{"id":304476,"date":"2017-04-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-04-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-danger-of-comparison\/"},"modified":"2025-05-16T12:21:30","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T16:21:30","slug":"the-danger-of-comparison","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-danger-of-comparison\/","title":{"rendered":"The Danger of Comparison"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Author and mother of five Kay Wills Wyma shares what the Bible says about &#8220;obsessive comparison disorder&#8221; and how to diagnosis it in yourself as well as your kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author and mother of five Kay Wills Wyma shares what the Bible says about &#8220;obsessive comparison disorder&#8221; and how to diagnosis it in yourself as well as your kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-04-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:32","filesize":"26.13M","filesize_raw":"27400113","date_recorded":"2017-04-24 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2838,2827],"tags":[5960,6234,5109],"podcast_series":[8086],"cwp_profile":[9785],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304476","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-mothers","category-repentance","tag-being-content","tag-envy","tag-selfishness","podcast_series-im-happy-for-you-not-really","cwp_profile-kay-wyma","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304476\/the-danger-of-comparison","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304476\/the-danger-of-comparison","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WmZHcbanJm\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-danger-of-comparison\/\">The Danger of Comparison<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-danger-of-comparison\/embed\/#?secret=WmZHcbanJm\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Danger of Comparison&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WmZHcbanJm\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author and mother of five Kay Wills Wyma shares what the Bible says about \"obsessive comparison disorder\" and how to diagnosis it in yourself as well as your kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-04-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is a reason why one of the Ten Commandments is all about coveting. It\u2019s because coveting is the enemy of contentment. Here\u2019s Kay Wyma.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>That happened to us at a dinner party, where a friend of ours had just moved back from Nashville. He said to me, \u201cI come over here to this house, and I think, \u2018Oh, should we have bought a house in this neighborhood? Is this going to be okay, because how is our kid going to have somebody to play with?\u2019\u201d And then, he begins to instantly dis his house, which he said was perfectly fine. Yet, it became instantly not fine because the other house is nicer.<\/p>\n<p>The truth of the matter is, as we are sitting here, there is not a single person on this planet that does not struggle with this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Kay Wyma joins us today to talk about what she calls \u201cObsessive Comparison Disorder,\u201d and why it\u2019s killing us. Stay tuned.<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m just trying to look up here\u2014do you have any idea why it\u2019s called \u201cgreen with envy?\u201d\u00a0 Why people\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014where that even comes from? Why green is associated with that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m going to google that and see.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Maybe because it grows?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, maybe\u2014that\u2019s a good thought.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019m serious. You know, envy is one of those things that, if you feed it, it\u2019ll grow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>What provokes it in you? Is there anything?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Oh, I\u2019ve got a list! [Laughter] In preparing for this broadcast, I wrote it down. I\u2019ll just be honest about one. One of the things that you do is\u2014you write a book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Then, you check and see how it is doing. Then, you go and look at Max Lucado, [Laughter] and he\u2019s got close to 100 million copies. I\u2019m a little <em>south<\/em> of 100 million copies. So you look at that. Or then, you read what you wrote and you go, \u201cThat\u2019s pretty good.\u201d\u00a0 Well, of course, it sounds good because you said it; okay?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But then you go read something that Chuck Swindoll had written and you think, \u201cHe must write in his sleep, because he writes two books a year!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He just keeps cranking them out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>He can turn a phrase better than anybody; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I wouldn\u2019t say I\u2019m eaten up with envy, but I think it\u2019s a part of the decayed nature of a human heart to want to compare what we have with what other people <em>appear <\/em>to have.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We have a guest with us who, I think, can agree with us. Kay Wills Wyma joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome to the broadcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Thank you. Thank you for having me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>She has written a book called <em>I\u2019m Happy for You (Sort of\u2026Not Really<\/em>). [Laughter] It has the subtitle of\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the title of the book! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison<\/em>. Kay and her husband Jon live in the Dallas\/Ft. Worth area. Kay, for a number of years, worked for the Department of State, the White House, Bank of America; and is a popular parenting blogger.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what\u2014I want you to comment on this\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014because your book\u2014I just went, \u201cIsn\u2019t there something in the Ten Commandments about this?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve written a book called <em>The Forgotten Commandment<\/em>. Well, I think you could call your book, <em>The Last Commandment<\/em>. Exodus 20:17: \u201cYou shall not covet your neighbor\u2019s house. You shall not covet your neighbor\u2019s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey,\u201d\u2014or his BMW\u2014[Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think that\u2019s in a different\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cor anything\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014paraphrase there.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cthat is your neighbor\u2019s.\u201d Now, when you wrote this book, were you thinking that this was one of the Ten Commandments?\u2014that, really, it has to be pointing out something about our human heart, Kay\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014that we\u2019re not bent to want to be happy when other people have things.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Interestingly enough, when I wrote this book, I really was thinking of the greatest commandment, where they came and asked the Lord, \u201cWhat is the greatest commandment?\u201d and He said, \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love others as yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The title of the book came from a conversation with my daughter. It was the fact of \u201cI\u2019m happy for you,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014if you can say it in the moment of somebody else\u2019s\u2014whatever it is. As far as people comparing grades\u2014for her, it was the day she got in the car and someone had been comparing grades when they got a test back: \u201cWhat did you get?\u201d \u201cWhat did you get?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhat did you get?\u201d And she didn\u2019t like answering that question.<\/p>\n<p>She said to me\u2014she\u2019s a thoughtful kid\u2014and she said, \u201cI don\u2019t like entering into that and telling somebody that I made a grade better than them, because it makes me want to keep making grades better than them and it just doesn\u2019t seem to end.\u201d\u00a0 And then, she said, \u201cAnd I really don\u2019t like telling them I made a grade worse than them because then it makes me feel <em>horrible<\/em> and kind of confirms all the bad things I think about myself.\u201d\u00a0 And she sat there not sure what to do.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when I offered her\u2014what I said were three magic words. Clearly, there are four\u2014because that\u2019s why I don\u2019t help them with their math or anything [Laughter] \u2014because it\u2019s \u201cI\u2019m happy for you.\u201d Because I asked her\u2014I was like, \u201cWhat do you think\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It could be: \u201cHappy for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014I was like, \u201cWhat do you think they are?\u201d She said, \u201cI love you?\u201d\u00a0 I was like, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 She said, \u201cThat\u2019s great, because it would be so <em>awkward <\/em>to say that to somebody.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But we talked about the fact that, if you can say to somebody, \u201cI\u2019m happy for you,\u201d\u2014in that moment, where they are going, \u201cI got a 98,\u201d\u2014and she got an 86 or whatever it is\u2014it defuses everything. It like takes whatever power is in that moment, and it defuses it.<\/p>\n<p>Then, she said, \u201cI think that\u2019s a great idea, but meaning it would be the hardest thing.\u201d\u00a0 But I thought about the <em>power <\/em>of that commandment\u2014loving others\u2014it sums them all up. What is it in that?\u2014it gets your eyes off yourself. That\u2019s where I sat with her\u2014going, \u201cI actually think that is the answer!\u201d Now, the hard part about it is getting to that, because the commandment that you read is at the core of our heart.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it really is fascinating to me, as you read the last of the Ten Commandments, to stop and think, \u201cHere is God laying down the moral law for His people.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> The first half is about our relationship with Him: \u201cHave no other gods before me; no graven images; honor the Sabbath.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The second half of the Ten Commandments is about how we get along with one another\u2014to your point about loving one another. And there is big stuff on there: lying, murdering, adultery, and coveting.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And all of the sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cReally!? Coveting belongs with lying, and murdering, and adultery?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, coveting puts your eyes right smack dab on yourself. I love when He reiterates these commandments over and over\u2014He says, \u201cTell them to do these things so that it may go well with them.\u201d It\u2019s out of love! It is like, \u201cBy the way, this [coveting] is going to steal every bit of joy in your life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It really does\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; it does.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014because you\u2019re focused on yourself. Whenever you are focused on yourself, there is <em>no contentment<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, as I was reading your book, I kept thinking, \u201cYou know, all these things that I listed\u201d\u2014and I have a page-and-a-half here of things that I could quickly list. It would be more than that if I got real honest here. But I thought, \u201cAll of these are bottomless pits.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I mean\u2014or looking at it another way, they are all achievements that, if you get to them, you are going to find somebody who\u2019s got a bigger house.<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I <em>love<\/em> that you said that, because it\u2019s like the <em>allure<\/em> of this measuring-up line that\u2014it does <em>not exist<\/em>, by the way!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have to realize how we\u2019re living is going to <em>infect<\/em> our children and our children\u2019s children, because we have to teach them in <em>this<\/em> culture.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I feel strongly about this, because there are so many marketing dollars spent on telling you and me: \u201cWe don\u2019t have enough. We won\u2019t have enough tomorrow,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re going to need it next year! So, buy it <em>now<\/em>. Buy it on credit. Find a way to get it!\u00a0 And if you get it, you\u2019ll achieve life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Back to the great commandment\u2014you find life by loving God and then loving others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m just sitting here, as we\u2019re talking today, I am just shy of 4,000 followers on Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014<em>4,000<\/em> people following me on Twitter. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, how do you feel about that, Bob?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s nothing! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I have <em>seen<\/em> people, who have <em>less to say<\/em> than I have to say, and they have <em>tens of thousands<\/em> of people following them on Twitter!\u00a0 Why do I feel that way, Kay?\u00a0 You had somebody recently come to you and say, \u201cHey, you are trending on Twitter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I did.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>What happened when that happened?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t even know what trending was. [Laughter] I had no clue; but I knew, when he said that to me, that it must be something good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>And that\u2019s when I did what I do. I might have told my kids. [Laughter]\u00a0 And this is right after\u2014I was only trending, by the way, because I had come off of an interview, where somebody really does have millions of followers. So, it had <em>nothing<\/em> to do with me and everything to do with that person.<\/p>\n<p>But still, my job these days is driving people around. I took the opportunity to inform them of how cool their mother was! I said to them, \u201cHey, I\u2019m trending.\u201d The boy sitting next to me was very quick to go, \u201cDo you even know what that is?\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I was like, \u201cWell, no!\u201d And then, he said to me, \u201cWell, if you are going to brag about something, then, you probably should know what it is.\u201d And my sweet daughter was so nice to come back alongside and say, \u201cI think it\u2019s great, Mom.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>It lasted a few seconds; but the interesting thing about that\u2014I had no idea what trending was \/ I\u2019d never heard of it. It didn\u2019t dawn on me to think about it; but I instantly looked at Twitter to see what trending was, and then I had to <em>fight<\/em> looking at that trending part to see why I wasn\u2019t included. Man! It was brutal. It took me a few weeks to get over that\u2014just mentally\u2014to stop looking and not care.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t want us to switch subjects here, but I do want to say something. It\u2019s okay for you, as a mom, to have joy\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014about accomplishing something. We do <em>accomplish <\/em>things in life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s okay to celebrate them. We can\u2019t become so morbid, in fear of our motives being wrong. Are you with me?<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong><em>Absolutely<\/em>. And I\u2019m so glad you\u2019re saying this, because it falls in the same line as competition; because you could equate comparison to competition and say: \u201cIt\u2019s all bad! It\u2019s all bad!\u201d But competition is a <em>good<\/em> thing. It\u2019s when we make it about<em> ourselves,<\/em> and we distort it, that we take it to a level where it can be destructive or cause anxiety, or fear, or shame. That\u2019s when it goes negative, because there is\u2014they have a term that is called benign envy that is <em>fine,<\/em> because it can be inspirational. There are different types of ways to compare yourself to people or even to set goals.<\/p>\n<p>If you are setting a goal, you are comparing yourself \/ your actions to what that goal is, and that\u2019s not bad. It is when you hit it, and make it all about that, and have your self-worth defined by whether you\u2019re above, above, above that it can turn negative. And I think, in this world, with technology the way it is, that we find ourselves in an environment that is on steroids as far as comparison goes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a lot of why people are having anxiety issues and depression. They even have a term now called Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> depression\u2014that\u2019s a psychological diagnosis.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Clinical\u2014a clinical term.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes\u2014which is fascinating! And so there is something about it\u2014we aren\u2019t victims. So, what can we do about it? I think there are things that we can do to help curb that and encourage each other along the way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We can always find somebody who is smarter. You can always find somebody who is more gifted in certain areas. You can always find somebody who is prettier, or more handsome, or richer. I mean, who is number one in the world? You talk about something in your book that all of us struggle with when we come to these issues of comparison\u2014to money, how big of a house we live in, etc. Share with them about OCD.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Oh, Obsessive Comparison Disorder.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; did you coin that phrase?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>No; I did not\u2014I didn\u2019t. It\u2019s a blogger for 20-somethings\u2014Paul Angone, I think, or Angone [changes emphasis on different syllables].<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He calls it: \u201cWhat\u2019s Obsessive Comparison Disorder, you ask? It\u2019s the new OCD. I\u2019ve coined it to describe our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others, producing unwanted thoughts and feelings that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety, and all around discontent. It encourages us to stay up late on Facebook, pouring through all 348 pictures of our frenemies: \u2018My Life Is Better than Yours\u2019 album. [Laughter] Then, it sends us to bed, wondering why we feel so anxious.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He goes on to say this: \u201cObsessively comparing yourself to others\u2014becoming more and more frustrated that your life doesn\u2019t look like theirs\u2014is the absolute most effective way to take your crisis to unhealthy eating-raw-cookie-dough-with-a-serving-spoon levels. Like having to run outside to light up a cigarette, our comparison addiction is uncontrollable; and it is killing us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And you write in your book: \u201cHe calls it the equivalent to the small pox of our generation.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes; really. And he was referring to the 20-somethings. I find that interesting; because they do live in a world that we probably never lived in, because they own something called a smartphone.<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was just going to ask you: \u201cDo you think mobile devices, and the internet, and Facebook, and social media\u2014is this fueling this OCD?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes; they really are pointing to technological advances as doing that, and it\u2019s <em>not <\/em>just within the social media. With the technological advances the way that they are, it allows everyone, all over the world, to know the discrepancies.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And they are really\u2014if you look at even <em>Huffington Post<\/em>, right now\u2014they\u2019re calling it \u201crelative deprivation.\u201d It\u2019s a type of comparison. What it means is\u2014it is educated people, with high ambitions, but no real prospects for advancement. They are frustrated\u2014they are calling them, \u201cFrustrated Achievers.\u201d With technology, you get to <em>see <\/em>it all. They look at Occupy Wall Street and say it as the same function\u2014that you have all of these people going out there. They know \/ they think what it is that they want to achieve, but there is no real way to be able to achieve that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But then, they see everybody else achieving it; and then enter the classic words: \u201cNot fair,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m owed,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m deserved.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You and your husband went out to a dinner party one night.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Oh, yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You started hearing your friends talk about what was going on in their houses, and OCD took over.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s interesting; because I think we do that. For a woman, she can walk into any function, and the first thing she does is look around to see whatever body else has on. Then, you gauge whether or not you\u2019re okay: \u201cDid I dress properly? Did I not dress properly?\u201d It can sink you in that moment if you\u2019re not dressed properly.<\/p>\n<p>That happened to us at a dinner party, where a friend of ours had just moved back from Nashville. He said to me: \u201cI come over here to this house, and I think, \u2018Oh, should we have bought a house in this neighborhood? Is this going to be okay, because how is our kid going to have somebody to play with?\u2019\u201d And then, he begins to instantly dis his house, which he said was perfectly fine. Yet, it became instantly not fine.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHe\u2019s so sharp and with it\u201d; and I thought, \u201cHow could he be doing that?\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014until I thought of myself, when I stood in the kitchen, only minutes earlier, looking at this beautiful butterfly sculpture above our host\u2019s stove. I went to my kitchen\u2014that has nothing except maybe some prints that I might have had since I was single\u2014and then I went, \u201cDo people come in my house and look at our fake art?\u201d Well, it <em>could<\/em> actually make them feel good about themselves; you know?\u00a0 [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had this. [Laughter] When you wrote about that in your book, I flashed back to a night when Mary Ann and I\u2014we had lived in San Antonio for a year. The first year we were in San Antonio, we rented a house; because we decided we wanted to get there, get settled, figure out what neighborhood we wanted to live in, take some time, and pick a house. So, we lived there for a year. We finally found a neighborhood\u2014we thought, \u201cThis is a great neighborhood.\u201d The house that we found was the perfect size for us. The nice thing was the backyard was a little bigger than the backyards in the neighborhood. So we got a <em>big backyard<\/em>. I was pretty pumped about our new house!<\/p>\n<p>Then, we got invited to a dinner party. The dinner party we got invited to was in <em>the <\/em>most upscale neighborhood in San Antonio\u2014gated community.<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I remember about the house\u2014I asked to use the restroom. It was the first time in my life I\u2019d seen a bidet. I didn\u2019t know what a bidet was. I had to come out and say to my wife, \u201cWhat is the second thing next to the toilet?\u2014they had something\u201d She explained what a bidet was. So, we\u2019re driving home from that house that night to our dumpy, little, new house that we just moved into; and I\u2019m feeling depressed!<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There is no way I could afford to live in that place where we had just been to; but all of the sudden, what I had been thrilled by three hours earlier, I was depressed at driving home.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what OCD does to you.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>It does; but it\u2019s one of these things that, if you can recognize that it\u2019s happening in the moment, that\u2019s the first thing to stopping it. So, even at that dinner party, knowing better, and realizing how it <em>truly <\/em>robs joy, which is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt, that it will steal your joy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>And I thought about my sweet friend, in whose home we were, and her <em>love<\/em> for art and the reason why she puts it on those walls is to bless the people who walk into that house. Then, I thought of my kitchen\u2014that has fake art and, along the wall by our door, that has five drawings by my seven-year-old. I sat there, thinking: \u201cThose drawings bring me such great joy! Why can I not focus on what I do have?\u201d Then, the great memories that are inside the walls of <em>our<\/em> home\u2014good, bad, and ugly\u2014but they are memories. And then, it kind of shocks you out.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like a\u2014in the book, I call it a mental reboot\u2014you, know, \u201cCtrl-Alt-Delete.\u201d It is like: \u201cCtrl: Stop for a minute; control your thoughts\u2014realize what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u201cGet an [Alt]ernative perspective: Go to the good stuff that you\u2019ve got going on.\u201d Then, \u201cDelete: Stop doing it.\u201d If you can do that\u2014then, I started to appreciate my friend \/ then, I started to feel for the other people that were around me\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014wondering, \u201cOkay; did that guy drive up, and he saw a Porsche sitting there, and he\u2019s in a very nice Buick\u2014and he\u2019s like, \u2018I can\u2019t go into this house because these are Porsche people,\u2019 or whatever it is?\u201d Meet them in their moment; because the truth of the matter is\u2014as we are sitting here, we walk it together. There is not a single person on this planet that does not struggle with this.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And to that person, who goes, \u201cYou\u2019ve nailed me today\u2014convicted.\u201d\u00a0 Really, from a spiritual standpoint, what would be a good prayer for that person to pray?\u2014because God hears our prayers, especially when we are genuine\u2014we go: \u201cGod, I don\u2019t like this about myself\u2014that I fall into this comparison trap. It does rob me of my joy with my kids, in my marriage, in my family, with what we have.\u201d What would you say to that person, from a spiritual standpoint? How can they turn a corner so this broadcast is not merely, as we prayed about before we came on the air, not merely a tickling of the ears\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but a calling for a heart change?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Yes; He desires that for us, and we have the secret \/ we have the ticket, which is <em>Him<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think the prayer for me is, \u201cShow me who You are.\u201d If I believe He is who He says He is, then I trust Him. If I trust Him, then what I have is fine. Then I can be comfortable in the unique giftedness that He has given me; I can celebrate the unique giftedness that He has given <em>you, <\/em>and <em>celebrate<\/em> in that instead of wish it was mine.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Jonathan Edwards had, in one of his many very interesting talks\u2014one was on heaven. He said that, when we get to heaven, that\u2019s what we will be doing\u2014seeing all these great manifestations of God in each other and celebrating that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you\u2019re saying, \u201cWhen I get to heaven, the fact that Dennis today has six times more Twitter followers than I have\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Ah, Bob, Bob, Bob. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014you\u2019re saying I\u2019m going to delight in that in heaven?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>I\u2019m going to follow you as soon as we get out of here. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And by the way, my Twitter handle is @FLTBob\u2014so, just, if anybody is interested and wants to help out a little bit\u2014@FLTBob. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just want to remind Bob, as well as our listeners: \u201cRepent!\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 \u201cChange your mind\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u201cTurn!\u201d \u201cTurn!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cabout how you approach this.\u201d Kay has given you some great advice in terms of reminding yourself who God is\u2014that He is sovereign\u2014and you know what?\u00a0 You probably don\u2019t have everything that you want. You\u2019re probably not going to end up with everything that you want, but is what you have, what He\u2019s given you? And can you thank Him for that?<\/p>\n<p>Then, look at what somebody else\u2019s got who, maybe, has a million followers on Twitter, and say\u2014you know: \u201cGood for him!\u201d \/ \u201cGood for her!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>Or, who has five kids and you can\u2019t have one\u2014you can\u2019t carry a baby. I mean, you can go down the <em>list<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014it is truly <em>endless<\/em>; and, yet, we know there is joy in this world, and we know there is peace because, when He came back, He said, \u201cPeace be with you,\u201d \u201cPeace be with you.\u201d So there is peace. How are we impeding our ability to be able to rest in that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I just want to say\u2014regarding your Twitter followers: \u201cI\u2019m happy for you. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: \u201c<\/strong>And I just want you to\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2026sort of,\u201d \u201c\u2026sort of\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cknow I\u2019m getting ready to get off the broadcast\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2026not really.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and I\u2019m going to call Max Lucado and Chuck Swindoll and tell them I\u2019m happy for them. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve got copies of Kay\u2019s book, which is called <em>I\u2019m Happy for You (Sort Of\u2026Not Really)<\/em>. No; we really have it!\u00a0 [Laughter] The book is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com if you\u2019d like to get a copy. Again, the website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order directly from us, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY; 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s the number to order a copy of Kay\u2019s book\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You know, if you ask us, here at FamilyLife, what it is we\u2019re passionate about\u2014it really breaks down into four things. First of all, we\u2019re passionate about people having a right relationship with God.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We believe that marriage and family\u2014all of that\u2014flows out of our relationship with the God who made us and the God who made marriage. We\u2019re also passionate about husbands and wives experiencing the joy that God designed for a marriage relationship. We\u2019re passionate about husbands and wives living out the responsibilities and roles that God calls us to in that relationship. And we\u2019re passionate about passing on a legacy of spiritual vitality to the next generation.<\/p>\n<p>That really sums up what our goal, here at FamilyLife, is. We want to see every home become a godly home. I know that many of you, as listeners, are passionate about the same things we\u2019re passionate about for your own family, but also for other families. We know that because some of you have gone beyond listening to this daily program, and have become supporters of the program\u2014you have become partners with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re making it possible through your donations and your support for the content we produce here\u2014on our website, this radio program, our events and our resources\u2014to be distributed in more places and to be used by more people than ever before.<\/p>\n<p>I just want to take a minute and say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are monthly supporters of the ministry\u2014those of you who are Legacy Partners. You are the financial backbone of this ministry. Your involvement is so significant. For those of you who will, on occasion, make a donation: \u201cThank you for responding to whatever prompting there is in your own heart to make a donation here. We really appreciate your partnership with us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>You can donate easily, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s also easy to donate on your smartphone\u2014you can donate by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail a donation to us. Our address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about how easy it is for us, as parents, to get caught up in the whole comparison thing as we watch our neighbors, our friends, and what they\u2019re doing with their kids. We start thinking, \u201cWell, maybe I should be doing that with my kids too.\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that with Kay Wyma tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/304476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=304476"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=304476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=304476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=304476"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=304476"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=304476"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=304476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}