{"id":304494,"date":"2017-05-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-a-relationship\/"},"modified":"2017-05-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-08T15:00:00","slug":"building-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Building a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ernie Baker | Series: Marry Wisely, Marry Well | Our culture shouts that marriage is obsolete. Yet God makes it clear in Scripture how highly He values marriage and raising godly children. Author Ernie Baker explains that the one-flesh intimacy which occurs in marriage can&#8217;t be found anywhere else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>God makes it clear in Scripture how highly He values marriage and raising godly children. Author Ernie Baker explains that the one-flesh intimacy in marriage can&#8217;t be found anywhere else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:33:29","filesize":"30.65M","filesize_raw":"32143983","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817],"tags":[6246,2877,6248,6247],"podcast_series":[8208],"cwp_profile":[9454],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304494","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","tag-gods-blueprints-for-marriage","tag-marriage","tag-one-flesh","tag-purpose-for-marriage","podcast_series-marry-wisely-marry-well","cwp_profile-ernie-baker","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304494\/building-a-relationship","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304494\/building-a-relationship","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"z0nIg6pE6U\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-relationship\/\">Building a Relationship<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-relationship\/embed\/#?secret=z0nIg6pE6U\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building a Relationship&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"z0nIg6pE6U\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The common path for a couple today getting to marriage: you date first, have sex, move in, have kids, and then get married. In fact, even Christian young people have begun to wonder: \u201cIs marriage still relevant?\u201d Here\u2019s Dr. Ernie Baker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>Just a few weeks ago, I spoke to a college group. I got the question: \u201cWhat is an apologetic for why we need marriage? I\u2019m being told marriage is obsolete\u2014that it\u2019s not needed anymore.\u201d All of that is shaping the 20-somethings right now, with all of their fears about marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s the family they grew up in, and the failed marriage that they saw; or maybe their parents stayed together, but they knew their parents were not happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you start thinking about who to marry, it\u2019s important to stop and think about what the Bible has to say about marriage in the first place\u2014its purpose and its priority. We\u2019ll talk about those things today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. The average age for a man getting married today is\u2014it is 29; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Twenty-seven-and-a-half for women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s much later than it\u2019s ever been.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s also correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?! Why are they waiting so long to get married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I think it\u2019s become a bit of a subculture in our culture\u2014that singles are encouraging other singles just to delay this commitment\u2014that\u2019s for a number of reasons. I think they\u2014a good number of them\u2014have come from homes that were\u2014well, they don\u2019t want to replicate what they\u2019ve seen in their mom and dad\u2019s marriage or their family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, secondly, there are a lot of fears. They\u2019ve seen a good bit of their friends from high school \/ college\u2014from the single years\u2014make the commitment and, within a few years or a few months, break that commitment. So they\u2019ve got a good bit of questions about: \u201cHow does this thing work in the first place?\u201d I think, as single people get older, the fears increase. They\u2019re in need of someone coming alongside them and laying out the blueprints of how they can make this commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got a guest today who can do that. He has written a book called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well. <\/em>Ernie Baker joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Ernie, welcome\u2014welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Thank you very much. It\u2019s a privilege to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had an advantage as you raised your six children. You taught at the college level for a number of years; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you observing as you watched college students date and develop relationships with the opposite sex? What conclusions did you come to that ultimately ended up in you writing your book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, one of my biggest concerns is absentee parents, not really discipling their children. One of the biggest compliments I ever got about the book\u2014and I\u2019m just very grateful for it\u2014is one young lady reading it. She said, \u201cI felt like a father was talking to me and giving me advice about relationships.\u201d I was really hoping that that would be the tone of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you\u2019re saying that you observed kids, at the college-level, who didn\u2019t know how to establish a relationship with the opposite sex on an on-going basis\u2014and just have a friendship at the friendship level\u2014and then they begin to date. That\u2019s really where you run into trouble\u2014when you see young adults, who don\u2019t know how to establish a relationship that\u2019s healthy\u2014that is centered around Christ\u2014and that knows how to deal with conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And all of the attractions are kicking into gear\u2014just very strong attractions to the opposite sex. They don\u2019t know what to do with all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what\u2019s typical? Give me a typical profile of a 20-year-old girl, who\u2019s been raised in a Christian home. What does she know? What doesn\u2019t she know? What are her insecurities and fears? When she thinks about relationships\u2014I mean, in her heart, most 20-year-old girls want to get married; don\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I think so, and that\u2019s what the statistics are showing\u2014is that, eventually, people are going to end up\u2014especially coming from a religious background\u2014they\u2019re going to end up getting married \/ typical 20-year-old girl. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery semester, I taught Marriage and Family class at The Master\u2019s University for 12 years. Every semester, I would ask my classes\u2014and typically, there could be 40\/50 students each semester\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I would survey them at the beginning of the semester: \u201cWhat are your fears or concerns about entering marriage?\u201d I was hearing the same things, whether it was a guy or a girl\u2014I actually put some of the quotes in the book. They said things like this, just semester after semester: \u201cWhat if I wake up one day and realize that I don\u2019t love him any longer?\u201d \u201cWhat if she leaves me?\u201d \u201cWhat if he turns out to be a big weirdo?\u201d [Laughter] Those were echoed semester, after semester, after semester. That was part of the motivation for writing the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, as you\u2019re talking with young people on a college campus today \/ a university campus today, the thing that has them backing away from the idea of marriage is: \u201cWe\u2019ve seen how this doesn\u2019t work so well for so many people. We\u2019re just not sure we can safely go in that direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And culture is saying to them\u2014I just heard this just a few weeks ago. I spoke to a college group and I got the question: \u201cI\u2019m being told marriage is obsolete\u2014that it\u2019s not needed anymore. What is an apologetic for why we need marriage?\u201d All of that is shaping the 20-somethings right now, with all of their fears about marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s the family they grew up in, and the failed marriage that they saw; or maybe their parents stayed together, but they knew their parents were not happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was an unhealthy relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> It was an unhealthy relationship. And now, the culture is saying: \u201cMarriage is a thing of the past. You just don\u2019t need to be married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was writing, trying to give them hope that \u201cYou do not necessarily need to be a statistic,\u201d and that \u201cBiblical wisdom will speak in the midst of all this darkness going on. We have the light of God\u2019s Word that will give you wisdom in making a choice of a spouse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So give some parents some ammo right now. I don\u2019t want you to quote the Bible; but I want you to give parents a rationale, and a reason, and an apologetic for why marriage and family matter today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I\u2019m just going to speak from my heart\u2014why I love marriage. Rose and I have been married for 36 years. The Lord has blessed us with six children\u2014thirty-six years of ministry together. I\u2019ve started calling Rose, in the last year: \u201cShe\u2019s my adventure buddy.\u201d We have traveled, internationally, together \/ done ministry together. Even while I\u2019m here with you, my wife is mentoring a younger pastor\u2019s wife, right now. While I\u2019m doing this, my wife is my partner in ministry. That doesn\u2019t come just overnight. That comes after 36 years of living life together, and just the bonding \/ the intimacy that occurs, just like Scripture says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy apologetic would be: \u201cThe Bible says you can become one flesh, and I really believe you can become one flesh. I cannot imagine life without marriage.\u201d So one thing I would say would be the intimacy that occurs in that you can\u2019t have that in a co-habiting relationship\u2014the same level of intimacy does not occur\u2014it\u2019s between \u201ca man and a woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, the bottom line there is\u2014there is no commitment. I address that in the book as well\u2014is why co-habitation is <em>not<\/em> a wise methodology. In fact, it\u2019s just a <em>horrible<\/em> methodology for establishing a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a great predictor that things aren\u2019t going to work out someday if you do get married; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> The divorce rate among cohabiting couples\u2014and of course, people debate these statistics; but from what I\u2019ve done the research on\u2014it is somewhere between 40 and 70 percent higher risk of divorce for couples that cohabit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, it\u2019s appalling to me\u201450 percent of couples will cohabit before they get married; but yet, there\u2019s a 40 to 70 percent higher divorce rate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to acknowledge that, since the time I was growing up, one of the reasons why marriage is being delayed these days is because more and more people don\u2019t think there\u2019s any need to wait until marriage, and that includes Christian kids; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How do we deal with that, as parents, in a culture where\u2014well, I\u2019ll tell you a story. I was at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. We were meeting with the pre-marrieds, which we always do at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. A guy comes up to me and he says, \u201cMy buddies at work are telling me I\u2019m crazy.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said: \u201cBecause I haven\u2019t had sex with my girlfriend. They\u2019re saying, \u2018You may marry somebody you\u2019re sexually incompatible with. You\u2019ve got to try this out before you get married, or you\u2019re stuck for a lifetime!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s thinking, in the back of his mind: \u201cWhat if they\u2019re right? What if I\u2019m stuck with a lifetime of a bad sexual partner? That\u2019s not\u2014nobody wants that!\u201d So he asked me for my answer. I\u2019ll tell you what I said, but I want to hear what you\u2019d say to him first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I would say: \u201cBecause God\u2019s \u2018Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path,\u2019 that God\u2019s ways are always best.\u201d It takes faith to believe that in the midst of a sexually-promiscuous culture. So I try to say to young people: \u201cSex is at the end of the intimacy chain\u2014that if you are building a healthy relationship\u2014friendship, you have good communication skills, you learn conflict resolution skills\u2014the fruit that comes out of that is a wonderful intimacy\u2014sexual intimacy\u2014in your marriage. Sex is at the end of the intimacy chain, but it takes a lot of faith to believe that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cto believe that I\u2019m going to do what God\u2019s Word says, even though everything in my body is telling me to go after this person, physically, and the culture has removed all barriers.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need a whole new generation of young people, who are people of faith, like Hebrews 11\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014and believe the promises of God and that what God says\u2014He\u2019s the Designer!\u2014and what He says\u2014that\u00a0 must be the best way. But I\u2019ve got to fight against my tendencies and my desires and suppress them; and out of love for the other person that I\u2019m pursuing, say: \u201cNo. What God says is best!\u201d That takes a lot of faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You talk about having to do battle with the world, the flesh, and the devil. The world\u2019s screaming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The flesh is screaming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the devil is going, \u201cThis is where I thrive\u2014is when I\u2019ve got these both aimed in your direction.\u201d I understand the temptation that a 22-year-old is facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; so do I!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I looked at the young man\u2014and by the way, I agree with everything you said. I just said: \u201cLet me address sexual compatibility. She\u2019s a girl; right?\u201d He said, \u201cYes.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a boy?\u201d He said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are sexually compatible; okay? [Laughter] I will just tell you that that\u2019s about all you\u2019re going to have to worry about there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that there can be challenges that couples face, but that\u2019s not something you try to figure out in a dating relationship. That\u2019s something that God can help you address after you\u2019ve formed your bond and your covenant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve got the rest of your lives to become good at something that, frankly, is not going to be achieved without commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is an <em>incredibly<\/em> intimate connection of two human beings\u2014two imperfect \/ two selfish human beings. Honestly, I don\u2019t know how people who cohabit make it work; because you\u2019d always have the fear of, \u201cSomehow, I\u2019m going to disappoint, and he\u2019s out of here,\u201d or \u201c\u2026she\u2019s out of here,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or perhaps the fear of cheating on one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you\u2019ve got so many issues that\u2014instead of being removed by commitment\u2014because it\u2019s tough to keep your covenant\u2014let\u2019s be honest!\u2014keeping your covenant \/ remaining pure after marriage. There are a lot of temptations out there; but you\u2019ve got to do it\u2014you have to be men and women of the promise, as you said, and believe what God has said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think you ought to go all the way back to the Garden. If you look at how the devil tempted Adam and Eve, he asked a very simple question: \u201cHas God said\u2026?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And this is a generation, unfortunately, that is questioning what God has said \/ what God has designed\u2014how He said we should do marriage \/ how we should do life and family. As a result, we\u2019re doing it our way; and the reality is that\u2019s not a good way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ernie, let me ask you this, because I\u2019ve just been through this\u2014our youngest son just got married. He was 22 when he got married \/ his bride was 20 when she got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people said to them: \u201cTwenty and twenty-two! That\u2019s pretty young!\u201d The implication was: \u201cThe maturity level necessary, just in terms of being a mature human being\u2014at 20 and 22, you\u2019re still pretty immature. Maybe you just need a few more years of growing up before you\u2019re ready to take on that kind of a commitment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember those kinds of discussions, you know: \u201cAt 22, am I ready to shoulder this kind of a burden?\u201d You dealt with this with college kids, who were falling in love and wanting to get married. Did you cheer them on in the younger years; or did you say: \u201cHang on! You\u2019d be better off if you\u2019d wait until you\u2019re 24 or 25\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> My answer to that is to take that on a case-by-case basis, of how mature\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could have a mature 22-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do counseling for a living\u2014I\u2019m a Pastor of Counseling. I have met immature 45-year-old men. [Laughter] I actually said to a man one time: \u201cI wish you hadn\u2019t gotten married. We wouldn\u2019t be facing all of these issues right now. You need to take responsibility for being a man.\u201d That\u2019s really the issue: \u201cIs this person ready to take on the commitments of what it means to be a man?\u201d or \u201c\u2026take on the commitments for being a woman?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s something that\u2019s addressed in the book as well: \u201cWhat is biblical manhood? What is biblical womanhood?\u201d I sure wish we had parents, who were discipling their teenagers with: \u201cOkay; I want to be a godly father, and I want to shepherd you. Now, what does it mean to be a man?\u201d or a daughter: \u201c\u2026What does it mean to be a godly woman?\u201d Because that seems, to me, to be the better\u2014not waiting until 29 or 27, which is, statistically, what culture is saying: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWait longer, because then you grow up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAre you ready to take on the responsibilities?\u201d\u2014not perfect\u2014\u201cBut are you ready to take on the responsibilities of biblical manhood and biblical womanhood?\u201d I say to young people: \u201cWhen you\u2019re looking for a spouse, what\u2019s the trajectory that the person\u2019s on? You can\u2019t look for perfection, because that\u2019s impossible because of Genesis 3;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut what\u2019s the trajectory that this person is on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just have to comment; because, as you were saying that, I thought, \u201cOkay; here are the options: \u2018We can wait longer, until you\u2019re 29 and you\u2019re really grown up; or maybe you could just <em>grow up<\/em> before you\u2019re 29!\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re assuming that, by the time you\u2019re 29, you will have dealt with\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> <em>Yes!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the issues you should have dealt with when you were 20, 21, or 22. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to go back to something you just said, Ernie, and have you unpack it. You had three sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had three daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you have some experience, because you\u2019re an empty-nester; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That is a <em>new<\/em> part of life; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. I want you to answer the question for a mom and dad who\u2019ve heard you talk about this repeatedly in this conversation about: \u201cWhat is the essence of being a godly man? What\u2019s the essence of being a godly woman?\u201d Talk to us about what womanhood and manhood looks like in a culture that, increasingly, is blurring the lines of masculinity and femininity. Let\u2019s go back to the basics. Answer the question from the Scriptures: \u201cWhat is a man? What is a woman?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And we don\u2019t even know if there are two genders anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In our culture; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if there was ever a time that parents need to be experts on telling their children, \u201cWhat is manhood?\u201d and \u201cWhat is womanhood?\u201d Scripture is eloquent in answering those questions. I\u2019ll just say that the book that you need to look at or think about if you want to do more reading on is <em>Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood<\/em> by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. It\u2019s just an excellent resource. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMine is falling apart\u2014I\u2019ve used it in so many conversations with young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn essence, I would say manhood is lovingly leading, lovingly providing for, and lovingly protecting. The imagery\u2014when I was teaching Marriage and Family class, I would keep talking to the young men about: \u201cYou are to be the shepherd of your home. If you can just get that in your mind\u2014shepherds lovingly lead, lovingly provide for, and lovingly protect.\u201d I address that in the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, in the book, what I do with womanhood is\u2014I thought, \u201cWhat better example?\u201d\u2014because the Book of Proverbs\u2014the word that is used for wisdom in Proverbs is feminine. Proverbs says things like, \u201cWisdom builds <em>her<\/em> house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And then it all culminates with Proverbs 31: \u201cWhat is the excellent wife?\u201d So what I do in the book with womanhood is\u2014I trace, throughout the Book of Proverbs: \u201cWhat does Proverbs say a wise woman is?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s a little bit more lengthy than what I can give you right now\u2014but \u201cWhat are the characteristics of a wise woman?\u201d Well, obviously, she has\u2014according to Proverbs 31\u2014she has a proper balance between inward and outward beauty. Proverbs 31 talks about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo manhood \/ womanhood are just absolutely crucial topics to be teaching our young people, because they are really confused about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, this is something that, a few years ago, we felt burdened about. We have a resource we created for pre-teens\u2014parents and pre-teens\u2014called <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, where a dad or a mom can take a preteen son or daughter for a weekend away and talk about the birds and the bees, and about what\u2019s coming up in adolescence, and help get them ready for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we realized: \u201cYou can\u2019t stop the conversation there. Thirteen- and fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds are starting to ask the questions: \u2018Who am I? What am I good at? What does it mean that I\u2019m a man? What does it mean that I\u2019m a woman? How am I supposed to live that out?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our culture, particularly, that\u2019s a challenge; so we created a resource called <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. This is part of the discipling of children that you\u2019re urging parents to do. We just thought to have a tool like this might tee up the conversations and make it easier for moms and dads to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And when I talk to parents about this, they get confused, thinking we have a conference that they go to. Well, you know what? This is better than a conference! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s something that you lead, ladies\/moms, your daughter through. And, dads, it\u2019s something you lead your sons through. It\u2019s actually a kit with CDs and a workbook, and we tee it up so mom and dad are the heroes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014if you have pre-teens or junior high-aged kids\u2014there\u2019s information available there about both <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> and <em>Passport2Identity<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, there\u2019s information about the great book that Ernie Baker has written, called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation. <\/em>This is a book that our sons and daughters ought to be reading, really, before they start to form any romantic relationships\u2014so high school \/ early college\u2014this is a book to read <em>before<\/em> you think you\u2019ve found the right person, because it\u2019s to help you know how to begin that process\u2014what to be looking for and how to make sure that you\u2019re approach to marriage is the right approach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation. <\/em>You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is a busy season, here at FamilyLife. We are just back from being at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit that was held in Nashville last Thursday and Friday. We had a chance to see a number of our listeners. It\u2019s always encouraging to hear from you about how God uses the ministry of FamilyLife in your life. We\u2019re grateful for those of you who partner with us. Our goal is to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re currently working on a number of new projects that we\u2019re hoping we can continue working on, at full speed throughout the summer months; but we\u2019ve been doing some calculating recently and, if we\u2019re going to be able to do that, we need to see if, this month, we can raise $1.1 million. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re asking listeners to pitch in and help us in the month of May with the funds necessary to keep this ministry moving, full-speed ahead, in the months ahead. Let me first say, \u201cWe don\u2019t want to do anything that takes away from your giving to your local church. We think that ought to be a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I also want to say a \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are Legacy Partners, who contribute on a monthly basis. Thank you for your <em>consistent<\/em> financial support. If you can pitch in a little more this month, that would be great. Or if you are not a Legacy Partner\u2014maybe you\u2019ve never made a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014this would be the perfect month to call or go online and make a $25- or a $50-donation. Whatever you can afford, we\u2019re grateful for that contribution. Again, you can do that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about what we can be doing, as parents, to help our young people think wisely about the whole subject of marriage and, particularly, how they can develop certain relationship skills that they\u2019re going to need to sustain a healthy, vibrant marriage. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:33:29"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["30.65M"],"filesize_raw":["32143983"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304494.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304494.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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makes it clear in Scripture how highly He values marriage and raising godly children. Author Ernie Baker explains that the one-flesh intimacy in marriage can't be found anywhere else.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The common path for a couple today getting to marriage: you date first, have sex, move in, have kids, and then get married. In fact, even Christian young people have begun to wonder: \u201cIs marriage still relevant?\u201d Here\u2019s Dr. Ernie Baker.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>Just a few weeks ago, I spoke to a college group. I got the question: \u201cWhat is an apologetic for why we need marriage? I\u2019m being told marriage is obsolete\u2014that it\u2019s not needed anymore.\u201d All of that is shaping the 20-somethings right now, with all of their fears about marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s the family they grew up in, and the failed marriage that they saw; or maybe their parents stayed together, but they knew their parents were not happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you start thinking about who to marry, it\u2019s important to stop and think about what the Bible has to say about marriage in the first place\u2014its purpose and its priority. We\u2019ll talk about those things today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. The average age for a man getting married today is\u2014it is 29; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Twenty-seven-and-a-half for women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s much later than it\u2019s ever been.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s also correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why?! Why are they waiting so long to get married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I think it\u2019s become a bit of a subculture in our culture\u2014that singles are encouraging other singles just to delay this commitment\u2014that\u2019s for a number of reasons. I think they\u2014a good number of them\u2014have come from homes that were\u2014well, they don\u2019t want to replicate what they\u2019ve seen in their mom and dad\u2019s marriage or their family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, secondly, there are a lot of fears. They\u2019ve seen a good bit of their friends from high school \/ college\u2014from the single years\u2014make the commitment and, within a few years or a few months, break that commitment. So they\u2019ve got a good bit of questions about: \u201cHow does this thing work in the first place?\u201d I think, as single people get older, the fears increase. They\u2019re in need of someone coming alongside them and laying out the blueprints of how they can make this commitment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve got a guest today who can do that. He has written a book called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well. <\/em>Ernie Baker joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Ernie, welcome\u2014welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Thank you very much. It\u2019s a privilege to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had an advantage as you raised your six children. You taught at the college level for a number of years; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What were you observing as you watched college students date and develop relationships with the opposite sex? What conclusions did you come to that ultimately ended up in you writing your book, <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, one of my biggest concerns is absentee parents, not really discipling their children. One of the biggest compliments I ever got about the book\u2014and I\u2019m just very grateful for it\u2014is one young lady reading it. She said, \u201cI felt like a father was talking to me and giving me advice about relationships.\u201d I was really hoping that that would be the tone of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you\u2019re saying that you observed kids, at the college-level, who didn\u2019t know how to establish a relationship with the opposite sex on an on-going basis\u2014and just have a friendship at the friendship level\u2014and then they begin to date. That\u2019s really where you run into trouble\u2014when you see young adults, who don\u2019t know how to establish a relationship that\u2019s healthy\u2014that is centered around Christ\u2014and that knows how to deal with conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And all of the attractions are kicking into gear\u2014just very strong attractions to the opposite sex. They don\u2019t know what to do with all of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what\u2019s typical? Give me a typical profile of a 20-year-old girl, who\u2019s been raised in a Christian home. What does she know? What doesn\u2019t she know? What are her insecurities and fears? When she thinks about relationships\u2014I mean, in her heart, most 20-year-old girls want to get married; don\u2019t they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I think so, and that\u2019s what the statistics are showing\u2014is that, eventually, people are going to end up\u2014especially coming from a religious background\u2014they\u2019re going to end up getting married \/ typical 20-year-old girl. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery semester, I taught Marriage and Family class at The Master\u2019s University for 12 years. Every semester, I would ask my classes\u2014and typically, there could be 40\/50 students each semester\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I would survey them at the beginning of the semester: \u201cWhat are your fears or concerns about entering marriage?\u201d I was hearing the same things, whether it was a guy or a girl\u2014I actually put some of the quotes in the book. They said things like this, just semester after semester: \u201cWhat if I wake up one day and realize that I don\u2019t love him any longer?\u201d \u201cWhat if she leaves me?\u201d \u201cWhat if he turns out to be a big weirdo?\u201d [Laughter] Those were echoed semester, after semester, after semester. That was part of the motivation for writing the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, as you\u2019re talking with young people on a college campus today \/ a university campus today, the thing that has them backing away from the idea of marriage is: \u201cWe\u2019ve seen how this doesn\u2019t work so well for so many people. We\u2019re just not sure we can safely go in that direction.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And culture is saying to them\u2014I just heard this just a few weeks ago. I spoke to a college group and I got the question: \u201cI\u2019m being told marriage is obsolete\u2014that it\u2019s not needed anymore. What is an apologetic for why we need marriage?\u201d All of that is shaping the 20-somethings right now, with all of their fears about marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s the family they grew up in, and the failed marriage that they saw; or maybe their parents stayed together, but they knew their parents were not happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was an unhealthy relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> It was an unhealthy relationship. And now, the culture is saying: \u201cMarriage is a thing of the past. You just don\u2019t need to be married.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was writing, trying to give them hope that \u201cYou do not necessarily need to be a statistic,\u201d and that \u201cBiblical wisdom will speak in the midst of all this darkness going on. We have the light of God\u2019s Word that will give you wisdom in making a choice of a spouse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So give some parents some ammo right now. I don\u2019t want you to quote the Bible; but I want you to give parents a rationale, and a reason, and an apologetic for why marriage and family matter today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I\u2019m just going to speak from my heart\u2014why I love marriage. Rose and I have been married for 36 years. The Lord has blessed us with six children\u2014thirty-six years of ministry together. I\u2019ve started calling Rose, in the last year: \u201cShe\u2019s my adventure buddy.\u201d We have traveled, internationally, together \/ done ministry together. Even while I\u2019m here with you, my wife is mentoring a younger pastor\u2019s wife, right now. While I\u2019m doing this, my wife is my partner in ministry. That doesn\u2019t come just overnight. That comes after 36 years of living life together, and just the bonding \/ the intimacy that occurs, just like Scripture says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy apologetic would be: \u201cThe Bible says you can become one flesh, and I really believe you can become one flesh. I cannot imagine life without marriage.\u201d So one thing I would say would be the intimacy that occurs in that you can\u2019t have that in a co-habiting relationship\u2014the same level of intimacy does not occur\u2014it\u2019s between \u201ca man and a woman.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Why not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Well, the bottom line there is\u2014there is no commitment. I address that in the book as well\u2014is why co-habitation is <em>not<\/em> a wise methodology. In fact, it\u2019s just a <em>horrible<\/em> methodology for establishing a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And it\u2019s a great predictor that things aren\u2019t going to work out someday if you do get married; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> The divorce rate among cohabiting couples\u2014and of course, people debate these statistics; but from what I\u2019ve done the research on\u2014it is somewhere between 40 and 70 percent higher risk of divorce for couples that cohabit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, it\u2019s appalling to me\u201450 percent of couples will cohabit before they get married; but yet, there\u2019s a 40 to 70 percent higher divorce rate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to acknowledge that, since the time I was growing up, one of the reasons why marriage is being delayed these days is because more and more people don\u2019t think there\u2019s any need to wait until marriage, and that includes Christian kids; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How do we deal with that, as parents, in a culture where\u2014well, I\u2019ll tell you a story. I was at one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. We were meeting with the pre-marrieds, which we always do at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>. A guy comes up to me and he says, \u201cMy buddies at work are telling me I\u2019m crazy.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said: \u201cBecause I haven\u2019t had sex with my girlfriend. They\u2019re saying, \u2018You may marry somebody you\u2019re sexually incompatible with. You\u2019ve got to try this out before you get married, or you\u2019re stuck for a lifetime!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe\u2019s thinking, in the back of his mind: \u201cWhat if they\u2019re right? What if I\u2019m stuck with a lifetime of a bad sexual partner? That\u2019s not\u2014nobody wants that!\u201d So he asked me for my answer. I\u2019ll tell you what I said, but I want to hear what you\u2019d say to him first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> I would say: \u201cBecause God\u2019s \u2018Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path,\u2019 that God\u2019s ways are always best.\u201d It takes faith to believe that in the midst of a sexually-promiscuous culture. So I try to say to young people: \u201cSex is at the end of the intimacy chain\u2014that if you are building a healthy relationship\u2014friendship, you have good communication skills, you learn conflict resolution skills\u2014the fruit that comes out of that is a wonderful intimacy\u2014sexual intimacy\u2014in your marriage. Sex is at the end of the intimacy chain, but it takes a lot of faith to believe that\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cto believe that I\u2019m going to do what God\u2019s Word says, even though everything in my body is telling me to go after this person, physically, and the culture has removed all barriers.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need a whole new generation of young people, who are people of faith, like Hebrews 11\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014and believe the promises of God and that what God says\u2014He\u2019s the Designer!\u2014and what He says\u2014that\u00a0 must be the best way. But I\u2019ve got to fight against my tendencies and my desires and suppress them; and out of love for the other person that I\u2019m pursuing, say: \u201cNo. What God says is best!\u201d That takes a lot of faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You talk about having to do battle with the world, the flesh, and the devil. The world\u2019s screaming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The flesh is screaming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the devil is going, \u201cThis is where I thrive\u2014is when I\u2019ve got these both aimed in your direction.\u201d I understand the temptation that a 22-year-old is facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; so do I!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I looked at the young man\u2014and by the way, I agree with everything you said. I just said: \u201cLet me address sexual compatibility. She\u2019s a girl; right?\u201d He said, \u201cYes.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a boy?\u201d He said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are sexually compatible; okay? [Laughter] I will just tell you that that\u2019s about all you\u2019re going to have to worry about there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that there can be challenges that couples face, but that\u2019s not something you try to figure out in a dating relationship. That\u2019s something that God can help you address after you\u2019ve formed your bond and your covenant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve got the rest of your lives to become good at something that, frankly, is not going to be achieved without commitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is an <em>incredibly<\/em> intimate connection of two human beings\u2014two imperfect \/ two selfish human beings. Honestly, I don\u2019t know how people who cohabit make it work; because you\u2019d always have the fear of, \u201cSomehow, I\u2019m going to disappoint, and he\u2019s out of here,\u201d or \u201c\u2026she\u2019s out of here,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014or perhaps the fear of cheating on one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you\u2019ve got so many issues that\u2014instead of being removed by commitment\u2014because it\u2019s tough to keep your covenant\u2014let\u2019s be honest!\u2014keeping your covenant \/ remaining pure after marriage. There are a lot of temptations out there; but you\u2019ve got to do it\u2014you have to be men and women of the promise, as you said, and believe what God has said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I think you ought to go all the way back to the Garden. If you look at how the devil tempted Adam and Eve, he asked a very simple question: \u201cHas God said\u2026?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And this is a generation, unfortunately, that is questioning what God has said \/ what God has designed\u2014how He said we should do marriage \/ how we should do life and family. As a result, we\u2019re doing it our way; and the reality is that\u2019s not a good way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ernie, let me ask you this, because I\u2019ve just been through this\u2014our youngest son just got married. He was 22 when he got married \/ his bride was 20 when she got married. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people said to them: \u201cTwenty and twenty-two! That\u2019s pretty young!\u201d The implication was: \u201cThe maturity level necessary, just in terms of being a mature human being\u2014at 20 and 22, you\u2019re still pretty immature. Maybe you just need a few more years of growing up before you\u2019re ready to take on that kind of a commitment.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember those kinds of discussions, you know: \u201cAt 22, am I ready to shoulder this kind of a burden?\u201d You dealt with this with college kids, who were falling in love and wanting to get married. Did you cheer them on in the younger years; or did you say: \u201cHang on! You\u2019d be better off if you\u2019d wait until you\u2019re 24 or 25\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> My answer to that is to take that on a case-by-case basis, of how mature\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you could have a mature 22-year-old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do counseling for a living\u2014I\u2019m a Pastor of Counseling. I have met immature 45-year-old men. [Laughter] I actually said to a man one time: \u201cI wish you hadn\u2019t gotten married. We wouldn\u2019t be facing all of these issues right now. You need to take responsibility for being a man.\u201d That\u2019s really the issue: \u201cIs this person ready to take on the commitments of what it means to be a man?\u201d or \u201c\u2026take on the commitments for being a woman?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s something that\u2019s addressed in the book as well: \u201cWhat is biblical manhood? What is biblical womanhood?\u201d I sure wish we had parents, who were discipling their teenagers with: \u201cOkay; I want to be a godly father, and I want to shepherd you. Now, what does it mean to be a man?\u201d or a daughter: \u201c\u2026What does it mean to be a godly woman?\u201d Because that seems, to me, to be the better\u2014not waiting until 29 or 27, which is, statistically, what culture is saying: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWait longer, because then you grow up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAre you ready to take on the responsibilities?\u201d\u2014not perfect\u2014\u201cBut are you ready to take on the responsibilities of biblical manhood and biblical womanhood?\u201d I say to young people: \u201cWhen you\u2019re looking for a spouse, what\u2019s the trajectory that the person\u2019s on? You can\u2019t look for perfection, because that\u2019s impossible because of Genesis 3;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbut what\u2019s the trajectory that this person is on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just have to comment; because, as you were saying that, I thought, \u201cOkay; here are the options: \u2018We can wait longer, until you\u2019re 29 and you\u2019re really grown up; or maybe you could just <em>grow up<\/em> before you\u2019re 29!\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re assuming that, by the time you\u2019re 29, you will have dealt with\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> <em>Yes!<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the issues you should have dealt with when you were 20, 21, or 22. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to go back to something you just said, Ernie, and have you unpack it. You had three sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You had three daughters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So you have some experience, because you\u2019re an empty-nester; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> That is a <em>new<\/em> part of life; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay. I want you to answer the question for a mom and dad who\u2019ve heard you talk about this repeatedly in this conversation about: \u201cWhat is the essence of being a godly man? What\u2019s the essence of being a godly woman?\u201d Talk to us about what womanhood and manhood looks like in a culture that, increasingly, is blurring the lines of masculinity and femininity. Let\u2019s go back to the basics. Answer the question from the Scriptures: \u201cWhat is a man? What is a woman?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And we don\u2019t even know if there are two genders anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In our culture; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if there was ever a time that parents need to be experts on telling their children, \u201cWhat is manhood?\u201d and \u201cWhat is womanhood?\u201d Scripture is eloquent in answering those questions. I\u2019ll just say that the book that you need to look at or think about if you want to do more reading on is <em>Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood<\/em> by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. It\u2019s just an excellent resource. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMine is falling apart\u2014I\u2019ve used it in so many conversations with young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn essence, I would say manhood is lovingly leading, lovingly providing for, and lovingly protecting. The imagery\u2014when I was teaching Marriage and Family class, I would keep talking to the young men about: \u201cYou are to be the shepherd of your home. If you can just get that in your mind\u2014shepherds lovingly lead, lovingly provide for, and lovingly protect.\u201d I address that in the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, in the book, what I do with womanhood is\u2014I thought, \u201cWhat better example?\u201d\u2014because the Book of Proverbs\u2014the word that is used for wisdom in Proverbs is feminine. Proverbs says things like, \u201cWisdom builds <em>her<\/em> house.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ernie:<\/strong> And then it all culminates with Proverbs 31: \u201cWhat is the excellent wife?\u201d So what I do in the book with womanhood is\u2014I trace, throughout the Book of Proverbs: \u201cWhat does Proverbs say a wise woman is?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s a little bit more lengthy than what I can give you right now\u2014but \u201cWhat are the characteristics of a wise woman?\u201d Well, obviously, she has\u2014according to Proverbs 31\u2014she has a proper balance between inward and outward beauty. Proverbs 31 talks about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo manhood \/ womanhood are just absolutely crucial topics to be teaching our young people, because they are really confused about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, this is something that, a few years ago, we felt burdened about. We have a resource we created for pre-teens\u2014parents and pre-teens\u2014called <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, where a dad or a mom can take a preteen son or daughter for a weekend away and talk about the birds and the bees, and about what\u2019s coming up in adolescence, and help get them ready for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we realized: \u201cYou can\u2019t stop the conversation there. Thirteen- and fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds are starting to ask the questions: \u2018Who am I? What am I good at? What does it mean that I\u2019m a man? What does it mean that I\u2019m a woman? How am I supposed to live that out?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our culture, particularly, that\u2019s a challenge; so we created a resource called <em>Passport2Identity<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup>. This is part of the discipling of children that you\u2019re urging parents to do. We just thought to have a tool like this might tee up the conversations and make it easier for moms and dads to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And when I talk to parents about this, they get confused, thinking we have a conference that they go to. Well, you know what? This is better than a conference! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s something that you lead, ladies\/moms, your daughter through. And, dads, it\u2019s something you lead your sons through. It\u2019s actually a kit with CDs and a workbook, and we tee it up so mom and dad are the heroes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014if you have pre-teens or junior high-aged kids\u2014there\u2019s information available there about both <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> and <em>Passport2Identity<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, there\u2019s information about the great book that Ernie Baker has written, called <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation. <\/em>This is a book that our sons and daughters ought to be reading, really, before they start to form any romantic relationships\u2014so high school \/ early college\u2014this is a book to read <em>before<\/em> you think you\u2019ve found the right person, because it\u2019s to help you know how to begin that process\u2014what to be looking for and how to make sure that you\u2019re approach to marriage is the right approach.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the title of the book is <em>Marry Wisely, Marry Well: A Blueprint for Personal Preparation. <\/em>You can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to request your copy. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone at 1-800-358-6329; that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is a busy season, here at FamilyLife. We are just back from being at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit that was held in Nashville last Thursday and Friday. We had a chance to see a number of our listeners. It\u2019s always encouraging to hear from you about how God uses the ministry of FamilyLife in your life. We\u2019re grateful for those of you who partner with us. Our goal is to provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families all around the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re currently working on a number of new projects that we\u2019re hoping we can continue working on, at full speed throughout the summer months; but we\u2019ve been doing some calculating recently and, if we\u2019re going to be able to do that, we need to see if, this month, we can raise $1.1 million. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re asking listeners to pitch in and help us in the month of May with the funds necessary to keep this ministry moving, full-speed ahead, in the months ahead. Let me first say, \u201cWe don\u2019t want to do anything that takes away from your giving to your local church. We think that ought to be a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I also want to say a \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are Legacy Partners, who contribute on a monthly basis. Thank you for your <em>consistent<\/em> financial support. If you can pitch in a little more this month, that would be great. Or if you are not a Legacy Partner\u2014maybe you\u2019ve never made a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014this would be the perfect month to call or go online and make a $25- or a $50-donation. Whatever you can afford, we\u2019re grateful for that contribution. Again, you can do that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about what we can be doing, as parents, to help our young people think wisely about the whole subject of marriage and, particularly, how they can develop certain relationship skills that they\u2019re going to need to sustain a healthy, vibrant marriage. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304494","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304494"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304494"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304494"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304494"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304494"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304494"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304494"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}