{"id":304524,"date":"2017-05-29T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-29T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-start-of-difficulty\/"},"modified":"2017-05-29T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-29T15:00:00","slug":"the-start-of-difficulty","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-start-of-difficulty\/","title":{"rendered":"The Start of Difficulty"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tom and Dena Yohe&#8217;s daughter, Renee, started cutting herself at 12 years of age. Gradually, other behaviors surfaced including suicidal tendencies. Find out how Tom and Dena handled parenting a prodigal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-29.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:15","filesize":"27.7M","filesize_raw":"29045324","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2841,2860,2855],"tags":[6252,2209,2520,4296,5659,4562],"podcast_series":[8211],"cwp_profile":[9457],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304524","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-anger-and-rebellion","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-teens","tag-cutting","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-teens","tag-prodigals","tag-substance-abuse","tag-suicide","podcast_series-you-are-not-alone","cwp_profile-tom-and-dena-yohe","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304524\/the-start-of-difficulty","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304524\/the-start-of-difficulty","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Noce9uLtvD\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-start-of-difficulty\/\">The Start of Difficulty<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-start-of-difficulty\/embed\/#?secret=Noce9uLtvD\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Start of Difficulty&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Noce9uLtvD\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom and Dena Yohe never imagined that there would come a time when their adolescent daughter\u2019s life would be controlled by drugs and despair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> When you find that your child is <em>seriously<\/em> suicidal\u2014oh, my gosh; yes! You launch into rescue mode and you\u2019re afraid to sleep. You want to be with them 24\/7 to build a little cocoon around them and keep them safe. It was so hard to trust God with her. I was gripping on as tightly as I could, wanting to be in control. All I wanted to do was <em>save<\/em> my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What would you do, as a parent, if you learned that your child had wandered far down the wrong path? You\u2019ll meet Tom and Dena Yohe and hear their story today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Probably most of our listeners are familiar with the story in Luke, Chapter 15\u2014the story of the Prodigal Son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You stole that! I had my Bible open. You looked at it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay! So what was your point, Bob? What was your point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My point is that there\u2019s very little in that story\u2014it\u2019s treated so matter-of-factly when the son comes to his father and says, \u201cI want my inheritance,\u201d and then he leaves. There\u2019s nothing in the story that describes what that was like for the father. We can imagine the heartbreak of that kind of a situation, because some of our listeners have experienced moments like that\u2014maybe not somebody coming and saying, \u201cI want my half of the inheritance,\u201d\u2014but a prodigal leaving home is a heartbreaking experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of prodigals in the church today, and parents of prodigals too. It\u2019s a hurting minority that, I think, suffer in silence; because they don\u2019t feel comfortable sharing their hurt. They feel like they\u2019re going to be judged for being poor parents. It really isn\u2019t a matter of being a poor parent, necessarily\u2014although that could be a part of the process. It\u2019s that we don\u2019t raise robots\u2014our kids have a choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I like to say, going back to Genesis, Chapters 1, 2, and 3, the perfect Father had a pair of prodigals who chose to go their own way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, wait! I had my Bible open to Genesis 3! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob! You don\u2019t even have a Bible out here! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got it on my phone!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The listeners\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll open up my phone! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have a pair of guests with us, Tom and Dena Yohe, who join us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Welcome to the broadcast\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014home of some bitter quarrels between Bob and Dennis. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, thank you so much. It\u2019s quite a privilege to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad to have you here, Tom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m very happy to be here with you, two guys. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thank you, Dena.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have been married since 1978\u2014have three children. They have started a ministry called Hope for Hurting Parents. Dena has written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou indicated, early on\u2014that when your middle child was born\u2014that you had a suspicion, or observation, or inclination, or maybe it\u2019s that mother\u2019s intuition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Well, it was\u2014we had planned what sounded like it was such a <em>wonderful<\/em> experience for a newborn\u2014this warm bath that, after your child was delivered, they would lower them into this warm water. It would just be so soothing and calming, reminding them of the environment they had just vacated. We made this plan, and Tom was there\u2014he was a great coach for labor and delivery. They handed our daughter, Renee, to him; and he put her in the water. As soon as he did, she started <em>screaming<\/em>! We were like: \u201cOh, my gosh! What does this mean?! This is supposed to be soothing and relaxing.\u201d Right there, I kind of wondered: \u201cHmmm. What does this mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t have any sense that things were going to be hard with Renee until puberty, though; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Well, more serious; no. I mean, she was a challenging child most of her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Strong-willed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Strong-willed; yes\u2014stubborn. There were many times I would be on my knees, beside my bed, in tears, pounding the pillow, praying: \u201cOh, God! I don\u2019t know how to parent this little girl! I\u2019m not smart enough,\u201d or \u201c\u2026wise enough,\u201d or \u201c\u2026strong enough. Please help me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was also a great delight\u2014there is a lot of both\u2014very creative, and energetic, and athletic. But, yes, puberty brought out a lot of other challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At age 12, you found out she was cutting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes, for the first time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was so unexpected. There was an incident between Dena and Renee. We sent her to her room to think about this, and then went back to check on her. We found her with cuts on her arm. We just didn\u2019t know how to process that. What happened? She found some glass in the windowsill, and began cutting. We thought, \u201cOh, my goodness!\u201d Again, we didn\u2019t know how to react with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A lot of our listeners hear that, and they go, \u201cThat is so strange.\u201d What\u2019s behind that? You\u2019ve now done a lot of research on that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve seen a lot of other children who have expressed their anger, and their fear, and their depression in this way. Unpack it a bit, if you would, for parents\u2014to help them understand what that represents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Sure. Well, it\u2019s <em>very<\/em> complicated; but the best summary that I have learned is that this is a way that an individual expresses deep pain that they are not able to verbalize. Either they\u2019re too afraid that, if they speak it, they couldn\u2019t handle it; or that they just can\u2019t even find the words. It\u2019s actually a coping mechanism. There are <em>many<\/em> reasons that people do it\u2014all the way from they\u2019re numb, emotionally, and this makes them feel alive\u2014they can feel this. Our daughter, however, said she never felt any pain when she cut herself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some, it\u2019s a way to punish themselves, because they feel guilty for things. They need to see the blood to feel that they are justified in what they\u2019re doing to themselves. It\u2019s very, very complicated; and it\u2019s very difficult to find healing from. It can take years, because it takes a long time to get to the root of what is really going on behind the behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tom, take me to the point where you discovered\u2014how did you discover, and what was your daughter\u2019s response when you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we walked into the room to talk to her, and when we saw these things, I didn\u2019t know if she was trying to take her life. You know, I just couldn\u2019t process what was going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was she wasn\u2019t trying to hide her arms from you at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> No; she showed us; you know? And, as we talked\u2014well, Dena talked to her later\u2014she [Renee] said she had never heard of it. It\u2019s not like somebody else had done it before her and she learned from them or heard from them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were these deep cuts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> They weren\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> No; it looked like she\u2019d gotten in a fight with a wild cat, and the cat won.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth arms\u2014wrist to elbow\u2014had those kinds of scratches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just so <em>shocked<\/em> when I walked in and saw this. I remember\u2014I just literally fell to my knees, and scolded her: \u201cThis is not a good thing to do! Why would you do this?!\u201d I am so embarrassed to admit now that I said to her, pointing my finger: \u201cDon\u2019t ever do this again! If you ever do this again, you\u2019ll have to see a counselor!\u201d as though that were some terrible punishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve talked about that since, in recent years. I have asked her to forgive me for that, and she has. She does say that that is the one thing that she wishes we had done differently\u2014that we would have given her the opportunity to talk with a counselor sooner. She has no idea if she would have taken the opportunity or actually opened up and talked; but at least, she would have had the chance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your reaction, though, as a mom, is from a heart of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You see these scratches on your daughter\u2019s arms that are self-inflicted. It\u2019s no wonder that you responded sternly. You were really just kind of covering over the panic in your own heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> To be honest, I didn\u2019t want to admit that anything could really be wrong with my daughter: \u201cI\u2019m not going to tell anybody about this.\u201d We <em>never <\/em>did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were in full-time ministry at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That had to play into some of this: \u201cWe can\u2019t tell anybody. If our supporters find out, they wouldn\u2019t pay our bills anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014or: \u201cOur friends aren\u2019t going to understand this. Their kids aren\u2019t doing this. They\u2019ll think: \u2018What\u2019s wrong with [you]? What are you doing? What\u2019s wrong with your child?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This encounter, at age 12, was not the end of the ride for you with Renee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Right. It did stop for a while\u2014several years\u2014she was stuffing those feelings. During that time, she began to develop some OCD symptoms, with odd numbers and various things. We just kind of wondered about that: \u201cOkay; that\u2019s kind of different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until she was a 16-year-old and we were living overseas\u2014she had become quite depressed and despondent. We just realized that: \u201cSomething more is going on here. We\u2019re seeing some red flags. We need to just sit down and talk and be brave enough to ask hard questions and wait as long as we need to until she\u2019s ready to answer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took, literally, all night. Finally, she admitted that she was cutting again. She had become suicidal. We realized, then, that was when we needed to get back to America as soon as possible and get her the help that she needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At that point, being parents, you immediately moved into a crisis mode.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You start thinking: \u201cWhat\u2019s the worst thing that could happen here? Well, our daughter could take her life!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s scary stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> It was the greatest fear I\u2019ve ever faced\u2014I could hardly sleep \/ I could hardly eat. I lost 20 pounds in a couple of months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the mornings, I was afraid to go to her room and open the door\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014for fear that she had cut herself, maybe too deeply, in the night: \u201cWould she be dead in her room?\u201d It was too overwhelming, and we had to begin taking turns: \u201cTom, you have to go this morning\u2014open her door.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tom, how were you processing this? Were you at the same emotional place that Dena was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we were terrified and <em>not<\/em> knowing what turn to take next: \u201cWhat step do I take next?\u201d All we knew was: Leave. Go back to the States, and get her help there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; when you find out your child is <em>seriously<\/em> suicidal\u2014oh, my gosh; yes! You launch into rescue mode, and you\u2019re afraid to sleep. You want to be with them 24\/7 to build a little cocoon around them and keep them safe. It was so hard to trust God with her. I was gripping on as tightly as I could, wanting to be in control. All I wanted to do was <em>save<\/em> my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And here\u2019s what I would want our listeners to hear\u2014especially those who may be suffering in isolation as well\u2014the real ploy of the enemy\u2014and there is an enemy of your child\u2019s life and yours, as well, as a family\u2014he wants to get you isolated. He wants to get you afraid, where you don\u2019t share with anyone. Yet, the real help comes from outside. It\u2019s going to come from other relationships with people who can coach you in what to do. But in order to find those helpers \/ those professionals, you\u2019ve got to let some trusted friends in on the inside of what\u2019s taking place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you finally did get to a counselor, this counselor made an amazing statement to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; it was really, really distressing. We\u2019d gone to see the counselor, and the counselor had said, \u201cI think she needs a more in-depth evaluation by a psychiatrist.\u201d That was another shock: \u201cWhat? You think there\u2019s something more serious wrong?\u201d We\u2019ll never forget the day that the three of us were sitting in his office, after he had evaluated Renee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOn a scale of 1-10, 1 being \u2018seriously suicidal\u2019 and 10 being \u2018just fine,\u2019 your daughter is about a 1 or a 2. It\u2019s a miracle she\u2019s still alive.\u201d That was like being hit in the head with a 2x4. And the three of us\u2014she still recalls this as well \/ it really hit her hard too\u2014the reality of where we were at that point in time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You moved back to America at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Things went from worse to even more tragic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It went well for about six months when we immediately got back. Things seemed to be moving in a good direction. She connected with some good friends; but those friends were older and graduated. So the next school year, things started to change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking: \u201cIf you\u2019re a high school student, who\u2019s battling depression, you\u2019re going to wind up gravitating toward other people who are in dark places. That\u2019s not a great environment to be in.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we saw a change in her dress, a change in the way she did her make-up, changes that she would make in her room. Yes; her make-up became very darkened and heavy black\u2014a lot of black.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She was self-medicating during this time as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, she started doing that unknown to us. Every now and then, we would catch her. Our prayer was always, \u201cLord, let her just get caught every time she does something wrong.\u201d Quite often, she did. We jokingly now say, \u201cMost of her senior year, she was grounded.\u201d So she loves to tell us, \u201cYou\u2019re grounded!\u201d No. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How was she self-medicating? What was she doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Drinking, smoking pot, taking pills\u2014I think anything someone would offer to her. Again, the parents are always the last to know. These kids are <em>very<\/em> good at hiding it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you find out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we caught her on a number of occasions, especially during her senior year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really\u2014that wasn\u2019t a joke, because she was grounded just about her whole senior year. She\u2019d just have a week left of grounding, and then she\u2019d do something else: \u201cYou\u2019re grounded again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you walk in on her smoking weed? Did you find pills in her drawer or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we caught her at school. Dena happened to walk in to the school office to take something to our younger daughter; and there was Renee, checking out. Another friend has forged a note and was waiting in the parking lot to get her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> She had been drinking that morning in the parking lot\u2014was leaving, and I could smell it on her breath\u2014so I confronted her. But we began to see a lot\u2014these changes came slowly\u2014the dress, the outward appearance, the friends, and the type of music. We were always very strict with the music, trying to keep her away from the really awful stuff; but we could hear angry music\u2014more depressing \/ hopeless kind of music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would try to constantly keep her away from the friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe eventually learned from\u2014actually, a school counselor, who called us in one time\u2014that her circle of friends had become some of the worst kids in the school. We were trying very hard to keep her away from them as much as we could; but again, they\u2019re pretty sneaky.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so if I could take you back to her senior year, and you could do it over again, is there anything you could have done, looking back? Anything you would have done differently? Anything you think could have steered her off the course she was on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> I don\u2019t\u2014you know, I think of perhaps a different discipline method that was more appropriate for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We wish we knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> I really don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You used grounding\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We used grounding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014withholding privileges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes: \u201cYou can\u2019t do this. You can\u2019t do that.\u201d But we weren\u2019t sure what other options we would have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We would often turn to Scripture as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would try and choose some that seemed very appropriate and fitting for whatever the issue was that she had done. We would try\u2014and again, a way of continuing to get truth into her mind\u2014we would have her write out these Scriptures some number of times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I think maybe more willingness on our part to go to a counselor to even get help for <em>us<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Even her counselor advised us\u2014she said: \u201cRenee will come in here, and she\u2019ll sit and talk. I\u2019m a safe place for her to talk. But she\u2019s not processing anything\u2014she\u2019s not moving in any healing direction or positive direction. I\u2019m just a safe person, and we really don\u2019t need to keep coming and doing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Part of the reason I asked the question\u2014and, I think, at one level, it\u2019s comforting to hear you answer the way you did\u2014because parents, who are in the middle of it, are desperate for: \u201cWhat\u2019s the silver bullet? What can I <em>do<\/em> that is going to fix this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cDoes that mean move across the country?\u2014we\u2019ll do it! Does that mean this?\u2014we\u2019ll do it.\u201d They\u2019ll do whatever to save their child; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you guys, even looking back on it, say, \u201cI don\u2019t know that we could have done anything differently, even from this perspective.\u201d That goes to your point, Dennis, which is that kids are not robots. We can\u2019t control some of what\u2019s going on in their heart and their soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and what I would say to parents, who are listening in and they\u2019re suspicious that maybe something is going on in their younger child\u2019s life\u2014late grade school \/ junior high\u2014I mean, the pressures are enormous today on young people at earlier and earlier ages. Or perhaps, you have a teenager or a young adult living at your home; and you know something\u2019s going on. Here\u2019s what I would say to you: \u201cNumber one, begin to ask God, as a couple \/ or if you\u2019re a single mom\u2014ask God for wisdom about what you should do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe part of the wisdom is: \u201cGod, would you help us catch him \/ catch her so we understand what\u2019s happening here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s the truth?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because one of the problems that a parent of a prodigal faces is\u2014they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re up against.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They truly don\u2019t know how to come back with an offensive game plan, because you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re up against: whether it\u2019s depression\u2014is it peer pressure?\u2014or is it substance abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second thing I would say\u2014and this is <em>absolutely<\/em> as important as the first: \u201cFind a couple of mature friends that you can confide in, as a couple. Go to their house to have dinner and say: \u201cWe need you to pray for us. We need you to be a sounding board for us, because we\u2019re handling this internally. It\u2019s really difficult to know exactly what to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And your point there is not so much that your friends are going to have an answer for you, but you\u2019re going to need the emotional support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t try to battle this, just the two of you, and expect that weight to be something that you, as a couple, alone, can bear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a good point, Bob. I think when you bear this weight alone, even if it\u2019s a couple, you lose perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third thing that I would encourage a couple to do is\u2014out of this prayer and out of this godly counsel that you get: \u201cPut a plan together in terms of how you, as a couple, are going to approach this child. Part of the plan may be that you\u2019re not going to enable this kind of behavior, going forward, and continue to bail them out of situations that they get themselves into because of their irresponsibility.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That may lead to some very hard calls that parents have to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what makes this difficult, Bob; because the nature of a parent is to want to protect their child from being hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And yet, if you, as a couple, have agreed upon your plan: \u201cHere\u2019s what we\u2019re going to do if and when\u2026\u201d\u2014and you stick to it \/ you don\u2019t waffle; you don\u2019t wilt; you don\u2019t back-track\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and you may need to go back to the couple that you confided in and say: \u201cYou need to help us here! We may call you in the middle of the night and say: \u2018We are about to cave in here! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019Remind us of the truth.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want you to know, as a parent, who faced some days\u2014perhaps not exactly like the Yohes have faced here\u2014I can just tell you, this may be a cross-country race. This may be a journey that\u2019s not just for a season or for a year or two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It could last for a decade. Now, I know that\u2019s not what some parents want to hear right now; but if you don\u2019t develop that kind of perspective, I think you\u2019re setting yourself up to be disappointed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dena and Tom, you guys have, together, turned your experience into an outreach for parents who are on the same journey that you were on, years ago, with Renee. You\u2019ve got a website. In fact, we\u2019ve got a link at our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to your website so folks can get more information about your ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids. <\/em>We\u2019ve got copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. It\u2019s available for order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online\u2014again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know, here in the United States, most of our listeners today are enjoying a day off as we take time to remember those who have made sacrifices for our safety. Here, on Memorial Day, we do want to pay tribute to veterans and their families, particularly those families of men and women who paid the ultimate price to protect our freedom. Our hope and our prayer, here at FamilyLife, is that when families go through the kinds of trauma and turmoil that many veteran families have been through with the loss of a husband or a wife \/ a son or a daughter\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014our prayer is that those families are rooted and grounded in a faith that is strong enough to see them through that trial. Our goal, here, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe those godly marriages and families can actually change the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say how grateful we are to those of you who are financial supporters of this ministry. We\u2019re in the last few days of May. During this month, our goal has been to raise $1.1 million that will enable us to continue work on a number of projects that we\u2019re hoping to complete this summer. Many of you, this month, have gone online to contribute to that $1.1 million goal. Thank you for your support. If you\u2019d like to see how we\u2019re doing, you can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; and it will show you how close we are to reaching that goal. If you can do anything to help us get over the top, we would very much appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you\u2019d prefer, you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear how Tom and Dena Yohe\u2019s journey with their daughter, Renee, went from a tough situation to a place of even deeper darkness and despair. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:15"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.7M"],"filesize_raw":["29045324"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304524.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304524.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Dena Yohe's daughter, Renee, started cutting herself at 12 years of age. Gradually, other behaviors surfaced including suicidal tendencies. Find out how Tom and Dena handled parenting a prodigal.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom and Dena Yohe never imagined that there would come a time when their adolescent daughter\u2019s life would be controlled by drugs and despair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> When you find that your child is <em>seriously<\/em> suicidal\u2014oh, my gosh; yes! You launch into rescue mode and you\u2019re afraid to sleep. You want to be with them 24\/7 to build a little cocoon around them and keep them safe. It was so hard to trust God with her. I was gripping on as tightly as I could, wanting to be in control. All I wanted to do was <em>save<\/em> my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What would you do, as a parent, if you learned that your child had wandered far down the wrong path? You\u2019ll meet Tom and Dena Yohe and hear their story today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Probably most of our listeners are familiar with the story in Luke, Chapter 15\u2014the story of the Prodigal Son.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You stole that! I had my Bible open. You looked at it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay! So what was your point, Bob? What was your point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My point is that there\u2019s very little in that story\u2014it\u2019s treated so matter-of-factly when the son comes to his father and says, \u201cI want my inheritance,\u201d and then he leaves. There\u2019s nothing in the story that describes what that was like for the father. We can imagine the heartbreak of that kind of a situation, because some of our listeners have experienced moments like that\u2014maybe not somebody coming and saying, \u201cI want my half of the inheritance,\u201d\u2014but a prodigal leaving home is a heartbreaking experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think there are a lot of prodigals in the church today, and parents of prodigals too. It\u2019s a hurting minority that, I think, suffer in silence; because they don\u2019t feel comfortable sharing their hurt. They feel like they\u2019re going to be judged for being poor parents. It really isn\u2019t a matter of being a poor parent, necessarily\u2014although that could be a part of the process. It\u2019s that we don\u2019t raise robots\u2014our kids have a choice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I like to say, going back to Genesis, Chapters 1, 2, and 3, the perfect Father had a pair of prodigals who chose to go their own way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, wait! I had my Bible open to Genesis 3! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob! You don\u2019t even have a Bible out here! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got it on my phone!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The listeners\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll open up my phone! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have a pair of guests with us, Tom and Dena Yohe, who join us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Welcome to the broadcast\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014home of some bitter quarrels between Bob and Dennis. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, thank you so much. It\u2019s quite a privilege to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Glad to have you here, Tom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m very happy to be here with you, two guys. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thank you, Dena.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have been married since 1978\u2014have three children. They have started a ministry called Hope for Hurting Parents. Dena has written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou indicated, early on\u2014that when your middle child was born\u2014that you had a suspicion, or observation, or inclination, or maybe it\u2019s that mother\u2019s intuition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Well, it was\u2014we had planned what sounded like it was such a <em>wonderful<\/em> experience for a newborn\u2014this warm bath that, after your child was delivered, they would lower them into this warm water. It would just be so soothing and calming, reminding them of the environment they had just vacated. We made this plan, and Tom was there\u2014he was a great coach for labor and delivery. They handed our daughter, Renee, to him; and he put her in the water. As soon as he did, she started <em>screaming<\/em>! We were like: \u201cOh, my gosh! What does this mean?! This is supposed to be soothing and relaxing.\u201d Right there, I kind of wondered: \u201cHmmm. What does this mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t have any sense that things were going to be hard with Renee until puberty, though; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Well, more serious; no. I mean, she was a challenging child most of her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Strong-willed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Strong-willed; yes\u2014stubborn. There were many times I would be on my knees, beside my bed, in tears, pounding the pillow, praying: \u201cOh, God! I don\u2019t know how to parent this little girl! I\u2019m not smart enough,\u201d or \u201c\u2026wise enough,\u201d or \u201c\u2026strong enough. Please help me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was also a great delight\u2014there is a lot of both\u2014very creative, and energetic, and athletic. But, yes, puberty brought out a lot of other challenges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At age 12, you found out she was cutting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes, for the first time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It was so unexpected. There was an incident between Dena and Renee. We sent her to her room to think about this, and then went back to check on her. We found her with cuts on her arm. We just didn\u2019t know how to process that. What happened? She found some glass in the windowsill, and began cutting. We thought, \u201cOh, my goodness!\u201d Again, we didn\u2019t know how to react with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A lot of our listeners hear that, and they go, \u201cThat is so strange.\u201d What\u2019s behind that? You\u2019ve now done a lot of research on that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve seen a lot of other children who have expressed their anger, and their fear, and their depression in this way. Unpack it a bit, if you would, for parents\u2014to help them understand what that represents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Sure. Well, it\u2019s <em>very<\/em> complicated; but the best summary that I have learned is that this is a way that an individual expresses deep pain that they are not able to verbalize. Either they\u2019re too afraid that, if they speak it, they couldn\u2019t handle it; or that they just can\u2019t even find the words. It\u2019s actually a coping mechanism. There are <em>many<\/em> reasons that people do it\u2014all the way from they\u2019re numb, emotionally, and this makes them feel alive\u2014they can feel this. Our daughter, however, said she never felt any pain when she cut herself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some, it\u2019s a way to punish themselves, because they feel guilty for things. They need to see the blood to feel that they are justified in what they\u2019re doing to themselves. It\u2019s very, very complicated; and it\u2019s very difficult to find healing from. It can take years, because it takes a long time to get to the root of what is really going on behind the behavior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tom, take me to the point where you discovered\u2014how did you discover, and what was your daughter\u2019s response when you said, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we walked into the room to talk to her, and when we saw these things, I didn\u2019t know if she was trying to take her life. You know, I just couldn\u2019t process what was going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was she wasn\u2019t trying to hide her arms from you at all?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> No; she showed us; you know? And, as we talked\u2014well, Dena talked to her later\u2014she [Renee] said she had never heard of it. It\u2019s not like somebody else had done it before her and she learned from them or heard from them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were these deep cuts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> They weren\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> No; it looked like she\u2019d gotten in a fight with a wild cat, and the cat won.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBoth arms\u2014wrist to elbow\u2014had those kinds of scratches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just so <em>shocked<\/em> when I walked in and saw this. I remember\u2014I just literally fell to my knees, and scolded her: \u201cThis is not a good thing to do! Why would you do this?!\u201d I am so embarrassed to admit now that I said to her, pointing my finger: \u201cDon\u2019t ever do this again! If you ever do this again, you\u2019ll have to see a counselor!\u201d as though that were some terrible punishment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve talked about that since, in recent years. I have asked her to forgive me for that, and she has. She does say that that is the one thing that she wishes we had done differently\u2014that we would have given her the opportunity to talk with a counselor sooner. She has no idea if she would have taken the opportunity or actually opened up and talked; but at least, she would have had the chance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your reaction, though, as a mom, is from a heart of fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You see these scratches on your daughter\u2019s arms that are self-inflicted. It\u2019s no wonder that you responded sternly. You were really just kind of covering over the panic in your own heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> To be honest, I didn\u2019t want to admit that anything could really be wrong with my daughter: \u201cI\u2019m not going to tell anybody about this.\u201d We <em>never <\/em>did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were in full-time ministry at the time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That had to play into some of this: \u201cWe can\u2019t tell anybody. If our supporters find out, they wouldn\u2019t pay our bills anymore.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014or: \u201cOur friends aren\u2019t going to understand this. Their kids aren\u2019t doing this. They\u2019ll think: \u2018What\u2019s wrong with [you]? What are you doing? What\u2019s wrong with your child?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This encounter, at age 12, was not the end of the ride for you with Renee.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Right. It did stop for a while\u2014several years\u2014she was stuffing those feelings. During that time, she began to develop some OCD symptoms, with odd numbers and various things. We just kind of wondered about that: \u201cOkay; that\u2019s kind of different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wasn\u2019t until she was a 16-year-old and we were living overseas\u2014she had become quite depressed and despondent. We just realized that: \u201cSomething more is going on here. We\u2019re seeing some red flags. We need to just sit down and talk and be brave enough to ask hard questions and wait as long as we need to until she\u2019s ready to answer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt took, literally, all night. Finally, she admitted that she was cutting again. She had become suicidal. We realized, then, that was when we needed to get back to America as soon as possible and get her the help that she needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At that point, being parents, you immediately moved into a crisis mode.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You start thinking: \u201cWhat\u2019s the worst thing that could happen here? Well, our daughter could take her life!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s scary stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> It was the greatest fear I\u2019ve ever faced\u2014I could hardly sleep \/ I could hardly eat. I lost 20 pounds in a couple of months. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the mornings, I was afraid to go to her room and open the door\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014for fear that she had cut herself, maybe too deeply, in the night: \u201cWould she be dead in her room?\u201d It was too overwhelming, and we had to begin taking turns: \u201cTom, you have to go this morning\u2014open her door.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tom, how were you processing this? Were you at the same emotional place that Dena was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we were terrified and <em>not<\/em> knowing what turn to take next: \u201cWhat step do I take next?\u201d All we knew was: Leave. Go back to the States, and get her help there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; when you find out your child is <em>seriously<\/em> suicidal\u2014oh, my gosh; yes! You launch into rescue mode, and you\u2019re afraid to sleep. You want to be with them 24\/7 to build a little cocoon around them and keep them safe. It was so hard to trust God with her. I was gripping on as tightly as I could, wanting to be in control. All I wanted to do was <em>save<\/em> my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And here\u2019s what I would want our listeners to hear\u2014especially those who may be suffering in isolation as well\u2014the real ploy of the enemy\u2014and there is an enemy of your child\u2019s life and yours, as well, as a family\u2014he wants to get you isolated. He wants to get you afraid, where you don\u2019t share with anyone. Yet, the real help comes from outside. It\u2019s going to come from other relationships with people who can coach you in what to do. But in order to find those helpers \/ those professionals, you\u2019ve got to let some trusted friends in on the inside of what\u2019s taking place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you finally did get to a counselor, this counselor made an amazing statement to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; it was really, really distressing. We\u2019d gone to see the counselor, and the counselor had said, \u201cI think she needs a more in-depth evaluation by a psychiatrist.\u201d That was another shock: \u201cWhat? You think there\u2019s something more serious wrong?\u201d We\u2019ll never forget the day that the three of us were sitting in his office, after he had evaluated Renee. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cOn a scale of 1-10, 1 being \u2018seriously suicidal\u2019 and 10 being \u2018just fine,\u2019 your daughter is about a 1 or a 2. It\u2019s a miracle she\u2019s still alive.\u201d That was like being hit in the head with a 2x4. And the three of us\u2014she still recalls this as well \/ it really hit her hard too\u2014the reality of where we were at that point in time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You moved back to America at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Things went from worse to even more tragic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> It went well for about six months when we immediately got back. Things seemed to be moving in a good direction. She connected with some good friends; but those friends were older and graduated. So the next school year, things started to change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking: \u201cIf you\u2019re a high school student, who\u2019s battling depression, you\u2019re going to wind up gravitating toward other people who are in dark places. That\u2019s not a great environment to be in.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes; we saw a change in her dress, a change in the way she did her make-up, changes that she would make in her room. Yes; her make-up became very darkened and heavy black\u2014a lot of black.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She was self-medicating during this time as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Oh, she started doing that unknown to us. Every now and then, we would catch her. Our prayer was always, \u201cLord, let her just get caught every time she does something wrong.\u201d Quite often, she did. We jokingly now say, \u201cMost of her senior year, she was grounded.\u201d So she loves to tell us, \u201cYou\u2019re grounded!\u201d No. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How was she self-medicating? What was she doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Drinking, smoking pot, taking pills\u2014I think anything someone would offer to her. Again, the parents are always the last to know. These kids are <em>very<\/em> good at hiding it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you find out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we caught her on a number of occasions, especially during her senior year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt really\u2014that wasn\u2019t a joke, because she was grounded just about her whole senior year. She\u2019d just have a week left of grounding, and then she\u2019d do something else: \u201cYou\u2019re grounded again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you walk in on her smoking weed? Did you find pills in her drawer or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, we caught her at school. Dena happened to walk in to the school office to take something to our younger daughter; and there was Renee, checking out. Another friend has forged a note and was waiting in the parking lot to get her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> She had been drinking that morning in the parking lot\u2014was leaving, and I could smell it on her breath\u2014so I confronted her. But we began to see a lot\u2014these changes came slowly\u2014the dress, the outward appearance, the friends, and the type of music. We were always very strict with the music, trying to keep her away from the really awful stuff; but we could hear angry music\u2014more depressing \/ hopeless kind of music. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would try to constantly keep her away from the friends. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe eventually learned from\u2014actually, a school counselor, who called us in one time\u2014that her circle of friends had become some of the worst kids in the school. We were trying very hard to keep her away from them as much as we could; but again, they\u2019re pretty sneaky.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so if I could take you back to her senior year, and you could do it over again, is there anything you could have done, looking back? Anything you would have done differently? Anything you think could have steered her off the course she was on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> I don\u2019t\u2014you know, I think of perhaps a different discipline method that was more appropriate for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Well, I don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We wish we knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> I really don\u2019t know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You used grounding\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> We used grounding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> \u2014withholding privileges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes: \u201cYou can\u2019t do this. You can\u2019t do that.\u201d But we weren\u2019t sure what other options we would have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> We would often turn to Scripture as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would try and choose some that seemed very appropriate and fitting for whatever the issue was that she had done. We would try\u2014and again, a way of continuing to get truth into her mind\u2014we would have her write out these Scriptures some number of times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; I think maybe more willingness on our part to go to a counselor to even get help for <em>us<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Even her counselor advised us\u2014she said: \u201cRenee will come in here, and she\u2019ll sit and talk. I\u2019m a safe place for her to talk. But she\u2019s not processing anything\u2014she\u2019s not moving in any healing direction or positive direction. I\u2019m just a safe person, and we really don\u2019t need to keep coming and doing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Part of the reason I asked the question\u2014and, I think, at one level, it\u2019s comforting to hear you answer the way you did\u2014because parents, who are in the middle of it, are desperate for: \u201cWhat\u2019s the silver bullet? What can I <em>do<\/em> that is going to fix this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cDoes that mean move across the country?\u2014we\u2019ll do it! Does that mean this?\u2014we\u2019ll do it.\u201d They\u2019ll do whatever to save their child; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes; we do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you guys, even looking back on it, say, \u201cI don\u2019t know that we could have done anything differently, even from this perspective.\u201d That goes to your point, Dennis, which is that kids are not robots. We can\u2019t control some of what\u2019s going on in their heart and their soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and what I would say to parents, who are listening in and they\u2019re suspicious that maybe something is going on in their younger child\u2019s life\u2014late grade school \/ junior high\u2014I mean, the pressures are enormous today on young people at earlier and earlier ages. Or perhaps, you have a teenager or a young adult living at your home; and you know something\u2019s going on. Here\u2019s what I would say to you: \u201cNumber one, begin to ask God, as a couple \/ or if you\u2019re a single mom\u2014ask God for wisdom about what you should do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe part of the wisdom is: \u201cGod, would you help us catch him \/ catch her so we understand what\u2019s happening here? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat\u2019s the truth?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Because one of the problems that a parent of a prodigal faces is\u2014they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re up against.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They truly don\u2019t know how to come back with an offensive game plan, because you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re up against: whether it\u2019s depression\u2014is it peer pressure?\u2014or is it substance abuse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA second thing I would say\u2014and this is <em>absolutely<\/em> as important as the first: \u201cFind a couple of mature friends that you can confide in, as a couple. Go to their house to have dinner and say: \u201cWe need you to pray for us. We need you to be a sounding board for us, because we\u2019re handling this internally. It\u2019s really difficult to know exactly what to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And your point there is not so much that your friends are going to have an answer for you, but you\u2019re going to need the emotional support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2019t try to battle this, just the two of you, and expect that weight to be something that you, as a couple, alone, can bear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a good point, Bob. I think when you bear this weight alone, even if it\u2019s a couple, you lose perspective. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe third thing that I would encourage a couple to do is\u2014out of this prayer and out of this godly counsel that you get: \u201cPut a plan together in terms of how you, as a couple, are going to approach this child. Part of the plan may be that you\u2019re not going to enable this kind of behavior, going forward, and continue to bail them out of situations that they get themselves into because of their irresponsibility.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That may lead to some very hard calls that parents have to make.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what makes this difficult, Bob; because the nature of a parent is to want to protect their child from being hurt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dena:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And yet, if you, as a couple, have agreed upon your plan: \u201cHere\u2019s what we\u2019re going to do if and when\u2026\u201d\u2014and you stick to it \/ you don\u2019t waffle; you don\u2019t wilt; you don\u2019t back-track\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and you may need to go back to the couple that you confided in and say: \u201cYou need to help us here! We may call you in the middle of the night and say: \u2018We are about to cave in here! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019Remind us of the truth.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want you to know, as a parent, who faced some days\u2014perhaps not exactly like the Yohes have faced here\u2014I can just tell you, this may be a cross-country race. This may be a journey that\u2019s not just for a season or for a year or two.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It could last for a decade. Now, I know that\u2019s not what some parents want to hear right now; but if you don\u2019t develop that kind of perspective, I think you\u2019re setting yourself up to be disappointed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dena and Tom, you guys have, together, turned your experience into an outreach for parents who are on the same journey that you were on, years ago, with Renee. You\u2019ve got a website. In fact, we\u2019ve got a link at our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to your website so folks can get more information about your ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book called <em>You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids. <\/em>We\u2019ve got copies of that book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. It\u2019s available for order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online\u2014again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know, here in the United States, most of our listeners today are enjoying a day off as we take time to remember those who have made sacrifices for our safety. Here, on Memorial Day, we do want to pay tribute to veterans and their families, particularly those families of men and women who paid the ultimate price to protect our freedom. Our hope and our prayer, here at FamilyLife, is that when families go through the kinds of trauma and turmoil that many veteran families have been through with the loss of a husband or a wife \/ a son or a daughter\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014our prayer is that those families are rooted and grounded in a faith that is strong enough to see them through that trial. Our goal, here, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe those godly marriages and families can actually change the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just want to say how grateful we are to those of you who are financial supporters of this ministry. We\u2019re in the last few days of May. During this month, our goal has been to raise $1.1 million that will enable us to continue work on a number of projects that we\u2019re hoping to complete this summer. Many of you, this month, have gone online to contribute to that $1.1 million goal. Thank you for your support. If you\u2019d like to see how we\u2019re doing, you can go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; and it will show you how close we are to reaching that goal. If you can do anything to help us get over the top, we would very much appreciate it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you\u2019d prefer, you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear how Tom and Dena Yohe\u2019s journey with their daughter, Renee, went from a tough situation to a place of even deeper darkness and despair. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304524","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304524"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304524"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304524"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304524"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}