeing this behavior that\u2019s self-destructive. It\u2019s terribly disorienting\u2014you\u2019re trying to fit it all together. It\u2019s hard not to take all the responsibility on yourself for some problem, or some mistake, or some error, or something you didn\u2019t do for this child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we look back\u2014we say: \u201cWhat good did I not do enough of?\u201d or \u201cWhat were the things I should have taken \/ removed from that that would have made the difference?\u201d It\u2019s just an endless cycle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We\u2019re fortunate in that we\u2019ve been able to have a conversation with her since then and ask her some hard questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe said, \u201cFeel free\u2014tell us\u2014what do you think we should have done or not done?\u201d She has said <em>very <\/em>strongly: \u201cMom\/Dad, it wasn\u2019t you. It wasn\u2019t anything you did or didn\u2019t do. It was me\u2014<em>I<\/em> wanted to do these things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So back to the mad dash back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; what did you find?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We went in and surprisingly\u2014Dena\u2019s father was living with us at the time, in his own room\u2014he was not stirred by anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> And we had a dog that we expected would have been barking. The dog wasn\u2019t barking at all. We went in and discovered Renee in her room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> And I couldn\u2019t\u2014I couldn\u2019t go in. I had to hang back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> She was alive. She was very drunk and had passed out, and that\u2019s why there was no response.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> The counselor had told us what to do to be sure she was alive, because we couldn\u2019t really tell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had to get in her face and try and check her pupils and her breathing. When I bowed over to check her pupils, and could smell the alcohol, then immediately, it was like someone flipped a switch. I went from being on the verge of losing my mind with grief to <em>so<\/em> <em>angry:<\/em> \u201cHow could you do this?! You don\u2019t know <em>what<\/em> you put us through tonight!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; there was both that\u2014that celebration in the sense that, \u201cShe\u2019s okay,\u201d \/ there\u2019s that relief, and we were so <em>glad<\/em>\u2014but then, at the same time, we were so mad at what you [she] put us through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have to ask, here, because, at this point, you\u2019ve been battling this for five years with your daughter. Was this having a toll on your marriage? Was this driving a wedge between the two of you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It started to. There was a lot of potential\u2014there\u2019s more angst \/ there\u2019s more tension between us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014disagreements.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014more disagreements between us. Fortunately, when I was in college, I was studying for a pastoral ministry. The professor in one of the classes told us: \u201cCrisis of any kind\u2014guard your marriage\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014\u201ccould be financial, could be health, could be whatever\u2014guard your marriage.\u201d Fortunately, God brought that back to my mind; and we began to be very intentional with our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a book\u2014actually, Dennis, written by you and Barbara\u2014it was <em>Two Hearts Are Better than One<\/em>. We used that for our date-night conversation. It was a <em>good<\/em> book for us to get away from the angst, and away from the conversations about Renee, and be able to just focus on <em>us<\/em>. We declared that date night as a \u201cNo Prodigal Zone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There was not going to be a conversation about Renee that night. This was <em>our<\/em> night to build\u2014there were a number of other things we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So important for listeners to hear you talk about that because, in the midst of the grief, it\u2019s so easy to turn on the other person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s so easy for this to become a wedge, and now the process is a whole lot more complex\u2014because it\u2019s not just a prodigal\u2014but now, you\u2019ve got a marriage in crisis; and that\u2019s a downward spiral.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s one other key element in this as well\u2014that\u2019s the other two children. They really suffer in a way that is totally different than the parents or the prodigal. They\u2019re observing all this, and they\u2019re undoubtedly dealing with anger toward their sister and the chaos she\u2019s brought to the family. Talk about them for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Her older brother, Michael, is four years older; so he went off to college. While he was informed and knew about things, he wasn\u2019t present in the home. April, the younger sister, is only two years younger\u2014so she saw both sides. She saw what was happening with Renee and their relationship and then she also saw what was happening with us. She was angry with Renee. There was a time, when Renee was in a treatment center\u2014they had family time together\u2014and April was able to tell Renee about the anger she felt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Renee said, \u201cApril, I deliberately tried to make you hate me; because I did not want you to follow my path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was a tremendous time for them just to be honest and have reconciliation together. They were very, very close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing with April\u2014from parents\u2014we tried to explain to her that: \u201cRenee is getting a lot of attention right now, but it\u2019s like a broken bone in the body\u2014like you broke your arm,\u201d\u2014and both of the girls had. So we said: \u201cThis is\u2014this arm is getting a lot of attention \/ it\u2019s broken, it\u2019s wounded, it\u2019s hurting; but it doesn\u2019t mean that the rest of the body is loved any less; and it doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always going to be that way.\u201d We tried to help her see that and that there would be time when we would be able to give her more focused attention. We did do deliberate things to make things special for her when we could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s another illustration that I use to talk about what happens to a family in the midst of a prodigal\u2014it\u2019s like the solar system\u2014instead of revolving around the sun, starts revolving around Pluto. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t designed to revolve around some planet at the outskirts, pushing the outer limits. It was meant to be near the sun, where the heat and the warmth come from. You really have to be careful to protect the spiritual life\u2014first of all, for yourself, as a man\/woman, husband\/wife, mom\/dad\u2014but also of your children so that they don\u2019t grow cynical about God\u2014that God\u2019s not hearing their prayers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, finding your 23-year-old passed out in your home, non-responsive. Is that the point where you said: \u201cWe\u2019ve got to do rehab\u2014we\u2019ve got to get you in. We\u2019ve got to get some help \/ some professional treatment\u201d? And was Renee open to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It took a while for her to get to that point. She was out on the streets, just right after high school. She had gotten to the point where things were pretty bad. I was down in West Palm Beach with my son, shopping for a car after he had graduated. One of those other calls came in from the police department that Renee had been Baker Acted and was in the hospital. The police told me that I\u2014I should go back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tell our listeners what being \u201cBaker Acted\u201d means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> At least, in Florida, if somebody is a danger to themselves, people can call the police and report that. They have special officers that are trained to go out and evaluate the situation and, if it warrants, they will take them, in the police car, to the hospital and check them in. They\u2019ll be admitted to a psychiatric ward for 72 hours. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had gotten the call that Renee was in the hospital\u2014she had been Baker Acted. I was driving home at night and just praying the whole way, wondering what to say: \u201cHow do I react? How do I respond to Renee?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Lord just seemed to tell me, \u201cTell her how much she\u2019s loved.\u201d When I walked into the room\u2014she was still not into the psych ward yet\u2014I looked her right in the face \/ I got close to her\u2014I said: \u201cRenee, nothing you have done or has been done to you, will ever change our love for you. We will always love you, and you can always count on it.\u201d That seemed to, I think, made a switch in her; and she was willing to get help. We were able to find a treatment center for her that she went into.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And upon coming out of the treatment center?\u2014we\u2019ve talked about the statistics here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, 80 percent relapse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did that happen with Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; unfortunately, she\u2014it was a 90-day program. She completed the whole 90 days\u2014had gone into the half-way house to step into maybe finding employment, what have you\u2014but in front of the half-way house one evening, [she] and one of the other residents\u2014a girl\/woman\u2014were beaten and mugged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014by three men in ski masks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh my!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> So we had to go back and get her. She couldn\u2019t stay\u2014she said she was traumatized\u2014couldn\u2019t be in that home and in the front of that home. We told her: \u201cWe will bring you home for <em>healing<\/em>, but know that it\u2019s for healing. If you decide that\u2014otherwise or other reasons\u2014the consequences we had spoken about before would come into play,\u201d which basically, we had told her before and explained, \u201cIf you choose to drink, you choose to live somewhere else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You saw her starting to drift in that direction; and it did come to a head, where she came home and said, \u201cI\u2019m not done partying yet\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. She had been with us for several days and was feeling okay\u2014had been invited to a birthday party. We gave her permission to go. She called about 11 o\u2019clock that night and she goes, \u201cDad, I want to stay all night at the party.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked her\u2014I said, \u201cAre you wanting to stay all night because you\u2019re having fun\u2014that much fun\u2014or because you\u2019re drinking?\u201d She goes, \u201cDad, I\u2019m drinking.\u201d I said, \u201cOkay, you know what that means\u201d; and we hung up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe came home the next day, late in the afternoon, grabbed her things, packed up and walked out. We had a porch at the time\u2014the three of us sat on the porch that night and had one of the most honest, adult conversations I think we\u2019ve had. She says: \u201cDad, in the treatment center, the men\u2014the people who are done\u2014said they <em>knew<\/em> when they were done.\u201d She says, \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019m done.\u201d I said: \u201cBut Renee, you don\u2019t control what \u2018<em>done<\/em>\u2019 means. \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be dead; \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be hospitalized; \u2018<em>Done<\/em>\u2019 can be maimed; \u2018<em>Done<\/em> can be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cprison.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c<em>so<\/em> many other things. You don\u2019t control it.\u201d She goes, \u201cI know Dad, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019m done.\u201d We stood up, we hugged \/ we embraced, we wept; and she walked off the porch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did it take to ultimately be \u201c<em>done<\/em>\u201d for Renee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, it was still a longer journey. There were other things\u2014there were ups and downs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014more rehabs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> There were periods of good recovery, followed by relapse. When she walked off the porch that night, she had made friends with some solid people in recovery\u2014strong Christians\u2014and they had Bible studies, and they had church services for the twenty-somethings at our church. She would occasionally attend those Bible studies, and the person leading it would keep tabs of her. He watched her, and he <em>knew<\/em> things were starting to get bad again\u2014really bad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dennis, talk about the emotional roller coaster that this is for parents\u2014and how you survive one day, feeling hopeful, and the next day feeling hopeless again\u2014and the constant cycle that you go through in that situation, as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The roller coaster is a good illustration, because there are some high points of hope and then there is a fast descent into despair. This is where you were not designed to go through this ride alone\u2014you need to be tight with God \/ you need to be in the Book\u2014because I don\u2019t know how somebody would go through the experience with a prodigal without allowing the truth of Scripture to speak hope to the soul, because the soul despairs at a level you <em>cannot even<\/em> imagine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve experienced all kinds of hurt in my life \/ in our marriage in 44 years, betrayal with friends \/ family members. There\u2019s nothing like having one of your sheep go astray\u2014one of your children that you have poured your life into\u2014who is not choosing to follow Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou want them to have the very best; and when you see them choosing the very worst, it is an agony that is beyond description. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tParents, who are listening to us, you <em>have<\/em> <em>to<\/em> let other people into your lives. You <em>have to<\/em> be a part of some kind of on-going encouragement group that lifts you out of that despair and reminds you of the truth of God\u2014who He is, that He\u2019s not left you nor forsaken you, and that you <em>have to<\/em> persevere in well-doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dena, one of the strategies you employed, as a couple, is\u2014you had six couples \/ six friends, who had said, \u201cWe will pray regularly\u201d; and you didn\u2019t take that casually. You went to them with very specific prayer requests every week; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; I knew that prayer would be our lifeline and that we needed people to stand in the gap with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to six of our closest friends that I knew really cared about us \/ loved Renee, and I asked them if they would be part of a prayer team for her. Once a week, I would send them specific requests\u2014how to pray for her \/ how to pray for us\u2014and then, the next week, another one. It did grow to almost 50 people over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and went on for years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes. Those people were a huge blessing to\u2014to all of us. The Word of God was just our breath, and food, and sustenance. The fear that was so great during this time\u2014the Lord gave me so many verses\u2014but a real favorite is Isaiah 41:10: \u201cFear not, for I am with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u201cBe not dismayed, for I am your God. I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That sounds like you are not alone. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, that\u2019s what you titled the book that you\u2019ve written for parents to help them if they find themselves in a situation like the one you guys were in. The book is called <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got copies of in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also have a link on our website to the Yohe\u2019s website if you\u2019d like to know more about their ministry and the resources they have available. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the link; or order a copy of the book, <em>You Are Not Alone<\/em>. You can also order by phone at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we are down to the last couple of days of the month of May. This has been a month where our goal has been to raise $1.1 million this month. The reason for that goal is because, as we head into summer, there are some critical projects we\u2019re working on, including a new video series for parents called, <em>FamilyLife\u2019s The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re hoping to be able to continue, full speed ahead, with the development of that and other resources during the summer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn order to do that, we needed to raise some necessary funding. We set the goal of $1.1 million for this month. We\u2019ve heard from many of our listeners this month: \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have gotten in touch with us and made a contribution. There is still time to do that and still a little ways to go, I think. I haven\u2019t seen the latest numbers, but I think there\u2019s still a little ways to go before we reach that goal. You can find out exactly where we are, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also donate when you\u2019re online, and we hope you\u2019ll do that\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if that\u2019s easier\u2014donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about what a husband and wife can do to make sure their marriage stays strong even when they\u2019re going through a difficult time in their parenting. Tom and Dena Yohe will be back with us tomorrow. Hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304526","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304526"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304526"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304526"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304526"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304526"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304526"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304526"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}