{"id":304488,"date":"2017-05-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-05-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-head-and-the-helper\/"},"modified":"2017-05-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-05-03T15:00:00","slug":"the-head-and-the-helper","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-head-and-the-helper\/","title":{"rendered":"The Head and the Helper"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Ray Ortlund | Series: Marriage &amp; the Mystery of the Gospel | Ephesians 5 says a husband is to love his wife, but what does that mean? Pastor Ray Ortlund explains that men are predatory by nature, which is life depleting. A Christian husband should aim to fill his wife with life.  When a woman feels cherished she feels loved and cared for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Ray Ortlund explains that men are predatory by nature, which is life depleting. A Christian husband should aim to fill his wife with life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:03","filesize":"22.94M","filesize_raw":"24054842","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2862],"tags":[6242,6241,5933,2877,6239],"podcast_series":[8206],"cwp_profile":[9452],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304488","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-understanding-differences","tag-cherish-your-wife","tag-ephesians-5","tag-male-and-female","tag-marriage","tag-mystery-of-the-gospel","podcast_series-marriage-the-mystery-of-the-gospel","cwp_profile-ray-ortlund","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304488\/the-head-and-the-helper","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304488\/the-head-and-the-helper","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"R5R5ygJ2Mz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-head-and-the-helper\/\">The Head and the Helper<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-head-and-the-helper\/embed\/#?secret=R5R5ygJ2Mz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Head and the Helper&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"R5R5ygJ2Mz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you could somehow objectively observe your marriage relationship, would you say you\u2019re doing more giving or more taking? Here\u2019s Pastor Ray Ortlund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> There are really only two kinds of relationships that exist: predatory relationships and Christian relationships. Predatory relationships are life-depleting \/ Christian relationships are life-giving. Love\u2014the kind of love that the Apostle Paul is talking about\u2014the love in the heart of a husband that nourishes and cherishes his wife\u2014imparts <em>life<\/em> to her \/ she comes alive! She flourishes under that kind of headship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see today how God\u2019s design for marriage is for us to be the one pouring out\u2014the one blessing the other \/ the one who\u2019s doing the giving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk more about that. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to, maybe, get into some controversy today; you think\u2014with what we\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. We\u2019re going to turn the hot water on. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The hot water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to let our guest take a bath in it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to see\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been playing slow-pitch softball all week. Now, we\u2019re going to play a little fastball. [Laughter] Ray Ortlund joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He\u2019s a major league hitter; and he\u2019s standing in the batter\u2019s box and here comes the first one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you ready for a Rainey fastball?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Let\u2019s go for it! Let\u2019s do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s written a book called <em>Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel<\/em>. He\u2019s a pastor at Immanuel Church in Nashville, Tennessee, and has been married for 45 years. He ought to be able to handle a fastball or two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you got one for him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do! Here\u2019s where I want to go\u2014I want to talk about how this generation\u2014and I\u2019m speaking of those maybe 45 and under\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014are looking at the design of Genesis 1, 2 and 3\u2014at what God creates in the beginning. They\u2019re questioning the issue of male and female\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and what that means. They\u2019re questioning the definition of marriage as God proclaimed it; and third, they\u2019re also questioning the responsibilities of husband and wife and questioning: \u201cIs there really a difference between one who is the husband and one who\u2019s the wife?\u201d That\u2019s really where I want focus today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or: \u201cShould those differences \/ should our assignment really be tied to gender; or should it not be tied to gifting, talent, and ability?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So that\u2014you\u2019ll hear somebody say, \u201cWell, a husband should be the leader of the home.\u201d A lot of young people are going: \u201cWho said that and why? Why can\u2019t a wife be a leader if she\u2019s the better leader?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I welcome these questions, because they push <em>all <\/em>of us to think more deeply. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue underlying these important questions you guys have put out on the table is\u2014reality is either a do-it-yourself kind of Play-Doh<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> reality that we can shape into whatever we would like it to be\u2014and that leaves us in in control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Or, as the Bible says, reality is pre-formed by God\u2014we step into something that\u2019s preexistent\u2014and the Bible says is <em>beautiful<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> a trap. We have less control, but we have God that way\u2014with His goodness and wisdom. It\u2019s not a trap \/ it\u2019s not a death sentence, except to our selfishness. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> For example, in the book of Hebrews [13:4], in the New Testament, here\u2019s a verse that is <em>not<\/em> sort of in tune with the times\u2014it says, \u201cLet marriage be held in honor among all,\u201d \u2014 including unmarried people\u2014\u201cand let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow: \u201cWhoa! Whoa! Whoa! \u2018God will judge the sexually\u2019\u2014what is the big deal with God and sex? Why this intensity in the Bible about sexual\u2014what He calls sexual sin?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s <em>not<\/em> because the Bible is <em>uncomfortable<\/em> with human sexuality. The Bible tells the story of human sexuality that starts in the Garden of Eden; and the Bible says, \u201cAdam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed.\u201d It is <em>so<\/em> wonderful to be <em>completely<\/em> <em>known<\/em>. To be naked in <em>every<\/em> sense\u2014literally \/ metaphorically\u2014with one other human being\u2014my wife and she with me\u2014and there\u2019s no shaming \/ there\u2019s no belittling. There\u2019s only <em>total<\/em> acceptance. The Bible is <em>very<\/em> comfortable with human sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo: \u201cW<em>hy<\/em> these severe statements?\u201d It\u2019s precisely because God values sexuality\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014sexuality speaks the gospel itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan Edwards\u2014back in the day, you know?\u2014the First Great Awakening New England preacher and so forth. He\u2019s famous for the \u201cSinners in the Hands of an Angry God.\u201d It\u2019s really unfair to him. It\u2019s like saying the only sermon Jesus ever preached was: \u201cWoe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida!\u201d Jesus had a lot of really sweet things to say and so did Jonathan Edwards. <em>He<\/em> [Jonathan] imagined the intimacies of marriage as a sort of preview of coming attractions in heaven above\u2014that taking my wife in my arms and her experiencing my care for her \/ my tenderness with her\u2014it\u2019s a metaphor for where we\u2019re going with the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere we are\u2014we are shamed \/ we are uncomfortable with ourselves. The reason why we think God is uncomfortable with us is <em>we\u2019re<\/em> uncomfortable with ourselves! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe project that onto God when, in fact, His arms are open to us. The reason why God cares so deeply about our sexuality is that He gave us this gift so that we might understand more clearly something of His own love. Human sexuality is <em>sacred<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re speaking of male and female. Obviously, as He made Adam and Eve, He called them to become one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as husband and wife. He had a word in Genesis 2 that He used to declare who the man was in this marriage relationship\u2014he was to be the head of the woman, and the woman was to be the helpmate. Now, those words cause this generation to recoil.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A little acid indigestion, I think. [Laughter] In fact\u2014I\u2019m looking here, at \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 11:3\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re familiar: \u201cI want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.\u201d People read that today and go\u201d \u201cIf <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what the Bible teaches, I\u2019m not going to believe the Bible \/ I\u2019m not going to be a Christian. The head of every wife is her husband?\u00a0 What does that mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, on the other hand, we can ask, \u201cHow did our culture become the apex of all human wisdom?\u201d The reason why we ask these questions, guys, is because we\u2019re modern Americans \/ it\u2019s not because we\u2019re so insightful. Now, 1 Corinthians, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 11\u2014you just read, Bob\u2014has <em>always<\/em> been countercultural. People in the first century thought it was crazy. We, Christians, believe things that seem <em>crazy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Apostle Paul draws an analogy between a husband\u2019s care for his wife \/ his assuming responsibility for her\u2014his caring for her; loving her; covering her with his sincerity; with his selflessness; and so forth\u2014and she, gladly deferring to him, receiving his care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Apostle Paul says, \u201cActually, that\u2019s going on in heaven right now, because the head of Christ is God.\u201d Something <em>like<\/em> headship is going on in heaven above. We invented slavery, guys. Slavery emerged in the course of human social evolution. <em>Headship<\/em> came down from above.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI happen to think democracy is a great idea, but it was invented in Greece\u2014what?\u2014around 400 BC \/ something like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Alright; it\u2019s not a divine institution\u2014it\u2019s just a <em>really<\/em> great idea. But marriage is more than a <em>really<\/em> great idea. It actually came down from God. If He defined it and gave it as a <em>picture<\/em> of His love for us, then we really have no right to redefine it\u2014it wasn\u2019t ours to begin with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to acknowledge, I think, that when we hold to what the Bible teaches about the husband being the head of the wife \/ about the wife being a helper\u2014not only is that countercultural\u2014but there are some people, who believe the Bible, who have taken those truths and have perverted them and have made them ugly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was reading an article that your son wrote\u2014your son, Gavin, wrote an article about the <em>dangers<\/em> of affirming the biblical idea of roles in marriage. One of the things he said was there\u2019s an ugly patriarchalism\u2014an ugly hierarchism\u2014that some people twist the Bible into saying that\u2019s what it\u2019s teaching. We need to be the people who stand up and say, \u201cNo, no!\u201d When we talk about a husband being the head of his wife, we\u2019re not talking about some kind of hierarchy or patriarchy; are we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes. I would say two things in total agreement. One is that the Bible says God is our helper. For example, we read in the Book of Psalms: \u201cThe LORD is on my side as my helper,\u201d\u2014so the Lord is my ally \/ He\u2019s my advocate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I need help, I don\u2019t go to a weak person \/ I go to a high-capacity person, who can <em>really<\/em> make a difference. That\u2019s what a godly wife is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I\u2019d say is that even though, at the level of concept, what the Bible teaches might seem shocking and countercultural\u2014and it always has\u2014nevertheless, if we invite our friends, who have all kinds of heartburn and difficulty over Christian beliefs\u2014invite them over for dinner! Let them come into our homes. Let them <em>see<\/em> what it looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other night we had a friend over \/ some friends over for dinner, and they don\u2019t believe what we believe. It was a <em>fantastic<\/em> evening together, over a great meal Jani prepared; and we talked honestly about what we believe. They walked out of that situation with a new experience\u2014they were socially distant from Christian believers\u2014and they parachuted into our home for an evening and experienced intimate and honest Christian community such that I don\u2019t think they\u2019d ever seen that before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we need to give good answers; and we need to invite our friends into our homes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When God called the man the head of his wife\u2014and he ultimately became a husband\u2014you point out in your book that has a meaning that is, really, very tender. Again, it\u2019s not like the culture wants to stereotype it, at this point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Ephesians, Chapter 5, tells us husbands to <em>love<\/em> our wives; but of course, who\u2019s going to argue with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> But on the other hand, the word, \u201clove,\u201d is used so often\u2014so overused\u2014we really wonder: \u201cCome on! What does that mean?\u201d That is one of the reasons why Ephesians, Chapter 5, matters; because it says, here in Ephesians, Chapter 5: \u201cNo one ever hated his own flesh but\u201d\u2014and you\u2019d <em>think<\/em>\u2014\u201cbut loves it.\u201d No; but it says, \u201cNo one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it.\u201d Now <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what a husband does\u2014that\u2019s <em>how<\/em> a husband loves his wife: nourishes and cherishes. Let\u2019s think about those two words for a minute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNourish means to develop \/ to nurture such that\u2014okay; the insurance companies are betting that I\u2019m going to die first; right? So, there\u2019s a good chance that someday Jani\u2019s going to be an older lady\u2014right now, that\u2019s unimaginable to me\u2014she\u2019s going to be sitting on a front porch somewhere, in a rocking chair, thinking about her life; right? She\u2019s going to be thinking over the years \/ she\u2019s going to be going over the memories. My goal\u2014if I <em>nourish<\/em> my wife\u2014is that, when she is in that moment, she\u2019ll be thinking: \u201cThis was so not a dead-end life by being married to that guy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> \u201cWe made mistakes \/ we even sinned at times, but God was redemptive \/ God was merciful\u2014God worked all things for our good. This has been a great run! I\u2019m so thankful for my life.\u201d Now that\u2019s nourishing the wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCherishing\u2014in pre-New-Testament secular Greek\u2014classical Greek\u2014that word was used to <em>soften<\/em> something as by heat\u2014like wax. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe use our word <em>heartwarming<\/em> in that sense. When a woman is cherished, she <em>feels<\/em> loved, cared for, thought about, provided for, and defended such that it has\u2014it creates a glow within her heart: \u201cI\u2019m going to be okay because this man is my head, and he\u2019s laying down his life for me. He is nourishing me \/ he is cherishing me. What a <em>joy<\/em> to be involved in this marriage.\u201d Now, that\u2019s what it means to love my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say to every man, who\u2019s listening to us now\u2014who is a husband\u2014you ought to go home tonight and, over the dinner table\u2014even if the kids are around\u2014ask this question,\u00a0 \u201cSweetheart, what do I do that helps you feel nourished \/ truly cared for so you grow?\u201d Then a second question, \u201cWhat do I do that makes you feel cherished?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wouldn\u2019t be unwise of the guy, at that point, if he pulled out his phone and wrote down her answer in a place where he could be reminded of what exactly does cause her to be nourished and cherished\u2014because we forget, as guys. We think that the same thing that communicates love to us is what communicates love to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> You know, I wish this weren\u2019t true; but I am, by nature, predatory. There are really only two kinds of relationships that exist: predatory relationships and Christian relationships. Predatory relationships are life-depleting \/ Christian relationships are life-giving. Love\u2014the kind of love that the Apostle Paul is talking about\u2014the love in the heart of a husband that nourishes and cherishes his wife\u2014imparts <em>life<\/em> to her \/ she comes alive! She flourishes under that kind of headship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You describe that as predatory versus Christian. I think about the difference between a parasite and a paraclete.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The parasite attaches itself to something and sucks the life out of it. A paraclete attaches itself to something and pours life <em>into<\/em> it and makes it better. Of course, the word paraclete\u2014in the Greek New Testament\u2014is the word for the Holy Spirit. He is the divine Paraclete who attaches Himself to us and pours life into us. In marriage we ought to be \u201cparacleting\u201d one another; are we not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thank you for bring that up, Bob; because we\u2019re not on our own here. We\u2019re not just being given an ideal we have to, sort of, reach for. We\u2019re being <em>lifted<\/em> by the power of the Holy Spirit. Every husband listening to this can be assured\u2014there is\u2014if you love Jesus, the Holy Spirit of God indwells you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> There is within you the power that is going to renovate the universe someday. Just look to the Lord. Trust Him and take the next step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just be aware that when you entered marriage, you enrolled in the first grade of love. Completing the course and getting your PhD is going to be a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Boy; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of lessons, and there are a lot of things to learn, and a lot of ways to grow! It\u2019s why the fruit of the Spirit is spoken of as fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to go back, though, to helper and head\u2014those terms that are biblical terms about husbands and wives. I remember a guest we had on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Bunny Wilson, who wrote a book about this, years ago; and she said: \u201cI read in my Bible that a woman\u2019s to be a helper and a man\u2019s to be a head. I closed my Bible and said, \u2018God, why did You have to mess up such a good book with that?\u2019\u201d [Laughter] That was her reaction to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a lot of women who don\u2019t just hear the words today but they see how it\u2019s modeled in churches today and say: \u201cThis is demeaning to women!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not encouraging women to flourish. It\u2019s kind of saying, \u2018You just play a limited role over here and let the men be the guys who are carrying all the weight.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s just so not fair\u2014it\u2019s not the will of and glory of God\u2014it\u2019s not biblical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the Bible says that a man is to be a head, that is <em>not<\/em> saying a wife is incapable of headship, and leadership, and taking initiative, and taking responsibility\u2014for crying out loud\u2014what does a woman do all day-long but that? Nor, when it says that the woman is the helper, is the Bible saying a man is incapable of being helpful, and supportive, and empathetic, and so forth. But rather, while both the husband and wife are <em>widely<\/em> capable of <em>amazing<\/em> things, sexuality comes in <em>specialties<\/em>\u2014they\u2019re not airtight compartments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what is it that I, as a man\u2014 just because I\u2019m the husband am <em>called<\/em> to\u2014I\u2019m called to specialize in? I love what John Piper says\u2014somewhere in one of his books\u2014that one of the things that a godly husband does is\u2014he says, \u201cLet\u2019s\u2026\u201d a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tL-e-t-\u2018-s\u2014taking the initiative\u2014\u201cLet\u2019s do this,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s think about that.\u201d A wife, who is following the biblical pattern that God created for <em>her<\/em>\u2014she is bringing a strength \/ she\u2019s bringing a specialty into the partnership\u2014and she\u2019s going to be better at it than her husband can be. He\u2019s not incapable, but she\u2019s better at it! So she\u2019s <em>strengthening<\/em> the whole relationship by bringing her unique capacities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That doesn\u2019t mean that the husband can abdicate feeling and assuming responsibility for the care\u2014the spiritual care and nourishment\u2014of his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nor can he oppress\u2014it\u2019s neither abdicate nor oppress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And those are the extremes that guys go to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some guys say: \u201cIt says \u2018head\u2019; so I\u2019m in charge. You do what I say.\u201d Others say: \u201cIt says \u2018head.\u2019 I don\u2019t know what that means, so I\u2019ll go watch ESPN. Call me if you have any questions.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> In the modern world, we\u2019re looking at two extremes. We\u2019re looking at women in Muslim lands, who really are oppressed\u2014they are <em>told<\/em> how they\u2019re going to dress and so forth. And then we\u2019re looking at the western world, which is sexually adventurous, and polymorphous and: \u201cWhatever you want to be and do, you can be and do; and you can become amazing at it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is not a compromise between those two extremes\u2014it\u2019s not meeting somewhere in the middle. The gospel way of being men and women is a third alternative all together. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> on that continuum\u2014it\u2019s not an extreme and it\u2019s not in the middle\u2014it\u2019s <em>above<\/em> all of that \/ it\u2019s another way of being human.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> We read about it in the Bible. By God\u2019s grace and for His glory, we want\u2014 imperfectly\u2014but <em>really<\/em> to demonstrate it in our lives so that people can look at that and say: \u201cHuh. Maybe that\u2019s not crazy after all, because I\u2019m seeing real beauty there.\u201d Beauty turns heads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In this culture, couples\u2014who are starting out their marriage or they\u2019re already on the journey\u2014from time to time, need a spiritual wheel alignment when it comes to: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a husband? What does it mean to be a wife?\u201d Your book provides some <em>great<\/em> thinking in here from the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think if there\u2019s ever been a time when we need to encourage a generation to think <em>from<\/em> the Bible rather than think <em>to<\/em> the Bible, it\u2019s today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second application I\u2019d make from your book is\u2014this would make a great book for parents to begin to think about \/ pray about and ask God to give them wisdom as they pass on a picture of marriage to their children;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Boy; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you started out by talking about your mom and dad, who, you were quick to say didn\u2019t have a perfect marriage; but they left a model to you that you were still going to the bank on today, 45 years into your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want our listeners to know: \u201cIf you stop growing, you start dying. Keep growing \/ keep digging into the Scripture.\u201d A book, like Ray Ortlund has written here, is very valuable to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s 100 pages too! I mean, this is something you could read in a couple of hours. These are dense pages \/ it is chocked with lots of good, solid truth. You\u2019ll want to read it with your highlighter in your hand; but you can read through it in a couple of hours, easily. You will benefit from doing it. In fact, there are four chapters. It would be good for a husband and wife\u2014maybe to read a chapter, out loud to each other, before bedtime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel<\/em> by Ray Ortlund. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com you can order the book; or order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know the story in the Bible about the guy who was building a building and he realized, as he was building, that he had not stopped first to count the cost of what it would take to build that building. Well, we\u2019ve been doing some cost-counting, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, in recent days. We have recognized that some projects we\u2019re working on are projects that we may have to slow down or delay in the coming months unless our listeners will help us out and pitch in and enable us to continue working, full speed, on some of these projects.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re working on a new video series called <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re working on some design enhancements to our website to make things easier for folks to connect with us, digitally \/ same goes for our mobile app\u2014our <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re trying to do all we can do so that this program and the content we have, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, can reach more people. If we\u2019re going to be able to continue with these projects\u2014keep them on pace during the summer months\u2014we recognize we\u2019re going to need to ask your listeners to pitch in and help us out during the month of May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a goal of trying to raise $1.1 million this month\u2014which is a big number\u2014but we have a lot of listeners. In fact, if our listeners would all pitch in and do a little bit, that goal would be easily met. By the way, this is a great week for you to give because, if you\u2019re able to give this week, we have some friends of the ministry who have agreed they will match the first $150,000 given toward our May goal. Would you go to our website and make a one-time donation in support of this ministry?\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to help you meet the goal,\u201d\u2014make a donation over the phone? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you could mail you donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want you to meet our friends, Dr. David Stoop and his wife Dr. Jan Stoop. They\u2019re here to talk about the subject of emotional intelligence and how we can love one another more effectively in marriage. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:03"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.94M"],"filesize_raw":["24054842"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-304488.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-304488.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Ray Ortlund explains that men are predatory by nature, which is life depleting. A Christian husband should aim to fill his wife with life.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-05-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you could somehow objectively observe your marriage relationship, would you say you\u2019re doing more giving or more taking? Here\u2019s Pastor Ray Ortlund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> There are really only two kinds of relationships that exist: predatory relationships and Christian relationships. Predatory relationships are life-depleting \/ Christian relationships are life-giving. Love\u2014the kind of love that the Apostle Paul is talking about\u2014the love in the heart of a husband that nourishes and cherishes his wife\u2014imparts <em>life<\/em> to her \/ she comes alive! She flourishes under that kind of headship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, May 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey. I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see today how God\u2019s design for marriage is for us to be the one pouring out\u2014the one blessing the other \/ the one who\u2019s doing the giving. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk more about that. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to, maybe, get into some controversy today; you think\u2014with what we\u2019re talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. We\u2019re going to turn the hot water on. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The hot water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to let our guest take a bath in it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to see\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been playing slow-pitch softball all week. Now, we\u2019re going to play a little fastball. [Laughter] Ray Ortlund joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. He\u2019s a major league hitter; and he\u2019s standing in the batter\u2019s box and here comes the first one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you ready for a Rainey fastball?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Let\u2019s go for it! Let\u2019s do it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He\u2019s written a book called <em>Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel<\/em>. He\u2019s a pastor at Immanuel Church in Nashville, Tennessee, and has been married for 45 years. He ought to be able to handle a fastball or two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you got one for him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do! Here\u2019s where I want to go\u2014I want to talk about how this generation\u2014and I\u2019m speaking of those maybe 45 and under\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014are looking at the design of Genesis 1, 2 and 3\u2014at what God creates in the beginning. They\u2019re questioning the issue of male and female\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and what that means. They\u2019re questioning the definition of marriage as God proclaimed it; and third, they\u2019re also questioning the responsibilities of husband and wife and questioning: \u201cIs there really a difference between one who is the husband and one who\u2019s the wife?\u201d That\u2019s really where I want focus today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Or: \u201cShould those differences \/ should our assignment really be tied to gender; or should it not be tied to gifting, talent, and ability?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So that\u2014you\u2019ll hear somebody say, \u201cWell, a husband should be the leader of the home.\u201d A lot of young people are going: \u201cWho said that and why? Why can\u2019t a wife be a leader if she\u2019s the better leader?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> I welcome these questions, because they push <em>all <\/em>of us to think more deeply. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe issue underlying these important questions you guys have put out on the table is\u2014reality is either a do-it-yourself kind of Play-Doh<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> reality that we can shape into whatever we would like it to be\u2014and that leaves us in in control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Or, as the Bible says, reality is pre-formed by God\u2014we step into something that\u2019s preexistent\u2014and the Bible says is <em>beautiful<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> a trap. We have less control, but we have God that way\u2014with His goodness and wisdom. It\u2019s not a trap \/ it\u2019s not a death sentence, except to our selfishness. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> For example, in the book of Hebrews [13:4], in the New Testament, here\u2019s a verse that is <em>not<\/em> sort of in tune with the times\u2014it says, \u201cLet marriage be held in honor among all,\u201d \u2014 including unmarried people\u2014\u201cand let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow: \u201cWhoa! Whoa! Whoa! \u2018God will judge the sexually\u2019\u2014what is the big deal with God and sex? Why this intensity in the Bible about sexual\u2014what He calls sexual sin?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s <em>not<\/em> because the Bible is <em>uncomfortable<\/em> with human sexuality. The Bible tells the story of human sexuality that starts in the Garden of Eden; and the Bible says, \u201cAdam and Eve were both naked and not ashamed.\u201d It is <em>so<\/em> wonderful to be <em>completely<\/em> <em>known<\/em>. To be naked in <em>every<\/em> sense\u2014literally \/ metaphorically\u2014with one other human being\u2014my wife and she with me\u2014and there\u2019s no shaming \/ there\u2019s no belittling. There\u2019s only <em>total<\/em> acceptance. The Bible is <em>very<\/em> comfortable with human sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo: \u201cW<em>hy<\/em> these severe statements?\u201d It\u2019s precisely because God values sexuality\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014sexuality speaks the gospel itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJonathan Edwards\u2014back in the day, you know?\u2014the First Great Awakening New England preacher and so forth. He\u2019s famous for the \u201cSinners in the Hands of an Angry God.\u201d It\u2019s really unfair to him. It\u2019s like saying the only sermon Jesus ever preached was: \u201cWoe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida!\u201d Jesus had a lot of really sweet things to say and so did Jonathan Edwards. <em>He<\/em> [Jonathan] imagined the intimacies of marriage as a sort of preview of coming attractions in heaven above\u2014that taking my wife in my arms and her experiencing my care for her \/ my tenderness with her\u2014it\u2019s a metaphor for where we\u2019re going with the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere we are\u2014we are shamed \/ we are uncomfortable with ourselves. The reason why we think God is uncomfortable with us is <em>we\u2019re<\/em> uncomfortable with ourselves! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe project that onto God when, in fact, His arms are open to us. The reason why God cares so deeply about our sexuality is that He gave us this gift so that we might understand more clearly something of His own love. Human sexuality is <em>sacred<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re speaking of male and female. Obviously, as He made Adam and Eve, He called them to become one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as husband and wife. He had a word in Genesis 2 that He used to declare who the man was in this marriage relationship\u2014he was to be the head of the woman, and the woman was to be the helpmate. Now, those words cause this generation to recoil.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A little acid indigestion, I think. [Laughter] In fact\u2014I\u2019m looking here, at \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 11:3\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re familiar: \u201cI want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThe head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.\u201d People read that today and go\u201d \u201cIf <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what the Bible teaches, I\u2019m not going to believe the Bible \/ I\u2019m not going to be a Christian. The head of every wife is her husband?\u00a0 What does that mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Well, on the other hand, we can ask, \u201cHow did our culture become the apex of all human wisdom?\u201d The reason why we ask these questions, guys, is because we\u2019re modern Americans \/ it\u2019s not because we\u2019re so insightful. Now, 1 Corinthians, \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 11\u2014you just read, Bob\u2014has <em>always<\/em> been countercultural. People in the first century thought it was crazy. We, Christians, believe things that seem <em>crazy<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Apostle Paul draws an analogy between a husband\u2019s care for his wife \/ his assuming responsibility for her\u2014his caring for her; loving her; covering her with his sincerity; with his selflessness; and so forth\u2014and she, gladly deferring to him, receiving his care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Apostle Paul says, \u201cActually, that\u2019s going on in heaven right now, because the head of Christ is God.\u201d Something <em>like<\/em> headship is going on in heaven above. We invented slavery, guys. Slavery emerged in the course of human social evolution. <em>Headship<\/em> came down from above.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI happen to think democracy is a great idea, but it was invented in Greece\u2014what?\u2014around 400 BC \/ something like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Alright; it\u2019s not a divine institution\u2014it\u2019s just a <em>really<\/em> great idea. But marriage is more than a <em>really<\/em> great idea. It actually came down from God. If He defined it and gave it as a <em>picture<\/em> of His love for us, then we really have no right to redefine it\u2014it wasn\u2019t ours to begin with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to acknowledge, I think, that when we hold to what the Bible teaches about the husband being the head of the wife \/ about the wife being a helper\u2014not only is that countercultural\u2014but there are some people, who believe the Bible, who have taken those truths and have perverted them and have made them ugly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was reading an article that your son wrote\u2014your son, Gavin, wrote an article about the <em>dangers<\/em> of affirming the biblical idea of roles in marriage. One of the things he said was there\u2019s an ugly patriarchalism\u2014an ugly hierarchism\u2014that some people twist the Bible into saying that\u2019s what it\u2019s teaching. We need to be the people who stand up and say, \u201cNo, no!\u201d When we talk about a husband being the head of his wife, we\u2019re not talking about some kind of hierarchy or patriarchy; are we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes. I would say two things in total agreement. One is that the Bible says God is our helper. For example, we read in the Book of Psalms: \u201cThe LORD is on my side as my helper,\u201d\u2014so the Lord is my ally \/ He\u2019s my advocate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I need help, I don\u2019t go to a weak person \/ I go to a high-capacity person, who can <em>really<\/em> make a difference. That\u2019s what a godly wife is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I\u2019d say is that even though, at the level of concept, what the Bible teaches might seem shocking and countercultural\u2014and it always has\u2014nevertheless, if we invite our friends, who have all kinds of heartburn and difficulty over Christian beliefs\u2014invite them over for dinner! Let them come into our homes. Let them <em>see<\/em> what it looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other night we had a friend over \/ some friends over for dinner, and they don\u2019t believe what we believe. It was a <em>fantastic<\/em> evening together, over a great meal Jani prepared; and we talked honestly about what we believe. They walked out of that situation with a new experience\u2014they were socially distant from Christian believers\u2014and they parachuted into our home for an evening and experienced intimate and honest Christian community such that I don\u2019t think they\u2019d ever seen that before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, we need to give good answers; and we need to invite our friends into our homes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When God called the man the head of his wife\u2014and he ultimately became a husband\u2014you point out in your book that has a meaning that is, really, very tender. Again, it\u2019s not like the culture wants to stereotype it, at this point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Ephesians, Chapter 5, tells us husbands to <em>love<\/em> our wives; but of course, who\u2019s going to argue with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> But on the other hand, the word, \u201clove,\u201d is used so often\u2014so overused\u2014we really wonder: \u201cCome on! What does that mean?\u201d That is one of the reasons why Ephesians, Chapter 5, matters; because it says, here in Ephesians, Chapter 5: \u201cNo one ever hated his own flesh but\u201d\u2014and you\u2019d <em>think<\/em>\u2014\u201cbut loves it.\u201d No; but it says, \u201cNo one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it.\u201d Now <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what a husband does\u2014that\u2019s <em>how<\/em> a husband loves his wife: nourishes and cherishes. Let\u2019s think about those two words for a minute.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNourish means to develop \/ to nurture such that\u2014okay; the insurance companies are betting that I\u2019m going to die first; right? So, there\u2019s a good chance that someday Jani\u2019s going to be an older lady\u2014right now, that\u2019s unimaginable to me\u2014she\u2019s going to be sitting on a front porch somewhere, in a rocking chair, thinking about her life; right? She\u2019s going to be thinking over the years \/ she\u2019s going to be going over the memories. My goal\u2014if I <em>nourish<\/em> my wife\u2014is that, when she is in that moment, she\u2019ll be thinking: \u201cThis was so not a dead-end life by being married to that guy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> \u201cWe made mistakes \/ we even sinned at times, but God was redemptive \/ God was merciful\u2014God worked all things for our good. This has been a great run! I\u2019m so thankful for my life.\u201d Now that\u2019s nourishing the wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCherishing\u2014in pre-New-Testament secular Greek\u2014classical Greek\u2014that word was used to <em>soften<\/em> something as by heat\u2014like wax. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe use our word <em>heartwarming<\/em> in that sense. When a woman is cherished, she <em>feels<\/em> loved, cared for, thought about, provided for, and defended such that it has\u2014it creates a glow within her heart: \u201cI\u2019m going to be okay because this man is my head, and he\u2019s laying down his life for me. He is nourishing me \/ he is cherishing me. What a <em>joy<\/em> to be involved in this marriage.\u201d Now, that\u2019s what it means to love my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say to every man, who\u2019s listening to us now\u2014who is a husband\u2014you ought to go home tonight and, over the dinner table\u2014even if the kids are around\u2014ask this question,\u00a0 \u201cSweetheart, what do I do that helps you feel nourished \/ truly cared for so you grow?\u201d Then a second question, \u201cWhat do I do that makes you feel cherished?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt wouldn\u2019t be unwise of the guy, at that point, if he pulled out his phone and wrote down her answer in a place where he could be reminded of what exactly does cause her to be nourished and cherished\u2014because we forget, as guys. We think that the same thing that communicates love to us is what communicates love to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> You know, I wish this weren\u2019t true; but I am, by nature, predatory. There are really only two kinds of relationships that exist: predatory relationships and Christian relationships. Predatory relationships are life-depleting \/ Christian relationships are life-giving. Love\u2014the kind of love that the Apostle Paul is talking about\u2014the love in the heart of a husband that nourishes and cherishes his wife\u2014imparts <em>life<\/em> to her \/ she comes alive! She flourishes under that kind of headship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You describe that as predatory versus Christian. I think about the difference between a parasite and a paraclete.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The parasite attaches itself to something and sucks the life out of it. A paraclete attaches itself to something and pours life <em>into<\/em> it and makes it better. Of course, the word paraclete\u2014in the Greek New Testament\u2014is the word for the Holy Spirit. He is the divine Paraclete who attaches Himself to us and pours life into us. In marriage we ought to be \u201cparacleting\u201d one another; are we not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thank you for bring that up, Bob; because we\u2019re not on our own here. We\u2019re not just being given an ideal we have to, sort of, reach for. We\u2019re being <em>lifted<\/em> by the power of the Holy Spirit. Every husband listening to this can be assured\u2014there is\u2014if you love Jesus, the Holy Spirit of God indwells you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> There is within you the power that is going to renovate the universe someday. Just look to the Lord. Trust Him and take the next step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Just be aware that when you entered marriage, you enrolled in the first grade of love. Completing the course and getting your PhD is going to be a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Boy; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are a lot of lessons, and there are a lot of things to learn, and a lot of ways to grow! It\u2019s why the fruit of the Spirit is spoken of as fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to go back, though, to helper and head\u2014those terms that are biblical terms about husbands and wives. I remember a guest we had on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, Bunny Wilson, who wrote a book about this, years ago; and she said: \u201cI read in my Bible that a woman\u2019s to be a helper and a man\u2019s to be a head. I closed my Bible and said, \u2018God, why did You have to mess up such a good book with that?\u2019\u201d [Laughter] That was her reaction to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are a lot of women who don\u2019t just hear the words today but they see how it\u2019s modeled in churches today and say: \u201cThis is demeaning to women!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThis is not encouraging women to flourish. It\u2019s kind of saying, \u2018You just play a limited role over here and let the men be the guys who are carrying all the weight.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s just so not fair\u2014it\u2019s not the will of and glory of God\u2014it\u2019s not biblical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the Bible says that a man is to be a head, that is <em>not<\/em> saying a wife is incapable of headship, and leadership, and taking initiative, and taking responsibility\u2014for crying out loud\u2014what does a woman do all day-long but that? Nor, when it says that the woman is the helper, is the Bible saying a man is incapable of being helpful, and supportive, and empathetic, and so forth. But rather, while both the husband and wife are <em>widely<\/em> capable of <em>amazing<\/em> things, sexuality comes in <em>specialties<\/em>\u2014they\u2019re not airtight compartments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what is it that I, as a man\u2014 just because I\u2019m the husband am <em>called<\/em> to\u2014I\u2019m called to specialize in? I love what John Piper says\u2014somewhere in one of his books\u2014that one of the things that a godly husband does is\u2014he says, \u201cLet\u2019s\u2026\u201d a lot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tL-e-t-\u2018-s\u2014taking the initiative\u2014\u201cLet\u2019s do this,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s think about that.\u201d A wife, who is following the biblical pattern that God created for <em>her<\/em>\u2014she is bringing a strength \/ she\u2019s bringing a specialty into the partnership\u2014and she\u2019s going to be better at it than her husband can be. He\u2019s not incapable, but she\u2019s better at it! So she\u2019s <em>strengthening<\/em> the whole relationship by bringing her unique capacities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That doesn\u2019t mean that the husband can abdicate feeling and assuming responsibility for the care\u2014the spiritual care and nourishment\u2014of his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nor can he oppress\u2014it\u2019s neither abdicate nor oppress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And those are the extremes that guys go to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some guys say: \u201cIt says \u2018head\u2019; so I\u2019m in charge. You do what I say.\u201d Others say: \u201cIt says \u2018head.\u2019 I don\u2019t know what that means, so I\u2019ll go watch ESPN. Call me if you have any questions.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> In the modern world, we\u2019re looking at two extremes. We\u2019re looking at women in Muslim lands, who really are oppressed\u2014they are <em>told<\/em> how they\u2019re going to dress and so forth. And then we\u2019re looking at the western world, which is sexually adventurous, and polymorphous and: \u201cWhatever you want to be and do, you can be and do; and you can become amazing at it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is not a compromise between those two extremes\u2014it\u2019s not meeting somewhere in the middle. The gospel way of being men and women is a third alternative all together. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> on that continuum\u2014it\u2019s not an extreme and it\u2019s not in the middle\u2014it\u2019s <em>above<\/em> all of that \/ it\u2019s another way of being human.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> We read about it in the Bible. By God\u2019s grace and for His glory, we want\u2014 imperfectly\u2014but <em>really<\/em> to demonstrate it in our lives so that people can look at that and say: \u201cHuh. Maybe that\u2019s not crazy after all, because I\u2019m seeing real beauty there.\u201d Beauty turns heads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> In this culture, couples\u2014who are starting out their marriage or they\u2019re already on the journey\u2014from time to time, need a spiritual wheel alignment when it comes to: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a husband? What does it mean to be a wife?\u201d Your book provides some <em>great<\/em> thinking in here from the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think if there\u2019s ever been a time when we need to encourage a generation to think <em>from<\/em> the Bible rather than think <em>to<\/em> the Bible, it\u2019s today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second application I\u2019d make from your book is\u2014this would make a great book for parents to begin to think about \/ pray about and ask God to give them wisdom as they pass on a picture of marriage to their children;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ray:<\/strong> Boy; that\u2019s great!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because you started out by talking about your mom and dad, who, you were quick to say didn\u2019t have a perfect marriage; but they left a model to you that you were still going to the bank on today, 45 years into your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want our listeners to know: \u201cIf you stop growing, you start dying. Keep growing \/ keep digging into the Scripture.\u201d A book, like Ray Ortlund has written here, is very valuable to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and it\u2019s 100 pages too! I mean, this is something you could read in a couple of hours. These are dense pages \/ it is chocked with lots of good, solid truth. You\u2019ll want to read it with your highlighter in your hand; but you can read through it in a couple of hours, easily. You will benefit from doing it. In fact, there are four chapters. It would be good for a husband and wife\u2014maybe to read a chapter, out loud to each other, before bedtime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel<\/em> by Ray Ortlund. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by phone when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com you can order the book; or order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know the story in the Bible about the guy who was building a building and he realized, as he was building, that he had not stopped first to count the cost of what it would take to build that building. Well, we\u2019ve been doing some cost-counting, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, in recent days. We have recognized that some projects we\u2019re working on are projects that we may have to slow down or delay in the coming months unless our listeners will help us out and pitch in and enable us to continue working, full speed, on some of these projects.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re working on a new video series called <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re working on some design enhancements to our website to make things easier for folks to connect with us, digitally \/ same goes for our mobile app\u2014our <em>FamilyLife<\/em> app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re trying to do all we can do so that this program and the content we have, here at <em>FamilyLife<\/em>, can reach more people. If we\u2019re going to be able to continue with these projects\u2014keep them on pace during the summer months\u2014we recognize we\u2019re going to need to ask your listeners to pitch in and help us out during the month of May. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a goal of trying to raise $1.1 million this month\u2014which is a big number\u2014but we have a lot of listeners. In fact, if our listeners would all pitch in and do a little bit, that goal would be easily met. By the way, this is a great week for you to give because, if you\u2019re able to give this week, we have some friends of the ministry who have agreed they will match the first $150,000 given toward our May goal. Would you go to our website and make a one-time donation in support of this ministry?\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to help you meet the goal,\u201d\u2014make a donation over the phone? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr you could mail you donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want you to meet our friends, Dr. David Stoop and his wife Dr. Jan Stoop. They\u2019re here to talk about the subject of emotional intelligence and how we can love one another more effectively in marriage. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304488"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304488"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304488"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304488"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}