{"id":304472,"date":"2017-04-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-04-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-high-calling-of-adoption\/"},"modified":"2017-04-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2017-04-20T15:00:00","slug":"the-high-calling-of-adoption","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-high-calling-of-adoption\/","title":{"rendered":"The High Calling of Adoption"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Paul and Robin Pennington joined by Dr. Mary Bennett talk about the needs of orphans in Haiti, and the difficulties adoptive parents may have after bringing traumatized children into their home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-04-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"27.81M","filesize_raw":"29166049","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,2860],"tags":[2712,5300,6233,4475,4177],"podcast_series":[8204],"cwp_profile":[9450,9240],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-304472","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-hardship-and-suffering","tag-adoption","tag-fostering","tag-haiti","tag-orphans","tag-special-needs","podcast_series-rooted","cwp_profile-mary-bennett","cwp_profile-paul-and-robin-pennington","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/304472\/the-high-calling-of-adoption","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/304472\/the-high-calling-of-adoption","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lQOMAlgPMG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-high-calling-of-adoption\/\">The High Calling of Adoption<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-high-calling-of-adoption\/embed\/#?secret=lQOMAlgPMG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The High Calling of Adoption&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lQOMAlgPMG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Paul and Robin Pennington joined by Dr. Mary Bennett talk about the needs of orphans in Haiti, and the difficulties adoptive parents may have after bringing traumatized children into their home.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2017-04-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any mom, who\u2019s ever had a baby, knows that having biological children can be physically painful. Doctor Mary Bennett knows that families that bring children into their home through adoption often face significant emotional pain, sometimes things those families just aren\u2019t prepared for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>And some of this is the struggle of the adoption process\u2014it\u2019s so long. You fall in love with this child on paper. Every night, you pray for them, and you dream about them, and you think of the things you want to do for them when you bring them home. This goes on for three years. There\u2019s <em>no way<\/em> that child can live up to that dream we\u2019ve created in our heads, because they\u2019re just a kid who\u2019s experienced a lot of trauma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is the President of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat can parents do to be better prepared for some of the challenges they may face with an adopted child? And when those challenges occur, what then? We\u2019ll talk about it today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve observed, over the years, as we\u2019ve talked to families who have been a part of adopting or bringing foster kids into the home, there are certain things that\u2014it\u2019s not something you can count on, like 100 percent guarantee\u2014but there are certain patterns \/ certain things that are going to pop up for adoptive parents that, if you just know about them ahead of time, it can give you a leg up; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; I think most parents aren\u2019t ready to know how to address the issues of emotional bonding \/ of identity that occurs, later on, as they grow up into the elementary years, and pre-adolescence, and adolescence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need coaching, as parents, as we raise our biological children and as we raise children that we have adopted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs our listeners know, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and Barbara and I have always been pro-adoption, pro-orphan, pro-foster care. We\u2019re all about it, because I think it\u2019s one of the great ways the church can address an urgent social need and express the heart of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and in fact, you and Barbara are going to be at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit that\u2019s being held in Nashville, here in a few weeks\u2014the first week in May. If folks want more information about the summit, they can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and plan to join us for a couple of days in Nashville. It\u2019s going to be a great event.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It is. If they get a chance, they\u2019re going to have the opportunity to meet a couple of guests that we have, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014Dr. Mary Bennett and Robin Pennington join us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRobin \/ Mary, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>Thank you. We\u2019re really glad to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Thank you! It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Robin is the Director of Family Relations at Hope for Orphans, which is a ministry started by Paul Pennington. She helps give leadership to the whole ministry, but is helping parents who are dealing with issues related to adoption. She and her husband Paul have six kids, five of whom are adopted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Bennett\u2014and I want our listeners to hear this, because there\u2019s something really important I\u2019m about to announce here\u2014she is the Associate Professor in Professional Counseling at Texas State University, and she is a licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor and registered Play Therapist. Could you help Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes! Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>He just likes to play.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Perfect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I just figure you\u2019d be a big help to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe and her husband Robbie have been married since 2011, and they have two children. One of the things you have done for a number of years is\u2014you have served as a mental health consultant for children at an orphanage in Haiti. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell us what you\u2019re seeing with orphans in Haiti. What\u2019s going on in their lives? Are there are a lot of orphans in Haiti because of the storms and catastrophes there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes; yes; there are, because of the storms \/ just because of general poverty\u2014there are lots of orphans. There have been changes in adoption laws; so the orphans are staying in orphanages longer, and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re not being allowed to leave the country?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Right. Adoptions, in general, are taking longer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What got you started going to Haiti and taking care of orphans there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Well, in 2010, after the earthquake, which was January of 2010, I was going to a church in San Marcos. They announced, \u201cOh, we\u2019re going to take a trip this summer.\u201d Someone had a connection with the orphanage in Port au Prince, and I am a registered play therapist. I said, \u201cI think I could be helpful.\u201d I went, and that\u2019s how I kind of got involved with that particular organization. I worked with other adopted children that I\u2019d seen in my private practice \/ worked in clinics\u2014that kind of thing\u2014and then just kind of went from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, going to Haiti was not your first exposure to orphans \/ to adopted kids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the issues that they\u2019re dealing with. This is something you\u2019d seen clinically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And what had you observed, over the years, as you dealt with moms and dads and adopted kids? Were you seeing patterns that were identifiable, or was every case unique?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Well, from a clinical perspective, on some level, every case is unique; because we\u2019re all people, and we\u2019re all different and unique. But yes; there are lots of patterns. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the things that Robin frequently talks about is looking at parents and the perspective: \u201cWhat was the parents\u2019 motivation in adopting?\u201d You know, we all, whether we have adopted or biological children, or a combination of both, we all parent through our own baggage\u2014so kind of seeing some of those kind of consistent patterns of things that were going on with those adoptive parents that were impacting their relationship with their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, also, just kind of some of the common patterns that we all talk about when we talk about working with adopted children\u2014of struggles in relationships, struggles in attachment, development issues of kids who\u2019ve been neglected \/ kids who\u2019ve been abused. You know, I think it\u2019s hard for us to think about adoption, in and of itself, being traumatizing; but it is. For those children, who were maybe in their biological family, then they were taken to an orphanage\u2014that\u2019s trauma one. And then their life in the orphanage, while maybe even great, there\u2019s some level of trauma and adjustment to that. And then, of course, the orphanages that aren\u2019t great\u2014there\u2019s, obviously, trauma problems there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the adoption into the forever family is another trauma and can be\u2014and that\u2019s a hard thing for people to understand and want to think about\u2014because we bring this child into our loving home, and we provide for them, and we love them, and all these things; but that\u2019s a tremendous change and adjustment for children. They\u2019re exposed to things they\u2019ve never seen before, and expectations, and language, and the list goes on and on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Is there a mistake that is most prevalent among adoptive families when they are bringing a child in from a country like Haiti that they just underestimate something that\u2019s taking place there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes; I think the underestimation is managing your expectations. Some of this is the struggle of the adoption process\u2014it\u2019s so long. You fall in love with this child on paper. Every night, you pray for them, and you dream about them, and you think of the things you want to do for them when you bring them home; and this goes on for three years. There\u2019s <em>no way<\/em> that child can live up to that dream we\u2019ve created in our heads, because they\u2019re just a kid who\u2019s experienced a lot of trauma. I would say\u2014probably, the main pattern that I see in adoptive parents is the expectations that they have and learning how to manage those.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Robin, I think Christian adoptive parents even bring more expectations to the table because of what they\u2019re thinking\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they\u2019re thinking that: \u201cMy belief in God\u2014that God\u2019s brought about this adoption \/ that this child is a gift\u2014it\u2019s all going to work out.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>And that \u201cI\u2019m rescuing a child.\u201d I often think that people believe that it\u2019s like, if your neighbor died. You both\u2014let\u2019s say you have a neighbor that has three children, and you know them well. The parents are killed in a car wreck, and you brought those children into your home and you would love them as your own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not what these children are coming from\u2014these children are coming from a <em>very<\/em> different environment than having two loving parents, who have cared for them, and taking care of all the needs that they had. These children are survivors. I think that, for the families that are considering adoption\u2014unfortunately, it has become such the trend in the church to adopt that I think there\u2019s pressure for people\u2014they feel like, \u201cIf I really love God and I really love orphans, I should be adopting.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see one of the biggest problems\u2014and I know we\u2019ll hear back on this\u2014but when families have biological children\u2014they are very fertile \/ they can keep having children\u2014and they first have biological children, adopt a child, then turn around and get pregnant and have biological children after that\u2014that\u2019s one of the most difficult scenarios.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying God doesn\u2019t call you to that\u2014I mean, you all are a perfect example of that, Dennis \/ that\u2019s kind of the scenario of your family\u2014but for many families, that is really, really difficult\u2014to have children, who are all born to them\u2014all of a sudden plopped in one in the middle\u2014then you continue to have them. There can be jealousy on the child who\u2019s adopted, and families don\u2019t understand that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo much, like Mary said, is about expectation. Honestly, I see <em>many<\/em> families, where the dad is not really onboard, but this has been his wife\u2019s dream. She\u2019s always wanted to adopt \/ she\u2019s always wanted to have adopted children; and he will reluctantly say, \u201cYes.\u201d Then, when they bring the child home, things don\u2019t go well. Dad\u2019s the one that calls me and says, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d Well, and then Dad\u2019s the first one out\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cI didn\u2019t really want this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>That\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>At the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit that is coming up, one of the optional seminars is: \u201cWhat does a mom do, who is in a marriage where the husband is dragging his feet?\u201d It\u2019s <em>so<\/em> important that a couple be one with this decision; and guys are, many times, slower to come to the table than the women are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, I want to dive in here and just say\u2014if somebody was listening to this program, or they\u2019re in church, or they\u2019re thinking, \u201cI wonder if we should adopt,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tthey\u2019ve asked that question\u2014they\u2019re hearing a compelling story and they\u2019re thinking, \u201cMaybe God\u2019s speaking to us.\u201d How do they get through to the real answer to that question and past the romantic answer to that question? How can you <em>know<\/em>\u2014or can you know\u2014that \u201cThis is God\u2019s will for our family\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I just want to say, before Robin addresses that question\u2014<em>again<\/em>, I want our listeners to know we are very pro-orphan, pro-adoption, pro-foster care. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think those of us, who are followers of Christ, need to be addressing the enormous humanitarian needs around the orphan, globally; okay?\u2014hear me on this. But as we talk about the reality of this, we also want to talk about counting the cost of what this means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>And caring for orphans does not mean you necessarily adopt them. There are many, many ways to be involved in helping orphans. You can be respite care for other families who are adopting \/ you can help fund adoptions; but it doesn\u2019t necessarily mean it\u2019s for your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, to me, one of the biggest concerns is when I had moms call me and say, \u201cMy husband just says, \u2018No.\u2019\u201d Well then, you know what? It\u2019s \u201cNo.\u201d If your husband doesn\u2019t want to adopt, you drop it; and you move on. You pray that God will change his heart if that\u2019s the plan, but you don\u2019t guilt him. I cannot tell you the number of families that I work with where that\u2019s the case, and the dad is totally not onboard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is using your husband to be able to protect you and your family. If he says, \u201cNo,\u201d then you just say, \u201cOkay; God, You have another plan.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor you to usurp that authority in your home of your husband, and that protection that he has over you as a family, to bring a child in\u2014I don\u2019t care if they\u2019re an infant or if it\u2019s a 13-year-old\u2014I think you\u2019re treading on dangerous ground. I think families need to be really concerned about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So you need to both be of one mind. It needs to be that neither one of you is being talked into this; but you\u2019re both agreeing, \u201cWe should go forward with this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there anything else that you would say, before you make that decision to bring home a child, \u201cJust be sure of this...\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Well, I think parents need to go into their own counseling and look some into their own motivation as to: \u201cWhy are we doing this? How has God called us to this? How do we know that?\u201d and really looking at that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014looking at: \u201cOkay; what are going to be some triggers for me? We know this child is going to be challenging, and we know that there might be some triggers; because he\u2019s going to be different than me,\u201d and some of those kinds of things. To go ahead and start talking through that, and also, therefore, you might have a counselor in place so that, then, when the rubber hits the road, you know where to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I would recommend that a couple probably go to their closest friends, who know them the best, and who are aware of their parenting style, along with the health of their own marriage\u2014going to someone, who has wisdom and counsel, and not just someone who\u2019s helping you fluff up the pillow on a dream\u2014you know, some kind of mythical moment of adopting a child, where everything\u2019s perfect\u2014because it really is spiritual battle. As we\u2019ve talked about, it\u2019s hard work; but it\u2019s a great privilege to love a child and give them a home and a family!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>It is a great privilege. When it\u2019s done with the right motivation, it\u2019s amazing. I think, for families where there\u2019s infertility, it\u2019s very different; because they look at those children differently. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a child that they couldn\u2019t have had. They had an empty baby bed, and they had an empty bedroom; and they are satisfying that need to procreate in a way that God has given them to do that. Those families normally fare really well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s the family that is having biological children and can that really needs to examine: \u201cWhat is the motivation in this?\u201d Honestly, if you\u2019re going to bring in a 13-year-old boy and you have little children, or a 13-year-old girl and you have toddlers, I would really challenge you, \u201cIs this the season to do this?\u201d I know that it\u2019s really hard to wait. It\u2019s hard to not have, right now, what you think God\u2019s calling you to at some point; but it may be that you\u2019re in a season with your little children\u2014and until they\u2019re older, maybe high school age\u2014to bring another child in would not be safe for those kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Robin, you have created a series of resources that are designed to help parents who are in the midst of challenges as they\u2019ve brought in adopted or foster kids. The material\u2019s called <em>Rooted<\/em>, and we have a link on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com if folks want information about <em>Rooted<\/em> and what\u2019s available through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen your phone rings\u2014and it\u2019s a mom calling to say, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d\u2014is it most often attachment related? Are kids acting out violently? What are the common kinds of things you\u2019re hearing from parents who are calling you and they\u2019re in distress?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and that <em>Rooted<\/em> addresses, because you\u2019ve created this resource to help parents who have adopted children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>Right. When we put <em>Rooted<\/em> together, we looked at: \u201cWhat are the phone calls that we\u2019re getting? What are the commonalities in these families?\u201d One of the things that we saw was a struggle in men leading their homes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you don\u2019t have the dad leading the home, and you put more pressure on that foundation that\u2019s not strong to begin with, it can be disastrous. When you have moms that aren\u2019t willing to submit to a husband, you have a problem. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what we talk about\u2014is we talk about having a church that will be there as a safety net for your family. We talk about\u2014as important as it is for a child to connect to you, you ultimately cannot be their savior. If I had to choose between my child connecting with me, and loving me, and making me feel good about who I am, as a mother\u2014or they would connect with the Lord\u2014I will choose connecting with the Lord every time, because I\u2019m not the star of this story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Mary, you\u2019re one of the speakers in <em>Rooted. <\/em>You address the subject of building a bridge to your child\u2019s heart through play therapy. Now, we talked about Bob being able to benefit from that earlier, but this is no kidding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou actually use play therapy to build bridges, from the parents\u2019 heart to the child, to help the process of parenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes; part of what I do, as a registered Play Therapist, is that I train parents in play therapy skills to use at home with their kid. I teach you how to look at play and how to understand your child\u2019s play so that you can see things really through your child\u2019s eyes. Children use play just like adults have to talk things through\u2014children play things through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA good example of that is my four-year-old at home. Over the summer, he created an imaginary family. In his imaginary family, he has a brother. The brother kind of gets the most air time. We asked him one day, \u201cWell, what\u2019s your brother\u2019s name?\u201d He\u2019s like, \u201cHenry.\u201d Well, at the time, my sister-in-law was pregnant. We were expecting the baby, and the baby\u2019s name was going to be Henry. So we knew that\u2019s where\u2014because he doesn\u2019t have any friends named Henry\u2014so we knew that\u2019s where that was coming from. He was like, \u201cWell, my brother\u2014his name is Henry.\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d He and his brother would do exciting things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014his brother drove a cement mixer \/ his brother sometimes drove a convertible. [Laughter] These are things that my son would really like to do. We actually were doing some construction at our house, and a cement mixer came. This is how he makes sense of his world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a professor, I stay home in the summers and then work during the semesters. About the second week into the semester, he revealed that the \u201cother mom\u201d\u2014which is whom we refer to as the imaginary mom \/ she\u2019s the \u201cother mom\u201d\u2014the other mom stays home. While, as a mom, that kind of hurt my feelings a little bit; but then a play therapist I knew\u2014I was like, \u201cHe\u2019s just making sense of me going to back to work at the beginning of the semester\u2014and kind of the struggle that occurs in that and the adjustment that happens every semester.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s fascinating to watch as children use their play to make sense of their world. He would also do other things\u2014we had a friend whose son broke his foot. My son was like, \u201cOh, my brother really broke his foot,\u201d and just all these different things that he was really using to make sense of his world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo children really do that through play.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve created a resource, along with the Penningtons, called <em>Rooted<\/em>. It\u2019s a message\u2014like what?\u201445 minutes long\u2014where you address parents and help them better understand what your child is expressing through play and how you can use that as an opportunity to build a bridge into your child\u2019s heart, whether biological or adopted, I assume.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes; yes, definitely. All children can benefit from their parents sitting down, having an appointment with them every week. We do our special playtime every Friday at 2:30, and he knows that. He knows that that is the time he can have fun uninterrupted time with me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I am encouraging parents to do\u2014to spend 30 minutes, one time a week, six weeks at a time, one kid, 30 minutes, one day a week, where the child leads the play. You\u2019re not teaching \/ you\u2019re not correcting, within reason\u2014I mean, you\u2019re not going to let him smear Play-Doh<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> into the carpet, you know, so within reason\u2014where the child really gets to express the things that are going on in his or her mind, because play really is a child\u2019s natural language of communication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to learn how to speak it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And Robin, you created this concept of <em>Rooted<\/em>, along with 13 other contributors. You and your husband Paul contribute to it. Paul Tripp is a part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are an adoptive parent, or you know of one who may be struggling a bit, this would be a great resource to bring into your own home\u2014or to lead in perhaps a small group of parents, who have adopted children, to kind of do it together and interact together\u2014because I think one of the things that happens to parents, who are struggling with kids\u2014they get isolated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robin: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And they don\u2019t realize that really a lot of raising children today is going to be unpleasant\u2014it\u2019s going to be a challenge, and it\u2019s going to be hard at points. But if you have other parents, that you\u2019re going through it with, interacting with, and kind of comrades in a bunker together as you\u2019re attempting to raise children who are on target, today in this world\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they need something like <em>Rooted<\/em>, with wise counselors coming alongside them. I\u2019d encourage them to take advantage of this\u2014\u2014and get a copy and begin the process of going through it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Actually, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com, there\u2019s a link to where you can get more information about the <em>Rooted<\/em> material and find out how you can start using it. Again, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and look for the link for information about the <em>Rooted<\/em> material that\u2019s available from Hope for Orphans. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s also information on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, about the upcoming Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit. It\u2019s happening May 4<sup>th<\/sup> and 5<sup>th<\/sup> at Brentwood Baptist Church, just south of Nashville. Dennis, you and I are going to be there, as we have been for the last decade or so, cheering on the families who are involved in helping to promote adoption, orphan care, and foster care in local churches. That\u2019s what the event is all about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if you need more information, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us if you have any questions at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we were talking earlier about the number of places that we have been recently where we have run into <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. I was in another city, going to a convention, and my Uber driver turned out to be a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener. I was asking him how long he\u2019d been driving for Uber, and we were having a conversation. He said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d like he recognized my voice. He said he listens to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> regularly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou were telling me that, when you went through the line at TSA the other day, the TSA agent looked at your driver\u2019s license and then looked up and said, \u201cI listen to you all the time on radio.\u201d We\u2019re finding that the ministry of FamilyLife is reaching more people throughout the world than ever before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMore people are getting more help and more hope than at any time in the history of this ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason that\u2019s possible is because folks, like you, partner with us to extend the reach of this ministry so that more people can receive the practical biblical help and hope they need for their marriage and their family. We are grateful for those of you who do partner with us in this ministry, either as monthly Legacy Partners or those of you who make an occasional donation in support of this ministry as God leads. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help with a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, some prayer cards so that you can be more effectively praying for your husband, or your wife, or for your children\u2014just a way of saying, \u201cThank you for partnering with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to make an online donation; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear from Rick Warren, Russell Moore, Jedd Medefind, and Dennis Rainey, all talking about how men can courageously step up and step in to help care for the needs of orphans all around the world. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife, a Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2017 FamilyLife. 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