{"id":304496,"date":"2017-05-09T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-09T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-a-firm-foundation\/"},"modified":"2017-05-09T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-09T15:00:00","slug":"building-a-firm-foundation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-firm-foundation\/","title":{"rendered":"Building a Firm Foundation"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A critical ingredient to building a foundation for marriage is a similar level of passion for Christ. Pastor Ernie Baker offers questions to ask to indicate the level of trust in a relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:50","filesize":"28.23M","filesize_raw":"29602901","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[6246,2877,2320,6247,6249],"podcast_series":[8208],"cwp_profile":[9454],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304496","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-gods-blueprints-for-marriage","tag-marriage","tag-purity","tag-purpose-for-marriage","tag-sex-before-marriage","podcast_series-marry-wisely-marry-well","cwp_profile-ernie-baker","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304496\/building-a-firm-foundation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304496\/building-a-firm-foundation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Q33kKOXBGf\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-firm-foundation\/\">Building a Firm Foundation<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-firm-foundation\/embed\/#?secret=Q33kKOXBGf\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building a Firm Foundation&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Q33kKOXBGf\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Does your fianc\u00e9e lack certain relationship skills? Dr. Ernie Baker says, \u201cIf that\u2019s the case, don\u2019t let that relationship be moving forward unless those issues are being addressed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk480645364\">You\u2019re not going to be a different person 24 hours after you\u2019re married than you were 24 hours before your marriage. You\u2019re carrying who you were, as a person, into the marriage. Just because you\u2019re married, you don\u2019t\u2014voila\u2014all of a sudden have good communication skills. So, start practicing now. I challenge college students: \u201cPractice with your roommate,\u201d\/ \u201cPractice with your parents,\u201d\u2014practice good conflict resolution skills.\u201d I challenge young people with \u201cWhy not start now?\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What are the non-negotiables that need to be in place before a couple makes it to the altar and says, \u201cI do,\u201d for a lifetime? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I wonder how many parents sit in a wedding ceremony today, watching a son or a daughter exchange vows with a young man or a young woman, and in the back of mom and dad\u2019s mind is the question, \u201cI wonder if these kids are going to make it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur five are all married. I can tell you\u2014I\u2019ve never been at a wedding, where I sat there and thought, \u201cI wonder if these kids are going to make it.\u201d I was at the wedding, going: \u201cThese kids are going to do great. They\u2019re going to do fine.\u201d I just never had that doubt in the back of my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014never had a reason to ask that question. I\u2019d agree, Bob\u2014we went to our kids\u2019 weddings, as well, and never wondered whether they\u2019d make it or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the parents, who are wondering\u2014because I think there are a <em>lot,<\/em> who do sit there and go, \u201cGee, I wonder if this is going to work out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I read somewhere, years ago, that upwards of 35 to 40 percent of the attendees at a wedding are sitting there, cynically thinking,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis will never last.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not going to go the distance.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a reason for that. I think, one is\u2014we don\u2019t have a culture that honors commitment. Secondly, we\u2019re not doing a good job preparing our young people to be able to get married. By the way, we need to be sending them to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as an engaged couple \/ as a wedding gift. Send them to the conference to let them hear the blueprints before they begin building their marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just was having dinner the other night with a young man, who had been to the conference 30 years ago; and he\u2019s still married. His sister was at the same conference he attended, as an engaged young man \/ [she] as an engaged young lady\u2014their parents had brought them. And the parents came! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a great model of that\u2014in doing marriage preparation <em>before<\/em> you make the commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur guest today, Ernie Baker, I think will agree with us. Welcome back to the broadcast, Ernie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Thank you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ernie and his wife Rose have been married since 1981. They have six children. He is now pastor at First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, Florida. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em>. This book is really written in three parts. It\u2019s about the foundation. It\u2019s about the first floor and it\u2019s about the roof. So, it\u2019s a ranch style house [Laughter] you\u2019re talking about building here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about each of those. First of all, the foundation\u2014what is the foundation for a great marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, since we\u2019re talking about the book, I\u2019ll talk about how I tried to structure it in the book. The theme in the book is based on Proverbs 24:3-4. I\u2019d like to read those if I could: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBy wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d So those are obviously foundation verses. One of my desires in the book was for it to be rigorously biblical, because I believe college students can handle that\u2014or singles can handle that. I wanted to substantiate my claims with biblical truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother theme is: \u201cWhat is wisdom?\u201d\u2014so: \u201cHow do you build a life on wisdom? How do you build a house on wisdom?\u201d The first four chapters are all about foundational issues. Obviously, one of those is: \u201cWhat\u2019s your relationship with Christ like?\u201d I believe that the days have come to an end where you can just settle for saying: \u201cWell, this guy goes to church. So we\u2019re going to be alright, because he claims to be a Christian.\u201d I urge young people to look for: \u201cWhat are the evidences that this person is not just claiming to be a Christian but is this person a follower of Christ?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause I believe in this principle\u2014that your relationship with Christ is the source from which everything flows\u2014that that has to be foundational. So that\u2019s one of the foundational issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just add to that, because I think this is critical for a lot of couples. I heard someone, one time, talk about the whole issue of spiritual yoking and that we\u2019re to be equally yoked. They made the point that doesn\u2019t just mean that you\u2019re both followers of Christ, but that the level of passion \/ the level at which you\u2019re pulling the yoke needs to be similar. You ought to be\u2014have the same passion level for Christ\u2014because it could be that one\u2019s a believer but kind of lukewarm in what they\u2019re doing \/ the other\u2019s really on fire for God. That can be a recipe for real problems in marriage; can\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And I can hear in that, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll change him after we get married.\u201d And that is so dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> You look for the people who are vigorously pursuing the Lord just like you\u2019re vigorously pursuing the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can tell you numerous stories about premarital counseling. One of the things I do in premarital counseling is\u2014I ask a couple to tell me their testimonies, <em>but<\/em> I don\u2019t have each one tell me their <em>own<\/em> testimony. I say, \u201cTell me the testimony of your fianc\u00e9e,\u201d\u2014whether they can tell me the testimony of their fianc\u00e9e tells me a lot about their relationship and what this relationship has been built on. If they can\u2019t even tell each other\u2019s salvation story, I know we have some foundation issues in the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I love your advice you\u2019re giving singles at this point: \u201cLook at the track record of the person. Look at the decisions and the judgment that they have: \u2018Is it based on the Scriptures? Is it based like the Lord\u2019s Prayer\u2014\u201cnot my will be done but Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven\u201d?\u2019\u201d And then, finally, I\u2019d ask the question about: \u201cAre his passions \/ her passions under control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAre they honoring you and your desire for purity and to save sex until you get married?\u201d I know that sounds like an old-fashioned idea; but I got to tell you\u2014you have to trust somebody before you get married if you\u2019re going to trust them <em>after<\/em> you get married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, at the foundational level is this spiritual dimension of the relationship. What else is in the foundation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> My favorite chapter in the book is about attractions. That\u2019s just a very foundational issue: \u201cWhy are you attracted to the people you\u2019re attracted to?\u201d I love the theme in Scripture\u2014by the way, there\u2019s lots of theories out in culture about why we\u2019re attracted to people; and I address a few of those in the book\u2014but Scripture is very clear that we live out of our hearts\u2014so: \u201cGuard your heart; for from it flow the issues of life,\u201d\u2014 which is not a verse, by the way, about protecting your heart from people who want to hurt you. It\u2019s about: \u201cYou need to guard your heart, because your heart wants to lead you astray.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe theme of the heart in Scripture is about\u2014as Jonathan Edwards would talk about the affections: \u201cWhat are you loving? What are your hopes and desires?\u201d That\u2019s my favorite chapter in the book\u2014is trying to get young people to think about \u201c<em>Why am I attracted to this person?<\/em>\u201d\u2014the wants and desires of the inner person. I don\u2019t want them to be na\u00efve about their inner person: \u201cWhere\u2019s their inner person leading them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They could be spiritually compatible and yet the attractions are different enough that that can present problems in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> The wants and desires could be\u2014could be ungodly wants and desires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or it could be\u2014even if it\u2019s not ungodly\u2014let\u2019s say that he\u2019s somebody who says: \u201cI want to see the world. Man, before I die, I just want to\u2014I would love to think that we would live in a dozen different places before we die.\u201d And he\u2019s marrying somebody who says, \u201cI want to settle down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and build a home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Those kinds of issues can <em>be<\/em> really challenging issues for couples after they\u2019re married; can\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. What we\u2019re really talking about is wisdom here\u2014just learning to ask good\u2014wisdom is\u2014Proverbs 2:6, I believe, is the best definition in the Bible of wisdom\u2014knowledge plus understanding equals wisdom. And so, knowledge is gathering data \/ asking good questions. And then you\u2014wisdom is: \u201cNow, what do I do with this information?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s the word, \u201cunderstanding,\u201d which is discernment\u2014\u201cHow do I ask the right questions?\u201d and \u201cNow, I have to make choices between good, better, and best with the information I have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe things that we\u2019re telling young people to consider here are really wisdom issues: Gather the information. Now, make the best decision, using biblical thinking, for the person that you\u2019re considering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s one other thing you talk about in the foundation. Those are the purposes of God. God has a noble design for marriage. We talk about this, Bob, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We talk about reflecting God\u2019s image\u2014that male and female were made to reflect the image of God to a culture. I think a marriage was designed to be a picture of Christ\u2019s relationship with the church\u2014it\u2019s a mystery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, we are to reproduce a godly heritage, not just children, but a <em>godly<\/em> heritage. By the way, when you talk about children, as you think about getting married \/ as you think about your foundation, make sure you\u2019re in agreement about children and about if you want to have them, first of all. And then, secondly, how you feel about the command of Scripture to have children and then raise them to become <em>godly<\/em> men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the third issue is to reign together in spiritual battle\u2014that\u2019s to be on a mission together of representing Christ in your generation. You\u2019ve already mentioned it\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you and Rose have a relationship where you enjoy going to the world together, ministering together, helping other people together. You are soul partners, of sorts, but you\u2019re also missional partners too. Just talk about that for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I love God\u2019s design for marriage and putting two people together. I like to challenge young people to think about, \u201cCan you serve the Lord better together than you could apart?\u201d And that\u2019s been a blessing for Rose and for me is\u2014I\u2019m with a person who believes the Lord was leading her into ministry. She\u2019s my \u201cadventure buddy.\u201d We get to do ministry together, and that\u2019s actually just gotten better over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I asked some friends, a number of years ago: \u201cIf you were giving Scriptural counsel to pre-married couples and you couldn\u2019t\u2019 use the traditional marriage passages, what verses would you share with them?\u201d I remember two or three guys, who said to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in fact, one guy said, \u201cI\u2019d use the verse I proposed with, which was Psalm 34:3 which says, \u2018Oh magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together.\u2019\u201d I thought that should be a requirement for everybody, who\u2019s proposing\u2014that you have to use that verse in order for it to be an official proposal\u2014because that\u2019s <em>really<\/em> what we\u2019re <em>proposing<\/em>\u2014that we would magnify the Lord together, and exalt His name together, and that two are better than one; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Living as worshipers together: \u201cWhether you eat or drink or whatever you do\u201d\u2014which includes marriage\u2014\u201cdo all to the glory of God [1 Corinthians 10:31].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the way you become a couple that does that is\u2014when you get in the process of being disciples of Christ \/ following Him\u2014and you can\u2019t be a disciple without dying to self. And by the way, that\u2019s what makes a great marriage. What ruins marriages are two people who have to have it their way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay? Let\u2019s talk about the first floor. We didn\u2019t get past the foundation; but you talk about the first floor being the single years and how we\u2019re preparing, as single people, for when we will be married someday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s a chapter that I don\u2019t think people really want to read, because I address the question of 1 Corinthians 7 in that chapter of, \u201cDo you have the gift of singleness?\u201d It\u2019s like they don\u2019t\u2014 [Laughter]\u2014they don\u2019t even want to consider that chapter, but there\u2019s so much that could be done during your single years to not waste the single years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve seen young people\u2014and in the book, I tell a story of a young man who had, yet again, another broken relationship. He came up to me after church one Sunday\u2014and this was the girl that he was <em>absolutely<\/em> convinced was God\u2019s will for his life. Well, she wasn\u2019t convinced; and she had just dumped him. He had only been talking for 30 seconds and tears just started to gush as he was thinking: \u201cHow could this be? I\u2019ve invested so much in this relationship. I was absolutely convinced that this was the girl I was supposed to marry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I noticed about his life is\u2014he was so focused on getting married and so focused on relationships, it was just dominating everything else. It was like\u2014instead of thinking, \u201cI need the Lord to be my stability and refuge,\u201d he was thinking, \u201cI need a woman to be my stability and refuge.\u201d I believe the Lord was actually working sovereignly in his life to help him see: \u201cYou think you need a woman, but you actually need Me. And until you get that right, I\u2019m going to keep you from making that mistake.\u201d I think the Lord was actually being gracious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But your point in the section of your book that talks about first floor is that, as a single person, you need to be involved in relationships and doing relationships God\u2019s way\u2014practicing how you resolve conflict \/ how you ask for forgiveness, how you grant forgiveness, how you get to know another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a friend of mine who told me that he was watching a group of single people relate to each other at a party. He said: \u201cI was astounded! The guys were frightened of the women. They were terrified to initiate a real relationship that went beyond the surface.\u201d And he said, \u201cI think we have a generation of young people, in college and coming out of college, who may be skilled, professionally, and getting ready for a job and a career; but may not know how to do the fundamentals of a relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I agree totally. And because of all the technology and seeing people on their iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>s\u2014and your head is buried in your iPhone\u2014just knowing how to start conversations \/ how to resolve conflict\u2014\u201cWhat is good communication?\u201d I challenge young people with: \u201cWhy not start now? Why wait? You\u2019re not going to be a different person 24 hours after you\u2019re married than you were 24 hours before your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re carrying who you were, as a person, into the marriage. Just because you\u2019re married, you don\u2019t\u2014voila\u2014all of a sudden have good communication skills. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>\u201cSo, start practicing now.\u201d I challenge college students: \u201cPractice with your roommate,\u201d \/ \u201cPractice with your parents,\u201d\u2014\u201cpractice good conflict resolution skills.\u201d My favorite resource there is\u2014and of course, you know who it is\u2014Ken Sande with <em>The Peacemaker<\/em> or the book, <em>Peacemaking for Families<\/em>. That is an absolutely <em>wonderful<\/em> resource to use to <em>learn<\/em> relationship skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I totally agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Years ago, we had the opportunity to sit down with Elisabeth Elliot and talk with her about counsel that she had given to singles over the years. I\u2019ll never forget her saying, \u201cPeople always want to know, \u2018Do I have the gift of singleness?\u201d\u2014like, \u201cDo I have the plague?\u201d \/ like, \u201cDoctor, do I\u2014am I going to live?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she said, \u201cI would always look at these people and say, \u2018Are you married?\u2019 and they would go, \u2018No.\u2019 And she said, \u2018Well then, you have the gift of singleness.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she said, \u201cThey would always say, \u2018But I want to know: \u201cDo I have it <em>forever<\/em>?\u201d\u2019 And she says, \u201cWell, goodness; nobody knows whether you have it forever. All we know is you have it <em>today<\/em>. If it\u2019s the gift you have today, then embrace the gift you have today, live it out to its fullest until God gives you a different gift,\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; Psalm 27: \u201cI would have despaired unless I\u2019d seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.\u201d I am teaching young people that: \u201cYour job, right now, is hope in the Lord. The Lord\u2019s your rock \/ the Lord\u2019s your refuge\u2014not: \u2018Am I going to be married?\u2019\u201d That\u2019s not going to be my rock and my refuge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And in fact, if you are obsessed with that, you\u2019re showing neediness in your life that makes you less ready for marriage than the person who can confidently say, \u201cI\u2019m single, and I\u2019m okay until God provides.\u201d That doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re not going to be sad, or lonely, or that they\u2019re not going to face challenges. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a difference between the guy you described earlier, who had to have a wife and kept coming up short and was lamenting every time, and somebody who says, \u201cOkay; this is the Lord\u2019s will, and I\u2019ll press on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; so: \u201cDon\u2019t waste your singleness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u201cUse it for the glory of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think I heard somebody say something about that\u2014[Laughter]\u2014Piper?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; no doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we talked about a foundation \/ first floor. Briefly talk about the roof\u2014what is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, the whole book is based on the idea of sowing and reaping\u2014that\u2019s wisdom in Scripture. The Book of Proverbs is about wisdom. Generally speaking, the tendency is that: \u201cIf you sow this way, more than likely, this is what you\u2019re going to reap.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like the imagery of the roof pointing to heaven: \u201cWhether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.\u201d So, a husband and wife coming together\u2014that our mission in life is to live as worshipers of the true and living God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to be God-glorifiers. We want to be worshipers together\u2014not perfect\u2014because Genesis 3 precludes that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t have a perfect spouse, which is one of the lies of our culture\u2014that you can find your perfect need-meeter\u2014and that, instead of having that mentality, I have the mentality of: \u201cI understand I\u2019m living with another Genesis 3 person. The gospel\u2019s made a difference in this person\u2019s life. The gospel\u2019s making a difference in my life; and now, we\u2019re living together as followers of Christ. We\u2019re raising the next generation of followers of Christ.\u201d You can actually have a marriage that is a God-glorifying marriage in the midst of all the cultural confusion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I like to think of it this way: \u201cThe darker the night, the brighter the light of God\u2019s Word shines. You <em>can<\/em> have a marriage that is a light in the midst of all the darkness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say: \u201cGive me a better foundation \/ give me a better plan than the Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive me a better roof than honoring and glorifying God that pays off over a lifetime.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reflecting back, now, on our marriage of 45 years. I don\u2019t know how people do it! I don\u2019t know what the plan would be. I don\u2019t know what the <em>purpose<\/em> of the relationship would be. Ultimately, I think it would degenerate into two selfish people, who try to get the other to meet their needs; and that isn\u2019t going to work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the point\u2014I think a lot of people will hear the title of your book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em> and they\u2019ll think, \u201cWell, that\u2019s a book for couples who are thinking about getting married.\u201d It\u2019s a book for people long before they\u2019re thinking about getting married; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019ve been told that it\u2019s really a pre pre-engagement book. My target audience is actually the young person, who\u2019s not even in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d want a high school student to read this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014older high school\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014young college student to read this\u2014and to really start thinking, now, before you think about: \u201cWho\u2019s the one?\u201d\u2014think about what the process needs to look like and how you manage that skillfully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014before all the emotions get stirred up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it. And speaking of the process, I would add to the book\u2014I would add the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as a <em>great<\/em> marriage preparation weekend for any couple who are contemplating engagement \/ who are engaged and even have the date set. Get to this conference\u2014go through it together. You will understand why it\u2019s so important, 20 years from today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And hopefully, you read Ernie\u2019s book, years ago, before you even started dating; but I think you\u2019re right. I think to have a weekend at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway prior to marriage is <em>great<\/em> marriage preparation for couples, who are engaged, or couples who are just wondering if this is the direction their relationship ought to be going in. We\u2019ve got information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways that are still ahead during the month of May and into June. We take a little break in the summer and then we\u2019ll be back in September with our fall getaways. You can find out when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is happening in a city near where you live by going to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also order a copy of the book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well.<\/em> If you have high school juniors or seniors or college students in your home\u2014or maybe there is someone you know who fits that description\u2014and you\u2019d like to give them a gift, this is a great book to pass on to them\u2014<em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation<\/em>. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife, we are committed to providing practical biblical help and hope. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families, because we think godly marriages and families can change the world. We are grateful for those of you who share this passion with us and who are partners in this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring the month of May, we\u2019re hoping to raise $1.1 million. That\u2019s a goal we\u2019ve set to provide the necessary funding to continue working on some projects that are underway currently. We\u2019d like to see those continue, full speed ahead, during the summer months. So, we\u2019re asking listeners\u2014those of you who give occasionally \/ those of you who have never made a contribution to FamilyLife: \u201cWould you make an online donation today?\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and do whatever you\u2019re able to do to help us reach that $1.1million goal. Or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we have a lot of hard questions that we want to pose to Ernie Baker about marriage and about marriage preparation\u2014things like \u201cDoes God only have one person in mind for you to marry?\u201d and \u201cHow do you find that person?\u201d That\u2019s just one of the questions we\u2019ll pose tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:50"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.23M"],"filesize_raw":["29602901"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304496.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304496.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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critical ingredient to building a foundation for marriage is a similar level of passion for Christ. Pastor Ernie Baker offers questions to ask to indicate the level of trust in a relationship.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Does your fianc\u00e9e lack certain relationship skills? Dr. Ernie Baker says, \u201cIf that\u2019s the case, don\u2019t let that relationship be moving forward unless those issues are being addressed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk480645364\">You\u2019re not going to be a different person 24 hours after you\u2019re married than you were 24 hours before your marriage. You\u2019re carrying who you were, as a person, into the marriage. Just because you\u2019re married, you don\u2019t\u2014voila\u2014all of a sudden have good communication skills. So, start practicing now. I challenge college students: \u201cPractice with your roommate,\u201d\/ \u201cPractice with your parents,\u201d\u2014practice good conflict resolution skills.\u201d I challenge young people with \u201cWhy not start now?\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What are the non-negotiables that need to be in place before a couple makes it to the altar and says, \u201cI do,\u201d for a lifetime? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I wonder how many parents sit in a wedding ceremony today, watching a son or a daughter exchange vows with a young man or a young woman, and in the back of mom and dad\u2019s mind is the question, \u201cI wonder if these kids are going to make it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur five are all married. I can tell you\u2014I\u2019ve never been at a wedding, where I sat there and thought, \u201cI wonder if these kids are going to make it.\u201d I was at the wedding, going: \u201cThese kids are going to do great. They\u2019re going to do fine.\u201d I just never had that doubt in the back of my mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014never had a reason to ask that question. I\u2019d agree, Bob\u2014we went to our kids\u2019 weddings, as well, and never wondered whether they\u2019d make it or not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, the parents, who are wondering\u2014because I think there are a <em>lot,<\/em> who do sit there and go, \u201cGee, I wonder if this is going to work out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I read somewhere, years ago, that upwards of 35 to 40 percent of the attendees at a wedding are sitting there, cynically thinking,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis will never last.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not going to go the distance.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a reason for that. I think, one is\u2014we don\u2019t have a culture that honors commitment. Secondly, we\u2019re not doing a good job preparing our young people to be able to get married. By the way, we need to be sending them to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway as an engaged couple \/ as a wedding gift. Send them to the conference to let them hear the blueprints before they begin building their marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just was having dinner the other night with a young man, who had been to the conference 30 years ago; and he\u2019s still married. His sister was at the same conference he attended, as an engaged young man \/ [she] as an engaged young lady\u2014their parents had brought them. And the parents came! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there is a great model of that\u2014in doing marriage preparation <em>before<\/em> you make the commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur guest today, Ernie Baker, I think will agree with us. Welcome back to the broadcast, Ernie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Thank you very much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Ernie and his wife Rose have been married since 1981. They have six children. He is now pastor at First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, Florida. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em>. This book is really written in three parts. It\u2019s about the foundation. It\u2019s about the first floor and it\u2019s about the roof. So, it\u2019s a ranch style house [Laughter] you\u2019re talking about building here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about each of those. First of all, the foundation\u2014what is the foundation for a great marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, since we\u2019re talking about the book, I\u2019ll talk about how I tried to structure it in the book. The theme in the book is based on Proverbs 24:3-4. I\u2019d like to read those if I could: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBy wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d So those are obviously foundation verses. One of my desires in the book was for it to be rigorously biblical, because I believe college students can handle that\u2014or singles can handle that. I wanted to substantiate my claims with biblical truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother theme is: \u201cWhat is wisdom?\u201d\u2014so: \u201cHow do you build a life on wisdom? How do you build a house on wisdom?\u201d The first four chapters are all about foundational issues. Obviously, one of those is: \u201cWhat\u2019s your relationship with Christ like?\u201d I believe that the days have come to an end where you can just settle for saying: \u201cWell, this guy goes to church. So we\u2019re going to be alright, because he claims to be a Christian.\u201d I urge young people to look for: \u201cWhat are the evidences that this person is not just claiming to be a Christian but is this person a follower of Christ?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause I believe in this principle\u2014that your relationship with Christ is the source from which everything flows\u2014that that has to be foundational. So that\u2019s one of the foundational issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just add to that, because I think this is critical for a lot of couples. I heard someone, one time, talk about the whole issue of spiritual yoking and that we\u2019re to be equally yoked. They made the point that doesn\u2019t just mean that you\u2019re both followers of Christ, but that the level of passion \/ the level at which you\u2019re pulling the yoke needs to be similar. You ought to be\u2014have the same passion level for Christ\u2014because it could be that one\u2019s a believer but kind of lukewarm in what they\u2019re doing \/ the other\u2019s really on fire for God. That can be a recipe for real problems in marriage; can\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And I can hear in that, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll change him after we get married.\u201d And that is so dangerous.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> You look for the people who are vigorously pursuing the Lord just like you\u2019re vigorously pursuing the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can tell you numerous stories about premarital counseling. One of the things I do in premarital counseling is\u2014I ask a couple to tell me their testimonies, <em>but<\/em> I don\u2019t have each one tell me their <em>own<\/em> testimony. I say, \u201cTell me the testimony of your fianc\u00e9e,\u201d\u2014whether they can tell me the testimony of their fianc\u00e9e tells me a lot about their relationship and what this relationship has been built on. If they can\u2019t even tell each other\u2019s salvation story, I know we have some foundation issues in the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I love your advice you\u2019re giving singles at this point: \u201cLook at the track record of the person. Look at the decisions and the judgment that they have: \u2018Is it based on the Scriptures? Is it based like the Lord\u2019s Prayer\u2014\u201cnot my will be done but Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven\u201d?\u2019\u201d And then, finally, I\u2019d ask the question about: \u201cAre his passions \/ her passions under control? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAre they honoring you and your desire for purity and to save sex until you get married?\u201d I know that sounds like an old-fashioned idea; but I got to tell you\u2014you have to trust somebody before you get married if you\u2019re going to trust them <em>after<\/em> you get married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, at the foundational level is this spiritual dimension of the relationship. What else is in the foundation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> My favorite chapter in the book is about attractions. That\u2019s just a very foundational issue: \u201cWhy are you attracted to the people you\u2019re attracted to?\u201d I love the theme in Scripture\u2014by the way, there\u2019s lots of theories out in culture about why we\u2019re attracted to people; and I address a few of those in the book\u2014but Scripture is very clear that we live out of our hearts\u2014so: \u201cGuard your heart; for from it flow the issues of life,\u201d\u2014 which is not a verse, by the way, about protecting your heart from people who want to hurt you. It\u2019s about: \u201cYou need to guard your heart, because your heart wants to lead you astray.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe theme of the heart in Scripture is about\u2014as Jonathan Edwards would talk about the affections: \u201cWhat are you loving? What are your hopes and desires?\u201d That\u2019s my favorite chapter in the book\u2014is trying to get young people to think about \u201c<em>Why am I attracted to this person?<\/em>\u201d\u2014the wants and desires of the inner person. I don\u2019t want them to be na\u00efve about their inner person: \u201cWhere\u2019s their inner person leading them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They could be spiritually compatible and yet the attractions are different enough that that can present problems in marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> The wants and desires could be\u2014could be ungodly wants and desires.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or it could be\u2014even if it\u2019s not ungodly\u2014let\u2019s say that he\u2019s somebody who says: \u201cI want to see the world. Man, before I die, I just want to\u2014I would love to think that we would live in a dozen different places before we die.\u201d And he\u2019s marrying somebody who says, \u201cI want to settle down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and build a home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Those kinds of issues can <em>be<\/em> really challenging issues for couples after they\u2019re married; can\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. What we\u2019re really talking about is wisdom here\u2014just learning to ask good\u2014wisdom is\u2014Proverbs 2:6, I believe, is the best definition in the Bible of wisdom\u2014knowledge plus understanding equals wisdom. And so, knowledge is gathering data \/ asking good questions. And then you\u2014wisdom is: \u201cNow, what do I do with this information?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s the word, \u201cunderstanding,\u201d which is discernment\u2014\u201cHow do I ask the right questions?\u201d and \u201cNow, I have to make choices between good, better, and best with the information I have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe things that we\u2019re telling young people to consider here are really wisdom issues: Gather the information. Now, make the best decision, using biblical thinking, for the person that you\u2019re considering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s one other thing you talk about in the foundation. Those are the purposes of God. God has a noble design for marriage. We talk about this, Bob, at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. We talk about reflecting God\u2019s image\u2014that male and female were made to reflect the image of God to a culture. I think a marriage was designed to be a picture of Christ\u2019s relationship with the church\u2014it\u2019s a mystery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, we are to reproduce a godly heritage, not just children, but a <em>godly<\/em> heritage. By the way, when you talk about children, as you think about getting married \/ as you think about your foundation, make sure you\u2019re in agreement about children and about if you want to have them, first of all. And then, secondly, how you feel about the command of Scripture to have children and then raise them to become <em>godly<\/em> men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the third issue is to reign together in spiritual battle\u2014that\u2019s to be on a mission together of representing Christ in your generation. You\u2019ve already mentioned it\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you and Rose have a relationship where you enjoy going to the world together, ministering together, helping other people together. You are soul partners, of sorts, but you\u2019re also missional partners too. Just talk about that for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I love God\u2019s design for marriage and putting two people together. I like to challenge young people to think about, \u201cCan you serve the Lord better together than you could apart?\u201d And that\u2019s been a blessing for Rose and for me is\u2014I\u2019m with a person who believes the Lord was leading her into ministry. She\u2019s my \u201cadventure buddy.\u201d We get to do ministry together, and that\u2019s actually just gotten better over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I asked some friends, a number of years ago: \u201cIf you were giving Scriptural counsel to pre-married couples and you couldn\u2019t\u2019 use the traditional marriage passages, what verses would you share with them?\u201d I remember two or three guys, who said to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in fact, one guy said, \u201cI\u2019d use the verse I proposed with, which was Psalm 34:3 which says, \u2018Oh magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together.\u2019\u201d I thought that should be a requirement for everybody, who\u2019s proposing\u2014that you have to use that verse in order for it to be an official proposal\u2014because that\u2019s <em>really<\/em> what we\u2019re <em>proposing<\/em>\u2014that we would magnify the Lord together, and exalt His name together, and that two are better than one; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Living as worshipers together: \u201cWhether you eat or drink or whatever you do\u201d\u2014which includes marriage\u2014\u201cdo all to the glory of God [1 Corinthians 10:31].\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the way you become a couple that does that is\u2014when you get in the process of being disciples of Christ \/ following Him\u2014and you can\u2019t be a disciple without dying to self. And by the way, that\u2019s what makes a great marriage. What ruins marriages are two people who have to have it their way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Right\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay? Let\u2019s talk about the first floor. We didn\u2019t get past the foundation; but you talk about the first floor being the single years and how we\u2019re preparing, as single people, for when we will be married someday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s a chapter that I don\u2019t think people really want to read, because I address the question of 1 Corinthians 7 in that chapter of, \u201cDo you have the gift of singleness?\u201d It\u2019s like they don\u2019t\u2014 [Laughter]\u2014they don\u2019t even want to consider that chapter, but there\u2019s so much that could be done during your single years to not waste the single years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve seen young people\u2014and in the book, I tell a story of a young man who had, yet again, another broken relationship. He came up to me after church one Sunday\u2014and this was the girl that he was <em>absolutely<\/em> convinced was God\u2019s will for his life. Well, she wasn\u2019t convinced; and she had just dumped him. He had only been talking for 30 seconds and tears just started to gush as he was thinking: \u201cHow could this be? I\u2019ve invested so much in this relationship. I was absolutely convinced that this was the girl I was supposed to marry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I noticed about his life is\u2014he was so focused on getting married and so focused on relationships, it was just dominating everything else. It was like\u2014instead of thinking, \u201cI need the Lord to be my stability and refuge,\u201d he was thinking, \u201cI need a woman to be my stability and refuge.\u201d I believe the Lord was actually working sovereignly in his life to help him see: \u201cYou think you need a woman, but you actually need Me. And until you get that right, I\u2019m going to keep you from making that mistake.\u201d I think the Lord was actually being gracious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But your point in the section of your book that talks about first floor is that, as a single person, you need to be involved in relationships and doing relationships God\u2019s way\u2014practicing how you resolve conflict \/ how you ask for forgiveness, how you grant forgiveness, how you get to know another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a friend of mine who told me that he was watching a group of single people relate to each other at a party. He said: \u201cI was astounded! The guys were frightened of the women. They were terrified to initiate a real relationship that went beyond the surface.\u201d And he said, \u201cI think we have a generation of young people, in college and coming out of college, who may be skilled, professionally, and getting ready for a job and a career; but may not know how to do the fundamentals of a relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I agree totally. And because of all the technology and seeing people on their iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>s\u2014and your head is buried in your iPhone\u2014just knowing how to start conversations \/ how to resolve conflict\u2014\u201cWhat is good communication?\u201d I challenge young people with: \u201cWhy not start now? Why wait? You\u2019re not going to be a different person 24 hours after you\u2019re married than you were 24 hours before your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019re carrying who you were, as a person, into the marriage. Just because you\u2019re married, you don\u2019t\u2014voila\u2014all of a sudden have good communication skills. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>\u201cSo, start practicing now.\u201d I challenge college students: \u201cPractice with your roommate,\u201d \/ \u201cPractice with your parents,\u201d\u2014\u201cpractice good conflict resolution skills.\u201d My favorite resource there is\u2014and of course, you know who it is\u2014Ken Sande with <em>The Peacemaker<\/em> or the book, <em>Peacemaking for Families<\/em>. That is an absolutely <em>wonderful<\/em> resource to use to <em>learn<\/em> relationship skills.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I totally agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Years ago, we had the opportunity to sit down with Elisabeth Elliot and talk with her about counsel that she had given to singles over the years. I\u2019ll never forget her saying, \u201cPeople always want to know, \u2018Do I have the gift of singleness?\u201d\u2014like, \u201cDo I have the plague?\u201d \/ like, \u201cDoctor, do I\u2014am I going to live?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she said, \u201cI would always look at these people and say, \u2018Are you married?\u2019 and they would go, \u2018No.\u2019 And she said, \u2018Well then, you have the gift of singleness.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd she said, \u201cThey would always say, \u2018But I want to know: \u201cDo I have it <em>forever<\/em>?\u201d\u2019 And she says, \u201cWell, goodness; nobody knows whether you have it forever. All we know is you have it <em>today<\/em>. If it\u2019s the gift you have today, then embrace the gift you have today, live it out to its fullest until God gives you a different gift,\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; Psalm 27: \u201cI would have despaired unless I\u2019d seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.\u201d I am teaching young people that: \u201cYour job, right now, is hope in the Lord. The Lord\u2019s your rock \/ the Lord\u2019s your refuge\u2014not: \u2018Am I going to be married?\u2019\u201d That\u2019s not going to be my rock and my refuge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And in fact, if you are obsessed with that, you\u2019re showing neediness in your life that makes you less ready for marriage than the person who can confidently say, \u201cI\u2019m single, and I\u2019m okay until God provides.\u201d That doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re not going to be sad, or lonely, or that they\u2019re not going to face challenges. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a difference between the guy you described earlier, who had to have a wife and kept coming up short and was lamenting every time, and somebody who says, \u201cOkay; this is the Lord\u2019s will, and I\u2019ll press on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; so: \u201cDon\u2019t waste your singleness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u201cUse it for the glory of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think I heard somebody say something about that\u2014[Laughter]\u2014Piper?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; no doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we talked about a foundation \/ first floor. Briefly talk about the roof\u2014what is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, the whole book is based on the idea of sowing and reaping\u2014that\u2019s wisdom in Scripture. The Book of Proverbs is about wisdom. Generally speaking, the tendency is that: \u201cIf you sow this way, more than likely, this is what you\u2019re going to reap.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like the imagery of the roof pointing to heaven: \u201cWhether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.\u201d So, a husband and wife coming together\u2014that our mission in life is to live as worshipers of the true and living God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to be God-glorifiers. We want to be worshipers together\u2014not perfect\u2014because Genesis 3 precludes that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can\u2019t have a perfect spouse, which is one of the lies of our culture\u2014that you can find your perfect need-meeter\u2014and that, instead of having that mentality, I have the mentality of: \u201cI understand I\u2019m living with another Genesis 3 person. The gospel\u2019s made a difference in this person\u2019s life. The gospel\u2019s making a difference in my life; and now, we\u2019re living together as followers of Christ. We\u2019re raising the next generation of followers of Christ.\u201d You can actually have a marriage that is a God-glorifying marriage in the midst of all the cultural confusion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I like to think of it this way: \u201cThe darker the night, the brighter the light of God\u2019s Word shines. You <em>can<\/em> have a marriage that is a light in the midst of all the darkness.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say: \u201cGive me a better foundation \/ give me a better plan than the Scripture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cGive me a better roof than honoring and glorifying God that pays off over a lifetime.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m reflecting back, now, on our marriage of 45 years. I don\u2019t know how people do it! I don\u2019t know what the plan would be. I don\u2019t know what the <em>purpose<\/em> of the relationship would be. Ultimately, I think it would degenerate into two selfish people, who try to get the other to meet their needs; and that isn\u2019t going to work!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the point\u2014I think a lot of people will hear the title of your book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em> and they\u2019ll think, \u201cWell, that\u2019s a book for couples who are thinking about getting married.\u201d It\u2019s a book for people long before they\u2019re thinking about getting married; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019ve been told that it\u2019s really a pre pre-engagement book. My target audience is actually the young person, who\u2019s not even in a relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d want a high school student to read this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014older high school\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014young college student to read this\u2014and to really start thinking, now, before you think about: \u201cWho\u2019s the one?\u201d\u2014think about what the process needs to look like and how you manage that skillfully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014before all the emotions get stirred up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No doubt about it. And speaking of the process, I would add to the book\u2014I would add the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as a <em>great<\/em> marriage preparation weekend for any couple who are contemplating engagement \/ who are engaged and even have the date set. Get to this conference\u2014go through it together. You will understand why it\u2019s so important, 20 years from today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And hopefully, you read Ernie\u2019s book, years ago, before you even started dating; but I think you\u2019re right. I think to have a weekend at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway prior to marriage is <em>great<\/em> marriage preparation for couples, who are engaged, or couples who are just wondering if this is the direction their relationship ought to be going in. We\u2019ve got information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaways that are still ahead during the month of May and into June. We take a little break in the summer and then we\u2019ll be back in September with our fall getaways. You can find out when a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is happening in a city near where you live by going to FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also order a copy of the book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well.<\/em> If you have high school juniors or seniors or college students in your home\u2014or maybe there is someone you know who fits that description\u2014and you\u2019d like to give them a gift, this is a great book to pass on to them\u2014<em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation<\/em>. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife, we are committed to providing practical biblical help and hope. Our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families, because we think godly marriages and families can change the world. We are grateful for those of you who share this passion with us and who are partners in this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDuring the month of May, we\u2019re hoping to raise $1.1 million. That\u2019s a goal we\u2019ve set to provide the necessary funding to continue working on some projects that are underway currently. We\u2019d like to see those continue, full speed ahead, during the summer months. So, we\u2019re asking listeners\u2014those of you who give occasionally \/ those of you who have never made a contribution to FamilyLife: \u201cWould you make an online donation today?\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com and do whatever you\u2019re able to do to help us reach that $1.1million goal. Or you can call to make a donation at 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we have a lot of hard questions that we want to pose to Ernie Baker about marriage and about marriage preparation\u2014things like \u201cDoes God only have one person in mind for you to marry?\u201d and \u201cHow do you find that person?\u201d That\u2019s just one of the questions we\u2019ll pose tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304496"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304496"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304496"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304496"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}